On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 4 Steps to Improve Your Self Awareness to Reach Your Goals & How to Change Your Perspective on Rejection

Episode Date: March 24, 2023

Today, I am going to share with you the conversation I had with Rich Roll in his podcast. I talk about my experiences as a monk and share insights on meditation, mindfulness, and conscious capitalism.... I also talk about the double-edged sword of social media and how it can be used for good. Our conversation also touches on the topic of happiness, and I provide tips on how to reframe one's perspective on life. We should reflect on one's passions and expertise, find patterns in one's life, and create an environment for opportunities to come later.    You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Key Takeaways:00:00 Intro02:30 Finding a life-long partner takes a lot of work, dedication, and time08:55 "If you can't explain something simply, you don't understand it well enough."11:47 Growing up in London bullied for being overweight and dealing with a rebellious phase 15:42 Discovering your passion and finding a different path for yourself19:48 Finding inspiration in someone you least expect and pivoting from your current journey 30:50 Getting the chance to live both options of life: monkhood and real life38:11 What is it like to live a life in service to others?46:40 Here is a glimpse of how a monk lives day to day50:43 This is how monks train themselves to avoid the follower mentality55:18 There are an infinite of seats in the theater of happiness, you just need to find your own seat57:26 How do you find your passion and what you can do to genuinely identify them.1:05:32 Asking the right questions to help develop self-awareness and positive intuition 1:09:44 “When you protect your purpose, your purpose protects you.”1:19:29 Venturing into the social media space and finding a career opportunity1:22:34 The truth about detachment and you can use it to your advantage1:25:56 Jay explains the process of purification1:29:39 Maintaining a routine can be hard but it is a beneficial practice1:36:24 Disengagement is the beginning step of re-engagement  1:42:55 The three things we aren’t aware of -  Element, Environment, and Energy1:49:23 Jay explains the different relationship tools for a healthy partnershipLike this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply Well Podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your wellbeing journey. Deeply well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste. Regardless of the progress you've made in life, I believe we could all benefit from wisdom on handling common problems, making life seem more manageable, now more than ever. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One-E-Feed podcast,
Starting point is 00:00:45 where I interview thought-provoking guests who offer practical wisdom that you can use to create the life you want. 25 years ago, I was homeless and addicted to heroin. I've made my way through addiction recovery, learned to navigate my clinical depression, and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The One-E-Feed has over 30 million downloads
Starting point is 00:01:04 and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple Podcasts. Oprah Magazine named this is one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life. You always have the chance to begin again and feed the best of yourself. The trap is the person often thinks they'll act once they feel better. It's actually the other way around. I have had over 500 conversations with world-renowned experts and yet I'm still striving to be better. Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio App Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nunehm. I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bond-vivant, but mostly a human just trying to figure out what it's
Starting point is 00:01:45 all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things. It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand it, I try to get invited to a local's house for dinner, where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:02:08 You have to protect your strengths, your calling, your passions, your interests, your skills, you have to protect them like a precious jewel because the whole world will come at you and tell you that it's worth nothing. And if you don't protect it, it can't protect your value back. The cat I'd mystic is in the house.
Starting point is 00:02:36 A favorite phrase of mine coined by our friend Russell. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Russell had a lot of names for me. It does. Over the years. He seems to come up with them relatively spontaneously. Yeah, he does. He does. I mean, that's who he is, right? He's one of the years. He seems to come up with them relatively spontaneously. Yeah, he does. He does. I mean, that's who he is, right? He's one of the most.
Starting point is 00:02:48 He's one of the most spontaneous people I've ever met. I know. Amazing. He's great. Welcome. Great to have you here. Thanks for driving all the way out here. It's been a long time.
Starting point is 00:02:57 It's been a long time. It's my pleasure. I'm so grateful to be out here, Rich. I know we've become recent friends and I'm excited. I'm excited to bond more and get to do this. Likewise, two times in like two weeks, because I was started your show the other day. So this is great.
Starting point is 00:03:11 We're on the precipice of your book coming out, which will be out when this comes out, which it's got to be an exciting time for you. It is, man. It's I feel like every year I try and do a new first. And this time it's the book. And yeah, it's like I get all the nerves. I get anxious, and in a good way, I love it. It's cool.
Starting point is 00:03:29 In preparation for the day, I was poking around the internet, and I've been following you for some time, but just trying to get up to speed. And I got to tell you, I'm falling in love with your wife. She's adorable. She's adorable. So you know, I get literally, so this is the story of my life. Basically, people like me to some degree, I hope. They spend time with me and then I introduce them to my wife and then they go, oh, then it's over.
Starting point is 00:03:54 Yeah, literally. No one ever wants to see me ever again. It happens all the time. So now my wife, yeah, and she's amazing. Like, we talked about it with your wife too. And it's, my wife is amazing. She's incredible. I'm not surprised that people love it more than me.
Starting point is 00:04:07 We both upgraded, which I feel good about. I'm happy to be with someone who's better than me. It's a blessing. Yeah. I've had that experience many times over. We do this, I was telling you earlier, we do this retreat every year in Italy. And people show up from all over the place,
Starting point is 00:04:23 40 people for this week-long experience. And most of them arrive under this idea that they're going to like go trail running with me, and they're going to learn about plant-based cooking, and maybe do a little meditation. It's going to be fun, like, expectations are low. And then it becomes like a whole Julie experience. They're like, I didn't know that we were going to get this. And then they all fall in love with her. And I become very secondary to the entire experience. Okay. So we've got a lot in common there.
Starting point is 00:04:53 We've got a lot in common. Yeah. What's the plant-based thing? Irvita, all the stuff that she's doing. It's great. It's just cool. Yeah. No, my wife is, she's a real, she's a real genuinely powerful soul. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:04 She does everything from her heart and she's always been that way. And you guys have been together for a long time. We've been together for seven years. We've been married for four and we just feel like we've got stronger and stronger. It's been really interesting for us because our life literally turned on its head when my career really started to take off. And so in 2016, I moved job three times. We moved country.
Starting point is 00:05:28 We bought our house, put it on rent, found an apartment to rent, and got married all in the same year. And it was a lot. It was a lot, but it was also a lot of bonding together and forming. And I think we had a moment where I think it could have gone either way.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Like it literally could have broke us or it could have made us and thankfully because of how she is and how I am and what we both wanted from our relationship, we've really been able to build something special, but you know, it's taken a lot of work and that was definitely a tough time. Yeah, I have no doubt. I mean, I think that level of change could easily and most likely splits apart, most couples, especially when one person in the relationship suddenly goes on a crazy trajectory that isn't like, that doesn't, where the other person isn't kind of in a parody type situation. And without, you know, a lot of relationship skills and communication, that ends up, you
Starting point is 00:06:21 know, planning the seeds of, you know, the demise of many of your relationships. Yeah, exactly. And, you know, we had our tough times, like I remember knowing that every time I went out to work, that my wife was at home, my new wife, like as in my, you know, very new in terms of time, she's at home crying because she's just been moved away from her family and her home.
Starting point is 00:06:40 And you're off like in your bliss. Totally. I'm trying to follow my bliss as Joseph Campbell would say, and just like trying to build my purpose, but in the back of my mind, I'm feeling the pain of the fact that I'm like, my wife doesn't have any friends here,
Starting point is 00:06:54 we don't have any family in New York, we don't have a community here. Like, we're feeling that gap and then me trying to play both roles and wanting to, I used to set up on these dates. So I would literally set up on dates with women that I'd met, that I thought would get along with her. And she'd be like, why are you keep trying to set me up on dates with women?
Starting point is 00:07:10 But it was just, I was trying so hard and I really made it my priority that she became my priority. I was like, if she's not happy here, if she doesn't feel like this is her home, if she doesn't feel satisfied here, then it doesn't matter what happens with my purpose. So I would say she actually became my top priority when we lived in New York. And when we moved to LA, it's actually been the opposite where she loves LA and has made the best friends of her life and has an incredible community around her. And I haven't had to have that. Whereas in New York, I really felt that sense of pressure to help her feel at home.
Starting point is 00:07:45 It's interesting because usually it's the other way around. New York is a place that feels easier to get socially acclimated than LA. I think LA can be an incredibly lonely place. Interesting. When you arrive and you're new and you don't have a community because everybody is so dispersed, and in their cars, it's just not as spontaneous as New York
Starting point is 00:08:03 or in the United States. It's difficult to connect. I mean, I think the onus is on the individual to really make something happen. dispersed. And in their cars, it's just not as spontaneous as New York or, or, you know, it's, it's difficult to connect. I mean, I think the onus is on the individual to really make something happen. Yeah, I think we were lucky. We had, we had a couple of friends here who really opened us up to their world and their friends and that led to us making friends. But also just, I found in New York, and I guess it also depends where you are in your career and, and all of that kind of stuff too. But I, I felt like in New York, people like came late to meetings and left early and always had 30 minutes to see me.
Starting point is 00:08:28 And also, this was the biggest one. And this is huge, it's a weird one. But when you think about it, it really resonates. People in LA have homes or they have larger apartments. And so people invite you to their home. Like today we're in your home and you have a beautiful home. And when people're in your home and you have a beautiful home. And when people come to your home,
Starting point is 00:08:47 you end up spending more time with them. So I remember the first weekend we came in, my friend, through a party, and we went out and we spent eight hours with someone. Right. And I was like, well, we just spent eight hours with someone. I never spent eight hours with someone. Yeah, if you're in New York, you'd be at a bar.
Starting point is 00:09:01 You'd be at a bar restaurant. Totally. And I think that's a bump and run. And I think that's a big thing about it. I think when you meet people in their York, you'd meet at a bar restaurant. Totally. And I think that's a bump and run. And I think that's a big thing about it. I think when you meet people in their homes, when you meet people in their genuine natural habitats and environments, I feel like you get an opportunity to really see them. And they feel exposed in a genuine natural, vulnerable way to you as well. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:21 That's part of the reason why I like doing the podcast at my house. Yeah. I like having people over and I have this theory that each person that arrives and spends time here deposits this place with their wisdom and their appropriation. And it just elevates, you know, the whole experience of living here. That's beautiful. It's like, it's like a deposit. You must be very careful about who you allow it. I'm glad that I snuck in. This is, I try to, you know, I try to be mindful of that.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Yeah, I've been holding onto your crystals ever since to make sure I don't, you know. So when I take a 10,000 foot view of who you are and what you do, it seems to me that your gift or your real facility is this ability, this facility for taking Agile's wisdom, these spiritual precepts, these philosophical tenets and ideas, and translating them in an entertaining way and a digestible way for a very
Starting point is 00:10:20 broad mainstream and perhaps young audience. Is that fair? Sounds good to me. Yeah, no, there's a statement by Albert Einstein which kind of underpins all my work. And if you can't explain something simply, you don't understand it well enough. And when I was exposed to devators
Starting point is 00:10:41 and all these spiritual texts that some of them date 5,000 years back. I was reading them and I was like, there is magic in these texts. Like, there is so much energy in these texts. There's so much weight and gravitas and there's so much power, but guess what? Most people will never be able to experience it because it's in another language. And when I say another language, I don't just mean Sanskrit or Hindi or Chinese. I mean, mean another language
Starting point is 00:11:06 of it's speaking to a different age. And there's beauty in that, and I love that. And I appreciate that, but I could see that I wanted to try and see if I could explain these things to people that I grew up with. And I was always connecting with the person who grew up in London, you know, I'm a born and raised in London, I grew up liking anything and average Londoner is into. But I got so fascinated because of the way the philosophy was presented to me. And I felt a responsibility to want to do that for others. So yeah, I think that's a pretty good breakdown in 10,000 foot view. And I appreciate you saying that because that's what fascinates me. That's where I get my buzz from is, how do I read, study, and learn
Starting point is 00:11:46 so that I can share support and serve? And that's where I get my meeting from. Yeah, I mean, crystallizing these texts down to these kernels of wisdom or teachable moments is no small thing. I mean, if you read the Bhagavad Gita, I mean, it takes a prodigious mind to just keep track of all the characters. Like, these stories are insane, you know?
Starting point is 00:12:07 So it's like, all right, you know, Arjuna is doing this and, you know, so and so's over there. Do it spirit, you know, killing these people and what's the lesson that I'm supposed to get up to? So I left to send you when I studied it, I made a family tree. So I literally had to physically, for anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about, we're talking about the Bhagavad Gita, which is part of the Mahabharata. And there are a million characters. And I remember having to not million literally, but I remember having to literally piece together the family tree because I was the same. I couldn't. And the messages are so profound and so powerful. And, you know, yeah, it's a blessing to be even, be able to be exposed to them,
Starting point is 00:12:45 let alone trying to share them. Well, let's take it back. Tell me about what it was like being a kid growing up in London. North London? Yeah, North London. So I grew up in the most common place that people would know is a place called Tottenham, more specifically.
Starting point is 00:13:00 Yeah, North London for anyone who doesn't know. And I grew up as a, I was, I was a very obedient kid growing up, especially in my up to 14 years old. I was very, I would say I worked very hard at school. I was a good son. I followed the rules. I was very overweight at that time as well. So I got bullied a lot.
Starting point is 00:13:18 So I was bullied for my weight. I was probably one of the few Indian kids at school. So I was bullied for being Indian. And parents first generation. Yes, yeah. And I just was very fortunate because, I guess it was a mixture of love at home, but also resilience. I never really felt that affected by any of it.
