On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 4 Types of Jealousy and 8 Strategies to Use it Wisely

Episode Date: July 14, 2023

Have you ever experienced envy or jealousy, those emotions that arise when we compare ourselves to others?  What is the difference between these two emotions, and how can we navigate them in our lives?  Welcome to the On Purpose podcast, and today we will look deep into the intricacies of envy and jealousy, and discover the three transformative steps to make any change in our lives.  Let’s talk about why do we feel jealous or envious when we find ourselves going through struggles while others seem to have an easier path, why do we desire what others possess, how these feelings make us feel satisfaction from others' unhappiness or feel left out. Through reflection and introspection, we uncover the path towards personal growth and develop a mindset of compassion, gratitude, and inclusivity.  In this episode, you'll learn: - The different types of jealousy and envy - How can we identify the signs  - How do we shift our mindset  - How to turn jealousy and envy into admiration  Prepare to embark on a journey of self-discovery, understanding, and transformation as we learn to embrace our own path and celebrate the journeys of others. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 03:17 Who doesn’t feel envy or jealousy in some way to someone? 10:43 There is a difference between jealousy and envy. What differentiates them? 12:27 Here are the three steps to make any change in your life 14:09 Type #1: You are going through something but others aren’t. You get jealous because their life is easy 17:36 How do you zoom out to bring your focus away from what’s stressing you out? 19:04 Type #2: We want what other people have  25:56 Find out more about people you know less about and turn it into admiration 26:07 Type #3: Becoming happy that others are down or unhappy 31:59 Type #4: Feeling upset of being left out Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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And this topic was actually brought to me by my team. One of my team members said to me, hey Jay, like I'm really struggling with this. Could you help me? Could you do a part on it actually? That was the request. And I love it when something comes so organically on these episodes. I'm always trying to start an organic conversation or share a conversation that I've been having with a client, a friend, a team member, whoever it may be.

And it was really interesting because this started as one team members request and turned into a team therapy session where we were all openly sharing with each other how we struggle with this. And so what you're about to hear is actually crowdsourced stories, experiences, challenges with this subject. And I hope that as you're listening, not only do you feel less alone, I hope that listening to this helps you judge yourself less and stops you from making yourself feel guilty. And of course, as always, I'm dedicated to giving you the steps, the solutions, the strategies, the methods so that you can actually break through and move forward. Today we're talking about the formidable blocks in our life of envy and jealousy. Now,

I don't think there's anyone in the world who doesn't feel envy or jealousy in some way or some capacity. And I know it's hard to think that it's hard to believe that there are people out there who don't feel that way. You look at someone and you go, well, they must have it all made. You look at someone else and we go, well, she has everything or they have everything. They're good looking, they're rich, they're famous, they're successful. Everything must be perfect.

And what I've learned by being closer and closer to that world by people I meet and people that I've come across is that no one feels that way. Everyone is either jealous, envious, insecure, or in some way unstable about whatever position or platform that they have.

One of my friends told me this incredible story. And I'm sharing it with you because it really puts things into perspective at that sort of a level. So, he just bought the house of his dreams and it was incredible and it was everything he could have ever wanted. He was then invited to someone else's birthday party and he went to their home. And when he went to this person's home, they were showing him around the home and they showed him one piece of art in their home. And his house cost the same as the art on this other person's wall.

And he said that that made him reflect just on how at every stage we can always full envy and jealousy. So sometimes we think, oh, when I get that, I won't be jealous anymore. When I achieve that, I won't be envious of anyone. But actually overcoming envy and jealousy has to be its own pursuit as we pursue our desires. And this was something I learned during my time as a monk, where overcoming jealousy, overcoming ego, overcoming envy, these were pursuits in themselves. There was no external achievement that was going to take away that internal feeling.

