On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 9 Personality Types & How to Understand Your Type to Know Your Strengths & Improve Your Relationships

Episode Date: July 15, 2022

Do you want to meditate daily with me? Go to go.calm.com/onpurpose to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay. Only on Calm Our personality is a major component of who we are as a person and is often how people see us. Depending on the personality type that is dominant within us, our reactions to different situations vary from others. And these varying reactions may be viewed negatively by other people because their personality is the exact opposite of ours.In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty shares the key qualities of the different personality types and what can be done to improve our personality development.Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/ Key Takeaways:00:00 Intro01:18 Why is it important to know your personality type? 06:45 Type #1: The Perfectionist13:10 Type #2: The Giver19:34 Type #3: The Performer22:24 Type #4: The Romantic24:42 Type #5: The Observer26:58 Type #6: The Loyal Skeptic Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Louis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War Two? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover.

And a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Our 20s often sing as this golden decade, our time to be kitfree, make mistakes and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Gemma Speg,

the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. We spent our lives following the rules, following the guidelines, doing what was good, doing what was polite and right, even if we didn't feel aligned with ourselves, which naturally leads to anger, to tension, to stress. Notice how the suppression of anger develops tension and resentment. Hey, thank you so much for listening and tuning in today.

Thank you for selecting this podcast and this episode to be here with me on on purpose. I don't take you for granted. I'm extremely grateful that you chose to be with me here today when you could have been anywhere in the world right now. And I appreciate you. I genuinely do. And in my heart of hearts, I hope that one day I get to meet you, I get to give you a big hug.

And we get to be at a live, un-purposed event with the community that we've built over the last few years. It is mind-blowing to me, just how this community has doubled in strength in just the last couple of years. And I know how many of you are sharing these episodes, talking about them, and I couldn't be more grateful.

Now, today's episode is an important one. For as long as I've known, I've been fascinated by learning about personality types, about psychology, and about human behavior. And before we dive in, I want to talk a bit about why I think it's important to know and understand your personality type, your psychology, and your nature, and how it impacts your behavior, your actions, your choices, and your nature and how it impacts your behavior your actions your choices and your decisions and The reason I got fascinated is because I realized I loved learning about myself How many of you love learning something about yourself? It's one of the reasons why we love astrology or why we love doing personality tests or any sort of fun test that you see come up on social media where you're like, oh, let me learn what my

weirdest guilty pleasure is or whatever it may be because self awareness is really fulfilling. Let me say that again, self awareness is really fulfilling and when we get to know ourselves, when we get to learn about ourselves, we're able to love, care and deeply understand ourselves. All those things that we want someone else to do, this is something that we get to do for ourselves. So let's dive in to why it's important. The first thing is that knowing your personality type is important because it helps you understand why you think the way you do, why you are the way you are. You've developed certain traits through nature and nurture

that have led to this psychophysical position that you currently have. And then you start to be able to notice why you react in a certain way, why you're triggered in a certain way, why you move in a certain way. So it's really practical and powerful to get a deeper understanding of why your mind works the way it works. The next reason why it's really important to understand your personality type is you can do the same for others. You start to realize that everything's not that personal. You start to realize that not everything is directed towards you. That not everything that someone does or

says is because it makes sense to you. it may not make sense with your rationale or your logic, but it makes sense to them because of their wiring. The third reason is that you can now change how you use your personality type. You can focus in on your strengths, you can double down on your superpowers. You can try to improve your weaknesses and areas that they may be limiting you or holding you back. You now have availability and accessibility to a whole new set of tools to transform your life. Learning about your personality type makes you a better communicator because you now know

how to speak to someone in their personality language not yours. One of the biggest challenges in our communication is we talk to people how we want to be spoken to not how they want to be spoken to based on their emotions and wiring. Learning about your personality types makes it easier to make better decisions because you start recognizing which decisions are in alignment with who you are, which parallels are there to unleash your potential. And learning about your personality type improves your emotional regulation. When you understand your personality type, you're able to better emotionally remain stable and regulated through all the ups and downs because you now recognize the patterns.

