On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Charlamagne: ON Being Open About Mental Health

Episode Date: June 3, 2019

In this episode of On Purpose, I sat down with the co-host of the nationally syndicated hip-hop radio program The Breakfast Club, Charlamagne Tha God. We discussed everything from his biggest fears, his struggles with mental health and his unique take on parenting.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply Well Podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your wellbeing journey. Deeply well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover, and a pirate queen who walked free

with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. I'm Yvonne Gloria. And I'm Maite Glam Galmister Cohen. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast Hungry for History. On every episode we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories,

decode culinary customs and even provide a recipecipe here too for you to try at home. Listen to hungry for history on the I Heart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts The worth of I thought we got was keeping it real Yeah, we're keeping it real in the cliche term. Mm-hmm that discreet's give you. Yeah, which is actually keeping it criminal of you, which is actually keeping it criminal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Today's guest is super unique. It doesn't really need any introduction, but I'm gonna give him one anyway, because I think that it's important for each and every person that we have on the show. Today's guest is Charlemagne. He's best known for co-hosting the Breakfast Club.

He's a social media influencer and executive producer. And someone who I think has a really interesting way of thinking about culture, media, and what's happening in the world today. And I can't wait to tap into that Charlemagne. Thank you so much for making the time, man. Thank you for having me. Yeah, thank you for having me.

Thank you for being here. Yeah, really good, man. Thank you. Yes, sir. But yeah, so today I want to dive straight in. I called the podcast on purpose. I believe you're someone who's living a purposeful life, and I really want to dive into what that is. But I want to start by setting your background up a bit

because I want my audience to really learn about what you've been through, where you've come from. And now growing up, you went to jail quite a few times. Yes indeed. Tell me about what that experience looks like, feels like, and how you were able to evolve from it. Well, that's an interesting question. Because for me, the first time I ever went to jail,

I didn't realize how much trouble I was in because the first time I ever went to jail was for a son, Braddie, with an intent to kill. And it was me sitting in the back seat with one of my homeboys, another guy that was driving. And one of my homeboys shot at this car because we had just been arguing with the guys. When I really argued, we was in the neighborhood

talking to the girls and they drove through. And I was acting like ice cube and boys in the hood, I had my shirt up. I ain't even had no gunners, got my shirt up, like, what's up, y'all got a problem? You got a problem? So then when we left the neighborhood and went to McDonald's, they followed us,

they followed behind us, and then they pulled up on the side of us, and so my homeboy shot, and they literally came and arrested me the next day from high school, and you know, you got to think up until that point, I haven't been getting into a lot of disciplinary problems in high school, but I had never been into a situation serious why I had ended up in jail.

So it's like when they put me in handcuffs in high school, I honestly, it didn't even dawn on me that, oh shoot, I'm in prison. I mean, I'm in jail, in county jail. And my mind, I'll be out by Friday in time for the football game. You know, like I literally thought I was going home that day. And I remember the police officers giving me a statement

to write and I wrote this long, it lying ass story about how I was hitchhiking. And I jumped in the car with some hitchhikers and I don't know who the people were at that shot. Just made up this whole BS story. And I remember the officers coming back saying to me, we was gonna let you go, but you sent us on this wild goose chase. And then my father was like, look, I'm gonna let you sit here for a while.

Because this is what I've been trying to tell you your whole life. I've been trying to tell you that if you don't change your behavior, you're going to end up in jail dead or broke sitting under the tree. And he let me sit there for like 45 or 50 days. Wow. Yeah, I mean, he was actually, he was waiting for the bond to go down as well. But he really wanted me to learn a lesson.

And you know, I didn't learn that lesson the first time I went to jail. You know, I learned it more like the second, or third time I went to jail. Because, you know, when I first got out, I was actually the day I went out, I went right back to the hood, and my father told me not to do that.

And you got to think I hadn't smoked weed for 58. So that's kind of like when my love affair with marijuana style, because I remember getting out after those 50 days and smoking weed and being so paranoid and all I kept thinking about was, I'm about to go back to jail, I'm about to go back to jail, I'm about to go back to jail, but I didn't realize at the time I was dealing with anxiety too.

So not only was it the weed, it was just the natural anxiety that I had my whole life was causing me to have a panic attack. I remember having a panic attack at that football game. So, you know, for me, it was just a learning experience because it was validating everything my father was telling me and my father was telling me that if I didn't change my behavior, if I didn't change my lifestyle,

I was going to end up in jail dead or broke sitting under the tree. So when you see things happen to other people, you know, why people learn from those mistakes? But you know, a lot of times, you know, you have to go through things yourself, you know, in order to really learn from them. That's why they say smart people learn from their own mistakes,

why people learn from the mistakes of others. I wasn't wise then, you know. I probably wasn't even smart, but I had to go through all of that, you know, just to learn the lesson that my father had been trying to tell me for years. Yeah, and what was it about that third time where you were like, okay, now I get it.

Like now I get the lesson. It wasn't even necessarily just the third time. Remember the second time I got locked up, I got locked up for distribution of marijuana, because I saw it on the cover. And they had a drug bus on my, the house we used to trap out of, rest in peace to my manager, Railgunnet.

And we all was in jail. And I remember just all the ones being in the cell and just blizz, I just threw up. Like a little, I wasn't drunk or anything. I was just sick. I'm like, oh my God, I just threw up. Like a little, I wasn't drunk or anything. I was just sick. I'm like, oh my God, I'm back in jail. But I was only there for the weekend. And then it was just like, the third time was just like, man,

I'm just, I put myself in such good positions, you know what I mean? But then I put myself in such bad positions. And it's like, you can't play both sides. You know what I'm saying? You got to really do one or the other. So it was just me finally realizing once again, everything my father is saying is true. If I don't change my lifestyle, I'm going to end up in jail dead or broke sitting under

the tree. When you see people that you grew up with who you used to look up to and they really are broke sitting under the tree. You got people who end up going to jail for five years. Because that was the first time, but with my homeboy, he actually went to jail for five years. He was the first person I knew that had like a longer prison sentence. And those five years seemed like forever until he came home.

But those type of situations just finally made me say, like, yo, this is real. And I'm not going to waste my life. And I always had this vision of the future, you know, because I don't know what I was reading one day with it just said, everything you do in your life, the day directly impacts what happens in your life tomorrow. And maybe I saw it back to the future.

And I was like, damn, I mean, I feel like I believe in the space time continuum. So it's like, you know, you see what happens if you don't make the right decisions, you know, in your past that will impact your future. And I always thought about that. I thought about what my friends were doing or what my cousins were doing.

And what's causing them to be washed, so to speak, or causing them to end up in jail. And I was just like, I'm about to do the exact opposite. And that's exactly what I did. I started going to night school. I started working real jobs. I just did anything I had to do to create positive. And that's exactly what I did. I started going to night school, I started, you know, working real jobs. Like I just did anything I had to do

to create positive energy in my life. I love that man, because I think a lot of us can have that experience, maybe not to the same extreme of going to jail multiple times, but I think a lot of people listening right now, watching right now would say that we're not wise. We don't learn from the mistakes of others. We don't learn from hearing about the mistakes of others.