There was no amount of money, no amount of awards, no amount of comfort, no amount of first-class flights, no amount of even just having the happy family and the perfect setup, even if you didn't have these grand ambitions, there was no external point of life that would remove envy and jealousy unless they were removed strategically and specifically. And so I want to dive into just how normal this is because I think one of the things that keeps us blocked is the guilt we feel for feeling it.

One of the things that keeps us stuck is the amount we judge ourselves, right? We all feel achy, like we feel upset at ourselves for even feeling that way, especially when if it's about a family member or a friend or someone in our life, I know that we don't like carrying that feeling and I know you know what that feels like. So I want us to move past that block by recognizing that all of us struggle with this. So study show that 79% of women and 74% of men reported envying someone within the previous year. Now, the research goes on to show that we envy less as we age and that makes sense because as we age certain things in our life become more

clear and certain things in our life become more set up to a certain degree where we get a more realistic view. So younger people were more likely to be envious about academic success, social status, romantic relationships and of course appearance. And one of the studies showed that 40% of the people who were researched reported envying the romantic success of someone else they knew compared to less than 15% of people that were over 50. And that makes sense because the people over 50 were already in relationships. But it's interesting how we do envy less as we age, either by getting somewhere or getting something or either

by maturing. And I want to talk about that active maturing rather than just naturally envy less. I think the natural process of aging and envy and jealousy decreasing is great. It's something we can all look forward to. But I think while we're in this space of managing in, figuring it out, it's so important that we learn to purify and neutralize these feelings because what envy and jealousy do is that they end up blocking our growth and they end up blocking us from celebrating other people's growth.

Right? They're not useful emotions in that when they are negative in our lives It actually stops us from focusing on our growth and our success in the path we want to take and it stops us from celebrating appreciating and admiring others one of the studies I looked at from American psychologist Danielle J. Del Priory and Sarah Hill and David Emb Bus and this was from a great article by Rainer Zittlman. And in that article, it breaks down the common things

that women and men envy. And that's what the psychologists wanted to focus on. So women admitted that they found these things they envied more, so they envied physical attractiveness, they envied popularity, they envied social ease, they envied family relationships, and they envied better clothing. Those were generally the things that women envied. And the study was focused on looking at the difference in what gender's envy. And men more frequently admitted that they envy other people's romantic success, greater access to financial resources, ownership of status item, a particular thing,

greater academic success, and superior athletic talent. So it's really interesting to see how even as men and women, we envy and are jealous of different things. And that's why sometimes if you're talking to your friend, your partner, about it, you may find that you find different things triggering, but the point is, we all find something triggering. I think that's what I always like to recognize is that

we may all have different challenges, but we all have the challenge in and of itself. You're not alone. You don't need to feel bad or guilty or beat yourself up about having this trait. It is a human trait, a human experience to have this trait. And the majority of us are experiencing it somewhere the other. And the fact that you are here today because you want to break through it and you want to overcome it, I think

is what we need to take confidence in. And I'm always trying to shift your mindset away from self-judgment to break through because guilt blocks growth. Judgment stops you from taking action. Now, it's really interesting because a lot of researchers have looked at the difference between jealousy and envy. And there's lots of different versions of this, and I'll only share what I learned during my monk time, which I found to be very useful. And it was this idea that there is a difference

between jealousy and envy. And in the monk teachings, it was shared with us that jealousy is passive and envy is active. And what I mean by that is jealousy is where you're like, I wish I had that. Envy is like, they don't deserve that. Right? There's that slight difference. And it's important for us to know which we're struggling with, because one is a more extreme version of the other.

Envy is a more extreme version of jealousy. The idea that not only do you want it for yourself, you don't think the other person deserves it. That can be a really harmful thought and harmful experience to yourself and others, because it can push you away from the people you deeply love. It can push you away from the people that you deeply value, the people that mean so much to you,

the people that you believe in, right? It's so frustrating having this feeling when you're like, I love this person, I want them to win, but I just feel a little bit jealous about them, right? So what I thought I'd do in order to direct and guide and give structure to our conversation today is I wanted to talk about the different types of how jealousy shows up in our lives. Because I think it's really important to understand the different symptoms of how it shows up so we can truly be vigilant.

