On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 10 Types of People You Will Meet in Your Life & How to Deal with Each of Them

Episode Date: April 8, 2022

On Purpose has been nominated for x2 Webby awards this year! It only takes 30 seconds to vote so please VOTE NOW through the links below:BEST HEALTH & WELLNESS PODCASThttps://vote.webbyawards.com/Publ...icVoting#/2022/podcasts/general-series/health-wellnessBEST INFLUENCERhttps://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting#/2022/social/features/best-influencerThroughout our lives, we will meet different types of people with different personalities, backgrounds, and journeys. Some, we may connect with easily. Some, we may find hard to be with. If these encounters with people who get to be part of your life, whether positively or negatively, are inevitable, we may as well learn how to deal with them.In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty shares the varying types of people we get to interact with and how we can navigate through difficult situations with them and around them.Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/Key Takeaways:00:00 Intro01:45 We assume that people think like us06:33 Type #1: The Overachiever, the Productive one11:58 Type #2: The Carefree or the Time-Waster17:39 Type #3: The undercover Envious or Jealous one20:20 Type #4: The Supporter for no reason22:26 Type #5: The Needy one24:50 Type #6: The Tough one26:45 Type #7: The Self-Centered one28:38 Type #8: The Generous one29:46 Type #9: The Playful one30:40 Type #10: The Parental oneLike this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Louis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War Two? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover.
Starting point is 00:00:40 And a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender invisible things we don't usually talk about?
Starting point is 00:01:07 I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look, everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by Stellar, Gas like Abormatte, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app,
Starting point is 00:01:28 or wherever you listen to podcasts. If we think that someone can be toxic and be a toxic person, then we believe that we could be a bad person. But if we realize that someone can have toxic habits and still be a good person underneath those habits, then that's how we are. We could a good person underneath those habits, then that's how we are. We could be a person with bad habits, but underneath those bad habits, we have the
Starting point is 00:01:50 potential and the choice to be good and to be great. Hey everyone, welcome back to on purpose the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. Now, I have got some very, very exciting news. I've got some great news to share. On purpose has been nominated for two webby awards this year, and we need your help voting. The deadline is in less than a couple of weeks, so please vote today.
Starting point is 00:02:33 Vote now. The link will be at the top of the description, and will take you straight to the voting page. Now, there are two awards to vote for, so make sure you vote for both of them. It will literally take 30 seconds. And honestly, it would mean the world to me. We already won the Ambi this year, which is the podcast Academy Oscar style award basically. For best health and wellness podcasts and I'm so grateful to all of you, but this vote is up to you. This one is all about you. So make sure you go
Starting point is 00:03:01 check it out. It would mean the world to me. Because of you, we won two webby awards last year. We'd love to add two more. And again, I just love, love, love the support that you all give me through reviews and votes. It means the world. So today, I wanted to do this episode because I realize that throughout our lives, we generally assume that people think like us. We assume that people talk like us. We assume that people will communicate like us. We make a lot of assumptions in life. And most of our assumptions is that people will project or reflect our own values and characteristics. Hence, when someone acts out of alignment,
Starting point is 00:03:47 we wonder, why did that happen? But why would they do that? Why would they act in that way? So even if you were there saying, Jay, no, no, no, I know that people are different to me. But then why do we get so surprised and shocked when they act different, when they deal with conflict differently?
