On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 6 Steps to Manage Anxiety When It Feels Like It Is Never Ending

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

Are you struggling with anxiety? Are you looking for ways to become less anxious? Today, Jay Shetty will share several ways to manage anxiety, why it consumes us and how we can navigate through it. Jay will also share insights on how to consciously choose and amplify the voices and influences that nurture your well-being, how to program your mind with positivity and intentionality before bed and upon waking up - a crucial practice that can pave the way for a restful night and a more focused tomorrow. In this episode, you'll learn: How to not start your day with worry Begin each morning with gratitude  Prepare your mind with positive thoughts  There is healing in acceptance and tolerance, the essential practices for cultivating inner peace and resilience against life's inevitable ups and downs. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:29 Do You Worry a Lot? 03:38 Avoid Dealing with Your Worries Upon Waking Up   07:31 Start Your Day with Gratitude 11:25 Increase the Voice You Want to Hear 14:49 Program Your Mind Before Going to Bed 18:42 Sometimes, Staying Busy is Healthy 19:48 Practice Acceptance and ToleranceSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade, our time to be carefree, make mistakes and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Gemma Spegg, the host of The Psychology of Your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Spegg. Listen now on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Regardless of the progress you've made in life, I believe we could all benefit from wisdom on handling common problems, making life seem more manageable now more than ever.

I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One You Feed podcast, where I interview thought-provoking guests who offer practical wisdom that you can use to create the life you want. 25 years ago, I was homeless and addicted to heroin. I've made my way through addiction recovery, learned to navigate my clinical depression, and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The One You Feed has over 30 million downloads and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple Podcasts. Oprah magazine named this as one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life. You always have the chance to begin again and feed the best of yourself. The trap is the person often thinks they'll

act once they feel better. It's actually the other way around. I have had over 500 conversations with world renowned experts and yet I'm still striving to be better. Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Tune into the new podcast, Stories from the Village of Nothing Much, like easy listening,

but for fiction. If you've overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you. I'm Catherine Nicolai, and I'm an architect of Cozy. Come spend some time where everyone is welcome and the default is kindness. Listen, relax, enjoy. Listen to stories from the village of nothing much on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

The biggest mistake we make is we believe that the way we are is who we are and that we won't change. That who we are right now is who we have to be forever. And the truth is we are simply a set of patterns, a set of systems that can be changed and transformed. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty.

Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose where you come to listen, learn and grow. Remember we've got over 500 episodes in our library, so if you're looking to grow on a daily basis, check in to On Purpose. Today's episode is all about something that I think a lot of us deal with. How many of you have something in the back of your mind that just keeps replaying? Could be a conversation, could be an event, could be a thought. And it just sits there in the back of your mind

while you're going about your day, but draining your energy. How many of you have something similar in the sense that maybe there's someone in your life that you're worried about. Maybe they're unwell. Maybe they're going through a difficult time and no matter whether you're at work, whether you're socializing, whether you're with your family, you keep thinking about that person and what they're going through. Hey, maybe you've moved state or country and you're worried about a parent's health.

You're always thinking that when you wake up in the morning, there's a certain level of anxiety or overwhelm of what could have happened to them. And I can empathize with how difficult that may be. Or maybe in the back of your mind, you worry that you're going to lose your job. Maybe you worry that things aren't going to work out. Maybe you worry that things are not going in the right direction and there's just this underlying feeling you have that just stays there in the background that's super unnerving, super draining and really discouraging because every time you feel a glimpse of moving forward, this brings you right back.

Sometimes we get hit with something that's always just in the back of our mind. Right? And what's really interesting about this is that, like I said, we all have something and it affects us in the same way. It makes our smile less large. It makes our moment of joy less pleasant. It makes our moment of escape feel fleeting and ephemeral. And we all deal with this very complex emotion

where we're not going through the challenge right now but we feel like we are every single day we almost put ourselves through that every single day and that's why Seneca famously said and wrote, We suffer twice, once in imagination and once in reality. The visualization of a challenge, the visualization of a moment of pain can often cause more pain if we're not using it as a processing tool.

