On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 2 Dating Mistakes You Unknowingly Do & 5 Ways to Overcome Communication Blocks with Special Guests Rayna Greenberg and Ashley Hesseltine

Episode Date: March 10, 2023

Today, I’m speaking to Rayna Greenberg and Ashley Hesseltine who share their thoughts on dating and relationships. They take turns in talking about their best and worst dates, the general struggles most women have while dating, how to get through a difficult breakup - the do’s and don’ts - and the subtle dating red flags that are often missed.  Rayna and Ashley of the "Girls Gotta Eat" podcast. The podcast was launched in 2017 and has since become a popular destination for listeners who enjoy discussions about dating, relationships, sex, and women's experiences in these areas. Each episode features the two hosts discussing their personal experiences, sharing dating and relationship advice, and answering listener questions. The podcast is known for its humorous and relatable approach to these topics, as well as its frank and honest conversations. In addition to offering advice, the hosts also interview guests who are experts in various aspects of dating, relationships, and sex, such as therapists, sex educators, and relationship coaches. Overall, "The Girls Gotta Eat" is a lively and entertaining podcast that provides a unique perspective on the ups and downs of dating and relationships for women.You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.What We Discuss:00:00 Intro02:18 Rayna and Ashley talk about settling into LA and what’s been going on for them since moving in.04:09 What defines a good date?06:32 Many relationships may be great on the phone, but some don’t work after meeting up.  15:41 How do you manifest your dream date and what can you bring into the relationship?22:00 Success can be intimidating and this is why it's challenging to date when you’re successful.27:24 The early mistakes we make when dating and how to avoid them.29:25 This is why our happiness shouldn’t depend on other people and start learning to enjoy every moment in our life. 32:16 Common practices of happy couples and why they work so well. 35:16 Rayna and Ashley share their thoughts on lovers becoming friends and vice versa.39:11 How do you deal with a breakup?45:00 The hidden messages many of us don’t see that often leads to the relationship breakup.47:01 Pay attention to these commonly missed red flags because not all relationships are the same.51:19 Having children is a choice, Rayna and Ashley share their stance on the topic.59:58 What options do we have when we’re at the end of our lives?01:03:24 Girls Gotta Eat on Final FiveEpisode ResourcesGirls Gotta Eat | WebsiteGirls Gotta Eat | YouTubeGirls Gotta Eat | InstagramWant to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The One You Feed explores how to build a fulfilling life admits the challenges we face. We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nunehm.

I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bond-vivant, but mostly a human just trying to figure out what it's all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things. It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand it, I try to get invited to a local's house for dinner. Where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover. And a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books.

You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. You just get blindsided broke up with out of the blue and he's like you did you do this you do that and you're like why didn't you tell me when those things were happening because feedback is important. Hey everyone, welcome back to on-purpose number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. And I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out. And I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book. For

you to listen to this book, I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to EightRulesOfLove.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour. Love rules. Go to jsheddytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more.

I can't wait to see you this year. And so I've been loving learning from anyone who has insights, tips, tricks about dating, about love, about relationships. And today's guests are going to give us a lot of that. I'm talking about the incredible podcasters behind Girls Got A Eat, a top comedy podcast about dating, intimacy, and relationships hosted by Ashley Hasselstein and Rainer Greenberg. Rainer and Ashley candidly discuss any and all dating related topics ranging from fetishes to finances and bring in regular guests including therapists, comedians, doctors and authors. Most recently, Rainer and Ashley have launched a new company and I'm so excited to interview

them right now. The company is called VibeZone Lee, and they're in the studio right now. Ashley and Rayna, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much. It was such a lovely intro. Thank you so much. Lovely interview.

You're so great interviewing. Rayna does our intro, so she really gets off on what actions are really good. Wait till we flip in, we get to hype for your love language. I'm gonna be like number one So thank you for having us for so excited. No, I'm so excited as I said my whole team a huge fans Anyone that I told I was gonna see you today. They were like oh my gosh. No way please say hello So there was so much energy for us to be together and I've definitely felt like I've been trying to do more and more of this

Where and and I think we'll see this when we post about it and talk about it. I mean, trying to sit down with people that people don't expect me to sit down with, and that people don't expect to sit down with me. And I think that's what creates this like really beautiful synergy in getting to know people. So I want to get to know you both today. I also want all your advice, because my audience is constantly looking for advice and tips and tricks. But I want to start off with just by saying,

how's your day been so far? What have you been up to today? Anything fun? Driving through the hills of all the way, taking a tour. No, we just moved here. I mean, I say move loosely, but we're going to be here for a few months,

maybe permanently. So just congrats. Made a new part of LA and meeting you. And we were, we actually have had a pretty exciting day workwise. We booked some really fun stuff with interviews. We have to go back to New York for some things. And it's been a good day. Yeah, for planning our next leg of our tour,

we went to London, where you're from, so we're really excited to go there. We'll announce that soon. Yeah, so we did a lot of really fun stuff because we're releasing really fun things for Valentine's Day for our intimacy company. Yes, exactly. I love it. I love it. It's been a great day. Oh my God. Really good. a lot of really fun stuff because we're releasing really fun things for Valentine's Day for our intimacy company. Yes. Exactly.

I love it. It's been a great day. Oh my God. Really good. Where are you staying right now? You said you're in a good area. Was there specifically where you're staying? I'm in West Hollywood and Reina is, she can speak for a cell, but she's in Venice.

Yeah. I love Venice. Yeah. The first time I made my wife came here for work, we stayed in Burbank and my wife was just like, oh my gosh, there's nothing to do in LA because we thought Burbank was LA. And then the second time we came, we stayed in West Hollywood and my husband said, oh, this is cool, I can go to the gym, I can get creation. And then by the third time she was like, okay, yeah, we can move there. So it took a good process. It's a hard city to know. And I came here so many times. It's just, I feel like

most cities we go to, like Charleston or Austin or Chicago Chicago I can know it in two days. I'm like I get it but LA is so big and so vast are so many areas it takes a minute but we're really loving it we've been here for two weeks it's just been really amazing to me I went to the beach with sunset last night yeah and it's just been really nice I love that I want to start dating here so we're like excited not each other other people okay, got it. All right, let's, let's, let's grab in the date. This is where we come out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's, yeah, let's talk about that.

When we said we were moving to LA, everybody's like, together, we're like, now, now, now. Oh, what? We're adults. No, but. Yeah, let's, let's talk about that. When it comes to dating, I want to hear what's been the best date you've ever been on.

Oh my God, the best. So for me, like what defines a good date is not like the activity necessarily, just how hard I'm laughing with somebody, and that I wanna go to like the next place, the next place, the next place, and just like drink, dinner, whatever. I had a really crazy date that was for my first date

in New York City ever, 15 years ago. This guy like picked me up in a car, or which is crazy, don't do that in New York. And he took me to a red flag. Yeah, it was weird. And he took me to Boota Bar, and we just had this like crazy, don't do that in New York. Um, he took a red flag. Yeah, it was weird. And he took me to Boota Bar, and we just had this like crazy over the time, New York, I was like, I can't believe I'm doing it. I'm in New York, there's a new experience, a new place,

it's hot guy, it's so cool. We just laughed on it, and we drank, we drank a lot, and then we took a car, we laughed at the car, we took a car to the airport, because we decided we were gonna fly to the Caribbean. What? On the first date? On the first date, and we went to the airport, and we're were gonna fly to the Caribbean. On the first date. On the first date, and we went to the airport,

and we're like, what were you on? I wasn't sober. We went to the, we drove out to Newark, and we got to the airport. We were like, who's one o'clock in the morning, and they were like, no flights fly out right now. And we were just like, go back home. If you find yourself in an airport in New Jersey

on a first date, something has gone awry. You know me though, I like a person's little crazy, so I was like, is this the coolest person I ever met also as 21? But I just like somebody who like surprises me, it's fun, good conversation. That was like a fun date for me. What's your best date?

I mean, I had these dates when I first moved to Newark that were just epic, you're, you know, in a basement dancing and then you go have, like, sake and sushi somewhere and you end up with late night tacos, you start on a rooftop, like all these epic dates, like, I really love dating there and going out with guys that were like showing me the city. I mean, I've been to New York a million times, but I always say it's a really great way to get to know a city is to have people take you out. So guys would take me all these places and I would take dates there later and just act like I was this cool girl

who knew my way around the city so well. But I mean, it's just, it feels like it's so obvious. Like the best date I've ever been almost probably with like the person I fell the most in love with, like the first date that was like so casual, it was a day date where it was probably gonna roast me for this. But we love the day there. You know, I like showed up. I can be happy to be here for it though. You know, I like showed up. We can be watching for it though. You know, showed up. He was already eating because he was nervous. I was like, this is off to a terrible start, you know?

And it was like, should have been so bad, but you're sitting there with someone where you're like, oh, this is the real deal. So it's like, yeah, it's quarries at sounds. That's probably the best date where you leave it. And you're like, okay, this is it, probably. Yeah, all right, what's the worst date you've ever been in? Because I know you're gonna have to, what's that?