Starting point is 00:04:03 Why is it that we find that so fascinating? Why is it that we get so lost and so absorbed in analyzing the way other people live? I think what's fascinating about this is that we haven't learned to understand that we are coming across different types of people in our life. And I'd like to add a strong disclaimer, any trait or characteristic or quality that I state in this podcast, a person is not a trait, a person is not a characteristic, a person at the human essence of it is consciousness and energy and is pure, but often we all get covered over by characteristics and traits. So when
Starting point is 00:04:43 we hear the language toxic person, that doesn't actually make sense. It's a toxic trait, it's a toxic habit, it's a toxic characteristic. And I want you to add this to your way of thinking because the way we think about others comes from how we think about ourselves. If we think that someone can be toxic and be a toxic person,
Starting point is 00:05:02 then we believe that we could be a bad person. But if we realize that someone can have toxic habits and still be a good person underneath those habits, then that's how we are. We could be a person with bad habits, but underneath those bad habits, we have the potential and the choice to be good and to be great. So today in this podcast, I'm going to talk to you about the 10 types of people you will meet in your life and how to deal with them. Some of these are people are going to bring amazing things to your life. Some of these are going to be people who take things from your life. Some of these people are going to be people that surprise you in a healthy or unhealthy way. And the reason
Starting point is 00:05:45 why I want you to be aware of this is as you listen to this episode, I want you to think about people in your life. And I want you to think about editing your relationship with them. What I found is when something happens in the news or something happens in celebrity culture or something happens in the zeitgeist or mainstream culture, we all get so obsessed with analyzing it. We analyze every angle, every perspective, every vantage point, right? We literally overwhelmingly dive deep into the psychology and the analysis and the mindset, but in our own lives, we often miss that same opportunity, that opportunity to dive deep, that opportunity to introspect and reflect.
Starting point is 00:06:32 And here's my very strong belief. If we pay attention to our lives, the way we pay attention to other people's lives, our lives would be incredible. And I want today to be an opportunity where you think about the people in your life, where you think about the people on your journey. And you sit back and you ask yourself, where do I need to edit how I feel? I said something to my wife today. We had a phone call, we've been catching up.
Starting point is 00:07:08 She's been in London for work, I'm in LA, before I dive in, I just wanna share this. And I said something to Radeen, I really meant it. I said, Radeen, you know what I trust you? I trust that when you're with people, you pass on the good you have and you rather than take on some of the challenges that they may have. And this is the way we want to be. We want to be people who are able to influence in a
Starting point is 00:07:33 positive way, take positive influence, but not negatively influence others, and not negatively be influenced. That's who we want to be, right? We want to be people who can positively influence other people's lives. We also want to be people who can learn from other people's positives, and we can learn something from truly anyone and everyone. At the same time, we want to be someone who doesn't negatively influence someone, but we also want to be someone who's not negatively influenced by others. So let's dive into these 10 people and the first is we come across the overachiever, the productive one. How many of you know someone in your life who's a high achiever, a high performer, they're
Starting point is 00:08:16 highly productive, they're highly effective and let's be honest. Sometimes they make you feel insecure. They make you feel inferior or unqualified. Now, there are two ways this high performer can do that. One is that they're just sharing what they're up to and you feel that way. Or there's someone who makes you feel that way. Notice there are two different types. Not everyone who's a high performer will make you feel bad
Starting point is 00:08:47 that you're not a high performer, but some people will go out of their way and that's usually an insecure high performer. So any trade I give you will have a secure expression and an insecure expression. An insecure expression of a personality type is when you Make someone else feel inferior to you to feel superior a
Starting point is 00:09:11 Secure expression of a personality type is just sharing something because that's the truth That's the reality. I often say to people I wake up at 6 a.m Or I'm highly productive and effective throughout the day And I'm not trying to do that to make someone feel like they should do that. And I will actually often caveat and say, by the way, this is just how I choose to live my life. This is what I love. This is what I enjoy.
Starting point is 00:09:35 This is what my purpose is. This is what I extract meaning and fulfillment from, right? And that brings me great joy. It brings me great excitement and enjoyment in my life. And that's why I do it. But that doesn't mean that someone can't have fun by not being productive or effective. But an insecure expression is to say,
Starting point is 00:09:54 well, no wonder you're struggling. I mean, you're in bed to 10 a.m. Or, you know, oh, well, you know, I work really hard and I see that you're just being lazy all the time and you're just on social media. And, you know, I work really hard and I see that you're just being lazy all the time and you're just on social media. And, you know, when you hear that, that can be very triggering. Now, here's the thing. You can either leave that conversation and spend the whole journey home talking about how
Starting point is 00:10:19 egoistic that person is, how narcissistic they are, how negative they are, and how they treat you, and none of that has a positive impact on you. None of that improves your life, none of that changes the quality of your mind. If anything, it degrades your mind, it pulls you down. But actually, if you're in that scenario, and you start to think, well, what do I want to do with my life? Who is it that I want to be? What do I value? What do I want to work hard for?
