On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 11 Principles for Love I've Learned about Love for 2022

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

Do you want to meditate daily with me? Go to go.calm.com/onpurpose to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay. Only on CalmWhat makes a good partner? Are you doing your part in making the relationship work? Do you see yourself being in a relationship with the person you are with now for years to come? If so, have you found the right blend of love, understanding, and communication to make it last?In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty discusses the principles of love we ought to learn and practice for a harmonious and worth keeping relationship this year.     Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/ Key Takeaways:00:00 Intro03:09 Are soulmates real?06:46 Principle #1: A relationship only works If both people are working on it10:39 Principle #2: Relationships are a classroom, not a candy shop13:28 Principle #3: Be playful but don’t play mind games16:37 Principle #4: Making someone feel bad does make them become good18:37 Principle #5: You have to learn about the person again and again21:40 Principle #6: Work on a relationship priority together every month23:15 Principle #7: Any recurring issues, solve them for the long term23:57 Principle #8: Prepare your partner for your mood swings25:01 Principle #9: Don't make them work through your trauma, work on it yourself 25:42 Principle #10: Focus on how you can compliment your partner26:26 Principle #11: Recognized what they bring into the relationship   Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Louis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender and visible things we don't usually talk about?

I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by stellar guests like Abbermote, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. I am Jan Levan Zant, and I'll be your host for The R-Spot.

Each week listeners will call me live to discuss their relationship issues. Nothing will tear a relationship down faster than two people with no vision. There's y'all are just floppin' around like fish out of water. Mommy, daddy, your ex, I'll be talking about those things and so much more. Check out the R-Spot on the iHeart video app Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to podcasts. You're going to meet someone and that someone is going to come with all their flaws, their baggage, their challenges, their trauma.

But it is up to you and that person to figure out whether you're willing to do that work in order to make that person a soulmate, in order to make that person the one. Hey everyone, welcome back to on purpose the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. Now January was our biggest month of all time listens on the podcast. Thanks to each and every one of you. It's amazing.

We were literally at number five in the US, always in the top 10 to 15 in the whole world across categories. And that's because of each and every single one of you that keep coming back. And it means the world to me that we're only growing. We're only meeting more people. We're only connecting with more of you and you're sharing it and you're spreading this and you're passing it onto your friends. And this week I bumped into a few of you at a premiere and I was just blown away by just the love and the genuineness. If you ever see me anywhere, please, please, please,

come and say hello, please come and give me a big hug. I mean, on purpose of this point is family, is community and so thank you to each and every single one of you. Now, Monday is Valentine's Day. I had to do an episode dedicated to love and today's episode is about the 11 principles I've learned about love for 2022. These are new principles, ideas that I've been grappling with, things I've been thinking about. And if you're someone who's been working on your

relationship recently, if you're someone who's looking for love this year, if you're someone who's coming out of a breakup or coming out of a tough situation, I definitely want you to listen to this episode and pass it on to a friend who may actually need some of the insight and advice some of the insight and advice that's inside this particular session. So let's get going right away. Now, recently, I was doing a few interviews, sharing my exciting new partnership and collaboration with Kahn. I've joined as the Chief Purpose Officer, I'm an equity owner, I'm guiding the company from a Chief Purpose officer point of view.

And I was doing some interviews with people that I'd connected with digitally over the pandemic, but never met. And one of those people was Drew Barrymore. And Drew Barrymore is an absolute dream. She was amazing. Her energy in person was even more incredible than it's been over messaging and texting and DMing and I'm so grateful that I finally got to meet her and I went on her show in New York

and in the show they do this segment where they react to news headlines so they'll take headlines from the news and then me and her and everyone else we have to react to these new headlines. Now one of the news headlines really got me thinking, the headline was, are soulmates real, right? Are soulmates real? And the first thing that came to my mind, which I said in the interview, was that I believe that a soulmate is a mate that helps you find your soul. And therefore, I think we have lots of soulmates at different times in our life

that directly or indirectly help us find parts of our soul. And this really got me thinking about this concept of soulmate and where it comes from. Now, I was reading a great article which was looking at a Marist poll and it was saying that 73% of Americans believe in SOMETs and more men than women believe that they're destined to find their one true SOMET. Male 74% and female 71% and 79% of people younger than 45 believe in soulmates while only 69% of those over 45 do. Now I don't know if this is surprising to you, I don't know if you look at that and go, yeah, that makes sense. That's exactly what I think.