We learn by unfortunately, or fortunately, going through the experiences. And one thing that you sparked was what you said about your father. There's a statement that says, the day that you realize your parents were right, your kids are telling you that you're wrong. You know, the day you realize your parents are right,

your kids are telling you you're wrong. Yeah, absolutely. And we go through that process. I'm not a father yet. So I can't testify to that. I got three. You need someone in my sperm. What you trying to do? I'm that process. I'm not a father yet. So I can't testify to that. I got three. You need some of my sperm. What you trying to do? I'm still waiting.

I'm still waiting. But I mean, do you have that? Sometimes do your kids, when you're coaching your kids or you're sharing that wisdom with them or inside with them? I haven't gotten to that point yet. Like my older daughter is 10. Okay. My other daughter's three and I got a seven more four.

So I haven't gotten to that point where like my, like, you know, both my daughters have their own personalities. They're both very strong will. But for the most part, you know, especially my older daughter, she really listens to me. My second daughter don't listen to me at all, but she's only three. So I gotta give her time. But my older daughter listens to me a lot. And she listens to me. That's beautiful. And, and tentally, you know, and, and, you know, she just, I guess maybe because we're both can't just, you know, my birthday is 29 for her is the 27. So she's just in tune with me in a different way. And I think that she's grasping the concept of whatever happens

today will dictate what happens in your life tomorrow. Cause I realize she has a lot of plans. Like, you know, she's been talking about going to Harvard for the longest and she started talking about going to UCLA because of the Air Gymnastics program if I'm not mistaken. I was a cheerleading, maybe cheerleading gym after I don't remember. Some program UCLA had that she's really into, but then she said she wants to be a dentist and, you know, she hears me talk about business a lot.

And the one thing I do is, if I'm on a, like a business call, if she's riding in the car with me, I have the phone on speaker. Because I don't think kids we learn, the stuff we think is in the background to kids is actually top of the mind of where it is to kids. So when we're having these conversations, kids learn from that. Kids learn from what they hear us say. Kids learn from what they see us do.

So if you're walking around your kids, yelling and screaming and cursing all the time, don't be surprised when they start yelling and screaming and cursing, but when you have conversations about business and buying commercial real estate and franchising and whatever it is, she takes all that I didn't. Like she wrote a screenplay the other day. No way.

She wrote it for something for school, but it was a screenplay. I was like, how do you learn to write a screenplay? And she was like, was I read a Harry Potter book one time that was a screenplay? I don't know if it was a Harry Potter book. It was some book that she read that was in the form of a screenplay.

But she wrote her own screenplay. Now she said, I'm writing a book. I want you to read it till I'm finished. I'm like, do your thing. Like, I'm not going to stifle anything you do creatively. Yeah. Go. That's beautiful, man.

I think that's a great trip. Yeah, kids don't do as you say they do as you do. Absolutely. That's fun. That's so funny. You said that I was having that conversation with somebody earlier today. And I was talking about, maybe it was just a brown, but I was talking about like how,

the stupidest thing you can tell somebody, especially when you're a parent, if don't do what I do, do what I say. No, like I'm gonna do what I see you do. I'm like, I don't care about your words and lip service. I care about your actions indeed. Yes. And that's how all of us learn.

Yeah, all of us. We're a visual people. You know, if you show me how to do something, as a poll to tell me how to do something, I'm going to learn faster. Well, at least I do. Yeah, me too. No, 100% man.

And then this seems like a massive switch in your life, because you have this moment or few moments, and you're now saying you're going to night school, you start getting real jobs, you shift into being a local radio station, how does that shift happen? And why do you think you get start gain pushed in that direction of music and radio? That shit happened because I believe that positive energy activates constant elevation.

And I mean, I always wanted to rap. I got Wolverine tattooed on my arm holding the microphone. I got this one I was 17, so I always wanted to rap. And it's, you know, I got Wolverine holding a mic because I thought that the microphone was going to change my life. It did just not the way that I thought it was going to. And so like, you know, when you a black man

growing up in a certain environment, the people you see who are successful that look like you are usually in wrap, are they usually in, you know, athletics, you know, so for me, I wanted to wrap. So I would be at these local studios all of the studio called TNT. And all that had another studio called Never So Deep. Never So Deep, those are my, that's my family,

Dr. Robert Evans and his son, bless. And for me, I met this guy named Willie Will and he's a radio personality. And he was a local radio personality as the 93 Jans and Charlton South Carolina. And I remember just, you know, I'm like that now. If I see somebody doing something interesting, I just asked him how did they get into it, you know, what, how did you, how did you get into

whatever it is that you're doing? And I said, how did you get into the radio, man? And he was like, I went down there, I got an internship. And he's like, you went down there, got an internship. Like, is that easy? And he was like, yeah, I'm like, you don't have being schooled and nothing. He was like, nah, down there and got an internship. Like, is that easy? And he was like, yeah, I'm like, you don't have to be in school and nothing. He was like, nah, and this is 1998 in Charlton

Salkin Liner. So, you know, the entry, the path to entry was a little bit less difficult than it is. And so that's what I did. I went down there and I got an internship. And that's how I got my foot in the door radio. And for me, a guy who never been to college, didn't have no college degree, might have just graduated night school and had my diploma. That was a huge deal for me. Because that was the first environment I was in that was like really corporate.

Even though I had worked at, you know, telemarked in place called Paragon Solutions. I worked at Demo in the mall, which was a clothing store. But that was a big deal. Because that's, you know, for me, that's Z93. I'm from Monks Corner, South Carolina. My whole life was Z93. Z93 is the heritage station in that area.

It's still there right now. So that's what we used to always listen to. So for me to just be in that building, even though I was just at intern, you know, I was, you know, driving the station vehicle and going to get the the jock's pizza, whatever it was, that just felt like such a big deal, even just driving the truck and people blowing their hornets, you know, they driving on the highway like, oh, is he 93? Like that was such a big deal for me.

So that's that's how I got into that space, you know what I'm saying? Just just really following my dreams and that's what I always say. I'm not afraid to say fuck my dreams. And then in my first book, Black privilege, you know, I have a chapter called Fuck Your Dreams. It's fuck your dreams if they're not your dream. Because rap really wasn't my dream. Rap was just something I wanted to do. Because I saw it working for other people.

I saw it working for people who looked like me. So me following that dream led me to being that recording studio. But what was really important to happen and I was supposed to have that conversation with Willie Will. And Willie Will was supposed to introduce me to this game that changed my, but what was really support to happen, I was supposed to have that conversation with Willie Will, and Willie Will was supposed to introduce me to this game that changed my life, which is radio. And that's exactly what happened. Yeah, I love that, man.

And a lot of people won't know this as well. It's that mind's the same. So I have a microphone tattooed on my neck, because I grew up wanting to be a rapper as well. So if you're in the Source magazine, I wanted to be a rapper too, and I still love spoken word. It was a hand around it, right? Yeah, yeah. Chris told me a microphone. Gotcha. So I used to be a rapper too and I still love spoken word. It was the hand around it, right? Chris told me a microphone.

