No Broke Months For Salespeople - Mindset of Success - EQ vs IQ

Episode Date: August 24, 2023

You've probably heard that emotional intelligence is a must-have in today's complex industry. But what does it look like in action? Do you know when to be empathetic and when is the best time to change?  Emotional intelligence is vital to your profession's success, customers, leads, and personal relationships. It will make you feel better to know that even the most successful leaders struggle at times to navigate those social challenges.  Cari Briner will share with us what matters most! - Mindset of Success - EQ vs. IQ.--To find out more about Dan Rochon and the CPI Community, you can check this link:www.NoBrokeMonths.com --Stop 🛑 wasting your time ⏳ or spending too much money 💸not getting the results you want in sales; I would love you to join me for the upcoming 5-Day Listing Challenge.You will learn how to find YOUR Way to having closings every month.www.5daylistingchallenge.com--Get your free copy of the Real Estate Evolution here:bit.ly/RealEstateEvolution_GetYourBookThis book shows you the step by step on how to:Step 1: Believe in your unknown potentialStep 2: Deconstruct persuasion techniquesStep 3: Find a business and get hired consistentlyStep 4: Be proactive in the relationship with your clients.Step 5: Learn and implement the exact steps to hire, train, lead, and train virtual assistants so that they can build, support, and guide a winning team to scale.And if you’d like to have a consistent and predictable income, like this page, and don’t forget to join the Facebook group to network with the top agents:https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecpicommunity/ To find out more about Dan Rochon and the CPI Community, you can check these links:Website: No Broke MonthsPodcast: No Broke Months for Salespeople PodcastInstagram: @donrochonxFacebook: Dan RochonLinkedIn: Dan Rochon

Because remember, your business is not you. You are not your business. You're a human being. And you better take care of yourself and have confidence in yourself and love yourself first. Because if you don't, it's gonna start spilling over into all of these places. Welcome to the No Broke Months

for Real Estate Agents podcast. Working as a real estate agent can be incredibly rewarding and fulfilling, but it can also be frustrating if you aren't making the money you deserve. So if you're ready to end the stressful cycle of working hard for no results, then get started with a proven step-by-step system

so that every month is no broke months. You've probably heard that emotional intelligence is a must-have in today's complex industry. But what does it look like in action? Do you know when to be empathetic and when is the best time to change? Emotional intelligence is vital to your profession's success, customers, leads, and personal relationships. It will make you feel better to know that even the most successful leaders struggle at times to navigate those social challenges. Kerry Briner will share with us what matters most.

My name is Dan Roshan. I'm the host of the No Broke Months podcast, which is a show for real estate agents to help you have no broke months. Thanks for joining me. Enjoy the show. Today, I am privileged and honored to say hello to Keri Heibel, who is a real estate leader, visionary business coach, and wealth builder. And she's going to talk to us about the mindset of success and really going through EQ versus IQ. Carrie is just, let me share the real bio for Carrie. She is one bad ass lady, right? Like that's it, done. I'm super excited to be here. Dan has been

contributing in our community as well, which has been really, really a blessing to us because I think Dan, you and I have a very similar mindset, but we have, I think a very different skillset or what we, you know, coach and train to, which is what I love because I love being connected with people who have more in alignment with our thinking, our mindset, but we have different skill sets that we can bring to the table. So I'm grateful that you asked for me to join your group. And thank you again for all that you're doing for ours. So the collaboration is key and I'm a big fan of that.

So I do want this to be super interactional. So if you guys are open to asking questions, commenting, chatting in the chat box, raising your hand, just unmute yourself and interrupt me. I'm very informal. I love the conversation. I get as much value from these conversations as others do and maybe more. So selfishly, I'd love to do it because it keeps me in the right mindset and keeps me thinking about the right things and keeps me surrounding myself with the right conversations,

which, you know, two things I know, the conversations we surround ourselves with impact us more than we will ever know. And number two, the questions we ask ourselves literally change the quality of our life and our business. And so conversations and questions are a big deal to me and the people I surround myself when I'm having those conversations and asking myself or others, those questions really are what have changed my business and my life over time. And Dan and I, you know, we've both gone through different transformations of our own lives and businesses, different, but very similar in that I think we realize how much the way we think and the battle we take on

with our mindset every single day literally can be the difference between how much joy we have in our lives and how much success we have in our business and not. So what I'd like to do is take just a minute to tell you just a little bit about my background because I think if I don't do that, some of the things I talk about don't make as much sense. So I'm going to start there. And then I'm just going to say a little bit about my thoughts of IQ versus EQ, which is our conversation today. And then I'm going to open it up and see if anybody has any opinions or thoughts on that. By the way, I don't mind people saying, I'm not sure if I agree with you, Keri, because again, these are the conversations and the discussions that make us all grow. So please do not be shy. So a quick little intro to myself. I started real

