On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Alex Cooper ON: Overcoming Self-Doubt & How to Give Yourself Permission to Outgrow the Past

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Today, I talk to Alex Cooper. Alex is the creator, host, and executive producer of the hugely successful podcast and brand Call Her Daddy, which amasses millions of listeners per episode and frequently tops Podcast charts. In 2018, Alex began to blaze a path through the podcasting medium that had never before existed: a space where women were encouraged, empowered, and emboldened to share their unapologetic stories and truths. Now one of the most listened to female podcasters in the world, Alex continues to break all boundaries by shattering stigmas and stomping on misogyny, all while keeping mental health and personal empowerment at the forefront. Her thought-provoking conversations are meticulously designed to explore wide-ranging topics such as life experiences, culture, health, relationships, and more, all through her lens of comedy and extreme candor. To the millions of devoted gen-z and millennial listeners (“The Daddy Gang”) the Call Her Daddy brand represents a new set of values and standards, with many quotes and phrases permeating pop-culture vernacular. In addition, the Boston-bred entrepreneur has a successful merchandise line, as well as several exciting business endeavors in the pipeline.   Alex bravely shares how she suffered through constant bullying in her younger years and the trauma she still carries because of it, the pain of feeling uncomfortable with your body, and how creating content has helped her find calmness, peace, and purpose. We talk about how gender equality remains a delicate subject, how women can help other women through various programs and campaigns, and how self respect is one of the things we owe to ourselves.  We also discuss how social media can heavily influence our thoughts and actions, how to set boundaries with it and for yourself, and why finding the right partner plays a big role in our success.Throughout the conversation, we learn that despite the many challenges we’ve faced and will face in the future, there’s no other way but to keep moving forward. Having the will to do so will help mold us to become a better version of ourselves.  What We Discuss:00:00:00 Intro00:04:56 What was your favorite thing about Italy?00:06:33 “I turned to making content as an escape.”00:18:01 We all go through similar experiences00:20:07 “I’m the same person…”00:25:54 The trauma of being bullied00:32:04 We are not equal to men?00:38:18 You can be mindful and determined00:43:32 What is your relationship with respect?00:55:20 Taking the show to a different level01:00:23 It’s okay if you don’t know things01:05:46 Dealing with hate comments01:12:34 When people assume you’re a bad friend01:23:54 Respecting the privacy of your partner01:30:55 What are you looking for in a partner?01:36:45 The Many Sides Of You01:42:25 Alex on Fast FiveEpisode ResourcesAlex Cooper | InstagramAlex Cooper | TwitterCall Her DaddyDo you want to meditate daily with me? Go to go.calm.com/onpurpose to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay. Only on CalmWant to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Regardless of the progress you've made in life, I believe we could all benefit from wisdom on handling common problems. Making life seem more manageable, now more than ever. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One You Feed Podcast, where I interview thought-provoking guests who offer practical wisdom that you can use to create the life you want. 25 years ago, I was homeless and addicted to heroin. I've made my way through addiction recovery, learned to navigate my clinical depression, and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The one you feed has over 30 million downloads and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple Podcast.

Oprah Magazine named this is one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life. You always have the chance to begin again and feed the best of yourself. The trap is the person often thinks they'll act once they feel better. It's actually the other way around. I have had over 500 conversations with world-renowned experts and yet I'm still striving to be better.

Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season, and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share 10 incredible stories with you,

stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. Listen to Season 8 of Family Secrets on the I Heart Radio App, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to Kidnapp Releber and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils

haven't come in. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. I think as a woman, especially as we've seen in the world, we are not equal to men.

We don't have autonomy over our bodies, and so it for me, using my platform right now, to be like, let me be the boldest I can be, even if people are a little taken aback, I hope it just helps other women. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. And I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it.

My new book, Eight Rules of Love is out. And I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so so excited for you to read this book. For you to listen to this book, I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eight rules of love.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour. Love rules. Go to jsheddytor.com to learn more information

about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. Now, this happens now and again, but there's someone that I've been following, admiring from afar, and then you see they follow you and you just go, I need to, I want to connect with this human and I want to get to know them. And someone that, when you watch their content, you feel like you already know them. And the few moments I've spent with her, just as she'd been walking into the studio, I already felt like I had a connection with her and there's a really beautiful warm hug

and just like this really positive feeling. But this is someone who has dominated as an entrepreneur, been extremely successful as a business person. An incredible host and interviewer, someone who is so multi-talented across the board, whether it's being authentic on camera, off camera, editing, creating, I mean, the works. And I'm speaking about the one and only Alex Cooper, creator, host, and executive producer

of the hugely successful, which is an understatement, the podcast brand called Call of Her Daddy. Alex is one of the most listened to, female podcasters in the world with millions of listeners per episodes. And Alex continues to break all boundaries by shattering stigmas and stomping on misogyny, all while keeping mental health and personal empowerment at the forefront. And that's what really drew me into her work was when I started to see her talk about mental health and well-being and habits. I was just blown away and I was like, we have to make this happen for our on-purpose community. And to the millions of devoted Gen Z

and millennial listeners, the Daddy Gang, the caller which I'm a part of, the caller Daddy brand represents a new set of values and standards. And in addition to Alex has a successful merchandise line as well as several exciting businesses and endeavors in the pipeline, which I can't wait to discuss. Alex, welcome to On Purpose.

Thank you so much for having me. I need to make that like my alarm clock every morning of like just like really height myself up. Oh my god, you are so good at doing those intros. No, well, it's part of like this culture that I adopted through living as a monk. And it was just when you met someone or when you introduced people, it was always part of the culture to like genuinely feel all with who you're in front of and to genuinely take in what they've done because it helps you feel more grateful when you're with them. I feel very grateful to be with you today. I feel more inspired. I feel like I can learn.

I feel curious and I feel often at least from the culture I grew up in, we always played people down like we always kind of like, thought, thought oh well, we don't want to say this stuff about them But I actually thought you have a worse conversation because then you think about what do I have to learn from this person or This person's probably gonna be up themselves. So what am I gonna get? Yeah, that's a great concept because I always think I feel like with social media People now everyone millennial Gen Z everyone's, we're all ego-tistical. And so sometimes you try to downplay what you're doing, but it's actually such a great concept that you're taking a complete different spin.

You're like, let's actually embrace our successes and everything we're doing and embrace it and enjoy it rather than feel shamed and wanna be hush, hush about it. Or on the other side, don't be jealous of someone if they're thriving, because you can learn from them. Like, I'm so excited to sit across from you today because I'm like, Jay Shetty, like, let's get into it because I'm geeking.

I'm a huge fan. What you're doing is so incredible. I listen to your podcast and I don't listen to many, but I'm very excited and humbled to be here. So thank you. Oh, that's the biggest compliment. I had no idea. So now I'm like, blushing if you're listening. We're both blushing.

Yeah. And I have to tell you this, because I just love people knowing this and I really appreciate that coming from you. But I have a rule that whenever we bring on a new team member, the number one of the questions I asked them in the interview is who would you love as a guest of on purpose? Like who would that person be?

But then Helena, who's our podcast producer, it was you. And she was just like, yeah, I was like, she's already scheduled. Helena, I love it, Daddy Gang. Daddy Gang, Daddy Gang, Daddy Gang. And so it was just this beautiful feeling where she was like, yeah, I love Alex Kew. And I was like, we've already got her scheduled.

She's coming on the show. It was already happening. I'm honored. Thank you. So anyway, you have a lot of love in our community for you. Thank you. We're all big fans. But let's dive straight into it.

Let's get into it. For me, when I'm observing someone like you, looking from the outside in, I think one of the things that fascinates me is like, you know, what's someone interested in behind the camera? I just saw you in Italy. Me and my wife were so jealous and fomoring because we just got to Italy every summer when we lived in London, we're both born and raised in London. What was your favorite thing about Italy? The food, the pasta. I have never been. I rarely take big vacations like that and I was so

excited to just try the pasta. I grew up in Pennsylvania and so, you know, I don't know if we're like running to the fish department in Pennsylvania. You're like, oh, what can we eat? So it was kind of like Italian, but it was kind of bad Italian. Sorry to everyone in Pennsylvania. And so, but I've always loved carbs and I was an athlete. So I'm like, when I get there, it was breakfast, lunch, dinner, pasta, let's go, dessert, pasta, let's go.

So it was amazing, but we went to the Malfi Coast. That was beautiful. I just felt so fortunate to be there, and it was incredible. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I was genuinely living through your stories, and I was just like, oh, I want to go back. I want to go back to we're planning next year.

Amazing. But everyone from the US felt like they were in Italy this summer, everyone I know. Every single person on my Instagram was in Italy, so I was like, okay, great, I'm going. This is the first year I won't have a phone moek. So I always see people in these places, like Abiza or, you know, Mika knows,

and I've never been any of those places. And I was like, this year, I'm going to Italy and I'm doing it and it was amazing. One of the things I love about you in person that I'm observing is that you're so warm. Like from the moment you walked in, so warm, like, you know, I love it when I always, when someone gets out of their car and they arrive at my home,

the first thing I want to do is like them. When I see that same energy, I'm like, this is awesome, but one of the things people observe about your online is that you're confident. You're very confident on the podcast. You're very confident in your stories, which is a beautiful quality, with young Alex confident too.

I know we've heard about like, you grew up in front of the camera with your father and like, you know, so was confidence always easy for you and how is your journey with confidence involved? And the answer is no, absolutely not. I, it's actually been interesting because the past year, I've really started to get into this in therapy with my therapist.

And I haven't really, like I've, I think I've mentioned it a couple times to the daddy gang, but I don't talk about it a lot because I'm still kind of going through it in therapy. When I was younger, I had a really, I think I've mentioned it a couple times to the daddy gang, but I don't talk about it a lot because I'm still kind of going through it in therapy. When I was younger, I had a really hard time in school, not grades wise, I was a solid B. Let's throw it out there. Maybe I tried a little harder, we could have gotten some A's,

but I was severely bullied for my looks. I was super, super skinny. People made fun of me, said that I looked like I had an eating disorder. I had awful, awful acne to the point where I would beg my parents to let me stay home from school. And I was, it was so bad. And I turned inward a lot.

I never wanted my parents to know that I was going through it because I was ashamed. It's embarrassing to not be able to connect with your peers and also to be, I was physically bullied. Like the boys would be like, let's play a game. Her legs are so tiny. Like if we trip her, they will snap in half. And like, it was awful.

And I never really talked about it, but what got me through it actually was my dad works in sports and he's a producer. And I remember at like seven years old, he handed me a camera and was like, go make something. And so my escape from really hate, I hated everything about myself. I hated my skin, my face, my hair, my teeth, my body, my torso, my legs, I could pinpoint every single thing about myself that I hated and it was almost everything exterior wise. But inside, I knew I was a good person, I knew I was a good daughter, I knew I was a good friend, but I felt like it was all based on looks of why I was getting bullied.

So I turned to creating content. That's what I was my escape and I would go in my basement and I would make music videos or I would write scripts and make like little short films or silent films and I would put on wigs and put on outfits and makeup and it was the first time that I truly felt safe. Like I could be fully myself meanwhile I was felt safe. Like I could be fully myself. Meanwhile, I was fully alone. So I'm like, I'm like, oh, weirdo with my basement. But it was that and soccer specifically. I played extremely competitive soccer. And I realized why I got, I felt so safe also

and seen in soccer because it was all women. Can you score a goal? Like, what are you doing? So what are you bringing to the team, you know? So I don't talk about that a lot because it was actually interesting. I recently was interviewed by the New York Times and I don't do a lot of interviews.

