On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 3 Dates Every Couple Needs to Go On & 3 Conversations You Shouldn't Avoid

Episode Date: December 2, 2022

Today, I will be sharing a snippet from my book, 8 Rules of Love, that talks about the three dates that truly matter in any relationship including finding common interest and have fun together, learning what your partner values and respecting their choices, and being open about future plans.     If you want to pre-order the book, 8 Rules of Love, go to https://8rulesoflove.com/Key Takeaways:00:00 Intro00:03:01 The 3-Date rule00:04:19 Having healthy and unhealthy disagreements00:08:18 Personality00:13:14 First Date: Have fun together00:18:31 Second Date: Respect their values00:25:44 Third Date: Share some ideas of the futureLike this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The One You Feed explores how to build a fulfilling life admits the challenges we face. We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Dr. Romani, and I am back with season two

of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. This season, we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you. Each week, you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and their process of healing. Listen to navigating narcissism on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our 20s often say as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and

figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Often what happens in relationships is we don't ask enough interesting questions to our partners, and that's why our partners can feel boring, because we stopped asking interesting questions.

And I really feel there's always another deeper, more intimate, more powerful question that we can ask to our partners. When you're learning the new things about each other, right? When you're having those moments of newness, that's what keeps things fresh. Hey everyone, welcome back to on purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. I have loved seeing all your stats from Spotify wrapped through to the Apple listening,

through to any platform, one stitch, or wherever you listen to on purpose. I've loved seeing how many hours, how many weeks, how many months, how many years you spend listening to the podcast here. I'm so deeply grateful to you. I mean it. I bump into so many of you on hikes and walks and shops and whatever it may be throughout the week and whenever you come and say you listen on purpose and you overhead my voice and store it something. It really fills my heart up. And I just want

you to know how much it matters to me and how much it means to me. I don't take it for granted. I don't see it as normal. I see it as beautiful. And if you listen here, you know me, you understand me. And I'm really excited right now because I'm sitting here with the first copy of my new book that I've received, Eight Rules of Love. And it's such a beautiful moment when you've worked on something for two years to see it come to life. And I can't wait for you to read this book. This book has so many tools, so many frameworks, meditations, reflections that are going to support you in your journey towards loving yourself, loving others, and then loving the world too. And I wanted to give you a quick sneak peek. I know that so many of already tens of thousands of you have ordered it. If you haven't already, please pre-order it at eight rulesoflove.com.

It really helps authors when you pre-order because then the book stores realize that this is exciting. People are excited and they make sure that we don't run out week one. So I'm very excited for the book to be in your hands as it is in mind right now. Hopefully you can hear it. That's me flick it through the book. But I wanted to share something that this book is not made up of things I've said before or interconnected. It's a lot of new content, new ideas, new thoughts formulated through my coaching work, formulated by working with clients formulated by ancient wisdom and modern science being paired up.

And today I wanted to share with you a concept, a sneak peek from something in the book. And it's because I feel like we always hear how the key to relationships, the key to a healthy relationship is communication. But often we're thinking, well, what do we talk about? Right? Like, what is it that we should be talking about? And in the book, I create something called the three date rule. And I believe that these are three dates that every couple has to go on. They're not three dates that have to happen as your first three dates. They're not three dates that have to happen as your first three dates.

They're not three dates that have to follow each other. They're just three really important conversations that need to happen in a relationship in order to protect, create, and build love. I think a lot of us feel that avoiding discomfort, avoiding conflict, avoiding uncomfortable situations is the root to a healthy relationship. I think it's what we've learned from the media, it's what we've probably been told by parents, it's probably what we've seen also because if you grew up in an environment where there was always conflict, where there was always fighting and arguing, we become so averse to that.

