On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 7 Steps On How To Say NO, Stop People Pleasing & Prioritize Yourself

Episode Date: August 6, 2021

Perhaps the hardest word you can say to someone is NO. Saying YES to something, even if it’s half-heartedly meant, is easier because you aren’t obliged to justify it. The pressure is less, and so it’s easier to say so. Whereas, if you say NO, there is this need to justify why you said that and why it isn’t possible for you to do anything at the moment. The guilt for refusing will haunt you. At the back of your mind, this guilt will pressure you to eventually give in. When you eventually give in, you won’t feel good about yourself because the situation is forcing you to do it. In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty talks about how to say NO without feeling guilty and why you need to say it clearly and openly. Win a limited edition, signed sampler box full of Jay & Radhi's favorite teas. Enter today! https://bit.ly/3jladpu Join the Sama Tea Founder's Club & enjoy exclusive perks and our private communi-TEA! https://bit.ly/37pPT0K Key Takeaways: 00:00 Intro 03:56 Are you a people pleaser? 08:59 Why do we feel guilty when we say NO? 11:11 Feeling bad for saying NO needs to go 13:09 Don’t say NO without actually saying no 15:47 Know why you are saying NO 19:45 Be clear about when you say NO 23:13 When you’re about to say no, thank the person for the interest 24:58 Remember that NO doesn’t mean it’s forever 27:09 You can be assertive and affectionate in saying NO Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When my daughter ran off to hop trains, I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard. This is what it sounds like inside the box-top. And into the city of the rails, there I found a surprising world, so brutal and beautiful that it changed me. But the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there, and if you want to play with the devil, you're going to find them there in the rail yard. I'm Danielle Morton. Come with me to find out what waits for us and the city of the rails.

Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or cityoftherails.com. I'm Jay Shetty, and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Louis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so

that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. what it's all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things. It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand it, try to get invited to a local's house for dinner where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out.

Ooh, I have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh my goodness, I have been waiting for this day. Woo! J and I are so excited to announce that this fall, we will be launching our very own hot tea brand called Drumroll, please.

Lul-sama! Herbal tea has been part of my daily rituals for such a long time now. I choose different teas throughout the day, depending on how my body feels, my mood, my intention. It's really the first thing that I drink in the morning and the last thing that I drink at night. Luckily, Jay is exactly the same, so we have a moment together every morning, every night, sippin' on tea. Over the last year, having a ritual that brings a little moment of peace, comfort and presence

has been so important. It reminds me of being at home with my family in London, sitting by the fire, laughing, sipinante, which is a feeling I have been missing a lot. It's been hard to find that feeling of comfort and of acceptance in the chaos lately, but honestly, a cup of tea has most definitely helped. There's so much more I wanna share with you, but for now, go ahead and sign up today at Samathee.com and enter to win a sign, limited edition,

sampler box full of vibrant, delicious, fantastic teas that will inspire moments of mindfulness. How many times have you said yes to something? Just because you want to feel nice? You don't want to feel like a bad, inconsiderate person. Which is amazing because what we're basically saying is we feel like bad, inconsiderate people when we do what is right for us. That's crazy.

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to on purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every single week to listen, learn and grow. I just want to say how grateful I am at all of you sharing the podcast on your Instagram, on Twitter, on Facebook, it's phenomenal for me to see what you're learning from these episodes, what you're gaining from them. And I want to share with you some amazing reviews that came through this week. This one's from Elizabeth. She rated the podcast five stars and said, so inspiring. I never review podcasts mainly because I've never listened

to one that has made such a big impact on my life. I'm always so excited to listen to another podcast of Jays. I recently just bought his book Think Like A Monk and I highly recommend that as well. Thank you for sharing so much hope and inspiration to a world that desperately needs it. Elizabeth, that was such a Generous and beautifully kind review. Thank you so much. This one is from Catherine 252 Every episode I've listened to hits home. Every episode has been right on time Every episode has spoken directly to me. Every episode has been a gift from heaven Thank you for being you and thank you for being an inspiration to the world. That is such a kind message, Catherine.