I read them. And it was in a follow-up conversation. We had like an hour and a half interview. The reporter asked to do a follow-up and somehow we got on the topic of my childhood. And he and I started talking and I shared with him that I had been bullied. And quite literally physically, his demeanor, his fate, like his jaw dropped. And I could tell he was shocked.

And everything that prior that hour and a half interview I first did with him kind of was shattered. Because he was like, wait, what? Like you were bullied? And I realized something that moment was like, the character I've created on call her daddy. There's this dichotomy of, for me, the girl that was bullied and then the girl I've created or the woman I've created in the show. But I think a lot of people have a hard time because everyone wants to put things in boxes understanding, like, there's no way Alex Cooper,

the confident, color daddy girl, could have also been bullied when she was younger. And what I've come to realize in therapy is actually that ugly, awkward, acne girl is who started, call her daddy. Because if I had not gone through that, there's no way I would have started call her daddy. I remember reading Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers, and it was like you've got to have 10,000 hours

even be considered an expert. By eighth grade, I was considered an expert in editing. I was like obsessed with creating content. And so that's kind of a little bit of my story where I definitely struggle sometimes to open up about it because I'm also aware on internet. Sometimes people like you're lying, that's not true. And it's, I think it's hard for me because it's still so raw. Like I still haven't even fully gone there in therapy that I don't talk about it a lot because I don't want to be dismissed or

questioned over something that is so personal and still really hard for me to talk about, I guess. Yeah. Well, I want to thank you for trusting us and me and being vulnerable, but also talking about the complexity of vulnerability. I think we think we live at a time when if someone is vulnerable, that everyone's responsible, we're like, oh, you know, or a, people think that's why someone's doing it. B, if they don't think then they think you're just being vulnerable, sometimes it's complex to say, well, maybe it wasn't that hard as someone's making it out.

And then there's a third where it's like, well, can we just listen to someone's experience and recognize that I think if all of us reflect like, I just realized we have so much in common, which I had no idea. And if you looked at it from the outside, I don't think people would think we have much in common at all,

which is partly why I love conversations like this, because I'm like, these are the conversations that bring me to life. So I was bullied for being overweight growing up. I was obese growing up, and so was my wife, actually. And so separately, we didn't know each other at the time, but we were both bullied for being overweight.

I was bullied for being Indian because there were many Indian kids in my school. And so the color of my skin and all the rest of us bullied for that. And I wasn't the coolest kid in school. I was a straight A student. So I was the opposite. And it was like, and it was considered

doorky to be smart, where especially where I grew up. And so I dealt with all of that too. And so when I'm hearing you say that I was beaten up at school regularly, my mom used to come defend me in school, like that was really embarrassing. And even now when people are like, no way, and I'm like, no, that was my entire childhood. And for me, I turned to listening to Eminem

and writing music. So I did a lot of spoken word. I used to produce music. It's why I love word and language and just the artistry of what you can do with words. And then when you said you played soccer, which I know, but I'm like, that is my first love. Like if I could be anything in the world,

it would be a professional soccer player, like beyond everything. That is crazy to hear because I agree with you and that is why I love podcasting and why I love your show, my show, is like, you really have no idea what one you can connect with someone on empathize with someone on or just like learn about them.

And I feel like we've gotten to a point where we wanna like discredit and call people out. And it's scary to be open and vulnerable on the internet. And I think like almost my persona, there was parts of me that I had to like, try to claw back what I started for Colorado because there's a colon. I need to also like, there's other parts to me,

other than the salacious wild crazy. And it was a great transition for me, which I know will get to, but the bullying thing, when you're that young and truly all that matters is peer acceptance. And you feel so alone, you hate yourself. And I realized recently, like, I know my persona is one thing and that's why I always struggle with this. I'm like, oh, I gotta like ease my listeners into like me talking about this because it's a complete different side of myself, but we all have that, right? We all of those things, like I remember the first time I shared this with my mother was when I was 21 years old

in a cab that I had been bullied, and I told her mom in high school, I used to put on three pairs of leggings, tape it to my leg, and then put on my school pants, just to hope that everyone would think my legs were bigger. And by the time I would have soccer practice after school, my joints were in so much pain from sitting in class. And I told my mom this quite literally,

as we're pulling up to Penn Station, she was getting out and I was going to keep going. I told her this as she's getting out of the cab and she's like, Alex, like what? And it was my defense mechanism of like, I don't really want to talk about it, but I need to let my mom know what I was going through. When I look back, thank God I had,

my father has been the most supportive person in my life with my career, and I'm so grateful for that. Like, he, any moment I needed anything, he was like, let's go find you. I wanna make a green screen in the basement, and he's like, let's go to Joanne Fabrics. Like, here we go, let's go to Home Depot. Like, let's go to lights. Like,. Like, here we go. Let's go to Home Depot.

Let's go to lights. Like, it was, I was so fortunate to be raised by people who support me. But I also realized I had these like people pleasing tendencies because, and I still catch myself doing it in media. Like, I just want to be liked because of my childhood, because of feeling left out. And it's hard. And I think comparison, my best friend was the beautiful doll baby perfect girl

that I wanted to be. And it's like, there's so many remedies I tried to look up on Google when I was younger of how to fix your skin and how to make your legs look bigger. And is there a procedure? And it was like, I just can't believe how much I hated myself. But I truly don't believe I would be sitting here if I hadn't gone through that because I think that's the thing like you just said, you had no idea what I went

through, right? Why I feel like I am half decent at my job is when I sit down with people. There is this empathetic side to me that, yeah, maybe I don't need to talk about because I don't think I need to prove anything to anyone as to why I'm a good friend, why I'm a good daughter and partner. But like, it really does come from feeling so alone and isolated and hating yourself that in those moments when I'm in my basement making and creating, I had to find a way to love myself because I found found this journal of mine when I was younger. Oh my god, it's so sad.

And it was really dark thoughts of what if I did this, would then the kids would feel so awful? And it's like, whoa. I was really alone when I was younger. And I never talked about it. And I had a friend recently that shared similar thoughts with me. We were best friends. And I had no idea what she was going through friends and I had no idea what she was going through

and she had no idea what I was going through. So it's just like a reminder of like, we really don't know and I know that's such an over said thing but you have no idea what people are going through and I think especially with social media, we can make judgments, especially snap judgments. You see a headline, you see a picture, but like we have no idea what people are going through.

Yeah, absolutely. I couldn't agree with you more, and I love the point that you're making that. And I think everyone has it through some way, whether it was your parents, whether it was your friends, whether it was your peers, there was someone who made you feel less than in your childhood, inadequate, incomplete.

And now we're all in our creative endeavors, seeking that completion through whatever role, character, whatever it may be. And I think people forget that half the time, the most successful people who do the most incredible things did them because they had this huge gap and hole to fill. And the world needed to fill that hole in gap. Only then to realize that that doesn't work either. Right, right. To then have to go the other way, but sorry,

you're gonna say something. No, I agree with you. It's like there's a reason I'm so passionate and interested in what I'm doing. It's because I love connecting with people. I love learning about people because I know that the dichotomy of call her daddy girl, vers awkward acne girl it's like you you don't expect it and you don't really understand it until I fully explain it which I know I haven't explained yet but it's it's when I sit down with people you love learning about people because we're all going through such similar things it may look different it may feel a little bit different but

depression anxiety happiness love joy whatever emotion like we are all human beings and we we genuinely actually all can connect we every single person can connect on at least one thing in the world and so I feel like we've kind of lost that along the way and I I hope I think with shows like ours, like I hope it brings a little bit of that authentic nature back because we're looking past like what could be inside of someone we're just looking on the surface level. And that to me is a nightmare because when I was younger, I didn't want anyone to just take me by my looks because then I wouldn't be given the time of day. Yeah, it's incredible to hear that. I was literally having the same conversation. I was with one of my clients this morning. And we were talking about this and he was saying

how unrelated his life has become now through his success and everything that he's gone through. And I looked at him and I was talking to him and I said to him that, you know, I'll be honest with you that whether someone's rich or not famous or not, if someone goes through a breakup, a breakup hurts the same, because none of the other stuff is medicine. Like none of the other stuff is the cure. So whether you have fame and status and wealth or whether you don't, if you go through a breakup, if you lose a parent, if you lost your job, like, or you missed out on opportunity, there is a similar amount of experience, human pain that you go through. And, there is a similar amount of experience, human

pain that you go through. And I think what you're saying is really interesting, though, I think you're talking about that time. People always often ask, like, what advice would you give to your younger self? With you, I'm more interested in, like, what do you think your younger self would say to you now? Like, if that acne girl, like, saw you now as you described her, what would she say? What would she think? If younger me only knew like Alex, you're gonna make it, you're gonna, like your dreams are gonna come true, like you're gonna get out of this.

I remember one of the boys I went to middle school with that bullied me, ended up going to my college. And at that point I had a little glow up, KJ. And he was like trying to hit on me and giving me all this attention. And it only made me just feel actually awful because I was like, I'm the same person. I'm the same exact person. If not, like more grown and obviously experienced and have a little bit more of a higher IQ at this point in my life. But I'm the same person to my core. And you're only treating me differently because I got a prescription for acutane,

got some hair dye, got my braces off, put on some muscle because I'm playing soccer. It's quite literally just the physical as to why you're acting differently towards me. I think my younger self would look at my older self and would not even believe it probably. I actually was thinking like what would I say to someone that's younger and going through this and it's like there's nothing of like walk into school that day and stand up for yourself. It's actually like find yourself in your alone moments because you're all you have truly. And so trying to get peer approval, sure, it may make the moment a little bit easier, but like these people don't actually matter. They matter to me

to my core of who they've made me. They're impact on my childhood and making me hate myself. Like it's so crazy I always think about before. I would say about before like fifth or sixth grade. I always think about before, I would say about before like fifth or sixth grade. We're so innocent. You have no almost concept of even what you truly look like or your pure dynamic or oh boys are looking at me and I don't have boobs yet and my friend doesn't so they're, I'm not on their top five and I know it sounds so you know just dumb and but it's so mean so much when you're that young. So I look back and it's like those years where you start especially to be judged for what

you look like when we're actually just trying to figure out inside who we are, it's so problematic. I definitely think that it affected me of what I put, then I did put emphasis on my looks. I can talk about that in therapy now. Like hating every single thing about myself, of course. I was like, I want to go bleach my hair. I want to be the girl that I saw on the magazines. And then I did all of that. And I even look back at pictures of myself

when I took it way too far. But it was all just for me to try to feel like the women that I thought had it all because they looked a certain way. I guess I would just tell my also, I would tell my younger self, like keep going down in that basement. It sounds creepy. Guys, my basement was like finished, don't worry.

And leaning into your craft because in the darkest of moments, creating content actually formed who I am and gave me the strength to keep going. And it made me a full whole individual in my own right. And when I was getting bullied and when I was going through those hard times, realizing I'm going to turn my passion into my purpose, that's all I needed to be like, okay, let's keep going. So I was really fortunate to find that at a young age, but I think a lot of people do. When you're at a young age and you are going through something so hard, you find

that outlet, right? And everyone has that one thing that like, I love this. And I'm just fortunate enough to have made that into my career. Alex, I love listening to you. Like I am just so happy right now because I'm like, what are we hearing? And I love what you said earlier, that you're in therapy right now. You're working through this. And so you haven't shared so much of this, but I'm just hearing so much coherence and so much clarity. And it's so beautiful, like hearing someone who's gone through so much pain, so much stress.

And yes, externally there's the success, but then to hear the, what's happening internally? And you've just reminded me of a moment of my life. I'm just, I remember being at the final year of elementary school or primary schools, we call it in London. And there was one girl that everyone fanced in class. And I fanced it too. Like she was the cutest girl in school.