So I still love writing, I used to love word. And that was the same thing for me. And I had the same experience because I used to do internet choice FM. Choice FM was London's because I've born and raised London. The choice FM was London's underground, grime, hip hop, rap. That was our space. I was intending there when I was around 16, 17. And for me, it was the same thing.

And then I realized through the same process that what I loved was moving people through language, moving people through words. Communication. Communication, that's what I loved. So even though I'm not a rapper now in my life, my whole life revolves around a microphone. Whether that's podcasting, whether it's video,

but the point is it's using words to articulate a message that moves and transforms people's lives. Same here, that's very interesting. You say that because that's what I have always known, but just started to really understand. Like I tell people, I've been doing radio 21 years, but I feel like the past two years, I've been really walking in my purpose, you know, and I think that

purpose is, you know, knowing that when you got a certain platform and, you know, when that platform gets to a certain level, like you're here to deliver some type of messaging, you know, and I feel like that's where that's why I'm at now with it in my career. That's awesome. Now, what is the purpose? Where is your purpose right now? Like what is it exactly? And how's it serving people? I've, this is exactly what you just said.

It's serving people. You know, I wrote a article, I tried for ozone magazine back in the day. I don't know if you remember ozone. But I tried for ozone. And I remember writing this article called, what would, it was what would Jesus do? So it was WJD, but it was what would Jesus do if

Jesus was a jock so it was all of those initials basically and I was saying that if Jesus was alive He would be a radio personality slash DJ because I really truly feel like we're public servants and we're here to serve the needs of the public You know, we're not public servants like police officers. We're not public servants like, you know, firefighters, you know, but we're public servants being that every day, somebody gets up in the morning, 6 a.m. to 10 a.m.

And we got to get them through, you know, we helped them get their day started. We give them their news, we give them their information, we entertain them, we educate them, you know, we give them their news. We give them their information. We entertain them. We educate them. You know, we give them that energy and I truly feel like that is what you're supposed to do when you have access to these big platforms. Like Malcolm X said, the person who controls the media controls the minds of the masses. And I mean, if you notice, we're getting fed a lot of BS right now. You know, it's a lot of fear mongering going on. You know, it's a lot of anti-intellectualism going on. And I'm not saying I'm the most intellectual motherfucker out here at all,

but I know the people who are. And being that I know who the people who are, I got a platform of 45 million people that they can talk to whenever they want to. So that's what I use my platform for. If it's not me delivering the messaging that may impact somebody's life or affects somebody's life, I know the people that can. So for me, that's what my purpose is to serve the needs

of the public. And one of the biggest things I think that the public needs right now is we just need to be mentally healthy. And it's so wild to me. Everything that I'm realizing now always knew. Like I told you, I wrote that article about being a public servant a long time ago. And before that, I always knew that everything was mental. Like I always knew that.

And it can go back to like another bad creation saying everything is mental. You know, TLC saying everything is mental, you know, Rizsa saying everything is mental, everything starts with your thoughts, you know, like when they teach you in kindergarten, if you can conceive it, you can achieve it, like you have to be mentally healthy to even have that kind of optimism. And you wonder why so many brothers in the hood, so many sisters in the hood don't have that kind of optimism,

it's because they're dealing with the insecurity and their anxiety and their depression and just trauma and pain. How can I think clearly? How can this tool that can change my life, which is my brain? How can I properly use that if I got all of these obstacles and these distractions in my head that are keeping me

from thinking optimistically? So my biggest thing right now is just to spread that word of investing in your mental wealth. Yeah, I love that man. And that's the same reason why I started social media. My mission on social media is making wisdom go viral So it's like how do you take this wisdom that's like hidden away? It was only for the elite or is only for people who went and had these crazy experiences and adventures

How do we take that and spread it to everyone so that that average kid in London where I grew up or the average kid in New York City Where we are right now can come across it and find it too. They don't need to go read a book right now. They don't need to go and travel halfway across the world to find it. And so with that, how did you start? Because you talk about how at 40, you had a spiritual awakening. How did you get to a point where you started to confront the fact that there were beliefs, pain, trauma from your past that you'd never faced before. And that's what's clouding and blocking so many people today. Our mental health or our mental wealth is lost because we're clouded by all this pain from the past,

challenges we never looked at. How did you start to confront that? And where can people start to? I started unpacking a lot of that in therapy. I always say that when it comes to therapy, therapy is like having a real junky closet. So you got to do some messy closet everywhere. So you start to pack up the things that you don't need and things that don't serve you

anymore and you get rid of that. And the things you want to keep you hanging up nice and neat and then you got room to bring new stuff in. But you know, to get to that point, it was just me not only asking myself a whole lot of questions, having conversations with other people. You know, it's so funny, man. I got like friends who used to tell me that they thought I was a sociopath

because I didn't really show any emotions. I didn't seem like anything ever got to me. You know, I didn't have empathy for other people. And some of that could have been true, but you know, I just think that all of us are just so selfish. So we're all just stuck in our own world. And I mean, I'm sure you can attest to the fact that

when you really on your grind and you trying to get it, like you not thinking about nobody else. Like when I was thinking about everybody else early on in my career, it was like, I had a bunch of stuff weighing me down, you know? And it's like, yo, you can't take everybody with you until you get to where you're supposed to go. So I remember telling my homeboy DJ Frosty when I first got the job at the

breakfast club, I said, you know what I'm a do man this time around? Something I've never done before. I'm going to be completely selfish. I said, I'm going to focus on me and only me. And then when I forget the way I feel like I need to be, I'm going, you know, start, start bringing everybody else alone. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm a neuroscientist

and an author at Stanford University, and I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions, so we can better understand our lives and our realities. Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or can we create new senses for humans? Or what does dreaming have to do

with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman, on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets.

It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season, and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The depths of them, the variety of them, continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share ten incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. When I realized this is not just happening to me, this is who and what I am. I needed her to help me. Something was annoying at me that I couldn't put my finger on, that I just felt somehow that there was a

piece missing. Why not restart? Look at all the things that were going wrong. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to season 8 of Family Secrets on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. Narcissists are everywhere and their toxic behavior in words can cause serious harm to your mental health. In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte, who was loved bomb by the Tinder swindler. The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me, but he cannot

be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money he took. But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I know how to identify the narcissists in your life. Each week you will hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing,

and the process of their healing from these relationships. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So, for me, when I started just having conversations with other people, right, stop being selfish, like actually started listening, because that's one thing social media did do it. It woke a lot of people up,

because you know, just start language, like you would say little things, or I remember one time I got on Twitter and I said something about females, like I thought your females, whatever, whatever. And it was just like all these comments, you don't call women females. And I'm like, what the fuck,

since when don't we call women females? But that's just new language, new information. And instead of, at first I just smisted, like, man, I don't hate it. But then after a while I had to just stop and say, okay, well, let me see why. They don't wanna be called females. So they broke it down to me why they don't want to be called females. Even, you know, conversations with black women, you know,

they're saying like, like, we tend to take for granted, you know, black women, you know, like, I never, I, I, I told my, I used to work at this young lady named Crystal. I used to have my team show uncommon sense. And she used to be on that. I remember saying to her, when they, like, I really did not know Black women felt the way they felt, you know, because my whole life, the strongest people around me, was Black women, you know, my mother,

my grandmother, my aunts, you know, my girl, who's not my wife. So I just wasn't paying attention to what they were saying. You know, I just assumed that they would always be there for us. And I just assumed that they were strong enough to handle any load, but they was tired. You know what I mean? And they was tired of a lot of the fuck shit that we was doing.