Thank you for asking. Yeah, I have to go. I try to not look at any, like, so many of our listeners are like, I don't wanna go on bad dates. It's like, at least you walk away with a story. So that's like the positive is that, even if you're there, as long as you feel safe, it's like, if somebody's at a brain,

a little bit like crazy in an idiot, I'll stay. Oh, I gotta see this through. The worst date I think I've been on was right when we started the podcast. I had met this guy at a bar a few nights ago and he had asked me out. So he'd met me before. This is not like an online date.

We picked this dive bar to go to because they were supposed to have the best burgers. He said he never had them. I was like, oh, we gotta go, that would be such a fun date. He didn't confirm the date, the day of. And I was like, this is already kind of rude. I showed up, he was already there and he'd gotten himself a drink and it was pouring down rain. So I walk in, he got

himself a drink and I walk up to the bar and I order a drink and it's all cash. And so I looked at him, this is a die bar, the drinks were $6. And I looked at him because I thought maybe he would like, buy me the drink and he was like, there's an ATM like down the street in the pouring rain. I had to go get my own money and I was like, there's an ATM like down the street. In the porn ring, I had to go get my own money. And I was like, I guess I'll just saddle up and stay. And you did, you went then, came back. Oh, yeah, I went, I got the cash. And we started the podcast. We had, we talked about this on the podcast.

We didn't have to go to how to lose a girl one day. Because it's like, that's for the beauty of what we do. You just stay for the story. Yeah, I just save the story. Like, I'm like, I'll actually pick the tab. But that's since the podcast started, not before the podcast. But I've always done comedy, so it's always. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like the worst dates are the best dates for the content. The best dates, yeah. Yeah, he just interrupted me constantly and asked me any questions about myself. Any time I would talk for any long 60 seconds and I said, he looked so bored, he couldn't, he couldn't be bothered. He was just rude, he wasn't engaged at all.

And then somebody came up and like, recognize me, he claims to be a food blogger. And this guy was like, oh my God, I follow you. And then somebody came up and like, recognize me, close to be a food blogger. And this guy was like, oh my God, I follow you. And that guy walked away. And I was like, that's so cool. Nobody ever recognized me back. And that was so cool to me. And he just jumped right back into his story,

like no acknowledgement. I was like, that's so neat. You know, you know, people are a fan of your work. He just was like rude to start to finish. And then he insisted that I split every single round at the bar with him. And Ashley and I have mixed feelings about paying on dates. I don't want you to make it weird.

I don't think that anybody owes me money, but I don't want you to be so rude to me, especially again, for extra $6. So yes, he was rude, he didn't ask questions, I just didn't feel about that. That's probably the worst date I've ever been on. We never talked again. Until yesterday. They're actually back together. He moved here with us.

Am I, is it probably like the voice, the catfish voice? I don't know. That's pretty funny. I need to know this. Yeah, so I guess it just started this rule of me not going on. It actually kind of stopped me getting on the apps. Probably this might have been one of the very last updates I did. I actually came back to New York from quarantine COVID times.

I was at my parents' house. And when things felt safe enough and people were going out and having patio dates, I was on the streets. I was in FEMA 10s on the street having dates. I was like, what are we doing out here? That's all you could do. But I think people really wanted that connection. They've been inside for so long. so they were doing whatever it took.

I felt like it was a fun time to date. It was like the people that were in New York were ready to be out there. A lot of people had broken up in the pandemic, and so that late summer into the fall, and then it kind of shut down again in the winter of 2020, was like a dating time, but we're all just out on the literal streets. And so there were a few times where I was like, I can't do this anymore. I'm just like drinking sake out of a plastic cup. It's 30 to craze out.

Like, what is my life? I have a space heater by my feet. Like I can't, in a tent. Oh my god. You know, like in these little like structures that they built, but this one really set the tone for, I'm not going out with strangers anymore that I haven't heard their voice. I haven't seen them walk and talk. And this guy, we had such good banter.

Remember, we were bantering all throughout the election, the election that lasted a week long before we got the results. So we were texting all week and his banter was on point, he looked really cute as pictures, he was tall and had a job. And I was like, what's the catch here? Because if you're a woman who dates in New York City for quite some time, you know that there's going to be a catch. There just is. You know, like, what's going catch here? Because if you're a woman who dates in New York City for quite some time, you know that there's gonna be a catch. There just is.

You know, like, what's gonna be wrong with this guy? And he walked up, we met on the street to walk to this bar. He looked just like his photos. I'm like, what's it gonna be when he spoke? It was the voice of Michael Jackson. It was the most soft. No. It was Michael Jackson.

I mean, it was the softest, most feminine teeny tiny voice on a six six man. And I was like, there it is. So we go, we sit at this place. I've never felt so much like I was pulling teeth. Remember one point we were talking about candles? I was like, I'm on a date talking about my favorite candle. Something has gone wrong here.

He was telling me I only broke up with this girl. They had a pumpkin carving contest. I was like, this is insane. I actually went to the bathroom in the standard and the East Village and took like a sexy selfie in the mirror for myself. Like, that's with the point that I was at that I needed to feel myself

because I was on this terrible date and we had one drink and I insisted on splitting the bill just to let him know that he was in the friend zone and we never spoke. That was it, it was just his voice. His whole energy. Oh, right, yeah. You know, I don't know that I could have got past that voice,

but I can get past a not great voice, but the energy was completely off. Like I was, it was not it. And that's kind of, you know, we can talk today about whatever you want, but like when people always ask us about updating versus meeting people in the wild, and that's one of the reasons it doesn't work, because you don't have a vibe for a person.

You haven't seen how they interact in the world, how they walk, how they talk. If you're attracted to the way they smell or their posture, you know, little things like that, you don't know through photos on an app. So that was a prime example. Yeah, and we really support online dating, not everybody has the opportunity. Of course, the outer time. Yeah, we really support online dating. Not everybody has the

app. Of course, the outer time. Yeah. We do. And Ashley's in comedy club. She's comedian. You know, not everybody has the option to do that. But we really encourage people to push themselves to be out into the world as much as they can and make eye contact with somebody at a bar that you think is cute. Ask questions. Say yes to everything. If you're the kind of person that's

like, I'm single, I don't want to be, then put yourself in the situation since to meet people. And I've had really good luck just meeting people in the wild. Everybody I've ever dated has been somebody I've met in the wild. I've gone on like two dating updates in my life. It's just not for me. I get fatigued shopping for people. People are like, how's your day?

And I'm like, oh, I don't care about this. So I just encourage people to just get out more. Even if that means typically you work inside your home all day long, go work at a coffee shop. I worked at IntelliJancea Coffee on Sunday morning and I like met so many people. And it's just, it's not easy for everybody and you to put yourself out there.

But if your pain point is I'm single and I don't wanna be, then you have to put yourself in situations to not be. You know? Yeah, absolutely. I haven't, so I haven't dated for, and I don't need to, obviously, I'm married just to.

And I don't, I haven't dated it. I don't need to. You're like, I'm taking a break right now. You're like, I'm taking a break right now. No, I'm just dating me. No, that's what I was just clarifying. I haven't dated for 14 years. Wow.

Because I was a monk for three years and then got married to my wife. Well, no, sorry, I stayed a date. My wife 10 years ago. Oh, okay, so I dated 10 years ago, 10 years ago. But apps went a thing when I started dating, so we met through my sister, who happened to be our wing person. She's like really close friends with my wife now. She was friends with her before,

and she's one of my best friends too, so she did the work. But I always wonder, like, the closest experience I've had to it is trying to recruit during the pandemic. So when I was hiring people and doing interviews over Zoom or interviews over the phone, I was just like, wow, I'm getting no energy from this person. Like I'm not understanding. It's impossible to tell.

Some get up the best energy, but through Zoom you could never tell. And so that's as close as I can relate to that. But I'm intrigued by what you're saying, because you're saying go to places, how everyone has that one friend who's always trying to set them up. Do you have that one friend?

Both of you. I feel like all of our friends, they need a awesome guy. They would date that person. But we do ask our friends. We talked about this a lot of the podcast, like telling your friends, I would like to be set up and like letting them know. I'd like you to think of me for this. Because not everybody thinks that you want that.

And they some people think it might be insulting to suggest that. Well, we did a whole episode on it because it's such an art form to setting people up. And what we hate the most is like, you're single, they're single, you guys should be together, it's an insult. It's like, what does that even mean? Like, just two people exist in the world,

they're gonna match. So I think that it's nice when you have friends that actually think about who you are as a person who they have that might be a fit. But I don't know, you know, it's funny because I love that your sister set you and your wife up. My brother did kind of set me up with somebody and we went on a few dates and it was great while it was and we're still fine, but it was, had it worked out, I would have loved that story that someone that's so close to me set me up with

his essentially his best friend's brother in law. You know, it was that kind of thing. He knew where I was from. We knew the same people. So when people like that are really close to you and really get you, those, I think, those are the best type of people to set you up. But like Raina said, I mean, there's also people that have no idea

that you're looking or you be into it. So I don't think there's anything wrong with telling everybody you know that I'm Wanting to be set up if you know anybody. Why not make you know shoot your shot should be thrown out right now on the show Yeah, anyone's watching what should we tell them? I'm trying to date. I'm Dave Batista. Okay, okay, Dave if you listen to the show I don't know who knows if anyone knows Dave. Okay, can I go? Yeah I don't know who knows if anyone knows Dave. Okay, can I go? Yeah, this is the voting.

