On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

How do you stay disciplined when life gets busy? What’s a routine that keeps you on track? Today, Jay welcomes Alexis Ohanian, tech founder, venture capitalist, and advocate for social change. Known as the co-founder of Reddit and founder of venture firm 776, Alexis shares the profound lessons he's learned from building communities, parenting, and navigating personal and professional challenges. Alexis shares insights into the evolution of online identities and the surprising dedication of individuals who moderate and foster online spaces; his role as a father, offering a candid glimpse into the delicate balance between introducing his children to the digital world and preserving their innocence.  The conversation also tackles larger societal issues, such as the importance of role models for young men and the transformative potential of positive male friendships. Alexis doesn’t shy away from discussing the darker sides of technology, including the need for ethical boundaries and his personal experiences advocating for change within Reddit. In this interview, you'll learn: How to Foster a Sense of Community Online How to Introduce Kids to the Internet Safely How to Navigate Cultural Differences in Relationships How to Encourage Grit and Perseverance in Children How to Lead a Team with Empathy and Vision How to Prioritize Family While Building a Career In today’s fast-paced and ever-evolving world, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters. Yet, the foundation of a fulfilling life lies in embracing challenges, building strong relationships, and staying true to our values. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:40 The Human Mind’s Deep Need for Community 02:59 The Challenges of Moderating Online Communities 05:26 Raising Kids to Navigate the Internet Safely 10:13 Why AI Can’t Replace Human Empathy 17:28 The Power of Optimism in Uncertain Times 21:42 Drawing Ethical Lines in Content Moderation 29:52 Saying No to Risky and Irresponsible Startups 33:05 The Key Milestones Behind Reddit’s Success 35:05 A Family’s Journey of Resilience and Survival 41:46 Coping with Family Tragedy While Moving Forward 52:27 The Joy of Seeing Hard Work Pay Off 01:00:15 Lessons Learned Through Loss and Reflection 01:12:45 Building Greatness with a Strong Partnership 01:19:19 Choosing the Right Partner for Life and Growth 01:27:23 Teaching Kids to Embrace Failure and Grow 01:35:27 Alexis on Final Five Episode Resources: Alexis Ohanian | Facebook Alexis Ohanian | TikTok Alexis Ohanian | LinkedIn Alexis Ohanian | Instagram Alexis Ohanian | YouTube  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The more comfortable you can be in the discomfort of constant change, the better. His co-founder of Reddit, Alexis Ohanian has stepped in the room. When we build any kind of social media platform, we are ultimately deciding what belongs and what doesn't. If you can be equipped and you can exercise those muscles around problem solving and learning, you will be at the forefront for however this technology changes things. What do you uniquely understand about the human mind? The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.

Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to listen, learn and grow. I'm so grateful because I get to dive into the minds of people that I find fascinating and interesting, people who have incredible insights, who are willing to share their soul, their hearts with the pains, the overwhelms,

the stresses and the joys of their journeys. Today's guest is gonna do just that for us. His name is Alexis Ohanian, founder and general partner at 776, co-founder of Reddit. Alexis Ohanian is a tech founder and venture capitalist. He wrote a national bestselling book

without their permission and is co-founder of Reddit, one of the largest websites in the US, currently valued at more than $15 billion. In 2020, he founded 776, a new firm built like a technology company that deploys venture capital with over $900 million plus in assets under management. In 2022, Alexis launched the 776 Foundation

to support marginalized individuals and announced a $20 million commitment to climate action through his 776 Fellowship Program. Ohanian is also a vocal advocate for paid family leave and also hosts the Business Dad podcast. Make sure you subscribe if you don't already. Welcome to the show, Alexis. Thank you, Jay.

That was great. Can you introduce me everywhere? Happily. Happily. Let's do it. I'll record an interview. Let me bring that everywhere I go. I would love for you to do that. It would be an honor. It would be an honor. Alexis, it's so great to see you. Thanks man. Likewise. We bumped into each other randomly at Angel City FC games in Cannes more recently. That's right. And I've always been fascinated by your journey. And when I heard that you were interested in talking to me, I was really excited about that

because I think you can have so many perceptions of tech founders and community app founders from afar. And then getting to know them more intimately always leaves me feeling like I've learned something. So I'm happy you're here. And I wanted to start off by asking you this, what do you uniquely understand about the human mind that has helped you get to where you are today?

The human mind seeks community and Reddit was noteworthy, especially in 2005, because it was pseudonymous, right? Cause you didn't have to have your government name, didn't have to have your photo at a time when Zuck was building Facebook, which was very much that. And you could come together, not because you have something to say and you want people to follow you. You come together around community. That is the goal. We all love Angel City FC. We join that community. We're a part of it. We all love stapling bread to trees, which is a real subreddit. You know, everyone's got their hobbies. We all join, we post photos of the bread stapling,

we talk about it, we commune. And I grew up on the internet, I learned how to code from strangers on the internet. I convinced other strangers when I was a teenager to basically pay me to build websites for them. Because HTML, building websites was a thing I was very keen on, I just enjoyed the design, I enjoyed building, and it made me feel really cool

to be a child on these message boards, like a teenager, being able to get paid by adults because I had a skill they didn't have. And so I learned so much through those experiences, and I learned from video games, leadership skills, if you can believe it. And in building Reddit, it was simply a way to build a better type of forum

that would be a better way for online community to form. And over the last now 20 years since, I look first and foremost for these things. And I think in a world increasingly more fractured and divided and where people spend just frankly, more of their time online, these spaces matter even more. And it's something, you know, for the first probably 10 years of Reddit, most people didn't think it was possible

for people to care that much about their online identity as they did their offline. That was one of those things that I really held fast to, and I think today we sort of take for granted. Of course, people care in many cases much more about their online persona than their offline one. And I just hope to see it get used for more and more good at a time when, like I said, there's more division than ever. And the power of community is still something that I think runs deep in our species. And the internet is just a new medium to connect and hopefully

for good. Since building it and starting it, what have you been surprised by about community? Maybe something that you believed to be true about humans but has been disproved or something that you never knew about humans that you've discovered. Early on, people were often very confused why someone would spend so much of their free time

moderating a community for free, essentially, you know, community management. And I'd often frame it, you know, I grew up here in the United States, I was a Boy Scout, there were parents who were often involved volunteering for the Boy Scouts, they'd be there for camping trips, they'd be there for meetings, they'd be helping out volunteering their time and energy for community. And so I really took for granted the fact that if people wanted to do this offline, for whatever organizations, faith groups, etc, that online, these connections matter just as much even though they may not feel as

real. And in fact, you can scale your time so much more efficiently, right, you can build a community of literally millions of people from your home, and that gives you a sense of purpose and a feeling of being able to create this sense of belonging for people, and that's really meaningful. I mean, that is something that I've just seen continue to impress me. I did not realize the full scale to which

that would actually be working. And then probably the other side of it is just how important creating that sense of why for people is. I remember reading the book, Bowling Alone, which talked a lot about a generation of adults who used to be a part of bowling leagues and these other things, but you saw this decline. And people, in this case, it was men,

but in general, people needing to find more and more of that connective tissue in their community and not having that sense of belonging. And I feel like in a lot of ways, the internet has created great versions of it. But at the same time, it's also created these, you know, the sort of dystopian versions of it where you can spend all of that time absorbed in a world that is online and miss out. I think we have a generation of young people who I'm generalizing here, but a lot of whom don't have the same muscle that they have, they have not exercised the same muscles that we had growing up when it comes to relating and connecting to their fellow humans sitting across from them.

And, you know, as the father of two kids, it's something I think about a lot. Yeah. Talking about the two kids, I know, I know you love being a dad and it comes across as such an important priority in your life as well. Like how would you go about explaining the internet to your kids when the time is right? I've already had these conversations with Olympia and she just turned seven. And I try generally, I think my wife and I both we try not to talk down to our kids, like I really will explain a

concept, not like I would explain it to another 41 year old, but at least like, I want her to ask that follow up question of like, well, what is that? Or why or how or so I, you know, and we've had versions of this conversation. She does not understand the internet. I mean, do I, does anyone, but there have been little glimpses that I have given her into it, but very, very, very tightly controlled.

Really the only time she's ever online right now at seven is playing Roblox, which she will do either with me and her mom or some friends from school. She knows the internet basically as this, this basically Roblox. And a place where she has fun and runs around and that's it. But that's the extent of interacting with folks.

I would like to put off social media. Now, yes, our kids have social media accounts. It's run by us. Now that she's at an age of consent, it's basically just like, you know, we're quite rarely putting photos up and it's only because she's like, oh yeah, you can post this up.

But the understanding of it is social media is something that I, for as long as possible, would like to put off simply because this just isn't, I think we have gotten so good at creating those feedback loops that bring people back and plenty of people have written about this and talked about this. And this was one area where it not intentionally,

but Reddit was designed differently because it wasn't about real name and it wasn't about real photos and it wasn't about, hey, follow me, let me collect likes. It was about, hey, we all like this community. Let's share things about it that we care about. But generally speaking, it's still a black box and I'd like to keep it as much as possible. We even had that initial conversation of why it's so important, you know, to only be playing Roblox with Papa and Mama. That we if we're playing with anyone, if we're talking to anyone,

it's only the people like the three people who we know. And it's this balance where I don't, my take is I want to expose her to just enough that she can start to build that resilience or at least start to understand like, well, this is why you don't talk to random people on the internet. While still trying to preserve some amount of innocence, which is just such an awesome part of childhood.

But at the same time, making sure she's steeled for the reality of what the world is like. But probably my favorite application of the internet is every night I'll ask her a big question and some nights she really doesn't want to. She doesn't have one. And so she'll just look at something on the table and be like, okay, where does salt come from, Papa? And I'd be like, okay, I see what you did. You just looked at the salt on the table, but that's fine. We'll find out and we'll ask AI, usually chat GPT

and fire it up and engage in this dialogue, which probably would have been a Google query a few years ago, but now is way more interesting and engaging. And I want her to know like, Hey, you, you will have access to these tools that your Papa could have only dreamed of as a kid, that your grandpa, your great grandpa could have never even imagined. They would have thought they were wizards. And I want you to know, this is a tool,

this is a resource for you to use to help you exercise. It's, it's a bicycle of the mind, right? And it's, it's a tool. It's not an end all, be all, but it's a tool for you to use that can provide tremendous value for you. When Papa doesn't know what temperature he needs to take the ribs off the smoker, he's asking this because he's looking for a solution for an answer.