estate at age 23. I had graduated from college. I had about $35,000 in student loan debt. I had no idea what I was going to college for. So I graduated with a degree in psychology and Spanish. But I sure loved the college experience. I got a chance to study abroad. And honestly, I would never do it differently because I think I really did find myself as a human being during that time. And I discovered a lot about who I was as a person, maybe more so than education. But I think that that has actually led to a greater return on my investment than anything else could have. However, at that moment of 23 years of age, I had just gotten engaged. So I met somebody right after college. I also then at 24 had my first child. So everything kind of happened pretty quickly. I just decided I didn't know

what I wanted to do and I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I literally was Googling opportunities and fell upon real estate. By the way, I was 23 and a half and I didn't even have, I didn't own my own home yet. The gentleman that I married at the time had his own townhouse, so he owned a home and I got to kind of be alongside him when he sold it. And then we did purchase our first property together. But I somehow had it in my mind that it didn't matter if I had any idea what buying and selling real estate was like, I could make it a career. And so, you know, I think sometimes that blind faith and that, I don't know, confidence that made no sense of why I had it really paid off because I ended up having a really, really great career

in real estate. So I had a great career in real estate. However, I would say that I did have a great life the first 10 years that I sold. And the reason I say that is because I did not know how to integrate work and life at all. And I did have a lot of things happen to me young. I didn't have a lot of life or professional experience, obviously at 24 years of age. So I was trying to be an entrepreneur and run a business. I was newly married. I had a brand new baby. I really had no idea what I was doing in life or business. And it probably created a lot of, you know, just fail forward and figure it out as you go. But I do know that it kind of took me down a path, which I see a lot of real

estate entrepreneurs and entrepreneurs in general go down, which is really feeling like they are their business and like there is no separation between life and work. And I literally just didn't have a great quality of life. I didn't take care of my health. I felt guilty all the time when I was working and I wasn't with my kids. And then when I was with my kids, I felt guilty. I wasn't working. We became very dependent on the income that I made because thankfully we made great income in real estate. I was a top producer within two years of getting licensed in our market Um, but that meant I was busy and I didn't really have great control of my schedule

Um, and I ended up not having a good relationship. So fast forward 10 years later. I was at a breaking point I was burnt out. I was getting a divorce. Um, I didn't feel like I was very connected to my children And I just said I blamed real estate And so this is the moment when I realized that I can make you are different because number one, it had nothing to do with real estate. It had to do with me. I did not take control of my outcome. I just let it happen to me. And I lived very, very subconsciously. So I started to really research a lot of this. And one thing I found out is that as human beings, we live our lives and the things that we do about 80% of the time subconsciously,

meaning we are not making active choices. We are not consciously choosing what's going on. We're just doing things. And we don't even realize what we're doing. So I was, you know, waking up super reactionary, never in control, scattered chaos right away, a really reactive schedule. You know, I was not present in any moment because I was at the park and I felt good that I was physically with my kids, but I was on my cell phone the whole time. You know, all of those things. And I didn't realize it. Obviously, I wasn't intending these things. This is just how I lived my life and how everything was going. It was very, very subconscious. So in that moment, I realized, okay, it isn't real estate. I could be doing this in any industry. This is me. This is my decision. These are my choices and I have to take control.

And so that's exactly what I did. And for about six years, I worked very heavily on figuring out how to calm my mind, how to be present, how to not live in scarcity and chase every single transaction. I started taking care of my health and my wellness. That was the first place it gave me serenity and confidence. What was really interesting is I actually realized I had very, very little self-confidence in general, even though I was extremely competent and competent and successful in real estate. So everybody looked at me thinking, wow, she's really competent. She's really successful. She knows she's got it all going on. She's got the big house and cars. By the way, I spent way too much money. And that's a whole nother thing that I'll talk about in a minute. But the point of it was, is that it actually was, I was super not confident. And

what happened is the place that I felt the best was work. Because it was something that I was successful at. People were looking at me going, wow, you've got your stuff together. You know what you're doing. And it was actually the only place that I felt good about myself. So I went there more often because who puts themselves in the positions where they don't feel good about themselves, right? If you're living subconsciously, you certainly don't do that because the ego part of your mind is going, yeah, stay far away from here because you don't have a good relationship. This is going to be frustrating for you. It's going to show your weaknesses. You're not being a good mom. Okay. So I'm just going to go work some more because that's where people feel like, you know,

I feel good about myself. So what actually it uncovered is that started to become my identity and that started to become what I felt good about. And I actually was pushing me more away from the things that I really needed to be focusing on. Because remember, your business is not you. You are not your business. You're a human being and you get to be a realtor. You get to be a mom or a dad. You get to be a significant other. These are rules you get to play on this earth, but you're a human being first and foremost, and you better take care of yourself and have confidence in yourself and love yourself first. Cause if you don't, it's going to start spilling over into all of these places. The second aha that I had was that, you know, I was going,

because I was going to work and that's where I felt good. Then I had to, you know, I was taking the money and I was using that money as a tool to try to fill a void of the places where I worked, where I wasn't happy. And so I spent way too much money. I didn't have much to show for all that I was making because every single time I didn't feel good about myself, that was kind of something that I thought would fill the void. I actually find that to be something that a lot of people that make a lot of money do because unfortunately, when we're making a lot of money, not all of us are also taking care of those other parts of our lives. So I had to reframe my mindset around that. I started to simplify. I started to get rid of a