There are three steps to making any change in your life. First is awareness, the second is addressing it, and the third is amending it. We first become aware, then we address, and then we amend. And so first, we have to become aware of where are all the ways and all the places in how my jealousy shows up. Now the fact that you're here shows to me that you're already self-aware. It's already something that you know is blocking you from achieving your greatest potential.

And that's what I've found about jealousy and envy is that they suck out the energy from your life and your focus so much because your energy is all pointing outward instead of pointing inward and forward. Right, that's a choice we get to make in our life is, is our energy pointing outward because we're looking outward at what everyone else is doing. Or are we focused on inward and moving forward ourselves? So let's start with awareness.

There are different types of jealousy. And all I want you to do is make a mental note of whether there's a tick next to it or a cross next to it. Some of you may have a lot of tick, some of you may have a lot of crosses, but I want you to refine your awareness, your radar of how well you are being aware of this.

And again, we're going to do this in a safe space, a non-judgmental environment, because remember, we're all struggling with this. We all have a difficulty with this. We all have a challenge with this. And as I tell you, these stories, an example, someone which my team shared with me in confidence, and they knew that I was going to share on the podcast without naming names and giving away people. I think it's really, really important that you get a sense of which ones you struggle with.

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Thank you for inviting me into what feels like kind of a sacred space here. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the i the I heart radio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. So one of the first types of jealousy is when you're going through a challenge and other people are not going through that challenge. So you're going through something but no one in your life is going through that. And you're jealous because their life is easier. You're jealous because their life is more seamless or appears more seamless. You're jealous because you feel like,

I wish my life was that easier, which my life was free of this stress that I'm having to go through. How many of you have ever felt that? Put your hand up right now. Take a screenshot of this moment as I walk through this list This is a great conversation started between your friends as well. I know I've definitely felt this before

I'm going through something I wish I didn't have to go through it and I can see other people are not going through it And I feel jealous of them. So if you're experiencing this type of jealousy Where you're going through a challenge that others are not and you're wishing you had their life. There's a really key technique to improve this mindset. And this technique is zoom out. The technique is called zoom out. You want to zoom out to look at the bigger picture, not the specific thing. For example, if you're looking at someone else's life and you're going, I'm going through this stress,

that person is not, I wish it was like that for me, you want to zoom out. Let me paint a picture for you. Let's say you and your friend are both moving home, or you're moving country. So let's say in that scenario that your stuff gets lost and their stuff doesn't. So their stuff arrives on time, your stuff gets lost.

You're now stressed out because you're dealing with talking to the moving company, you're talking to the airline, you're talking to insurance, and you're looking at their life and going, well, they've moved in, they're comfortable, they're like watching Netflix with their partner, and they're thinking about furniture,

and all this kind of stuff, and your stuff's all lost. And you're jealous of them, because you're like, I wish that happened to me, why didn't it happen to me? In those situations, we have to zoom out and look at the bigger picture. There are so many moments in our life where our life will be easier than others, and there are so many moments in other people's lives where their lives will be easier than others. And when you judge your life in one moment as being better or worse than someone else's,

you could lose all the time if you focus just on that specific thing. Because just on that specific thing, your stuff is lost. Now I'm not saying you're not allowed to feel stressed. I'm not saying you're not allowed to feel upset. I'm just saying that when it comes to that other person who has nothing to do with it, absolutely nothing to do with your situation, it's important to recognize that maybe this part when seamless for them, but hey, maybe them getting that apartment was really tough. Maybe they waited months

and months and months to find that apartment. Or maybe right now they just lost their job. Or maybe right now they're going through a personal drink, someone in their family is going through something. I think it's so interesting and easy when we focus on one area, we're like, I'm behind my life's messed up, they're ahead, they're doing great. But when you zoom out, it changes the complete perspective of what's going on.