Because the reason I thought that was fascinating is I realized that it's a really popular concept to believe in some it's to believe that there is someone ideally suited to you as a romantic partner. And I think that that idea, like many ideas, has certain positives, but it also has certain negatives. It has pros and cons. And in this episode, I want to dissect that as I share with you these 11 principles. When I look at this through the lens of wisdom, one of the things that's fascinating to me is that in traditions, especially Eastern traditions that value the role of karma

and reincarnation, the idea that we have multiple lives and therefore throughout those multiple lives we may meet and reconnect with several people that we've connected within the past for the benefit of transformation, purification and growth. If we don't learn a lesson, learn a principle, we're often brought into similar scenarios or settings where we can reconnect with that meaning, with that lesson, with that growth. Soulmates in that sense are people that are connected to us throughout our lifetimes that keep reoccurring for us to learn certain principles, for us to have said in growth periods, for us to go on certain journeys. But I think today we've oversimplified the version of a SOMA is just being this perfect

person that exists just for us. And while it is true that you can construct and build and grow a relationship, to believe that there is only one person who is already, this is where my challenge with this idea comes from, is that we believe that there is someone already ideally suited. I believe that there are people who are ideally suited to work with, to grow with, but to believe that there is already someone ideally suited with no work. That's where I struggle with the concept. So when I share these ideas today, what they really are is

you're going to meet someone and that someone is going to come with all their flaws, their baggage, their challenges, their trauma, but it is up to you and that person to figure out whether you're willing to do that work in order to make that person a soulmate, in order to make that person the one. So this is really about that part of the journey because that's often the part of the journey that we want to miss. The first one is a relationship only works if both people are working on it. Now that doesn't mean that you're working on it at the same time, but both people have to sign up

to work for the relationship. Now it's important that when I say this, that you notice people work for the relationship in different ways, not everyone is working on it in the same way as you. For example, you may be someone who's turning up and solving problems, putting out fires for the relationship. The other person might be preparing, planning, scheduling. So notice how you're both prioritizing the relationship,

but one is preparing for challenges, preparing for scenarios, and the other one is putting out fires, which one's more important. I mean, that's just a subjective debate. The truth is that both people are working on the relationship, but they're working on it in different ways. And this is often our mistake as humans is that we're looking for people to work on things the way we work on them.

And when they don't work on things the way we work on them, we think they're not working. Right? Imagine you just bought a new piece of furniture from IKEA or IKEA, I don't know how you say it here in the UK we say IKEA. And you're putting this piece of furniture together. And one of you is going through all the instructions, one of you is putting it

all together, etc, etc, etc. But the other person is not doing that, but they put the order in. They went and picked it up. They are someone who's planning the next thing for the next room. Now, the person who's actually putting it together make feel like they're doing all the work, but the other person's also working on a different part, a different way. So when you ask yourself the question, are we both working on this relationship? Take a moment to notice how someone's working.

Because often when people are not working like us, we feel they're not working at all. And that is one of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships where we say, you're not working on this relationship, you're not helping build this relationship, you're not constructive in this relationship. But actually they are just in a different way. Everyone brings something different to a relationship and that's what makes it special. That's really truly what makes it special. I wanna share with you the biggest news of the year.

How many of you want to meditate? I can see your heads nodding, I can see you raising your hands, I can see you saying, yes, Jay, I really want to learn to meditate. How many of you would like to learn to meditate with me every single day? Now I already know what the answer is because I know how many messages, DMs, reviews, notes that I get saying, Jay, I'd love to meditate with you. Last year we took meditation to Instagram and I meditated for around 40 days live

and 20 million of you tuned in. Now, I am taking that same focus, that same presence, to calm. I've partnered up with calm to release a new series called The Daily J, where you can meditate with me every single day for seven minutes to make it a real habit. I would love for you to come and join me and take part in building a really powerful meditation practice and guess what, we're going to do it together. Head over right

now to calm.com forward slash J to get 40% off a premium membership that's calm.com forward slash J. to get 40% off a premium membership that's calm.com forward slash J. I had this beautiful opportunity this week. I was contacted by Jennifer Lopez, who of course we've had on the podcast before and her team. And they asked me to be a part of her special on NBC for the movie Marry Me. So their movie's awesome. I just went to the premier who's absolutely fantastic. I love a feel good romcom. I genuinely do. I have a long list of my favorites, everything from how to lose a guy in 10 days to he's just not that into you to think like a man and the list goes on and Radeen, I absolutely love romcoms and we're always like, why can't we have more

romcoms in the world? So, you know, I loved watching the movie, Mariamy. But along with that, because she wrote and sang the whole soundtrack, she launched a special premiere, which is a music concert with her and Maluma for NBC. And on that, she asked me to speak about love and also to officiate the weddings of four people as part of the special.

