On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 5 Techniques To Cope With Anxiety & Feel More Centered Throughout Your Day

Episode Date: October 23, 2020

Does anxiety loom around every corner of your day? Are you ready to take back the time and energy it steals from you? In this ON Purpose episode, Jay Shetty explains the difference between existential and situational anxiety and how they affect you. Tune in to learn five techniques to help you better cope with anxiety and feel more centered throughout your day. Train your mind for peace and purpose everyday. Grab a copy of Think Like A Monk, or listen to the audiobook now! Book: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264534&mt=11&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_book Audiobook: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264062&mt=3&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_audiobook Text Jay Shetty: 310-997-417 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Munga Shatekler and it turns out astrology is way more widespread than any of us want to believe. You can find it in major league baseball, international banks, kpop groups, even the White House. But just when I thought I had a handle on this subject, something completely unbelievable happened to me and my whole view on astrology changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, give me a few minutes because I think your ideas are about to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

podcasts. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover, and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of or wherever you listen. the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours.

Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. Hey everyone, welcome back to on purpose the number one health podcast in the world thanks to each and every single one of you. I am so glad that you've been training your mind for peace and purpose every day, every week with me. And today I'm going to share with you a behind-the-scenes conversation that I had with Glenin Doyle, a good friend of mine.

And she and me got into this incredible conversation on Instagram live. But I really wanted to share it with you because, you know, when you go live, not everyone's on and people miss it. And if you're a fan of Glenin and her incredible work, then you're going to love this conversation because it's totally different from any conversation I've had about the book. We dive into what's happening in society, we dive into activism, and we dive in a purpose, and I can't wait for you to hear it. Thank you so much, and make sure you leave your review. I really feel that everything that I'm sharing this book is not to make people more passive.

No. You know, being being peaceful is not being passive. Being purposeful is not being passive. Being compassionate is not being passive. None of this is to make people more passive. It's to make people more active with a deeper intention. I want to tell everybody a couple things. First of all, the reason that I'm thrilled to introduce anyone who doesn't know you to my audience, I'm sure they already do, but as you well know, Jay, there are a lot of people

in our lane that are wonderful. And some of them, you meet them and they talk about peace and love and acceptance. And then you meet them and you're like, but I don't know if it's working for you. Right? You are, you teach so beautifully, but in real life, you have just such generosity of spirit and a real joy, just a commitment to service that feels nothing like martyrdom.

It feels like it's joy to you. And whenever I meet someone like that, I just feel determined to, you know, it's like being like, okay, I'll have what he's having. Okay. So that's the other first reason. But the other reason this book, first of all, here are all my notes for our talk today. And I'm going to be aware I decided last night because I feel like it's been a weird time to launch a book, I know. But the reason why I think this book is doing ridiculously well and is all over the place. I think I saw it in Times Square yesterday, right?

It's because I think the universe knows when we need certain messages. And I think that we as a nation are in such a state of trauma and fear and anxiety, a fight or flight constantly. There's something that is helpful, peaceful, healing about what you've written. That is helping people in this moment.

So thank you. And can you just talk to, first of all, would you mind telling everybody this story about how the hell you became a monk? Well first of all, Glennon, I'm going to thank you from the bottom of my heart because as you were saying that, I was trying to just receive it because it was so beautifully and genuinely shared and it truly just really touched my heart. And you have this incredible energy every time we're together, the first time I interviewed you for your incredible work on

Tamed. And I was so excited to meet you because I followed your work for so many, many years. And the conversation we had wasn't a conversation. It was like this deep connection. And I really felt that. I really felt it. And I just really appreciate those words from

you about what I'm trying to do in the world because it means a lot coming from someone that I'm inspired by and in awe of. So thank you, that genuinely means the world to me. But going on to becoming a monk, so now I wish I got to be a monk at the monastery, that would have been called. That would have been an epic place to be a monk or a monk, I don't know if that's how you'd say it. But yeah, so I was born and raised in London. I never in the world imagined being on any sort of wellbeing path or spiritual path or anything of that sort.

I was surrounded by people who wanted to do well and just perform and succeed. And that never really sat with me either, but I didn't have a better alternative. And I think a lot of us are in that place sometimes where we don't know the alternative, so we follow the most common path. And then when I was 18, I met a monk. And so I was really fascinated when I met him, but before I met him, I had this slight arrogance and cynicism around what I could learn from a monk. I thought, well, what am I going to learn from a monk? I was fascinated by people who went from sacrifice and pain and broke through and did something with their life. And in my opinion, I was like, well, what is a monk done? A monk

gone from nothing to nothing. I want to meet people who've gone from nothing to something. And so I had this cynicism, but my friends promised me that we would go to a bar afterwards if I went to this event. So that was the state of my consciousness, just to put it out there. And so I went there with arrogance, I went there with cynicism, and I went there with just not expecting anything really. And it's one of those humbling, ironic moments in your life where you walk in, expecting nothing and you walk out feeling like, you've gained everything you were looking for and that moment just completely changed

the trajectory of my life. And it was because I realized now in hindsight, I didn't know this then. But when I was 18, I'd met people who are rich, I'd met people who are famous, I'd met people who are beautiful and attractive, and I'd met people that were knowledgeable and intellectual, but I don't think I'd ever met anyone who was truly joyful. And that's what he had. The monk had this aura of purpose in his life and meaning and fulfillment, And it wasn't like this sparkly, halo-like energy. It was just, he had it in himself and his presence.

