On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 7 Ways to Make the Holidays Special From a Distance or Close By

Episode Date: December 18, 2020

There’s no doubt that this holiday season will be different to those we are used to. But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t connect with our loved ones. On this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty offers creative solutions for connecting with friends or family this holiday season whether you’re spending time together or apart. Which strategy will you use to spend meaningful time with those you love? Share your thoughts and reflections on these strategies to make this holiday season an impactful one. If On Purpose inspires you, Jay’s exclusive Genius workshops and meditations will take your life to the next level. Go to https://shetty.cc/OnPurposeGenius to learn more. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers, offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. you up Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. When my daughter ran off to hop trains, I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard. This is what it sounds like inside the box car. And into the city of the rails, there I found a surprising world, so brutal and beautiful

that it changed me, but the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there. And if you want to play with the devil, you're going to find them there in the rail yard. Undenail Morton, come with me to find out what waits for us and the city of the rails. Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or cityoftherails.com. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.

And I'm so excited to share this news with you as of the 12th of December, which is when the streaming awards for 2020 were held on purpose was given the award and honor of best podcast of the year. Now I know that this year has been so difficult and so challenging in so many ways and I just want to take a moment to thank you all because I hope that this podcast has supported your mental health, your wellbeing, your journey to strive towards your purpose this year. And I'm so grateful that you've stood by us as me and the team have found so many different ways to make sure we get content to you.

I know sometimes the audio hasn't been perfect, we're working on that and it's going to be better. I promise you. And at the same time, I know that it's been such a hectic year, but we have been creating content to support you, and we will continue to do that in 2021. So let's come back a bit to where we are today. Answer this honestly.

Are you excited for the holidays? I know I am. And most years, that question would be super easy to answer. A big yes. But this year, maybe that yes is a bit qualified. Are you excited, but maybe also feeling apprehensive or lonely? If so, you're not alone. One thing's for sure. The vast majority of us this holiday are going to be very different than the ones in the past, but it doesn't have to be different in negative way.

If there's one thing so many of us have learned in 2020, it's that challenges also bring opportunities, right? Nothing is ever entirely bad, even if it feels like it is at the time, and the holidays are no different. Today, we're talking about seven things you can do to make the holiday feel special, whether you're far from loved ones or close by. And the reason I decided to do this episode is because I know a lot of you may need this. And even if you don't need it, send it to someone else who needs it. Here's number one, and it's a really practical one. This is probably one of my favorite things to do.

I did it very, very early on. Make a digital photo gallery of some of your best holiday memories and share it with your family, whether you're family by birth or your family of choice. Now this can be a digital photo album or a video slideshow, whatever you want. And there are loads of apps out there that make it really easy to do this. You just upload your images or videos and you can email or send a link to your loved ones. Group Zoom calls are awesome and I know a lot of you've been doing that with family

all year round. The thing I like about this idea though, which you can do in addition to live video call if you want, is that you're getting to share some of those experiences from holidays past and that's something we often don't stop to do. One of my favorite things is that it sparks storytelling. How many Christmases can you go back to? How many holidays could you go back to where you've forgotten some of your favorite memories? And hearing people in your life tell you stories about them is such a phenomenal way to bond. Remember that year the dog ate the Christmas pudding or the kids found the stash of holiday chocolate

and by kids I meant mean me. If it was that really good chocolate or remember the year someone got engaged with the oven broke and everyone got takeout or the year of the blizzard when the lights went out and you sang by the fire. Physical proximity is wonderful, but being able to be in the same room

as the ones you love isn't everything. Think about it, what feels worse, not being able to be physically close to someone you love or being in the same room with someone and yet feeling miles away. Again, really think about that and ask yourself, what makes me feel close to someone? It's not sharing physical space, but sharing heart space that truly makes us feel connected

right, and sharing special memories from years past is a beautiful thing we can do to feel that connection. Psychologist Arthur Aaron is best known for his work on intimacy. In a now famous study, Dr. Aaron developed 36 questions that he theorized would help to create intimacy. Then he had total strangers spend 45 minutes asking one another the questions. The questions are things like,

would you like to be famous? And if so, in what way? And what would constitute a perfect day for you? After the questions, the pairs of participants spent four minutes looking into one another's eyes. Both the questions and the eye gazing, Aaron theorized would create the kind of mutual vulnerability

that would lead to deep connections. As it turns out, the method was so effective that some people who were strangers at the start of the study went on to get married. Since the original study, the questions have been used by friends and couples to bring each other even closer. When we reflect on the times we've shared together, whether fun, exciting, joyful or challenging, we're calling on that intimacy.

