No Broke Months For Salespeople - Helping Men Reach Their Full Potential Through Radical Healing and Transformation

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

Jake Kauffman is an International Transformation Coach and Spiritual Mentor to purpose-driven, visionary men & entrepreneurs seeking to grow in their lives and leadership. He has supported hundreds of men to thrive and reach the next level in all areas of life, business & relationships. His mission is to help men radically heal & transform so that they can achieve their full potential & fulfill their purpose.This Episode, Jake will share about Helping Men Reach Their Full Potential Through Radical Healing and Transformation. To find out more about Dan Rochon and the CPI Community, you can check these links:Website: No Broke MonthsPodcast: No Broke Months for Salespeople PodcastInstagram: @donrochonxFacebook: Dan RochonLinkedIn: Dan Rochon

rather than becoming who you need to be, it's unbecoming all that you are not. So when it comes to establishing a new set of goals and reaching those goals, 90% of the equation has to be around and has to be focused on what is currently preventing you from reaching those goals. What is getting in the way? Welcome to the No Broke Months for Real Estate Agents podcast. What is getting in the way? working hard for no results, then get started with a proven step-by-step system so that every month is no broke months. Jake Kaufman is an international transformation coach and spiritual mentor to purpose-driven, visionary men entrepreneurs seeking to grow in their lives and leadership. He has supported hundreds of men to thrive and reach the next level in all areas of life,

business relationships. His mission is to help men radically heal transform so that they can achieve their full potential, fulfill their purpose. This episode, Jake will share about helping men reach their full potential through radical healing and transformation. My name is Dan Roshan. I'm the host of the No Broke Months podcast, which is a show for real estate agents to help you have no broke months.

Thanks for joining me. Enjoy the show. Welcome, Jake. How are you? Dan, I'm doing great. I'm excited to be here. Thank you for that introduction. It's my pleasure. So, Jay, let love in. I'm going to just jump right into this. Tell me more. Tell you more. Awesome.

Well, as you can probably imagine, Dan, I grew up very much like yourself in all likelihood. I was very success-driven, growth-minded, motivated, determined, and assertive. So I was constantly looking for ways to increase in my success. There's just one big, big problem with that. Until we uncover and discover the internal blocks and barriers that are preventing us from reaching a higher level of success, we're constantly going to be building on top of a faulty foundation. So it wasn't until I shifted my focus to doing just that, to finding and discovering and working through and reconciling the internal blocks and barriers within me that prevented me from being as successful as I was capable of being. The moment I did that is the moment that I started to experiencing a greater degree of success in every single area of my life, not just exclusive to my career,

but in terms of my health, in terms of my wealth, in terms of my relationships, all of those things started to benefit as a result. So Jake, so, all right, so let's, let's backtrack here. So tell me about your shitty life before you went to that tipping point. It is funny from the outside looking in, uh, you know, I actually had a really great, great childhood, a great life growing up. Um, I grew up very, very middle-class in a small town in Southwest Michigan, a little over a thousand people.

So it was very rural in many respects, very simple. But I didn't necessarily need for want for anything, which was great. I had a great family, great parents. When I was 12 or 13 years old, however, I was sexually abused at summer camp. As you can probably imagine, as a 12 or 13 year old, I didn't have the mental resources to know what to do with that pain or how to deal with that trauma. So I did what most people would do. I just brushed it under the rug.

I repressed it, suppressed it, and ultimately, unconsciously, ran from it. My way of dealing with it was to not deal with it. Did you share it with anybody at the time at all? Well, my story is kind of unique because the incident actually happened in front of all of my friends that I grew up with. So it didn't happen in secret or in silence like a lot of people. Yeah. It happened in front of a lot of other people. And so it started to follow me around. In fact, I was bullied because of it throughout middle school, throughout high school.