Now, these four people's stories brought his to my eyes. And literally all of us, as we were officiating this wedding, we were all in tears because one of the couples, they've been together for 50 years and they were renewing their vows. And I was just blown away. I mean, I'm inspired by them. And then another couple, one of them had asked the man,

had asked the woman out in the relationship when they were 11 years old. And she said no because she thought they were too young. And now 11 years ago, they got engaged and now they got married. And there was another couple, Matt and Bruno, who asked me if they could exchange rings. And I was just like, look, this is your wedding.

I wanted to have the most special wedding. Why am I sharing all these examples with you? Because I've been immersed in love this week. And as I was speaking, I love that day. I spoke about love based on this second principle. That relationships are a classroom, not a candy shop. This is a really interesting mindset shift that the commitment we're making when we commit to love is to choose love over ego, to choose love over challenges, to

choose love over everything. That's the commitment you're making is, can you choose love? And relationships are a classroom for love, not a candy shop, because a candy shop means I just wanna have fun, I just want pleasure. And if you view your relationship as just another way to get pleasure, you may be very dissatisfied or discontent because that seeking for pleasure is dissatisfying in and of itself because now you just seek more pleasure and more pleasure and more pleasure. The pursuit of pleasure is a never ending pursuit and relationships are actually designed for purification,

for unlocking your potential, for helping you discover your purpose, much more powerful groundbreaking, beautiful things, but we like just make me happy, give me pleasure, give me pleasure. And when you walk in and say, give me pleasure, that person now has to be like a candy shop but they just keep trying to give you pleasure, but you don't work on deeper aspects.

So why are relationships about a classroom? Because they're purifying. Relationships purify you of all your negative intentions of all your selfish desires because you have to think about someone else. You have to work on yourself. It's forcing you to grow up. It's forcing you to grow up. It's forcing you to take responsibility. You've been dodging and avoiding responsibility.

All of a sudden, you have someone in your life, and you really, really have to show up. You really have to show up. In the 1680s, a feisty opera singer burned down a nunnery and stole away with her secret lover. In 1810, a pirate queen negotiated her cruise way to total freedom, with all their loot. During World War II, a flirtatious gambling double agent

helped keep D-Day a secret from the Germans. What are these stories having common? They're all about real women who were left out of your history books. If you're tired of missing out, check out the Womanica podcast, a daily women's history podcast highlighting women you may not have heard of, but definitely should know about. I'm your host Jenny Kaplan, and for me, diving into these stories is the best part of my day.

I learned something new about women from around the world and leave feeling amazed, inspired, and sometimes shocked. Listen on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Romani, and I am back with season 2 of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. Narcissists are everywhere, and their toxic behavior in words can cause serious harm to your mental health. In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte, who was loved by the Tinder Swindler. The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me, but he cannot be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money he took.

But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I know how to identify the narcissists in your life. Each week, you will hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and the process of their healing from these relationships.

Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives, those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends,

and most importantly, ourselves. We chat about things like what to do when a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation

every Wednesday. Listen to the Therapy for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. The second reason that it's about potential is because relationships help you realize things about yourself that you didn't even know. Relationships help you learn lessons that you would never learn, because now you're spending so much deep intimate time with someone, your flaws come out, your mistakes come out, those would never come out if you're on your own. And finally, they're also about purpose because you get the opportunity to share this journey with someone. But all of this is only unlocked when we

don't just seek pleasure. We have to seek more than pleasure from a relationship for it to be pleasurable. How fascinating is that concept, right? Just wrap your head around that for a second. When you seek pleasure, it almost runs away from you. When you seek purpose, when you seek potential, when you seek purification, pleasure comes towards you because pleasure is a byproduct of putting in the work. It is not meant to be a pursuit in and of itself. And that is where we go wrong. Now, the third principle is be playful,

but don't play mind games. Playfulness is so important, but I still find so many people saying, well, he's not messaging me. She's not messaging me. He's not asked me out. They've not asked me out. They haven't made the first move. If you're interested, make the move and observe. If the person doesn't reciprocate, move on.