bunch of things. And again, started to realize that if I needed to be happy, that I needed to dig deep and figure out, well, what is going to make me happy? What does this have to do with business? Well, what's really fascinating about this is I was very successful in real estate, but I honestly was probably a fraction of what I could have been doing had I actually taken care of myself and my life. Because here's the reality. Our business will only grow to the extent that we do, and I was not growing. So that was my entrepreneurial self almost in a self-sabotaging way being successful. And had I actually taken control, I would have been massively more successful, likely would have had a lot more leverage because I would have been more successful and everything could have went down a different

path. But what's so interesting is that our mind tells us that we can't take care of ourselves. We can't take the hour to do this. We can't take the Friday night off or the date night because our client is in our business need us. And what will happen if we say no and we lose that client? Because we're either so attached to the transactional outcome and the finances, or we're so attached to the success because it's a direct reflection of who we are as a person that we can't say no to those things that we start subconsciously saying no to things that we wouldn't say no to if we were actually really actively choosing. And then it makes us feel bad about ourselves. And it's a very vicious cycle because then we're just going to keep going to business because the other

stuff makes us feel bad. And that was my life for like 11 years. And, um, and, and then I literally just like anybody, when they just look at something and go, I can't do this anymore, made some profound changes. And so in that, I started to realize I had a really great IQ when it came to business and real estate. Obviously, I was successful there. I had no emotional intelligence at all. I really had no idea how to get present. I really had no idea

how to move from a subconscious thinking and a scarcity mindset and just this emotional attachment to this business. I had no idea how to remove that. And well, first of all, I didn't even know that that was a thing. So you have to be aware of something in order to change it. Like I didn't even know. I just didn't know what I didn't know. Once I started to explore this idea and read books and get coaching, then of course I learned something new. I became aware and then I could make some active changes and choices in my life. And they were one step at a time over a period of many, many years. What I realized is my business grew exponentially as I started to shift away from thinking about business so much and starting to work on myself. And that was the moment that I was like, okay, I know that this happened to me for a reason. It happened for me, not to me. That's also something that's in mindset, right?

What happened in my life in the moments of going through the divorce and feeling really bad about myself and just feeling like my world was chaotic and having debt and like, how do I not have anything to show for all my success and looking at myself and realizing like, what in the world, how is this happening? Like, how is this my life? Instead of moving into this, how is this all happening to me? And oh my gosh, low as me. I took it and said, well, how is this happening for me? Because everything alike happens for a reason. And so in that timeframe, I kept asking that question. And I've always been a firm believer that there are no

coincidences. Ever since I've been about 17 years old, I can point back to many different situations that I realized shortly after they happened that that was not a coincidence and it was for a reason. And I started to very young, I read a couple of books, one that was given to me by my sister. And it was, you have to always ask yourself the question, like, why is this showing up? Why is this person coming into my life? What is happening here? And so I have this kind of habit of doing that. And I had this strange opportunity to connect with the author of the book, Personality as a Permanent, Dr. Benjamin Hardy. And he somehow said, yeah, let's do a Facebook Live together. I are connected. I had read the book and it was extremely, extremely impactful. But interestingly, I read the book, I do audibles and I was working out when I was reading it and I missed something. And when we had our poll together, he said, there's something in the book that you probably heard, Carrie,

and he repeated it. And that moment, I just was like, just stuck there because it was such an aha. And it was that what has happened to you in the past is far less important than how you remember it. And it was just a profound moment for me. What has happened to you in the past is far less important than how you remember it. And he went on to explain as a psychologist, which is always very intriguing to me, that your brain changes how you remember past events already. Subconsciously, your ego, part of your mind makes things that were great seem way better than they were. And things that were really bad, it actually makes it feel a lot worse. Your brain changes the way you remember it. Literally,

if you documented something that happened in your life and you just didn't even know it was documented and you put it away, and five years later you went and you were told to tell somebody exactly what happened, you would not tell it the way it happened. And you were there. And the reason why is because your brain is changing the way you think about it. And this is why, because the egoic part of your brain is meant to protect you. So it wants you to go to moments that made you feel good, safe, happy, joyful, valuable, right? Because psychologically that's a positive place to be. So it makes you remember those things even better than they really were. And it also makes the things that were good in your life seem far worse than they were because it's trying to keep you away from reenacting that, that happening in the future. Again, it's a protection. It's all based on protection.

