On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Benny Blanco: 3 Ways to Stop Caring About Failure & Get Out of Your Own Way

Episode Date: April 15, 2024

How can you overcome the fear of failure? What can you do daily to care less about failing? Today, Jay sits down with Benny Blanco for an inspiring conversation about pursuing passions, mentorship, failure, and continuous motivation. Benny has made a huge mark on the music industry contributing to hundreds of millions of album sales worldwide. Benny has worked with A-List artists like Ed Sheeran, Justin Bieber, and Katy Perry. As a solo artist, his albums "Friends Keep Secrets" and its sequel have amassed over 11 billion streams, featuring multiple platinum hits. Beyond music, Benny has ventured into television and even released a cookbook, "Open Wide," showcasing his diverse talents and interests Benny shares insight on how to not let failure stop you and getting over imposter syndrome. We also go dive into Benny’s life outside of music, exploring his passion for cooking through his cookbook "Open Wide." Plus, Benny talks about his relationships, how he keeps his creativity flowing, and the small joys that make his life special. In this interview, you’ll learn: How to pursue your passion with limited resources How to not let failure get in your way of achieving your goals How to embrace the unexpected in creative work How to transition your passion into different fields How to find joy and creativity in everyday moments Don't miss this intimate look at Benny Blanco's life and maybe learn a thing or two about making your own multi-track masterpiece or the perfect dish to serve at dinner! With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 03:43 What’s the First Creative Thing You Put Together? 06:15 I Never Cared About Failure 10:33 Developing Amnesia to Failure 14:22 How Did You Meet Your Mentor? 18:10 “The Boy I Mentored”  23:42 How Do You Show Up After a Rejection? 26:51 Love Can Be Felt Through Music 29:56 What Do You Do When You Wake Up?    32:02 Why Do You Struggle with Meditation? 33:28 Why I Went to Therapy 38:25 The Pressure of Perfectionism 44:49 Do You Love to Cook? 47:20 Do You Eat Healthy? 48:47 Finding Comfort in Food 54:42 What’s Your Sleep Pattern? 56:40 Friendships Built Over the Years 59:19 Multigenerational Friendships 01:03:44 Better Relationship After Divorce 01:05:52 Benny on Final Five    01:15:57 What’s Your Vice? 01:17:53 Do You Take Supplements? Episode Resources: Benny Blanco | TikTok Benny Blanco | Instagram Benny Blanco | YouTube Benny Blanco | Twitter Benny Blanco | Facebook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, I'm Laura Vanderkam. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist, and speaker. And I'm Sarah Hart Unger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer, and course creator. We are two working parents who love our careers and our families. On the Best of Both Worlds podcast each week, we share stories of how real women manage work, family, and time for fun. From figuring out childcare to mapping out long-term career goals, we want you to get the most out of life.

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We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts, and listeners like you. Whether it's relationships, friend advice, or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions, big and small, we'll talk through it together. Listen to The Bright Side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. For all the parents out there, picture that it's bedtime. You and the kids have been busy all day. You know they're tired, but for some reason they just won't go to sleep. And for this reason, I created the podcast Bedtime History.

Bedtime History is a series of relaxing history stories that end with an inspirational message. With over 2,000 positive parent reviews, Bedtime History is one of the top education podcasts. Join me and listen to Bedtime History every Monday and Thursday on iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I walked in and I had a hard drive

filled with all of my music. He like took it, he listened to it, he threw my hard drive out the window, broke into a million pieces, not good enough, start again. Musician, producer, the body of work this guy has produced or written. Your list goes on and on and on. Benny Blanco.

If you wanna try to be like a musician, an entrepreneur, it's f***ing scary. If you're gonna fail, who f***ing cares? The second I fail, I next day I wake up, I'm like, alright, let's do it again. Hey everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you. In the last 90 days, 79.4% of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are not subscribed to this channel. There's research that shows that if you want to create a habit, make it easy to access. By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a habit of learning how to be happier, healthier and more healed.

This would also mean the absolute world to me and help us make better, bigger, brighter content for you in the world. Subscribe right now. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you who come back every week to become happier,

healthier and more healed. You know that I love diving into the minds of people I find fascinating, to dive into how people are creative, how people become conscious, and how people create things that the world gets excited about. I think I've always been a student of life

and a student of people's journeys, and here we get to go back in time and find out what those key moments were in people's lives. Today's guest is someone that I've been dying to have on the show. I'm so excited that he's here in the studio. I've been feeling his energy and vibe already. I'm excited to share it with you all.

I'm speaking about the one and only Benny Blanco, record producer, songwriter, artist, actor, record executive, and cookbook author, I'll have you know. I'll tell you know, I'll tell you about that in a second. Benny has contributed to the sale of hundreds of millions of albums worldwide through his work with some of your favorite artists, including Ed Sheeran, SZA, Justin Bieber, Rihanna, Katy Perry, The Weeknd, Maroon 5, Juice World, Sia and many more.

As a solo artist, Benny has released two albums, Friends Keep Secrets and Friends Keep Secrets 2, that have been streamed more than 11 billion times today and have featured multiple platinum hits. Benny made his TV debut playing a fictionalized version of himself on the FFX series, Dave with Little Dicky, if you haven't seen it, that episode's brilliant. Benny's most recent project is his first cookbook,

Open Wide, you can get it right now. We'll be diving into that as well. Welcome to the show, Benny Blanco. Wow, that was so cool. I want you to walk around with me all the time and say this. I get why you're the number one podcast for health. When you were talking, my jaw was dropped.

I was just mesmerized by everything you were saying. I want to do the introduction now. Every time you go on stage, every time you're there, it has to be, you know. I know, I got to come up with one for you. I'd be like, perfect skin, beautiful eyes, wavy hair. You're talking about yourself. No, I'm talking about you, baby. Same thing, we both got curly hair. Yeah, we're same, we're interchangeable yourself. No, I'm talking about you baby.

Same thing, we both got curly hair. Yeah, we're interchangable. We got curly hair, we got colored eyes, you got good skin. Okay. I love it. Benny, it's such a joy to have you here and I'm excited to dive into everything that I was just talking about, but when I'm sitting with someone like you, who, you know, creativity is at your fingertips, it's kind of embedded into your whole life.

I'm always intrigued. What's your earliest childhood memory of being creative? Like, do you remember the first thing you put together? You were just telling me you even had this shirt made that you're wearing today. Like, what was one of the first things you remember saying, oh wow, I did something as a kid? Okay, here's what I really remember. So, you know, I didn't have the luxury of having like

insane musical instruments at my fingertips and recording studios. And I was from the middle of nowhere. So I, my brother had a boom box, an old school boom box. And I had a smaller old school boom box. And I remember my earliest memories, probably like five or six. And I remember realizing that music,

you know, when I first heard music, I always thought that the musician was at the radio station singing the song. And I was like, how do they keep coming back to the station? I didn't even understand how music was created. But somewhere very early, I figured out that it was like a multi-track situation. And I would take, I had a boom box

and I would record like me like hitting like this into the boom box, okay? Then I would press play on that one and then I would do the next thing on the other boombox and record into that one. And I would keep going back and forth until I created like a track. I guess I was creating like my own like eight track

and multi-track of layering things. And I didn't even know what it was, but I was just so excited that I was doing it. And my whole career has been a version of that. Like I have no training, I'm not good at anything. I'm really like, I know people are like, oh, you're being humble. I'm really not great at anything.

I have like a ultimate will to get things done. Like I'm like, this will happen. But no, it's just, I'm always trial and error. And I always tell people, people are always just like, well, how did you do this? How did you, and I'm like, honestly, like just going in and I call it making a mess. I like to go in and throw a bunch of shit around the room,

throw paint and everything. And then we worry about cleaning it up later, but maybe a few of those things just happen to land correctly. And I just keep doing that until everything fully lands where I want it to, and I'm just playing cleanup around the size. That's a beautiful way of describing the process.

But what gave you that, where does that will or that confidence come from? Because I think a lot of people are scared of creating a mess or scared of things not sticking so they never try. Whereas it sounds like you're the opposite where you're like, well, I don't care if it doesn't try, I'm willing to give it a go.

Where does that inner confidence, that inner ability to say, hey, it's okay come from? I don't care about failure at all. I don't care, and I never did. I think when I was younger, I didn't understand what failure was. Like when you're six, when you're seven, when you're 12. There's not many people to let down.

You know what I mean? You let down Timmy at school, he's your friend. Sorry Timmy. But you, you're not thinking about that. And I always, I just remember from the beginning, like my mom was like, I wanted to drop out of school. And you know, my mom was raising me alone. And it was, I was probably 15, 16 at the time. And I was like, mom, I know what I want to do.

She was like, what do you want to do? I'm like, the music stuff. Like I'm so into it. And I know, and I looked at her and I go, I know I'm going to be the biggest in the world. And she was just like, what are you? You know, and I've asked her and I go, I know I'm gonna be the biggest in the world. And she was just like, what are you, you know and I've asked her, I've asked my mom like later in life,

like how did you like trust me in my journey? And she always said that she had dreams that she never got to try in her life. And a lot of people are just way too scared to take the jump. You know, a lot of people may have, I'm sure everyone in this room, anyone listening has a little something

where they're like, oh, I really like that. But they're scared, they're scared. They're like, you know, I wanna post videos of me cooking online. Nah, nah, nah, no one will like it. My friends will make fun of me. I wanna, I sing in the shower, like I want, no, no, no, no, no, no, because we're taught

to just follow suit and do whatever you're supposed to do. You report to your boss, but it doesn't have to be like that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I believe that if you keep pushing yourself and you keep trying, you're gonna succeed. And I always tell people this, it may not be in what you start with. You know? Like when I started, I thought I was going to be the biggest rap artist in the world. And am I a rapper now? No.