Starting point is 00:10:50 Do I want to work hard at all? And if I could be more productive, what could I be more productive for? Is there a reason for it? Notice how just as they can be a secure and insecure expression of a personality type, they can be a reflective or a critical reaction to that personality type. And you see this time and time again, today in society, we have developed the ability to be critical, but not critical thinkers. We don't know how to think critically anymore. We simply know how to think critically.
Starting point is 00:11:34 Right? We don't know how to be critical thinkers. We just know how to be critical. So we may walk away from an interaction and be critical, but that criticism doesn't create any power in our life. What creates power in our life is the ability to reflect, the ability to introspect, the ability to ask those questions. I was speaking to a friend recently who was saying that he was surrounded by a bunch of new people and a lot of those people were doing everything from, you know, going on skiing holidays, they were wearing fancy watches, they were talking about the suit, they just bought, you know, they were talking about those things
Starting point is 00:12:18 and they weren't doing it to make him feel inferior, they were just talking about their lives. They may have been slightly disconnected from reality, but that's fair, that's their reality. And so the understanding here is he went away and he was feeling like, gosh, I don't fit in. I don't ski. I don't have this watch. Oh my gosh, I'm looking at my $50 watch that I have and you know what's that got to do with anything and you know, maybe I don't fit in here now It's interesting that There could be a few reactions. That's one of them Another reaction could be okay. Well, I need to go get watches and I need to go get a skiing trip And then the highest response is saying well
Starting point is 00:13:02 Maybe I need to think about if I want to travel at all. Maybe I need to think about what kind of life I want to live. Notice how every opportunity when you meet someone is an opportunity to go inward. Every connection outward is an opportunity to go inward if you choose it. Otherwise, you get so wrapped up in the externalities of that individual that you can get so absorbed in their life without actually moving forward in yours. The second type of person we meet is the carefree or the time-waster. The secure expression is the carefree, their content, their happy with time just flying by and passing by, they don't pay much attention to it, and the other person is the time-waster. They may complain that they're not getting enough done.
Starting point is 00:13:48 They may be sad that they don't feel productive and effective, they complain about it. But in reality, it doesn't make sense because they're the ones wasting their time. So you may see both expressions of this and you can't judge one for the other. I hope what I'm also sharing with you today is a lack of judgment. You know, I look back in my life. There have been times when I've been a time-waster. There's been times when I've been
Starting point is 00:14:12 a insecure over-achiever. There's been times in my life where I've been all these things and that makes me more compassionate and empathetic to when people have those things too. So when a time waste is reflecting it as being content because they're secure in that way, don't force them to change. Allow them to be that way. It's actually beautiful that way. Respect that. Admire it. Almost reward it. Let them repeat it. If they're content in being carefree, let's actually champion that. Let's be people who notice that security in people. I have a few clients that I'll constantly say to them, I am so grateful for how self-aware you are. Now the reason I keep repeating that, I may repeat that multiple times in a call or multiple times in multiple calls because I realize that people don't realize what they do well. We all realize what
Starting point is 00:15:01 we do badly. If you did your skin routine perfectly every day for a week, you wouldn't stop and say, I've had seven days I'm doing so great. But if you missed one day, you'd be like, Oh gosh, I missed it. That's why I've got this spot on my face. And that's why I don't feel fresh and glowy and all the rest of it, right? Notice how we're so quick to pick apart our lack of performance than we are to pull ourselves up And so I do that for my clients and friends and family and I want you to do it for yourself And I want you to do it for others now the other side the time-waster the insecure expression is almost like they try to pull you down So they say well, you do too much work
Starting point is 00:15:40 You need to reduce the amount of time you spend at work. Oh my gosh You're always working. You're always busy and And that's an insecure expression of that. And when you hear those terms like, Oh, you're always busy for everyone. Oh, you just prioritized your work. Like, you know, that passive aggressive almost, that may make you feel uncomfortable and you may think, well, why don't you work and why don't you do this? And that's you kind of get into that bitterness. We know we have these two options bitterness or bitterness and bitterness creates more bitterness inside of us and it's not a fun feeling right you don't like sitting there feeling like
Starting point is 00:16:13 Oh, well, maybe you should do some work or maybe if you worked harder you'd know like those feelings don't Do they fill you up? They don't fill me up Like I don't feel a sense of excitement or joy or you know, I don't feel a sense of I don't fill me up. Like I don't feel a sense of excitement or joy or, you know, I don't feel a sense of, I don't know, I don't feel a sense of satisfaction when I hear or experience those things inside my own head.