Now, remember the golf part of our mind was originally created to protect us from the physical harm around us. You know, when we were first in existence, we had to look around us because we were going to literally be eaten by, you know, other animals. So that's what the ego part of the brain first was developed for. Over the years, it has adapted because most of us, thankfully, are not physically in danger by other species on a daily basis. But we are in danger psychologically all the time. So it is actually

transformed to protect our mental health. That's why we don't put ourselves in an uncomfortable position unless we're consciously just pushing ourselves to do it. It's why we steer away subconsciously from relationships that are hard or some things that make us feel bad. Or, you know, it's why we think about and obsess about things we don't want, which is by the way, a very, very bad idea. And we've got to move ourselves out of that subconscious habit of thinking about what we don't want

because we're actually attracting more of it because your mind is that strong. Hey there, it's Dan. Excuse me for interrupting my own show. I just wanted to do so because I wanted to share with you. I was having a conversation with one of my buyer's agents, Lucia, the other day. And she was sharing with me.

She had a client that wrote an offer in today's market on 12 different homes. And she did actually end up getting the last offer accepted. So they didn't go and rent. But maybe right now you may be in that same situation. And maybe you're in that same situation, they did end up renting. And I know that that can be like, that can just suck. Well, let me tell you, since 2008, there hasn't been a single month that I've missed a closing in real estate sales on an average of 10. And I want to share with you in the last one year, I've taken 79 listings by attending 93 listing

appointments. I don't say that to brag. I say that to share with you that I know how to take listings in today's market. And I want to invite you if you want to learn how to take listings in today's market to join me at the five day listing challenge coming up. You can visit www.fivedaylistingchallenge.com and learn how to take listings in today's market without having to cold call, door knock, or beg. That's www.fivedaylistingchallenge.com. Now, back to the most awesome real estate show ever, CPI Real Estate Podcast.

That's the whole purpose of the ego. So the ego is going to make me feel even worse about that time in my life if I allow it to. It's going to go, gosh, Carrie. Yeah, I mean, it was horrible. Like you were the worst mom on the face of the earth. And you, you know, can you even imagine what you did and how did you make those choices? Because it's not wanting me to go back there, right? So it's a protection mechanism. But I have to realize I can choose how I remember that and how I remember it is actually going to dictate the future of my life. So if I'm wallowed

in that shame and guilt, am I going to be a very motivated person and am I going to go make change in my life? Probably not. I'm probably going to self-sabotage and find myself going back into bad situations because I don't believe I deserve anything better. So I had to make a choice in that moment that this was for a reason and I would not for one minute let it take me back into that place and I wanted to use it to help other people not go down that path or stay in that path as long as I did. Because what I realized is when I started telling the story, even though I was embarrassed, that it was a very freeing moment for me to tell

the story, number one, because remember, secrets will always keep you in a bad place. You've got to get it out and tell other people. And I firmly believe that the reason things happen to us is so we can share it and we can help other people. So I started telling the story and like hundreds of realtors were reaching out to me like, oh my gosh, that's me. I need to talk to you. This is my life. I spend way too much money. I don't know why I do this. I have nothing to show for this. I don't make, take time for my family. Now I feel horrible and I don't know how to repair it. How do I get out of this, the transaction? What do I do? And I found that this was an opportunity for me to help a lot of people. So the way I remember my past is not that

I was this raging workaholic that was super over-identified with work and a horrible mom. I take it as an opportunity that this was a path taken down. That's a blessing for me because honestly, I don't think I would have the relationship with my new spouse that I have today had that not happened to me. I know for a fact, because I had to change to be a better spouse, to find somebody better, right? I would absolutely not have the relationship with my two boys today who are now 17 and 21, 110%, I would not have that relationship with them because guess what? If you have an okay relationship, it's easy to stay okay. If you have things that you have to work on that really bring to light, like I've got to make this better,

you try harder and you get to a place where it's better. So I believe that it happened for a reason and I see all the signs of like how our lives would be very different had it not been that way in the past. And so it was for a reason. I am better because of it. And I've been able to help people. And so it was a path that I was supposed to go down. And now I'm using it for better. And that's a choice, right? I'm choosing to remember it that way. And other people might say you could choose to remember it some way else. I certainly could. I just think this is the way that serves me, my life, my family, other people the best.

So if you have something that you're not happy about, you know, the first thing you have to realize is that it probably happened for you. What was it teaching you? And what opportunity does it bring to you in your future? Don't let it hold you back anymore into negative space or into some self-sabotage because it's really leaking into your business if you are. So the second thing I realized in my IQ, EQ, you know, thought process was that the only place that you're truly going to feel inner joy to where you can go out there and you

can make choices personally and professionally without being emotionally attached to it or feeling like your joy or your peace or your happiness is going to, it's attached to someone or something else is that you have to wake up every day, realizing that you have a battle to fight with your own mind, that you have to push yourself into uncomfortable positions. You have to put yourself in hard places. You have to do hard things. You have to push yourself to grow because that's absolutely the only place that you wake up with a feeling of self-trust, self-confidence, that you show up for yourself, that you can do anything that you need to do where you get your confidence. And that is absolutely where you have self-love and you have joy. And there is absolutely, in my opinion, no other place you can get that, period. Not from anyone. And as a mom, I will tell you,