Not realizing that maybe we were exposed to an unhealthy version of it as opposed to a healthy version of it. Right? So so often we don't realize that they can be healthy, debate and disagreement and they can be healthy, debate, and disagreement. And they can be unhealthy debate and disagreement. I remember I was, okay, now you get to realize what a doork I am. I used to be on my high school debate team. Yes, that's right. I said it. I was on my high school's debate team. You can think whatever you want to think. I learned some really good skills. So I was on my high school's debate team. And at the time, you know, when I was a teenager,

I was one of those people that just loved to win for winning sake. And often when I would debate, I would find the key argument of my side or I'd find the key floor in the other side and I would go for it and I would often win. My debating coach at school, I had a debate in coach, yes, that's right, I know you're laughing, it's fine.

He said something to me that really is stuck with me. He said to me that, Jay, I know that you win, but he said that do you want to win the debate with the other person, or do you want to learn how to have a healthy debate in your mind? And that's been some of the most profound statement that I've ever heard. He was like, do you want to know how to make sense

of internal debates and internal conflict that you have, or do you just want to beat the other person? He said to me that if you truly, truly want to learn how to debate, you should know the opposing side stance as well as you know your own. Most people who know how to debate, they deeply understand their approach

and then they understand the flaws of the opposite side. But he was giving me this fresh perspective that if you really wanted to learn how to win inner battles, inner conflict, inner debates, then actually knowing both sides deeply, understanding both sides more deeply, made you far better at debating. And now no matter the outcome, you'd actually want internally. So the reason I'm sharing this is I learned that there was a healthy a form of debate. I learned that there was a healthy a form of managing conflict. And all of a sudden, I was really excited and inspired to learn. Now I'm taking that from debate at

School into our relationships if we've only ever seen bad arguments if we've only seen abusive toxic language It's very hard for us to want to walk in To a debate or a disagreement and figure out how to do it healthily so I Want to encourage you all to have uncomfortable conversations. I want to encourage you all to have challenging conversations in not debates. They're actually encouraging you to learn and grow. When we get into a relationship, we often see it as a space for enjoyment and pleasure. We wanna enjoy the other person, we wanna please the other person.

That's what a relationship can be like. And often as time goes on, we realize that the enjoyment can drop and we can stop having the desire to please them. But that's where the learning and growing needs to start. And learning and growing has something more beautiful to share than just enjoying and pleasing. And learning is the missing link between like and love. If we want to move from like to love, there's learning right in between. So these three dates, these three sets of questions, the sneak peak I'm giving you from eight rules of love, is the technique I set up to help you understand. So the first thing that we want to learn in the first

date is their personality because it's the easiest thing to spot, understand, and connect with. Do we like their personality? Do we enjoy their company? Do we like being around them? Notice how these are all different questions. Often the questions we're asking is, do they like me? Do they think I'm interesting? Do they think I'm hot, cool, whatever it may be, right? We're not sitting there going, do I enjoy their company? Is this bringing out the best in me? Do I believe that their personality

allows me to share my personality? Now, I read an incredible study that I have to share with you because I really wanted to inform how you do this stage. As you know, in my book, in my podcast, I get very specific, I get scientific, I share studies, I share practical, tactical tools, which is the difference here. We're not just talking about ideas, we're talking about insights that can transform your life. And this study showed that for someone to be seen as a casual connection, we have to spend 40 hours with them.

40 hours makes someone a casual connection in our lives. Mind blowing. The study goes on to say 100 hours, make someone a good friend, not a best friend or a great friend, a good friend. And the study concludes that 200 hours of time spent with someone makes them a great friend, a deep friend, an intimate friend.

The question you have to ask yourself when you're dating or when you're with someone is am I curious to spend 200 hours with this person? Am I intrigued? Do I like who I am becoming? I think one of the biggest questions, and this is one of the biggest myths out there that I wanna bust, and I want you to share this

with all your friends because I know they're hearing this. So many people are hearing the advice, make a list of what you want in someone. That's when you'll know you found the one. Make a list when you make a list of exactly what you want and manifest it. Make a list when you make a list of exactly what you want and manifest it. Make a list. You want them to be tall, dark, handsome, funny, smart, pretty, beautiful, whatever it may

be. Make a list. That's what people say. I'm here to tell you that that list can often limit you away from love. The list I want you to make is how will you be the best version of you in love? How will you know you're in love because the best of you will come out? What does it look like when you're at your best? How do you feel when you're at your best is that how you want to feel in love?