Thank you so, so much. And I'm going to read one more here, one second. I'm just scrolling through. There's so many. There's so many. Some of them are really long, which I really appreciate as well. This one is from Carly Brook. I'm so grateful to have found this podcast. I have admired Jay and his work for many years. And I'm so thankful for his service with this podcast. I share this with friends and family

all the time to share his teachings. Thank you for helping me to enhance my life on a weekly basis with your shows and topics. Thank you, Carly. There are so many more I want to read. I just want to let you know we've got over 16,000 reviews now which is just absolutely incredible. If you, Carly. There are so many more I want to read. I just want to let you know, we've got over 16,000 reviews now, which is just absolutely incredible. If you haven't left a review and you're listening regularly, please take a moment. It really does help the podcast. So let's dive straight in for today. How many of us feel with people, pleases? How many of you

are nodding or raising your hands right now? How many of you feel that you're always saying yes, even when you really want to say no? How many of you are nodding right now or have your hand up right now? How many of you are constantly in situations where you feel like you're going against your values, your priorities, or simply put just what you need right now. You're like, I know I need to just sleep in. I know I need to recharge this weekend. I know that I really don't want to go out on Friday night, this weekend. I know that I really don't want to go out on Friday night, but you still find yourself out on that Friday night, out early that morning, sacrificing sleep, sacrificing rest.

How many of you find yourself constantly going against what you feel you need on any given day or any given moment. This is the reality of the world we live in for each and every one of us. And by the way, I'm not immune to this either. I set myself up for these situations all the time. And I've developed this skill and habit of learning to say no over time. And I've definitely got better at it.

I think I'm really pretty good at it actually right now. But I still make mistakes. And I still pay the price. Whether that's feeling unwell, whether it's feeling exhausted during the week, whether it's not feeling like I'm giving my best to the things I really want to give my best to. That's what's really interesting about learning to say no

is that when you say yes to something at your best, you end up doing the thing you actually want to do at your worst. Right, that's what's so fascinating about it. You say yes to something and you end up doing something you don't want to do at your best, but then you end up doing something you do want to do at your worst. So if any of you have experienced this, this is the right podcast for you. And I can imagine there's so many of you right now going, yes, Jay, I skipped the gym because of that. I didn't get enough sleep because of that.

You know, you know exactly who I'm talking to. You know who you are. So today I want to talk to you about the ways in which we can stop being people pleases and start setting our own priorities, how we can learn to say no. Now, I was reading this amazing study that was shared by Psych Central, and they were talking about a psychologist called Dr. Vanessa Bons. And she wrote in 2016 that many people agree to things, even things they would prefer not to do, simply to avoid the considerable discomfort of saying no.

So we have this discomfort, we have this awkward feeling, uncomfortable feeling when we have to say no, and we just want to avoid conflict. How many of you feel? I mean, that's a different topic. We'll take on a future episode about how we all try to avoid conflict. How many of you feel? I mean, that's a different topic that we'll take on in a future episode about how we all try and avoid conflict, but how many of us are trying to avoid even saying no?

So most of us just want to fit in. We don't want to upset someone. We don't want to make someone feel we're not nice. Think about that for a moment. How many times have you said yes to something, just because you want to feel nice. You don't want to feel like a bad, inconsiderate person, which is amazing because what we're basically saying is we feel like bad, inconsiderate people when we do what is right for us, that's crazy.

Right, think about that for a moment. We're saying that we feel like bad people. We feel like we're not nice and not good when we do things that make us sad. We're saying that we have to do things we don't want to do to feel good about ourselves. And that if we do things we want to do, we to feel good about ourselves. And that if we do things we want to do, we'll feel bad about ourselves.

Think about that for a moment. Literally press pause, not on the podcast in your mind. Press pause right now and think about that for a second. How does that make any sense that we like ourselves more when we do things we don't like? And we dislike ourselves more

when we do things we do like like, and we dislike ourselves more when we do things we do like. So that doesn't make sense. So what I wanna share with you today are seven steps to learn to say no, to get comfortable in the discomfort of saying no. Because chances are your life's getting busier right now, your social life's coming back stronger than ever, you're getting invited to more events, homes, parties, weddings than ever before. And now you feel some sense of guilt. And that's what I want to start. We shouldn't feel

bad or guilty for saying no. Let's really explore this. Why do we feel bad in guilty? There could be a number of reasons. One of them is We don't want to be seen as the bad guy or the bad girl or the bad person, right? Another one of the reasons we feel guilty is we're like, well that person would do it for me. They care about me And here's the question I want you to start asking yourself. Can I go there and can I go there and can I give great energy there and still have energy for the week I have set up for the day I have set up. So when I get asked about something last minute, because usually these things are last minute,