I don't know that I could find more joy or I never thought I could find more joy than being in my own children. And the truth is they can't fill that void for me. No one can. It has to come from within me. So the cool part about that is if we put ourselves in that position, it will absolutely leak into our business because we will bring more energy, more confidence, more self-trust, more grit, more determination. We will take risks that we normally wouldn't take in order to get to the next level. We will be able to be the best version of ourself, which is going to equate to the best version of our business. So it's personal growth through business success. We wake up every day, not afraid of the business challenges, but rather excited for them because they are going to help us feel more joyful if we embrace them

and it's going to get us to the next level. And that is where you can connect the two. And that's where you can find the joy and the success at the same time. And it's not easy. If it was, everybody do it. But if you come from that mindset, I think it makes it a lot easier. I'm going to tell a quick story that I think will bring that together. And then I want to open it up. And aha, I had a business partner who said to me, he was walking into a meeting where he was actually signing a personal loan of a few million dollars. And he had his attorney in there and they were signing the paperwork and they walked on out. And the attorney was just looking at him really strangely. And they walked out of the door and he just looked at him and he said, how do you sleep at night? And he was like, what do you mean?

Then he goes like, do you know what you just did? How in the world do you sleep at night? You just saw like, if this fails, like you're screwed. And the attorney or, and my partner said, well, thanks for that. Cause I didn't think of it until you said that, you know, kind of jokingly and made a joke about it and came back and said to me, you know, that's the key right there. I don't care. I don't care if that fails. It is no reflection on me. It's not me. My family will still love me. I still love me. I've rebuilt businesses before. I'll do it again. It's just part of this thing I'm doing on this earth, but it's not any reflection of me. If it fails, I'm not a failure. I really don't give a rip. And that's why I can go do those things. And that's why I have an advantage over 90% of other entrepreneurs, because other people would not take that risk because they'd be worried about what it looked like, what other people

thought. Would their spouse still stay married to them? Are they still worthy? Can they do it again? I know I can, so I don't care. And I know who I am and I love myself and I work on myself every day. That's why I am not my business and I'm not attached to it. That's the secret sauce right there. That's a secret sauce. So when he sent that to me, I thought, oh my gosh, that's why I made all the decisions I made is because I was like so attached to how my business was going to go or what people thought, because if that wasn't successful, then holy crap, nothing in my life was going to look good. And people are going to think she really is a loser. So it was such an attachment. And so people won't take risks. They'll stay safe. They'll make decisions they

don't really want to make all in the way of saving face. And, you know, because it's all about who they are. So you have to get to a place that this isn't defining you. This isn't attached to you. And that means you've got to find yourself first. And most human beings really don't do that. The sad thing is we really, really don't get connected to ourself. And it's so much of the external phase, even our relationships that we allow to define us. And that becomes a really codependent situation that is unhealthy, whether it's with our business or our spouse or a child or a parent or whatever, money, whatever it is.

And that's the difference between IQ and EQ. You can go learn everything you want about selling real estate and building a real estate business. But if you don't do it, it doesn't matter what you know. Why are you not doing what you know you can do, what you know you should do? That's the part that you need to uncover. And that's the line. That's the subconscious. That's the attachment. That's the lack of fulfillment or joy. That's the lack of competence. Competence equals competence,

but you can't have just competence in one area of your life. So Dr. Benjamin Hardy said to me, Carrie, you're not a workaholic. You know that. You never were a workaholic. And I didn't know what he got. He goes, people's identities are fixed. You aren't just something forever.

You chose that subconsciously, but you chose that. So the reason you did is because you had one goal. You had a goal to be successful in real estate and make a certain amount of money or sell a certain amount of homes. So you went for that goal and that's all you were going for. Everything else was by the wayside because you were so focused on the one goal. That's why you became a workaholic. Did you ever set goals for what kind of mom you wanted to be

or what kind of relationship you wanted to have a spouse or what you wanted your health to look like or your spirituality? Did you ever set any goals about any of that? Of course not, I said. I have no idea what you're talking about. I mean, the only reason why I set a goal for real estate is because my broker told me I should, because I was 23 years old and I

probably should figure out how much money I wanted to make. Nobody told me to set goals for any of these things. I just thought I would be what I would be and it would just all work out. And he said, that's the problem. People set a goal for business and financial all the time because that's the way we've been taught. Set the goal. Go after it. But you don't have any vision for what you want to be as a human being or a spouse or in a relationship or in your health. Therefore, you do not focus on it. You don't try to go for anything and you become a one-faceted human being. You need to start setting goals for all these areas of your life and watch what happens. And so that's exactly what I did. I outlined exactly my vision for what I wanted to be in all these areas, including business and financial, but it wasn't only that.

And what was very interesting is I started to integrate these things and realize I needed to make time for this and time for this and time for this. And then I started to become more well-rounded and then I was able to, you know, figure out that I wasn't, it was never a workaholic. It was just what happened to me because of the way I was thinking and what my life had, you know, had brought to me. Then that's a really powerful thing because we label ourselves. We're something. And then we think we're something forever. And that book, if you haven't read it, Personality is Impermanent, is very, very profound because from a psychological perspective, you can understand that not only is your personality not permanent, your identity isn't.

