On Purpose with Jay Shetty - 9 Ways To Get Comfortable Doing Uncomfortable Things and Growing Through It

Episode Date: September 17, 2021

Perhaps, it is easier to tell someone to be brave and to do something they haven’t done before. It’s easier to be that encouraging voice on the side cheering for them. But it isn’t as easy when you’re at the receiving end, when you’re the one being encouraged to do something you’re uncomfortable doing. It takes courage and an open mind to do something you’re hesitant to do because it’s outside of your comfort zone, especially when it’s something you never thought of doing out of fear of failing or getting rejected. In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty talks about how doing small uncomfortable things can gradually lead you to embracing changes and improving yourself. Go to http://samatea.com/onpurpose to get on the list for early access + receive a free 5-Minute Wellness Journal made to help guide you through your wellness journey and daily routine Key Takeaways: 00:00 Intro 02:49 How to become comfortable with the uncomfortable? 06:05 Principle #1: Start small, do not go for the big things right away 08:29 Principle #2: Slow down, pause and reflect 12:11 Principle #3: Do one uncomfortable thing yearly 14:15 Principle #4: Surround yourself with people that do uncomfortable things 15:57 Principle #5: Know that it’s okay to fail 17:56 Principle #6: Measure the miniscule improvement 20:06 Principle #7: Say you don’t know anything when you only know a little 21:39 Principle #8: Accept correction and feedback without justification 22:47 Principle #9: Don’t avoid and postpone what you started, start preparing Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Louis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender and visible things we don't usually talk about?

I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by stellar guests like Abbermote, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you

listen to podcasts. Conquer your New Year's resolution to be more productive with the Before Breakfast podcast. In each bite-sized daily episode, time management and productivity expert, Laura Vandercam, teaches you how to make the most of your time, both at work and at home. These are the practical suggestions you need to get more done with your day. Just as lifting weights keeps our bodies strong as we age, learning new skills is the mental equivalent of pumping iron. Listen to before breakfast on the I Heart Radio app

or wherever you get your podcasts. The miniscule improvements matter more when you're starting something uncomfortable as opposed to things that are not comfortable, right? As opposed to things that are easy or comfortable. So always be aware and measure the little improvements. Don't ignore them. Don't just feel like they don't matter, they're not relevant, they're not important. They are. They massively make a difference. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for being here.

I love, love, love. When I sit down, take a moment and record these episodes for you. I just had a cup of summer tea, feeling very calm, feeling very zen and still. And now I get the channel and share and transfer all of that energy to each and every single one of you that has made the decision to listen to this as you walk your dogs, as you cook, as you edit, as you clean your home maybe, or maybe right now you are jogging, maybe you for choosing on purpose, thank you for choosing me to be your guide, to be your host. And I just want to take a moment because it's been so special. I've been seeing some amazing, amazing reviews that I have to read out to you. They're so heartfelt and so beautiful. And you see me sharing you on Instagram as well. But here are some of the reviews that caught my eye this week. So this is from aka JSEON. Good morning, Jay. I just wanted to say your podcast is one of the few

that I have found to be a real game changer for me. Most podcasts come and go, but yours I really enjoy. I love the nuggets of wisdom you give that I can apply to my life. Sometimes your message seems like it was meant for me and the timing couldn't be more perfect. More than a few times I felt stuck in a situation and lately you've had the answers. I'm just glad my mind was open enough to realize it. Please keep up the great work you do. The world is definitely better for it.

I know I am. PS, I'm still playing catch-up so I listened to you five days a week. That message was so beautiful and it really, really made my day. I am PS I'm still playing catch up so I listen to you five days a week that message was so beautiful and it really really made my day. Here's another one. This is from Jules. Jay, I love your podcast and I'm so grateful for your positive inspiring content. I can tell you put a lot of thought and work into every episode you put out, especially your solo ones. There are so many gems of applicable wisdom.

I can grasp and incorporate in my life, starting immediately. And I love that. I typically listen while I'm commuting or walking my dog, but I always find myself wanting to take notes. I love that. Thank you so, so much for sharing those amazing, amazing reviews. So today's episode is something that I think a lot of us need to think about, talk about, reflect on. And it's all about how to get good at doing uncomfortable things, how to become comfortable

with the uncomfortable, how to be comfortable in discomfort. And the amazing thing is that our whole lives, we've been trained, we've been programmed to avoid and postpone difficult things, right? Whenever you came across a challenge, you'd always be like, well, what's the easiest way to get around it? What's the easiest way to get over it? What's the easiest way to avoid it? And at a lot of times, it was also about the idea of trying to postpone uncomfortable things.