How do you want first? So this is what you do. What do you want? Who is it? What do you want? What are you looking for? And then what are you bringing to the game? This is the dominant manifest, David Tista.

I like a big guy that's bald with a beard. Can we talk about the origin story? Basically right to start hooking up with the security cards in our shows and that became her type. Once you're getting hard, okay? He's really bad. How your own shows? Yeah, I mean, ifoking up with the security cards at our shows and that became her tight once you're Hearing hard, okay, he's really big shows. Yeah, I mean if they can protect the stage, you know, I'm gonna pay them back and So I like guys potato sleeves Something to make me laugh. We always try really ranking what you want a person looks for right now I'm just kidding

Somebody I was nodding along I think my number one is somebody that I'm just inspired by Somebody. I was nodding along. I was like, oh cool, I'm going to go there. Yeah, bald, okay. I think my number one is somebody that I'm just inspired by the way you live your life. So whatever that is, I want to be excited to hear about your day. I want to be like, that is dope what you have going on. So whatever that is, that's my number one thing I think.

And I want to like laugh. I want to be inspired by the people you surround yourself with, what you do all day long, so that. But if you're bald of the beard and tattoo slews, also if you're new to you. And your name's Dave. Yeah. That's what I tell her if you're listening.

OK, OK. We've got a few mouth cellophants in the office, too, so. I love a silly guy. Yeah, go birds. I mean, I want somebody that the same things. I always say I want to look up to someone in some way. Again, I don't need to be inspired every day, but I wanna be able to learn something

from you and be challenged and entertained because I really have such a full life, so I need someone to enhance a life that's already very fulfilling. And someone that lets me be me, you know, we do this. I just stand up comedy. We're really successful.

It can be intimidating, I guess, but I just don't want everyone to feel like I need to minimize myself or be a less aversion myself or tone down my personality or not share my successes with somebody. So that's kind of what I'm looking for. Yeah, myles is like, well, I'll say you guys. I'll say you like we're a tough gun or whatever. I don't know. I'm trying to, Tom, actually said this thing really early on in the podcast. I think you said it. I didn't say it.

You want to find somebody that feels like home. And that's really what I want is somebody that's just like, I'm so comfortable with you. You just, being with you, I can just exactly be myself. And you said, I don't have to shrink myself, make myself smaller. I'm humble, but I want to be able to hype myself. Yeah.

And how hard I work, I don't come for anything. I don't come for money. So everything that actually I have, we've built ourselves. So I want to be able to height myself and I want to come home until like comfort that you're there. I want you to be my first column. I want to like lean on you. I have a large list. But you know what I'm doing? I get my list down. I have an iPhone. Also like I want you to have a motorcycle tattoo. It's all the things. Those are surface levels. But I also expect a motorcycle tattoo. It's all the things. Those are surface levels. But I also expect that I will bring a lot to the table. I think that sometimes you hear people being like,

I want this and this and this. And it's like, okay, but do you bring a lot to the table? Also, that's what I was wondering. That's what I was like, question. Yeah. And so I think I do. And I think that I'm like a really caring, loving person. I'm fun.

Ashley, I have so many friends. Like, oh my god, you have so many friends. And yeah, I think your life would be good. What do you bring to the table? What don't I bring to the table? What do I bring to the table? No, I mean, I think, you know, I want some, I don't want children and I marriage,

I could take it or leave it, especially because I don't want children, I think that's a big, you know, not everybody's reason, but a reason why I think people should get married if they want to, you know, not everybody's reason, but a reason why I think people should get married if they want to, you know, so I need, once someone that just wants to live a fun life that's not too dependent on me, we can support each other, there's no like codependency or fix or upper type of situation, like I want someone that's kind of already fully formed that's living their own independent life that we can come together and live that life together. So I have an awesome life.

I think that it's really fun to talk to us, to be around us, to come see us perform if you want to, to travel the world, to do all these things. I am also a caring, nurturing person. You know, I'm a good listener. I can make you laugh. I have a great family. People really just want to be around me for my family, quite honestly.

It's a big part of it. It's a huge selling point. Yeah, it's a huge selling point. I have a new nephew named Jay, so that's my favorite name. I'll show you just so you know. But yeah, I think I bring a lot to the table. I think I would be a really great partner. And I think that I have gotten to a point where I'm a much better partner than I would have

been five years ago, even 10 years ago, of course, but just even what we've been able to learn in the podcast and about ourselves and how to be a good partner and the things that you look back on again, five, 10 years ago, three years ago last year. And you were like, that's not the sign of a healthy relationship

or that's not how to be a supportive partner. I'm, this is when you're feeling competitive with your partner, you're not on the same team, there's contempt, there's jealousy, all these different things. And so I feel as though I'm in such a great place to be a much better partner than I have been in the past. And that is something that I want this year.

And we talked about it on our episode, the first episode of the year, and what our goals are, and that's really what I'm manifestingesting and I haven't really said that before. It's been very, like, last year, it was like, I'd want to have more sex actually and then I actually did, like before that, it was like, I just don't feel like I have room right now in my life or somebody. Everything feels pretty full. It's like, at capacity and I don't really want to be bothered and so I do feel like I'm at a place that even though we are super busy and I do feel quote unquote full, I can make the space for somebody.

I love that. I love how self aware those answers are and it's it's beautiful to have that right. I think so often we ask someone in our lives like, Oh, well, what are you bringing to the table? And and it's kind of a hard question to answer for a lot of people that people struggle with that because it's not what we've been trained to believe. Like we've been trained to believe you should know what you want in someone, but not what you bring.

And so I love hearing both your answers. And I hope that we've just manifested where you both want here on this show right now. So if Miles or Dave ever call, I want to be Miles. I'm the story. I'm the story. It's really hot. Oh, God. Sorry, Mark.

Oh, he's married. Oh, sorry, Mark. I'm the scary. It's really hot. Oh, is he? Oh, God, sorry, Mom. But she is unbelieveable. Oh, he's married? Oh, sorry, Mom. That's no idea. This is what it sounds like inside the box-top. I'm journalist and I'm Morton in my podcast, City of the Rails. I plung into the dark world of America's railroads, searching for my daughter Ruby, who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train, not Ruby who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train, not where I'm gonna end up, and I jump.

Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters living outside society off the grid and on the edge. I was in love with a lifestyle and the freedom this community. No one understands who we truly are. The rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood history and the thing we call the American dream.

It's the last vestige of American freedom. Everything about it is extreme. You're either going to die or you can have this incredible rebirth and really understand who you are. Come with me to find out what waits for us in the city of the rails. Listen to city of the rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or cityoftherails.com. Our 20s are seen as this golden decade.

Our time to be carefree, full in love, make mistakes and decide what we want from our life. But what can psychology really teach us about this decade? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, friendships, and much more to explore the science and the psychology behind our experiences, incredible guests, fascinating topics, important science, and a bit of my own personal experience. Audrey, I honestly have no idea what's going on with my life. Join me as we explore what our twenties are really all about.

From the good, the bad, and the ugly, and listen along as we uncover how everything is psychology, including our twenties. The psychology of your twenties hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Now streaming on the iHot Radio app, Apple podcasts, or whatever you get your podcasts. In the 1680s, a feisty, opera singer burned down a nunnery and stole away with her secret lover. In 1810, a pirate queen negotiated her cruiseway to total freedom, with all their loot. During World War II, a flirtatious gambling double agent helped keep D-Day a secret from

the Germans. What are these stories having common? They're all about real women who were left out of your history books. If you're tired of missing out, check out the Womanica podcast, a daily women's history podcast highlighting women you may not have heard of, but definitely should know about. I'm your host, Jenny Kaplan, and for me, diving into these stories is the best part of my day. I learned something new about women from around the world and leave feeling amazed, inspired, and sometimes shocked.

Listen on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question because I think today we're living at a time where everyone's having varying degrees of success in their own way. You're seeing more people experience fame, you're seeing more people experience success, you're seeing more people experience financial stability. You just have a lot more people having a lot more variety of experiences in this way. Have you found it harder to date as you become more successful? Yeah.

Exactly. And what are the kind of troubles you've been having this time around? And is there a part of you that's like, ah, let one go away earlier in a shun of? I mean, I feel like a lot of people say that I start men in timid-dabed at my success, but the money I make, and to those people, I say, what's the alternative? You know, what you're going to be less less successful because maybe you'll get a partner, you're gonna make less money because perhaps somebody will end up with you.

That's not the answer to this. Yes, of course, as a woman, it's the inverse. Like men make more money, they become more successful. Everybody wants you. Women, you're dating opportunities do not grow in tandem the way a man's probably would. Right, so it's more of that way. It's more of the fact that it's intimidating as opposed

to people wanting to take advantage or use your network and connect and do. I think that your dating pool just shrinks, and you don't want to put yourself in situations where you're competitive with your partner in a negative way, where your success amazuculates somebody, your constantly thinking, is my success amazuculating this person?

