On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Chrissy Metz: On How She Went From Having 81 Cents to Being the Star of This Is Us

Episode Date: June 24, 2019

Chrissy Metz (This is Us, Breakthrough) is an American Emmy- and Golden Globe-nominated actress, singer, and producer. I sat down with Chrissy to discuss how she went from having 81 cents in her bank account to landing the lead role in NBC’s hit drama series This Is Us. She dives into why she stopped putting pressure on herself to succeed and how she dealt with people constantly telling her “no” in her life. We also got into why you should never be afraid to lose the person you’re with, how to love someone the way they need to be loved and a breakdown of fight languages vs. love languages.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When my daughter ran off to hop trains, I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard. This is what it sounds like inside the box-top. And into the city of the rails, there I found a surprising world, so brutal and beautiful that it changed me. But the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there, and if you want to play with the devil, you're going to find them down in the rail yard. I'm Danielle Morton. Come with me to find out what waits for us and the city of the rails.

Listen to the city of the rails on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or, cityoftherails.com. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season, and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share ten incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience,

and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. Listen to season eight of Family Secrets on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jay Shetty, and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet.

Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Louis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw, real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon.

People train for the Olympics for years, for like a two minute run. So just hold on and know that like, if you're walking intentionally towards something, it might not be in your time, but it'll be in the right time. But I know it's not easy, but you're not alone. BELL RINGS BELL RINGS

Hello everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm so grateful that you are a part of this community and making this podcast consistently the number one health podcast in the world. Thank you so much for prioritizing your mental health, your personal growth and your self-development across life, love and work. Now today's guest, her story, is absolutely phenomenal. It's so inspirational, motivational, that I can't wait for you to hear it. Whatever stage of life you're in, if you feel stuck,

if you feel like you don't know what the next step is, and you're looking for that courage to chase your dreams and turn them into reality, this podcast is for you. She's an Emmy and Golden Globe nominated actress. She stars in the hit NBC show, This Is Us. She's also a New York Times bestselling author of the book, This Is Me. And earlier this year, we're starring an incredible movie called Breakthrough. Her name is Chrissy Metz and Chrissy, I am so excited to be here because we've been wanting to do this for so long.

I know. Thank you for being here. I'm so honored. I'm so grateful to be here because we've been wanting to do this for so long. I know. Thank you for being here. I'm so honored, I'm so grateful to be here. I'm like, tell me everything. I want to learn everything. Yeah, so thank you so much for having me. No, and I have to point this out because when if someone's listening and watching right now,

they won't get to experiences. Your energy from the moment you walk through the door is just so beautiful and so graceful. Get out of here. No, I needed it. I just felt it. The whole team felt it. When you were just prepping before we started live,

the whole team was just like, oh my gosh, she's amazing. Your energy just won us all over immediately. That means a lot to me. And I'm sure people tell you that about yourself. And it's just so, for me, I think energy is everything. Yeah. And I think the only thing that really matters in life is how we treat each other. So that means a lot.

I think that's the nicest thing. Awards, schmords, whatever. Like that is like the nicest thing. Thank you. Well, we mean it. We mean it. And even just a few moments we spent with my wife earlier as well, you're just so genuine and authentic.

And so I'm so excited to share your incredible story with my audience. Thank you. And I'm so glad we connected on Instagram or places. I always think technology, it's like, you know, it can be a blessing and a curse. And of course, in this instance,

it's definitely a blessing. But right, you use it for good. And I'm really glad that thank goodness, because sometimes it can be overwhelming that social media. Absolutely, really can it for good. And I'm really glad that thank goodness, because sometimes it can be overwhelming that social media. Absolutely, really can, really can. But then it brings us to places like this, and then I feel so grateful,

because I don't know how else we would have connected. I don't know, maybe the universe would have returned another way. Who knows, at the grocery store. I don't know. I don't know where to shop, but maybe there. Maybe at the grocery store, yeah, absolutely. Amazing.

So I've got so many questions I want to ask you today. Okay. Because I think there's just so many interesting parts of your journey. And I want to share this because I don't even think lots of people know about your story. I think there are a few people that know

but I don't think everyone knows yet. And I'm excited for them to discover just how incredibly hard you've worked, all the different stepping stones and setbacks that have been in your life. But let's start all the way in the beginning. With the fact that you actually grew up in Japan. Right.

Yes, so my dad was in the Navy, and I was born in Homestead, Florida, but when I was six months old, we moved to Japan, old enough to get shots, right? And then, so I was learning Japanese with English. I don't speak a lick of it, I can say like, maybe a couple of nothing. Okay.

No, go for it, go for it. Each of you need something, like nothing. Like what I hardly any numbers, makeup artists I work with, Motoko, who is incredible, she's Japanese, she's like, I can't believe you know. Yeah, I know, it's a travesty. Anyway, so.

I'm terrible languages, did I? Oh goodness, I can barely speak English Let's be honest. So um, so I lived there for almost nine years. I was the youngest and my parents divorced Move back to Florida. My mom had two other kids. I became the middle child and I always say I think that's why I was like I need to be an actress because I'm feeling neglected. I don't really know. I think it's More so that I wanted to relate to people and have people, you know, felt like I could relate to others.

So, but yeah, nine years in Japan and it was incredible. Like the country and the culture and the people are amazing. What was that like? Like what was so different about that experience? Do you think the difference people have of I grew up in London? That's where I was born and raised and people here growing up in New York or big cities. What's it like growing up in Japan? Well, we were mostly on a naval base, but we did live in a Japanese house, a traditional home with the beautiful Soji screens. I can't even tell you how many

times I've broken one of those, playing hide and seek in the house with my brother and sister. But I remember just really incredible toys, really wonderful, warm people, delicious food, like I love Yaki Soba, that's like my favorite. Oh, so good. And a cool amusement park. And, you know, when you're a kid, it's like everything is exciting and and wonderful but um yeah I mean I would love to go back as an adult to just you've never been back no no no wow okay now I know I need to travel more I am well we've made plans yes yes I'm putting it in the universe yeah absolutely

I love that yeah but tell me about it because your first audition even though you just talked about you know why you wanted to become an because your first audition, even though you just talked about why you wanted to become an actress, your first audition actually happened by accident you've said before. Yeah. Tell us about how that's been. Although I don't believe in coincidences, right? So my sister, she and I have different dads.

So she's tall and thin, I'm not. And she wanted to be a print model and her and her best friend were like, oh my gosh, there's this open call that's at the holiday in down the street. And I'm from a little small town. I mean, it's a university town, but it's still small, called Gainesville, Florida. And so you've been there? I actually get out.

Yeah, I actually have. For what? I actually went something to do with the university. I was invited to speak at the university. Oh, okay. Yes, back. Yeah, that's the thing is they bring some great people and great acts and music and stuff. So, oh good.

Go Gators. So yeah, so she was like, well, just take me because I was their guardian as, you know, babysitting them. And I remember going to this holiday in and I was like, what is this? And the one says, what holiday in? What's going on? And so we, you know, I'm feeling other people work for my sister

and there's a woman sitting across from me and she says, I taught at your high school and I'm like, this guy's a little, not too strong. I'm like, what did you teach? And she's like, I was in theater department. I said, oh, I wasn't in theater. I was too afraid of my own shadow, obviously. And I was like, anyway, I didn't know her. And she's like, well, I think you're here for a reason. I'm like, oh, okay. Okay. She's crazy. And I'm like, all right. So I'm filling out the paperwork.

And then my sister goes into audition. And then she comes out. And I don't see the lady. She had this weird hat on. And now thinking back, I'm like, was she a figment of my imagination? Was she a great angel? I don't know. But like she disappeared. She disappeared. Nobody ever knew who I was talking about. They're like, what are you saying? But she gave me like this like this little, you know, spark of confidence to maybe potentially audition. Even though I in my heart, I was like, please ask me to say like whatever. My sister comes out of the audition room and my soon-to-be manager says, so what are you doing here?

I was like, oh, my sister's guardian. And she's like, really? And my sister's like, no. Chrissy, you're always putting on shows and singing. You know you want to sing, and I'm like, no. Literally, probably gonna throw up. And she's like, why don't you sing for me? So I ended up singing, I can't even, I can't even believe I did that.

