On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

Do you ever feel like you need to be funny to be liked? How do you handle pressure to always “perform” for others? In this candid, hilarious, and unexpectedly moving episode of On Purpose, Jay sits down with comedian, actor, and podcast superstar Bert Kreischer—famously known for his shirtless stand-up and his ability to keep audiences laughing nonstop. This conversation goes way beyond the jokes as Jay and Bert dive deep into the real stories behind the spotlight, revealing the layers of vulnerability, self-doubt, and emotional growth that make Bert more than just a party-loving comic. Bert shares what it was like growing up with a tough, old-school dad who believed in powering through pain and never showing weakness. That mentality helped shape Bert’s work ethic but also left him carrying emotional weight for years. In one of the most touching moments of the episode, Bert shares how a simple, unexpected conversation with his dad, while they were both high on edibles, changed everything, helping them finally see each other clearly and connect on a deeper level. With Jay’s thoughtful guidance, they unpack Bert’s real-life struggles with anxiety, chasing approval, and feeling like you’re never enough, things so many of us can relate to. Bert is refreshingly honest about his mental health, his parenting ups and downs, and what it's like trying to stay grounded while raising two sharp, hilarious daughters who aren’t afraid to call him out. In this interview, you'll learn: How to Stay Humble While Chasing Big Dreams How to Raise Kids Who Keep You Grounded How to Keep Showing Up Even When It's Hard How to Use Vulnerability as a Superpower How to Manage Anxiety Without Shame How to Turn Criticism into Growth How to Stay Grateful Through Every Stage of Success This episode is full of laughs, a few tear-jerking moments, and plenty of insight into what it really means to show up, be yourself, and keep going, even when it’s hard.  With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here.   Join Jay for his first ever, On Purpose Live Tour! Tickets are on sale now. Hope to see you there!   What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 02:45 The Wildest Plane Stories You’ve Ever Heard 04:25 Why a Marriage Built on Laughter Works 06:01 When Your Family Becomes Your Funniest Critics 07:16 Were You Always the Funny One? 09:08 How Bert Mastered the Art of Storytelling 14:35 Growing Up with a Tough-Love Dad 17:56 What It’s Like Seeing Your Parent Cry for the First Time 20:40 Realizing Your Parents Are Human Too 23:36 When Your Dad Realizes He Can Use Your Fame   24:35 What It’s Like to Share Your Success with Your Parents 29:05 The Lifelong Quest for a Parent’s Approval 35:08 How a 6-Figure Deal with Will Smith Changed Everything 37:20 The Moment You Know You Have to Chase Your Talent 42:50 Embracing the Power of Pressure 44:09 Is There a Pain You Can’t Laugh Through? 47:06 Letting Your Kids See You Cry 49:56 Why the Way You Tell a Joke Matters 51:43 How Your Kids Really See You 54:05 The Challenge of Uninterrupted Family Time 56:51 Just Show Up and Do the Work 01:01:33 Success Was Never a Straight Line 01:07:24 Don’t Let Greatness Become Familiar 01:11:12 Living with Anxiety When Life Doesn’t Slow Down 01:17:26 Building a Healthier Relationship with Alcohol 01:19:29 How Tracking Your Fitness Can Change You 01:22:00 Bert on Final Five Episode Resources: Bert Kreischer | Website Bert Kreischer | Instagram Bert Kreischer | X Bert Kreischer | YouTube Bert Kreischer | TikTok Bert Kreischer | FacebookSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to an iHeart podcast. Are your money skills total trash? Well, you are not alone. Personal finance ignorance is as American as apple pie. But don't fret. The How to Money podcast is here to help you improve. Think, Matt, if your emergency fund was invested, especially given the volatility we're experiencing right now.

Ouchie. Investing, it is ultimately a necessity, but you've got to keep that emergency fund accessible. It needs to be cash parked in your savings. It's time to increase your money knowledge. And the How to Money podcast is here to bring the wisdom. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search how to money and start listening today. With the LPGA underway, you can be closer than a caddy

with Mel Reed and Keira Dixon, hosts of Quiet Please. We're so honored to have Michelle Wee West on the show. Five-time winner on the LPGA Tour. Listen in as they hit the driver off the deck in an up-close and personal conversation with this professional badass. Most unathletic, incredible athlete I've ever met. Tea time is now.

So open your free iHeart app, search Quiet Please, and listen now. Calling all 9-9ers, now streaming. It's the More Better podcast with two episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine fun. Hosts Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Fumero welcome former castmates Chelsea Paredi and Joe Lattrullio for one episode each to laugh and swap stories. Like Andre would always be like, trying something and they're like, do less. God, he's not gonna be like, trying something and they're like, do less. Do less. Do less. Yeah.