And so it's almost as if the question I ask people today is who's your monk, like who is it in your life that you haven't met yet, that could change the trajectory of your life. And for me, it was a monk. And for you, it may be someone else. But that's how I met a monk, God inspired and then when I graduated a few years later I decided to turn down my office in the

city and go and live as a monk for three years. And so that's why my role model then idols became monks from 18 years old and I started interning with them in my summer's almost. So I would spend half of my summer vacations interning at a finance company in London and I'd spend the other half living with the monks in India and then when I cried, I decided that was the path that I wanted to go on. So that's the quickest version of that episode. So you guys, this isn't a dude,

but just just like, ooh, I'll choose monk is my brand. It's like an actual freaking month. Okay, Jay just just like, ooh, all she's monk is my brand. And an actual freaking month. Okay, Jay, real quick, I need to know what did your parents say when you told them that you were gonna just go ahead and be a monk? Yeah, Glennon, it's funny. You say that about the brand thing. You know, it's really funny. I hear that sometimes it's just like, RJ, like, you know, this, this monk brand

thinks cool. And I'm just like, I'm just like, I just want to let you know that becoming a monk at 22 was potentially the most uncool thing I could be doing. Just to put it out there, like my friends thought that the craziest thing was a lot of my friends, so a lot of my guy friends at university, they were like, Jay, what are we going to talk about anymore

because you won't talk about women. And I was like, is that all we talk about? I was like, literally, is that all we talk about that you feel we don't have a relationship anymore? And then I had other family members saying to me, you've wasted your life, you've wasted all your parents' support, your education was a waste of time. And so I was hearing all this noise and people saying, like, you know, you never get a job again, you know, you'll never make money again, you know that you've just been brainwashed and you know, you've just lost it. And that's literally 99.9% of the people in my life were saying that. And thankfully my parents were not pro my decision,

but they were not against it. My parents have kind of, since I was about 1415 when I started rebelling, my parents just started giving me freedom to make my own decisions. And so my parents kind of just let go from the age of 14, 15 up until then they really tried to direct me and guide me. And then from 14, 15, it was just like, well, whatever you want. And so they gave me that freedom. And then my younger sister's always been like my biggest cheerleader. So she supported me and she was happy for me. But if I'm completely honest, all I was hearing was just, Jay, you've ruined your life.

Yeah, it's not cool to go and be a monk at 22 or any age. I mean, I just wanna take a minute and think and just highlight what you just said because so many people in this community are parents. When you said my parents were not super pro but not super against, that feels like a really important place for a parent of a teenager to be. Because sometimes I try, my kids are a little older and I'm trying to let them, we always say, but sometimes when they have an idea

that is right up my alley, I get really pro that thing, which is just as controlling. So that is a monk like parenting news that's like, even when you're really excited about it, just like a little bit of neutrality and an attachment that lets them control themselves. Okay. Yeah, I love that. Let's look at the munch like parent mentality. I love it. You can extract all these principles. We have talked about before is people who just started following me don't know that I started my entire writing journey with a while called monastery And the reason why is because I was obsessed with monks.

I was, the time I was obsessed with the Benedictine and just this idea of people who didn't reject it a little bit of the way that the real world works. And we're like, there's gotta be a better way with more peace and more connection and more joy and more contemplativeness and more, so they remove themselves. But this is what I like for you to talk to us a little bit about Jay because it's not about what you when you said you liked people who struggled and you know made a difference and showed up I think there's this idea that this sort of living is escapism. And so you're talking right now to a community of rapid activists. Okay.

So help us understand because what I know is what you proven this book, which is that the more months like we can be in our minds and bodies, the more effective we are in the world. So can you talk about that? How it's not an either or. Hey, it's Debbie Brown. And my podcast, Deeply Well, is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental

health around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your journey. From guided meditations to deep conversations with some of the world's most gifted experts in self-care, trauma, psychology, spirituality, astrology, and even intimacy. Here is where you'll pick up the tools to live as your highest self. Make better choices, heal, and have more joy. My work is rooted in advanced meditation, metaphysics, spiritual psychology, energy healing, and trauma-informed practices. I believe that the more we heal and grow within ourselves, the more we are able to bring our creativity to life and live our purpose,

which leads to community impact and higher consciousness for all beings. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well is available now on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Big love, namaste.

A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What has been seen is a very snotty city. People call it Bosedangeless. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newdum and not lost as my new travel podcast where a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party.