So for me, just those type of conversations started making me be just way more aware of what was going on around me. And it started making me be more aware of what was going on with myself. And I remember having a conversation with my own girl of man to sales. And I remember a man just saying, yo, brothers are damaged. They don't want to admit that they're damaged and they don't want to do work to get no healing. And I remember just hearing that word healing. And I remember saying to myself, I'm going to go get me some healing.

You know what I mean? I'm going to go get me some real spiritual, emotional, mental healing. Forget the gym three or four times a week. You know what I'm saying? I'm about to start going to the therapist every week and I'm about to start meditating. And you know, I'm about to, you know, just do whatever I got to do to really put myself in a mentally healthy space and then I wanted to get a handle on my anxiety. So you know, panic attacks is something I experienced my whole life. And the last really, not the last really big, really bad one, but the one I had that made me realize I was dealing with anxiety

was when I was back at home living in Monkscone in South Carolina with my mother at like 31, 32 years old. My daughter was like two. My now wife had to move back home the month's corner with her parents. And I had just gotten fired for the fourth time from radio. Finally started collecting the employment because all the other times I was too proud to do it. So I thought I collected my unemployment checks. I remember driving down I-26 in South Carolina and feeling like I was about to die. Same feeling, the same shortness of breath, same crazy heart-papetation, I had to pull over

drink some water, set a quick prayer, like, please God don't let me die on the side of the road. I promise I'm I'm going to the doctor tomorrow, went to the doctor the next day. Doctors like, yo, you got a healthy heart, your heart is fine, you know, but he said, he said, have you, have you, have you, do you suffer from anxiety? And I'm like, no.

And it's like, it's not like you had an anxiety attack. And I'm like, I've never had that before, but I thought about it. I'm like, yo, my whole life, I've had these things. And the doctor said, are you stressed out about anything? I'm like, hell, yeah. You know what I'm saying?

So in my mind, I could always point to something else. You know, so I didn't deal with it, but then once you get my next gig with the Breakfast Club, four or five years later, you richer than you ever been. You got more opportunities than you ever had, but you still having the panic attacks. You still having anxiety. And you're like, okay, where's this coming from?

And then finally, my wife was like, yo, take your ass to therapy. Just go see what's up. Instead of flirting with the idea and talking to other people about therapy, go. And that's what I did. And then, you know, when you start going to therapy, you start unpacking all kinds of shit. You start dealing with trauma from things that happen

to you when you was young, things that you thought you dealt with that you hadn't, you know young, things that you thought you dealt with that you had. You start focusing on your PTSD from things that happened to you when you was young. And then you start thinking about the pain and the hurt that you still feel from certain situations. And you don't realize you have been redistributing that pain. The other people for so long. That's why you didn't have no empathy for nobody else because you really was hurting. You've been hurting so long that you numb

to what it is you actually feel. So, you know. I love that man. And that's the challenge, right? Like all of us have been through stuff, but we've never unpacked it. We've never repacked, we've never unlearned, we've never figured it out.

And that's why we end up in this position. And the problem is denial. We sit there and we deny that we have any experience of stress or pressure or anxiety when the truth is we're dealing sit there and we deny that we have any experience of stress or pressure or anxiety, when the truth is we're dealing with a lot of it. And I love that, I love the fact that you're making that point clear is that

whatever you're experiencing, you're destigmatizing mental health. Because we think mental health has to be something super mental, right? Like we think mental health has to be something like schizophrenia or like a complete personality disorder or something. Exactly.

We don't realize that it could just be regular anxiety. Yeah. I didn't realize things that I didn't even have the help to sort until I started going to tape. And I remember when they asked me to write my second book, they didn't ask me to write one, but they wanted me to write a second book. And I was like, I really don't have anything to write about. Because at that point, I was really just trying to figure

my life out. Because you got to understand, when I started going to therapy, I'm 49, I started going to therapy around 38, early 39. And for me, it was like, can you imagine thinking you had it all together, thinking you knew exactly what was going on in the world. And then you start sitting down with a therapist and realizing you don't know shit,

realizing that you know, you've just everything that you was raised totally wrong from in a lot of different ways. You know, you was raised wrong by the influences you had growing up. You know, you was raised wrong by the music you was listening to growing up. You was raised wrong while you're you was listening to growing up.

You was raised wrong while you're in environment and you've carried all of this stuff with you into your adult world and you're still trying to function with this level of thinking and this level of understanding of things. But you've lived now, like you've lived and you've been around the world and you've talked to a lot of people and you've seen other things and you realize like, nah, this ain't it, bro. Like, we, we, we wrong. So imagine feeling like you know it all to realize and I don't know shit.

Especially when you're an influencer. Yeah. Like, you're an opinion maker. People come to you to listen to your thoughts. So. And then you have to go through that process. Absolutely. So the only thing I could do is like, you know what?

I gotta take people on this journey with me. Simple as that. You know, I remember telling my book publisher, like, look, you know what? I gotta take people on this journey with me. Simple as that. You know, I remember telling my book publisher, like look, you know, I've been going to therapy. I'm gonna keep in a journal. I've been dealing with my anxiety, but then I realized I've been dealing with my PTSD and realizing like I trauma from the thing that happened

to me when I was younger. I'm talking about being molested when I was eight. You know, I'm talking about issues with my father. Like all of these different things, you know, fear not being a good husband, fear not being a good father, fear of not being a good friend, just all kind of different things. And so I just started turning these into a page of a book and what I was trying to do,

I was trying to translate what my therapist was telling me, but that doesn't work. Because what your therapist is telling you just helps for you to have a better understanding of what it is you're going through. So one thing that my therapist did help me do was to explain what I was going through better, but I bought an ad hoc, the name Dr. Ish

to give the clinical correlations to everything that I was feeling. And that's what was really the most beautiful thing about the book. That was therapeutic for me. And I know people say it all the time, many write books. I was therapeutic for me, but no,

this was really therapeutic for me because it's not a book about understanding. Like, it's not a book, it's a book of confusion. It's a book of unpacking. It's a book of, this is all the shit that don't serve me no more. This is what was fucked up about me, you know? And I don't want this no more.

Like, here, y'all take this. This is gone, you know? Cause I'm at stage zero right now. And guess what, happy to be at stage zero. Like it feels good to not know. You know, and it feels good to say you don't know. And I feel like at 40, I'm doing more unlearning than learning. Absolutely, man.

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. And that's the biggest challenge today. It's like that ability to speed up, unlearning, relearning, right? Relearning again. And I think so many of us get blocked by thinking we know it all already.

So I love that man. It's a great message. Let's tap into some of those fears in a bit more detail because I think you're unlearning and you're healing in those are awesome. So if we look at something like parental paranoia, which I know a lot of people have, like becoming a parent, I'm not a parentian, that's what I'm asking, but I'm also asking

it because one area of wisdom that I don't talk about is parenting because I'm not a parent, and I know my audience cares a lot about this. So let's talk about that parental paranoia, which I think is very normal. How have you kind of grown to deal with that and work with that or heal that? You said something earlier, you said something about you, what you saying? You realize your parent, when you realize your parent. Today you realize your parents are right, your kids are telling you that you're wrong.

Yeah, and I guess that was another one of those moments, you know, only because you think about all the times your grandmother used to trip out over you. All the times your mother and father used to trip out over you a wonder where you was at and why you didn't come home. I remember my father, you know, gave my older sister a beating because she broke her few

and you never remember everybody running around the town looking for her, trying to find out where she was and this day now, it's just like, that's a paranoia that only a parent can understand. You know what I'm saying? Like the love you have for your children, like those are risks, I got three girls. So those are, that's really your heart outside of your body.

Like you're looking like somebody just ripped my organ out and threw it on the table. And I'm like, could you be more gentle with my heart? It's my heart. So it's just like when my daughter is on the way to school in the morning, you know, her being at school right now. Like I don't feel any sense of relief. Well, I got a sense of relief now

because I know it's three o'clock. So she's out of school now. She got to school through 30. But I don't feel any sense of relief. Well, I got a sense of relief now because I know it's three o'clock. So she's out of school now, she got to school two-thirds. But I don't feel any sense of relief until I know she's home, you know, only because, I don't know what she's going to experience at school, especially nowadays, you know what I mean? Like these kids are growing away different than we ever grew up in.

And then you see stupid shit on the news, like school shootings and you like, man, you know, like you start thinking the worst at all times, you know, and it's just like those are the things that I'm afraid of, you know? And then even just when your kids get older, I remember somebody asking me the question one day, somebody said, do you think Jamel Hill asked me this?

Jamel Hill said, are you a, are you the type of man you would want your daughter to date? Or be with? Are you the type of man you would want your daughter to date, or be with? And I was like, yeah, probably me from 35 to 40, anything before that hell, no. But that's honestly, think about that question. If you got girls, are you the type of man

that you would want your daughter to date? Like stuff like that is what will help you go out there and get the healing you need if the answer is no. You know what I'm saying? If the answer is no, then go out there and get that healing you need. Take your ass to therapy, whatever it is you gotta do to be the man that you would want your daughter to date.

So like I'm parented about all that stuff. Like it's certain things that I've already embraced. I know one day my daughter's going to have sex. You know what I'm saying? And then she's going to get up. It's going to happen. Every woman that we love in our life has sex. Your mama, your grandma, your sister, your aunt,

that's going to happen. So it's just like, things like that, I'm about to get a panic attack thinking about it, but that's just, you, things like that is what you just have to accept. You understand what I'm about to get a panic attack thinking about it, but that's just, you, you, like things like that is what you just have to accept. You understand what I'm saying? So it's just like, you know, I always got to remember my serenity prayer, man.

And that's just God grabbing this serenity except the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Cause there's nothing I can do. And that's, somebody else told me that too. And I was like one of the most freeing things to me. They told me that you got to just let go. Yeah. Like no matter how I can I can grab my daughter like this and hold

on to her tight. I've been I got to let go. She's 10. My daughter's going to be older than me and it's true. She's going to be in school. Like they got their own lives that they got to live, their own lives that they got to lead. Only thing I can do is just guide them along the way. Absolutely, man. Absolutely. No, you spot on and I think that's like you said that's a natural feeling everyone's gonna have. I always had that with my younger sisters. I've got a younger sister. I always felt like I fathered her to some degree and there was always that feeling and that pain of seeing her date or whatever it may be and you're right. That's just something you have to accept. Yes. And there's a big part of acceptance needed because you can't

control everything and that's also liberating when you figure that out. That not everything is for yours to control. Absolutely. And it's not for you to control. There are certain things to humanize yourself by and you realize, oh, actually, I'm not that significant, but I can't control everything. And I have to learn to accept something. Yeah, I was going to write a book. I mean, I don't think I'm going to go with this title anymore, just because the energy of it don't feel right. But, you know, at one point, I was going to write a book called, One Day Your Daughter is going to suck dick and other things

you have to accept as a father. Well, she's now what's she going to change the title to? I might not say that. That just feels a little too crash. You know what I'm saying? Like, I know that sounds crazy coming from me, but I'm not, I guess I've grown. You know what I'm saying?

I guess I've grown because at one point, I'm like, yeah, that's the time I love that. But then I was like, yeah, I don't know what I'm gonna put that. I think of their useful book, though. Very useful book. But sometimes, man, you know, you gotta present the message in the right package. You know, sometimes, yeah, people will dismiss you and just because of that title, you know what I mean?

Which I think is wack. I'm not that kind of person. You know, I'm the type person. If I see a book like the subtle art and not giving a fuck, I'm going to read that book. I'm like, oh, that's a dope title. Like that grabbed me, but I know I come from a different generation.

I come from a different culture. I was going to name my first book, I don't give a fuck and easy should you. A self-help guide on how not to give a fuck. And the book published was like, no, you'll never get in the Walmart. You'll never get in the target. Nobody will buy a book with fucking the title.

And then here comes the subtle art and not giving a fuck, Mark Manson. So God damn over two million copies. And I remember sending that shit to air. I wrote about that book in my book because I was talking about how you know, you sometimes you just got to listen to yourself, you know, like sometimes you're ahead of the curve and other people have to just catch up. And that's just the way our society is, especially when it comes to creatives.

That's why you gotta let creatives just be creatives, because they're already 10 steps ahead of you, but you got all of these suits, whether it's TV, whether it's the film world, whether it's books, like you just got these suits that are old and stuck in their ways and being at Dave, they've never seen it work before. They'll tell you it can't work.

Not knowing that you might be the first that changes the whole game. Totally. Nobody wants to be game changes in the world. Yeah, absolutely. You look at Bohemian Rhapsody and Freddie Mercury. Yes, it's like such a game changer. And you look at anyone that we look up to

or admire in the world, they've been game changes. They don't write books about people who are not game changes. You don't make movies about people that are not game changes. You don't make movies about people that are not game changes But we've always been taught about how do you trust other people? We don't get taught how to trust yourself Yes, right? We get taught how do you communicate with other people? We never learn how to communicate with ourselves Yes, and so if you never trust your own self You're always looking for validation like hey, do you think this is a good idea? Hey suit. Do you think this is a good idea? Hey suit? Do you think this is a good idea?

And then that suit becomes your validation and your decision maker. Absolutely. And those are the most uncreative people in the world. Like, I've never been more confident in my life than I am right now. And I'm confident in the fact that I don't know shit. Yeah.

And I'm comfortable with that, you know? And I'm confident in the fact that I am a person who truly love theyself. And the reason I truly love myself, because I've done the work, the truly love myself. And it's easier for me. And I guess that's why I get hurt a lot because I am a loving, trusting person.

Because I'm at the point in my life where I just, I try to see the good and everybody, you know what I mean? And I don't expect you to fuck me over. That's another lesson I've recently learned. Yeah, go for it, man. I still believe in the law of attraction, meaning that your thoughts become thing. But I don't necessarily think I believe in energy as far as like whatever you put out, you get back because it will always be somebody else out there who's

having a fucked up day who will ruin yours. Because you gotta think, all we're trying to do every day is avoid crazy. Yeah, yeah. We're just trying to stay out of the way of negativity, crazy, evil, but guess what? Sometimes there's people out there who are hurt and they haven't done the work on themselves and they haven't gotten to that place where they're trying to do any healing.

And so hurt people, hurt people. And sometimes we run into those people and it has nothing to do with anything that we did. We just happen to run it to, you know, some of that negativity that day. Yeah. So, so that's just, that's just something I've been thinking about. So it's just like, yeah, you just gotta,

you gotta, you gotta put that kind of energy out there just because you like putting that kind of energy out there. Not because you're putting that kind of energy out there because you want to get it back. To get it back. I'm Eva Longoria. I'm Maite Gomez, Rejoan. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry for History!

On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages, from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both. Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both.

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Apparently, this guy Juan Mendes, he was making these tacos wrapped in these huge tortilla's to keep it warm warm and he was transporting them in a burro hence the name the burritos. Listen to Hungary for history with Ivalongoria and Mite Gómez Rejón as part of the Micoltura Podcast Network available on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Not too long ago in the heart of the Amazon Rainforest, this explorer stumbled upon something that would change his life.

I saw it and I saw, oh wow, this is a very unusual situation. It was cacao. The tree that gives us chocolate. But this cacao was unlike anything experts had seen. Poor tasted. I've never wanted us to have a gun fight. I mean, you saw this tax of cash in our office. Chocolate sort of forms this vortex.

It sucks you in. It's like I can be the queen of wild chocolate. We're all lost. It was madness. It was a game changer. People quit their jobs. They left their lives behind so they could search for more of this stuff. I wanted to tell their stories, so I followed them deep into the jungle and it wasn't always pretty. Basically, this like disgruntled guy and his family surrounded the building armed

with machetes. And we've heard all sorts of things that you know somebody got shot over this. Sometimes I think, oh, all these for a damn bar of chocolate. Listen to obsessions while chocolate on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. heart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

I am Yomla, and on my podcast, the R-Spot, we're having inspirational, educational, and sometimes difficult and challenging conversations about relationships. They may not have the capacity to give you what you need. And insisting means that you are abusing yourself now. You human! That means that you're crazy as hell, just like the rest of us. When a relationship breaks down, I take copious notes, and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for you. But if you're gonna eat it, they're not gonna stop you.

So he's gonna continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him. Listen to the art spot on the i iHeart Video app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Yeah, absolutely. And I've realized actually that when you put out good, it does come back to you just not in the same places you put it.

Yes. Right? That energy will transfer back, but not in the same places you put it. So just because you put good energy into work, doesn't mean good energy is going to come back to you through work. Just keep a good energy into this person. Doesn't mean this person's going because you put good energy into work, doesn't mean good energy is going to come back to you through work. If you just keep a good energy into this person, doesn't

mean this person is going to give you good energy back. And that's our expectation. It's that we think like, if I'm nice to this person, they'll be nice to me. And that's not going to work like that. No, be nice to that person because you want to be nice to that person and put a period on. Yeah. Absolutely. I love that, man. And I one thing you mentioned earlier that I want to dive into now, which is more about your understanding of culture and where you see it going. And you, you, you said that I grew up listening to the wrong type of music or there was music

that you think created an environment and pushed you down the line. You even said when you were thinking about people that look like you, there were certain things. Yeah, yeah. Let's, let's talk a bit about how much you think music through all of it. You know, whether it's bad language, whether it's idolizing, going to prison, whether it's idolizing guns and gangs, whether it's demeaning women or men, even like where are your thoughts on that? And how do you think that needs to evolve?

What do you think it does at all? Not, I think it has evolved. I mean, I grew up in the 90s. So I grew up in the era of Kings to Rat music. So it was all about, you know, the celebration of violence. It was all about the glorification of the gang culture, the glorification of the drug culture and the extreme disrespect of women. You know, I mean, you talking about, you know, whether it was AMG bitch better have my money or Snoop Dogg bitches

ain't shit but holes and tricks. You know what I'm saying? And W-A, I teach you how to suck a dick. Like, you know, I remember Cameron said, and Niggas think to, what he said, Niggas think to reach a bitch? You gotta, what he said? Oh yeah, Niggas think to reach a bitch, you gotta treat a bitch. Nice, threw him up,

I gotta beat a bitch. I said, reach a bitch. Who thinks she all that? Whipple one time, 10 minutes, she'll call back like all of these, like that's when we were constantly listening to all the time. And when you go back and you look at like see Dolores Tucker and Al Sharpton

and all of these people who were saying, yo, this music is messed up, is ruining our kids. Like, you know, rappers y'all need to do better, record label need to stop pushing this shit. We rebelled against that. You know what we said to see Dolores Tucker? Shut up bitch. You know what I'm saying? Like God bless the dead.

That's what we did. We rebelled against that, but she was right. And so it's like a whole generation of us was affected and influenced by that kind of rhetoric. And I don't think that it's until you get older and you start having daughters of your own. That's why I think the Me Too Times Up movement is so good because the Me Too Times Up movement is like a day of reckoning. It's making a lot of people look in the mirror and the culture has shifted. And either you evolve or die.

And that's something I saw like four years ago. Before there was a Me Too Times Up movement. Like I said, I don't know if it was my daughter like my wife checking me, you know, because I was really on some hip hop Howard Stern shit like that all that got to my head, you know, and it was calling me the hip hop I would turn and the black Howard Stern. And you know, when I grew up listening to Howard, like Howard was on some fat boy, you know, rapie borderline, and reporting line, rapie culture, not even reporting line, rapie culture.

And so it's like for me, I'm like, okay, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna be shocking. I'm gonna say the most creepiest things the women and interviews. You know, I'm gonna bring porn stars in here and tie them up. I'm gonna do like all of that kind of stuff.

And that has been the most low energy content that I've put out there, if you ask me, you know, like when I'm having conversations with people, anybody bringing that up to me? Anybody saying, you did this, you did that, they're talking about the more high level stuff that I've put out there in the past few years that is really influenced people.

So it's just like, I was doing all that for nothing. You know, if anything, all that day was come back and bite me in the ass later on in life, because when they thought digging up old tweets and listening to, listening to old commentary, they're like, look, I'm like, man, I'm not even remotely that guy anymore. Like, you asked eight, nine years ago, like, I'm over here with it, but you got to deal with that, because that's part of me too. I put that out there. So for me, it's just like, I just saw I was just reading

how it's turned out. And how it's turned out, his whole introduction is literally about that. His whole introduction is about how he doesn't consider anything he did back then good. He was like, actually, this sheep, it was wack, it was disgusting, and this is a guy, he don't, he don't got to answer to nobody.

You don't have to admit that, you know, he was just like, that's not who I am anymore. He said, he said, he said, this book, this book that he put out is his legacy book. He was like, this is what I want to be remembered at. I want these long form interviews to be what people remember me for. And so it's like, it's the same thing with me.

Like, you know, you grow up a certain way. Like, I remember having a conversation with my father when he was cheating on my mom. And I'm like, are you cheating on mom? Yada yada yada. And I remember him looking at me and laughing and saying, oh, you only got one girl, huh? And like, yeah, one day you'll understand.

So in my mind, from that point, I'm thinking, so I'm not supposed to have one girl. I'm supposed to have a bunch of different girls. And then you also realize that a lot of that is just ego. You know, men, men, I said all the time, men only sleep around with a bunch of different women to feed their ego. They're looking for some sort of validation.

You know what I'm saying? Like their cup is empty. So they're trying to fill their cup up, and they keep wondering why I can sleep with 10 different women and my cup still don't feel full, because it's a hole at the bottom of your cup. Like you need a whole new cup brother, you know? So it's just like, for me,

all of these things I'm talking about created just a coacheship and created a spiritual awakening in me, like I can't pinpoint one specific thing that made me say, you know what? I gotta be a better human being. I gotta be a better man because. I gotta be a better man, because I was on this journey four years ago, four or five years ago,

and that was just from listening to my friends and listening to women around me who cared about me and was telling me what I was doing wrong. And even some of social media, not all of it, because it's not constructive, but some, a lot of it can be constructive criticism, because you start seeing things and you like, am I that way? Do I really act like that? Do I really move like that? And then you take a step outside of yourself. You put your ego down,

you like, oh, I see what they're saying. Yeah. And I love hearing that, man, because I think just the fact that you can get that open in front of a mirror and be okay with the fact and what you've just said about Howard Stern, getting okay with the fact that you don't need to tell anyone you've changed. You don't feel like you owe anything, you've done your thing, but to be able to go out and just say,

I got it wrong, I messed up, that was a waste of time. I think it's amazing that we live in a world where we have people doing that because it's so easy to continue playing the facade and faking it the whole way and pretending like it never happened. You can grow and just pretend like it never happened. Yeah, I mean, that's, I mean, listen, I would never grow and pretend it never happened

only because all my favorite stories growing up were the stories of people's growth and never losing. Yeah, absolutely. I love the autobiography of Malcolm X and I stayed all the time this generation wouldn't let Malcolm little become Malcolm X You know, I love I was talking about Kim Kardashian early the day. I'm like and I don't give a fuck how Kim Kardashian career started Kim Kardashian is out here getting people free from prison. She's become this you know, criminal justice reform activists, you know, this prison reform activists. And she's using her privilege

and she's using her money and she's using her fame to get people free from prison. Who saw that coming? Absolutely. That's a great surprise. I have to work right over there on 34th screen on park Avenue with WBLS when I was one of these co-hosts. I used to work right over there on 34th screen on park Avenue WBLS when I was Wendy's co-host. I used to watch Kim and Courtney come hang out with my homegirl Nicole, she was Wendy's booker. Like they used to come and just hang out in the co-host office trying to get an interview from Wendy when she was like, organizing private hotel and closet. And Wendy was like, I had come in and she came in and then, you know, when the sex tape happened, she came back to talk to Wendy exclusively.

And I saw, I remember when Kim ran through the whole Urban Circuits, Smooth Magazine, King Magazine, was out there kicking in with the rap was dating the rap with his video vixen. And then she grew in reality TV star. And now she's a wife and a mother. And she's one of the biggest brands on the planet.

And she's getting people released from prison. Like, you don't know what somebody's ultimate journey is gonna be. You don't know who we really don't, we really have no idea who's gonna change the world. You can't ever tell, you can't ever look at a person and say, oh yeah, that's gonna happen.

You really don't know. Sometimes it comes from the most unlikely places. Who would have thought a pimped from Harlem would have ended up being one of the greatest activists, leaders the world has ever seen. You don't, you, you really don't know. You know, look at Jay Z drug dealer from Brooklyn, Mossy. Now look what he's doing with the reform alliance and, you know, and and and telling everybody to embrace black ownership and black entrepreneurship. It's something that he's been

doing from the beginning. Honestly, he's been, he's been on his black ownership tips since the beginning, but you're looking at this man and you say, man, this man is really evolving into the leader of the free world. He said that one time. I remember I think I was on ignorant shit. He was like the next leo, no more like the leader, the next leader of the free world or something like that. And I'm like, that's really what he's evolving into. It's the guy who made big pimping. It's not a more misogynistic video in the world, but not as guys mad, one of the most beautiful women in the world,

and beautiful kids, and like, he's telling people about therapy. And that's like, man, it's a beautiful time, man. But I'm saying all that to say, you just don't know who's going to be who. You just gotta let people grow. You gotta let people evolve. You gotta let people make their mistakes. We're all works in progress. I don't know what I'm gonna be 10 years from now. I have no idea and guess what, I'm fine with that.

10 years ago you asked me, I'm gonna be 10 years from now. I had a whole list of things lined up for you. I'm gonna be there and be there and guess what? It's all true. But you tell me what I want to do on a professional level? Yeah, I can tell you some things I want to do on a professional level. On a personal level, I just want to continue to grow. I want to continue to heal. I want to be the best I can be mentally. I want to be the best I can be spiritually. I want to be the best I can be emotionally. That's what I want to do on

a personal level. The personal growth is more important to me than the professional growth. Absolutely, man. I love that. What a powerful message, man. That's just, I love it. I'm just listening and going. This is exactly what the world needs to hear right now because we need to let people grow. Now we need to let people evolve. We need to let people change their story and write another chapter because the challenge is we want them to stay in their chapter. We want people to stay in their lane. We want people to stay in their box and not give them an opportunity to become something else. We're like, oh, we know what you did. We know what you did before, but we need to let them grow. Well, you know what they said.

They said when you can't stop somebody from being who they are, you keep trying to bring up who they used to be. Yeah, absolutely. And I'll talk about how, imagine 15 years ago, you was driving down a highway and the speed limit on the highway was 70 miles power. So you would do 70. Sometimes you do 7580 because you know, you can get away with it, you know, but then 15 years later, they've reduced the speed limit on that highway to 55. Why? Because 70 was too fast. Too many accidents happening. Too many fatalities, you know, people was just really

getting hurt. So it was safer for people to be doing 55 miles per hour. Okay, boom, speed limit gets reduced to 55, 15 years later, you're grown, you're evolved, you get it, you're driving 55. Sometimes you might do 60, because you know how much you can get away with it. But imagine you go home and then all of a sudden you start getting tickets in your mailbox because you was doing 70, 15 years ago on this highway that is now with 55. It's like, I was doing what I was allowed to do. At the time, that's the information

I was presented. They told me 70 was the speed limit I could do. So that's what I was doing. Now that I found out that the speed limit isn't conducive to me living a healthy lifestyle or anybody on that highway living a healthy lifestyle. I'm gonna drive the speed limit because I want all of us to live and on this journey called life. I want all of us to be peaceful on this journey called life. I want all of us to live safe on this highway called life. Absolutely man. This has been such an amazing conversation and every podcast we finish you with the final five, so these are final five rapid-fire questions. You can answer in one word, three words,

or one sentence maximum. Easy for you, you're a lyricist, you're a rapper. So this is part of the play. So final five, first question. What do you think is the greatest hip-hop album of all time? Only built for Cuban links by Ray Kwanishev. Oh, nice. OK, it's question two.

If you could change one thing about humanity, what would it be? only built for Cuban links by Ray Kwon and Chef. Oh nice. Okay. It's question two. If you could change one thing about humanity, what would it be? I would want everybody to love. Okay. Nice. Question three. What's the best advice you've ever received? Best advice I've ever received. Take it time. Honestly, man, I would have to give that credit to my father when he told me that

if you don't change your lifestyle, you're going to end up in jail dead or broke sitting under the tree. And the reason I got a credit that to him because what he was telling me back then is you have to grow, you have to evolve. And that is something that even though, I don't have no threat of jail. I mean, we all have a threat of death, you know, but I don't, I don't have any threat of being broken under the tree. It's just that at every point in your life,

it's gonna be, it's gonna call for a new you. And it's gonna call for you to grow and it's gonna call for you to evolve. And if you don't evolve, you will die. Absolutely man. Question four, what's the worst advice you've ever received? Worst advice I ever received was, fuck that, you're gonna be a real nigga

for the rest of your life. You know, like, that's just stupid. You know, cause there's so many of us, I've seen so many people fall victim to just stuck on that one mindset. Like they just had to stay in tune with the hood and they just so much so that they would still hang out in the hood.

Like I've had homeboys who've got some scholarships to go to college, but they just wanted to come home all the time just to hang out in the trap. You know what I mean? And that's exactly what happened. They ended up trapped in our hometown. You know, they ended up, you know, they ended up just not evolving the way that they probably would have if they

would have stayed in school and stayed in college and actually took advantage of this college and stuff that they were presented. So it's just like, yeah, like, you know, just keeping it real and the clich- that's the worst advice I've ever got. The worst advice I've ever got was keeping it real. But keeping it real in the cliché term that the streets give you, which is actually keeping it criminal. You know? Keeping it locked. Yeah, it's because keeping it real is what I feel like I'm doing now. I'm like, I don't know nothing. I mean, I'm going to therapy. You know what I'm saying?

I'm afraid of being a terrible father, being a terrible husband so, yeah, I feel like I'm more real now than I ever been. Nice, man. Question five, what's the one thing you're trying to learn this year? Hmm, I'm actually trying to unlearn more than I'm trying to learn. I don't think I'm really trying to learn anything. I'm just still unlearning a lot of things. I feel like unlearning is learning, at least for me.

Great. You know, so it's just like I'm still just peeling back a lot of layers of BS and a lot of layers of nonsense. And I'm just, I'm just really just trying to learn how to, how to love more. I know that sounds so cliche, but it's the truth, man. Like I promise you, like, if we all just, first of all, I gotta start with you.

Your first last and best love is self love. If you love yourself, it will be so easy for you to love others. And I started thinking about this a lot when the Nipsey Hustle situation happened. God bless the day. Because I never in my life felt empathy for both parties in a situation like that.

You know, I knew Nipsy, you know, Nipsy was a great brother, you know, me and Nipsy used to share books and stuff like that. He's a good man, you know. And of course I was going to have empathy for him. Of course I was going to have empathy for his family. But when I heard what happened and then my, my home girl, Lisa sent me to God damn video and I don't watch stuff like that, but I didn't know what it was. So I clicked on it and watched it. And I didn't think I was going to have empathy for the guy who actually shot Nipsey. But I did.

And I was a strange feeling for me. And the reason I had empathy is because I understand that That brother was in some type of pain hurt people hurt people and if we don't Start healing each other to deal with that hurt all we're gonna do is redistribute that pain The other people and that's what happened that day. That was a redistribution of pain So nipsey was a loving brother. He was a brother that put out good energy It didn't matter goes back to what I said earlier. Sometimes you run into negative people.

Sometimes you run into evil people. Sometimes you run into people who haven't healed at all. And all they want to do is hurt you. So it's just like when I saw that, I just had a different feeling of empathy, you know, and I never felt that way before. I never thought I would feel that way about somebody like him, but it just really made me say, man, I just wanna go on this mission of like, this helping brothers really, really heal. Like I've been out here talking about mental health and investing in your mental health, but no,

like I really, really gotta go out here and help brothers heal, you know what I mean? So we can stop hurting each other. Yeah. Absolutely. Man, when you're when you're hurt, you end up cutting people who didn't make you bleed. Oh, right. Powerful. Yeah.

That all the time when we hurt, when we're wounded, we're going car. Others, even though they didn't do anything to us. Yeah. We believe in all people who didn't call us. Yeah. Absolutely, man. Absolutely. Shaliman, you incredible, man.

This has been one of my favorite conversations. Honestly, you really bought your energy man. I loved it. I've been an hour already. Yeah man, it's been an hour already. I've got like a million more questions asked. So we got to do round two. But thank you so much and everyone's been listening

or watching. Make sure you share your insights on Instagram, tag both of us, anything that you learned, anything that you gained, share it with your communities. There's so many great talking points in this conversation Make sure you get those insights make sure you get them out there make sure you subscribe to the podcast Make sure you go find out where Charlemagne and Charlemagne where's the best place that you'd like them to come find you I'm on Instagram at C2Gots CTHHGOD. I'm on Twitter at C2Gots CTHHGOD

Absolutely man. Go grab my books, shook one anxiety plan, plant tricks on me, and black privilege opportunity come to those who created both national best sellers. Absolutely. Go get those guys. We'll put those links in the bottom as well. Thank you so much, Shalameen. Honestly, man. My brother, thank you, man. Appreciate you. You're welcome. Yes, sir.

Awesome. Thank you so much for listening through to the end of that episode. I hope you're going to share this all across social media. Let people know that you're subscribed to on purpose. Let me know. Post it. Tell me what a difference it's making in your life. I would love to see your thoughts. I can't wait for this incredibly conscious community we're creating of purposeful people. You're now a part of the tribe, a part of the squad. Thank you for being here. I can't wait to share the next episode with you.

I am Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. This season we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you. Each week you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and their process of healing. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. The one you feed explores how to build a fulfilling life admits the challenges we face.

We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers, offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Miyaan Levanzant and I'll be your host for The R Spot. Each week listeners will call me live to discuss their relationship issues.

Nothing will tear a relationship down faster than two people with no vision. Does your all are just flopping around like fish out of water. Mommy, daddy, your ex, I'll be talking about those things and so much more. Check out the R-Spot on the iHeart Video app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts.