On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 4 Proven Strategies for Dating and Relationships & Unlock the Secrets to Lasting Love (Special Episode)

Episode Date: February 3, 2023

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Today, I am going to share with you a snippet of my latest book, 8 Rules of Love’s introduction. The book is a powerful and thought-provoking guide to understanding the true meaning and importance of love in our lives. Included are my own personal experiences and wisdom, as well as insights from ancient spiritual traditions, to offer practical and actionable advice for cultivating deeper and more meaningful connections with ourselves and others.   Key Takeaways:00:00:00 Intro00:02:27 The difference between like and love 00:05:31 Many forms of love00:08:09 The Vedas00:10:53 The Practice of Love00:14:35 The First Ashram - Preparing for Love00:15:42 The Second Ashram - Practicing Love00:17:02 The Third Ashram - Protecting Love00:18:00 The Fourth Ashram - Perfecting LoveLike this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The One You Feed explores how to build a fulfilling life admits the challenges we face. We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown,

host of the Deeply Well Podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your wellbeing journey. Deeply well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share ten incredible stories with you. Stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. Listen to season 8 of Family Secrets on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Everyone's got advice for us, but it's hard to know what advice to follow and where to start. We can't expect to get love right when we've never been educated on how to give or receive it. We think there's a perfect person out there for us, a soulmate, the one, and dating apps reinforce that belief. That's wonderful when it happens, but it doesn't happen to everyone and it doesn't always stay so perfect. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier and more healed. Now my new book, Eight Rules of Love, just came out three days ago.

I am so excited for you to read it. If you haven't already ordered it, you can order it right now at 8 Rules of Love.com. You can buy it at bonds and no more. And you can also get a free PDF when you do that, which gives you reflection questions and an online journal to help you think and introspect with the book that's a special offer when you order today from eight rules of love.com. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour, Love Rules. Go to jsheddytour.com to learn more information

about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. Now, I have another surprise for you. I have something wait to see you this year. Now, I have another surprise for you. I have something else that's special for you. Today's episode is the audiobook introduction. Absolutely free. I can't wait to share this with you. I hope that so many of you will listen to this, be inspired, and then go and grab the audiobook from eight rules of love.com. So it's in my voice. I'm giving you the first introduction of the book, totally free on the show because I love

our on purpose community. I love your dedication to this community. I can't wait for you to listen to it. I tell some really interesting stories about Rathi. Talk about the history of love and our definitions of love. I think you're really gonna enjoy today's episode. I can't wait for you to hear it. And of course, if you wanna support head over to eight rulesoflove.com and order the audiobook and listen to the rest.

Thank you so much. Introduction. What is the difference between like and love? Ask a student. The teacher responds, when you like a flower, you pluck it. When you love a flower, you water it daily. This frequently sighted dialogue illustrates one of my favourite ideas about love. We are attracted to beauty, we long for it and want it for our own. This is the flower that we pluck and enjoy. But attraction, like a cut flower, eventually withers and we discard it.

When attraction develops into love, it requires more care. When we want to keep a flower alive, we don't cut it and put it in a vase. We give it sunlight, soil and water. And it's only when you care for a flower over time, doing your best to keep it alive, that you fully experience its beauty, the freshness, the colour, the scent, the bloom. You notice the delicate detail on each petal. You watch it respond to the seasons. You find joy in satisfaction when a new butter appears and feel a thrill when it blossoms. We are drawn to love as we are drawn to a flower, first by its beauty and a law,

but the only way we can keep it alive is through consistent care and attention. Love is a daily effort. I want to develop the habit of love with you in this book. I'll introduce you to practices, mindsets, and tools that will help you love in a way that brings daily rewards season after season. It has been said that the greatest pursuit of human life is to love and to be loved. We believe in love, it's in our nature to be drawn to love stories, to long for one of our own, and to hope that true love is possible. But many of us also know what it feels like to be a flower that's been cut and stuck in water only to wilt and lose our bloom.

