On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 4 Types of People You Will Meet in Life & How to Connect and Communicate with Them to Avoid Negativity

Episode Date: August 5, 2022

Do you want to meditate daily with me? Go to go.calm.com/onpurpose to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay. Only on Calm We've probably met different types of people with varying personalities and we've never really thought about it. It may seem trivial, unimportant, or unrelated to what we want to accomplish that day. But having a good grasp of the different types of people will actually help us form better connections. We can start avoiding misunderstandings and miscommunication when we understand how the people around us think and how they act upon their thoughts.In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty explains four different personality types, their possible habits and actions, and how we can effectively communicate and interact with them.  Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/ Key Takeaways:00:00 Intro02:04 The 4 types of people we will meet05:00 Questions you should ask yourself07:39 Type #1: OT - Outgoing and Task10:57 Type #2: OP - Outgoing and People15:37 Type #3: RT - Reserved and Task17:19 Type #4: RP - Reserved and PeopleLike this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I am Yom Le Van Zant and I'll be your host for The R Spot. Each week listeners will call me live to discuss their relationship issues. Nothing will tear a relationship down faster than two people with no vision. There's y'all are just floppin' around like fish out of water. Mommy, daddy, your ex, I'll be talking about those things and so much more. Check out the R-Spawn on the iHeart video app Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nunehm, I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bond

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People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. And people know that you care when you talk to them in their language. If you're not communicating to someone in their language, they don't resonate. In the same ways, if you were talking to someone who doesn't speak English, you could be kind, caring and loving, but they're still not going to understand you. You're not going to get through to them. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. Now, the reviews, the energy, the sharing of the show have just been so special. It's been so

heart touching. I've been traveling all over, bumping into so many of you. I love it when you come and tell me that you're an on-purpose listener. It really means the world to me because I feel like for those of you who listen to me every week, we've really built a relationship. Like you know me, you can hear me in your head, you recognize my voice, but even on a deep level, I feel like you understand me. And I feel like I understand you too because as I see you sharing and I'm always looking out for your stories or your tweets I start to notice how there's certain things that resonate with you and I think to myself wow We're really connected so I really feel a synergy with each and every one of you that make time every week to listen to learn and to grow and I just want to thank you for that because I feel like then when we meet,

there's this deeper connection that we wouldn't have otherwise. And what to speak of next year when I go on tour, I'm so excited in the next few weeks, I'll be announcing my tour, which I wanna tell you about, which I cannot wait to share with you. So make sure you're ready for that.

And the launch of my second book, which I am pumped about, and I comment to tell you all about that. But I'm going to save that. We got something exciting lined up. But today, I wanted to talk about the four types of people that you're going to meet in your life, and how to effectively connect and communicate with them. And I think one of the biggest challenges for all of us is that we don't realize that everyone that we meet is wired differently. And everyone that we meet is motivated differently. We are always shocked when someone doesn't align with us, when we

should be more shocked when someone does align with us. It is actually more likely for you to meet people who think differently than people who think I like and that is why our dearest friends, our family, the people that we spend the most time with. They're usually a smaller family, the people that we spend the most time with, they're usually a smaller number than the people we know, like if I asked you, how many people are you close to? How many people do you feel deeply connected with? Most people would say, I can count them on my hand.

And most of us would say, well, it's few and far between. Maybe you're someone who has one person who knows you really well, maybe you have two, maybe a five maximum, but you may know 150 people. You may know 250 people. All right, you're really popular. I get it. You know, 500 people, all right. But think about that as a percentage. That is such a small percentage of the amount of people you know acquaintances you have, people you've come across, versus the people that you know deeply and the people that know you deeply. And therefore, if you find people who are aligned in values, aligned in the way you think it's very rare.

So today I'm going to introduce you to the four types of people you meet in this world, in life, in work, in relationships, and hopefully after this episode, what you're going to get is you're going to understand how to connect and communicate with each different type so that you don't feel unequipped. How many times in a conversation at work do you feel I don't know what to say? Or maybe you're introduced to someone new and you're like,

I don't get why they think about that first. Or you start dating someone and you wonder, why do they have different priorities? And we start to realize that personality types and the way we're set up and the way we're wired has a big impact on this. Now I'm going to caveat by saying that there's four types I'm introducing you to today. Really there's 16 types and actually if you really look to the world there's 64 types. So when we simplify it to four you're going to see a lot of crossovers because it's more complex than that but I don't think you need me to describe 64 types.

So I think four is a good place to start. So the way you can quickly identify this is by asking two questions that divides these four parts. And as you're listening to me, you can do this questionnaire on yourself and you can think about the people that you meet, the people that you know, and the people that you meet, the people that you know and the people that you work with.