But I just, I think your pool gets smaller for sure, but that doesn't mean I would ever stop what I'm doing, you know, what's the alternative. And I have to be conscious about how I speak about my life, how I speak about money we make, success we have, but I'm not gonna pretend it doesn't exist either. I just have to be mindful to be humble. And obviously people be turned off

if they don't know who you are and then you're on a date and then they figure it out or... Not turned somebody else's the other day if like we would talk what we do on a first date and I would say the name of the podcast I wouldn't be like it's one of the number one dating of the Asian United States I wouldn't sleep with that but not turned off people or maybe they're turned off and that's why it doesn't work out you're just gonna say it to your face maybe I mean some I mean some one person one time said to me, you're too public for me. I would never date somebody like you. And it really hurt.

I remember leaving the day and crying on the street. It really hurt me feeling like. But that's okay, that's not my person. And that's fine. And listen, we all bring baggage to a relationship. That's my baggage. I think that we love this special from Allie Wong where she talks about specifically women in comedy.

Like the way you're a woman on stage, you're talking about sex, like your dating pole is shrinking. A man on stage with a microphone, his dating pole is growing as he speaks, you know? So it's really the inverse. And that special spoke to me like nothing else in my life and as a female comedian. But I also just think part of it's the bar gets higher

when your life gets more dope. You know, it's like, you gotta bring more. You know, we have this friend of ours. She's so funny, Marie Fawson, she's a comedian. She did this random real or TikTok one time. She was like, if I'm single at 40, the bar is so much higher. Cause at this point, I've been with myself.

And so I'm happy in my life where it is now. And that may not speak to everybody, but it does feel like rain and I have achieved our true dream life. We feel as though we have such a purpose and we're able to help people every day in the emails we get are such an honor and we get to tour the world and make people laugh.

And it's so good as it is. So it would really be someone that is going to enhance any of that to fit in our life. And I don't say that in like, we're so picky, the bar is so high, but it just is. I get it. Yeah, that's on the cross. So those two things together, and yeah, I mean,

and it's just, you know, the way the world, it's just your woman, you're like, you get older and just as sad as it is, your dating pole shrinks in that way too, you know. So I think that being in love is the best feeling in the world and I miss it and I love being in love but also one of the best feelings in the world is like any email that somebody sends to us that says like you help me to make my life better, you help me to do anything, ask her, raise, leave an abusive relationship, strengthen a relationship I didn't want to lose,

talk to my mother, and a better, I get choked up when I think about the things people have said to us, your voices have filled my homes with sound when my pet died. I get like so emotional. Like, I know that we have changed people's lives, you've touched people in such a deep way,

and I can't imagine anything feeling better than that. So, in the interim, while I'm single, why don't I have anybody, you just have to make your life good. So, maybe you don't have a giant podcast, you can reach all these people, but like you can go make friends, go find hobbyies, go find other ways to give your like meaning and joy. And that's what you do when you're single. And then when you find somebody, like how dope is it that you're like a great person now? Yeah. No, I love it's coming across very strong. I don't think I'm listening to both of you. I just the reason I've been going down

this question trail is because I'm hoping that everyone is listening and watching is going, oh, yeah, that's, I can aspire for that, right? Like that's the point that everyone can aspire for that to, to feel whole, to feel complete, to feel like their life so awesome that someone's got to bring some value to really get in on it. Like what a great place to be. Like that's, that's the biggest achievement of all, right? Like regardless of all the other success that you've had, which, which is phenomenal in and of itself, I think it's amazing to think that you're going to be able to's that's the biggest achievement of all right like regardless of all the other success that you've had which which is phenomenal in and of itself I think it's amazing to think that

you're sitting here expressing confidence at a level that you don't always experience even from people who've made it right so that's it's amazing honestly I'm telling you that like sitting obviously right now I'm like wow it's it's incredible to feel, yeah, my life's dope, my life's amazing and someone's going to add value to it. What are some of the mistakes that you think people make early on while they're dating someone, especially when it comes to that self-worth, self-esteem piece? Because I think you're coming at it from this. We've been working on ourselves, but often we find it's the opposite where people dive into relationships when they're lonely, when they want to be dependent on someone, when they feel that they're inadequate. That's why they're alone.

So what are some of the mistakes you've seen people make early on? Just not working on the fear of being alone and loneliness. I guess those can be two different things. So you enter into relationship with such a desperate need to have someone fill a gap or make you feel worthy or make you feel value. And so those are big things. You know, those just require a lot of work, but they trickle down and did the way that you act and the way that you feel so desperate if you don't get that text back or that someone doesn't like you. And, you know, one of the things that I can't stop thinking about that I was listening to you with a recent guest that you had on Humble the Poet.

And I'm sure you've talked about this before, is going into situations, I think, them do this a little bit more of the women, but I think women do it too, just wanting them to like you, not even thinking about if you like them, or if they would be a good match for you. So you've got come down this road of like you've tried so hard to feel wanted, to feel desired, and not rejected that you haven't even stopped to think if the person would be a good partner. Or if you even like them.

Yeah. And how do you avoid that when someone's telling you stuff? Like, oh my God, you're beautiful. Like, you're so smart, you're so intelligent. Like, how do you avoid kind of enjoying that? Even what we were talking about earlier, like when you were saying, like, you want to be in a place where you feel so smart, you're so intelligent, like how do you avoid kind of enjoying that, even what we were talking about earlier, like when you were saying, like you wanna be in a place where you feel like home,

and I love that definition of like a home love, or you know, it's, I think that's a feeling everyone wants, but it's hard because when we walk into a dating scenario, most of the time we're trying to impress each other, we dress our best, we look our best, like that's not really comfortable because you know, that in the sense of you don't look like that all the time or you're going to set yourself up like that all the time.

How do you even, A, how do you deal with someone who is actually validating you and it feels good? And inversely, the other side, how do you make sure that you are actually finding out whether you're comfortable with someone at what stage? So I think that we should be allowed to enjoy things, right? Like you don't have to go into every day being like, are they love bombing me? Is this too much? Is this not enough? What was the exact amount of time they spent before they texted me? And you know, I think we are allowed to just enjoy things sometimes and take, take up one

day at a time, one moment at a time. I think that in order to sidestep putting so many eggs in this basket essentially and making this so important, we do, we should do what I was saying before, which is build out of life around yourself. So you have friends, you have hobbies, you like what you do for work. So that this one person isn't so, you don't depend on them so much to be your whole world. It's not so, this date's not so important. You know, every day should just be fun and you should enjoy yourself and hopefully you have other stuff to fall back on. You other plants this weekend. You're like,

things you can sink your teeth into and it just doesn't mean so much. You know, like every single thing is not riding on this date. And I think that we should be cautiously optimistic, but also not so hard on ourselves when somebody lies to us or manipulates us because you shouldn't spend every interaction going, where's all the holes in this. We should just be able to be calm and enjoy it. We shouldn't assume every person is going to lie to us, manipulate us, ghost us, cheat on us, all these things. If they do, that's just the kind of person they are.

Isn't it nice that they went away and you know that now? Yeah, sooner. Someone's going to ghost you. Why would you want someone like that in your life that can do that to somebody? But I had a friend that said to me once, like this may not look like what you thought it was gonna look like because we have these unrealistic views of dating

and relationships in the first place. And that feeling, you've talked about the spark, we've talked about the spark, we've had guests on, but the spark, the butterflies, all that stuff is actually just anxiety. And so I think that an unhealthy amount of nerves, of course. I mean, I am like the I rarely ever get nervous about anything and I'll be nervous before a first date. So it's not that, but it's that feeling that actually is just anxiety when the feeling of someone that is

probably a good partner for you that's like a solid secure person is really comfortable and like kind of boring in your body. Like I would just always say you just need to listen to your body. I think we always know if we're willing to listen of like the way someone makes you feel when you're in their presence and then when you leave their presence. Like I always tap, I always really want to hone in on how I feel when I part ways with somebody. Do I feel this like sense of anxiety? Like when I'm going to hear from the next? Or is this like calm? Like, I'm sure I absolutely will. We're going to go out again.

And then I guess I'll be dull. That's great. I love that. It's like when you say goodbye, what is the immediate feeling? Is it like anxiety? Or is it like chill? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, in your friends that are in happy, healthy relationships around you, like, what are some of the things that you've seen in theirs that you're like, oh, that's, that's really special. That's great. Like, what are some of the things that you've seen in theirs that you're like, oh, that's really special. That's great. Like, what are some of the good signs? No, I just, I mean, I, when they have fun together, I really just, we have our,

I'm thinking to the couple that they're big fans of yours also and Sean and Anushka and just. And Sean and Anushka. But yeah, they're resources. They just, they work really well together. They're a team, they do all the things, they've great communication, yada yada, but they just seem like buddies. They just really have fun together.