Now today I'm going to be looking at a specific book called The Essential Anyogram and this is the definitive personality test and self-discovery guide by David Daniels, MD, at the Stanford University Medical School. I'm using the Anygram in this book because it simplifies it. It allows you to make it clear for this episode, but hopefully it's a great introduction into the Anyagram for you. Now some of you may be aware of the Anyagram, some of you might not, and therefore I will start by first of all, just defining what anyogram is. Now, the anyogram, of course, is a personality system

that helps us understand our different patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting. And the book goes on to say that anya is a Greek word for nine, and gram means a figure or something written. Hence, the anyogram personality system is represented by a diagram of nine pointed star within a circle. Each of these nine patterns and nine points forms one of the personality types. Today I will be giving you an overview of the different personality types and if you grab this book there's a test in it, there's lots of tests online as well to help you figure out which is

yours. I'm going to leave that for you to do. But today I want to talk about the different types and talk about how learning about this could change how you behave at work in life and your relationships. So let's dive straight in. The first personality type is the perfectionist. Now a word of caution, when I walk through this, you're going to be listening going, that's me. Oh, that's me as well. Oh my gosh, I'm like four of these. The truth is, we are all, of course, a mixture and a blend of many of these, but we have one predominating one. of many of these, but we have one predominating one. At the same time, we have a certain sense of intention that guides and is the underlying principle to all of these. So, sometimes you may have

several similar behaviors, but the reason for that behavior is what the personality goes through, the reason goes to the root. So, the first one is the perfectionist. The perfectionist belief is that we are all one and are perfect as we are. People are not accepted for who they are, they good behavior is expected and taken for granted. Their bad behavior and impulses are judged negatively and punished. Based on that belief they have a strategy which is, I learn to gain love and self-regard by being good, responsible and conscientious, doing things the correct way,

meeting my high internal standards and following the rules. I suppressed anger and developed tension and resentment. How many of us can align and identify with this? We spent our lives following the rules, following the guidelines, doing what was good, doing what was polite and right, even if we didn't feel aligned with ourselves, which naturally leads to anger, to tension, to stress. Notice how the suppression of anger, the book goes on to say, develops tension and resentment. And so, because of this strategy, a perfectionist's tension is on what is right, what is wrong, and what should be corrected. The rightness and wrongness of other people's behavior compared to theirs,

self-criticism and others' criticism of themselves, their blind spots, and the grey zone between black and white and often to both urge and desire. They put all their energy into getting things right, issues about integrity, and they do everything they can to avoid making mistakes. Notice how this goes beyond just being a perfectionist in a task. It becomes a way of life where all you focus on is on being right, getting things right,

and doing things right. Now we all know that things are not that black and white. We know things are not that clear. So what does that lead to? It leads to stress. And what causes you stress is not being able to quiet the internal critic and the associated anxiety and worried. You feel overburdened by a sense of personal responsibility and conscientiousness. And you start recognizing that a lot of that anger and defensiveness develops. Now of course there are strengths to this type as well. The strengths and integrity concern for improvement, putting forth a lot of effort, idealism,

self-reliance, keeping of higher standards, self-restraint. These are all qualities that David Daniels points out as the strengths of the perfectionist. And their communication style is being precise, clear, direct, all positive things. Now notice how the balance of this, when someone is in balance as a perfectionist, they can be highly powerful and impactful in society. I mean, most of us would say we need more people like this, but when the balance is tipped, when we're not sure what is right and wrong, this can also be very harmful. So as always on this podcast, what I want to focus on, and the book does this beautifully is, how does this type focus on personal development, observing the way you constantly monitor good and bad,

appreciating that there is more than one right way and that others wrong ways may simply be individual differences, accepting imperfections in myself and others is what we need to focus on, practicing forgiveness for ourselves and for others. And even on a deep level, questioning and refining the rules we live by, do we really understand them? Are we fighting for right? Or do we deeply understand the rules? These are the pathways to personal development for this type. And what ends up hindering your personal development is that inner critic all over again

that doesn't let you accept yourself and doesn't let you accept others. It's constantly worrying about getting everything perfect and getting everything right. Now, raise your hand if you feel this is you. Raise your hand if you feel you're constantly governed by right and wrong. Not just do you think about it sometimes. This is your mode of living and take a second to be kinder to yourself. Take a second to be conscious with yourself. Take a moment to forgive yourself and recognize that this is something you want to work on. You're not going to be hard on yourself, You're not going to strengthen that inner critic. And the way others can support your development is by encouraging you to go easy

on yourself and to make time for yourself, providing you with a non-judgmental viewpoint because that's what you struggle with. So you can literally tell your friends, hey, could you remind me to take it easy on myself? Could you remind me to not judge myself as strongly? This is Type 1. How many of you enjoying this session so far? I hope you are. I hope you're feeling that sense of reflection. You may even have a Type 1 in your life. And now you're feeling better equipped to deal with them. This book is fantastic. David Daniels, the essential enneagram. I've had it for a ton of time. It beautifully gives you an intro into the enneagram, which you can then dive into deeper. Number two is the giver. Oh, how many of you are already thinking you're the giver?

Their belief is to get you must give, to be loved, you must be needed. Their adaptive strategy is I learn to get my personal needs fulfilled by being needed and by giving others what I felt they needed and wanted and I expected that they would then do the same for me. I developed feelings of pride in being indispensable. Wow. How many of you know a family member that has lived this way as a giver? How many of you know a family member that has lived this way as a giver? How many of you know someone that gets their sense of value and self-worth and self-belief because they give?

They want to feel needed, they want to feel useful, they may get territorial about certain things. So because of this strategy, their attention is on the needs and wants of others, especially if people they care about and would like to have more care about them. This obviously creates so many challenges. People can't always reciprocate in the same way,

people can't always give back in the same way. And this person ends up putting their energy into sensing the emotional needs of others and doing what pleases them, feeling good about being able to meet others needs so well. And that's massively difficult, whether it's romantic relationship, family or friendships. And they're trying to avoid disappointing others. They're trying to avoid feeling unappreciated. So they bend and they shift and they break whatever it takes to feel needed.

Now the strengths is being giving and helpful, being generous, at the core, they are supportive, appreciative, and you may think, wow, this person's amazing because they love and care about me so much, not recognizing that they may want the same back. Their communication style is friendly, expressive, but they can often tell you how they truly feel as well. Now, let's really talk about how to gain personal development in this regard, because we know

we can already understand that they're stressing challenges that come with this approach. And sometimes they can have intense or sudden emotional outbursts, saying that they don't feel reciprocated weird, saying that they don't feel loved, saying that they don't feel taken care of. So this person needs to realize that being loved does not depend on changing yourself for others. Gaining clarity about who the real me is and about my own wants and needs. This is the key part. It's recognizing, well, what do I need? What do I want?

And how can I give that to myself? If I'm such a giver, let me give to myself first. And let me not give to expect. Let me form relationships where there is natural reciprocity. Let me form relationships where I'm happy to maintain boundaries. And of course, this would have to be a big focus area for this individual as well. Now I'm sharing the challenges because I think we all relate to the challenges more, but we have to realize this is also a beautiful mindset.

If you have the ability to give, if you have the ability to love, that is one of the most beautiful gifts. But when we give to get, when we love to be loved back, that often feels empty and uncertain. So I want you to think about how you can give more credit to yourself, give more love to yourself. And at the same time, whenever you feel selfish, accepting that you can only give to others if you give to yourself first. Learning to set healthier boundaries and barriers

can be really, really protective. So that is type two. And if you're a type two, or you know someone in your life that's a type two, the way to get support from others is appreciating my independent self instead of being seduced by or dependent on the help I give. Paying attention to my real needs and asking about them.

So if you have a friend who's always bending over backwards for you, reach out to them and ask them to take care of themselves. Next time they offer to go above and beyond for you, help them help themselves. Or go above and beyond for them, but be clear about the expectation you're setting as well. That is type number two. We've been getting so many amazing reviews for the Daily J, my new daily guided meditation series on the Karmap. You might have heard a couple of snippets on the podcast for a few weeks, so in case you

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Our show is Chock Full of the Personal Finance Knowledge that you need with guidance three times a week, and we talk about debt payoff. If, let's say you've had a particularly spend-through-if-tolerty season, we also talk about building up your savings, intelligent investing, and growing your income, no matter where you are on your financial journey, how do monies got your back? Millions of listeners have trusted us to help them achieve their financial goals. Ensure that your resolution turns into ongoing progress. Listen to how to money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health,

personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives, those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly ourselves. We chat about things like what to do when a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia,

and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therap therapy for Black Girls Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. educational and sometimes difficult and challenging conversations about relationships. They may not have the capacity to give you what you need. And insisting means that you are abusing yourself now. You human! That means that you're crazy as hell, just like the rest of us. When a relationship breaks down, I take copious notes and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for

you, but if you're going to eat it, they're not going to stop you. So he's going to continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him Listen to the R-Spot on the iHeart video app Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to podcasts Okay, the third type is known as the performer They believe that everything works and gets done naturally according to Universal laws and they feel that they've learned to get love and approval by achieving success by working hard to be the best and by maintaining a good image. They believe they developed a self-driving go-ahead energy that masked their own true feelings.

And their way of operating is all the things that have to be done, task goals and future achievements, the most efficient solutions, how to be the best. And getting things done quickly and efficiently, staying active and busy, competing, achieving recognition, and credit for accomplishments, adjusting to whatever is required for success, promoting themselves looking good. They do everything they can to avoid failing to achieve their goals, being overshadowed by others, losing face, experiencing uncomfortable feelings.

And their strengths are being personable, enthusiastic, leadership, self-assurance. Again, as you can see, all of these personality types have lots of positive traits. But the thing that we don't recognize is that if we're not aware of the narrative that we've built or the story that we've built, often we can end up feeling worse even when we understand this about ourselves. Their communication style is direct, topic focused, fast-paced, and confident. Now, what causes them stress is the pressure that comes from basing how good they feel about themselves on how much they get done and on status, prestige, and power, not knowing their real feelings and values. So if you're one of these people and you want to be on top, knowing your true feelings and values and working towards your values, engaging that work ethic to something you really care about, directing that towards your purpose is what purifies this personality

type and makes you feel healthy. Other ideas for personal development are moderating your pace by practicing patience and allowing things to be as they are. While comming their emotions, asking yourself what really matters, practicing looking inward for your own identity apart from success and the expectation of others, setting limits and boundaries on work, allowing yourself to listen and be receptive. Notice how there is a way forward in each of these to have a great relationship with yourself. And what ends up happening is that because we're unaware of this, we push it aside and we don't give

it the energy and the focus that it truly needs. Type 4 is the romantic. Now this isn't about relationships, this is just how they think about life, a romantic view of life. So their belief is people experience a painful loss of their original connections, leaving them feeling abandoned and feeling that they are missing something important. They learn to keep searching for an ideal love or perfect circumstance to make them feel loved, whole and complete again. They developed feelings of longing and envy for what is missing. So they end up putting their energy into a range of intense feelings associated with what seems to be missing

or lacking in life, finding love, meaning and fulfillment through self-expression and deep connection, endeavouring to be a unique individual. Their strengths are sensitivity, a creative orientation, we see a lot of musicians in this field, a lot of poets, a lot of artists. They have a capacity to empathize with suffering. How many times have you listened to a musician or an artist or a friend who plays an instrument and you just think, they understand me. They know how I feel. This person has emotional depth, authenticity and introspection. It's why so often we feel so

and introspection. It's why so often we feel so understood by musicians, but why they don't feel understood. They communicate through expressive feelings, often personal and self-focused. They can be self-absorbed. They can be dramatic at times. And what causes them stress is people and experiences not living up to their romantic ideals or their desire for intensity. They can envy what others have that they do not have or what they are that they are not. Now, how does this person move forward? Focusing on what is positive in life right now, rather than what is missing, maintaining a consistent course of action despite fluctuating in intense feelings, cultivating happiness in others in order to become less self-absorbed, delaying reactive action until intense emotions begin to subside.

