On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 6 Red Flags to Avoid in Relationships and How to Spot Them Early

Episode Date: February 10, 2023

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Today, I am going to share with you relationship red flags. There are warning signs that indicate potential problems in a romantic relationship. These can be behaviors or attitudes that are harmful or incompatible with a healthy relationship. It's important to be able to spot these red flags early on in a relationship so that you can make an informed decision about whether to continue the relationship. Pay attention to your gut feelings and listen to any concerns that your friends or family may have. Trust your instincts and if you notice multiple red flags, it may be time to reassess the relationship and consider whether it is a healthy and positive situation for you.  Key Takeaways:00:00:00 Intro00:02:09 Avoiding relationship red flags 00:09:09 Red Flag #1: Saying “I love you” too soon00:12:46 Red Flag #2: Pressure to have s*x00:15:52 Red Flag #3: Talking about moving in and starting a family00:20:18 Red Flag #4: Gaslighting00:21:34 Red Flag #5: Encouraging you to give up your passion00:25:08 Red Flag #6: Talks about their ex-partnerLike this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When my daughter ran off to hop trains, I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard. This is what it sounds like inside the box-top. And into the city of the rails, there I found a surprising world, so brutal and beautiful that it changed me. But the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there, and if you want to play with the devil, you're going to find them there in the rail yard. Undenail Morton. Come with me to find out what waits for us and the city of the rails.

Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or cityoftherails.com. Our 20s often seen as this golden decade. Our time to be keptfree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind

our experiences, the psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nunehm. I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bon vivant, but mostly a human just trying to figure out what it's all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things. It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand it,

I try to get invited to a local's house for dinner, where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Oxytocin can be the hormone of bad judgment. As you keep thinking it's going to be okay

because the hormone makes you feel safe and secure, you don't see the red flags, the person is sending, saying, I'm not trustworthy. So, I want you to be really careful at the beginning of a relationship about how you feel about something, how quickly you have sex, not from a position of like, I'm not saying like, hold it back, wait till this day, like that's not the kind of advice I'm giving you. What I'm trying to say to you is, if you have sex, you're likely to have more positive feelings about this person and forget the bad things about them during that time.

And so you don't want to be making decisions around that time. Hey everyone, welcome back to Unpurpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. And I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love is out. And thank you, thank you, thank you so much for all the support for Eight Rules of Love. It has been an incredible launch week. support for eight rules of love. It has been an incredible launch week. I am so deeply grateful for the amount of just love and kindness. I see all of you tagging the book in your stories. And last week, I gave you the first introduction of the audiobook, absolutely free. If you haven't

listened to it, go back and do. And then download the audiobook from eight rules of love.com, Amazon, Audible, wherever you get your books. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find go back and do and then download the audio book from eight rules of love.com, Amazon Audible, wherever you get your books. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour. Love rules.

Go to jsheddytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences and more. I can't wait to see you this year. Now, if you are someone who's dating right now, this episode is for you. If you have a friend who's dating this episode is for you, if you have a friend who's in a relationship and they're reflecting about it, introspecting about whether they're in the right relationship with the right person, if things are going in the right direction, this episode is for you, or if you're in that position, of course, this episode is for you.

Now, the reason why I put this episode together is because I've had so many conversations with so many people in my life recently where they've avoided red flags. They've experienced gaslighting, they've experienced love bombing, but they didn't realize it until afterwards. And at the same time, I have a lot of friends and family and people in my life who I think have spotted a red flag and immediately thought

that's it. It's over. This has to end here, rather than learn the skill and the art of figuring out, is this a really extreme red flag? Or is it more of like a pink salmon color, right? Like, is this really an issue or are we making an issue out of it because we're scared, we're insecure, we're worried, often we can give up a great thing or a good thing because we're not in the right mindset, right? Often we think someone's wrong for us because we're not in the right space.

How many times have you ever experienced that? And I don't want you to miss out on the right person and I also don't want you to stay with the wrong person, right? I don't want you to miss out on the right person and I also don't want you to stay with the wrong person Right, I don't want you to do either one of those because it leads to a lot of pain it leads to a lot of heartbreak and Everyone goes through heartbreak everyone goes through the feeling of Rejection it's something that I think most people have experienced But we know it's not a happy feeling, it's not an easy feeling.