We're like 11 years old. So whatever the cute means at 11. I think it was the first time I'd ever liked a girl in that way. I come late to school one day and everyone's looking at me weird. Everyone's really looking at me really strange and everyone's laughing and some of the girls in the corner laughing and pointing

and I'm thinking, what happened? What did I miss out on? I can't remember I was late, maybe Dr. Sapoiman, whatever. Then I found out that all the guys who equally fancied this girl had told the girls that I fancied her. So not anyone else knew apart from just me and I was considered the ugliest, fattest kid

in school. And so now she knew this, all her friends were laughing, and then the rest of that day, I used to be a goalkeeper, because I wasn't very athletic at the time. I used to be a goalkeeper, goalkeeper's a very athletic, so no offense to goalkeepers, at least at that time, when you were a kid in school.

It's okay, Jay. I'm just like, yeah, you know. You know what I mean? Guys, we gotta clarify. It was me clear, just me clear. I think goalkeeper's a very, David DeHair all the way. I mean, goal, and all the girls are standing behind the goal.

And they're just like, they're like, Jay, you can never get her. I can't believe you thought it. She's out of your league and they're literally the whole day throughout the playground. Like every time we're playing football, soccer, they're just behind the goal, like making fun of me.

And it's such a like, no, it makes me, it's a deep memory. It makes me honestly, because I think it's such a like, no, it makes me, it makes me, it makes me, honestly, because I think it's interesting. I even watch you, we can smile through it now, but like, it honestly makes me wanna cry when I think about it, because even hearing that,

like I can picture that happening to you, because it happened to me, and it's so traumatizing when that happens to you, and you literally are just fighting back tears, and you're like, just get through it, just get through it, and all you wanna do is go home. And it makes you hate interacting, it makes you nervous, you get really like clammed up,

and it's awful. Like I remember when I was in middle school, also like my teachers, I went to Catholic school. And I just like never thought I belonged in Pennsylvania. I was like, what am I doing here? Like I just, I knew I wanted to do something that was definitely like big, but I also knew this is a very conservative town, and we were shamed for anything regarding anything because it's Catholic, and I remember we weren't allowed to wear makeup, and I was breaking out so bad,

like it was so awful this week, and it was final, so I couldn't skip school. I would beg my mom to let me skip school, and she, thank God to my mother, would see when I was really struggling, it would be like, okay, you can stay home. I put a tiny bit of concealer over some of my acne because I would sit next to this kid

that was like the coolest kid in school and I would always be so upset because he got to see that side of my face. And in front of the entire class, my teacher, I wanna call her out. Mrs. G, I'll just say, okay, I'm like getting there. She comes over to the entire class and looks at me and goes, Alex, you're wearing face makeup. Go to the bathroom and wash it off. She escorted me into the bathroom,

made me rub my skin raw in a school bathroom. No soap, just water scrubbing it off. My face was so red. And I remember just being like, can I go to the bathroom? She's like, no, get back to class. And I just trying to hold back tears and my entire face was inflamed. And I remember just being like, can I go to the bathroom? She's like, no, get back to class. And I just trying to hold back tears and my entire face was inflamed. And I was like, so now I'm not even experiencing bullying from kids, like this is like, how does this teacher not know? And she has kids, so it was like, it was a lot, but I will say, it made me who I am today.

I look back and I'm like, had I not gone through all of that? Like I said earlier, I know who I am now. I didn't back then, I was trying to figure it out, but I know who I am now, and I know my morals and my values, and I know that a lot of that stems from the pain that I went through, and I am a very empathetic person. Maybe I don't show that a lot on my show. But I think it's all relative. I'm like, oh, if I could go back, would I redo it?

No, maybe I would have wished I told my parents a little bit more. But still, I think it made me really turn inward. And that created a different level of strength and self-reliance that I can't even put into words. So. That is such a powerful point. I mean, you've made so many amazing points that I'm going to be drawing together for our listeners that like I can't even put into words. So. That is such a powerful point.

I mean, you've made so many amazing points that I'm gonna be drawing together for our listeners at the end, but like that is such a powerful point that I think. And I don't wanna tell people to go either way, but there's a different strength that comes from going inward than the strength that's required from asking other people for help. And both strengths are important.

Like going out and knowing to ask your mom or your dad or your best friend for help is extremely important. But knowing how to go and ask yourself for help internally is equally important. I think that is such a beautiful point. I've never heard it been put that way. Thank you. And I love that idea of, because I feel the same way I felt so isolated and alone. And even today when I feel that way sometimes, but now it's become solitude, it's become

a strength because I've got used to depending on myself. And I know what that feels like. And I'm like, I'm all I have. And I know what that feels like. So now it doesn't scare me. Where is that 12 or 13 or 14? It really did. I think one of the things we're talking about is an evolution and identity and awareness. And this has been something that I've struggled with as things have become more public as well, because so I went from being that kid that was bullied to being a fairly in with the cool kids in high school

to then going to college and being a budding spiritualist. Like my college life, if anyone met me at college, they'd be like, Jay was like nice and loving and spiritual and mindful and all these things that I was practicing. If you spoke to my high school friends, they'd be like, Jay was a party animal, he drank too much, he was crazy, like he was the class clown,

like he tormented teachers, like that was my reputation. And so you get this complete dichotomy and I feel like every transition, my external life took, I saw it as an opportunity to become who I wanted to be. So as I left high school, I wanted to become this mindful, thoughtful individual and that's what I was at college.

And then I went off to be a monk, which was a whole different external identity, left that, and now obviously doing all of this for the past few years, and so many more in between. But the point is that I've given myself permission to accept that I am the same and different person all at the same time. So beautiful.

Right? And I've given myself that permission, even when other people haven't. And I feel like I'm constantly going through that where I did used to be a monk. I'm not now. I'm married. I have a home.

I have businesses. Life has changed. But there are parts of being a monk that are still me. They're still there. I still think like a monk in this part of my lifestyle that is still like a monk, they're parts that are not. So coming back to you, you've also been

on an evolution of identities. We've just talked about a very clear one. You then have the beginning of the podcast, which is very well documented. It's all there. I don't wanna dive into it. And that part of the journey's there. And then now it becomes another label

where it's like Spotify, 16, like it just, it becomes so diluted to a number and a brand. And you can go wherever you want to go with this. But the question I'm asking is, what has been the hardest part of that evolution for you? To where you are now? And what do you think people misinterpret about that evolution?

I'm Eva Longoria. I'm Maite Gomezomes-Rachon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry For History! On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both? Oh, you can't decide recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower.

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you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University, and I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities.

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Listen on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It is difficult because I feel, especially as a woman in the industry, I have to tiptoe on not being overly confident. Like I think women can all feel it. Don't be too much of this. Always veer on the side of just be quiet. Well, I've got a podcast. That's a little bit difficult, right?

So I definitely have struggled with the person and who I've become is confident. And I want to embody this confident and determined bad ass CEO running my life that any woman could do what I'm doing, right? In whatever aspect they want to do in their life, and whatever their passion is. But it is difficult when then I walk into board meetings or meetings with these men that, and I'm like, I'm telling you what I want,

and I feel like if a man was sitting here, it would be a very different conversation. If anything, he'd be going light. And so I've struggled with why am I always called the female Joe Rogan? Does anyone compare, say, oh, Joe Rogan's the male Alex Cooper? No, we have similar numbers. We've really loyal audiences.

We both are with Spotify. And no shade to Joe, I'm actually just saying it's frustrating that it is a dequalifier. It's putting me comparing me, it's not even comparing me. They're just saying, oh, she's basically him, but as a woman, I don't want to be compared to anyone. And it's been hard for me to do it in a way that yeah, I'm not coming off as angry and mad.

And I think there has been times where I feel like I can't be all in business mode at times as I want to be because I'm as a woman going to be labeled. And it's like, no, I actually just know what I want. And I'm a boss and I am running a huge company. And I have so much going on and I don't want to waste anyone's time. And I know what I want, what a concept. So I think that is something that people have misinterpreted also on the internet of like, oh, she comes off so,

like I don't even know if it's aggressive. Like I think as a woman especially, even if I don't know what I want, pretend I know what I want. Because we're at a time where as we've seen in the world, we are not equal to men. We don't have autonomy over our bodies. And so it for me, using my platform right now, to be like, let me be the boldest I can be, even if people are a little taken aback, I hope it just helps other women be like, I'm

going to go in today and advocate for myself to my boss, or I'm going to stand up to that part because it's like, we're getting nowhere if we don't keep shoving it forward a little bit. And I've gotten at times a little nervous and I'm like, I could just sit into my interviews and stay quiet, but that's not for who I've been. I've always had an opinion, I'm a Leo, okay? I know what I want, but it is hard because it's like, I think there's a lot of people

that are a little skeptical of a really, and I hate when people say loud. Am I talking that loud? No, people like she's so loud. Am I loud? Or am I just speaking about something that maybe you don't want to hear because you don't like change and we need change. So that's something that I'm currently working on there.

I don't know, I've ever done this. I'm about to clap on the podcast. I don't think I've ever done this for's something that I'm currently working on therapy. I don't know, I've ever done this. I'm about to clap on the podcast. I don't think I've ever done this for any, that I'm just gonna clap. I'm gonna take a moment to clap. And there should be more people clapping. Hello. Jordan, I need some more, come on, home.

There we go. Oh my God. Like, no, I, no, I, and I'm, and I've genuinely never, we've never done that podcast. I haven't, like, this is the only time, the first time that we've done that. I'm honored. I really mean that.

Everything you just said, it's so true. I'm totally aligned with you. I can only look at it from the perspective that I grew up with a powerhouse mom who worked, cooked, raised me and my younger sister, provided for us both when my dad was figuring his life out. My mom was the breadwinner in the house. She was the one who helped me with my homework. She taught me how to shave. Like, that's literally who my mom was in my life. And so I grew up seeing the most powerful woman in the world, in my opinion, as a young boy, and my mom would take me to all the meetings at night,

whatever needed to happen. And then I was kind of like an older, like a father figure to my younger sister. And so I've seen it in her too, and I've seen the stuff she's gone through it work and wherever it may be. So I can only empathize from that perspective. But when I'm listening to you speak, I'm just like, it's sad that we're still there.

Like it just pains me. I'm like, how can we still be there? And how can we still be stuck there? And I want to dive into the gender part with you, because I do think it's important that we talk about it here. I deal with that in a different way. And I've never talked about this either, but I feel like we're both in...

It's my thing. Yeah, yeah. And it's also like I feel understood with you, and I also know that you're... because you interview and you do such an exceptional job with it, it's like, I feel like I'm getting to like, open up my heart. We're interviewing each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I look opening up my heart to you, but no, I mean, in the sense of...

So, I often get perceived is like, well, Jay, you're a monk and you're mindful, so you're not allowed to be driven and ambitious. So if I have goals in a business meeting or a PR meeting or whatever it may be, it's like, oh, Jay, you shouldn't have goals, right? I'm like, wait a minute. Why can't I both? Yeah, can I not be both?

Am I not allowed to be both? And so people are constantly like, but Jay, and it's like, if we reach for something, and I come from a background of, I was straight A's, I worked in the corporate world, I'm highly organized, if we reach for something and I've, you know, I come from a background of I was straight A's, I worked in the corporate world, I'm highly organized, I'm a high performer, it comes naturally to me, and that's me. And then I was a monk and I have the meditative side

and I'm meditative two hours a day and I wake up early and take cold showers and all that kind of stuff. But it's like, to me, I've tried to put both together to create this real world because neither one makes me happy without the other. So I get the perception of, well, Jay, how can you be mindful and driven? How can you be ambitious and meditate?