So the first question is, are you more outgoing or are you more reserved? Now whether you're outgoing or reserved, these are both confident. It's just that you have a different wiring. So the outgoing person is the life of the party. They start conversations. They generate discussions, often they facilitate the conversation, the reserved person, maybe quieter,

they may find one person to connect with, they may get into a deep intimate discussion, they may listen more, they talk, and then they observe more. So answer that question for yourself, are you more outgoing or reserved? And people who say they're both that's not necessarily true because we choose one over the other when we're feeling our best. When you're feeling your best, are you outgoing or are you reserved?

So pick one. O or R. Now the second question is, are you more people focused or task-focused? If you're people focused, you're thinking about people's experience, how people feel, how people think. If you're task focused, you're focused on, what do I do first, what do I do next? Okay, if I do that, then I can do that. You get obsessed with your to-do lists.

You get obsessed with all of the tasks of the day. You think about tasks before people, or if you're people first, you think about people before tasks. We all think about both, but we think about one before the other. Are you people or are you task? You care about both, but which one do you think about first? So now you should have two letters. You will either be outgoing and task OT or you'll be outgoing in people OP or You'll be reserved and task RT or You'll be reserved and people are

P so you could be one of those four types and everyone you know in the world can be broken down into one of those four types in order to help you. I often use this when I'm hiring in the workplace because I want to be surrounded by people who complement my skill sets and strengths. I often think about this in my own relationship as to how to communicate better with my wife and today I'm going to actually share with you which ones we are and how we communicate differently. So let's start without going in task OT. These people are doers, they're planners, they're schedulers, they get things done, they make things happen, they're drivers. These people are dedicated to getting the job done. Often they're moving so fast, people can get upset.

Often they're moving so hard that people get burned. And so you start to recognize that there's a lot of strengths to this personality type, and naturally with all of them, you're going to hear about their weaknesses. Now this person is Fantastic and if you are going to communicate with them if you're going to talk to that person You want to be organized you want to be prepared for the meeting you want to be able to be clear about what the goal is

What the target is and what the target is, and what the path is. So let's say you're dating someone who's like this. If you're going to have a conversation with them about where you want to go on vacation, they're going to be easier to engage when they can see options, they can see plans. If you go up to them and go, where do you want to go? They might have a plan themselves. But if you're taking on the responsibility, chances are they're going to expect you to have a plan because that's how they think. People want to be communicated to

in their emotional language, not yours. So yes, they might have planned and they may be ahead of the game already, but chances are if you took the responsibility, you'd need to do that. Now, if you have someone like this at work, chances are they're already organized. They're already four steps ahead. But now, when you're doing your role, if you want to be able to make them listen, if you

want to communicate with them in a way that they're going to hear you, they need to hear that you have really thought about the timeline or you're interested in that approach from them. They need to understand that you realize the value of getting things done in plans and schedules. If they don't hear that in the way you speak, if they don't understand that from the way you come across, they actually start to disengage. Notice now, think about it how many times you've talked to someone like this and you've realized you've alienated them right now Raise your hand if you are going oh wow Jay. This was a moment for me You just blew my mind because now I know why that person never resonates with me because I'm always trying to be kind to them

I'm always trying to be caring to them, but I don't care about what they care about right? There's a famous statement that says people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. And people know that you care when you talk to them in their language. So I used to always think, if you're kind, if you're loving, if you're caring, then that's what communication needs to be. And while that's true, if you're not communicating to someone in their language, they don't resonate.

In the same ways, if you were talking to someone who doesn't speak English, you could be kind, caring and loving, but they're still not going to understand you, you're not gonna get through to them. And so I think for all of us, we have to be really conscious, we have to be really aware of whether we're getting

through to people. Now, the next type, that was OT. Let's talk about OP. So OP, these people are influences, their ideators, their highly persuasive, their negotiators, their good at sales. These people are the people that love talking, they love ideating, they have a lot of high energy, they often bring a lot of energy into a conversation, they're highly motivated, they have that bright spark about them, right? And this type of person, one of the things that's really interesting about them is that they want to be creative. They want to be recognized. They want to be validated. And if you're communicating with someone like this,

you want to allow them to be open and creative. You want to let that person lead and innovate. Now, you can also see naturally that if you are this person, you're going to flourish in environments where you get to express your creativity. The biggest mistake is often you're waiting for someone to allow you space to be creative, often you're waiting for someone to let you be creative. And the truth is that you are going to have to show it because most people don't think like you and don't have time to think about these