Starting point is 00:16:35 And so when I hear that from people, you just let it go. You realize it's an insecure expression of themselves. You let it go. In one ear out the other, you continue to do your thing. Of course, this is different if it's your partner or if it's your, you know, a loved one who's really trying to look out for you where you would want to listen,
Starting point is 00:16:55 you would want to take that into account and understand them. And I think that's something we have to do better in this scenario as well as even then shut it out. We have to be curious and say, well, what would you say I do at that time? What would you say that I, and really be curious, really ask it with sincerity? What I'm trying to do is avoid you getting lost and being pulled down. I want you to be able to either pull people up
Starting point is 00:17:16 or keep going, but I don't want you to get pulled down. We've been getting so many amazing reviews for the Daily J, my new daily guided meditation series on the Karmap. You might have heard a couple of snippets on the podcast for a few weeks. So in case you haven't had the chance to check it out, I just wanted to share this review from Caitlin, an elementary school teacher from New Jersey.
Starting point is 00:17:36 He's what she had to say. I have over nine years of experience in the American public school education system, including teaching throughout the pandemic. Over the past two years, I've seen extreme cases of anxiety in my students, like never before. Many of these children have never experienced these feelings before, and are most are not even sure of what they are feeling. My school district has spent a great deal of time focusing on social emotional learning, SEL, through this school year. We try to teach coping skills and focus on teaching kids how to deal with their feelings
Starting point is 00:18:08 and become the best version of themselves. As someone who has also been experiencing the many anxieties of the world today, I have recently downloaded the COM app, thanks to my mom. My mom and I are big fans of yours, and once she heard that you will have seven minutes of daily J, each day, she encouraged me in doing this. Your meaningful ideas and meditation have quickly become part of my daily routine, so much that I've begun incorporating some of them into my SEL morning meetings with my third graders.
Starting point is 00:18:36 If you've ever wanted to meditate with me, join me on the calm app for the daily J, a daily guided meditation where I'll help you find calm in the chaos, plant beautiful intentions for a happy, abundant life and simple steps for positive actions to get you closer to the life of your dreams. Meditate with me by going to calm.com forward slash J to get 40% off a calm premium membership that's only $42 for the whole year for a daily guided meditation. Experience the daily J only on Kong. In the 1680s, a feisty opera singer burned down a nunnery and stole away with her secret
Starting point is 00:19:16 lover. In 1810, a pirate queen negotiated her cruiseway to total freedom, with all their loot. During World War II, a flirtatious gambling double agent helped keep D-Day a secret from the Germans. What are these stories having common? They're all about real women who were left out of your history books. If you're tired of missing out, check out the Womanica podcast, a daily women's history podcast highlighting women you may not have heard of, but definitely should know about.
Starting point is 00:19:47 I'm your host, Jenny Kaplan, and for me, diving into these stories is the best part of my day. I learned something new about women from around the world and leave feeling amazed, inspired, and sometimes shocked. Listen on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, and my podcast deeply well is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental health around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your journey. From guided meditations to deep conversations with some of the world's most gifted
Starting point is 00:20:27 experts in self-care, trauma, psychology, spirituality, astrology, and even intimacy. Here is where you'll pick up the tools to live as your highest self. Make better choices. Heal and have more joy. My work is rooted in advanced meditation, metaphysics, spiritual psychology, energy healing, and trauma-informed practices. I believe that the more we heal and grow within ourselves, the more we are able to bring our creativity to life and live our purpose, which leads to community impact
Starting point is 00:20:58 and higher consciousness for all beings. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well is available now on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Starting point is 00:21:18 Big love, namaste. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help Black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives, those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly, ourselves. We chat about things like what to do with a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia.
