On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 5 Ways To Prepare For A Marriage and Not Just a Wedding (Even If You’re Married)

Episode Date: July 19, 2019

Wedding season has officially begun! I’ve been invited to four weddings in the last three weeks and my social media channels have been flooded with all wedding pictures. Weddings mark the beginning of your relationship but it’s very easy to get caught up in all the festivities and forget to focus on your actual marriage. The truth is, we all want to have a marriage more beautiful than our wedding, but our investment is in the wrong place. Remember this: it's better to have a small wedding and a big marriage, than a big wedding and a small marriage. On this episode of On Purpose, I give you 5 ways to prepare for a marriage and not just a wedding, even if you’re already married.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Eva Longoria. And I'm Maite Gomes-Rajon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry For History! On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two

for you to try at home. Listen to Hungry For History on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Regardless of the progress you've made in life, I believe we could all benefit from wisdom on handling common problems, making life seem more manageable, now more than ever. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One-Dee Feed Podcast, where I interview thought-provoking guests who offer practical wisdom that you can use to create the life you want.

25 years ago, I was homeless and addicted to heroin. I've made my way through addiction recovery, learned to navigate my clinical depression, and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The One-You-Feet has over 30 million downloads and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple Podcasts. Oprah Magazine named this is one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life. You always have the chance to begin again and feed the best of yourself. The trap is the person often thinks they'll act once they feel better.

It's actually the other way around. I have had over 500 conversations with world-renowned experts and yet I'm still striving to be better. Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart.

I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions, like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eugumin on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts We all want to have a marriage more beautiful than our wedding But our investment is often the wrong way around It's better to have a small wedding and a big marriage than to have a big wedding and a small marriage Hey, everyone welcome to On Purpose.

My name is Jay Shetty and I'm so, so happy that you're here. You're incredible. You're amazing because you're choosing to learn. You're choosing to grow. You're choosing to live the life you deserve. Thank you for taking that step. Thank you for making that commitment. Thank you for trusting me by listening to me, taking this time out every single week for 30 minutes. I'm so, so happy to have you here with me

right now. It's wedding season, right? It's wedding season. I've been invited to around four weddings in the last three weeks, and I've only made it to one because of my travel schedule, but we're in wedding season. And I've heard so many different things from so many different people, some people. Don't like weddings, some people. Absolutely love weddings, some people hate weddings. I'm someone that, when it's someone that's close to me, when it's someone that's really special to me,

those weddings are really, really powerful and important. So recently, I literally went to London for around four days for one of my closest friends weddings He's been a little brother to me for probably the last 10 to 12 years and He married this incredible girl. I'm so so happy that they're together and being at their wedding Was one of the most memorable weekends of my life because I was around was one of the most memorable weekends of my life. Because I was around people that I consider

my closest family, even though they're not family by blood. And I say this often, that there are friends and there are family, and there are friends that become family, that weekend was full of all of my friends that have become family in my life. We all have the same spiritual values, we all have the same goals. We've grown together, we've made mistakes together all have the same goals. We've grown together,

we've made mistakes together, we've failed together, we've served together. We've dreamt up plans to change the world together. Like it's been such an incredible journey over the past, you know, 10 to 15 years that we've all known each other. And being there to celebrate one of our friends' weddings was just so, so, so exciting. And it was brilliant because all the jokes were jokes that all of us could laugh to everyone who's invited to the wedding, who were close to us. The wedding decoration was absolutely stunning. It was absolutely beautiful. So, as you can tell, being a romantic, I love weddings. I enjoy people being in love. I enjoy people getting married and committing to each other. I enjoy seeing that process. And today's podcast is inspired by that because it's wedding season because I know so many weddings

are happening right now. And there are a few weddings that I couldn't get out to as well. I was invited to my good friend's wedding abroad that I couldn't get to, which I was gutted about. But the reason why I was talking about my friends recently that are getting married is because they had beautiful weddings, but I know they're going to have even more beautiful marriages. Right? Listen carefully about what I'm saying here. They had beautiful weddings, but I know that they're going to have even more beautiful marriages. And this is why today's podcast is called Five Ways to Prepare for a Marriage and not just a wedding. In brackets, even if you're married, right? Even if you're married, this is still applying to you, right? Five ways to prepare for a marriage and not just a wedding. And even if you're married, right? Even if you're married, this is still applying to you, right? Five ways to prepare for a marriage and not just a wedding.