And I think that's also the main thing of right and eyes relationship. It's like, and you're just, you're on the same team. Like we talked about this on our upcoming episode is that you don't feel like I literally picture it like whatever sport you're into, where are you playing against each other or you on the same team with a common goal. Yeah, I rarely see somebody break up that I'm like,

what, you know, like, I think about my brother and his wife and they've been together for like 12 years, they're just their friends. They really enjoy each other. They are really fun to be around. They're always joking around. They're really like loving the same couple that you're talking about, same thing.

Another one of Ashley's other best friend. And her husband there, you see a friendship and a respect between them. My best friend just got engaged. And her fiancee really has her on this great pedestal. He really looks up to her. He thinks that she is just so wonderful. And she thinks he's so wonderful.

And I listened to how couples speak about each other a lot when they're not around the other person also. And are you proud of your partner? Are you excited to do the stuff that they want to do? So we, I think, are fortunate to have a lot of really good examples around us of positive relationships. And I always encourage people when you're like, you know, it was what's going on with me

normal to look at people whose's relationships you admire and say, like, what do I emulate from that? And it's important to surround yourself with people that have good relationships with everybody, not just their romantic partner, but friends and family as well. Yeah, I like that nuance. Like that's a really subtle idea

of how people talk about each other when they are the persons, not around. And when the person is around too, right? Both of that. If you saw me and my wife together, you think we hate each other when they are the persons, not around. And when the person is around too, like both of that, if you saw me and my wife together, you think we hate each other. Because it's so much. Because it's such a, I feel at least it's a very British thing

because me and my friends do this too. Like we will lay into each other and the more you can lay into each other, the more in love you are. And so I do it with my guy friends, I do it with my wife, like, and my wife started by the way, it was not my idea, so it's not something I came up with. She sets the tone.

Literally, she sets the tone. If she's around me, she'll find a way to pick some flow out in the most hilarious way. Right, a funny way. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can tell the difference between healthy banter and roasting,

and I love that too, and nagging, and actually trying to make someone look bad. Totally, totally. Yeah, yeah, and passive aggression. Yeah, oh my God, it's so cringed to be around. Yeah. Those couples. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, when they're talking to each other in the third pass. Oh, yeah. Oh my God, and they break up their therapist. I'm like, how fast can I exit this room? What's your take on friends becoming lovers and lovers staying friends after they break up? So both way around. We get us a lot. Can your friend turn into your lover and can your lover go back to be your friend?

I don't know if what I want to take first. I mean, I feel like can you be lovers and then friends? I guess it depends on how the relationship ended. I guess it depends how much time goes by, what happened. One of my best friends in the world, him and I slept together for like maybe six weeks when we first met and ending it was really painful for me because he basically was like, he was like, I don't want this. He was like, I don't want to date anybody. It feels like this is where it's heading.

I'm just telling you right now, you're not going to like what happens. I don't want to be in a relationship with you. It hurt a lot in the moment, but the honesty and sticking to that is actually what has allowed me to be to stay friends with him because he didn't disrespect me. He looked at me in the face and he said, I don't want to be in a relationship.

And then it was probably a little weird and painful for like six months. It hurt to see him with another girl. It was really, I didn't really want to hear about it if he was dating somebody, it hurt. But with enough time, I was like, this is still, I find value in this. I really like this person.

And he really, truly is like one of those important people in my life. He took our podcast photos when we first started. He was just, he is such like an acts of service, level language person. He's so wonderful. So with enough time, if you really want, and if you feel, I think, respected in the ending of it,

I think you can be. But it depends on what happens to relationship. If I'm dating somebody and they say to me, yeah, my ex and I are best friends, I don't know that I love it. It depends on the circumstances. I know. It's one of these things if there are no hard and fast rules and I don't really trust people that say that there are. You can't be friends with the next. You can never date your friend Shut up. But yes, you can. So I think that's all case by case basis. But I think of friends that end up in a relationship could be really beautiful. I think that's all case by case basis, but I think of friends that end up in a relationship

could be really beautiful. I think it can totally work. I think it's again, not a how-take it goes out saying that you could ruin the friendship, but you'd be willing to take the risk. I'm thinking if love is blind, deep tea and... Oh, deep tea and crying? I know that was so upsetting. We love that show.

But that I think kind of like, you know, the friendship can really get ruined, but it can really be really beautiful too. My thing with that, I always think you should think about what it would actually look like if you dated this person. Because I have a guy friend that, and this was not named time recent,

but where we connected so much, if we were in the room, you could feel it, it was palpable, it was just like, how could they not date? Everybody saw it, everybody could feel it. I could feel it. And the chemistry, and we just felt like a perfect match. But I knew that too, and I found him super attractive,

but I couldn't picture dating him. I couldn't picture being at home with him or something. And I probably by snorse on, I took a realistic look at it, because you get to that place where you're like, should we try and maybe or maybe not? And I think it's really you have to be realistic with yourself. Like can I actually see them as a romantic partner? And then staying friends with an ex that is really also can totally work or not.

And it's so much about the feelings that each person has. I haven't asked that. I wish I could be friends with. I could absolutely be friends with him. I think he's the best person. I think he's so funny, but I don't think he could. And I have set a lot of boundaries with him because I just don't think it would be healthy for him without saying much more.

So it's like, I absolutely could. We could text. We could be buddies. You know, I have them on the podcast, but like, I absolutely could. We could text, we could be buddies, you know, have them on the podcast, but like, I don't think it'll be healthy for him. No, I mean, what I know a lot about the way I related to Fended and his past and things like that. And I think it's so fun to be friends with somebody that you casually dated, like a guy that I casually dated

for, you know, a month, two months right before the pandemic. We text all the time, he has a girlfriend, sure she doesn't care, I don't know if he told her or not, but like joke around and I'll be, you know, it's, it's like a funny relationship. I find those relationships like just kind of weirdly special. I like those. I want to trust someone who never done this before. So, Raina, imagine if you were breaking up with Ashley. I want you to try to do the best script of what you'd like to hear if someone's breaking up with you. So, so you're going to be the person who's breaking up. Ashley's going to be the person who's being broken up with. Okay. And I want you to deliver what you'd like to hear if someone's

breaking up with you. So you've been kind of dang for like three to six months. Three to six months. Yeah. What I want to hear. Yeah. Oh my god. I did my last break. And Ashley, you respond how you dress one. Okay. I have to break up with you. Oh my gosh. There goes my bank account No, no, no as you guys as if you're dating yeah, no, no as you I feel like this relationship has run its course and Um, I feel like you already messed up because you need to start with your soul So you that I already messed up I feel like you already messed up because you need to start with your soul. It is so you that I already messed up.

I have one sense in it. We already, you break up with me. I'll break up with myself. You need to start it with, you're the funniest, coolest. No, that's what you would want. Girl, I've ever met. I'm breaking up with you. I think, compliments first.

You want to hear compliments before someone says, our relationship is right. Just like if you just started and say,'m like funny and hot like it'll be better It's gonna like it's just better. It'll lessen the blow. I don't care. That's funny or hot or I wouldn't be breaking up with you That's all I've heard that I'm just like that sounds chill, you know That's relatable. Yeah, I don't know the last breakup I did I tried to keep it like as vague as possible I said like I think to keep it like as vague as possible. I said, like, I think this relationship is run as chorus.

I think we want different things in life. I want to be successful and you don't know. That was easy. No, I just, I said, I think we want different things in life. I think we expect different things out of life. And I said, I still love you. I care about you. I think you're a wonderful person.

You're all the things. You're smart and funny. But I just, I think this is run as chorus. I've used that line before, I'm like a couple of breakups, I recycle that line, but there's a couple of things in breakups. I don't want somebody to walk away being completely confused.

Actually, I talked about that in my last breakup because I was like, what if I said this? And she was like, you don't wanna have him walk away thinking he did something, he didn't. And I agree with that. But I also don't need to like burn it to the ground and be like, this is wrong, and this is wrong, and this is wrong. You know, like I also don't need to like burn it to the ground and be like this is wrong and this is wrong and this is wrong You know like I also don't need to make you feel terrible sometimes like some vagueness is okay

Well, that's the thing that we say when people are begging for closure It's like do you want to hear the really bad stuff? You know, and I think that's one of the best things that we've learned throughout the years doing what we do is Sometimes it's just that you're not it, you know, you're not the one. And it can boil down to some things you may not want to hear. And I think it's good to reflect on yourself too. Like how many times have you been with somebody that just wasn't the person and you couldn't

necessarily put your finger on it. And then if you did, it would come across sounding pretty harsh. So I think it's always good to put yourself on the other side of it too. Like, I'm not so undesirable. I have dated people that were great, and then we had to end it too. So I mean, I would hate to be broken up with and totally heartbroken with somebody that I loved and that I saw a future with. But I know that I would be okay. And I can't be knowing what I know now. I would just have to take it pretty easily because sometimes it just doesn't work out.

So that's kind of the thing too when people are just they're so obsessed with that closure conversation. Yeah. And I do think you should have closure, but to what extent? Well, some people want to have a third breakup conversation, a fourth break up conversation, right?