Starting point is 00:13:36 I just, I kind of accepted it as normal. I didn't see myself as different. I was just like, oh, this is just what kids must go through. And I kind of got it. And then at 14, it kind of switched, where I was like, well, this is just what kids must go through. And I kind of got it. And then at 14, it kind of switched, where I was like, well, being good doesn't work. Like it doesn't add up to anything. I'm not happy.
Starting point is 00:13:51 It doesn't make me more successful. I still experience racism and bullying. So I might as well be a jerk. And I don't mean to be a jerk as a bad person to people. I meant like, I might as well not follow the rules. I might as well experiment with everything else, whether it was getting drunk or whether it was, you know, experimenting with smoking or weed or whatever it was at the time and just feeling like I wanted a thrill and an experience in life and
Starting point is 00:14:15 that being good didn't stack up to what I was told. I was told if you were good that you'd be successful in things with work and I didn't feel that. So I kind of like. You have a conscious memory of making that decision. What's that? Meaning at some point when you were 14 thinking like I'm going to change tack here. I don't know. That's a good question. I don't know if it was conscious in the sense I was like, oh, this is not working. Let me try this. It wasn't like that in hindsight, I can see my reasoning behind why because people of like I've always considered myself to be a well-intentioned, good person. Like, that's why I'm at the heart and the core of it.
Starting point is 00:14:49 I could never hurt anyone. It's not who I am. And so, it was weird when I got involved in the wrong circles and I started doing things I can never imagine and I became the opposite. And when I reflect on that, that's what I feel is the reason. So, no, I don't think it was a conscious decision at the time. But when I reflect on it in hindsight, it was very clear to me that that was the reason that
Starting point is 00:15:09 brought it out. Right. So you're getting into a little bit of trouble, but not too much trouble. You're still, you know, are you the eldest son? I'm the eldest son of the young sisters. You're an office, certain mantle that you have to carry. Yeah, exactly. At a certain level of expectation and, you know, academic prowess that you have to carry. Yeah, exactly. At a certain level of expectation and academic prowess that you have to demonstrate to your parents to remaining good stead. Yeah, and I didn't good at that because my parents, you know, any parents are generally like,
Starting point is 00:15:34 if you do well in school, that's all that matters. And so I kind of took that too literally. I was like, okay, as long as I'm doing well in school, I can do anything I want. So I was performing well in school, but I started to really, when I was 14, really diving into what I was fascinated by. And I found that there were three subjects that really took my attention.
Starting point is 00:15:52 So it was economics, art and design and philosophy. And those became my three favorite subjects of school. And it was very different to what my parents wanted or what I thought at primary school, where the maths and sciences were more stressed. But I started to see that I was connecting. I talked to my art teacher for hours about different art that we would, you know, dissect together and think about why the artist had juxtaposed those two items like that and the meaning behind certain brushes and strokes. And I loved like breaking something down philosophically and I really owe my art teacher a lot for that because he made me gain that taste for questioning
Starting point is 00:16:30 why things were the way they were rather than just accepting them at face value. Yeah, but that seed kind of was under-terminated. It seems like finance originally kind of won out in that race war. I would say that I thought that I would go off and do graphic design or marketing at university or I really was about to apply,
Starting point is 00:16:53 I remember Central St. Martin's, which is an incredible art school in London. And I remember, it's funny you say that because I remember applying and then my art teacher, I think messaging me or saying to me at the time however we did at that time, I couldn't even remember, but I guess emailing me and saying, oh, you sold out.
Starting point is 00:17:08 And just like calling me out on it. And it was just my, it was just my young Indian mind in London of just feeling that there were a finite number of options. And that I didn't really even, I didn't even know that there were other careers like genuinely like I if you asked me then like what careers existed in the world I literally could only think of medicine, law and finance like I didn't even know that anyone did anything beyond that or that anything beyond that was even available and so for me I was like okay well can't do the first two so I'm going to end up doing this one and so it wasn't that it won from the heart, it's that it won from a safety, security, stability, reliability platform. And the reason why this is so important to talk
Starting point is 00:17:51 about is I think today people look at me or may perceive my work if they're aware to be quite risk-taking. I think I'm very different now, but there was a time in my life where I made decisions based on feeling I wanted a secure future and a stable future. Right. Medicine, law, or failure. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. So I have three options going up.
Starting point is 00:18:14 What about engineering? That seems to have. Now we're going to pass the test. Yeah, but I wasn't, no, but I wasn't, I think that's very India centric. Uh-huh. But like British Indians, I feel a, uh, not as good as Indian people. So you don't find it, I don't know, maybe, maybe it's just me, but, I feel, and not as good as Indian people. You don't find it, I don't know, maybe, maybe it's just me. But yeah, no, it's just, I was always, I never, I realized very, very early on that I didn't engage with the same
Starting point is 00:18:36 things as the people around me. And I couldn't even force myself. My intuition was so strong, and I didn't know it was called intuition at that time. But I knew that it was so strong, it was dragging me towards art and design and philosophy and all of this kind of stuff. But you're a social animal. I suspect that you had lots of friends and ran in popular circles. I did in my teens, but not up to my teens. And even in, yeah, I did in my teens, but I felt that, I felt at that time that,
Starting point is 00:19:07 you know, you're just finding yourself, like when you're in your teens, you don't know who you are, you don't know where you stand for, you don't know where your values are. And everyone at that time, I mean, I went to a school where majority of people were probably smarter and smarter than me, that, you know, super smart kids in my school and really accomplished and getting the best grades and, you know, best resumes and all of that kind of stuff. So you never really, it was good. It was very humbling being in my school. You got a very every year. They would literally, we'd get a report which would rank you in every subject one to 180. So we had 180 students in my year. And for every subject. And you would get it sent to your parents to you and you get a number one to 180. So we had 180 students in my year. And for every subject, and you'd get it sent to your parents to you, and you get a number
Starting point is 00:19:48 one to 180. So you can know when you're at 144, and there was some subjects where I was at 144. That's some true serum. It was so bad. But it was, you know, it was, but the good thing about it was very early on, my school was able to show us what our strengths were and what wasn't. And now when I look back at it and hide something like, on, my school was able to show us what our strengths were and what wasn't. And now when I look back at it and hide something, like wow, my school really pointed out to me, what I was gonna be successful in, what I wasn't to the point that my school didn't allow us
Starting point is 00:20:14 to take certain subjects. Later on between ages 16 and age. Sure, done with that. Yeah. That's not gonna work for you. Yeah, literally, that's, you would go into this room with your parents and the teacher would sit you down and they'd be like, yeah, we don't think Jay can take chemistry. I was literally as well as that. Wow.
Starting point is 00:20:30 And I'd be so scared of those meetings because you'd be scared of how your parents are going to react. So you got a university and you studied business. Yeah, I studied management science and I focused on behavioral science. So all of my thesis and my dissertations and all of that, I was focused on analyzing behavior and that's kind of what I got fascinated. So walk me up to this pivotal monk moment. Yeah, I think, you know, I've talked about it before and this is a great conversation
Starting point is 00:20:56 already because I'm telling you stuff I've never said before, which I always love. So, you know, I mean, this is really fun for me right now. And I want to approach this as well. I'm always, whenever I tell this, I'm always trying to relive it. Well, it's this thing, you know, all inter-apologies from a rep, but when you're in the process of telling
Starting point is 00:21:15 and retelling your story time and time again, what I always, I'm always sitting here thinking when I'm doing it myself thinking, because I'm just repeating, because I have like, you know, I know the thing and I know what to say and I think, is that really what happened? Like, let me really be honest with myself.
Starting point is 00:21:32 Did this happen differently, or is my memory playing tricks on me and telling me that something happened because I've just repeated it so many times and always kind of like using that as a reference point? Absolutely, me too. And I'm always trying, what I find is I know point. Absolutely, me too. And I'm always trying to, what I find is, I know, and I've asked myself that question as well,
Starting point is 00:21:48 and I know that I'm telling what happened, but I'm always trying to discover a new truth about it. So whenever I'm telling, I'm like, what can I discover this time about? Well, let me ask you a little bit of this way, that I go for it. Basically, as the story goes, you develop a proclivity
Starting point is 00:22:05 for seeking out interesting people to go here talk, business people, sports figures, et cetera. And suddenly there was this monk who was gonna be speaking, you were initially not interested in hearing what that person had to say. And you agreed with your friends to attend only on the assumption that you guys would go to a bar afterwards. That is the story. That is the story. That is the story.
Starting point is 00:22:29 So let me ask you this, let's talk about where that resistance came from. The resistance just came from, I think, this skeptical version of me that didn't really believe there was anything beyond success. That's partly why I called the book Think Like A Monk because I think a lot of people look at them like, why would I want to think like a monk? But that's the point. I'm trying to break through that barrier of, I think so many of us have been conditioned to believe that success looks a certain way.
Starting point is 00:23:01 And that happiness looks a certain way. And that joy looks a certain way. And I was one of those people that was very skeptical about anything else outside of my space. Like if someone wasn't pulling up in their fast car, or if someone wasn't pulling up in the best clothes, did I give them the time to really share their perspective? And I love the fact that the best moment of my life,
Starting point is 00:23:22 that moment, up till that point, was also the most humiliating moment of my life for myself, because I was being humiliated to myself. Like, it was so humbling to walk out and then be like, ah, you had it all wrong. And so I loved that. I really celebrate the humbling that that moment gave me. And it's exactly that that when you hear someone speak and they speak about things that you never knew you were interested in, you never thought that you'd be fascinated by someone talking about service. But when he spoke about service, he just penetrated
Starting point is 00:23:55 my soul and it just spoke so deep to my core in a way that nothing ever has that I could hear about someone talking about making a billion dollars and it wouldn't feel the same way. What was it that he said specifically? He was quoting another writer and he mentioned this phrase, he said, plant trees under who shade you do not plan to sit. He said that the best use of your talents and skills is not to use it to become rich, famous and successful, but to use it in the service of others. When he said that, I was like, wow,
Starting point is 00:24:25 that's a pretty bold statement. And I think for me it was partly my openness just came because, and I've said this before, but I'll repeat it because it really hit me. It's like, when I was 18, I'd met people who were beautiful. I'd met people who were rich. I'd met people who were strong. I'd met people who were powerful.
Starting point is 00:24:44 But I don't think I'd ever met anyone who was truly happy. And he looked and I still know him, he's really happy. What's his name? Garanga Das. So he's just like this big joyful, anytime I spend time with him. And he has a crazy schedule, the way he lives and how powerful,
Starting point is 00:25:02 he went to IIT, into the Indian Institute of Technology. He's super smart. One of the smartest people in his year very accomplished. And he gave it all up. And I was like, either he's really smart or he's really crazy.
Starting point is 00:25:15 And I wanted to find out. And I think that's all I had is that I was like, he must be on to something because if he had it all lined up, but he gave it up and he's really happy. What is it, right? That's kind of where the curiosity is. Yeah, I mean, it sounds more like confusion. I don't understand. I need to square this equation. Yeah, yeah. Partly confusion, but partly with security in the sense of just like,
Starting point is 00:25:42 he must be really smart. He must be really crazy. Like if he's smart, he's onto something. Like how did he gain so much joy, satisfaction, and contentment in not chasing the dream that everyone around him was chasing? And that society is constantly sort of pushing us towards him. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I was fascinated. What was his or he's still alive, right? Yeah, he's still like, what is his particular genus of spirituality? Like what tradition? So he's a Hindu monk.
Starting point is 00:26:13 He's a Hindu monk. And he's what I would consider, I in the book I break down and think like a monk, I break down Dharma and purpose and calling. So he would probably sit under the leader type of individual. He's very ambitious, very focused. He can get a lot done. He's a powerhouse to be around. At the same time, he works at about 2 a.m. to meditate every day. Takes care of his health. He's just, he's one of these like all rounder types of people who's just, yeah, really good at taking care of his mind,
Starting point is 00:26:41 body and spirit. But at the same time, he really wants to do something for the world. He has that energy. There is something about certain individuals, I'm reluctant to say the word enlightened, but people who are carrying a higher level of consciousness that when you're in their presence, it's undeniable. Like, you can't reduce it to words, but there is a sensation of what it feels like to be in that person's presence. 100% and he introduced me to his spiritual teachers. He's also one of my spiritual teachers, Radhanath Swami, who's been among for 40 years now. He's in England or in India. He's older as well. I feel like that one with him every time. Like, it's just, yeah, it's that undeniable presence.
Starting point is 00:27:29 And I always say to people, you need to, you need to feel it to believe it. Like, you need to be there. You can't, like you said, you can't produce it to words. And yeah, I feel that now, when, even when I go to temples, when I was in South India, particularly, and your home reminds me a lot of South India, because there's a lot of these stone statues. Well, the mountain out there, we had some proper swami here. We've had lots of swamis. We're here over the years. And one of them looked out at the mountain across the way and he said, this feels like my home. And his home is a runachala. Oh yeah. Arunachala. Yeah, absolutely. Which is a very kind of like powerful spiritual vortex.
Starting point is 00:28:07 Absolutely. And vortex is the right word. So when I went to South India, it's a city with these powerful gates. So if you look at South Indian architecture, it's like these, and you've got a lot of in your home, but it's like this incredible kind of like, almost like Avengers Marvel meets spiritual culture kind of like spaceship, kind of these doors and gates. And it's, you know,
Starting point is 00:28:29 the temples, they're like 5,000 years old. And when you walk through those corridors, there's one that literally feels like you're going to walk through it and be transported to another dimension because the way the pillars are built, and this is built a thousand years. Yeah, it's like Star Trek.