And then I moved into producing and then I moved into songwriting. And then it's come full circle now where I'm like an artist of some sorts again. And I think you just jump in and just try something. Just try and who cares? If you're gonna fail, who cares if you fail? I don't understand, that's the thing I don't understand.

It's just, you just get up and you do it again. I like, I have amnesia the second I fail. The second I fail, I'm like, the next day I wake up, I'm like, all right, let's do it again. I like, I have amnesia the second I feel. The second I feel, I'm like the next day I wake up, I'm like, all right, let's do it again. You know? That's an amazing mindset. So we share something in common already. We both grew up wanting to be famous rappers.

Yeah. Did you? Yeah. No. That was like my passion, like poetry, spoken word, writing lyrics, like all I listened to was hip hop and rap growing up. If you asked me at 16 years old, what I wanted to be,

that's what I wanted to be. And it's so interesting because today I feel I use the same skills that I wanted to use then, but in a completely different way. I still write. I write books instead of records. I teach meditation, which includes music, includes cadence, it includes rhyme often,

but not in the way that a rapper would. And I'm using spoken word constantly to get messages out into the world, but not in the way that a rapper would. And I'm using spoken word constantly to get messages out into the world, but in a different way. And so I love what you just said about that idea of how you actually may succeed, but in a way completely different to what you originally dreamed of.

I hope it goes full circle for you. I want to hear, I need to hear the Jay Shady rap tape. What was your rap name? Oh, God, I don't know if I need to go that far. Okay. It was embarrassing, but I'll tell you later. Okay, tell me later. I'll tell you privately.

Yeah, I'll tell you privately. Is Jay Shetty your real name? Yes. It's such a, that's the perfect rap name. Is it? Yeah, Jay Shetty sounds like a fire rapper. Really? Yeah, from like East London.

Okay, I'm from North London, so not far. All right. Yeah, not far. Okay, cool, I like it. I like it, but no, I really appreciate what you're saying Okay, cool. I like it. I like it. But no, I really appreciate what you're saying there. And I think that amnesia to failure, wow. Like that, that's, I love that idea

of having amnesia with failure. Can you give me a time, was that always the case? Or was there a failure that like did kind of pierce that veil? It never has, I can see from your face. No, I remember when I was gonna quit music one time. Before I made it, right before I made it, my mentor passed away. He took his own life and I was really young.

He was one of my best friends and I'm probably like 18. And I remember like sitting in my bed and I was just like, I was like crying. I like didn't understand, you know, it was one of the first times that somebody who wasn't supposed to die, died. You know, I've had like, you know, I've lost my grandmother and lost my grandfather, but it was like the first time in my life where like someone that like, I really knew and really touched me and I talked to them the day before they died. And it was like the first time in my life where someone that I really knew and really touched me and I talked to them the day before they died.

And it's like, I remember that hitting me so hard in a way that I didn't know was even possible. You know, I'd been sad, but I remember sitting there in bed and I was just like, I'm just gonna quit. I was like, I gotta quit making music. And then in that very same moment, like my head flipped and I was just like, no, you can't. You gotta like take on what this dude started

because he didn't, he was also a musician and he didn't get totally, he was, you know, he was well known and he was a hero to me, but he didn't get where I think he deserved to. And I remember being like, I gotta do this. Like I got it. Like he would a hero to me, but he didn't get where I think he deserved to. And I remember being like, I gotta do this. I got it. He would want me to be doing this.

And that was the only time, it wasn't even failure, it was the only time where I really questioned things. But don't get me wrong, every time I do something good in life, I'm questioning. But it's a different feeling. I don't know if you have this, but I'll have a number one song, like a number one song. It's the biggest song in the whole world. And I'll look in the mirror and I'll be like, oh, that's the last one.

Definitely not going to have another number one song again. Not saying I'm scared of the failure. I'm just like, oh, that's just like the last one. That's what I did. Or something really good will happen in my life. And I'm like, oh, I'll never of the failure. I'm just like, oh, that's just like the last one. That's what I did. Or something really good will happen in my life. And I'm like, oh, I'll never recreate that again. And, but in the same breath, I'm like, let's go. Like, I'm like, let's keep rolling, you know?

And I've tried to do this thing lately in the last like five or 10 years where I really like take in my achievements. Cause for a while, I never thought of them. I would just keep going. When it was time, they'd be like, oh, your song's number one. I'd be like, okay, that's cool.

What are we doing next week? And I figured out it's okay to do that. It's okay to take a breath and be like, yo, we just did this shit. This is tight. We did this. This is great. And yeah, I'm trying to do that more,

and failure, like, no, I've never had one of those times because whenever I do fail, I'll sit, and obviously I'll sit there and I'll be like, this didn't work out how I wanted it to. But so many times have been the opposite, where I was like, this will never work, and then it's big, so it's like, I feel like it always evens out. And then it's rigged. So it's like, I feel like it always evens out

and you only have one other choice. It's like, the only choice is just to keep going. What are you supposed to do? Just be like, oh, it didn't work. No, get up and you do it again. Yeah, I've got so many questions. I want to dive into some of that you said. So rewinding with your mentor, how did you first,

and I'm so sorry to hear, thank you for sharing with us, you know, such a challenging event. And I lost my mentor four years ago. He passed away from stage four brain cancer during the pandemic. So I couldn't go back to see him because I couldn't take a flight. And so I couldn't be at his funeral.

So, you know, that, yeah, it was super rough for me. It was more recent, but how did you meet your mentor and how did you form a bond? I think a lot of successful people have mentors, they have guides, they have teachers, they have coaches, but then sometimes when you're listening to a conversation, you're like this, you're like, I want someone to be my mentor, but I don't know where to start and how to find them. Like, what does that mean? Like, how did you connect?

I've had so many mentors. I have mentors every day. I'm a mentor to people, but sometimes my mentees are my mentor. Like I'm always, you always got to be open to just listening and learning every day. I learned some, I was in the studio yesterday with a guy who was one of my mentees. Like the way I met, I got to tell you that story later. That's insane. I'll go to that. I'll tell that after. First one is I met my mentor. I was, this is when,

he was like my second or third mentor. I met a lot of really important mentors in my life when I was about 13. I was a musician. I was traveling for music at the time. I had gotten like some buzz and MySpace was a musician. I was traveling for music at the time. I had gotten like some buzz and MySpace was a thing. Yeah, I was in MySpace. And I had somehow created a profile

where I had a bunch of followers, okay? So I don't even remember how I did it, but I was a kid, I used to do it in the library at school. And there was this guy, he was a producer. I was obsessed with him. I DM, well, messaged him. The equivalent of DM today. I remember messaging him and I was like,

I love your stuff, blah, blah, blah. And then no response. And I was like, oh, I love you, like, please, blah, blah, blah. No response. Then I saw like a few weeks later, he was advertising. He was like, I have studio time available. It's like, you know, $500 or something. And I remember just being like, okay, the only way I'm going to meet this guy is if

I get the studio time. So I say I'm interested in the studio time. He says, great, come to New York and meet me here. He had no idea where I was. I drove to New York and I drove, we drove like four hours to New York. I get to New York and meet me here. He had no idea where I was. I drove to New York and I drove, we drove like four hours to New York. I get to New York, I get in with him. The first thing I say is I'm like,

I don't really need studio time. I just wanna talk to you. Please, I'll do anything. I just wanna work with you. I'll do whatever you say. But then he was just like, this was insane. He said, I'm leaving this weekend. I need my studio booked the whole weekend.

It's $850 for the two days. You need to book it. If you can book it, I'll let you work for me. Wow. I called every single person I know. I spent every, you know, I had like a few hundred bucks. Then like, I would like beg my friends for money. I had like a few, knew a few rappers at the time

that wanted studio time. And I figured it out and he was just like, he got back, I did it, I just did it in the nick of time. And he was just like, all right, you can work. You start next week. And I would drive up every weekend from Virginia to work with him from when I was like 16, 17. And we created this bond and it was like,

he was tough on me. He was like, not an easy guy. Like I remember like I walked in and I had a hard drive filled with all of my music, okay? Everything I had been making. And he like took it, he listened to it, he ejected it and then he threw it out the window. He threw my hard drive out the window,

broke into a million pieces, no more hard drive. And he was like, not good enough, start again. And it was like, yeah, he was like super sensei. It was like karate kid. And I like hated him in the moments for it, but so many, he taught me so many things that like I learned and taught me things not to do as a mentor. And like, and you know, it, it was, it was a really special

time and now I just want to jump to this. Okay. Yeah, please. Yeah. I love it. So I'm, you know, this is, I don't know, almost 10 years ago now, maybe eight years ago, and I'm playing poker at a friend's house and my friend puts me on her story, her Instagram story. And the next day she comes to me and she said, hey, my friend's son saw you on my story and apparently you're like a big deal in music. And she was just like, you have to have him come work for you. And I was like, what? She was like, yeah, you have to have him come work for you.

And I was like, what? She was like, yeah, you have to have him come work for you. I was like, I don't need anyone else. I already have assistants, interns, and they were like, no, you have to. And this lady is like a very, there isn't really, you don't get to have a choice. So I was like, all right, I'll meet him.

So this kid comes in, he's 15 years old. He's like, oh, like everything, like he's 15 years old. He's like, oh, oh, like everything, like he's just so excited. And he like was so sweet and he reminded me of me when I was a kid. He was like, I'll do anything, I'll work for you, blah, blah, blah. I was like, all right, come work for me.

