Nightcap - BEST of UNC STORIES Part 1: Big Brother Sterling Sharpe spills ALL the childhood TEA + FIRST Girlfriend + Hilarious FIRST HOUSE mistake

Episode Date: July 23, 2026

Shannon Sharpe, Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson, and Joe "King Iso" Johnson bring you the Best of Unc Stories on Nightcap! Relive some of Shannon Sharpe's funnies personal stories, including reminiscing about the legendary rookie pranks from his Denver Broncos days. Subscribe to Nightcap presented by PrizePicks so you don’t miss out on any new drops! Download the PrizePicks app today and use code SHANNON to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup! Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/NI...0:00 - Viral IG mishap 0:00 - Shannon tells Ocho about Cookie - his first girlfriend to meet his mom15:09 - Unc's HILARIOUS first house story that he couldn’t afford. Tuna Fish saved Him. 27:30 - Surviving Shannon’s Childhood 30:19 - Shannon nightmare love story of his ex pulling a gun on him for cheating 40:50 - Sterling Sharp joins the show (Timestamps may vary based on advertisements.) #ClubSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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free high heart radio app search delivering happiness with nick de tourl and listen now hello it's your favorite sports funk here don't forget to hit that subscribe button to join the fastest growing community on youtube remember nightcap doesn't happen without you so please subscribe or you're gonna make ocho cry because i think yeah i think i think my first year i think the tickets were like nah still with like 75 what you think tickets cost now what's the difference the ticket prices now probably 200 250 for players tickets because you still get too comp and then you can buy, and then you can buy, as you can buy as, you can buy as, you can buy as, you can buy as, you can buy as, because it's coming out that goddamn

check. Yeah. And they don't show you them deductions too. It all depends on who you play it, because there are a lot of times, like, you play in Kansas City and the Raiders, nah, or you're playing the Cowboys, uh-uh. Wait, they up the price? You have to, you have to get somebody, hey, let me get somebody else tickets. Because, you know, my tickets were always in the same area.

So, you know, my mom comes. And, you know, my girl, so I got, you know, I'm going to get like right there. You know, when I went out, you know, I ain't had nobody. I ain't wanted them to sit where my family was sitting. So I put them, you know, I'll put them over there. Other side. Okay. You ain't want anybody, you want to see your, okay, okay, okay.

Okay. Where your mama said, don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. Yeah. You're not sitting with her. So definitely. Hell no.

Hell no Okay Now everybody can't get to be That privilege No So you're not the type When you date somebody Everybody meet your mama

Hell no Okay Well you know That's very important Because you know your mama You know before anybody else She knows she can read her I'm trying to think once

I met Cookie in college She met Yeah But it takes a nod there You ain't just been to meet all the real. You're supposed to meet all the real. Because your mama going to tell you the truth. And baby, this ain't the one.

That didn't happen. Yeah, okay, I got you. I got you. Well, you know. Because that might, hey, oh, Joey, it just might be, a, may be just a convenience store. We just stopping to get some candy. Funny thing about it, you heard what you just said.

It might just be a convenience store. Your mama let you know that's the run is going to be. She's going to know. I already knew that. I don't need mom to tell me that. I don't need Bob to tell me that. I don't need Bob to. tell me that I do that going on. Okay, my bad.

Let me get out. Let me get out your business. My bad. But you know, hey, but you know, but everybody wanted to go to the game because Broncos been sold out. Broncos got the second-law to sellout behind the Washington team. So tickets ain't easy to get. Everybody can't get tickets going to the Broncos game. And so, you know. Is it still like that right now? Yeah. Yeah. Especially not a job winning. I know it's like, I know the tickets price is crazy. But the Broncos has been sold out. I mean, the Broncos has been sold out. since, I don't know, 70, 75, 77, something like that.

Been sold off a damn near 50 years. God damn, y'all fans loyal. Oh, because. But, look, everybody, look, I'm sure she told, I'm sure she's told people. No, but she would really like the first girlfriend, you know, my mom met in the game. She'd get there, like, oh.

Hold on. I said, Mama, I said, Mama, you're going to be sitting next to my girlfriend. So, okay. Tell us more about Cookie, huh? No, I ain't nothing to tell. Hey, it's story time. We got pay time. We got two hours ago.

Nah, we got them tired of tell you. Nah, I can tell you like her because every time I say cookie, you start blushing. Nah, no, no, no, no. I see you, I see you. Okay. I already told you, I already told you about cookie. I told you, I watched it for about, I watched it for like two weeks. Come in the cafeteria by herself.

I mean, she had some girlfriends because I knew one of her girlfriends was a cheerleader. So I knew her girlfriend for a couple of years. So when she got there, I was a sophomore. I was a junior when she was a freshman. And I watched it go, I watched it come, going to the cafeteria by herself. She'd leave, walked back to a dorm. The girl's dorm, a freshman dorm was Lock and Hall. I watched it because I watched the, I'd be in the bathtub.

I go to the short hall. And I'd be looking at the bathroom wood. Okay, okay. Can I tell you something real quick before you finish? This sound like some love and basketball or shit. Yeah, I like that. I don't know about a love in basketball. But, uh, Ocho, I said watch it, just like this here.

Damn. I'm just waiting on. I said, I know she got somebody. I know somebody gets good up. Right, right, right, right. So you know what? I'd never forget that day out like this, oh Joe. I said, shh, I feel, I put to go.

I hit that dough. Oh, open that rad out there. I said, hey, hey. Say, hey. I said, what's your name? She said, my name is, I was going to call her cookie. But she said, I was like, hey, you got a boyfriend? She said, no.

I say, where are you from? She told me she's from Brunswick. Oh, she's from Jersey. Brunswick. Oh, my bad, my bad, my bad. Okay. Yeah. I said, okay.

So we talk. I said, I'll see, I'll see your round. She said, okay. Oh, what? She's, no, so she's like, she's like, what's your name? I said, Shannon. She said, Shannon Sharp. I said, yeah, she's like, mm-hmm, okay.

Oh, hey, oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, you was in there because she already knew who you were. Yeah. Hey, when you said Shannon, she's like, oh, Shannon Sharp, you already know you game. But everybody, hey, everybody, everybody knows. Okay, okay, okay. I don't. So, you know, I watched it, so the next day I see it, I see it in class, walking to the hallway, I said, hey, how you doing?

She said, hey. She smiled, said, okay. But I had told my roommate, at the time I had already told my room, I said, that's going to be my girlfriend. He said, the light skin chick with the short hair? I said, yeah, hold on, she's the light skin with short hair. Hold on, like the little pixie cut, like with the little curls? Oh, like in the 90s.

Oh, um, tell me some more. Hey, boy, this gets good. And so I said, um, I said, you like football? She said, it's okay. So you need to come watch me play. She said, okay. She said, what's your number?

I say, I ain't telling my number. I said, I'll be real easy to spot. This girl, boy, you were talking spicy. You don't know what I'm talking about. I say, I'll be really, I'll be real easy to spot. You'll know who I am. Hey, I say probably the first two to three minutes of the game, there'll be no doubt which one I, which one will them out.