Maybe you felt that way, or maybe you've cut and discarded a few flowers in your time, or maybe you haven't found love yet and are still looking. These disappointments might come in different forms, believing you were in love, then feeling misled. Thinking it was love, only to find it was lost, being certain it was love, but discovering it was a lie, expecting love to last but watching it fade. Maybe we fear commitment, or choose people who do, or set our standards too high and don't give people a chance. Maybe an X is still on our minds,

or maybe we've just had a run of bad luck. Instead of falling for false promises or unfulfilling partners, instead of feeling defeated or hopeless, instead of getting your heart broken, I want you to experience the expansive love that you hope exists. Romantic love is at once familiar and complex. It has been seen and described in infinite ways across time and cultures. Psychologist Tim Lomas, a lecturer in the Human Flourishing Program at Harvard University, analyzed 50 languages and identified 14 unique kinds of love. The ancient Greeks said there were seven basic types, Eros, which is sexual or passionate love,

Phylia or friendship, Storge or familiar love, Agape, which is universal love, Ludus, which is casual or non-committal love, agape, which is universal love, loudus, which is casual or non-committal love, pragma, which is based on duty or other interests, and philotea, which is self-love. An analysis of Chinese literature from 500 to 3000 years old reveals many forms of love, from passionate and obsessive love to devoted love to casual love. In the Tamil language, there are more than 50 words for various kinds and nuances of love, such as love as grace, love within a fulfilling relationship, and amelting inside due to a feeling

of love. In Japanese, the term Koi no yokane describes the sensation of meeting someone new and feeling that you are destined to fall in love with them, and Kokuhaku describes a declaration of loving commitment. In India's Borough language, Ansra describes the knowledge that a relationship will fade. Our own culture describes love in numerous ways. If we look at the Billboard Top 50 Love Songs of all time, we are told that love is a second-hand emotion, Tina Turner. Love is a roller coaster, or higher players. Love is a hangover, Diana Ross. Love is a crazy little thing. Queen. Love's got Beyoncé looking so crazy right now, and Leonel Lewis keeps bleeding love. Movies idealize love, but we rarely find out what happens after happily ever after. With so many perspectives and portraits and parables of love surrounding us every day,

I want this book to help you create your own definition of love and develop the skills to practice and enjoy that love every day. When I was 21 years old, I skipped my college graduation to join an ashram in a village near Mumbai. I spent three years there as a Hindu monk, meditating, studying ancient scriptures, and volunteering alongside my fellow monks. The oldest Hindu scriptures we studied are called the Vedas.

They were written on palm leaves in Sanskrit more than 5,000 years ago. Most of the palm leaves no longer exist, but the texts have survived. Some of them are even online. Their presence and relevance in the modern world always amaze and inspire me. I've been studying the Vedas for 16 years now and for the three years I lived as a monk I studied them deeply. When I saw the practical and accessible wisdom hidden within them, I started sharing these messages and insights with people around the world through podcasts, books and videos. A big part of my work today is coaching individuals and couples and training others to do the same.

This work has allowed me to certify more than 2,000 coaches, all of whom use a curriculum I developed that is rooted in Vedic principles. I've used wisdom from the Vedas to form the concepts in this book. I turn to the Vedas because these ancient scribes speak of love in ways I hadn't heard before. What they say is simple and accessible, an old lens that offers a new perspective. The Vedas introduced me to the fundamental ideas that love has stages, that love is a process and that we all desire to love and be loved. As I worked with individuals and couples on their relationships and transitions into and out of love, I saw that the validity

of these concepts stands the test of real life settings. Then, in comments on my videos and responses to my podcast, I saw and heard people struggling with the same recurring patterns in their relationships, many of them issues that I had successfully addressed with my clients using Vedic concepts. I wrote this book so that anyone can access these concepts and discuss them with friends, family and partners. I drew from the guidance of the Vedas, from what is worked with my clients, from my own travels, and from what I learned with my fellow monks. I loved the intersection of modern science and ancient wisdom. The ideas here are supported by both, though we are repurposing Vedic concepts in ways they

haven't been used before, applying spiritual concepts to earthly relationships. The Practice of Love Nobody sits us down and teaches us how to love. Love is all around us, but it can be hard to learn from friends and family, who themselves are just winging it. Some are looking for love, some are giddy in love and full of hope, some might be ghosting each other or leading each other on. Some are together but not in love, some are breaking up because they just can't figure out how to make it work, and some seem content in their loving relationships. Everyone's got advice for us. Love is all you need. Everyone's got advice for us. Love is all you need. When you meet your soulmate, you'll know. You can change them. Relationships should feel easy. Opposites attract. But it's

hard to know what advice to follow and where to start. We can't expect to get love right when we've never been educated on how to give or receive it. How to manage our emotions in connection to someone else's. How to understand others. How to build a nurture a relationship where both people thrive. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford

University and I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities. Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or, can we create new senses for humans? Or, what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Mungesha Tickler, and to be honest, I don't believe in astrology, but from the moment I was born, it's been a part of my life. In India, it's like smoking. You might not smoke, but you're going to get secondhand astrology. And lately, I've been wondering if the universe has been trying to tell me to stop running and pay attention.

Because maybe there is magic in the stars if you're willing to look for it. So I rounded up some friends and we dove in and let me tell you It got weird fast Tantric curses major league baseball teams canceled marriages K-pop But just when I thought I had a handle on this sweet and curious show about astrology My whole world can crash down situation doesn't look good. There is risk to father And my whole view on astrology? It changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think

your ideas are going to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive and the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. Not too long ago, in the heart of the Amazon Rainforest, this explorer stumbled upon something that would change his life. I saw it and I saw, oh wow, this is a very unusual situation. It was cacao. The tree that gives us chocolate. But this cacao was unlike anything experts had seen or tasted.

I've never wanted us to have a gun bite. I mean, you saw this tax of cash in our office. Chocolate sort of forms this vortex. It sucks you in. It's like I can be the queen of wild chocolate. We're all lost. It was madness. It was a game changer. People quit their jobs.

They left their lives behind, so they could search for more of this stuff. I wanted to tell their stories, so I followed them deep into the jungle, and it wasn't always pretty. Basically, this like disgruntled guy and his family surrounded the building armed with machetes. And we've heard all sorts of things that, you know, somebody got shot over this. Sometimes I think, oh, all this for a damn bar of chocolate.

Listen to obsessions, wild chocolate, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Most of the advice on love is caught up in how to find Mr or Mrs. Wright. We think there's a perfect person out there for us, a soulmate, the one, and dating apps reinforce that belief. That's wonderful when it happens, but it doesn't happen to everyone and it doesn't always stay so perfect. This book is different because it's not about finding the perfect person or relationship and leaving the rest to chance. I want to help you intentionally build love instead of wishing, wanting and waiting for it to arrive fully formed.

I want to help you deal with the challenges and imperfections we encounter on the journey to love. I want you to create a love that grows every day, expanding and evolving rather than achieved and complete. We can't know where and when we'll find love, but we can prepare for it and practice what we've learned when we find it. The Vedas describe four stages of life, and these are the classrooms in which we'll learn the rules of love so that we can recognize and make the most of it when it comes our way. Instead of presenting love as an ethereal concept, they describe it as a series of steps, stages and experiences that chart a clear path forward. After we learn the lessons of one level, we move to the next. If we struggle or move on from a stage before we've completed it,

we simply return to the lesson we need. Life pushes us back in the direction of this work. The four classrooms are Brahmacharya-Ashram, Grahasta-Ashram, Vānaprāstā-Ashram and Sannyāsāshram. If you look up Ashram in a dictionary, you'll find that it means hermitage. The meanings of Sanskrit words often get stripped down in their English definitions, but in practice they have more depth. I define Ashram as a school of learning, growth and support, a sanctuary for self-development, someone like the Ashram in which I spent my years as a monk. We are meant to be learning at every stage of life.

Think about life as a series of classrooms or ashrams in which we learn various lessons. Each ashram brings us to a different level of love. The first ashram, preparing for love. In the first ushroom, Brahmacharya, we prepare for love. We don't get in a car and start to drive without studying for a learner's permit and practicing the core skills in a safe space. When we take a new job, we might prepare by learning a new computer program, talking to people we'll be working with about what might be expected of us, or reviewing whatever skills we might need.