But whether you're curious about salt or you need some help cooking, or you're just curious about the world, I want her to start thinking of the internet as a resource, but not this end know end-all be-all for learning and for solving problems but we'll see hey I'm early in the game I don't know you have to check back in with me in a decade or two to see if it did okay. Hey I'm Jay Shetty and I wanted to invite you to a brand new interactive no charge workshop Renew You that I'm eager

to share with you. Over the years, I've worked with thousands of people across the globe and I've noticed a common theme. Many of us are feeling stuck, overwhelmed or disconnected. We're going through the motions of life, but not really living. Does that sound familiar? You feeling burnt out, uninspired or like life is just passing by without meaning? Maybe you're struggling to make the impact you know you're capable of, feeling burnt out, uninspired or like life is just passing by without meaning. Maybe you're struggling to make the impact you know you're capable of, or perhaps you're

craving deeper connections with others. If any of this resonates, then I want you to know that change is possible. And it starts with the choices you make today. In this workshop, I'm going to share five simple yet powerful steps that can help you reignite your passion, purpose and joy. These are the same principles that have helped me and countless others reshape our lives from the inside out and I know they can do the same for you. You'll walk away with actionable strategies to revamp your daily routine,

find your true purpose and create meaningful connections and the best part this workshop is completely free. These changes don't require massive overhauls. It's about making small intentional shifts that can lead to big results. This workshop is more than just learning, it's about doing. I'll be guiding you through reflections and exercises that will help you start creating the life you've always dreamed of right here, right now. Go to www.RenewYouWorkshop.com to access this at no charge and start building a life that's not just lived but truly loved. See you there. I mean, I remember having Britannica encyclopedia to have to search.

When I got the Encarta, so we didn't have the books, but when I got the Encarta CD-ROM, Oh my God. Oh my God. And they had a few videos on that too. So you could watch, you know, you're watching like a lion across the savanna and you're just like, this is amazing. Yeah, it's incredible. And I like that. I like the way you're using it in a curiosity building way, in a solution, answers oriented way. That sounds like a smart decision.

Here's the one thing I'm sure of, because I do get asked this question a lot about like, what should my parents of college age kids, or even college kids themselves, what should I be learning? What should I be studying right now? 10 years ago, I literally went across the country. I went to 82 universities for that book,

talking about the importance of learning how to program. So sorry, everyone. It turns out that's not as important anymore. I mean, for the time, I thought it was actually directly, it was pretty good advice. And actually a number of the folks, like the founder of Deal, which is now a billion dollar company,

was there in the audience for one of those talks. Today, the advice I would give is a little more nuanced because learning a program is still going to be important in the same way that learning to speak a language or doing basic arithmetic is important, but the tools we will have at our disposal to literally write code are going to be so formidable. Like, I mean, even the improvement the last couple of years are good, but in the next few years, it's up to the profession. The person is not going to go away, but the amount of output you'll get out of one person is so

much greater. And so my thinking is, all right, there's lots of different areas where AI may not necessarily replace human work, but is going to be an amazing superpower. And so what do I want for my kid or even for anyone's kid who's entering a workforce is probably to, most importantly, build skills that I know are gonna be durable, call it a decade or two from now. So empathy is a skill that I think will be the last bastion of AI.

Like you're seeing, you've probably seen the videos now of robotics and the leaps and bounds that's starting to make, still early days, but there are skills, there are professions of robotics and the leaps and bounds that's starting to make. There are skills, there are professions where empathy is so, so, so important. And the physicality of being present, one human to another, where, at least I personally believe, if we I like at that point, I don't know if you're that self-aware to be that empathetic

and that effective in those moments. When we can, my sister is an RN, when her job can be done just as well, or ideally even better by a robot as a nurse, when that job can be done, you'll also have to then explain to that robot that they're gonna be a nurse for the rest of their lives. And if they are that all powerful,

there's no way they're doing that job. Because the humans who do it are so remarkable. Like it's not that if they would, that's the moment when the robots are like, no way, no chance, we're enslaving you now, game over. Because the humans who are doing that as the last mile of humanity required in terms of like the physical dexterity required, the creativity, the problem solving, the empathy,

all of that stuff. So she's got job security for a very long time. And I just believe if you can be equipped and you can exercise those muscles around problem solving and learning, you will be at the forefront for however this technology changes things. And that's the advice we're trying with Olympia. Adira's the only one, so we're still really just there. But I would say that's where it is.

The more comfortable you can be in the discomfort of constant change, the better. And then look towards the skills. And this is the part that gets me fired up. I actually think we're going to see, the the pendulum is gonna swing back for a lot of human work that we would have considered more artisanal because we'll crave the humanity of it. So I think food. So again, imagine a world where, you know, I've tried,

my wife's a great baker. I really just do pancakes. I tried making croissants over COVID because I was like, I love a good croissant. Who doesn't? And I was like, let me just watch a YouTube video and see how to make a croissant. Making croissants is a lot of work.

You got to take that sucker out of the fridge regularly, put more butter in, knead it. Like it's a labor of love. I made it once, they turned out six out of 10. Okay, they were edible, but like not great. But now every time, I will never make them again. But now every time I eat one, I have so much more respect for the process.

Making, you know, if we imagine automation, robotics, the world's greatest croissant should be pretty solved and pretty affordable and pretty cheap as technology. Again, the robotics are doing all that tedious but important work. It'll be solved and we will all be able to get a magically delivered, perfect croissant right on time, fresh, affordable balls. This is a dumb example, right? But in a world where you can see robots making commodities out of something like food, I actually think then the pendulum, again, as humans swings to the

artisan who's actually spent their lifetime perfecting this thing. And even when you can get the commoditized version, some people sometimes will still seek out that very human version of it. You know, the entertainment industry, we're in LA right now, it's undeniable that AI is gonna have a huge impact in how we make films.

And it will affect 80, 90% of the industry in really big ways that we still can't fully understand. And I just took my daughter to see Back to the Future for her birthday on Broadway. And I'm sitting there and I'm realizing, you know, and actually, by the way, the special effects, all these dope LEDs, like it was actually one of the most dynamic theater experiences I've ever seen, right? That's technology. My bet is 10 years from now, live theater at a time when the commoditization of so many parts, not all of, but so many parts of like on screen storytelling happens. And it gets easier and cheaper and more efficient and more dynamic. Like you will see a big shift in that industry and it's not going to go away. It's gonna elevate so many things, but every screen we look at, for sure, our phones, our televisions, whatever, will be so programmed to show us what we want,

when we want it, how we want it. A part of our humanity will miss thousands of years ago when we were sitting around a campfire and that great storyteller was doing the voices and the impressions. We were like, oh, that's hilarious, Jimmy. Do the story again at the time we tried to catch the gazelle, right?

That's ingrained in our species. So I actually bet 10 years from now, live theater will be more popular than ever, because again, we'll look at all these screens with all these AI polished images and we'll actually want to sit in a room with other humans to be captivated for a couple of hours in a dark room to feel the goosebumps of seeing live performances, of human performances. And so I think we'll see this across a number of different sectors and areas that'll feel anachronistic. It'll feel crazy that in 2040,

the hottest ticket in town will be a live performance. But I actually think, I think there's some truth to that. I think that's why I'm so bullish on sports, because no one's gonna pay money to cheer for and cry for a robot kicking a soccer ball. Like we need humans doing that. We need to feel their pain and their success and their triumphs.

And those are the areas that get me most hopeful, because it's kind of a nice throwback to when we were just hunting or growing the things we needed to live, when the distractions we had were literally the humans, you know, the distractions we had were literally the humans around us and the community we had were basically the only people we all knew for our entire lives. And there are parts of that that I actually think will nourish us even in this, you know, future. Have all parts of you always been that optimistic? I've definitely always

been a tech optimist. I think, look, building Reddit, I mean, you know, how I resigned in protest in 2020 because I was, despite being the face of the company, spending, you know, 15 years building it, turning it around, you know, I found myself in board meetings. This is all public now, but I'd found myself in board meetings where I was the only person out of five who was advocating for banning, like watch people die, literally a community of, you know, hundreds of thousands of people sharing videos of just horrible, usually, like, closed circuit television or closed circuit camera footage of just awful stuff, people dying, suicide, murder, all these accidents. And and then again,

it comes up again around communities like explicitly built on racism and things that I just, I knew we're bad for business, we're bad for society, we're just racism and things that I just, I knew were bad for business, were bad for society, were just not things that we should be fighting for. You know, when I did Partways, I was so pleased to see the response finally was, okay, we're gonna ban these things because it shined a light, right?

And what it also taught me was, this was four years ago, was that I didn't have enough agency, and that was my own creation, that was my own doing, but I was never gonna put myself in a situation again where I couldn't be doing not just the best work of my career, but also in a way that aligned with my values.

And what's been a phenomenal result is for the last four years, I've had so much wind at my back from making that decision, from aligning those values. And I still think the internet can bring out the best in us. I do really believe that. And I can also accept the conflicting view that it enables the worst of us. And I obviously wanna be on the side of the former.

And so I try to use my platform as best I can for those things and to curb the worst. I think I have to remain an optimist best I can for those things and to, you know, curb the worst. I think I have to remain an optimist because I'm still optimistic about humanity. And to the extent these tools are just a reflection of society of our world. And I need to believe that, you know, there is hope for us to figure this out to get a line that at the end of the day, nearly all of us still want the same things.

We want to live decent lives. We want our kids to live hopefully better lives than we did. There are some practical needs that we still have from hundreds of thousands of years ago that I think we need to meet. Like I said, I want to spend my years supporting all the stuff that I know my girls will be proud of. Walk me through your thought process. How do you process tens of thousands of people subscribing to a Reddit that's about watching people die?

Because I want to know how someone like you who's building something thinks about that. It's easy to be like, we should ban that. We don't want people to see that. But I wonder what your thought process is and how you reconcile the fact that there are people who are interested in something like that versus there's so much good. And I'd love to hear from a programmer, coder, builder. Well look, early on, these really radical communities almost never exist.