That's what you're looking for. You're looking to feel those things because guess what? Otherwise someone might be kind, they might be funny, they might check everything off that list and you still looking to feel those things because guess what? Otherwise someone might be kind, they might be funny, they might check everything off that list and you still won't feel how you want to feel. So start with what is it that you will feel, not what they'll make you feel? How do you think you will behave?

How do you think you will act in a healthy relationship? What do you think will be brought out of you when you act in a healthy relationship? What do you think will be brought out of you when you're in a healthy relationship? That is a much better metric. That is a much better measure for how you'll know you'll be with the right person. Because often we're able to be a different person for 40 hours. Maybe we might even be good enough

to be someone else for 100 hours, but you can't pretend to be someone for over 200 hours. Or if you've tried, you'd be really tough. You'd be really challenging. And so I don't want you to pretend to be someone you don't want to be for 200 hours, because you have something more to offer than that. So I don't want you to pretend to be someone you don't want to be for 200 hours, because you have something more to offer than that. So I don't want you to make the list of what you want in a partner,

and I also don't want you to make the list of like, who you're going to be in a relationship like, oh, I'm going to be loving, I'm going to be this, I'm going to become everything. That's good too. But I want you to go to a step further and go, how do I know I'm behaving at my best? How will I act when I'm at my best?

If I feel like someone's bringing the best out of me, what does that look like? What will that feel like? Like I know that I would be driven towards my purpose. I would feel energized, daily. I would feel happy in the morning and evening to be with them. I would be excited to see them. I would feel comfortable opening my heart and talking about what I'm really going through. I would be patient if they're really important to

me. That list is going to transform how you view the potential partner you're with or the partner you're dating right now. So the first date is do you have fun together? Do you enjoy each other's company? Remember this isn't your first date chronologically, it's a date that needs to happen in your mind. Does conversation flow? What makes you comfortable and what makes you uncomfortable? That is an important question. What about your partner makes you feel uncomfortable and asking yourself before you challenge them on it, before you poke it out and put it out in front of them, asking yourself, why does it make you feel uncomfortable? Does it make you feel uncomfortable because of trigger you have from your parents? Does it make you feel uncomfortable because of something you've adopted or is it important to you?

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It's where I'm gonna end up, and I jump. Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters living outside society, off the grid and on the edge. I was in love with a lifestyle and the freedom this community. No one understands who we truly are. The rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood, history, and that thing we call the American dream. It's the last vestige of American freedom. Everything about it is extreme. You're either

going to die, or you can have this incredible rebirth and really understand who you are. Come with me to find out what waits for us in the City of the Rails. Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Or, cityoftherails.com. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. O'Prob. Everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it.

Kobe Bryant. The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Haw. It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to create change. Luron's Hamilton. That's for me being taken that moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself, because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself. And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn.

On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys, and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on-purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Join the journey soon. Often our rage or anger or frustration with our partner is adopted from our parents. If our parents found something annoying about their partner, we can often find the same thing annoying about our partners.

I know someone whose mom was always upset that their dad came home late from work. Now, the person I know really loves their partner and loves how hard they work, but in the beginning, they used to get triggered and they'd be like, why do you always come home late? And the partner would say, well, you know what I've been working on?

We talked about it like I thought we were really aware that we're committed that this year we're really working harder so we can save up so that we can move into a bigger place. And they'd be fine with that answer and that would connect with them. That's how they felt too, but there was still this internal trigger

that was pushing them there. So when we find or discover our uncomfortability, we first want to ask, where is that coming for us? Is it really true to us? If the answer is yes, like this is actually an issue for me personally, this is something that makes me feel uncomfortable. Let me raise that. The first day is to find out if you really enjoy each other's personalities.