Hey, boy, talk your shit, boy. So, man, and that's how I started, you know. Hey, but I, hey, and everybody knew I was for real about her, because at that point in time, Mocho, hey, I said, I need you do me a favor. She said, what you're doing? I said, man, they'd be tripping with them, the washing machine to dry. I said, people be stealing your clothes and be taking stuff out.

I said, can you walk, can you take my clothes to the laundryman? She said, okay, sure. She said, but I don't have no car. I said, I say, you say, man. Hey, right, hey, that's how you go fishing right there, huh? You hear me? Huh? Hey, watch my calls for me.

The people would be stealing it. You threw, you threw the bait out there. And she, and she bit quick. You rear that thing right on there, what? I know that game. I used to use that line, too. Yeah, man. So, so, uh,

I gave it the keys to my, I gave it the keys to the car. And ain't, ain't, hey, Hank, man, Ocho, how we screeching? And all of a sudden, my car, now I got a 200, I got a 300 CX. T-tops. How about how she going to come by football practice with the windows down, the top out, and blow the horn? Oh, oh, ha, ha, let me tell you what that's called, uh, let me tell you what that's called. You know when you walk the dog, right? You know, you walk the dog?

What's the first thing the dog do? They go, they find their territory. And they pick the feet. She was marking the territory. She letting the boy know. She bargained. Boom, y'all stopped trying to holl at me. You see why I'm mad in the teetop with a piecey cut.

I know she probably had on some shades too. You know, okay. Yeah, her and a girlfriend. Hold on a girlfriend. Hey, what do you think about rekindling that flame, though? Nah, bro. You don't think so? Nah.

But listen, the story is so good. But I ain't on you. Look here, man, after the game, Mocho, we go out to eat, we go to Rines, we go to movies. You know, my brother, hey, my brother gave me like, if you, hey, you score a touchdown, I get you $200, you get $100, you get $100,

blah, blah, blah. So, hey, I have 200 yards, three touchdowns, four touchdowns. Man, I'll be straight. So, you know, hey, I'm going off camp, but, you know, we go to, we go out and eat. We go, hey, I meant apple bees. I bet, I bet chilies. I bet, hey, I'm rinds, I'm heavy with.

He'll hear you. Got to go to the hotel. You know, got a hotel. Oh, whoa, whoa. Whoa. You know what I'm saying? You got at the hotel too? Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, well, I like this story, boy. Yeah. Yeah, my mom. My mom, you look. My sister, my, but the thing was, Ocho, I didn't really, it didn't really dawn on me. It didn't dawn on me.

My nephew had got sick, so he was in Augusta at the hospital in Augusta. And my sister's like, I got to go to the hospital. I got to take Dietrich to the hospital. That's my nephew's name. So this was like, probably was like, probably like March or April. Because at this time, Libby had, no, Libby hadn't. I don't think Libby would matter.

But anyway, so I go, I drive, I say, well, look, I got to go to my, I got to go to the hospital, my nephew's in the hospital. She's like, I go with you. I'm like, you sure? Hey, ain't okay. So my brother, my brother was going to meet, he's going to meet me up there. So I met, we met in Augusta, and I remember going to ask the lady to dance. I say, uh, sharp, what room is sharp in?

So they tell me, you know, I had stopped and got some flowers and stuff like that. And so, uh, I walk in the room, you know, hey, little bro. I said, hey, big sis. Hey, how you doing? She's like, I'm, I'm Libby. I'm Shannon's a big sister. She said, hey, I'll be doing. She introduced yourself.

And we went to get something. And she said, well, y'all can go. And I'll stay. I'll stay right here. I'll stay in the room with your nephew, Shannon. I was like, okay. So we go, we're walking out the hallway. You in Libya.

And Libby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Libby Elbowar me. Spanking. I'm living in the middle. I'm on one side, spanking the other. And Libby elbow me. I say what?

You know what. I see what? She looked at Spanky. Smaker? She stopped the hallway full of her. She said Spanky. Who that girl looked like? Who she looked like?

My brother's girlfriend. Oh, they look like. They could be sisters. I'm talking about everything. The way they were shaped. the way they were, the way the hair cut, the complexion, her teeth, everything. Everything. The way she walked, everything was a spinning. Now, don't tell me they were twins now.

They could have been doppelgangers. If I didn't tell you, if they stood side by side, you couldn't tell they weren't sisters. I like this, this is a good story. Listen, ain't nothing like a supportive woman, especially when you meet them that early. Yeah, hold on. She didn't went to wash her clothes. She didn't went with you to the hospital. she don't check two boxes already

now this me this is sounding like someone that I was I was young okay this sounds like somebody you can spend a lifetime and it's never too late no you can find her Ocho I was I was I was I was too young I was too immature and a lot of you look

a lot of times like in that situation you have to understand and what she didn't understand is that all her girlfriend's telling her you don't need to be with him and I told her I said all you're going to be with him and I told her I said all you're going to girlfriend that's telling you you you don't need to be with me, I guarantee you they would switch places with you.

Oh, talkio. Hey, boy. I say, now, you're going to let your girlfriends talk you out of relationship. Stop playing that. You know, misery love company. Misery love company. But, yeah, I was, I was, I was just like, at that point in time, I was still so focused. And, uh, but I was, you know, I would drive down.

I would drive to see her. Uh, I would drive in the middle of night, um, to see her. come back because I didn't believe, I didn't believe in that. I didn't believe in that. Mary Porter wasn't going to let me, you know, they're like, you can spend the night here. I was like, oh, no. Oh, absolutely.

Oh, no, man. Mary Porter ain't going to play that? Because I'm going to say, well, baby, where you stay in last night? Oh, I stayed. No, no, no, no. That's no. Hey, hey, you're cooking right now, listen, it's never too late.

So back then you was in before. It is too late. It's been too late. Oh, sure. That's 30-plus years. Hey, it ain't never too late. We got the fine cook. cookie, boy. We got the find, we don't, we don't know. Cookie fine.

Cookie. I know you're going to see this. Honey, let's return to that flame. Man, look, you do you, do you know how many people? How many people going to call her? Oh, yeah. I'm, I guarantee she'll call my homeboy tomorrow. Cookie. Come on, come on, come on, come on. Let's get the same back right. Because we got, we got a, we got a double deck of wedding coming up in 2020. No, we got a double deck of wedding. We already got, hey, oh, Shea already got a, uh, uh, uh, You already got something in the worst? Yeah.

Hold on. You got some cooking? Yeah. I mean, do you like cookie? Because I like the story with cookie. Are they supportive like cooking? Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, hold on. Hold on. Hell yeah. You should wash your clothes, though. I got people to come over and watch my clothes. See what happens when you get money? See, you don't change. Or the dry cleaners.

Oh, you got money, money. You take yourself to the dry cleaners? Oh, hell no. You got, oh, absolutely not. Mm-hmm. I bought a house. It was over budget joke. You know what I'm saying?

My people told me, say, Shannon, you can spend $425,000. I said, I got you, $425, fool. I get me a big old high for $425. First house the lady showed me was $6.25. I said, why you're showing this house? You know I can't afford this. Let's go somewhere else. But I said, before we go somewhere else, let me look around.