Certainly back then, because there were just fewer people online, 2005 starting Reddit, I was just hoping it would work. there were just fewer people online, you know, 2005 starting Reddit, I was just hoping it would work. There were so few people online actively creating content that, you know, for early years, it wasn't even a thing. It never even came up. And when it did, it was just an easy ban because it was a one off post. I left, so sold the company in 2006 to Con and asked, stuck around till 2010. Then I left when became a partner, Y Combinator started a venture fund, I came back in 2014 as executive chairman. And that was in the wake of a previous CEO, infamously defending revenge

porn. This was definitely read its nadir. And he'd written this infamous blog post defending keeping these horrible photos up. And that was not surprising, one of his last acts as CEO. And I was asked by the board to come back. I said, great, first thing we did, shocker, ban revenge porn. Pretty easy, very obvious thing to do. And then it was a task of one, rebuilding the business,

rebuilding the faith, you know, with users, with brands, with everyone, and then starting to just modernize all the things. And then as this stuff started coming up and once it got to the board levels, I'll give you the steel man version of the argument that I heard was these are communities that are important because of free speech.

And the one argument that I really didn't necessarily believe or I didn't believe was around the therapeutic value of having communities like this for people who have PTSD, like soldiers or medical folks. And I pushed back pretty hard on that one, because I just still didn't, I didn't believe that it was real. The probably the most elucidating takeaway for me was once a spotlight was shown on it, was once a spotlight was shown on it, the thing I would have respected more, even though I disagreed with it, would have been taking that same argument

and making it publicly and just saying, yeah, look, this is a free speech issue. We feel like this should be here. And even though I would disagree with it, I'd still respect that it was consistent. But we know that's not what happened. What happened was, okay, yeah, our bad, we're gonna ban it now.

And that for me was when I just, I realized, no, this isn't, I can't spend, I don't know, however many decades I got left on this earth doing this and being a part of this. And I think the really telling thing in the era we're in now is we have the first generation of young people who are like in their early 20s who have grown up like truly grown up on these social media platforms.

And so it's exposed some of the most problematic parts. It's also exposed some of the most impressive parts like the excellence of an 19 year old 20 year old who's pitching me to start her company. She is orders of magnitude, smarter, farther along, just more impressive than I was at her age 20 years ago. And I think the internet has a huge role to play in that. At the same time, some of the stuff we talked about earlier, just trying to navigate an already really difficult time that is childhood where your entire life is gamified,

based on how many followers you get or how many hearts you get or whatever else, also brings out the worst. But for me, that was my breaking point. And I just realized, like I said, I can deal with, I understand, you see this argument being made to this day. I respect that argument.

And I at least appreciate when it's consistent. The inconsistency is the part that grants my gears more than anything else. But we must also still accept the fact that, you know, the worldwide web itself, the internet is the totally open free space. The difference is when we build any kind of social media platform, platform, whatever it is on it, we are ultimately deciding what belongs and what doesn't. We've all agreed that spam does not matter.

Like we are all okay impinging on the free speech of a spammer. And that's a pretty easy argument that everyone agrees. So if we agree on that, then now we just need to agree on where we draw the line, because it's there's no such thing as a totally free network. Because again, we've all agreed we draw online on spam. So where else does it go? And like I said, for me, and I realized it is it's important

for it to be a gray line. And I can go into all the there's a myriad of reasons why it's actually really helpful to have it be a gray line. The short answer into all the there's a myriad of reasons why it's actually really helpful to have it be a gray line. The short answer is if you make it a bright line, then toxic users will go right to exactly where that line is and say great. Okay, I'm just gonna hang out here on this line and troll because that's how they get satisfaction. So it's actually beneficial to have the gray line.

So I totally understand the gray line, even our laws in the United States have a gray line usually get interpreted by judges or juries or what have you. So that's helpful. But I think, and this is where the tech optimist to me comes in, when I look at the next generation of consumer social, these apps and every app starts with teens, usually teen girls, college-age girls, they drive all online culture and adoption. You look at Instagram success, you look at Snap success, you look at TikTok success, it's the same story. Then the apps that are starting to make traction,

and it's still early days, but they're much less based, even the ones that have blown up and fallen back down, the Be Reals of the world and some of these others, they're all much less based on the sort of internet popularity contest, and they're much more based on connecting with your actual friends One that I recently seeded is called air buds and it's only about connecting over the music you're listening to

And it's purely like this is the song I'm streaming right now on Spotify react to it vibe with it share tastes You know, it's I think the culture has already now built up enough of an immune system that for this next generation, they're like, there's a pushback to the previous mold of social. And I think that alone will drive a much more healthy relationship to social media, but we'll see.

But that is the lens through which we look at even making the investments. It's okay, you know, when my kids are old enough, how good am I gonna feel about this being a multi-billion dollar business that they're on? And look, admittedly, you cannot predict that. There are so many different paths a company can take, any idea can take from day one to 10 years out,

15 years out, 20 years out, but we make the best assessment we can based on the founders, based on their attention Any idea can take from day one to 10 years out, 15 years out, 20 years out. But we make the best assessment we can based on the founders, based on their attention. Like I said, the starting line that these founders are on today is much more sophisticated than I was as a first time CEO right out of college. Because social media didn't exist. We had web forums. Facebook was still in colleges. There were a lot of blogs. Like it was just a very different world.

Today, any founder pitching us has lived on social media and they've seen the good and they've seen the bad. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I was gonna ask you that actually, is whether you decline investing in companies that you wouldn't let your kids use. Has it happened? There've, okay, there've been companies

where we haven't even taken the pitch just because, and again, I don't wanna get too high horse about it. No one's out here saying like, okay, I guess there were, there was one company that I hard passed on, whatever, I can say it. They were a telehealth business basically like handing out Adderall and the business was growing very quickly, but there was no way they were doing it responsibly.

And that was a hard, hard, hard pass. Like it was both from a, I wouldn't feel good about my kids using this. Also just from a risk standpoint, like at some point the FDA is going to look at this and y'all are going to have a bad time. Spoiler, the FDA did come down pretty hard on them. But we do, I guess I would take though, it's the more optimistic version of that, which is would I be excited to see this exist in the world that our kids are gonna grow up in?

And if it's a hundred percent reusable rocket company, which we did see called Stoke, hell yes, like hundred percent reusable. So now you're talking about one, there's an environmental benefit to it. And two, the things we'll be able to do for all of us here on planet earth when we have a much better smoother relationship to low earth orbit will be very good for humanity. But there's a version for that,

but I think it's the more sort of positive lens. The very interesting thing about founders today as well, they are more sophisticated. interesting thing about founders today as well. They are more sophisticated. They also know just how big of a role technology plays in the world. And and I know people would get on Zuck for his like aw shucks behavior probably in the earlier days where he just it didn't. It seemed implausible that he could not realize how much power Facebook has. And I will say to his credit,

I think his tune changed on that. And also in his defense, none of us did. The idea, if you had told me probably in most of the odds, throughout most of the odds, and probably even the early teens that these social media platforms would be among the most valuable businesses in the world, I would have been very, very, very, very surprised.

And they made some smart M&A moves, they did the things. But for all of us, or I can speak for myself, but I would wager Jack feels the same way with Twitter. In those early days, in those aughts, it was about building something that you hoped people loved. It was about keeping the servers online. It was not about, well, what is going to happen if all of a sudden there is an election that could decide that there's an election whose fate could be decided based on whether or

not a post goes up or not. It would be laughable to have that conversation in a boardroom 10 years earlier because it's like, hey, we might die next month. The company may not be here next month. But credit to this generation of founders, every one of them knows going's like, hey, we might die next month, the company may not be here next month, but credit to this generation of founders, every one of them knows going into it, hey, technology is shaping far more than it's not just these are the most powerful companies in the world or in our economy, but there are repercussions to it. And I think, by and large, we want the good stuff to win. But these founders today are much smarter about it.

Did you and the other founders at that time ever come together? Because I imagine you're the only people in the world who understand each other and understand what you're building and going through. Did you ever get a chance to? I was not invited to those meetings if they were happening. Admittedly Reddit was this very solidly tier two company, right? Like

we, you know, selling the company 16 months in was ludicrous, but it was life changing money. It was just $10 million for 16 months worth of work. I thought I was getting away with something. This is nuts. And then part of Conan asked, you know, this trajectory just sort of changed from when you're an independent startup. And so Reddit was really solidly a second tier social media platform for over a decade. And so Reddit was really solidly a second tier social media platform for over a decade. And then it wasn't until, so 2014 I come back and then probably by the late teens,

once it's like, oh, here it's a billion dollar company again, the business is back, there's a path to an IPO one day. And so if those meetings were happening, yeah, Reddit was not invited. But rightly so, I wouldn't have been mad, I get it, we didn't have our shit together. But there's probably, I don't know, I've gotten to know Jack a little bit. I don't really know Zuck.

Few of the other folks around these other platforms, but like there isn't, I don't know, there's not a group chat. There's not an active group chat. There's not a Reddit. No, sadly no. There's not a Reddit, there's a sub Reddit. No, I don't know, there's not a group chat. There's not an active group chat. There's not a Reddit. No, sadly no. There's not a Reddit, there's a subreddit. No, I love it.

Alexis, I wanna, you know, even just listening to you now, the way you think is mind blowing, it's fascinating. I think everyone's listening right now. Good, agree. Is probably tuned in to just, you know, I think it's always brilliant to dive into that mind, but I also wanna focus on your personal side today because I feel that a lot of what's not seen

in entrepreneurship is we get to see someone's brilliance but we don't often get to see the personal sacrifices, the journeys, the choices, the challenges that come with that until many years after. And I actually want to go even before Reda, I want to go back to your childhood. And I wanted to ask you like, what's a childhood memory that you have

that you feel has played a role in defining who you are today? Is there something that stands out? Oh yeah, it's one of my first and earliest memories. So I was probably like six, five or six years old. And so if you can't tell from the last name, I'm Armenian. was probably like six, five or six years old. And so we cancel off from the last name, I'm Armenian. And my great aunt Vera pulled me aside. So my birthday is April 24th, which is the Armenian genocide remembrance day.

So it's a conflicted day for me. But this particular birthday, I learned that it was the genocide remembrance day. How did I learn? I remember my aunt Vera pulling me aside and basically sitting me down and walking me through our family's story of survival in detail, talking about the costs, the toll it took, the things that her parents endured and what they saw and all of that and basically how we got to America. And probably not a conversation you should be having

with a six or seven year old, but Armenians, we keep it real. She basically finishes up this conversation saying, listen, it's not a coincidence your birthday is April 24th. You are the product of all of their sacrifice, of all of their hard work, of everything that they endured. You have a tremendous responsibility now

to make the most out of this life that you have. When I was born in New York, here in the States, like, couldn't have asked for a better outcome, right? Generations later. But what they endured is something that you will have to carry for the rest of your life. Happy birthday. And, and so yeah, no, that has never left me.