Starting point is 00:28:43 Yeah, literally, yeah, yeah, exactly. It's just, yeah, super, what's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's it? What's and I think anyone who has, whether they have a faith or not, and that's really what's important to me is, how do we share these teachings in a way that it's not bound by faith or religion or spiritual tradition? Even for me, this book isn't about becoming a spiritual tradition or a particular philosophy. It's about living like you and thinking like a monk, right? Like that's the balance.
Starting point is 00:29:22 Yeah, I mean, two things. There's two powerful precepts here. One is you can't transmit something you haven't got. Like when you're in the presence of somebody like that, you know it. And there are a lot of pretenders to that type of vibration, but it's pretty transparent. Like who's really caring, that kind of wisdom
Starting point is 00:29:40 and who's pretending to. And second to that is this idea that you really fully embrace, which is meeting people where they're at. Like if you show up in robes and you're framing your presentation in a way that creates a distance between you and the person you're trying to communicate, then you're already basically behind home plate in terms of like trying to connect or transmit something.
Starting point is 00:30:06 Yeah, and there's two things you brought about there which I think are really interesting. The first is, it's all about the frequency you're operating at. So if someone is fooling you or pretending or trying to be something, if you're operating at lower frequency, you may follow for a while and you may not know. But when you start up in your frequency, that's when you can really see that, oh, right, now I can see the difference. And it's not in a judgmental way or a critical way. It's just frequencies. And at the second point, you're making there around, you know, really, really speaking to people about where they're out or meeting them, where they're at and connecting with
Starting point is 00:30:42 them. For me, it's just, I think compassion is not expecting people to be more advanced than they are. And that's what people have done with me. I mean, when I went to the Ashram and when I spit out with these monks, I mean, I am in no way. And even now, I'm not. I mean, their compassion even has spent time with me now.
Starting point is 00:31:03 And I feel like when you've experienced that level of compassion where people see you, they look through your soul, they watch you and they just think, they can see everything about you that you don't like about yourself. And they will still find that spark of potential and the spark that makes them believe that we should invest and serve and help this human being. And for me, when you've experienced that level of compassion, even if you are still dealing with stuff yourself, you want to pass it on. And so when I see anyone at any level, I don't judge anyone because, hey, I've been there before. Hey, I'm still there kind of in some ways. And I know how hard it is to get out of that mess. And so how can I judge
Starting point is 00:31:41 someone just because there are three steps behind. Yeah. So you have this experience with this bonk. Yeah. Apparently everything changes. Yeah. So how does it change? Well, my lifestyle, and I've talked about this before, like my personal lifestyle style is the same. I was still dating.
Starting point is 00:31:58 I was still, I'd given up alcohol by that time and they had given up, like, you know, drugs and stuff. So I wasn't really playing. And I was always very experimental. I've never been an addict or a regular consumer of anything. I've just been an experiment to my whole life. But for me, it was my, yeah, I was still dating. I was still doing everything that anyone ever did. There was nothing changed in that, but I was not mentally curious and checking it out. So I spent the next four years, half of them in my summer vacation's interning financial companies in London, where I thought I would end up working just because my university recommended that.
Starting point is 00:32:34 And the other half of my breaks, I'd spend them living in India with the monks to experience that lifestyle. So I would literally go as I explain it from state houses, bars and suits to robes, sleep on the floor and meditate every day. Right. So was that this monk's teacher's ashram? Yes. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:32:54 So it's like, no, it's two hours outside of Mumbai. Uh-huh. So it's in the middle of nowhere, but it's, yeah, about two hours outside of Mumbai. Yeah. And were there other Westerners there? Yeah. Yeah, plenty. Yeah, plenty of visitors from all over the world, people from Australia, people from Europe,
Starting point is 00:33:07 people from London, and yeah, they definitely have a lot of visitors, even to the US. Uh-huh. In the 1680s, a feisty opera singer burned down a nunnery and stole away with her secret lover. In 1810, a pirate queen negotiated her cruise way to total freedom, with all their loot. During World War II, a flirtatious gambling double agent helped keep D-Day a secret from the Germans.
Starting point is 00:33:34 What are these stories having common? They're all about real women who were left out of your history books. If you're tired of missing out, check out the Womanica podcast, a daily women's history podcast highlighting women you may not have heard of but definitely should know about. I'm your host Jenny Kaplan, and for me, diving into these stories is the best part of my day. I learned something new about women from around the world and leafyling amazed, inspired, and sometimes shocked.
Starting point is 00:34:03 Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. How's that New Year's resolution coming along? You know, the one you made about paying off your pesky credit card debt and finally starting to save your retirement? Well, you're not alone if you haven't made progress yet, roughly four in five New Year's resolutions fail
Starting point is 00:34:22 within the first month or two. But that doesn't have to be the case for you and your goals. Our podcast How to Money can Help. That's right, we're two best buds who've been at it for more than five years now and we want to see you achieve your money goals and it's our goal to provide the information and encouragement you need to do it. We keep the show fresh by answering list of questions, interviewing experts and focusing on the relevant financial news that you need to know about.
Starting point is 00:34:45 Our show is Choc Full of the Personal Finance Knowledge that you need with guidance three times a week, and we talk about debt payoff. If, let's say you've had a particularly spend thrift holiday season, we also talk about building up your savings, intelligent investing, and growing your income. No matter where you are on your financial journey, how do monies got your back? Millions of listeners have trusted us to help them achieve their financial goals. Ensure that your resolution turns into ongoing progress. Listen to how to money on the iHeartRadio app,
Starting point is 00:35:11 Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What was meant as seen as a very snotty city, people call it Bose-Angelists. New Orleans is seen as a very snotty city. People call it Bosedangeless. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay.
Starting point is 00:35:29 A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newdum, and not lost as my new travel podcast, where a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party. Where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out.
Starting point is 00:35:47 I would love that, but I have like a Chihuahua who is aggressive towards strangers. I love the dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm gonna die alone when I'm traveling, but I get to travel with someone I love.
Starting point is 00:36:02 Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much as we can. And. Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much. It's very sincere. I love you too. My life's a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love it. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:36:16 So initially, it was a couple years of half the summer. Yeah, it wasn't long. I'd go there for like two weeks, three weeks, four weeks. Like, I would go there for sure, best of time. And just experiencing, just wasn't long. I'd go there for like two weeks, three weeks, four weeks. I'd go there for short bursts of time and just experiencing, just live like them and live with them. And for me, and I didn't know this, I'm again in hindsight, it was me really getting to live both options of life. Like I was getting to live in the city, I was getting to wear a fancy suit to work every day and get to perform well in the workplace and go through all of whatever that is, networking and meeting people. And then I would get to do that. And I just got so much more satisfaction from, I felt satisfaction from the service we did.
Starting point is 00:36:54 I felt satisfaction from the meditations. And if I'm completely honest, the biggest thing that that got me at that time was I didn't have to think that ego and humility and vulnerability and empathy and compassion. These weren't just going to be concepts anymore. These were going to be real practices. Or weaknesses. Yeah, weaknesses. These could become focuses that I could really wrap my head around them because when I was
Starting point is 00:37:19 back in the city and I was trying to perform and I was trying to show my boss who was the best and who was performing well, it was hard to maintain that level of gravity because not because it's impossible, because it's not. That's what I lay out and that's what I'm trying to teach right now. It was harder because I hadn't had that training. And so now that I've come out of the actual, I feel like my monk training has allowed me to continue to practice those principles in the real world. Where is it at that time?
Starting point is 00:37:49 I was just an 18 year old kid who was still conditioned by everything else. I suppose the distinction, it's one thing to make a decision after you'd lived as a monk during that like three year period, making this hard line decision, okay, I'm going back into the world. But when you kind of have one foot in both worlds, I suspect that it probably became progressively more difficult to relate or connect with your friends back in London. Yeah, I was, you know, I was very open with the closest friends. I remember one of my friends saying to me, like, oh, well, you know, we would always talk about women together, right?
Starting point is 00:38:22 We would always talk about girls, like which girls we liked and who he was dating and all this kind of stuff. And all of a sudden, I had to come back from being a monk, I'd have a monk moment and, you know, try and like, resist the urge to just talk about women in that way and the way it can be done. And my friend would just be like, what, so we're not, what are we gonna talk about?
Starting point is 00:38:40 You know, it's just like confused, like, where's this life going? And other parts of other parts and having to say, and I want to give credit to my friends too, some of my other friends were just really intrigued. And so they actually wanted to learn. And so I ran a society at university called Think Out Loud. And every week I would present a topic based on philosophy, science, and psychology. So I would take a movie, I would dissect the characters, I would watch half the movie together, and then we'd break down the roles, and I would
Starting point is 00:39:10 talk about philosophy, science, and spirituality, and psychology to students. And when I started it, we had like 10 students, about the time we finished university, had 100 students coming every week, and it was totally free. There was no catch, there was no followers, there was nothing, it was just this beautiful experience, and that's kind of where I got into the habit of everything I learned as a monk, I would teach it. So if I was learning about karma, I would teach it that week. If I went that summer and I learned about ego, I would talk about ego. And so I just started sharing what I was learning because I found that to be the best way of letting people connect. And that's kind of where I got fascinated with this whole thing. So this whole trajectory gets planted then.
Starting point is 00:39:47 Like you're starting to teach and share even before you go off and be a full-time mom. Way before. And that experience of reviewing movies and discussing it really is... I mean, that's the germination for these videos that you do now. 100%. Like that really was the beginning. And that was when I was 18 years old, so 14 years ago now, and I just love putting on a session every week. And then I got invited to other universities. So I go to the London School of Economics and
Starting point is 00:40:12 present. I go to this other university. And I was just loving the fact that I was finding so many young people in London that wanted this over anything else. Like that's what I was impressed by the most. That there wasn't need. And that convinced me very early on that if presented effectively, there wasn't community for this and people really were searching. It's very similar to Andy puttacombs. And he's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's the only other person who's had like 10 years right now. But him coming back from that experience and returning to London and then kind of hosting these salons, he meets Rich and then they start kind of, you know, basically doing informal get-togethers that then, you know, become and grow into headspace.
Starting point is 00:40:56 But the idea started in a similar way to kind of what you're talking about. Yeah, exactly. And this was, I actually remember, I told Andy this. I said to him that the year I first found out about headspace is the year I became a monk. And I told him this. I was so impressed by what he was doing. And I said to him, if I would have had the money, I would have invested, but I had no money. I said this, Andy, he's been on my podcast and we've done a few panels together.
Starting point is 00:41:19 But yeah, he's amazing. I love Andy. And I said that to him. I was so impressed by what they did because I was just starting that journey and I saw what he'd done. I was like, wow, that's fascinating. It's so great to see that. But yeah, I think the reason why I'm sharing this too
Starting point is 00:41:33 with you, Rich, is I've been doing this online for like three to four years. But in my life, I've been doing this for 14 years. I've literally done this every single day of my life for the last 14 years in some way, shape, or form, whether it's reading, studying, or teaching, or sharing. And so, for me, it's become my life. And when I left being a monk,
Starting point is 00:41:54 I didn't want to not do that anymore. And what I get to do now is what brought me back to that, to be able to learn, study, teach, share, and live in that element which I feel so much connected to. Yeah, and meet people where they are. Yeah, that's always been my thing because I've been, you know, I've been plucked out, like, you know, it's when you've been drowning in an ocean of material thought, and someone had the compassion and empathy to reach down and grab you, you feel like you want to do the same thing.
Starting point is 00:42:25 And that's just my meditation constantly. You know, you don't, you can't ever go back from that, the amount of gratitude I have for the people that have invested in me and that opened up my eyes. I was 18 years old. I would have gone down the path of becoming. And I probably, if I had it my way, I probably would have wanted to become an art director at a massive company. I probably would have done pretty well for myself. I would have traveled the world and wasted my life. Like that's, I always think about that moment of sliding doors.
Starting point is 00:42:53 What could it be? Right. And that's what I would have been, but because I met these incredibly powerful people who wanted nothing from me, but just to give, it changed my life. And that's the opportunity I want. And for people, it may not be a monk.
Starting point is 00:43:06 But when you think like a monk, you recognize that, actually, am I exposing myself to as many alternative methods of thought? Am I really allowing myself to experience everything the world has to offer? Because if I'm not, I'm already limiting myself in a world that's actually unlimited. And that's the challenge I see is that we are
Starting point is 00:43:25 living at a time when you have the most choice available, you have the most experiences available, but we still put ourselves in these prisons. Not only that, those prisons are one of self-seeking. I mean, you mentioned giving. I mean, giving is, you know, service is the cornerstone of this whole thing, being in selfless service to others, which is just counterprogramming to the way our entire infrastructure of Western civilization is constructed. Yes, absolutely. A complete counterprogramming. I remember when I was giving a talk, this was probably about four years ago, and I was speaking to a group of executives, and one of them came up to me afterwards, and he said,
Starting point is 00:44:02 how old were you when you became one? I was like 22, and he said, when did were you when you became one? And I was like 22 and he said, when did you get the realization that life was about selfless service? And I said, well, I'm still getting there. I'm not there yet. But the first time I fell in love with that idea, I was 18. He goes, the first time I realized that life was beyond me,
Starting point is 00:44:15 I was 42 years old when my child was growing up. And he goes, that was the first time I realized that life was not just about me. And I was thinking, wow, to me, it was, to me, it's weird because I got exposed to it at 18. And I couldn't believe that someone didn't understand that even today, the reason why we're all repeating messages and continue to, I think, remind people of these messages.