And we prepare for love by learning how to love ourselves in solitude. Alone, we learn to understand ourselves, to heal our own pain, and to care for ourselves. We acquire skills like compassion, empathy and patience. Rule one. This prepares us to share love because we will need these qualities when we love someone else. We will also examine our past relationships to avoid making the same mistakes in relationships going forward. Rule 2. The Second Ashram. Practicing Love. The Second Ashram, Ghrahastha,

is when we extend our love to others while still loving ourselves. The three chapters in this stage explain how to understand, appreciate, and cooperate with another mind, another set of values and preferences. We tend to oversimplify love, thinking of it as just chemistry and compatibility. Romance and attraction are indeed the initial connection points, but I define the deepest love as when you like someone's personality, respect their values, and help them toward their goals in a long term, committed relationship.

You may feel this way about your friends, and I hope you do, but I'm talking about maintaining these qualities when you live with someone. See them every single day, and are at their side for their greatest joys, biggest disappointments, and all the mundanity and intensity of daily life. In Gryhasta, we will examine how to know if you're in love. Rule 3. How to learn and grow with your partner, rule 4, and how to set priorities and manage personal time and space within your relationship.

Rule 5. The Third Ashroom Protecting Love Vana Prastha, the third Ashroom, is a healing place where we retreat to seek peace. We find ourselves here either after a breakup, a loss, or when family life has downshifted to require less of our attention. After learning to give love to others in grihasta and giving so much, this is an interlude where we reflect on the experience of loving others, discover what might block our ability to love, and work on forgiveness and healing. In Vana Prastha, we learn how to resolve conflict so we can protect our love, Rule 6. We also protect ourselves and our

ability to love by learning when to break up and how to deal with it if we do, rule seven. The fourth ashram, perfecting love. The fourth ashram, sannyas, is the epitome of love when we're extending our love to every person and every moment of our life. In this stage, our love becomes boundless. We realize we can experience love at any time with anyone. We learn how to love again and again, rule eight. We strive for this perfection, but we never achieve it. Many of us pass through these four ashrams without learning the lessons they present. In

the first ashram, we resist being alone and miss out on the growth that solitude offers. In the second, we avoid lessons that come from the challenges that accompany any relationship. In the third, we don't take responsibility for our healing, and the fourth, loving everyone, is something we never even consider because we have no idea it's possible. This book follows the order of these ashrams, which essentially follow the cycle of relationships from preparing for love, to practicing love, to protecting love, to perfecting love. Thinking about these four ashrams, I narrowed them down to the eight rules we need to learn

and qualities we need to develop to move from one ushram to the next. Two rules to prepare for love, three rules to practice love, two rules to protect love, and one rule to strive toward perfect love. Eight timeless universal rules. These rules are cumulative.

They build on one another. I intend for you to approach them in this order, but they're meant to serve us at any age and stage of a relationship. Some of them are counterintuitive. I talk about solitude as the beginning of love. I tell you that you must put your purpose before your partners. I explain that your partner is your guru.

These are new approaches to love that will guide you in how to improve your chances of finding love, what to look for on your first date, what to do if you have a type, how to present yourself, when to say, I love you, when to make a commitment, how to handle conflict, how to manage a household, and when to call it quits. Each of these rules helps you develop a mindset for love, whether you're single in a relationship or breaking up. You can practice solitude in a relationship. You can reframe your approach to conflict no matter what your situation.

These rules come into play in all life scenarios. This book isn't a collection of manipulative techniques. I won't give you pickup lines to grab people's attention. I won't tell you how to make yourself into the person they want you to be, or how to make them into who you want them to be. This is about embracing your preferences and proclivities, so you don't waste time on people who aren't good for you. It's about learning how to display your values, not how to advertise yourself.

It's about letting go of any anger, greed, ego, self-doubt and confusion that clouds your heart and interferes with your ability to love. Along the way I will give you techniques to help you work through loneliness, let go of expectations, nurture intimacy and heal from heartbreak. When I decided to ask Rathi to marry me, I set out to arrange the best most romantic proposal of all time. I asked a friend about engagement rings and bought her a classic diamond ring. Then, on a beautiful spring evening in 2014, I suggested to her that we meet near London Bridge to take a walk down the bank of the Thames. We were living in London at the time. I told her we were going to a nice place for dinner,

knowing she would dress appropriately for the night I had planned. Just as we passed an idyllic spot with one of the best views in the city, a man suddenly appeared and gave her a huge bouquet. As she was marvelling over the flowers, an accapella group burst out of nowhere and joined the bouquet-bearing man to sing the Bruno Mars song, Marry You. I got down on one knee and proposed to her. She cried. I cried too.