We're kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out. I would love that, but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers. I love the dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm going to die alone when I'm traveling, but I get to travel with someone I love. Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much...

I've never been here since I've been here. I love you too. My life's a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love it. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Miomla and on my podcast, the R-Spot, we're having inspirational, educational, and sometimes difficult and challenging conversations about relationships. They may not have the capacity to give you what you need.

And insisting means that you are abusing yourself now. You human! That means that you're crazy as hell, just like the rest of us. When a relationship breaks down, I take copious notes and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for you. But if you're going to eat it, they're not going to stop you. So he's going to continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him. Listen to the art spot on the iHeart Video app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Yes, absolutely, absolutely.

And I love that I actually wanted to quote, because you said Benedicta Monks, so I quote some Benedicta Monks in the book. It's a chapter 205, Benedicta Monks, brother David Stando Ross, defines gratitude as the feeling of appreciation that comes when you recognize that something is valuable to you, which is nothing to do with its monetary work.

So it's a beautiful definition. But anyway, you reminded me of that. So I wanted to pull it out. But this principle is really important. And I chose the path that I did of becoming a monk, because half the day was self and the other half was service. So our morning was dedicated to self, self-realization, self-actualization, self-mastery, and the rest of the day was served, served, served, don't make a difference. And we were doing everything from feeding kids to homeless people to building sustainable villages, like our whole rest of the day was sharing and serving, but we were trained in understanding that the quality of our service is the quality of our sardana and sardana means daily practices and your daily purification. So what we were made to understand is that if you run around trying to give water to everyone in the world, but the well that you're getting water from is muddy.

Then you're actually spreading more disease and more pain in the world. But if you purify your well, and if you're trying every day, by the way, no one's perfect, so we're always purifying and cleansing. But if you're daily purifying and cleansing and giving that pure and cleanse water from that day, then the whole world can be healed.

So what we live in this way, we get an opportunity to truly feel the benefit of also living the life that we want others to live. And I think often we try and live it through them rather than recognizing that first, if we experience the joy of clean and pure water, then we'll be even more incredible ambassadors First, if we experience the joy of clean and pure water, then we'll be even more incredible ambassadors

and advocates for that. And so for me being an activist is probably one of the most beautiful roles we can all play in our lives. And I would want to consider myself, you know, active in that space too. But I do feel that we can be even more powerful, as you said, even more effective when we ourselves practicing and cleansing and preparing ourselves. And that is a daily commitment.

It isn't a, I've done that now, when now I'm clean. It's not a destination. It is very much a daily practice. I hope that answers your question. Yes, it does. And the daily part, I also, I think that so many people think that like we get the stuff thing right, we just nail this personal life. And then we can show up for other people. That's not my experience at all, right? Because I feel like at a daily basis, never feel like I'm nailed, like I'm ready. I'm done, like I'm ready, undock and fix. I know.

Exactly. We had the first day when we had our first monk class, the senior monk said to us, he said, this is a hospital, it's not heaven. And he said that some of you are doctors and some of you are patients. And he said, sometimes you'll see that the doctors are also patients. And he said, sometimes you'll see that the doctors are also patients. And he said, sometimes you'll notice that the patients can also become doctors. And he said,

you're a patient and a doctor every single day all at the same time, just like we all are in life. We're all patients. And we're all doctors in some way, with students and teachers. And so the more we've realized that, yes, I fully agree with you that there is no point where you say, now I have solved myself, now I can serve. It's actually in the service, you go deeper in your own self-practice. And as you go deeper in your self-practice, you go deeper in the service, it's a symbiotic relationship.

And we shouldn't wait to feel complete before we give, because then we'll never give. And at the same time, we shouldn't wait to feel complete before we give because then we'll never give. And at the same time, we shouldn't give without trying to cleanse because then we're not giving anything of value. And so it's always both. It's always both. And you said we can give ourselves the benefit of living the lives we are trying to get for others. Like, did anyone who's listening want to cry at that? When I think about how much we're fighting for people to have freedom and rest and like how I very enjoy and then all day I'm bitching about, you know, I just, I think that's a beautiful goal to give yourself a little slice of what you are trying to provide for the world,

your children, your partners, your friends. It's so beautiful. And I love people like you because I can't stand people who think that they're doctors all the time. I need people to understand that they are doctors and patients. Oh for sure.'s really interesting you raised that Glenan because I also find that it comes in our own human psychology where we like to project perfection onto others in our desire for this divine in our desire for this complete projection and actually it's so important to listen to what people say I often talk about me and my wife often talk about the arguments we have or the difficult conversations we have to have or the challenges and the differences that we have in our relationships. And it's really interesting to me because often people will just

be like, oh, were you both so cute together? And I'm like, yeah, but that's not what we're talking about. And it's not what we just said. And so I feel that even with me, I had to start listening to what you were actually saying, to what the other people that I'm inspired by are actually saying, because it's almost like we've also created a culture where people have become perfect in their imperfection. But the person's trying to say, I'm not perfect either way. You know, if that makes sense, you know, it's kind of way.