Starting point is 00:44:39 And even ourselves is because you could hear that life is about service a million times, but until you practice it and until you really mold it into every area of your life, this podcast is your service. I think we think of service also very limited. We think service means to go and help a charity. Right, or being at the soup catch on our side. Correct, and that is beautiful and people should do it.
Starting point is 00:45:01 It's wonderful and I think we should all do it. I try and do as much as I can, but services also serving through your calling, your talents, your skills, your purpose, that benefits other people. And it can be different. Like, you know, yeah, so yeah, there's so many methods. Well, the ultimate is when you can find that thing that lights you up and channel that in a way to give back to others and also support yourself and your family in doing it. I mean, that's the secret.
Starting point is 00:45:30 That's what this does for me. And I just feel like the luckiest person in the world to live in this time where this is possible and to have kind of stumbled into this. Yeah, for sure. There's a beautiful story that I share that you've reminded me of now. And it's the story of two monks that are washing their balls.
Starting point is 00:45:46 And while they're washing their balls, they see one of the monks sees a scorpion drowning. And so he helps the scorpion out of the water and puts it onto the side. And in that process, he gets stung by the scorpion. And the other monk says, what are you doing? Like, you know, this stupid, he said, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. The scorpion falls in again to the water. The monk picks it up again, gets stung in the process and puts it onto the side.
Starting point is 00:46:09 So the other monk's just like, okay, now you're just being ridiculous. Like, what are you doing? He said, why are you saving the scorpion when you know that it's nature is to sting? And the monk replies, goes, I know that the scorpion's nature is to sting, but my nature is to save. And so he understood how hard wired his service mindset was that he was willing to go through the pain to act in that way. So
Starting point is 00:46:33 what I'm trying to share with that story is that we're all wired to serve naturally as children, as kids, as people, as humans, but we've been educated for greed. And you see this, there's countless viral videos of kids who like walk up to their television screen and wipe the cartoon characters tears off with their tissues or like kids like running to help the person next to them. And we were all once that person, but it's just the education that we get and I'm not just too much school, I'm just staying generally the education of becoming self-centered. And whether you look it from a scientific point of view, the studies that have been done,
Starting point is 00:47:09 when people help people, their depression goes down, the mental health goes up. When people help people, they're able to feel more joy and experience more happiness in their lives. Like we are happier when we serve and help people. And that I think has been so lost that if someone genuinely asks him, so because I think everyone hearing that will say, oh yeah, but I like to help people. I try. If you really did an audit of how much time you spend every week genuinely helping someone who is giving you no help or is genuinely helping someone who does nothing back for you, I'd find that we'd say a very very little amount of time. Yeah, the key is doing it when it's not convenient. Correct.
Starting point is 00:47:51 Exactly. That's the best way to say it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's tough. I mean, listen, you know, you hit it on the head. I mean, it's not, it's not just school. It's like biosmosis. It's like, I hear what you're saying, Jay, that's great, but like, I gotta get mine, dude. Yeah. Times the clock's ticking and time's running out and I got my hustle on. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:13 So, you want my response to that? Sure. Yeah, my response to that is, that mentality will get you the thing and it will get you the number and it will get you the money in the bank. But you won't feel satisfied and that's my hypothesis so go test it and I would gladly let anyone test that. And I guarantee you that's how you feel. What happens though is you get it you have that experience of momentary elation quickly fades the half-life on that is very short. And then you think, your next thought isn't, I need a new path, your next thought is,
Starting point is 00:48:48 well, when I get that next thing, that's where we're gonna lock in. Absolutely, it's the hapster wheel, right? It's the conveyor belt. And that's the treadmill, that's the challenge with that. And I think that's where we have to learn from people who have got there and feel that way. I think we have to, it's like, you there and feel that way. I think we have to.
Starting point is 00:49:06 It's like, you know, when you hear Jim Carrey say like, everyone should get everything they want and become everything they ever wanted, just to realize it's not the point. When you see everyone who gets to the peak of financial or fame or beauty success, they then try and serve. Like, that's just what everyone ends up having to do. Well, we're in the world capital of that right here. Yeah. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:49:29 Los Angeles. And you see it, like, you know, I can't remember who said this, but, you know, it's talked about like your success. I can't remember who said it, but your success is based on the depth of the problem you solve, right? And it's like, if you look at any success, even if it's Jeff Bezos and Amazon, someone goes, I wanna be Jeff Bezos. Jeff has solved, not that I know him,
Starting point is 00:49:50 but Jeff has solved an issue that people had. So it's still service. And I think that's what we miss. That anyone who's winning even financially, whether we agree with their business model or not, they are performing some type of service to people. And because he's serving more people with an issue that they have,
Starting point is 00:50:08 he's able to make more money. So even from a totally financial perspective, service still wins. Like there's no, you know, there's no take away. Right, I get that. It's a more, it's just an expansive definition of service. Correct, correct. But it's still service ultimately is solving a problem
Starting point is 00:50:26 that really is a core need in people's lives. And I think that could be a starting point for someone if they're still like Jay, I don't got it. I'm still, I'm just trying to meet people where they're at. I'm with you. All right, so you make this decision to go be a month full time. You live in the Sashram for three years.
Starting point is 00:50:44 Yes. And we traveled a lot too. So we lived in Sashrams across London, Mumbai and Europe as well. Oh, wow. Yeah. And I think similarly Andy was in he went to the rush. He was in Russia and Scotland. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:57 He told me about the Scotland turn. Yeah. So walk me through like a typical day in the life of that experience. Yeah. So you wake up at 4 a.m. every day no matter where you are. And 430 is collective prayers and meditation. So 430 to about 515, then 515 to 730 is personal meditation time. So that's personal meditation practice.
Starting point is 00:51:18 Often in a communal space with other people, I can be private too. And then 730 to 830 is a class. So a class on philosophy from the Bhagad Gita or the Shuman Bhagatam or one of these spiritual texts of Pani Shads, Paranas, and so that'd be an hour class given by one of the senior monks or senior teachers usually. One of my favorite things to look forward to in the day because that's, I was like kind of like, as always waiting for that, because the classes were just so powerful and hearing people have studied all the commentaries in the books, and then 830's breakfast.
Starting point is 00:51:51 Breakfast is usually in India would be some kind of Indian dish kind of similar to, I don't know how to describe it. It's called flat rice, and that's the easiest way to describe it. So some simple food. And then from then on, it would be different every day.
Starting point is 00:52:04 So the way it was split up is the morning was about yourself. And the afternoon and evening were about service. And that's where I fell in love with this routine of self and service. And I think today, now the world's coming a lot back to self love. And I feel like that's where we got to experience both very clearly. When you spend half your day taking care of yourself, you spend the other half serving, you get this beautiful synergy between the two. So for the rest of the day, we'd be out feeding children. We'd be out building the sustainable villids that we were out.
Starting point is 00:52:35 We'd be out teaching. We'd be out helping. We'd be out doing something. And that would change every day depending on what the need was. Sometimes it would be chores as well, like washing your clothes. I mean, washing monk robes are not fun at all. They're these huge bedsheets. And this is like seven days a week.
Starting point is 00:52:51 You get a day off where you can go, you know, do whatever you want. You know what? I always, I was one of those guys who wanted that day off. I was like, I was like, if I make it a five of the four AMs, can I skip the other? No, you don't get to. It doesn't work like that. And I mean, there's a lot of reflection time in the day that you get. And you have to really work
Starting point is 00:53:11 through a lot of stuff because your ego gets in the way, your opinion starts to get in the way. And living communally is a real experience. Like when you live communally with that many men live communally with that many men in one place. It's like you really have to face your ego, your pride, your competitive mentality, your comparison on a daily basis. It's really tough. Did humanity ever just percolate to the surface and dude start fistfighting? No, I don't want to, no, I don't want to, no, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, no, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, no, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't, I don't want to, I don No one ever actually, the only time monk would ever get physical is our humans. Yeah, I don't care how much you're meditating. No, it's some point, you know.
Starting point is 00:53:49 No, it was never that bad. The only time the monks ever got into physical was when the special sacred food came out. So there's sacred food that's offered and like there's these sweets and we didn't eat a lot of sugar or anything like that. So whenever these sweets came out, that these milk sweets sometimes.
Starting point is 00:54:09 And so these sweets were like the kind of like you. Yeah. Yeah. I've never spent time in an ash romp, but I've been, well, I'd like to go. Well, we should go together. I would like to. I mean, I like to take you.
Starting point is 00:54:19 I would enjoy that. I'm being serious. I'm being deadly serious. We should go together to be ash romp. I go back every year. Do you? Yeah, every year. So I go back every usually December, January, period, because the weather's good to go then for for anyone who's not from India. Like I struggled during the hot times in India too. So that's the best time if you're visiting. But I'd love to take you. It'd be so fun. It'd be cool. Yeah. In my experience of,
Starting point is 00:54:43 you know, sitting in meditation with various, you know, swamis over the years, and being around, you know, various types of those kind of communities. The thing that I noticed, like the humanity that I see in that is the institutionalization of the guru, right? And then it becomes like this pecking order of who's close to the higher consciousness and there seems to be a lot of jockeying around. Like that's where I see like the sort of character, like the, you know, our innate humanity
Starting point is 00:55:17 percolating the surface and manifesting and character flaws. Yeah, for sure, that's a really good point. And I saw that too and I feel like, I feel like my teachers did a very good job of not trying to create, enjoy, or build that type of culture. They tried their best. But the followers mentality is so strong. So I'll give you an example. Like, so whenever I was with one of my teachers, if we traveled together, and you have to put yourself in the mindset of, I'm a very junior monk
Starting point is 00:55:52 and spiritually very junior too. So I'm like right at the bottom of the pile, right? And it's like, when I would travel with the senior-mose teacher, there was a respect in where we pay physical respects, as you've probably seen before, when people pay physically bow on the floor to show respect to teachers to et cetera. And he, at 70 years old, there was never a day behind closed doors
Starting point is 00:56:17 when no one else was watching that he wouldn't get back and pay those respects on the floor. And to me, that was the moment I was like, he's real. Because there was no one to show off to. I was not senior that I deserved it. Like there was no, you know, from the point of view of a hierarchy, even though there wasn't one. But he would have the humility and the humanity
Starting point is 00:56:39 to recognize that if a soul or if a person is showing me respects, then I'll show those respects back. And I felt that at 70 years old, I'm like, 22 years old, like a 70 year old man, that's beautiful. Like there was some beauty in there. And that was part of it. And the other part was the, and it's funny,
Starting point is 00:56:57 because we talk about this a lot, even with the other monks and other people that about, my teacher would never have a favorite or a number one. And he never verbalized this. But we all knew it. And one of the senior monks, he always said to me, he said, if you want to be the number one, you won't last very long. And he literally said that to me, he goes, if you want to be his number one go to right hand man, all that kind of stuff, he goes, you're not going to last long here because he said, anyone who wanted that position, they never got it because he doesn't want it to exist.
Starting point is 00:57:26 And so you will fail. And I remember having this conversation with him, and he's, you know, because he's been so close to him for so long, and he said to me, he said, there are times, this is going with us. He goes, there are times when I've had to be really close to support him, and there are times when I've had to move away and step back and let him do what he needs to do.
Starting point is 00:57:43 And it's like, he goes, it doesn't work like that. So I think that good leaders always try and avoid creating that culture. But our follower mentality is so strong that we want someone to worship and idolize and we want that. We're seeking one. Our identity is informed by proximity to that person. You know what I mean? Yeah. And there's two types of proximity. So I'll tell you, you're sparking all these memories. So we're walking on this beach in South India. It's called
Starting point is 00:58:18 Setu Bund. It's a very holy place and like literally the tip of South India if you were to look at a map. And so we're walking on this beach. It's about 25 months in our senior teacher and we're walking behind him and everyone's trying to walk close to him. And he's just walking, he's not even talking to anyone. He's just walking and he's doing a walking meditation
Starting point is 00:58:37 and everyone's around him. And it was there that I had a realization. I was like, there are two ways of being close to him. Either I push everyone away and try and walk through the middle, or I push everyone closer, and be closer because everyone else is closer to. And I was like, I remember having a real reflection point at that moment, I was like, wow, like these are the two options in life we always have. You either get closer to people because you try and push everyone else out of the way,
Starting point is 00:59:04 or you get closer to people because you take everyone with you. And I was like, I'm going to try to do that second one for the rest of my life. If I want to be close to someone, I'm going to take everyone close to that person. I'm never going to be that guy who's trying to, and that's my hope, you know, that's my meditation. Yeah, that requires that you dispense with the zero-sum game mentality. Explain it. Meaning that your success can only come at the expense of others. Right. As opposed to the universe is infinitely abundant. Yes. And there's room for everybody here. Yeah. Yeah. A non-fier based perspective. Yeah. In things like a monk, I call it, there are an infinite number of seats in the theater of happiness. So we in our minds have started to believe that
Starting point is 00:59:47 every we think now if you're booking a cinema theatre or movie theatre there's a finite number of seats you've got to get tickets to the Olympics there's a finite number of seats there's tickets to the Coachella whatever it is it's like there's a finite number of seats and so that finite finite finite finite finite has been drilled so deeply into us. But there are infinite number of seats, and there's a seat with your name on it in the theater of happiness. And just because I'm already in there, doesn't mean you can't be in there. Just because you're in there, doesn't mean I can't be in there. And as soon as you realize that, you free yourself and realizing there is a seat with your
Starting point is 01:00:17 name on it. And all you've got to do is claim your own seat. And no one else can take that seat from you. And when you start living like that, you can collaborate, you can grow together, you can build together and you see this as being the epitome of I was just reading Bob Iger's book. And in there he talks about how it was, and I may get a few of the names wrong, but I think it was Steven Spielberg for sure, I was George Lucas. I think it was Quentin Tarantino, who's saying they used to get together,
Starting point is 01:00:45 and they would critique each other's movies before they came out. So they'd give each other feedback. You're talking about some of the best of all time, like being comfortable showing their work to their competitors. Right. Now, that's the point, right?