And it wasn't until later that I actually acknowledged the experience for what it was. It was kind of brushed off as a joke by everybody. And that's kind of how I started to treat it, which was a really beautiful way of dealing with it, right? Was to not acknowledge the severity of the incident because once I did, or if I did, then I would have to confront the emotions attached to it, the shame, the guilt, the embarrassment, the humiliation. And so what did I start to do? I started to mask in order to cope with the pain. I started to act as if. I started to act as if I was successful.

I started to act as if I had it all together. So from the outside looking in, you would look at me and you'd be like, Jake's got it all together. And from the outside looking in, I did. That was the point. That was the intention. But inside, internally, there was this void that I just kept trying to fill with things outside of myself, success, money, women. And it wasn't until I started to, of course, right, like Tony Robbins says, until the pain of, you know, staying the same is greater than the pain of change, you're not going to actually change. And so it wasn't until I started to experience kind of the ramifications of who I had become, right? My personality, I was like 27, 28. So you went from 12 or 13 to just masking. Now at this point, it would have been half your life, more than half your life. Right. So about 15 years later, I had become hyper successful in my career, but I definitely struggled. So I started out in corporate. I started out by selling beer, wine, and spirits in Chicago,

just outside of where I grew up, about an hour away. But man, did I struggle to maintain healthy relationships. I would jump from relationship to relationship. I don't know if anyone ever lasted longer than roughly six months. I would find some reason to break it off. Of course, it always had to do with the other person. Relationship. Now, this wasn't exclusive to romantic relationships, of course. This is also including friendships, relationships with my family. I started to notice that I was only capable of going to a certain depth or degree of connection and intimacy. So do you remember, starting when you were 27, 28, was there something that happened? Or was this sort of like a slow slow burn of just realization or was there a

pivot point so i actually talk about this pivot point in my book um so i was working for a corporate restaurant company at the time and as you can imagine as a result of you know the nature of the industry i stayed up really late and you That was my previous life. I got it. You were partying, you were destructive, and you were all kinds of nonsense, right? A hundred percent. I told my mom that I would come home for Mother's Day to celebrate with her. I would drive the hour from Chicago to Southwest Michigan and come and see her for Mother's Day and celebrate with her and the rest of my family. And I got really drunk the night before, woke up the next day, was arguably still intoxicated, and called my mom to tell her that I wouldn't be coming to spend Mother's Day with her.

And she said to me, Jake, I don't even know who you are anymore. And so it was in that moment that I knew I needed to change. I started to look at my life as objectively as I possibly could. And very quickly, I came to the determination, I am capable of so much more than this. I am so much better than this. And I have so much more potential

that I'm only even beginning to scratch the surface of. So I need to make a change. I need to work on myself. And I had no idea what that looked like, what that meant, what that would entail. But I started going into counseling, started seeing a therapist. And it was in the first couple of sessions that I sort of talked to him about these struggles with intimacy that I felt like I was struggling with across my relationships, across the board. And he said, where do you think that comes from? And of course, we started to go back into the past. And long story longer, what I would say to a client of mine today is that until you reconcile the pain from the past, you're going to only recycle it in the present

moment. And it's going to prevent you from being as successful as you're capable of being, living up to your full potential, et cetera, et cetera. And this is where most people find themselves today. They might be successful like I was, but deep down, they know that they're capable of so much more. And there's probably a void as well. Would that be true? Correct. Yep. And what they're doing is exactly what I was doing, which is just performing their way around masking, right?

They develop this personality. Personality, the word, derives from the Latin word persona, which quite literally means mask, right? So our personality is not who we are, it's who we've become. And so until we unbecome, undo, unlearn all of the painful things that went into creating that, not that all of the aspects of our personality are born out of pain or trauma or are compensating strategies in order to make up for pain or trauma. But until we undo those things, they are going to end up being the source of resistance that prevents us from experiencing or elevating into higher degrees of success, love and intimacy, finances, career opportunity, et cetera, et cetera.

