On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Bridget Bahl: The Diagnosis That Changed Everything (The Reality She Wasn’t Prepared For and the Perspective It Gave Her)

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Starting point is 00:01:51 Cancer will stop you right in your track. My first question was, am I going to die? And my second question was, is all of my my hair going to fall out. My oncologist did say to me, you're not going to be able to carry a baby, but I still believe I will be a mom. You brought everyone in your community on that journey with you. So many people have become inspired by it. So many people have become saved by it. This is my purpose.

Starting point is 00:02:21 Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is someone that I've been really looking forward to having in the seat. I really believe that on purpose was created to document and share and introduce you to stories like these that hopefully help inspire your own journey, help and support you in your difficult times and give you a sense of meaning and purpose when things around you seem extremely challenging. Today I'm joined by Bridget Ball, an entrepreneur and the founder of the fashion brand, The Bar. Bridgett has also built a powerful online community where she shares openly about faith, relationships and her life. Over the past year, Bridget's life took an unexpected turn when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Since then, Bridget has continued to share her journey with honesty and resilience, speaking about how experiences like this can reshape what truly matters.

Starting point is 00:03:22 Please welcome to On Purpose, Bridget. Bridget, it is such a joy to have you here. I've been looking forward to this for so long. I want to first of all say how grateful I am that you made the trip over here. You just mentioned to me as we were walking here. This is one of the first times you've really been out of your home. I'm so thankful and appreciate you so deeply for coming. Thank you. Oh my gosh. Thank you. I feel so cool that you wanted to have me here. Yeah. So thank you for getting me out of the house and pushing me a little bit because I do believe that we can help people. And yeah, I'll get more comfortable. Don't worry. You're doing great. You always have the best energy. When we met last time, it was like you just effortlessly create such a safe space for everyone around you. I wanted to ask you, for those who may be meeting you for the first time, who are hopefully in my community learning about you today, how would you describe this chapter of your life and where you are right now?

Starting point is 00:04:17 I'm really trying to unpack everything that's happened in the past 15 months of being diagnosed with breast cancer, chemo, radiation, surgery, all of those things. And I think I was just so insanely sick for most of the time, especially during the chemotherapy portion of it, that I wasn't really present or unpacking any of it then. You're really in survival mode. It's day by day. You're like trying to get through to the next moment. You know, I used to say like day by day. And at one point, someone said to me hour by hour, like you're that sick. So I feel like I'm unpacking a lot of it now. So I'm definitely really raw right now. It's not like this thing that I've had years to reflect on and see how this is all changed. Like this is kind of happening now live in real time every day. And it's, it's really beautiful. And like,

Starting point is 00:05:08 I don't know, like there's just so many good things that came out of this. Like, it's kind of crazy to think about. I really admire you, Jay, and like what you do and you really change people's lives. And before this, You know, I had a fashion career before I was on Instagram and I've been an influencer, you know, before that I was a fashion PR girl. I saw you went to the Saint Laurent show recently. I did PR at Yves Saint Laurent for years. I lived the whole doubleware's Prada life. I feel like I've had a few fashion lives.

Starting point is 00:05:40 And I feel like everything was really like that movie in the sense where it was like belts and like crying and drama. And I really appreciate the discipline and everything I learned from. that chapter of my life, but I never really knew that I would have an opportunity to save someone's life or, you know, speak out about something so relevant in women's health that I could really change someone's life or save someone's life, which people have wrote me and said, like, wow, rigid, I went in, I got checked because I've been watching your Instagram and I have breast cancer. But I have stage one, and I'm not going to have to go to chemotherapy. And so I just feel really, like, honored.

Starting point is 00:06:25 And I feel like to whom much is given, much is expected. So I feel like I'm just trying to really honor the moment and do the best I can. And I'm really excited to meet some of the people and the women I've talked to. And one thing I remember, like, walking into chemo. And, like, I really, I found this quote and I really try to live by it now, but it's what's the best thing that can happen? So it's like, yes, I don't have anything figured out. It really cares. Do you know what I mean? Like, what's the best thing that could happen? Let's see what God has for me instead of me trying to always figure it out and find the husband and put the guy in there. It's like just like let him do something, you know? And like, cancer has a lot to do with like control and the illusion of control. And like it really strips you of that. I was a control freak. I think I still am a little bit. But like you don't have control over it. Like it takes that away from you. So it's like you all you really have is like your mindset and your hope and your.

Starting point is 00:07:21 faith and like that's all I ever really had. Exactly. Before cancer, I just thought I was in control before. Yeah. Now I know. I'm not. Unfortunately. Yeah, I hope that answers the question.

Starting point is 00:07:36 It does, it does. It's such a, I want to take a moment to just acknowledge how inspiring I think you are because I've had many friends who've gone through the battle with cancer. And I know how hard that is, let alone having to. document it and share it. And you did that. You brought everyone in your community on that journey with you. And I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it is to go through what you've been through and document it and share it. And like you said, so many people have become inspired by it. So many people have become saved by it. So many people have become aware of, you know, what you go through and what

Starting point is 00:08:16 others go through during this time. I wanted to ask you that now I saw you on Instagram and I was just talking to Mike right now, but I saw on Instagram that I think you have two more treatments left, but he was saying one more now. He just told me he'll take it for me. One more treatment left. Like, what does it feel like to be at this stage? As you said, you're not years away from it yet. It's not, talk to me about what goes through your mind right now. Yeah, right now I think I'm dealing with a little bit of grief where during, you know, people would ask me like, oh, you're grieving your old life. And I, like I said, I was too sick to think about all of that. Like, you're really so sick. And that was one thing I struggled a little bit with

Starting point is 00:08:55 sharing because I really wanted to share it, especially after one person even wrote me back and was like, you saved me. Like, I would not have gone. And then I was like, okay, this is, this is my purpose. And this is the only way I can understand it and make sense of it that I can help someone else. And I can keep someone else out of chemotherapy because I had a terrible time with chemotherapy. Like, I, I went super positive, which was kind of funny because I was like, I can do it. Like, with God, I can do all things. And I did do it. But it wasn't what I pictured the experience to be. But I think right now, I'm definitely starting to grieve because I think right now I'm starting to feel better and I'm starting to feel safe. And I'm starting to feel safe in my body. And I think I think there's only

Starting point is 00:09:43 so much I could tolerate at once. And when you're so sick, I don't think my mind could really open all those doors at the same time. Their Survivors' Guild is such a big thing because I'm also like grieving, but I'm like only letting myself grieve for what 15 seconds at a time. And I'm like, oh, I should just be so happy that I'm alive. Like so many people don't live through this. I'm so lucky. But so like I'm trying to figure out those sort of things, like the balance of like honoring what I went through and honoring that that was hard and that's okay. That was really hard. But also like I lived. So I don't know. I'm struggling a lot with that right now. The survivor's guilt because even when I went to ring the bell, like I didn't want to do it. I don't know why. You would think you would be so excited to go and ring the bell. And you can ring the bell at any time. You can ring it at the end of your chemo, you're the end of your radiation. I just kept putting it off and putting it off because I think I wanted to ring it when I felt like, okay, I'm going to feel a little bit better after I ring it. So I waited and waited and waited. And then the day I was meant to do it, I told my husband, Mike, I said, I I am not, I don't want to ring it. I don't want to ring it. And the only thing that got me to ring it was I was like, maybe it's not about me. Maybe every time I would be at treatment and I would hear someone ring it, it would spark such a joy in me. And I would be like, yes, like, so happy for that person. And so I was like, maybe that's why I have to ring it today. Maybe it's for someone else who's here in this building who needs to hear this bell rung. And it's not even about me. Because to me, it felt like a lot of pressure to ring it because then everyone

Starting point is 00:11:16 just expects you because I think people deep down just really wanted me to be better. And I wanted to be better. But I was like, if I ring it and then I don't feel better, I'm going to be all mixed up. And that's kind of a scary, weird thing in a weird place, you know. Thank you for letting us into your mind right now and heart. And it's a little mixed up. But that's like kind of how it goes. I mean, you're very coherent in explaining it. So just for what it's worth, the way you're sharing it is actually making a lot of sense. And it's really helpful, I think, because we're we don't often get to talk to people in this very important moment. We talk to people like you rightly said, like years after, and then it's all memory, whereas right now

Starting point is 00:11:55 it's all real for you and you're living through it. Talk to me about what your day-to-day looked like before the diagnosis. Like what was your day to day like? Yeah, so before, you know, the C-word cancer, before being diagnosed with breast cancer, I was very much wrapped up in hustle culture, more is more and more, produce more, do more, have more success, find more success, really just always pushing myself to be better and do better. And I mean, cancer will stop you right in your tracks. And it says, nope, that's not what we're going to focus on anymore.