Starting point is 01:00:59 Like, I've never watched a Quentin Tarantino film and felt I was watching a Steven Spielberg film, and I've never watched a Spielberg film thinking I'm watching a George Lucas film film. And I've never watched a Spielberg film thinking I'm watching a George Lucas film, which just shows how incredibly creative and talented they are, but also how much they trusted
Starting point is 01:01:12 what they were offering to the game. And that to me is such a powerful metaphor, and I mean, it's not even metaphor, it's literal, of how you live in a, there are an infinite number of seats in the theater of happiness. On the subject of happiness, I think you would agree that we're suffering from an epidemic of loneliness and depression and people are seeking for answers in different ways of living. They're sensing their lack of contentment with the path that they've chosen for themselves. And you go online and somebody's telling you to find your bliss or seek out your passion.
Starting point is 01:01:55 And I think that that's, although perhaps coming from a good place is not necessarily helpful and perhaps damaging because it leaves that person thinking, well, I don't know what my passion is or, you know, I'm not happy, but I don't understand the path forward to find that happiness. And I'm unsure about what steps I need to take in order to gird my life with more purpose and to try to find more fulfillment. So with the experiences that you've had, like how do you speak to that person or meet them where they're at to try to get them to reframe their perspective on how they're living?
Starting point is 01:02:35 Yeah, so I think first of all, it has to be a two-fold approach. And what I mean by that is there is an aspect of it that is thinking and reflection. And there is a part of it that is action and experimentation. These are the two aspects of anything in our life and the biggest mistake we make is we do too much action and experimenting without reflection or we do too much reflection without action and experimentation. So let's let's let's break them down. So let's start with the thinking and reflective approach.
Starting point is 01:03:01 This is approach you can do on your own. This is the approach you can do right now listening to this. This is approach that I half of it that I lay out in think like a monk. So the first thing I asked people to reflect on is is four areas. The first area is things that you have an expertise in but have no passion for. Make a list of three things that you have a make a list of three things that you have a expertise in but no passion for. So for me, I give the example of Microsoft Excel and numbers. I'm okay at it, but I don't enjoy it. Like I don't have a passion for it, right? So write down three things in there.
Starting point is 01:03:38 Then the next box that I want you to fill out is ask yourself, what do I have no expertise in, but I have a deep passion for? So for me, it's neuroscience. I'm not an expert in neuroscience. I couldn't perform brain surgery on anyone, and I couldn't scan anyone's brain, but I'm super passionate about it. I love reading about it. I love speaking in neuroscientists.
Starting point is 01:03:58 It's something for me. Social media used to be in that category for me once upon a time. Social media was something I wasn't an expert in or didn't know much about, but I was passionate about learning how to communicate. Then the third box, things that you're not no expertise and no passion. What are those things in your life that you're like, ugh, don't like them, not good at them, right? Maybe doing your taxes, I don't know, whatever, right? Like pretty much everything, everything else. Everything else. Yeah. And then the fourth and final box is, what are you passionate about and what are you an expert in? That's the box that you're trying to find.
Starting point is 01:04:31 So that box may be empty right now. This is the thinking of. So do that reflection exercise. The reason why it's so important is because most of us first of all don't even know what our expertise is and our passion is. And now when I say passion, I'm not just saying, find your passion. I'm saying, what do you like doing? What do you get joy from reading about?
Starting point is 01:04:47 Even if you're watching a TV show, what is it about that TV show that keeps you captivated? Well, when you listen to this podcast, what part about it? Which person stands out to you? It's you having to lead in to every part of your, it's like start with something as simple as what's your favorite cuisine. Most people go, I don't know what my favorite cuisine is. Well, think about the last time you walked out of a meal, you were happy when you ordered it, you're happy when you ate it, and you're happy the next morning.
Starting point is 01:05:11 That's probably your favorite cuisine. Try and find those patterns in your life because all of us have a karmic pattern in our life that we've just not zoned into. So I'll give you another example. Let's look at the pattern of the best decisions you've made. If you look to the best decisions you made in the last decade, and let's say you pick three, right? Three is a pattern for me. That's where I'm going to, I'm making that up. It's totally my choice. It's subjective, but it's my opinion. Three
Starting point is 01:05:39 things are a pattern. Look at the three decisions you made in your life where you knew it was the best decision when you made it. Not when you you got the best result, but you knew it even before the result happened that you made the best decision. I guarantee you, if you reflect on those three decisions in the last decade, you will find the same parameters, the same environment, and the same decision-making thoughts and thought process that got you to your best decision. So I'll give an example. When I decided to become a monk, I believed that was my best decision when I made it,
Starting point is 01:06:10 not because one day I'd be able to write a book about it because I had no idea I'd even be here. So I was going against the grain, no one agreed with me, and most people thought it was the worst idea. When I left being a monk, I was going against the grain because most monks I joined with state as monks, no one agreed with me. And I was completely sold that I was doing the right thing for me. When I quit my safe corporate
Starting point is 01:06:34 job to do what I do now, I was going against the grain because most of my friends were happy with their salaries. I was doing something that felt really right to me and no one agreed with me. And so I found that that's generally the pattern of my life, my best decisions are those three things. Now that may not be for you, your best decisions may be the opposite. So that reflection is really important. Second half, action.
Starting point is 01:06:56 Take the next month, take the next 30 days, and every weekend plan a new activity, workshop, seminar, course, book, podcast, to listen to, person to shadow, person to experience with, take a Saturday and Sunday and try it out. You've got eight things that you can now test. There are eight days, eight weekends in a month, roughly. Test something new on each of those. Go in, actually do something. So this is no more thinking, no more reflecting. If you want to be a chef or you think you want to be a chef, go and do a cooking class, see how natural it was
Starting point is 01:07:27 for you, see how much fun you had doing the process. Take eight different things and try them out. When you do both of those together, within 30 days, you could figure out what you genuinely are passionate about as a starting point. That may change, it may evolve, but at least you've got somewhere to start. And the biggest mistake is we're sitting there doing a personality test trying to figure out what our passion is. Obviously, you're not going to know. Right. A lot of it goes back to, if you could just live in the mindset of the child within, like what did you, what were the choices that you made when you were a kid about what you
Starting point is 01:08:01 like to spend time doing? I think that's also a good place to start. I agree. And I think those are really powerful exercises. The expertise piece can come later. It's not about that at that moment. Absolutely. I think the more you engage with those activities that you naturally enjoy, you're creating opportunities, you're creating an environment in which opportunities
Starting point is 01:08:23 can come later for further explore that. There's a difference between a lack of expertise and inexperience, right? We think we lack expertise in something, but actually we're just inexperienced at it. And that's the point of that second element of you don't have to be the best at something when you start doing it, but as soon as you start doing it, you've now given yourself that opportunity to grow. And I think we all know this, there's always something we've all learned and become better at it.
Starting point is 01:08:51 But if you're fascinated by it, you're probably more likely to invest more time. And so yeah, don't, but it is also important, there may be things in your life that you have an expertise in, but you don't have a passion in. But then ask yourself the question, why don't I have a passionate? Because you could add meaning to it. Like there are so many skills that we have that if you added a bit of meaning, you added some purpose to it,
Starting point is 01:09:12 you added why you were doing it, you could actually find a great use for it. And I think a lot of us are under, under, under estimating how powerful expertise is, you may have strengths that are just underutilized by your current job But actually could be really well utilized by someone that you felt activated you Essentially everything that you're saying are
Starting point is 01:09:33 Tools for greater self-awareness, right? 100% so when you say when I made this decision to go be a monk I knew in my heart it was the right decision For me, despite externality, same thing when you made the decision to leave, but you're somebody who had spent an inordinate amount of time developing your self-awareness, you're a very integrated person because of all the inside work that you've done to get to a place where you not only are in tune with your instincts, you're able to rely upon them. You know what I mean? And I think most people are so disconnected from themselves and either
Starting point is 01:10:11 lack adequate self-awareness or are just living their lives so reactively that their impulses or their instincts are either unheard or entirely unreliable. And I think that people make decisions and set goals for themselves in that state that lead them terribly awry. But intuition is a muscle that everyone can build. It really is, I really believe that. There's a study that I mentioned in things like Among where I talk about how men and women are asked to be alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes or give themselves an electric shock. 30% of women chose an electric shock and 60% of men chose an electric shock. 30% of women chosen electric shock
Starting point is 01:10:46 and 60% of men chosen electric shock. Because they didn't wanna be alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes. Now, here's the root of all human suffering. Yeah, now here's the thing that intuition comes from asking yourself questions, basic questions, simple questions, just as it would getting to know rich, getting to know J, getting to know
Starting point is 01:11:05 J is the same process. After I eat something, did I like that? Did I not like it? The next morning, did I like that? Did I not like it? When you ask people, what are your favorite movies? You know how you feel when you walk outside a movie. You don't need to do a personality test.
Starting point is 01:11:19 You don't need to do a three months away in Costa Rica. You don't need to do that to know whether you like something or you don't like something. You can do a sense check with yourself every single day after doing an activity. And if you literally after you did anything, anything you do, stop and just ask yourself, did I enjoy that?
Starting point is 01:11:38 Yes or no, simple question. So let's say I say yes. What did you enjoy about it? Let's have that conversation. What did I enjoy about it? Let's have that conversation. What did I enjoy about it? What part of it was uncomfortable, but you still got excited about it? These are three simple questions
Starting point is 01:11:52 that can lead you to greater self awareness. I've done the same with every area of my life, and you should really become like an encyclopedia in your own life. Like, if someone goes to me, what's your favorite movie? It's like, I am a big fan of thrillers. My favorite director and producer of all time is Christopher Nolan. My favorite movies are Memento, the prestige, inception, interstellar, and the dogmaid trilogy. They're all Christopher Nolan
Starting point is 01:12:14 movies. There's such a pattern in our lives, and everyone has that pattern. We just have to look beyond the debris that's all there of the noise and the dirt that's stopping us because there's just so much distraction. But that practice of self inquiry is really the definition of leading an examined life. Yes. 100%. Exactly. And that's all we have to do that we just have to ask ourselves questions.
Starting point is 01:12:39 The problem is we are demanding the answer from our partners, the universe, our teachers, people, we demand. We go, why is this happening to me? What's the meaning of this? That's not a question. That's a demand. And a question is a genuine heartfelt request. A question is, do I like this? Like that's a, a question is soft and powerful. A question is not loud and weak. And our questions are actually demands and that's why we don't find the answers. Well, they're demands, also because they're,
Starting point is 01:13:18 they're foisted outward. Yes. If they're turned inward, the questions become, you know, what is, you know, what is the fear that compelled me to do that? Like what childhood wound am I trying to sell by, you know, having this exchange with this person or making decision X, Y or Z? Exactly. And that's exactly a demand throughout which questions are in which it's beautiful. Absolutely. That's it. So you spend three years in the ashram and you emerge, you make this decision to return. First of all, like, what was there a sense at some
Starting point is 01:13:52 point that you were going to always stay there and if so, what changed? Yeah. So my dream was that I would do it for the rest of my life. And I believe that as a monk, I'd be able to write and teach and share and hopefully be able to share that message anywhere and everywhere. Where are your parents at this point? What do you mean? How are they processing this? I always describe my parents as very neutral. They've been neutral participants in a beautiful way. And I mean, that a good way. I love my parents.
Starting point is 01:14:21 They've never been overly pushy and they've never been overly encouraging. They kind of have always been neutral. It's a really weird situation to be in. So my parents don't massively celebrate everything I do, but they don't get upset when things don't go the way they thought it would. So your mom's not asking you when you're going to go to medical school. No, no, no, she knew I wouldn't get in. You know, I didn't go to my graduation ceremony, so I never got that picture of me holding the, I graduated, but never got the picture. So my parents really gave up on me, maybe. They gave in to me at that time when I decided to make
Starting point is 01:14:54 this decision and then they were open to whatever happened. And I wanted to do it for their rest of my life. And then two things happened. One was, I was really pushing it and really And one was, I was really pushing it and really testing myself physically. And I could see that my health was stumbling from it because I was just like trying to do all the fasts and meditating for longer and my momos competitive ego and also competition with myself, mindset constantly wanted to test. And at the same time, I started to feel like, and this was really tough, like, to admit it, and I don't think I'd admit it then, and it's only happened afterwards. I think that my meditation and self awareness got me to a point where I realized I wasn't
Starting point is 01:15:33 a monk in the sense of that that wasn't my path, that I felt that I wanted to share wisdom in a certain way, that I wanted to serve people in a certain way. And a big part of me felt that that wouldn't be realized through that lifestyle. And that doesn't mean that I knew that one day we'd have billions of views or that, you know, all that kind of stuff. It wasn't like numbers and it wasn't fame. It was just like, I feel this deep calling to be with people and serving this way and share wisdom in this way and teaching this way and talk about movies and the way I talk. And I wanted to be immersed in mainstream culture and as a monk, I didn't even know who won the World Cup that year.