things. Then I have time to think, oh yeah, this person needs me to let them be creative. This person needs me to let them be blue sky thinking. This person needs to let me to let them brainstorm. It doesn't work that way. And so I want you to recognize that with these individuals, you have to really give them space. Notice how different it is when you're talking to the OT, you need to be organized, prepared, clear about the goal and path. With the OP, you need to tell them where we're going, but they

need to feel like they can populate their ideas and energy. They need to feel involved and included in the creative aspect of it. They may not want to implement. So maybe you have a partner who's always coming up with amazing ideas, but they never implement. It's not because they don't care. It's because they're wired that way where their energy goes into creative. Just isn't the OT, the energy goes into planning. So if you're dating someone who's an OT, they may not come up with the most creative things to do,

but they'll always turn up on time. They'll always be organized about it. So start to notice how a lot of the traits that we experience in the people we love, I'm not saying that if someone cares about you, that they won't be different, but there is an aspect of us of how we're wired that limits us because in the OT,

the creative energy goes into getting things done. And in the OP, the creative energy goes in actually coming up with cool ideas, new things. Now, you can already see the conflicts too. Let me just raise that point. You can already see the conflicts. If an OT is talking to an OP, there's conflict. The OT just wants to get things done.

The OP wants to be creative. You can see a natural conflict, a natural issue. And the only way to solve that is by the OP saying to the OT, or I would love for you to tell me the timeline, so that I can have space to be creative and innovative. Right? so that I can have space to be creative and innovative. So the OP commits to a timeline and a realistic timeline. Stress, anxiety, overwhelm, burnout.

What do all of these have in common? A lack of perceived control over your time, thoughts and tasks. But what if I told you fixing all of these problems is as simple as fixing your mindset towards them? I know not simple at all. Everyone's busy, everyone's stressed, but we could all use more calm in our lives and learning to stay grounded and grateful is truly a daily practice. That's why I've partnered with calm.com to bring you the daily

J. If you've ever wanted to meditate with me and take back control over your busy mind, join me on the calm app for the daily J, a daily guided meditation where I'll help you find calm in the chaos, plant beautiful intentions for a happy, abundant life, and simple steps for positive actions to get you closer to the life of your dreams. Meditate with me by going to calm.com forward slash J to get 40% off a calm premium membership. That's only $42 for the whole year

for daily guided meditations. Experience the daily J only on calm. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oh, pro, everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it.

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I wasn't kind to myself. And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys, and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. How's that New Year's resolution coming along?

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Okay, the third one is reserved in task. These people are calculative, they're cautious, they are accurate, they're data driven, they're perfectionists often, they want to get everything just right. Now, if you're talking to this person, you want to be extremely specific. You want to go with insight and data. You want to go with research.

You want to know because they're going to know all the details and they want to know, do you know all the details? Have you thought about it? Have you considered the different various things? So with this individual, they're like a calculator. They're gonna calculate everything. So you got to your partner and you say to your partner, I want to buy a new dining table, right? If that person is a calculator, they're gonna start calculating. How much you've already spent? How much the budget is and what is left? And

they're either gonna get upset because they think you haven't thought about it or they're going to say well How much is it and if you say oh well haven't really thought about it they get triggered? That's how this works. We get triggered because we're wired to prioritize that Imagine you're wired to think about something first and you think the person talking to you hasn't thought about that first and you think the person talking to you hasn't thought about that. Often we tell that person's snappy or that person's insensitive, but it's not always that, it could be that of course, but it often is the idea that they haven't really been approaching this with the foresight that you may have thought about this. So if you're communicating with someone at work who's

reserved in task, you want to get specific with them. You want to think about how you can really connect with them based on data, insight, and solutions based on that. The fourth type is the reserved and people. This person cares about people first. They care about people's feelings, they're emotionally intelligent, they're highly stable and supportive, they're good mediators, they're good at dealing with challenges. Have you noticed how some of your friends are just really good at helping with issues and others are just pushing you to get on with it? Right? So the OT is just telling you to get on with it. The OP wants

to talk to you about it, but may not have a plan. The reserved and task is calculating and logically trying to break it down. And then finally, the reserved and people is just listening, trying to understand you. That's how we're wired. You may think the other person doesn't care, but their style of care is different. Someone may care about you by wanting you to move on. Someone may care about you by giving you ideas. Someone may care about you about being specific

and someone may care about you about listening to emotions. Notice how all those types of care are useful in different areas. So it's not that people don't care, it's that they care differently. And I think we get that misconstrued because we think that care should be the same thing, it should just be affectionate, but I've found that sometimes I choose, because of my wiring, to be assertively affectionate or affectionately assertive. So that's my way of being where I want to be affectionate, but I also want to be assertive, but some people will just give you affection.