You know what I said? I said, Joe, or Joe, I said before we go since we're here now, I might as well look around. I put my hands in the locket

I walk in there. Yeah, that's the game they play on. Oh, man. Big old, I ain't never see no walk-in shower. Yeah, yeah. I mean,

our towers were the same place my jeans were. You know, I can go get a pair of jeans. They didn't get a towel. So, you know what I'm saying? I ain't never seen no linen closet. Lennon.

Yeah. So I walked down. She opened the door. I go down. I said, there's a basement. I said, at the time I ain't know what it was.

I said, what is this called? She said, it's a basement. Yeah. And it's finished. Yeah. I said, huh?

Yeah. I walk it down there. Carpet it. Oh. Three thousand square foot. Ooh. I said, damn. I could just imagine what I could be doing in here.

Yeah. Yeah. A lot of trampoline, actually. You know what I'm saying? Oh, Joe, trampoline. You know what I'm 24, 25, now. I'm thinking trampoline. I said, okay.

I said, okay, this is a little bit out of my budget. Let me see the other houses. You know what I said, Joe? Oh, Joe. I said, let me see the other houses. Hey, that 425 ain't going to hit nothing like that, man. She said, well, okay, Mr. Sharp, this is like, this is like 435 to 450. She saw, she, I saw those houses.

I walked in a ham, hand, a house. I just like this right here. Let I don't want this. I go to the other with your own show. Same thing. Hands in my pocket. I look around. I said, let's go back and look at the other house.

One more time. Let's look at the first house you showed me. That first one you showed me. She said, are you sure, Mr. Sharp? Because they told me the budget. Yeah, yeah. I go back there, I started thinking. I said, I'm right here in the heart of bookhead.

man. I'm right there. I can walk to Fields Plaza. I can walk to Lennox Mall. Yes, so. I can walk to the movie theaters that's in Fields Plaza. Because back then, Joe, I don't know if you remember. Oh, when you got there, they used to have a movie theater in Lennox Mall.

Yeah. Until old boy got shot. A dude got shot there. But it was, you didn't want to go there. I'll tell you about that later, Joe. But anyway, I say, phew. I was thinking about it. I remember.

He dropped me back. At a time, she dropped me back at the hotel. Yeah. She said, what you think, Mr. Sharp? I said, I think I'm about to be over budget. I said, I think I'm about to be over budget. Hey, that's how they get you. They got me.

You know who I bought the high from you? Who? Sugar Ray Leonard's ex-wife, Juanita. I did you. Well, they got you. Hey, they got you just how they got me. I didn't got you, Joe. Ocho, I'm out here supposed to be looking for me

a nice little townhouse. I just come from Phoenix. Yes, I'm moving out here to Atlanta. Okay. Man, you know, Sharif Abdul Rahim, he just built this house out here in Sandy Springs. Yes, sir. He's been living in six months.

I say, oh, we can go by there and take it out. We come by here, Ocho, I'm still in the house of this day. We come back in, Ocho. Oh, Joe, we come by here, they got this chef in there, he got everything whipped up. Right. Man, I'm supposed to be looking at a townhouse. This is 14,000, 14 feet. I'm like, oh, look, you ain't fit to take me going to look at no townhouse.

That's all this. I don't know why you. Right. Oh, Joe, why not start with the 425s first? Right. Why you start with this? It's like I'm about to go to that. Hold on, time out, time out, time out.

Let's slow down a little bit. Because Joe just threw it out there, like I, like we, me and the chat and hear him just say 14,000 square feet. I'm just keeping it 100. 14,000 square feet. Boy, boy, you in Buckingham Palace, what? Ocho, Ocho, oh, Joe, listen. Look, boy, I had to have a long talk with my mama about this here.

Yeah. I ain't, shh. Townhouse. I ain't going to go to no townhouse after seeing this. Hey, Joe, hey, Joe, I got to come out there, holl at you, boy. Man, you got to come see me. Come see me, man. Hey, you, like you say, your property, that's a property.

ain't no house. Hey, Ocho. Oh, damn. I've been blessed, Ojo. It ain't just the house.

I got three kids. All of them are in age of three. Ooh. I was like, man, how I'm going to make this work? I was like, ooh. I said, man,

well, Ocho, I, swore for God and two white men, I was eating ketchup up with a knit needle. Bad look here. I ain't,

man, I ain't never, man, I ain't never ate so much tuna, oatmeal, eggs in my life. Man, I went to Sam's. I would buy, like, seven, eight dozen, like 20 dozen eggs at a time.

I was getting cake. I was getting pallets of tuna. That's all I can eat. I got to pay for the house. I got to pay house for them. That's all I can. Hey, hey, listen, you got to make, you got a sacrifice, huh?

You wanted, you wanted that house? Here to sacrifice. Listen, I understand your pain. I've been there before. Maybe not, maybe not to that. extent, but listen, we've all had the sacrifice something for something else that we like and we love. We appreciate at that time knowing it's out of our budget.

Hey. Knowing good and well because we know it's coming. Ain't had no tape. I ain't had no tape nothing either. I didn't. I had a couch and I had a bed. That's all I had for. Hey.

Hey, oh, go. Hey, look. Hey, hey, that shit, hey, you working hard as I don't know what those boys. I had a king's out of bed. I had a case I'd bank. What's that? You remember the furniture store Huffs, Joe? Right there on ladies row by that church.

It used to be a glass. It was a big glass builder right there. But the furniture, that's where it all, all the high-end black entertainers and limb, they used to go get their furniture from there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you probably spent the grip on me. I do that.

But you know, I had to get me back. I had to know. Oh, Joe. Oh, Joe. Oh, Joe. Oh, Joe. But you don't, my bed was black lacquer. Black lacquer.

And it light up. Like an infinity, like infinity. And, hold on, you had LED lights? Before it was cool, before it was in style. Right. And let me tell you what I did. Let me tell you what I had, Ocho. I was flurred a little bit.

I went all it out. Like I said, I was even catch up with a knit needle. Come on. Take your time. I had me a leather comforter, custom made for the bed. Oh, boy, you could have. A leather? Think of what?

Lever. Lever, comforter, custom for the bed. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you could. Then I did a card signing. You know, I did a car. If you know, back then you saw it kind of signed cards. Uh-uh.

They gave your boy a little money. I signed like $2,000 a car, got me about $12.5. Yeah. Bought me some satin sheets. Satin Hey How about this here? Man

I see them in the movies How they run jump in the bed How I go jump in the bed My ass always comes the floor To the other side On the floor I win I said Oh man

This stuff look good That's ain't functional Hey hey hold up But why are you talking though Okay Ocho Y'all still don't do Car and Siders I do

I do every blue moon Joe Because back then, you know, my brother would take me like, they wanted my brother. He had just, but in the beginning, they wanted my brother because he had, you know, won the triple crown. He was all pro, you know, a hundred catch season, back to back, 100 catch season. So they wanted him. And the only way he would go do the signing, they had to take me. So they thought, you boy, 2,500, 5,000. Right, right, right, right, right.