And the rest is history. So I moved out to LA, we did a whole showcase to find an agent and then there was six girls living in a two-inch apartment on air mattresses. But it was like pilot season camp. It was so much fun, but I got maybe one audition in like six months. So I was like, oh, maybe this isn't for me.

Like, maybe, maybe I, this is wrong. And then my manager said your agent wants an assistant. And I'm like, that's cute. Who? And she's like, new you. And I'm like, who? I'm like, I don't even know her. And like, what does that mean?

Is she doesn't want to represent me? Like, she didn't think I'm a great actually. What? I'm like, fine. Of course, because I'm a people, please, are I'm like, fine, whatever. And so for nine years, I took this detour of being an agent, or an assistant to a junior agent, to an agent.

And it was wonderful, and I'm so grateful for the opportunities, because I got to meet great people and learned so much. And also understand what it means to be of service. And that it wasn't about me. And Devon Franklin, who produced our movie Breakthrough, he always says something so beautiful. He said, you have to learn how to carry a crown before you can wear one.

And I did that. And so I was like, oh, all of these things were completely orchestrated for my good to understand what this business was gonna look like after 12 years. So yeah, I love that. Yeah, yeah. In order to wear a crown, you have to learn how to carry one.

Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that. How were you at that moment? Because I love that. I completely agree with that. That when you look back at your life, you can see how everything was perfectly orchestrated. But when you actually, in that moment, right? Like that looks as it all out. Yeah. Like in that moment, it's so hard to feel that way. All you feel is discouraged. And you feel like, am I on the right path? Like this can't be,

it can't be this bad. Like this isn't the right path of this hard. And so that can be really confusing. And it was for some time, but then I realized that like, I want to do this for the right reasons and not because I'm a women fortune. It was never about that for me. I mean, I grew up very humble beginnings. It wasn't like, you know, I was just saying that I bought a dining room table. I didn't grow up with a dining room table. Wow.

Like, I never had one in my house. I never sat at a dining room table to eat dinner with my family, and I get to do that. And it sounds so crazy to some people, but like, oh my goodness, it means so much to me. And so, um, you know, uh, I just know that I, you have to know what your intentions are and whatever you're doing and anything you're doing. I don't care if you go into the

grocery store or the mailbox or a meeting, whatever. What is my intention? And my intention was like, I wanted to relate to somebody and I wanted someone to relate to me because I felt like This was a little girl like no, no You know always the chubby girl out of all my friends like all the girls were like sharing bathing suits and clothes And I'm like, oh, can I borrow your necklace? Because that's all that fit, you know what I mean? And so you know your tragedies really become your triumphs and so um And I as many people have said like it's not what happens to you,

but what happens for you. So. Absolutely. And I love that your starting point was refining your intention. Like, I love that because I just feel like that's often what lets us down. I feel like if you're intentions right, when things don't work out, you still push forward. Right. But when you're intentions wrong, or it's just for something material or an outcome, then you get frustrated much quicker. Oh yeah. And I see that, that people who have resilience, that people who have an incredible intention,

because that's what's driving them. And it sounds like that was the same for you. Right, like when Chris was, Chris and I, Chris Sullivan, a place to be on the show, he was saying, you know, when you're passion, find your passion, and that becomes your purpose. Yes. You know, and it's so like, it seems so simple, but like, yes, that's everything. Yes. And you, you will hold on much longer than you will if it's sort of like a fleeting, like, all I want to do then or whatever. Not to say it's easy. Yeah. Not to say it's easy. Not to say it's easy. No, it's worth it.

Yeah, and I love that. I always say your passion is for you and your purpose is for others. And your passion becomes a purpose when you use your passion in the service of others. Right. When you serve people with your passion, that's when it evolves into a purpose. So like what you just said, that you were trying to help people relate to you and be relatable and make people feel like they connected and I mean that's a purpose because when people are watching you on screen, they're saying, oh that's what I feel like, right? And I'm sure you've had

thousands of millions of those kind of messages and comments. Which is like sometimes it's hard to wrap my head around by just being me, just telling a story of this amazing woman who's going through, you know, trials and tribulations as well deal. Like that will bring people closer together and like, huh, I'm like, am I doing something wrong? Is this, huh?

Like, what? Yeah, it's remarkable. Yeah. That's amazing. One thing I picked out that I really like that you said was you talked about how you felt when you were putting your dream on hold. And a lot of the people that listen to my podcast are people who may be doing something as their

main job and then their passions, their side hustle or they're trying to work on their passion and their dream, but they have to pay the bills and tell us about how you were able to go through that process of like putting your dream on hold But at the same time know that you would one day come back to it or how did how did you kind of reconcile that? Yeah, I think what I sort of how I've always lived my life is that like it's not about me It's about like the bigger picture and in what my purpose is and it might not look it might be in my not being my ego's time Right, so set the ego and then the pride aside just, okay, what am I supposed to do? Not, what can I have, but what am I supposed to do?

How can I be of service? And it's amazing, because you can only keep what you give away, as they always say. And so I'm like, okay, well, if I can't do it, at least I can help people pursue it. And then what can I learn in the meantime? But also, I did go to acting classes whenever I could or I would go to a voice lesson whenever I could, whether it was after hours on the weekends or when you're involved with actors,

you're much more than just an agent. Like you sort of become a therapist and a best friend and you know, and it's of become a therapist and a best friend and, you know, and assist in all those things. But then you also learn so much from those experiences and I'm like, oh, at least I get to still be a part of it. And that for me was fulfilling for a time. But then it became, it was like watching your boyfriend take another woman out every day and you're like, I hope you have a great time. And then I would eat my woes in sprinkles cupcakes, as I always say. And so it kept me going for a particular time until I had this moment where I was like, oh no, no, no, like I'm

not fulfilled. And then American Horror Story happened. And I did an arc on that. You get a little taste of what you're supposed to be doing, and then you're like, what is this? I can't go back to being behind a desk, you know, but there are lessons, and there are times that we have to be of service and learn, right? Like, I always say this,'s like people trained for the Olympics for years, for like a two-minute run for 10 years. They're trained what? You know, like, so just hold on, like just hold on and know that like if you're walking intentionally towards something, it might not be in your time, but it'll be in the right time. Yeah.

But I know it's not easy, but you're not alone. I think all of us feel like nobody gets it. Nobody could understand. No, we do. No, we do. I mean, that's what we're here to do is to learn, to teach, to grow. And when we're ready, you know, then those opportunities, I believe, present themselves.

Yeah, I'm totally with you. I'm just nodding along to everything you're saying, because literature and the everything you're saying because literature and the way you're sharing it is so accessible and real that I think anyone who's listening or watching right now is going to be listening to this and getting so much strength from it.

Oh, I hope so. Genuinely, and that's my hope too. I want you to help me with that piece of just like, what was one thing you learned from that time that you know is helping you so much right now that you couldn't have got if you hadn't had that experience. Just gonna really cement that belief for people

to recognize that everything is orchestrated. What was something that you learned from playing that role as an assistant to a junior agent, to an agent? I mean, don't think you could have got now. Everything. I'm like, I didn't have media training. So I didn't even know how to essentially do interviews on the carpet, but because I interviewed people for nine years and I'm genuinely curious about everybody and people I love people.

So I'm always like, I mean, I felt like I was interrogating you, but I just, I love questions. But I would not know how to do that. I wouldn't be able to get out of my own mind, my own head, to like genuinely be interested in actually having a conversation. And whether it's understanding the business side and being behind the desk and knowing like, oh, I know how to read a contract

and I know how to not be taken advantage of or all of these things that a lot of actors don't get to learn or the people they get to meet and the relationships they get to build. So all of those things and also, I mean, like I said, I was afraid of my own shadow. And even on American Horror Story, where I'm working with Jessica Lang and all these people,

I'm like, do I deserve to be here? Like, I don't know. If I do, and I'm like, Chrissy, she's a human being. I literally had to say that to myself in the scenes, Chrissy. Jessica Lang is a human being. She wears pants just like you. She's going to put them on this morning just like you. Like I really had to like break it down because it can be so overwhelming. And so all of those things are just knowing that yes, there are some incredible feats and

things that people as humans have done, but like we're all just, we're all the same. Yeah. We're all the same. And so by interviewing so many people and being around so many people all the time, all of those things, I think really teed up the whole, this is us thing. But you know, I was about to quit like right before. I know. I know.

