On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 10 Ways To Spot Ego & How To Replace it With Self Esteem Thoughts

Episode Date: September 20, 2019

There are so many voices in our head and sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re displaying ego or self-esteem. You have to notice and switch your dialogue to strengthen the voice you want. You have to switch for something higher. The Ego stops you from observing deeper and blocks curiosity. Self-Esteem allows you to approach something with fresh ears and eyes. Today I’ll share the signals that help me choose higher thoughts. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Munga Shatekler and it turns out astrology is way more widespread than any of us want to believe. You can find it in major league baseball, international banks, kpop groups, even the White House. But just when I thought I had a handle on this subject, something completely unbelievable happened to me and my whole view on astrology changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, give me a few minutes because I think your ideas are about to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your

podcasts. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Lewis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw, real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on-purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever

you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to Kit-Nap her lover, and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast.

Check it out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Whether it was road rage, whether it was speaking to someone at work in a way I didn't like or I felt an emotion that I expressed or shared, I would put that as a score for the bad wolf, right? The bad wolf got one point. And every time I would act from place of compassion and empathy, I would put down a score like a tally for the good wolf. And so it was one, one, two, two, three, two.

However it was, you know, the scores were building. And then often I started to see that my ego is tricking me into believing I was doing the right thing. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I am so excited to talk to you every single week where we dive into a new sphere of self work and love. These are the three areas that I really believe make up the biggest impact in our lives, right? Self, do we understand ourselves? Do we know ourselves? Do we know how to develop ourselves? Self mastery, self habits, to work.

Where do we work? What do we do for work? Passion, purpose, making sure that our work is meaningful and fulfilling and impactful. And then love, relationships, family, parenting. I really believe that the three most important decisions we make in our lives revolve around these three areas. So every week we're tackling new ideas, new insights, and new reflections in self, work, and love. And a lot of what I do, and a lot of this is driven by you.

Every single week, I'm looking out for your comments, your questions, things that you're talking about on social media that can drive these themes because these are really by you and selected by you. And they're also what I'm struggling with, what I'm working through, what I'm trying to figure out as well. So I'm trying to share the honest journey of a seeker, the honest journey of someone who's making mistakes, trying to learn, trying to grow every single time

that doesn't have all the answers. And actually, these sessions are amazing for me because I get to do the research. I get to do the learning so that I can share it with all of you. So that I'm learning, I'm researching, I'm reading, I'm trying to understand things more deeply. And I get fascinated by that. So again, thank you so much for giving me this opportunity.

Thank you so much for being here. I hope you're enjoying the sessions. I love knowing which points are your favorite and which episodes are your favorite. Keep sharing on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. I do notice them. They do make a difference. Thank you so much.

Keep that going. Now, today's theme is something that I think we all go through a different times. Right? We all go through this at different times. And it fascinates me. And it's something that I really, really wanted to talk about with you all. So thank you so much for listening right now. So let me ask you this question.

Do you ever struggle with knowing whether you're experiencing ego or self-esteem? How many times do you get lost in that battle where you're like, I want to maintain positive self-esteem, but I don't want it to tip into arrogance. Well, how many times when you're around someone, are you sensing, oh wait, that just smells like ego? Or actually, I'm very clear that that self-esteem. And often it's like a very thin line between these two. And it's so hard to tell whether we're experiencing

self-esteem or ego and whether someone is demonstrating self-esteem or ego and whether someone is demonstrating self-esteem or ego. And a reason why it can be difficult and why the line gets more blurred and more blurred and more blurred is the ego plays tricks. The ego has its tricks. The ego has a mind of its own, it plays its tricks, it finds a way to make us start believing in things that are not true that makes us get lost and confused. So sometimes it's hard to understand how to maintain our self-esteem and not get lost in our ego. And at other times, in the process of trying to control our ego, we actually end up dampening our self-esteem. And in this podcast, I want to give you the signals to know which one you're

experiencing, because sometimes it's hard to know. And the more aware we are of the voices in our head, the more we can build a relationship with them. Right. This is the key. How many times are there loads of voices in your head and you're trying to think, well, which is my intuition? Well, which one's my ego? Which one's my self-esteem? How many of you get confused by the different voices in your head, by the voices in your mind? Raise your hands up right now, raise them high,

not along, even if you're walking down the street or you're on the treadmill, wherever you are, just nod with that because I think so many of us go through that experience. And we all know this famous story, but I love telling it because I think it's such a great one and It's about a grandfather Telling his grandson this story about two