Oh, that conversation. I won't have that until next time. Oh, that really challenging situation or test. Let's put that off. Right? So our tactic with uncomfortable things was to avoid and to postpone. And we generally just try to find a way to create lives where we don't have to do uncomfortable things. Now, there's positives and benefits in that, right?

The benefits are you can find flow, you can find rhythm, you can find momentum, you can get things done, you can achieve things. There's lots of benefits. We're trying to avoid a postpone uncomfortable things. At the same time, we've started to realize that there are a lot of benefits in doing the uncomfortable. There are a lot of benefits and advantages to knowing how to sit

with pain, to sit with challenges. There are a lot of moments and opportunities where actually having the skills and the ability to tolerate difficult things can actually be good for us. They can actually be beneficial for us. So give an example, when you're first switching from an unhealthy to a healthy diet, you've got to get comfortable with eating things that you're not comfortable eating. So many people say to me, well, yeah, I love, I don't really like vegetables or I don't like drinking green juice or I don't really love having meals that are free of carbs or bad fats. But we have to be comfortable with the discomfort in the beginning until the discomfort becomes our comfort, becomes our sanctuary, our home. Another example is workouts.

When I first started working out, I remember just feeling out of breath, I remember feeling out of shape, I remember feeling like it was just so difficult. It was so difficult even when I first started doing yoga, I first started meditating. When I first started meditating, sitting on the floor for two hours straight, felt like the most difficult thing in the world.

Today I found it as one of the most refreshing and powerful habits. So so many of our best habits start off feeling uncomfortable and therefore if we can train our minds to be comfortable in the uncomfortable or even if not comfortable we learn to actually work through the discomfort or get it good at doing uncomfortable things. It can have huge huge benefits in our life. So today I'm gonna be sharing with you nine ways to get good at doing uncomfortable things, nine ways to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Now the first thing is start small. Do not start with something huge. Often when we go, yeah, I'm gonna seek discomfort. I'm gonna do something really extreme and I'm gonna run a marathon or climb a mountain. And that feels really cool, right? It makes you feel good for the moment. But the truth is that it isn't realistic.

It's not easy. It's not likely. We may actually end up saying, oh, that's too big a deal. I can't do it now. Well, we may find an excuse or we may find a way to avoid our post bonnet again. And therefore, we need to start small because you're not going to put off something

small. You're going to be easily able to accomplish it. And it's going to build your confidence. This is the biggest reason you start small. If you think about anything in life, when you proved to yourself, you can do something small, instant, quick. You start developing a sense of positivity. You start developing a sense of confidence, swag, bravado, in a good way, not the arrogant kind. And the positive thing is there that the momentum builds. So I remember as monks, we used to take cold showers. You would take cold showers in the morning because you'd start with this small thing

that was uncomfortable. And if you started your day with something that was uncomfortable, you were ready for the rest of the day that may have uncomfortable things to throw at you. Now, you may say, I need something even smaller than that, well, that was making our bed in the morning. Making your bed is uncomfortable.

You just want to get out. You may just want to lie there and be on your phone I need something even smaller than that, well, that was making our bed in the morning. Making your bed is uncomfortable. You just want to get out, you may just want to lie there and be on your phone for 30 minutes, 40 minutes. When you take the discomfort of getting out your bed and then making it, that discomfort is a start small. So the way you get good at doing uncomfortable things

is you start with small things, simple things. And I've often found that these things can be done throughout the day. I know when I used to come home from work or the office, I would leave my shoes at the door and Riley would get upset. And it was uncomfortable for me at the time to put away my shoes. It was uncomfortable for both of us to put the scissors back in their place or put the cellar tape back in their place, right? It's so easy to leave it out.