It changes all the time. And the cool thing is you can change it if you want to. It's all it is, is a matter of making the choice of the decision. So you no longer can use that as an excuse. I use that as an excuse for 10 years. I guess I'm just a workaholic. I'm just a workaholic. I mean, I don't know. It's how I was born. I feel bad about it, but it just is what it is. That is a crutch that we all get to get, you know, to use. Some of us say, you know what? I'm just really an overanalyzer. I just get ready to get ready to get ready. That's why I'm not successful in business. It's an excuse. You don't have to be that person. You're choosing to be that person.

You're choosing to be that person, whether subconscious or consciously, right? And so we have to just own up to those things and realize and teach ourselves that these things are not true. These things we subscribe to are not the reality. That's just what we think. So it's our perception, and I can get it. Our perception in the moment is the reality, but you can change that. And I think that whenever we realize everything in our life, including who we are as a human being, can be shaped and changed, it is extremely empowering. Because what's the most defeating

feeling? That we have no choice. That it is what it is. That's the most defeating place to be. The cool thing is that actually isn't the reality for any of us at any moment in our life. We're just subscribing to it and letting it be an excuse. So if you aren't where you want to be in life, if you aren't where you want to be in business, the cool thing is you don't have to stay there, but you do have to make a choice to learn, to grow, and to become more intelligent when it comes to your emotions. And unfortunately, we aren't taught about that in school. Many of us have weird things that we grew up around. Like, you know, some families don't talk about their feelings ever.

They don't even know how to identify a feeling. Some people talk about their feelings too much, right? Their families and they're too emotional and dramatic. And that's a whole problem too. And that's okay. But we have to realize these are our conditionings. These are the things we were exposed to, but we can learn something different. Just like we can learn real estate, we can learn something about ourselves and we can learn more emotional

intelligence. I think it's the number one thing you could do for your real estate business. I think you could adhere to learning more about this. It's going to change the face of your business. I don't tell you to not go into you to, you know, be better in your real estate skills, but if you're missing this and you're not, you're not teaching yourself these things and not growing in this area, I think it could be the number one thing that's holding you back. I recently wrote the book, Real Estate Evolution, The 10 Step Guide to CPI, Consistent and Predictable Income for Real Estate Agents. I wrote this book because I have sold real estate since 2007 and developed an immense

amount of experience and knowledge. During my journey, I've witnessed hundreds and maybe even thousands of real estate agents fail in this business. And I firmly believe that that's a shame. In Real Estate Evolution, I will show you the exact steps that I have used as a real estate salesperson to sell 1 to 15 homes every single month for the past 129 consecutive months. It took me more than two decades to learn the sales and persuasion techniques and more than one decade to master the real estate sales techniques to be able to produce the content that makes up this book. And it took me more than a year to write at a pace of three

hours every single day. If you're a real estate agent and you're looking for consistent and predictable income in your business, I invite you to get the book, Real Estate Evolution. And you can get that by visiting www.therealestateevolution.com. And I'll even give it to you for free as long as you pay for the postage. Being a workaholic tied to the amount of you work, or is it about the mindset? Truly about mindset, but it could be what drives you to work more. And you have to ask the question, why am I choosing to work more? And you're choosing to work more because you want to avoid something else.

You want to fill that time with something else. And so you have to dig into what is doing that. And that's where I really had to go, why am I doing that? And it really was the lack of self-confidence I had in my personal life because it made me feel better. But here's something that Sandra, I forgot to say this, that reminded me. It does not matter how many hours you have in a day. You could choose to fill it all up. But what you have to realize, I was so freaked out about work-life balance, but it doesn't exist. It's a myth. And I beat myself up about not being able to make that a reality for myself. And it was something that was unattainable. So if you subscribe to work-life

balance, you've got to get that out of your mind. You have to think of integrating. Some weeks, you are going to work more because that's just what you need to do. And some weeks you're going to spend time with your family more because there's something going on and that's just what you need to do. And maybe some months you have to work on your health more because you got really sick and you got to recover, which you've got to do. But what you have to realize is that you have to have your priorities and you have to realize that there's got to be some amount of integration throughout the weeks and the month. What I got so worked up about is that I felt like I needed to be with my kids eight hours a day to be a good mom.

That's why I was going to the park when I was on the phone. It was about time. It's not about time. It's about attention and presence. And when I got that, it changed my life because I could sit on my bed with my son for half an hour and have more profound connection than going to the park for four hours with him and being on my phone. And I didn't tie the two together. I was worried about time. And that's why I kept saying, oh, it's not,

I don't have enough time in a day. How many of you say that? I don't have enough time in a day. It's the first thing that people tell me I should help them solve when I coach them. I say, no, no, no, no. You need less time in the day. You need to figure out how to use the time you have. Because I adhered to this before. I was in a panic all the time. I need more time.