Oh my god. Glennon, you're such a mess. It's just perfect. Yes. That's what I mean. Like nothing's perfect. Like, you know, it's just so beautiful to live in our, and I'm very aware of all the flaws I have to work on, the long, long way I have to go.

It's one of the reasons why I go back to the monastery every single year. I mean, my wife go there for about two to three weeks and we live with the monks again because every time I go back they remind me of how far I have to go internally and that to me is in a beautiful, encouraging way, not in like a judgmental or a condescending way but in an inspirational way of making me realize an aspirational way that there is so much work for me to still do. And I think that there's a beautiful story that Robert Downey Jr. tells in an interview that he was having a Cambridge University. I think he talks, they're like, how does it feel to be Iron Man? And he goes, you know what, when I come home, my kids and my wife, I'm not like, oh my god, it's Iron Man,

they're like, do you want to take the cat litter out? Like, do you want to take the trash out? You know, and it's like, we all need people around us who are human with us. And that reminds us of our normality in a good way. You know, and we can embrace that. So I love being reminded of how far I have to go because it makes you constantly want to learn and it makes you constantly want to grow. And it just makes you not bored. I mean, it would be boring if you kind of not had anything to work on.

Absolutely. And I love that you said that what inspires you is just people being inspired. It's people with more joy. It's never people who are like you suck and you need to do that. Like, that's never inspired anyone to be. No. It's just people being amazing. Yeah. Being joyful. And then you're like, I want what he's having. Yeah. I think there's a great saying. Francis quote, I believe it is. And he said, I think it's him. And I have to check. But he said, you know, you should preach all day. You should preach all day. And then if necessary, you can open your mouth. He's with. Yeah, he says, yeah. and it's so good. It's so good.

And I'm just like, you know, that's the hardest part. And that's really what I think is, is the genuine aspiration that I think we all have, is that your presence and your demeanor and your behavior naturally inspires. I think today, obviously, we do need to use words. I think there are plenty of causes and reasons for us to shout and be loud.

And here's the interesting part that I believe you're trying to like get out today and bring out, and I really appreciate you for it, is that you can shout with compassion. You can be loud with affection. You can be direct and assertive with depth that you can. You can do all of those things. But when it's not done from that place, it can often sound like ego. And it can often come across from, you know, something else. And of course, in the beginning, a lot of it can be from pain. And that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that.

But I think that there's that line, which we all have to grow in cross, where our work will have more. And you see that the biggest changemakers on the planet. They were powered and fueled by love and compassion. You see there even the people who brought the biggest changes in our society. Their heart was full of joy and compassion and love. I was reading a quote the other day because I was preparing for something by Maya Angelou and she said, hate has solved not one problem yet. And just realizing that we've got a fight with love and we can be compassionate and courageous

and we can be direct and assertive and dynamic and we have to be. We need to be. I'm Mungesh Chatequeur and to be honest, I don't believe in astrology, but from the moment I was born, it's been a part of my life. In India, it's like smoking. You might not smoke, but you're going to get secondhand astrology. And lately, I've been wondering if the universe has been trying to tell me to stop running

and pay attention, because maybe there is magic in the stars stars if you're willing to look for it. So I rounded up some friends and we dove in and let me tell you, it got weird fast. Tantric curses, major league baseball teams, cancelled marriages, K-pop! But just what I thought I had to handle on this sweet and curious show about astrology, my whole world can crash down. Situation doesn't look good. There is risk too far. And my whole view on astrology, it changed.

Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think your ideas are gonna change too. Listen to Skyline Drive and the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is what it sounds like inside the box car. I'm journalist and I'm Morton in my podcast City of the Rails. I plunged into the dark world of America's railroads searching for my daughter Ruby who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train now that's where I'm gonna end up and I jump. I'm just like stuck on the train, not where I'm gonna end up, and I jump. Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters living outside society, off the grid, and on the edge.

I was in love with a lifestyle and the freedom, this community. No one understands who we truly are. The rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood, history, and the thing we call the American dream. It's the last vestige of American freedom. Everything about it is extreme. You're either going to die, or you can have this incredible rebirth, and really understand who you are. Come with me to find out what waits for us in the city of the rails. Listen to city of the rails on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts or cityoftherails.com. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make

to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives, those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly ourselves. We chat about things like what to do when a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia,

and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therap therapy for Black Girls podcast on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care. In this moment, it's like, I just think it's also important to know that

this outpouring of pain, which often is anger and rage is because of love. Yes, right? Yes, that's beautiful. It is love, like the reaction to Brianna's. Oh, yeah. It's love that demands different. It's love that says that is not justice.