So research shows that the areas that are activated in the brain when we're in love are the same as those involved in cocaine addiction, fascinating, right? So the way your brain experiences a break up is kind of like the misery of detox. Just as addicts crave a fix, we can literally crave the other person. This happens in part because our brains flood with chemical messengers that are part of our reward and motivation circuitry.

Our brain sends urgent signals that we should hurry up and retrieve what's missing. That's why you want a text to X. That's why you want to see them again. That's why you're obsessed with following them on social media and seeing what they're up to because we're literally detoxing from an addiction. In one study of breakups, participants reported thinking about their exes roughly 85% of the time they were awake. 85% of the time they were awake. That's huge.

Now I know we've all been there, right? So let's be honest, we've all been there. The flood of hormones isn't the brain's only response to a break up. Areas of the brain that are active in heartbreak are the same as those ones that process physical pain. But as the researcher Helen Fisher says, the difference is, while pain from a stub toe or a toothache fades, emotions can intensify the sensation of a breakup. We don't get angry with our tooth or feel rejected by the couch we bumped into, says Helen Fisher. But with our exes, we harbor hurt feelings, dash dreams, which can exacerbate and extend the pain.

In this day, our brains can desperately seek oxytocin, the bonding hormone, because it decreases feelings of fear and anxiety. And we're likely to seek this chemical experience from our ex. And this can prompt some pretty irrational things, right? Like emotional control, irregular eating, writing or emailing, pleading, sobbing for hours, drinking too much, we've all been there. So this episode is to help avoid that at all costs

if you can, not by staying with someone who's wrong for you, but by either calling it quits earlier, or by working through things that are actually not that redder flag. So I hope this episode helps you, guide you, gives you some insights to think about. That's all I'm ever trying to do. I'm never telling you whether you should break up or shouldn't break up with someone. My goal is to give you enough insight and information to make healthier decisions yourself through the use of wisdom and science So thank you for being here again. If you haven't already

I hope you're gonna order my new book eight rules of love this book is gonna help guide you into how to find love keep love and Let it go in a healthy way and I can't wait for you to have that book if you don't already have it I hope you're enjoying it if you do really, really hope that it's helping you. Now, how can we avoid this feeling, if we can, and when we can? This statistic really blew my mind. 7.2 out of 10 Gen Z would rather date a love bomber than someone who is emotionally unavailable or non-committal.

Now a love bomber by definition is someone who displays feelings of affection early and in a heightened way but doesn't necessarily back them up over the long term. They're not going to live up to their promises. It can be a really painful thing to go through, which often leaves you feeling like you're the most love person in the world, to then feeling like you're the least love person in the world. The health line describes it as, it happens when someone overwhelms you with loving words, actions and behavior as a manipulation technique.

It's often used to win over your trust and affection so that they can meet a goal of theirs, say, Sheeran Paker, MA, a licensed marriage and family therapist. So, I saw this brilliant love bombing survey from Shane Coe where some of today's research is from, and so if you don't follow them or haven't checked it out, definitely go take a look at it. The study says that 70% of people have had a partner say, I love you within the first month of seeing each other. How many times have you done this?

How many times has it happened to you? That 70% of people have had a partner say, I love you within the first month of seeing each other. Now I promise you right now, there is no way that in the first month of seeing each other, someone can truly love you completely, fully, wholly. Yes, they can like you. Yes, they can be into you. Yes, they can be attracted to you. Yes, they can want to love you. But someone loving you. And the problem is we love

hearing those three words. We want to hear them so badly and we want to feel them. Only 31% of dating app users would break up with someone who said, I love you in the first month, which shows we like it, which proves we want to unlike it. 60% of dating app users feel pressured to say, I love you too early in a relationship. The first red flag in a relationship is, if someone says, I love you too soon. We have to be very careful,

we have to slow it down, we have to be thoughtful about, I had this great conversation the other day. What does it mean when someone loves us? We have to define that for ourselves. But when I think about the kind of love we want and the love that I hear people want, it means a love where we're accepted for who we are, truly who we are, and we can be ourselves. We all want a space where we get accepted for our authentic aligned selves. And that means someone has had to see you stressed, see you fatigued, see you exhausted, see you irritated. And you will have had to see them in those scenarios as well, because we know that our character is really shown when we're tested.