And this is, one of the analogies I like to draw is between a movie. If you walk in halfway to a movie, you may think a character is having the most incredible time. Imagine you walked in halfway to Wolf of Wall Street and you see him driving the fast car, you see Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill comes up to him and goes,

how much money did you make this year? He's like, I made 49 million. Just shy of a million a week. They have that interaction. Jonah Hills, like, I'll quit everything. I'll work for you. You see him on his yacht. When you walk into that moment, everything seems great. And you think, wow, I'm jealous of him. But then if you really look at what happened before, and then you look at what happened after it when you zoom out, you get a full perspective of someone's actual story and journey. And so I want you to zoom out when you're jealous or envious of something specific about

someone, know that when you zoom out, we all share in our trials and challenges. We all have different things going wrong in our life. And Robin Roberts once said that if we were all to throw our problems into a pile, we'd grab ours right back. Because when we look at the perspective of the challenges, others are going through, even if ours is really tough, there's a side where we're like, okay, I can deal with this. So I want you to zoom out. Now, the next type of jealousy is when we want something that others have, I want that kind of a guy. I want that kind of a job. I want that kind of a house.

I want that kind of an apartment. I want that kind of vacation, right? It's constant. We want what other people have. We see what other people have and we go, that's exactly what I wanted. Why don't I have it? And maybe if it tips into envy, we go, they don't deserve it either, they're a bad person, right?

Sometimes we feel that way. And it's really interesting because again, that's normal. It's normal. It's human nature to look at what someone has and think I want to, especially if it looks attractive and especially if we've been conditioned for certain things to look attractive. And that's the first thing I wanted to look at. Is it something that you genuinely find attractive because you care or do you find it attractive because someone else cares?

Have your parents always told you people who buy a house are set up for life. So now, whenever you see someone who's bought a house, you think, oh my God, people who buy a house are set up for life and that voice is in your head, but you don't actually believe that. You're really happy in your rented apartment. Right, where is that conditioning coming from? Have you had the conditioning from your friends

that you grew up with that says, oh, if you're with this type of a guy or this type of a girl, then that's the person who's got it all together. Now, you're carrying that voice in your head. So, when you see that you want something that someone else has, and when you don't ask yourself, is it truly something you want? It's that self-awareness piece. Is this something that I really want to pursue and chase? Or is it something that I'm just attracted to because someone's told me to be attracted to it somewhere? It's not really that important to me, but it's become important to me because of how I've been habituated in condition to believe.

So in that moment, ask yourself, is this something I want? Is this something I want to pursue? If the answer is yes, this is something that's important to you, it's not important to you because it was important to your mom or dad. It's not important to you because it was important to your friend at school. It's not important to you because someone took a dig at you or you saw something. If it's truly important to you, ask yourself how your jealousy can become admiration and attraction and you go, let me study that person. How can I do what they did to

get there? How can I study and learn from them? We turn our judgment and our criticism into curiosity. And then we ask us, how do I want to do that after we study it? So the first question is, is that what I want or is that what society has made me want? If it's what I want, let me study what they've done and learn about what they've done, understand what they've done, and then ask myself, if I'm ready to do that. This is how you transform through those three questions. You transform your jealousy into admiration, appreciation and attraction.

Right? It's easy for someone to see Christiano Ronaldo, world famous soccer player and think, I want that body. I want to look like that. And then you study how hard he works to look like that and then you go, no, I'm good. I don't want to look like that. And then you study how hard he works to look like that and then you go, no, I'm good, I don't want to look like that. You can appreciate and admire and respect it without having to then think I want it

because I don't want to do the work. When you've done the added work of studying, of learning, of being curious, it's so important to transform our jealousy into admiration and attraction. Another technique for when you want something that others have is you've got to see jealousy as a sign. You've got to see jealousy as a sign.

