On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 3 Reasons I Became a Monk for 3 Years

Episode Date: March 1, 2019

In today’s episode I share what led me to becoming a monk and most importantly why I did it, so that it might help you become more clear on your decision making.I’d like to share with you the thought process I learned from my mentors that will help guide you through making the biggest decisions of your life.Are you planting seeds or weeds?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nunehm. I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bond-vivant, but mostly a human just trying to figure out what it's all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things. It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand it, I try to get invited to a local's house for dinner, where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party,

it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. If I wanted to be a soccer player or a football player, I would have learned from David Beckham. If I wanted to be a business person, I would have learned from one buffer of Bill Gates for Mark Zuckerberg. But I wanted to learn how to master the mind and I wanted to learn how to master myself. And there's no greater master in that door process than the monks. Welcome back to on purpose.

I am genuinely so grateful and so honored to be serving you as part of this community. Thank you so much for all the support, subscribing, rating and reviewing and most importantly for listening and sharing your insights. I hope you enjoyed all the last few podcasts already. If you haven't subscribed already, make sure you do. And please, please, please leave a review. It will mean so much to me. Today, I'm letting you in. I'm going to tell you about the full story, the three reasons why I decided to become a monk for three years. Now, you may have heard me tell this in different places, in interviews, maybe in bits and parts, et cetera,

but in this podcast, I'm going to guide you through my decision making so that you can get a deeper understanding behind why I did what I did, how I did it, and what it looked like. So, I want you to get ready for those three reasons why I decided to become a monk for three years. And what I want this podcast to do is I wanted to help you become more clearer about your decision making. I wanted to help you to get more clearer thoughts on your

values. I want to help you get more clarity on the choices in your life. We all have to make tough decisions, tough choices and they're always challenges in our way. But this thought process that I'm going to guide you through right now is going to help you make the biggest decisions of your life. If that's something that you've been thinking about, if that's something that's you've been challenged by, then you're in the right place. I was born and raised in London, obviously you can tell by my accent. And until the age of 13, I was an overweight child, a teacher's pet, an obedient son. Right? I always followed the rules. I always did exactly what my family and my parents wanted to do. I tried to do everything the way they wanted me to do it, and I tried to be a good person.

When I turned 14 though, everything went the opposite. I started spending time in circles that didn't necessarily reflect my values, all the values my parents wanted me to have. I got involved in absolutely everything from drugs to violence to crime, and the funny thing is is that it didn't suit me. I'm not an aggressive personality. I'm not even intimidating at

all, but I just got involved with the wrong people in the wrong circles. I was just lucky I never directly hurt anyone. It was the part of me that was looking for meaning. I was looking for fulfillment. I was looking for something to live for. As Martin Luther King said, if you have nothing to die for, you have nothing to live for. But I was looking for the right thing in the completely wrong places. And I'm sure you've been there, be honest with yourself. How many times have you been in a position where you're chasing something or doing something? But then when you reflect, you're like, that's not even what I want.

Why am I even doing that? Is it your surrounding that's making you like that? Is it some thoughts or some people? Whatever it may be, it's really important to reflect on it. My reasoning at the time was wanting to fit in, wanting to have a shared experience and bond over something. It was that fear of missing out and all the other things that we experience in a heightened way in our teens. I thought it was cool and made me look tougher and gain more respect from my peers, when actually it just made me weaker and removed me further from who I was.

That period in my life lasted for around four years from age 14 to 18. And it's funny, how sometimes when you're making the worst decisions in your life, you'll end up making some good ones. I became really fascinated with rags to riches stories and people who went from nothing to something. It wasn't about them becoming rich or famous or quote unquote successful. It was about how they were able to rise against all odds when nothing was in their favor. How they overcame personal challenges and the criticism they faced from other people's opinions. I remember reading the autobiography of the rock and the autobiography of David Beckham at the time.