And even if you're married already and you've been married for five years and you're like, Jay, I'm not preparing anymore, well, guess what? We're always preparing, we're always learning, we're always growing. Whether you've been married for five years, for 10 years, for 15 years, for 25 years,

this podcast still applies to you. If you're divorced, it still applies to you because it's something that can be used to learning grow from. And if you're dating or you're about to propose and you're thinking about that moment that you're going to propose, right? It applies to every single one of us. Now, we see this all the time viral videos, right? Videos that go super viral when people are proposing or getting married, we all love weddings. But I want you to recognize that there's a big difference between having an incredible wedding and having an incredible marriage. So let's take a look at some of the stats around marriages. Over two million people get proposed to in the United States every single year.

If you're one of those people this year, then congratulations, if you said yes, of course. But over two million people get proposed to, right? And we all know how that story goes. Someone asks, will you marry me? The response is yes or no. If it's a yes, we get excited about a wedding day. But often what I find is that there's so much excitement around the wedding day,

but there's not as much planning for the actual marriage. So the definition of a wedding is a ceremony usually with its accompanying festivities. The definition of a marriage is the state of being united as spouses. Look at the difference between a ceremony and being united, the difference between festivities and being united, right? There's a big difference. And we put so much energy and effort into the ceremony and festivities. But how much focus do we put on being truly united? And I just want to raise this as a topic of conversation today because I know that so many of our challenges would disappear if we were to invest our energy correctly and if we thought about which one

are we prepared for? Are we prepared for our wedding or are we prepared for our marriage? This is one of the reasons why so many people get cold feet on their wedding day. Right, they're not scared about their wedding. The weddings are party. They're not scared about being with their friends and drinking and partying. No one's scared about that. You're scared about what's coming after that, right? And that's a really good indicator as to,

are we ready for a wedding or are we ready for a marriage? Right, a wedding is a beauty. Of course, it's a beautiful ceremony. It's a sacred ceremony. What I'm saying is that the experience of wedding is a beauty. Of course, it's a beautiful ceremony. It's a sacred ceremony. What I'm saying is that the experience of it is a day. And this is actually one of the crazy things. When me and my wife got married, the Vedic weddings are actually seven days long. There's so many different events. If anyone's ever been to an Indian wedding, there are so many different events. And the reason for that is actually

to help us realize the gravity of the commitment we're about to make. See, when something ends in one or two hours, it's sometimes hard for us, unless we're really tuned in some of us are, but it can be quite challenging for us to really deeply embody and understand what a big commitment we're making.

But when something seven days and different rituals or different ceremonies have different meanings to them, that meaning takes time to settle in and then by the end of it, you're like, wow, this is what I've just committed to. Like this is what I'm getting myself involved in. And that preparation is so key. I know for a fact that when I got married to my wife,

I look back and I always give this advice to other people. I'm just like, really, I want you to value this moment. I want you to experience it fully. Your wedding time goes too fast. It was one of the best days of my life. I wish I could relive it again because it was so beautiful and it was so amazing to be there. And I always say that people that I know

that are getting married, I'm just like, really experience it, save her it. And if you're listening right now and you're thinking, J, well, my wedding's gone or whatever it may be, then you can save the moment you spend together. But let's look at the money behind a wedding, right? The amount of time and energy that gets invested and money gets invested into a wedding, $72 billion every single year are spent on weddings. The average wedding in the US is about $25,200. That is a ton of money, right? That could

be enough to get a mortgage on a place. It could be someone's rent for a year or even rent for two years depending on where you live or whatever it may be, but it's a lot of money. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What has been seen is a very snotty city. People call it Bos Angeles. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay.

A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newdum and not lost is my new travel podcast where a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party. We're kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out. I would love that but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers. I love the dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm going to die alone when I'm traveling, but I get to travel with someone I love.

Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much... I love you too. My ex a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love it. Listen to Not Lost on the iHeart Radio App or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Mungisha Tikular and to be honest, I don't believe in astrology, but from the moment I was born, it's been a part of my life. In India, it's like smoking. You might not smoke, but you're going to get secondhand astrology.

And lately, I've been wondering if the universe has been trying to tell me to stop running and pay attention. Because maybe there is magic in the stars if you're willing to look for it. So I rounded up some friends and we dove in and let me tell you, it got weird fast. Tantric curses, major league baseball teams, cancelled marriages, K-pop. But just when I thought I had a handle on this sweet and curious show about astrology, my whole world can crash down. Situation doesn't look good, there is risk to father.

And my whole view on astrology, it changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think your ideas are going to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive and the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Not too long ago, in the heart of the Amazon Rainforest, this explorer stumbled upon something that would change his life. I saw it and I saw, oh wow, this is a very unusual situation. It was cacao. The tree that gives us chocolate. But this cacao was unlike anything experts had seen.

Poor tasted. I've never wanted us to have a gun fight. I mean, you saw the stacks of cash in our office. Chocolate sort of forms this vortex. It sucks you in. It's like I can be the queen of wild chocolate. We're all lost. It was madness.

It was a game changer. People quit their jobs. They left their lives behind so they could search for more of this stuff. I wanted to tell their stories, so I followed them deep into the jungle, and it wasn't always pretty. Basically this like disgruntled guy and his family surrounded the building arm with machetes. And we've heard all sorts of things that you know somebody got shot over this. Sometimes I think all these for a damn bar of chocolate.

Listen to obsessions while chocolate on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. $1,016 is the average cost of wedding rings for the bride and groom. And I know a lot of people end up spending more on that. And I have a really interesting story about that actually because so many of us spend two to three months salary. And recently, I was at a conference where I was speaking about how media impacts action and then becomes culture.

Right, listen to that carefully. Media impacts action and then becomes culture. Right, listen to that carefully. Media impacts action and then the action becomes culture. So when I was buying my ring for my wife, my engagement ring before we were married, I was told that you spend two to three months salary of whatever you earn at the time on your engagement ring. So I was like, okay, cool, that's just,

and then I was thinking, I thought about, that was like, where did that rule come from? Like, who came up with that? Like, did that come up from someone's dad, or was it someone's uncle who threw that out there, or was that, oh, you know, was there a girl that came up with it? Was there a guy that came up with, like, who came up with that number? Like, why is it two or three? Why is it not one?

Why is it not seven? Why is it not eight? And the incredible thing when I did the research was that I found there's actually a commercial. It's the debares, a diamond is forever commercial of 1997. And the text only appears after 23 seconds of a 30 second advert. And it says, how else could two months salary last forever? Right. How could two months salary last forever and then it says a diamond is forever? It's amazing how that became cultural, right? Now, it may be different in your town, it may be different with your friends, but you get the point I'm making. Now, $19 billion a year are spent on wedding gifts. You're lucky if you got some of those. $8 billion is spent on honeymoon.

The average honeymoon cost $3,657. Now, interesting fact, when I got married, that's around the time when I first started creating videos. And so me and my wife actually moved to New York a few weeks after we got married. And so our honeymoon actually became looking for apartments and settling in and moving and trying to figure out everything out. So we're actually going on a proper honeymoon three years later and she's my wife is incredible, right? She just has stuck with me, she's been through with me, she's grown, she's been doing amazing, but it was just I feel so lucky that she was there to stick with me through that time and now we're actually going to go and have an incredible honeymoon this year.

So the decorations, the outfits, the food, right? We want to have amazing weddings and there's nothing wrong with that. But how much are we investing into having an amazing marriage? There are two different things, right? Just because you spent an ex amount of money on your wedding, that does not guarantee anything to do with your marriage.

It makes no difference whether you spend $10,000, $20,000, $100,000, $2,000, $200,000, it does not matter. It will not define the quality. The quantity you spend on your wedding does not decide the quality of experience in your marriage. It just does not correlate. Now the most expensive wedding of all time, right, of all time was Prince Charles and Lady Diana. The bill was $48 million in 1981 and just if you adjust that for inflation, that's $110 million today. The wedding took place at the beautiful

Semples Cathedral, it was attended by dozens of royals, two million people attended, like real life around the space in Semples Cathedral. The TV audience was about 750 million people and get this right? There were 27 wedding cakes and the five foot tall main cake supposedly took around 14 weeks to make. I have no idea how you keep something fresh for that long or how it still tastes good, but that's insane.

And there was a duplicate cake made in case of any accident or missups. Can you imagine making a cake for 14 weeks and then it falling apart? But again, the reason why I'm raising this, the reason I'm talking about this is not because I don't want you to have a big wedding. The reason I'm talking about this is very, very simple. You can see the amount of energy and effort that goes into a wedding. How much energy and effort are we putting into our marriage?

And this could be, if you've been married for a few years, the same questions apply. How much energy and effort did you put into dating? How much energy and effort did you put into a proposal? How much energy and effort did you put into your wedding? And how much now are you renewing into your marriage? We all want to have a marriage more beautiful than our wedding, but our investment is often the wrong way around.