And, and she was an amazing woman. She was a public school teacher in Brooklyn, didn't have any kids herself. She was my grandfather's sister. So my great aunt, Vera, she didn't have any kids herself, but she saved up as much money as she could. She's the reason I could go to college, I went to University of Virginia,

without taking on any debt. She paid for that all. And so, amazing woman. She framed that for me at a very, very young age. And so, I am very fortunate. I had an amazing, loving mom. I have an amazing loving mom I have an amazing loving dad I had the ultimate cheat code. Having that foundation you know grown up as a white dude here in the states at a time when technology was starting to rip my parents put some money together to let me get a computer all that that stuff lined up. And then it was imbued with this responsibility that I probably will never escape for better or for worse. It's always going

to weigh on me. I'm never going to feel like I've done enough. And I'm not mad about it. I'm grateful for it. Because I think that brokenness has made me who I am. And it helps me do the things I do. brokenness has made me who I am and it helps me do the things I do, but it instilled something in me that I just feel a tremendous responsibility for. And so I don't know, I think I've probably spent, you know, I'm 41 now, I've spent three decades trying to earn that.

And I still haven't. And I will probably spend three more decades trying to earn that and I still won't. And I will probably spend three more decades trying to earn that and I still won't. And it'll be a part of me that's always feeling not that it's not good enough, but that I have not done enough and I know this is a story shared by plenty of folks who are descendants from survivors of genocide and whatnot, but oh man, it just, it always hits.

And it's like, I feel, and it's this juxtaposition, right? Cause I go through my life largely stress and anxiety free, right? And I'm aware of that and I'm grateful for that. And then there's moments where I sit with it and I'm just like, I can still hear, I can still see Aunt Vera telling me this.

And I'm like, like, keep going, do better. You have a responsibility, do more. Needless to say, I'm very careful with explaining, I want Olympia and Adira, of course, to be proud as Armenians. They're only a quarter, but they're still Armenian. They got the last name too. I want them to be aware of this stuff

and be proud of their family. And obviously their mom is gonna have some big, big stories for them too. But I'm also trying to be mindful of the fact that like, maybe I'll wait until after, you know, they're a little older to really go into the details of it. But yeah, it's these things shape us, man. And I, like I said, I am,

I mean, she could have just got me a normal birthday gift. But I'm still, I'm grateful for it. Is Aunt Vera still with us? She's not, she got to see me graduate from college, which was awesome. She was there in Charlottesville for that. And yeah, no, it's wild. I've never, I don't know.

I think, you know, one of the big things I did a few years back was I joined the board. I think, you know, one of the big things I did a few years back was I joined the board of Robin Hood, the nonprofit in New York, and I made a big grant to child care there in the city in part, because it was there in Brooklyn, when my mother and father were working at the Ashland Place apartments there in Fort Greene, Aunt Vera would pinch hit and just watch me and stuff. So one of my parents were at work and all that as a little kid. And so childcare makes a huge difference.

And we were lucky enough to have a family member just across, almost across the hallway and another building. And so I wanted to pay it forward and that was an honor to her. That was a tribute to her. But like I said, I'll be paying that back for the rest of my life, for sure. That's beautiful. I love hearing that. And it must have felt so meaningful

to be able to go back and serve there and have an impact there. I took my pops back too, and we're walking around. Four Greens changed a lot since the eighties. But the block is still there, and it was great taking my dad through there, just hearing stories from him. and yeah, it's wild.

Then you become a parent and you start imagining, you see this little person and you're reminded that you were that little person once to your parent and it makes your relationship to them feel very different. It was a trip, but it was great to be able to come back. And I'll, like I said, I'm paying off those debts the rest of my life. Yeah, you were saying that, you know,

maybe now in your life you can go stress-free and, and you know, there are days where you're not feeling that, but in the beginning days of Reddit, it wasn't like that in your personal life. You've mentioned to me, and you know, when we were talking before we started recording this, there were certain things happening in your personal life when you began that, maybe if you've revisited you'd look at them differently could you walk us through what was going on and how you dealt with it at the time first of all?

Yeah well I dealt with it very poorly but so for the first 20 years of my life like I said I mean awesome like no, no real, uh, strife I was ready to take over the world. Like I felt so confident in our ability to build this business. Uh, so excited and gosh, like two months in to starting Reddit, fresh out of school, my then girlfriend, who was a year younger than me, she was studying abroad. She had a pretty serious accident, big fall,

she was in a coma, fled to go see her. She survived, she made a nearly full recovery actually, but the first month, two months of Y Combinator was this. And you get that phone call and you're like, and again, I was very lucky. I never had a phone call like that before in my life. And you get that phone call and it guts you and you're on the first plane to Germany

and you're trying to just make sense of the world, right? This person you love, this person you care about. And another month or two later, and then I get the call that my mom has had a seizure and she's been diagnosed with a terminal brain cancer, glioblastoma multiforma stage four. And those are the words you don't want to hear. And that was really the crippling blow where,

here was someone who, I mean, like I said, great relationship with my parents, but definitely a mama's boy. And I was an only child. What can I say? I was pretty cool. But no, she was amazing. And the first thing I did when I saw her,

so I flew down to Baltimore. First thing I did when I saw her was asking her, how are you, how's everything going, how are you feeling? And her first response, first words out of her mouth were I am sorry. And I was like, what do you mean, you don't mean, why sorry? And she's like, well, I know you're starting this company,

you're supposed to be a CEO right now, you gotta focus on Reddit, got to focus on Reddit. Don't focus on me. And I know how much of a distraction this is going to be for you. And you hear something like that from someone who you love so much, who's already given you so much, man.

And I thought, I was like, I'm the last person. You should not be apologizing to me right now. Like focus on yourself, please. Like I'm gonna be fine, you owe me nothing. You've already given me everything. And that's emblematic of who she was. What it did was it gave me a confidence. I knew, there was no way Reddit would fail.

No way. No chance I was gonna let it. No way it could possibly not succeed. Because she blessed it with that. She really, even in those situations, still was looking out for her little boy above herself. And she fought for another three, four years. She got to see me sell Reddit.

It had a lot, not gonna lie, right? In the grand scheme of tech, a $10 million exit is minuscule. For 16 months worth of work, pretty good ROI. But to be able to make that call to my mom to say, hey, your faith in me paid off, like, what can I buy you? Was worth everything. And then true to form, true to form,

like I knew I was gonna get my dad some season tickets for our local NFL team there in DC. True to form though, my mom was like, I don't want anything. I'm like, no, no, I'm not gonna let you do this. Come on, what do you want? She was like, I don't want anything. I'm like, no, no, I'm not gonna let you do this. Come on, what do you want? She was like, I don't want anything. And I ended up making a donation for her to her favorite nonprofit.

She was like, all right, if you're gonna have to give me something, you can do that. And I was so mad. I was so mad because I'm like lovingly, I was like, God, there's no way I'm ever gonna top this. Like you realize you have set the bar so high that if I ever have kids, I'm gonna be chasing that goal. But that, like I said, that's who she was.

That's all she cared about. She was an undocumented immigrant. She was an au pair from Germany who overstayed her visa because she fell in love with my dad, this Armenian American here in the States. Yeah, they eventually got married, had me. But she, you know, she worked the jobs she needed to work to pay the bills and do the things.

And her number one, I mean, her, and I think anyone would have told you, the most important thing to her was her family. And, you know, I was an only child. So I got all the, I got all the shine from that. But that was the foundation, man. And when folks want to know how or why or all this stuff, man, I pointed to her, sorry, dad, you get some credit too,

but having that confidence, having that support, having that unwavering. When I told her, I told this woman, I wanted to be a professional waiter in high school because I was so good serving at Pizza Hut. So I worked pizza in high school and I was a dishwasher, then I was a cook. And then those deep, the deep dish pizzas are a sleeper. I'll make them at home now with the cast iron. They're good. And eventually I made it as a serving and I was pretty good at my boss, Tony. He was like, Hey, you know what, instead of going

to college, I think you could do this full time, like you're really good. And I was like, really? And he was like, yeah, and I was like, I could move to New York, and he's like, you can move to New York, you can make a great career out of this. And so I remember going home and telling my parents, I was like, I'm thinking about not going to college.

And the last thing you would tell an Armenian dad is that you're not gonna go to college, just to be clear. And my dad, to his credit, didn't say anything. My mom, though, so sweet, she was like, look, whatever you do, I know you're gonna be the best at it, I know you're gonna work your hardest, why don't you start with a budget and figure out what it'll cost to live there

and then how much you'll get paid and see if that's something you wanna accomplish. And thankfully, my ADD brain switched pretty soon thereafter. But this was a woman who, no matter what, was gonna support whatever I was doing. And then when it just so happened to be a tech startup, she was like, great. Literally the first person to buy our merch,

the first person to post on, God, there are comments from my mom on TechCrunch, circa 2005, that no one else would notice, but I know, cause I can see her username. And it's the most like crazy German mom English, five that no one else would notice, but I know, cause I can see your username and, and it's the most like crazy German mom English you can imagine. But, uh, it's the sweetest thing. And like, she was a ride or die. And so that was the, that was the bar I had.

And so even when those things came up, I just knew I can't quit. Now, here's where I was. I mean, intense compartmentalization. And it was what I felt I needed to do at that time, which was let me just use work as therapy. Let me just work my ass off because I cannot work anyone. And if I've got her pulling for me, I will crush any competitors. I know my co-founder wasn't really equipped to have those conversations or really be a support at all. But I mean, we were kids, right. And so I just

decided work is the therapy and for the next 10 years, you know, really did not think about explore delve into anything other than I'm just gonna do my work and I'm going to obviously, I took as many air trams trips home as I could to spend time with my mom and dad on weekends, but like, let me not go any deeper than yeah, here's the shitty thing. I'm going to compartmentalize it and just focus on the tasks at hand. And there were areas. Look, I think compartmentalization gets a bad rap. I do think there are areas where it's actually tremendously helpful, but with some, now my take is a little bit more nuanced where I think with some work, it's good to go into the box to rearrange some stuff, to sort through some stuff, to organize it.