If you studied that person, if you figure out it's something that you really want, you can focus on building that. If you're fixated on what everyone else is doing, you'll never have time to invest on yourself. When you sit down right now and write down a list of items, if you've clarified that, yes, this isn't something influenced by my parents, yes, this is something I want, yes, I've studied their lives, okay, what are my action items? How am I going to do that? What do I need to do in order to get there? Who do I need to call? Who do I need to know? What do I need to learn?

And those action items stop you from having your emotional jealousy of that person and shift you into giving your focus to actually building that for yourself. You can either sit here and watch how everyone else is decorating their homes online, or you can start decorating yours right now, right? You can either sit on social media and look at how everyone else is planning their holiday party or you can plan your holiday party, right?

Whatever it may be for you, we can either sit here and fixate on everyone else or we can invest in ourselves. And when we shift that energy to invest in ourselves, incredible things can happen. So I want you to sit down right now and write down those action items that you've been putting off. Studies show that 59% of people felt sad after seeing photos from a party they didn't attend, posted on social media. At 45% were unhappy after seeing photos from a friend's happy holiday outing. Plan your own party, Plan your own game night this week. Create

what you feel left out of. Create what you haven't built. Another strategy that really helps with this particular type of jealousy is something that one of my team members said beautifully, her name's Helena, she's our podcast lead here on purpose. And she said to me, she heard something where someone said, we're only jealous of people we know less about. And we're not jealous of people we know more about. And that's really interesting, isn't it? We want what others have,

because we don't really know too much about how they got there, how they got that, what work it took, what sacrifices, what cost it came, what sacrifices, what cost it came at. And that's one of the bigger challenges with social media. We know very little about people on social media. And therefore it's an easy way to feel jealous. Josh Noble, who wrote an article quoting Kapersky Labs, he found that 57% of people said that

after going on social media, they've felt that someone they follow has a better life than they do. That is a big statement to believe that someone has a better life than you do, but when you know very little about someone, it's very easy to think that. Right, if you're only seeing 5% of someone's life, it's easy to think that that 5% is their entire 100% of someone's life, it's easy to think that that 5% is their entire 100% of life. But when you know 90% of someone's life, when you're closer to someone, you actually have a healthier sense of the balance of the different emotions they experience.

So the key technique for this type of jealousy is to find out more about people you know less about and to transform jealousy into admiration and attraction. Now, another type of jealousy or another way that it shows up is being happy that others are down. Right? When someone shares some bad news with you, you kind of get a sense of satisfaction from it or you get a sense of appreciation like, oh, thank God, it's not just me.

And it's like this awkward feeling of, yes, I don't feel alone, but I'm kind of happy that they're sad too. Or you make someone else's positives a negative. So someone tells you, hey, I just got this new job and you're like, yeah, but you don't really love the new boss, right? Or they're like, oh, I got promoted at my work. And they're like, yeah, but you don't really like the new boss, right? Or they're like, oh, I got promoted at my work and they're like, yeah, but you don't really like the people you work with, right?

So we play down other people's success or we turn their positives into negatives or at the very least, we're happy when that person's struggling or we get a sense of, just a sense of positive boost when someone else is struggling. And that's a really, really tough feeling to experience, even as ourselves. One thing that I want you to learn to do in this

is learn to empathize with other people's pain and learn to celebrate other people's success. If you learn to celebrate others' people's success, here's what happens. People will celebrate your success when it happens. Even if they don't, when you celebrate someone's success, here's what happens. People will celebrate your success when it happens. Even if they don't, when you celebrate someone's success, you are partaking in that success.

It becomes part of your success story. You get to engage with that energy and the energy you need to get out of the state you're in right now is the celebration energy. When you feel positive for other people's wins, you are now creating a positive energy in your life for your win. You feeling positive for their win doesn't take away any energy from yours, it actually fuels you more. But you feeling negative towards someone whether they win or lose, creates

more negativity within yourself towards your pursuit. See, you are harnessing an energy when dire would say, if I squash an orange, the only thing that will come out is orange juice. Well, if you're squeezed and all you have is negativity, that's what's going to come out. So if you're trying to create something beautiful, but you're holding on to this negative energy, we have to understand, we have to talk ourselves out of it because that negative energy perpetuates. And ultimately, what all of this is is a transformation of thoughts. You're not a jealous person, you're not an envious person, you're a person with a jealous thought.

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on the I.H.R.D. radio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and start your morning with me. My name is Leverand Cox. I'm an actress, producer, fashionista, and host of the Leverand Cock Show. You may remember my award-winning first season? I've been pretty busy, but there's always time to talk to incredible guests about important things. People like me have been screaming for years. We've got to watch the Supreme Court what they're doing is wrong, what they're doing is evil.

They will take things away. And I can only hope that dobs is that like Pearl Harbor moment. Girl, you and I both know what it took to just get through the day in New York City and get home in one piece. And so the fact that we're here and what you've achieved and what I've achieved,

you know, that's momentous. It's not just sitting around complaining about some bills. The only reason that you might think, as Chase said, that we're always measurable, is because people are constantly attacking us and we're constantly noticing it. Listen to the LeBernCog Show on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Be sure to subscribe and share. not me. This thought is not useful. This thought is not helpful. Let me celebrate other people's wins. Let me partake in their success and let it be mine. Let me create positivity for my pursuit by being positive for other people's pursuits. I want you to save this moment of the podcast, and I want you to listen to that again and again and again.

I want you to write it out in your own words and repeat it again and again and again and I promise you what will happen. Is every time you have a jealous thought, it will be replaced by the thought that we just created together. And this is something I did during my Monk time. I wrote scripts and scripts and scripts

of the dialogue I wanted to have instead of letting jealousy run rampant in my mind. See, we have scripts in our mind that have been developed over our whole childhood and adulthood. And we've never edited those scripts. We've never rewritten them. We've never looked at them and reviewed them and thrown them in the trash because they're not useful. They're not helpful. They didn't get us anywhere. This is that moment where we burn those scripts, where we rewrite them, where we review them, we edit them.

We completely start from a blank slate and build again because those scripts, so your script becomes celebrating others makes me more positive to pursue my goals. Appreciating and admiring others helps me study their success and replicate it for myself. Appreciating someone else's win doesn't take away my energy, it gives me energy. And putting down or feeling jealous to swore someone's success actually takes energy away from mine. In my first book, Think Like A Monk, I came up with this idea of the theatre of happiness. And how there are an unlimited number of seats in the theatre of happiness. And we think that if someone else is in the theatre of happiness,

that we lose our seat, we think there's a finite number of seats in the theatre of happiness. But actually it's an infinite theatre. The theatre of happiness is an infinite theatre, the type of theatre that we don't know about because we think if we don't have VIP tickets then we haven't got our seats. Everything in the world is finite. There is a finite number of VIP tickets. There's a finite number of coach tickets. There's a finite number of economy tickets.

There's a finite number of tickets sold. But the theatre of happiness is the infinite theater and the infinite theater is a seat where every single person's name in the world is on a seat. There's not two people's names on it, there's not two numbers where you're stuck at the theater where you're both like, wait a minute, that's my seat, where's your seat, oh, you tried to steal your my seat, it doesn't work like that. The next type of jealousy is jealous of being left out. Jealous of being left out. And I talked about that earlier where sad when people don't invite us to their party,

54% of people felt upset when no one liked or commented on a photo they posted. We feel rejected and left out. And 42% were jealous when they saw a friend had more likes or comments than they did on a status update. Imagine you just announced you got engaged and your engagement post has less than someone else's, right? It's, and the jealousy is you feel left out. You feel like your friends don't love you as much.