And if you know someone like this, encourage them to keep their attention on what is positive in the present. Okay, so personality 5, there's nine altogether. We may or may not get through all of them today. I may need a part two, but step five is the observer. Now the observer has learned to protect themselves from intrusive demands and being drained of their resources by becoming private and self-sufficient. They do this by limiting their desires and wants and by accumulating a lot of knowledge.

They developed a sense of avarice, but only for things they could not do without. Now this person puts their energy into retracting in order to observe, learning all there is to know about a subject, thinking and analyzing in advance, dampening and reducing feelings, remaining self-contained to conserve energy, maintaining sufficient privacy, boundaries and limits. And their strengths are scholarly-ness, being knowledgeable, thoughtfulness, calmness in crisis, being respectful, keeping confidences, dependability, appreciation of simplicity. Now what causes this person's stress is failing to maintain sufficient privacy, boundaries

and limits. And the way this person can move forward is allowing them to experience feelings instead of detaching and retracting into their mind. Notice how so many of us are hiding our feelings for different reasons. So, so far, we've gone through nearly five personality types. Notice how some are hiding their feelings because they're focused on success. Others are hiding their feelings because they're focused on knowledge. So, we start realizing that we're all hiding our feelings, but we're hiding them for different reasons. And when we become aware of the underlying reason, that's when we can truly make

shifts. Another thing for their personal development is taking action in the realization that they have ample energy and support to carry it off, finding ways to engage in conversation, to express themselves, and to reveal personal matters. Hence, a lot of observers need therapy or coaching in order to create that safe space, to be more vulnerable, to be more honest, and to be more open. Okay, number six is known as the loyal skeptic. Okay, number six is known as the loyal skeptic. Now, this one has developed one of two strategies to seek security and certainty, phobic or accommodating stance. While I became doubting vigilant and questioning, I also learned to obey authority and to avoid

perceived threats and hazards, or counterphobic or challenging stunts. While I became doubting, vigilant, and questioning, I also learned to defy authority and to battle perceived threats and hazards. This person puts their energy into doubting, testing, looking for double messages, fingering things out through logical analysis, playing the devil's advocate.

We all have the one friend who says, I just want to play devil's advocate here, right? Gaining security, but obtaining the goodwill of others. Their strengths include trustworthiness, loyalty, thoughtfulness, questioning. It can be a really powerful skill, but sometimes, of course, it can become stressful if they put pressure on themselves in their efforts to deal with uncertainty and insecurity. They struggle with feeling that lack and what makes them angry is untrustworthy ness, betrayal. Now how did these people move forward with their personal development? Being and acting as my own authority, reclaiming faith in myself, others and the universe, accepting that someone

certainty and insecurity is a natural part of life. Checking out my fears and concerns with others, recognizing that staying busy is a way to reduce awareness of anxiety, and recognizing that both fight and flight are reactions to fear. So today we've covered six of the Anyogram personality types, and there are nine in total. I will definitely do a part two if you like this episode. Make sure you let me know in the reviews, make sure you tag me on Instagram and let me know that you want a part two of this to go over the other three.

Remember I was reading from David Daniel's book, the essential enneagram. It's a short book, really simple. And I really wanted to focus on it today because I think it covers so much ground in such simplicity. I really hope this episode helped you today. I'm so grateful to each and every one of you for listening. I can't wait for part two and I'll see you soon. Thanks for listening, I can't wait for part two and I'll see you soon. Thanks for listening everyone.

Regardless of the progress you've made in life, I believe we could all benefit from wisdom on handling common problems, making life seem more manageable, now more than ever. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One-Dar Feed Podcast, where I interview thought-provoking guests who offer practical wisdom that you can use to create the life you want. 25 years ago, I was homeless and addicted to heroin. I've made my way through addiction recovery, learned to navigate my clinical depression, and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The One-Ear feed has over 30 million downloads

and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple Podcasts. Oprah Magazine named this is one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life. You always have the chance to begin again and feed the best of yourself. The trap is the person often thinks they'll act once they feel better. It's actually the other way around.

I have had over 500 conversations with world-renowned experts and yet I'm still striving to be better. Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season. And yet, we're constantly discovering new secrets. The variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share ten incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. Listen to season eight of Family Secrets on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

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