Like you've had the breakup conversation, but they want wanna keep understanding and sometimes wear that person, or sometimes that person's doing it to us. And you're saying actually you're not gonna achieve much from that extension of conversation. I'm Eva Longoria. I'm Maite Gomez-Rajon.

We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry for History. On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages, from our Mexican culture. We'll share some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both. Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both. You know, I'm a flower tortilla flower.

Your team flower. I'm team flower. I need a shirt. Team flower, team core. Join us as we explore surprising and lesser known corners of Latinx culinary history and traditions. I mean, these are these legends, right? Apparently, this guy Juan Mendes, he was making these tacos wrapped in these huge 30-yas to keep it warm, and he was transporting them in a burro, hence the name the burritos. Listen to Hungary for history with Ivalongoria and Mite Gomez Rejón as part of the Michael Thura podcast network available on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What was meant is seen as a very snotty city. People call it Bose-Angela's. New Orleans is a as a very snotty city. People call it bozangelis. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newdum and not lost as my new travel podcast where a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party.

We're kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out. I would love that, but I have like a Chihuahua who is aggressive towards strangers. I love you, dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about

how I'm gonna die alone when I'm traveling, but I get to travel with someone I love. Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much. I've been very sincere. I love you too. Mike's we get to eat as much as we can. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Not too long ago, in the heart of the Amazon Rainforest, this explorer stumbled upon something that would change his life.

I saw it and I saw, oh wow, this is a very unusual situation. It was cacao, the tree that gives us chocolate. But this cacao was unlike anything experts had seen, or tasted. I've never wanted us to have a gun fight. I mean, you saw this tax of cash in our office. Chocolate sort of forms this vortex. It sucks you in. It's like I can be the queen of wild chocolate.

We're all lost. It was madness. It was a game changer. People quit their jobs. They left their lives behind so they could search for more of this stuff. I wanted to tell their stories, so I followed them deep into the jungle, and it wasn't always pretty.

Basically, this like disgruntled guy and his family surrounded the building armed with machetes. And we've heard all sorts of things, that you know, somebody got shot over this. Sometimes I think, oh, all these for a damn bar of chocolate. Listen to obsessions while chocolate on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcast. Depends who you are and why it ended. It's just, I don't know that I need to like, give you a declaration of hate, you know? Like, it's just. I don't know that I need to give you a declaration of hate. It's just, I don't see myself marrying you. I don't need to tell you, I don't respect the way you live your life. I think it's fine to break up, take some time to marinate, and then really want that closure conversation six months later or something, because you really can be a little more honest,

tensions are lower, but I'm not going to keep unpacking the breakup. I think sometimes, I was engaged to somebody. We broke up and we didn't really have any other, we broke up the day after my engagement party and we never spoke again for three and a half years. And three and a half years later, Ashley and I'd started the podcast. Oh my God.

About two months after you started the podcast. It's been a night. Through a series of things that happened, I ended up talking to him and he asked me to go go to dinner and we had this like six hour long all night closure conversation. And he said, you know, I've thought about you every day for four years and I've never really gone over this and I hate what I did do and I'm so sorry. It was a nice moment.

It was a nice moment to have it. But I appreciate it and it helped me to walk away from some anger and some things I really was still hang on to, but I didn't need it. It was nice to have it. Sometimes that feels really good, but you have to learn to go to therapy and read books and listen to podcasts. And thankfully, today there is so much out there

like your show, like our show, that people can listen to and hopefully find some peace. Yeah, I don't know. So the dream is that you're consistently doing relationship check-ins if you need them and you know where you stand and where they stand and so you're a woman, for example, and you just get blindsided, broke up with out of the blue

and he's like, you did, you do this, you do that and you're like, why didn't you tell me when those things were happening? Because feedback is important. Again, I don't think you should beat down someone's door for this closure and tell me everything that's wrong with me, but like it is nice to know, so perhaps you can be better in the next relationship if it's something that was actually valid. So I just think there is a happy medium, unhappy medium, I guess would be the better word, but again, it's sometimes just boils down to this isn't it. And I think you're a lovely

person and all the best. You're doing your wrong. Do you think that people, do you think being blindsided is a real thing? Sometimes some people, I'll qualify, when people say like, he blindsided me and I'm like, this person just woke up, walked in a room and say goodbye, like, I don't know. And I'm sure that does happen. But do you think it happens as often as people say that it does? That's a great question. I mean, I'd love to look at the research behind it, but from what I've experienced,

I definitely can say that I think people have blinds at it to the degree that people might not be saying much before they do something like that. But I'd say that if you were, and I don't mean saying, you, I don't mean like interrogating and investigating and having a private investigate and have done anything like that. But I think if you're reading the signs of like how close someone is, how distant someone is, like how engaged they are in conversation, like how often you're actually connecting,

like I think you can tell, but I think often we think things are great because they look great in our heads. But we're not really looking at what I'm actually feeling, what am I experiencing from this person? But I do think people do have that complete, I mean, I literally spoke to someone a couple of months ago and it was like, they'd been married for 20 years and then they partner told them that they don't think they were right for each other anymore

and that they felt that way for a long time. Now, that's insanely tough, right? That's so difficult. And so, yeah, if I was with someone for 20 years, I would feel blindsided because 20 years is a long time. But often people are quiet. I do find that a lot of people are like silent or quiet or distant before a breakup. It's not like they're telling you, they love you right now and then to, well, maybe actually, I'll take that back. That's happened to people too. Every once in a while, you have a conversation and then it's, I couldn't believe it.

We were perfect and then you'd take a little deeper. And they're like, well, actually, there's this one thing that happened in Miami and you're like, oh my God, that huge red flag. Like, you're like, why didn't you, couldn't, you couldn't feel that something was off then. And what you said, you might just think it's perfect or you're just trying not to, yeah, you're, you're trying to not be honest with yourself. Like, you're trying not to see the signs,

like wanting it to be so perfect that you don't pick up on those things. Yeah. What are some of the common red flags you think people miss? Like, what are the ones that you think people actually miss them completely? Like, this is a good example of one where you think you're blind side of it, but you're not really because there are hidden messages there. What are some of those other ones that you think we just like just don't recognize? I mean a lot of signs on narcissism. I think that the the charming thing, you know, just I think you

had Dr. Romani on maybe. Yeah, yeah. That word is always in my head of because it's such a positive compliment. And of course it doesn't have to be bad, but the overly charming, you feel like a connection. Like you're the only woman in the room when you're talking to him. It's like, I don't know, that might not be good. So it's so hard though, isn't it? Because that's what we all want to some degree, isn't it? Yeah.

Isn't that the feeling that we want to be made to fill that? Or no, you're saying we should never want to feel like even with the person we love. It was hard. It was hard. It was hard. She described a narcissist and I was like, that's all kind of nicely. She was like, they try to take you on a trip within 10 days of meeting. I was like, that sounds great.

I don't know. I don't know. It's just like, is everyone feel like that that they met? So yeah, it can be tough to decipher. I mean, I think just general bad behavior, like if someone doesn't do what they say they're gonna do, they don't show up, they bail on you, they just immediately,

like someone does not show up, they don't respond to you or whatever it is. And you don't pay attention. I think you can only blame yourself when that actually turns out to be the demise of a relationship because it was there at the beginning. Yeah, mine's going the other way. We used to text each other all the time and now we've been married for seven years. I have to message seven times to get a text back. No, my wife's the worst at textics. Literally,

she's the worst at the ever-n-erest message of me going, Jay, I've sent, rather, this message, like three days ago, like, is she going to get back to her? I'm like, yeah, three weeks, like it's cool. Just be it like, because literally, yeah, three days ago, like, is she gonna get back to her? I'm like, yeah, three weeks, like, it's cool. Just be it, like, because literally, yeah, she loves calls. She can pick up the phone anytime. I love her. It's not a text, yeah. I love it.

Not a text, ignore a text. We had a guest on and we talked about different texting styles. And I would say it was one of the most impactful episodes we did in 2022. It really helped reframe in my mind that not everybody is like me. You know, like, when I like somebody, I want to talk to them more. And it just really put into perspective

that people have completely different communication styles even when it comes to text. And I think it's helpful to remember. It doesn't mean someone doesn't like you, but I mean, yes, days later, they haven't returned your text. I think that's a pretty clear sign that you're not top of mind

and a priority or it could even be purposeful, which is even worse. Yeah. They're trying to put you in your place. She has one of your things. Yeah, exactly. I really enjoy the very beginning stages. It's a lot of fun.

I like finding somebody that really is engaging, makes me laugh. And I don't pause to think that often, can this person be a good long-term partner? And I think there's a good balance. There's a hard balance to strike. Because I don't want to interview somebody to be my husband on the first or second date either, because that's not fair to another person.

But I think what you can do at least is look at somebody's lifestyle and what they do just day to day for work, how they traveled, they have friends, and say like, is this a lifestyle I could enjoy long-term? You know, if somebody went on a date with me and they were like, I really want somebody home

seven nights a week. I want to be this gonna like have dinner with me seven nights a week. I don't want their career necessarily to be primary in their life. I want my career to be primary in their life. I want my career to be primary in our lives. I'm probably not your girl. I wish people were that clear though, as well. At least that would make it really clear for someone. Yeah, I wish everybody was more

clear. Exactly. That would just be a dream of someone's other. It makes someone sense. Yeah, it would be amazing. I wish we could all just interview perfectly on a first day, but I have leaned into situations because they feel good. because I find somebody that's really nice and I feel really connected with them on like an intimate level. I sometimes stop, don't stop to think, like, what does this look like in six months? Can we live the same type of life?

Am I gonna be proud of this person? Am I dry like the kind of family they have, their friends? So I get caught up in the beginning stages because I said this in the podcast on our show recently, my mom didn't raise me to like find a husband find some hair bills. My mom was like, you be the person that pays the bills. You be the person that sells successful, which I love. And she's so empowering.

But no one ever told me like, when you go on a first date, you should date because you want to date this person long term. So those are some pitfalls for me. I don't pause to think, you know, what does this look like in a year? Yeah, you know, yeah, that's a great shot. Thankfalls for me. I think I don't pause to think, you know, what does this look like in a year, you know? Yeah, that's a great show. Thank you for that. I wanted to dive into a couple of more personal things

before we wrap up. Actually, you were saying that, you know, for you, you decided you didn't want to have children. How have you tackled explaining that to potential partners, to your own family? Like, how's the reaction been? Because I always feel like when we make things that like break a tradition or pattern,

like it's like a big thing to say like, I don't want to do this and it shouldn't be a big thing, but it is seen as a big thing, right? Like even for us, like we've been together for seven years and in our community, it's like that's a long time to be together and not have kids yet. And so it's like even that, even if the conversation's still open. So I guess I'm interested in that, because I think there are so many people who are listening and watching who are changing the way relationships look, who are changing the way love looks, who are changing the way what matters to them looks. And so I want to hear from you like how did you A. come to that conclusion yourself, whatever you're comfortable sharing, and then how did you share that with the people in your lifetime matter? It's been, I've never just want, I've just never

wanted children. We did a whole episode on this. It took me months to feel comfortable even doing it because I wanted to approach it very sensitively to women who are struggling to have children or that are struggling with the decision and I don't want to be flippant about it. Like, oh, it's not my deal. I just don't want them and that's what it is. Because I actually feel, I see so many women especially as they get older into their 30s, 40s that don't know, I don't really have to think about it.

And so I've always felt that way in my adult life. Maybe when I was a kid or in college, I was like, of course, I'll get married and have kids. You just don't know when he better. And then I slowly started to realize as I became to adults and that I don't want. I can't picture it on any level, any part of it. And my family, again, it's just one of those.

I'm lucky that they just support me and don't expect me to live a traditional life they never have. So glad that my brothers, chosen to have children, have a brand new baby nephew named Jay. And more to come, hopefully. So they're gonna get their grandkids. But I've never felt an ounce of pressure from them

to do anything besides being myself. And luckily, I have achieved success and I can show them them letting me fly was not for nothing. So that's never been an issue. I think I just am a confident person and I am steadfast in my decisions. No one ever really throws me shade or makes me feel uncomfortable about it.

And maybe I just don't pay attention because I don't care, you know, like those little slides of like, well, you might change your mind. It's like, oh my god, shut up. You know, when people put those things on you, that's because it's they're feeling some sort of way that you've chosen to make a decision that they haven't. So, I don't let those things bother me. I just know it's a decision that's right for me. And I don't feel like it's a big deal. So it's like, that just makes it me easier to flow through the world with this decision.

But I feel for people that are struggling with it whatever it may be. And those are just conversations that you have to open communication and conversations you have to have. We're so lucky to have so many different resources today with podcasts, internet books, and how to even the language to use when it comes to this type of thing. You can sit and rehearse it if you need to.

Potential partners, again, it's just something that I feel comfortable sharing. I wouldn't want to get down a road with somebody where I felt like things were getting serious and hadn't come up because I wouldn't even probably start to date somebody if I knew they really wanted a family. So it was like a fear of mine that I would find somebody that I really felt for that really wanted a family and it hasn't happened yet. And I've dated guys that either didn't want children as well or could go either way. And it wasn't really something that was so important to them. So I am fine if it comes up date one.

It comes out sometimes. If it's in a conversation, it's part of my someone tried to insult me once saying it was part of my personality at this point. Yeah. It is. So it's like it comes up. And if I'm asked, I'm open about it. So I think these things, you just have to own them.

Yeah. You know, like that's just what it is. Yeah. Thank you so much. I was thinking so many more women, Jared, that they just what it is. You know, I'm worth. I was thinking so many more women, Jared, that they don't want to. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. It's not just more out there. Absolutely.

I always think it's funny when people say, like, you'll change your mind. It's like, when you tell me you want kids, I don't tell you to change your mind. It's so funny to me. And we did this episode and it was really so beautiful. And we tried really hard to not judge anybody's decisions because we don't, we don't care. If you want to be a mom, that's amazing.

If you don't, then don't be a mom. But the amount of people that wrote us and said, I grew up never knowing I had a choice. I thought this was a foregone conclusion. I'm one of those people as well, which is always thought, of course I'm kids. Everybody has kids. So many mothers wrote us and said, I love my kids, but I don't know that I would have chosen this if I knew that I could have had another option as we got heartbreaking for mothers.

Yeah, that we're like, I don't think I should have had kids. You know, and that like Raina said, I love my kids, but we were like, oh, like, that's for sharing with us. That's for sharing with us. Yeah, exactly. People felt like it was a safe space to share. Yeah, that type of guilt that they feel.

It's not a big community that exists that you can tell your other mom friends, like, I hate this, you know, and I can't really, because I'm not a mother, I'm not in these mom forums, but I know that there's a lot of judgment. You know, I'm sure it's not a very popular thing to say, like, I made a mistake, you know, it's a huge decision to make and to each their own. It's not necessarily a decision I'm gonna make. But yeah, it was hard to see a lot of people say, you know, I just didn't know.

I didn't know that I could make another decision. And there's been so much writing, especially since COVID, that so many women are foregoing, having children. And I love that we can talk about this now. And it's not so taboo. And I remember when I told my mom, I didn't think I wanted to have kids. I'm not at 100% like Ashley is, but I'm aging out of being a kid. So I'm not freezing any eggs. I told my mom, I didn't think I wanted have kids and it was a really bad

situation. And I don't think, I think I approach it really flippantly. And I insulted her choice to have children. And I think I said something like, well, I don't need to have kids to make my life mean something. And she was like, you think my life didn't write anything without you, so I think that I was kind of hurtful in my words, and I didn't think about it. And I was just like, what's the difference? My life means a lot to a lot of people.

And she was like, so I think that you do have to tread lightly with family. And ultimately, it's like going to approach lightly with family. And thank you for sharing that. Yeah, no, yeah. Ultimately, it's important to approach it with compassion. Yeah. I did not choose my words while it was a really bad fight because I insulted her choices in life.

And my mom accepts anything. Our parents were really lucky. Our parents just accept whatever we do. But I think that you just tread a little bit lightly. And my mom wasn't mad that I said I didn't want kids. She was mad at my delivery. I think it's just so. That's such a great point.

I mean, I think so often you could be making a really good decision for yourself. But it's what you just said. It's reflected and projected in a way onto our insecurity about them or a flow we see in them or a challenge in them. And I love that you brought that point out because I think it's so important to communicate and say it because it's for us, right? It's about you.

It's about you as the individual. And even the way you were saying it, actually, I think there's so much strength and courage when you're like, this is my decision. I'm owning it. And I'm dealing with it and how it reflects on me. But thank you for opening up and sharing that because. Oh, yeah. People love this topic with us. And it really was actually the approach, the topic originally, but my mom, it was actually the approach to the topic originally, but my mom, she was just sort of like, oh, you think you're so successful, you don't need kids,

but I needed them. It came off not very nice. So, but I will say, having a new nephew, I get it. It doesn't mean you want kids, but I feel different on the inside. Like the love that I have for this baby is like, I could like cry right now. And just was like,

miss him so actively every day. Like, it did not make me want to have children. It would be very clear. It's still no part of it. I'm interested in, but it's like, maybe understand it more or something, where I'm like,

yeah, I really did. I get it y'all. And those I feel for you, even more that are kind of struggling with this in the first place, because it's really beautiful. It's special. It really wants them and not want them. I'll tell you why.

He's the cutest. He just brings so much love to the room and everyone. It just brings everyone together and such a beautiful way. But your sister-in-law, like, it's around the clock. I see how hard she works. So just be a great mother and cook dinner and she cooked this great Christmas dinner and then she had to go upstairs and feed her. She didn't eat with that. She missed dinner and I was like, I. You know, she cooked this great Christmas dinner and then she had to go upstairs and feed her. She didn't eat with us. She missed dinner and I was like, I don't want that. The nightmare. Last to eat.

And I cooked it in paper. No thanks. So she is such a good mom. And I think sometimes good parenting is looking at that and going, I wouldn't be good at that. And I'm not gonna do that. I don't want to be bothered, okay? I'm eating first. Well, that's what it is, right? When you're looking at the baby for two hours a day, it's very different And I'm not gonna do that. I don't wanna be bothered, okay? I'm eating first.

Well, that's what it is, right? When you're looking at the baby for two hours a day, it's very different than being with the baby for three. I will say, I wanna tell you this, I just feel like you'll appreciate it. Is that we talked about this on the episode of like, there's this tiny thing in the back of your head that you just don't wanna die alone.

You know, like, you may not be with your spouse if you ever got married or your friends could be dead or you won't have your parents anymore. Like like your family, your immediate family has gone. And so there's that little thing in the back of your head that, you know, for me, it's like, I watched my mom tend to my grandmother when she was dying, and we all had a very close relationship, and it's like, what happens when I'm in my grandmother's place,

or when I'm dying, or I'm in hospice, or I'm sick, or whatever, and so it doesn't make me want to do it, but there is that thing, at least in my head, and I think in other peoples too. And we did this episode and we got this, maybe I shouldn't have brought this up. We got this email from this hospice nurse. And she was like, your fears are so valid.

But like, I just want to tell you too that you will have people with you at the end and you've built this life for yourselves. And you'll be surrounded by people that you love. And it took me out. Like I was like, what an a beautiful message to ease those fears and that you will have people around you and you will be surrounded by love in your final days.

Just like morbidous at sounds, but it was really nice to hear from someone who witnesses those things happen every day. Yeah, and the greatest gift of this podcast is it has given me better friends, given Ashley and I reason to travel and tour and reconnect with friends from college and high school. And it's made my relationship with my parents better,

my brother, it just, it's made me a better person. And I think a better daughter, sister, friend, all of that. So that's such a gift. And now, yes, I know I'll be surrounded by people because I've used this podcast to therapy for myself. And we get to interview people like you. I'm not more listeners. Yeah, but they're at the end.

I'll do a live stream. Yeah, I'm going to stream my death. Okay. People can call in. Wow. Wow. I'll be on a feed like in the zoo where you watch the penguins. Okay.

The hawk, the hospital. Yeah. Anyway. No, thank you for taking it there. I mean, honestly, I can tell why people are addicted listening to you both. You too. It's very addictive. It's contagious.

It's amazing energy. I fully agree that whoever you decided to be with and who chooses to be with both of you are going to have such a great relationship. They have such a great time. Just love spending this time with you. And even to hear how reflective and thoughtful and how deep and just the amount of self-work that you've both done is unbelievable. And to see it in display in this way is really inspiring.

And I hope that everyone who's listening or watching can see that you can have fun and think deeply at the same time, which is important because I think there's this belief that like, oh, you can just be silly and stupid or you can be really thoughtful and reflective. And I think you both walk that path really wonderfully. So that really means the world. I don't know, like it really does,

because it's like people are dynamic and you can go on stage and do all the stuff and at the end of the day you still be like an intelligent person with depth and you can have conversations like this. So I really appreciate that. We have really appreciated that. We really appreciate that. We try to make our show like that.

We, that's what we call it, a comedy show about dating and relationships. And we've done really wild episodes with porn stars, but we've talked about sexual assault and abortion and really heavy stuff. So we're really proud of that. We hope that came across. So thank you for saying that.

Yeah, definitely. No, definitely. I hope this will be the first of many. So today's good intro for anyone who doesn't already love you and follow you. But we end every episode with the final five. Okay. And so I'm going to have to ask you, but you can decide who goes first. I don't want it.

But you have to answer the same questions. Okay. So question number one, what is the best relationship But you have to answer the same questions. Okay, so question number one, what is the best relationship advice you've ever heard received or given? So I think the best relationship advice we've heard or I can give it up one sentence. Yeah, this is going to sound counterintuitive, but the thing that's going to make you the best partner is building life for yourself that you are proud of. That is our whole show's mantra. The concept hour, it's yours. It's yours, Rayna. Oh, yeah.

It's my name. I'm the one who's going to be the first to be the first to be. I don't know. I watched that clip. Make a list of the person you want and be that person. No, I mean, but that's what I think will make you the perfect partner and the best version of yourself. You built a line.

You've already won. Ashley, Ashley. I done a second place. It's fine. I mean, listen, again, it might sound counter-intuitive to, like, manifesting and visualizing, but I really do stand by. It might not look like what you thought it was going to look like. I love that. Anything, you know, your life, but your relationship.

That's what I'm just relaxed. Just chill, and I'm so heavy, just relax. I'm just talking. All right, second question. What's the worst relationship advice you've ever heard received or given? Change yourself to fit into somebody else's life. Yeah. Right now with a quick answer, is absolutely. Just stupid stuff.

Like, don't sleep with someone up till like 14 dates. Rules. Yeah. Okay. Any rules, like we just really, we try to hammer that. I think sex roles. I think it's crazy. And we have like I'm not saying you should always sleep with them in the first. I mean, I just think those things like bog you down. Question number three, what's something you used to value in relationships that you don't

anymore? I mean, I guess you don't need to play a D1 or pro sport. to play a D-Wonder pro sport. That's all I only used to want to be with athletes. You don't have to be an athlete. Okay, got it. I don't know. I feel like I just keep adding to like the bar started so low. It was just like, do you have a pulse? No.

I don't value that anymore. Because I was, I was, I was, everyone of those girls was like, God, I did it guy with money and finance. Like I wasn't one of those people. Like it's really, it's gone backwards. For me, it's just you don't have to be a pro athlete. Yeah, I just, I had the bar was so low before.

Okay. It's of nothing. Yeah, it's a good answer. That's a good answer. Question number four, what's one episode on your podcast that you'd love everyone to listen to? Oh, it's just, what are you looking for? For this community, for this, for this community.

I like this episode we did called You're Not the One, because I feel like it goes in Cana with this today and it's just about breaking up with those people that are not the one. Yeah. We did do an episode with Lane Moore in the New Year about what do we call it? It's not being how to be alone, how to be alone along that line from your last year, 2022. And we were going to talk to you about that on our show it's not but yeah I mean so much of this is just checking with yourself being a

good version of yourself we did do a relationship before he got leave who's the psychotherapist about she's been on I love Laura yeah we love her she's not twice on both the episodes with her were great but we did one in the fall about strengthy relationship mother daughter relationships it's applicable to any parent relationship, but it really, I think helped a lot of people. So if you're looking for anything like that, I think it's really special. And everything's on our website, every episode we've ever done, you can go to girlscoutty.com. Fifth and final question, what's your biggest piece of relationship advice for each other this

year, 2023? I feel like my piece of advice for Reina has always been about the same and it's just don't go down the road with people that are not emotionally available and wouldn't be a good match. And I feel like I can sometimes see it and I'm answering more than one sentence. But I can kind of sometimes see that when she can because she's in it. And so I just would continue on that road of like pick partners that make sense. I think for you, because you just in the past, I've just said I I don't care about being relationship this year, just to prioritize it this year. And to just give yourself some grace that you don't need to work seven days a week. And you don't need to work at 10 p.m.

And like, you're allowed to take days off and you're allowed to prioritize yourself and just be in the moment and be happy. And you don't need to just be working all the time. You're allowed to quit your software. I love it. I love it. I love it. This was when she told me, actually, you run the company. You don't do work today. I was like, what? I didn't remind her of me. It's me on this company.

She was like, I just feel really stressed. Yeah, I really bought down. I was like, we own the company. You can take the day off. But I think that, you know, she has a really full life as do I, but just talking about her, she has a really full life and all these friends and she works really hard. And so it can be easy to be like, I don't have anything left in the tank today. So you, your intention is to date,

so I think you should do it. I'm trying to energetically make space. Beautiful. I love that. Raina Ashley, this has been so fun to talk to you. Everyone has been listening and watching wherever you are. Make sure you tag Raina Ashley and me with your biggest insights, take away his tips.

Moments that made you laugh, I love whatever worked for you. And stuff sure you tag Raina Ashley and me with your biggest insights, take away his tips. Moments that made you laugh, I'll allow whatever worked for you. And stuff that you're practicing, trying out this year as well. And make sure that you go and listen to and subscribe to Girls Got A Eat as well. If you want more of Raina and Ashley in your life, Raina Ashley, thank you so much for the opportunity, the joy. Thank you. This was so great.

This was great. So great for both of you. Thanks for joining on purpose. Thank you so much. Thank you. If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussie on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Har, Louis Hamilton, and many, many more.

On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on-purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. The world of chocolate has been turned upside down. A very unusual situation.

You saw this taxicaction in our office. Chocolate comes from the cacao tree, and recently, Variety's cacao, thought to have been lost centuries ago, were rediscovered in the Amazon. There is no chocolate on Earth like this. Now some chocolate makers are racing, deep into the jungle, to find the next game-changing chocolate, and I'm coming along. Okay, that was a very large crack it up. Listen to obsessions while chocolate. On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

The therapy for Black Girls podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care. to the therapy for Black Girls Podcast on the iHart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever

you get your podcast. Take good care.