Who we'd be and how we show up in our behavior, how we present ourselves and how other people receive us. So I don't think I'm taking a far, far stretch to imagine that you did that at that period of your life that you unlearned. So besides therapy, what else did you do to unlearn? Suffice it to say, I totally fell down the rabbit hole of personal development because this idea of starting to break through these things and work through these blocks and barriers became highly addictive to me because the more work I did on myself, the more improvements I started to see as a result, the more fulfillment I started to experience on top of a greater degree of career success. Whereas before I had the career success, but there was this void like you talked about

in many ways and in many respects, I felt empty inside and unhappy and unfulfilled well all of a sudden I started to experience a high degree of fulfillment to go with an even greater degree of career success and then I was hooked and so you know I started to go to personal development workshops conferences seminars I hired a one-on-one coach I actively worked with a one-on-one coach. I've actively worked with a one-on-one coach for five plus years now. But it just stands to reason that the more you do this work on yourself, the better the results that you're amazing i'm gonna ask for a quick favor it'll just take you 30 seconds for you to leave a favorable five-star rating or review on your favorite platform then what i'll do is i'll enter you

into a raffle where we can meet 45 minutes for a free coaching session. And I'll also give you a copy of the book, Real Estate Evolution, which is the 10-step guide to CPI, consistent and predictable income. Oh, by the way, I'm the author of that book. So if you'd like for me to coach you, give you some nuggets and help you in your business, go ahead and leave a review and you can enter into the monthly raffle to win. Well, help me understand. Let's say, you know, I've never heard of personal development. Let's say I never, like I have zero understanding of what that means. Walk me through, if I'm somebody listening to this or watching this right now and I feel void or missing, what do I do?

It's a great question. Well, let me give you a really tangible, practical example. We're coming up on the end of the year. It's right around the corner. What is everybody doing this time of year or in a very short few weeks, they're making resolutions for the goals that they set out to accomplish. Personal development would tell you that all you're trying to do, all you're doing is you're treating the symptom. You're trying to adopt all you're doing is you're treating the symptom you're trying to adopt a certain level of behavior so if i get this then that means i'm i'm okay and that's what the goal

is is it am i am i following that no not necessarily because that's where you can run into feeling unhappy and unfulfilled meaning well what i mean by that is it's it's an illusion that if i get this correct so that's like the thought is if i achieve x of my goals then i become whatever but that's a illusion because that's the that's the mask yeah so it's if this then that thinking um or it's it's have to be thinking once I have the house, the car, the money, career success, the status, the job position, whatever it is, it will then enable me to do fill in the blank. And then I will be happy, satisfied, fulfilled, et cetera. Do a bunny trail, bunny trail right now. Go, uh, go and describe b do you have for us real quick

and then we'll come back to that first question because i don't want to miss that opportunity right now i know you're good um obviously the illusion of you know this have to be model that i just described is that my happiness my peace my fulfillment it's somewhere off in the future it's not available to me in this present moment, right? It creates a timeline because what you're saying is once I have this thing that you don't have presently, so of course that goal, that aspiration or achievement is in the future. You're essentially saying that all of the things that I'm hoping to experience on the back end of achieving that goal or reaching that milestone, right? Peace, joy, fulfillment, it's not available to me here. So that creates suffering.

Because what you're implying is that I'm incapable of experiencing those things without this achievement, without having accomplished that goal. the be do have model is is the opposite right it's i will seek to cultivate happiness joy fulfillment to me now because it's available to me now in this present moment which will then allow me to you know feel and do the things that i want to do and then i will have whatever it is that i want to have. Right. So it's actually the other way around. Right. That's that's how most people operate. They operate the circumstance.