And I'm going to give you some questions that I think are beautiful to ask in a first date. What's something you love to do? Most people have never asked this question. Do you have a favorite place and why? Why is as important as what? Is there a book or a movie you've read or seen more than once? I love this question.

It says so much about them. You learn so much about them. And that's the key here, right? Like love is learning, learning is love. If you love someone, you want to learn about them. I remember that I was traveling recently and different groups of people came up to me and we were taking pictures and talking, they listened to the podcast and they read things like a monk and they were saying how excited they are for the next book and all that kind of stuff was going on. And there are a few people who had no clue who I was, right?

Like no idea, no idea. And then they came up to me and then they were like, what do you do? Like, you know, and then they asked for a picture to me about like, you don't know who I am. Like, you don't know what I do. This is really weird. But they were like, what do you do? And it was really interesting that because they saw people show me love, they wanted to learn about me.

And that's what I think is really interesting. I'm just taking that as an idea that if you love someone or if you want to love someone, learning about them and continuing to learn about them is so key to a relationship. And often what happens in relationships is relationships become old, old, which means you've had an old relationship and you only know the things you knew about them 10, 20 years ago. Have you got that friend where they thank you for the same thing over and over and over again from like 20 years ago?

Or your only memory that you ever talk about is from school. You haven't made any new memories. That's an old, old relationship. I want you to have new, old relationships, which is you're learning new things about someone who's been in your life for a long time. When you're learning those new things about each other, right, when you're having those moments of newness,

that's what keeps things fresh. This is a great question. What is occupying your thoughts most at the moment? What's something you wish you knew more about? I love this question because no matter how long you've been with someone, I did this with Rady the other day. We were both trying to pick books we want to read. Actually, we weren't.

We were actually having this conversation and I was like, what is it that we want to know more about? And she asked me actually, she was like, do you know any books in this area? And I started Amazoning books for her and sending her stuff and got it all wrong. And she knew what you wanted to read. And then I was like, oh, wait a minute. What do I want to read about this holiday season?

Like, I'm gonna, you know, be traveling, have some downtime, like, I want to read something, I want to learn something. What's the best meal you've ever had? I'd love that conversation, especially if you're with a foodie as my wife is. So these are not interview questions, right? This isn't a conversation where you're interviewing

and interrogating, you're also sharing, you're also revealing, so make sure you have your answers ready as well. And use it as a point of starting healthier conversations, I think we don't ask enough interesting questions to our partners, and that's why our partners can feel boring. Sometimes because we stopped asking interesting questions. And I really feel there's always another deeper,

more intimate, more powerful question that we can ask to our partners. Okay, date two. Again, this could happen at any point. And this one is all about whether you respect their values. I am a huge, huge whether you respect their values. I am a huge, huge, proponent of values. Everyone has values, whether they know it or not. And our genuine, realist values

are where we spend our time, where we spend our money, and where we spend our energy. We may think we have different values, but that is our value of where we spend that. Now, you may have a reason why you spend your time there, why you spend your money there that underpins that as your deeper value, but we have to be really honest about, it's not just about intention, it's about where our actions are with our values as well. When I talk about respecting your partner's values, there's something really interesting here because a lot of the times we like their personality, but we don't respect their values,

we would like their values to change. Sometimes we would like them to value what we value. If you want your partner to value what you value, you are devaluing them. If you want your partner to love what you love as much as you love it, they're going to feel that they don't have time to love what they want to love. Your partner doesn't have to love what you love. They have to love the way you love it. That's the key, right?

Your partner doesn't have to love what you love. They have to love the way you love it. That's the key. Your partner doesn't have to love what you love. They have to love the way you love it. So when I think about Rady, Rady loves food. I like food. I enjoy it. I can't love food the way Rady does, but I can love the way she loves it. I love the way she gets excited about sharing a new recipe with me. I love the way she makes videos and talks about food.