It's love. So sometimes love can look like pain and can look like, but we still have to see it as rooted in crying out for justice, which comes from love. That is so beautiful. That is amazing. I hope everyone is listening is taking that. That is so beautiful. I mean, that's what it means to be a love warrior. So, it's so true. It's so true that I absolutely love that. I couldn't agree with you more. That that's our feeling of injustice comes from love. When others start to notice that and when we notice that in ourselves, oh wow that becomes so powerful.

Are saying things in a way or protesting or outwardly showing us pain when we can look at it and instead of reject it, see it as love. Yes, when others try to see it as love and when we also see it as love in ourselves, we also feel that we have so much more power inside of us because even if you see it as anger and mistake it for anger and pain within yourself, that can be different. So not only we need people externally to view others as this is their love they're fighting for, otherwise, why fight? And at the same time, we ourselves need to see the love within ourselves that's making us fight

because that will keep us, love is more sustainable than any other emotion. Like, anger will run out of steam. All of these emotions, pain will push us a little bit, but love will just, you know, love has that cascading ever flowing effect that we all have felt in our lives. It's almost like a mother and I'm not a mother, but I can know my mother's love for me and you can know as a mother. Like, a mother's love, even if the mother gets angry at the child or feel

some pain for the child the love just comes in like flows all over it and so I felt that for my mom many times and I genuinely feel that all the good qualities I have are because of my mom's love believe if we feel that love it will last the fight will last longer the positive fight the you know that's so good that refraining is actually gonna help me today because we get to the point my team just gets to the point sometimes where we're just like okay it works out at the fighting the week and we use that word like I'm tired of fighting the fighting the fighting yeah and maybe just the reframe of we're doing the same things but it does make it feel forever sustainable.

Yeah, it does. It's really livable. It does. It does battle is tiring. Battle is tiring. The love can keep you going in battle or in that. And that's why I love Laphoria. It's the perfect name for it.

It's brilliant. Because that's really what it is. Is that we can all keep, you know, we can keep figuring it out and keep changing path and there's a group called take on more stress and pressure than we ever had had in our lives. And I think we will notice that that when we're fighting for something bigger than ourselves,

you keep going, you keep moving. It's when the fight was for yourself that you sometimes let go. And I think that there's something in that love and purpose and meaning are so much more intertwined. Anyway, I think what your team's doing is phenomenal and I'm totally with you. I really feel that everything that I'm sharing

this book is not to make people more passive. You know, being peaceful is not being passive. Being purposeful is not being passive. Being compassionate is not being passive. None of this is to make people more passive. It's to make people more active with a deeper intention. Yeah. That's the goal.

Can you just, I know that we don't have too much time left, but. I've got time, but I don't have time. OK, OK. I know that none of this is selfish and it's service-related. But one of the things I loved about this book is that I don't know how to, we all, I use different words for it all the time, but I have spent most of my life dealing with anxiety disorder. Okay, so one of the things I loved about this book was, selfish thing, but I actually do feel like your approach

is helpful in community, but it's also helpful for me when I'm by myself in my own home trying to get through the day. So because I talk a lot about mental health, there is a lot of people in this call right now, who I call them my anxious bunnies. And you just give us something to help us come down from our anxiety, manager anxiety that is simple and will help us as we go through this next 40 days and then the rest of our life. Yeah, yeah. Are you thinking more practical, like more like active stuff that

people can do or is it mind-set shifts? Where do you feel? What was the parts that, where is it now? I'm happy with you there. Whatever you want. I'm thinking things that we ways we can change our thinking. What do you do when you have people you work with? Because you guys know that Jay, you know, was a monk and then he came here and so all of his friends were like, dude, can you help me with my life? So then he began working with people one on one. So when you deal with someone who has anxiety, what do you tell them? What do you think is present? I think the first thing is to realize

that there's two types of anxiety. One is existential and one is situational. So situational anxiety is like the moment to moment triggers something happens in the day. And existential anxiety is is far more deep rooted in You know whether it's our relationship with our parents or our upbringing or you know things that we need to kind of heal and go through and So I think situational anxiety is a good place to start because that's what most of us feel throughout the day and so I'll start there that's what most of us feel throughout the day. And so I'll start there. One of the biggest things, and these three things are as monks, our lives were sight-designed, sent-designed, and sound-designed. And what I mean by that is we underestimate how powerful our senses are to change how we feel.

And so the number one thing I mention is when you wake up in the morning, studies show that 80% of us look at our phone first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. Now, here's what's happening when you wake up and look at your phone first thing in the morning. You're allowing news, notifications, and negativity to create noise in your day. So let's say you slept well. Let's say you slept well first of all.

You're starting your day to zero neutral and when you wake up and look at news and Notifications and negativity. You're now starting your day to minus five And so now the whole day you're trying so hard to just get back to zero and I'm sure anyone can relate to that That struggle of just like I'm just trying to get back to zero Whereas if you wake up in the morning and the first thing you saw was a prayer that you love, a quote that you love, a picture of your family or someone important to you that moved you,

it could be a picture or a work of art that brings joy to your life. And imagine you just sat there for 30 seconds, read that prayer, repeated that mantra, that affirmation and just allowed yourself to start your day in plus five. Now even in negativity hits you throughout the day, you end up at plus two. And you still win. And so the biggest focus for anxiety is don't start your day with anxiety. And for me, my favorite

affirmation that I've learned over the years that I've repeated myself in the morning is, I'm exactly where I need to be. Because I find repeating that to myself reminds me that I'm not ahead of behind, I'm not late, I'm not in a rush of, this is where I'm meant to be. A second practical technique that I really love, and this is for people that feel anxiety throughout the day, and we were trained in as monks as a grounding technique and centering technique, but it's used a lot by psychologists and therapists today, and it's known as the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique. So five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two

things you can smell, and one thing that you can taste. If you're feeling anxious, what's happening is that your energy is all in your mind. It's all in your head. And so when you get back into your physical space, they're actually touching, okay, I'm touching this, I'm touching my shorts, I'm touching this desk, I'm touching this phone, I'm looking at the sky, I'm looking at the tree.

When you do that and you come back in your physical space, you're getting out of your head. That's what it means to actually get out of your head. And the third and final technique that I really, really love is this idea of re-aligning your body and your breath. So anxiety is experienced as we were trained as monks is that when your body is ahead of your mind, so you wake up in the morning and your body is rushing around and your mind

is like, oh, I just want to be in bed. Or you do the opposite. You wake up and your mind's racing around and your body is like, ugh, I just wanna stand there. So all of our friction in life, intention and anxiety comes from our body and our mind being out of alignment. So the way you bring your body and mind back into alignment is by being here and saying, I am here, I am present.

And then when you breathe in for a count of four, an out for four, and you count in your mind with your breath, and you breathe out, count again, you're aligning your mind and your body. And so when you bring your body and your breath back, and I do that throughout the day, I do it before I'm going on stage, if I'm doing that, or if I'm going into interviews,

or if I just walked out of a really stressful meeting, or if I'm rushing, I do that in the back of cars, I do that just when I'm at my desk typing and I just think, oh, this email gave me a lot of anxiety and I'll just stop there and I'll be like, just whatever I need to do there and you just start to see that it just, you just need to re-center throughout the day. That's all it is. You just re-centering and that's a great technique. And the sound and scent design, my wife got me into scent design. She has diffusers and essential oils in every room that is different for the feeling of that room. And so when I walk into that room and I can be having a really busy day on the phone, I walk back into our home

and all of a sudden, I'm just like, oh that's my, it's beautiful, what is that? And it's lavender, it's sandalwood, it's eucalyptus, whatever she wants. And I notice just straight away, all of my senses just calm down. And so scent design is underestimated, light a candle, and don't just light a candle when you feel like it, keep it on in that room so that you know

when you walk into that room it counts you. And then finally sound design. Again, when you wake up in the morning, what's the first song you listen to? Does it set you up for the day? At the end of the evening, are you listening to music that calms you down? We can use all of these things to design our life in a way where we're getting the feeling we need from something external, rather than having to always have to create it.

And so when people are like, create peace, create peace, and it create peace, how do I create peace? You can actually use your senses around you. You know when you walk into a spa and you just smell the beautiful oils and you just go, I know I need to make your house a spa. We're all stuck indoors at the moment. So it's worth creating environments in your home. Location has energy. How can you create energy in your home through sights, sense, and sounds? It's so good. I mean, what I'm taking away from this right now,

and this is so weird. I've heard you say this before. I've read this in your book. It doesn't matter. Every time it's new to me. It's like anxiety does that, right? So we're human every day. So every time I hear it again, I'm like, oh me. It's like anxiety does that, right? So we're human every day. So every time I hear it again, I'm like, oh yeah.

That's right. But what I am gonna do as a result of this last five minutes is I am ashamed to tell you that even though I know how terrible it is for me, I still look at my own first thing in the morning. And Jay, listen to, I was just telling Abby this yesterday I sleep with my dog she sleeps right on my head and when she sees me pick up my phone in the morning she takes her paw and pushes it out of my hand that's amazing I love that and I think like well Abby thinks it's because she wants

me to cut her but I think it's because she's a spiritual guru. I love it I love it. That's so beautiful. That's amazing. I wish everyone had that in the morning My phone now and I'm gonna be beautiful on my nightstand that will be the first thing that I see Even if it's 60 seconds just 60, just sit with something for 60 seconds because you're literally trying to get your brain to go from zero to a hundred miles per hour in two seconds. That's literally what we're doing. When we pick up the phone, it's like you're trying to get your brain to just act imagine someone said to you that when you wake up Glennon,

a hundred people are going to walk into your bedroom and ask you questions just as soon as you wake up, Glennon, a hundred people are going to walk into your bedroom and ask you questions Just as soon as you wake up You would never let anyone do that, but that's what we do We let the people walk into the bedroom of our mind every morning a hundred people or more Walk into the bedroom of our mind and we start our day that way. So no wonder we're always catching up. We always feel like we're catching up.

And so we have to start starting in the positive. And yes, the day will exhaust you. I'm, that's life, that's normality. But at least you end up in the positives. And that's how I feel. Sometimes I'm editing the morning, and I feel like a 10, and by the end of the day,

I feel like a one, because I'm exhausted, and I'm about to morning and I feel like a 10. By the end of the day, I feel like a one because I'm exhausted and I've had to do with so much negativity inside me, but at least I'm still out of one. Exactly. That's a win. That's a win. These days, we will take it to. That's really well. Exactly.

And that's what I'm saying. I don't always feel at a 10. I feel at a one sometimes or two, but I want to make sure that I'm in the positives. I don't want to get into that space of starting. I don't want to feel like I'm climbing the day. I want to feel like I'm won sometimes or two, but I wanna make sure that I'm in the positives. I don't wanna get into that space of starting. I don't wanna feel like I'm climbing the day. I wanna feel like I'm going down a ladder through the day. Yeah. That's good, that's good.

Okay, tell me, I just wanna know as a friend, I'm just curious about this. Are you surprised, did you know that this was gonna be as helpful and big as it has been, or are you surprised or do you you're not a very Edelst seemed to me to be too much into the I was your the less results oriented than then input oriented but tell us the trick

How does it feel? Yeah, it's the most exciting part of the things. I have to be honest Glennon and say that my whole career has been a surprise to me. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I miss Ike. And my friends who I'm still really good friends with in London, we talk about it often, like the walks we'd go on or the conversations we'd had. And they know the stuff I used to say.

And I used to say stuff like, I just want to try and help. And I had no idea if anyone cares. And I don't know if anyone ever will care. And, you know, for me, it's really no idea if anyone cares and I don't know if anyone ever will care. And for me, it's really hard to explain that to anyone who didn't know me for the last 15 years but my friends that are back in London that I talk to often, we often say that.

For me, it was just, all of this has been far beyond anything I could have ever imagined. And I just feel humbled and grateful by it. And with the book especially, I mean, it's really interesting because even when I talk about social media, like people always like, oh yeah, but you're on social media, et cetera. But for me, the only reason I went to social media

is because no traditional media companies would give me a chance of sharing this message. So it wasn't that I took the social media thinking it was gonna be this amazing platform or I would have this reach. I I took the social media thinking it was going to be this amazing platform or I would have this reach. I actually took the social media because I didn't have any other options and there was no one else willing to give me a chance. And so I had to start myself.

And so it's almost like self publishing. That was the reason why I did it because no one was giving me a chance to be on a show or create a show. And so yeah, I just feel grateful. I feel humbled. It's been amazing that the books used for right now. I finished writing the book last November. So I wrote it well before everything,

but the feedback that I've had that, this book has come at a perfect time for people. That's really meaningful to me. And the ironic thing is that to me, wisdom has always been urgent. Like the messages in these books to me have been forever urgent and forever timeless. Everything I wrote in this book, I believe we need every day. I believed it 10 years ago. But the fact that people are more ready to receive right now and digest right now,

that's the miracle of the universe that people have that opportunity. And so I'm really happy that I get to play that role and serve in this way. I really hope it serves people and helps. That's the biggest highlight. And the best highlight, I'm sure what you said is true. I really believe that everything's in the preparation and the process. I think for me it was, I worked really hard. We had a great team of researchers for the book to find the science and I had friends who recommended the best PhDs that we could get scans of monks, brains and all of this insight. And so there was just a lot of work that went up front into the book and for it to be received as well is obviously I'm, I love having a good result too. I'm not, you know, I'm human. I enjoy having a positive result. And I love it.

I'm grateful. I'm never gonna say no to it. I'll take the love all day. But my biggest hope is that it genuinely helps people navigate what's happening in their life and that I can continue to write more and share more. And, but yeah, I always have this. It's really interesting every time I try a new medium. I have a massive

nervousness and anxiety around it. And so when I went from videos to the podcast, I was super nervous. And I went from the podcast to the book this time. I've been super nervous. And up until the day before the book came out, I was like, is anyone going to read this? And so, but I love that feeling now. I've just got used to it that that's part of the journey. And actually that nervousness makes me prepare better. So I engage that nervousness and that anxiety into saying, well, if I'm nervous, what can I do that's going to make me feel less nervous? And that usually is more preparation. It's not more trying to figure out the result.

It's more preparation. So very humble. And nervous is also your life, right? Yeah. Something that means something. You're totally. In our family, we call it so it's like that feeling of butterflies. It's half scared, half excited.

So we call it skided. I have that. To kind of rename it as something that means you're allowed. You're where you're supposed to be. You're taking a risk. You're reinventing, right? That's so beautiful. Well, I can't think of, first of all, I'm glad it didn't come out in the very beginning of the pandemic. I think we needed a little bit of time where we could actually sit and read. Yeah, I agree, I agree. I'm so glad that was a call from the publishers and the team and I, they're amazing for making that decision and also books were non-essential right at the beginning

Yeah, I know you know Your books phenomenal though, and I also think your book came at a perfect time It's incredible. She's just see the impact that your work has had over the over the years and just you know to have you in my life And I'm grateful and people won't know of our offline conversations, but for me, my relationship with you that we're developing is just the most precious gift, because even this conversation again, like just so that everyone knows everything we talked

about today was what we wanted to talk about today. It was just what came up. We didn't talk about any of it. We didn't talk about any of it. We didn't talk about any of it. And that's what I love about us. That's genuinely so rare. I'm not saying this because it sounds good. I'm saying it because it's so rare to be able to just talk

to someone as if you already know them and you know each other's hearts. And I think that's what I find with you is that when I talk with you, I feel like you already understand my heart, and so I don't have to explain my mind if that made sense. And that's like a very like,

it's a very special weird thing that I get when I talk to you. Even today, the whole conversation is just like, oh, I love it, I just know filters, no, you know, I just, it's amazing. You have a very special power to do that, and I love you for it. Oh my God. I think about very special power to do that. And I love you for it. Oh my God.

You know, I think about the message of peace and purpose. And really, peace and purpose, and that's what you say in this subtitle, but peace and purpose is really what you're saying with the self in the morning and the service in the afternoon, right? Absolutely. Peace is here because we cannot be out there

preaching for peace. You know, marching for, we cannot want peace or make peace until we have it to give. Absolutely. So the peace. Because I have to understand things later. The peace is the morning. Yes. Okay.

Yes. The purpose is the afternoon. That's where we should have been served with the clear water that we have for ourselves in the morning. Correct. And there may be times in your life where you're doing a lot more purpose. Yes. And then there may be a time in your life where you do a lot more peace. So it's phases. It's like it's not always going to be perfectly balanced and perfectly there. And it's not like every day runs like Hogwarts. There's going to be days where you're sleepless nights fighting for purpose, right? You're gonna be there showing up.

And then there has to be the opposite where there are times where you're just going deep. That it's both and it doesn't have to be perfectly cyclical or rounded. We're not trying to get to perfection here. We're trying to get to a point where we understand what we're missing. One of my monk teachers would always say to me, he said, if you want to move three steps forward, you have to go three steps deep first. And it was just such a good reminder. He'd always say that to me, and it just stuck with me. And so every time I think about doing more, I first have to realize, well, first I have to try and become more, I have to try and feel more, you know, to do more. And so if I sometimes feel,

and you may feel like, sometimes you may feel like you're really fighting and pushing, but nothing's happening. And that's the note that my monk teacher said, that's the point where you realize, all right, now I need to go inward. And then you go inward and then you act again and you just see things start to flow.

And the opposite is true also that sometimes you can just keep going inward and nothing's happening because you're just, that's all you're doing. And that's not the point of it either. And so either of the, we need to embrace polarities, not, not divide them. When we talk about affection and assertiveness, when you talk about compassion and courage, when you talk about inward and outward peace and purpose, we've got to embrace these polarities, they're not separate, they're not opposites. We think they're opposites, but they're not, we have to embrace both. Yeah, want to do more, become more. If you want to become more, do more. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Well said, yeah, that's beautiful. I love that. I love that. Do you see what I'm saying?

Okay, I mean, go pick up this book, keep it. This could be the thing you keep by your bedside. I think it's helpful in the piece part. It's helpful in the purpose part. It's beautiful. Jay, you did such a beautiful job. Also, you all need to follow Jay on social and if no other reason, just because his wife is so freaking funny. My wife is made better than me and she's amazing. I can't wait for us all to hang out, Glen. That's why I'm excited about you know. I know, I know. Yeah, I can't wait to see. Jay, go carry on, go spread. Think like a monk everywhere today.

I know you're so busy. I'm so grateful for the time you spent with us today. And I'm just cheering you on in your corner. So grateful. No, thank you, Glen. This is amazing. And honestly, like just hearing from your heart about the book today, it's just, it's melted mind like it's just been amazing. And let's keep doing lots of good work together. I want to do so much more together and find ways to support your work even more. And I'm always been your fan from before I knew you. And so it's my honor to even have this time with you. So thank you so much.

You must have recognized the monk in me, Jay. Well, you definitely think like a monk. You definitely, I mean, you were thinking like a monk from the beginning, I mean, who starts their writing career with monastery as their, like who does that? Like that's like, No, a lot of people say, a lot of people pick a brand word

that no one can say for a deck pick. I love it, I love it. That's why we're connected. That's why we're connected. But no, this is beautiful, then. And then, and yeah, I call my to see you soon. And let's catch up again soon on a call. It would be really nice. Money is a great goal for 2023. But how are you gonna make it happen? Ordering a book that lingers on your nightstand

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