But I actually think there is a value to having some stuff in boxes and to compartmentalize because I also don't want to spend my days like reliving and rehashing and re just analyzing those experiences, right? I'm not doing her any favors, right? Her greatest joy was seeing me be successful as a CEO, as a startup founder, and whether it was Reddit or anything else, that's what mattered. And so it's a shame, right?

She hasn't gotten to see me get married. She hasn't gotten to see me have kids. She hasn't, she'd have been an amazing grandmother. She hasn't gotten to see me build a lot of the businesses I built. She saw me though, live my dream. And when I decided it was time to build my own venture firm, I took the lessons from those days of Y Combinator

because Jay, I agonized over a $200 plane ticket on AirTran to Baltimore because we only had $72,000 in the bank, we didn't raise that much money, this was a very different era, but even if we had raised a normal round today, it would be maybe a few million dollars, I still don't want a CEO deciding, God, this is going to hurt our burn. Do I really want to take that trip? And we built a program in 2776 specifically to say there are tens of thousands of dollars a founder can use

that we are paying for. It's coming out of our fees for their wellness, their development, any caregiving needs. We've had founders use this to pay for a babysitter and a date night with their partner. Awesome. We've had founders use it for therapy, for executive coaching, for surfing lessons. If it helps them find their focus, find their balance, be better founders, for early stage companies, that's often the entire business is the founder. And if Y Combinator had had a program like that, I think it would have made all the difference. And it's not to slight them. They didn't know what they were doing. They were building the firm for the first time.

But I want to do 776 differently, and not because it feels good, but because I actually think it will drive better outcomes. It will mean better leaders, better managers, better founders, which will lead to healthier organizations, which I think will lead to more returns. And these are the ways that we're trying to learn from those experiences.

And I speak with founders to this all the time, especially at the early days, but it never goes away, but especially at the early days. So much of the company takes on your neuroses, your, like you are setting so much of the culture and don't even realize it, even just the way you show up on a Zoom call, right? Cause you're the founder, you're the CEO.

Like you are dictating so much of how other people are gonna move. And once you repeat those behaviors over and over again, what you've done is created a culture, intentionally or not. And so your baggage, your challenges, the things that you're not addressing and working through to be your best are gonna be inherited by your team.

And that's, again, none of this is, this is the soulless capitalist talking here, right? I think there's a fantastic emotional argument for it and a health argument for it. But I always try to come first from just the business argument because if it makes sense for business, then it's a no-brainer. Then obviously if it's gonna be for your health

and wellness and development, then you should do it. But I do think it has a bottom line impact. I really do. What was the behavior you saw in yourself that you had to readdress or check yourself that you felt was seeping into the culture in any of the companies you've built? Oh, I got that.

So here, I'll give you an example, let it illustrate it. So like two years into, Kanan asked, when there's the meme in the Silicon Valley show of resting investing, so normally when a founder gets acquired, they just hang out at the company and just, they don't do anything and they earn out and they leave. But again, not me, crazy.

So like, I wanna keep shipping, I wanna keep building things. And instead of actually making the case for the engineering team to go and build, in this case, it was a mobile app. So if you can believe it, in 2009, 2010, there was this new thing called the iPhone and some people were talking about

how it was gonna be the future of computing. Now, I was one of those people who hook, line, and sinker was like, this is a big deal. And if we're building Reddit to be like the destination for what's new and interesting on the internet, we need a mobile app. Now, engineering team did not agree because the way things had always worked was fine on the browser, it worked great on the browser, the company was growing, why change it if it ain't broken. And instead of doing what I should have done, which would have been better leadership, which is actually bring folks in, win them over, make the case, get the buy-in

and then change the product plan. I just hired a freelance team to go and build it because I made a half step of an effort to make the case and do the right thing as a mature manager. And when I wasn't getting the progress I wanted, my impatience and my relentlessness was like, I can hire other people to build it, we'll just build it.

And it worked, we shipped it. Reddit had a mobile app called iReddit. And it was doing well, I was really happy with that pun. I hope people would say iReddit on Reddit. I don't know if anyone's ever said that. That was the hope. But then a year later, I leave. The handcuffs had come off and fully vested.

And then what happened, the app died. Because there was no one left to support it. And there was no institutional buy-in. And so imagine four years later, five years later, I come back and now it's 2014. And everyone knows you need a mobile app. You have to have a mobile app. And the culture of Reddit is still solidly,

desktop is only what matters. Why do we need a mobile app? And I'm like, I failed. Like I failed. We had this five years ago and yet here we are and we actually now need to do it right this time, actually get the buy-in, actually bring in the folks, actually finally shipped an app probably a year later.

But it's that, so it was an unwillingness to actually lead and it was a relentless desire to just keep moving forward with or without an actual team. And that is a terrible way to be a CEO, terrible. It's something frankly I think I still struggle with in a lot of ways. I will never be hanging out on a beach. I will never retire. I love the

work that I do. Yeah, I if I do it well, I get very well rewarded for it. And that helps. But it's not about that. I love the work that I do. It's very satisfying. It's it's something I genuinely would want to do all the time. And my wife knows this. And you know and she's someone who knows a thing or two about relentlessness and hard work. But even she would admit and has said on numerous occasions at the dinner table that there's sometimes

I take it a little too far. No way. Swear to God. Wow. And I actually had an LP, so one of our investors. So about 10% of the money we invest out of 776 is my money, but then 90% of the money we invest at a 776 is my money, but then 90% of it is from institutions, universities, all values aligned, good folks.

And I had one of our LPs casually be like, oh, hey, I heard you were, or I saw you were at the Olympics, looked like it was a lot of fun. And I was like, are you implying that I was just hanging out at the Olympics for two weeks? And he's like, no, it's the summer. I totally get it. Like it's fine. But, and I, as I was retelling the story to my wife and she's like, I will literally call him up

cause they know each other, it'd be casual. And I will assure him that I have countless times complained about the fact that you're working too much. And I'm like, baby, from any, any partner that would be powerful, but coming from you, right? It carries a lot more weight. But the reality is I love this. And unlike being coming from you, right, it carries a lot more weight. But the reality is, I love this. And unlike being a professional athlete, right,

I get to do this forever. As long as my brain's working, right, I have compounding that I get out of age and experience. And it's the unfair advantage of all of us who are not professional athletes is that we actually continue to compound the expertise over time and get to keep doing the thing that we loved in our 20s, in our 30s, in our 40s, in our 50s.

And it's a great blessing. And so, yeah, I have this. And I think the downside has been historically making sure I was either, I was building teams and building organizations that were aligned with this. And that was a big part of the decision four years ago to say, okay, you know, Caitlin, who I founded 776 with, she joined me early in the Reddit turnaround. That time was like six years earlier. I know

she's got the same whatever brokenness, that relentlessness, that hunger, and having a partner like her and then Lizzie who also came over, now she runs my foundation. Those are the folks I just wanna spend the rest of my years building with and working with. And that's not a judgment. Like y'all gotta find whatever you need. And I think one of the things that always gets so twisted because I am, look, hashtag business dad,

I'm out here making pancakes every Sunday for my girls. I do crepes on Saturdays, I post it on social. Yes, I've gotten into smoking meats lately and I'm very proud of that. But like all things on social media, you're seeing a curated version of the things. But the promise that I made to my kids is the same promise I make to my team,

which is like, I'm sorry to my childhood friends, but I'm like, when I'm on the clock for work, I'm gonna show up here friends, but I'm like, when I'm on the clock for work, I'm gonna show up here the best way that I can. When I'm on the clock for my family, I'm gonna show up there the best way that I can. And that's frankly all the bandwidth I have in my life. And I think one of the areas I should be investing more into and maybe there'll be a time,

but it's the relationships I have with other men. And these are the guys, I've known them since I was five. These are my best friends. We're in the group chat daily. We see each other now maybe once a year, twice a year, but I, and you know, I got to organize it. I organize a really proper guys trip at least once a year. Now we've added a second one,

but that's the one area where I know I've made a sacrifice. And I've just said, look, this isn't a part of the equation anymore. We used to play video games all the time after school. We get off the bus, we go to Mike's house, fire up Goldeneye in the N64. Wouldn't do my homework. But that's a chat to my life that's closed. And now I have to make these trade-offs. And so I always get a little miffed when people twist it as like,

oh, this guy's not that serious. And it's like, no, like there is nothing wrong with caring about being the absolute best at work and also for your family. Those things should not be mutually exclusive. And I don't know how we created this myth that it had like, yeah, it sucks. There's no such thing as balance.

You've got to figure it out. You're always never doing enough, but hell modern women have had to endure this for quite some time now. And I think only recently has it come up for dads, but I'm glad it's getting talked about more and I'm fine with the juxtaposition. Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, I feel like that lack of presence bleeds into the other area anyway. So if you're at work and you're not present, you can't suddenly be present at home. Yes. And if you you're not present, you can't suddenly be present at home. Yes. And if you're absent at home, you can't suddenly be present at work because our mind doesn't have an on and off button

that just switches on and off as quickly as that. And so hearing that makes a lot of sense to me. Why are those male relationships so important to you at this stage? Like, why are they valuable? And why does it feel like there may be a time where they're needed? Like what would they serve you with? Like what, how would that help you now? Humility. I mean, these are the guys who still like, they'll give me shit all day long and that's great because I need it sometimes. Uh, and it's, it's helpful.

Also knowing these guys for as long as I have, it's 100% genuine and you see it, right? Like you get, as you find success, as you find fame, as you find wealth, there's a difference in the relationships. There's always this like, is a little bit of a raised eyebrow, right? And I know how, or I've seen how isolating

that can be for folks. And I've never wanted that for me. And one of the things I've always appreciated is that these guys have been my best friends, like I said, since I was a kid. And when we get together, you know, the only thing that's changed is that we're older, we got some we got some money now, but like, we're, it's the same bullshit. And they treat me exactly the same way. And like I said, it's a good humbling they treat me exactly the same way. And like I said, it's a good humbling thing to have your friends talk shit to you on the group chat. I think male companionship is underrated.

And like I said, it's the one area where I know I could be doing more work. The challenge is a lot of us have young kids right now. And that again, it's the priority. I think I think it'll shift again when I've got teenagers and they no longer wanna hang out with me. But almost all of us have kids that are young and we get it and we'll bring the gang together, but we live in different places and it is what it is. And then candidly, one of our guys, Adam,

suddenly had a heart attack and he was training. He was the most fit out of all of us. He was at the gym. His heart gave out and any passed on the way to the hospital. And then again, you get that fucking phone call and you're just like, no, this is a joke. Like there's no way, no chance, no chance. And that was a wake up call for me. And you know, he didn't have children, but we're all looking around each other at the funeral.

And again, a lot of us with kids just thinking like, Christ, like we have to show up in such a big way for these little humans. And you can't help but take it to that selfish place, right? And be like, I deeply miss this guy. And I feel like I owe it to him. Like I said, he was the most fit of all of us, this dude, cross-fitting, I mean,

and Adam was, to his credit too, man, the guy always was down. It did not matter what it could have been. Let's just go see a dumb movie on a Tuesday night. He always, always was a strong yes. And that mindset, and this is something I always try to take, and I've tried to tell founders this too, like it's not my quote, but it's the one about the average of your five closest friends. And, and I think a lot about this because like, you know, my, these

guys, we've all had very different lives. There are, I don't know if I'd start a company with any of these guys, but there are attributes about each one of them that I find really remarkable. And those are the things that I keep in mind when I'm like, one of the reasons I love staying close to you guys is I care about you. I love you like we've known each other through so much. We've I we've done a lot together. We've experienced so fucking much and and there are still parts of you that just make me want to get better. And for Adam, it was the relentless commitment to his health and fitness.

And, and I just, I, I couldn't help it. Thank God. I really got to get my life right. And I started with the whole battery of tests and like I'm getting blood work, CT scan, doing all the heart, like everything I can now and really rigorously, I'm, I'm not a hypochondriac, but I'm like, I need to get some baselines. I need to be checking up on this. I need to actually be like making like thoughtful visits

to the doctor fairly regularly. Cause like, and as a dude, you're just like, whatever. The cultures put some dirt on it and you're fine. And like, that's how I lived for 40 years. And that was the wake up call. And I feel like I owe it to him. And so when I get up in the morning and, you know, I'm like, okay, drag mass to the gym.

I'm like, come on, show up, keep going, man. Like do it for Adam. It's a thing where now it puts a framing on all the times we get together, because we know at some point it'll be the last one that someone is gonna be there, could be us. And so again, we're not, I mean, look, we're still doing the same dumb shit.

Like we were at a brewery in Baltimore last time. Like it's not, we're not that sophisticated about it. But I'll tell you what though, we've gotten a lot smarter as we've gotten older. I think we have gotten a lot smarter. As we've gotten older, I think we have gotten a lot better telling one another actually how we feel, which is, again, this is a nuts thing for, you talk to my 20 year old self, like, would you imagine yourself having like thoughtful conversations about like life

with your, with your guys? And the answer would have been, no, of course not. Like we're talking about football or video games or girls. But that's been a nice part of getting older is now there's more depth to this relationship. Like we have true, true trust and intimacy and we have this feeling like I can literally tell this person everything because he's seen me at my best and my worst and like this is my boy, right?

And that unlock gives me something that powers me up for however long it is until I see them again. And when I think about what is missing right now, I think about all of the young men who don't have great role models and can now access any role model they want, but they are going to default to the junk food. And that's not a judgment. It's the same reason I really wanna pick up the Snickers, right, instead of whatever the better choice is. There's an intellectual version of that junk food

that exists, which is not nourishing. It's not actually helping you grow. And it's trying to fill a void. You have a hunger for this thing and I think men in particular, the shadow of all of the emphasis being put on women is that so little attention has been put on our young men. And I would love to see not attention taken away,

but more attention found to be placed on talking about young men, supporting men, because, and there have been I was a so I was briefly a Kiva fellows, I volunteered for Kiva when I left Reddit the first time. So I was in Armenia, working with entrepreneurs, and it was amazing. One of the lessons they take away from that is women entrepreneurs anywhere in the world are a far better investment than men because the money that you invest in them

that they use to help build a business oftentimes gets reinvested, more often than not in the family, in the community, versus if you do it for men, some of the money goes to the family communities, some of the money goes to the local bar, local establishment, whatever. Like basically investing in women in emerging economies just has a bigger impact

on society. And it kind of tracks, it's a generalization, but I think we're sitting here going, yeah, okay, that kind of tracks. But then you go a step further and it's like, okay, under duress, and this is closely related, women tend to endure a lot better than men. And this is one of the reasons why when you look at prisons, you look at terrorist organizations, you look at when people are pushed to extremes, disproportionately men that end up not turning out well. So I

think we have an imperative here, where if we have a generation of young men who are feeling disillusioned, who are feeling demoralized, who are feeling this, this insecurity, this deep, deep, deep pain, like we all have an incentive to make sure that they're getting that high protein diet of things that will actually help them be better and actually give them a path towards self-improvement

and give them a path towards being successful, viable members of society. Because unlike women, they're not gonna handle that well. And so I can make the case from a value standpoint, like, hey, I think it's important to support these young men, but I also would make the case just from a societal standpoint, like it is in our best interests

for public safety, for all the things, to make sure we get that generation back on track. And I think it starts with conversations like this between high profile men who've had success in their careers, who can talk about and normalize a lot of this stuff. Because at the end of the day, if we don't have those examples, what else fills the gaps? And I don't like the alternatives that fill in the gaps. And what's wild is, you know, I didn't really have

when I very much broke into tech and business and learned a ton. And every time I keep going up, and I tell the guys this all the time, I keep leveling up, right? And I keep meeting new people and sort of getting another peek behind the curtain of how the world works or how business works

and all that stuff. And it's been eye-opening, because there's shit, if I just could tell my 15-year-old self, I'd be like, don't do that, That's stupid. Like, like, there's actually a smarter way to do that. And I hope to always keep feeling that to some extent. But as I keep doing that and keep meeting more and more folks, I have yet to meet one who doesn't have this level of introspection and depth. And

it's it's I'll tell you, it's most telling among the billionaires who are now grandparents, men who have achieved everything you could hope for in business. Doesn't matter the industry who are looking at their grandkids as a second chance because they didn't get to or didn't want to, or weren't interested in all whatever we want to call it, spending that time with their own kids. And they're so grateful for that second chance.

But I keep looking at all these stories from men who I really, really, really respect and the ones who feel like they've had the most fulfilling life all keep coming back to human experiences they have with loved ones, with family. And like I said, I got a much smaller scale version of that with my own mom who never wanted for anything. And when you get to spend time with folks who have a few years left to live, it becomes very telling, especially to do it in my 20s, full of all that youthful vigor and invulnerability to get humbled and see someone who does not care for anything other than the experiences she had and the humans she loves.

Bro, that was probably one of the greatest gifts she could have given me was that perspective. So that when I did find wealth, when I did find notoriety, I'd be lying if I said it doesn't affect me in some ways. Sure, it affects me, but I have never, never gotten it twisted about what actually mattered. And I've never wanted for notoriety or fame. I've never wanted for wealth. I fame. I've never wanted for wealth.

I've wanted for things that help me get more time with the people I care about and make me feel like I'm living a fulfilled and purposeful life that's providing value to people. And that was a gift she gave. And so, I don't know, the more that we can normalize this stuff, especially among folks,

and I say men in particular, but all people, but especially men who have reached the highest levels. I want that 18 year old or that 16 year old or that 12 year old to be watching or looking and going like, hey, all right, these guys are talking about stuff that feels like it has substance, it has meaning, it has purpose, and they're still the ass kickers

in the day job, whatever it is across the industry. Like these things are not mutually exclusive. And I just, I want to see more of those voices like yours get amplified because it's, I think it's very, very important. And I love that, what you said, that juxtaposition again, the ability to be a killer in the workplace, a brilliant leader, a powerful individual,

and at the same time being able to be empathetic, compassionate, vulnerable, that, that's the, that's the power is always in the juxtaposition, right? You look at it in anything, whether it's a community, a company, an individual. And I think a big part of that, going back to what you've been talking about, is also seeing men's relationship with their wives. Like I think that's a big part that for years, when we're talking about the lack of role models or the lack of the ability to look at someone, it sounded like your parents had a wonderful marriage.

And yeah, and demoed a beautiful connection in front of you that you got to see with you and your wife having such busy lives, having priorities, both of you professionally, partnerships, places to be, travel, and then you've got kids. How have you found a way to prioritize each other with the million things going on? That is at the crux of, I think, every conversation we ultimately have as a couple, which is, it's funny, I'm very obviously high tech.

She's very low tech. Sometimes it literally comes down to calendaring and making sure like if I had my druthers it would all be digital. I finally got Serena to modernize a little bit. And now we have a giant, like a dry erase board calendar that sits at the dinner table where she'll put in her schedule and then I have to go in.

Usually I'll take a photo of it to send to my admins and then we'll write in mail. But at least we have one shared space where we know like, okay, Papa's out of town for this business trip. Mom was going to do this thing. And it is the hardest thing. It is explicitly creating date nights. I mean, it's funny, it's the same tactics

that you'd hear any couple talking about with a therapist about like, hey, what are the ways to keep the relationship going, the romance, all that stuff. And it is definitely amplified in all kinds of ways with a higher profile relationship. But the other reality is, so Serena has been working since she was a kid, right? Like tennis was not, I mean, it is a sport, but like she was a kid, right? Like tennis was not, I mean, it is a sport, but like it's a job, right? The amount of hours she was putting in,

the responsibility as soon as she started like playing, like playing playing, it was tremendous responsibility. So, you know, I'm married to someone who has been working for 35, 36 years and who had a childhood and I think Serena would say like was a great childhood, not a normal childhood. But now she's evolved her word into you know, she's still got businesses just launched this beauty brand win

shameless plug, great brand. And and so she's still doing business things she's investing. But she also loves I mean, she's her class. She's the classroom mom for Olympia. She gets to spend so much of her time now being an active and super engaged mom for her kids. And I can't open I've told her this to cannot but feel like this is a chance for her to she's on the other side of it now, but to live that life that she didn't really have, which was where your number one job as a kid

is just to go to school, learn things, hang out with your friends, and who knows if Olympia keeps going with the tennis or the golf, we'll see. But she's relishing that opportunity. And so that helps me a ton because, right, ironically, that's the thing that I grew up with, the boring, typical suburban lifestyle, that most people in my position, myself included,

will spend a lot of their lives trying to maybe not get or run away from because they want something else. And yet here she is having gone to the top of the mountain, achieved everything, and that's actually the thing she loves most. And so how we make it work, it's all, it's the banal stuff. It's the like making sure we prioritize. It's trying to figure out and also decoding the differences.

Obviously we're an interracial relationship. I don't think that'll surprise anyone. And as a white dude married to a black woman, you have a societal golf, right? Between us in terms of the ways we've experienced our lives, right? In the American hierarchy of things, like, you know, we have very different lived experiences. You just set us out, obviously, the fame, notoriety, career stuff, but like, even if we just operated this life as two random people with our makeups, we'd have very different points of view, experiences, all that stuff.

And it's probably the hardest and best element to the relationship where the table stakes are, we love each other, we've made two incredible humans together, we will do anything. We've made two incredible humans together. We will do anything. I mean, believe me, she jokes that I'm like the psychopathic dad. Like there's an Armenian dad meme in here, by the way.

Like we're very protective of our kids, but she's super mama. So like we have things that we care so, so deeply about that we know we're on the same team for. And so it's probably the best way of all the ways to be checked on like a blind spot, let's say it's best to have it come from someone who you know cares so much.

And that's where the growth happens. That's the tension. And so like, if I say something or do something, and again, nothing crazy here, but like if I say something or do something, and again, nothing crazy here, but like if I say something or do something and she's able to shine a light on, be like, hey, did you notice, blah, blah, blah, or hey, this is like bringing up these things

to help me have better awareness, because look, I got two black daughters. I wanna make sure I'm showing up the best way I can for them. It helps because I still feel that pain, because I'm like, I'm not a racist, I'm not a bad person. But then you sit with it for a second, you're like, okay, just hear this feedback, right?

And it reminds me, it's just like going to the gym, you're pushing some weight and you're trying to get to that next level and it's gonna hurt because that's where the muscles tear, but that's where it grows back stronger. And so I feel the same way when I take that, I'm like, okay, fight the impulse, don't be defensive and just listen and hear and try to understand. And,

and I will say though it's, and I've talked to other folks in interracial relationships, it is definitely, there's a dynamic there that creates new challenges or even I think any cross-cultural relationship creates those challenges. I bet. I don't know if I was, I guess I'm a weird mid-Atlantic guy, but the difference between me and even a white person from Appalachia is gonna have those cultural challenges, right?

But across those lines, that's where you get, again, with a relationship built on love, you get this opportunity to say, okay, let me try to learn and try to be a little better, that I think helps. But like I said, it's probably the worst part is the dynamic. There's a reason we live in the middle of nowhere, Florida. Like, I love being here in LA, but like, I think we live in such a weird culture that, you know,

the celebrities Asian of things is just, it's different. And one of the things that we always wanted for our girls is for them to have, I mean, they're not gonna have a normal life, but to not be living in it. And to have the ability to do that from, you know, sort of the middle of nowhere, Florida has been probably the biggest secret weapon. What did you, what I love though is the awareness you have

of the upbringing you had and how that's impacted you now with you wanting the opposite and how the upbringing she had. Yeah, and I love that awareness because it's such a subtle point, but it's such a powerful one because it sounds like you both accept why you're wired the way you are. Because I think it could be really tempting to project and hope that, well, you know, Alexis has achieved everything too,

so shouldn't we both just let everything go and just be home with the kids? Or you to be like, well, you've achieved so much, we should just be going for the next mountain. Like, which I think we do a lot with our partners where we reflect what stage of life we're on. Like, I remember when my wife and I first met, I was ambitious and driven and she was definitely the homemaker and curator.

And then as I've become more set in my world and have more time, my wife's career is like really taken off and she's really found her purpose. And it's amazing, but I just love watching her flourish. So even though I have more free time to be able to spend together now than I did eight years ago, I recognize that watching her grow and watching her thrive is actually the most inspiring thing.

And now that just cause I have more time, doesn't mean she has to adapt and adjust around that. And so, yeah, I find it's a really, but it's such a common thing I see where it's like, I wish you were at the stage of life that I'm at. And that seems to be the hardest, most impossible thing to demand. You know, the challenge I had in previous relationships, the general theme was, I knew I was super ambitious. I was very upfront

about it, but it still doesn't really land until three months in six months in nine months in and you realize, Oh, this guy's not going to change. And, and it seems like a fun thing for a little bit. And then at a certain amount, like eventually push comes to shove and there's a gap because they didn't get it. And again, I don't think it's a right or wrong here, but it's an incompatibility. And part of what attracted me so much to Serena was the fact that I knew we would never have this conversation about like, well, why do you have to do this thing? Or why is this so important? Or like, why? What do you mean you have to get this done tonight? Like that could never happen, because of everything she had to do in

order to achieve the heights that she had gotten to. And so that to me was already very appealing, because I was like, okay, this is table stakes, I have found someone who has clearly even more ambition than me, who has achieved so much. And in a way, so I don't know if I'd say the same thing if I were an athlete, I think that might've been harder, but to be with someone like Serena, right? That's like literally one word.

Like you don't even need to say her full name. It is tremendously liberating because I know, and also because of who we are and where we come from, Jay, there is literally nothing I could do. I could one day, God willing, I will be a billionaire. I will never run for president, but let's say, I could be a billionaire who runs for president and I'll still be Serena Williams husband

or Serena's husband, right? I could be an astronaut, it doesn't matter. It literally does not matter. And part of that is a testament to like where she started, where she got, what she did, all those doors that she opened, all those things. And so in a way it's kind of liberating as a super ambitious person,

especially in a society where like it's a meme just to literally say, oh, that guy is comfortable being called Serena Williams' husband. Now candidly, if we live in an ideal world, no one is anyone's anyone, right? But I do appreciate, I understand why the internet finds that really exciting and interesting. But the bigger story here is the fact that if you have this kind of partnership you're talking about, you're able to let one another flourish at those things at that time when they're ready. And maybe I didn't see it. Maybe I missed out on some great relationships

earlier because it wasn't there at that time. But at the end of the day, one of the best parts, you know, dating Serena while she was winning Grand Slam after Grand Slam, breaking every record, doing all this stuff with Olympia in her belly. I might add, you know, the pinnacle of sports excellence. And then also seeing her now like making cinnamon rolls for the second grade class, like both of those things bring me so much joy. And frankly, I love seeing the latter more

because it doesn't come with all the baggage of being the public persona that you just have to endure doing that job. And I know she doesn't miss it at all for those same reasons. And I think that's, I don't know, that's been why it's just, I don't know, been an easy transition for her

and frankly been a lot of fun to see this this evolution for me. How did you meet? Six months into the Reddit turnaround, I was burnt out and my head of comms said I needed to go. She was like, go to Italy. And I was like, what? And she's like, there was a speaking gig that wanted me there. And I was like, sure. I was like, wait, no, but this is a boondoggle. Like, there's no point. We're not ready to like went over marketers. She's like, just do it, please. Like you need a day or two. Just go. I was like, wait, no, but this is a boondoggle. Like there's no point. We're not ready to like went over marketers. She's like, just do it please.

Like you need a day or two, just go. I was like, all right, fine. I go, I flake out on the conference that first day and I just find a cafe and I started doodling, working on some sketches for product stuff. I meet up with a friend of a friend, very random. They just walked in and they're like, hey, can we use the table?

I'm like, sure, we'll get some drinks. We're out that night until like three in the morning. And I get home hungover the next morning. I need coffee addicted. Go downstairs. They say, sir, breakfast is over. But if you want coffee, you can go sit by the pool. I go sit by the pool. I take out my laptop and there's a table next to me. The Australian, there's an Australian guy at the table tells me to move. He says, there's a rat at the table. I say, I'm not afraid of rats. I'm on the rooftop and there's a table next to me. The Australian, there's an Australian guy at the table tells me in the movie, he says, there's a rat at the table. I say, I'm not afraid of rats. I'm from Brooklyn, I see rats all the time. He's like, I might, there's a rat, you better leave.

And I was like, no, thank you, I'm good. And I was just working and then the lady next to him turns around, it's Serena. And she's like, oh, you're not afraid of rats. I'm like, no, not. If you don't bother them, they won't bother you. And she's like, oh, you're here for the tech conference. And I was like, no, not. If you don't bother them, they won't bother you. And she was like, oh, you're here for the tech conference. And I was like, I am.

She's like, you here to see someone speak in particular? I said, no, I'm speaking. She was like, oh. She's like, what's your company? I was like, Reddit. And she lied. She was like, oh yeah, Reddit. She had never heard of it.

And we started talking and she said, listen, the rest of my team was gonna use this table. So can you just move when they get here? And I said, no, but like they can join me and we'll all just have breakfast. And so exchange numbers and I saw her play later that night in Rome and that was the start of it all. So it's breakfast at a hotel, the Cavalieri in Rome.

Great breakfast, wonderful truffle omelet. In case you want to get the Alexis special. It's the truffle omelet. It's a great, great omelet. I love it. Alexis, it's, thank you for sharing that. It's beautiful to, you know, just, even how you're speaking about your wife. And again, going back to that point,

we were talking about having positive conversations in that way of, you know, what a healthy relationship looks like, challenges, ups and downs, difficulties, of course, with any relationship. But, you know, one of the things that I wanted to ask you about that before we get to the end of our conversation is this idea, I mean, you were very humble

a few seconds ago and it's beautiful to see. You have reached, you know, you've created something that in and of itself is a word, right? Like it's like Reddit is recognizable, used, it's in pop culture, like it's everywhere. Like you've built something that is fully recognizable, let alone recognizable, just everyone knows what it is. And then Serena has this incredible success, of course, no need to explain. How do you both think about defining success for your kids and the, the pressure that obviously will naturally sit on them with whatever they do.

And then how do you think about defining success towards your futures as well, together and as individuals, because you've both had and experienced so much success. With our kids, it's the cliche. You want them to be happy, productive members of society. I mean, that like, I'd say the other wrinkle I'll put on there, and I tell Olympia this all the time, and I will tell Adira, again, she's just one, she's doing her best.

She's an active kid, yes, just one, she's doing her best. She's an active kid. Yes, at six, I'll sit her down. But like, whatever they wanna do, I have zero tolerance. I should say we have zero tolerance for them not trying their absolute best. Again, I know that seems cliche. Like I don't even let Olympia say can't. We'll see how long that lasts.

But I will not let her say can't. If she says can't, I'm like, what was it? We don't say that word. I like that. Because I don't even want her uttering that she can't do a thing. Like you can choose not to do it, but we don't say that word.

And I try to reiterate to her, I want her to love the act of trying. We used to do, there's a YouTube channel, there's a few actually that'll do these drawing classes. And I'm pretty good drawing. I made the Reddit logo, SNOO. I draw pancakes. And during COVID, I was like,

hey, we're gonna do drawing class. Papa can do art class. I can do math and English, but art's more fun. So we're gonna do our classes together. And early on, she'd be like, wow, Papa, you're really good at drawing. And I'm like, do you think I was born this way? And she was like, maybe.

And I was like, no. It's like Papa practiced. Papa drew a lot. And I want, even for mundane things, like hey, we're drawing Princess Peach, I desperately want her to take only one thing away, which is even the stuff you think your Papa is great at, he sucked at when he started. Even the things your papa is great at, he sucked at when he started.

Even the things your mama is great at, maybe she didn't suck at when she started, but like she had to learn. She was bad. She had to get better. You might have some natural inclinations here and there for different stuff, but I want to see her get comfortable with failing and struggling and then improving. Getting her into golf has been open.

I had never played golf, but Uncle Tiger gave me some clubs for her, so I was like, Olympia, you her into golf has been open. I had never played golf, but Uncle Tiger gave me some clubs for her. So I was like, Olympia, you gotta play golf now. And we go to lessons every Sunday. And that actually has been a great sport for humbling and for getting her comfortable with the process because it's such a really hard sport. It's the most patient, yeah.

And you have to get comfortable with failure and messing up. And she'll still, it's funny, she'll whack it 100 yards, I'll be so proud of her. And then she'll totally whiff on a ball. And once she got so upset, she almost pulled the Serena, she pulled the club up and was about to smash it. I was like, Olympia, just casually put the thing down. I was like, oh, you got that Serena in you.

But you see that, and you see she's got that tenacity and she is so hard on herself when she doesn't get it right. But I need her to sit in that and soak that up and get okay with it. So that whatever she does, again, if she, it changes every week, veterinarian, fashion designer, right now she wants to be a singer. I'm like, I don't care what it is, you just need to know.

Like, you love that Beyonce video. How many hours do you think Beyonce spent rehearsing the dance moves, rehearsing that song, singing over and over and over and over? Like do not get seduced. And it's crazy. I don't know. I did not have anyone like sit me down

and tell me that that explicitly. And maybe it just ruins, maybe just ruins life. We'll see. But I need her to know anytime she sees excellence. The only reason she's seeing is because of countless, countless hours of trying and failing and practicing that led up to it that no one saw that no one cared about. And you know, with her mom as an example, she's got the goat of a role model, and she does do tennis now twice a week. I think, I mean, she's got some good athletic genes, let's be honest. No, but she might, I don't know.

If she plays sports, the good news is, her mom will be able to have a conversation with her early on about just what it's gonna take, and if she wants to do it, God bless, we'll support her. You know, but I'm not worried. It's weird, this is not a thing. Okay. When I was a kid, I used to be pretty, I don't want to say anti-rich people, but like,

I, I distinctly remember going to UVA and I went to some good public schools in Howard County, Maryland, like they were fine there. So, but I got to, I played football with kids who had free lunches and kids whose parents were lawyers. So I got exposed to a pretty decent range of kids, which was great. And then I got to UVA and I finally met like rich people

and I was so excited because I was like, these kids are so soft. I was like, this is gonna be great. Like this is my competition. Like this is phenomenal. And it tracked, but I, now I'm like on the other end and I'm not trying to, it's not for sympathy here, but like I, there is, I am much more appreciative

of the challenges that wealthier families have, making sure their kids have it, have that grit, have that whatever you want to call it. And so that's something we're acutely aware of and mindful of and hoping for. And like I said, I want Olympia to work either, it's gotta be either a retail job or food service, like some kind of service job for sure, like high school. Like it's good enough for Papa, it's good enough for you.

Like I need you to experience these moments and feel some kind of connection. Like you're gonna have, you're gonna be fine, right? But I need you to be a productive member of society. I need you to be a good person. I need you to know the value of a hard day's work. And like I said, it's a weird thing to navigate. Obviously, Serena doesn't have any kind of equipment

for that and everything her parents put up with in order to give her that life. Like it's a wild perspective, but it's something we actually think about and talk about quite a bit. And the good news is, you know, at least Olympia, Adira is fun too. They're tracking to be good humans,

which I feel like is number one. And then if they can be good humans who are also productive members of society, like I feel like we're living the dream. But there is that part of me that just thinks like you want, you want to create just enough for that strife to create that resilience and that ability to thrive. And it's so ironic because if you look at so many

of the stories of excellence, there's always some version, there's some part, there's some thing that happens that creates it and it's usually strife. And so it's like, there's some part, there's some thing that happens that creates it, and it's usually strife. And so it's like, on the one hand, you don't wanna, like part of the reason you did the thing was so that your kid wouldn't have to endure the thing, and yet you still find yourself saying,

God, I just kinda wish they would have to endure some of that strife. But it's, I mean, like that's, to me, that's actually been one of the most satisfying parts of fatherhood, is seeing your kid fail and then seeing your kid get it right. I get so much, there's so much more of a high from that than seeing my kid get it right the first time.

I really enjoy, and I'm not sadistic, like it just feels so much more satisfying because you're like okay that actually feels like a moment where there's some part of you that just like a synapse fired and some line, some dot in your mind connected with this other dot where it's like okay, I figured it out. I couldn't do it before, I can do it now.

And it could be, right now it's like multiplication and it's just being able to start to see those dots really connect that I just, I love. It's very satisfying. like multiplication and it's just being able to start to see those dots really connect that I just, I love. It's very satisfying. It's like a Pokemon evolving in front of your eyes. I love it. Alexis has been such a joy. Honestly, this has been amazing. Just learning from you from whether it's tech to AI to fatherhood, to brotherhood, to love.

This is great. This is great. You're very kind, I appreciate that. But Alexis, we end every On Purpose episode with a fast five, or a final five, which means every question has to be answered in one word or one sentence maximum. So Alexis, these are your fast five. The first question is, what is the best life advice you've ever heard or received?

Be useful. It's Arnold Schwarzenegger quote. Sorry, Arnold. I like it. Yeah. Second question, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received? Oh, I didn't take it. Do I have to have taken it?

No. Paul Graham told me to get rid of the Reddit alien and change the name to Octopop. And I said, no, I'm keeping SNU and I'm gonna keep calling it Reddit. And that was a good decision. It worked out. Octopop, would you all be using Octopop right now? No, come on.

And he wanted to change the alien to an octopus. I'm like, Paul, come on, we're not doing that. Brilliant guy, just not great with the branding. No, question number three, if there's any other business dads listening that are struggling with the business and being a dad and trying to manage it all, what would be your advice for them?

Aside from listening to my podcast, the good news is there are more avenues than ever because there are more and more people talking about this than ever. What book are we reading tonight? Like, what are you most excited about? And then when I'm on the clock for weekends in particular, I really try to lock in.

And so it can be whatever you need to do. Obviously your family's gonna have different prescriptions, but create those traditions, create those routines. And that's one thing I would give advice to myself at 20 about over again, when I had more free time, when I had more youthful vigor, if I had more discipline, I would have been 10 times more productive. And it shows up in sneaky ways.

If I had gone to bed at midnight, because I knew like my, I was diminishing marginal returns of my productivity were falling off a cliff, and just gone to bed, slept for seven hours, eight hours and then woken up and done the thing, I would have done it in 20 minutes instead of staying awake for another two and a half hours. Like no, that's not actually the best use of your time and discipline is freedom and

I never would have believed that in my 20s or even in my early 30s, but becoming a parent, that's the only way I'm able to do these things. And that's not to say I'm perfect, but if you can incorporate ritual routine, even before you have kids, you're gonna be even better at what you're building. And then once you have kids, it's kind of the only way to do it, frankly.

I love it. Question number four, how would you define your current purpose? My current purpose is enabling a whole other generation of entrepreneurs to do even bigger and better things than I did. I love that. That's such a great answer.

And I mean, it's also, you sleep a lot better at night because it's not your ass on the line for every one of those companies too. So it's a blessed position to be in. I love it. And fifth and final question, we ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. The question is, if you had to create one law

that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Okay, this one I cheated and I wanted to have one prepared. That would have been a good idea, yeah. But I think the best thing I came back with was a joke, which was everyone should be able to experience the joy of making someone they truly love happy.

You talked about this earlier. Again, it's not really a practical law. No, I like that. But I have never felt more satisfied or happy or richer or taller or what I've never felt more any positive feeling you could feel than when I get the unsolicited, I love you, Papa hug from my daughter. And again, it doesn't have to be your daughter, it could be anyone, but like those moments for me

are like black tar heroine. I am addicted to it. And so when I think back, hopefully as an old man one day, and I think about like, what are the things that really, really made me so incredibly happy, it's gonna come back to those moments. And so I wish that for everyone as often as humanly possible. And the irony is, right, it usually doesn't cost any money.

It means time, it means intentionality, it means other humans. And we're gonna keep getting really good at making artificial intelligence. And I don't want that to scare folks because I hope, I really, really hope and wanna believe it gives us more time for the human communing that far few of us

or not enough of us have a chance to do often enough. So I don't know, whenever you're, if you're breaking bread with people you love, like I said, these are all the things going, going to a sporting event, going to an angel city match. You're, you're enjoying these moments of humanity with people you care about and, uh, and, and make an effort to tell those people, especially men out there, dudes, normalized telling the man in your life that you love them, whether that's your father, your brother, your best friend, you don't have to go by a

billboard. You can, if you want up to you, but like normalize having that conversation. You will not regret it. I love that. Alexis Ohani and everyone business dad, parts class, make sure you subscribe and Alexis, I'm so grateful to your parents. They are, you carry them. Yeah, you carry them and their energy so well. Like you can tell how deeply rooted their love is for you and the love that they had for the world

that seems to be oozing out of you. So it's really beautiful to experience that today. And I'm grateful that you came and spent these couple of hours with me. Thank you, Jay. This was awesome, man. Thank you, man. Thank you, brother. Thank you so much for listening to this conversation. If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant

on why discomfort is the key to growth and the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential. If you know you want to be more and achieve more this year, go check it out right now. You set a goal today, you achieve it in six months, and then by the time it happens, it's almost a relief. There's no sense of meaning and purpose. You sort of expected it and you would have been disappointed

if it didn't happen.