It's better to have a small wedding and a big marriage than to have a big wedding and a small marriage, right? It's better to have both beautiful and that's ultimately what we want, but here's how I want you to think about it. These are the five ways to prepare for an incredible marriage. And these apply even if you're married already. I take this advice in my life all the time and I highly, highly recommend it for you. I really hope that this is going to have a big impact in your life. I really

hope it's going to make a big difference in your life. And I'm really, really excited to share this with you. Here's tip number one. When we're having a wedding, when we're planning a wedding, often people will have wedding planners. Now those wedding planners can often be your friends, sometimes they're hired, sometimes they're a friend of a friend, but we believe in having a wedding planner. Now every wedding plan is different. I know some people that are super, super organized and they have like Excel spreadsheets,

and I've seen it, I got scared when I was getting married, I had friends at work sending me their Excel spreadsheets that they plan to plan their wedding, and I was like, wow, I don't even know how to use Excel at work, let alone using Excel, you know, from my wedding, but you have those organized wedding planers, and then you have wedding planers that just make things happen, right? The point is you have someone who's in charge of making sure the wedding goes well.

Now, when it comes to a marriage, how does this apply to a marriage? When it comes to a marriage, it's your job to make sure it goes well, right? And same with the wedding, it's your job to make sure it goes well. But just as we have wedding planners, we need marriage mentors, we genuinely do. We need people in our life who are role models for us, people that we admire, people that we know are not perfect, but they're real. People who have a genuine loving, trusting relationship with each other and keep reminding us of what work for them, what didn't work for them,

what challenges they've had, and you can pre-empe so much, right? I've got so many friends and remember a marriage mentor isn't someone who sits down with you and says, okay, here's class number one, right? Here is class number two, like that's not necessarily a marriage mentor. A marriage mentor is also learning from someone who's been married for a bit longer than you, who you can learn with through hindsight. I've got so many people in my life, so many of my friends who got married before me, and them sharing their real challenges and experiences with marriage have helped me so much. They've made such an impact for me, right?

They've made such a difference for me. So having people in your life who are slightly further ahead on the journey to actually guide you, to tell you what were the biggest challenges and hurdles when they first got married, what was the biggest challenge when they moved home, what was the biggest challenge when they first had kids, what was the biggest challenge when they moved country. Like having people in your life who can just give you some of the answers to those questions is such a big part of mentorship. And so many of us don't have that. And we don't have it in a way that just gives us hindsight

or a foresight. Like what we often hear it as is, oh my god, your life's going to fall apart when this happens to you, right? And that's not mentorship. That's just being pessimistic. What we need is people who think ahead. So it's really, really interesting and really important to think about who in your life is a marriage mentor. Who are the people that you're accountable to? Who are the people that are inspiring you to have an incredible wedding? And ideally, they need to be people who are close to you, right? It's not just good to have people out there in the world that you don't know. It's good to have people in your locality, people who grew up in the same areas,

you people around you. And if you're struggling to find them, look for them deeper because you need it. You need good role models in order to keep that energy and spark up for yourself. I was at a birthday party recently and at the birthday party, like hearing my friend talk about how much he loves his wife.

Like when I heard my friend talk about how much he loves his wife. Like when I heard my friend talk about how much he loves his wife, it inspired me, right? It made such a big difference when I was sitting in my friend's wedding in London recently. I was messaging my wife at the same time saying, I'm so glad we took these vows together. I'm repeating them to myself right now. Like for some of you made that maybe cheesy or cliché,

but my point is when you're around that energy, you get to reiterate that feeling. You get to relive that emotion. Right, you don't need to wait 10 years to renew your vows when you're at a fancy yacht or a fancy party or whatever it may be. You can renew your vows every time you turn up to a wedding and re-embodied that feeling of what it was like

on your wedding day, right? So you continue to build that in your life, right? Weddings need planning, marriages require commitment, right? Weddings need planning, marriages require commitment. Weddings need organization, marriages require adaptability, weddings need planning and organization, marriages require adaptability. Weddings need planning and organization. Marriages require adaptability and flexibility. Weddings need a date. Marriages require a lifetime. This is the challenge. Weddings need a date. You need to find a date and that might be hard. But trust me, it's a lot harder

when you're trying to spend a lifetime together. And within that, we need to have marriage mentors, people that inspire us, people that are real, people that are not portraying themselves as perfect and having it figured out, but people that can really open up with their biggest challenges. I know that so many of the challenges in my life have been avoided because I've had amazing friends who are honest with me about their own challenges.