I got a cram. I mean, one time I signed 10,000 cards. Damn. And one sin, they gave you three months. Yeah. Oh, to get through it? Okay, okay. But I had a couch.

I had a couch and had no TV. But I had a bed. The bed was nice. I've been saying the bed was nice. The bed was nice. Yeah, hey. I'm still doing car signers. It is Dave, boy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I still sign a lot, boy. Bad. I said, but, hey, I look back, I look back, I think by some time now

I'd just be laying out like, damn, this thing could have went sideways in a hurry. Oh, yeah. I ain't have no choice. You told me,

oh, you were shooting up. Yeah, I was shooting up. But I got three, I got to get on that. I got three kids. They are daycare.

And I got, I still got to take care of granted. I still got to take care of living. Mom every once in a while. Plus the kid, that's my number one responsibility. So if I got to do without, I'm cool. People's like, man, I can train myself. I'll go a couple of days without eating.

Had to be killing you. Right. Had to be killing you. You're so hungry. But I say, nah, I got to put myself in a situation because if I ever have to not be able to eat, I'm going to be good with you. Hey, hey, it's a lot of people,

they ain't going to be to understand what you're saying. No, no, no, no. Joe. It's a lot of us who have been there and done that. Hey, Joe, the funny thing about it is is the people aren't going to understand because they've only seen the finish shot up. They've only seen the finish part.

They only seen you on Sundays. They don't understand the walk you took and the path you took to get to where you are. They don't understand the sacrifices that came along, that goddamn journey before you got to what you see on Sundays. They'll never get it on. They'll never get it.

When I coined the phrase, I wore summer clothes. I told him, and when I went to college, I said, man, I wore summer clothes. Man, look at me. He said, what you mean, summer clothes? Some of my brothers, some of my uncles, some of my cousins. Hey, they just passed that bang on down. Oh, yeah. Hey.

I'm like, they're so speaking with us last year. I got the way. Man, listen. And when they got too small for me, that's the jeans they cut up. And you know, back then, you know, you're on your, you're on your, you're on. your knees, you put holes in your knees and jeans. My grandma was touching that had gotten too small for me. All that stitching.

Come on, Granny. This was when you was in college. I was in coming up in school. I was coming up. Oh, yeah. But no, when I was in college, you know, look, I went to college. Oh, yeah. I had matching luggage.

I had two pigly wiggly bags with everything I owned inside of them. I had matching luggage, oh, Joe. Pickly-Wiggly. No, it might have been Winn-Dix at the time. They changed the name to pick-wit. But I had two brown bags. You don't believe in?

Asked past the board. I went to college, class of 86. That's what we call ourselves 86. Asked them how I showed up. Two Wind Dixie Brown, brown grocery bags. I had everything I own in those bags.

Get Bell, Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus. From $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell. details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything.

What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist, Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up, y'all? It's your girl, Sam J. And we're the host of everyone watches women's sports, a new podcast from Together and I Heart Women's Sports. Because let's be real. Women's sports is giving us way too much to talk about these days. So Kelsey Finler, she became the first female solo rower to go from California to Hawaii. My first thought is, like, what's up with the snacks? Like, what are we eating? The highlights, the rivalries, the breakout stars, the moments that take over your entire

timeline. And the conversations that start during the game and somehow keep going all week. Every week, we're breaking down the biggest stories across women's sports. Naomi Osaka, showing out. She beat. Sabalinka. Shout out to you, Naomi. You get the palm, for that. Because we're not just interested in what happened.

We're interested in why everyone's talking about it. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to everyone watches women's sports. On the I-Heart Radio app. or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. You know us, or rather you know them.

Tony and Candice, Nina and Lance, Spike, and yes, the chicken. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia, A.O. rewatch, our brand new podcast. Each week, we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love,

and opening up about our creative process. How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysall, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin,

legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song, a melody. Well, I thought he was going to write. I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. Ayo rewatch on the IHeart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My first guest is Paris Houghton, Shakira, and Yerrin, Samira, and Gracie. I'm so excited for it. On the bouncy bed. You have surprises. Many surprises. Welcome to Sweet 305, where the group chat comes to life.

What a f***. It's like a way to say like, Oh, my God, hello, my friend, hello, what are the . Look, never I've ever had to be I've evered Except with my six, my my mom.

Uff! That's incredible, yeah, the telenovela. You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst. It's limited. No, I'm a little. Like, you'd say,

I'd like to collaborate with this person. This is Sweet 305. Listen to Sweet 305 with Llele Pons as part of my Coutura Podcast Network on the IHard Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Nick Titoro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lease Black Klansman. But I'm also from Queens, which means I know pizza.

And on my new podcast, delivering happiness with Nick Titoro, I deliver pizza from Prince Street pizza to a new guest. Are you delivering pizza now? Then we sit down for a real conversation. I've shared a slice with everyone from Seth Rollins. What are you doing? My belt. To Alex Rodriguez.

Just to let you people know, we're talking to one of the goats here. To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Tuturo. It's called Happiness, Delivering Happiness. Mariano Rivera. Oh, my God. And many, many more.

Open your free high-heart radio app. Search Delivering Happiness with Nick Totoro. And listen now. Right, right. Hey, tell me what something. Did you raise? your kids like that. You know what?

I mean, you had times you may yell at them, but I'm like, I'm gonna be honest with you. I ain't, you know, ain't none of my kids had their ass. Oh, no, no, no, no. You feel what I'm saying? But just by me raising my voice,

there'd be enough for some tears to come down in the eyes. You feel what I'm saying? Yeah. Went to the movies. Me and my girl, we're going to see one movie. They're going to see another movie. What you want?

You know how kids are. Everybody, big slushy, on popcorn, on candy. I said, okay, the movie, they're going to be close in time. I said, don't get you, don't you all leave this movie. Y'all let me come back in here and get you. Okay, Dave, okay. Our movies end. I think I was ending, might have been like, probably like two or three minutes after theirs.

I'm going to go get them because I was down the hall. We had fifth joke, the movie, we down the hall on the left, They like in the front I see them looking I hear them I see them I see them I see them and I hear them talking I think they went to see this movie right here I said where y'all going I didn't want it was he he I didn't want to lead them to me don't worry about it I got something funny when you get home so we got home everybody tried to put it on everybody I said why you just didn't stay well I didn't want to I said, I appreciate that. I appreciate y'all sticking together. But you should have stuck your ass together in the movie

where I told you to be. I told their ass up. Now, I said, now, listen, I'm going to work out. Don't y'all leave these rooms? I say, if the house on fire and the fireman come get you, say, hell no, get out, shut their ass out the aisle. Say, my daddy said, don't leave this room. Hey, that's a good one.

Bad please. Cause you don't, you don't know. You don't, listen, with the kids, look, I'm very particular and I don't want nobody because I don't want to have to hurt somebody behind my kids, because I will. Yeah. But from, and this was really the first time they've ever done this.

I used to take the kids to the mall and white people would ask me, how do you get them to do that? I'm like, I thought they were doing tricks or turning back flips or something. I say, do what, ma'am? She was like, they're so well-mannered. They're not running off in front of you. They're not yelling and screaming. Oh, you must have got me confused with you.