Starting point is 00:12:31 When I found the lump, I was on my sixth round of IVF. So I got married when I was 40, which I guess is, is late. later in life. We live between Dallas and New York, and it's very late in Dallas, and it's sort of okay in New York. It's kind of interesting, but we could have gotten married when I was like 38, 39, and we chose to do family planning, and there's a big difference between the amount of eggs you can get when you're 38 and when you're 40. So I was like, that's really important to me. I have always believed, and I still believe I will be a mom and Mike will be a dad. And so we were like, that's really more important to us than like the party. So let's do that and plan the wedding while

Starting point is 00:13:15 we do that and then have that. So I did a bunch of rounds and then I got two embryos and then we got married and we had this like beautiful, amazing wedding. I'm so into aesthetics. I love planning things. I just, it was like a really joyful, fun, cool thing we did. But I felt good going into the wedding because I'm like, okay, I have two embryos. That's like what I'm believing in choosing. to believe. So I, after we got married, I wanted to do like one or two more rounds because there really just is such a big difference. Like, I don't want to give the numbers because I'm not a doctor, but in these ages between like, it's 35 and up. But like when you start hitting 38, 39, like, it's a significant difference. Like, it's like huge, the amount. Okay, we do another round of IVF.

Starting point is 00:14:01 during that round of IVF is when I noticed a lump. And I was like, it's really crazy because when I found it, and I'm a petite person, it was bigger than the size of a golf ball. So, and I wasn't sure that I even could feel it because, you know, we grow up, like, or I grew up, you know, I grew up with a single mom, and I remember in our shower, she had this little thing on your shower, and it was like these hand sketches of how to do a self-breast exam. So, you know, I was doing it. You never really knew or I really knew if I was doing it right or whatnot, but I felt something.

Starting point is 00:14:47 I live with the doctor, so I'm like, hey, feel this. What do you feel? And he's like, oh, I'm not sure either. Like, it was bigger than a golf ball, but it was so far deep, like deep in me. And I have dense breast tissue. It makes it harder to feel for. and I had always read that it would feel like a hard marble. And it can.

Starting point is 00:15:06 It can feel like a hard marble, but mine did not. You couldn't tell for sure if there was something or not. In my mind, of course, every woman would think, oh, my gosh, is the breast cancer. But I grew up in a pretty big family. My mom has five sisters. My dad had three, both of their mothers. No one has breast cancer. No one had cancer at all.

Starting point is 00:15:28 And I don't have the broca gene. So it wasn't super high on my radar that like this is cancer. And it's very easy. I want to flag to just be like, I'm sure it's not. I'm sure it's the IVF medications. I'm sure it's a cyst. I found it or I felt something. And it was on my mind and I knew I was going to see my fertility doctor the next week.

Starting point is 00:15:48 So we go in and I tell him and he's like, okay, like you have to go in for a marmogram. I'm seeing this like every week. And I was like, oh, okay. Like I still just, I'm kind of like positive and I was kind of like, I'm sure it's fine, but like, you know, yeah, of course I'll go. So I go in for my mammogram the next week and, yeah, while I did my mammogram, I could start to kind of feel like something was going on and they could feel it and they were looking at it. And then they asked me that day, like, will you stay for your biopsy, which is like odd, you know? And I was like, okay, something's wrong. and I could kind of just feel something was wrong.

Starting point is 00:16:29 So I stayed for the biopsy, and I've been blessed with angels this whole time. Like, I've had a lot of angels come into my life and just, like, really help me. And it was just the sweetest radiologist ever, and she was just talking to me all about her wedding. She's like, I went on your Instagram. It was so beautiful. And she was trying to distract me. I could tell, like, she was really trying to comfort me. And all of a sudden I just looked up at her, and I was like, am I going to die?

Starting point is 00:16:54 And she said, I think you're going to need some chemotherapy because she could tell I had swollen lymph notes, which means it's traveled likely. I mean, she couldn't tell she was biopsying my lymph notes and my breasts. So she said, you know, I said my first question to her was, am I going to die? And my second question very shortly after was, is all of my hair going to fall out? which is kind of interesting. Do you know, like, am I going to die and is all, like, back to back? I think that says a lot about women and our identity and just where I was in my life.

Starting point is 00:17:39 I had this beautiful wedding and I had this wonderful husband and now I have breast cancer and I was family planning and, you know, it was never like this perfect situation I was open about doing IVF on Instagram because that just to me it's like I don't know how I could not talk about that it's very consuming you know and I wanted to be up front about it and then now I'm like oh my gosh I have breast cancer like what like yeah so I don't remember we're talking about no no no no you're doing amazing you don't don't stress at all like thank again thank you for giving you know the the amount of details I feel like I'm living it with you and it's helpful because again like I think like you said them so there's so many

Starting point is 00:18:28 women who feel something and aren't sure and let it go or you know like you said you're generally a lot of us are positive about things and we we want things to just be good and probably won't happen to us and then all of a sudden you realize and I remember seeing you posted this on Instagram and I'm bringing it up because we'll put it up as well in the edit but you put it up where it's I think you've facetamed Mike. to tell him about this. And you had, you know, you posted, you know, our husband's reaction to finding out her breast cancer. What was, after the first two questions you asked, what was the first thought that went through your head?

Starting point is 00:19:07 And then was Mike the first person that you called as well. Yeah, I mean, I was texting him the whole time I was there. It was actually really interesting. You could see our wedding venue from like this room. They had me wait in. And I was just like, what's going on? Like, this isn't how it was supposed. to be, you know, and I was just spinning. Like, I don't really even remember that that much of that

Starting point is 00:19:28 day. One of my thoughts soon after was, I'm so glad it's me and it's not my mom and it's not Mike because at least I could do it. At least I had to go through it and be strong. I would have found that so much worse to like, like, I would have rather been the one going through it than like, I don't know. I can do it. So, wow. I mean, I didn't want to do it. But you kind of I don't have a choice, right? So it's like, what are you going to do? And, like, I got saved, like, 10 years ago. I mean, I grew up Catholic school, checked all the boxes, did all the sacraments. But, like, I was just sort of checking boxes. Like, I wasn't, now I'm, like, in constant calms with God. Like, he is sick of me. Like, he's like, this girl. Like, oh my gosh. Like,

Starting point is 00:20:14 we know, Bridget, you know, it's like downloading, texting all day. He's probably, like, leaving me on red. Like, we got it. Like, it's just a lot. you know and um i'm just like i feel like i have that relationship and that's like what changed for me and from like i you know i went through a phase in my life where i felt like i really hit rock bottom and i i just went to god in a really sincere moment and was like okay my way doesn't work i'm finally ready to admit that like i want to try it your way and it was just like this sweet little moment of surrender and i was living at home with my mom in pittsburg you know i had i had had this life right where I grew up with a single mom.

Starting point is 00:20:53 I watched her struggle my whole life. My dad left when I was four. And I was, I watched her struggle with money and things. And I was just like hell bent on like, I am not going to live that way. I am going to move to New York City, had never been to New York City, and make it. And I'm going to work in fashion, and that's what's going to happen. And I went with $200, didn't know a soul. Connor didn't like it when I got there, but I had said so many times I was living there.