Now, another thing we need for a wedding is a guest list. We all need a guest list. And anyone who's ever had to build a guest list for a wedding knows this for sure. It's hard work. You're like, who do I leave out? Who do we invite? Which event do we invite people to do is anyone

gonna get offended? Especially anyone who's ever been to an Indian wedding. You know exactly what this is like. It's like, oh my god, you gotta invite your family, members, family, members, family, members, you got to invite this random dad's cousins, mom's daughter, because they once invited you to an event, right?

It's always a complicated affair, like so often finding out the guest list for your wedding is one of the most taxing things that you can do. And then don't even get me started on the table seeing. It's like, is this person gonna get offended if I put them next to this person? What about if this person's ex is sitting on that table?

What about if this person, you know, whatever it is? Like, guess lists and table scenes get tough. Now, how does that apply to your marriage? Selecting your guess list is important for your wedding, but selecting your tribe, your community, for your marriage is so important. Not just the marriage mentors that are around, but the peers that you want to grow with. Couples that you spend time with, right?

It's so important. We spend so much time curating our table plan. We spend so much time curating our guest list, but we don't even curate often the couples we spend most time with. And you have to realize that so much of couples connection is contagious, right? It's so contagious. So studies show that the divorce of a friend or a close relative actually increase the chances that you two will divorce, right?

So listen to this correctly. One degree of separation, 75% more likely to divorce, two degrees of separation, 33% more likely than other couples to divorce. Right? Now, what I'm not saying here is, I'm not telling you to not spend time with your friends who are breaking up with divorce. That's not what I'm saying at all.

But what I'm saying is that you've got to look at the energy of who's surrounding you. You've got to look at what's around you. It's just more likely to happen. And you've got to look at what you want, of course. If that's what you want, that's great. But it's like, what are you really trying to build? And this is true for so many other things as well, right? So listen to this carefully. So we also realize in a 2006 paper titled, is having babies contagious that brothers and sisters are significantly more likely to have a child soon after a sibling gives birth.

There's a lot of correlations between these activities and who they're surrounded by. So it's so important that we focus on surrounding ourselves with couples that mirror what we're willing to value and employ and embody in our lives as well. And like I said, we spend so much time, energy and money curating things when it comes to dinners, and guests lists, and all of that. But how much are we doing that in our lives? I'm Eva Longoria. I'm Maite Gomes-Rechon.

We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry for History. On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages, from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both. Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both. You know, I'm a flower tortilla flower. Your team flower. I'm team flower. I need a shirt. Team flower, team core. Join us as

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network available on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The depths of them, the variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share 10 incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets.

When I realized this is not just happening to me, this is who and what I am. I needed her to help me. Something was gnawing at me that I couldn't put my finger on, that I just felt somehow that there was a piece missing. Why not restart? Look at all the things that were going wrong. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to season 8 of Family Secrets

on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, and my podcast deeply well is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental health around topics that are meant to expand

and support you on your journey. From guided meditations to deep conversations with some of the world's most gifted experts in self-care, trauma, psychology, spirituality, astrology, and even intimacy. Here's where you'll pick up the tools to live as your highest self. Make better choices.

Heal and have more joy. My work is rooted in advanced meditation, metaphysics, spiritual psychology, energy healing, and trauma-informed practices. I believe that the more we heal and grow within ourselves, the more we are able to bring our creativity to life and live our purpose, which leads to community impact and higher consciousness for all beings.

Deeply well with Debbie Brown is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well is available now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Big love. Namaste. listen to podcasts, big love. Number stay. Now, this third one that I wanted to talk to you about, this is a really interesting one. So weddings need vows. Most people read the vows that you're told to do. Some people write their own vows and you have personal vows, which can be really, really

beautiful. But marriages are different. Marriages don't need vows. They need us to follow the vows, right? They don't need us to make promises. They need us to keep promises. They don't need one-off attempt at saying you feel a certain way. They need consistent gratitude. Weddings need words, marriages require action. Weddings need a wedding outfit.

Marriages require complete transparency, right? So the marriage is demanding more of us. And it's so important that we figure out the ways in which our partner really likes to be appreciated, really likes to be seen, really likes to be recognized, really likes to be acknowledged. And when we do that, we switch from this living in this world of weddings need vows to recognizing consistent gratitude. And thinking about what that truly is, right? And it's so important that we make that a daily habit.