And we know that long-term love is based on character. Right liking is based on chemistry. Loving is based on character. So the only way you can love someone is if you've experienced different elements of their character and you've found a way to make peace with that. I'm not saying you're going to love someone when they're stressed fully in the sense of you're not going to be like, wow, they deal with stress so well. But the point is, do you both deal with stress well together? Have you seen them in that? And are you able to figure it out? Are you

supportive of each other? Or are you just trying to avoid that scenario? And the only experiences you've had with each other on a date night when you're practically in an interview? Now, studies shows that men are quicker to say I love you than women, taking an average of 88 days, women take an average of 134 days. Right? So men are saying it quicker, which is why I'm here a lot from women

that they've been love-bomb or had this experience. Now, how do you deal with this? If someone says I love you too soon, how do you deal with it? Because they might be great. It might actually be going in the right direction. I'm not saying, oh, when someone says that to you, you break up with them and go, all right, well, you're lovebombing me. It's over. This is not what I need. Like, Jay told me that, you know, that's not what I'm saying. I think, first of all, we should never feel pressured to say I love you back. 60% of dating app users feel pressured to say, I love you too early.

You should never be saying those words too early. There's no need for that. I think when someone says it to you, you can genuinely ask them, what do you mean? Like, no, no, no, no, I don't believe you or, this is awkward, more like, what do you mean by that? Like, what do you love about me? And you may think that that's quite forward, but actually you give yourself an opportunity to listen to that person and that person also gets assigned that goes,

okay, well, this person's smart, this person switched on. I remember actually saying that to an ex girlfriend early on, and that being her response, and it actually made me reflect only for me to realize that I didn't have a strong feelings for her as I thought. And I think that that can be probably one of the best things that someone can ask you is, what do you mean by that? What do you love about me? I'd love to know.

And you're asking it not in a confrontational intimidating way, you're asking in a genuine way. And so I want you to be aware of this one because the challenge is when someone says I love you, they're signing up to live up to their definition. And when you say I love you, you're signing up to live up to your definition. And so if you both have your own definitions, but you think that person signing up to yours and you think you're signing up to theirs, right? Like, actually, you think you're signing up to yours.

So if you're not ready to commit to their definition, or if you don't even know what it is, chances are that's going to be a challenge. So that's something to look out for. I am Mi'Allah, and on my podcast, The R-Spot, we're having inspirational, educational, and sometimes difficult and challenging conversations about relationships. They may not have the capacity to give you what you need, and insisting means that you are abusing yourself now. You human! That means that you're craziest as hell, just like the rest of us. When a relationship breaks down, I take copious notes and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for

you, but if you're going to eat it, they're not going to stop you. Yep. So he's going to continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him. Listen to the R-Spot on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. How's that New Year's resolution coming along? You know, the one you made about paying off your pesky credit card debt and finally starting to save your retirement? Well, you're not alone one you made about paying off your pesky credit card debt and finally starting to save a retirement. Well, you're not alone if you haven't made progress yet, roughly four and five New Year's

resolutions fail within the first month or two. But that doesn't have to be the case for you and your goals. Our podcast, How to Money, can help. That's right, we're two best buds who've been at it for more than five years now, and we want to see you achieve your money goals, and it's our goal to provide the information and encouragement you need to do it. We keep the show fresh by answering list our questions, interviewing experts and focusing on the relevant financial news that you need to know about.

Our show is Choc Full of the Personal Finance Knowledge that you need with guidance three times a week and we talk about debt payoff if, let's say you've had a particularly spend thrift holiday season, we also talk about building up your savings, intelligent investing, and growing your income, no matter where you are on your financial journey, how to money's got your back. Millions of listeners have trusted us to help them achieve their financial goals. Ensure that your resolution turns into ongoing progress. Listen to how to money, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy.