I remember reading about the rock's humble beginnings, traveling with his father and the many challenges he had to overcome to become who he is today, and at that time, he was still wrestling. He wasn't one of the highest-paid actors in the world like he is today. And then I remember one story in David Beckham's life, too. This one has stayed with me for a long, long time. When he was younger and all his friends were out partying, clubbing, drinking, quote-unquote having the time of their life, he talked about how he used to go to the park most nights and practice his skills. He would actually hang up the tire of a car in the top corners of the goals in a park, and he would try and get as many

free kicks into those tires. And he wouldn't go until he could get them really consistent. It's no surprise that today's regarded as one of the best free kick takers of all time in the whole world. I started to notice the value of hard work. I started to notice the value of sacrifice, of discipline, of persistence to get to one's goals. The challenge was, I didn't have any. At the time, I didn't have a goal, apart from having a good life, but I knew there was something deeper. I just didn't know it yet. And I'd been through my first set of challenges growing up, the death of people that were really close to me, people that I loved, not always having things go my way, people stabbing me in the back metaphorically, people lying to me, etc. All the things that we all go through. But

I knew there was more to it. By 18, I used to try and take every opportunity to hear from people who had gone from nothing to something, celebrities, entrepreneurs, authors, and experts. I wanted to hear about their failures. I wanted to hear about their setbacks. I wanted to hear about their growth and how they got there. One evening, I was invited to hear from a monk. I wasn't totally interested. I thought, what could I possibly learn from a monk? This was in 2006. I think I said something to my friends like, as long as we go to a bar afterwards, I'm in.

I went there with zero expectations. And meeting this monk completely changed the trajectory of my life. Not only was this monk charismatic and captivating, everything he said was resonating with me so deeply. He spoke about how the most incredible thing we can do with our lives is to serve others with our talents and make a difference in the world. Now this I've observed through reflecting on this moment many times and I only gained this through looking back on the moment. At the age of 18, I had met a lot of

people that were rich. I had met a lot of people that were famous. I had even met a lot of people that were beautiful or good looking and I had met people that were strong. But I don't think I'd met anyone who was truly happy. That was the energy I got from him. He didn't need any external validation to be happy. So, like any keen and eager person, I waited till the end of the presentation and I wanted to speak to him and straight after the talk. And then I realized he'd given up jobs at some of the biggest companies in the world

to become a monk. He didn't become a monk because he had nothing else to do. He became a monk because he wanted to be one. And I was blown away. I thought, wow, why would anyone who has everything leave it all behind? Because all me and my friends were all trying to get jobs at these companies.

And here was a very successful man who given it all up to become a monk monk to serve people. Until that point, I was impressed by people who had gone from nothing to something, but here was someone who had chosen to go from something to nothing. And he became my role model. This is what it sounds like inside the box card. I'm journalist and I'm Wharton in my podcast City of the Rails. I plung into the dark world of America's railroads, searching for my daughter Ruby, who ran off to hop train.

I'm just like stuck on this train, not where I'm gonna end up, and I jump. Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters, living outside outside society off the grid and on the edge. I was in love with a lifestyle and the freedom this community. No one understands who we truly are. The rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood history and the thing we call the American dream. It's the last vestige of American freedom. Everything about it is extreme. You're either going to die or you can have this incredible rebirth and really understand who you are. Come with me to find out what waits for us in the city of the rails. Listen to city of the rails on the iHeart Radio app, Apple

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Situation doesn't look good. There is risk too far. And my whole view on astrology? It changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think your ideas are going to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive in the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, and my podcast deeply well is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental health

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you listen to podcasts. Big love. Namaste. Now, I've always considered myself an experimented. It's probably why between 14 to 18, I did everything. I've literally tried so many things in my life that you can't even imagine. And I did this because I am someone who learns through experience.

I wanted to experiment with his lifestyle and see if it worked for me. What I did over the next four years was crazy. I spent my summer holidays divided between two lives. For half of my break, I would be interning at a corporate company, spending my time in suits, bars and the fast life, and spending the other half of my summer holidays, living in India, wearing robes, sleeping on the floor, meditating and living as a monk. After four years, aged 18-22 of living two lives, experimenting and learning and observing,

I decided I wanted to become a monk, more than work in the corporate world or any other path at the time for that matter. Those four years made it clear to me of what I wanted in my life. And it wasn't four years in total, it was the summer holidays. And so, why did I do it? I want to share with you the three reasons that made this decision, the right decision for me. And when you're listening,

I want you to reflect on how you can apply it to some of the tough decisions in your life. When I was young, like most people, I was impressed by luxuries. And as I grow older, I realized it was about inner peace. I want to share this quote from Kool-E. It's one of my favorites. You've probably heard me say it before, but it goes something like this. Coolie said, the challenge today is, I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am. Just let that blow your mind for a moment.