Make the move and move forward or move on. If you don't make the move, you're constantly kidding yourself to figure out where this person stands with you. Right? Make the move and then you have two choices. You move forward because you like the way the other person responds All you move on now we don't do that because our ego makes us think we're weak if we make the move

But actually we both strength when we make the move because we build confidence in Where is this going we're now in charge of our destiny because we're saying this is something I'm interested in of our destiny because we're saying this is something I'm interested in. Let me display that interest and if the interest is not reciprocated I can move on freely. But if you're just waiting you may waste time. If you're just waiting you just spend time hoping wishing wanting waiting which just drains energy and actually takes away from that relationship. Be playful, but don't play mind games. Right? Be playful. It's important to have fun.

It's important to create joy, but the mind games destroy the authenticity of a connection. And I see too many people who don't think they're playing mind games. Like, you're like, I'm not playing any games. I'm just, you know, I'm just making sure that they're interested in me. But it's like, let's just display how we feel as opposed to hoping, wishing, wanting, waiting. When are they going to do this? When are they going to do that?

So much time and energy is wasted in that hope. The fourth principle is making someone feel bad does not make them be good, but might make them act good. Let me repeat that one. This is huge. Making someone feel bad does not make them become good, but it might make them act good. So I used to believe that if someone wasn't responding to me, if I made them feel really bad, then that would make them change. If they felt bad about it, if I made them feel guilty, then that would make them grow.

And actually I realized I actually pushed, and even with Rady, I often did this with Rady, I would make a feel guilty if I wasn't happy. And then she just didn't feel she could do anything to make me happy. So there were times when she would actually hold back because she was like, well, he's not going to be happy with anything. So I'll just play it safe. And to me, that looked like she was putting an even less effort. But I realized that making someone feel bad does not make them become good. It might make them act good like people start pretending. People start trying to make you happy. And now you think they're being in authentic. If someone's letting you down, if someone is not according to your standards or what you need or you're looking for, communicate that without guilt,

communicate that without judgment, communicate that without expectation because we don't change because of judgment, guilt, and expectation. We change because of love, clarity, and communication, right? We don't change because of judgment, guilt, and expectation. We change because of clarity,

openness, and communication. Remember this next time you share something because it's so easy to try and make someone feel bad, hoping that that will make them be good, but they'll just act good. They'll tip toe around you. Maybe they'll last a few more months, but it won't be satisfying. No one wants someone around them that's acting good, that's on their best behavior, or not in school. That's a huge one. Principle number five, you have to learn about this person

again and again and again. Remember when you meet someone new and you ask them things like What's your favorite cuisine? Where would you like to travel? What did you want to be when you grew up? Right? You asked these questions and you have fantastic conversations and there's chemistry and this interest and now you've been dating for a long time and You already know the answer to those questions. I hope maybe you do, but you've stopped learning new things about the same person. I was recently on a podcast with Demi Lavada where she interviewed me and I said to her, I don't think there's any new ideas. I think there are only deeper ones.

And this approach to me is how we have to solve relationships. You're not going to get to know a new person if you're committed to a person in love, but you can always know them deeper. And this is partly why infidelity cheating moving on is so attractive because you're getting to know someone new again until they become old and when they become old, you want to move on to someone new because we're fascinated by newness, right? We're addicted to newness. There's something about the new phone,

the new TV show, the new season, the new outfits, the new person in their life. Newness is a natural phenomena for humans to be attracted to and we need to use that as a trick of the mind. We have to use that. We can't ignore that. I can't tell you. No, no, no, just be fascinated with the old. Just be fascinated with what you already know, because that's not how we're wired, we're wired to be attracted to new things. That's the way we're built, right? Because

it's what helped us adapt. It's what's kept us relevant. It's what kept us alive. So keeping something alive in our relationship means seeking the new and the depth in the old. I talk about this experience in my book Think Like A Monk when as monks we would walk down the same path every day and we were asked to find a new flower or a new stone or notice a new part in nature. And I'm not kidding with you. I discovered so many interesting shapes, stones, discovered so many amazing flowers that I would never have noticed before. And I started to realize that the same old path could be new, beautifully extraordinary.

To look for the extraordinary within the ordinary, to look for the uniqueness in the sameness is a skill that we have to develop in our relationships. I find that I'm discovering new things about Rady all the time. And that's what makes me fall in love with her again and again and again. Right? It's like, I don't love Rady for the same reasons today as I did when I first met her. I'd say I love her for deeper reasons. Right?