I don't play that. You should tell him the story about that time that woman held that pistol to your head. Hell what I was well. She held a pistol to who head? Huh? There you go, Ocho. Man, why are you telling our business, Ocho? My bad.

My bad. My bad. He couldn't wait to tell, uh-huh. I ain't never- I told you, Ocho, she was having a bad day. She didn't mean that. Ain't no, ain't- There's somebody you knew, though?

Yeah. Yeah, ain't no day bad enough for that there, uh-huh. Yeah, man, she was having a bad day, Joe. A girl, somebody you were dating. Yeah, I was, you know, we were kicking it. You said she was having a bad day. Yeah, she had a bad day, man. And, uh...

Yeah, I don't know what kind of bad day. I don't know what kind of day it is to do that. And I still, I still, even when she called me a decade later and I picked up the phone and she like, she said, I'm sorry, it was my bad. And I was like, who is this? She said, you know who it is. And I was like, I said, uh, I don't, I said to this day,

I still don't know what I did. She said, you didn't do anything. Wow. I was having a bad day and you weren't serious. You were just playing. So Oh, you had You went up there

Got that Got that 45 Put that page to my head And say, hey Say N word I will let you get your stuff And you get the You get to itch up out of my house

And don't you ever call me again You were laying the best pipe down In the red house again Hey Hey, Joe Joe Now you talk about Oh my goodness

You talk about bad A boy, she was stacked like dirty laundry in the dorm room. Yeah. Yes, Lord. Find it in frog here. Right, why wouldn't you right? She was about five foot nine and a half.

She weighed about 165. I'm talking about solid. I'm talking about a no fat, no imperfections, not a dimple, not a crease, not a roll, not nothing. Yes, sir. I'm talking about, I'm talking about flawless. Why you couldn't do crack?

Hey, think it in a liquor stove pickle. What? Joe. I already. What you did it, boy? What you did wrong, huh? Harder than four foxes in the forest fire. You know what I did wrong and what I didn't do right.

Man, she was, man. And we had so much fun. We cracked jokes. I mean, she was amazing. I just wouldn't do right, man. I ain't going to lie too. I wouldn't do right. Sound like, sound like she was the one, huh?

I don't know. I wouldn't do right, though. I ain't gonna do, I ain't been to hole, y'all. It was me. I would not do right back then. I would not. You young, man, you young. Yeah.

It wasn't time. Stiggin' and moving. But I, but I knew, but I knew it was on me, because I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was incredibly flawed. Yeah, we all are. Y'all are. Because, you know, I try to pull something sneaky. I were really sneaky.

Yeah. So I was at my home, I was holed up at somebody else crib. Uh-oh. Man, I ain't never told this story. And she found you? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me get comfortable.

Now, take your time. Take your time. You know what I got to go. You got to go and get me another drink. Oh, man. Well, here, take your time. I'm ready, boy. It sounds like a good one too, boy.

And get comfortable, Joe. I got you. So I was on one of my, I was on one of my bulljide tips. Yes, sir, yes, sir. So I say, hey, hey, check this out. My partner, she was, she was in the Air Force. She was in the Air Force like, probably like, I think she retired like 35 years.

But I was in, but I was, I was, I was, I said, look, I got somebody coming in town. I need a whole look at your place. Yeah. She said, cool, she said, that's perfect. Because I'm gonna be out of town. Hmm. I wasn't even thinking.

What do you think? I say, ain't nobody know. But I had done one time before to this other person over there. Ah. But it ain't, it ain't even darned on me.

This was six months, seven months prior. Okay. I ain't thinking nothing. I ain't thinking. Right. So I'm down there, lay down like this here.

You know, I'm on the couch. I hear the door open. I'm thinking it's a brother. I ain't think nothing about it. I'm down in the basement. Mm-hmm. Yeah, eyes got big as I don't know what.

What? Hold on, why she even came over there anyway? Because she was calling it and I didn't answer. Oh. She figured she deduced I could only be. A few different places. That's it. Man, she came down in those steps.

You had the girl over there with you? Yes. Oh. Hey, all, what happened? What did she say? What did you? What's you do when she sees y'all at her? She's safe.

Let me get a swig of this, Joe. All right. Damn. Oh! Did you cry? You got to learn how to cry on Q, huh? You got to learn how to cry on Q. I'm gonna teach you that.

That's a little trick I got in my bag. She just said, come get you ish. Don't talk to me no more. That's it? That's it. Did you go get it? I did. What you want me to do, Ocho?

You got a bag. You got a bag. You got a bag, huh? Nah, man. No, man. No. You got a bag. Hey, I think that was the start.

That was the start of it. That was kind of the start. Because she's like. The star, shit, that's the end. Boy, if you got to put with somebody else. No, no, no, I'm coming up with a girl. Because this was the one that pulled the pistol on me. Yeah.

Yeah. So she's like, oh, you ain't, you ain't being up and up. You ain't, you ain't being real. Right. Because I was, you know, you know. she had them been to Denver like two or three times. Okay. But I was, I wasn't, I wasn't committed to old girl.

I was just like, hey, you know, we see it, we kick it, boom, boom, whatever, whatever. Right, right, right. So, you know, but this one? Yes, sir. I think in my lifetime, I think from the time I started dating until I was about 16 until, I think there'd been about five, five, that. with like the total package. Hmm.

I'm talking about the total package. I'm talking about it all. Yeah. When you say, okay, they got a look. They got a presence. Because they walk into a room, oh, you look it. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. You, hey, they walk into a room. Yeah. Every head turn, huh? Everybody. I don't give a damn if they married. I don't give a damn if they gay.

That's a bad mofo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they step like paladens. Hey, you know the horse how they beat? Man, I messed it up, Ocho. Yeah.

I messed it up. I ain't going to lie. There's three, there's three for sure. I know I messed up. I effed up. I was supposed to have been married probably about 25, 30 years ago. For real, for 1,000 percent. I was supposed to be, yeah.

But I wouldn't do right, Ocho. I wouldn't. Because I was quick. Any questions, I'm out. Yeah. Yeah. Where you been, I'm done. Yeah.

You don't like that, huh? No. Yeah. One person could ask me what I've been doing, where I've been, and they got a response immediately. That was Mary Porter. She was the only one. You at, I'm out, I'm done.

You got time for that. That started it. That started it. And I made peace with her. Once she called me back after the decade, she apologized, we good. It's hard, hey, it's hard to deal with them obligations, ain't it? Yeah, man.

You could do, like, you could do something for a long time, but once you feel like you obligated to do it, it makes you really don't want to do it no more. Hey, ain't nothing worse than being in question, Joe. Man, boy, what you tell you? Ain't nothing worse than being in question. I hate it. I hate it.

Especially if you ain't been doing that. We were kids. Where y'all were going? How long y'all gonna be going? I remember my grandmother, I was like, man, I used to be saying as a kid, man, I can't wait to get grown. I ain't going to have to answer nobody. Nobody. That was my thing on you.

I wanted to get grown. I ain't realized all the responsibility that come along with being grown. I just think I ain't going to have to answer to nobody. Right. Hey, all you know what you should have played for, um, what? You got yourself in trouble? Yeah.

You should have played that King George. What key George? King George. King George, the song, too long. You know about that, so Joe, you know about that Joe? No, maybe if I hear it, I don't know, I don't know right up that. Hey, Joe, Joe, you get yourself in trouble, man. You need a little wiggle room to get out of it.

I ain't getting no trouble, Joe. I feel you, Joe, I feel you, Joe. Hey, uh, listen to that King George. The song is called Too Long. I'm gonna check it out though. I'm gonna check it out. Hey, you gonna like, hey, chat. Y'all listen to that thing, nah.

Sometimes, Ocho and Joe, you know you get blinded by beauty. Come on, now. Man. I already know it, boy. Man. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just old country boy from South Georgia, man. That's it.

There ain't been a whole lot of places going up. Come on, man. Mm. Get Bell, pure fiber internet with craved Netflix and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. What's up, fam?

Sports journalist Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up y'all? It's your girl, Sam J. And we're the host of everyone watches women's sports, a new podcast from Together and I heart women's sports. Because let's be real.

Women's sports is giving us way too much to talk about these days. So Kelsey Finler, she became the first female solo rower to go from California to Hawaii. My first thought is, like, what's up with the snacks? Like, what are we eating?

The highlights, the rivalries, the breakout stars, the moments that take over your entire timeline. And the conversations that start during the game and somehow keep going all week. Every week, we're breaking down the biggest stories across women's sports. Naomi Osaka showing out. She beat Sabalinka.

Shout out to you, Naomi. You get the palm, Naomi. You get the palm for that. Because we're not just interested in what happened. We're interested in why everyone's talking about it. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to everyone watches women's sports. On the IHeart Radio app.

Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. You know us, or rather you know them. Tony and Candice, Nina and Lance, Spike, and yes, the chicken. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia, AEO rewatch, our brand new podcast. Each week we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning,

breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process. How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysall, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin,

legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song, a melody. Well, I thought he was going to write. I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. Ayo, Rewatch.

on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My first guest is Paris Hilton, Shakira, Luke and Yerrin, Samira, and Gracie. I'm so excited. On the bouncy bed. You have surprises. Many surprises.

Welcome to Sweet 305, where the group chat comes to life. What a fuck. It's like a way to say, like, hello, amiga, hello, my God, hello, my God. Look, never I've ever had I've evered to have Except with my

My kids, my My Children, I know. I'm sorry. Uff! That's incredible! Yeah, the telenovela! You're the only person I know that loves

A Yellow Starburst. It's slimated. No, there's someone that you'd say, I'd like to collaborate with this person. This is Sweet 305. Listen to Sweet 305

with Lele Pons as part of my Culture Podcast Network on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jake Brennan, and on the Disgraceland podcast, I explore the wild lives of rock stars and unbelievable true crime stories from music history.

These are the stories you haven't heard, the kind you'll end up telling someone else. Like the time Paul McCartney spent in one of the world's most notorious prisons. Imagine that. You're Paul McCartney. It's 1980. You're an ex-Beedle.

And you're doing time. in one of Japan's worst prisons right there alongside Yakuza gangsters and for a ridiculous charge. Or the bizarre crime Lady Gaga is accused of. Who is the artist Lady Gaga as being accused of doing the unthinkable to after allegedly stealing her music in style to become famous? And what about that time, Blondie's Debbie Harry

escaped a serial killer? The man who had given her that ride, she barely escaped from was Ted Bundy. Listen to disgrace land on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. People are, and you always call me and say, man, people always ask you when they see you. Say, man, I heard your brother say this on nightcap, man,

is that true? Is that true? You say that's the number one question that you get when people see you. And they're like, man, your brother said this about your grandfather. And is that true, man? Did your grandfather really say this? Do your grandfather really do this? Yes.

When I don't, when I see the clips myself, I usually comment like, yeah, he, he did see, he did do that, you know, he did say that. Like, you told the story about Granny Hooking me in the eyelid, sitting behind her as she's fishing, throwing the pole. I'm like, that happened. I'm like, he kind of glossed over the story where you set the field on. fire and then went back and told Papa that somebody did it.

He said it was you boys. I got the punishment for that. You know, so it's interesting because you're three years younger to me. It's just interesting of the stories you remember and how you remember with the accuracy of

you couldn't tell about the beating that I got for you setting the field on fire because you didn't experience that. Hey, hey, but he used to tell it, though, didn't he? Hey, Joe, Joe, let me tell you. If you want to know where the Lindberg baby is, don't tell him. If you want to know where Amelia Earharty is, don't tell Shannon.

Because if Shannon know it, you don't have to bribe him. He's going to tell it for free. He's giving you up for free. Hey, I told a story. I was telling Joe and Ocho the story about we watched it we watched it. Popeye gave us two dollars to wash the truck. You watched the body, I watched the time.

You take it from there. All right, first of all, Joe, we watched the car totally wrong. You're supposed to watch the car from the top down. We started from the bottom up. So by the time that dis-washing turrets that we were using to watch the car, by the time we got to the, by the time I got to the top, you know, the break dust and everything had already just eating that detergent up, right? He came out there and looked at that mess and he was like,

boy, y'all, first of all, he threatened us because he was like, boy, y'all, y'all know y'all needs your ass for doing this. Okay? That's the first thing you see. And then he was just, you know, because it was one of the few times that he allowed us to do something without instructing us. So it didn't go well. I don't even think we got the $2. Because let me tell you something else. I don't know if Shannon told you guys this, but what he would do was is he would pay us $2 to wash the car

and then charge us a dollar to take us to the store. And there was no, you know, oh, joke, you know, you'd be like, hey, man, give me some of them skittles and get me a Rizica. No, sir. There was no buying. for somebody. If you didn't play the dollar, everybody had to pay that toll. So he

damn, he was a truth. See, when I tell people that they're like, man, it wasn't like that. He told me because he came back there because Spang and said, hey, go tell Papa, we don't finish with the car. Joe, I go in the hive just like he instructed me to, just like a good little brother supposed to do what his big brother tell him to do something.

So I go get Papa. I said, Papa, he's done. He come out there, he put his overalls on. He got one strap hanging. He come by there he looked at you. I should be shot. I should whip y'all ass is what I should do. He said anything. He said anything. But yeah, he was like, man, Joe, he was

hold on. You didn't tell him the one about how he used to, sometimes he would make you feel so stupid. Now, for lack of a better word, Joe. We watched the car. Now it's time to wax it. So instead of saying, hey, go over and grab the wax, he says, hey, Spanky, go get that J-wax. Like, whoa, what's the J-wax? So I'm looking, Joe, I'm like this. So I'm looking at the J-wax. And I'm like, I'm looking at the wax, but I'm looking for the J-wax.

Boy, boy, get that Jay Wax. Eat him up, Jay Wax. Eat him up. Because it was so close to me. If it was a snake, it would have been. But he did things like that. But it's amazing, though, that Shannon has the memory being three years. Because when Pop-Bar died, you would have been, what, nine, eight, nine? Eight.

I would have been nine of my birthday when I was in. And so for him to remember, and he was not in the fire as much as I was. I mean, if I were to start a podcast and start telling these stories, these folks would arrest Barney Porter. They would dig him up and arrest his ass for the thing. Joe, Joe, this is, I'm telling you, you start back talking because I don't want to talk too much. But Joe, I used to sleep with him. Shannon slept with my grandma.

I slept with him. He would wake me up at two in the morning. Make me ride with him to the truck stop. He got eggs, grits. toast. He got the pancakes with the syrup. He got coffee. And he would look at me and say, yeah, you don't want to eat this because you're going to eat cereal in the morning. He takes Spanky to watch him eat, Joe. Guys, the reason he nicknamed me Spanky is he couldn't say Sterling. So he was like, that boy, their name Spanky. I ain't calling him whatever that you named him. I don't know where you get that fancy name from. His name Spanky. And to this day, hey, there's two people

that still called me Spanky. My brother and my home boy, Calvin McNeil, are the only two people that called me that. Hey, what about we got in trouble for cutting the grass? Wait, which place? Which is crazy now how we got

in trouble. If he showed you a way to do something, you had to do it that way. So you couldn't cut. I'm like, it's cutting grass. So he... You can't get that. You can't get wrong, though. Yes, you can. Yeah, because if he was going from the house to the well, and you went from the road to the chicken coop or to the horse pen, he lose his mind.

You know, it is now. It wasn't in. It wasn't. It wasn't. Because he's going to come out. The first thing he's going to ask you, who's... told you to do this. So, so. You know, Joe, we got to push you more. We're going to crash. Yeah. We thought we did.

Hey, fellas, he asked more rhetorical questions than anybody on the planet. Hey, hey, who told y'all to do this? Because I know if you answer this question, whatever answer you give is going to be wrong. And there was consequences and repercussions. But any answer you got. For any answer you got. say he did? It was,

let me tell him. Yes. Hey, let me ask your questions, Mike. How was he about me and love? Oh, no,

no, no. Could you be late? Bro, you know, you said Harold Green is, is my best friend. Bro, the only falling out

me and Harold have ever had was he was late coming to my house. Bro, we leave and driving to Atlanta. He's supposed to be at my house at seven. He gets there by 735,

bro. I'm steaming. The one thing Barney Porter was not going, you wasn't going to be as late. That's not going to happen him. He is not going to have you attempt to be late because if you don't respect

Barney Porter's time, there was consequences and there was a repercussions. It's always that way. You were going to respect his time because you respected him. He was that way. He was definitely that way. But yeah, Shannon, boy, let me tell you.

But his podcast thing, I know you guys, man, y'all doing a heck of job and I enjoy it. But Shannon, man, you're talking too much. You're putting all our business in the street. That's why our sister don't want him to write a book because, boy, it's like, look, Shannon, my

sister got so fed up with Shannon talking about us growing up in a house without running water that she almost is on. Yeah. But people, but see, Spake, when we tell them, because you know, Grandma Lou had the old little house on the prairie, the prime pump

that you pulled the water in and the water come up at the bottom. We had the way. Yeah, we had to lower the bucket. And when I tell people that tell my man, that was from the 50s and 60s, I say, how are you going to tell me something I experienced? What I'm about it?

I'm telling you about the experience that I read about. I'm telling you about a little bit of a little. Tell the boys about what we put in the well to keep the bugs out so we didn't bring up a well bugs when we brought up the bucket. What we put in the other? Catfish. But the catfish in the way? Wait.

Catfish in the whale? What did it do? Catfish would eat? eating the bugs. See, the catfish would come up and eat the bugs. So when you're going to get a bucket full of bugs. You're getting pure water. Right. I can't tell you if it works. I'm just telling you what we did.

Hey, with Jim, a rest of the soul, Eugene, our first cousin, Eugene, brother-suster kids. We was walking up, walking to war, Sammy Kirkland House. Big old red was beside the board. Hard. Everybody, and you know what?

I don't know what made him, Joe. Man, let's see who can hit that waltz mess. Now, I'm the youngest. Arnell is the oldest by seven. Eugene is the next oldest by six. Spank is the next oldest by three. Land is two years old to me. I'm the youngest.

Yeah. This had to be, I couldn't have been no more than six. At least. Yeah, you're six. So we take a turn. We tried to take Joe. We were firing at that thing, bro. and just right on cue.

Eugene hit it. They take off. They go on. I take off, but it's a little bit too late. Man, they told me up. Joe, they got me. Yes, they love them, Joe. Hey, Joe.

Hey, how did it get you? He can run fast enough. I couldn't run fast enough on Joe. You got to realize I'm sitting there's old. RN 13, Eugene, Spanky 9, Lady 8. Hey, fellas,

he likes to talk about what kind of athlete he was. He ain't never had wheels, though. He was always a dump truck on the highway. He was always in the way. Hey, so I take off running.

Hey, they stop running. They laughing. I run straight to the high because I'm going to get them in trouble. I walk in. Hey, so by the time they get there, they're coming in there. I'm out of breath.

I breathe a hard. I said, Papa, Papa, they're throwing the wall since, you should have run. But Papa, I did. I said, but Papa, I did. Like you should have run fast. That joke, hey, he was very matter of fact. He had, he did not have an empathy or sympathy bone in your, in his body.

If he told you, if he promised you something, set your clock back. It was going to happen. Every time. I'm gonna tell if he said, I'm gonna tell you that, well, he didn't tell you that. Or if he gave you that looking church. Your rest of your day was ruined because you knew it was going to.

It was like, I don't know exactly when. But it's going to ask. You know, like on the 4th Sunday, man, was the time that we got a chance to work on our athletic moves because all our cousins would come over. Our aunts and my grandma would cook. So we eat and we eating cake. Oh, Joe, we're doing it up big, dog.

we doing it big. Yeah, yeah. So you don't forget about the look you got when the pastor was praying or, no, when one of the deacon, either Deacon Joe Schar or Deacon Nathan Nacon Nathan Manor were playing. Nathaniel lost to Mr. Yeah, he told them for Mr. Leo. So when you kind of was nodding off that dozing because you should have gone to bed early.

And when you, you know, when you wake up, you look, the first thing you do is look over in that deacon corner. left to see if he looked and he's looking at him. He look at you and just get on, amen, amen. Amen. You don't forget all about it. Boy, you get the brakes beat off you. About 9.30 at night, get the brakes beat off.

Yeah. Damn. He was different and I think I thought Spank Spank had the most of his ways. I think once we grew up and the way we'd growing up but now that I sit back and think about it, I think I'm more like him

you more public you're more public. And see, see, Barney Porter would have never done a podcast. Don't now? He'd never done a podcast. Barney Porter would have never done a podcast with you two guys either. So there's two things

that Barney Porter would have never done. And he always kept self close to the best. Like, he would say things to us. that he wouldn't say to other cousins or to his sons. Because I spent more time with my uncle Thurman, who was a farmer with him

and him. So I learned how to be a man from them to. But his, you can say you are more like him, but maybe wouldn't say that. I think my matterisms, I think the lateness, I think the, but you're saying, you public.

you public, though. So you have a persona where you ain't like, you know, you ain't jovial all the time. You ain't, you ain't on nightcap. You ain't on, you ain't on nightcap. You ain't on club Shay all the time. So you kind of have to be, Barney Porter would have never done a pocket.

Bonnie Porter ain't ever coming out letting you know what he think. He ain't ever doing that. He, he, and, and. If he don't like something, he's going to say he don't like it. And he really don't care what your act or reaction is. This is what he believed. So if you don't like it, you don't like it over there. It would just buy.

You know, there's a scene which is really crazy about this movie, lean on me. There's a scene where the assistant principal said, you can't throw the fire chief out. And Joe Clark says, yeah, he's saying that too, but you know where he's saying it? He's saying that in the parking lot. That's how Barney was.

He gave you his mind and there was no retort or, you know, let me come back to you on that. That was, this is my way and there's the road over there. Hey, hey, that's always right there. Yes, indeed. Y'all know how it is.

Hey, they remind me. I'm telling you remind me so much when I hear Uncle talk about his grandpa. It reminds me a Nolan Richardson, bro, when I played it. University of Arkansas. Hey, man. It wasn't a lot of, you know,

Kiki, hi, ha, ha, patch on your back. You know, good job. It wasn't, hey, man. It was not a lot of that, bro. I'm talking about when he came in, when he came in my mother's living room, so you're going to send him to me as a boy. I'm going to send him back as a man.

That's what happens. Yes, sir. Barney, we do this a couple of times at our golf course. We'd be sitting around and they'd be like, talk about words you've never heard your parent or guardian say. So I'm like my grandfather. good job. Never heard him say that.

That's right. Never heard him say that. Not to us. Not I'm saying to us. Never heard him say, good job. Never heard. That was right. Never heard that. Keep doing what you're doing. No, whatever you did was wrong until he stopped doing it. Whatever you did was wrong until he stopped doing it. So I told Joe the story

The last problem The last two years of his life How did Papa sleep? On his knees He couldn't sleep in the bed So he he knelt down Either on the sofa Or in the bed

Well on the side of the bed He couldn't sleep in the bed He slept on his knees Hold on but why he couldn't sleep in the bed Honestly And I usually don't say that Because usually when people say Honestly they're getting ready to lie

But he couldn't sleep in the bed Because he thought somebody put a root on. Yeah, my grandfather, yes indeed, my boy, yes, sir. And I ain't going to, and I'm not even going to tell you that somebody came over, did some things outside his bedroom window,

and a half a jar of frogs and lizards and snakes. I ain't going to even tell you all that popped up. And I ain't going to even tell you that the person that did this opened this jar and said, Bernie, if you see how this frog is dried up

if that whole frog would have dried up there ain't nothing nobody could have done for you I ain't even going to tell you that because I know you're not going to believe it because us standing now we don't to this day we still don't believe it do we change and that's what happened that is a true story

you think stuff like that is real roots okay now the Bible I read says no so I'm going to say no I'm going to say that I'm going to say that ain't true. But in 1975, it was. It was in 1975.

Yeah. Because if you, the problem was, is that what he says, he believed it. Right. Right. He believed it. So people like, man, I ain't scared of the dead because the dead can't do anything. They can't hurt you. They can't hurt you. They can't.

I tell you what you don't ever see. You don't ever see anybody walking through a cemetery at night. They're always in a hurry. You know, everything, walking. everybody always in the hurry, always. That's and I told a story

about when he got into it and that was that had to be that might have been 74, 75 when he was in the because the front porch was like right here. His bedroom, his bed was right there. As he walked to the doors on the right. Yes.

Yeah. And his brother kept thumping me thumping me on my head. And he had a saying, Joe, Ocho, he said, don't. He detested it. He despised it. He said, if you thump a kid on his hand, you'll make a big kid, and he would learn.

Now, I ain't saying that ain't true either based on your brains in high school. So I ain't saying that ain't true. But, no, he was, he was as adamant about that as being late. He did not play you. Hit the kid anywhere else. Do not thump the kid on the head. Don't do it. which is really weird, but yeah, he would, that was him.

That was definitely. He kept thumping me and I kept out like, oh, stop, stop. And you can hear him, Joe, he always, he get up putting them coeralls on. You can hear the change in his pocket. He got that one, hey, he got that one strap. He come out there. One, now he's talking to his brother. He talked to his brother.

He, he, he's talking to his brother. We sit right now. You hit that boy one more time. And, you know, when he said that, like, everybody was, like, bristled because he wasn't threatening. My grandfather was never really threatening like that. And, hey, hey, you hit that boy one, hey, did that boy one more time. And I, and everybody, like, froze. And I drew a blank because I had never seen that side.

Actually, that might be the only side, the only time that that came out. because I don't think he ever, he and his best friend, Virgil Williams, I don't think they ever had any. No, I think, I think that might have been the only time I've ever seen my grandfather mad.

And I'm talking my old school southern mad. And what y'all won't remember is back in the day, when old folks got mad, they handled it with a straight razor or a pistol. That wasn't no going outside throwing fist. They were getting ready to, Somebody was either going to the hospital or to the morgue. They were getting it in.

And I think that's the only time I saw Papa, that was, yeah, he was, he was done. Because what did he tell me to go to? And Shannon was the baby. So he was a little bit, he was a lot of bit different than how, if he had been thumping me on the head, my grandfather would say it work. But Shannon was a little bit different to me. He made sure, like if Shannon would have had to go to the truck stop, Shannon would have got to eat what he ate. Hey, Portlandia fans.

Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. The Dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form. We're launching Podlandia, AEORewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made. And we'll also be joined by the people. people who helped bring it all to life.

Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chryssel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song. Well, I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. A.O. Rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist, Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up, y'all? It's your girl, Sam J. And we're the host of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together in I Heart Women's Sports. We're breaking down the biggest headlines. Naomi Osaka, showing out. Shoutouts to you, Naomi.

The viral moments. I've been obsessed with Kashan Rocks, boxing journey. She looks good. Her combos are swift. And the stories everyone's talking about across women's sports. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to everyone watches women's sports. On the IHeart Radio app.

Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast. This is Chelsea Hamler from Dear Chelsea. Every week, the news gets worse. The world gets crazier, and Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem. Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men. Do better or do less, so I don't have to do so much.

I'm Yamanika, and I'm out. Listen to You're the Problem with Yamanika on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Nick Tutu. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, the longest you're, or Spike Leaves Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Tatoro, I deliver pizza to a new guest.

I've shared a slice with everyone from Seth Rollins. What are you doing, my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am. And now, we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Tuturo. It's called Happiness, Delivering Happiness. And many, many more.

Open your free High Heart Radio app. Search Delivering Happiness with Nick Tutro. Listen now. My first guest is Terrence Hilton, Shakira, Luke, and Yerrin. You have surprises? Many surprises. Welcome to the Sweet 305 podcast where the group check comes to life. What on?

You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst. It's lemonade. This is Sweet 305. Here, oversharing is encouraged. Listen to Sweet 305 with Lele Pons on the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Thank you.