Yeah. We're going to get in there for sure, because that's, that's what's so unbelievable. And I meet people all the time who are on that verge of, first of all, feeling that imposter syndrome. Yeah. So that feeling of like, Yes. I'm an imposter.

I'm not meant to be here. It's just gonna figure me out. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's exactly it. Like someone's gonna find out that I wasn't meant to be here. And I think we all go through that consistently. And I think there's a beauty to that because we have some humility and gratitude around it

that like, oh yeah, I don't just deserve this and have the arrogance around it. But at the same time, like you said, we have to remind ourselves, we're all human. Like we eat the same stuff, we sleep, we all do the same things every day. We put on our pants every day. And like I always have to believe,

like if you're living on this plan of existence you have to be purposeful. The things that had to happen in order for you to be born like just being as is is enough. So anything else is extra. You know what I mean? I think we put so much pressure on ourselves. Yes. For what? You know, well, we know why society and all that mumbo jumbo. But um yeah, we know why society and all that mumbo jumbo. But yeah, we are all, yeah, the same. And when you said that we're not deserving, I always say we're deserving, but not entitled. Oh, I love that.

Right. So like, I can go into an audition room and say like, yeah, like if I work hard, I am deserving of a good job, but I'm not entitled to it. I love that. You know, so that is such a great mindset. I love that. I love the best I've ever a great mindset. I love that. I like to be reminded the best I've ever heard it. Yeah. What's the best I've ever heard it? Absolutely. I'm just,

you know, I'm just paying it forward. No, I love it. Yeah, we're deserving, but not entitled. I think that's a brilliant way to see it. Yeah. Because if we feel we're undeserving, then we always feel like we don't fit in and we're in poster. Right. And if we feel entitled, then that comes from a place of arrogance and ego. Right. So if it deserves, which is just fear, which is comes from a place of arrogance and ego. So for deserving my entire fear, which is just fear. Expand on that. I like that. Let's go.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I always say like in 12-step programs, they say that ego is edging God out. Right. Like, that's what them. And it's true because when, but really, the fear is just, the ego is just the fear.

I think coming up, bubbling up, and you're like, I don't know how to handle it, but I'm gonna prove to you that I deserve that, or not, no, it doesn't work. It doesn't work for a long time, and nobody's gonna wanna be around you. And you're not gonna wanna be around yourself, most importantly.

So yeah, I really truly believe that that's what the ego and the pride is, is just fear and insecurity, and uncertainty just bubbling up. And we, as a human, try to figure out how to funnel that. Absolutely. You know the podcast is called on purpose, right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm literally like, I have no, I feel like you're the first guest that we've had that is mentioned the word purpose and purpose for like a zillion times. Like the first 1015. It wasn't even on purpose.

Yeah. I love it because I just, I love it because purpose is so deeply connected to just the underpinnings of your life. And I love that it was there from the start. Yeah. And I noticed that you either have it from the start and you have to keep it and protect it and grow it as things grow, or you don't have it from the start and then you have to find it at the end anyway. Right. And that's what I see people at two parts of the journey

and neither is better or worse or right or wrong. We all get to it in our own time. But I do feel that the challenge you're finding or pressure out your purpose early is you have to protect it when all the other kind of noise comes in, all the other expectations, all the wonderful office start to come. Yeah. And saying true to what your purpose is and what you want. And that's tricky too. Yes. You know, when opportunities present themselves and you're like, well, should I do this?

I should do this. Like somebody's like, I didn't even have auditions before. Like, somebody wants to give me a job and I'm like, if I have to go on a press tour and talk about something for hours, days at a time, I want to make sure that like, not only can I back it up, but like, I'm going to enjoy the process. You know, it's hard enough to just sort of hack it. You know, when you do love it, because it's an arduous sort of journey, but like, yeah, I don't wanna do something that I don't feel good about.

Yes. You know, and I know that that just circles back to like being, you know, having it be purposeful. Yeah. Now, every time I say that, I'm going to feel like, you know, I'm not trying to plug it, but I'm... No, no. I love it.

I love it. You can carry on. Tell us about what happened on your 30th birthday, that kind of shit-it-it stuff. Oh my goodness. Yeah, take your time. Yeah, so I was married at the time to an amazing human being, who's still an amazing human being,

but just not my forever person, as I say. And I went to go see a movie with a good friend and her mother and my husband. Y'all, I don't know what happened. I don't know if it was the explosives, it was the noise in this movie. I've never in my life had an anxiety or panic attack or at least not one that I could name, right?

And my heart started beating out of my chest and I was like, oh, I'm gonna die. Oh, I'm gonna die in arc light, up in Sherman Oaks, in California. I'm gonna die. I can laugh about it now, right? Yeah, no, no, no, please, please, if you don't laugh, you'll cry. No, please laugh about it now, because everything's fine. No, please, please, they feel like you'll cry. No, please laugh about it now, because everything's fine. But so I was taken off on a stretcher,

the ambulance came to the movie theater. They're fine, not too long. It's okay, you'll get laughing. You'll get laughing. Because now I'm just like, oh my goodness gracious. And of course they check me out. Look, nothing is wrong. And I'm like, nothing is wrong. And I'm like, no, you sure?

I don't think you can have another doctor come in. Like, I started using the hot tech. I didn't know what was happening. You know, I had no idea because I'd never experienced that sensation before. And so I was like a battery of tests. To make sure, I mean, every single organ act in function in my body, check it. And they're like, yeah, you're good.

And I'm like, huh? What does this mean? What the hell does this mean? I don't know what I'm going to do now. And so it really forced me to evaluate what I was doing in my life, which was being an agent, not fulfilling my dreams or my destiny or my purpose, being in a marriage that I loved the human being, but I knew that we weren't supposed to be together.

And so everything sort of just started crumbling and that was a day before my 30th birthday party. So that happened. And then I realized like, I have to do some soul searching. Like something has got to change, right? They say, nothing changes, nothing changes. And so I was just in such a bad way, emotionally just like beaten down, afraid. I was like, I don't know what my body is doing.

I know our minds are powerful, but like, what the heck is going on? So I sought out different ways of coping with anxiety and panic, because I didn't want to take medication, not to say that people have to do what they have to do and what's right for them. But for me, I was like, I just don't want to rely on that because I think it's a band-aid. And I want to understand my mind and let my mind, you know, being synced with the body. So I went on a bit of like a spiritual journey, went to a spiritual center in Culver City called a Goppe. And I don't remember getting there,

I just remember sobbing all the way there. And then Michael Bernard Beckwith, who is the, I don't know what you would call it, the spiritual teacher. Yeah, yeah. He does this thing and he has everyone in the congregation, if you're new, if you're new, stand up and then you put your hands out. And he says, like, you're here for a reason,

you're powerful, you're purposeful. And it was, like, I could get choked up, thinking about it still. Somebody put their hand on my shoulder and I was like, I just sort of melted and like sobbing like all of the pain, all of the stuff that I've been carrying around literally, physically, mentally, emotionally was like needing to be released. And so I was like, oh, okay, this is what I need to do.

This is feeling right. I just need to like get it out. And I've, you know, had some childhood trauma and abusive, you know, my stepfather was abusive growing up. Sidebar, I have forgiven him, I love him, I'm grateful for him, but, you know, that's still trauma that you, I don't think we're taught, we are not taught coping mechanisms,

we're not taught how to deal with trauma. And then like, what does that all mean for our adulthood? So yeah, so it just sort of forced me to really look at myself and evaluate. And then I became like a mirror, I think, to my ex husband. And then he was like, Oh, and then that's when we realized like, this isn't working. You know, so it all sort of just combusted. But I always say like, if we were together, I would not have been this position I am right now because my life was about him because I was so afraid to like do what I was meant to do or what I thought I was meant to do that I was doing so much to sort of hide in his

shadow or you know, make sure I was supporting him so I didn't have to look at what I was not doing or what I should be doing or what I wanted to be doing so. Yeah, yeah, that was the 30th birthday. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The depths of them, the variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share ten incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family

secrets. When I realized this is not just happening to me, this is who and what I am. I needed her to help me. Something was annoying at me that I couldn't put my finger on, that I just felt somehow that there was a piece missing. Why not restart? Look at all the things that were going wrong. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to season 8 of Family Secrets on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you'll get your podcasts. I'm Mungesha Tikhler and to be honest, I don't believe in astrology, but from the moment I was

born, it's been a part of my life. In India, it's like smoking. You might not smoke, but you're gonna get secondhand astrology. And lately, I've been wondering if the universe has been trying to tell me to stop running and pay attention. Because maybe there is magic in the stars, if you're willing to look for it. So I rounded up some friends and we dove in and let me tell you, it got weird fast. Tantric curses, major league baseball teams, canceled marriages, K-pop! But just when I thought I had a handle on this sweet and curious show about astrology, my whole world can crash down.