Right. Once my circumstances are in place, then I will relax and surrender into the flow of life as opposed to the other way around. Right. I will surrender and relax into the flow of life and my circumstances will take care of themselves. And that's what has us trapped in this suffering or this cycle of not enoughness. And it has us constantly chasing after more. So in other words, the A and opportunity for most is to choose who you're going to be, focus on being that person, and then you'll do the activities that that person would do

such that you'll have the results that that person would have, which would include fulfillment if that's what you desire, include success financially, health, spiritually, et cetera. Is that another way to say it as well? Correct. And I would even suggest that rather than becoming who you need to be, it's unbecoming all that you are not, right. True transformation is always predicated on dying to something. Everybody wants to get to heaven, but nobody wants to die. So when it comes to establishing a new set of goals and reaching those goals, 90% of the equation has to be around and has to be focused on what is currently preventing you from reaching those goals. What is getting in the way? And that's where most of the coaching industry has it completely

backwards, right? We're treating people, we're treating the symptoms and not the disease, right? The symptoms being your current habits, your current behaviors, right? Which of course are what ultimately get our results. But what's at the root of all of that? It's our beliefs and our identity. So going back to 27, 28 year old Jay. So you begin to, um, undo what was done. You begin to discover new ways of being and you begin to the personal development journey. Is that correct? That's correct. Yep. What happens next? Well, we have to deconstruct before we reconstruct, right? So the unbecoming the unlearning the undoing is really the first step the next step is once i've done that hold on hold on wait let's stop there for a second yeah how do you how do you do that how do you unravel all that before we move on well you have to ultimately uncover and discover the fears and the limiting beliefs within yourself that keep you trapped in operating from the space of someone that you are not.

And performing and chasing, striving, or overreaching. Those are the things that keep us trapped in suffering. For example, I was literally walking the client through this earlier today, right? Entrepreneur, very goal-driven. You have to start there. Otherwise, all you're doing, like I mentioned at the beginning of this conversation, was building on top of a faulty foundation. It never lasts. next year will have already abandoned or be off track when it comes to their new year's resolutions or whatever new goals that they've set or established for themselves. And so it starts by addressing the pain from our past because we've all experienced trauma. Let's just, let's just throw that out there. As your human being. Right.

Well, well, because trauma is more about what happened inside of you as a result of what happened, right? It's not, it wasn't the abuse, right? That I experienced. Well, because trauma is more about what happened inside of you as a result of what happened. It wasn't the abuse that I experienced. That wasn't the trauma. The trauma was the beliefs that I made up about myself, other people, and the world that then had me overcompensate in an attempt to make up for that pain. Sure. That's what trauma is. So you don't have to have experienced sexual trauma, you know, physical abuse, anything like that for this to be true for you too. This is true for everyone. We

all have self-limiting beliefs and we all have a threshold in terms of what we feel safe to receive, including money and opportunity, love and intimacy, et cetera. And what determines that threshold is our current level of emotional intelligence, personal development, growth, and healing. So if you want to expand and grow, you have to go into the past to determine the experiences that went into creating the belief system and the identity that you have today. Until you break through that and reconcile those things and you create new beliefs, you create a new identity that's in alignment with your goals, it's going to be a round peg square hole situation. You already know 87% of all real estate agents fail in this business.

And you also know it doesn't have to be that way. If you're a real estate agent and you're looking for consistent and predictable income, I invite for you to get your free copy of Real Estate Evolution, The 10-Step Guide to CPI, Consistent and Predictable Income for Real Estate Agents. And you can do so when you visit www.therealestateevolution.com. I'll share with you your book that I authored to show you the way. Thanks. One of the things that I have learned is that oftentimes, so you had a traumatic event that occurred when you were 12 or 13, yet we, for most people, we've all, during our development years between the ages of zero to, call it five, zero to seven, somewhere in that

range, we had an uh during that time period that we helped define our lives and then uh just to uh continue on that uh on that track from seven to um 13 we we begin to um we get we begin to model people so we have we pay attention to those that we're surrounding ourselves with our parents and then from 13 to 22 for women and 13 to 28 for men then we uh that's when our friends influence us as the socialization phase so correct because of that there's something that happened probably around the age of five that made you define your life and that could be an opportunity for those of you listening and watching for you to have a conversation around that. Correct. Yep. There's a great book on this. It's called The