I need more time. You don't need more time. You need more present time. So when I realized that I can make an impact in a half an hour a day with my kids, I can make an impact on my relationship an hour a week, present, purposeful, hour a week, and it was moving the needle forward. I could literally impact my health 20 minutes a day, consistently 20 minutes a day. I wasn't panicking as much because I realized I have enough time. By the way, yes, you need to lead generate. I find that people will lead generate for four hours and maybe

actually focus for 15. If you had just focused for 15 and did it every day, you'd probably have more results than sitting in front of your computer being unfocused for four hours and then stressing out that you need more time. So get more present. It's not about the time, it's about the presence. And then you will have relief that you're not feeling like you're still strapped for time and you can make an impact in all the areas of your life. Every week, you really, really can. If you're purposeful about it, that was a freeing moment for me because I didn't know how I was going to do that. Once I realized I needed to do that, I was worried about how. And so that boils down to the whole workaholic thing. You don't need to work all the time to have a great business. You just think

you do. So maybe it's your mindset. Maybe you're running away from something, right? There are no business problems, Sandra. There are only personal problems showing up in business. It's the motto I live by. And so when I'm having a business problem, I ask myself, what personal problem is showing up here? It's always something. It's my ego. It's my mindset. It's my whatever. Something is showing up here that is impacting my business. Why? Because there's solutions in business. There's always solutions in business. Business, if it were run by a robot, would be perfect because you can outline exactly how you do the business and it would work and you would make a lot of money. Why isn't that the case for everyone?

Because they're human beings and it's the human aspect that's showing up into our business that's screwing it all up. So we've got to ask ourselves that question. And then, you know, it's a scary question to ask. I laugh about it, but it is a little bit of a scary question to ask because it will absolutely reveal things about yourself that you might not be very proud of and you don't really want to think about. But if you do it, it's very rewarding and it makes you realize that you can overcome a lot of things and that you do have more control over your destiny in life and business than you thought you did. I love that, Carrie. Thank you for sharing. And what I heard you say would be what I described as there is no balance in life. It's balance and counterbalance, you know, so it's, it's, you're all in here, you're all in here, 80% here and 80% there. And getting an acceptance of that is a, is a big, a big win for us. You reminded me of an aha that I read in Dr. Benjamin's Hardy's book,

The Gap in the Game. Yeah. And, and I forget the coauthor of that. I think it's the same one. Dan Sullivan, I think has written a couple of these books with him, right? It was, yeah, it was Dan Sullivan and Dan Sullivan talked about what happened in the past being far less important than how you remember it. And for me, that was a major distinction of understanding that I can create my past to mean anything that I want it to mean. Yeah. And when I learn from the past, then I always win. And they go through that book about focusing on, you know, how far have we gone rather than how far do we want to go in front of us and coming from a place of

gratitude. So thank you for reminding me about that, Carrie. That's a good one. Yeah. Being grateful for your past, truly, even when you think that really sucked. And if it would have happened, I probably wouldn't be where I am today. I say that on a daily basis because it's true. I'm curious, who else besides me has ever created an identity of yourself that maybe served you and maybe did not serve you? I'm just curious how many of us have created identity. Maybe it's a, for me, a dad, a mom, a business person. I know an identity that I had on for many, many years that ultimately didn't serve me was an identity of operating partner with a franchise. And I know that that identity held me back. And now that I've changed, I shed myself of that identity. I now realize that how, how, how much that identity actually

held, held me back. And so though some identities, you know, like, like dad, like I'm, I'm all in on that. Right. So no, no one's taken that from me ever. I think it's just really asking yourself, like, is this serve me or is this something that gets in my way? And that's something that's a question I encourage for us to ask. Dan, I mean, you know, it's interesting that you said that about the dad and the mom, because if not ever an identity we shed, and we always will be, that'll be part of who we are once we have children, but it can be something that does not serve you or does not serve your child. And I went through that. I mean, man, I'm telling you, my brain, if y'all knew what my brain was like, I mean, I'm fighting this battle every day. I'm, man, I'm telling you, my brain, if y'all knew what my brain was like, I mean,

I'm fighting this battle every day. I'm a complete anxious person. I worry about things. I like overanalyze things in my head. I'm always thinking about worst case scenario. People don't realize that about me because I'm outwardly extremely positive. And I am positive, but I have to work at that. I don't wake up that way.

And so I want people to realize you might not wake up the way you want to be, and that's okay because your brain is what it is. And your subconscious is wired the way it is. And maybe it was from the past and it takes a while to undo that. But if you wake up ready and willing and able to fight that battle, you can be anybody in any positivity or any state that you want to be. But I will tell you that my oldest son went through many, many challenges. And the whole time that I was a workaholic and everything else, he was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. He had to get on medication. There was a big challenge. And I became so over-identified with becoming his protector and making sure that he had a good life because I was so afraid that he wouldn't, that I literally robbed him of his own independence and confidence. But I did not know I was doing that. And he needed it and wanted it from me when he was nine,

when this was all happening. And there was a moment when he was 18 years old that he didn't need it and want it from me anymore. And he had a tremendous amount of resentment. And I didn't even know who I was anymore because I had taken that role on so firmly. Like that is all I focused on. So I didn't know what to be or how to act without being that for him. And he was rejecting it from me.