Like, how can you make your partner happy on a daily basis? You may have read the most beautiful vowels out at your wedding, but what is actually required on a daily basis to make that person feel that you're living up to those vowels? Now that is a meaning to go out and buy a beautiful car every day or like these big gifts to come over the bunch of roses every day, like a bouquet of flowers. Like that's not the, you know, that's not what I'm saying,

but it's figuring out what that is, right? Figuring out what that is. And because it's not the, you know, that's not what I'm saying, but it's figuring out what that is, right? Figuring out what that is. And because it's so important, because most people don't take the time to figure out what it is that's needed on a daily basis with their partners, that that's actually one of the biggest struggles

that they experience in their life. Now, number four, number four is often the boring stuff and the parts that we don't think about. This really is things like our daily routine, chores, and all of that kind of stuff. Now I remember when I lived as a monk, we actually had a rotor for cleaning services, whether it was the ashram, the monastery, whether it was the toilets, whether it was the ashram, the monastery, the, whether it was the toilets, whether it was the grounds, whether it was being with the animals, whatever it was, it's like there was, you know, there were rotors for everyone. Now, the funny thing is, is that when you move in with

someone for their first time or when you get married to someone or whatever it may be, have you really figured that kind of stuff out? Like, what household chores are being split? What time of the day do you like to do different things? Are you expecting to sleep at the same time? Do you both have different ways of gonna sleep? Remember, two people are coming from totally different backgrounds, which means you bring to totally different cultures.

And the biggest challenges we feel, our culture is right. Like the way our parents is right. And the others is wrong. And the truth is, there may be feel our culture is right, like the way our parents is right. And the others is wrong. And the truth is, there may be things that are objectively right, but most things are so subjective, the way people eat, the way people talk, the way people think, where people sit. All of these things are so different.

And it's so important that we find out what's going to make things work together. This is so often a mispart of building a marriage. See when it comes to a wedding We don't have to think about that wedding. You just hire cleaners and get it all gum But when you're getting married you've got to do all that stuff yourself Right, so it's so important that you figure that out You know which which country do you live in which city do you want to live in? You know what are your goals about where you want to live, that kind of stuff? It's so important that you clarify that.

The fifth and final thing to think about, which is so important, and I'm going to ask you this question, besides love, what is your main reason for marrying your partner? Because just love will get you through your wedding day, but just love will not get you through your marriage. Right? It can't just be love. Think about that today.

Besides love, what is your main reason for marrying your partner? And actually, even if you're not married, but you've been in a long-term relationship, you've been dating someone for a while, I want you to pull out your phone and once you write this out, I want you to mess it. Actually, what do I mean, pull out your phone? You're on your phone while you listen to this most likely. But I want you to write this message out, and I want you to tell them what it is

that you love about them, right? And what apart from love is your reason. It's so important that we really think about that and let the other person know that as well, because a real relationship is one where we share the same higher goals and the same intention. If two trains are moving in opposite directions, no matter how beautiful they may look when they pass, they're going in opposite directions. Listen to that carefully. If two trains are moving in opposite directions, no matter

how beautiful they may look when they pass, they're going in opposite directions and so often we don't know what direction someone's going in. We make the decision to get married or to be with someone without knowing the direction that they want to walk in. That is an integral part of figuring it out, right? It's so, so integral that we're able to figure that out. I hope this podcast was useful. Like I said, it was inspired by lots of weddings, wedding season. I really think it's an important topic to discuss.

I really believe that it's important for all of us whether in long term relationships, marriages or whatever it is, there are so many simple things that we can do to truly rejuvenate and refuel our relationships. I hope you're going to try some of these out. Remember, all I want you to do is pick one and try it out for the next week. It will make a huge difference in your life. Thank you so much for listening.

My name is Jay Shetty. This is on purpose. You're amazing. Thank you so much for listening through to the end of that episode. I hope you're going to share this all across social media. Let people know that you're subscribed to on purpose. Let me know. Post it.

Tell me what a difference it's making in your life. I would love to see your thoughts. I can't wait for this incredibly conscious community we're creating of purposeful people. You're now a part of the tribe, a part of the squad. Thank you for being here. I can't wait to share the next episode with you. I am Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. This season, we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you. Each week, you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and their process

of healing. Listen to Navigating Narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to Kidnapp per lover, and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast.

Check it out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care.