I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am. So basically, he's saying we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves. Meaning, if we think someone thinks we're smart, we feel smarter. If we think someone thinks we don't look good, we feel like we don't look good. At that time in my life, monks became my role models, and inner peace and self awareness became my goal. Now, if I wanted to learn how to play basketball,

I would have wanted to learn from Jordan, Kobe, or LeBron James, right? I would have wanted their coaches or them as my coaches. If I wanted to be a movie director, I would have wanted to learn from Spielberg or Scorsese. If I wanted to be a musician, I would have wanted to learn from Michael Jackson. If I wanted to be a soccer player, a football player, I would have learned from David Beckham. If I wanted to be a musician, I would have wanted to learn from Michael Jackson. If I wanted to be a soccer player, a football player, I would have learned from David Beckham.

If I wanted to be a business person, I would have learned from one buffer of Bill Gates from Mark Zuckerberg. But I wanted to learn how to master the mind. And I wanted to learn how to master myself. And there's no greater master in that thought process than the monks. When they did a study behind the brain scans of a monk, a 12 year brain study on meditation and compassion led by neuroscientists from the University of Wisconsin, Richard Davidson, Davidson hooked up a monk's brain to 256 senses and found that when he was meditating

on compassion, his mind was unusually light. And I quote, the scans showed that when meditating on compassion, the monk's brain produces a level of gamma waves, those linked to consciousness, attention, learning, and memory. Never reported before in the neuroscience literature, Davidson said. The scans also showed excessive activity in his brain's left prefrontal cortex compared to its right counterpart, allowing him an abnormally large capacity for happiness and a reduced propensity towards negativity. So it's not only a feeling, it's not only an energy scientifically proven that the minds of monks who are meditating on compassion, on empathy, meditating,

connecting with divine energy to something special about that. I experienced that as part of my experiment and I wanted that to become my reality. I wanted that to be where I focused my energy. So here's tip number one from reason number one. Find a mentor and role model and learn from them. Learn with them. Spend time with them and shadow them. Do their schedule with them.

Don't just ask questions and take notes, although that's really good. Observe and watch. When you're around people that you admire, follow their schedule, follow what they do to become that, follow what they're being to become that. And if you can't meet them, you can also get mentored by their books, their podcasts, their vlogs. See, we live in this beautiful world where you can now

have access to someone's personal thinking process and methodology all through digital media. I've been mentored by plenty of people I've never met. Steve Jobs' Icon is one of my strongest mentors, even though I never had the fortune of knowing him, meeting him or knowing anyone who knows him. And that also includes people like Albert Einstein. I've loved studying the life of Einstein and it has inspired me so deeply. Write this down. You can be mentored by people that you've never met. In my monk teachings, I learned about two important things, they're known as Vani and Vapu. Vapu is the physical presence of a teacher. Vani is their guidance. So in the absence of the physical presence of a teacher or a guide, you can learn through their words,

you can learn through their observations, you can learn through understanding their thoughts. In the monk teachings, these are considered non-different from each other. I wanted to be around people who had the values I valued, not the things I wanted. Hear me say that again. I wanted to be around the people who had the values I valued, not the things I wanted. Be careful who your role models are. Just because someone has the car you want or the home you want doesn't make them your role model. Make it about their values, not about their valuables, right? It's so important. Your role model should not be defined by their result. It should be defined by their mindset. Your role model should not be defined by their car or their home. It should be defined by their character. Your role model should not be defined just by their net worth. It should be defined by their character. Your role model should not be defined just by their net worth.

It should be defined by how they invest in relationships. I truly believe that school and the society and culture had widened me so much into what I thought success was that I needed to unlearn all of those things and being a monk would let me do that. Now, you don't need to go off and become a monk to do that. You need to find your mentors based around your values and start connecting with them and spending time with them.