That doesn't mean that the affectionately assertive person doesn't care about you. Now, that doesn't mean people don't need to change, and it doesn't mean people don't need to evolve and develop emotional intelligence. It's just that someone may care about you, they may just express it differently. And of course this gets complex. Now if you are in a company with someone who is reserved and people,

they often don't get heard. Because they're caring so much about people, they never get heard. People don't often know how they feel. The people that listen to how you feel are often unheard and unseen. Write that down. That's really important. People that make time to listen to you are often unheard and unseen themselves because they're trying to feel what you feel and no one ever asked

them how they feel right no one ever asked them how they feel so for those people if you're dating them if you're in work with them make sure you stop pause reflect and ask them how they're doing check in with them see how they're feeling now what I love about this is that an ideal company an ideal family an ideal relationship has all of these. There's a beautiful statement by Albert Einstein where he said that everyone's a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it's stupid. Fascinating, right? Amazing.

How that so easily happens. I want you to recognize that the people in your life are talented, they are skilled, they are able, it's just that they think differently. In the workplace, there's this great conversation between Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. And Steve Wozniak, the tech brains behind Apple, looks at Steve Jobs and says, what do you even do? You're not an engineer, you're not an artist, you're not a coder, what do you do? And Steve Jobs said musicians play their instruments, I play the orchestra, which means he knew that he couldn't do all of this, but he could bring people together to do all of it. Now, I'll give you an example with me and Radee, so I am an OPM outgoing and I'm people oriented.

It suits what I do for work, it suits my personality. And I have adopted different traits from other personality types to make me more well-rounded, but over time, I've developed more of the emotionally intelligent person because I care about people deeply, but I've also developed more of the task-oriented person because I want to get things done. But I choose to surround myself because I'm an OP, I choose to surround myself with more reserved and task because that's an opposite to me. I'm not

usually detail oriented. I don't like to focus on all the specifics. I like to have people on my team focus on things like that. Right? Rather, my wife is more likely to be reserved in people. So I'm outgoing in people and she's reserved in people. Now, how does that affect us in our relationship? It means I need to make time to really check in with her, to make sure she has space for her to tell me how she feels, for her to have space to reflect, for her to have time to think about it. She doesn't always want to be dragged to events, she doesn't always want to go out and meet

new people, she wants to be in the comfort of being around people she knows, people she trusts. So I have to be mindful of those things, I have to be conscious of those things, that that's what she's looking for and that's not because she doesn't love our life and she doesn't love me. It's because she's wired differently. And same with me, I like to meet new people. I like to go to new places.

I also like my friends. I also recharge a lot by being alone and spending time alone. And so when we start to realize that our differences are not because we're disconnected from each other, our differences are because we're different, but why are differently? And we start to recognize that we don't take things personally, the problem is we take a lot

of these things very personally. So I hope this helps you in work, in relationships, in life moving forward. Because I think too many of us don't recognize how we take life to personally make life very difficult when actually it's so much about how the other person is actually wired. Now I want to thank you for listening to today's episode. I really hope it does help you in work and in life. And I want to take a moment now at the end

to just read a few reviews because we've had some amazing reviews lately. And I just wanna point out, we've got 19,000 reviews, my goal this year, from on purpose, from all of you, is to get to 20,000. So, we're nearly there, but I need your help and then we'll of course see how many more we can get to.

But here's a amazing review from Sun Rose. Thank you so much, Jay, for providing us all with such great content and knowledge. I was going through a really difficult time when I coincidentally discovered your podcasts. I've also bought your book and they both have helped me tremendously. It has been a little over a year that I started listening to you. You have been a great help to me becoming a better version of myself. Thank you. That was beautiful Rose. Thank you so much for sending that. This is Nick Singh. I appreciate your podcast tremendously as a person who recently divorced five years ago and now trying to build on a new relationship, but somebody I love daily, your podcast has given me plenty of insight about my anxiety and fear of being alone

What I'd like to learn is how to be alone and love myself? What tips can I follow? It's been difficult for me to be away from my girlfriend while she and I are traveling separately and away from each other for three weeks I miss her Much but could this mean I'm over possessive. I'll do an episode on that Nick Thank you for that review. I love you also dropping in questions in the reviews. It's helpful for me.

Thank you so much. I appreciate you. Come wait to see you next time. I'll see you soon. Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Jermis Beg, the host of the Psychology of Your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences.

The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. The one-you-feet explores how to build a fulfilling life admits the challenges we face. We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now.

Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Louis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon.

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