And it was a very, very tough moment for me. And he went away from Minnesota to Boston to college, literally to get away from me, which was the scariest thing for me. And I had my from Minnesota to Boston to college, literally to get away from me, which was the scariest thing for me. And I had my coach say to me, you know, Carrie, you have to let this go. He has to go find himself and become himself and have his own confidence. You have taken that away from him. You need to let him find that.

And it was another defining moment for me to realize that this was a very subconscious thing I was doing. This was not something I was consciously doing. And this is where it brought me. And I had to move into a conscious decision. I had to move away from it for the better of our relationship and for him. So how often are we doing that for our team members, for our kids, for our clients. We're overtaking because we're trying to do this and we want it so bad for somebody else. And the best thing that we could do is pull away and let them have it for themselves. And this is what I mean when we talk about emotional intelligence, because we do these things subconsciously because it's what we think we

should do, but it's not what we should do. It's what our brain's telling us to do. But that is not always right, right? Our thoughts are not real things and they are not telling us the truth most of the time. So what I had to realize is I believe everything my mind told me. My whole life, I believe everything my mind has told me and it has not led me in the right direction in many cases. So you have to say to yourself, am I making this decision or is it making it for me? Am I believing my mind and is it the right thing? Write your thoughts down and read them out loud and see how they hear, how they sound. In your mind, you'll say something and it makes a whole bunch of sense.

You write it down on a piece of paper and you just question it a little bit and actually take it out of your mind and get into like a conscious logical space. And you're going to go, that sounds freaking ridiculous. I mean, honestly, if you have not read the book, um, uh, by Byron Tini, um, the work that, uh, is that her book? What's it called? Um, look up the work by Byron Katie. I, now I'm losing my mind of what the book is called. I recommended this to many, many people who I know have a very strong mind and the mind is overtaking the reality and it did for me. But if you do the work, if you have a relationship, if you have something in your world that you just are struggling with, she has you take these thoughts out of your head

and answer these questions. And I'm telling you, I did this and I read it out loud and I was mortified. I was like, I'm a 10-year-old child right now. What am I doing? This makes no sense. But when I'm doing it and thinking it, it makes all the sense in the world. And so what we have to realize is that it's not us. We shouldn't be ashamed. It's not us. It's our mind. And we are different. We're a human being and our mind is something different. And that is the truth. There is a separation. It's a very weird thought, but it's true. And the second I started taking all these weird thoughts and getting in a habit of putting them down on paper, I realized I can make different decisions and I just have to do that daily because otherwise it's going to lead me astray and I'm going to make some choices I don't want to, or I'm going to think about something in a wrong way and it's

just not serving me or the people around me. And this is the journey of getting into that EQ and becoming more intelligent when it comes to our mind, our ego, part of our brain, our emotions. And it's what I'm really passionate about because I really do believe this is the number one thing holding entrepreneurs back. You are amazing. And I do know that you do a lot of short videos with your friend, Haley Abasco. You talk about life and business and growth and real estate. How can people find those videos? So go to Real Talk with Carrie and Haley. I'm putting it in the chat right now on YouTube if you want to check those out. If you honestly type me, I also am just creating my

own YouTube channel. So if you're interested about my thoughts on just leadership and business building and business building and team building, I do a lot of that as well. We didn't talk about that today, but that's really my experience in real estate. And, you know, just find me on Facebook. Just type in my name. You'll find me. Follow me.

Chat me. I love to help anybody. I go live randomly. We do our talk every week. We try to just, you know, just bring some positivity and some light to this. But I'm really grateful, Dan, because whenever I get a chance to talk about this, this is what gives me joy because I know this is me sharing my experiences. And that's why I had the experiences, right? What I talked about before, this is my opportunity to make it make sense and do something good and make something

good out of what happened. So thank you very much for the opportunity. It was super good to meet you guys. I hope you took something away that will help your business or your life. And if I can help you in any other way, just stop Facebook message. Thank you, Carrie. And thank you, Consistent Predictable Income community. I want to remind you that every single Friday, 1 p.m. Eastern time, we do an industry, top industry leader to come in and talk just like Carrie. Not all are as amazing as Carrie. But they're all top notch. They're not all badasses like Carrie is, right?

But they are all pretty darn good. Carrie, God bless you. Thank you. Thank you so much, guys. Thanks so much for listening to the No Broke Months podcast today. Until the next show, I invite for you to be grateful, make good choices, help someone, have the best day of your life, and go find a listing. Hey, I just had the best 45 minutes interviewing Dan Rochon.

He's from Virginia, right outside the D.C. area. He's been in a stable market for a long time. Within 18 months, he created so much success. He was actually able to buy the brokerage as a real estate agent. Dan is a leader of vision, focus, and passion. His enthusiasm is truly infectious. He just came out with a book for real estate agents to kind of help people pivot. We went through and talked about how to succeed in adversity, some of his big traits out there.