We're stepping into that vulnerable space of sharing and connecting and saying, you matter to me. If you want to take this holiday activity to the next level, you can send out your video of favorite holiday moments and ask your group, what's one of your favorite holiday memories? So when you share your digital photo or video gallery,

it's like you're breathing some of that extra life and vitality into your family or friend circle and reminding everyone of these treasured experiences that have enriched your lives. Go do this one. Please don't skip it. It's also going to be so much fun just putting it together. Like when you're in the process, you'll be talking to your friends and family, you'll

be explaining it to your spouse, you'll be telling someone else a story about it. There's just so much goodness that can come out from this very, very simple activity. I'm Mungeshia Tikular and, to be honest, I don't believe in astrology. But from the moment I was born, it's been a part of my life. In India, it's like smoking. You might not smoke, but you're going to get secondhand astrology. And lately, I've been wondering if the universe has been trying to tell me to stop running and pay attention. Because maybe there is magic in the stars if you're willing to look for it.

So I rounded up some friends and we dove in and let me tell you, it got weird fast. Tantric curses, major league baseball teams, canceled marriages, K-pop. But just what I thought I had to handle on this sweet and curious show about astrology, my whole world can crash down. Situation doesn't look good. There is risk to father.

And my whole view on astrology? It changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think your ideas are going to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive and the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. Our 20s are seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, full in love, make mistakes, and decide what we want from our life. But what can psychology really teach us about this decade? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s. From career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, friendships and much more to explore

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The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Now streaming on the iHotRadio app, Apple podcasts, or whatever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown. And my podcast, Deeply Well, is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental health around topics that are meant to expand and support

you on your journey. From guided meditations to deep conversations with some of the world's most gifted experts in self-care, trauma, psychology, spirituality, astrology, and even intimacy. Here's where you'll pick up the tools to live as your highest self. Make better choices. Heal and have more joy. My work is rooted in advanced meditation, metaphysics, spiritual psychology, energy healing, and trauma-informed practices. I believe that the more we heal and grow within ourselves, the more we are able to bring our creativity to life and live our purpose, which leads to

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And this applies probably more for those of you who will be together in person, though it could also apply if you're doing online group conversations. We know that when it's people, especially families get together, it can sometimes be charged. There are lots of issues where people have different opinions. Maybe something was said, or there was an incident that happened where two people are now at odds. Tip number two is that, if you've got a situation like that, and you need to have an uncomfortable conversation with someone about a disagreement or an incident, do it in private, one on one, not at the dinner table, not in front of the whole

group. There are a couple of reasons for that. One of which is that it can make other people feel uncomfortable or feel like they're supposed to take sides. And that hasn't helped the situation. And it could just escalate it. But the biggest reason is that when we're put on the spot in front of a group, we're far more likely to get defensive. Have you ever been in a situation where someone called you out and something in front of a group, we're far more likely to get defensive. Have you ever been in a situation where someone called you out and something in front of others? How did that make you feel?

Our first instinct when we feel attacked is to try and shut the conversation down or to defend ourselves. Leadership coach Rosalie Puman, who specializes in what she calls courageous communication, writes in the Huffington Post, that when we have difficult conversations, it's important to cut out all distractions so we can be fully present.

And it's hard to do that in front of a group. It's tough to stay calm and give the conversation our full attention. And when others who aren't involved are present. And that makes it less likely that you'll arrive at the kind of conclusion or resolution you're looking for in the first place. So if you need to have a serious talk with someone, don't do it at the group holiday gathering. Set up a separate time for that when you can do it privately. Talk about it on text message before so you can make sure you do this so you don't turn

up on the day already feeling like you're ready to go. Here's the third way to make the holiday special. Have a gratitude circle. Again, this can be in person or in a group call and it can be with friends or family. Now a gratitude circle isn't just going around in a circle and everyone's saying something they're grateful for, though that's an awesome thing to do as well. The kind of gratitude circle I'm talking about goes a little deeper than that. In fact, it really plays in again to that research author, Aaron did around the questions that help us develop intimacy.

In this gratitude circle, you're going to share a high and low point of this year. Those may be different things, or they may be related, like a problem and how you met it or solved it. Like your greatest challenge might have been managing working at home with your partner and maybe your kids are home on top of it and they need to be homeschooled and that might also be your greatest success. Figuring out ways to do that so that people are feeling at least some kind of balance. Maybe it's not perfect but you've figured out a way to manage it. Or they can be unrelated. Maybe the low was losing your job.