And when we don't use it as a processing tool, but we use it subconsciously, it keeps us in a state of pain. So what do we do about this? How do we do it? We can't solve it. We can't get away from it. It's just something that exists there.

The first thing I'm going to share with you is anything that you worry about, anything that causes you anxiety, don't deal with it first thing in the morning and don't deal with it the last thing at night. When we wake up in the morning we're barely awakened, we're barely prepared to deal with anything stressful and that's why when we wake up in the morning and we check our messages frantically, when we make a call frantically, when we run around and rush around, it creates more anxiety, it compounds that feeling of overwhelm, of stress, of pressure. And when we do something just before we go to bed, we're programming our subconscious

to be thinking about it at night. We're programming our subconscious to be attentive and aware of it while we're asleep. So now what we've done is we've depleted our sleep, which has diminished our focus and energy, which is diminishing our intellect and our ability to deal with the situation when we wake up. We have weakened ourselves so deeply that we don't have the ability to deal with it. So when we wake up in the morning, we want that time to be the time to set a foundation. For you it may be 15 minutes, for someone else it may be an hour. You want your morning moments to be moments that are foundational, that are sustainable and

that are consistent. Maybe you wake up every day and you write a grateful thought in your journal. Studies show that when we have grateful thoughts we can't have worry-filled thoughts at the same time. So think about that really carefully if gratitude is renting space in your mind, worry can't rent the same space. If you're having a thankful thought in your mind, anxiety can't rent the same space. So we want to make sure that our tenant is gratitude.

We want to make sure that the person staying in our home is gratitude and this is a practice that we have to build consciously until it becomes subconscious. Here's what's really interesting about patterns of thought, patterns of behavior. Patterns are people. We have to recognize that when we were young, we subconsciously absorbed patterns that became our reality, right? Maybe there were things your parents said. Maybe there were decisions your parents made.

Maybe there were ways they operated that defined who you were. And now what we have to do is we have to plant conscious patterns that become our subconscious. The biggest mistake we make is we believe that the way we are is who we are and that we won't change. That who we are right now is who we have to be forever. And if that's who we are forever then there is no shift, there is no transformation. And the truth is we are simply a set of patterns, a set of systems that can be changed and transformed.

As Dr Joe Dispenza says, we have to break the habit of being yourself. He talks about how to lose your mind and create a new one. Right? We think our mind is made up. We think our mind is what it is, but actually our mind is just made up of patterns. Our mind is just made up of thoughts. Our mind is just made up of subconscious beliefs that can all be reprogrammed. And the two key times of the day that our subconscious beliefs are reprogrammed

are first thing in the morning and last thing in the night. Especially that which you do at those two times will program your subconscious. So we want to start our day with gratitude. We want to start our day with a thankful thought. And for a grateful thought to work, it has to be expressed. It has to be specific and it has to be personalized. When you write something in your journal, you also want to share that with someone.

You want to express it to that person. Maybe you're going to write a text message in the morning to that individual and express it. You want it to be specific. Right, a lot of people could say to you, oh yeah, thanks so much. Thanks for that. But when someone's specific, it touches your heart.

If someone said you thank you so much for how well you made that presentation at work. It was brilliant. That goes a long way. And then you want it to be personalized. You want it to feel like it was only about you. We all want it to feel like you can just say that to everyone else. So expressed, specific and personalized is how gratitude has to be shared.

And I think a lot of us these days, we think that a gratitude journalist to be grateful to the sky and be grateful to the plants and the moon and whatever else it may be, being grateful to people is the most reciprocal form of gratitude. Because when you get to share it with someone and see the look in their eyes, when you get to see how it impacts them, it can be transformational. And by the way, the way we receive gratitude is as important. I think a lot of us have trained ourselves to be modest,

to say things like, oh no, it's nothing, it's all good. And when we don't receive gratitude, we also don't get to give that person sharing with us a beautiful moment. I'm so lucky that so many of you come up to me when you see me around whether you know a couple of weeks ago I was in Austin for South by Southwest maybe some of you saw me at Expo West maybe some of you saw me in Mexico and I love that

you'll come up to me and you tell me how much on purpose has helped you or how much think like a monk or eight rules of love you've loved reading reading. And when I hear that, in the beginning, I used to always be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, thank you so much. And I used to feel that that was the way to deal with it. And I realized that actually being able to say back to you, like, thank you so much, I'm so grateful, I really needed that.

And by the way, I do need it, it means the world to me. I appreciate it so deeply, I'm humbled by it. But saying that back to you makes it a moment that we can share. And so what I'm trying to say is giving gratitude and reciprocating back with gratitude are both good for the heart. And I think if we start our mornings that way, we focus on and amplify gratitude so much that the pain we're feeling, the stress we're feeling, it's not that it goes away, it's that we have the strength to deal with

it. This is the point I want you to take home. It's not about getting rid of pain. It's not about moving on from pain. It's not about just saying it doesn't exist anymore. It's about having the strength and the courage and the support to deal with it. Hey guys, it's Jay Shetty here and I couldn't be more excited to share this exciting news. You asked, we delivered. Juni Sparkling Tea with Adaptogens made by my wife and I are now available in all Sprout locations across the country. Juni is the perfect midday pick me up. With only one third of the caffeine found in brewed green tea, it provides a gentle

energy boost without the crash. It only has 5 calories and 0 grams of sugar, making it the perfect drink. Plus it's made with a delicious blend of adaptogens and nootropics that may help boost your metabolism, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Head over to your local Sprouts or visit Sprouts.com to find the closest location near you. So we talked about the importance of what to do in the morning but it's equally as important to figure out the evening. When we program our subconscious mind before we go to bed we have the ability not only to get better rest but to wake up feeling more energized and ready

for the day. So many of us just before we go to bed will do something that induces anxiety. Maybe we'll think about or ruminate about this thing that's been on our mind. Maybe we'll watch something that makes us feel anxious. Maybe the last thing we'll say is I really hope that doesn't happen or I'm really worried about this. And that's not something you're saying out loud, it might be to your partner or whoever you're talking to, your friend on the phone, but often it's a subconscious idea. Now it's natural right when someone asks you the question what's keeping you up at night, it's probably this thing. The pressure at work, the challenge with your

partner, the worry about your parents right, it's something very real that you can't just say I'm not going to think about it. Right if I say to you don't think about it that's the worst advice because you're like well Jay that's why I'm listening right. So what we need to do is we need to recognize that we can't remove the thought. Often we think our life is about reducing noise right, reducing negativity, reducing the thing that's keeping us up and that's actually really difficult and what we have to do instead is we have to drown

out that noise through something else. So a good example is let's say your next door neighbor is throwing a party or the apartment next door is throwing a party and the music's really loud. Now when you went over there and knocked on their door and said hey can you keep quiet for a second like I'm trying to focus they didn't do it they didn't listen and your persuasive skills didn't really work. Now you have two choices you either listen to that music or you turn on some of your own music you turn up your TV you focus on what you need to do. In the same way, you can't just drown out a thought that's perplexing you. But what you can do is you can increase the voice you want to hear.

So this is where we want to subconsciously program our mind. I remember when I've been going through health challenges or difficulties, I often had an affirmation before I went to bed that said I am happy, I am healthy, I am healed. There's something really powerful about the words I am because it's an acceptance of something we're already feeling not I want which feels like it's in the distant future. I am happy, I am healthy, I am healing. I have repeated this affirmation to myself when I've been going through physical or mental health challenges so that I can remind myself that I'm moving in the

right direction and I have found that the repetition of that affirmation has started to consciously reprogram my mind towards moving and finding progress. Without the repetition of that mantra and affirmation what ends up happening is I end up stewing, I end up feeling stuck, I end up feeling like nothing's moving in the right direction. Hola mi gente, this is Womer Valdorama, executive producer of the new podcast I end up feeling like nothing's moving in the right direction. trust in Abuelita to find them a date. Your job right now is to get on Abuelita's really good side. Our Abuelita definitely knows best. On Date My Abuelita First, three single contestants will vie for a date with one lucky main dater, except to get their hearts, they have to win over Abuelita Liliana first.

Ay Liliana! Yes, we are ready for love. Through speed dating rounds, hilarious games, and Liliana's intuition, one contestant will either be a step closer to getting that pan dulce, if you know what I mean, or a step closer to getting that chancleta. Let's see if cheese puffs will fly or if these singles will be sent back to the dating apps. Listen to Date My Aurelita first on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for

all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives. Those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly, ourselves. We chat about things like what to do when a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism.

I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. And I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. Do you lay awake scrolling at bedtime? Or wake in the middle of the night and struggle to fall back to sleep? Start sleeping better tonight.

I'm Katherine Nikolai and my podcast, Nothing Much Happens, Bedtime Stories to Help You Sleep, has helped millions of people to get consistent deep sleep. I tell family-friendly bedtime stories that train you to drift off and return to sleep quickly, and I use a few sleep-inducing techniques along the way that have many users asleep within the first three minutes. I hear from listeners every day who have suffered for years with insomnia, anxiety at nighttime, and just plain old busy brain who are now getting a full night's sleep every night. I call on my 20 years of experience as a yoga and meditation teacher to create a soft landing place where you can feel safe

and relaxed and get excellent sleep. Listen to Nothing Much Happens Bedtime Stories to Help You Sleep with Catherine Nicolai on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. So that's definitely something to look at. What are we doing before we go to bed? A lot of people will say to me, Jeremy, experience of anxiety and the first thing I'll ask them is what did you watch last night? Now if you watched one of your favorite shows, I'm not against any shows but I promise you that these shows are designed to create cliffhanger chemicals. And what I mean by that is because it's all about what's

happening in the next episode, what are they going to do? Oh my gosh, did you see what happened to them? Oh, will they make it? Right? That's the reaction the show is trying to create. Now that makes for great entertainment. What we don't realize is that our body and mind are going into that mode just before our head hits the pillow. And so now naturally your body and mind are in a state of anxiety before you go to bed. And so that becomes your natural headspace throughout your sleep, which is then disturbed.

And then when you wake up. I have also found it really interesting to program almost the code of how I want to wake up and the example I always give is you don't set your alarm the time you wake up, you set the alarm the night before. Right, you program something to ring or have a tone when you wake up in the morning but you set it the night before. In the same way we have to set our programming and code and mindset the night before. I am waking up energized, rejuvenated and ready for the day. I am waking up with health, vitality and energy. Having that as your repetitive affirmation before you go to bed gives you a chance again to subconsciously program your mind to make that its code.

So I highly recommend a powerful morning and evening routine that is away from the area that's challenging you and you may require 30 minutes of time before bed and 30 minutes of time in the morning or 15 minutes before bed is enough even five minutes actually you know what i'm gonna make it five five minutes before bed and five minutes when you wake up to just journal all your anxieties and all your thoughts to really get them off your mind to really get them out your mind, to really get them out of your mind and onto the page. I think often we try and fix things and solve things in our mind and what's really interesting about that is how many times

have you had a really amazing reflection or a really amazing realization and you don't even remember it a week later? I've had this happen so many times. If I don't note down amazing ideas, insights, thoughts, they disappear. And we think, oh, I have this idea now, I'll always understand this. The truth is, it doesn't work like that. So five minutes before bed, five minutes when you wake up, just to journal all of that anxiety,

to put it out onto the page, to actually feel that release. I think we often feel it's a weakness to have a release. We think I've just got to solve it in my head. I've just got to deal with all of it. I've just got to tolerate all of it. And the truth is, you can try that, but it can feel like you start to carry a real weight. And I feel that for a lot of people, we're just carrying a heavy, heavy weight

because we keep adding to it, right? It's not that it disappears. If we don't release it consciously, it subconsciously continues to build and build and build to when we have a really tough moment where we do wanna release it and maybe it comes out have a really tough moment where we do want to release it and maybe it comes out at a person we love. Maybe we take it out on someone at work, maybe we take it out on a friend, right? It does come out, it always comes out, but it may not come out in a healthy way.

I think it's really important to recognize that when we have things going on, it's okay to stay busy. I think sometimes being busy gets a hard time and I understand rightfully so. But when you've got something on your mind and it's bringing you down, sometimes staying busy, staying active is really healthy because it allows us to process it in different ways. I find that when I have a busy day, when I have a busy schedule, when I'm moving around, it allows me to make sure that I deal with what I'm struggling with at the right time, but then not let it bleed into the entire day.

And that's what I mean by keeping busy. When I say keeping busy, I'm not saying ignore the issue. If we ignore the issue, it will just grow. If we ignore the issue, it will actually grow. If we ignore the issue, it will actually get stronger and bigger and come back harder. It's so important that we stay busy by creating times of the day where we do focus on this. I think working out is similar being physically active when you have something on your mind. Again, it allows you to release it, release that energy in a different way.

Now a lot of people say something, especially in spiritual circles, this idea of we just have to tolerate it, we just have to accept it. And while there is truth in that, there's a beautiful statement by an amazing part of divinity called Chaitanya, who says that we should be as tolerant as a tree. Now what I love about this statement is that a tree is extremely tolerant. It deals with all the seasons, it deals with the cold, it deals with the heat, and all the time it provides shade to others,

it provides fruit to others, it tolerates that the soil around it may not be great so the roots grow in a particular way to get its nutrients. We have to be as tolerant as a tree. But the thing is a tree can't move. So if a tree could move it probably would. And so if you can move, if you can change, if you can shift, we shouldn't just tolerate and accept. We should learn to tolerate and accept the things we can't change, but the things we can change we should change. If you're dealing with an issue it's so important to leave no stone unturned in solving the problem. Often what we do is we go

into acceptance before action, but it's the other way around. If you've taken every action you possibly can, if you've taken every action within your control, if you've taken every action that will help you get out of the situation you're in and then it doesn't shift, then we can practice acceptance and tolerance. But if you haven't tried everything, if you haven't pushed and questioned and been curious, right, I often find this when I'm struggling with my health it's so easy for me to say you know what that's it can't do anything else and I've realized there's another modality I haven't learned about, there's another guide, there's another teacher,

there's another doctor, there's another healing process that I haven't opened my mind to. Please, please, please realize this. Whatever you're dealing with, first deal with it with action. Before we get into this pseudo spiritual place of I accept it, I'm surrendering, we have to take action. Right, the old statement of the universe helps those who help themselves. We have to start with helping ourselves before we expect help from anything else. Start there. I really hope that this episode

gives you a sense of courage. I hope that it gives you a sense of comfort. And I hope that it gives you a sense of comfort and I hope that it gives you a sense of some really practical tips and insights to solve this challenge for you. I'm rooting for you, I'm always in your corner. Thank you for listening. If you love this episode you will also love my interview with Charles Duhigg on how to hack your brain, change any habit effortlessly and the secret to making better decisions. Look, am I hesitating on this because I'm scared of making the choice

because I'm scared of doing the work? Or am I sitting with this because it just doesn't feel right yet? There's a lot of talk about mindfulness these days, which is fantastic. I mean, we all want to be more present and self-aware, more patient, less judgmental. We discuss all these themes on the podcast, but it's hard to actually be mindful in your day to day life. That's where Calm comes in.

I've been working with Calm for a few years now with the goal of making mindfulness fun and easy. Calm has all sorts of content to help you build positive habits, shift your self-talk, reframe your negative thoughts and generally feel better in your daily life. So many incredible options from the most knowledgeable experts in the world along with renowned meditation teachers. You can also check out my 7-minute daily series to help you live more mindfully each and every day. Right now listeners of On Purpose get 40% off a subscription to Calm Premium

at calm.com forward slash j. That's c-a-l-m dot com forward slash j-a-y. For 40% off, calm your mind, change your life. Hi, I'm Laura Vanderkam. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist and speaker. And I'm Sarah Hart Unger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer, and course creator. We are two working parents who love our careers and our families. On the Best of Both Worlds podcast each week, we share stories of how real women manage work, family, and time for fun. From figuring out child care to mapping out long-term career goals, we want you to get the most out of life. Listen to Best of Both Worlds every Tuesday

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II, an opera singer who burned down a nunnery to kidnap her lover, and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils have in common? They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast.

Check it out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen. The one you feed explores how to build a fulfilling life amidst the challenges we face. We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host Eric Zimmer and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers, offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.