That's how love gets deeper. When you say, has your love got deeper? It's got deeper, not because of more time. It's not got deeper because of more years, it's got deeper because I love her for more depth about her. Right? I've learned newer things, I've learned deeper things about her that make me fall in love with her more. Now this is number six. This is a very practical thing, up to now, I've been talking about mindset shifts and changes, but this is a really practical one. Work on a relationship priority together every month.

So you may say, this month we're working on our communication. We're going to try and be kind and empathetic. You may say, this month we're going to try and work on our routine. We're going to try and go to sleep in bed at the same time because we wanna spend that time together. This month, we're focusing on date night. So what you start doing is you almost create a plan and a priority for your relationship

rather than trying to do all of the, most of the time, we're like, okay, this, we gotta do date night this week, and we gotta connect, and we gotta communicate, and we gotta spend time with our friends, and we gotta host dinners. No. One thing per month, 12 things a year.

This month we're focused on our finances. This month we're focused on our personal growth. I mean personal growths are always. This month we're focused on understanding new things about each other. This month we're focused on trying new experiences together. Take on a project every month like you do at work. I promise you, if you approach it in that way,

you plan your four weekends out, you've got four events to plan, to focus on it that month, and break it down that way. And you will notice that that priority, that project, that plan creates so much excitement. So this is the month we're focusing on our communication. All we're trying to do is be kind when we communicate.

What a beautiful thing to focus on. One of the things that I've loved about relationships is when you're working on something together because then you feel you're growing together rather than being in the same place. The next one is any recurring issues, solve them for the long term. If you and your partner keep messing up on something, stop trying to solve it in the same way together. You may need to outsource it. You may need to bring someone in. You may

need to invest a little bit together to get rid of it. Like if something keeps going wrong, you need to figure out a way of dealing with it. So both of you are not having to deal with it. And there are lots of simple adjustments you can make to make that change happen. So if you see a recurring issue, figure out a way to create a long term solution because obviously both of you are not able to do it.

Now what happens is that those things often amplify and become huge. The next one is prepare your partner for your mood swings. We all know when we're going to have a tough week. We all know when we're going to be unreachable, but we're carrying the guilt. And instead of explaining it, we just hope we're gonna be good. I'll always tell Riley, rather I've got a really busy week coming up, I'm gonna be really like stressed

and I've got a lot of pressure on. So just be mindful when you check in with me, just know that that's where I'm coming from, right? Or like, hey, if you message me today, just know that I'm in meetings and so my message is maybe short. This is a really good technique for your own self as well because you start cutting yourself some slack

because you're like, okay, I know I'm gonna feel this way. And if I inform my partner now we both know and I've prepared my partner for my mood swings rather than them being surprised than thinking it's about them. Rather than me being surprised and trying to hold it all together, sometimes you're like, oh my God, I'm just trying to be the most perfect person even though I'm dealing with all this

pressure, rather than just saying top on it, hey, I am under pressure. And I may communicate this way and I just want you to be aware that it's not about you. I'm working on it. And I'm figuring it out. Prepare your partner for your mood swings. Next one, don't make them work through your trauma. Work on it yourself and be patient as they do theirs. Your trauma and your challenges, they can support you, they can be patient, but it is you who has to work through it. And often we're like, my partner's not doing this, my partner's not doing that. And usually it's because we're not doing it.

We're not making the time for it. And that guilt is rubbing off onto our partners. So yes, our partner is going to be patient with us, stay through the pain, but it's so important for you to do that work on yourself. And that's why you're here. That's where you listen to on purpose, right? And we've got so many more exciting therapists, coaches, experts, academics coming on to the show this year that I cannot wait to share with you. The next one is focus on how you can complement not compete or complete your partner. A lot of couples end up competing.

Competition means there's a winner and a loser. A lot of couples try to complete each other. We're trying to be perfect. It doesn't exist. Complement both in words, but complement in what you bring. When you compete, you're trying to be the same person. When you complete, you're trying to be everything. When you compliment, you're trying to be you.

Think about that for a second. Complimenting means noticing the beauty, your relationship, and your partner brings, noticing the beauty your relationship and your partner brings, noticing the beauty you bring, not trying to be perfect and not trying to win. And the final one is recognize what they bring to the relationship, not just what they take. Take a moment today to notice what this person brings to the relationship, what they do for you and tell them they probably don't hear it enough.

I'm so grateful you listened to today's episode. Thank you so much for diving in. Tag me and let me know which is the best one for you, which is the one that's going to have the most impact. And I'll see you again next week. Have a great one. We're adding something new this year. I'm calling them calm moments.

I'm going to give you special access to an episode of the Daily J. The Daily J is a seven minute daily meditation habit that's on calm. I'm giving you a sneak peek into what you'll experience if you come over and get 40% of a premium membership at calm.com forward slash J. I can't wait for you to experience this calm moment. Let's do it now. Today's goal is to get back in touch with the most essential thing in the world. Now I'm not talking about your Instagram account. I'm talking about inhales and exhales, breathing life. These next seven minutes are about you, your breath and

how it can be used to manage your emotions. I'm Jay Shetty, welcome to the Daily J. And let's begin with that breath. Let's get centered. Big breath in. And big breath out. How about going even a little bigger this time? In. And out. One more. And out we go. The breath is the foundation of life. Yet how often do we take it for

granted? Going about our days, forgetting that everything we do is possible because our body just continues to breathe. There's actually a way to be mindful of your breath. To think about it differently, that can transform your life. It's something I learned on my very first day of monk school. I was kind of in between my old life and my new one. I was in an ashram in Mumbai, committed to becoming a monk, but I hadn't yet started down the path. I shaved my head, but I wasn't yet wearing my robes. I felt like a fish out of water. I'm sure I looked like a fish out of water. But this was where I wanted to be,

and my curiosity outweighed my anxiety. So, I was wandering down the long hallway of the main building, past classrooms on either side, and I came across a child monk, teaching a group of younger kids. It was incredible. He must have been like 10 years old and his students were like five. I observed them for a while from a distance, and I noticed that the teacher had this incredible aura about him, a sense of poise and confidence way beyond his years. When the class was over, I went up to him and asked what he had just taught his students.

Turns out it was their first class ever. He explained that the first thing they had taught is how to breathe, because that's the only thing that stays with you from the moment you're born till the moment you die. All your friends, your family, the country you live in, all of that can change. The one thing that stays with you is your breath. It's also an indicator of your emotional state. When you get stressed, what changes? Your breath. When you get angry, what changes? Your breath.

As he told it, we experience every emotion with the change of the breath. When you learn to manage your breath, you can navigate any situation in life. Wow, I was mind-blown. I had meditated before and I had some vague understanding of the power of the breath, but I had never heard it articulated like that. How often do we get worked up, losing ourselves in spirals of negative thoughts or emotions. How often do we spring into action or really reaction without any idea of our end goal? How often do we say things we don't want to say or do things we don't want to do? Fortunately, a few deep mindful breaths can always help reset your system and regulate

your fight or flight response, allowing you to make decisions with more composure and clarity. And with our final couple minutes together, let's put these lessons into practice. Let's breathe. So get comfortable wherever you are, settling into your body and into this moment. Letting go of any tension. Sometimes I like to roll my shoulders a little or stretch my neck. Close your eyes if you want or leave them open. This is your experience. and let's take a deeper breath here, fully in and fully out. Now just breathe as you would naturally. No focus, no force. And gently try bringing your attention to the specific sensations of breathing,

feeling the core, fresh air entering your nostrils on an inhale, feeling the body expand with oxygen. Feeling the sense of release when you exhale all the way. And now let's open it up. As you go through your day, maybe you can find little in-between moments to bring this type of attention to your breath, like waiting for your tea to boil, or even just tying your shoes. Going forward, when you start to lose control, try pausing for a second and taking a few deep breaths before reacting. I promise you this will make a genuine impact. Now before we say goodbye, let's take one more conscious breath together.

Inhaling gratitude for the life force that sustains us. And exhaling a thank you for always being there. I really hope you enjoyed today's experience. I'm grateful you chose to spend time with me, and I cannot wait to see you tomorrow. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender and visible things we don't usually talk about?

I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look, everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by Stellar, Gas like Abbermote, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply Well podcast, where we hold conscious conversations

with leaders and radical healers and wellness, around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your well-being journey. Deeply well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste. The world of chocolate has been turned upside down. A very unusual situation. You saw this taxocasional in office. Chocolate comes from the cacao tree and recently Variety's cacao thought to have been lost centuries ago were rediscovered in the Amazon. There is no chocolate on earth like this.

Now some chocolate makers are racing deep into the jungle to find the next game-changing chocolate, and I'm coming along. Okay, that was a very large crack it up. Listen to obsessions while chocolate on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.