He comes and works for me. I still like am spending a lot of time in New York at the time. And so I don't see him. He's just like building a studio for me and has never even met me besides that one day. But he like, he does it for like a year. Then like I finally come back to LA and I'm like, all right, you ready to come into some recording studios? And he was like, he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

I'm so excited. So like, you know, first week, first three sessions, his first session is The Weeknd, his second section is Travis Scott, and like his third session was like Maroon 5. So it's like, he's getting thrown into it. So I remember we're at the first session and I'm just like, be cool, blah, blah, blah.

It's The Weeknd. And The Weeknd's in there, and we're all in a room, and we're just singing into microphones, we're chilling, and he's like, I know his mind's blown. Weekend's his favorite artist at the time. And I remember he, when no one's looking, he sneaks a picture, and he accidentally has his flash on,

so it goes, and it has the noise too. And so it was like,aks a picture and he accidentally has his flash on. So it goes, and it has the noise too. And so it was like, and when it did it, he went, ah, and he threw his phone. And somehow the weekend didn't notice. And like, I pulled him aside after and I'm like, dude, you can't do that. But fast forward, he's in high school.

And I say, hey, I'm in the middle of, I was in the middle of making Ed Sheeran's Divide album. And I was producing the whole thing. And I was like, I need some help on the road. If I talk to your school and get you off. Will you come? And he was like, Yeah, of course, took him on the road for like two weeks. Mine was blown. Then he starts going to NYU School of, Clive Davis School of Music, and he, I have another opportunity, I talk to his teachers, I take him on the road for like a month. We're on tour with Halsey.

Then he's coming back to work for me now, okay? We've never talked about him making music at all, and we're sitting there one day, it's late at night, and he said, my therapist said he's gonna stop working with me if I don't play you my music. I said, what do you mean, you make music? And he's like, yeah, yeah, I make music. I was like, why didn't you ever play for me?

He's like, I was so scared, I was trying to get better, blah, blah, blah. He plays me some songs, they're terrible. They're like, they're terrible. They're awful. But I can hear something in him. And I know he's so, in music, so much of it is like getting an artist to feel comfortable, getting them to believe, getting them to,

so much of it is your personality. And he had that, he had the it factor. I saw when he was with artists, he knew how to talk to them, he knew how to make them feel good, just like getting them food, everything. And you know, he spent years just seeing how I did it with artists.

And I decided to sign him. I was like, I'm gonna sign you. And he went on this journey and now he's one of the biggest music producers in the world. I mean, last year he won, you he won best record at the Grammys. He's had like five or 10 number one records. And it's like, this guy started, he was so humble.

He was 15 years old. Now he's like probably 26, 27. And he just went on the journey. He knew when his time was and he went in and he did it. And it was just like, I always tell people, you just gotta stick through it. And it was just like, I always tell people, you know, you just got to stick through it. You got to stick around, you know. And when I first signed him, it wasn't working for him.

It took him like a few years for it really to like connect. And he's just like, it's such a fun story for me. That's a brilliant story. Yeah. To, you know, and I've been fortunate enough to have that a few different times in my life with people and it was so cool because I had that experience and we're all to pay it forward is just yeah the intern applications to the Benny Blanco School of Music just went through the roof now the reads gonna get it up this whole weekend dude I love that no it's it's it's it's beautiful to hear

that and and also what I love about that message is when your mentor throws your hard drive outside the window, like it's so easy to be like, I'm never going back. Yeah. Like he's crazy. Like I'm never going back. It's like whiplash. Oh yeah. Right?

Like that was my life. That was my, I was cleaning toilets with a toothbrush. Like that was my real life. Yeah. That's what I was thinking of when you were describing it. I felt exactly like that. I'm thinking, you know, it's, but how do you show up again and recognize this value? Because I think now we're in a place as well, where it's like, if something like that happened,

we'd be like, oh no, get out of there. It's, you know, so. I know, it did change a little bit. Like. You wouldn't do that, that's what I mean. You wouldn't throw someone's heart, right? No, I would never do those type of things. I'm not, I'm just like not that type of person.

I'm not like a yelling person. I'm not like, it's just like not, that's not my way of things. I'm not, I'm just like not that type of person. I'm not like a yelling person. I'm not like, it's just like not, that's not my way of communication. Like if I was like sad about something, I'd be like, man. I think it's like probably almost worse. Like I'm like, I'd be like, ah, why'd you do that? You know?

I go quiet. Yeah. Or I'd be like, you know, you know, if you're ever like in a, you know, in an argument in a relationship, like I'm not a yeller. I'm like, oh man, like I wish it was different. Like, and I can't even find the words usually

at the beginning. And I think that's how I am. And I think like I really learned that you don't have to do that stuff. It worked for me, it got me to where I am, but it's like, you can be really positive. You can be a good influence on someone, you don't have to like, you can be hard on someone.

Like I'm definitely like, I was definitely hard on the guy I was talking about, Blake. I was tough on him, but I was never like, I would never be mean, I would never, like there's no reason to do that. And what made me keep going back, I don't know, sheer just will and drive. Like that's like, I just was like,

what, that's what they're trying to do. They want me to quit, they want me to, you know, and like, I don't know, I always, I don't know why I do it. And I wonder, you know, sometimes I sit in bed and I'm like, why am I still working like so hard? Like I still work like I've never done a thing in my life. Like I'm still wake up every morning. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna do this.

Then I'm gonna do this. And then I swear I'm gonna get this thing. And I always, that's why I try to do different things that I'm not necessarily great at, to, not that I'm not great at, but that I don't have, you know, in music, I can go in, I can work with anyone, I can do this, but like, yeah, like making a cookbook, being in a TV show, I've never done these things.

So it's like very interesting to me to start at the bottom again and just like try to work my way up. It's fun. I love the climb. Like that's my favorite part about life. Even everything, like in a relationship, when you meet that person at the very beginning, it's like, oh, I gotta like make my way into their heart

and they have to make their way into mine. And it's just all about, I don't know, getting there is always the best. And then when you're there, I'm just like, all right. What else can I, I wanna get some, you know what I mean? So when you're like, you do the music stuff and you get there and you're like, I think the only thing where you get there

and it just keeps getting better is in a relationship with someone. I think that's like the only time you get there and you're like, okay, this is cool. Like, but when every other time I'm just like, okay, cool, like, let's go. The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health,

personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help Black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives. Those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly, ourselves. We chat about things like what to do when a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist

in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. Do you lay awake scrolling at bedtime or wake in the middle of the night and struggle to fall back to sleep? Start sleeping better tonight. I'm Katherine Nikolai and my podcast Nothing Much Happens, Bedtime Stories to Help You Sleep, has helped millions of people to get consistent, deep sleep. I tell family-friendly bedtime stories that train you to drift off and return to sleep quickly,

and I use a few sleep-inducing techniques along the way that have many users asleep within the first three minutes. I hear from listeners every day who have suffered for years with insomnia, anxiety at night time, and just plain old busy brain who are now getting a full night's sleep every night. I call on my 20 years of experience as a yoga and meditation teacher to create a soft landing place where you can feel safe and relaxed and get excellent sleep. Listen to Nothing Much Happens, Bedtime Stories to Help You Sleep with Katharine Nicolai on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast On Purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah. Everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant. The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Hart. It's not about us as a generation at this point.

It's about us trying our best to create change. Lewis Hamilton. That's for me been taking that moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself, because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself. And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in ours.

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. What do you think makes relationships different that makes you feel that way as opposed to music? Cause in a- Or anything else, any other achievement, not music.

Well, I've never been in a relationship the way that I've been in one with music, because it's been like a 30 year relationship. So I have no idea what happens 30 years from now in a relationship. But I just feel like a relationship is like all these other things I'm doing. There's so many like tentacles, like it's like you go this way and then you guys explore that together. And you're exploring so many, it's basically anything I would explore in my life I'm exploring with a partner.

And so it's like figuring out, like you guys are like figuring out things together. And it's so cool when you have like a partner that like, I don't know, like I just get the feeling like, it's awesome when you can have a partner that you look at and it's like the end of the day and you're like, I don't know, I just get the feeling like it's awesome when you can have a partner that you look at and it's like the end of the day and you're like, oh, what did you do today? And they tell you and you're like, that's so tight.

And you're like, I wanna do more. Like when you can feed off of each other and just keep growing together, it's like every day is a new experience and you guys are like facing different things together and it's, I don't know, it's cool. And I always tell my friend, I was just talking to my friend yesterday about this.

I was like, you always have to keep your work and life balanced. And I was like, because you can feel it in the music and art if you don't have love or you don't have something. So I always tell them, I always feel that it's just like this. I have like rules like every day, like I only work till like a certain time. I make sure I, you know, like cooking is very important to me and therapeutic. So I make sure I do that.

Like as like Xanax to me, like I, and I have like all my things that I have to do to make that bound because I do push myself. I shove my head through that wall, just that dry wall if I had to. But at the same time, I try to do all the things. It's like, okay, like every, you know, it's like every Sunday I see my mom no matter what. Every single Sunday at the exact same time. It doesn't matter if I like stay up all night.

I'll just go right into seeing her. And it's just like, we have like a ritual we do. And then I have like my ritual where I go and get my groceries at the farmer's market every weekend. And there's just all these things that help keep you on track and grounded so you can keep doing what you're doing, you know? I mean, I'm sure you have things like that for yourself.