How can, and I'm like, but that's what we should be encouraging people to be like. I feel like it's because we have gotten so comfortable putting things in boxes and I love that you're saying that because it reminds me, this is I think such a relatable topic. Take me and my deal and my podcast and being a public figure out of it. You mentioned something about how you are these different stages of your life.

And I feel like it's so normal and healthy, honestly, to progress and almost be different people of your versions of yourself and try things out. I remember in high school, when I was a little bit more now secure with my looks, okay? And I was now the jock. I was on the soccer team, I was a freshman, I was thriving with my soccer girls,

they were like big on campus, and I was still obsessed with making content, right? I was so embarrassed that I was in the video production class because people, my video production professor, God bless him, he was, I guess, people would consider like a little nerdy and a little too techy and I was like, I am so honored to be his student. Have him teach me, he would, we would watch movies after class and like not in a creepy way, but he was educating me on film. And before me too, we would watch Alfred Hitchcock.

I remember the first time he showed me psycho. So I was learning, but I lied to my peers, because so my mom, I convinced my mom, please can we go in and talk to the dean of students? I wanna do video production for all four years as my elective. I never took health, which is interesting. Never learned about sex education, okay? So interesting.

But I remember people being like, why are you in that video production class for all four years? This is so weird. And I was embarrassed and I lied. And I was like, I don't know, like they think I'm good at it. So like, oh, whatever, I don't have to take health at least. Like whatever, I downplayed it.

I was so passionate. I loved it more than soccer. It was my, literally my existence, it felt like that is why I'm here. This is what I meant to do, but I was so embarrassed because I couldn't be a jock and also a tech girl, like a tech geek or whatever they would call me. And so I tried to hide that part of myself.

And I feel like a lot of people do that, even hearing you say that. Like, why can't you be mindful and also determined? And it's like, I actually think that is the such a beautiful human being when you can combine all the different parts of yourself to all be in a somewhat cohesive, working situation. It's, it works so much better for your mental health.

We shouldn't all just be narrow-minded. We shouldn't just have one thing that we're focused on. Do you have a relationship? Are you a good friend? You don't act like you're to your romantic partner, like you do to your friend. What about are you a good son, a daughter? Like it all is in the scheme of being humans.

We have to have multi-dimensional parts of ourselves. But something about being in a box, it doesn't work, Jay, if you're both of those. Because it can't be true. Well, why not? And I think just talking about it, anyone listening, you should not veer away from a passion because it doesn't align with something other publicly that you're doing. Because it's like almost a contradiction. I love a contradiction. I, that is what I do on my show. They're like, well, you said this last week,

I changed my mind. This, and not in like a, okay, Alex, well, we can't believe anything you say, but things change and things shift, but we have to be cognizant of how we're embracing different parts of ourselves because if we try to not do that and just stay in one lane, we're not gonna grow, we're not gonna be happy with ourselves

and we're just gonna be appeasing the people around us instead of what do we want? I appreciate you sharing that because I think it's a really relatable thing of like, how can I be both? Of course you can be both. It's just society has made us feel like, well, your opposing, you can't be both,

which one isn't as true, they're both true. I'm about to clap for you. That's right. This is just like, true, they're both true. I'm about to clap again. That's right. This is just like, guys, we're just clapping. This is not- Claps to the Alex Kuh, these are all teptoks. Like, it's just one after the other, after the other.

No, no, no. No, but you're inspiring me. No, I'm just, I hope it's okay. Like, I don't, I'm opening up because I just feel like the stuff we're talking about is relatable in different ways, right? Like I don't know what it feels like to be a woman in the industry. I never will. I will never be able to be like, I get that. I totally know what you mean. But I get what

I'm feeling in the same expression of sometimes I feel told to be quiet, sometimes I feel told to be like, well, Jay, you shouldn't have that desire. Like, I'm told to calm down sometimes, not because I'm aggressive in any way, but in the sense of just because I'm a driven ambitious person. So going back to what you were saying earlier, there's a part of it where it sounds like, especially, and I love we too. It's not about what Joe's doing. It's not about what anyone's doing. It's just why does everything have to be a comparison?

And that then starts to be a respect issue, right? It starts to be an issue in like, are we giving enough respect to what you've achieved and what you've built? In the same way as are we giving respect to anyone else for what they've achieved and what they've built? What has been your relationship like with respect?

It's hard because there's a couple of dimensions to it, right? and what they built, what has been your relationship like with respect? It's hard because there's a couple of dimensions to it, right? My listeners, quite literally, and I know the sounds corny, but like truly feel like an extension of myself. Like we have an understanding, we have talked about the most deep, in-depth, maybe taboo topics, uncomfortable topics, and when I meet the Daddy Gang, in-depth, maybe taboo topics, uncomfortable topics.

And when I meet the daddy gang, shout out, everyone listening, that's daddy gang. When I meet the daddy gang out in person, I always joke because whenever I'm with anyone, they come up to me, they're like, oh my god, Alex, I'm like, hi, what's up? And they're like, okay, and they start talking. And the person that's with me, that's my friend or my parent or whatever, they're like, oh, who is that from college or high school? I'm like, no, that's with me, that's my friend or my parent or whatever, they're like, oh, who is that from college or high school? No, that's Daddy Gang. Wait, you guys just started talking about her break. What? We have this understanding of like, if you listen to Call of Her Daddy, and I'm sure you have that with your audience,

like, you build such a report. The respect I have for the Daddy Gang and my listeners, and people that give me a chance, it is so mutual and it is so beautiful. And I can't still to this day believe what has been built of Caller Daddy and the daddy gang and my relationship with them and theirs with me. I think where it becomes a little bit of a struggle is in the beginning of call her daddy, it was this beautiful storm, right? A female lead podcast working at

barstool sports, which people are like, oh, is that a misogynistic company? It was like actually the perfect storm of like, oh, I'm a woman. And I'm going to have the biggest show at barstool sports. Watch me dance. Okay. And it was like this really cool challenge, but I think because of the nature of the content at the beginning of call her daddy, it's difficult because I am in no way shape or form. I wouldn't change one thing about the beginning of that show. It was so provocative and in your face

and women needed it at the time. It was like, oh, instead of, because I think the feminist movement has had many different forms, right? It continues to change and evolve. And at that point, as someone who had just graduated college, I was, everyone can be a feminist, right? And you can have a different version

of how you associate it with it. But as long as you believe in the quality of the sexist, boom. Okay, and you respect women, great. But for me, it was like, if men can say it to us, let's say it right back. And they're not going to like it. And it's going to be really uncomfortable, but let's go for it. And I think a lot of people loved it. No, I know a lot of people loved it. The show blew up, and it was controversial, and it was amazing. My struggle was being so proud of what I built, but also we just talked about that box of like,

but I kind of want to talk about other stuff too. And I felt like I got pigeonholed into this, like that's the girl that talks about sex and dating. And it was really difficult for me to respect and acknowledge what had been built. And it is like brilliant what Call Her Daddy original days was. But I also, now I'm 28 and I started it at 22, 23. I don't want to be the same person I was at 22.

I'm not. I have a different outlook on life. I have a greater interest in what's happening in the world in making a difference. Are you kidding me out of 22? I was like, let's drink, let's talk about sex, and let's have fun. And that was so, and that's what you should be doing, right at that age.

But now as I've tried to transition the show, not because, and I wanna clarify, no one has told me to do this. I made the decision because two things happened. In the pandemic, I think when you talk about something like sex and people are so freaked out by that concept and a little nervous to I remember back in the day engaged with the brand because it was like oh they talking about sex That is one of the most intimate

topics that you can really talk about and a universally inclusive topic, right? We all think about it in some capacity, right? I felt like if I can talk that deeply and that openly and that vulnerability on this platform to millions of people, still in therapy about that, why was I so okay doing that? We're working on it, okay? But the point is is if I can do that,

my audience was ready when the pandemic hit, we need you to talk about some other stuff because none of us are enjoying our sex life right now, but we trust you enough Alex. Let's have deeper conversations. And that is when I began talking about mental health. And that is when I opened up and acknowledged I'm in therapy. And the stigma around therapy, which I know a lot of people is what's wrong with you. My mother is a psychologist. I grew up where mental health was the number one prerequisite in the house of house your mental health,

what's going on in your head, where are you at? So I think that transition for call her daddy for me felt so organic. It was like, of course, we got to talk about more stuff. It's like, eventually you graduate from high school, you gotta go to college or Algebra one, we got to talk about more stuff. It's like eventually you graduate from high school You got to go to college or algebra one we go to algebra two like caller daddy is cemented as one of the best Sex and relationship podcasts. There's 80 episodes. It is fire. You can learn some amazing tricks of the trade Okay, but what's next and I could feel my audience ready for something new and I was ready for something new

I wanted to explore other topics, not that I'm not going to continue to talk about those things. And that I think was a difficult transition that some people that don't want change, not my audience, my audience not only stayed with me, but then grew because people were like, oh, we're spicing up a little bit. There's more topics, there's more conversations, just not about sex, but I saw people that didn't like the show in the beginning They're like, nope, you're still the sex girl. You cannot be talking about mental health and talking about sex You can't tell me you're talking about sex in a deep deep conversation that has to do with mental health

Or you're not getting deep enough be well, no pun intended But but when I talk about that it's like what we're going through in the world right now with sexual identity and fluidity and trying to Understand I mean, it's so beautiful now that we've started to embrace the concept of non-binary and it's like letting people do what they feel Comfortable doing that is mental health and that is sex, right? So I think the struggle of respect has been people not loving me venturing out and straying away from what initially was the bread and butter of call her daddy. And I have been an athlete my whole life, Jay, I love a challenge. When someone tells me I can't do something and but I will not lie it has been so hard like trying to

Stay true to myself Authentic to the content but also knowing and cognizant of the fact that there are people that are like she's still Sex she it's just sex and I'm like what what and so It's a difficult balance, but I've tried to just block out the noise, not read as many of the comments. And now I think through the new kind of version of the show, it's so cool that I've taken on these interviews. And kind of like going back to what we kind of said in the beginning, I'm having on these celebrity guests that everyone's like, oh, you're going to have on celebrities now, but

the point was and it goes back to what we were saying earlier, I love this challenge of like, you're gonna leave and you will relate to Demi Lovato. You will relate to Miley Cyrus. You will relate to Chelsea Handler. Like these people that are coming on that seem so their life is so unattainable. No, we can relate to them. And I've been fortunate that this new format, and I think through my therapy journey, and just because I know myself, and I am a warm person, I am so interested in people's lives, I want to understand people better. It makes me better, it makes my audience better. Almost every single time a guest leaves call her daddy. They say, wow, I have never felt so comfortable in an interview.

And I've never opened up as much as I did in this interview. And I take pride in that because I put a lot of effort into making people feel comfortable because when you're talking about really, really intense topics, like we're talking about today, you need to be open-minded, you need to come into an unbiased and you need to provide a space where it's like, your safe, let's have a conversation and no judgment. And I think a lot of these celebrities feel extra, listen, they have, there is no denying, we're not saying they don't have privilege

and they don't have so many resources we don't have. But it's trying to humanize. And I think in a cool way, my listeners have loved the new Kind of version of call her daddy and then I guess this is the last part of also. I don't plan There's one day that it's not like I need an episode like this one day and then this it's every week I walk in and I'm like I think I know who I want to interview because it feels right and I read all the DMs from the daddy gang And I'm I still have all my social media accounts

No one runs the caller daddy account or my account and I just read all these DMs of someone Struggling with a narcissistic parent and immediately I'm like let's get Dr. Ramani on let's have her come on Let's talk about how to survive a narcissistic relationship like it ebbs and flows I it's I would love to be like I have this perfect structure I am I bawling it because I also am a consumer and I'm like, what am I interested in? Because I'm so, I love being in tune with my audience that I'm able to be like, I know what they want, because I want it too. It's an ebbing and flowing relationship with respect.