Now, here's reason number two of why I decided to become a monk. I wanted to grow as a person. I didn't want humility or compassion and empathy to be concepts. I wanted to live them. I didn't want discipline, character and integrity to just be things I read about. I wanted to live them. I wanted to turn what I was learning into application. Einstein said, if you can't explain something simply, you don't understand it well enough. I was convinced that the lessons I was learning were relevant to the modern world and I wanted

to dive into them deeper so that I could share them with other people. I had that desire from day one. I found these principles. I started meditating and I really wanted to share them. Now, I had no idea that I'd ever get to share them in this incredibly global way with all of you. I remember going to universities to speak and literally no one would show up. This is now over 10 years ago, but I remember going to one university in London twice, zero people showed up. I gave the talk nevertheless to an empty room with four walls as if it was packed. tea room with four walls as if it was packed. Today, when I get to speak to tens of thousands of people in audiences,

I remember that moment where I practiced and prepared for what I get to do today. I'm genuinely so grateful that I had those experiences. Becoming a monk allowed me to focus on what I truly valued. And you can think about this in terms of your career. How many times have you taken a career because of the pay instead of what you actually get to do? How many times have you decided to take a role at work

or a project at work because of the prestige or the ego as opposed to what you actually have to do every day? This is the beauty of this decision making. When you make a decision based on what you want to learn, how you want to grow, what you want to focus on, you will attract wealth, you will attract money, you will attract all the success and all the recognition.

But if you choose that first, you give up the most important thing, how you feel about yourself. In the 1680s, a feisty, opera singer burned down a nunnery and stole away with her secret lover. In 1810, a pirate queen negotiated her cruiseway to total freedom, with all their loot. During World War II, a flirtatious gambling double agent helped keep D-Day a secret from the Germans.

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When a relationship breaks down, I take copious notes, and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for you. But if you're going to eat it, they're not gonna stop you. Yup. So he's gonna continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him.

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learning new skills is the mental equivalent of pumping iron. Listen to before breakfast on the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you get your podcasts. So when it comes to making career decisions, when it comes to making relationship decisions, don't base them on an external element. Base them on what it's going to be like every day. We based it on a paycheck, we based it on a result, but we don't based on what it's going to

feel like to wake up every day and do that thing, what it's going to feel like waking up every day and being with that person. That's what you have to think about because that's what life is made up of. Life genuinely isn't made up of the big moments, it's made up of the small ones. Right? It's made up of how you feel every it's made up of the small ones, right? It's made up of how you feel every moment, every day, every week, every year. It's not made up by those big things. So that's something that I wanted to become a monk for. My tip there is make sure that you choose and make decisions based on more

than just money or pride or ego or status. Make them based on what truly, truly brings your soul alive. I do this activity regularly where I plot all my decisions and choices and I write down why I would take that decision. So for example, I'm in the process right now of signing my book deal. I am so excited to share my book with you. And when I'm looking at the various offers that I'm receiving from my book, I'm dividing it by three things. I'm looking at strategy, energy, and money. And in all my decisions in life, I look at alignment across these three. Energy.

Do I feel the right energy from my partners? Am I feeling like I'm bringing my best energy? Does my energy feel excited and alive? The second question. Do my partners understand strategy? And do I feel I have strategic insight into what I'm trying to do? And then the third thing, naturally naturally is of course money as well. And when you look at life through a lineman, you're able to experience that. So when I look at a choice, I write

above it, whether I would do it based on ego, whether I do it based on pride, whether I'm doing it just because people will be impressed. Am I doing it because it makes me happy because it makes me feel, because it makes me feel meaningful, because it brings me joy. So what I call that is seed versus weed. When an intention is negative, I pride, competition, putting someone else down, envy. That's a weed in our life.

And when you're doing something because it brings you love, happiness, joy, focus, loving your family, providing for your family. Those things are positive and seeds. So consistently choosing and planting seeds in your life as opposed to weeds grows a beautiful garden to live in. So that's tip number two. And finally, reason number three for why I became a monk.

One of my favorite thoughts is from Muhammad Ali. He said, service to others is the rent we pay for our room here on earth. The monks made me realize that service and impact with the real currency of happiness, not wealth, fame or anything else. This was a huge paradigm shift for me, but something that I've experienced time and time again.