Situation doesn't look good, there is risk too far. And my whole view on astrology? It changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think your ideas are going to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive and the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown.

And my podcast, Deeply Well, is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental health around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your journey. From guided meditations, to deep conversations with some of the world's most gifted experts in self-care, trauma, psychology, spirituality, astrology, and even intimacy. Here is where you'll pick up the tools to live as your highest self. Make better choices.

Heal and have more joy. My work is rooted in advanced meditation, metaphysics, spiritual psychology, energy healing, and trauma-informed practices. I believe that the more we heal and grow within ourselves, the more we are able to bring our creativity to life and live our purpose, which leads to community impact and higher consciousness for all beings. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become

who you deserve to be. Deeply well is available now on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Big love. Namaste. Wow. I want to dive into a bit of those things if that's okay because I think that we're really helpful to our listeners that I'm curious to is let's go into that childhood trauma space and how you got to that space of forgiveness in your own way.

Yeah. Like, how did you move from that space of being able to be bitter or being able to be resentful or mad or angry or any of those natural emotions that we may all feel? Yeah. How did you get to the place where now you can see her and say, I forgive them. Well, I even talked about it in my book. There was a time and I am even embarrassed to say it, but the abuse got so frequent and so awful

that I wished my stepfather dead. I'm like, if I had a gun, trauma, pain, just depression, and my mom remarried, I mean trauma, pain, just depression. And you know, my mom remarried, I'm going through puberty, new school, new friends. It was a lot. I'm not justifying it. I'm just saying that like, there were things that I was even like ashamed

and shocked that I would think or say. But if you don't know how to deal with it as a teenager or a twin-ager, I was like 12 at the time, how in the world do you navigate that? And what I come to realize after having therapy and dealing in processing feelings and emotions that like, yes, what my parents did or what my stuff other did was, it was not okay, it was not okay.

It was not okay. I'm not justifying his actions. However, you have to move through the pain and the resentment and the anger and know that I'd like to believe that like if people knew better, they would do better. My therapist sometimes doesn't agree. She's like, no, it was unacceptable. And yes, she's right, but I think I'm also right, you know, that like if people were more evolved or understood in a different way, maybe they wouldn't do that.

But I know that he was abused and he had trauma. And so you would typically impart that on other people. So I just realized that like it wasn't personal. So I just realized that like, it wasn't personal. Him taking out his whatever, he'd fill in the blank, anger, resentment, was not about me. Because that was a good kid. I could see my own horn about it. I was a good kid.

I listened. Like, I, yeah, I was well behaved. And just seeking love, right? Just seeking love and acceptance and validation. And I just realized that I had nothing to do with me. And I thought, okay, like they say, you can drink poison, expect the other person to get sick when you hold onto resentments. And I'm like, this is not serving me.

And I just have so much love for him. And also, there is good in that. There was good in the discipline and the chores that he made me do and establishing my work ethic, which is a little ridiculous. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough and everyone's like, slow down. So I think you can, as they say, keep what you want, leave the rest.

But just realizing that he went know, he, he went through a lot of stuff himself and that I have to forgive him for myself. And then, of course, hopefully, you can forgive himself. Yeah. Because really the victim, it's sad and it's terrible, but like the perpetrator guilt. Oh, I can't imagine. I can't imagine. Like, yeah, that's some heavy stuff. That's a beautiful perspective, actually. Thank you for sharing that. It's like, yeah, of course, it's terrible for the person who experiences it. But the guilt and not being able to undo for the person who did it is super painful.

And what you've just pointed out there of how it's not personal, but it's actually just someone's outpour of their pain. And they've had some really messed up scenario in their life that's got them that bad. And now they're taking out on someone that you'd expect them to love or care for. It's a really painful situation. I think the only way we can all move on is when we have people who heal and therefore pass on that healing, rather than if everyone keeps perpetuating the cycle and just passing that forward.

Yeah, I mean, I say that about, I'm sorry, didn't I? No, no, no, no, no. I say that about social media. Like, you know, when people say whatever they want to say about me negatively, I don't retaliate. And if I do say anything, it's with love. negatively, I don't retaliate.

And if I do say anything, it's with love. Because they know not what they do. We're not moving forward at all. Even though it's hard to take the high road, I just can't attach to it because that's nothing to do with me. So if our perception of reality isn't real What someone thinks of me isn't real anyway. So what am I doing? Absolutely. What am I wasting my time for? Yeah, you know, I mean, I'm grateful for the positive things

But I can't attach to either one. Yeah, you know, yeah And I find so often that we're so quick to Spot a negative comment. I want to respond to that And there's like 99 positive ones that no one responds to. What is that about? Right, it's just like we get into this debate with the negative comment. So we get into this debate with this negative comment and just amplify it rather than focusing in

on all the positive comments, replying, thanking, expressing gratitude. And that was something I remember when I first started making content online and my whole world lives online. Yeah. And I remember getting lots of negative comments and some of them would actually make me laugh. And we're like, that's so cool.

And I like that. I like that. And often when I'm on stage, I'll say I'll mention some of them because they're so funny. Like they used to be this one comment where people would be like, I guarantee you, he has a wind machine to blow his hair when he makes his videos, right? Like that was like one of these comments, like, and they

went off on one and I just find it hilarious because I've never had a wind machine, but maybe I should have great hair. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. So maybe let's see what I'm saying. So like it might be them internalizing like, oh, I wish I had a great head of hair. Like he does. Do you know what I mean? Like it sounds so silly. Do you know Brune mean? Like, it sounds so silly. Do you know Brene Brown? Yes. Okay.

So have you seen the Netflix special? Yes, I have. Amazing love. So I always think, and I'm trying to remind myself, you can't worry about the people in the cheap seats looking at you in their arena, blood, sweat, and tears because they haven't been there. So I'm not worried about it. Like, you don't know what it's like to have to prepare a script.

And whatever it is that we're doing, whatever it is that we do, creating a completely amazing help source of inspiration as you do. People don't know unless they do it. So I'm like, whatever. You know, love you Bill, but sorry, I can't. I can't, because you don't understand. Yeah. You don't understand what it's like.

Yeah, and using all your energy to really connect with the people who do love it. Right? Like, that's what brought this, when I saw you comment on my, some of my work or, or like it or, and I was just like, oh, wow, like, here's someone who values it. And I can either use this, look, we've all got the same energy. Right. We have the same amount of time in it.

Right, right. I'm either using the energy and time for people who are showing me love and care or I'm using the energy and time for people who are showing me hate. Right. That's our only choice. We have the same time and we have the same energy.

Right. And so, yeah. No, that's true. And it's funny because my best friend, Donnie Berry, who happens to live with me, I was saying earlier, that like with your posts, like we, you know, you can like forward a post, we'll forward your same post to each other. I'm like, so he was very excited that I was going to be here. I love that you should have rode. Oh, no, don't tell me that.

Don't tell me that he's going to be waiting to get set. He's going to be so angry. I would love that next time. We do lunch. Okay. We do lunch. Yes. Such a special. We love that. Okay. We do lunch, yes. Such a special. We love that. Please, please, please, in my name, yeah. So you help us in ways that you don't even know. Oh, that means you're like, thank you.

And even our friendship, which is helpful. You're the happiest. Yeah. And tell me about the other part. I want to go back to those two stories before we move on around how you're speaking about with your last relationship, right? That relationship where you recognized it wasn't working, especially because you were living in the shadow

and not getting to be your own person. What have you learned from that about healthy relationships or how you believe a relationship could be or should be now having had that experience? This is another entire podcast, but I'll give you the clip notes. Well, it's interesting because when I say I was living This is another entire podcast. I know, definitely. I'll give you the cliff notes. Yes, yes. Well, it's interesting because when I say I was living in the shadow, that's where I was comfortable.

And I'm not blaming him and saying, like, this is what he made me do. I was comfortable there because I was afraid to step out into my power or my purpose because what if I fail? And then who am I? And then what's my identity? If I can't attach to failing, that means I'm going to be successful. What does that mean? You know, so I was just like, oh, I'll just help you do that. But then I realized, I mean, I learned so much from our relationship.

There's a story in my book and I talk about the bell peppers. So we used to order pizza. And when he would order it, he always get like a supreme. And then when I ordered it, I thought, oh, he loves a supreme, but I hate bell peppers. What is the point? I like a red pepper, but not a bell pepper. I've already can't adjust them. I would have, little upside the point.

And so every single time I would order, we'd both order with bell peppers. Y'all, neither one of us like bell peppers. So what are we doing? Like we're not effectively communicating if we don't even know what we want on our pizza. I'm like, this is not okay. And then I thought, okay, like what else are we not talking about?

And because he felt like I was spending a lot of time trying to focus on acting or singing on the weekends, we, I wasn't giving enough time to him. And he's probably right, but I didn't know what else to do and how to balance it all. And so what I learned mostly is effectively communicate. Draw your boundaries.

And most importantly, and newly, don't be afraid to lose the person. I know that sounds real bratty, but if you are not getting what you need or what you want out of the out of the relationship, a friendship, a job, what are you doing? What are you doing? And if somebody's

meant to be there, they will work for it and they will make it known and it'll be right. And so don't be afraid to lose the person. But that's a, oh, that's a lot, that's a lot to take a lot that's a lot to take on That's a lot to take on that is an amazingly powerful point there Yeah, so because we're constantly trying to control everything yeah to try and keep someone yeah, that's actually

We're constantly doing the opposite of what you just said right we're constantly trying to figure okay What do I do to keep that person? Yeah, not recognizing that you lose yourself in the other process of trying to keep that person and then then who are you? And then you're unhappy and then you're resentful of yourself and the other person. So you're damned. You gotta start over. Start again. And that's what I realized that like the, and also make it known, you don't need anybody. Or don't need a boyfriend, you don't need a girlfriend. It's wonderful to have a companion and to have somebody to live your life with, but like, what are they bringing to the table? And my therapist recently said to me, what's in it for Chrissy? Oh, y'all, what a concept. What's in it for Chrissy?

Yeah. I never thought that way. Like I never, I never, I didn't grow up that way. I didn't think that way. I'm, it's, it feels sort of selfish. But like, if I don't know what I want, how's anyone else gonna know? Oh, for sure.

A lot of lessons. That is, yeah, that is such a big one. Yeah. So don't be afraid of losing someone because you might end up losing yourself in the process. You will. Yeah, you might end up losing yourself in the process. You will. You will end up losing yourself in the process.

And then same one, you don't need anyone. And you're so right that we're actually not good at communicating to people what we want. But we expect everyone to be mind-readers and figure out what we want. And that's so hard because it's like, if I know I like something, it's like how do you feel valued? Right? That's such an important question because I feel we all feel valued and seen differently. Right. Like how do you feel valued and how can someone express that value to you? Right. It's a very simple thing but it can be complex if you haven't thought it through. Well, the five love languages. Yes. You know, like, it's not about, okay, if I love quality time and my boyfriend happens to

love acts of service, I can't love him in quality time. He wants acts of service. Absolutely. So, like, there's a disconnect. So it took me a minute, like, I'm still learning. Yeah. Be very clear, I'm still learning work and progress. But like, oh, I have to do the things

that he likes, you know, and hopefully vice versa. But that's such a simple but effective way to communicate. Absolutely. Absolutely. And one thing I was saying recently was also that we have the five love languages, but there are also the five fight languages. It's like how people respond to fights, how people argue, because one of the most incredible studies I've read by John Gottman on the research around relationships found that the only thing that keeps couples together is not how many date nights, how many holidays, how many movies they're going to see together.

It's about do they know how to fight? Like that was the number one thing that do couples know how to deal with conflict. Because conflicts are definitely gonna come up, even if you master all of this, even if you communicate effectively, there are gonna be moments but do know how to communicate in conflict.

And so I believe like we all have different fight languages. Like we have different ways of dealing with an argument or a fight. Right. And we have to understand how the other person deals with it and how we deal with it. Right. So, for example, one language is silence and distance.

Uh-oh. Right? Like, someone doesn't want to talk about it, they need silence and distance. Right. And then another is, let's talk it out. Right. You know, I'm not ready.

Yeah. We're not at the same page, right? Exactly. Yeah, right. Exactly. And so I feel like there's so many different languages. And in every area of our relationship, we need to be self-aware and then make the person aware of where we're at.

Does that make sense? Yeah, 100% because I would be impulsive in my reaction because I'm dramatic, I'm an actress, whatever you wanna call it. And then I realized like, I want to really sit with what is wrong. What am I really upset about? Am I really mad that the towel in the bathroom

is on the ground? Or am I mad that like you said, you were gonna come home at seven o'clock and you really came home at eight 30 and you didn't tell me and then I was worried and then you didn't care? What am I really upset about? So then I was like, okay, let me just sit with myself.

Get to the root. So I try not to be impulsive in that. I think that's a great piece of advice. We end up fighting about something that we don't even care about, right? Like that's, you end up making about the towel, you end up making about whatever it is. Yeah, I love that. That's amazing. Yeah. Your lessons are incredible. Literally, right now, I'm like, I can't wait to listen to this again. I'm not just saying that. I can't wait to listen to this again, right now. There are so many gems in what you're sharing right now that I can't wait for people to listen to, honestly.

I mean that. I'm just, you know, just a sponge just trying to like, help me help myself. Yeah, yeah, well, this is great. I really do, but you said it earlier that you can't keep what you don't give away. Right. And it's like, the more we speak about these things,

the more we share them, the more we remember them. Yes. People often ask me like, oh, Jay, do you ever struggle with not practicing what you preach? I was like, all the time. Because I'm a human. Yeah, exactly. I get that wrong all the time. But the more I keep talking about it,

I'm reminding myself first and foremost that that's something I'm aspiring to. Whether I hit it every day or I don't, I'm at least trying to remind myself. Whereas if I don't talk about it at all, then no one's going to remind me, and I'm not reminding myself. Yeah. Yeah, and then you're not conscious of it at all. Yeah. That's why I'm with gratitude.

Like I really just have to sit in the gratitude before I even start the day. Wow. You know, like literally waking up is a gift. Being able to walk to the restroom is a gift. Hearing a bird outside, being able to flip on a switch and having electricity, things that I would take so much for granted. You know, or if I'm rushing in traffic, I'm like,

girlfriend, you have AC, you have a car you can afford. You're going to somewhere that somebody wants to talk to you. Just comment on down. And what am I really mad about? Like I used to have crazy road rage. And I realized, oh, it was just me. Like it was just me projecting on my crap that like I didn't get off the phone with a boy

that I wish it would like me till really late, which meant I woke up really, I woke up so late that now I'm rushing. And now I'm gonna be mad at the man in front of me. No, Chrissy, you're mad at yourself. So it's always fun of the feelings back to yourself. Yeah, I love that.

I love that. Yeah, and that's what we all realized that you may be complaining about one thing, and you could be totally right for complaining about that one thing. But there are nine other things that you just missed about how incredible this situation of moving is. And I actually had, yeah, no, I see that all the time. I was actually as funny.

I'm going to talk about Kenneth for a second. She was traveling to go away this weekend. And I think it took like 30 hours to get there. Well, like, get back. And it was like, how long is the journey? It was, we were supposed to get there Friday at like 5 p.m. and we ended up getting there and started it. Right.

And it was in the US. And it was in the US. Yeah. It was just going to Charleston. Right, right, right. It's like our hands rolled and then ticketed to the issue. And so, so I knew she was off from work. And I see a story and it said something like,

oh, we're getting somewhere 30 hours later or whatever it was. And she was like smiling at it. And then I spoke to her on the phone afterwards a couple of days later. And she was just so positive about the whole thing. And I was just like, oh, right. Like there you go. Like, you know, she wasn't away for long, maybe like four days in total or something like that.

But it was just so interesting to see how our perception of, oh, yes, I got to go away. And I was with my boyfriend. I had an amazing time or, oh, no, I to go away. And I was with my boyfriend. I had an amazing time. Or, oh no, I'm complaining about the parts that didn't work out. And so, what you focus on, you attract anyway. And so, I always think that, okay, if I missed a flight,

who knows what the universe is conspiring for me? And there's a reason why. What can I take away from the situation? And there's always a bigger picture that sometimes we don't see. Yeah, there's like 30 doors opening behind us and we're still banging on this one in front of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're like knocking on this door. Yeah, we're trying to push out. But this one, this one. This one. Yeah, and there's like 30 amazing ones. No, absolutely. And that's where I want to move to with you. So I want to, I love this.

We've talked about so many things. And now we're coming back. Sometimes I can't land the plane, so just tell me. No, you. So, I want to, I love this. We've talked about so many things. And now we're coming back. Sometimes I can't land the plane, so just tell me. No, no, no, no, this is, this is amazing. Like, this is exactly how I would want it to go. But I want to move back to the chasing the dream element, the building this incredible acting career that you have and the incredible talent that you have in sharing that with the world that so many millions of people appreciate and love.

But it wasn't easy because even getting to that point where it was at break point where you were like, okay, I'm done now, I'm gonna quit, this is not gonna happen. Because you were getting costive for things that weren't right, there was never like the roles that you really believed were, things that you deserved, even if you didn't feel entitled to them.

Tell us about that process of constantly chasing something, feeling like it's running out of your grasp and then getting to that point of saying, I can't do this anymore. Yeah, I think it was, I'm like, what can I take away from each situation? You know, when I would send people in auditions, I'm like, look, you might not be 100% right for the role, but you can establish a relationship with the casting director. There's a reason why they're bringing you in, trust the process, and that it might not be for this role, but in two years from now, they're going to think of you because you were hilarious and there's one particular, you know, you never know what all

is coming together for you. And so I was like, okay, yeah, I'm not beginning the auditions that I want. Not frequent. I mean, literally, I think I could count on my hand. How many auditions I had in a span of several years. And so I was like, am I delusional? Like, am I, maybe I'm not supposed to be an actress? Like, maybe I should be a psychologist. Maybe I should go back and teach preschool, and I don't know, but I'm like, okay, I was sort of, there's like a checklist. What I still do this if I didn't get paid for it, okay, yes. Would I be unhappy if I didn't do it or pursue it, yes?

And like, what am I willing to risk or like, give up? And my mom said something to me, she said, Chrissy, you can be unhappy in Gainesville, Florida, or you can be unhappy in LA pursuing your dream. I'm like, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's a fun. Hmm. Okay, and then I'm like, I just don't know if I can hack it.

Like, I don't want to be going down the wrong path for vanity sake or for an ego or whatever. So it's just so interesting like they say the more you resist the more it persists. And I was like, you know what, I'm just going to surrender. I am going to leave Agentine. I'm gonna tell the universe, hey, your girl's ready. Hey, seven out of faith. I'm gonna try to do this. And then when your pass is by, you have one or two auditions, I'm like, oh, maybe I made the wrong decision. And then I just thought, yeah, I'm just, I'm just going to hang it up. I'm just going to, it's been 12 years, they say 10 years is like the sort of the

barometer. And not a week before I was living with a friend who, she's like, just pay me whatever rent you can. I was on unemployment, had to borrow money for gas to get to the audition, had 81 cents of bank bank account and I know this doesn't happen for everybody not everybody's you know Struggling this hard, but like you have to stand in line long enough and art had to catch up to life and things just like with breakthrough You know like if Grant penned the script you know, like if Grant penned the script prior to, I would not have been on this as us and have had all that experience to then bring to the movie.

Everything happens as it should. And so, and I truly, truly firmly believe this, like if what's meant for you will not pass you by. It can't. I mean, I was like, boom, boom, I'm dodging bullets. I'm like jumping over the, are you ready yet, Chrissy? Okay, because we're ready now.

Okay, here you are. And it doesn't make sense. Like on paper, my life does not make sense. And if that is not a clear indication of what's meant for you, we'll find you. I don't know what it is. So yeah, I mean, but it was hard though. I wanted to hang it up because I thought

that I was on the wrong path. I really did for a minute and then something would happen. A casting director would be like, oh my gosh. So are you acting full-time? I'd see him at the bank or something. Or I would meet another actor. They would come into my office and they're like, why aren't you on TV? I'm like, okay, are these little signs? I suppose if we take key to

we see what's going on, we can understand the signs deeper. But yeah, it was very trying and I'm glad I hung on. I'm glad I hung on. For sure. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hot some minds on the planet. Oh, pro. Everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant.

The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Haw. It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to create change. Lumin's Hamilton. That's for me being taken that moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself, because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself.

And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys, and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on-purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I-Hart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University and I've spent my career exploring the

three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions. So we can better understand our lives and our realities. Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or can we create new senses for humans? Or what

does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Eva Longoria. I'm Maite Gomez-Rachon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast hungry for history. On every episode we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home.

Corner flower. Both. Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both. You know, I'm a flower, tortilla flower. Your team flower? I'm team flower.

I need a shirt. Team flower, team core. Join us as we explore surprising and lesser-known corners of Latinx culinary history and traditions. I mean, these are these legends, right? Apparently, this guy Juan Mendes, he was making these tacos wrapped in these huge tortilla to keep it warm. And he was transporting them in a burro

hence the name the burritos. Listen to Hungary for history with Ivalongoria and Maite Gomez Rejón as part of the Michael Tura podcast network available on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, history with Ivalangoria and Maite Gomez Rejón as part of the Michael Thura podcast network available on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, I think it was Steve Jobs who said, you can't connect the dots looking forward. You're any calm when you look backwards. Mmm, right.

And I think it's so true. Like when you're in the moment, you can't connect the dots, but you have to believe that they will connect, right? You have to believe that they will connect. You have to know that they will connect. And one of the things I've always said to myself that helped me so many times was I'd always say to myself, this only makes the story better. Right.

So like whenever something wouldn't work out or any time things didn't happen and there were multiple times that I had put in. Plot twist. Yeah, plot twist. Exactly. Plot twist, like, this only makes the story better. I believe that one day I would be able to share parts of my story and there'd be more interesting, more real and more authentic because things didn't always

work out. Right. Right. No one lives a life where it's like, oh, I went from this success to this success. This is like no one has that, but we believe that it exists. Right. It doesn't. It just doesn't. So that chart, that's like six set on the way to six sets is like, mer, mer, mer, mer, mer, mer, mer, mer, you know, it's, yeah, it's absolutely true. Absolutely. Yeah. No, but I love that. But you literally had 81 sets left. Like that is incredible. Yeah. Like you said it casually then, but that is insane. Yeah. I remember being four months away from being broke. Yeah. So I was once four months away, but 81 cents, like that's like... Well, you plan better than I do.

No, I... But that's not... Yeah. What did you learn from being at rock bottom, like that position to be at that stage, like... Gosh, you know what I learned that like... It's not the end of the world. Wow. Like...

Okay. I've come all the way here. The only place I can go is up. I had really great friends who helped me and supported me and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself, who I'm taking on a vacation, which I'm very excited about. Wow, beautiful. Where are you going? It's Erickson Kekos.

Oh, wow. And, you know, to be able to do that is really, don't get me emotional, is really special to me because I might not be able to give back in necessarily all the time that I used to spend with them, but quality time. And yeah, it's tricky because I think that,

Yeah, it's tricky because I think that yes, money can make you comfortable. If money can solve a problem, it's not a problem. But it doesn't make you happy. Being fulfilled in different ways, genuinely make you happy. And I just realized that like, okay, even in death, it's not the worst thing. Anyone who cares, like, I am not, I don't identify with the number in my bank account or on the scale. The numbers, they don't, whatever. We give them the power. And so I just was like, all right, I'm good. I mean, it was sad and you're like, what does this mean? Like, why am I in my mid 30s?

I'm like, have nothing to show for it. And I'm like, well, if I died that day, I think people would say, Chris, he's a good person. All right, I'm good. Yeah. What else could I ask for? Nobody's gonna be like, oh, she had this purse. Oh my God, I'm her car.

Nobody cares. No one cares. No one's gonna say that. No one says. So I just realized that I don't find my identity in money. Yeah. You know, not to say that, like, now it's a different thing, right, because I live a different life.

But like, I think people expect me to look a certain way or to carry a particular purse or whatever. And I'm like, y'all can do whatever you want to do. My money's my own money, but I'm not going to, I really have to understand like things don't make you happy. No, definitely. Yes, you spot on happiness and success

are two different things. Oh, 100%. And that's what I recognized. I was very fortunate to notice that early on when I chose to become a monk because I saw so many people in my life who had fame and beauty and strength and power and money, but I didn't see any of them be happy. And when I met the monks that I met, they had happiness even though they didn't have any of the other stuff.

Right. And I was like, wow, these are two different things, right? Like, here are people who have nothing externally, but they have everything internally. And then here are people who have everything externally, but not as much internally. And I started to realize they were two different pursuits. Yeah. And that I shouldn't measure one against the other. Right.

I shouldn't expect my happiness to increase because my success increases. Right. And I shouldn't expect my happiness to increase because my success increases. And I shouldn't expect my success to decrease if my happiness decreases. I shouldn't see them that way. And for me, that really helped me with recognizing that stuff is useful. It can be a great resource and a great facilitator, but it is not going to make me happy if I'm having a bad day. No, we could buy something. No one's going to remember it. Right.

And yeah, my angel who said it best, that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Yeah. And I think you hit on the nail on the head there, that ultimately I think all of us know that. Yeah. That everybody gets to that moment, that's what people are going to remember and value. Yeah. Yeah. I like to think so.

Yeah, definitely, definitely. I love that, but no, that's such an unbelievable, I mean, that's obviously only the journey to where everything begins. I know, I know, it's so crazy. And then you land this as us. Yeah. How did that change your life?

In every single way. Right. In every single way, I don't know what hasn't changed. Aside from my friends who keep me grounded, yeah. And literally have said, if you become a, I'll let you know, and I'm a punchy in the shin. I'm like, okay, great. Good to know. But I think that success and money really will show people, we'll show you who people really are. Not to say people don't change, but I... I mean, I never thought that I would be able to have conversations with people I thought I'd never had anything in common with.

You know, whether it's someone who's a very fit mother of three, I don't know what it's like to be any of those things, or a mother, but having so much in common with them and understanding that we are so much like, so much more like them, we are different and that whatever we're filling a void with be that food, exercise, social media, you know, we're all doing that because we all, we want to be comfortable. And by portraying Kate on this as us,

I think so many people can relate to whether it's the passing of a loved one of a father who was her best friend or weight issues and inadequacy issues. I mean, we touch on everything on the show. So I think people just, they're like, oh, I see myself in this character or any of the characters. So I can't go anywhere without, you know, having a conversation or meeting someone or, you know, which is lovely. Sometimes it's overwhelming because I'm like, I feel like I haven't really changed,

but everything around me's changed. But it means a lot to me, I just, sometimes I'm an empath, and I've heard recently that maybe that's not a good thing, meaning don't make it about yourself. And I'm like, okay, but I just, I really do love people. And I think because I was seeking love for so long, that I know what it's like to not have it.

And I'm like, dang it? Okay, tell me everything, you know, and then I get to cry and that's why I can't be on Facebook. Yeah. I can't. Facebook is so emotional for me, anyway. So it's changed in every single way. Getting a kitchen table I never thought I'd have,

you know, owning a home, like I grew up in a wheelchair trailer and then a three-bedroom one-bat house with six people and not to say people have not lived much, much worse off. But then it also helps me to realize and to be grateful and what I have had. But mostly that I get to be a part of an incredible journey and story with human beings. This is lightning in a bottle this show and it will never happen again that all these people will come together to create

a story that's like changed network television. And I'm like, I'm on the show. Sometimes I look and I'm like, is that me? It's unbelievable. And I'm always on the verge of crying about it, because I'm just so grateful. So that's amazing. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. And you deserve all of it. No. Your consistency or persistence, you know, all those moments, just everything you've shared now and so much more that we haven't even shared here, like, you know, so many other, there's just so much behind the scenes, just like there is for a show, there is for every single person in the world that no one ever sees. Yeah. And so, yeah, no, all I can say is just congratulations. And like, you know, you really deserve every bit of it. And I'm just so happy that

I'm so happy that I'm getting an opportunity to sit with you and have you share parts of that story so that it can just inspire so many more people to just not quit when it's just about. Yeah, it's always right when the time's about to turn. Yeah, like, ah, forget it. Yeah, no, you had your mother who was just like, yeah, she gave you the best piece of that. Yeah, that's such great advice.

Just hang on. And also, you know, the whole thing about suffering, like, do we choose to suffer? You know, I always think about that too. Like, am I really suffering? Like, do I want to suffer? No, like, and there's other things that I could be doing, you know, and other ways I can be of being of service or being creative. So there's not one be all-end all sort of path, but I think it's about finding your purpose and being happy. Yeah. And that journey, and knowing that like, it's not always going to be pretty.

Even when you find it, you know, it's still going to be hard work, but it's going to be worth it. And you know, at the end of the day, when you're exhausted, you're like, I can't do this anymore. And the next morning, you're like, okay, ready? Okay, I can do this. Yeah. You know, just energize and charge for, like, you're like, okay, ready. Okay, I can do this. Yeah. You know, just energize and charged for like, you know, another day. Absolutely.

And that's like you, you don't stop. You have the show. And then earlier this year, you launched Breakthrough. Yes. That's why the movie was so important. Oh, goodness. And that's why you did it because that's a perfect example of, I think a lot of, I think when we're not grateful for our Break breakthroughs, we become complacent.

Sure. When we're not grateful for it, when we don't value how amazing this is and an incredible opportunity it is, it's easy to be like, oh, that's all I need to do now. I don't need to do anything else. But hey, you go and you've got a book last year,

that release last year, you know, it's breakthrough. Tell us a bit about why that was so important. Yeah, so I met with the executives and we're the bond Franklin, who's our producer. He's done miracles from heaven, and heaven, it's for real. And he's just, he is so rad. If you didn't have a met him or talking.

We haven't. Oh my goodness, you have to. You guys will just, you probably put this house on the fire, but just so much goodness. But he was like, oh, come in for a general meeting. And I don't typically have general meetings because what does that mean? You know, like this is exciting. And they came to just sort of talk about the story. And it's a true story. A woman's joy smith her son fell through an icy lake and was under the water for over 15 minutes and then clinically dead for over almost an hour. And she prayed and whatever it is that you want to believe, he came back to life.

He had a pulse and eventually brain activity. But specifically, I was telling them about my mom who had a stroke to a year prior at that time, and that I said, you know, listen, I was sassy with my mom's doctors. I was like, look, if you're not going to think positive thoughts and you're not going to be positive about my mom or around her, you don't belong in her hospital room. And I understand that you're her doctor, but do you practice, yes or no? He looked at me like, girl, and I was like, you practice. I said, so whatever you believe in,

whatever you practice, great. But I think that whether you think she can or not, she can hear you. And it's very important that if you don't say anything positive, you got to get to going. And almost verbatim were the words that Joy said to John's doctors. And I thought, oh, that's no coincidence. Like there's a reason why my mom went through this.

I've gone through it with her and that this movie has presented itself because it just happened four years ago, the real incident. And I thought, how can I honor the Smith family in this incredible, beautiful story and then also honor my mom and what she's come through and she's one tough cookie. So, um, I was attached to another project that it fell through. Of course, the stars aligned and I just had the right amount of time off from the book tour and, you know, between this is us. And, yeah, I mean, it's, I'm so grateful it is really touched a lot of people's lives and instilled, you know, faith and family and also what's really beautiful, I think, through line in the stories, John Smith was adopted from Guatemala and he never felt like he had a purpose. He's like, I'm this kid from Guatemala and the Midwest, I look like nobody else.

What am I doing here? Why am I here? And sure enough, something like this tragedy becomes this triumph. And now he understands his purpose. And it's just so beautiful. And it's a, and they're such amazing people. And Joyce is one force of nature.

Like at the premiere, her shirt said, between proverbs and medea. There's me. I am in stitches. I'm like, what? I love medea too. Tyler Perry is brilliant in that role. But just, I'm just to be a part of it. And then what's interesting, how everything sort of ripple effects, my acting coach was

in an accident. A car actually ran him over, and a grocery store parking lot. And he was supposed to go on a trip somewhere that he didn't really want to go. And so he was in the hospital. And the fact that he didn't have like major organ damage or brain damage or any of this from this tragedy, he said, I know that the healing, he didn't have surgery, any of that. He said, I know that the healing, he didn't have surgery, any of that. He said, I know that the healing was partly because I was on this set with you. And believing, you know, like if you change your mind, you change your life.

And our minds are so powerful. And so there's so many ways that this movie, the Smith story and playing this character has changed my life and even my own active coach and friends. So yeah, that's that's exciting to be a part of something that can change people's hearts and minds. Well, I love that. It's not, you're not just acting, you're not just an actress. You're actually creating and being a part of movements

that are changing lives. Like all of this content is so conscious, it's so intentional, It's so much about improving people's lives and transforming people's experiences, which is so beautiful to witness and observe to be honest because we need more of it. I think more stories we tell like this, the more of them we bring to the mainstream screens. Right. The tear goes away. Oh, this is what it is. Especially when you know it's reality, right? When it's a fiction story, you still, even if it's close to reality, you think, oh,

yeah, they just made it up. Yeah. But it's like, it's real or it's inspired from something that's real. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, 98% of the film is accurate, which is amazing. Yeah. Yeah.

It gives people so much hope. Yeah. And it has and the responses have been so beautifully overwhelming. I'm like, oh, I can't take it. Like, yeah. So I'm just grateful to be a part of that journey and to know the Smith family. And amazing. Yeah.

Tell us what's in your energy and intuition right now that I haven't let you share or something. You're like, Jay, I wish you talked to me about this. So I wish. Well, I'm doing music. OK. Yes. I didn't know that.

That's very exciting. OK. So, you know, nobody knew that I sang. And when I sang on this is us as Kate Pearson, it was written, but they were like, oh, if you don't sing, like, it's fine. We'll get somebody else to dub. And I'm like, what can I try it? And because music was never supported or encouraged, it was my first love, but I was afraid, just a far raid. And so now, you know, Dine Warn wrote the, the end title song, I'm standing with you for

Breakthrough. And then performing at the ACM's with, with Lauren Elena and Carrie Underwood and Mickey Geiton and Maddie and Tay was like, oh my gosh, it's like making the video. Like, I'm like, this is my life right now. And country music and blues and soul music has always been like my favorite. And so last year I started doing some songwriting. No way.

Yeah, so we have some really great songs I'm really proud of. And yeah, so I'm performing at CMA Fest next week. That's amazing. Yeah, in the Nashville. You know, I'm like, quick. No. I was like, I'm not warmed up. But yeah, so I'm excited about that music.

That's what you want to expect. You know, I'm not so sure because we're going right back into this is us, July, mid or second week of July. So hopefully soon, but I'll be performing some original songs at the country music Fest next week. So that's exciting. Amazing. I love that. Oh wait, that's awesome. Yeah. I'm like a little kid. I love it Yeah, that's what we need to be yeah, consistently like we should do things that make us feel like a kid again Also, I'm scared out of my mind. Okay. Yeah, but that's just so you guys know Legend and really like

What am I doing? And I'm like, okay, if it scares me, I should do it. There's a reason why I need to do it. And it's there in you. It's something that you've been doing. I mean, the first thing you spoke about was singing. Yeah, right. When we go all the way back, you mentioned it then. Music has been a hard life, yeah.

And saved me. And if I could, if one song, if one verse, if one note could make someone feel something, you know, that's what I want. That's awesome. Yeah. We end every on-purpose episode with the final five, which is meant to be a quick fire, rapid fire around, of fast answers. So I'm competitive, so I hope I can win. You do? Okay, great. Well, it's either one word or one sentence answers. Okay. It never goes to plan. No one ever sticks to it. So if you do this, right? We'll see. This could be it. This could be the moment that someone actually, we timed one word to one sentence. I, I time it. So, okay, great. I like to be done. I get really intrigued

by something that I'm like, oh, oh, so you're done. Yeah. Okay. Well, sometimes it's the present. It's probably going to be. I told you I can't live in a plane. Okay. Well, sometimes it's the present. It's probably gonna be. I told you I can't live in flames. Okay, the first question is, what's one thing you don't mind spending money on now? Food. Okay, good. Yeah, that's what my mom always did the same. It was always like, food comes first.

Like, food's important. Like, if you don't have anything else, it's the same thing. Yeah, and like taking friends out. It's communal. Yeah, I love it. Okay, good. Second question.

What dream are you pursuing right now? Music. Amazing. Perfect, love's communal. Yeah. I love it. Okay. Good. Second question. What dream are you pursuing right now? Music. Amazing. Yeah. Perfect. Love that. Number three. What's the one thing you tell your younger self? But nothing is personal. Just keep on keeping on. I love it. Okay. Great. Number four. Who's the toughest person you know? Probably my mom. Yeah. No, my mom. It's awesome. Yeah. What did you learn from the toughness of your mom? Just her resilience, you know, and that you just keep it moving. You know, like I know from me I'm more emotional, but she would just keep charging forward. And that to me sometimes I'm like, I got to remember that. Yeah, just keep it moving, Chrissy. I love that. Yeah.

And number five, what's your advice to anyone who's chasing their dreams and on that path? Oh, goodness. Find what your intention really is. And just some merch, like just make sure that you are so some merch in it. And you know, like whether it's acting, whether it's a CEO, whatever, learn everything you can learn, read, ask questions, socialize in any single way, make it your mission to find out everything you can find out.

And then ask yourself, do you want it? Because the hard work is going to be needed, but if it's going to be worth it, then you're on the right track. Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you.

You're such a gem. No. No. I really feel like we're just, we're so lucky to have you because honestly, just everything you shared today, I'm just like taking it all in. And I can only say that I know anyone who's listening and watching this right now is definitely just gonna feel

just there's so many moments in this podcast and I would really urge you, anyone who's been listening and watching, make sure you listen and watch it again and take notes, right? These things down, like put them on post-it notes and stick them all around your room because if you can construct a space and practices in your life that are gonna help you put all of this in a practice, it's going to be a huge, huge step forward towards your dreams.

But, Chrissy, you've been amazing. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much for taking this time. Thank you. I'm excited to go to our relationship together and go to India. We're going to India to meditate together. Sorry, you've all heard it so. He's going to be good for it, so we're going to.

Yeah, but thank you, Chrissy. Thank you so much. Thank you. Everyone, thank you so much for listening to this episode of On Purpose. Make sure you share the best nuggets of wisdom and insights across Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, wherever you are so that we can learn and share that learning with so many more people. I love seeing you post these little learning moments onto Instagram so I can share them too and make sure you go follow Chrissy on Instagram. She's Chrissy on Instagram.

She's Chrissy Metz. And where else can they find you? Or where else should they find you? That's really all the places I am. Perfect. Yeah. Great. I love that.

Go find her on Instagram at Chrissy Metz. Thank you so much for listening. I'll see you again next week. Thank you so much for listening through to the end of that episode. I hope you're going to share this all across social media. Let people know that you're subscribed to on purpose. Let me know. Post it.

Tell me what a difference it's making in your life. I would love to see your thoughts. I can't wait for this incredibly conscious community we're creating of purposeful people. You're now a part of the tribe, a part of the squad. Thank you for being here. I can't wait to share the next episode with you. Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Jermis Beg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money and much more to explore the science

behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Yom LaVanzant and I'll be your host for The R Spot. Each week listeners will call me live to discuss their relationship issues. Nothing will tear a relationship down faster than two people with no vision. Because you all are just flopping around like fish out of water? Mommy, daddy, your ex, I'll be talking about those things and so much more. Check out the R-Spot on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II?

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