There's always going to be haters. There's always going to be people that want me to fail. But I do think specifically this last year I've come really into my own of like, I want to make amazing content for the people that want to listen. And if you don't want to listen, you don't have to listen. But I always do say give a chance because you will be surprised at the new caller, Daddy. It's different. And I'm really proud of it because I put a lot of work into it.

And you should be. I personally am a fan and I've loved the evolution of it. I've watched a ton of the interviews. I mean, for me, I couldn't agree with you more that whoever sits in front of me, whether they're a celebrity, whether they're not, whether they're a scientist, a doctor, a host, you know, whatever they may be, like, I just want to create exactly what you said. Like, it's so aligned on that, like create a safe space where people can feel they can be themselves and

they're not being forced to be someone and they're not being forced to be the one version that we see. But I think what I really took away from what you're saying is that even though you're right, I know what you're saying that there's no weekly structure. It's not like you're trying to figure out like, oh, we're going to do this and that. Actually when you hear you explain, when I just heard you explain how sex and mental health are so interconnected, that is very coherent and that's very cohesive. So even if there isn't a plan every week or you're talking to all that kind of stuff,

that makes a lot of sense. Yeah. And it's like, no one would ever know that or think about that. And this is what I think we think so shallow now. Right? Like, everything's a shallow thought. And when I say shallow, I don't mean the subject matter. I mean, how deeply we consider an idea. So Alex has changed what she talks about on her podcast slightly, right? She's still, she's still doing the sex podcast. She's still talking about

those things, but she's also talking about mental health and therapy and whatever she wants to talk about. That's a shallow thought. Oh, she's just Spotify's told her to do that. She can't talk about sex anymore because whatever, right, like whatever it is, I don't know what it is. I mean, literally making stuff up. But then when you take that thought deeper, you go, okay, wait, when I actually listen to Alex explain it,

she's like, I should be willing to talk about mental health and sex because they're so interconnected. I should be able to talk about mental health and anything in my life because they're so interconnected. I should be able to talk about mental health and anything in my life because it's so interconnected. And I feel it, I just love that description. Like I'm just holding onto that. That's my biggest takeaway from what you said because I think it's unhealthy, mentally,

emotionally, spiritually, psychologically for us to think that any subject matter is separate from any other in the human experience. I agree, and I feel like, especially with sex and having been a woman and trying to now, like, I'm not trying to get away from it, I'm just trying to prove like there's other things about me at what a concept. And that respect has been something

that I keep pushing up against. Of like, it almost, I think at first, I'll be honest, made me want to go so far away from it because it's what everyone just wanted to pigeonhole me as. And I feel like, especially with the season two that's going to come out of Call Her Daddy at the end of September and to October, you're going to see a shift because I feel like when I was in my 20s, I kind of mentioned this earlier, you're everyone's self involved.

We're just trying to understand, like, I remember getting out of college being so miserable, I hated my job, I hated my life. I was like, what am I doing with my life? You're just trying to quite literally survive. And where I'm at now in my life at 28, I just turned 28, and I feel I genuinely have a different interest for what is happening in the world. Like, I know this may not be the most relatable thing,

but like, I have one of the biggest platforms specifically. Well, I know I just found out my show is the number one biggest listen to show for women in the world for a podcast. All I think when I hear that, that's great. Let's frame it. My mom may frame it. Responsibility. That's what I take from that.

How am I not going to start talking about deeper topics and things that are genuinely going to affect generations to come. Having such a big platform, I feel a sense of responsibility of what am I doing? Open my eyes. Start reading the news. Like, I just feel there's a different level that I'm taking this show to and it's not to become preachy and it's not to become political and it's not to become in your face. It's going to have that same genuine nature.

Call it, Eddie, has always had I am coming to them just having a conversation. I want both sides to participate. I want people to feel so comfortable. I'm not asking you anything. I'm just wanting people to listen and to maybe have a thought provoking conversation that could potentially change your mind or strengthen your view on something. I feel like in a world of such snap judgment because of social media, people are inclined to make decisions so quickly based off of a headline or a photo or whatever it is or gossip. And I like how what I want to do with colored adias, wouldn't you feel so much better

if you could make your decision with a more 360 POV on something. And that is what podcasting does. Long form sit downs, get to know someone, get to understand a topic, an issue, an argument, and then make your judgment. Because that is amazing if you leave being like, I have the same opinion, amazing, but now don't you feel better that you have more of an educated opinion rather than a snap judgment?

Or most times what people do when they listen to Colorado adi is, okay, I admit, I was judging them. My mind changed, I just had someone on and all of the DMs were, uh-huh. I don't know if I really thought I liked them anymore, and now I'm obsessed again because I forgot what they went through in their life, and I was completely unattached to the empathy level

because all I see is social media posts. So I hope people feel that, and again, I'm not trying to be this like preachy. I don't know what I'm doing half the time, you know? But I just feel a sense of responsibility and I hope that my audience can feel like it's just a journey because what else are we doing here? I want everyone to have fun.

We want to have laughs. We're gonna continue to have that. And especially being a woman right now, it's like if I don't speak up, I'm not doing my job and I won't be able to sleep at night knowing that I didn't do something that actually was just right in front of me that I could have done and I have such a platform.

And so I'm sure everyone can know what I'm kind of talking about, but yeah, vote, okay. Yeah, no, I mean, personally hearing that, and you don't need to hear this for me, and I'm only saying it because I genuinely mean it, and for whatever it's worth, it's like, I love that like I personally appreciate that so much because I only went out to start building a platform in The desire to serve like we only I only started this journey Hoping that we'd be able to help people It never came from anything else. It started in that place and it's still in that place today and never came from anything else. It started in that place and it's still in that place today. And when I hear someone who's like, Hey, I was 22 and now I'm growing up and this is

life. And I look at that and I go, I love people who do that. And you know, a lot of people that I work with in my coaching practice is like, that's where they're all. Like, they became famous through music or they became famous through movies or they became famous through whatever. And now they're having that same journey in their life where they go, Jay, I have like hundreds of millions of people who listen to me and they care about what I have to say. I don't want to be the person who just has a great home business in life. I want to do more than that.

And to me, I think when people who have the opportunity to say that, say that and then go follow it up, that's when the world starts becoming a better place. It does. I think it is really, it's a hard concept, especially when you have a podcast. I don't see all these people. Of course, yeah. When I'm told, oh, your podcast is also the biggest podcast for millennials in Gen Z. I'm like, so that is an audience that has the opportunity to quite

literally change the world. What am I doing? And it doesn't need to be every episode. I just think there's a different level of awareness I have right now and I don't have it figured out. I am not perfect by any means. I definitely present a certain way on social media for my business, but like I'm, I'm, what I'm trying to do is just take my education public and just use this platform and not be better than anyone just genuinely be like, I'm learning.

I literally said to my team and I was like, I will publicly say this. Like a couple years ago, I remember when I got out of college, I had to call my dad and be like, I don't know how to, like, how am I gonna vote, dad? Like what, I'm in Boston, I'm from Pennsylvania, where my registered, like, I don't know how to, like how am I gonna vote, dad? Like what I'm in Boston, I'm from Pennsylvania where my register, like I don't even know how to vote.

And I am not ashamed to say that. I think people feel so overwhelmed with certain things in life of college does not prepare us for a lot, right? And there's a lot that we're like, what are we doing? And I think when you have people on platforms that are acting like you don't know what you're doing, it makes you feel ashamed, it makes you feel insecure, and then you just don't do anything.

So I think call her daddy also this season is really trying to just make it and just for everyone of like, I'm with you guys. I am also still like a couple of years ago, my dad was helping me on turbo tax. Okay. I did know what I was doing, but I'm learning and I hope that it's just, I hope that people appreciate me just trying to make a little bit of a change

because there's a lot of power in podcasting and in these really intimate conversations. That's the best part about podcasting. It is such an intimate relationship that we have with our listeners and I don't take it for granted. So there you go. No, you're spot on, like I think we genuinely close off relationship that we have with our listeners and I don't take it for granted. So there you go. No, you're spot on.

Like I think we genuinely close off when we think we're surrounded by a community of people who know it all or and I think that's when people start to lie. That's when people start to hide. Like I think everyone, like millennials and Gen Z everyone right now feels the pressure to know how to be an investor. Like because investing is the cool thing. Right. And it's like if you don't know how to be an investor. Like, because investing is the cool thing. Right. And it's like, if you don't know how to buy an NFT, if you don't, you know, if you didn't

know how to buy crypto when it was like booming and everyone's like talking big, it was like, if you didn't know how to do those things, it was like, who are you? You can't be cool. If you don't know, if you don't know how to vote, like, oh, well, then you don't care. Or all of these things. And it's like, I don't think any of those things were ever explained to anyone. Anyone.

And we're just listening to one random 32nd TikTok and being like, oh my God, I need to buy that. I need to do this. And I'm like, I fully believe, I fully agree with what you're saying. Yeah. Social media has definitely made us all feel a little bit like, we're behind. Like, what am I missing?

Or I don't, oh, I'm not in on that. Or I'm feeling excluded. Or maybe I'm not cool enough. I don't look a certain? Or I don't, oh, I'm not in on that. Or I'm feeling excluded. Or maybe I'm not cool enough. I don't look a certain way. I don't know how to do something. And it's like, that's what I've tried to take a little step back from social media recently. And really focused on like, I have the same three best friends since I was six years old.

I have my family. I have my relationship. I have my amazing team now of Colorado, the comprised of all women, they're amazing, I feel so, everyone's always like, what's the best thing that came from your Spotify deal? And I was like, that I can now hire a team of these amazing people. But I do feel like you have to also, everything's with the grain of salt on social media, try to also just be more present. Like I found myself the other month on my phone on TikTok scrolling. I'm by myself.

There's a beautiful sunset at my new house and I'm scrolling on TikTok. And I for a minute had this moment of like, hold on. I'm watching a random girl in her bedroom doing whatever she's doing and I don't know her and I'm sitting on my couch, lovely woman whoever she is, wasting my time watching someone that I don't know and this is not changing my life. Go outside Alex, go watch the sunset, go take my dog on a walk, be present because it gives me anxiety I realize when I don't feel good enough, I don't feel pretty enough, I don't feel like I'm fitting the body standard and then I start

to spiral and it's like, why are we doing this to ourselves? If we know that it's not helping us, let's, I'm just trying to be a little bit more in the moment with my thoughts of, okay, so step back. You can take it out of your hand and put it down, and I know it's quite literally doctors are comparing it to an addiction. So that's also something that's helped me with my mental health recently. It's like really putting boundaries on social media.

What are some of the new habits of this new Alex and values of this new Alex that are really becoming integrated into your life? Like you just said, like learning about what's happening in the world, like being well informed, educating yourself, taking that online. Obviously therapy, we've talked about like, what are some of the, I guess, the smaller habits that you've developed? That's one of them.

And that's a beautiful one. I always joke. I'm like, I'm a val, I never say this word again. I, in the beginning of Call of Hordadian, shortly, kind of in the pandemic, went down a spy role of like reading Reddit pages about myself and awful, awful things about myself. And I was crushed. Like I said earlier, being bullied, I am a full people pleaser.

I want everyone to like me. If I see that one comment, I'm like, and then it's gonna affect my content the next week. And I'm going to have a Freudian slip and somehow talk about something that I saw in the comment I'm trying to, oh my God. It was about like a year or so ago. Sat down, I think it was, it was with my therapist

and I said, I am never going to open the sap again. And if I do, I'm hurting, call her daddy. And I almost got, it helped me take it out of myself of like, because I was got it helped me take it out of myself of like, because I was, it was affecting my content. And I stopped looking at these people that, I remember I always used to also be like, they're just hurting in their own life.