Starting point is 00:22:06 And I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the therapy for Black Girls Podcast on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. The third is the undercover, envious or jealous one. Maybe they smile, maybe they congratulate you, but you feel that the insecure expression of this one is that they pretend to be nice or they may don't even pretend and they just pull you down.
Starting point is 00:22:39 The secure expression of someone who may be envious or jealous and they're doing this in a secure way as well, I'd love to learn from you. They may say to you, can you teach me, can you help me? They may congratulate you, but they may say, it's amazing, I wish I could do the same thing. That's somewhat more of a secure expression. The insecure expression is when they pretend to be happy for you, but you know inside
Starting point is 00:23:01 that they don't really quite feel happy. This can be really uncomfortable to deal with. It can be really, really uncomfortable to deal with because it just makes you feel bad, it makes you feel guilty, it doesn't want you to be close to them, and maybe this is someone in your circle that is around you a lot. And one of the things I found, and this made me realize who my real friends were and who weren't, I found that my real best friends are people I can share my highs with and my lows with. They're people that if I told them the best thing that happened in my life, they wouldn't
Starting point is 00:23:30 judge me. And if I told them the worst thing in my life, they wouldn't leave me. Right? That's a friend. A friend, a real friend, is someone who doesn't judge you in your best times and doesn't leave you in your best times and doesn't leave you in your worst times. When we're going through our best moments, a lot of the time false friends will judge us. They will be envious. They'll be jealous. They'll they'll think lower of us. But the key is we all have people in our life who have again
Starting point is 00:23:59 secure and insecure expressions of this. So what do we do? One of the things I do with anyone that I know as a sense of envy or jealousy is you, of course, don't share things that trigger them. You don't try to share things that would concern them or make them feel that way. And when that happens, usually you struggle with that because you want to talk about that. Now the mistake we make is we also overplay our issues. And that I saw I did that for a long time. Around people that I was scared, felt that way, I would overplay my issues and my problems and I would
Starting point is 00:24:38 complain to them. And I realized that didn't make me happy either because now I was becoming more of a complainer and I didn't want to be that person. So notice just because you don't tell them your positives, it doesn't mean you have to highlight your negatives. The best thing is to do is be neutral and ask them questions, support them in their journey, help them, guide them, coach them, mentor them if you can, see how you can support them and help them if you want and if they're close enough. The fourth type of person is what I call the supporter for no reason. Someone who supports you for no reason. I have a wonderful friend that I'm thinking about right now and I hope she's listening. And I would actually now that I
Starting point is 00:25:17 start thinking of her, I would actually say there's about three people I'm thinking of right now. These people have supported me for no reason. And what does it know reason? What I mean by that is they are just loving, kind, giving, supportive because they want to be. They value what I do. They care about me and their supporters for no reason. Tell them how much you love them. Make time for them.
Starting point is 00:25:41 Messes them right now and tell them that you value them and love them. Those people are so special that they're often forgotten. They're the people that introduce you to some of the most amazing people. They're the people that in between or they go between that get forgotten, that get hidden, that get lost. Please don't be one of those people that forgets them, that misses out on them. Because you have so much to be thankful for with them. And I'm so excited for you to experience that for the rest of your life and never let it go.
Starting point is 00:26:16 So what's the secure expression of the supporter? We know what that feels like. What's the insecure expression of the supporter is when they message you and they're upset that you didn't tell them about something. Right? Now, that person still wants to support you, but they're having an insecure expression of it where they want to be your only cheerleader. They want to be your main go-to person.
Starting point is 00:26:39 And that becomes a challenge because, you know, you're just like, well, why didn't you know about this soul? Why does it work that way? Or why do we get lost with this whole situation? And so those people as well, you still want to acknowledge them, receive them because they do want to support you. And even if they're annoying, we're more annoyed by people who don't want to support us. Even if they're annoying, we're more annoyed by people who don't want to support us. So it's worth not missing out on them as well. So the fifth one is the needy one. The insecure expression we all know, that person is always messaging you, who always needs you, who always compares you to other people and says, oh, well, you're never there for
Starting point is 00:27:20 me or all you earn there. You forgot about my this day or birthday or you know you never show up for me. It's someone who wants a lot from you. I realize I struggled with this one for a long time because I'm married to someone who doesn't demand a lot from me and I don't demand a lot from her and we enjoy that space in our relationship. And so often I'd say to people I'd be like you want more from me than my wife from once from me and sometimes they were men like you want more from me than my wife from once from me. And sometimes they were men,
Starting point is 00:27:46 like, you know, it's people in my life friends. And I would just say, I can't live up to that. Because even my wife, my mom, my dad, they give me space and it's hard. So I was very honest with them. Because to me, the honesty is what cleared the air of expectation. Sometimes because we want to be people, ple, is we feed into the needy people because
Starting point is 00:28:06 we don't want them to think we're bad people. But then we eventually end up letting them down anyway, right? How many times have you tried to please a needy person and you let them down anyway because so many people are not going to be pleased by whatever you can do, especially if they have a needy element, right? So, I want you to just think about how you can behave with a needy individual and how you can respond and how you can interact because the needy person can often take so much energy and take so much effort because you don't draw your boundaries.
Starting point is 00:28:50 And I think so many people don't draw their boundaries because we're people places. We say we're there for them, but really we're doing it because we don't want them to think we're bad people. But that's what being honest is never being a bad person by saying, I don't have the capacity.
Starting point is 00:29:02 I don't have the ability. I don't have the bandwidth. You know, my wife, my partner doesn't need this much for me and I'm trying to spend my time with them. And I'll often say that to people like, I'll go back to London and people be like, oh, I'd love to see. And I'm like, look, I haven't seen my mum for like a year and a half. It's going to be hard for me to find time. It's going to be hard for me to get that going. And so just being honest saves you and saves you from the pressure and expectation that you're placing on yourself because someone else is placing it on you. Now the sixth one, I've met a lot of people in this category, mainly men, called them
Starting point is 00:29:37 the tough ones. What I mean by this tough one is not the physical toughness. I mean toughness where they portray a stoicism. So the tough one, the secure expression of this is that they're able to experience emotions, but they wait till they feel comfortable. And that's healthy. But then there's also people that never want to show their emotions. They only show their toughness and they often impress that upon you. So when we take a look at that scenario and look at those two expressions of secure and insecure expression,
Starting point is 00:30:12 the way to deal with tough people is to melt them with love. I remember I've always been a hugger. And if you see me and you listen to the podcast, come up to me and tell me you're an on-purpose listener, I will give you the biggest hug. I promise you, I'm a hugger, through and through and through, I love hugging people, and I will do that. But here's the thing,
Starting point is 00:30:27 when I do that to send people who aren't used to being hugged or they are the tough one, then that can be uncomfortable in the beginning. And I've realized that you can melt people's heart with love. I've met so many tough people in my life and I have just loved on them and loved on them and loved on them. Generally not as a a technique Not as a tool because I love them and I appreciate them and I've seen The hearts melt because everyone is seeking love remember this beautiful quote from Russell Barkley Where he said that people who need the most love often ask for it in the most Unloving ways so that person who's acting like that tough cold exterior
Starting point is 00:31:04 They often need the most love they're just. So that person who's acting like that tough, cold exterior, they often need the most love. They're just asking for it in a weird way. So if you love on that person, eventually, and loving doesn't mean running after, loving doesn't mean pleasing, loving means noticing the potential in them, noticing the good in them, noticing the genuine spark within them.
Starting point is 00:31:22 You notice that specifically? That person will start to melt. The seventh one is the self-centred one. We all have a friend who all they do when you go over is talk about themselves. If you can't think of someone, that friend is you. Right, it's that person that you know when you go over, it's always gonna be about them. It's gonna be about their date,
Starting point is 00:31:44 it's gonna be about their business, it's gonna be about their relationship,'s going to be about their business. It's going to be about their relationship It's going to be about them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them them and the funny thing is that We have a bit of self-centeredness is not in us because we're like well, why is it about them them them them them them them them them them them them It should be about me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me right like that's even a self-centered thought And what I found is when I'm in that scenario, the most reliable method is to be vulnerable and curious with them. You have to be more vulnerable about yourself to be able to allow them to connect and you have to be more curious about them so that they're forced to actually think.
Starting point is 00:32:21 The reason why people talk about themselves more often is because they don't get to talk about that in their own head. So they're trying to do it with you. They're trying to have a conversation that they should be having in their head with you. And so if you're curious, you could actually help them reflect more effectively, which actually makes them go, huh, oh yeah, okay, that makes sense. All right, how are you doing? Right? Like so they're actually using you and not using you in a manipulative way. They're using you because people need this as a sounding board.
Starting point is 00:32:47 And when you act as a sounding board, they can move on quicker. When you act as just someone who listens or someone who's disengaging, who's, yeah, yeah, I guess so. Then you're actually encouraging them to just continue doing that because you're not being an effective sounding board. So if someone is trying to make you a sounding board, don't become a wall. Become a sounding board. Play the role of the
Starting point is 00:33:10 sounding board. Ask questions. Reflect. Interrespect. Not only does it become more interesting and a learning curve for you, it becomes more fascinating for them. Okay, three more people. Number eight is the generous one. It's easy. Reciprocate with them. A secure expression of the generous one is someone who's being generous and they don't tell you they are. The insecure expression is someone who's being generous and has to tell you they are. Either way, reciprocate with them.
Starting point is 00:33:35 The person who's generous without asking for it, show them some love, tell them how much they mean to you, generous with their time, generous with their money, generous with their network, and then the their money, Genres with their network. And then the person who's insecure and has to keep reminding you of it. One of the best things to do with them is to not fall into the trap
Starting point is 00:33:53 of reminding them of all the good things you do. But reminding them of all the other good things other people do and saying things like, well, you know, I was showing this person the other day. They're doing this amazing thing, they're doing that. And one of that starts to do is they helps them realize that there are lots of other people that are thoughtful and generous.
Starting point is 00:34:07 It helps them realize and gain perspective. You are helping them have a thought that they may not have and you're not putting them down. Remember, your response is never to put someone down. It's to pull them up or keep going yourself. Remember that. You are either trying to keep going or pull someone up, but you're never pulling someone down or putting someone down or pushing someone down.
Starting point is 00:34:25 You just don't do that. It's not worth it. Number nine is the playful one. This is my wife. Protect them. Let them be playful. In our growing up and our adulthood, we want everyone to grow up and become serious and become.
Starting point is 00:34:42 This is different from the time waste where it's someone who's productive, they're doing their own thing but they're playful, they're fun. And when we're tired and when we're exhausted, we just want to be like, stop it. Just, just why do you have to be so joyful all the time? Sometimes people feel that way. They go, why are you being so joyful? Why are you happy all the time? Protect that person.
Starting point is 00:34:59 That person who has that childlike innocence, that love in their heart, that joy in their mind and body and soul, protect that. Remind them to stay that way, encourage them to stay that way. I have, you know, I think about this with people on my team, I always remind them, I'm like, you're great. Just the way you are. Stay that way. Like I just want you to know that. I see that and I honor that. I honor that. And then it's the flip side. The 10th one is the parental one. Help them bring out their inner child.
Starting point is 00:35:27 They may be able to grow up too quick. They may be able to take responsibility on too soon and they've forgotten how to play. Bring play into their life. Introduce them to the playful one and see what happens. I want to thank you for listening to today. Remember to vote. Please please please do go vote for us. I hope this helped you pass it on to someone that you think's going to benefit from it. And I cannot wait to see
Starting point is 00:35:50 you again next week. Thank you for all your love and support. You're the best. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender and visible things we don't usually talk about? I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look, everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by Stellar, Gas like Aburmate, Rachel Cargol,
Starting point is 00:36:25 and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply Well Podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your well-being journey. Deeply well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Starting point is 00:37:06 Namaste. Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Jemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeart
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