On Purpose with Jay Shetty - CAMILA MENDES: "Perfectionism Was Ruining My Life"

Episode Date: July 27, 2026

Actress and producer Camila Mendes joins Jay for an honest conversation about the hidden cost of perfectionism, the pressure behind success, and what it took to finally choose herself. Camila opens up about the breaking point that forced her to confront old wounds, heal her relationship with food, reconnect with her Brazilian identity, and redefine what spirituality, self-worth, and love really mean. Together, they explore why chasing perfection often leaves us feeling empty, how slowing down can become the greatest act of self-respect, and why true confidence isn't about having everything figured out, but about accepting yourself exactly as you are. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty A State Farm agent can help you choose the coverage you need. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Visit: https://www.statefarm.com/  Head to https://wayfair.com right now to shop all things home and get your space ready for less. On Purpose is now Netflix and Spotify exclusive  http://www.netflix.com/onpurposewithjayshetty  https://open.spotify.com/show/5EqqB52m2bsr4k1Ii7sStc?si=33f7898fb334437c JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe   Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast  What We Discuss: 00:00:00 Intro 00:01:17 What Excites You Most Right Now? 00:01:57 Designing a Home That Feels Like You 00:03:32 The Challenge of Balance 00:05:26 Living One Day at a Time 00:07:24 The Importance of Learning Your Limits 00:10:09 Why Saying "No" Feels So Hard 00:15:08 Revisiting an Old Wound 00:19:56 Holding Two Truths at Once 00:21:10 Growing Up Between Cultures 00:23:12 Returning to Your Roots 00:24:41 Finding Spirituality Later in Life 00:29:44 The Power of Questioning Your Beliefs 00:31:11 Growing Up Without Stability 00:34:37 The Freedom of Imperfection 00:36:27 The Anxiety No One Could See 00:40:03 When You Have to Numb Out 00:41:45 Living With Your Own Worst Critic 00:44:35 Healing Your Relationship with Food 00:46:14 Recovering from an Eating Disorder 00:48:07 Getting Honest About Body Image 00:50:26 The Moment Self-Worth Starts to Crack 00:51:04 Meeting Rudy: The Turning Point 00:54:27 The Work of Becoming Your Best Self 00:57:30 Why You Have to Heal Before You Love Again 01:00:18 Choosing Love in the Hardest Moments 01:04:53 The Problem With One-Sided Love 01:08:20 The Proposal 01:13:08 When You're Aligned, Doors Open 01:14:54 Protecting Your Peace at Work 01:17:09 Camila on Final Five Episode Resources: Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/camimendes  TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@camimendes  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Now streaming on Disney Plus. original series Furious follows FBI agent Alice Black, played by Emmy Rossum, on the hunt for a mysterious and calculating serial killer. Both walk their own paths toward justice, and as their lives start to intertwine, the line between right and wrong begins to blur. New episodes week over week, watch the Hulu original series Furious, now streaming only on Hulu on Disney Plus. What's the tattoo? I got it after Riverdale. It's a pearl.

Oh. Because Veronica, my character on Riverdale, wore pearls all the time. Awesome. I got it when we wrapped. Hey, it's Jay. I don't know what your day's been like, but I was just thinking about you for a minute. And I hope you're being a little patient with yourself because you deserve it. And yeah, I'll talk to you soon.

It's amazing to finally have you here. I've been watching your interviews for years. Likewise. I've been obsessed over this whole press run that you've just done for Moscow. of the universe. It's incredible to just watch you crush it, like if I can say that. Thank you. Me and my team were talking about this. We're like, whenever we see a clip of you doing anything, it's like so fun, effortless. It feels like you're having a great time. And it just like oozes through the screen. And of course, your fiancé is such a sweet man, Rudy,

who we were just saying I first started talking to like eight years ago. Which is crazy. Yeah. Instagram buddies. He's so talented and incredible. So, Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. I wanted to ask you, so at 31, you have your own production company, you're starring in this huge, huge movie, doing all these incredible things. What are you having the most fun with right now? I think what I'm most excited about in life right now is, like, building my home and my future and my family.

Like, I just want to, like, cultivate a sense of groundedness, have my sanctuary. Like, that's what, like, feels fun to me right now. It's so beautiful being able to do that, isn't it? I'm an interior design geek. Yeah. It's literally my favorite thing in the world. And so I'm obsessed with textures and colors and tones. And I remember just getting so lost in it.

And the way I like to design is I like to design rooms like my mind. Yeah. And so it's like, how do I want to feel in this space and how does my mind want to feel in this space? How do you think about the different spaces in your home? When I got my first home, like the first home I ever owned, I had like no idea what my home aesthetic would be or anything. And then I sort of like, it was a process of getting to know myself. And I found my own style and taste through that experience. And I was so happy with where it landed because I was like, wow, this is me. This is all just a reflection of me and my mind and my

creativity. And then I like, right when I finished, not too long after, like, I ended up moving out and moving in with Rudy. And then it was a matter of like finding, our taste together. And at the time, I had moved into his house. And it was like a weird process of being like, okay, I want to make some changes. But it's also your house. Rudy loves his interior to be like super clean, spotless, like so zen, but in a like, you know, I think in a sterile way where it's just like there's like no personality. Like it's like because he's so booming with personality in his mind, it's like he needs his space to be super clean. And I was like, what about color and texture and warmth? And it was like this like interesting combination of personalities trying to find the common ground.

And then we recently bought a home and it's like the perfect amalgamation of our tastes. And now it's like that experience of finding like, what's our aesthetic together? Like how, you know, and he's grown. And he's now telling me, he's like, I don't know, I feel like it needs more color. And I'm like, who are you? You've rubbed off on him. I really have. It's been contagious. Yeah.

And when you're juggling all these things, you've got this going on, that's exciting. What's most challenging? What do you find different from how you expected this moment in your life to be? The challenge is balancing it all. And I wish I had that figured out. But, you know, especially just coming off this press tour, there's really no room to think about anything else when you're a press store, like it is literally just talking about Masters of the Universe every day, all day, for three weeks straight, four weeks straight. For those four weeks, I felt like I was

neglecting every other thing in my life. And that, to me, is the biggest challenge, is finding time to still maintain relationships, friendships, other work projects that require things for me. That has been something that I still struggle with. It's fascinating, right? I feel like we all have these moments in our life where everything's all absorbing and all consuming, and you've still got to realize that you have a life as well as the life that you're living right now. I have a mind where like I just love to be focused on one thing. Like if I could have it that way, I would to just eat, sleep and breathe one project at a time. But you just can't do that in this industry. Like you kind of have to have your hand in many things, especially because it's so fickle.

Like at any moment, a project can fall apart. You could shoot a whole movie and then it just does, it just dies and it doesn't come out. Like, you nothing is certain. So it's like you just always have to have your hand in something and be juggling a million things at once, knowing that at one point one of them will take off. But that, I struggle with that having to divide my attention between a lot of different things. I would love to just do one thing at a time. Yeah. And one thing I do do that does help me is my team's often like, oh, what have you got coming up next week or what you're doing in three months time? And I'm like, I live in 24-hour cycles. Yes. I cannot live outside of what I'm doing in the next 24 hours. I completely agree. Because the next 24 hours is like I'm here with you right now. Yes. I'm totally present with you. Yeah. And then I know what I can do for the next 24 hours and I can't know anything beyond that because it will overwhelm me. I think for people like us who do live very busy lives, it's so easy for yourself. It's so easy for yourself.

schedule to just fill up with so much stuff because there's always going to be a certain meeting or a certain thing that people want to put on your schedule on your calendar. I kind of like took a week off last week after having been on the press store. I was like, I just need a week off to like not have any calls, not have anything. I'm going to go to this wedding in Italy. I just want to like be a person for a week and we'll get back to everything when I'm back. Even the idea of scheduling a call while I'm on this vacation. I was like, I don't even want to schedule anything for when I'm back. Like, let me get back.

And then I will get back into all of this. It's so easy for the following week to just be full of things that I didn't necessarily ask for. And so I'm like, let me get back into myself and figure out what do I want to do with my time this week? What do I want to make time for? And then I'm going to work around that and schedule these meetings and these calls around the things that I want to do for myself. Because if I just say yes to this and yes to that call and that meeting and that Zoom, it's like, before you know it, that's my whole week gone and doing things that are important that are still beneficial for me in terms of work, but they're not necessarily

nourishing to my soul or making me feel like a stable, happy human being. So I'm like, let me schedule those things in and we'll work around that because if I don't have those things, and I'm screwed. This episode is presented by State Farm. We spend so much energy becoming the best version of ourselves, building better habits, showing up more fully, embracing mindfulness. But sometimes the most purposeful thing you can do is just handle the thing you've been putting off.

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There's a fear of, and I'm asking this as much for you as I'm asking for everyone who's listening and watching, where we all get to these moments in our careers or in our lives where it feels like you've got momentum. Things are moving ahead. You're doing incredible things. How do you then go, no, it's okay to rest. And it's okay to allow myself this week where

I deserve this because I think so many of us feel we have to earn rest. Yes. But then we keep staying on that treadmill to get there. When I booked Riverdale and I was just working for seven years straight, like that was me on the treadmill. And because we shot for so long in Vancouver, then I'd only have two months in between each season to do other projects. So it was literally I would never stop. It was nonstop. I was on the hamster wheel of life.

And I sort of had to hit a rock bottom. in order for me to realize my limit. Because, like, if you have that mentality of, like, I got to feed off the momentum, like, you might not ever stop. And I think that's a very good problem to have. I've been very lucky to have worked. But, like, for me, longevity is more important.

Like, it's like, I'm in it for the long haul. I want to have a long, happy, healthy career. And I don't want to burn myself out too early. I sort of trust. in my talent and my abilities, not just as an actor, but as like a hard worker, that like opportunities will be there. I just trust that they'll be there because I trust in myself enough to know that I'll make that happen. Like I won't let myself down in that way. But having a break and taking the time to be a human is what allows me to do good work

and just be more connected to myself where I make better choices about what project. I'm doing or what I'm dedicating my time to. There's that famous old story of the woodcutter. He's with his boss, and his boss says go and cut some trees. Okay. So the woodcutter goes out, and the first week, he cuts 20 trees, and his boss is happy. Then the woodcutter, the second week at work, he cuts 10 trees. And the boss is like, why are you only cutting 10 trees?

And then the third week, the woodcutter cuts zero trees, and the woodcutter goes, what's going on? Like I was doing 20 the first week. I did 10 and now I'm doing zero. And as boss says to him, he says, it's because you didn't sharpen your sore. You didn't take time out to sharpen your sore. So your sword just got blunt. And so every time you went out there, no matter how hard you worked and how hard you pushed, you cut less trees. Yeah. Because you didn't have the sharp sore, the sharp mind or the sharp energy for it. You mentioned that what did rock bottom look like for you? It was the inability to say no to anything. I have a lot of of perfectionism patterns and my family on both sides. And so I hold myself to a very high standard

in every aspect of my life, like not just work, but I want to be the best at everything all the time. And I would just like say yes to everything and even going to a concert. The way that I would look at it was not as fun, but as like I need to maximize this experience in some way. You know, It's like I'm going to go have fun at this concert, but also I need to make sure I know all the lyrics to all the songs so that I can sing along to everything. And I also want to make sure I wear a cute outfit so I can take cute picks. And so I can post on Instagram because I need to post on my Instagram and like increase my social media following and blah, blah, blah. Like I would just think in those terms all the time. I went to Coachella with like all my friends and it was supposed to be this like really fun experience.

I remember as soon as I got in the car on my way home, I just started crying. and I was so depressed. And I was like, I don't know why, but nothing about that was fun for me. That was actually, like, it felt like work. It felt like I just wanted to make sure everyone is having a good time all the time. I didn't enjoy myself at all. I was just worrying about everyone else. And I got back home, you know, I was with Rudy, and I was crying to him, and he was just like, well, what's, why are you feeling this way?

And I was just like, I just don't know how to have fun. Like, I just don't know, I don't know what joy feels like anymore. I'm just like nonstop and all I can think about is great. I spent the whole weekend at Coachella and I'm back to work and I have all these things to do this week. And I have all these meetings and all these calls and all these people who need something for me and everyone annoys me. And I just like hate everyone. I realized like that for almost two years of my life at that point, I had always been repeating the phrase, things are just really crazy right now. Life is really hectic right now.

And it was just like, it's not right now. It's just like, that's just my life. That's just how I've been living my life. And I dreaded waking up in the morning. And I was like, something's got to change. Like, I cannot live this way anymore. And he had heard of Hoffman through a friend of his, Hoffman Institute. And he called her and she spoke about her experience and was like, I really, like, it changed my life.

I really recommend it. And I was like, but you don't understand. like I can't just set a week, a whole week of my life where I have no phone and I can't talk to anyone. And like, I have all these people that depend on me and all these projects and all these things. And if I, if I step away, like everyone's going to freak out. And she was like, I know some pretty big names that have gone to this thing. If those people can take a week out of their life to do this thing, I think you can too. And I was like, all right, word. Yeah, because it's no phone, it's no connection.

You're not allowed to read. You're not allowed to, you know, listen to music. And obviously, like, they can't necessarily monitor those things. But the whole point of it is to be completely present to the experience. Because I don't think you'd be able to get what you need to get out of it if you were distracting yourself. Because even watching movies and reading and listening to music are forms of escape sometimes. Sometimes we rely on those things to take us out of what we're feeling. and the whole purpose of Hoffman is to sort of like really be present and feel everything.

When was this? Two years ago. I was like, okay, I'll do it. I think I'll do it. But I sort of put it off. And then like two days later, I got in a huge fight with my mom where I like completely lost it at her. And the way that I was so reactive and so sensitive and so overwhelmed and burnout that I like lashed out at her. And I hated myself for it.

I like had a complete breakdown. out and I was like, I need to go to Hoffman. And I called my assistant. I was like, please get me in as soon as you can. And I was able to get in a few months later. Even the process of choosing to go, just like booking it. Already I started to feel a change. Because it's like an active choice of choosing yourself and your happiness. And like just to be able to say to people, I'm going to be away for a week for these dates. And you can't reach me. And that's it. And you watch people like accept it and respond to it and be like, okay, fair. And I'm like, oh, okay. That was easier than I thought. And then to go do that experience and come out of it and be like, oh, wait, nothing crazy

happened. Everyone's fine. Life continued. The world didn't stop. And I'm actually better now. And I can like show up in my life in a way. in a way that's way more authentic and present. What would you say is the biggest lesson

you learned about yourself from Hoffman? There was this one exercise that we did where you're not supposed to talk about it too much so I'd like be careful with... That's what you learned about yourself, yeah, yeah, yeah, but in order to tell the story, I have to kind of describe what it was, but I think it's fine.

It was like some sort of exercise where you're reliving an experience that was triggering. And a very, they asked us to like pick something sort of light and easy just to kind of get a feel for the exercise. And I ended up picking the thing that wasn't light or easy. It was the very fight that brought me to Hoffman, which was this fight with my mom. You're supposed to like revisit it and try to imagine a different way of reacting to the situation. And I was so stuck.

Like I was like, I can't imagine being any other way in that moment because, you know, the fight that we were having was so triggering to me that I just had to yell and stand up for myself and make a point, you know? For some reason, I couldn't get past that reactivity. Like, I'm like, no, that is the only way to react in that situation. And I, like, got really stuck. So I, you know, my teacher pulled me aside and sort of worked with me one on one. and I was like, why should I be the bigger person? I don't want to be the bigger person. Why should I have to be?

Why do I always have to be the bigger person? And she's like, it's funny. When I hear you talk, I hear this girl woman. Like you're this little girl in a woman's body screaming, I want my mommy, I want my mommy. And my teacher is like, mommy ain't coming. You're your mommy now. and oh, that like, I just lost it.

And it was this weird realization of, by the way, my mom is totally there for me. She's the most there for me person. It was a very specific dynamic that I was trying to work through. But hearing that was more for me to realize, like, I am my own mother now. I'm a 29-year-old woman. And I need to take care of myself. Like at a certain point, you have to take responsibility for yourself and your life. Like, you can't just be mad at your parents for what they didn't give you.

You know, like, you just got to grow up and, like, take care of yourself. Absolutely. And, like, there's something really empowering about that. It doesn't need to be sad. It doesn't need to be like, oh, like, my mommy and daddy didn't do this when I was younger. It's like, no, like, okay, fine, they didn't. But they also did all these other amazing, wonderful things. and they did the best they could with the tools that they had.

And now it's time for me to grow up and take care of myself. And like, I think that's beautiful because there is still a little girl inside of me. But now I can be the mother to that little girl. I can take her in my arms and be like, it's okay, I'm here. I got you. And that was something that I really needed to learn to like reframe things in my mind to not sort of like pity myself or like, you know, constantly. be in the state of like grieving what I didn't have.

Yeah. My mother is the most loving person you could imagine. Like I had a lot of love as a kid. But there was a period of my life where she moved to Brazil for a while. And I was living with my dad at the time. My parents were divorced. And I remember going through, it was my like first heartbreak. and it was a humiliating heartbreak where like he was my best friend turned boyfriend who ended up

cheating on me with one of my closest friends. And I was like 15 years old. And I was devastated. And I was like so depressed. And I was living with my dad who like bless him. But like, you know, how much can a dad do for a teenage daughter in that time? I like needed my mom and she wasn't there. And I remember being feeling very abandoned by her in that time. We've, worked through this a lot and I've talked about it a lot. But like, no matter how much you talk about something, that doesn't mean that you've healed it. Like, it's like, I needed to release the fury of this little girl inside of me. And only then could I really forgive and make space for like real, real forgiveness. And I feel like I've reached that now. I don't want, you know,

this to frame my mom as somebody who wasn't. Because my mom is like the most, a lot of the most, like, supportive person I know. But, you know, no one's perfect. And, like, that was something I think I needed to experience is, like, this feeling of empowerment to take care of myself. I think what I'm hearing from you is it's okay to hold both of those things at the same time. Yes, oh my God. You know, you adore your mom.

She loved you. Yeah. She was there for you. You had a loving childhood. That's true. Yeah. And at the same time, there's this one specific. experience that has left this mark on you that you had to address when you were doing the

self-work. And I think when we can hold both truths at the same time, you actually give yourself space to explore both of them and validate both of them. Whereas when we say, oh, it's either all, that's where I think we go wrong. Like my parents either were amazing and loved me. And therefore none of my feelings are valid or important. Or my feelings are the only thing that's valid and important. and get anything right. And that's just not true. And I think maturity is actually the ability to live in the gray. I feel that now more than ever is this idea of like living in the gray and like two things can be true at once because I struggle with not having absolute truths. Like I always want to be like what was what is the narrative? What is the thing that's actually true? And it's like sometimes there is

no truth. It's just kind of it's just a gray area and like and you're right, two things can be true at once. You also had that experience of growing up between two cultures, so I wonder whether that was part of it too. When I was growing up, Brazilian culture was such a part of my life because both of my parents are Brazilian. So they, and they were speaking Portuguese with each other and raising us in very Brazilian ways. So, like, I know that that was part of my identity, but I think I had a resistance toward it when I was in high school. And I grew up in Miami, which is a very Latin place. Like everyone there is Latino. Everyone at my school was Latino.

But like for me, I denied it more out of fear of like, you know, I wanted to be an actor. And I was afraid of that getting in the way of my success because there weren't a lot of models of success for people that looked like me or had my background. Like I wasn't this white girl next door with blonde hair and blue eyes. You know, I wanted to make myself as like ambiguous as possible and as, um, palatable as possible, I guess. I felt like I was sort of resisting that part of myself. And there was a switch at one point in my career where I realized, oh, actually, like, this is my superpower. This is what makes me unique. And then I started leaning into that and embracing it and felt more myself than I ever have. And now that's why, you know, meeting Rudy was such a beautiful

experience because he's also Brazilian American. He's Brazilian Italian American. But his Brazilian side is, I think, way stronger because his mom's Brazilian, and he grew up in a neighborhood that was very Brazilian. And so we both shared that sort of Brazilian American thing. And it's so, it's so rare. It's especially in Hollywood, like I never meet other Brazilian Americans. And so that was something we really connected and bonded about was having this shared culture, this shared third culture, you know? It goes back to what we were talking about

a second ago that it almost feels like you had to learn to accept all the different parts of yourself and like see all of them. Yeah. And so it's like I am a bit of this and I am a bit of this and this is also who I am. And now I can see the full picture rather than when I'm having to choose,

I'm only this or I'm only that. But it feels like when the older you get, you kind of like go back to your roots more and more. I don't know if you found this in life, but like I feel like sometimes we kind of go full circle. I've seen it happen with my friends too, like people who grew up really religious and then they completely reject God and reject religion

and rebel against it. And then they like go through some things and they kind of come back to it later in life and then they're like religious again, but in a different way. Yeah. I've seen that happen a lot with people. And for me,

I feel like it's kind of been that way with my culture, where it's like I grew up very Brazilian. And then I sort of, no, I wouldn't say ever rejected it, but I just didn't, I didn't lead with that. And then I sort of found it again in a way that made me feel more myself than ever. And then the values that I think that I carried that were more American values, like more about individualism, those started to fade away. and then my like more communal, familial, cultural side started to take over.

And now I think those values are stronger in me than they were before. Yeah, I think there is that cyclical nature to life. Yeah. And that's why what we learn in our childhood is so important. Yeah. Because you find your way back to it often. You do. And you like redefine it in a way.

Yeah, redefine is a good word. For me also, I didn't grow up with, any religion in my house. My dad's side of the family is super atheist. My grandpa was like a radical atheist in the 60s in Brazil, you know, so like that whole side of the family, they're just very, you know, all about logical thinking. They're very science based and just like religion just wasn't a thing. And then my mom's side of the family is like very Catholic. And now they're, they practice a religion called spiritism. I think that's the translation. Spitiismo is how you say in Portuguese, which has a lot to do with like reincarnation. And it's just like a completely different,

two different sides of the religious scale. You know, even though my mom's side of the family was somewhat religious, that wasn't a part of my upbringing. Like I didn't go to church. My mom didn't really practice it at home. She believed in God. But like, I think my dad's presence definitely was more dominant. And it allowed for a lot of great conversations. And it allowed for a lot of great conversations at the dinner table. Like there was a lot of thought behind it. It's not like he was indoctrinating us to like not believe in God. But I feel like I, you know, when I was a teenager, I was an atheist. And I like was very proud to be an atheist. And I didn't believe in any God. And I was like reading Richard Dawkins. And like I was just very much an atheist. And I was well into

my 20s. And it wasn't until I sort of hit that rock bottom. You know, and I was just a lot of, you know, I went to Hoffman that things started to change for me. And it was so funny because I rejected spirituality for so long. And then, you know, I've done years of therapy. I've been in therapy for almost a decade. And I kind of hit a plateau where I was like, I've talked about my problems and I've rationalized them. And I can talk and talk and talk. But like I don't feel like I'm healing. I feel like I'm stuck in the cycle of like being very aware of, what my problems are, but not really being able to implement any change around them or like changing how I feel. Like all those like feelings are still there. I feel like I need something more. I need like a

larger purpose. I need like I'm craving something more meaningful. And I didn't even know that it was spirituality at the time, by the way. I just like knew that I needed something more. And yeah, I hit this plateau in therapy. And I went to Hoffman and I found. for the first time a sense of spirituality that I never had in my life. And it was really hard. Hoffman is not about that necessarily. It's more about finding an inner sense of spirituality, like being connected to your higher self. And that was like a form of spirituality I could get behind because everything else felt so hard to get into this latent life. Like it just felt so inaccessible and like too grand, you know? But like believing in my spiritual self, like,

that's something I can get behind. That's easy to me. I can see that. I can visualize that. Like, who is my highest self? And, like, that is, like, my version of God in a way is, like, my best self. And that's the person I should turn to for guidance. And that gave me a sense of spirituality that I never had in my life. And then it opened up the door to believing in something. I wouldn't, I'm definitely not an atheist anymore. But I don't necessarily know what it is I believe in, but I'm, like, so open to the positive. I don't really care if it's real or true. It's like I just want to believe it and I'm okay with that. Like I'm okay with not knowing. I just want to like believe in something. People often think they have this misconception that atheists don't believe in anything or don't have any like moral high ground,

I guess or moral compass. And that's so not true. Like I think there's a way to in the book the God Delusioned by Richard Dawkins and it opens with this quote. that's like, isn't it possible to believe that the garden is beautiful without believing that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? And I really resonated with that because I'm like, the world is beautiful. There are so many like beautiful things about life and like things that we can find purpose in without having to believe in a higher power. I always had somewhat of a spirituality to me, but, you know, I rebelled against this idea of religion and then I sort of found my way back to it. And I wouldn't say, it's religion, but it's spirituality, and it's just redefined now, you know, and much to my dad's family's chagrin, I'm

like, now a spiritual person and when Westchap first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked the Rachel. While those things stayed

in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when West Jet welcomes you on board. Here's to Westjetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. I love it. Sometimes it's almost good to rebel. Like it's almost healthy that you go to the other end because now you have the experience of what that means and what it feels like to study it, to learn it so that when you come back to wherever you are now, you can actually come back with more conviction and more clarity. I think what a lot of us do with any value, whether it's spirituality, whether it's religion, whether it's science,

whatever it may be, any belief or value, the more you argue it against others and the more you try and prove it to others is usually a sign of your immaturity and your understanding of the thing. Whereas when you're kind of in flow with it, you are totally open to everyone having their own beliefs and values and insights because you recognize that, yeah, I get a bit of what they're saying, and I get a bit of what I'm saying, and neither's right or wrong or good or bad or the truth. Yeah, it's healthy to challenge those beliefs. I think challenging your beliefs is such a scary idea for us. Yeah.

Because we already feel like the world is moving so fast around us. Yeah. That to kind of take a look underneath and see if the fairies are there or not. Yeah. It's kind of scary. Yeah. You know, it's kind of like, wow, like I believe them. What if they're not there?

And if I don't believe them and I look, what if they're there? Yeah. And so either way, there's a shock. There's just no certainty. Everything's got some faith. Anything's possible at this point. Yeah. Anything is possible.

And everything has some faith in it, I feel. Yeah. Like, do you're having some faith in anything? And everything requires a level of faith. Absolutely. But people reject that word sometimes. How is this affected by the fact that when you were growing up, you moved like 16 times? Did that have any impact or effect on what you're saying now?

I moved around so much and it was very destabilizing. I struggled with it a lot. But at the same time, it made me. a very adaptable person and it made me like good at social relationships and being able to assimilate into new environments. So it's given me like a skill set that I'm very grateful for. But like at the same time I'm so adamant about not raising my kids that way. Like I envy people that grew up with marks on the walls of their heights throughout the years. Like I think that is so beautiful, like to live in a home that, that's Rudy's home. Like, Rudy lived, like, the house his parents

live in today is the house he grew up in since birth. And it's like, and you feel it when you walk in, like, it has so much history. And I love that feeling. And I don't know if I'm going to be able to give my kids that life because the nature of what I do. But I'm going to do my damn best. Like, I want to provide as much stability as possible. Because I think it is so important. and raising kids. But I feel like I've gone through some things recently that have basically shown me that, like, you just can't predict anything. Like, you just don't know what's going to happen in life. And, like, as much as you can, like, say to yourself, like, I'm going to do this with my kids and I'm going to blah, blah, blah, blah, and I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do things

differently. Like, life will throw it at you and then you're going to have to deal with it. And it might force you to make choices that you never thought you would make. And like, for example, my parents got divorced. And I've for so long been obsessed with this idea of like that never happening to me. Like I'm like, I'm going to make sure I do everything right. And I'm the best partner and I choose the best partner so that will never happen. And that's not a healthy way of approaching relationships. I think like you need to sort of accept this and surrender. to the possibility that anything can happen. Like, you really don't know.

And in a way that's sort of like liberated me. Yeah. Where I, like, trust myself enough to say, you know what? That could happen. I could get divorced one day. And I'll be okay. I will be okay because my mom was okay and my dad was okay. And my kids will be fine because I'm fine.

I'm okay. I turned out okay. And like, you know, I think I was so afraid of this idea that I might one day destabilize my family home or my family unit in a way that my parents did. And that caused a lot of pain in the family, of course. But like, that was just our pain. That's our story. And other families have different pain. And like we all came out of that stronger in some way, learning something in some way.

and the traumas that I have from that experience have shaped who I am and I've given me certain skill sets that other people don't have. And that's like you can kind of reframe everything as like a superpower if you want to. It's fascinating, right? You'll meet people who they,

their parents got divorced and they wish they stayed together. Yeah. And then there's other people whose parents stayed together but they wish they got divorced. Exactly. And then there's people

whose parents gave them all the love in the world and made life really easy and the person goes, you've ruined my life because I didn't have any hardship. And so I never got tough. And then you have the parents who only give their kids tough love. And the kid goes, oh, I built really good skills. And so you've just got all these versions and you don't know what the psychology of your child is going to be and what their temperament is going to be. No. And how you love them is going to create a reaction. You could love them And they could still turn around in 10 years and be like, you didn't show me the hard way or you didn't love me enough. That's what Hoffman showed me because you're there with 40 other people or 39 other people.

And everyone's there from all walks of life, all ages, different life experiences. Some people are like, I was loved too much. Like, my parents loved me so much that, like, I don't know how to be independent. I don't know how to do anything for myself. Like I was so smothered. I was so spoiled. I don't know how to do anything for myself. And then other people are like, my parents, like, you know, my dad wasn't in the picture and my mom didn't show me love. And no matter what your childhood experience was, like, you're going to, you're going to be fucked up in some way. And like, it's just the way it goes. Like, there is no way of doing it completely right or completely perfect. And, you know, in the theme of like perfectionism that I was talking about earlier, like, I've started to let go that perfectionism of like needing everything. to be perfect in my relationship or in my family life. Like I can surrender to this idea that like, no, I'm just going to do my best at every moment. And whatever happens happens.

How did that perfectionism show up on the set of Riverdale? I like developed panic attacks through my experience on Riverdale because... You hadn't had them before? No, I didn't have panic attacks before. And I don't have them anymore, really. And not because of anything other than. than just the nature of being on a show for that long and not having time to do anything outside of work. It's like when you shoot a movie, it's like two months and you go off and you're there

shooting the movie and then you're like, okay, that was that and I'm done and I can go back to my life for a little bit. But when you're shooting a TV show for seven years and one that's like old-fashioned network television where you shoot 10 months out of the year, Like, it's not a job, it's like a lifestyle. And then the hours are super long. And it was a very ambitious show. It required a lot out of us. Like, you know, the schedule is really tight and you have to, like, shoot a lot of scenes in a day.

Like, there's no time for anything. It's like you wake up, you get to work. You're like, all right, let's go. Boom, boom, boom, boom. You're just like running around like a madman. There's no time for human error sometimes. And that would drive me crazy because, like, let's say, you know, I'm dealing with a stressful situation that has nothing to do with work,

like a personal situation. And then I have someone knocking on my door, be like, they're ready for you on set. And I'm like crying because of the situation that I'm dealing with. And now my makeup's ruined. And that's another 30 minutes in the makeup chair for them to fix me. And now everyone on set's waiting. And now I feel the pressure that I'm the reason why we're behind. Oh my God. It was like a pressure cooker environment constantly because there is no time to deal with any of those things. So I had to get prescribed lorazepam so that I could like literally numb myself and be able to show up and work because otherwise if I let myself get into this panic and I start crying and hyperventilating, I don't know, I don't remember exactly how much it would cost a day to shoot

Riverdale, but like we're talking like thousands and thousands of dollars that it required if you had to reshoot a day or something. If you missed a day, if you call in sick, like you're costing production, a lot of money. So there's this pressure that comes with that. And I just, like, couldn't handle it at a certain point. It was a lot. So my perfectionism came up a lot with that

where I, like, I just felt like I needed to be on all the time and at my best and looking my best. And, you know, I had an eating disorder when I was on Riverdale. I had it since high school, but that's when I really started to like come face to face with it. I felt a lack of control because, you know, I'm wearing a costume for a character that dresses differently than I would want to dress in my daily life. And she's wearing tight dresses and mini skirts and heels and, you know, showing my stomach, my little midriff or whatever. And if I felt bloated or if I didn't feel good about myself that day, like I had to wear something that. made me feel worse and made me feel super insecure.

And that perfectionism pattern showed up a lot through my relationship with my body. And I would just, you know, sometimes have panic attacks about that of feeling so disgusting and needing to be on camera and just not being able to accept the way that I looked. I can imagine how heavy that is because, like you said, you can't just call it in, you can't say I'm not coming in today, you can't push it off, can't fix it quickly, there's no solution apart from having to go through with it,

even when you're in a state where you don't want to. I only have the panic attack if I'm not, if I feel for whatever reason that I'm not allowed to feel the emotion that I'm feeling freely. So like if I'm feeling like I want to cry and I know that I can't, that will cause my panic attack. Because you don't have the space to actually experience and feel it. Exactly. But like if I did have the space, if I was told you have an hour, I'd be like, great, I'm going to cry for a bit, let it out, I'll be good to go in an hour. But you don't have that.

And that's really healthy, by the way. Yeah. And that's how I like to deal with things in my day to day life. I have no issue just like crying it out for a bit, like letting it out. Because sometimes that's all it is. Like you just need to release the energy. And I just didn't have the space to do that. So it's like, creates this like pressure cooker in your body.

and then, like, I had to take something in order to get through the day. Yeah. But I don't, like, I don't like to lean on that unless I absolutely have to because I would rather just feel it. I'm okay with feeling it. Yeah, you don't want to numb it out of choice. I don't want to numb it out, no. But it became, like, what I had to do to get through.

How did you get to the other side of that? The show ended. Right, literally. Wow. But, like, not every day was like that. Yeah, of course. That was a specific kind of situation. but like I did love my experience on the show.

Don't get me wrong. I look back on that time very fondly. It was just like being young and not having control over your schedule and your life. That was really hard. As I'm listening to you, I'm thinking, you know, you've been the face of like body positivity as well and then you're dealing with this.

And on top of that, I feel like we're living at a time where the scrutiny on women's bodies just continues online to be terrible. Yeah. It almost doesn't get better and it's almost like you've got to hold all these things at the same time which is like I want to be confident in my body

at the same time I have to be at work even when I don't feel confident in my body and on top of that there's constant commentary on women's bodies in general I never actually experienced criticism about my body from anybody but myself like I didn't see anything online that was like triggering to me it was always just my own internal standards for myself And also, my body was changing. Like, I look at pictures of myself then and I do look different.

My body was different. This happens a lot as a woman in your early 20s. Like, your body changes. And I was like, I didn't know how to deal with it. It was very overwhelming. That's what led me to therapy in the first place was I started seeing a therapist specialized in eating disorders. And she paired me with a nutritionist.

And they worked sort of as a. team. I would see them separately, but they worked together and helped me sort of reestablish a healthy relationship to food by reintroducing certain things that I would avoid, like carbs. I was, like, really afraid of eating bread. And my nutritionist, like, slowly reintroduced bread in my life and was like, okay, we're going to have you have like a piece of toast in the morning. And I was like, oh my God, that's going to make me gain weight. You know, like, I have, you. I'm going to I was so afraid of a piece of toast. And those two working together, one with the psychological aspect and the other with the

nutritional aspect, was incredible. And I literally was cured in like a year. The nutritional aspect was so important because the reason I was binging and then purging is because I would avoid carbs so much that there would be a certain part in the day. where I'd walk by crafty, and I'd just stuff my face with so many carbs. And then I'd feel disgusting, and then I'd purge. And the only reason I was doing that is because I was depriving myself. So she was like, if you give yourself that permission to eat the things that you want,

you'll find that you don't want them that badly. And I started doing it in it, like she was completely right. If I wanted something, I would just let myself eat it and trust that I'm not going to go over. Like, I just trusted myself that I wouldn't go overboard. And I could trust myself. Yeah. Then it wasn't as tempting because it wasn't this forbidden thing. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair.

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Wayfair. Every style, every home. There's this ancient piece of wisdom that says attachment and aversion are two sides of the same coin. And so we're either attached to it, like that's all we want, or we're like, oh, no, I'm not going to touch it at all. And it's like those two things are the same thing. Whereas what you're saying, which is this more balanced approach

going back to what we've been talking about since the beginning, is like that ability to say, well, I can have a little bit, and that's okay, and that's not going to change my life. But if I avoid it, then that's what I'm like with, I have a massive sweet tooth. Yeah, I have the worst sweet tooth of all time.

And I can get through the whole day, like from morning till evening, I'm fine, and then at midnight. Oh, no, that's when it hits. Like, it will hit if I'm up and I'm traveling or whatever, and I can order like 1,200 calories, 1500 calories of just like sugar. I can't have dinner without, like, I need to finish dinner with a sweet treat always.

I think even if it's a little something. Yes, the pistachio ice cream. It's so good. I have to, I have to. Like, even when I was training for Masters of the Universe, I was like, when we were in the cutting phase, I was like, please just don't take my dark chocolate. Like, cut my rice in half, don't take my dark chocolate at the end of the night. I need that. I need my little treat.

But it shows you can do it that way. Yeah. Like that's the point. It works for me. I don't know if it works for everyone. You know, I think maybe some people are, have more addictive personalities and need to be a little bit more, like, strict with things. I don't know. Like, I've never had an addictive personality, to be honest, with anything.

So I've always been good at, like, you know, being able to draw the line when it comes to things. I'm thinking about all the young women who would probably look up to you, listen to you, want to be like you, in some way, what would you say to them if they're currently struggling with an eating disorder, they're struggling with body image? See therapy for it. I know that's a very straightforward answer, but like, that's personally how I was able to get through it. I couldn't do it alone. I needed help.

I need a professional help because sometimes the people around you sort of send you right back into that loop. People will say things, people who don't know any better will say things to you that will actually encourage those negative ways of thinking. They'll comment on your body or say, you know, when you do look thin, God, like, I remember when I was my most depressed, I lost a lot of weight because I wasn't eating. And I wasn't eating because I was like trying to lose weight. I was just not eating because I had no appetite. Like, I genuinely had no appetite. And the amount of people that were like, you look incredible. You look amazing. What are you doing, Pilates? And I'm like,

no, I'm like miserable. I'm not working out. I'm not eating well. I'm not eating at all. I'm not taking care of myself. And that was when I would get the most compliments. Those are like the kinds of comments that send you back into a negative way of thinking where you think, okay, this is when I look my best. So what did I look like before? What did you think of me before? Was I, and then when people stop saying that to you, you're like, oh, I'm fat. I think it's important to get professional help because they actually know how to talk to you in a way that gets through because sometimes people around you are just encouraging the same patterns of thinking. Gosh, and that is like a vicious cycle that just keeps going around and around and around

because, yeah, you feel good but you're doing something bad to yourself. Yes. And then you feel bad when whatever it may be. Yeah. And it just keeps going around and around. I wonder, you're so close with all your Riverdale classmates now, I believe, as well. Did you have space to have these conversations when you're on set or not really? Definitely.

Oh, you did? Oh, wow. I think especially with Lily because she was dealing with a similar thing, and she's been very open about that too. She's been on the show, too. Yeah, oh, yeah, that's right. But I think she really started to experience her issues at a time where I had just kind of gone out of it. We had different issues. I think hers was more, if I'm correct, body dysmorphia and maybe like a weird relationship to food or something.

But mine was more bulimia. So it was just like we had different issues, but yeah, we talked about it a lot. And with Madeline, too, they've always been people that I can lean on for those things. That's amazing. Yeah. I mean, that's pretty rare. Yeah. I feel like to actually have a crew that everyone, not that people aren't friends, but that you can actually be open about what's actually going on behind the scenes.

But I've also found that like, I'm just really careful to talk about those things with other people because sometimes you don't want to open up the door for commentary that will trigger you and send you. you into that headspace. You know what I mean? Yes, yes, yes. I'm so fortunate to say that I've healed from it so much so that it's such a distant memory to me now. I love hearing that. And I can't believe that. At the time, I never thought that it would ever go away, that the insecurity would ever go away, that the bulimia would ever go away. I genuinely didn't think that was possible that a therapist could heal that for me. And it took a year. I don't know that that's the case for everybody, but that's what it took for me. And then now I'm like so, so removed from it. And I have such a healthy relationship to food. And like, yeah, sometimes I get insecure about my body,

but it's not this like all encompassing feeling. It's like, okay, like, all right, I got to like not eat so much chocolate. It's like, it's like such a, it's so relaxed. You know, it's such a, I have such a healthier relationship to it where I just trust myself. Like, I liked my body a week ago more than I like it now, but it's fine. Yeah. I'll get there. Yeah, it's like a life edit rather than like a complete breakdown of yourself. Yeah. It's like, God, I need to edit that. And and add a bit of that, minus a bit of that. It's like, okay, I miss my abs. We'll get them.

We'll get them back. Yeah, we don't need to internalize all of this and make it about our self-worth and self-esteem. It does not define you. The way you're talking about it, it sounds like it did have an impact on self-worth, self-esteem. Oh, no, I couldn't function. I remember my therapist during that time was like,

what if I told you? Because she wanted to see, was it a fear of gaining weight, or was it of an insecurity with how I look currently? And she's like, what if I told you that this is what you're going to look like for the rest of your life? And I just started crying. I just started crying. I was like, no. So it was like, oh, okay, that helped me realize.

I cannot accept the way that I look right now. Like, I'm so deeply unhappy with what I look like right now. I was afraid of looking the way I currently looked for the rest of my life. How did this coincide with meeting Rudy? I met Rudy 22. too. His team reached out to me. I had an offer for the project he was directing. It was his directorial debut called Musica. And it was a rom-com that had a lot to do with Brazilian-American culture. And I'm kind of like one of the only people in this industry that could play that

part. I was like, I don't know. Like this guy from Vine is directing a rom-com and once, I was like, I don't know. Like, we'll see. And I met with him. And I met with him. and I was like, oh, wow, he's brilliant. I have to do it. Like, it was like a complete 180. Like, I was, like, pretty sure I was going to pass. Then I took the meeting anyway, because I was like, he's Brazilian.

I needed to meet another Brazilian in the industry. And then I was, like, within 10 minutes, like, so in awe of just his whole personality and vibe. And, like, I could tell he was a brilliant mind. And then we sort of, like, had a love story. over Zoom. Like, we got to know each other over Zoom because I came on as an EP and I was helping rewrite a lot of the script and like, especially my scenes. And we were taking inspiration out of my personal life and his is entirely out of his personal life because it's, you know, autobiographical.

And so we were just like creating these characters together and writing these scenes together and sharing intimate stories about our lives in order to service these characters. And through that experience, we like, I mean, I was falling in love with him and now I know that he was too. But I like was like, oh my God, like, I don't even know him yet. I haven't even met him in person. But like, I feel this chemistry over Zoom and I was like kicking my feet underneath the table and like getting all giddy when I was talking to my friends about him. But I was like, I have no idea, you know, if this chemistry is just like. Once I did. Yeah. And if it's just over Zoom or like what's it going to feel like when I see him in person?

and like, what if he smells different? You know, like, I don't know. It's like, you start making only excuse me. Yeah, exactly. And the moment we met, it's so beautiful. We have this like two minute long footage of the moment we met because we like shook hands at the screen test. And then went right over in front of the camera.

And they just started recording. And he and I just started chatting. And so we have this two minute long footage of us basically talking in person for the first time. And there's no audio. can't hear it, but you can just see us like, like being all like cute and giddy and like this sort of like, you could just feel this energy between us and this chemistry. And I'm so happy we have that because it's like this like such a defining moment of us

meeting. And then yeah, it kind of escalated really quickly. I think like within a week of filming he and I were already seeing each other. I felt like I had known him my whole life. and I don't know if some of that was because of the like shared culture thing he felt so familiar to me like I just it felt like past life stuff and I didn't even believe in that at the time it was just like I just feel so at home with you that's the word I would it just felt like home it felt right and easy it felt really easy how did you view

love before you met Rudy and then after I like am hesitant to say this but like I really feel like I'm my best self when I'm in love when I have a partner. I have no shame in saying that. I think humans need each other. And like finding a life partner has always been so important to me, like someone who's like by your side through thick and thin. And I mean like partner, you know, like more so than anything else. Like, who is my best friend in this life? And that was really what I was looking for. And I feel like I was always so ahead of my time in that way, not actually ahead of my time, but just like I was looking for that from a very young age, like a life partner. I feel like I really didn't find that until

Rudy, like someone who I could really envision a whole life with. Because like more than anything, he's my best friend. He's literally my best friend. And like I just want to spend time with him always. Like I just enjoy being around him. And we've been through dark times. Like we've been through a lot of shit. And like it never changes and never wavered. Like I never hesitate to be with him. I'm like, I want to be with this person.

I choose this person. Until life gives me a reason not to, I'm going to continue to choose this person. And I feel that he has the same view on love where it's like, We're in it for the long haul and you're my life partner and like life's going to get crazy, but I want to experience it with you. I was in a relationship before that was so, we were just so incompatible. And I felt like I was trying so hard for it to be right, like way too hard.

And it was this talk I had with my dad where he was just like, I know you have this thing because me and your mom got divorced. You need to get right what we got wrong. And he's like, and you're like fighting so hard to like make a relationship work because relationships are hard. And like I'm not going to give up like my parents did. And he's like, yeah, relationships are hard, but they're not that hard. Like it shouldn't be that hard. It should feel somewhat easy.

Like being with them should feel sort of effortless and easy. And this relationship didn't feel easy. It felt like constant work where you're just like, oh, you're just incompatible. You're just two people that shouldn't be together. And I feel the way about my mom and dad. I don't think they're compatible. And I don't think they should have stayed together. But for some reason at the time, I was like, I should really, I'm not going to, I'm not going to give up.

I have to work really hard to make the relationship work. And yeah, I think meeting Rudy, it just felt so effortless and easy. and write. It just felt like home. What part of yourself you think you had to heal to let that kind of love in? That was a hard experience, healing from my last relationship. The hard thing about our industry is like when your ex moves on, you have to like see it in your face all the time. And to be honest, I don't even think that that's that unique to our industry. I think because of social media, it's like everyone has to sort of deal with that.

But it's just magnified because like the whole world is seeing it happen to. And I had to see a lot of photos and content of my ex with another woman. And it was like, there's something about it that feels like humiliating. Like you're just like embarrassed a little bit. And I don't know why because there's nothing embarrassing about it. It's like, yeah, this is just what happens. happens. But it's just so hard to metabolize that. And that part of it, I feel like I needed to heal. I had things I needed to heal from myself and flaws in my behavior that I needed to look at.

But I do believe that part of the healing process is meeting someone new. I don't think we fully heal, like for real heal until you start falling in love again. Yeah, loving differently. Yes. Yeah, experiencing love in a different container. In a new way. And it brings up patterns. I think like when you start loving again, it shows you what the wounds are from before that can only be healed by loving again, you know? Because then you're like, okay, now I'm having trust issues and now I'm having, it's like all those things come up and they wouldn't have if you were just on your own single.

It's when you start loving again that you have to confront those wounds. And so part of the healing process from your last relationship is welcoming in a new person and learning how to trust again. Most people kind of try and package everything nicely where it's like you've got to break up, get over it. Yes. And then once you're over it, then you can, and it's like, well, you can't, there's going to be parts of that journey that are going to overlap a little bit. Overlap a little bit. Yeah. And not because you're trying to move on because of a new person.

Yeah. It's not like you're trying to fill a void. What I'm hearing you say is that there are certain things that you can only learn in connection. Yeah. Because they don't come out when you're sitting by yourself. There are certain things you can only learn by yourself and there are certain things you can only learn in connection. Yes. And you've got to do them in the right place and the right rooms.

Because relationships teach us so much about ourselves. For sure. Like they hold up a mirror to you and you're like, oh, I have some issues I need to work on. I love the point you're making that that is exactly what relationship. relationships are for sure. Yeah. Gives you an opportunity to see yourself much more deeply, intimately, but then know that that person's going to hold your hand through that. I feel like we've both seen the ugliest sides of each other. And I still love him. I think that's real love. And I think every time you're challenged in your relationship, it just forces you because you have a choice. Like it's like when you reach certain obstacles and the relationship, you can end it or you can work through it. And the choice to work through it has always been the better choice. And I feel like it's only made us stronger and stronger and build more

and more intimacy where I'm like, I like know you now. I know you and you know me. And I'll continue to get to know you. And like that process never ends. But like those experiences I think are what make a couple really strong. You know, you say you've been married for 13 years. I'm sure there have been bumps in the road in those 13 years, you know? And I feel like I love meeting couples who are so transparent and real about what it takes

to like be in a long-lasting relationship. It's like an art form. It requires work and maintenance. And it's never done. The work is never done. because you continue to grow as people and you always have to continue to, like, nurture the relationship and, like, redirect or, you know, like, find new ways of communicating. Because life changes and we go through different things. And I feel like my favorite couples are the ones that, you know, they've been married for decades. And they're like, oh, we've been through it all. And, like, you know, we almost broke up at one point. And then we did the, and it's like, they're so open and transparent about how imperfect it can be. all of our friends joke how annoying we are

because we're very publicly affectionate. Like he and I are always like in each other's faces and kissing each other and to the point where I think it like pisses other people off. Especially like people that aren't like that like someone's girlfriend will be like why aren't you hugging me like that all the time?

Because that was my parents love language. My parents are very affectionate. His mom is very effective. They're just, we're very publicly affectionate people and that's not something that Brazilians really shy away from. Yeah. And also, culturally, I think it's more common in Brazilian culture to, like, flaunt your relationship.

Like, it's not this thing that you're like, we're going to be very private and concealed about everything. Like, it's like, this is my man. I love him. You know, like, that's the attitude towards love and relationships. And he and I are very much like that. And that's a challenge in this industry because that is who I am as a person naturally. but I have to fight it a little bit because I can't just like pour everything out and share. I don't want to completely open up to the world and welcome them into this relationship.

But at the same time, I'm like such a transparent person and I want to be able to share everything because I think that that's how we connect as people and like I want to share my experiences but at the same time you want to like protect the relationship. And yeah, I feel like we're,

constantly trying to find that balance of like, you know, I want to shout that I love you from the rooftops, but also don't want to give off this idea that we're like a perfect couple, you know? Yeah. Just because all you're seeing is the highlights, like there are going to be challenges and relationships, no matter who you're with. They're just different challenges. And it's a matter of like deciding what challenges you're comfortable taking on.

I've been able to look at Rudy and be like, I. I can handle the challenge of this relationship. I'm okay with this. I'd prefer this over that challenge. Your public life should be good, but your private life should be better. Yes. And I always say to people,

I feel like my public life looks great, but I always want my private life to be better. And that's something you get to keep. And so you don't have to dim your public life. You just have to make your private life better. And that gives it a great balance because if you're trying to dim your public life or dim your outer light,

that starts to feel uncomfortable. was you were saying with your Brazilian attitude. It doesn't feel natural. It doesn't feel natural and organic. If you're sacrificing your private life for your public life, that doesn't feel great either. One of the biggest lessons I've learned in relationships is don't let it be one-sided for too long,

where one person's doing everything for too long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're in a long-term relationship and one person's doing too much for too long, that's hard. Yeah. And so the ones that get through the tough times and the hard times are where it's two-sided, where both people are turning up, showing up, making the effort.

I felt that way at one point. To be honest, that kind of circles back to the Hoffman thing of it all, where I kind of hit my rock bottom. I went to Hoffman. I came back with a new lease on life, a lot of clarity, new sense of purpose. And like a lot of my habits changed. My outlook on the world changed. Like, I wasn't wanting to go out as much or drink as much. You know, I just had a different, different priorities, different boundaries. It just sort of like highlighted. this difference at that point because Rudy hadn't done any therapy at that point. And I had done, you know, almost a decade of therapy. And I just in Hoffman. And then it was like, okay, I've done all this work around my issues. And it still feels like you're not quite ready to dive into yours. And it wasn't until he started doing therapy after I was recommending it for a long time.

He finally started. So many of our problems started. started to get resolved through that because it was like you're finally meeting me halfway. And, you know, we had done couples therapy and stuff, but I feel like you kind of need

to do individual therapy as well to really confront your own issues that have nothing to do with the relationship but have to do with, like, your past. So when he started doing that, I noticed such a difference in our dynamics. And then when he was finally ready,

he then went and did Hoffman, very recently, actually. he like just got back not that long ago and now it's like amazing because we speak the same language you never know not everyone's going to come out of that experience

having the same experience I didn't know if it was going to have the same effect on him that it did on me but it did and and now it's like the way he's showing up is the way that's like I've always wanted and it's like just the like presence

and communication and authenticity and like now we like we're that lame couple that like meditates together and like shares our, you know, it's like we're able to speak this language that has now become our language. It's like our shared language. And we already have that with Portuguese, which kind of feels like our own little intimate thing. And then now we have this other like spiritual language that we share that really brings us together in a beautiful way. And like I've been told that it's important for couples to have like something that you share as a couple that's yours that you do together. And I'm like,

this is that thing for us now. Like we have that now. I'm like so happy, like so, so, so happy that he had the experience that he did because it's just made us closer. And like, he was somebody who didn't believe in therapy two years ago, you know? And now he's like obsessed with his therapist and wants to meditate. And now he's like, let's go do the couples thing at Hoffman. And like, now we're going to go do that. And now like the maintenance and nurturing of this. And now, like, the maintenance and and nurturing of this relationship is like something we both participate in. And yeah, I think that's really important. It's beautiful to hear.

Congratulations. Thank you. I'm so happy for you. Honestly, genuinely, I'm so, I love seeing people in love and I'm so happy for you guys. And it was so awesome because I remember the night you guys got engaged, you guys came to Glenn's party afterwards. And so I was on the way out and I saw you guys coming in. And I remember it was just like this awesome.

Talking about Glenn Bauer for it in Israel. He's awesome with dear friend. Basically, he disguised it as my best friend's birthday dinner. Genius. So they were working together. They were in cahoots. Her birthday was a Saturday, and she was planning a dinner Friday night. So naturally, I was like, yeah, that makes sense. Her birthday's Saturday, and she's going to go do something with her boyfriend on Saturday, and Fridays for the friends.

She's like, come get ready at my house, and, like, all the girls were getting ready at her house, and, like, getting ready for this night. night out that we thought was at her birthday dinner. And she told me that it was like a super secret, like, speakeasy that hasn't been open to the public yet. She didn't want me looking up anything. She's like, we're going to go to this dinner. And then afterwards, let's all go to Glenn Powell's birthday party and kind of make that part of my celebration. And I was like, great. And the theme for his birthday party was track suits and tequila or something. I was like, great. I'll wear my track suit to dinner. And she's like, um,

She's like, maybe don't wear a track suit to dinner. And I was like, oh, no, it's fine. Like, mine's, like, really chic and cute. Like, it's not really a track suit. And she's like, no, but, like, I want the theme to be, like, sex in the city. Like, girls, like, women in their 30 is, like, hot but mature. And I was like, okay. So I took the sex in the city theme, like, really seriously.

And I was, like, I brought, like, all these options to her house. And I put on this, like, tight corset that was, like, pushing my boobs up. And I was, like, looking a little, like, and she was like, like, and she was like, like, um, do you want to like wear different top maybe? I was like, what the fuck? Why are you being so controlling for your birthday? Little birthday zillow over here. And then. Treating it like a wedding or something. Yeah. And then I was like, well, what if I put this like jacket over it? And she's like, great. Yeah. Like, she's like, it's just like a members only club, like really chic. Like just so you walk in. And then when you sit down, you can take it off.

I was like, okay, great. So then I put this jacket and thank God, because I would not have wanted all my engagement photos to be with the outfit I was wearing underneath. I got there and it's like this super secret like knock knock knock on the on the door and I'm like oh my god like this is like a proper speakeasy but it was just to let everyone know that I had arrived. I walk in and I just see this like long aisle of white and he's standing at the very end but he was coming to the birthday dinner he was going to meet us there so it wasn't shocking to see him there and I just thought this is what the restaurant looked like. I didn't know. I was like, oh my God, it's beautiful in here. And there's like white flowers everywhere and candles. I'm like, oh my God, this restaurant is so gorgeous.

And I see him standing there and it took me a second, but I kept walking. And then I realized my friends weren't walking with me. Like they stayed behind. I look back at them and they're like giggling. I look back at Rudy and he's sitting there smiling. And then I hear the song playing. And it's the engagement party song from La La Land. And I just, I was like, oh my God. Oh, my God. my God, it's happening. I'm getting chills right now. Just listening to it. Yeah.

Because we love La La La Land and we bonded about that when we first met. And then we had this beautiful little private moment. He proposed, did the whole thing. And then, like, I didn't even have a time to process. And then all of a sudden he was like, I want to show you something. And he, like, takes me through a curtain. And then, like, it was, like, a huge surprise party. And, like, my mom was there in all my closest friends.

And it was just this, like, beautiful moment. And then we got to, like, go right into a big celebration. that went for hours. And then from there, we went to Glenn Pall's party. And I changed into my track suit. Yes. And then as soon as we walked out of the car, Rudy and I hadn't even discussed, it was all happening so fast. But he was like on cloud nine. And as soon as we walk out of the car, there's like paparazzi, because there's paparazzi outside this house. And Rudy just goes, we got engaged. And he like announces it to the whole world. And I was like, oh God. I'm like, you shouldn't have done that, but I love you.

And that's, it's fine. And then it ended up being great. Like, it was just like such a fun night. And we got to run into so many people and be like, we're engaged. Like, it was just like the high of that. I remember him shouting that out, actually. Yes. Because I was just about leaving that.

Rudy's like so not, like the being famous thing. He like doesn't think about those. He's just like authentically himself. He like doesn't even. But I'm always the like conscious one of like, wait, we shouldn't do that, we shouldn't go. It's a good balance. Yeah.

How is all of this learning, love, growth in your life, how did you bring it to Masters of the Universe? Like, did it, was it in parallel some of it? Was it? Having gone to Hoffman and like having this spiritual journey, when I came back from it, very shortly after I got the audition and then got the role. And I don't know, I just feel like when you kind of align with yourself, like, opportunities come your way. This felt like a blessing in that way. And it's a superhero movie, you know, like it's, it's all about good versus evil and light versus dark in the most tangible way.

And I've always struggled to connect with superhero films in the past because it's almost like too big. It's too grand of an idea. Like good versus evil is so binary to me. And I've always struggled to connect with that. But then after coming out of Hoffa, And then I book this role where it really is about lightness versus darkness and empowerment and self-identity. And I was like, oh, I really, I think I get it now. Like, I do understand this theme. That's why these stories are told. That's why these stories, like say what you want about superhero films.

But I think there's like, like, thematically, there are themes in there that are very important. and for me it was like finding the light, I had to fight my dark side and fight just the darkness in general. And that's what this movie is all about in a way, you know? And so, yeah, I feel like it came at the perfect time of my life where I sort of was already feeling like this like more heroic version of myself. How did your spirituality help you show up on set differently?

I was like doing my meditations in my trailer, every day. Oh, that's cool. And like grounding myself in a way that felt right. And, you know, it's, I've come such a long way since Riverdale. And I know what things I need to do to take care of myself now, like, because being on set is so overwhelming and stressful and there's always a lot of pressure and everything's moving so quickly. But like, I just feel like I have the tools now to take care of myself. Like, I just know what I need to do to feel good. And I was like constantly in, search of what those tools were. And I found them. Like I like have real tangible tools. Like if Hoffman taught me anything, they gave me real tools that I can use. It's so, it's so effective. It's so

practical. It's very easy. And now I feel like I just, I have that at my fingertips and I can do it in my trailer and it takes two minutes. And I'll feel like I'm set for the day. And I have like, I know what I need to do throughout the day to look out for myself. Your energy is infectious and just, you know, I can tell just how much work you've done, what you've looked at. Like, you've visited all the corners. And of course there'll be more, but you visited all the corners of your psyche up until this point. By the way, though, I'm like, I don't want to frame this like I'm, you know, some perfect human being who's like so evolved and so spiritually connected. Like, in the last few months, I feel like I've completely disconnected and I have to find my way back again.

You know, like I also have my ups and downs in that spiritual journey where I like will stop doing everything. And then I'm like, oh, I got to go back to that. Tell me about it. You know, and then I find my way back to it. But I just, they even say this at Hoffman. It's like a pendulum. Like, you swing one way. And with time, it'll just start settling a little bit more.

Like you won't swing so far in the other direction. Maybe you'll lose your cool a little bit, but not as much. And that just keeps going and going. you know, and so sometimes I do sort of like lose connection to it, but I trust that I'll find my way back and the pendulum will swing. That's a beautiful way of putting it, yeah, yeah, I love that. Camilla, we end every episode of On Purpose with a final five. These questions have to be answered in one sentence maximum.

And so Camilla Mendez, these are your final five. Question number one, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received? I feel like this is a silly piece of advice to share, but it's helped me a lot. in relationships. You know, Mark Consuelos plays my dad on Riverdale, and him and Kelly have been together forever, and they're like a couple goals to me. And I was like, what's your secret? Like, what's like, what's like a piece of advice you have for me? And he was like, whenever I like go to say something, I ask myself three questions. Does it need to be said? Does it need to be said right now? Do I need to be the one to say it?

Good questions. That like... thought pattern is very helpful for me. Second question, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received? I hate when people tell me not to tell the truth about something. Or when they're like, you don't need to say that. Don't share that. Don't tell that person that thing. I'm such an honest person.

Like, I need to lead with honesty. That's like my number one thing. I always feel like telling the truth is the better option. And sometimes when I've made mistakes, you know, made mistakes. in life, I've had people tell me like, don't tell anybody that. And I'm so grateful that I didn't listen to that advice. Question number three, I want you to repeat after me and complete the sentence. This is about overthinking. I think, I think too much about what people think of me, if people will like me. Very recently, I feel like I've started to surrender to it, specifically around this

for Masters of the Universe, I think, because it's like maybe the biggest stage I've ever been on. It's a whole new audience that I've, that I haven't had a relationship with yet. You know, like, I've had a relationship with, like, the young adult audience, but this is a whole other demographic. And I sort of have had to kind of accept, like, I can't be palatable for everyone. Like, it's just not possible. Not everyone is going to like me. And that's okay, because if I'm being myself, then there's nothing really I can do about that.

I can't really change how someone feels about me. But if I'm being myself, that's really all I can do. Absolutely. And it's like take it or leave it. Because I think I've tried a lot in my life to like be liked by everyone. And I think it only makes me a less interesting person because you're not really revealing yourself to anybody. You know, you're just like such a neutral person that like there's like, it's like, who are you? Yeah.

I'd rather just be known than liked. One of my favorite quotes is confidence doesn't mean everyone will like me it means I'll be okay even if they don't Exactly And that feels much safer than trying to get everyone to like you I struggle sometimes to share things about my life Because I'm like how is the person going to feel about me saying that

Like what conclusions are they going to make about me as a person But then I'm like Everything I've said has been honest Like that's all I can do Yeah I can't do anything about my truth. Like that's just the life that I've lived and what I've learned. And like, I can't do anything about that.

Question four, how's wedding planning going? It's like very slow, very, very slow. The house has taken over. Honestly, because we weren't expecting, like, the house thing just kind of came up and we were like, we jumped on it. And then that's been a very time-consuming thing. There's still, there's a lot of empty space that we need to fill. So that's sort of been the priority right now. But it's going.

We have a location. Great. Yeah. Fifth and final question, Camilla, we ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Be honest. I would make lying illegal. I feel like that would be really dangerous.

I feel like society wouldn't function in full truth. But I don't know. I want to see what would happen. That's a good law. That's what. as well, it looks like. Yes. I love that. Honesty. Camilla Mendes, congrats on your professional life, your personal life.

Thank you for being so open. I feel like I learned so much about you today. I know. It's honestly talk to you for another two hours. But honestly, this has been such a joy and a gift. This has been so love. Thank you for being so vulnerable and so kind and generous. Thank you. Thank you for trust to me. I appreciate it. You made it really easy. Yeah. Well, I hope you'll come back. Oh, my God, please. Yeah. Come back regularly. Give us updates. Yes, when I've lived more life. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Thank you so much.

Thank you.