After she said yes, a vegan meal was delivered and we sat down to eat at the table I'd set up on the bank of the tents. She thought that was the end of the fanfare and we got up to head home, but as we rounded the corner there was a white horse-drawn carriage. We climbed aboard and it carried us through the city passing all the major sites. She was shouting out, I'm engaged and passes by cheered for us. Finally, we went to share our good news with her parents. But on the way there, red spots appeared all over Radhi's face.

By the time we arrived at her parents, she was covered in hives and their first words to us weren't congratulations, but what's wrong with your face? That was the day we discovered she's allergic to horses. I thought I'd choreographed the perfect proposal, but as time passed it occurred to me that all my ideas had come straight from Disney movies and viral proposal videos.

Does Rade actually enjoy a capella music? Sure, but she isn't into grand gestures. Does she have an attachment to the Thames or riding through London? Not really. Clearly being near horses and covered in hives isn't her dream date, and it turns out diamonds aren't her gemstone of choice. What does Rade really care about? She loves food, and while I'd arranged for a vegan restaurant to deliver food to us

at the river, it arrived cold and bland. The one detail she would have appreciated the most was the one I planned the least, and its execution was the worst. Also, Rady adores her family, and if I'd been considering that, I might have planned for them to jump out of the bushes to surprise us instead of the singers. She would have loved that. We had fun and I lucked out, Rady said yes and never complained about any of it, but my proposal wasn't particularly personal. Throughout my life I'd seen love presented through over the top romantic gestures, and I thought that was the only way to show how I felt.

The hives were a gentle hint that I didn't know what I was doing, that I should think about the person standing in front of me instead of the images of fairy tale love that constantly bombard us. For my whole life I'd been surrounded by stories that told me how love should play out. We all are, and most of us unconsciously gravitate in love and all things to a conventional path. In heterosexual relationships, men still do most of the proposing. On the wedding site, the knot, 97% of proposal stories are of grooms to be popping the question. 80% of brides receive a diamond engagement ring.

According to a survey in Brides magazine, more than 80% of brides wear white and 76% of women take their husbands last name. The nuclear family is still the most common family structure in the US, with only one in five Americans living in a household with two or more adult generations under one roof, roughly the same percentage as in 1950. 72% of Americans live in or near the city where they grew up, and even though the number of people who say they'd like a non-exclusive partnership has risen, only about 4-5% of Americans are actually in a consensual non-monogamous relationship. The storybook version of Love I displayed for Rade wasn't the love that would sustain our

relationship. Fairy tales, films, songs and myths don't tell us how to practice love every day. That requires learning what love means for the two of us as individuals and unlearning what we thought it meant. That's why I'm sharing my imperfect story. I don't know everything and I don't have everything figured out. Radee has taught me so much about love and I continue to learn with her. I'm sharing all this books advice with you knowing how much I could have used it myself and will use it in the future. Love is not about staging the perfect proposal or creating a perfect relationship.

It's about learning to navigate the imperfections that are intrinsic to ourselves, our partners, and life itself. I hope this book helps you do just that. Thank you so much for listening to my introduction to my new book, Eight Rules of Love. I really hope you enjoyed it. And if you did, make sure you go and order and buy my new book on audiobook or physical copy, whatever is good for you, from eight rules of love.com. Thank you so much. When my daughter went off to hop trains, I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard.

This is what it sounds like inside the box-car. And into the city of the rails, there I found a surprising world, so brutal and beautiful that it changed me. But the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there, and if you want to play with the devil, you're gonna find them down in the rail yard. Undenail Morton, come with me to find out what waits for us

and the city of the rails. Listen to City of the Rails, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Or cityoftherails.com. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions. Like, can we create new senses for humans?

So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, navigating narcissism.

This season, we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you. Each week, you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing and their process of healing. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.