And we can talk about why people are trolls on the internet for hours, but it's not my problem. I need to drown that out. Whatever those people are going through, would it, why ever they hate me? I know I'm a good person. I know what I'm trying to do. So I stopped reading that about a year ago and my life,

I feel like a different human being. I am taking notes from people that truly care about me. And I'm someone that my producer was like, it's interesting, you love a note. I love a note. I love someone to tell me when I'm doing something wrong, what I'm doing wrong, I love a note. And so I don't surround myself with yes people.

I'm very, I came to LA and I had to make a decision of who I wanted to hang out with, what I wanted to do. And like, I am sticking to the people that I have known my whole life. I am not not open to meeting new friends. I have made new friends in LA, but I'm very specific about who I share my time with. And I think that is totally fair to say. And I think sometimes people like, oh, this is that, or oh, you don't have as many friends. I am taking care of my mental health

by making sure the people that I'm surrounded with aren't yes people because they're like, oh, we want to come and hang out in Alex's cool house with their cool job. It's people that are like, check yourself, what's up? Like, how are you doing? And I can do the same to them. And so I have made efforts to make sure who I'm around,

not only they don't even make me feel good, it's that they're real with me. I have made efforts to make sure who I'm around. Not only they don't even make me feel good, it's that they're real with me. And they treat me, if all this was gone tomorrow, I know those people are gonna still be there. And I think with social media, I've kind of just, I've really gone through periods where I felt like my whole existence was immersed and defined by social media.

And literally just through meditating, being alone with my thoughts, going through therapy of when you actually dissect does something make you feel bad. Yes, so why are you doing it? It's so simple and it is so hard. But the more that I train my brain, it's really helped me. And I think when I go through really awful times on social media, if people are coming at me, if I get the mean comments, this is something that keeps me kind of grounded is, I always get through something.

In the moment when you are going through something, it is awful. And it can be heart-wrenching, it can you can feel it physically, you can feel alone, you can feel scared, whatever feeling comes when something bad is happening in your life. But you get through it. And when you get through it, you look back and you're always like, oh, I wish I could have told myself,

like, stop stressing, stop overthinking, stop. So what I've had to do is in the moments of crisis when I'm freaking out, having a panic attack, anxiety, I'm like, okay, hold on. In two days, this will be over. Let's go and walk. Let's take a breath. Let's call people I love. Let's talk to my mom. Let's call my therapist. Let's like take all of the stuff that's happening in my head and just calm, pause, connect with people that love me and get out of your kind of psychosis that's happening in your brain, you're going over and over. I always think about like, I always get through it.

I've had so many moments where I'm freaking out, I always get through it. So look at the other side and it's, I don't know, it's easier said than done again, but like it helps me be like, I'm gonna be there in a couple days or hours, so like this, it's not as bad as it feels. Um, I don't know.

So I think it's any sense. Yeah, it does. I think what you're describing is like, everything is simply a pattern of thought, right? It's just a pattern of thoughts. And the current pattern of thoughts we all have are not serving us. They're not helping us. They're not improving our lives. Not too long ago, in the heart of the Amazon rainforest, this explorer stumbled upon something that would change his life. not improving our lives. wanted us to have a gun bite. I mean, you saw the stacks of cash in her office. Chocolate sort of forms this vortex.

It sucks you in. It's like I can be the queen of wild chocolate. We're all lost. It was madness. It was a game changer. People quit their jobs. They left their lives behind so they could search for more of this stuff.

I wanted to tell their stories. So I followed them deep into the jungle. And it wasn't always pretty. Basically, this like disgruntled guy and his family surrounded the building armed with machetes. And we've heard all sorts of things that, you know, somebody got shot over this. Sometimes I think, oh, all this for a damn bar of chocolate. Listen to obsessions while chocolate on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. My heart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. This is what it sounds like inside the box card.

I'm journalist and I'm Morton in my podcast, City of the Rails. I plung into the dark world of America's railroads, searching for my daughter Ruby, who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train, not where I'm gonna end up. And I jump. Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters, living outside society, off the grid, and on the edge. I was in love with a lifestyle and the freedom, this community. No one understands who we truly are. The rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood, history, and the thing we

call the American Dream. It's the last vestige of American freedom. Everything about it is extreme. You're either going to die, or you can have this incredible rebirth, and really understand who you are. Come with me to find out what waits for us in the city of the rails. Listen to city of the rails on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts,

or cityoftherails.com. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet, O'Prob. Everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant.

The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Haw. It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to create change. Luminous Hamilton. That's for me being taken that moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself.

And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw, real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon.

And the hard part is knowing which thoughts to change and then how to change them and so the tools you just gave us were really simple ways and practical ways that anyone can start changing their thoughts. And if I literally if we just understood that, that simply by changing your thoughts, you can transform every human experience in the world, whether it's sitting in a cold plunge and you're just changing your thoughts, whether it's, you know, doing a hike in the morning, whether it's just getting to the gym, right? Like, whatever it is, it's just changing your thoughts.

And it's beautiful to hear you figure that out and work through that. Also in journaling, I've had when I go through really hard times, I always journal during and after, and then when I'm going through a crisis again, I'll read the after and leave in the during. And I'm like, I was spiraling. Look where I am now, I'm sitting on the beach.

Like, or I'm driving to work, everything's okay. We get through, I have gone through people dying, and it's like, it is the worst, it is the worst, but you have to find a way to keep going. You have to find the positive, right? And I have a lot of friends connected through trauma of things that happen in our childhood. And it's like, I had my two best girlfriends come and visit me and they were with me for a week.

And we were just talking about life, how am I going to keep going? But then you remember the moment after that where you're laughing on the beach with your friend and you're like, imagine if I didn't keep going. I wouldn't have this beautiful moment with these people. And so it's like always trying to look to the other side. And if you can get there, you can take that breath and be like, thank God I hung in there.

Yeah. What's a belief that you think you've had about yourself that you think led you down the wrong path? Like is there a specific belief that you once had about yourself that you think kind of went the other way? Like you just said, sometimes you have to push through. But sometimes we carry a belief about ourselves and we end up somewhere we don't wanna be.

I think because of things that have happened publicly and there's so many things that have happened publicly for me in my career, I would say it really hurts me when people assume I'm a bad friend. My entire life that has been the one thing I have felt I'm proud of myself for truly. Like my friendships are so valuable to me, and I take such pride in those relationships, and when you have public things, and it happens to happen with the woman, it's like the person that comes out on top

is the villain, and then the person that didn't is the victim, and I'm not like going at anyone saying that they're calling themselves a victim, I'm just saying that's how the public perceives it, and so as a woman, it upsets me. And I would find myself really struggling at times being like, I know I'm a great friend. Like I had a friend recently say to me

because she's going through something. And almost like through the tools of my show and therapy, she mentioned to me, she was like, I have never, I think I have never felt you being a better friend than in this moment. Like, I can't thank you for how much you're taking on for me. And I was like, I'm in a good place right now. Like, it's all I can picture doing is helping a friend

and being there for someone. Cause you've been there for me when I've been at the absolute bottom, that's how friendship works, right? And I think friendships are so beautiful because you have to choose to keep it moving, keep it strong. A romantic relationship, it's there. You're together all the time. Friendship, that's hard. My friends live across the country. My three best friends do not live in Los Angeles, California, and it is a constant effort. And they know me just as much as I know them, and we have

been through so much together. But I think that kind of aid at me, and I'm sure you've had it of like, there's nothing worse than when someone believes something about you that you're like, oh, like I wanna prove, that's not true. And I have so many things that could prove that, that's not true, but I've had to work on a therapy of like, I can't please everyone. And through, do my friends know I'm a good friend.

That's all that matters. The internet, thinking, I'm this or that. Like, if you like my show, you're gonna listen. But you're not listening because I'm a good friend. So it's like, I need to prioritize knowing who I am, knowing how deeply I feel for these people that I consider family. That's all that matters. And I don't need to prove that,

but I definitely went down moments of like, oh my god, am I trying to talk about this in an episode? And proof is like, Alex, if I tried to whack a mole, everything people think about me, I'm not gonna get done interviews. I'll be just doing solo episodes for the rest of my career. So that was something that was kind of hard.

Yeah, and there'd still be something about your explanation that was kind of hard. Yeah, and there'd still be something about your explanation that wouldn't be enough. Yup, yup. I found that, I mean, I was asked in a podcast a few years ago, someone asked me the question, what's something you used to value that you don't value anymore?

And it was a really great question, and we have the video of it, I'm like sitting there thinking about it, and you can tell it's, you know, when you ask a question and you actually have to think rather than like you've got a million things to say And I said being understood. I was like I just don't value being understood anymore because it's just It killed me that desire I had and I get that people is like for years I just wanted people to know I was a good person and that I

Pure intentions and I was trying to serve the world and I was, and I was like, you know what? No one's gonna give me the benefit of the doubt. No one cares. And at the end of the day, I have to lose that desire to be misunderstood or sorry to be understood because most people are gonna misunderstand me.

And that's okay. That is like, that is so beautiful because I relate to that deeply. And I love that you're saying that because being understood is so overrated and exhausting, because who you're mostly trying now in the age of social media to be understood by is people you don't even know.

And what about the people you do know? How much time are you putting, are we, it was a measure for me, am I putting more effort into the people I don't know than the people I do know? That's check yourself because I've done that to myself, and I love that you said that, because when you get to that point, it is so free,

and because you're like, I'm me. I don't need, if I say something, people take the wrong way, I don't need to know, I'd be like, oh my God, I promise I'm a good person. No, you either know where you don't and I'm not going to run around and chase people and try to convince people of my character. I go to sleep at night.

I know I am a good daughter, a good partner and a good friend and I know I am not perfect by any means, but I am trying every day through therapy, through just looking inward a lot and trying to be with my thoughts and being more present with the uncomfortable, silent moments, trying to just be a better person. And I think it sounds corny even when I say it out loud, but like, what else are we here to do? You know what I mean?

Like, are you good with the people you love and who love you? That's kind of all that matters. And the rest is noise and we have huge platforms and it's so great. But if all of it ended tomorrow, I would be okay. And I don't think I could have said that a couple years ago. And I don't want it to end, I love you all.

But it is a good feeling because that then I can really put all of me into the podcast because it's like, I'm gonna be me and I'm gonna do me until I don't wanna do it anymore. And no one can tell me otherwise, you know what I mean? So it's kind of a freeing feeling. Yeah, and here's what we know. We know that the people that do listen to us every week, they do know us.

Like I feel so seen, heard, and understood by my community that listens to me here and whether they're listening to the solos or these guest episodes, like I know they know me, they understand me and I always say that. If you see me on the streets, please come and say hello because we can have a great conversation. But at the same time as that, one thing I do know is that I read a study that said, you have to spend 200 hours with someone to consider to know them deeply. And I started thinking about who in the world

have I spent 200 hours with? And I started to realize it wasn't that many people and that wasn't something that made me sad. It just made me value those people so much more. So my best friend who's my best man at my wedding, I've known him for 18 years and I still talked him three or four times a week. I've known him for 18 years and he, I still talked him three or four times a week. I don't know where I find the time. I don't know where he finds

the time. But every car journey, whatever I'm doing around L.A., I'll call it, he's in London. So he had an eight hour time difference too. Oh my god. And he always picks up. We always find a way to connect. And we still, our friendship's got better since I left England. And so all my best friends are in London because that's where I grew up. My family's in London, my wife's family's in London. So for us, like, I totally hear what you're saying, that the statement you made that really resonated with me today on off of what I said was that being understood is overrated. And it's so true because I would say that I'm still trying to understand

even the people I've spent 200 hours with. So how am I expecting someone who met me once for two minutes? that I'm still trying to understand even the people I've spent 200 hours with. So how am I expecting someone who met me once for two minutes to understand 200 hour version of me? I would hope not. I hope I'm complex enough that you can't figure me out in a minute. No, I really love that. And I think it's, I think that I always say to anyone, especially in 20s, 30s when you're out of college, it is so, so depleting at times because you are stripped of that immediate comfort, friends in proximity wise. And you're immediately all of a sudden

you're across the country and your friends across it. And you're like, I don't have friends and it's a really isolating and lonely time, but I would start with, do you have one person? Do you have one person that you can call? That really all that matters and of course we want friend groups We want friendships. We want connections We want to go to parties guys. Come on But you but you have to just start slow with yourselves and and I think a lot of times in your 20s

It's a really you almost get dismembered and you have to build yourself back up and we're really hard on ourselves with those friendships It's so much easier said than done, but it is a great reward when you can maintain those because it's their beautiful and like I said, you're not having sex with these people, hopefully. So your friends are just there because they love you for your birthday. Hopefully. It gets messy. Don't do it, guys. But no, it's a really powerful relationship. Yeah, we've talked about friendships and I want to talk about relationships a bit, it's a really powerful relationship. Yeah, we've talked about friendships, and I want to talk about relationships a bit because it's a big thing here on on purpose.

And I'm asking this because for me, and this is what we do, right? And this is why I'm very clear on this. And this is one of the best skill I learned from training to become a coach, was to not project my intentions onto other people's actions. So what we often do is when we see someone

who does the same thing as us, we assume they did it because of the same reason as us. So if you see someone light to someone, if you're someone who would light to someone because you don't want to upset someone's feelings, you're like, oh, they light to them because they don't want to upset someone's feelings. But if you're someone who didn't do something

because you were jealous of something, when someone doesn't do that same thing, you're like, oh, that's because they're't want to upset someone's feelings. Yeah. But if you're someone who didn't do something because you were jealous of something, when someone doesn't do that same thing, you're like, oh, that's because they're jealous of them. So we project our intentions onto other people's actions. So interesting. And so I'm projecting now, and so I'm being very honest and open about it.

My wife and I've been together for 10 years, long before my public life. And we got married six years ago. And I started creating content online around the same time as we got married. We'd already been together for four years. And I've been creating offline content for 10 years before I started doing online content. So I did events and I spoke and did seminars and workshops and coaching and all this stuff. Anyway, for the first three years of my content life, no one knew I was married.

It wasn't that I didn't talk about it, it's that I used to make four minute videos on Facebook and YouTube, and those four minute videos were based on ideas. Long-form content hadn't really taken off, and I didn't really feel to post selfies with me and my wife, because I was gaining traction from talking about philosophy and psychology and ideas that I cared about. And we just got married too and it was all new to us.

It was like all of a sudden like when I would post that I was at a restaurant, people would turn up and things like that. And so I was very protective of my mom, my sister, my wife and just everyone in my life. And then my first ever podcast episode was me interviewing my wife. And I was talking about how we met and our journey and everything else that came with that. And I was in 2019 when we talked about it. I am so grateful that I didn't do it before then because it gave my wife time to a acclimatize to the new life we'd created. It gave her a sense of stability and what we were doing and where we're going and it helped me deal with what I needed to deal with in this journey. It wasn't something I would even say I was fully conscious of.

I guess my question to you is, do you think having a relationship that you're open about but that is private consciously improves the quality of relationship you can build? I'm projecting that I think it's healthy, but you don't have to buy into my projection. You know what, I'm gonna buy in, okay? I do. I definitely, it's interesting, because when I met my boyfriend,

I had already podcasted about him before our first date, and he, I remember podcasting, I was in Los Angeles, and we were going to a dinner. And I'm podcasting about my wants and my needs and all the things that I'm expecting for this date to go. This, I had never about this man in my life. Classic, Alex just going for it for the podcast, got to give the daddy game what they want.

And I show up to the date in halfway through. I'm like, oh, you're gonna be on next week's episode. And he's a very private person. And he was like, what? And I was like, it day in halfway through. I'm like, oh, you're gonna be on next week's episode. And he's a very private person. And he was like, what? And I was like, mm-hmm, it's gonna be so good. And then I'm gonna go back and record whatever happens at the end of the day. And he was like so shocked.

I will say, I think he thought it was quite charming. I love how men are always like, oh, I don't want to be on. They love being on. But with him, it was interesting because I went all the way in and I started talking about him from the beginning. And then I had to pull it back because I realized, oh, well, this is a real relationship. And I have so much respect for him. And he's in the entertainment industry, but he's private. And he, he in a great way, this is how I knew he was the one, he never said, don't talk about me. But he asked that we just have conversations about it and just keep talking about it.

And I've had past relationships where it was like, if your show I don't care. And he has such a respect for my craft that he recognizes that is kind of what you do for living and your life is your living. But I did start to pull back and I know it's not fun to hear, but my relationship couldn't be better because of it. All of a sudden, he didn't have to wake up in the morning and press play and listen to what I said. And we weren't getting DMs about our relationship.

And it really allowed us to just be present of, hey, do we like each other? I've said to people, and I'm not judging people that post on social media with their partner. I always just like to hit check myself, and then I just tell people what I'm doing and if you wanna do it too. But it's like, there's some relationships I worry,

are you just together still, because the public loves ya? And that is not healthy. And I think that with social media, people can become addicted to the concept of this perfect relationship and what it looks like. Well, what is it like behind closed doors? I am so fortunate that I don't have that with my partner.

I'm with him because I love him and I love our relationship and none of it is contingent upon either of our jobs. So that's been very healthy. Was it hard? Yeah, of course. There's great content in there. And occasionally I will share, but I told my listeners one rule that I implemented with my partner was if we have an argument or a fight or a disagreement or whatever

and it's an open wound at the time for the relationship, I made the mistake once of going and talking about it on the podcast too soon that we hadn't even healed. And my partner is so mature that he was like, I love you so much, but I think we need boundaries because hearing that is not fun and it almost made it worse for me because we haven't resolved it. And so now I have this like, I have a boundary where it's like a couple months later I can totally talk about it

because he was like some of our arguments are great for couples to think about and talk about. They're very relatable, but I think in the moment it's always good to just put my relationship first and it doesn't mean I'm not putting the show first. It's just having a good set boundary that I didn't have before and I'm really, really happy.

I've done it. Yeah. I've lived hearing today about how many different boundaries you put into different areas of your life. I am putting boundaries on Jay. You're like winning a boundary setting. Like, nobody's so important because I think the problem is that we think of life as either or and life is more boundaries and layers and levels and it's like we think I'm either close to this person or I'm not and I'm like no you're

closer to this person than this person. It's not that you're close or not and I think when you start looking at life as degrees and you know you see a little ripple and different degrees versus like yes or no. Absolutely and I think the concept of again this is all for public consumption. Absolutely. And I think the concept of, again, this is all for public consumption. Posting your partner for people in my case that don't, I don't know, right? And even a lot of people,

even if you have a thousand followers on Instagram, do you have a thousand friends? Absolutely not Becky. Okay, you do not have a thousand friends. So I always am also just like, what is the motive behind posting your partner? Is it to get validation that you're not getting in the relationship? Is it to seek approval? Is it to show off something that you're proud of? But well, if you were super, you know, confident,

like, would you need that exterior validation, right? And again, I'm not saying not to post your partner. It's really just, I think, with social media, we've been so quick to just throw stuff off about our life. And it's like, well, why are you doing that? Who was that for? Why do you feel the need to show people that you don't even know how your relationship is going and write these long captions about it? I totally get trying to connect with people. But there is a level that I started to find of like, I think I'm just doing this because this is like, is helping content. It's not good for my relationship. I need to find of like, I think I'm just doing this because this is like, is helping content. It's not good for my relationship.

I need to pull back. Yeah, and I love that who it's for question because I do that exercise with myself and I post stuff like, I post certain things and I know no one cares, but I really care about it. Like it's a big deal for me or whatever. And then I'll post it and I'll already tell to him of like, do not look at the likes,

do not look at the comments. I know it's gonna do terribly, but it's really important to me and I want it to be out there because to me that's really, really powerful. And obviously we only put out things that we think are powerful of course, but there are certain things

that I know no one cares about apart from me. And at the same time, I think for me, what I was getting at was that three years of being married for me and my wife gave us a sense of getting to know each other in that way without having to deal with any opinions, any, like right now all we ever get when we post anything is just you guys little like brother and sister. And I'm like, that's like, that's not what I would have wanted to hear when we just got

married. So I'm very happy that we didn't because that's all we ever get. And so I'm like, oh, this is great. Like so. So there's a thing you're never gonna, it's always gonna be the negative. And so that's what also I'm really protective of it, because I'm like, I'm so happy.

He's so happy. Our families love each other. We're doing good. We are, by no means a perfect couple, but I have no interest right now in opening that up for public consumption to just have an opinion. I don't need it. I wanna know, am I in this because I like him?

That's it. Great, stick with it. Last question from Relationships. I think a lot of people ask, like, what do you look for in someone? I think for me, it's the opposite way around. What do you think you want someone to bring out in you that you see as a healthy relationship?

Like, what are you happy being when you're in a good place? I'm a lot. I'm self-aware enough to know I'm a lot. And really when I say I'm a lot, I think my job is a lot, right? And I am so passionate, like I've said, I've been doing this since I was so young, I wouldn't be. I've been doing this since I was so young. I would be making these videos. No one was seeing them.

I was acting like they were gonna be up for an Academy Award. No one was, my parents were barely watching them. Do you still have them? Oh, they're awful, yes. We need them. We need them. We need them. They're like, we're gonna play it one day at your wedding.

And like, so I'm not getting married then. But the point is, I have always felt like what I'm doing and my passion is so a part of me. And I need a partner that is going to support me, especially in a heterosexual relationship, can a man be okay with, I'm okay if I'm the breadwinner, it's not the case my my relationship were pretty equal, but it's like, I need to be able to be myself.

And I need my partner to not be intimidated by my success, not try to hold me down, let me be me, and you be you. And if we come together, we make each other better, amazing. But I've had relationships with men where they were extremely intimidated by my success. And it was constantly trying to push me down language that was semi-abusive of trying to make me feel less than. And it was really toxic.

And it affected me. And now being in a healthy relationship with someone that it's like, you are incredible. I support you. It's like my number one cheerleader. That to me is the hottest thing that someone can do. And I'm so attracted to my partner because of that. I also think someone that is so honest.

My partner is so honest with me sometimes I'm like, oh my God, it's like I'm not used to the honesty and I really respect that because I am a no-bolt person and like what's up, what's going on? And to meet my match kind of with that, we do no dance around. Like it is just like what is up? And I know some people don't like that.

You need a little like cushion. I am like hit me where it hurts. Let's get this over with. So I think those two things, the honesty and also just allowing me to be who I am. And I know it sounds pretty straightforward but a lot of people try to change each other. You're laughing.