Wolves right if you've heard this before you know what I'm speaking about if you haven't heard this before Then it's a really powerful story to explain How these voices work and it's a popular Native American parable of the fight between two wolves. So in this story, the grandfather is explaining to the grandson that inside all of us, there are two wolves. One wolf is full of ego, is full of envy, is full of greed, and is full of anger, and the other wolf by contrast, stark contrast, is full of joy, is full of peace, is full of love, and is full of kindness. Now as these two wolves are fighting, for a lot of us, the voice of ego, of envy, of greed, of anger, of power,

of control is so loud and is so strong and is so overpowering. How many of you have ever experienced that? Where you don't even want to be angry, you don't even want to take the wrong action, but you're just almost compelled and pushed to act in that way. You almost feel like you can't resist it. How many times have you ever felt that? And how many of you feel that that voice of joy, of peace, of discipline, of love, of kindness, of empathy? It's there. It's there. It's right there, but it's quieter. It's hidden in the background. It's less powerful. How many of you feel that way?

So as the grandfather is explaining to the grandson, the grandson asks this question, the grandson says, well, if they're fighting, if they're going through this battle, if they're going through this war, which one ends up winning? Great question. That if there's this fight between this wolf that's full of ego, envy, greed, and anger, and the other ones full of joy, peace, love, and kindness, who wins? How do you win? Like, how do you know who wins? And the grandfather gives us a very instructive answer, a very teachable answer. And the answer is the one we feed. The wolf that wins is the one we feed.

Every time we continue to act in a particular way. On the side of either wolf, we are feeding that wolf. We are strengthening that wolf. We're giving more power and nourishment to that wolf. Every time you repeat a thought that is envious, greedy, angry or full of ego, you're feeding that wealth. And every time you repeat a thought, a word, an action of love, kindness, peace, joy, compassion, empathy, you're feeding that wealth.

And I remember one point in my life, I used to actually keep a physical table, right? Like a scorecard table of like, who's winning today? And it was a beautiful way of being honest with myself. Our 20s are seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, full in love, make mistakes and decide what we want from our life. But what can psychology really teach us about this decade? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, friendships, and much more to explore the science and the psychology behind our experiences, incredible guests, fascinating topics, important science,

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that you are abusing yourself now. You human! That means that you're crazy as hell, just like the rest of us. When a relationship breaks down, I take copious notes and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for you. But if you're going to eat it, they're not going to stop you. So he's going to continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him. Listen to the R-Spot on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast,

or wherever you listen to podcasts. This is what it sounds like inside the box-paw. I'm journalist and I'm Morton in my podcast, City of the Rails. I plunged into the dark world of America's railroads, searching for my daughter Ruby, who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train, not where I'm going to end up, and I jump. Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters living outside society, off the grid grid and on the edge.

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Come with me to find out what waits for us and the City of the Rails. Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Or, cityoftherails.com. wherever you get your podcast or cityoftherails.com. And so every time I used to have an interaction throughout the day, whether it was road rage, whether it was talking to my mom and away I didn't like or whether it was speaking to someone at work and away I didn't like or I felt an emotion that I expressed or shared,

I would put that as a score for the bad wolf, right? The bad wolf got one point. And every time I would act from place of compassion and empathy, I would put down a score like a tally for the good wolf. And so it was one, one, two, two, three, two, however it was. You know, the scores were building. And then often I started to see that my ego was tricking me into believing I was doing the right thing just so that I could put a score down on that side. So you got to look out for that. But I found that making it into a score table

really helped me because it motivated me to become aware every time I was about to act on the negative wolf on the bad wolf to scoreboard would come into my mind. And I would think, wait, I don't want to lose. I don't want to feed that wolf. If I feed that wolf, it's just going to get harder to beat it tomorrow. And that's really what happens. Right? That's really, really what happens. That we don't realize that we're just strengthening it

for the next day, which makes it harder to break it down. So it's better to start today. Right? It's better to start today. So this story is how I want to explain the rest of our podcast, because just as we have those two wolves, we also have these voices and wolves

of ego in self-esteem. And often they can sound similar. And it's really hard, but it's so important because we don't want to water the weed of our ego and avoid the seed of our self-esteem. See, when we water the seed of our self-esteem, it grows into a beautiful flower. It grows into a beautiful shade. It grows in the flower plants more seeds and the shade gives shade to others.

But when we water the weed of our ego, that can actually tear down our plants. That can be contagious in a actually tear down other plants. That can be contagious in a negative way to other plants. You can pull people down. And so we have to feed our self-esteem, the seed of our self-esteem, and we have to make sure that we're not feeding our ego because sometimes we get it the wrong way around. So I want to start off with what I'm going to do in this podcast is I want to share with you what are the common things we hear from our ego and then how does the same thing sound with our self-esteem. So one of them is about how we deal with other

people, how we listen to other people, how we hear other people. Now when I am going through this podcast or you're reading a book or you're sitting in class or you're sitting at work. One of the things our ego does expertly is the ego will say, I already know this. I know all of this. I've heard it before. How many times have you done that when you're listening to one of my podcasts, hopefully not, but when you're listening to podcasts, you're learning whatever it may be in a work situation, even with your boss and you're just saying, I already know this. Why are we doing this again? Oh my God, I already know this. Now, if you're having that thought, they may even be truth in it.

You may know parts of it, but we don't know everything. And I remember someone asked me a brilliant question once and it really resonated. It actually taught me. It's funny when people ask questions, they usually want an answer, but actually this question became my answer to myself as it grew, and I really want to tell you about it. So there may even be some truth in it,

but we don't know everything about everything. And so as I was saying in this example, someone once asked me the question, they said, Jay, you coach so many people, you work with so many people, you advise so many people, they said, how do you make sure that when someone's sharing their problem and you've heard that problem again and again and again, how do you listen to it with fresh ears and fresh eyes? Because when you've heard someone complain about their relationships and you've heard someone else complain about their relationships and you've heard someone else complain about their relationships and you've heard someone else complain about their relationships.

It kind of sounds like the same issue. When you hear someone complain about work and you hear another person complain about work and you hear another person complain about work. It sounds like the same complaint. But the truth is, everyone's experiencing it maybe even with one percent difference, but when a coach, when a teacher, when a trainer can dial into that one percent, that one percent is what makes you able to really help someone. So when they asked me this question, I was actually like, you've just given me the answer that every time I listened to a problem, I have to listen to it with fresh ears and fresh eyes. I have to stop my ego saying to me, Jay, you already know the answer to this. You've heard this a million times. You know the answer to this. Just give the answer. You always give, right? Like, that's what the ego does. The ego blocks you. And it stops you from having to observe deeper and go into autopilot mode,

give an easy answer, enjoy the respect and the reward and get over with it. And I know everything does the same thing. It stops you from actually noticing the caveat, the subtlety, that may actually be there in what someone is saying. And hopefully right now, as I'm saying this, you're thinking about it and you're going, oh, wow, Jay, when you started this, I kind of heard the wolf story, but now where you're taking it,

I'm like, oh, that's interesting, because that's what happens. And I do the same in classes, and I will sit there watching other people's content and classes and learning and taking notes and being like, wow, you've just shown me a different dimension of that. Like you've shown me a different perspective from that.