Starting point is 01:16:09 Like I had no idea. And so that was a big part of it. And then my teachers also, I think, started to see that, I definitely consider myself a rebel. And I think becoming a monk is one of the most rebellious things you can do because it's totally anti-society. But I think they could see that rebelliousness in me and they could see that I wouldn't necessarily
Starting point is 01:16:31 last with that mentality as a monk. I think as a monk, it comes with certain sacred commitment. It's a sacred commitment to what you're doing. And I think I realized and they realized around the same time that it wasn't like that. And I didn't realize at the time, I realized in hindsight. And so when my teacher said to me that he felt that I should leave
Starting point is 01:16:48 so I can share what I've learned, at that time, I hadn't yet admitted to myself that I even knew what I would do. And so that really felt like a breakup. It really felt like he was like, you know, it's not you, it's me, it's kind of like an awful breakup. Right, more less relief, more like he was condescending to you.
Starting point is 01:17:06 Correct. Like because I hadn't yet admitted it to myself, it felt like I'd failed. And I think that's why what failure actually feels like when you haven't admitted something to yourself is it feels like failure. Whereas now I look back and I go, wow, I should have felt relieved. I should have felt like someone just opened up a gateway for me to go off and be myself. And I didn't know that then. So when I left, I was probably in the most depressed day of my life. I moved back in my parents. Everyone around me now saying, we told you so.
Starting point is 01:17:33 You wouldn't make it. And then, you know, other people- What is making it deciding to spend your entire life in that- Well, I think no one knows what made it mean for me. But it's what I mean is, it's that perspective of like, oh, you couldn't even live as a monk. Like, why would you come back? Or like, oh, who's gonna hire you now? And I heard that over and over again.
Starting point is 01:17:51 Like, how are you gonna make money? Who's gonna hire you? Who's gonna talk to you? Like, will you be able to reintegrate? And it was hard. Like, hearing that noise as soon as you come back, rather than like, oh, we're so happy. Like, it wasn't like a welcoming party.
Starting point is 01:18:02 And that's what my parents were very supportive. I'm talking about the external. Yeah, yeah. No, I got it. Yeah, yeah, we so happy that it wasn't like a welcoming party. And that's what my parents were very supportive. I'm talking about the external. Yeah, yeah. No, I got it. Yeah, yeah, I got it. But you emerged from that experience with a very powerful toolbox. And it's one thing to implement or practice those tools
Starting point is 01:18:17 in the construct of a very controlled environment at the Oshrom versus trying to take them into the chaos of the world. Yeah, absolutely. So what was that reemergence process like? And how do you think about the applicability of that timeless wisdom and that toolbox in terms of how we navigate the, you know, vicissitudes of the modern age?
Starting point is 01:18:40 Well, I even fooled myself that the tools I'd learned were non-transferrable. So in the immediate moment, even I, even after having all that training, I was just like, great, what do I do now? And it came from again the noise because I applied to 40 companies. And when I say 40 companies, I mean, I send them all specific tailored resumes and cover letters. And I go reject from all 40 before intake. Like ad agencies and marketing companies. I'm talking about management banks. So yeah, investment banks, financial institutions, consulting firms, strategy firms. That's just the universe doing you a favor. True, but I didn't know that then. Like, you know, I was like, I can't rely on my parents forever
Starting point is 01:19:24 and my parents are not financially well off, so I can't just leach off of them, and I need to figure out how to make money. I'm 26 years old, and what am I gonna do? So I was applying to companies that wouldn't give me a job three years before. And I'm struggling, and I'm getting all these nose, and when you're seeing rejection after rejection
Starting point is 01:19:40 after rejection, you really start to question what you have, but I realized that those three years, and I described it this way in the way you said it, that the three years being a monk were being at school. And the last seven years since I've left to bend the exam, and I can genuinely say so far that every tool that I have tested
Starting point is 01:19:59 from my monk toolkit works. And the biggest one, or most, most likely the most powerful one that I felt is, there's a beautiful verse in the monosmithy I talk about in the book. And it says that when you protect your purpose, your purpose protects you. And what I mean by that, and I will broaden purpose to mean what it needs to mean for anyone listening, you have to protect your strengths, your calling, your passions, your interests, your skills. You have to protect them like a precious jewel because the whole world will come at you and tell you that it's not a jewel. The whole
Starting point is 01:20:35 world will come at you and tell you that it's worth nothing. And if you don't protect it, it can't protect your value back. And most of us, as soon as we get questioned, we just chuck the jewel out. We just chuck it away and we go, oh yeah, that wasn't worth anything. And then later on in life, you realize you threw away a precious jewel. So I love that verse because that's what I was test being tested to do is,
Starting point is 01:20:57 I was about to go sell myself short and just go back into the world that I came from and just chuck out that jewel. Rather than like, hey, I learned all these things, I wanted to serve, I became a monk because I wanted to serve. How can I still serve? How can I not just throw that all out
Starting point is 01:21:11 and pretend that it doesn't matter? And how can I apply the discipline and the mentality and all of the great skills? Because guess what, when surprise, surprise, no one wants to hire someone with monk on their resume for three years, and that's what I had, because they couldn't see
Starting point is 01:21:25 the transferable skills. I had to see them. So they were thinking, oh, he's probably just going to be really quiet in the office, right? Like, what is he going to do? But I knew that that choir was intuition. I knew that that choir was solitude, not loneliness. I knew that that choir was the power, that ability
Starting point is 01:21:42 to read things, to read in between the lines, to connect with people. And so I ended up still getting a job at Accenture. That's the first thing I did. It came about nine months, ten months after I'd left the Ashram. For ten months, I spent every day in the library reading spiritual texts like the Bhagavad Eta and then reading self-development books and business books and trying to reintegrate. So I spent about 10 months literally reintegrating. And then when I get my job, I remember they did
Starting point is 01:22:12 an induction day and you know at these big companies, they have these induction days where they try and do team bonding. So my first day of work was a pizza-making class with all a hundred graduates who'd also been hired by the company. So I turn up at this pizza-making class with all 100 graduates who'd also been hired by the company. So I turn up at this pizza-making class and I'm just like, what am I gonna do? Like, I don't drink alcohol. I've never gone back to drinking, so I don't, I still don't drink.
Starting point is 01:22:36 I was like, oh, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to eat half the pizzas that we make. And how am I gonna engage? And how do I talk to people? And I remember being really uncomfortable that day because I was having to decide again who I was going to be in a world that I knew who I would have been before.
Starting point is 01:22:54 And now with everything else I learned, so I remember just finding one or two people having a really deep, meaningful conversation with them. And I found my people, and I found a smaller group, whereas I think if I had gone before, I would have been the loudest person in the room and networking. I was totally different. And I'm still really close friends with one of the guys that I've had that day. And I love it. It's been, it was an accent, it was an amazing experience. So at Accenture, your job was it originally or did
Starting point is 01:23:19 you morph into this role as kind of this social media person there? Yeah, I really understand how that would happen. So I started out as an average analyst at the company where you just get a typical job, like, correct, correct. And what happened is that in our first year, they ran a competition where they were going to choose a group of people to be trained by some social media experts that they were working with to try and build
Starting point is 01:23:43 the social media and digital department inside the company because that was new then. It was like a big, big area of growth at that time. And so thankfully I got into the 20 in the competition and then I came out number one in the full competition and one. And so I got this coaching and this coach not only became a coach from a professional standard point, he became one of my closest friends named Thomas Power, he lives in London. And he just, I don't think he talked me everything about social media. I think he really opened up my mind. He would constantly push me to never settle. So if we made a breakthrough or something like I got a promotion at the company, he would never see that success here. But all right, what's next? What are we gonna build? Like he would just give me, gave me this mentality of just growth mindset, believing more was possible and just being able to apply all the tools that I'd learned.
Starting point is 01:24:32 And so I end up creating this social media role at Accenture where I'm creating all of this content. I'm learning how the biggest brands in the world use social media. I'm working with executives on social media presence and understanding Twitter and LinkedIn. And I just get exposed to this incredible world. And that's where I get to learn these skills. Right. So that's basically the ashram for learning how to become this social media maven with unbelievable knack for creating virality.
Starting point is 01:25:01 Yeah, and it wasn't that like I never created, you know, viral content while I was at Accenture, but it just started opening up my mind to what was possible, right? It was just like, oh, these are the tools, feeling comfortable with failure, getting it wrong. It gave me a playground, right? It gave me an opportunity. And this is what anyone is listening to this right now watching this and you're working at a company, your company is giving you an opportunity to learn, to grow, to test.
Starting point is 01:25:26 I learned so much about digital and strategy working at Accenture that I could never have gone from reading a book or going to a course or a seminar because it was there. Like I was there with it every day with a company that was 500,000 people, you know, a global organization. So that's when I hear that people are dissatisfied with their jobs and their companies, my biggest question is, have you learned everything you possibly could from that place? Because the truth is, you could find a lot more meaning and passion
Starting point is 01:25:54 in a place that you don't want to be in, because you realize it could be the answer and key to what you could do in the future. And there is so much to gain. Yeah, that's a cool lens. So what's interesting about this is, I didn't really fully understand like that you kind of went into this corporate world before. I thought you kind of were hired as a consultant after you already figured out all this social media stuff and they hired you for that purpose. No, no, no.
Starting point is 01:26:19 So that's fascinating. But what I think is really interesting here is, from an outsider's perspective looking in, it would appear that so many of these timeless wisdom concepts don't square with living in the modern world. Like when we think of detachment, we think of asceticism, when we think of competition, we think of the zero sum game, et cetera.
Starting point is 01:26:43 But I think when you peel back the layers, they're really highly compatible. So I'm interested in kind of exploring. Yeah, let's do that. How you take these ideas into the world and how they inform your decision-making and how you see yourself. Yeah, I love that.
Starting point is 01:27:00 And there's a big difference between, especially from the bug with Gita's point of view, but there's a big difference between detachment and indifference. And I think in our limited minds, it's sometimes we think that detachment means indifference or detachment means disconnecting. And actually detachment means, and I quote this incredible writer where he said that detachment doesn't mean that you own nothing. Detachment means that nothing owns you. And when you look at detachment through that lens, it means can I use everything that I have for a higher purpose? Can I use it and engage it rather than be consumed and used by it? Now granted, that's a very high platform to live on,
Starting point is 01:27:43 and it's not easy. But the point being that detachment is not in difference. That detachment doesn't just mean I don't want anything to do with this. It's actually how can I use this for more than what it's being used for right now. And that's what's known as, by Rupa Ghaswami, he quotes about probably about 500 years ago, he created and coined a term called Yucca Veragia, which means using everything for a higher purpose. So he talks about how real renunciation, real detachment, real asceticism is how can I use this for something more than myself? And it's not about just getting rid of it. I love that principle. I think that that's a very that's a very practical principle
Starting point is 01:28:25 that we can all employ living in the real world. So for monks, detachment is real. Like we didn't have beds, right? We didn't have a place that we slept. We slept in a different place every night. But if you're not a monk and you wanna apply that same principle, this is how you think about it. You recognize that I don't wanna be in a position
Starting point is 01:28:42 where I am consumed by everything. Another addition to detachment is detached from the result, focused on the process. That's another definition of the Bhagavad Gita. You're not attached to the fruits of your labor, but you're completely committed to the labor, the process itself. And that's something that we miss so often that we think being detached means not caring about what happened. Actually, it means caring about the process and not caring about the result.
Starting point is 01:29:07 So when we talk about writing a book and you know, you've written books and when you're writing a book, if you're writing a book and all you're thinking about is how many copies am I going to sell? Now, you're not going to write a good book. Now, you're dead out of the gate. Totally. You're dead straight away because all you're thinking about is how many copies am I going to sell? Is this going to rank? If that's what you're thinking about, you're now not present, which means you're not going to write a good book. Whereas if you were dedicated to the process, the result is a given, the result is a natural end to dedicate to the process.
Starting point is 01:29:38 I fully get having a process-oriented mindset and approached everything that I do. On the higher-purpose piece, what I find myself doing is diluting myself a little bit or for sure, or treating a little bit of denial. Like, perfect example, we're here doing the podcast. Now, I can say, and there is a sliver of honesty in this, that I'm doing this for a higher purpose. I am like, when I sit down for these conversations, I'm trying to be as present as possible and you know, deliver the best content that I can in service to the audience. At the same time, I'm profiting off of this. Totally. And I know that if I grow the audience, that then I can charge more and get more advertise.