I love the way. So I love what she does with it. Similarly, Raleigh doesn't love what I do as much as I do. She can't. It's not her value system, but she loves me for loving it. She loves how I feel when I'm teaching and guiding and coaching and and all the work that I do. And so I really want to help you understand that respecting someone's values is asking yourself, do I like how this person operates in the world?

Can I appreciate why they operate that way? And that's often the question of like, you may not be able to respect someone's value before you understand why they value it. Right, like that's the key. Like you can't just respect someone's value because you're a respectful person. You respect someone's value because you understand deeply why they're so committed to it. And often in our partnerships, we don't understand why deeply because our

partners may not understand why they deeply are connected to it. So you can gently encourage your partners share meaningful stories and details about their life, take turns with these questions and make sure again that it's not an interview. In fact, if they hesitate over a question, you might say, I know it's a hard question. I'll go first, right? Like I think that's the part often upon us and we say, Oh, well, that's the end of the conversation. It has to be self-disclosure as well, right? Escalating self-disclosure is a really important tool and it's a slow build. Sometimes when we're ready to share,

we think it's the right time for them to open up as well. But people do this at their own pace, in their own time. Ask questions and listen carefully to the response to gauge if the person is hesitant. Give them openings to change the subject, asking is this too heavy a topic? questions and listen carefully to the response to gauge if the person is hesitant. Give them openings to change the subject, asking is this too heavy a topic? Or would you rather not go there right now? I think that's the caveats that are needed, right?

Like if you're forcing your partner in a direction versus encouraging them, then by the way, I literally would have this with the other time. I'll say, Hey, that's a good time to talk about, you know, your goals for 2023. Do you want to talk about that? You're like, no, no, no, Jay, like was a good time to talk about, you know, your goals for 2023, do you want to talk about that? And she'll be like, no, no, no, Jay, I don't want to talk about it right now, right? And that's beautiful. I can't force it.

And I may say, well, I'm ready to talk about mine. Let me know when you're ready to listen, right? So here are some questions for date number two to respect their values. Who's the most fascinating person you've ever met, right? Shows you what they value. Without you even asking them their values. What's the most out of character thing you've ever done

or would like to do? Great question because it makes you go, oh, if that's out of character, that's not their character. Have you ever had a big plot twist in your life? How did you deal with it? If you won the lottery, what would you spend the money on? Ah, I think that's a real value driver. Notice I'm giving you questions,

where you're not just sitting down and going, what do you value? What are your values, right? Because that can be uncomfortable. What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done? What is a tough thing you dealt with in your past? What makes you proud? Big one, what makes you proud is usually what you value?

And what would you do if you had enough money to not need a job? It shows you what they value and these values are things you respect, the things you remind them of, they're things that you can continue to use to grow that relationship. It's information and insight that you can remind that person of when they're losing passion, when your partner's losing passion, when your partner's losing interest, when they've lost a bit of steam, these are the things that you remind them of. You're not just giving them random advice like, well, maybe you should do this. Or maybe you should do this. My friend did this and it helped them. No, what

were their values that they've lost connection to? It helps you become a better partner and it helps you know whether they're the right partner for you. You're never going to have the same values as someone exactly. You're never going to want to spend your time in exactly the same ways or do exactly the same things. Can you respect why your partner wants to do what they want to do? Can you find the middle ground being flexible with each other, flexible and adaptability towards why. Like, Rady and I love spending time relaxing sometimes on the beach,

and I also like doing activities. Rady likes doing activities sometimes, and she can be pretty happy doing almost anything. And we realized that when we go on vacation, we do one day activity, one day rest at the hotel. One day activity, one day rest at the hotel. And that became a system and a rhythm that we use in order to respect her values.

She knows I need to sleep and relax sometimes. I know that she'll go with the flow and she's open to new ideas, but she also wants to have a good time and be active, right? I know that Riley will never trade on a workout every day. It's a big part of her mental health routine. So I know she's not gonna do that. So I will never plan a meeting around joyo.