And that's why self-esteem is, I can learn from anyone.'s why self-esteem is I can learn from anyone. Right, self-esteem is I have 75% of knowledge in this area. I have 50% of knowledge in this area, but there's always a gap, there's always more. Right, there's always more. How's that New Year's resolution coming along? You know, the one you made about paying off your pesky credit card debt and finally starting to save your retirement? Well, you're not alone if you haven't made progress yet, roughly four in five New Year's

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Listen to season 8 of Family Secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. Boizman is seen as a very snotty city. People call it Boiz Angeles. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay.

A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newton and not lost as my new travel podcast where a friend and I go places, see the sights and try to finagle our way into a dinner party. We're kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out. I would love that but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers. I love the dogs.

We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm gonna die alone when I'm traveling, but I get to travel with someone I love. Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much. I love you too.

My life's a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love it. Listen to not lost on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. There's a quote from Maya Angelou that says, I've learned that I still have a lot to learn, right? And I love that quote because it's almost like the more we learn, the more we realize there is to learn

and you realize depths of topics, and you realize some people just know so much more, and you realize that someone, someone would know it from a different angle, like even if you're a PhD in something, like maybe someone can present it from a completely different angle that's fascinating and interesting,

and that's what I get excited by, right? So Ego says, I know everything, I know this, I've heard it before. Self-esteem says I can learn from anyone. I learned this part, but maybe there's more for me. And it has that curiosity. Ego drowns curiosity. Self-esteem grows curiosity, right?

Self-esteem wants to grow and learn and develop. It doesn't want to settle for pretending like it knows or assuming that it knows. That's what the ego does. The ego assumes or pretends so that ego isn't always pretending, right? It's not always pretentious. You don't have to be fake. It could just assume that you know and you switch off your ears and now you don't learn, right? You switch off your ears and now you don't learn. And often you don't ask questions either. Right? Often you don't ask questions either and that again has its own weakness. This is also the difference between the ego and self-esteem. The ego wants to prove itself. The ego wants to prove itself to everyone. It walks into the room and tries to prove itself, tries to prove itself. The ego wants to prove itself to everyone. It walks into the room

and tries to prove itself, tries to justify itself, tries to name drop itself, where self-esteem wants to express itself and share itself creatively and be itself for real, right? Not doing it to prove a point or to put forward a certain persona, but just be and express. Now, that's a bit harder to understand. It's like, oh, well, those kind of sound the same. Like, how do I know which one I'm doing? Like, sometimes maybe I have to in an interview. And therefore, it's contextual as well.

Like, in an interview, if you go in there and you just talk creatively, but you don't talk about your experience, you don't talk about the companies you've worked with, you don't talk about all of that, then you actually miss out, right? Then it actually becomes worse. And a lot of people end up in that situation where you try and become humble but you actually miss out on actually the role and what's being needed. In an interview, you need to talk about experience, you need to talk about past companies.

But then maybe when you're with your friends, do you need to prove yourself to your friends? When you're with your friends, do you just need to be yourself? Right, when your friends are talking about something, do you need to prove that you know more? Do you need to show that you know more? Or actually, are you quite happy just being yourself? So this is one that's contextually relevant.

And in an interview or someone like that, you need to put your best foot forward. Again, you don't wanna lie, you don't wanna manipulate, you need to put your best foot forward. Again, you don't want to lie, you don't want to manipulate, you don't want to say anything that's not true, but you want to be able to put your best foot forward. And with your friends, you just want to be able to be your best self. Another thing, the way the ego shows up, and that's really what I'm giving you here is indicators and signals to show you where the ego shows up. The ego compares yourself to others in your language and in your mind. And self-esteem compares you to yourself in your language and in your mind. You hear people say, oh, did you see

so and so? Didn't get a promotion? Oh my god, I just ended up getting the dream job I wanted. Or did you see that so and so just broke up? Like, I mean, I just don't understand how they did that. I mean, I managed to stay together, right? So you're justifying your growth, you're expressing your growth through someone else's demise or someone else's mistake or someone else's flaws. So you're justifying your growth, your success through someone else's failure. That's what the ego does.

The ego makes you feel better through someone else's mistake. The ego makes you feel better through someone else's supposed inferiority or a self-esteem compared to yourself. You'd be like, oh my god, you know, last year this time, I was struggling so hard, but now I'm so happy. Or you know, like last week I was going through this, I've just figured it out. Like, I'm so happy. Well, you know, like last week I was going through this, I've just figured it out. Like I'm so happy about it. Notice that in your language, are you comparing yourself to others

or are you comparing yourself to yourself? And I really think that when we go from saying, you know what, last year I was thinking about doing this podcast and now in law, and it's amazing and exciting, or the ego can be like, oh yeah, you know, all those other podcasts that have been out, you know,

and you start thinking along those lines or some people start thinking along the lines of like, oh yeah, you know, all those other podcasts that have been out, you know, and you start thinking along those lines or some people start thinking along the lines of like, oh yeah, I did this first time, that person didn't do it till their 10th time, that kind of language is ego. So that's a really good one to spot in ourselves. And all we want to do when we become aware of these is we're now gonna switch. Everything I'm giving you is switching from one to the other. So instead of comparing yourself to others, you're going to

compare yourself to yourself. Instead of, you know, instead of saying, I know everything or I've already heard this, you're going to say, actually, I'm going to learn from anyone. So you're just going to replace that internal dialogue. You're literally going to switch it for the other one that I'm giving you. And that's all you have to do. You have to notice and switch. Notice and switch. Notice and switch. You have to switch for something higher. Another thing that ego does in a crazy way that again stops us from growth is that it

pretends to be strong. The ego doesn't want to show weakness. The ego looks down upon weakness. The ego looks at weakness as a weakness, right? It looks at any weakness as a bad thing, whereas the self-esteem is okay to be vulnerable. The self-esteem is okay to say, I don't have it figured out, I want to learn,

I want to know, I don't understand. I'm confused, please help me. And that approach, we can see that in ourselves, if someone's talking to you, are you artificially putting up the front to be strong so that they perceive you as strong? Of course, it's different. If you've just lost someone in your life, or you have to be strong for someone. But then you also want to find a space where you can be vulnerable. You want to find a space where you can be open. You want to find a space where it is okay to be vulnerable and your truest self.

So notice that your self-esteem will never be scared of actually, you know, your self-esteem will never be scared of actually showing itself. Another one that really stands out is the ego is always scared about what will people say. And the self esteem goes and gets mentors from the expert, the mentorship from the experts. So the ego is worried about what everyone will say. Like, oh my god, should I post this video? Oh my god, what will everyone say? Should I post this picture? Oh my god, what will everyone say? Should I start this business? Oh my God, what will everyone say? Oh, should I start this business idea? What will everyone say? And it's worried about what everyone thinks

because it wants to be liked and please everyone. And that's setting ourselves up for failure because that's not possible. There is no one in the world that is liked and appreciated by everyone. There is just no one who fits that category. But the self esteem says, Hey, I can actually learn from a few people.

It doesn't matter what a few people say, but let me go and seek out that right advice. Let me go and find that advice so I can be really clear on where I'm growing. I can be clear on where I'm going. So again, you want to spot that. What are you doing in times of trouble? What are you doing in difficult times? Are you worrying about what people will say?

Or are you actually figuring out who to go to, to fill out what people say? Another one that where the ego really stands out is the ego. And I remember one of my teachers saying this before, the ego demands respect and self-esteem commands respect. What that means is when the ego is always looking for people to respect them,

it's always like, why didn't this person respect me? How do I get them to respect me? And the self-esteem naturally expresses itself and that commands respect because it's based on behavior, it's based on setting an example, it's based on learning, it's based on growing, right? It's not just thrown out there And I think this is a really really important one because I think so many of us are in that frame of mind

They're like, okay, how do I get someone to like me? How do I get someone to respect me? And actually that takes away all our energy from just being from being able to give to express our true selves to be creative To be exciting to be dynamic and that's where the energy needs to go because if you're dynamic creative to be exciting to be dynamic. And that's where the energy needs to go. Because if you're dynamic, you naturally attract respect. If you are setting a good example, I've good behavior, that attracts respect. You don't have to think about respect. And we see this so often that we get lost in trying to generate a response. And the energy goes in generating response rather than genuinely goes in generating response rather than genuinely living. Right, we're going to generating rather than genuine. You know, and I think that when you go into generating

or manufacturing a response, you lose that energy in that. And I'm trying to think of something that feels like that sometimes when you're manufacturing something, it's almost like when they first design a car, it's not being manufactured, it's being creatively inspired. And then once the idea comes, then they replace it on a manufacturing belt, right? But initially, it just has to be a genuine creation. And that's the same with respect that when you just do it genuinely, it becomes natural and then it repeats itself, but you can't manufacture it.

I don't even know if that's the best analogy, but hopefully it makes sense, right? Hopefully it gets across. Ego shows up as being self-centered and self-esteem is service-centered. It's service, self-care and service, whereas Ego, as we all know, is selfish. It's always like, what can I get out of this?

What am I gonna learn? You know, what am I gonna learn from this? It's never like, well, how can I get out of this? What am I gonna learn? You know, what am I gonna learn from this? It's never like, how can we all gain from this? What can I learn from everyone? What can I share with everyone? Actually, if I share more, will I learn more? Actually, if I asked the hard question, will everyone else ask hard questions?

Right, you start thinking and realizing that if I serve, I also gain, I also learn, I also develop. And self-esteem is really good at that. The ego is really bad at doing that. The ego is trying to take us away from them and just saying, no, it's all about you. It's all about you, it's all about you.

And when it's all about you, you end up alone. And I talk about this often, like if you're thinking, if everyone in the world was thinking about everyone else, then you'd have 7.9 billion people thinking about you. But if you only think about yourself, and if everyone only thought about themselves, you've got one person thinking about you, right? And so you notice how different it is straight away. A great example of this is I was watching this movie. It's a Bollywood movie called Gold, and it's based on the Indian hockey team.

And at one point, the Indian hockey team was having a lot of infighting in and amongst themselves. They were arguing, they were debating. It was all, you know, bravado, ego, executive, what we're talking about right now. There's lots of ego in the camp. And so the coach decided to do something really effective. The coach had bricks on one side of the running track. And he said to them,

I want you all to grab the bicks and move them to the other side. So they all did, they all grabbed two bricks each and started running to the other side. So all of these players grabbed two bricks each, started running to the other side, ran back, grabbed two more bicks, ran to the other side, and they were tired by the time they got it to the other side. And when they got it to the other side, he said, okay, go and take it the other way again.

And they were like, wow, why do you want us to do that again? But anyway, the coach said do it again. So again, they grabbed two bricks each and started running to the other side. They grabbed two bricks each and started running to the other side. And each of them running back and forth, running back and forth to get all of these bricks onto the other side. And again, they were exhausted. The coach said

they're just not learning. They're just not learning. Now, you may be confused as well. What are they learning? They're doing it right. And the coach said, okay, do it once more. Do it again. Now, this time, one of them ran towards the bricks and said, look, look, look, I think we're getting it all wrong. I think we're running out of energy and we're getting exhausted. Is there another way we can running out of energy and we're getting exhausted. Is there another way we can do this? They now formed an assembly line across the running track and they passed bricks to each other in a line

handing them off to each other, passing them side-by-side, all of them in a uniform line, passing it side-by-side-by-side. And now none of them are running around. None of them are exhausted. They were all helping each other. And they accomplished the task in less time. That's the difference between self-centered

and service-centered. Self-centered goes, I can carry timbricks. I'm gonna run all the way. I'm gonna do it myself. Service-centered goes, we can all achieve more when we're working together. And it's so important that we've realized that in the workspace and we share these stories in the workspace because that's sometimes

where it's hardest. We're all trying to prove ourselves. We're all trying to get promoted. And there is a reason why you need to build a personal relationship with your manager, et cetera, for them to understand you know you, but with your colleagues, you want to build this for long term success. Or you want to build this for long term growth as a team. And now this is where ego sometimes works the opposite way for us. So sometimes that ego kind of does the opposite where we start saying things like everything bad happens to me. Like I'm in the worst situation, right? Like no one's situation can be worse than me.

So just as ego can make you feel like you're the best, Like no one's situation can be worse than me. So just as ego can make you feel like you're the best, ego also competes. So ego competes on best and worst. That's the crazy thing. Right, ego's not only competing like I'm the best, I'm number one on the top. Ego also competes on being the worst.

And I think that's what's fascinating about it. So if someone goes to you like, oh my God, I'm having a really tough time at work and you're like, you have no idea. I'm having the toughest time at work, right? That's ego as well. Or if someone says, oh my God, I've having a really tough time at work. And you're like, you have no idea. I'm having the toughest time at work, right? That's ego as well. If someone says, oh my God, I've just been through the worst breakup and you're like, no breakup can be worse than my breakup.

Right? If you hear that, that's also ego when we're trying to put forward the fact that we've been through the worst or the most or the, you know, whatever it may be. And we recognize that self-esteem is letting someone share what their pain is and genuinely sharing hours without trying to make one seem worse or more worse or better than the other. So self-esteem acknowledges that people have different experiences at different times,

people have different tolerances, people have different situations, and it stops from judging. So so often are ego wins because of so many of these little things. And what I wanted to share with you in this podcast is I wanted you to start reflecting on how you can start spotting ego earlier and replacing it with self-esteem thoughts. That's the only process. You have to spot and you have to replace. You have to notice and you have to replace. We have to substitute. The bug would need to talk about the higher taste where you can only give up the lower habits for higher habits.

And so this lower habit of ego can only be upgraded by a higher habit of self-esteem. So similarly, you don't just trade in your phone for no phone. Like, we need a phone. You're not just going to trade in your ego for nothing, because you need some sort of model of thought and some sort of pattern of thought. So you're only going to upgrade it. So I want you to try this out. I want you to pick just one way. This week, just focus on noticing, right? This week, just focus on noticing and maybe start that tally board as well. I'd love for you to try that tally board in your home of your ego versus your self-esteem

and give it a point each side. It's fun. It starts becoming funnier. Like you stop judging yourself and you start realizing these are just patterns of thought. These are just habits. You're not a bad wolf, right? You're not a bad wolf or a good wolf. You just have patterns of thought that aren't serving you and you want to switch them and

upgrade them. Just as you upgrade your phone, you want to upgrade your thoughts. So I wanted to check this out, share the lesson that really stood out. I love this episode. I hope you've gained a lot from it as well. Make sure you subscribe, rate, and review. It means the world to me when you do that and share this with a friend. Thank you so much for listening. I'll see you again next week.

Take care and thank you for listening to On Purpose. So this is just a little bit of fun. I love recommending great podcasts to you and more importantly, great people. And I'm so excited that my good friend Sophia Bush has launched their own podcast called Work in Progress. I love the name because we're all works in progress. And I had the pleasure of being one of her upcoming episodes and we genuinely had such an amazing discussion. It lasted almost two hours. She asked me some great questions and you'll hear some answers that I don't think I've ever shared before. And in addition to me, she's talked to everyone from KT Curric, to Chelsea Handler and many, many more. And it's awesome to hear so many great conversations that she's leading. So be sure to check out work in progress and I think you're gonna love it. Thank you so much for listening through to the end

of that episode. I hope you're gonna share this all across social media. Let people know that you're subscribed to on purpose. Let me know, post it, tell me what a difference it's making in your life. I would love to see your thoughts. I can't wait for this incredibly conscious community we're creating of purposeful people. You're now a part of the tribe, a part of the squad. Thank you for being here. I can't wait to share the next episode with you. The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make

to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care. I am Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. This season, we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you. Each week, you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gas lighting, love bombing, and their process of healing.

Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. The one you feed explores how to build a fulfilling life amidst the challenges we face. We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers, offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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