Starting point is 00:21:19 I had to stay. I couldn't even get a baby. account. I remember, like, I was like, why won't you take my money? They're like, you don't have many. Like, you're at risk. Your liability. Like, we don't want you. And I was like, wow, I can't even get a bank account. Like, and like, I just, just worked and worked and worked. And, like, outworked everyone and just kind of got where I wanted to be. And I got really immersed in that world and, and fashion. And I had a wonderful boyfriend at the time I was living in this wonderful apartment. Really nice. It was his, not mine. He was great. It was just, I wasn't great.

Starting point is 00:21:52 I remember I had this moment of like, I've gotten everything I set out to get. I'm living in this apartment. I'm wearing this YSL outfit. I'm like a publicist city of Soleran. Like, and I feel completely empty. And why? I got everything I wanted. And it was such a.

Starting point is 00:22:10 What was it? What was the answer? I think that there's just like a hole in everyone's heart. And I think if I think God fills it. And I think I had to really like lose all of those things. I was broke. no job, nothing, no boyfriend, no, like, weeds on a job, no apartment. Move back to Pittsburgh. I was like, okay, God, I've got nothing left. I'm at Rock Bottom. And he just really met me where I was at. And I just

Starting point is 00:22:35 filled it all in with God. Like, I just was like reading the Bible and I just started to believe all of the things God says about me. Like, I was like, well, who does God, what does God think of me? And like, you know, since my dad left, I think I was always missing that father. figure and I'm like, I have that. I actually have that. Like, I am wonderfully created by God. And I just felt like this heart of stone I had was just really softened. And I just became a little bit softer. And I'm not perfect. I screw up all day every day. Hence the texting all day. But like, you know, we're all centers. But I do think deep down, I really try to do better all of the time. And so like when this whole thing happened with breast cancer, you know, a lot of people have asked me like, was

Starting point is 00:23:22 your faith tested when you had this, like when this happened to you. Like, you just had this wedding and you were hopeful for a baby and you were already kind of struggling to get the IVF thing going. And I was like, yeah, I, I've just lived, like, I've tried to do it without God and I've done it with God. And, like, I think the storm's coming either way. I think, like, this is my cross to bear, but, like, you have yours and everyone's going through something, right? So I feel like I... Yeah, I feel like I was just like I'm choosing to do it with him

Starting point is 00:23:56 because that's just a better way for me. I'm Iris Palmer and my new podcast is called Against All Od and that's exactly what the show is about doing whatever it takes to be the odds. Get ready to hear from some of your favorite entrepreneurs and entertainers as they share stories about defying expectations, overcoming barriers and breaking generational patterns.

Starting point is 00:24:25 I'm talking to people like award-winning actress, producer, and director, Eva Langoria. I think I had like $200 in my savings account, and my mom goes, what are you going to do? And I was like, I'll figure it out. We got a one-bedroom apartment for like $400 a month, and we all could not afford. Like, I was like, how am I going to make $100 a month? I'm opening up like I've never before. For those of you who think you know me from what you've seen on social media, get ready to see a whole new side of me.

Starting point is 00:24:51 Listen to Against All Odds with Iris Palmer as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, everyone. I'm Cheryl Stray, author of Wild and Tiny Beautiful Things. I'm excited to share that I have a new podcast called Mind Over Mountain. In each episode, I interview athletes, adventurers, and adrenaline seekers to discuss the inner landscapes and life experiences that informed and inspired their extraordinary feats. I also bring a bit of advice into the mix

Starting point is 00:25:26 so we too can better understand how to face our own seemingly insurmountable challenges. Do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to pull out what you already have inside. We're coming into this world, fighting for our lives. All I'm going to do is pull out what you already got inside. We're there to support and celebrate each other.

Starting point is 00:25:42 And that's not like your story versus my story. You're going to walk up and over that dang mountain. You're not just going to put your mind over it. Yep, yep, exactly. And if I can't walk up and over it, I'm going to go through it. Listen to Mind Over Mountain every Thursday on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, this is Joe Winterstein, host of the Spirit Daughter podcast, where we talk about astrology, natal charts, and how to step into your most vibrant life. And I just sat down with a mini driver.

Starting point is 00:26:14 The Irish traveler said when I was 16, you're going to have a terrible time with men. Actor, storyteller, and. unapologetic Aquarian visionary. Aquarius is all about freedom-loving and different perspectives, and I find a lot of people with strong placements in Aquarius are misunderstood. A son and Venus and Aquarius in her seventh house spark her unconventional approach to partnership. He really has taught me to embrace people sleeping in different rooms, on different houses, in different places, but just an embracing of the isness of it all. If you're navigating your own transformation or just want a chart-side view,

Starting point is 00:26:51 into how a leading artist integrates astrology, creativity, and real life. This episode is a must listen. Listen to the Spirit Daughter podcast, starting on February 24th on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcast. Was there no thought in your head at the time, which was like, why me? Like, you know, I've finally got married. Like, things are looking good. Like, I'm settled.

Starting point is 00:27:24 I'm like, I feel like the natural reaction for a lot of people would just be like, God, why now, why me? And you're going through IVF. You know, it's the amount, there's lots of other things happening in your life. Right. Did that thought ever come up or were you too strong to let it come up? No, I mean, definitely came up. I think, okay, so I also have a fashion company and I had been in flight or flight mode for quite some time because we were doing a buyout. So I had a partner. And a buyout, you know, is not a fun thing. It's a little taxing. It's a hard situation to go through. And I kept saying to God during that process, like, if it's not meant for me and you don't want me to have this company, please just take the company. Like, I don't want it if you don't want me to have it.

Starting point is 00:28:07 And I prayed that so many times that I, like, I'm pretty sure he wanted me to have it. I had bought the company and I got diagnosed two weeks later. And then there was a day where I went to my oncologist in one sentence, she had said to me, you're going to lose all your hair, you're going to lose your eyebrows, you're going to lose your eyelashes, and you're not going to be able to carry a baby. And in that moment, I felt like, wow, this is not fair. Like, at least the baby part was really hard for me because, yeah, that was hard. And I felt really sad for Mike, too, not even just for me because I'm like, that stinks. You know, we're one year into marriage. And, like, he's always wanted to be a dad.

Starting point is 00:28:50 And that's, like, super important to him. And he'll be the best dad. And he should get to be a dad. And I feel like he will get to be a dad. But I think in that moment, yeah, you definitely have those. But you're also so scared that you're just like, yeah, that's unfair. But also I'm like, am I going to die? So there's like you're weighing a lot of things and perspective changes really quick when cancer answers the conversation.

Starting point is 00:29:13 Yeah, yeah. What kind of shifted for you as time went on after the diagnosis leading up to your like first chemotherapy session and getting ready for that and preparing yourself for that? like what was going through your mind as you got ready and prepared? Yeah, so I had like kind of a bit of time because my cancer was hormone negative. I was able to do one more round of IVF. So I did the round of IVF and I was just the whole time thinking about I'm starting chemotherapy. Like what's going to happen? This is crazy.

Starting point is 00:29:46 Walking into your first chemo, I personally felt physically amazing, super healthy. I went to Pilates the day before. Like I, there's a lot of things you have to do felt a little bit like a ritual or something. You have to get your nails taken off. You have to get your hair extensions taken out. You're kind of like removing all these things. But I was like, I'm going to go to Pilates and work out. I felt great.

Starting point is 00:30:12 And then you know you're actively walking in there and you're putting something in your body that's going to make you very sick, potentially very sick. For me, it made me very, very sick. and to know, like, in order to survive, I have to do that. And I have to be like, okay, here we go. Like, put it in me, you know. And I think that was strange and a bit weird. But a friend of mine Jill Martin taught me very early on. She said to me, you have to reframe the way you think about chemotherapy.

Starting point is 00:30:45 You cannot think of chemotherapy as something that's making you sick. You have to think of chemotherapy is something that's saving your life. And that's been a huge shift throughout the whole thing for me. Everything, I used to complain about having to go get my nails done. Like, what? Like, I used to complain about having to go get my hair to my hair appointment. And, like, I think when you go through something like this, I'm like, I cannot wait to go get my hair. I mean, this is a wig. But so I kind of got it done about, like, my own hair. Like, I cannot wait for that. And everything became like, I got to come here today. You know, I don't have to, I get to do things rather than I have to do things. And I think that is like a life shift. I was like, okay. Like I had to go get my nails done. Like that's a privilege, you know? And like, what a brat.