Absolutely. I mean, mine's similar. I call my mom at the same time every week because she's back in London where I was born and raised. And so I have the same time I call her on the weekend. And yeah, there's certain things that have to be done that way. And same with you. And you know, I have a certain time as well that I switch off from work and I'm not

looking at my phone. I have a time in the morning of like three hours of being awake before I'm doing any work. I have to take that time for myself. But what's interesting about what you're saying is that there's a myth, obviously, that the broken-hearted artist can pour into the music. But you're actually saying that if you have love in your life, that can also be felt through music. Yeah, I think that at times it's good to have a broken heart, but it's also good. You know, there's a time and place for everything.

What time do you wake up? I wake up now at 5.30 a.m. What time do you wake up before? Usually it was like, I was, this year has been different. This year I've been really prioritizing 5.30 but up until last year it was probably like 6 to 6.30. And what time do you go to bed?

I go to bed at like 9 p.m. now. Really? Yeah, I love my 8 hours of sleep. Oh wow. So if I get into bed at 9, I'll be out by 9.15. Okay. And then if I wake up at 5.30, I've had like eight hours and 15 minutes of sleep. Like it's crazy. What are you doing in those first three hours? Meditating for a lot of it.

So I'll wake up at 5.30, I'll be ready to sit down for meditation by like 5.45. I'll meditate for an hour and a half. And then 7.15, I'll go for a hike or go to the gym or yeah, usually a hike or the gym from 7 15 till about 8 15, 8 30. Get ready and then 9 a.m. I'll take my first emails, meetings or that kind of stuff. So I think you came at 10 today. So yeah. Yeah, hour and a half is that's a good meditation. Hour and a half. How do you even stay focused?

Well, I think it's a good question and And I always say to people that when I started, it wasn't one and a half hours. Like you start up with doing like seven minutes, then 20 minutes, then 40 minutes. And what I found was just in the same ways, if you go to a trainer at the gym, you'd hope that they work out more than you. So as someone who teaches meditation

and helps people with mindfulness, I believe that as a trainer and as a coach, I have to do it for more time and deeper time. Because otherwise, if I'm only doing it for seven minutes, and I'm mentoring you, and you're only doing it for seven minutes, then how will I ever have an experience to guide you deeper? And so I've been doing that since I was 18 now, so it's been a long time. And when I was a monk for three years, it was longer, and that's where I got that deepest experience of practice for it. So I feel like if I didn't have those three years of going really deep into the practice,

I may not have the focus I have today. You were a monk for three years. Yeah. Like a real monk. That's insane. Yeah. I've never met a monk. I'd love to show you pictures.

I've never even met a monk. Yeah. I'd love to show you. I'm not anymore, but yeah. How long? So you still haven't met a monk. Yeah, I love to show you. I'm not anymore, but yeah. How long? So you still haven't met a monk. Where, when was this? So this was 2010 to 2013, and I was a monk across India, UK and Europe.

I traveled between the three and I had a shaved head, I wore robes, I slept on the floor. We meditated for like four to eight hours sometimes a day, and so it was a deep practice. Standard eight hours. Eight hour meditation is crazy. When do you do anything else? Well, sometimes you didn't. That was the point.

An eight hour meditation is wild. Isn't that sleeping? Yeah, I mean, you can count it as the same. We sleep for eight hours. Yeah, I, you know, the hardest part for me with meditating is that I instantly fall asleep. That's good. I can fall asleep. That's good. I can fall asleep very easily.

So I'll tell you why though, the reason why that happens during meditation or any practice of that sort is your body and mind are finally coming into sync. And so it's your body saying, I need sleep right now. And so if you're falling asleep during meditation, it's not a bad thing. It's just you've literally, because what's happening when you're not falling asleep is your mind saying, we got to do more your mind saying we got to do more. Yeah, we got to do more. And then finally when you become present you fall asleep because your body saying I've done enough today.

Where do you do these meditate? I have a little meditation room. I'll take you to afterwards. I want to do a meditation with you. All right, we'll do it. I want to learn. I you know, I've done it. There was like a time in my life when I was going through a rough patch,

and then like, you know, I was going to therapy, and I was meditating and stuff, and it actually helped me so much. Yeah, wow. It helped me. What was that during? What were you going through? When everything first started happening for me, all at once, it was like really overwhelming. I was, you know, for the first like year or two, I was like, oh, this is awesome.

And then like it really hit me because so many different responsibilities and people asking me for money. I just didn't grow up in a way. I had never, I didn't even imagine, I was young when I made it, so I was like, I didn't really, I didn't even realize about money, and then I'm like, oh my God, I have this, what do I do with it?

And then it's like, I have all this success, and people need things from me, and people want, and it was just too much. And where I grew up, I didn't go to therapy as a kid. I didn't know about any of that. I didn't know what anxiety was. I thought, I was like, oh, everyone, the room spins for everyone when you like sit down and you're like doing something.

I just, there were so many things I didn't understand and I thought it was just my body and I never talked to anyone about it. And I was like, oh, there were just things like I learned to live with. And I remember like, I just remember exactly where I was. I was like walking in to get a new cell phone. I lost my mind. And I just couldn't handle it anymore. And I remember like a week later, I went home to Virginia where my mom was living at the time and I remember I was like in the bathroom and I was like, I don't, I can't do,

I was like, I can't do this anymore. I like, I don't, I can't, I had this feeling, like this crazy feeling of anxiety that was like crippling. And it was like, I couldn't do anything. And I was just like, I was like in the bathtub and I remember like calling for my mom, I was crying. And I was like, I don't know, I can't do this, I don't know what to do. I can't even explain the feel.

I didn't know how to articulate the words. I was like, I can't even explain what I'm feeling to you. I feel like I'm going crazy. And in my family, some people have some issues and I was always scared of myself falling into some similar things that are in my family, that run in my family. And I just remember somebody was,

somebody got me to go to therapy, and they, and I met this guy, and he's my therapist today, still to this day. This was, he's been my therapist for almost 20 years. And I remember like I first went there and I had like all these things. I was like, I used to like go and I'd have to like hold my head like this.

And I was like, oh, I can't let go of my arm because if I let go of my arm, my neck's gonna fall off and I'm gonna be paralyzed. Like I had like, like I was so in deep and I never thought I was gonna get out. And I remember I started, I used to go six days a week and then it was like three days a week. Then it was two days, then it was one. And it was CBT, you know, cognitive

behavioral therapy. And it's like kind of like a type of therapy where you use your words and it's not I was very, I didn't want to do medicine and I didn't, you know, because I also had in my family, there's some drug abuse and stuff. And I was like, I don't want to do this with medicine. I want to figure out how to do it the right way. And at that time I wasn't, now I'm like a workout fanatic. That's like my new meditation. Nice. But before that, I was like, well, how do I do this?

And I started, you know, my therapist recommended meditation to me and he had this really easy way of doing it and it was so easy and it wasn't, it wasn't even like anything specific. He was like just, you know, he would just like, it was the most basic form of meditation. I would do it with either with a spoken word thing or just like, he'd be like, find the most calming music you like. And I would, and he would just be like, no matter what, just every day, he was like, for 20 to 30 minutes, just sit down, put a pillow on your head,

try not to be too comfy where you'll fall asleep, set a timer and just do it. And I remember doing it and at first it was impossible when I was like, in my shit, it was impossible. And then eventually I started like looking forward to that time every day. And it really just helped me a lot. And then like in 2018, and then I got like,

it was probably like a year or so of, and this was probably 2009, maybe this was happening. And then like, then I like got back on track and everything was great. And then in 2018, I really like working out became like my new meditation. Like, and it was just like, I have to do it. And it was so funny because I went so many years without doing it.

And I'm sure in your life, you went years without doing meditation. And now like what happens if you randomly miss, do you ever miss one ever? Like, just like, if you're sick or you're... I'll catch up. I won't. Yeah. I don't meditate at 5 30 every day. Like it's not, I can't keep that up because we're on planes, we're traveling.

Like our lifestyles don't allow it. And so I will be meditating in the evening. But like what happens? The quality, well I find that for me, the quality dips. So the last week was one of those weeks, I had like three massively late nights in a row on the weekend because of events and parties and things and things that I was going to.

And I couldn't wake up early. And then I still had a full day of work. And then in the evening I was catching up with it. And I found that I didn't have the time and space that I need in order to feel really aligned. And what I mean by that is I can still operate. No one else will really notice the difference. But I know it's the difference where I'm like,

I feel like I have less energy today. I feel like I have less clarity today. And I feel like I'm like, I feel like I have less energy today, I feel like I have less clarity today, and I feel like I'm not as aligned, is the best word I can think of, as I like to be. And so it doesn't really affect anyone else, but it does affect me. And I know what level I can raise to, which is what you're probably saying

when you're working out. When you miss a day of working out, how do you feel now? Yeah, yeah. You know, I thought of something when you were saying. Yeah, yeah. I, you know, I thought of something when you were saying. Yeah, please. So you're seen as like, you know, this guy who's like, mindfulness, hell, this, like, isn't it, aren't you sometimes, do you feel like I have to be so perfect all the time?

You know, it's so interesting you say that Benny. I used to think that when I started out that that's what I had to be. And then I've let go of that pressure personally. Like I let go of that. And I'm just like, I'm saying to you now, I don't wake up every day. I've already found the meditator. Sometimes I'm meditating on planes, in Uber, on trains. Sometimes I'm doing it while I'm falling asleep.

Like I'm okay with opening up about that because to me that A, I hope, well, A, it's the truth. B, I hope that that actually helps people realize that they don't have to have the perfect regime every single day because I used to think that and all I did was put more pressure on myself. Like I'd stress myself out. So I'm more comfortable today saying I believe in meditation. I value mindfulness. I value all these things, but it doesn't look perfect in my life. And it won't in yours either. And it doesn't in anyone's.

Whoever's life we think it looks perfect in is a myth. Yeah, sometimes you get upset. Like you're like a guy who's not allowed to get upset. Like something happens. Like it's, you know, I find that sometimes. What do you know, Benny? What are you trying to say? Yeah, exactly.

No, I find sometimes in work, like, you know, when you get to the top of like your field, people are only expecting like a perfect rec, like if you're like, say you're like LeBron James, like if you don't have, if you score like 20 instead of like 40 in the game, they're like, oh, what's happening in LeBron James. Like if you don't have, if you score like 20 instead of like 40 in the game, they're like, oh, what's happening to LeBron? And it's this like, it's this pressure

that I know exists for people. And I just wanted to know how. Yeah, no, I definitely have felt that pressure and I think I've removed it from myself. That's what I realized that ultimately it was a pressure I was putting on myself. It wasn't actually from anyone else. It was me thinking, whereas if I was just honest and transparent

and authentic with people, then all of a sudden the pressure's off. Yeah. And I can also be a human because I am one. Yeah. And I think there's so much more of a joy in embracing our imperfections and flaws and recognizing that it's even with coaching people by the way. And I'm sure you feel this with music. Like when you working with a artist to produce their album

is like what I do with coaching clients. So coaching clients come to me and say, hey, can we solve this problem? Whatever else it may be. Someone's coming to you saying, hey, Benny, can you make this album with me? And before I used to think, God, if I don't say something profound

in the first hour of meeting someone, then they're not gonna think I'm worthy or valuable. And I started to realize, I was like, that blocked me from saying something worthy. It didn't allow me to be a channel or a vessel. I was now forcing some manufactured version. And even if I did, now I was just setting myself up for more pressure every time we met,

rather than just having a flowing exchange with someone. How do you feel like when an artist comes and says, hey, Benny, I want you to produce my whole album, where was the time it switched from pressure to just flow? I never had pressure because I don't care. Because I treat every experience, like I'll be like this, you know, some people when you get in the studio, there's something or you're on a TV set or you're on here,

they're just like, oh, we got to get it all done, we have to get this done today. We have to, for me, I'm just as happy if we were to come in. Like if I came into this podcast today and you're like, hey, I'm sorry, like the equipment's not working, then I'd be like, oh, let's just like chill, walk around here and think, because that's what was meant to happen that day. And I'm not stressing because you know what,

eventually we'll get like an interviewer, eventually we'll get a song or, you know, I'm a big like procrastinator in work. Like when someone comes over, I'm like, you like to eat, what do you want to eat? You want to eat some, I'll eat some. All that stuff is part of it. It's part of what's going to happen later.

You know what I'm saying? Or you like, let's say you have a client, someone like you're trying to get to the bottom or the root of a problem, you're gonna have to disarm them and get them to chill. Yeah, yeah, definitely, yeah. It's not gonna happen through anything else. What's your, do you have a setup process for every person

or do you really go with the flow with each individual? This stuff got caffeine in it. It has natural caffeine from tea. I'll take a sip of it. Yeah, yeah. It's green tea. Green tea is really caffeinated, right? Yeah, yeah. It's natural. You drink caffeine? I only in the tea form. Only in the tea form. Yeah, yeah. I like that. Only in the tea form. As in like I drink herbal tea and I drink this tea but I don't. That's good. Thanks man. Appreciate it. My wife and I put it together. So natural. Go buy his drink.

How'd you come up with the name? It stands for just you and I. So it's a way of trying to bring people together through sharing a moment. How's the caffeine hitting? Is it alright? I'm taking little steps. I don't drink caffeine at all. Neither do I apart from tea. So... Yeah, I don't drink. I'm not like a caffeine person.

I wake up and I'm like ready to rip. Me too. I wake up, I like pop out of bed. What time do you wake up? Early. Yeah? Yeah, like 6. Usually 6.10 to 6.30.

Yeah. What gets you in the creative zone? Like you're always like cooking. Let's talk about open wide for a second. Like creativity, I think people look at you and they think, oh, he's musically creative, but then the rest of his life must be. But no, it's like you're creative in cooking, you're creative in music.

Obviously, you took my relationships can be creative too. Like, is it just something that was cooking always a passion? Yeah, it's just like, do you cook at all or no? So I'm the exact opposite. Cooking, kitchens and cooking scares me. My wife is a plant-based chef and recipe developer. Really? Oh my God. Yeah, this is all she does.

Has she always cooked? Yes. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, this is all she does. Has she always cooked? Yes. Oh my God. She's loved it since she was, and she's a dietician and nutritionist as well. What's her name? Radhi, Radhi's her name, R-A-D-H-I, Radhi. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, I gotta see it.

Yeah, I'm sure you love this. I'm obsessed with all that. One of my friends, the person who I wrote my book with her name is Jess, she has like a, she's predominantly like a plant-based chef. And she worked for Martha Stewart for years. And she's incredible. And I, it's funny, like my books are always crazy.

I eat very healthy unless I'm being like a naughty boy. What's naughty? How bad's naughty? Oh, naughty is like you wake up and there's crumbs and glaze all over you, you don't even know what it is. But mostly I'm pretty, I'm like during the week, you know, because I lost a lot of weight, I lost like 50 pounds.

Consciously? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, honestly, at the beginning, I was going into a weight loss challenge because my brother had gained a bunch of weight. And then when I went and we like did the DEXA scan thing, I was 33% body fat. I was like, am I fat?

And I just didn't even, I didn't even know that I was being unhealthy. And then like, that's when I started working out and I got obsessed with it. And it was like, I wasn't necessarily trying to lose weight, but then like once I did, I was like, whoa, this is cool. And I'm one of those people now, like when I lost the first weight,

it wasn't trying to lose weight. It was just like trying to be healthy. And then I felt like the feeling every time I went to the gym. I was like, whoa, I have no anxiety. And I'm not thinking about anything else except like what's happening. And that was very rare for me. So I was like, I gotta chase this feeling. And then now I like, you know, me and my friends, we do like little like weight loss challenges.

We're like, okay, whoever can lose the most weight in like one month or whoever can do this. I just like to, I like to challenge my body. How do you comfort them? Yeah, I like to just like push myself in any way possible. But yeah, no, I eat, like, do you eat pretty healthy? Yeah, very, yeah. Well, because of her, right?

Because of her, exactly. If otherwise you'd be like... Before I met her, it was like pizzas, midnight burgers, fries, like that's my favorite food. What are you guys eating today? Obviously. Like, what'd you eat today? What did I have in the morning?

I had like avocado mushroom toast in the morning. And did you make it or she did? No, no, no, she did, yeah, yeah, yeah. So if she's not in town, do you ever cook? Then I'm ordering, I'm ordering in, but I'm ordering healthy. You're ordering healthy because you're scared she might be filming you. Yeah, exactly. That's actually, yeah. I'll say to my team, I'll be like, guys, just, you know,

let's order this because my wife's not around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll be a little not. She's been a good influence on me because before I met her, I was addicted to sugar. Like I was addicted to chocolates and ice creams. Some people have that. I had a massive... Because of my mom. Yeah, I don't have the sweet tooth.

That's lucky, man. I'd much rather like a huge slice of bread or a taco. Like I really like one bite of a dessert. Like I always want... You want to have my wife. Yeah, I always want one bite. Like at the end of the day, like I'll always have like a date or something

or like a piece of fruit Like I love that but like I don't like the I don't know like occasionally like a cookie or something if it's not too sweet I don't like really sweet things. They make my stomach hurt. Like so I like there's a few like I like What's that thing when it's it's like meringue? Pavlova. Oh, yeah, right, right. Because it's not too sweet. And it's like light. Pavlova makes me...

How did you curb your cravings for things you love? Like when you're doing a challenge, how do you curb your cravings? I just shut it off. I love a challenge. Just any challenge. If someone's like, I bet you can't walk 25 miles right now. I'm like, yes, I can. And I'll do it.

Like, I just love that feeling of doing something. And you have a group of people that you do. And I do it with my friends. I work out with my friends. If I didn't have a trainer, I only pay. The only reason I see a trainer is because I'm so crazy that I would be like, oh, I can't waste the money. Like, so I gotta go.

But if it was just up to me, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't be able to do it. It's just that someone's, you know, or my friends are like, let's go to the gym, we gotta go together, and we work out together. I like, you know, coming back to food, I like anything. I love community, I love hosting. I love, like, there's nothing better to me

than like creating like an experience for people. I don't care what the medium is, like creating some experience where like, when someone leaves, they're just like, whoa, and they're telling all their friends. Like for me, it's just like you're, you know, this is like looking to give someone an orgasm face at all times.

Like every moment, like, cause that's what it is. It's when you, when someone tastes your food, they just like open their mouth and they put it in. You just want them to be like, mmm. Like you just want that feeling that when someone plays a song, you want them to be like, oh my God, that thing is crazy. You know, like after you like change someone's life

and they can do a meditation where they can like put their leg behind their head. They're just like, oh, thank you. You brought me to a higher sense of being. Like it's, that's what we're looking for. And I'm always looking to make my friends happy. I'm always, you know, if someone comes to my house and they have like, you know, a hamburger

and they're like, I love this, this is my favorite hamburger. I know that. So then I'm thinking like the next time they come in, like, oh, I'm gonna like make sure they have that for them. And you know, my grandma, when I was a kid, one of my grandmas, she, you know, she was not wealthy by any means, she grew up in like, you know, her place was in section eight housing

and we would go visit her and she had a lot of grandkids and if we went over there and one time we like had a Junie and we were like, we love this, it would be there every time we ever went. And she had so many grandkids, so everyone had every single thing and she wouldn't eat for the week to make sure that like everyone had their things

and because it made her so happy, the joy she would have when everyone was coming in and all the things were there, we'd be like, oh, she has this and she, and that's what I like to do. And I love to create like, whether it's like the perfect napkin, the perfect like meal, the perfect music playing at the same time,

like, you know, and that's what I did with this book. I was trying to teach people how to have the perfect dinner party. That's brilliant. Because I was like, okay, you know, some people, they might not know what to do. Like, you're nervous in the kitchen. This book is going to make it so like, surefire way. You want something easy that looks good? Great. You want to have a dinner party?

Like, do you know what type of wine to serve? I don't know. Do you wanna smoke weed with your people? Does weed make you anxious? Who knows? Is it midnight and you want everyone to leave? Cause you gotta wake up at 5.30 the next day, but you still want them to love you?

I'm gonna teach you how to kick them out. You know, and it's just like. I love that, yeah. It's that whole thing. And it's just like that moment of just like getting a bunch of people together. And I love getting the people together that don't necessarily go together. And it's like someone is like a musician and they're sitting next to a man who

wrote a book. And I mean, one time we were at my house and I remember. I was. My mother. Was sitting here and SZA was sitting here and a man on the other side actually makes rocket ships that go to space. And to me it was just so cool to see them all talking and not caring about what was going on and there was no egos and there was,

everyone's just having a good time and food is like the best social lubricant in the world. Because it's like you can immediately talk about something. You're like, oh, you like food? It's just like the automatic conversation starter. Yeah, yeah, next time you come over, we're going to have to do food for sure, because yeah, it's a big love language for my wife.

She loves, she always says that's her love language. I want to cook with her. Yeah, you guys would have a blast. She loves cooking, creating recipes, and also same with you, create community. And it's actually funny you say that. I'm trying to think of a book that you just reminded me of that was based on a restaurant that did that.

And they recently converted it. It became 11 Madison Park in New York. And it was a restaurant that tried to give that level of care that you feel in a home. And so open wide your book. I love that it's not just a cookbook. I love that it's about how to build community. It's all of that.

Because I think that's what people miss out on, right? We think that hosting is about all the fancy stuff. And it's like, it isn't. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University and I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads.

On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities. Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or, can we create new senses for humans? Or, what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet?

So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Inner Cosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, and my podcast, Deeply Well, is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers in wellness and mental health around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your journey, from guided meditations to deep conversations with some of the world's most gifted experts in self-care,

trauma, psychology, spirituality, astrology, and even intimacy. Here is where you'll pick up the tools to live as your highest self. Make better choices, heal, and have more joy. My work is rooted in advanced meditation, metaphysics, spiritual psychology, energy healing, and trauma-informed practices. I believe that the more we heal and grow within ourselves, the more we are able to bring our creativity to life and live our purpose, which leads to community impact and higher consciousness for all beings.

Deeply Well with Debbie Brown is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply Well is available now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Big love. Namaste. I am Iyanla, and on my podcast, The R-Spot, we're having inspirational, educational,

and sometimes difficult and challenging conversations about relationships. They may not have the capacity to give you what you need and insisting means that you are abusing yourself now. You human! That means that you're crazy as hell just like the rest of us. When a relationship breaks down I take copious notes and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for you.

But if you're going to eat it, they're not going to stop you. So he's going to continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him. Listen to the R-Spot on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. It's not about any of that. The food, you know, my godfather always said this thing. He would always say, you know, when I was a kid,

I never even understood it, but I so understand it now. He always used to say, we'd always figure out where we were going to dinner, and he goes, it doesn't matter, it's about the rap. And we were like, what do you mean? He's like, it's just about the rap. He's like, the only thing, it's just to get everyone together.

If the food's great, that's awesome, but it's about hanging with your friends, laughing till you cry, you know, falling in love with someone. I've had the opportunity to have dinners where so many things have happened to people. Someone's found the person they date. Somebody's started a company.

Somebody's laughed so hard they cry. And that's what I'm trying to do. And I love, do you ever, you have dinners with people? It's one of my favorite things to host as well. Yeah, it's my favorite thing to do. I don't want to go out to a nightclub. No, no, no. I want to like sit at home with my friends till two in the morning. Well, for you, you can't do that.

I can do that. I can do that. Now, what happens, what happens if you stay up late? Do you just self-combust? You combust? No, not at all, man. I can stay up late. I just choose not to always do it because I love sleep.

Okay, when you were out late this weekend, what time were you out? Yeah, probably getting to bed around 1 or 2. Okay, and then what time do you sleep till? Oh no, the problem was I was still waking up because my body clock's so wired that I was still up at the same time. No matter what, I wake up at like 6 in the morning. No matter when I go to bed. Yeah.

I don't go to bed as early as you though. Yeah. I'm like, in my dream world, I go to bed at Yeah. I don't go to bed as early as you though. Yeah. I'm like, if in my dream world, I go to bed at like 11 30 12, and then I wake up at like in real world six, six 30. And then on the weekends, I really don't sleep a lot, but I don't need a ton of sleep. But I know I'm sure you're going to say that's terrible for me. No, not at all, man. I'm not going to say anything's terrible.

It works for you. It works for you. But you should I should be getting more sleep, right? I mean, scientists say seven to nine hours a day. What else do scientists say? Exactly, I don't know, but that's, I mean, that's what I'm saying. But yeah, my whole family. I know I need eight and I can survive on,

I can do five and then six or five if I needed to. I love, like six and a half is my like... Is your sweet spot? Yeah, chef's kiss. Anything over seven, I feel strange. That's good though, but then don't follow it. Seven, like don't push it. I think that's a big part of it too, right?

It's like, my wife talks a lot about this, this idea of being able to listen to your body. And I feel like so many of us are like, God, I got to wake up at 5.30 now. Cause Jay said he wakes up at 5.30. Or I got to wake up at four cause Elon Musk wakes up at four. Or, you know, Benny said he wakes up at 6.10.

So whatever it is. And it's like, well, creativity is not based on those things. That's just what works for your body and your mind. It's what works for my body and my mind. So I think, you know, but you seem to have a lot of like, not just community, but you seem to have like a lot of the same people around you, loyal friends, like that seems to be a big part of your... How have you continued to be able to build that as you grow and make it...

It sounds like all your friends love challenges and growth because a lot of people who are listening sometimes feel their friends are not wanting to grow, they're not wanting to try new things. But it's so fun, you do it. Some people I've pushed to that and some people have pushed me in other ways. And like that's what it's all about.

You know, to me, I've just had some of my friends for so long because it's hard to find people that are on your, and I think it's harder and harder as you get older. You know, a lot of my friends, most of my friends I knew since I was young. And then I have like, you know, like a new friend for me is like five years. Like, I'd be like, I'd be like, whoa, yeah, this is like one of my new friends. Like most of my friends are eight, ten, twenty. And do they live in the city too or no?

All different places. Some of my friends are like, some of my friends have very regular jobs and, and, you know, some of them I only get to see once or twice a year in person because of their job. You know, my friend was just out here. He comes every year for, you know, like a month and a half towards the end of the year, because he's a therapist. And he works, you know, in Virginia, and he can't really travel that much. So then we get to see each other then. And then, you know, my other friend, his wife is becoming

a doctor and they've had to have residencies in all these other places, and he works for like Capital One or something. And he, we don't get to see each other in person very often but when we do it's like we saw each other yesterday, you know, we talk all the time on, and then some of my friends are in the same world as me so they get it, some of them are in entertainment and I just love bringing, my friend group is very eclectic. Like it's like all different types of people. And I love putting people that wouldn't normally be in a room together in a room to see what happens. What's the randomest too?

Is it the person building rocket ships and then your mom and then Cesar? I'm trying, it's just like people, you know, it's very common for me to go out to dinner and have like one person be 22 And then the next person be like 70 like and that's not and and having it not be someone's mom or dad I having it just be someone that's my friend. Yeah, you know and because I've met so many I'm very interested in people. I love I

Love meeting creative people whether that means they're creative professionally, whether creative in their mind, whether they, you know. I just love, I love that feeling of getting into a conversation with someone. Yeah, I also think multi-generational friendships are so powerful. Like I was talking to someone about that, like me and my wife have a couple friend of ours

and they're in their late 60s. And they're some of our favorite people that hang out with. Like I feel like I learned so much, I grow so much, I gained so much perspective. They've lived 30 years more life than I have. And I think that it's so interesting how we may spend time with our parents, but we're not necessarily having friends

that are in a different decade of their life. But how powerful it can be to be with someone. A lot of people don't even know their parents like that. Like even if you're like close with your parents, like how close are you with your mom? I'm pretty close with my mom, yeah. Okay, but like you don't know, there's so many things you don't know about her.

Like you don't know like how she felt the first time she got her heart broken. You don't know like if she ever cheated on someone. Sometimes, for me, I'll sit my mom down and I just ask her, I'm like, what drugs have you taken? And I'm like, how did it make you feel? Because my parents got divorced, I was like, how did you know you wanted to get divorced?

What did you feel? And I always, I try to do that because one of my friends started recording his dad when his dad got sick. And he asked him every question he ever wanted to ask him. Because it is so crazy, you're so close to this person that you really don't know. Like you really, like we really don't even know our parents that well, because you don't ask them

those type of things, and no one does. Like, and it's also that time where I remember like your parents gospel is just like the end all be all when you're a kid. And then all of a sudden you're like 15 or 16. You're like, wait, you're just a human. That was a mess up on you. You just lied.

Like I caught you in that lie. But like until you're like 15 or 16 or something, you can't even fathom that. And then like you realize it's cool. I'm so thankful that I get to like, you know, talk to my parents and my family now, like as an adult and be like, yo, what were you feeling like, like when you went through this and like,

how did you raise us like that? And is it so hard to do this? And it's cool. I like that feeling. Yeah, I did something similar. A few years ago, I felt that way with the podcast where I was like learning about people I'd never met. And so we were celebrating my sister's 30th birthday.

So it was me, my mom and my sister, my younger sister. And I just started interviewing my mom at dinner and there was no, we didn't record it. It was just us three. And I learned started interviewing my mom at dinner. And there was no, we didn't record it. It was just us three. And I learned so much. So my mom was studying for exams while, cause she was born and raised in Yemen, while there were Yemeni soldiers

fighting British soldiers on her roof. Like, you know, and I was like, I had no idea. And she just casually drops that as if it's like normal. And I'm like, mom, you realize that's not normal. You should interview your mom. You need to interview. I've been thinking about it. It's been, it's like normal. And I'm like, mom, you realize that's not normal. You should interview your mom. You need to interview. I've been thinking about it. It's been on my mind.

Interviewing your family is so crazy. Yeah, because you're right. And I think everyone, I would love to do it because I want everyone to do it. My wife was my first ever guest on the show. Really? Yeah, because that was a big part of it for me. It was like, I feel like you're so right.

We don't really deeply know our family. We think we know them. Yeah. We think we know them. Yeah. We think we know them, we assume that we know them. Yeah, I used to do this thing on my... Well, I still do it on all of my albums, where like the last song on my album has like a spoken word section of... It's like over instrumental of each person in my family.

And so far I did my mom and my dad and I asked them all these questions and it's crazy to know that, because basically I asked them questions for like an hour and then I take like the best like 30 seconds. And it was both my parents wound up talking the most about like their divorce. And it was like so interesting to see both sides of it because I have now forever in time, I have my mom's version and my dad's version.

And then like I just, you know, I'm putting out a new album and I interview my brother for his version of it now. And it's like... That's beautiful man. Yeah, it's fun. That's really special. It's fun. And it's like, you know, it's emotional and it's like, whoa, it's cool to hear both sides of everyone's side of an event.

What did you... Yeah, I think you're so right because, yeah, we often think there's only one truth and one story and then all of a sudden there's three. And what was the biggest thing you learned from hearing your mom and dad's version of divorce? Like what was something that surprised you or something you were like wow I did not recognize that when I was growing up? I think that it made them both better people to get out of the relationship and I think like at first it seemed like my parents were not fans of each other at first. It was like crazy.

But now they're friends. I mean they haven't been married for you know 20 something years. But yeah now we all like go to dinner together and like go on vacation. But you know it wasn't always that way. And it's cool to see like where it started to where it is now. And I do think me and my brother were a big, our success was a big catalyst on getting everyone together

because it forced us to get together. And then, no, it's cool. I don't know, life is so crazy. The way you meet people and the way people come in and out of your life and someone you may not even really know could become like your wife or someone that's like you despise, could become your best friend.

And it's just, it's very interesting how life plays out. And I find that more and more as I get older. And my mom always used to be like, she'd be like, you know, when you get older, you're gonna, and I used to be like, what are you talking? But it's so true. Just like over and over again, I'm learning something new every day.

Yeah, yeah, it's so true, man. Benny, I could talk to you for hours, genuinely. Like we could go on and on and on, but I wanted to make sure, is there anything that we haven't talked about before we go to the final five, genuinely. Like, we could go on and on and on, but I wanted to make sure, is there anything that we haven't talked about before we go to the final five, which is the way we end any interviews? Is there anything we haven't talked about

that you really wanted to touch on that's on your heart or mind or something that? What's your five thing? What's that? Yeah, we can do that. We'll start with that. What is that? It's the final five that we end

every interview with of all time. Oh, it's the same question? It's the same, well, same four questions, one of them I usually play with. Same three or four questions. Oh, okay. And one of them I usually play with for all time. It's the same question? It's the same, well, same four questions. One of them I usually play with, same three or four questions. And one of them I usually play with for the person. And these are your final five. They have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Oh my God.

Yeah. And then I may ask you to go on because I usually break my rule. But here we go. All right. Danny Belka, these are your final five. So the first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received? Don't be afraid to fail. Who told you it and how have you practiced it?

I can't remember who told me it, but I- But someone did tell you it. Yeah, but- It wasn't something that came from- No, no, no, somebody told me it, but I will tell you this. I always say this to someone, because people come up to me all the time

and they're just like, oh man, you don't miss. You did this, you did that. And I'll talk to someone, you know, one of my friends was going through a hard time recently. It was like his first failures and I remember talking to him and I said, I said, you don't think I've failed a million times? I said, you look at someone like Michael Jordan, okay?

He's taking like so many shots. He's missed so many shots. Do you remember any of those? No, you remember him swishing it and walking back with his tongue out. Nobody's sitting there being like, Jay, I saw that back in like 2008, that rap career didn't really work out for you.

No, they're like, Jay, wow, every get, you got Michelle Obama on you. So I always tell people, like, it doesn't matter. Don't be afraid to fail. Nobody's even going to remember it. There's only... And if someone's literally tallying your failures, they're psycho. You know? Well said, man. Yeah. No one remembers The Misses. No. No one remembers The Misses. If you keep going.

Yeah, if you keep going. But if you stop at The Miss... But you got to keep going, babe. Yeah one remembers the misses. No. No one remembers the misses. If you keep going. Yeah, if you keep going. But if you stop at the miss. But you gotta keep going, baby. Yeah, you gotta keep going. Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received? I was going around playing my music for people, and I had just switched my style up, because I used to make, I like originally made music that sounded like I was copying Timbaland,

sounded like I was copying Pharrell, sounded like I was trying to be someone else. And I remember I had just made music that didn't sound like anything. It sounded so weird, it was so different, wasn't like what was going on. I remember I went into a meeting and someone was like, nobody makes music like this.

They're like, you gotta fit in more. And that just made me go the opposite way. Then I was like, now I know I gotta do the crazy stuff. Because at least, I just want someone, when I used to go in and play music, for them to be like, I've never heard anything like this. This is so weird, this is not gonna work. Because when everyone likes something usually,

that means it's not going to work. You know, when some people are unsure about something, that's when it's usually going to work. So I don't know, someone told me to fit in more and I didn't really vibe with that. That's a great answer. I think it's so interesting when you're young, everyone tells you to fit in,

and when you get older, everyone says stand out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, well, wait a minute, I have to wear uniform, I have to come in on time and now all of a sudden I've got to find who I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's such a contradiction. Of course. Yeah, so great answer.

All right, question number three. What's something that you used to value that you no longer value? Success. I used to really care about getting that number one song, getting that thing, and I feel like I did everything I wanted to do. And now I feel like everything's like the cherry on top of the sundae now.

So I'm just having so much fun trying new things. And of course I want them to be successful and stuff, but like I don't have, and I do still like work and have a drive and wanna do it, but I wanna do it more for me and less for like other people. I used to wanna do it because I was like, I have to be number one, I have to be the best in the world, I have to be this.

And now I just get to wake up and I'm like, okay, I already did the things I wanna do. So like, I wanna make a cookbook, I wanna do it, I wanna do this and I like really want it to be the best and I want it to be awesome, but it's something that I wanna do and I'm putting like that pressure on myself. It's not like for other people anymore.

And yeah, I think, I don't know. And I always had a strange feeling with success too. I was always like kind of like ashamed of it for some reason, or I'd be like, oh, I don't deserve that. I'm probably gonna get like cancer now because I did well. So like I don't deserve this. and like somebody else deserves this more.

And like, how did you overcome that doubt? Cause I think a lot of people feel that way. People are coming to money, fame, even a bit of success. And we start going, oh crap, this wasn't meant to be. Yeah, it's still, I still, it's still there for me. That part, I still have that feeling a little bit, a little bit of the imposter syndrome, but it's so funny cause I'm so confident at the same time. But sometimes I do have that feeling

where I'm just like, ah, why do I deserve this? Like, what did I do? And there's so many more people who are more talented, and I'll start questioning stuff like that in my head. Yeah, and you're still working through that. Yeah, every day we're working through everything. And the success thing, it's not fully let go, but it's something that, like, I catch myself more and more,

like, just really wanting to do the things because, like, it's not a competition always anymore. And it used to be, like, such a competition with me in my head. Yeah. With that. And I try to find, like, other things that are competitions and like competitions like that are like friendly and there's not like a huge thing at the end of the tunnel for it. Mmm.

Beautiful. Question number four. What's something that you think you learned from your parents' relationship that affects your relationships moving forwards? Like something that you'll take as a lesson on what to do or what not to do. I don't think my parents listen to each other. And I think all relationships, whether it's romantic, business, friendships,

you just have to listen to each other. It's like the easiest thing in the world. Just be a listener and it's okay to be wrong. That's also another thing that I've really come to terms be a listener and it's okay to be wrong. Like that's also another thing that like I've really come to terms with. Like it's like I always would find myself like wanting to be right about the thing, wanting to be this. And it almost makes you look better if you're like,

you know what, I was wrong. And stop trying to defend a thing to the end that you know you're wrong about. So it's like, I was wrong, I was wrong. And then everyone's happy if you just say, if you're like, I was wrong, I messed up, I messed up. Instead of trying, putting shame around being wrong, and it's okay to be wrong.

Like it's okay to fuck up sometimes, like, you know. I think that's great. Listen, and it's okay to be wrong. Yeah, it's okay to be wrong. Fifth and final question, Benny, we ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? You know, I just, I wish there was a world where just... You know, I just, I wish there was a world where just, everyone could find a way to just like,

fit in and just like, not be, it's okay to get upset sometimes. I just wish people could talk things out and find a way to like, love each other and find, I don't know, find a way to like, live together. You know, it just like, killed, like any time, it's so hard for me to ever watch any of the news and it's just like I'm like it just like crushes me watching people fight and

People like violence and it's like crazy. Like I don't understand. I just like don't even understand. I don't know people You know to like for someone to do something so bad, to like an innocent person, like anytime I see things like that, I just don't understand. And I, you know, I, in my ideal world, there's, I don't even know if it's a law. I don't, people just be nice to each other

and just be like caring and considerate and understand that it's okay to not be the same as somebody else and it's okay to not have the exact same opinion as somebody else, but you guys can coexist and live and just like, I don't know, it's like I always have these idealistic thoughts in my head and it's very hard to create those because we're so far gone as a planet.

You know, there's like so much greed and there's so much, I don't know, I've always been like just like happy whether it was like I had a lot of money or no money. And I've always found that when me and my friends listen to each other and work together and talk things out, like nothing can go wrong. And if it does go wrong, then you talk about it and you make it better. And I don't know, what's the best law you heard someone say? Oh, that's a good question.

I think a lot of people share the sentiment that you're saying. Like I think a lot of us feel like that. Like we want to live in a more just, happier, loving kind of world. I think two that stand out to me, Daniel Kaluuya came on, he's the guy. Yeah, so Daniel came on and he said that

for everyone that you judged or criticized, the law would be that you'd have to then, whoever you judge and criticize, you'd have to go live as them for a day or a year or something like that. Oh, I like that one. It was like a fixed thing. And then Trevor Noah had one. His one was, thing and then Trevor Noah had one his one was there'd be a rule that every day someone's bank balance in the planet could go to zero so it could be you your friend your family member and how differently you'd behave with people knowing that that could be you one day your mom it could be a dad it could be a friend and that way you'd be more conscious of what it would feel like to be around people who don't have a lot. Yeah, I changed mine. Free weed for everyone. That's the law.

Yeah, that's my new one. No, that's great. That's a good one. Those are good. Is weed and unlock your creativity? Does it make you anxious as you were mentioning for other people earlier? I love smoking weed. Are you allowed to? No, you're not.

I don't. You don't do anything. Not that I'm not allowed to. You don't do anything. You ever have a sip of alcohol? No, you're not. I don't. You don't do anything. Not that I'm not allowed to. You don't do anything. You ever have a sip of alcohol? No, not anymore. When did you quit? When you were a monk?

15 years ago, yeah. 15, 16 years ago. What do you do? What's your wild thing? My wild thing is I'm a super... Strippers, I know. No, I'm just kidding. No, what is it?

I'm a super... I guess my wildness comes... I'm super competitive. So if I'm playing a sport that I'm good at... No, come on. Give me like... What's your wildness? I'm super competitive. I'm super competitive. I'm super competitive. I'm just kidding. No, what is it? I'm a super... I guess my wildness comes... I'm super competitive. So if I'm playing a sport that I'm good at...

No, come on. Give me like... What's your vice? My vice is sugar, man. It's like, it's taking me forever. Yeah, literally. Yeah. My vice is sugar. My vice is I like to work hard. My vice is...

But you don't have anything... So you don't have... No, it's not that I don't have anything. I've worked on it hard for years and years. So no drinking, no weed, no psychedelics, no... No, I'd be... I saw your eye glimmer a little bit. I'm always open to exploring anything that would...

I mean, weed was something that I did a lot in my teens, so it's not something I've never done. I want to know the teen you, the teen you was wild. Yeah, the teen you was wild. I think that's what it is, like growing growing up in London to like you start drinking very early You start playing around with drugs and stuff very early and so we just had access to a lot of things So I feel like it's not that I don't it's that I've done a lot in my teens And so it's not that I have a again and I have nothing against it

I think I'm always open to things that have medicinal or healing benefits So I've always been open. A lot of my clients will do MDMA, do Iboga, do Ayahuasca. And so I'm very familiar with these things and I'm always working alongside clinical neuroscientists that I take advice from for my clients and clients own exploration. So I'm very aware and like to be educated more

and get more experience, but I would do it if I felt there was healing that could reward me with for sure. I'm very open to anything that has healing powers. You take any supplements? I take a lot of, I take 20 supplements a day. All right, let's tell me about the supplements. Yes, I'm taking, I'll show you my drawer later. It's like literally 20 tablets a day, but it's like B12, magnesium, D, C, K, probiotics, gut supplements, creatine.

Why do you take them all? Because I really do feel a difference. Why do you take creatine? That's like from the 80s. Yeah, but it works. So what's really interesting is that I work with, we've had the doctor that I work with on the show, his name is Dr. Shah, he runs Next Health. And Next Health basically will do the deepest blood tests and give you like-

Oh yeah, you do that thing where you have like a bowl of pills you gotta take, it's like a packet every day. You get all your biomarkers, you get everything. And what I've found is that different body types can't digest certain things. Like my body can't get the nutrients from certain things, I have to eat different proteins. I'm also plant-based.

So the supplements provide me with all the missing nutrients. Were you feeling bad before you did this? When I wasn't taking all the supplements, I was feeling more tired more easily. And I was like, why am I tired? Because I work out, I sleep well, I meditate. Why am I tired? What type of tired?

Just like a feeling of like lethargy or fatigue at the end of the day. But like a tired that I didn't like. And I realized that, so vitamin D is meant to be at 60 is safe, a hundred is ideal. I was at 10. And if, and people always say, well, you live in LA, you get enough vitamin D. It's not true. Like you've got to be out in the sun naked, like for four hours,

a day to get enough vitamin D, especially with my color of skin. And so for me to take vitamin D is non-negotiable. And for most people alone, vitamin D. And so my doctors, my nutrition was saying, Jay, your vitamin D levels means you should be depressed. I was like, I don't feel depressed, I'm just tired. And she was just like, well, you know, if you change that, it will make a massive difference, and it did. And so I think a lot of people,

a lot of the times we think we're struggling mentally, but a lot of it's chemical and biological and physical. What you're saying with working out, right? Like it's a physical shift that's changed your mindset. And we can get in our head and go, oh God, why am I tired? There's something wrong with me. Like maybe I'm stressed.

And it can be that. Of course it can be that. But sometimes it's chemical and physical. So you take 20 supplements a day. I'll show you, yeah. I'll show you my little pill drawer. Do you do any other things? No, no, that's it.

Do you drink any other tinctures through the day that you have to? No, no. Well, creatine is, I have to mix it in and then... But why do they have you do creatine? That's for me to digest a particular nutrient. For my digestion to be good. I also take... Oh, do you have trouble? Do you have a bad stomach?

Not a bad stomach. I think that when I went completely plant-based, which I always tell people if they're making that transition, I always tell people to do it slowly. I kind of did it overnight. When? Eight years ago when I married my wife, I was vegetarian, but I became plant-based as soon as I married her. And I think that my gut reacted poorly to that quick transition. And so whenever anyone's talking about being plant-based or eating healthier,

I'm always like, do it slowly because your body's just used to a habit, whether it's good or bad. And now I feel great, but it was a transitionary period for sure. So I do that. And then I do, I have vinegar before meals because that regulates the acid internally. So that's like mix a shot of vinegar with diluted in water. Do you take like a lot of protein a day? Yeah, I take a lot of protein, but a lot of protein meals, but like natural, natural forms

of as much as I can. Why? What's your natural protein? Well, like I'm doing a lot of lentils and dolls, like the Indian, the Indian diet generally leads well to that kind of stuff. And then I will do things like tofu, which of course, you know, and then not so natural stuff, not so natural forms of protein as well. Yeah, because I found, I found these amazing bagels that are protein filled that are plant you know, and then not so natural, not so natural forms of protein as well. Yeah.

I found these amazing bagels that are protein filled, that are plant based, they're amazing. So things like that, just to just to stock up. But I found that eating protein every day has made a big difference. The amount of protein that we don't have in our diets is insane. And I'm not a pro at this. We've had doctors who've come on the show and re-educate people. Yeah, you're supposed to eat a gram of protein per pound. Yeah, and you realize you're like nowhere close.

Even if you're eating meat, it's hard. Yeah. And so what to speak of anyone who's plant-based. Benny, this has been a joy and honor. I hope you do a part two. I love it. I hope there's dinners. I hope there's so much more in the works

with this relationship. But I appreciate you, man. Thank you so much. Like, you took us on a whole journey today and I felt like we got a peek into your mind, which is always my favorite thing to do. Thanks. I want everyone to know Open Wide is available right now, so make sure you go grab it. We'll put the link in the caption in the comments and wherever you're viewing.

Of course, if you don't follow Benny on social media already, please go and follow him across platforms. And Benny, thank you so much for showing up on purpose today. So grateful and deeply appreciated, man. Thank you, man. Yeah, thank you. If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more,

I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving what you do. If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you. Just because I like it, that doesn't give it any value. Like, as an artist, if you like it, that's all of the value.

That's the success comes when you say, I like this enough for other people to see it. Hi friends, I'm Danielle Robay. And I'm Simone Boyce. And we're here to introduce you to The Bright Side, a new kind of daily podcast that's guaranteed to light up your day. Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations

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