You feel like your friends don't care about you as much. One of my team members gave this amazing example. She said she went through her teens. In her teens, two of her friends were jealous of each other and they would tell her. And she was jealous that they weren't jealous of her. Right? Like, it's incredible. The tricks are mind plays on us.

Like your two friends are saying, I'm jealous of that friend. And then she's like, I'm jealous of that friend. And you're there going, I'm jealous that neither of you are jealous of me, right? This feeling of being left out, this feeling of being rejected, the feeling of being the last to be picked for sports, whatever it may have been that, feeling.

The way jealous though, we're not the cool one, we're not the one who's first picked, we're not the one who's most loved. And it shows up in so many ways. And really, this jealousy shows us, and in a fear we have, a fear of being replaced, a fear of being rejected, a fear of being left behind, a fear of being judged. The question we have to ask ourselves is we have to look inward

and say, where is that fear coming from? Let me address that fear. Am I fearful because I was left out when I was younger? Okay, well, am I also trying to be part of groups that I don't want to be a part of? Like, I love that movie Mean Girls, right? And it shows the perfect example of Lindsay Lohan's character who's trying to be a part of like I love that movie Mean Girls right and it shows the perfect example of Lindsay Lohan's character who's trying to be a part of a group that she doesn't even agree with

How many of us are trying to be welcomed or fit into a crew of people That we don't really want to be a part of we just want to be seen as cool We want to be seen as respected how many of our Inner fears are actually making us focus on the wrong want to be seen as respected. How many of our inner fears are actually making us focus on the wrong thing to be jealous about? What if we did find a group in a community that is actually aligned with our values? Maybe it would naturally work. Maybe we wouldn't feel replaced and rejected because we're not trying to be part of a group where we don't actually belong. Are we trying to force ourselves into

a group or community or squad? That isn't our home. And it's so important that we also build a unique relationship with people. So often we try to be like someone who's close to someone we like. We try to be like their closest friend. We try to be like all their friends. We change who we are and to who we think they want us to be. What does that make us? It makes us a replaceable friend because we're now like everyone of their friends. But if you have a unique relationship with someone,

if you add something unique to someone's life, I find that in my world, I see myself as everyone's spiritual friend. I want to be their friend to help them connect with their deepest voice, their deepest essence. That's why I'm to you. I want to be a friend that reminds you of your greatest self, your deepest potential. And that's why I'm in my life to my friends. I don't need to be the friend who's the fun drunk. I don't need to be the friend who's the fun drunk.

I don't need to be the friend who's the coolest kid. I don't need to be the friend who always is doing the best stuff or as the best social life. If I tried to do all those things, I'd fail at being me. And I could be replaced because other people can do that. What is it that only you can do? I promise you there's something. What is it that only you can do? I promise you there's something, what is it that makes your relationship

with someone special? What if there was no hierarchy, but just diversity? What if there was no league table, but just love? Why is it always about number one, number two, and like my best friend, my BFF, my sec, you know, my worst, whatever. Why is it always like that? Why can't it just be that we're being who we are for someone?

I really hope that this episode today guides you in your journey with jealousy. What I want you to take away is that it's a normal feeling. It's a hard one to overcome, but it is possible. And if you apply some of these techniques that I mentioned today, I promise you that you'll start to see a benefit in your life. I want to thank you so much for listening. And I want to leave you with the wise words from one of my team members called Annie. She said, we're jealous of the people we want to be and not people who we don't want to be.

As we zoom out, why don't our perspective get to know more about the people we know less about, it becomes an incredible method to overcome and break through jealousy and start using it as a sign and using it to be curious and study and rewired the thoughts in our minds. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you share this episode with someone who needs it. Listen to it with your friends and maybe even jump into a conversation about it. I appreciate you so much. Leave a review. Tag me on Instagram with your biggest takeaways. If you haven't heard the Tom Holland episode yet, go and listen to it. It is absolutely epic. I'm so grateful for all the love that we received for that one.