Starting point is 01:30:24 You know, like sure. There is a very self-serving aspect of this. 100% and I'm always unsure about how those two worlds like butt up against each other. So intentions are all percentages. So what you just broke down, you may have, and this is me, everyone included, you may have a 50% pure motive and 50% impure motive. Well, you may have a 50% pure motive and 50% impure motive. Or you may have a 75% pure motive and you may be 25% impure. The point is it's a process of
Starting point is 01:30:52 purification, but guess what? Running away from it doesn't remove the impure intention. Doing it, being humbled, seeing it fall apart, failing, growing, being told you terrible and having to reprocess that, that is what purifies you. So the belief that if I run away from that which brings me down, you'll run away with it. Like it stays with you because it doesn't become purified and that's the process of purification. Like when you look at a muddy glass of water, it needs to be purified to be drinkable and we're the same. We just get muddy. But with us, what happens is when you're in the world, when you're a monk, you're getting
Starting point is 01:31:29 cleansed a lot every day. When you're in the world, it's described in India as to dirty elephant. So the elephant goes and bathes in the water and then it rolls in the mud. And then it bathes in the water and it rolls in the mud. And it does this all day. So that's what we're doing. When we have impure and pure motives, we're doing both. But guess what, when you're aware and you start being honest with yourself and what
Starting point is 01:31:50 you just did was beautiful, you're like, this, I'm not going to be in denial. I'm not going to let myself delude myself. And what happens with that greatest self awareness, you'll get closer and closer and closer to being able to do things with a pure motive. And that made me, at some point, that you're like completely gonna detach from ads or sponsorships or whatever it may be. But that won't just happen if you stop that.
Starting point is 01:32:12 That desire doesn't go away just because you don't externalize it. Well, the irony is that the more service-minded I am and the more pure I am in my approach, the better it all is. And that ends up being more enriching. Totally. I mean, so you can make the argument that somebody should be selfless and in service for selfish
Starting point is 01:32:37 motives. Like, you can be like, if I'm trying to appeal to somebody who is a selfish person, the appeal is, well, if you're in service to people, your life will improve. So even if you're doing it for selfish reasons, it's still the right thing to do. Yeah. 100%. Exactly.
Starting point is 01:32:54 Exactly. That's it. That's it. And if that's what gets you started, hey, that's what gets you started. So what trip you up? I'm like, now you're in the world. You're very successful. You've got a million things going on.
Starting point is 01:33:04 The book's coming out. Your videos are, you know, you've got billions of views and all this kind of stuff. I would imagine your life is lined with with spiritual minefields. All the time. That's right. I mean, you're being, we're all being tested, but you know, what are the tests that you're facing and where do you still find yourself tripping yourself up? What is it that you're continually having to revisit? Well, I think the biggest test is, so since I turned 18, I've always had my two-hour meditation practice a day. And when I was a monk, obviously, we did more, but the majority of the quality of it happened in the day, in the morning. For me now, with my crazy schedule, one of the biggest things being tested is my routine, my depth,
Starting point is 01:33:45 my quality. And, you know, in the modern world, people may say, oh, yeah, you meditate for two hours. My, my monk teachers would say, how deep would those two hours? Like they don't care about the two hours. And, you know, they, they, they're talking about depth and quality, not quantity. So, for me, the quality and quantity of my meditation is constantly being tested because there are supposedly more important things that I have to do, whether it's social media, whether it's audience, whether it's writing, whether it's doing, right? Instead of being. And so my being is challenged.
Starting point is 01:34:18 And that, to me, is the biggest thing that I have to watch out for constantly is when I'm traveling, I have to prioritize my routine. When I'm moving around and I'm waking up later than I always am or I'm on a plane for too many hours a day, I can't let go of that. I think that I'm sharing that as a very real battle right now because that's what I'm grappling with. So for me, that's a big one. And I really think that my meditation is where the purity comes from.
Starting point is 01:34:45 That's my purity bath every day. You miss your bath, you smell, it's the same thing. It's rigged that way. All the being got you to this place to where now you don't have time for the being because it provided you with so many gifts and opportunities. Correct. I'm saying this as much to answer your question as I am from my own vigilance.
Starting point is 01:35:08 Like the more I say this, the more I verbalize it, the more vigilant I become. Well, Goggins would just tell you to wake up earlier. Yeah. And you know, like, I mean, that's part of it. But I think it depends how, and you may find this, I find that mentally creative careers or purposes are different and they require good sleep. And so I'm a big believer in eight and a half hours of sleep. I sleep eight and a half hours a day.
Starting point is 01:35:36 I'm sleeping before midnight, usually by 9.30, 10pm to get my HGH to be maximized. And I think people, I know a human growth hormone for anyone who doesn't know, but I'm sure your whole audience would know. But sleeping after 12, your human growth hormone is not having the moment that it could have. And so you're limiting the quality of your sleep when you sleep after midnight. So for me, I'm a big believer in figuring out your routines. So that's one thing. That's one thing that I'm challenged by.
Starting point is 01:36:02 Another thing that I'm challenged by is, and I'm trying to share, I wanna give you real ones that I'm grappling with, rather than the obvious easy ones with like, oh, there's so many opportunities and what to say no to and stuff like that. But I'd say another one is, is finding spiritual community. So finding deep community, I think, I've been very fortunate, I think LA's been good to me and we've made some really amazing friends here,
Starting point is 01:36:29 but I think I go back to India every year to live with the monks, I take my wife as well, we go together every year. And that for me is my reconnection to remind me of how important that practice is, because even while I'm here, and I'm like, oh, I'm doing all right, I've been meditating every day, I'm doing good,
Starting point is 01:36:46 I'm doing good, and then you go back and you look, oh, wow, like, you know, there's so much more that I've totally missed. So that kind of reawakening and humbling every year is really powerful for me when you go and meditate with the experts and you're like, oh, okay, I get it, yep, I've got a lot of work to do. And I think that, looking in the mirror,
Starting point is 01:37:03 and you can only look in the mirror when you're surrounded by people who are practicing with greater depth. And so I think that's a real challenge as well of surrounding yourself with people who are aspiring for the same levels of depth. Right. And it goes back, you know, to kind of reiterate your sliding doors. Yeah. For example, to this experience you had, this blessing of being exposed to this monk at an impressionable moment in your life. Like how that not happened,
Starting point is 01:37:31 your life would have had a completely different flavor to it. Totally. And it goes to this point of not only seeking out mentors, but putting yourself in a position where you're exposed to different ideas. Like you can't model or become something that you're not exposed to. Yeah, exactly. No, you can't.
Starting point is 01:37:51 That's the biggest thing, right? We've all heard it before. You can't be or you can't see. I think we don't see, if we don't see enough of something, you don't realize how important it is. The biggest monk approaches to everything are so powerful. Like we talk about routines, monks have incredible morning routines. Mindfulness and meditation practices, we know that, you know, some of the most successful people
Starting point is 01:38:15 in the world, and you've interviewed some of them and I've interviewed some of them, and they've all got a deep meditation practice, you know, breath work is so powerful. Like I'm, I'm breaking this all down in the most simplest ways of how, even just self and service, like that to me as a concept of how amongst their lives of half self, half service, all of those are such brilliant foundation points of how we can construct our lives to find peace and to live with permits. Like there are these simple constructs that we can all adopt. Clarity is a superpower.
Starting point is 01:38:50 Oh, for sure. As said by somebody we both interviewed, you've all know Harari, right? Love you, right? You also has a strong meditation practice. He goes away, I initiated 30 to 60. He was telling me, we were talking just before, and he told me he used to do 60 days
Starting point is 01:39:06 and now because of his busy schedule, he's still doing it in the 30 days. Yeah, exactly. Every year. And I loved that about him. And he will tell you, and I'm sure he told you, as well, that his books are a product of that practice. Like he, because he requires that level of solitude
Starting point is 01:39:22 to develop the clarity that's necessary to write his books, which really are these 10,000-foot perspectives on how we live. Totally. And it's one thing to be on a Vapassana meditation or in an ashram where you're stripped away of those distractions, but we live in a world where the noise is overwhelming. And the distractions are not only omnipresent, they're specifically constructed to be as highly addictive as possible.
Starting point is 01:39:51 And this is an interesting dynamic because your work requires you to have distance from those things, but you leverage those mediums to basically, you know, to have this career that you have. Yeah, and I think that it's a beautiful thing leverage those mediums to basically, you know, to have this career that you have. Yeah. And I think that it's a beautiful thing because the tools are not going to go away. And social media is not going to go away. So learning how to use it effectively.
Starting point is 01:40:16 Like I was just listening the other day. I really want to interview him too. I was just, I watched interview with Jake, uh, Jake, uh, Jake, uh, Jake, hold the other day and mixed him up with a football player nearly, but Jake called the rapper, I don't know if he's music's fantastic. And I was watching it into, he's very reflective,
Starting point is 01:40:32 and he was saying that he took a break from social media to get away, and he realized that when he came back, nothing went away. And this was the point that I'm making that, learning how to engage is more important than disengaging. And this is something that's missed.
Starting point is 01:40:51 Disengaging is the first step to re-engage more effectively. It is not the step and the final step. And I think a lot of us look at disengagement as the achievement or the final step when actually disengagement is the beginning step of effective reengagement. Does that make sense? Yeah, I like that. And I think that that's the mistake people might people say, oh, I went on my social media seven day fast.
Starting point is 01:41:13 I'm going to be brilliant when I come back. No, because you haven't still figured out how to reengage. When I became a monk, it disconnected me from the noise. But my reengagement into society has been more powerful because of the disconnection, but not seeing the disconnection as an end. And so when you decide to disengage from anything, learn that actually re-engaging is the skill you want to develop, when you learn how to re-engage, reconnect, renew, like when you can do all of that effectively, That's when you win the battle. So for me, what helps me re-engage with social media
Starting point is 01:41:46 is, first of all, I am a creator, not a consumer. I consume to create, or I create, and I don't consume. So what I mean by that is when I come on to social media, I'm going there to share, or to infuse energy. I don't go there to get energy. And if I go there to consume, it's to learn to create better. So that don't go there to get energy. And if I go there to consume, it's to learn to create better. So that's a very clear rule for me.
Starting point is 01:42:09 I'm not a consumer of such. You're not scrolling and looking at what everyone else is saying. Not in an unintentional way. Like I may follow you to see if you've interviewed someone and I'm like, oh, Rich asked that really good question. I won't ask that question. I can ask you from this angle so that that will help my audience, right?
Starting point is 01:42:24 Like that's consuming to create., oh, Rich got that amazing guess. Like maybe I should reach out to, you know, that kind of like, and so I think being a consumer is important to being a creator, but it is not consuming just randomly and unintentionally. And even if I'm being random on social media, it's intentional. I'm like, I'm going random to see what comes up on my feed because I want to see what's winning. So that's one point. The other barrier that I've made is, me and my wife have created no technology, times, and zones in the home.
Starting point is 01:42:54 And we break this all the time, but it's a good rule. So we decided that we would not have phones, and I recommend this to have phones in the dining room or the bedroom because it's more fun to eat and sleep with people. So don't, you know, ruin those spaces where there's time for bonding and connection and conversation. And I think most people these days are sitting in their beds on their phones, on their devices, and then go to bed, right? Rather than talking or reflecting on the day or asking someone how their day was, whatever it is that you want to do. So I feel like creating barriers and times have really helped me.
Starting point is 01:43:27 And even if I fail at it sometimes and we don't always follow it, it's still a useful thing to have. The other thing I have is I make sure, and this has changed my life. Just don't look at your phone in the morning. Like that, just the morning time is so powerful. So I wake up at six on my best days
Starting point is 01:43:44 and that's my generic across the board five days a week. And I don't look at my phone until 815 when I go down to the gym because I'm meditating in the morning and I've got my personal practices. So that just not looking at the phone in the morning, you're already now not starting the day as a consumer, you're starting the day as a creator. I think I heard you say that you locked your phone in your car. It's true.
Starting point is 01:44:06 It's a true story. So I lit when I came back from being a monk. So when I came back from the ashram and I moved back in with my parents, I used to leave my phone and my laptop in the car, locked in the trunk outside, because I knew that if I kept it downstairs, I would trick myself into going to get it.
Starting point is 01:44:22 Even after three years at the ashram. Even after three years at the ashram, Even after three years at the ashram, because that's how stuff, this stuff is designed. But again, it was disengaging to learn how to reengage. And reengagement means rules. You have to set rules for yourself. You have to set rules that you can follow and rules that you can commit to.
Starting point is 01:44:40 And I think the simplest one for me is, if you don't, and I don't know how you live, but I live, my life is very scheduled by the minute and the hour, even if it's free time or reflection time. And I like living like that because it doesn't give me an excuse. I don't really have many gaps in my day where I can just aimlessly do stuff. Well, it takes the decision fatigue out of everything.
Starting point is 01:45:03 Correct. I mean, one hard and fast rule that I have that I break fairly, fairly regularly is I never schedule anything before 12. Nice. So my morning time is meditation journaling and then I go out and I train. And that's usually, that's my solitude.
Starting point is 01:45:21 That's an active version of meditation that involves trail running or going swimming or whatever I'm doing. But I give myself, that seems very indulgent to most people. And I have the privilege of being self-employed so I can do that. I understand most people can't do that. But by adhering to that rule, people will say, oh, can you do this conference call at 9 and the more eyes like, no, I'm not available until 12. Sometimes I, you know, I have to bend for that or whatever, but by making that kind of a parameter and a priority, that's improved my life tremendously.
Starting point is 01:45:55 Exactly. Yeah, that's beautiful. And I think that, like you said, if there are people out there who can't make those decisions, make it in the power that you do have. So if that for you is, you don't do anything before 9am or if your idea is you don't do anything on Sunday before noon, you know, whatever it is, like find your mini version of that and see how that changes your life. You may not be able to do it to the degree of saying, I'll never do anything before that time, but you can do it one day a week.