they never come scheduled in advance. And someone says to me, Jade, you have time? And everything about me wants to look at my schedule, and I'm looking at my schedule, and I'm going, okay, I'll find the time. That's the time. Okay, yeah, maybe I'll squeeze that in there. Maybe I'll do it there. And then I ask myself, if I took the energy to do that, do I still have the energy to do everything that I already had planned? Right? It's becomes an energy conversation, not a time conversation. So usually we try to think of ourselves,

do I have enough time to squeeze this in? And the problem with thinking about it as time is time, you can squeeze as much as you want into your time, but you can't squeeze more out of your energy. You can squeeze more in to your time, but you can't squeeze more out of your energy. You can squeeze more in to your time, but you can't squeeze more out of your energy. Squeezing more out of your energy is such a draining thing. So we shouldn't feel bad and guilty for saying no, because chances are we're going to feel worse if we say yes.

If we say yes, we're going to feel drained, we're going to feel energy less. And what ends up happening is we often reflect that negativity after that experience onto the person who in air quotes made us do that. Right? So now not only are we unhappy with what we did with our time, not only are we drained of energy, we now have a negative view towards that person.

So now we've potentially ruined our relationship with that person because now we just see them as a burden. So feeling bad and guilty for saying no needs to go because chances are you're going to feel worse after saying yes. And the reason why we feel bad and guilty and why we need to be okay with potentially even feeling bad and guilty is knowing that we can then work on feeling better. We know we can come back and offer more support, more help to that person. So I'll give you an example. Let's say one of your friends says to you, Hey, I really need to talk right now. And let's say it's 10

p.m. and you just found the space to rest and relax and get into bed early. You might say to that person, Hey, I would love to talk to you. This is really important to me, but let's connect tomorrow morning, right? And they may say, well, you know, I really love to talk to you. This is really important to me, but let's connect tomorrow morning, right? And they may say, well, you know, I really need to talk to you though. Like this is really, really important to me. You can say, yeah, I'm sure it is important to you. And I value that. But I will only be able to deal with it with my full attention and my full focus tomorrow

morning. Notice the difference, right? You're saying, no, I can't talk right now, but you're also saying, it's not because your life's not important. It's not because you aren't important. It's because I can't deal with something important right now. Look at the difference in how that's phrased, right? Saying, no, I don't want to do it can make the other person feel bad.

And that's what we're scared of. We're scared of making them feel bad. The way you make someone feel bad is you make them feel that their feelings are unheard, empty or unimportant. But if you say no by saying, I know your feelings are important. I get it that is important to you, but I haven't got the energy right now to serve you properly, to help you properly, to be a support for you. And I want to be that. Please give me this time. That's going to at least help you stop feeling bad and guilty about saying it because you're honoring that person.

The second thing that I really want to talk about is don't say no without actually saying no. So sometimes what we try and do is give answers like, let me get back to you. And really in our head, what we're thinking is, no, I do not want to do that. And we're like, let me get back to you. Or we say, maybe, maybe let's talk about it, right? And you're thinking no in your head. And now what happens? You forget about it. And three days later, that person messages you again

and says, so what, should we do it? Should we do it now? Are you okay with it? Now, they already feel that you somewhat gave it headspace that you thought about it, but you and your head were thinking, no. There's an incredible quote from Gandhi, I believe, that says that harmony and peace exist

when what we think, what we say, and what we do are aligned. How many of you have ever experienced that you're thinking one thing, but you say another? How many of you have ever experienced where you say something, but you do something totally different? See, the more disconnect between what we think, what we say and what we do, the more disconnect between what we think, what we say, and what we do,

the more friction that exists in our mind, the more friction that exists in our life. So, I don't want you to avoid saying no and use another way of saying no, right? There's no point in that. I know that for me, saying no has become more comfortable as I've actually started saying the words because then people at least know where they're at and where I'm at. If you say maybe I'll think about it, I'll let you know. Let's figure it out. If you use any of those words apart from no, I can't do it. I'm sorry. Then people still have hope. They still feel like this is going somewhere. And you're feeding that.

It's almost like leading someone on, right? It's like leading someone on in a relationship. And then three months later, someone says, well, why didn't you just tell me you were interested? How would you feel about that? And sometimes we lead people on in our lives because we're scared of saying no. I'm Jay Shetty, and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the

most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant, the results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Hawke, it's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to create change. Louis Hamilton, that's for me been taking that moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself, because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself. And many, many more.

If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. This is what it sounds like inside the box car.

I'm journalist and I'm Morton in my podcast, City of the Rails. I plunged into the dark world of America's railroads, searching for my daughter Ruby, who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train, not where I'm gonna end up, and I jump. Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters, living outside society, off the grid and on the edge.

I was in love with a lifestyle and the freedom, this community. No one understands who we truly are. The Rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood, history, and the thing we call the American Dream. It's the last vestige of American freedom. Everything about it is extreme. You're either going to die or you can have this incredible rebirth and really understand who you are. Come with me to find out what waits for us in the city of the rails.

Listen to city of the rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or cityoftherails.com. I'm Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast Navigating Narcissism. Narcissists are everywhere and their toxic behavior and words can cause serious harm to your mental health. In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte, who was loved by the Tinder Swindler. The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me, but he cannot be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money he took.

But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I know how to identify the narcissist in your life. Each week, you will hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslightings, love bombing, and the process of their healing from these relationships. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're scared of saying no, so don't say no without saying it. Use the words, say no, I'm sorry, I can't do that.

Be really clear. Be really clear. Be really transparent. Don't leave it up to someone's imagination or someone's perspective and let them find their own way of understanding it or trying to get people to read in between the lines, use the words. The third step I wanna say to you is, no, why you're saying no. It's hard to say no when you actually don't know what you are going to do at that time or that energy or that space.

So if someone says to you, hey, I'd love to talk to you right now and your response is, your responses, I'm not sure or I don't know, it's because you have not thought about why you're saying no. And reflecting on why you say no is just a really good habit because it also helps you understand yourself and understand people. For example, sometimes an opportunity to come from two different people and it's the same opportunity, but you say, yes to one person because you love their energy and you say no to the others because you realize you don't actually love hanging out with that person. There's nothing wrong in that, but if you understand that, you then be able to, you can strengthen that feeling of choice. You start to strengthen your choice making ability. See, how many of us are indecisive?

How many of us struggle to figure out what we're doing? It's because we don't know why we say no or why we say yes. So I'll give you an example. I have been saying no to going on a lot of podcasts and interviews recently because I did a lot of interviews when things like a monk was released. I really enjoyed them. And right now as I'm writing again, as I'm creating more of my own podcasts

again, I've just been wanting that time. And I've just been saying, hey, this is why. But if I just said no, I would have felt that I was just being snobby. I would have started judging myself, which is not true at all. I'm not trying to be awkward. I just know that I need some time for myself. When I say no to someone, it's because I need to rest. I've been saying to a lot of people recently that my weekends have all become about preservation. I'm giving myself so much throughout the week that on the weekend, I need to take some time out for myself. And rather than I have been going to do cold plunges

and soreners and sensory deprivation tanks and I'll be sharing a lot more about that in the podcast and upcoming episodes as well. But I've been really trying to find deeper and more powerful ways to rest my mind and body and I've been feeling so much more fulfilled and thriving when I come back. And I've been feeling so much more fulfilled and thriving when I come back. It's knowing why you're saying no. So next time you want to say no but can't say it, don't force yourself to say it, ask yourself, why am I saying no? Why do I feel like saying no? And then explain that to someone in the way they can digest it. And always make it about you. Don't make it about them

because it is about you. Even if it's like you, even if the truth is you're like, I don't like that energy or, you know, I'm not sure they're the right person, you, you may not want to say that because that raises conflict and issues and you may not have a relationship to say that to someone, but you may say no to them along the lines of like, I'm not in the right energetic space. Like, I don't think that's going to be a great idea for me and for what I'm focusing on right now. And I've noticed that even though it can hurt people in the moment, it's a lot more hurtful to lead someone on and then say no. And that's what we forget. Even in breakups, even if you apply this to breakups,

people are going to be hurt if you break up after a month if they're really feeling it, but there'll be a lot more heartbroken after a year. And I know so many people who wait way too long to break up with people. I remember being with someone once, and I wanted to break up after about six months. And I stayed in that relationship for one year

and six months, trying to make it work, trying to figure it out. I didn't wanna be the bad guy, I wasn't sure. And then one year and six months, trying to make it work, trying to figure it out. I didn't want to be the bad guy, I wasn't sure. And then one year and six months later when you break up, that's so much harder for that person. And that was the time I realized from now on, I'm going to be really upfront with people. Okay.

Number four in learning how to say no is being really clear about when you say no. So when you say no is when something's against your values, against your priorities, against your mental health, these are really really important considerations. If saying yes to something else is going to make you say no to yourself, chances are that you don't want to do it, right? And a really great example of this this week, I wrote an op-ed for Women's Health and I wrote about Simone Biles. And we just saw someone at the very peak in one of the most difficult scenarios, global occasions in the world say no. Simone Biles didn't step out of bounds.

She read through the lines for us all. I'm reading from my op-ed that I wrote, so I want you to hear what I had to say about it. Imagine the pressure of an entire nation on your shoulders, while you're also bearing the physical and emotional wounds of the past. Now add the ever-present strain of being a highly visible black woman in a world that is very narrow, very defined expectations of how she should behave. Right? I use the word behave purposely, because in the same way that Simone Bars has trained hundreds

and thousands of times to perform, without putting so much as a toe out of line, she is at to perform similarly in perhaps every other public-facing part of her life since she became a gymnastic star destined to be crowned the greatest of all time. Right now at this year's Olympics, bars was tasked not only with securing gold for her country, but we're trying to lift the reputation of entire team and sport. And with the backdrop of a global pandemic,

it was the making of a heron story, the kind of tale of perseverance and success against all odds that we crave from sport in general and the Olympics in particular. Instead, Baos opted to rewrite the narrative entirely. Though we can't understand exactly what it's like to be Simone Baos place, so many of us do know all too well what it's like to struggle with mental health. When Simone prioritized her well-being, it was the start of something revolutionary. This moment, the moment when Simone Ball stepped into the spotlight not to perform, but to

say, no, not today, to prioritize herself and her own well-being was the start of something special. She didn't quit, she didn't let anyone down, she made the choice for herself and her well-being. And when we see someone say no when such a global stage, we get to see no doesn't mean quitting, no doesn't mean never, she came back and won a bronze medal. And so we have to really think about how if something is bad for our values, our priorities, or our mental health, it can't be the right decision. Because even if you help someone now, even if you solved the issue now, even if you avoid conflict now, you're creating it a lot more for yourself in the future.

That's what we forget. You solve the short term and create massive long term implications. Now the fifth step in learning to say no is thanking the person. Thanking the person for the opportunity, thanking the person for the interest when you get invited to do something. Maybe there was a time in your life where you dreamed of invites like this where all you wanted was opportunities like this. I remember there were times in my life where I would have really wanted to be invited to some of the places I get invited to, and

it's so easy to become ungrateful. But to actually treat everything with gratitude, to really write to someone and say, thank you so much for the interest. I'm so grateful you thought of me. I often say that to people because I really mean it. I'm like, that person thought of me. Even when I'm saying yes to someone, I say the same thing. When I get invited to speak at a company, even though they've already booked me and I'm going to be their speaker,

I'll always say at the start of the call, thank you so much for thinking of me because it's such a special thought, and I want to thank you all. Thank you all for choosing this podcast to listen to. So always thank people. Even if you're about to say no, start with gratitude and really feel it and really experience it because what it does is it helps you realize just how wonderful

every opportunity is. Often when we get invited to something or ask to come to something and we're not interested, we treat it with disregard and a bit of distaste. We can often be like, oh, I can't believe they thought I was going to come to that. Or I can't believe they invited me to that. It seems so lame. Right, if those are our responses mentally or verbally,

we're really creating a negative space for us to live in our own minds Taking the opportunity to be grateful to thank someone for their interest for thinking of you is such a beautiful step The sixth step in learning to say no is Remembering that no doesn't mean forever No doesn't mean never Remember that no does not mean forever and no does not mean never We think if we're saying no, it's kind of like, oh, it's the end. That's it.

It's all over. It's not happening. That's just not the case. No just means not right now. Learning to say, as I said with Simone bars, no, not today. No, not right now. No, not this month, not today. No, not right now. No, not this month, not this year, not at the moment,

and saying, I'll let you know, if and when I change my mind, I'll keep you posted, I'll keep you in the loop. And what we don't realize is that our lives may make someone feel good, but our honesty will keep them in our lives. Let me repeat that again. Our lives, or our cover-up may make someone feel good, but our honesty will keep them

in our lives. I love it when someone just tells me how they really feel. I'd rather hear a no. I remember when we used to first reach out to get guests on the podcast. We had so many knows it was so hard for me to book anyone and everyone because we were a new podcast. You know, today we're so grateful. We've had Will Smith and Alicia Keys and Jennifer Lopez and Kobe Brian and I mean, the list goes on and on. We've been so blessed. I have such an incredible list of

guests. And I know all of you've been listening big Sean, Janay Ico, Dr. Joe Dispenser, so many incredible guests. But once upon a time we just heard no and often I'd always say to my team, tell me when we hear no, did it always be scared of saying, Jay, this person said no or this person's team said no and I'll be like, no, no, no, no,

I wanna know if they said no. I want to hear that because at least I know that that's out of my mind and I can move on. But if I don't know if it's a maybe I'm gonna keep thinking it might happen and that causes anxiety and stress. And by the way, when you keep thinking, oh no, I might have to say yes to that, that causes you anxiety and stress as well. So we want to remove that from our lives. And tip number seven is you can be assertive and affectionate, right? You can be assertive and affectionate. You can be kind and still clear, right? We always think we have to choose. It's like, oh, you either get to be affectionate or you get to be

assertive. You get to be clear or you get to be kind. And the truth is you don't have to choose. You can be both. You can say, hey, thank you so much for this opportunity. I'm so grateful you thought of me. I just want to let you know that right now I'm focusing on these priorities and I just don't have the time.

That's going to come across so much better than, yeah, let's do it. And then you're not being in the mood and then you being stressed out about it. Or you're saying, no, don't feel like it right now, or it's not right for me. And then that person feels offended as well. Being assertive and affectionate. Let's see, you get invited to someone's party this weekend

and you messes them and say, hey, I would have loved to have been there. I'm sure it's gonna be amazing. I wish you all the best. I'm just dealing with some stuff right now. I don't think I would have loved to have been there. I'm sure it's going to be amazing. I wish you all the best. I'm just dealing with some stuff right now. I don't think I'll be able to make it. That response, someone can respect that. And that's the challenge.

We're always trying to be liked. And people pleasing is about that feeling of pleasing someone to be liked. But our honesty will gain us respect. So I really hope that you're going to try these seven steps in your life. I hope they're going to be useful to you. I really hope they help you learn to say no, and we can all be inspired by Simone Bals when we think about this. And I hope that this podcast has made a difference. Pass it on, share it. And I'll see you on the next one. Thanks for listening.

Thanks for listening. Did you hear the latest T We Spilled? Well actually I make the T, J spells it. I don't know how we allowed Radeon to the podcast, but we did it because we're so excited to announce Sama on new T We Created to help you soak up life's moments. We wanted to create a T that doesn't just taste good, but also makes you feel great and has functional benefits to keep you balanced, nourished, body, mind and soul too. We know that it's so hard to find time in the day to feel stonest and calm, but a cup of tea can make all the difference in giving you back those moments.

And we knew that tea was the best way to do that. Now Rathi, tell them the other big news. Well, guess what? We want you to be a part of this T journey with us, so we've actually created a Sama Founders Club. As a founding member, you will get a limited edition Sama Playbox and a year's worth of T. Yes, it is a year's worth of T. They'll also receive exclusive merch, experiences and discounts. At Sama, we consider our founding members to be the heart of our community. You can sign up right now before this offer expires by going to

Samatee.com-FourwoodSlash-FoundersClub. Again, that's-Samaatee.com-FourwoodSlash-FoundersClub. We cannot wait for you to be part of this journey with us and to join the Summer Family! Let's all cuddle now! I'm Eva Longoria. And I'm Mateo Gomesrachon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry for History! On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages,

from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Listen to Hungry for History on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The world of chocolate has been turned upside down. A very unusual situation. You saw the stacks of cash in her office.

Chocolate comes from the cacao tree, and recently, variety of cacao, thought to have been lost centuries ago, were rediscovered in the Amazon. There is no chocolate on earth like this. Now some chocolate makers are racing, deep into the jungle, to find the next game-changing chocolate, and I'm coming along. OK, that was a very large crack it up. Listen to obsessions while chocolate. On the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

I'm Munga Shatekler, and it turns out astrology is way more widespread than any of us want to believe. You can find it in major league baseball, international K-Pop Groups, even the White House. But just when I thought I had a handle on this subject, something completely unbelievable happened to me, and my whole view on astrology changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, give me a few minutes because I think your ideas are about to change too.

Listen to Skyline Drive on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. about to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.