And thank you so much for being a listener of on purpose. I appreciate you deeply. Lots of love. Albert Einstein once said, there are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. You might be able to guess where I stand. The next seven minutes are about leaning into a state of wonder. I'm Jay Shetty. welcome to the Daily J.

Let's start off as usual with a few centering breaths. Inhaling and exhaling. Expanding the chest and relaxing, focusing on this moment and arriving in the present. So in the mindfulness world, there's this well-known Buddhist instructor named Wes Niska or Scoop as he's sometimes called. Now, Scoop isn't your stereotypical meditation teacher. He's also a comedian, performer, author, and radio commentator, and he's constantly exploring these massive existential questions. Like who are we?

Why are we here? And if we're all made out of atoms, which are 99.99% empty space, then what's holding your clothes on? He specifically has this one exercise that I love. And really, it's a whole approach to life. It's called, be here, wow. life. It's called, be here, wow. All you have to do is reflect on the simple yet incredible facts of life and allow yourself to be amazed. For example, without you consciously doing anything, your heart flexes billions of times over the course of your life, pumping blood through your body, keeping you alive. And if you laid out all your arteries and veins in such, connecting them end to end, they would stretch all the way around the earth. Isn't that absolutely crazy to think about? Scoop calls, be here wow, a workout for your all muscle. Basically you make your own jaw drop. In his words one of our finest capacities as human beings is to wonder at ourselves

and the world no matter what is going on. He's so right. Or is one of our great powers? When we mindfully direct our attention and curiosity, we can positively influence our mood, cultivate gratitude, and maybe push pause on some of our striving and searching. All allows us to recognize that we are part of something bigger, something frankly unbelievable. And when we do so, we become more generous toward ourselves and others. As part of its B-Here While practice, scoop also likes to telescope out, literally, and marvel at the vastness of the cosmos. I mean, consider all the insanely improbable mind-boggling events to happen for you to exist. The Earth forming billions of years ago, evolution, opposable thumbs, technology.

Think about the astronomical circumstances that occurred in order to get us here. With that perspective, I'm extra happy to be here with you today. And the truth is, there's so much delight and awe to be found in our day-to-day existence if we just stop and look around. You might see a hummingbird and watch as it flies backward. Or notice the tree outside your window. How old is it? What is it witnessed? I like to watch videos about space exploration and blown away by all the things that had to happen for people to land on the moon.

Like astronomer Carl Sagan said, the nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of star stuff. It's astonishing. And like B here, wow teachers, if we consciously embrace that astonishment, we can transform each day, each minute, each nanosecond of our wondrous lives. each minute, each nanosecond of our wondrous lives. With that in mind, let's work on building our all muscles as we turn to our meditation.

First, get comfortable wherever you are. Settling your body and settling your mind. Letting go of any urge to analyze or judge, to worry or plan, and instead opening yourself up to the beauty of the world. Now, call to mind any simple yet spectacular fact of life. And seriously, it can be anything you choose. Maybe that a snail can sleep for up to three years. Don't be jealous. Or that on average, kids ask 40,000 questions between the ages of 2 and 5. Or that you're the only you that ever was and ever will be.

It could even be the mere fact that right now your breath is sustaining and nourishing you without you even thinking about it. Whatever you choose to reflect on, see if you can lean into a feeling of wonderment and truly be inspired by awe. And now let's open this up. As you go about your day-to-day life, how often do you experience a sense of wonder? How often do you look for it? What could you do to incorporate the practice of be here wow, into your daily routine. If this message inspired you, remember that you can always bookmark this session so you can return here when you need a boost. And make sure to share it with someone

else who might need it. I can't wait to see you again tomorrow. Have a wondrous day. and train you over time to fall asleep faster with less waking in the night. Start sleeping better tonight. Listen to nothing much happens bedtime stories to help you sleep with Katherine Nicolai on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. This season we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you. Each week, you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and their process of healing. Listen to Navigating Narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you

get your podcasts. Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.