But I was getting married or celebrating a milestone birthday or finally signing up for those singing lessons you've been wanting to take. By sharing our lows and not just our highs, we're normalizing struggle. And in a world where we all feel so much pressure to do everything right and to make it look easy while we're doing it, it's super important. We need to acknowledge when things are hard. Oh, and you don't have to call it a gratitude circle. You can call it something much cooler than that or something that your family will vibe with. Okay, here's number four. Now, I know a lot of us are not going to be able to take part in some of our favorite traditions this year. Maybe you won't get to eat the special cinnamon rolls. Your mom makes special for you on the holidays,

fresh out the oven. One of my friends is bummed because in her town, one of her friends hosts a huge community potluck on Christmas, and it's of course cancelled this year. Maybe you love going to a religious or spiritual service every year and that's cancelled, but you can be festive in a small group or even on your own. Maybe it's not a typical activity you do every year, or the way you normally do it, but you don't have to let the festive spirit pass you by. If you love Christmas caroling, you can still do that. All year, there've been groups of musicians

who had to cancel their live shows, who've gone online, or who went out serenading people on their front lawns. I know someone whose family is spread across the country and for American Thanksgiving, they picked an easy to make dish that they all love that they normally ate together.

They each made it, then they got on a Zoom call and ate and talked together. Or you can do a mini party with your quarantine pod if you've got one. Even on your own, you can celebrate, decorate a little tree or a big one, watch your favorite movies, make cards like candles, do something special. There's a great quote from Joseph Campbell, who was the originator of the idea of the hero's journey, the author of the hero with a thousand faces. He said, find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. Joy and pain often go together, and it's okay to find ways to celebrate even in the midst of

struggle, and I'd say it's actually the most important time to find ways to celebrate. I'm Yvla Angoria. I'm Maite Gomes-Rechon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast Hungry for History. On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both.

Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both. You know, I'm a flower tortilla flower. Your team flower? I'm team flower. I need a shirt. Team flower, team core.

Join us as we explore surprising and lesser known corners of Latinx culinary history and traditions. I mean, these are these legends, right? Apparently, this guy Juan Mendes, he was making these tacos wrapped in these huge tortillas to keep it warm, and he was transporting them in a burro, hence the name the burritos. Listen to Hungary for History with Irolangoria Maite Gomez Rejón as part of the Michael Thura Podcast Network available on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

How's that New Year's resolution coming along? You know, the one you made about paying off your pesky credit card debt and finally starting to save your retirement? Well, you're not alone if you haven't made progress yet, roughly four in five New Year's resolutions fail within the first month or two. But that doesn't have to be the case for you and your goals. Our podcast How to Money can help. That's right, we're two best buds who've been at it for more than five years now, and we want to see you achieve your money goals, and it's our goal to provide the information and encouragement you need to do it. We keep the show fresh by answering list our questions,

interviewing experts, and focusing on the relevant financial news that you need to know about. Our show is Choc Full of the Personal Finance Knowledge that you need with guidance three times a week. And we talk about debt payoff. If, let's say you've had a particularly spend-thrift holiday season, we also talk about building up your savings, intelligent investing, and growing your income, no matter where you are on your financial journey,

how do monies got your back? Millions of listeners have trusted us to help them achieve their financial goals. Ensure that your resolution turns into ongoing progress. Listen to how to money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help black women dig a little deeper into the most

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Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. Remember, you don't need an excuse to celebrate and you also don't need an excuse to practice self-care. But this holiday season may be giving you one. And that's number five for how to but this holiday season may be giving you one. And that's number five for how to make this holiday special. If you've got it, spend some of your found time on yourself. You probably aren't doing any travel. You might normally do this over

the holiday. And this is the year to make sure you do that. So you can be set up for next year. According to Triple A, last year in the US, set a holiday record for travel between December 21st and January 1st, with get this 115.6 million people hitting the roads and the skies. Now, one of the lines of the airport was so long and the traffic was so bad, but not this year. Most of us are staying at home and that means lots of us also have more time than we often do during the holidays. Not only that, but forget about office holiday parties, friends holiday parties, big family gatherings, and all that, right?

The holidays are awesome, of course, but sometimes it feels like a marathon to get through to the end of the year because you've got so many expectations and demands on our time. In 2017, RANDSTAD did a survey asking whether people would rather have a bonus extra vacation time or go to a company party.

You can probably guess how that turned out. Most people chose the extra money or vacation time, but guess what percentage? Was it A, 55%, B, 78%, C, 90%, how many people said that rather have a bonus or more vacation time than to go to their office holiday party. If you guessed A, 55%, you're wrong. It's C, 90%. The point is that most of us are off the hook this year for at least one or two activities, maybe more. Some of which we don't love in the first place. And I'm suggesting that you use at least some of that fun time for self-care. Get some rest. Take that long luxurious bath or that long run you've

been daydreaming about. Come up with that movie idea. Play those extra few sets of tennis. You know, give a gift to yourself and do something you don't normally have the time or energy to do. And maybe you can make that self-care something that's a new tradition. Like I have these two friends who are a couple and every year they make sure they get two hours of quiet time, someone in the holidays to watch the movie Serendipity together. If you don't know that movie, it's a romantic comedy and it's also kind of a holiday themed and they just enjoy doing that together and having that day every year. It's part of their self-care as a couple and it's a holiday tradition.