Starting point is 01:46:23 You can do it for an hour a week. You can do it for 10 minutes a week. Like, that expands. I feel like the better we use our time, the more time expands for us. And I think we feel time is limited because we often don't use our time effectively. Yeah. One thing I wanted to touch on with you is this idea of element, environment and energy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, I talk about how there are three things that we're all missing in our lives or we're not aware. It's self-awareness. So, the first is our element.
Starting point is 01:46:55 And that to me is your dharma, your passion, your calling. It's when you feel you're performing at your best. It's what power, what power situation, but not external, but what power mode do you find yourself in? So I love being in this mode. I love speaking on stage. I love reading, studying, and learning. I love writing. I love synthesizing. That's my power mode. That's my element. I love being an element. Now that comes with figuring out your domain, your passion, and your purpose, and everything we spoke about.
Starting point is 01:47:28 The secondary of environment is what environment do you thrive in? Now, the reason why I fell in love with your home is because I love solitude, and I love silence, and I love being alone. And so right now, it's just me and you, and I was just like, wow, this is really nice. And so I have an office for my team,
Starting point is 01:47:46 but I work from my home office, because I don't like being around lots of noise and people. I manage all these people. Yeah, exactly, but driving the big social media machine. Yeah, and it's hard. And so, you know, and I'm still, and this is what I mean, but this is a challenge, right?
Starting point is 01:48:00 Do you protect your purpose? Or do you give in? This is exactly it. It's like, I have to work from home because that is who I am. I love being alone to create. I need time. I need space. I need, I can't deal with too much distraction. I don't enjoy it. And so I've had to craft my life in a way to do that. And just to clarify, when I was at Accenture, I did not have my own office. I did not have a corner office. I did not have any office, I worked on the floor and I was able to do
Starting point is 01:48:26 this then by putting on my headphones or by being very careful about who I spoke to and who I connected with or finding a space where I could build my own. So you can craft these spaces too even if you don't have them. But environment, it's really important to know what environment you thrive in because I think for most of us, our environment is just something we accept based on what we get. And we're not good at crafting. Environment could be something as simple as playing the right song. It could be having the right background on your desktop because it brings you to life. It could be having crystals in front of you. This is an environment. When I walked into that, I was like, oh, a box in crystals, my kind of table. You know, it's like, there's so much, this is an environment
Starting point is 01:49:08 and everyone can create the environment, whether they're at an office desk, whether they're in a cubicle, whether they're on the train, you have to create the environment. And finally, it's what energy do you vibe with? And what I mean by that is you can look at it as simple as fast-paced energy or slow energy, but you can also look at it as frequency of, do you succeed and are you more challenged when you're around people that are teaching you and guiding you or do you succeed in an energy that is where you're teaching? Like, knowing your energy of power is so important and I feel for so many people, their energy is low because they're constantly in low energy spaces. So places like bars and restaurants every day, of course you feel tired,
Starting point is 01:49:56 of course you feel exhausted, of course you don't feel energized in the morning. It's probably one of the worst ways to end the day. And we think that it's decompressing. And actually, no, it's just depressing, right? It's like, there's no decompression. There's just depression that comes with that because you just get exhausted and your body and your mind are now dealing with what's called cognitive load because your mind in a bar is not only trying to listen to the person talking to you, your mind is trying your brain is trying to process all the other cluttered
Starting point is 01:50:25 sound because it's trying to make sense of it. Now, guess what? Your brain doesn't realize for a long time that there is no sense in it because it's still trying to process, process process. So it's getting drained. And so you have to know what energy you thrive in. And if you need a day to take care of your energy every week, you have to invest in that. Well, I think answering those questions, like grappling with, like, what is the energy in which I thrive? What environment suits me? You know, what is my element? All of this goes back to self-awareness. Totally. You know, I think if you ask most people, what kind of environment do you thrive best in, I would venture to imagine that most people aren't really sure. They didn't answer that. They didn't know. And my answer to that is
Starting point is 01:51:02 that that's what I expect. And that's why I'm encouraging that because I'm not trying to give you the answers for you because I don't know and I can't know and no one can know. But what I do know is that if you ask yourself the right questions more often, you will very quickly find out just like everyone knows whether they like Mexican food or not. It's the same thing. It's not complicated. It's really that simple. It's like you know whether you like Mexican food or not.
Starting point is 01:51:26 Okay, you like Mexican food. Do you like burritos or tacos? You know the answer to that. Like, it's not complicated. And it's the same with energy and environment and element. It's just no one's ever asked us. No one's ever asked us. What's your favorite energy, right?
Starting point is 01:51:37 Imagine being on a first date and someone goes to you. What environment do you drive in? No one asked to ever ask what's your favorite color? What's your favorite food? What's your favorite movie? Start applying that same questioning to how you live your life. It's asked that about people you meet. When you, you lead to, I remember, I was given a very interesting offer once by a very wealthy individual. And I remember, and it would have been very lucrative for me, and I remember coming back from that evening and speaking to a very dear friend of mine.
Starting point is 01:52:12 And he was like, how did he go? Because I was very excited for that meeting. It was very early in my career. I was very excited for that meeting. I don't think I'd ever met someone of that caliber before. And it was quite a moment for me. So I told him I excited I wasn't. When I come back, when I got back, he said to me, like, so how do you go? And I said, I said, I don't think I'm going to work with him. And he was like, why not? It sounds like an amazing opportunity. It's lucrative. Everything. I was like, I just didn't vibe with his energy. Like there was just something about it. That just, I didn't feel like, I felt like if I failed, he'd, he'd say, I told you so. And if we won, then he'd take the credit.
Starting point is 01:52:45 And I just, that's not the kind of partnership I like. I like partnerships, which are win-win, where we're supporting each other. And so it's so easy to judge that, but you'll forget that if you don't ask yourself when you walk out. See, when we walk out of parties, we talk about the food and the drink.
Starting point is 01:52:59 We talk about what people were wearing, all useless information. We rarely go, do I like hanging out there or do I not like hanging out there? Do I have to energize or do I not? Those are much better questions to ask than, oh, did you like her shoes? Well, expanding that level of self-awareness
Starting point is 01:53:13 to better understand how other human beings operate is incredibly valuable, especially if you're in a relationship. Like if you're somebody who needs solitude, like you said, that doesn't mean that the person that you're with thrives in that dynamic. Like that person may need something different. And being able to like, you know, grok that will provide you with incredibly powerful and important relationship tools to maintain that relationship. Otherwise, if you're expecting them to process in the way that you do, you're setting
Starting point is 01:53:45 yourself up for a lot of problems. Exactly. So for me and my wife, it's a really good point, Rachel. I'm really glad you raised that. For me and my wife, she succeeds and thrives when she's around her friends and family. And I succeed and thrive when I'm on my own, or with her, but on my own in terms of a creative way. And so we know that when I want that time, that's when she usually goes back to London and spends time with her family. Or when she wants to go spend time with her family in London, or has her friends over here,
Starting point is 01:54:14 that's when I'm gonna get more time to do that. And so we've found that we both require very different things, but we've tried in our relationship to time them, her for me and me for her, time them at the same time, so that we both get that. And so I can be traveling alone, like I just went to New York for a week,
Starting point is 01:54:31 but she was here and her friends had moved into our place for a week with her. You know, it's like, it's finding out the things that work and it's you supporting them to have that environment and they support you to have your environment. Rather than like you saying, oh, well, I like being alone, so you to have your environment. Right. Rather than like you saying, Oh, well, I like being alone, so you should be okay being
Starting point is 01:54:47 alone too. Like we both know that doesn't work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Respecting that and also understanding that that person has their own independent experience. And being in a place where a healthy, a healthy place where you're trying to support that person in their own personal self-actualization journey, as opposed to making it like a complement to your own journey, I think
Starting point is 01:55:18 it's important, right? Like it's important to have your independence within a relationship and not be overly defined by the other person. Oh, 100%. Yeah, I couldn't agree more. And I think with couples, that's the challenge. We look for similarities in likes and dislikes. You know, when you're dating someone or you're meeting someone, you're just like, oh, do we like the same food?
Starting point is 01:55:40 Do we like the same things? Do we both like being alone? Do we both like this? And you look for likes and similarities on quite superficial things that are not actually relevant to the quality of a relationship. What's really the heart of a quality of a relationship is, do you have the same likes and dislikes
Starting point is 01:55:58 as to how to build a relationship in terms of your values about a relationship? Yeah, it's about values. Yeah, I mean, you can be, me, my wife and I are completely different. And so many ways. Me too. Yeah. A lot of people are shocked that it works.
Starting point is 01:56:13 And I mean, we've been together for 20 years. So that's amazing. We figured a few things out. But it's because we share core values, even though from a surface perspective, we look very different. Yeah, and core values, not just from the point of view of the deeper thing that builds you both, but I mean core values of how you view a healthy relationship. Like me and my wife both view a healthy relationship as one where we support each other to reach our own goals.
Starting point is 01:56:42 That's a value in a relationship. It's not even just a value. Another value of ours is that we both know that we can trust each other that we're always acting for each other's benefit, right? That's a value, we both share that. We both share the value of once you sleep on it, it's done. We both have that.
Starting point is 01:57:01 So when we've thought about something or we've disagreed about something, when we've gone to sleep the next day, we're not bringing it back up as ammunition. It's gone. And we both have that value before we met. And so those are relationship values. And that's what you need values that are similar or not just values in, or we both value spirituality. That's there, but this is a deeper level of that. Yeah, it's not about avoiding conflict or not arguing or not having fights over things. It's about how you process that
Starting point is 01:57:29 and communicate to get to the other side and minimize the half life. Yeah, I mean, I mean, John Gottman, whose institute is the nominal. He's amazing. Yeah, he's been to the Gottman Institute. I haven't been, yeah, I met a conference that we both spoke and I can't wait to have him
Starting point is 01:57:44 on my podcast, but John Gotman's done all the research on relationships and he talks about the number one skill needed to have a long lasting relationship is not date nights. It's not walks on the beach. It's not flowers. It's learning how to fight. Yeah. And and when I read that in his work, I was just like, that is so true. I love that because you are going to fight, but most people don't know how to fight. And just as there's love languages where Gary Chapman so beautifully explained, I believe that there are fight languages. And what I mean by that is there are fight responses or languages that you naturally have. So for example, my wife's fight language is she likes to be quiet,
Starting point is 01:58:30 reflect, and think, and not talk about things until she processes. My fight language is totally the opposite. I want to figure it out right now. I want to open up, I want to extrapolate, I want to break it down. Guess what? In the beginning of our relationship, that really didn't work. Because she was quiet. I was like, why are you quiet? Why are you not telling me what's going on? Have I done something wrong? And I'd be forcing her to share it. And then she would share prematurely and feel like she said something she didn't mean now. And now I'm upset at what I forced her to share with me. And so we really had to learn each other's fight languages.
Starting point is 01:58:56 And I've learned that her fight language is better than mine. And so now the approach is she needs space. I need space. And we come back together and discuss it when we're both ready. And it sounds basic, but so many relationship issues occur because people's fight languages don't match. Mindful fighting. Mindful fighting. The fighting is the antithesis of mindfulness in the sense that you're being reactive in the moment. Like something comes over us and we're just spouting whatever and we're repeating these recursive patterns
Starting point is 01:59:25 that are embedded deep within us. And to the extent that you could take a step back and deploy the skills that you learn through meditation and the experiences that you had in the Sashron to create distance between your impulse and the next best move, you're taking out an insurance policy for a better outcome. Absolutely. Yeah, I agree with that. It's really well said. Well, I appreciate you coming here to talk to me. Thank you, man. You are an inspiration to me.
Starting point is 01:59:55 It's millions of people out there, the content that you're putting out into the world is definitely raising the vibration of consciousness, and that's what we need now more than ever. We need to bridge these gaps and learn how to communicate long-form conversations or one way to do it. The videos and everything that you kind of, you know, produce as really like a spiritual offering to the world, I think, is a gift. So thank you for that. And I'm excited to see how this book is received by
Starting point is 02:00:23 the world and what you decide to do. That's my friend and you've always got a welcome seat across from me here. Thank you, man. I was also going to say you've I've been schooled today on how to host a really good podcast. This is been a lot of fun and it's yeah, you're brilliant to talk to man. I've really explored so many things today. So thank you so much for helping me re-explore and learn and question so many of my own beliefs and values. So I really appreciate anyone who can help me do
Starting point is 02:00:49 that. Thanks, man. So the book is Think Like A Monk, available everywhere, support your local booksellers. But you can also, of course, always get it on Amazon. You can learn more about Jay at jsheddy.me. He's a beast on Facebook, which is interesting because it's like, I thought we were done with Facebook, but you're like huge on Facebook. That's a beast on Facebook, which is interesting because it's like I thought we were done with Facebook But you're like huge on Facebook. That's a whole other podcast Just Google J Shuddy you can find them everywhere. Thank you, man. All right. He's so much rich. Beats Hey, we didn't even talk about being vegan. We didn't we'll do that next time. Yeah, next time
Starting point is 02:01:18 Yeah, we got a lot more peace. We should do more stuff together regularly right on that. That's great That was awesome, man. Thank you. Hope that was good for your audience. The one you feed explores how to build a fulfilling life admits the challenges we face. We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host Eric Zimmer and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you
Starting point is 02:01:57 want now. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions. Like, can we create new senses for humans?
Starting point is 02:02:22 So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the I Heart Radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Lewis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw, real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours.
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