When you start small with these uncomfortable things, you build up confidence, you build up trust in yourself, and you feel better about yourself. So start small is the first thing that I wanted to share with you. The second principle I want to share with you is when something happens that's uncomfortable, we usually run, get frantic and get fast,

I want you to do the opposite. Slow down, pause and reflect. So let's say someone just told you, you know what, everything's not working out for the shoot today, you know what, everything's not working out for this meeting, you know what, we just lost the deal, It fell through instead of panicking in discomfort, which is what we think we should do. And what our body goes into that fight or flight mode, in that flight or fight mode, we usually move fast and

frantically. And instead, we want to focus on slowing down. Now you may say, Jay, how do I do that when automatically? Like it almost feels like an urge from the body and mind to respond frantically. How do I actually slow down? How do I actually bring that back? And what's amazing about this is that that's why breathing for so many years has been the

thing to go to. When people say taking a deep breath or take a breath, it's because that helps us slow down, it helps us re-center. Now the practice of breath work that I like to use is in for four out for eight. So what you'll find is that your heart rate will increase, right? Your heart rate will actually increase when you're a frantic fight or flight mode when you're moving fast. So your heart will start being faster when you're nervous, when you're anxious, we've all experienced that, right? We've all been there. I feel it. If someone tells me some bad news, straight away, my heart's beating

faster. You're feeling more anxious. Now, I've actually tested slowing my heart rate down with a heavy metal bad near me, with traffic, with obviously in extreme scenarios like skydiving, but the idea of breathing out for longer than you breathe in. So breathe in for four out for eight. This practice is a simple and incredible way to slow down your heart rate.

When you really extend that exhale, breathe in now for a count of four and breathe out for a count of eight. You have to really slow down that exhale. And what I do is I place my left palm on my stomach, breathe in for a count of four. Stomach comes out and then breathe out for a count of eight. You're literally slowing down your exhale so much. And I promise you that will slow your heart rate right down. And now you're approaching the issue at hand, the challenge at hand with stillness, with calm,

with peace. What do you think is going to help more? Dealing with the problem, with pressure or dealing with the problem, with stonus, with peace. What do you think is a better input to the problem? Is it peace or is it pressure? We think, no, no, no, Jay, how can I slow down? I need to solve this right now. I'm with you, but you're not going to solve it with pressure. You're not going to solve it with pressure. You're not going to solve it with stress. You're going to solve it with peace.

That's what's going to solve it. Peace is going to solve it. And so I want you to create that peace before you try and deal with the challenge. Now, this third step is more of the inspirational big piece and I say, do uncomfortable things yearly that are outside of your comfort zone. So do one thing a year that is so outside of your comfort zone that you're preparing towards. So all of these small things are preparing towards that big thing. For me, some of the big things that I did this year, that were big for me when I first did them were skydiving. That was a huge one for me. I never

thought I would skydive, right? I never ever thought I would skydive. And I also did them were skydiving. That was a huge one for me. I never thought I would skydive. I never ever thought I would skydive. And I also did the coal plunge this year. And that was huge for me. And I'm looking for what the next one might be. Now, you want to do one thing for yourself, right? And it doesn't have to be something that's going to break you or absorb all your energy

or that you have to think about it all the time. But it has to be something that you're excited about. It has to be something that you feel you're working towards. By the way, uncomfortable things, don't just have to be these physically scary things. Uncomfortable things could be starting a business. It could be working on your passion in the evenings. It could be starting a YouTube channel or podcast.

Uncomfortable things don't have to be these huge things. Like, I'm running a marathon this year. It doesn't have to be that way. It can be very much aligned with your passions and what you love. I'm launching some a tea. I'm uncomfortable about that. I've never launched a tea company.

I've never done that before. And, Rady and I are so proud of the tea we've created. And we're so excited for you. We'll all have it in your homes. But it's something I'm nervous about. I appreciate that. I enjoy that feeling of being uncomfortable. So you want to do something every year, whether it's personal or professional, that makes

you feel that sense of discomfort. That really allows you to experience what that feels like in a big way, because those big challenges also force you to rise. Obviously, I said that, you know, you wanna start small, but you do wanna get big because the acceleration, the pace that you're gonna experience, when you actually do something big, right? Like I didn't even know that was possible.

I didn't even know that I could work that hard. I didn't even know that that was real for me. So the pace of growth is far greater when you do something huge. Now number four is an easy one and a difficult one. It's easy because we've heard it a million times. It's difficult because we don't follow it. Surround yourself with people that do uncomfortable things. And you don't need to have everyone of your friends do this, but you need to have someone in your life. I'm that someone in a lot of people's lives. But we all need someone in our life who's slightly rebellious,

who's slightly thinks about things differently, who challenges our way of thought. And I'm not saying you have to agree with this person or live life the way they do, but they push you. You know they push you, they push that button, they challenge you, they stretch you, you need someone in your life that's a stretcher, right? And there's two types of stretches. There's the stretcher that carries you when you're in pain, and there's the stretcher that stretches you

to the next challenge. We need both those people in our life, right? But often what we do is we find people who, the stretcher that carries us, but we avoid the person that actually stretches us and challenges us. And so I would encourage you to think about who is that person in your life that you know stretches you. They challenge the way you think whenever you call them up, whenever you talk to them, they

say something. You're like, oh man, I never thought about it like that. Or actually in the beginning, you may even feel uncomfortable and think, I don't even like what they just said. Or actually, I feel slightly triggered by what they said that trigger can often be someone who's going to be really powerful in your life because you may not live life the way they do or you may not agree with everything they do but something about their way they live resonates with you deeply. So you have to create step four is find that person in your life that's good good at uncomfortable things, that's open to uncomfortable things, that experiments a little bit more. Step number five, the way to get good at doing uncomfortable things is knowing that it's okay to fail.

See, the reason why most of us don't wanna do uncomfortable things is it a scared of failure. And when we say we're scared of failure, the truth is none of us are scared of failure. What we actually scared of? What people will say if we fail. We're not really scared of rejection. What are we scared of? We're scared about what people will say if they know we got rejected. We're not really scared of stumbling or struggling. What are we scared of? We're scared of

what will people say if they see a struggle and stumble? If you've ever slipped, if you've ever fallen over in a public place, what's the first thing you do? You get up and you look around and you let you feel that. But if you fell down, well, you knew you were alone, what do you do? You focus on the wound, you focus on how you feel, you cry, You let it out But why is it that as soon as we're surrounded by people we're more focused on what everyone thinks about our stumble What everyone thinks about our struggle? That's what we get lost in that's what we get immersed in so Knowing that it's okay to fail and knowing that failure

Is part of getting comfortable with failure is knowing how to get good being uncomfortable Failure is uncomfortable because we're so focused on what people will say and what they think Failure becomes simple when you focus on what you're learning and how you're gonna grow So disconnect from people's opinions if you stumble and fall and someone laughs, does it matter? Does it actually affect your leg? No. Does it mean that that fall was worse? No. Does it make everything sound terrible? No. Your wound is what the wound will be either way. So why not focus on healing rather than feeling more hurt by what people say and think? on healing rather than feeling more hurt by what people say and think. So point number six is measure the minuscule improvement.

Notice it. Be aware of it. Don't just brush over it. See the challenge with getting good at uncomfortable things is because it's uncomfortable, it takes longer to see big improvements. I'll give an example. When I first started doing cold plunges, just being in there for 30 seconds was huge. So being in there for a minute was massive. Now when I'm doing three minutes or five minutes or seven minutes, which I've been told is the ideal amount of time, seven minutes is the optimal time.

When I'm working towards that, I have to measure those minuscule 30 seconds. You can't look at it as like, oh, well, everyone else is doing five or seven minutes, and I'm only doing 30 seconds. You have to look at it as like, well, last week I was doing 10. I could even get in. Right? So the minuscule improvements matter more when you're starting something uncomfortable as opposed to things that are not comfortable, right? As opposed to things that are easier or comfortable. So always be aware and measure the little improvements. Don't ignore them.

Don't just feel like they don't matter, they're not relevant, they're not important, they are. They massively make a difference. And measure them, write them down. Make a daily focus, make a daily note of how it's happening, right? Make a daily journal of what improvements you're seeing because otherwise you forget about them.

That's the other thing. A lot of people, because we don't measure how we improve, we just go, oh, I've been doing this for three months and it makes no difference, especially when it's intangible. If you're trying to lose weight or gain weight, you can see that, right? But if you're trying to change something mentally,

you may not see that to me, you may think, well, I've been meditating for three months, it doesn't do anything for me. But guess what? You don't know that when you stop meditating, you'll be like, oh my gosh, I don't feel as clear, oh my gosh, I don't feel as composed, I don't feel as calm, you just then start to notice it,

but you don't wanna end up in that situation to notice it. You don't wanna let that happen so that you can notice it. Now point number seven, this is a huge one. If you wanna get good at doing uncomfortable things, say you don't know anything when you only know a little. When we feel we know a little and someone says, oh have you seen that movie? Did you know about this?

So did you know about this? So did you hear about this? We say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know about that. When the truth is you know 10%, when you know anything less than 50%, sit and listen. Act like you know zero. If you know less than 50% about something,

act like you know zero. If you know more than 50%, say, yeah, I kind of know about that. Let me share something with you, but don't confuse 10, 20, 30, or 40% with 50% or above. More often than not, when we know something, 10% we're like, oh yeah, yeah, I know about that.

I've heard of that. Oh yeah, I've heard the name. That rings a bell. We say things like that, but that puts us at a disadvantage because now we don't get good at doing uncomfortable things because we don't understand it. So I want you to really pull back. Pull back that ego.

It's our ego that steps in the way of getting good at doing uncomfortable things. Our ego goes, no, no, no, I already know that. I've done that before. How many people have said they've done skydiving when they've never been skydiving? How many people have said they've done something difficult when they haven't done it? How many people say that they've watched the Godfather and they haven't? I have not.

I've watched Godfather one. I've not seen the others. I did not enjoy it. I'm saying that right now, right? It's really important to be open about the percentage of what did not enjoy it. I'm saying that right now, right? It's really important to be open about the percentage of what you know about something. Point number eight, accept correction and feedback without justification. Again, the ego puts justification in there so that we don't really accept the feedback that's coming our way.

But if you want to get good at doing uncomfortable things, it's uncomfortable to accept correction and feedback without offering a justification. Now at work, you have to offer a justification. But I want you to internally sit there in the discomfort that you may need to improve something. You may need to grow something because I guess what, when you're sitting there, it's like sitting in that cold water, when you're sitting there, it's like sitting in that cold water.

When you're sitting there, it's like sitting in that rejection. It's sitting in that failure. It's going, I am trying to process what I am experiencing right now. I'm not trying to get out of this. I'm not trying to wriggle out of this. I am happy to work through this emotion and know how it feels. I am sitting there in that plank position, right? When you're in a plank, you can move around, you can try dodging, you try and avoid it, but when you're doing a plank properly, you're just experiencing it.

That's what we wanna get to. And point number nine, don't avoid and postpone where I started Accept and prepare one of the reasons why we struggle at uncomfortable things is we don't prepare for them when you know you have to have a tough conversation you just keep postponing stop postponing Start preparing if you prepare for an uncomfortable conversation

You will feel much better about it if you you postpone it, it will keep eating away at you. How do you prepare you ask? You prepare by first saying, what benefits will I get from postponing this? Nothing apart from I don't have to deal with it right now. What benefits will I get from preparing it? Maybe we can find the right solution. Okay, where am I going to have this?

Let me have it in a mutual place where neither person feels threatened. How am I going to do it? I'm going to do it love and compassion and positivity. So prepare, don't postpone. Thank you so much to listening to my nine ways to get good at doing uncomfortable things. I hope you're going to share this episode on Instagram, on Twitter, wherever you're listening. I want to thank you again for your time and your energy. And I can't wait to see you again next week. Thanks for listening, everyone. Did you hear the latest Tee We Spowed? Well, actually, I make the Tee. J spells it. I don't know how we allowed Radeon to the podcast, but we did it because we're so excited to announce

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And we knew that tea was the best way to do that. Now, Rathi, tell them the other big news. Well, guess what? We want you to be a part of this tea journey with us. So we've actually created a Sama Founders Club. As a founding member, you will get a limited edition Sama pla box and a year's worth of tea. Guess it, a year's worth of tea. They'll also receive exclusive merch, experiences and discounts. At Sama, we consider our founding members to be the heart of our community. You can sign up right now before this off expires by going to Samathe.com-foundersclub.

Again, that's-samathe.com-foundersclub. We cannot wait for you to be part of this journey with us and to join this summer family. Let's all cuddle now. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender and visible things we don't usually talk about? I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay.

Look, everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by Stellar, Gas like Abromata, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nuneum. I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bond-vivant, but mostly a human just trying to figure out what it's all about.

And not lost is my new podcast about all those things. It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand it. Try to get invited to a local's house for dinner where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app

or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply Well podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your wellbeing journey. Deeply well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste.