On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 5 Uncomfortable Relationship Conversations You Try to Avoid But You Need to Have in the Next 5 Months

Episode Date: July 16, 2021

Healthy disagreements are common in any relationship. Couples are bound to talk about so many different things that affect their relationship, their personal choices, their work or career, and their individual lives. But there are topics that are somehow uncomfortable to openly discuss, which can lead to arguments and misunderstandings. And when they are unable to talk about these difficult issues, it puts a strain on their relationship. In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty talks about how to become more open to your partner by checking in with them regularly while expressing your own thoughts and emotions. Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally! Key Takeaways: 01:52 The difficult conversations we try to avoid but need to have 04:34 Topic #1: Is this relationship going in the direction you want to? 11:28 Topic #2: Do we want to have children? 16:09 Topic #3: How do you feel about your purpose? 21:16 Topic #4: Are you surrounded by people you want to be around? 24:15 Topic #5: Find out if you are financially compatible with your partner Achieve success in every area of your life with Jay Shetty’s Genius Community. Join over 10,000 members taking their holistic well-being to the next level today, at https://shetty.cc/OnPurposeGeniusSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeart Radio Amp Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart.

I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions. Like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to inner cosmos with David Eagleman on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the IHART radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Yumla Van Zant and I'll be your host for the

R-Spot. Each week listeners will call me live to discuss their relationship issues. Nothing will tear a relationship down faster than two people with no vision. There's all that just flopping It's scary to hear. This is not going in the direction I wanted to go in. It's scary to hear. I don't think this is working out. But here's the thing. If you don't ask this question, you're going to end up there anyway.

Hey everyone, welcome back to on purpose. The number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. And I am so grateful for your commitment to these episodes every single Friday. I tackle a new theme, whether it's about you, whether it's about your work, whether it's about love. And it's about your work, whether it's about love, and today we're talking about relationships. Now, I wanna give a big shout out to everyone

who's been leaving reviews as always. I dive into the reviews once a week to check what you've all been saying, and I'm gonna read a few for you right now because I'm so, so grateful for them. This is one that I love. This is from Marriabo. Love his podcast and his story. Thank you, Jay. I listen to your podcasts all the time. Appreciate your spiritual and

supportive approach to help listeners like myself learn at their own pace, letting someone define who they are without pressuring them to be someone they aren't doesn't limit their growth. In my opinion, it expands the potential of what could be. I love, love, love hearing that. And here is another one that blew me away. This is from Rose Christie. I always turn on Jay Shetty's podcast, which gives me positive energy and somehow helps me improve my work ethic. I listen to his old episodes every day and always look forward for Friday and Monday for new ones. Thank you for making our lives better.

Well, thank you for tuning in. I really, really mean that. I'm so grateful for those wonderful, wonderful reviews. And if you feel like leaving one, make sure you do as well. So today, we're talking about the five difficult relationship conversations we try to avoid, but need to have in the next five months. Now I'm not putting any pressure on to you. I'm not telling you you have to have these conversations right now. They may not be right for where you're at but these are really important conversations. And what

I find is that if you don't create a deadline, if you don't create your own end date, end point, milestone, check in, with yourself, for yourself, then sometimes we avoid these conversations for days, for weeks, for months, for years. I know people who've avoided these conversations for decades, and it's so easy to keep putting them off, keep delaying them, keep postponing them because it feels like the right thing to do because we're scared of having them. They're difficult. They're uncomfortable for a reason. And that is why I put the number five months.

Hey, if you want to talk about it in the next five weeks, be my guest. If you want to talk about it over the next 12 months, that's fine. Just make sure you set your own deadline. Uncomfortable conversations are the easiest to delay, they're the easiest to postpone, they're the easiest to try and avoid and dodge. But I promise you, your relationship will improve or the outcome of these conversations will improve your life in a way that you could never have imagined before. So the way to approach this episode is whether you're in a relationship or not, these are important things

to think about because at one point in your life I'm guessing you might want to be with someone and then you want to talk about these things and if you already with someone but you're thinking, Jay, I haven't really talked about the difficult stuff you haven't really talked about the awkward or uncomfortable stuff yet. Then this episode is going to be massively, massively helpful. Now, I was reading a article on Tiller HQ and this is what fascinated me, right?

About 73% of individuals have money management styles different from their partners, and they squabble over it too. How many of you know that you've broken up with someone in the past or are having challenges right now because of conversations about money? About 31% of couples, even the happiest ones, clash over finances once a month. And we will talk about money today, but that isn't the only conversation that's awkward. So here we go with the top five uncomfortable relationship

conversations we try to avoid, but we need to have in the next five months. The first one is, is this relationship going in the right direction that you wanted to? This is such an important question to ask your partner. Is this relationship going in the direction that you wanted to go in? Are we behaving in a way that made you happy? Are we growing in a way that made you happy?

Are you genuinely pleased by how this relationship is moving forward? And if their answer is yes, I want you to ask them why? Why is it going in the direction you want? What's good about it? What are you appreciating? What are you enjoying about it? The reason why this first question of, is this relationship going in the direction you want to do is so important to ask

because often people don't ask it for decades. People don't ask it for decades and then years later someone turns around and says, well, you know, this was never going in the right direction. Well, you know, this was never what I wanted. You've heard people say that before, not just in movies, but I'm sure you've heard people say your life Maybe even you saw your parents argue about these things So many of us have this feeling of I'm involved in something and it's not even going in the direction. I wanted to go in This is why I love checking in with Radee. This is a conversation I have with her Regularly, I actually have this conversation with her probably once a week or once a month at the very least Is this going in the direction you wanted to?

Because here's the thing, when you ask that question, you're giving that person an opportunity to check in with you as well. You're giving them an opportunity to introspect and reflect. Many people say, well, you know, my partner's not the most reflective person, then not the most introspective person, a question like this, without any expectations, without any judgment, can be a beautiful way of creating more

introspection and reflection in your relationship. Simply by asking, is this relationship going in the direction you want it to? Usually, the only time we have this conversation is not during a conversation. It's during an argument or a disagreement where we say something like, I guess you don't want to be with me anymore, or I guess this isn't what you were looking for. I guess I'm not what you wanted, right? It's never said as a question when things are good. It's said as a defense mechanism. It's said as almost a

guilty feeling when things are going wrong. It may even be said with sarcasm. Notice the difference with when someone will hear this as a genuine question to improve things as opposed to a response or a reaction to something not going right. Just think about that for a moment. If someone asked you When things are going well and they're like, hey, is this going in the direction you want it to? Versus, hey, I know things about right now. And I know this is what you really wanted. I know I'm not what you really wanted.

Which one actually helps a relationship? It's the first one. It's the first one. This is a conversation we need to have so much more. And then if the answer is yes, you have to say why? So if Raleigh says to me, yeah, things are going great. I'll be like, why are they going great? And again, you're asking in a genuine sincere way,

you're not challenging them, you're not testing them. Remember, the tone is not about testing. The other person, the tone is about inquiry, curiosity, because if they said yes, first of all, massive part in the back, but if they said yes, and they can tell you why, you can continue to behave in that way. When Rady tells me, oh, I really appreciate it

when you put your shoes away. I really appreciate it when I feel heard. I really appreciate it when you're emotionally available. I really appreciate it when I feel seen. Whatever it may be, hearing that allows me to repeat it. It also allows me to feel validated for how I'm behaving. Now, this isn't a way of you getting validation and this isn't a way to check whether your partner notices

the wonderful things you do. Please do not turn this advice into a test, an exam, or a complement winning approach. Like that is not what this is. This is truly about improving your relationship. Now, let's say the person says no. And sometimes I've asked this question when I want to say the answer is no, this relationship is not going the direction I want it to go in.

And the follow up question to that is, what are you willing to do to get there and what am I willing to do to get there? This is a really important follow up. If I say to rather, no, this relationship isn't going in the direction I wanted, I'll then follow it up by saying what I'm willing to do to get it there. And if the relationship's not going in the direction, she wants, I want to know what is she willing to do to get it there. Because what ends up happening is actually when people say, oh no, it's not going the way I want, know what is she willing to do together there? Because what ends up happening is actually when people say, oh no, it's not going the way I want, they want the other person to do something.

They want the other person to change. But actually, for relationships not going in the direction you want, you need to take accountability and responsibility to help it grow. Now, by the way, this does not apply to abusive, manipulative relationships, right? Those relationships you walk away from you leave. You, you try and heal those relationships. But in any other relationship, if your partner asks

you, what are you willing to do to get there? They may end up saying, well, I'm willing to make sure I don't work in the evenings. I'm willing to make sure that whenever we talk, we don't have our phones in our hands. I'm willing to make sure that we're going to take a weekend off this year and travel together. Whatever it may be, it's about what you're willing to do, right? What are you as an individual willing to do to get this relationship to be where you want it to be? That's what I want you to think be. That's what I want you to think about. That's what I want you to focus on. So that's the first uncomfortable conversation

that we try to avoid because it's scary to hear, this is not going in the direction I wanted to go in. It's scary to hear, I don't think this is working out. But here's the thing. If you don't ask this question, you're going to end up there anyway. This question either speeds it up or it gives you the opportunity to solve it. And that's often what people wanted in relationships. They never got the opportunity to solve it. They never got the time, the moment where they got to hear what they could improve and then they regret it.

So actually the benefit of this question is way greater than the challenge of this question. So when you're thinking about avoiding this conversation, don't have it more often. Make it normal to reflect and introspect in your relationship. Make it normal to have a introspect in your relationship. Make it normal to have a conscious conversation in your relationship. Don't leave it for the bad times. Then this doesn't work. It actually doesn't work. The second uncomfortable conversation, and I put it uncomfortable or difficult conversation

because people often don't know what they don't talk about this until very late on, or they never talk about it at all, they just end up in a situation. And it's about whether you want to have children or not, right? Are you aware of how many children you want and do you know how it will affect your life? Does your partner know how it will affect their life? Now, of course, you're not gonna ask this

in the next five months if you just started dating someone, right? This may not be the first question you asked them, but as things get more serious, as the commitment grows, you have to get clear on these things. What I find fascinating is the amount of people that get married and have kids or have kids without ever having this conversation. They're not aware of why they want kids, why they're partner wants kids, or what they're gonna do and how life is gonna change. This is probably been one of my favorite questions to ask clients to ask people that they're dating or even in my own relationship to ask the question,

why do you want children? It's such an important question. And actually allows your partner to share with you something so beautiful that you may never have imagined. You're actually setting an intention for why you want to child and why you want to bring life into this world. And even if you don't want kids, it's a great time to explain your reasoning, to explain your heart, to explain your emotions and why you don't want kids. Do we want to have children? That's the question. Now we are aware of how many,

and even more importantly, do we know are we aware of how this is going to affect our lives? I speak to so many young couples, regularly, and hear the response. We had no idea. Now the excuse to this is often, oh well, you never know how hard it's gonna be. That's fair, right?

I don't have kids. I don't know how challenging or difficult a heart be. That's fair, right? I don't have kids. I don't know how challenging or difficult or hard it's going to be. I know that I'm aware of that. And I get that I have no idea and no rights to even comprehend what it feels like. But I'll tell you this, if you've not even prepared a little bit, it's going to be very difficult. If you're preparing for something and then it's harder than you expected, that's better than if you are unprepared.

Being unprepared and then being surprised is worse than being prepared and then being surprised. If you're prepared, you still have a few things that you can work with. If you're unprepared, you feel totally, totally lost. There are studies that show, and I read one on Quartz that says, 30 years of research proves couples with children really do have harder marriages, right? And so when you hear that, why is it? Because sometimes people have not thought about

how it's going to affect their life, right? People have not thought about how it's going to affect their body, how it's going to affect their mind, how it's going to affect their life. Right? People have not thought about how it's going to affect their body, how it's going to affect their mind, how it's going to affect their dreams. And if they have thought about this stuff, they're not sharing it with their partners, so their partner is not aware, and their partner is just thinking, yeah, life's going to be the same. We're going to spend the same amount of time together. Oh, we love each other, it's totally fine. Everything's going to be okay. But we all know that is in the case. There are challenges. it's different,

it's a huge difference. You've just invited new life into your life. Not too long ago, in the heart of the Amazon rainforest, this explorer stumbled upon something that would change his life. I saw it and I saw, oh wow, this is a very unusual situation. It was cacao, the tree that gives us chocolate.

But this cacao was unlike anything experts had seen, or tasted. I've never wanted us to have a situation, it was Kakao, the tree that gives us chocolate. But this Kakao was unlike anything experts had seen, or tasted. I've never wanted us to have a gun bite. I mean, you saw the stacks of cash in our office. Chocolate sort of forms this vortex. It sucks you in. It's like I can be the queen of wild chocolate. You're all lost. You're his madness.

It was a game changer. People quit their jobs. They left their lives behind, so they could search for more of this stuff. I wanted to tell their stories, so I followed them deep into the jungle, and it wasn't always pretty. Basically, this like disgruntled guy and his family surrounded the building armed with machetes. And we've heard all sorts of things that, you know, somebody got shot over this. Sometimes I think, oh, all this for a damn barn of chocolate.

Listen to obsessions, wild chocolate, on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. In the 1680s, a feisty, opera singer burned down a nunnery and stole away with her secret lover. In 1810, a pirate queen negotiated her cruiseway to total freedom, with all their loot. During World War II, a flirtatious gambling double agent helped keep D-Day a secret from the Germans. What are these stories having common? They're all about real women who were left out of your history books.

If you're tired of missing out, check out the Womanica podcast, a daily women's history podcast highlighting women you may not have heard of, but definitely should know about. I'm your host Jenny Kaplan, and for me, diving into these stories is the best part of my day. I learned something new about women from around the world and leave feeling amazed, inspired, and sometimes shocked. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there.

There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What has been seen is a very snotty city. People call it Bos Angeles. New Orleans is seen as a very snotty city. People call it pose angelus. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newton, and not lost as my new travel podcast, where a friend and I go places,

see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party, where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, It doesn't always work out. I would love that, but I have like a Chihuahua who is aggressive towards strangers. I love the dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves.

I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm gonna die alone when I'm traveling, but I get to travel with someone I love. Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much.. Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much. Very sincere. I love you too. My life's a lot of therapy goes behind that.

You're so white, I love it. Listen to Not Lost on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. I also hear a lot about couples having a second child to save the marriage, to keep the marriage together, to feel it with strength and or bond. I promise you it won't.

I've actually seen it with friends, clients, people in my life who've had a second child to keep a marriage together and it's actually had a negative impact on the marriage because you don't strengthen your bond by adding more challenges to your life, to have another life to care about, another life to serve, another life to create together, that doesn't solve the natural challenges that you're already processing in your relationship. So this conversation is a really, really important one. And the most important part about it is how will it affect our lives or how do we want it

to affect our lives? Have we thought about how family is going to be involved? Have we thought about how your job will change? Have we thought about how long you may have to take a break? Have we thought about how long I may have to quit? Have we thought about how much we have in savings? These are all healthy things to talk about. Let's stop making them taboo, let's stop making them.

Awkward and difficult and uncomfortable. Let's make them conversations that are important because we're excited or enthusiastic, we're in love. If we are, then let's talk about the things that help us grow, that help us get there, right? That help us really get to the place we want to be in. The third uncomfortable conversation we try to avoid, but we need to have is, hey, how do you feel about your purpose?

How do you feel about your passion? Now, last week's episode was dedicated to discovering your passion and living your purpose, but that's a conversation we need to have with our partners. One thing I've realized is that purpose is what everyone's looking for. It's why this podcast is called on purpose. I find that people who have found their purpose of better parents, better partners, better people, better professionals, because they're satisfied in and of themselves. Purpose means self satisfaction. Purpose means that you get so much joy, validation and growth from the work that you do.

That doesn't mean your job. It could be anything. It could be your weekend, your evenings, but you're so satisfied that it completely allows you to be there for your partner. It allows you to be there for your children. It allows you to do more. And people sacrifice their purpose

because they think their partner has to be their purpose. Or they think their children have to be their purpose. Or they think their children have to be their purpose. Or they think their profession has to be their purpose. And that's actually where we get messed up. Because we try and make something our purpose when it isn't our purpose is our reason for being. Our purpose is why we do what we do. Our purpose is what fuels us in the morning and the evening and the night. And when it's difficult, our purpose is the reason why we do something.

And checking with your partner, whether you've found yours or you haven't, having a discussion about, hey, do you feel you're doing things that are purposeful in life? Do you feel like what you're doing is meaningful? Do you feel like you know why you're doing what you're doing? Do you know what motivates you, what your intentions are? And intentions are a great place to start. What do you care about? What are you really working for? What motivates you? What inspires you? This is such a healthy conversation. I promise you people never have this conversation.

If they ever do, it's way too late. It will save you so much time. I know people who've given up their purpose because of family. And then they look back and now have a regret based on that. I know people who've shifted their purpose because of their family, not realizing that actually if they were more purposeful, they could have done even more for their family and friends and the people in their life. So really sit down and ask that question to your partner and allow them to ask it to you. If you found your purpose, you should help your partner find theirs.

If you haven't found it, you both can find yours at the same time. And the more you both find your purpose, the more your partnership benefits. That's what I want you to realize. The more you find your purpose, the more your partnership benefits. That's what I want you to realize. The more you find your purpose, the more your partnership benefits because you have more satisfaction independently

so you can enhance each other. You have more connection with yourself and who you are independently so you can actually support each other. Otherwise, it is so difficult to support someone else, especially supporting someone without a purpose. Now, by the way, someone may know I'd have a purpose, they may have a passion, they may have something they like,

they may just have a skill. When I met Rady, she was just addicted to food. She just was absorbed in food. She liked cooking sure, but it wasn't a passion. And the first gift I got, Rady, I remember was this chopping board. And it said, Rady's kitchen. And I had it engraved into the word. And I remember giving it to her and just thinking, you know,

Rady, one day you might have your own participatory or kitchen because you're such a good cook. And I had no idea where it would go to. And now when I see her living her passion and purpose, I feel so excited. I feel so motivated. I feel so inspired to see where she's got. But it's been amazing that when I met her, she didn't have a purpose. And now she does. She loves educating people about how they can heal themselves

and how health is all about the food we eat and how we think and how we feel. And she loves it. And when I met her, I didn't have a penny to my name. I knew what I was passionate about. I mean, I met her. I didn't have a penny to my name. I knew what I was passionate about. I knew I wanted to present wisdom, but it wasn't a purpose yet. I didn't know how to do it. I don't have any real success doing it. And it's been a beautiful journey to watch, Raleigh, discover her purpose. I've been discovering my purpose and now to be

an a purpose for relationship as well. That's the amazing thing that when you both find your own purpose, you can bring purpose into your relationship. But when your partner is struggling, it is our role to have empathy and compassion and love to help them. Now helping them doesn't mean hurting them. So when you're trying to help someone,

don't force them. If they don't want your help, that's fine. If they don't want you to get involved in an area of your life, that's fine. Sometimes Riley will tell me, I don't want to talk about that. I just want to have fun with you. Actually, that happens a lot. We're in the car and I'll be like,

all right, Riley, how's work stuff going? She's like, I don't want to talk to you about it. Right now, I know what mode you're going to get me into, right? And respecting that is so important, rather than being like, oh, well, you know, well, we should really focus on that because otherwise it won't happen, like, rather than saying, you know, well, we should really focus on that because otherwise it won't happen, like rather than saying things you don't mean. The fourth conversation has been a game changer for me.

And this conversation is, I use surrounded by people you want to be around. Often as a couple, you can be surrounded by a lot of people. And one of the things, right, and I had to discover was that sometimes we didn't always totally gel perfectly with other couples. In the sense that I may be friends with someone, but Rady and their partner, it's not that they don't get along with as an issue, but they

may not gel straight away. And Rady may be friends with someone, and I may not gel with their partner straight away. And so we started to realize that we had three groups of friends. She had her friends, I had my friends, and then we had a group of friends that crossed over. And what I realized in the relationship is that your individual groups of friends

are as important as your collective group of friends. Your collective group of friends are not a substitute for individual friends and your individual friends are not a substitute for your collective friends. Your collective group of friends are not a substitute for individual friends and your individual friends are not a substitute for your collective friends. And by the way, you both are not a substitute for your own friends. I know too many couples that they say, well, I'm with my best friend, why do I need any more friends? That isolated culture is not healthy for anyone. That over dependence, that over reliance on each other is not healthy for anyone. That overdependence, that overrelines on each other is not healthy. So, checking in with your partner and making sure that they're happy with their group of friends.

I remember I used to set Radeon so many girl dates when we moved to New York. I did the same when we moved to LA and that's how she found two of our closest friends in in Pyle and Deepika, who are a family now and Pyle's husband Nick who's a really good friend of mine. And you know, we discovered so many friendships that way because I just wanted to make sure Rade was surrounded by people who made a place, a new place, feel like home that made a new place, feel like family. And that has been huge for us in LA, right?

It's been huge for us. And making sure that your partner has friends that they love, people that they like spending time with. Because while you're creating your purpose, while you're doing your work, while you're even going to your job, your partner, and they're going to their job and doing their thing, they need stuff that fuels them, they need stuff that excites them.

So it's so important to check in, and check in with yourself and recognize that there these three groups of friends and That there's time for your partner to spend time with their friends and you to spend time with yours Which usually ideally match it so you do it at the same time and then of course you spend time collectively with your group of friends together And so it's really healthy when you I know one of the things I do is I'll always tell Riley my weekend advance I'll say hey,, on Wednesday and Friday, I've stuffed with a couple of my friends. Maybe those are good nights for you to plan something.

And she'll say, well, I actually want to spend time alone or I'm going to go out with someone, right? But it's so healthy to have that conversation and allow that person to know when you're doing something, when there's something doing something and keep creating those opportunities for connection. And the fifth and final conversation is around money. Now, this study I read on Tilla goes further, and it said that the most difficult conversations

are on major purchases. 34% of people have a disagreement about that. Decisions about finance and children. 24% of respondents with kids, a partner spending habits, 23% argue about that, an important investment decisions, 14% disagree with that. An important point, however, is that 82% of these happy couples work to quickly resolve their differences. So the difference is not the issue. The issue is people not having conversations early enough and trying to push it off.

This article goes on to state that David Olson, who's the professor at the University of Minnesota, identified five questions you can ask to find out if you're financially compatible with your partner. One, do we agree on how to spend money? Two, I don't have any concerns about how my partner handles money. 3. I'm satisfied with our decisions about savings. 4. Major debts are not a problem. 5. Making financial decisions is not difficult. Dr. Olsen's research found that happiest couples agreed with at least 4 of the 5 statements.

So ask yourself again, do you agree with these statements or do you disagree? Number one, we agree on how to spend money. Number two, I don't have any concerns about how my partner handles money. Number three, I'm satisfied with our decisions about savings. Number four, major debts are not a problem. And major five, making financial decisions is not difficult. And these are conversations that we need to have because numbers and money and people's background with their parents and money is what causes so many issues about how money is spent. And helping someone understand why you spend money the way you do is more important than what you spend money

on. We compare what we spend money on. So someone could say, well, I bought a car, but you bought that vacation or you bought a pair of sneakers. So I bought a T-shirt. My T-shirt was cheaper and my T-shirt, I got 10 T-shirts for the same amount as you got one jacket. Right? Like, we're comparing what we buy. We need to conversation about why we buy it.

If I say, hey, rather, you know what, for me, it's really important we've gone to vacation this year because I just want to spend really quality time with you. And Riley says, well, by the way, instead of going on a vacation, I'd love to spend the money on this because this is how I think we can connect more. Right, understanding the why,

like I want to connect with you, that's what we're trying to achieve. When you discuss that, you can move in the same direction. When you discuss what, you can't move in the same direction. If someone says, I want to go on vacation to Hawaii and someone says, well, I want to go to New York and you're like, you don't value what I value. It's like, no, well, why do we want to go to Hawaii? Oh, because I want to be outdoors together. I want to go on expeditions together. Why do we want to go New York? Oh, because I want to hang out with my other friends. You start noticing there's a different discussion happening here

and you get an opportunity to unite. So those are the five uncomfortable relationship conversations we try to avoid, but need to have in the next five months or whatever your deadline is. I hope this episode helps you. I hope it serves you. Thank you so much for listening to On Purpose. I'm so grateful I can't wait for you to have these conversations and by the way, when you have these conversations, if it results in more difficulty, that's

helping you learn a signal about the relationship you're in and what needs to be worked upon. So it just fast forwards, it accelerates the growth you need. I wish you all the best, I want nothing but good love and good energy for you all, sending you lots of it. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nuneum, I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bond-vivant, but mostly a human just trying to figure out what it's all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things.

It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand it, try to get invited to a local's house for dinner, where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Conquer your New Year's resolution to be more productive with the before breakfast podcast. In each bite-sized daily episode, time management and productivity expert Laura Vandercam

teaches you how to make the most of your time, both at work and at home. These are the practical suggestions you need to get more done with your day. Just as lifting weights keeps our bodies strong as we age, learning new skills is the mental equivalent of pumping iron. Listen to before breakfast on the I Heart Radio app, or wherever you get your podcasts. The one you feed explores how to build a fulfilling life admits the challenges we face.

We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers, offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio App, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast,

or wherever you get your podcasts.