What has been seen is a very snotty city. People call it Bosedangeless. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Friends' new Newton and not lost as my new travel podcast where a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party,

it doesn't always work out. I would love that, but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers. I call you a dog. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm going to die alone when I'm traveling, but I get to travel with someone I love.

Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much... I love you too. My life's a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love it. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Number two is the pressured-of-sex 52% of women who app users felt pressured to have sex

by someone who loved bomb them, right? This is really, really challenging to see to think that over 50% of people are pressured. And I don't have the stats on how many of those people actually go through with it. But it's really interesting how sex can distort our perception of love. So the research shows that sex can distract us

from making good choices about who to be with and whether to stay with them. So if you're being pressured into sex too early on in a relationship or ever in a relationship, it can actually distort how you feel about that person and about love. And one of the biggest causes of that distraction is the hormone oxytocin. Now, according to neuroscientists and psychiatrists Daniel Aiman, oxytocin is related to feelings of being in love

and the release of oxytocin can support and even accelerate bonding and trust. So generally men have lower levels of oxytocin than women, but sex causes men's oxytocin levels to spike more than 500%. New York University neuroscientist Robert Frumke says that oxytocin acts like a volume dial, turning up an amplifying brain activity

related to whatever someone is already experiencing. During and after sex, we feel more in love, but it's not actually love. We feel closer chemically, even though we're not closer emotionally. Additionally, the hormone actually has a temporary blocking effect on negative memories.

So all those little things that were bothering you or that argument you had beforehand, or the worry you had that they weren't right for you, which might have been a major warning sign, could fade after sex. So if someone pressures you into having sex and you go through with it, chances are you'll forget that you were pressured into it. Chances are you'll forget that you were pressured into it, chances are you'll forget that you were unsure about them beforehand. So when I interviewed husband and wife

relationship experts, John and Julie Gottman on my podcast, and Dr. Daniel Aiman's also been on the podcast, but John said that oxytocin can be the hormone of bad judgment. He says, you keep thinking it's going to be okay because the hormone makes you feel safe and secure. You don't see the red flags. The person is sending saying, I'm not trustworthy. So,

I want you to be really careful at the beginning of a relationship about how you feel about something, how quickly you have sex, not from a position of like, I'm not saying like, hold it back. Wait till this day. Like, that's not the kind like, I'm not saying like, hold it back, wait till this date. Like, that's not the kind of advice I'm giving you. What I'm trying to say to you is, if you have sex, you're likely to have more positive feelings about this person and forget the bad things about them during that time.

And so you don't want to be making decisions around that time, right? That's not the time you want to be making those choices and making those decisions. So I really want you to be reflective and thoughtful about that. Please, please, please think about that for sure. All right, number three is someone is talking about moving in marriage and kids. Now again, this feels like an exciting thing. Oh my gosh, they want to move in with me. And I'm talking

about this too early. Marriage, kids, love bombing again from the Shanko study. 25% of women need to seek therapy after they've been loved bombed, right? Because it really makes you believe you're really special when someone's like, and I had a friend who literally just went through this.

Oh, let's move in, I can't wait for kids. Oh my God, that'll be so cute. You're having all these conversations so early on and you don't even know what country you want to live in. You don't even know what you're doing with your own life. You don't even know this person's family and you're having all these conversations. So I think this is a big one.

And this actually happens more during times of personal stress and personal weakness. So listen to this. I've got a couple of stories I want to share with you. Fresh out of college, Caitlin Riley decided she was ready to find love. So to meet someone, she joined a co-ed soccer team. Unfortunately, Caitlin says she didn't get a lot of passes, flirtatious or otherwise. Finally, during one game, a ball came her way. Seeing her opportunity to score a goal, Caitlin went for it. Unfortunately, the ball ricocheted and smacked her in the face.

Her eye, red, and swollen, Caitlin went to ER and saw the uncalled doctor, who told her she'd have to come in for daily exams for a while to make sure the healing went well. On that first meeting, something else happened. Caitlin sensed a little chemistry. Was it possible the young doctor was flirting with her? Over several more visits and after a little online research, Caitlin decided the doctor could be the man of her dreams. And he was definitely into her, right? A few weeks later, at her last appointment,

she decided to ask her doctor out. Yeah, when the time came, she got nervous, she fainted. Caitlin ended up being wheeled to the ER, and was so embarrassed, she never asked him out. But as she says, when it comes to love, she's keeping her good eye open, right? Now, the reason I'm telling you that story is because in times of stress,

we almost get attracted to people, especially who are taking care of us, who are supporting us, who are looking out for us. And whether there was Romani chemistry or not there, we're more open to this idea of being love bond. Obviously, that's a specific and extreme scenario, but you wanna think about when you're stressed, how you view the person you're attracted to.

Another story I wanted to tell you about, Tasha and Andrew met at a healing workshop. Tasha had crossed several states and Andrew had flown in from another country. During the intensive, the two paired up several times and by the end, they confessed their attraction to one another. They made a plan to meet up again in a city

roughly halfway between where they lived. They spent a magical long weekend together and from there, they embarked on a passionate romance. Before long, Tasha moved to Andrew's home country to be with him and she became pregnant. Not long after that, they were married. Unfortunately, soon after their baby was born, the problems began. Tasha began to suffer depression and feeling alone in her new country and questioning her relationship with Andrew, she and their child moved home, unsure of whether Andrew would be joining them.

Eventually, he did. And they started couples counseling. Both of those stories are an example of what can happen when we meet during times of high emotional stress. In psychological terms, transference is when a client or patient projects their emotions and inner conflicts, sometimes related to a specific

person in their life, such as a parent or partner, onto a practitioner. But we can experience projections of this kind in any type of relationship, right? Transference in similar types of projection can also temporarily blind us to signs that the other person isn't perhaps right for us, that the relationship could be inappropriate, or that they'll simply not be interested in us in that way. So this is why in my book, I talk so deeply about solitude and the power of being in a good place, not in the perfect place, but being in a good place when you get into a relationship because now you're able to spot these signs earlier. Right, again, this doesn't mean you have to break up with someone if they display this sign or something

like that, but so often we're actually turning to someone out of weakness rather than a position of strength. Now, the next one is gaslighting number four. For this one, I want you to go listen to my episode with Dr. Ramanee on the show So I'm referencing three great podcasts to go listen to after this one. Dr. Daniel Amin's been on the podcast, maybe three or four times now. All of them are great interviews. Then we've had John and Julie Gottman who've been on the podcast once and Dr. Romani who's been on the podcast one. We did a masterclass on gaslighting, narcissism and love bombing together.

Make sure you go listening to that episode. I think a lot of people are experiencing gas lighting more and more now, and it comes from the other person's insecurity. It comes from the other person's challenges, but end up leaving us with insecurities and challenges. So, the definition that's given by medical news today is that in relationships, an abusive person may use gaslighting to isolate their partner, undermine their confidence, and make them easier to control.

For example, they might tell someone they are irrational until the person starts to think it must be true, right? So they make you feel you have a particular weakness in order for them to be more in control of that relationship. Make sure you go listen to the Dr. Ramani episode. All right. Number five, someone who encourages you to give up your purpose, passion, or your dreams. This one's huge because often you find someone who's like, ah, don't worry about that. It's not a big deal. Like, oh, that's okay.

Maybe you're just too ambitious, right? There's a bit of gas lying there too. You're too ambitious. There's no need for that. You know, it's just not really, you know, do you really want that? Like, you know, it's that questioning, that doubting that comes in.

And I think it's so important for us to be there as a support for our partners. So if you find someone that supports your dreams versus gets insecure about your dreams, that's the kind of person that you want in your life. Again, I'm not telling you to break up with this person, but it's to have this conversation and say, Hey, like, I've chased this because I really believe in it. I really want this myself often a partner can help you realize whether you truly want something.

So sometimes this questioning is very helpful. If someone's saying to you like, do you really want that or does your parent want that? That's a great question. That's helping you reflect. And so the question you have to ask yourself is this person telling me what to think? Or are they telling me how to think?

