On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 7 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Episode Date: May 24, 2019

In this era of social media and having an overload of information at our fingertips, it’s hard not to constantly compare yourself to others. It’s hard to see all of the vacation pictures, the coup...le pictures and everyone’s seemingly perfect lives on display.However, what we don’t always realize is that we’re comparing our behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. People only publish things they want you to see and we need to remember that.I truly believe that comparison is the thief of joy and that’s why in today’s episode I give you 7 ways to stop comparing yourself to others and tips on how to define your own personal success.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season, and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share ten incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets.
Starting point is 00:00:22 Listen to season eight of Family Secrets on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Regardless of the progress you've made in life, I believe we could all benefit from wisdom on handling common problems, making life seem more manageable, now more than ever. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One-Dee Feed Podcast,
Starting point is 00:00:42 where I interview thought-provoking guests who offer practical wisdom that you can use to create the life you want. 25 years ago, I was homeless and addicted to heroin. I've made my way through addiction recovery, learned to navigate my clinical depression, and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The One-You-Feet has over 30 million downloads and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple Podcasts. Oprah Magazine named this is one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life.
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Starting point is 00:01:32 Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nunehm. I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bon vivant, but mostly a human just trying to figure out what it's all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things. It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand it, try to get invited to a local's house for dinner, where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party,
Starting point is 00:01:56 it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. The biggest challenge is, we're comparing all behind the scenes Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. The biggest challenge is we're comparing our behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel. And you're going to keep doing that until you start focusing on your behind the scenes
Starting point is 00:02:17 and you start building who you are. Hello everyone, welcome back to on purpose, the number one health podcast in the world for life, self, work and love. Thank you so much for tuning in again for another solo episode where I get to deep dive into a theme inside our lives that's causing us challenges and try and help give you some experiences, insights and stories and science that will help you overcome it. Now today's situation, today's challenge is something that we all face. How do we stop comparing ourselves to others? I'm sure this is something you deal with, it's something I deal with, it's something everyone I know deals with. This is something that no one can avoid. We live
Starting point is 00:03:10 in a world where it's so easy to measure our worth against others. Whether it's social media, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, or maybe it's in the workplace, we can spend a lot of time wondering if we're good enough, if we're smart enough, or if we're attractive enough. Think about this for a moment. How many times have you thought to yourself? One, my videos and posts don't get as many likes as everyone else in this space. Number two, his or her body is better than mine.
Starting point is 00:03:43 Number three, wow, their relationship looks amazing. It looks like they're always traveling, having incredible dates. And number four, oh my God, they just got promoted. What about me? I've been working harder than them. I've been doing more than them. Now, this is just a few ideas, a few examples of some of the things we compare ourselves by. And I'm sure as I was listing those, you were probably nodding along, raising your hand or saying, Jay, that's me. Well, first of all, I want you to recognize this. This is something all of us do. You're not alone. You're not the only one.
Starting point is 00:04:18 Don't beat yourself up about it. Don't start judging yourself and driving yourself crazy. That's one of the biggest mistakes we can make. We start saying to ourselves, oh my God, I'm a terrible person. I'm always envious. I'm always jealous. And when you do that, you just start becoming more envious and jealous because now everyone's life looks more amazing. So don't judge yourself. Stay with me. Press pause on that. And let's think about how we can move forward from here. The truth is, we've all done it all of our lives. It's not just now because of social media and Instagram. So often we're like, oh, because of Instagram,
Starting point is 00:04:54 we compare ourselves more. No, I remember the kid with the coolest sneakers in school. Right, I remember my parents would never buy me a branded pair of sneakers because we couldn't afford to spend money on those. So I would always have these really cheap, look alike sneakers at school. And I would always be envious of the person
Starting point is 00:05:13 who had the Nike or the Adidas, so as we used to say Nike and Adidas back in London. And I would always look at those and be like, I wish I could have those. And so it started at school to what college people went to. I remember us comparing college people went to. I remember us comparing where people went to study and whether it's better or worse to what grades we got. We've
Starting point is 00:05:31 been comparing things our whole life. This is not just because of social media. So we've really have to go to the root of the issue. And that's one of the things I loved about what I learned as a monk is that we never just focused on the symptoms We focused on the root now. Let's go to the root of comparison There's two types of comparison one. It's called upward comparison Which means comparing ourselves to someone we perceive to be better than us But there's also a second type of comparison. It's called downward comparison Which is comparing ourselves to those that are less of.