Traditions don't have to be fancy. They don't have to look a certain way. And now's a great time to try something new. And that's way number six to make the holiday special. Experiment with some new traditions. These can be a tradition you have as a couple or you can do it as a friend or a small group with your kids or it can just be something special that you do yourself. Entrepreneur Jesse Esler wrote the books, Living with a Seal, that's Navy Seal, not the Sea Animal, and Living with the Monks. I'm of course partial to that one. Anyway, Jesse has a tradition he does at the holidays that he calls closing the books. He goes into his office at home by himself and spends some quite time reflecting on the

year, and what he accomplished on what went well, and what didn't go so well. And he sets an intention for the following year. He also writes out his family's year, and checks to charity's day support. Incidentally, he's married to Spank's founder and philanthropist Sarah Blakely. I love that tradition of closing the books because there's a lot of depth and meaning to it.

But traditions can be silly or ridiculous too, like doing an ice plunge in a lake with a friend. Incidentally, that's what Jesse did the whole day when Navy's CEO David Goggins was living with him for a month. After he closed the books, Goggins had it's slow run down to the hill into freezing lake and dive in with him. And having met David Goggins, I've got to tell you, I'm not least bit surprised by that. Anyway, that's a great segue to number seven, which is to think a bit ahead to the end of the year.

Are you thinking about making any resolutions this year? Brick language learning took a little tour of popular New Year's resolutions around the world in 2018. What do you think the number one resolution in China was? Was it lose weight, spend time with family or quit smoking? The answer was B and technically it was phrased become more family oriented. A better lot of us are thinking about that this year when so many of us have been separated from family.

Okay, how about Japan? Was the most popular resolution there? A, save more money. B, learn a new language. C, read more. If you chose A, save more money, that's a good choice, but you're wrong, it was C, read more. I get that, I love to read.

I'm sure lots of you would like more time to read too, right? And how about Brazil? What was the most popular resolution? A, lose weight. B, fall in love. C, stop smoking. If you guessed A, lose weight, B, fall in love, C, stop smoking. If you guessed A, lose weight, you're right. Though I was kind of hoping it was fall in love. That's a great one. As for the U.S. getting healthy, exercising more and eating better was number one. Though that

sounds like three resolutions to me. And maybe that's why so many of us have trouble keeping our resolutions. We bite off more than we can chew, so to speak. Interestingly, according to data from Finder, at this time last year in America, 68.5% of men and 61.5% of women surveyed plan to make a new year's resolution, and so-called resoluteers, very dramatically by age. Well, just under half of boomers plan to make a resolution, a whopping 86.9% of millennials surveyed plan to make at least one resolution, and more than half said they'd focus on one or more money related goals. Boomers and Gen X's were more likely to focus on fitness and self-improvement. That all sounds great, so I say, why

wait? If there's something you know you want to change, why not start now by test driving your new year's resolution? And here's why. I know a lot of us have really struggled with 2020 and I get it. It to say it's been full of challenges for most of us as an understatement, but it's not the years fault, right? I mean, I've seen some really hilarious 2020 memes, like the one that says, if 2020 wasn't ever Cardo, and it's a picture of a avocado, where like 90% of it is a giant bit. Sometimes when things are this hard, we just need to be able to laugh, and that's great. And at the same time, don't fall into

the trap of expecting a new date and a new year to change everything. You can throw out your 2020 calendar or burn it, and I know loads of you just can't wait to do that, but nothing's really going to change until we really focus on the growth we need to make. So why wait for 2020 to end? You have the power to start the change right now. It will also help you end 2020 on a high note and doesn't that sound a lot better than just waiting for days to tick by so you can be done with this year. End 2020 with setting up yourself for that resolution. And here's one resolution that I think's really powerful.

For us all to serve more this holiday season. For us all to be more kind and generous this holiday season. How can we support a charity, support someone in need, support the homeless, support children who don't have access to food or water, supporting our friends or family, serving can be a beautiful way to end the year. So those are seven ways to make this holiday season special, I know it probably won't be what you're used to, but let's make the best of it by shaking things up and trying something new,

along with revisiting some of our favorite old memories from years past. And let me know how it goes. I'd love to hear your new traditions. Tag me on Instagram which one you're gonna try out of one to seven. I can't wait to see those posts. Thank you so much for listening to On Purpose and I'll see you again next week. Thank you. This podcast was produced by Dust Light Productions. Our executive producer from Dust Light is Misha Yusuf.

Our senior producer is Julianne Bradley. Our associate producer is Jacqueline Castillo. Valentino Rivera is our engineer. Our music is from Blue Dot Sessions. And special thanks to Rachel Garcia, the Dustlight Development and Operations Coordinator. Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Gemma Speg,

the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences, the psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I

can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions, like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the IHART Radio app Apple

podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. your podcasts.