Right? If someone's helping you learn how to think, that's different from them telling you what to think. And that's the kind of person that you want to help build in your life and hopefully help reflect with them. In a 2019 piece for the Atlantic, senior editor Julie Beck investigated what it means to be ready for a relationship. What she found is that the meaning of the phrase varies widely and is tough to pin down. However, results from Google's index of search strings on printed materials shows that the term first showed up in the 1950s, but not until the 1980s did it rise to popularity. Today, it's everywhere.

Stephanie Koontz, a professor of history and family studies, told Beck, the timing of the word is just about perfectly aligned with a sea change in people's conceptions of marriage. It used to be that you got married in order to grow up, settle down, start saving up for a future home, move away from your teenage preoccupation with yourself, and learn how to handle a relationship. Whereas many so many as a cornerstone for building a happy and successful life, now it's viewed more as a capstone. Younger people are more apt to want to embark on a relationship

when we feel we've checked off some of our individual adulting goals. So it's almost like we got into a relationship in the past to become adults. Now it's almost like I want to date an adult, right? How many times have you ever said that? Like, I don't want to date a child. I don't want to be with a child.

I don't want to be with a kid. I don't have to take care of someone as their parent. But that's how relationships started in the past and they evolved. Now we're expecting people to have done some self-work before we get to that. So in this situation, what a relationship requires is a little bit of compassion and empathy. So, if someone doesn't have the ability to be compassionate and empathetic and you don't towards them, it becomes really challenging because you're expecting them to already be a complete person before they're even ready for it, before they've even gone through what's

needed. And this is that Catch 22, because you want someone who's working on themselves, is a work in progress, but isn't a masterpiece, right? Like that's the idea that you're looking for someone who's on the path not perfect. If you're looking for perfection, it's gonna be impossible. And if that person's looking for perfection, it's impossible, but you're looking for someone

who's on the path of self-work and growth. That's a healthier thing to look for. Now, the next one is people who talk about their exes. Now, according to a survey of a thousand people by your tango, 71% said they still think about their ex too much. Of single respondents, the number was 81%, and more than half of single respondents said they think about their ex so much, it's keeping them from moving on. And it seems marriage doesn't solve ex obsession either, says this study. 60% of married folks said they think about an ex too often and 37% said it actually causes problems in their marriage. So you do want to be mindful.

I think we live in a time right now. It's like, oh, everyone has X's. It's normal. Of course it is. But if someone's still talking about their X a lot, comparing you to their X, fixated on how things were with their X, even if they keep bringing it up in conversation and being like, oh, I didn't work out my X because of this. Or, oh, I'm still friends with my X, right? We want to be cool about these things, but it can cause challenges. And this is the part that really blew my mind that 70% of guys in 76% of girls say they have searched for an ex online. So a lot of us are still addicted to our exes, the ones that got away, 86% of survey respondents said they still look at photos of their ex. And so for those of us that want to be all cool and act like nonchalant about

our partner being friends with their ex, it is definitely something that if you're worried about it, if you're anxious about it, it could be a big deal and I don't just want you to pass it off because you think you're more cool or more easy if you don't make a thing out of it. Matches singles of America survey found that half of men and 42% of women said they'd stay friends with an ex. However, a study by researchers from the University of Connecticut found that when people were friends with their ex, they tended to not only have more romantic desires,

but also more negative feelings towards their ex than they had towards opposite sex friends, they'd never dated. So the research suggests you can be friends with your ex, but it can be complicated. I wanna thank you for listening to today's episode. I hope it gave you a ton of great insights. When you're talking about this topic to your friends, it's such a big theme. And of course, I'd love for you to get's episode. I hope it gave you a ton of great insights. When you're talking about this topic to your friends,

it's such a big theme. And of course, I'd love for you to get my new book, eight rules of love from eight rules of love.com. Thank you so much. I'm Munga Shatekler and it turns out astrology is way more widespread than any of us want to believe. You can find it in major league baseball, international banks, K-pop groups, even the White House. But just when I thought I had a handle on this subject, something completely unbelievable happened to me and my whole view on astrology changed.

Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, give me a few minutes because I think your ideas are about to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply Well Podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your well-being journey. Deeply Well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without

judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply Well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eugelman on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.