Starting point is 00:31:34 I think you're being hard on yourself too. I think we're all, as in, I think we all get into a space of familiarity and ingratitude. And you take things for granted. And I think all of us do that as humans. I don't think it's just you. Whatever that may be, everyone has their version of a hair or nail appointment or something in their life that they're like, oh, good. though about the nail because you're like it's such torture i can't be on my phone i'm like guys we're okay

Starting point is 00:31:59 we're okay you know yeah but but but i think it hearing you say that really does put into perspective i was thinking about all the things that i take for granted or well the things that i as you said that to me just now and i think that's going to help a lot of people who are listening i was just thinking about all the things i say oh god i got to do this i got to do that oh my god i have to do this and it's like i have the ability to do it healthy and well and and that is something that you can't underestimate and, you know, hearing about it through your perspective and how that shifted for you, I think that's a huge one. Yeah, it was a huge thing for me. And I also think, like, I was so hard on myself before. Like, I'm, like, scrolling back through my phone and you know how it pops up,

Starting point is 00:32:43 like, a year ago or two years ago. I always thought my hair was so thin. And I remember I was always, like, talking about that and, like, trying to fix that. And it's okay. I don't want to fix it and improve. I can't wait for my thin hair to come back. Like, I literally cannot wait. So it's just like, I just think we're all so hard on ourselves. Just know that it's like, I mean, I'm still learning too, but I'm just like, as I sit here with the big wig on, but like, you know, like I got to wear a wig today. I'm kind of pumped. Like, we're like really picking on ourselves a lot.

Starting point is 00:33:14 I want to somehow be able to teach girls that or like give them that perspective. I don't know how, but I've felt that. like we're so hard on ourselves. It's almost like you'd wish you could teach humans to do that without going through pain because the pain is so intense and excruciating and terrible. But it's almost like that's a gift that you've developed by going through that. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if all of us can learn that without sadly going through something so difficult.

Starting point is 00:33:47 Yeah. It's a lot. It's hard. Yeah. It's hard. like because you go from like, I mean, you get so sick and that's something else I struggled with a lot. Like when you're so, so sick, you are not even picking up the phone. Like there's, you can't film it. Like, I wasn't hiding it, but I was so sick. Like there, you're on the bathroom floor.

Starting point is 00:34:05 Mike made me a nice little bed on the bathroom floor. He would come and lay in there with me sometimes. But it was just like you can sit up. Like you're bleeding from everything you can bleed from. You're every day. It's like every part of your body. I mean, I didn't know anyone was sitting. at their house that sick. Like, I, I pictured I would get sick, but I did not picture. And everybody does handle it differently. I don't know that everyone gets the sick. I, my oncologist did say to me at one point, like, some people tolerate it well and some people don't, and then there's you, you know, so I think I had a bad go at it, but I struggled with showing it a lot because I definitely wanted to show more, but I also didn't want people to pity me. And I didn't want it to seem

Starting point is 00:34:46 performative. Then I was like, I also want to honor the people who are going through this. Like, what if someone's watching this and one of their employees has someone going through this? And they just don't know that that person, like, might be really, really trying. And it's, there's a lot to it. They put you in medically induced menopause and you're like a hormonal teenager girl. And I'm like crying to Mike about anything you could ever imagine. You're not even yourself. How can you expect people to understand that? And how can I lead a team during all of that and not be mad at. And, and not be mad at myself and you're just, it's so much. And I don't really know how to explain it. I don't know that there's a right way. Like I tried to share, but I definitely, if I'm being totally honest,

Starting point is 00:35:27 I would say I erred on the side of showing less because it's gruesome. It's gruesome. Like, horrific things. It can do your body. And you can't sit up. You can't walk. Like I, we had a launch for my brand one day and I crawled to the computer to get at work to work. Like, I was like, this is just like the most humbling thing. I cried once. It was I remember during football season. Mike was watching a football game and I was so hungry, but there was just such a price to pay.

Starting point is 00:35:55 Like I had a lot of GI issues and there was such a price to pay if I ate that I was like starving and I'm not good at starving at like to eat. And I was just crying like watching these commercials and I just want to eat. But I would, I ordered food once and like chew it and like spit it out because I just wanted to eat so badly. but there was a price to pay. It was coming out both ways. Everything you could imagine.

Starting point is 00:36:19 Everything is inflamed and congested and it's not just like you're throwing up. You're like in major pain. And like my teeth have completely rotted like from all of this. Like just things you, you don't want to, I didn't want to show that. I wouldn't be mad if someone show that. I hope someone does. But I, I didn't want people to pity me. So I didn't know exactly what to do with it there.

Starting point is 00:36:39 So I just went day by day and yeah, did what I could. But I pushed Mike to remind me to post, and he was like, sweetheart, just like don't. But I was like, but the only purpose I feel in this is when people write me and they say, I went in, I got checked. I'm not going to have to do chemo, Bridget. Like, I was like, okay, there's something in this. Yeah, that's helping so many people. Even you're talking about it here right now, I'm sure there are so many people who go in self-examined. Self-exams, do your exams.

Starting point is 00:37:12 like please please like I'm like begging people I'm like please do it because before I went in to see my oncologist I was like I need to like have her do a self exam on me I need to just figure this out and like this was a night before my appointment she's a very proper amazing oncologist I want her to do a breast exam on me and I want to film it and I'm like but I'll be like flagged for my nipples being out on Instagram right so I'm like Amazon Prime what can I get right and I'm like looking up pasties that you wear to like a rave I can't It only found like this red glittery one. She walks in the next day. I'm like, can you teach us all how to do a self-examine? Can I film it? She's like, what is that? Like, I literally had disco glitter pasties on and she's like super serious. But like, it got sent to like 70,000 people.

Starting point is 00:37:58 Like, and people were like, I've never known if I was doing this right. And like she can explain it better than anyone else, right? And now I feel like even watching that, like I know how to do one. And I think if anyone takes anything from this, like if you're listening to this, you're hearing this like just right head right now just like let's have a feel like let's tonight do our self-exam and what you're looking for is like you have to know your body know your baseline and you're looking for a change so any change and then you get checked and you don't let yourself put it off put it off put it off because it's scary that's what people tend to do but there is no no instance

Starting point is 00:38:36 with this we're finding out sooner is a bad thing you know it can definitely keep you out of chemotherapy It can keep you at a lower stage. Like, it's so important. So, yeah, go in, get checked and, like, just watch my video that I made and see me and my disco, you know, rave party outfit. What does beauty mean to you today? Oh, I'm working on that a little bit. Like, I've always enjoyed fashion and makeup and all of this. And I think that's great.

Starting point is 00:39:02 I think that's fine. But I think I really want to lead with my heart and really make people feel. a certain way that will maybe inspire them to like search for if something's missing in their life or a little hole in their heart. And like that would be something I found really beautiful, you know? And another thing I thought of like I saw a girl who looked sick. She's going through cancer on the internet the other day. And I'm like, there's nothing not beautiful about her. Like no one feels like that about her. So I think it's like just being in it really changed it. Like no one was looking at me going she looks so bad. I mean, might have been scared. She looks very sick. I'm alarmed. But like no one was saying, oh, she's so ugly. You know what I mean? Like it's different. I think we're just, again, it goes back to being like our own worst critics and so hard on ourselves. Yeah. Thank you. Well said. I want to ask you two questions. What's the most helpful thing someone can say to someone who's got cancer? And what's the most unhelpful thing people can say to someone who's got cancer?

Starting point is 00:40:11 That's a good question. Because I think a lot of people just don't know what to say. Yeah. I feel like you just don't ever want to be dismissive of what they're going through. But I think something that's been really nice and really sweet is like people who continue to check in on me. And even like when I didn't have the time to write people back, I swear, when people would reach out to me, it would be like in the exact second I needed it. Like it was like, wow, you know? And it would be like someone I knew from years ago and they would be like, oh, I'm just reaching out.

Starting point is 00:40:40 And like, I felt bad because they didn't write back to everyone. But like, you don't know how much you can, what an impact you can have on someone's day. Like, I have made a conscious effort now. Like, when I think of people now, I make sure I text them that day. I don't care if they write me back or not, too. Like, that's one thing I really learned. Like, just keep reaching out. Just keep going. Like, I just reach out to people whenever they pop into my head now and I'm praying for you, love you. Like, you don't know what someone else is going through. And like, I do feel like we're all connected. And like, it's beautiful. And you can really. I just say, And just keep loving on them, you know? Just keep loving on them. And even there's points where people are mad and they're like upset and they might not want to reply, but they're never going to be mad that you reached out. So I think it's like, do it, but don't expect anything back from it. But I felt so carried in love and prayer the whole time. And I felt a little spoiled sometimes.

Starting point is 00:41:31 I'm like, this is so nice, you know. And I want to be able to hopefully give some of that back to people somehow, some way. If you think of anything, Jay, let me know. I think this is giving back. Oh, okay. I think this is giving back. You showing up online every day. You're sharing your story.

Starting point is 00:41:48 That is the best give back for everyone who checked in with you because you're hopefully helping someone they know or someone they love from not going through the same thing or catching it early and not having to experience the hardships of it that you did. I've had a couple of friends in the last 12 to 24 months who've also been going through cancer. And I've found when I talk to them, one of the biggest things they say to me is, People don't know what to say. People kind of distance themselves. People think I just need space. But actually it would be really nice if they checked in.

Starting point is 00:42:19 And it's what you just said, that no one's ever going to be mad if you check in, even if they don't have the capacity or capability to respond back, or call you back or message back. It's always going to mean something to that person. Yes. It meant so much to me. I always think of my mom growing up with a single mom and seeing her struggle. I'm like, you know, whoa.

Starting point is 00:42:39 It's not lost on me. that I went through this with like complete privilege of like having help, like having someone who cared about me to help me. Like not everyone has that. So I think it's like if there's anything you can do like if someone has kids, anything you could do to help them do their laundry, any grocery store run or something for them, it's like really deeply meaningful. It's really hard. And I don't think people always feel comfortable showing how hard it is because it's a bit embarrassing, you know. And you want to try and you want to be or I wanted to be anyway. Like I'm a okay but it's like no you're not yeah which is natural we do it anyway we do it even when we don't have

Starting point is 00:43:16 cancer right we all act like we don't need help and we got it all together and we're okay and so when you have something that you're worried about and concerned about you talked about you know mike there i think what i find so it's so beautiful watching you both together and what you did share from the journey of just how engaged and present mike was throughout the whole journey and I think I always find it fascinating because of course on our wedding days we all make this commitment of in sickness and in health. And we've all heard hundreds of people say it or maybe, you know, tens of people say it. We've seen it in movies. We've, you know, whatever it may be, you hear this statement again and again and then people are actually, you know.

Starting point is 00:43:58 Sick. Yeah. And then you actually go through that. Talk to us about the realities of what it took. I'm, you know, I think Mike also went down to, like, you know, cut days at work to be there to support. But I'm sure it's not easy for you either because you're going through this very vulnerable thing with your partner. That's not easy on your side. Talk to me about the realities of what it feels like to go through cancer, even with someone you love and that loves you deeply. Yeah, I mean, it was hard for me at first, like I said, because I had grown up, like always being really independent and wanting that for myself. And I think God was like, no, you're going to learn to trust a man and you're going to have to lean on him. And it is what it is.

Starting point is 00:44:39 And I found that really hard. I mean, straight out the gate, you know, this is one year into marriage. I'm like, sickness and health, go, buddy. Let's see what you got, you know. And he really put himself second. And I came up with this whole like, choose your husband. Like your life depends on it because I can't imagine what I would have done without him. Like, you know, he's a plastic surgeon and he has.

Starting point is 00:45:02 has been training for this moment for 17 years. So you get to this moment, you open your business, you pass your boards. And now it's like, oh, please step away from your business and learn how to do a fashion company because she just bought it, has debt, and now owns the full company, you know, so it's a lot to put on someone. And I think chaos reveals character, right? And one thing I did before I met Mike was I made this like husband list. I used to talk about it on like TikTok or Instagram a long time ago, but it was, it's not like, oh, abs in a corner office and status and all this stuff. It's much more like character driven. Like, does he love his mom? How does he make people feel? What does he leave in the room? Does he have any friends? Does he

Starting point is 00:45:47 care about people? Because at the end of the day, life is going to get hard and those are the things that are going to matter. On our first date, I remember Mike telling me, like, his parents have been married for 40 years. His grandparents are married for 70 years. I was like, oh, he's like hitting these things on this list I wrote over here. But it was, the list is even... Tell us about what was on the list. Yeah, it was, it was like, does he love his mom? What do people say about him? Do people like him? Like, I, that was a big one on my list. I was like, I really want everyone to love him and just think he's great. If someone wouldn't like Mike, like, that's kind of odd. Like, he's a really good human. Like, he's just like a great person. Like, I want to be like, Mike. Like, he has something he was

Starting point is 00:46:27 passionate about it. Is there something he loved? Do we align on our values and our faith and like not letting anything go off the list, like not seeing potential in people. Oh, can I change this in this person? Like I'm so attracted to them. My date with Mike when I walked in, that was the first time I think I walked into a room thinking like, do I like this guy? And it wasn't like, does he like me? I was really good in the sense of I know who I am in Christ.

Starting point is 00:46:56 I know God loves me. I know who I am and I know what I think I need. and if I just give this to God, I'm believing that he's going to find this guy for me rather than me trying to make all of these exceptions to these rules and make it work with these other people that it's not working with. And like, looking back, I'm like, wow, God really sees your whole story beginning to end. Like, he even knew I needed a doctor. When we first started dating, Mike, it was always easy with him, everything. To the extent that I was like, oh, am I like not interested in this? Is this?

Starting point is 00:47:28 Oh, yeah. It was so peaceful. that it felt unfamiliar. Yeah, like I was sort of like, maybe he should be my friend. Like, I don't feel this, because I wasn't like waiting for him to text me and all of this. He was just texting me. He was just pursuing me actively. And I didn't really know what to make of that. There were no games.

Starting point is 00:47:49 So I almost got confused by that. And so, thank God I had that list because I'm like, he's not breaking anything on the list. But I was just like, so what I did was I like took counsel. I asked married people. I'm like, there's this guy. He's this, like, really hot doctor, which also, like, I didn't want to go out with him for six months. I did not want to go out of them because I was like, he looks like a model. And, like, I want to be the pretty one.

Starting point is 00:48:11 But, like, I got over it. And, like, he wore jiggings, I remember. I was just, like, looking for problems. But, like, none of the photos on his Instagram were just of him, which I was like, that's a good thing. That's a good thing because, like, even though that wasn't on the list, like, that says a lot about, you care about people. You're with your mom, your brother. You have some friends. Those are great things. Those are telling things, you know. And so, yeah, but I did get a little bit worried at some points asking my married friends being like, I don't know, guys. He's like always writing me back. And he like wants to hang out every day. Like, it's a little weird. And they're like, and he has a job and he likes his mom and he's a good person. What's a problem? You know, it's like, but what do you think that is? Like, why are we all doing that?

Starting point is 00:48:56 We don't have a history of peaceful, clear contact. And therefore, when someone finally does that, you kind of get spooked. Yeah. And you're like, what's going on here? Like, you're not meant to do this. You're meant to make me feel nervous and anxious and all the other emotions that aren't healthy and helpful, or in that moment at least. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:49:15 And so I think we're all looking for that kind of like racy feeling. Like the butterfly. Yeah. I felt like I liked him, but I didn't have this, like, sinking pit in my stomach at all times. I mean, there's a study that shows that. what we feel when we say the butterflies is you're feeling excitement and stress at the same time. But when someone messages you back, you only feel excitement and clarity.

Starting point is 00:49:36 So you don't get the stress, but it's the excitement and stress together that creates that nervousness. But when someone actually is just, as Mike was, messaging back and, you know, pursuing you and being really clear about it, we're like, well, wait a minute, I don't feel the stress. Yeah. And the stress is what makes things exciting, but, you know, we know that's not true. because hey, when you're actually married someone or you are in a long-term relationship with someone, you don't want some of that causes you stress. You don't want to come home to a stressful person. You don't want to wake up to a stressful person. You don't want to, that's not what you're looking for. You know, imagine the guy not calling me back when I was going through my chemotherapy.

Starting point is 00:50:13 You know, I made one video and I was like, the guy who is not texting you back is not the guy with you in the middle, the middle of the night in the emergency room. Like, you know, I had my big faux fur on And he's just sitting there like, what can I do to help? You know? And it's like, what are we doing? What was I doing? How did you two meet before that first day? Yeah, the old-fashioned we met through friends.

Starting point is 00:50:36 My one friend, she's an influencer and her husband's a plastic surgeon. They were in the same residency at NYU. And she kept telling me to go out with him. And I would just be complaining about these guys I was dating. And I would just be like, oh, should I text him back? And it was all this plotting and all this stuff. And she's like, really think you should text Mike? And I'm like, hmm.

Starting point is 00:50:53 He looks like a model. And she was like, but just like take that out of it. What is the problem? And I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I was like, he's not my type. And she's like, you're not married. You don't have a type.

Starting point is 00:51:04 Like, you have a lot of people that aren't your type that you've dated. 2%. That is the number of people who take the stairs when there is also an escalator available. I'm Michael Easter. And on my podcast, 2%. I break down the science of mental toughness, fitness, and building resilience in our strange modern world. I'll be speaking with writers, researchers, and other health and fitness experts, and more, to look past the impractical and way too complex pseudoscience that dominates the

Starting point is 00:51:43 wellness industry. We really believe that seed oils were inherently inflammatory. We got it wrong. Many of the problems that we are freaked out about in the world are the result of stress. Put yourself through some hardships, and you will come out on the other side a happier, fulfilled healthier person. Listen to 2%. That's T-W-O-Persent on the I-Hart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Bailey Taylor, and this is It Girl. You may know me from my It Girl series I've done on the streets of New York over the years.

Starting point is 00:52:26 Well, I've got good news. I am bringing those interviews and many more to this podcast. Yes, we will talk about the style and the success, but we are also talking about the pressure, the expectations and the real work with the women's shaping culture right now. As a woman in the industry, you're always underestimated. So you have to work extra hard and you have to push the narrative in a way that doesn't compromise who you are in your integrity. You know, I like to say I was kind of like a silent ninja. Each week, I have unfiltered conversations with female founders, creatives, and leaders to talk about ambition, visibility,

Starting point is 00:52:58 and what it really takes to build something meaningful in the public eye. because being an it girl isn't about the spotlight, it's about owning it. I think the negatives need to be discussed and they need to be told to people who maybe don't do this every day, just so they know what's really going on. I feel like pulling the curtain back is important. Listen to It Girl with Bailey Taylor on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, this is Joe Winterstein, host of the Spirit Daughter podcast, where we talk about astrology, natal charts, and how to step into your most vibrant life. And I just sat down with a mini-driver. The Irish traveler said when I was 16,

Starting point is 00:53:37 you're going to have a terrible time with men. Actor, storyteller, and unapologetic, Aquarian visionary. Aquarius is all about freedom-loving and different perspectives. And I find a lot of people with strong placements in Aquarius are misunderstood. A son and Venus and Aquarius in her seventh house spark her unconventional approach to partnership. He really has taught me to embrace people, sleeping in different rooms, on different houses and different places,

Starting point is 00:54:05 but just an embracing of the isness of it all. If you're navigating your own transformation or just want to chart side view into how a leading artist integrates astrology, creativity, and real life, this episode is a must listen. Listen to the Spirit Daughter podcast, starting on February 24th on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcast.

Starting point is 00:54:37 Talk to me about that idea of so many, there are so many women who feel if I'm not married by 30, if I don't have kids by 35, you got married when you were 40 and life will continue from this point onward and it's like

Starting point is 00:54:50 you never felt behind or didn't allow yourself to feel behind. Well, I did. I felt behind. Yeah, I felt behind but like I was so consumed with work. Like that was a big thing for me because I think just growing up

Starting point is 00:55:03 with a mom who struggled it was like the number one thing and until I felt like I got myself to a point where I was like financially independent or in a good place. I wasn't as focused on it. But then, yeah, like, I was like, oh, no, I want to have babies. So it was okay that I had to be laying in bed for a year. I've been out for a lot of years. That was kind of when my platform was built by accident, I guess, before cancer happened. It was a lot of girls would come up to Mike and I in New York

Starting point is 00:55:30 City, mainly. And they would say, oh, my gosh, you guys give me so much hope. I'm 32, and I haven't met anyone. And I met Mike when I was 35. So I think, you know, I leaned into that a little bit and thought about it. And I think it was just like believing in God's plan for my life and not trying to do things my way. That being said, I do think I would have saved myself a lot of tears and a lot of years if I had written the husband list before and not got so caught up in like the games and the butterflies and like all of that. Because, yeah, I don't know. That's like a thing. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:56:06 What would you say to someone who says to you, I feel about. behind at 35 because I haven't got married yet. Have you written your husband list and what's on it and who are you dating and like, what are you scared to let go of? Because I do think that there has to be a moment of kind of like, okay, God, I'm going to do this your way. I'm not going to keep doing this my way. What I like about your list is it's not a list the way I think people think about a list.

Starting point is 00:56:30 So I think when people hear the words husband, husband list, they think like six feet tall, you know, this job. Status. Right, yeah. I think a lot of people write those things. And even if it's not a lot of people, I know a lot of people who've said those things to me where it's all about like what kind of job they have. So like doctor would be high up there, right? And or, you know, finance or not finance. So people also, their list is like, oh, I would never marry someone in finance. I'd never marry someone. And I'm like, I don't think that affects whether someone's a good partner or not. Like I always think about like your career doesn't really say much about how you are as a partner. Your bank balance doesn't say, how much you are, what you're like as a partner. Your height doesn't say anything about what you're going to be like as a partner. And I think it's funny when you measure someone as a partner on these things that mean nothing to do with them being a partner.

Starting point is 00:57:22 And so I think even though I never had a formal list, I think when I met Raddi too, I was looking for how someone lit up a room and how someone was with me in different circumstances, in different scenarios, how was I treated around different people. how did I feel when I shared a new idea or I thought about something new? And then as we got married and moved forward, even then, like, I would say we went through more challenges after we got married because we moved country, we moved jobs, we moved home. And when you go through all that together again, I mean, what you've been through is far harder and far greater than all of those things.

Starting point is 00:58:01 But when you go through difficult things, you figure out what someone's really made of and what their responses. And I remember being four months away from being broke when we were married, and this was around maybe six months into our marriage, or maybe just coming up to a year into our marriage, and I told her the situation we were in, and she was like, I trust you. And like, that to me was the person I married and the character of the person I married, not someone who is, you know, not there for me at that time. And so I think for me, I didn't, I knew rather it was the one when I met her because she was always nice and kind to everyone that we met, whether they could help her or not. She lit up every room she walked into. She was always bubbly and fun and had good

Starting point is 00:58:46 energy and ideas. I didn't feel like she played any games. We both didn't play any games with each other. I was really sure about who I was when I met her and that didn't scare her and didn't intimidate her or didn't make her feel any other way. And she was still learning and curious about who she was. And I love that about her. Yeah. So I think to me it was more about... You had a list, though. I did. That's what I'm agreeing. No, that's what I'm agreeing with you. I'm saying it wasn't written. Like written down. Exactly. Exactly. But it was there. And I was very, I could sense it when I was around it. And I think you need to be clear about those things. But I think the problem now is people get clear about stuff, but not the right stuff. You get clear about a bunch of stuff that doesn't make any difference. Like, you know, someone's height or someone, your ick that they wear jewelry or the fact that they don't dress. well or whatever it is. Like that stuff doesn't impact whether someone's going to show up for you when you're broke, when you're lost, when you're confused, when you have cancer.

Starting point is 00:59:41 You know, like that's not going to be the, you know, differentiate. Yeah. And it's a cool one that you said too that like you were very sure of who yourself, like who you were when you met her and that didn't intimidate her. And that's like one thing I haven't really thought of. And how attractive that must be to someone. But I didn't even really think of it like that. Like yeah, that didn't intimidate him. He like pushed into that and leaned into that. that's cool, you know? And like, that is cool. It is. It is. And, and it's, you know, like, I mean, you know, I think Mike's just set such an incredible example for, you know, all partners truly just by observing both of you together of just what it takes and what love really means.

Starting point is 01:00:21 You know, I think we talk a lot about what love means and how do you show it and, you know, what that looks like. And I think both of you together represent it in the most beautiful way. And it's, I'm so happy that you've been a big part. Sharing that with us also, I think, has made every partner go, I need to step up, you know, in a good way, in a good way. Aw, yeah. I didn't worry about that, too, because I'm like, I don't want people to think we're, like, bragging, but it's like, we're not. We're, like, literally in the heat. Well, it's hard.

Starting point is 01:00:51 So there's no bragging because it's hard work. You know, he went to Sephora once because when all my hair really started shedding, like, badly, and I had lost so much weight, I was like 84. bounds and like I was just having a lot of issues with eating but he was like I want to do your makeup for you I want to do something for you it was so funny because it was bad you know and like he had not a clue and thank God he's so much better at surgery than makeup yeah I've seen him do your nails and yeah he's like kind of good at nails yeah a little good at nails yeah not the makeup so much but um yeah he was like a little and even I saw you dressing up during treatment too yeah yeah that was the way you are I think finding joy I was pushing myself like it was late

Starting point is 01:01:32 and made treatment, like I started dressing up for chemo because I saw this older woman there once and she was just fierce. She had on heels and this outfit and I was like, I love her. And I was like, is she here for treatment? And they're like, yes, she always dresses up. And they said, and she rings the bell every time when she leaves. I said, goals. I love her. So then the next week, I was like trying to dress up and be just like her because I was like, wow, like maybe I can inspire people. Maybe they'll see me dressed up and then they'll want to dress up. It really, I was like, wow, when I saw her. How did you dig to find the strength at that time? Like, talk to me about that. Like, you just said, like, you know, you're just trying to get up. You're

Starting point is 01:02:13 just trying to get to treatment. You're just, you've got to deal with being on the bathroom floor and bleeding from, you know, it's like, how do you in those, how do you in that moment even find the strength? Like, I don't know. Like, I think you're stronger than you think. Like, I, I am kind of glad, like ignorance was bliss. I don't know how I would have gone that first day and let them put chemo in me if I had known what was going to happen. I really don't. Like, it was hard. And then later in my treatment when I was doing radiation, I had to do 15 rounds of radiation. And I was like, okay, I really want to dress up every day. Like, I'm not going to say I'm going to do my hair. I'm going to wear a hat. I'm not going to do my makeup. But like, like, I really want to challenge

Starting point is 01:02:52 myself to like build my self-confidence back a bit. And I felt like the ways I thought of when I built my confidence up when I was younger. I was like, I bought a very expensive Equinox gym membership. And I was like, but I'm going to buy this and then I'm going to say I'm going to go and I'm going to keep that promise to myself. And as I keep doing that, I'll start to believe in myself. So it's like, I am getting dressed for this, no matter what, every day. And I did not want to. But every day, I just remember being like, but I only have to do it 14 more times. I only have to do it 13 more times. And then at the end, it was just like, I did it. I couldn't. And believe it, I did it. And I'm not saying these were the world's best outfits. But like,

Starting point is 01:03:32 it was just like, I think there's something to that, like, making a promise with yourself and keeping it big or small, you start to believe in yourself and you start to trust yourself and you start to have confidence that you can do things you say you can do. And I think that like helped me a lot, like a lot more. And it seems so small and like, I mean, literally putting on an outfit, but it was huge for me. I remember being like, wow, I did it. I couldn't believe it. How did you not get defeated every time? Because, like, you know, I think a lot of people, when you're going through something like this, you build yourself up, you prepare yourself, you get ready, and then you still got to do another

Starting point is 01:04:07 round, you still got to do this, you're still, like, how did you not let yourself get defeated? Yeah, I mean, I got defeated sometimes, and I would just try to go back to, like, spinning it to be, like, I get a chance to live. I get a chance to go on and live, and I can do it. I just, right when I got diagnosed, I didn't show this because I was like, I'm a little cuckoo, you know, but like I embroidered healed on everything you could ever imagine. My sweatshirts, my bags, everything, and every morning, thank you Jesus for my healing. Thank you God for healing me. I was not healed, you know, and I'm wearing a sweatshirt to Memorial Sloan Kettering, a cancer center in New York City. Healed. I was just writing it everywhere and I was just believing for it. And like, I guess I didn't see a point and not believe. for it. Like I, just like I don't see a point in, like, not believing I'll be a mom. Like, I believe. I just believe it. Now I got to go, right, mom on everything. But I, I just believe, like, I don't know if it will be the way I imagined it to be. Like, that was a really hard time for me the day that they said,

Starting point is 01:05:12 you won't carry a baby. And I'm still like, well, maybe I'll carry a baby. Like, I'm like very, I don't know. But I believe I will be a mom in some way, shape or form, whether that's, adopting or we actually have a surrogate now. I'm so happy to hear that. It's amazing news. Yeah, we're working on that, and that's quite a long process and, like, such a beautiful thing and that someone would want to do that and feels really cold to, like, make someone else a mother.

Starting point is 01:05:45 Like, I think that's so beautiful. And I just know Mike will be the best dad, and he deserves it, so. You both do. You both do, for sure. Thank you. Talk to me about your talks with God during this time. They're really wrong. They're not this little Catholic Bridget who grew up like, you know.

Starting point is 01:06:06 Oh, I'm like, what the heck is going on? Like, this is, like, it's like honestly, like texting with someone that I could say anything to, you know? And I. Do you actually text? No. It's like in my mind. I do it all day and then I try to make time like at night and I like download everything. But he already knows.

Starting point is 01:06:25 Like in my mind, that's what I believe, that he already knows, like, everything. He knows all of our thoughts. He knows the number of hairs on her head. Like, I just, I am like, TMI. I'm kind of just, I think he's sick of me. I'm like, he's probably like, heal the girl enough, you know? I don't want to hear from her anymore. I love your sense of humor.

Starting point is 01:06:44 Talk to me about we're talking at the top about grief. And as I'm talking to you, there's so much joy and gratitude and resilience that you demonstrate, which is just mind. You inspire me so much. It's like, whenever I'm around you, I just feel so moved, truly. Really? Yeah, by your faith. And you're like, you do a lot. You're not giving yourself any credit. No, no, no, no. Bridget, this is about you. It's about you. It's about you. And I mean it, it's, it's, it's, it really moves me. I wanted to ask you, how do you, how have you learned or how are you learning right now to hold both grief and gratitude at the same time? Yeah, I feel like that's a really hard question. And I feel like, like I said, like I don't,

Starting point is 01:07:25 don't think I know how to do both at the same time. Like when I was really sick, I wasn't grieving yet because I was so scared. I was like scared I was going to die. And I've never had that before. I've never lived a day in my life before where I was like, am I going to live? So you're not like balancing much. You're like getting through it, you know, day at a time, hour at a time. hour at a time sometimes and you're just trying to put one foot in front of the other and like get through it i think the grief is coming more now because i feel more safe now and i feel like yeah i feel like now i'm i feel like i'm gonna live i hope i'm gonna live in that you know i i yeah and i and so now i'm kind of like whoa what just happened like it's survivors guilt too it's really hard because like not everybody gets what I just got. So it's hard to say,

Starting point is 01:08:28 I feel really like, like I'm struggling with that. I do think I need to let myself lean into that a little more and definitely I need to do some work and some work on myself about letting myself feel the feelings that just happened. But I'm not doing great at that. Yeah, right now I'm being very like, oh, I should just be happy that I'm alive, you know?

Starting point is 01:08:48 So some work to do there. Do you have any advice for me? How do I do that? You tell me. I'm like, I don't know. Now, I think your talks with God and the incredible sharing you do with your community, I'm in no place to guide or advise you. I feel so just touched by the way you talk to God about what you're going through.

Starting point is 01:09:06 And I mean, there could be no better guide than that. And then also hearing about just how you chose to share it with the community. And I feel like you've already processed so many emotions more than you can even ever imagine. and you're going to know how to process these new ones as they come up because you've already done so many of the harder ones. Yeah. And so it's just trusting yourself and trusting God that you'll get the wisdom and the insight to know what to do next, which you've already lived by.

Starting point is 01:09:37 I feel, I definitely feel a little bit like, like, oh, now what do I do? Because, like, you know, I had this whole life and then it kind of got turned upside down. So I'm like, okay, it is what it is? but now it's like, what do I do? Do I go back to talking about clothes or, you know, and it's like, I'm definitely grieving who I was. I don't think she's coming back. I don't think that I think there will always be that. And then like before and after cancer, I don't know that it's not a blessing though because, like, I get to live my life through a different lens.

Starting point is 01:10:13 I hope that other people get to see that through me. I hope that they get to, you know, what's the saying, like, healthy people want a lot of things, but sick people, they only want one thing. And it's like, I hope that people just, it can be a small reminder to them to like, if you're like listening to this today and you're having a bad day, you have your health, like the world is your oyster. You are so blessed and so lucky. And there's so many things, circumstances that we can change and work on and to just, maybe if you could just shift that to gratitude a little bit for what there's always something to be grateful for, you know, like I was really grateful that I got to do cold capping during my treatment and it sucks.

Starting point is 01:10:58 Like, but I was so lucky and blessed to be able to do that. Not everyone gets to do that. And I kept some of my hair and I'm like, wow, God, you were just like spoiling me wrong. Like I am even keeping some of my hair. Like, I don't know. I hope it. I hope I figure out how to, what to do next and how to merge. And I, I don't feel the exact same pressure I felt before. It's like post every day and all this because I'm kind of just like, I need a beat. Like, I need to figure out. But I don't know. I don't know. What do I do? Send tips. Tell me. I don't know. Like, I feel like most people who have been through this, like, that I've met are like really badass. So I'm like looking forward to that. I think they're like super like mega like I'm like whoa you're a really impressive person and

Starting point is 01:11:48 like so something happens you know I'm just like nodded that far yet I'm like still working on it. I think a lot of people think they have to find their purpose and you're already living it by doing what you're doing right now. So you know, I think you're already living the next phase of your life without even knowing it. I mean I think purpose is so cool in that way. What is the best advice you've ever heard or received? This two shall pass. Can I can I explain more than a sentence? I knew you were going to do that. So I'm sorry, I can always stop. So I think because obvious, for obvious reasons, like, you know, going through the year, I just went through this too shall pass. But it's also like another reminder to be in the moment and realize like, but what's good is what good is happening right now because this is going to pass. And then also I think it's so, so important for like when you're at your highest moment too. Like you're at the best moment. Everything's working out for you. like this two shall pass. So like be present in that moment,

Starting point is 01:12:44 but also stay humble in that moment because this two shall pass. Yeah, well said. I have a little box for you. Here. What is it? Inside this box. Okay.

Starting point is 01:12:55 Different things that I think are valuable to people at different points in their life. And I want you to just pick out anything that looks interesting to you and talk about when it was important. Oh, wow. Oh my gosh. This is really cute.

Starting point is 01:13:10 I don't know. Okay, so nails. I like literally can't wait to go and get my nails done. You can't get your nails done when you're going through chemotherapy. I did once anyway, Rebel with a cause and I just got really, it wasn't good. So, wow, like this kind of excites me. It makes me excited. I love that. Yeah. Is this like Mike? Well, I didn't, we need the dark hair. This was actually that looks like the guy dated before. Mike, who wasn't very nice to me, who wasn't, would not have been good at taking good care of me this year. So like. We're leaving him behind, yeah. See, like, bye. What else?

Starting point is 01:13:52 Oh, this is like really hopeful to me. This is like, this is happening somehow, some way this is going to happen. So prayers up for this one. But I'm believing. Like, I just, I just believe. You know, I just, what's a, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I believe. This is really cute because it will be three years.

Starting point is 01:14:18 This has three diamonds and it will be our three years this year. So we had our first year and then I got diagnosed at our second year. So our whole second year in marriage. So I feel like the third year is like pretty exciting and cool to go into and like, what's the best thing that can happen, right? Wow. I love it. You did great. Yeah, cool.

Starting point is 01:14:38 You did great. That was just the ones that stood out to you. Oh, look. It was the ones that stood out to. Yeah, that's cool. I like that. Well, Bridget, I think you're going to go on to help a lot of people, save a lot of people. This has become part of your purpose and the way you're acting and sharing already.

Starting point is 01:14:55 And I think you're going to continue to inspire people through anything you choose to do. Oh, wow. I truly believe that. I really believe that through sharing this message, through sharing your journey and story. But even beyond that, I think anything you choose to go and do moving forward will inspire people because of how you go about it, how you carry yourself, how wonderful and thoughtful you are with everyone, how present you are. I think there's so many incredible qualities you have that I can't wait for the world to experience and for people to share with. So, yeah, thank you so much from the bottom of

Starting point is 01:15:27 my heart for trusting me coming on the show to share your story. When I met you, I was blown away and I couldn't think of a better guest to have on the show and the fact that you came out when you're still, you know, got a treatment left. And I know, this is a... easy for you physically, mentally, emotionally, but you're still here. You make it easy. You're pretty good. You're good at this shit. Yeah, no. You make it easy. I feel like, yeah. You're just so raw and vulnerable and that's what makes it, that's why people love you. It's why people love learning and following the journey with you because you can tell it's all real. So, you know, it's incredible. Thank you. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my conversation with

Starting point is 01:16:06 Megan Trainor on Breaking Generational Trauma and how to be confident. from the inside out. My therapist told me, stand in the mirror naked for five minutes. Put a timer on and just look at yourself. Day one, I was literally shaking because I was like, mm-mm, like, it was already tough for me to love my body. When you feel uncomfortable, what do you put on? Biggie.

Starting point is 01:16:27 You put on Biggie when you feel uncomfortable? Because I want to get confident. This is DJ Hester Prince, music is therapy. A new podcast from me, a DJ and licensed therapist. 12 months, 12 areas of your life. Money, love, career, confidence. This isn't just a podcast. It's unconventional therapy for your entire year. Listen to DJ Hester Prins, Music is Therapy, on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Starting point is 01:16:54 What if mind control is real? If you can control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have? Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car? When you look at your car, you're going to become overwhelmed with such good feelings. Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you? I gave her some suggestions to be sexually aroused. Can you get someone to join your cult? NLP was used on me to access my subconscious.

Starting point is 01:17:17 Mind Games, a new podcast exploring NLP, aka neurolinguistic programming. Is it a self-help miracle, a shady hypnosis scam, or both? Listen to Mind Games on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, everyone. I'm Cheryl Strait, author of Wild and Tiny Beautiful Things. I'm excited to share that I have a new podcast called Mind Over Mountain. In each episode, I interview athletes, adventurers, and adrenaline seekers to discuss the inner landscapes that informed and inspired their extraordinary feats. So we too can better understand how to face our own seemingly insurmountable challenges.

Starting point is 01:17:57 Listen to Mind Over Mountain every Thursday on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Thank you.

On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Bridget Bahl: The Diagnosis That Changed Everything (The Reality She Wasn’t Prepared For and the Perspective It Gave Her)

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