Biology of Transcendence. But it talks about these various stages where we develop our beliefs, which of course determine how we see ourselves, how we see other people, how we experience the world at large. It shapes our worldview, including our relationship to love and intimacy, our relationship to money, all of these various things. our adolescence and into our corporate professional careers later on in life that ultimately dictate our actions and our decisions, which gets us all of our results. So to quote Carl Jung, until we make the unconscious conscious, it will continue to direct your life and you will call it fate. Most of the coaching industry by and large is focused on simply supporting people in shifting their habits and their behaviors, the symptoms, when the reality is you can never outperform your beliefs. You can never outperform your identity. Take binge eating, for example, yo-yo dieting.

It's probably the most pervasive problem in the fitness industry. The reason that people, yo-yo diet, right? They rubber band back. They go on a diet and they just resort right back to their old habits, their old behaviors. And then all of a sudden they're right back at their former weight or level of fitness prior to initially having gone on the diet why is that why is that because all they did was shift their habits and their behaviors they didn't address the core the root cause issue which is internal the beliefs and the identity so that's a great representation, literally, physically of and something that many, many people can identify with is a yo-yo diet. And it's about who are you going to be? What are you going to believe in yourself? How are you going to, you know, choose to understand that this is who I am. This is my identity identity how I see myself and when you see yourself in that instance as fit when you see yourself in that instance as somebody who is each nutritious foods appropriately you

know and appropriately you know size portions etc yep that's the opportunity to then maintain the fitness and maintain the health and the weight off. There's a lot of things that we can't see, right? Like something we can physically see, but most of the challenges that we have in life, you can't physically see. That goes back to that missing, et cetera. And those are the opportunities there to be able to, again, just like with the, you know, unraveling it and then who I'm becoming, um, I'm becoming someone who is fit. And before that hit, hit in the back. So am I following you on all this? You are, you're tracking 100%. The reality is for a lot of hyper-successful people, highly motivated, determined people. Oftentimes our greatest strength is simply an adaptation

or an overcompensation to avoid experiencing pain if you're severely overweight right and you you know you're guilty of yo-yo dieting or whatever it's easy to look in the mirror and identify the problem sure right i'm fat i'm fat. I'm overweight. I'm out of shape, whatever. Or to look at your bank account and be like, okay, I'm broke. Right. No broke months. Right. So easy to see the problem. But what about if you're a highly successful, highly ambitious person who on the outside looking in has it all together, you've got the money, you've got the success, you know, you've got the career, you've got everything that you said you wanted, that you set out to accomplish or achieve. Because this is a lot of the people that I work with in my business who have on the outside looking in, quote unquote, they have it all together,

but somewhere deep inside, they're like, something ain't right something's missing i thought that this was going to make me happy i recently had a conversation with a client about this they they said that you know the first million dollars that they made they're now realizing was to actually prove their dad wrong because what happened they made a million dollars only to be met yet again by this internal void because of the invalidation that they experienced when it came to the relationship that they had with their dad and so it wasn't until they addressed that would they know happiness would they know fulfillment jay i got a question i. I'm curious to see your answer to this. How do you know? If somebody has a void, they do work, they go and they revisit what caused an identity. They

revisit either a traumatic experience in their past or a developmental experience in their past and they they take a look and they they you know have the conversation with themselves they go through all this work and they rebuild and they rebuild uh you know i found a new foundation and then a building on top of that now do i you know do i enter into la la land i mean like how do i know right, how do I know? Right. Like, how do I know? Yeah. Well, simply put, if the first half of life is all about self-actualization, individuation and becoming like the best version of yourself, the second half of life is all about transformation and transcendence. It puts you on the path toward a higher purpose and a higher power. It's no longer about you and the pursuit of your own individual private perfection. It becomes about others. It becomes about giving back. It becomes about being in higher service and contribution to greater humanity.

That's how you know. Spirituality, it gives us a higher force for living. That's the point. And this is why these people, they make the money, they achieve everything that they set out to achieve. And yet on some fundamental level internally, they're unhappy and they're unfulfilled. And yet they don't know why. A lot of those people are suffering. Let's just look at a couple of common examples, Anthony Bourdain, Robin Williams, and Kate Spade. Anthony Bourdain, still to this day, likely the biggest food celebrity on the planet. Robin Williams won multiple Academy Awards, easily one of the most beloved actors of his entire generation

pete spade was making 50 million dollars a month at the time of her death all of their success all of their fame all of their notoriety was not able to to cover over or reconcile the void within them. Yeah, which led to, regardless of the end-to-end outcome, the struggle before then was something that I'm sure, I can't imagine what they went through, but something that you can clearly know that there was a void there. Right. Yeah.

Because as long as the void is there, you're going to need a coping mechanism. The more time that goes by, you know, you not addressing this internal void, the greater the need for a coping mechanism. And that's what happens. And so, you know, I would go on to say that grace creates the void that grace alone fill. Okay. If I was, uh, to, to want, if you were to suggest to somebody right now, if they're listening to this, watching this, that they could do right now to be able to

transform or begin the journey towards transformation, what would that be? I dare you to journal on the question, if my greatest strength is a compensating strategy, what is my greatest strength for? If my greatest strength is a compensating strategy, what is my greatest strength for? Like I mentioned, I had become known and widely regarded as this man who had it all together, who was hyper successful, who started with myself at the time, I was miserable. And so it wasn't until I shifted the focus because really quickly I learned, you know what? I don't think another million dollars is going to do it for me. You know, I went from corporate to starting my own startup, my own healthcare tech startup with a couple of other guys. And we reached a million bucks. Great. Okay. Now a couple million bucks. Okay, great. Now eight figures. Why do I still feel the same way? I think, I don't know if you've experienced

this or not, but an observation I've made is that sometimes money is a magnifier. Yeah. A lot of times when I've seen people who are, you know, just less beautiful people and they develop wealth, they are the nicest sweethearts you could ever imagine. And others, they become the biggest assholes you can ever, ever imagine. Right. And so it's just, um, and I've seen both sides of that, you know, and, and people that I've known, you know, of extraordinary wealth. And it just seems like there's just this magnifying glass and it, you know, can intensify, you know, whatever it is, who you believe that you are, whoever you identify as yourself, that becomes bigger. 100%. It just reveals more of who you already are. And so that's what I would encourage people to journal on and really sit with. Because as I mentioned before, in my time, I've been doing this for over half a decade now with really successful, notable CEOs, executives, entrepreneurs, who have all, you know, accomplished what they set out to accomplish, you know, only to realize that, wow, like, my greatest strength is really just an adaptation and this overcompensation to avoid experiencing pain, most likely pain from childhood.

Let love in. The pain stops when the Starts. How do I get my copy? Yeah, you can go on amazon.com, obviously. Let Love In by Jacob Kaufman. So it's my full name, J-A-C-O-B-K-A-U-F-F-M-A-N. Jake, thank you so much for your time today. Thank you for sharing your message with the CPI community and your blessing. So thank you very much. CPI community, have the best day of your life. Be grateful. Make good choices.

Go help somebody and go find a freaking listing. God bless you. Thanks so much for listening to the No Broke Months podcast today. Until the next show, I invite for you to be grateful, make good choices, help someone, have the best day of your life, and go find a listing. I'm very excited about the conversation we're about to have. I want to introduce you to Dan Rochon, who is the owner and co-founder of Greetings Virginia. I am so excited to introduce you to Dan Rochon, who is the owner and co-founder of Greetings Virginia. I am so excited to introduce my next guest. Dan Rochon reads, he writes, he does improv. A frequent

speaker, often quoted about the real estate market. I'm going to bring on a guy that is a winner. We had some really cool conversations before going live with this show. We have Dan Rochon. So I'm going to encourage for you to think big. I'm going to encourage you to think big and then multiply it by two and then take huge action because whatever you want, you're only five years away from that.