What did I say? No, that's right. James, I really, other, you're laughing. What did I say? James, I really, I really, no, no, yeah, I'm laughing because you literally, there's only you said that just like just totally reminded you of something this weekend. So I do, but carry on. I'll tell you. Okay, the point is is you I've learned in relationships like you talked about projection. There's so much projection. If you don't work on yourself and whatever your form of therapy for yourself is,

if you don't know who you are, you're gonna go into a relationship and quite literally look for the things you want out of that person and you're gonna put unrealistic expectations onto this person and you don't even know if you actually like them because you're just trying to get what you want. It's like, wait, you don't even like the homie. Like get out of here. And so I think stripping it down to, do actually like them because you're just trying to get what you want. It's like, wait, you don't even like the homey. Like get out of here. And so I think stripping it down to,

do you like them as who they are as a human being and not honestly also for how they make you feel all the time? Do you like them as an individual and do you to match up? Of course you want them to make you feel good. But I think sometimes we project our wants and our needs and everything onto a person. It's like, hold on, work on your own

and then come back and see if you like the person. Because a lot of times the person you're with is just fulfilling something that's an insecurity of yours. If you filled that insecurity, would you still need to be with that person? No. Absolutely.

What's that? Therapy session. We're all on. Okay. No, I love it. I love it. You remind me, so I was doing something important last week and my wife is that.

Oh, doing something important as in being at a wedding. I was gonna open this entire episode with, so how's wedding? I'm gonna start interviewing you. I will tell you that separately. I'll tell you about it offline. I will tell you about it offline, but I was preparing for something last week

and my wife is that person to me. So I know that, and I have an amazing team who's very honest with me for sure. Like I definitely like, we literally were, we're looking to headshots for like my book coming out next year. And so the team was like, look, and we were like, no, no, no, I'm doing it with my team. And it's always the most painfully thing.

I'm like looking at your own face and all, yeah. And anyway, but my wife like takes it to another level. So she's like, all right, do your speech in front of me. So I'm like, all right, I'm gonna do it. And I set myself up for it every time, because I know she's like, all right, do your speech in front of me. So I'm like, all right, I'm gonna do it. And, and I set myself up for it every time because I know she's gonna give me really good feedback, but my male ego can't take it. So I'll do it. And then you'll be like, oh, yeah, but this part didn't make sense. I'm like, no, but this is why I did it that way. You're just like, but I'm telling you

that you were, and you're not going to be able to explain to everyone why you said that. Charlie. And I guess it would be defensive. And then she's like, but say like this. And I'm like, no, but the way you just said, it didn't sound good anyway. And it's like, I get so defensive, but she's, and then I took all of me back. And I did it exactly that way. That is iconic.

Also, my boyfriend did that. He had a speech, he had to do it as brothers wedding. And we were upstairs in the room, and he's practicing these paces, freaky out. And I'm like, it's coming off weird when you say it like that. It's not hitting, you're trying to be funny, you're not funny, okay? And he's like, oh, okay.

And I was trying to give constructive feedback and he was freaking out and he's like losing his mind and I'm like, sit down, let me rewrite it for you. I'm the comedian, the relationship. Let's move forward and it was funny though because he was really freaking out, but then at the end of the day, he's like, okay, I trust you. Yeah, exactly. You got to do a little push and pull of the day, he's like, okay, I trust you. Yeah, exactly.

You got a little push and pull, and then you're like, okay, shit, I trust you. And then there's some stuff that I just hide from her in the practice, because I know I wanna do it anyway. And so then I don't show her that bit, and she was like, oh, that bit was really good.

I'm like, see, if I showed it to you, you would have thought it was good. But the constructive criticism was good, and then you added your little flare in it all well. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Alex, we end every on purpose episode with two now two. You're the first person to ever do this. Okay.

So we have our fast five, but we also have our new segment, which very aptly is called the many sides of you, one word. We're, let's still figure out the name. We're getting there. We're getting there. But we're going to do this. So what this is, is you're going to give a word for every one of these things. Just one word.

Oh, God. And it's all about you. Oh, God. So are you ready? I don't know if I like this. Okay. All right. What is a word or phrase to describe what someone would say about you when they meet you

for the first time? I would say warm and trustworthy, which is really weird. Oh, I forgot you said warm in the beginning. I agree, I agree. Yeah, I've had a lot of people that just, I think again, on social media, you think one thing of me and then you meet me and you're like, oh, wait, like, I had a waitress I met this past week

and she DMed me after. I was like, I didn't think you'd be that nice. I'm like, guys, I'm not a scary person. But I do think I have a warmth that makes people feel really comfortable. Yeah, I agree. Okay. What is a word someone that knows you very well would use to describe your friends? Oh, determined.

Sometimes scary. I think my boyfriend and my parents are like, oh God, here she goes. I'm like, I'm going to finish this and it's going to be the best thing. And they're like, okay, I've just got out of her way. Here she goes. Like very determined. I love that. What is the word or phrase you would use to describe yourself? Loyal and passionate. Those two things resonate so much with me in two completely different ways, but a part of who I am truly is my craft. And I'm so passionate about it,

even if I made no money on it tomorrow, I would go back. I would still be making content. And I'm also passionate about anything I'm doing in my life. I have to be passionate about my family, my relationships, my friends, and loyalty to me is number one. I respect anyone that's loyal.

And to me, it's like the number one thing on the list of something in a relationship that I look for an I take pride in being loyal. I love that. That's beautiful. I love those qualities. Thank you. Easier than asking you what your values are. I like it. Yeah. What is the word that maybe someone who doesn't like you would say about you? How would they describe you? Cawkey. Damn right. Damn right. You got to be. I love it. You got to be.

And the last one, what is the word of phrase you're trying to embody? Something that you're working on right now? Intentional. Mm-hmm. I really am trying to, in every aspect of my life, always ask, what is the objective? Try to be more intentionable about things because I think when you do things with care, everything is better. People feel better about it, you feel better, and also it's just, there's a different radiating effect when you're intentional about things. So whether it's in my relationships or my craft, I'm very trying to be intentional, especially this year.

I love that. That's a great word. That was great. You did good. You did good. All right, these these are the final five. But before we do that, I want to ask you Alex, like was there anything that you shared that you, oh sorry, anything that you haven't shared today that you really wanted to share or something you wanted to talk about? And I'm asking this online offline just to honor you in terms of if there's

something that we've missed or do you want to dive more into like, and I'm happy to, because I could talk to you for hours, I have no time limit. I'm happy to dive into you with talking more about the entrepreneurship side and the cross side and the business side. I mean, I think in a really cool way,

I didn't know where this was gonna go today. And I'm really happy, I hope that who I am behind the camera kind of came out today. And I guess I would just say to anyone listening and this is not like a plug for my show, it's more like I really, I think this year, I've tried to start, especially when I'm sitting down with people to give people the benefit of the doubt

and a chance to hear, even if I have misconceptions about someone. And so I just hope anyone listening, if you maybe had a judgment about call her daddy back in the past or of me, I ask just to be open-minded and kind of just give it another chance because one, I think everyone deserves that and two, I really am proud of what I'm doing and I'm proud of the show and the direction it's taken not to say that I'm not proud of the past, but I think people would be surprised at where it's gone and how much it's grown.

I just would ask for a chance and give it a listen. And yeah, that's it. I love that. I love that. And you're doing it. And honestly, like I keep saying, you don't need it from me, but whatever it's worth, it's like I just love watching people grow

and try new things and take risks. And like do something that's fresh and new and then everything you said about impact and responsibility and even the interviews you have done like for me it's it's beautiful to watch that and so you know congrats not on this external success of course on that but more on like doing the hard thing right like that's what's more interesting to me and I think as a creator and as a host it's like doing the hard thing it's like and I think as a creator and as a host, it's like doing the hard thing. It's like to keep feeding whatever everything

on everyone wants is easy. But to actually switch and say, I've changed, I've grown, I've evolved. And this is where I'm going now. That, and that's where so many people at 50, 60, 70 years old feel so empty because for the last 25 years they just did what other people wanted them to do. Totally. And it's like you got to go for it.

I just don't want to be in that position. No. Anyone listening if you've wanted to do something you got to go for it because we have literally no idea how much time we have here. And that's what I'm doing with this, especially the season. I'm like, Oh, I'm going for it. I believe in something. I'm going to go for it. And I will, I'll handle whatever comes with that. Yeah. I love that. All right Alex, I've got five questions left for you. Okay. These are the fast five.

Okay. What is, okay Alex Cupid is your fast five question number one. What is the best advice you've ever received? Oh, this is so generic, but it's so true. It's from my mother. Be yourself in a world of people trying to tell you what to be, what to do. Be yourself, know yourself, and the journey of knowing yourself

is gonna be just as long. If you're gonna know yourself or you're gonna go with what people want you to be, be yourself, it's so much more rewarding at the end of the day. I love it. Second question, what is the worst advice you've ever received? Be quiet. Where would that have gotten me, guys?

I mean, a microphone myself, here we go. Don't be quiet. Speak your mind Go for what you want and bulldozed Ours Question number three. What position did you play in soccer center midfield? Okay. All right That's cool. I was center attacking midfields that that's great Also sometimes I would go on the flanks. Yeah, basically my role for anyone who doesn't know soccer my position would let Alex's role Do all the running? Yeah, thanks. Thanks a lot. I love to run. I don't know if you've been. I recently invested in Angel City FC.

And so I would love to take you to a game really so fun because I grew up obviously wanting to play soccer professionally and I was never good enough. But my sister loved soccer too and she played. And I was just like, if I ever have a daughter, or I was like, I want her to have the opportunity. So that's why I invest in sports. Yeah, and they're so good. So they're fun to watch. So I'll, and we have to figure that out.

All right. Question number four, how would you describe your current purpose? My current purpose is to use my platform to hopefully empower and unite women, also underrepresented communities, and try to elicit change. There's a lot we got to do right now, and specifically with women's rights. And so I would say my purpose is trying to use my platform to excite people for change, not scare them.

This is an exciting time. It is a great time to have a vagina. We have to look it at that way, or we're only going to regress and keep getting pushed backwards by men. So it's like, let's use our vaginas. Let's vote with our vaginas this year. Okay, I don't think anyone's probably said

vaginas many times on your podcast. And it's too inspire and bring people with me on this journey of educating myself and taking my education public. Love that, and I'm with you. Whatever, whatever help I can give. Fifth and final question. If you could create one law that everyone in the world

had to follow, what would it be? Abortion's our legal. Well said, that's a real law. Thank you. That's a real law. Now let's put it back where it was. Yeah. Amazing.

I love it. Alex Cooper, everyone. Thank you so much for having me. Oh, no, thank you. That was without a doubt. I think the most fun I've ever had. That was so much fun. That was I'm the I'm on a tube and you're thinking for giving me the time and space and your platform. This is amazing. No, I'm so grateful

Honestly, that was smart funny intellectual thoughtful deep. I mean it was it was every emotion I want to feel I don't know any given yeah, and yeah, you adjust and absolute I don't know what the right word is like You're a maverick, like, you know, it's just, it's, it's amazing all sort of, I love witnessing high performing people in this way. And like watching you, I'm like this person, such a pro, like just unbelievably, just phenomenal. It's so beautiful to watch. It's amazing.

So thank you. When my daughter went off to hop trains, I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard. This is what it sounds like inside the box car. And into the city of the rails. There I found a surprising world, so brutal and beautiful that it changed me. But the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there. And if you want to play with the devil,

you're going to find them there in the rail yard. Undenail Morton. Come with me to find out what waits for us in the city of the rails. Listen to city of the rails, on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. for us and the City of the Rails. Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Or, cityoftherails.com. I am Yom LaVanzant and I'll be your host for The R Spot. Each week listeners will call

me live to discuss their relationship issues. Nothing will tear a relationship down faster than two people with no vision. Right. Because you all are just flopping around like fish out of water. Mommy, daddy, your ex, I'll be talking about those things and so much more. Check out the R-Spot on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown. or whatever you listen to podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply Well podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders

and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your wellbeing journey. Deeply Well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Namaste.