Oh, by the way, thank you for all the love for joyo, anyone who's in LA who's supporting joyo at AirOne. I'm so grateful. And we are trying to get it across the country. So we're working on that, everyone else. But like I would never plan a joyo meeting during Raddy's workout because I know how much that's a non-negotiable for her and I may change my workout to go to a work thing because I value my purpose as well deeply

But that doesn't mean I'm expecting that off my partner. I'm not saying wow you don't value it enough, right? You're finding the right time to do things around both of your values. And often we just want people to change their values and value what we value. Okay, date number three. Date three should occur when it feels natural to share some of your ideas for the future. Just as you don't need to share the same values, you don't need to have the same goals.

One of you might have your whole life mapped out me, and the other might still be exploring, rather, what gives their life meaning? On date three, you can try out some deeper questions, such as the ones listed below. And I'm going to share them with you now. But before I do that, this is all about, am I committed to helping you achieve your goals?

That's the question. That's the difference between love and friendship. In friendship, you support your friends course, but in a relationship, you're committed to helping your partner achieve their goals. You wanna see them get there all the way. You're gonna be there helping them get there all the way. And so you have to know what their goals are.

I think this also applies to things like kids. And there's so many couples who've been together for like three to five years before they talk about kids. Only to realize their partner doesn't want kids at all and they really want kids. That conversation could have been had a long time before. And I'm not saying you would have not been with that person.

It's just having an uncomfortable conversation without the emotions of five years is a lot easier in the first five months. Even if it feels awkward in five months, I promise you it's more awkward in five years. When you realize your partner doesn't want a child, and now you're thinking, wow, I've wasted time, do I need to change, what do I do? Right? And so conversations like, do you have a dream

you'd like to fulfill one day, a job, a trip, and a accomplishment? What would you like to change about your life? If you could meet anyone, who would it be? Is there a single moment or experience that change your life? and looking towards the future? Is there something that you think, I don't know that you might want to do in like 10 years time, that is really important to you?

I think that we often think about questions like, what's your plan for the future, right? It's not a plan, it's learning about someone's goals, where they see themselves, what they want to do. That will very well give you so much more insight and a relationship. And the question we're asking is not do I like their goals or do I want to change their goals? Is do I want to help them get there?

Do I think that that's beautiful? Do I think this is a beautiful person who has beautiful goals and do I want to help them get there? And their goals don't have to be big. Their goals don't have to be to build a billion dollar company. Their goals don't have to be to save a city or a country. Like their goal doesn't have to be that, right? I think we think about goals and achievements

as these big overarching things. Their goal could be simpler. And it's not about the complexity of the simplicity. It's about whether you want to help them get there. So those are three dates, three conversations that I deeply, deeply, deeply want you to have in your relationship. And don't avoid these. Even if they're uncomfortable, even if they feel awkward, find a healthy way. And that's the key thing here. Don't raise them as interrogations. Don't raise them as interventions, don't raise them as accusations, raise them with affection, raise them with intimacy, raise them with connection.

Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for being here for 2022. I promise you 2023 is going to be an even better year for on purpose. This year was unbelievable. The growth has been incredible. Your support has been phenomenal. But next year, we'll be going to another level. And I hope you're going to join me, I hope you're going to be with me. I want you to have an amazing holiday season. And we're not stopping. You know, on purpose is on. Twice a week, every

week, all year round, you get 104 episodes a year, and 52 week, We don't stop. And we've got a whole catalogue now of three and a half years of contents. You got over 300 episodes to listen to to catch up if you haven't already. Thank you for being here. I appreciate you. I'll see you soon. When my daughter went off to hop trains, I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard. This is what it sounds like inside the box-car. And into the city of the rails. There I found a surprising world so brutal and beautiful that it changed me, but the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there, and if you want to play with the devil, you're going to find them there in the rail yard. Undinnell Morton, come with me to find out

what waits for us and the city of the rails. Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or cityoftherails.com. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply Well Podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your wellbeing journey. Deeply well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow,

to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to Kidnap her lover, and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment.

They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.