Starting point is 00:06:07 Now, most of us spend our time in upward comparison. We're always comparing ourselves to people we perceive that are doing better than us, performing better than us, growing more than us, getting more followers than us, getting more likes than us, making more money than us. It's always the upward comparison that takes our time. We rarely do a lot of downward comparison, unless we're doing it out of neglect or looking down on someone and we're like, oh, it must be suck to be them, but actually, real downward comparison is perspective. It helps us recognize how far we've come. It helps us recognize that there are a lot more people out there that are struggling much more than we are.
Starting point is 00:06:49 It gives us that bird's eye view on our whole life. I remember one of my friends telling me about the first time he took his children to India. They were on 13 to 14 years old and he said the reason he took them is he wanted them to have perspective over what other 13 to 14 year olds had access to at that age. And when they came back from India he talked about how his children had such a gratitude for life. They had such a happiness about what they were given and they were activated to make a difference in the world and want to do something else. Perspective can be an incredible method of overcoming comparison, but we'll get to some approaches in a minute.
Starting point is 00:07:30 There's a study from 2008 in which two monkeys were placed side by side and asked to hand a scientist a pebble. In exchange for doing that right, are you giving the scientist a pebble, one of the monkeys was rewarded with a cucumber. This monkey was totally happy about to eat this cucumber until she noticed that the other monkey got a grape. IE, a sweeter, yummier treat. Now this monkey, she was totally infuriated and threw the cucumber back at the scientists. This is a true story. It's incredible.
Starting point is 00:08:07 Theodore Roosevelt said it best. Comparison really can be the thief of joy. Just a few moments before, the monkey was so happy with its cucumber, excited to dive into it. And then a second later, everything felt like it wasn't worth it. How many times have you ever had that in your life where you get a big piece of news, something good happens to you that you've been looking forward to, that you've been working toward, and then you find out that your friend, your family member has some bigger news,
Starting point is 00:08:38 or something you perceive as bigger? How many times have you let that rob you of celebrating what you've done? How many times have you let that rob you from growing and really owning what you've achieved in your life? We feel lonely when our friends start dating. We feel worse about our bodies when we're around others. We've been conditioned to base our self-worth on how others see us, not how we see ourselves. This is our biggest challenge. We've been conditioned to base our self-worth on how others see us, not how we see ourselves.
Starting point is 00:09:15 And there's a lot of reasons for this and I think it's important to know that. Parenting for example. Sometimes we would compare to our siblings, our cousins or other kids. You know, I always make that comment and that joke that growing up, I knew I could either be a doctor, a lawyer or a failure because that's who I was surrounded by. That's who I was being compared to. So I grew up often believing that I was less educated, less academic, and less smart than the people around me.
Starting point is 00:09:50 But remember, that's because we're measuring smarts based on a particular skill set. If you broke down every vertical skill set attribute, character quality, there would be no one person who dominates them all. Even if an athlete completely dominates one sport, they don't then dominate acting. They don't then dominate the Forbes Ritzlis. They then don't dominate the perfect relationship. They then don't dominate the longest life. Does that make sense?
Starting point is 00:10:16 We so often think that just because someone dominates one area, they're dominating everything, but there is no one in the world that dominates every single area. They're just isn't. You can't have the best physique and the most money and be the most successful in your... like that just doesn't exist. And so the point we have to realize is that when you look at any vertical, you'll always feel less of. So if you're looking at your family value success as academia and you're not academic, then So if you're looking at your family value successes
Starting point is 00:10:45 academia and you're not academic, then yes, you will be at the bottom of academia, but maybe you're the most creative. And that's where we get stuck and lost. A lot of the times when parents compare children, it's actually not even about the children. It's about making themselves feel better. It's about making themselves feel like they did a good job,
Starting point is 00:11:06 it's like making themselves feel like accomplished parents. We compare sometimes to make ourselves feel better, but often end up feeling worse. So what I'm gonna share with you in this podcast, now that I've shared the problem statement, and that's what I'm trying to do in all of these podcasts, is I'm really sharing with you what is the state of the problem that we And that's what I'm trying to do in all of these podcasts. Is I'm really showing with you, what is the state of the problem that we're dealing with?
Starting point is 00:11:28 How big is it? Where do we experience it? How do we see it and perceive it in our lives? And now I want to give you some of the remedies for this. These are some of the insights and practices that I learned as a monk. These are some of the insights and practices that I've actually been dealing with,
Starting point is 00:11:43 realizing, testing, experimenting. And a lot of them are proven by science too. So get your notebooks out. If you're listening, you're commuting right now and you're not taking notes, you can use your phone. If you're not taking notes, take mental notes, try and test one of these and see how your life changes. I'm Eva Longoria. I'm Maite Gomez Rejoin. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry for History. On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture.
Starting point is 00:12:17 We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe here to for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both. Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both. recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both. Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both.
Starting point is 00:12:28 You know, I'm a flower tortilla flower. Your team flower? I'm team flower. I need a shirt. Team flower, team core. Join us as we explore surprising and lesser-known corners of Latinx culinary history and traditions. I mean, these are these legends, right?
Starting point is 00:12:41 Apparently, this guy Juan Mendes, he was making these tacos wrapped in these huge third-de-ya's to keep it warm, and he was transporting them in a burro, hence the name, the burritos. Listen to Hungary for history with Ivalongoria and Maitre Gomez Rejón as part of the Michael Tura podcast network available on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. How's that New Year's resolution coming along? You know, the one you made about paying off
Starting point is 00:13:07 your pesky credit card debt and finally starting to save your retirement? Well, you're not alone if you haven't made progress yet, roughly four in five New Year's resolutions fail within the first month or two. But that doesn't have to be the case for you and your goals. Our podcast, How to Money can help.
Starting point is 00:13:21 That's right, we're two best buds who've been at it for more than five years now and we want to see you achieve your money goals and it's our goal to provide the information and encouragement you need to do it. We keep the show fresh by answering list our questions, interviewing experts and focusing on the relevant financial news
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Starting point is 00:14:07 In the 1680s, a feisty, opera singer burned down a nunnery and stole away with her secret lover. In 1810, a pirate queen negotiated her cruise way to total freedom, with all their loot. During World War II, a flirtatious gambling double agent helped keep D-Day a secret from the Germans. What are these stories having common? They're all about real women who were left out
Starting point is 00:14:34 of your history books. If you're tired of missing out, check out the Womanica podcast, a daily women's history podcast highlighting women you may not have heard of, but definitely should know about. I'm your host Jenny Kaplan, and for me, diving into these stories is the best part of my day. I learned something new about women from around the world and leaf-healing amazed, inspired,
Starting point is 00:14:56 and sometimes shocked. Listen on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So here are the seven ways to stop comparing yourselves to others. The first one, this is probably the most important one that I can recommend for you to do and that's why I'm starting with it. This one is called define what success and happiness mean to you. Define what success and happiness mean to you. And I divide success and happiness across these five sections. Define what success means to you physically. Define what success means to you financially. Define what success means to you physically. Define what success means to you financially. Define what success means to you mentally. Define what success means to you emotionally
Starting point is 00:15:52 and define what success means to you spiritually. If you don't define what success means to you, you'll be forced to use the definition of others. Let me say that again. If you don't define what success means to you, you by default will use the definition of others. And that's what we're all doing in our life. We're basing the success of our lives
Starting point is 00:16:20 based on someone else's definition of that thing or word. For example, if we look at physically, if we look at someone like an athlete, like Cristiano Ronaldo, and if all of us compared ourselves against Cristiano Ronaldo or LeBron James, or any of these athletes that we know are performing highly in the world, we would fill in adequate. And the reason we'd fill in adequate is they have a different definition of what success means physically Why because it's linked to their livelihood? It's linked to their career. It's what they do all day
Starting point is 00:16:51 We don't recognize that they have a full diet team. They have a health team. They have a workout team. They have a rehab team they have a Rejuvenation team they have a nutrition team. They have you know, they have teams for every area of their life because their body is their career. If you compare yourself to someone who's doing something like that, it's so hard to win and understand. Now define what success means to you financially. This is probably one of the hardest ones because we look at averages.
Starting point is 00:17:22 We say things like, I should be making this amount of money by this age. I should have reached this landmark by this age. Again, focus on what you're looking for in your career and measure that. You may have a more meaningful, fulfilling career and maybe making less money than someone else. Or you may be making lots of money because that's what you value.
Starting point is 00:17:44 You have less time to take holidays. The point is that there's always going to be a balance. There's always going to be a shifting scale. And no one's going to have it all, even if it appears that way. And that's the biggest challenge to this definition of success. We believe there's a way that a few people have it all. But the truth is, you can have it all, just not all at the same time.
Starting point is 00:18:07 I've had places in my life where I had so much more spare time to grow, to travel, to think, and have it times in my life where I haven't had that. But I've had so much more access to incredible opportunities. It's fine to not have it all at the same time. Give up that false desire to have it all at the same time. Give up that false desire to have it all at the same time. Define what success means to mentally, relationship-wise and emotionally,
Starting point is 00:18:31 and define what success means to you spiritually. Notice that our definitions will be different. That's why we look at people sometimes and we think, why are they doing that? Why are they working so hard? Wow, their life must be so bad. But actually, they have a different set of priorities and they've figured that out. So you need to figure out yours. We compare ourselves more when we don't know what we stand for.
Starting point is 00:18:57 We compare ourselves more when we don't know what we stand for, when we know what we stand for, we don't have time to compare ourselves to others. Let me give you an example from my own life that I hope illustrates this better. So I remember being 18 years old and all my friends were going to university or college, as you call it in the US. And at that time, I took a gap here. I took a gap here because I wanted to explore spirituality. I wanted to travel. I wanted to learn and I wanted to grow. Now all my friends were at university at college. They were partying.
Starting point is 00:19:32 They were growing up. They were getting this new life. And I took a gap here all on my own to go and explore. Now I didn't feel like I was missing out a tour, even when I'd see pictures on social media or even when I heard about what my friends were up to, because I knew what I was doing was meaningful to me. Now, second step, when all my friends began
Starting point is 00:19:52 their corporate jobs and their amazing careers, starting to earn money, starting to buy cars, starting to be able to go to nicer places, starting to wear nicer clothes, I went off to become a monk. I literally traded my suits for robes, I traded my bed for a mat, I traded my late nights for early mornings, and I went off to be a monk. Again, I didn't feel like I was missing out on money or access to life because I was choosing something that was meaningful and fulfilling to me. And when my friends started
Starting point is 00:20:23 parting, I was meditating, I was studying, learning, growing and meditating. And again, it didn't feel like I was missing out because I was doing what was meaningful and powerful to me. And then when I left being among where my friends were buying homes, I just started work. I started my first full-time graduate role at age 26 or 27, fairly late compared to most people,
Starting point is 00:20:45 about six years later, because of my time out, and all the breaks. But I wasn't fazed by it, I was fazed by it in the beginning, but I was able to overcome that by recognizing that I had made choices and decisions in my life that I believed were right for me. And now when I look back in hindsight, I was 100% right. I do what I love every single day.
Starting point is 00:21:09 It's super meaningful. I have an incredible community like all of you that I get to serve all the time. I am getting to make a difference in an impact in the world through every single one of you that gives me the opportunity. And I'm so grateful for that. And this is why we have to make choices that are meaningful and powerful to us. Step number two, remember we've got seven of these.
Starting point is 00:21:31 Step number two, discover your strengths. Now that you've defined what success means to you, you need to discover your strengths. The challenge with comparing is we always focus on our weaknesses and other people's strengths. The way you flip that around is you start focusing on your strengths. So instead of focusing on other people's strengths and your weaknesses, focus on their strengths and your strengths. When we're aware of our strengths, not only do we feel more confident, but we value others' strengths. That's the beautiful thing that happens. When you realize what you're good at, you start noticing what others are good at.
Starting point is 00:22:10 When you don't realize your strengths, you feel jealous and envious about everyone. And that's one of the biggest challenges that the noise of comparing yourself goes to everyone. So let me explain what I mean by that. If you don't know what your strengths are and what you're good at, you'll compare yourself to someone who has a great vlog. You'll compare yourself to someone who has a great vlog. You'll compare yourself to someone who has a great podcast. You'll compare yourself to someone who's a singer. You'll compare yourself to a fitness instructor. You'll compare yourself to someone who's a coach. You'll compare yourself to someone who's a designer. The point is comparison doesn't
Starting point is 00:22:38 stop. When you realize your strengths, the incredible thing that happens is your comparison shrinks to only people in your area, which is much more manageable. So what I mean by that is if you're a singer and you're confident in being a singer, you will now only compare yourself to singers, which is much more easier to deal with than being someone who should be a singer but comparing yourself to a musician, comparing yourself to a designer, comparing yourself to an entrepreneur. So we can shrink our comparison, which makes it a lot more easy to deal with.
Starting point is 00:23:11 It's like shrinking a problem, so you can laser focus and destroy it, rather than having to aim in all directions. Now, this focusing and discovering your strengths is really important. When Albert Einstein failed a French exam, imagine he concentrated only on his language skills. He might never have transformed physics.
Starting point is 00:23:32 When J.K. Rowling realized that she was highly disorganized, and if you didn't know that she was, imagine she'd focused on becoming more organized. She might never have made Harry Potter. And then Dennis Rodman, imagine he worked exclusively on overcoming his weakness in shooting free throws. He might never have become a seven time NBA rebounding champion. Right? Notice how all of these people that we recognize and know of have focused on their strengths.
Starting point is 00:24:00 We look at the people, the greats in music and the athletics, whatever it was, they played to their strengths. So how do you discover your strengths? One of my favorite ways has been using the Gallup Strengths finder. It's a great tool. It's online. I'm not doing it ad. It's not a partnership.
Starting point is 00:24:15 It's a tool that I really believe in. And what that does is it gives you your top five strengths and your top 34 strengths. When I saw my top five strengths, it gave me so much confidence to go all in on them. It gave me so much self assurance. They gave me so much more focus because now I realize that to become successful, impactful and happy, I could just implement those and go all in on those.
Starting point is 00:24:44 And for me, when I saw that one of my best skills was strategy, I was like, wow, I wasn't even consciously using that skill. And that's the beauty that when you consciously recognize what values and strengths you have, you can then use them better. It's like having something in your toolkit, but not knowing it's there because it's buried under so many other tools and so much of the noise. But when you find it, you're like, OK, now I can use this. I know that it's here. Another one of mine was intellectual ideation and communication.
Starting point is 00:25:14 And so I've recognized that I had to start focusing more on sharing my ideas in that way. And now I wasn't looking at the other 29 skills going, oh my God, I'm so sad I don't have those 29 skills because I realize that this top five could change my life. And I can guarantee that for you, anyone who has gone all in on their strengths, not just me, they will see growth in their lives. Now it is important to recognize that the Gallup strengths finder or any strengths finder for that matter isn't enough.
Starting point is 00:25:43 And the reason is because we consistently overestimate the likelihood of our generosity, being selfless, having certain skills. And sometimes we overestimate our abilities. And so that's why one of my favorite methods for this is something called the reflected best self-exercise. It starts by asking people who know you well and that you know well to tell you about a specific time when you were at your best. And then what you do is you look for common themes to understand your strengths from all these different people. You can use
Starting point is 00:26:17 three people, six people, or nine people, and anyone that's done this activity, anyone that I've ever coached or worked with, whether it's an athlete, an executive, or anyone in the world of entrepreneurship, they've seen this as a life changing. So this is what you have to do. Here are the steps. The first thing is choose your three, six, or nine people. And ideally more, if you can identify 10 to 20 people,
Starting point is 00:26:41 you know well that know you from different walks of life, this can be a phenomenal exercise. Try and find a set of people that you've worked with. Try and find a set of people that are family. And try and find a set of people that are friends. And ask them to write a story about you about a time when you were at your best. Right? When a specific time, not a imaginary story, not something from when you were a child
Starting point is 00:27:07 that was super inspirational, something of recent, where you've really shown you at your best. Step two, spot the patterns. When you get the information back, look at the key themes that keep coming out and try and identify three things from these 10 to 20 interviews, 10 to 20 stories that you think become common themes.
Starting point is 00:27:28 Step number three is write out your own profile of yourself and give yourself your own feedback on what you're hearing from others. And step number four, which is the one people usually miss out on, but I want you to do, is focus on how you turn these into action. How do you now start acting on these and testing on these new, found skills and habits?
Starting point is 00:27:51 Or how do you raise your confidence by actually putting them into practice? How can you now do that this weekend? How can you now use that skill this weekend? And when you're doing this activity, make sure that you have diversity in the people you ask. You want people from different backgrounds who know you in different ways, and you want people to be extremely specific. Those are the most important ways
Starting point is 00:28:13 of getting the most out of that activity. Now, step number three. This is probably one of my favorites. This one has helped me recognize comparing is so much more beyond what I think it is. And this is called study people's pains. Have real conversations. You'll realize that social media is just not real.
Starting point is 00:28:42 I speak with so many people from different backgrounds, different walks of life, different socioeconomic backgrounds, every single week. I speak to some of the most successful people in the world, people are on their way out, people are struggling, people are stuck. And guess what? When you study people's pains and have real conversations,
Starting point is 00:28:59 you realize we're all so much closer than we believe. We think that some people are just flying high and others don't, you know, others have all the issues, but the truth is we're so much closer. When you study the people's pains or people you look up to, people you admire, you start recognizing that they didn't have it easy. When you look at the people today
Starting point is 00:29:19 that are crushing on social media, that have the biggest growth, that have the most views, they didn't have it easy either. It's our belief that some people got lucky, got things easily or quickly that stops us from really recognizing and stop comparing. This is how we stop comparing. We've realized the hard work that's got into something
Starting point is 00:29:41 and we've recognized that that's where it starts for us. Number four, this is something that I've really put into practice and has saved me from stopping comparing myself to others. And this is what I call collaboration, not competition. I believe that when you can collaborate with people that you think you would be competitive with, you build a human friendship, you think you would be competitive with,
Starting point is 00:30:05 you build a human friendship, you build a human relationship, you build a bond and you crush competition. Collaboration crushes competition. You see anyone who's grown through social media, you look at anyone who's grown their channels, their podcasts, you look at anyone who's grown in their career, it's come from collaboration. Believe it or not, Apple and Google collaborate on technology, Samsung and Apple collaborate on technology. It's not like they're always competing.
Starting point is 00:30:30 Collaboration can lead to so much more than competition. And the best place to collaborate is with people in your space, people at your level, people who are your peers. Don't see them as competitors, see them as collaborators, reach out to people, take that first step.
Starting point is 00:30:45 I remember when I first started creating videos, I literally reached out to every creator and said, who I admired, not authentically, genuinely, and put forward and said, I'd love to work with you, I'd love to collaborate with you. And guess what? Some people came back and now they're some of my friends, and some people never wrote back. And that's absolutely fine. And some people have started writing back recently because of what's happened. And I'm not bitter towards them. I'm grateful. I'm grateful because I realized that these things take time but take that fair step, focus on collaboration, not competition, focus on making that a priority. It will absolutely drastically change your life and it will stop
Starting point is 00:31:25 you from comparing because you recognize you can achieve so much more together, right? You'll always achieve more together. Step number five, this one has really stopped me from comparing and it's always being a student. Every time I'm comparing myself to others and whenever we say things like, oh my God, they're doing so much better. Why is it working for them? Instead of focusing on, oh my god, they're doing so much better, if I sit there and ask myself, wait a minute, what can I learn from this individual? What ideas or expertise do they have that they're putting into practice that I should be learning? So rather than judging people or labeling people, you stay curious. You're looking for opportunities to learn and grow
Starting point is 00:32:06 rather than to make a statement about someone else. So often we just say things like, oh, it looks like it's all working out for them. Instead we should ask ourselves, why is it working out for them? What are they doing differently? And often we try and externalize the answers. So I'll give an example. For so long, I believed that any talent that we're successful, it's because they had a great management team. It's because they had a great agency. It's because they had a great group of people around them. Now, that's true to some degree, but after having got to known several talent, whether it's athletes, musicians, YouTubers, social media creators, actors, actresses, I've realized that the relentless pursue of greatness
Starting point is 00:32:48 by an individual is the number one thing they have. Their team is great, they do have nice people around them, they do have a good management team around them, but it wasn't an external person that led to their success. So when we choose to be a student, instead of a judgmental person, and instead of saying, wow, things
Starting point is 00:33:06 always work out for them. Asking why is it working out for them? What are they doing on a daily basis? What are their habits? That is going to help you grow much more remaining a student. Number six is something that's so practical that you could do it right now. Do something small really well. Do really small things with a big heart.
Starting point is 00:33:30 We all need to feel significant. And to feel significant, we need to have an impact, a big or small, volunteer, work with a charity. Do something this weekend for your community. When you do something even small, but you do it with a big heart and you feel well, that will boost your confidence. It will stop you from comparing yourself to others because you will feel self-worth at the core. And this is where it's all at. We spend
Starting point is 00:33:56 so much time comparing ourselves to other people because we're not focusing on ourselves. When we try and do things with a deep intention, so much can happen. And method number seven, this week can clear it out. Do something you've been putting off for a while. See, we become less confident, our self-worth drops, our confidence drops, our efficiency and productivity drop,
Starting point is 00:34:22 when we keep putting things off. If you keep putting things off, you're gonna keep feeling like you're failing. You're gonna keep feeling like things are falling apart. So do something you've been putting off for a while. Clear the whole weekend, make it happen. And when you do that, your self-worth will go through the roof.
Starting point is 00:34:38 This will kickstart a whole new journey and whole new phase in your life. So the seven steps of this, number one, define what success means to you. Number two, discover your strengths. Make sure you take part in the interview exercise. Number three, deeply study people's pains. Number four, collaborate, don't compete. Number five, become a student always. Number six, do something small with a big heart. Number seven, do something you've been putting out for a long, long time.
Starting point is 00:35:12 Because the biggest challenge is we're comparing our behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel. That's the biggest challenge. And you're gonna keep doing that until you start focusing on your behind the scenes and you start building who you are. Thank you so much for listening to this solo episode of On Purpose.
Starting point is 00:35:34 Thank you so much for all the reviews. If you haven't subscribed, make sure you do and if you've already subscribed, please make sure you rate and review. Share this podcast, share the best insights. I love seeing how much you're gaining from this. If you have ideas for topics or themes, let me know through social media as well. I would love to take them on board.
Starting point is 00:35:50 This is our community, this is our family. Thank you for being a part of On Purpose. See you soon. [♪ Music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in Thank you so much for listening through to the end of that episode. I hope you're going to share this all across social media. Let people know that you're subscribed to on purpose. Let me know. Post it. Tell me what a difference it's making in your life.
Starting point is 00:36:17 I would love to see your thoughts. I can't wait for this incredibly conscious community we're creating of purposeful people. You're now a part of the tribe, a part of the squad. Thank you for being here. I can't wait to share the next episode with you. I'm Eva Longoria. And I'm Maite Gomes-Rajón. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry For History! On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages
Starting point is 00:36:59 from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Listen to Hungry for History on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover, and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast.
Starting point is 00:37:41 Check it out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Concord Your New Year's Resolution to be more productive with the Before Breakfast Podcast! In each bite-sized daily episode, time management and productivity expert Laura Vandercam teaches you how to make the most of your time, both at work and at home. These are the practical suggestions you need to get more done with your day. Just as lifting weights keeps our bodies strong as we age, learning new skills is the mental equivalent of pumping iron. Listen to Before Breakfast on the I Heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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