We would always say, plant trees under whose shade you do not plan to sit. Think about that for a moment. When a seed is planted, the plantar may never see the tree grow, but someone will. The plantar may never taste the fruits, but someone will. The plantar may never rest in the shade of the tree, but someone will. This was the monk mindset, recognizing that your actions do matter and make an impact. And even if you don't see the impact, the process is that special. I became convinced that using your talents to serve others was the goal of life. And I wanted to experience that.

I often say your passion is for you and your purpose is for others. When you find what you're passionate about and you do it, it makes you happy. When you use what makes you happy to make others happy to serve them, that's a purpose. And that's what I got to experience, whether we were building sustainable villages or food distribution programs, I was genuinely living to serve and make a difference in the world. That mindset has stayed with me. It's the biggest part of how I govern my life. And the most amazing thing is, I was speaking about this at a huge corporate conference last

year, and then senior executive approached me. And he said, how old were you when you got exposed to servant leadership, service mindset, something that he had come across? And I said, I got exposed to it when I was 18. He said, you're so fortunate. I said, I think I know what you mean, but can you tell me more? He said, the first time I believed that life was about more than me was when I had a child. He said, that was the first time I had to recognize

that I had to think about someone else apart from myself. He said, I wish I'd learned that earlier. And he said that he's been taking his children to different parts of the world, where people have less so that they can gain perspective and gratitude, but also be activated to serve and help. So he'd taken what he believed was missing and made sure that he was providing it for his children.

That story from him really, really stated me. So my third tip for my third reason is you have two methods. You either discover your talents and then start using them for others or you start helping others and then you'll discover your talents and then start using them for others or You start helping others and then you'll discover your talent. I actually discovered what I love doing by helping others When I got involved in serving and giving my time towards volunteering to help other people I did everything from serve food to organize events to cleaning up to up, to project manage, to organize retreats.

I got so much experience. And then I remember the first time I was asked to share that experience. I remember the first time I studied the books and I had to make that relevant practical and innovative and accessible. That was the day I realized I loved sharing wisdom in a practical, accessible and relevant way. So I actually discovered my passion by serving others first. So there's

two methods. Some of us know what we're passionate about and we serve through it. Or you start serving and you figure out your passion, either method works. You don't have to think about this as something huge like you have to change the world. But don't also think about it as too small like, oh, I'm just, you know, I just have to help someone tomorrow and I'll feel better about myself.

When you really use your skills, your talents, your abilities to help someone even a little bit will make such a big difference in your life. You help someone even a little bit who makes such a big difference in your life. You help someone in a small way, it will change your life in a big way, right? This is about thinking about how you can make a difference in someone's life. And sometimes the item in staying away

and keeping a distance, but I'm talking about using what you have, using the gifts you have to serve. At age 22, I decided to shave my head, wear robes, sleep on the floor, become a monk and live out of a gym locker. It was actually an easy decision because I'd experimented, failed, tried, and watched the

lifestyle, observed the lifestyle through those summer holidays between 18 to 22. And that's an added lesson I want to throw in there. If you're wondering whether something's right or wrong for you, if you're not sure and it's a big decision, test it for one day. If it's right for one day, test it for one week. If it's right for one day, test it for one week. If it's right for one week, test it for one month. Build experiments into your life. Testing something for one day, one week and a one week

is a brilliant way of understanding how you feel about it when you do it every single day. I then ended up living as among for three years. Why I left that life is for a different episode. Thank you so much for listening today. I hope you're enjoying these solo episodes every single Friday. I tell you a personal story and I share my personal lessons and insights. I genuinely hope you're gonna click subscribe. Please rate and review the show and share your best insight on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn, wherever you're using. Please, please, please share your insights. I'm always looking out for them and I'll repost a few as well.

Thank you so much for listening again. Make sure you check out next week episode on Monday. We're gonna have a brand new guest I can't wait for you to hear it. Thank you so much. Have a great day. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to Kidnap her lover, and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast.

Check it out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions. Like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eugelman on the IHART Radio app Apple Podcasts

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