But then some of the biggest things were the biggest hits, like Vindication, remember? Listen to More Better with Stephanie and Melissa on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My dad's mentality is, if you don't get on stage, if you don't show up to work, all the stiff that could possibly make your life great just disappears. No matter what, you show up. Get out there and grind. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.

Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host Jay Shetty. And today I'm sitting down with one of the most entertaining and unstoppable forces in comedy, Burt Kreischer. From being named Rolling Stone's number one partier in the nation to becoming one of the highest grossing stand-up comics, Burt has built an incredible career as a comedian,

actor, podcaster and entrepreneur. With six Netflix specials to his name, Bert's latest special, Lucky, was number three in the top 10 most watched TV shows on Netflix. Bert continues to sell out arenas and is also the co-host of Two Bears, One Cave, one of the top comedy podcasts worldwide. Bert's energy, storytelling, and ability to connect

with audiences is unmatched, and I can't wait for you to hear it. Welcome to On Purpose, Bert Kreischer. Bert, you know what's funny? What? I still remember the flight we were on together and we sat down next to each other and I'm going to sound like such a douche for saying this, but I have to say, you were the nicest person in the world and you were so kind and you were

like, I can't remember how you started the conversation, maybe you can, but you were like, I really like your stuff. I love what you're doing. And I was the idiot who's living under a rock. It was like, I think I know what you do. It's really cool. Like, but I don't know. And then I came back and I told my team, I was like, I'll sit next to Bert Kreischer.

Like, you know, we're texting, he's such a nice guy. He was so wonderful. And, and they were like, you met Bert Kreischer? They're like, I was sitting next to Bert Kreischer, like, you know, we're texting. He's such a nice guy. He was so wonderful. And, and they were like, you met Bert Kreischer? They're like, he's amazing. He's funny. He's... And I was like, I'm the idiot who doesn't know. And it was just one of those moments where like, you were so kind.

You were so endearing. You were so sweet. And I was really touched by that interaction. I never in a million years thought the number one part here in the world and me would have something in common. So. never in a million years thought the number one party here in the world and me would have something in common. You've got a weird thing that like,

usually only like Reese Witherspoon or Jennifer Aniston get where you're strikingly attractive. So when I sat down next to you, I was like, who's eyes are these? And then I was like, wait, I know him. I was like, oh shit, oh shit, this is Jay Shetty. I've listened to so many of your interviews.

You're so good, you're so good. And so, yeah, I was so excited. And then I get told by my friends with a professional wrestler, Cody Rhodes, and he said, you know, when I met you, I've never seen more of a pro wrestler personality. Like you explain yourself within a sentence and then explain why you should like me.

And I'm like, but it's, yeah, I'm a talker on a plane. And you were so funny already. And I was like, oh, this guy's hilarious. Cause you were like, you know what? Like you're good, but I'm a pretty big deal too. You know, you're trying. That doesn't sound like me. And I was trying, but it was, it was endearing.

Like I want to put it out there. Like I'm not trying to overcompensate, but it wasn't arrogance. It was like, I was laughing with you. And it was just so, you just broke the ice. And I was like, this guy's amazing. I texted and DMed. I'm such a fan of yours. I really am.

Well, now I am too. So that's what I wanted you on the show. Thank you. When this opportunity came up, I was like, Bert's the best. And then I got to what's the special too. And I was just like, I really wanted to get inside your mind. I was like, I really want to know, you know, the person behind the amazing success that you've had and the wonderful endearing person you sit next to on the plane.

I was going to ask you, you probably had some crazy plane stories. I want to know what's the craziest plane story you've ever had? Seeing as that's where we met. I got a good one. Alright. I'm going to say real names too. I sat next to a woman, first class, when I was just married with kids. Like I had Isla and Georgia, but they were still really young.

And the woman was coming back from Tibet and she was like had the beads on and henna all over, hot, attractive, probably a little older than me. Maybe I'd say 43. I was 30, maybe six at the time. And we started having drinks and we're talking and then she says, uh, where do you do when you land in LA? I said, I'm going home. She goes, don't, come to my place. Let's have sex. I said, what? She goes, uh, I've been, I'm out of divorce. That's why I went over to Tibet. I'm a little lost, but I'm just looking to get, and I went, okay. I said, listen,

I'm married and so that you got the wrong guy. I go, but I got the right guy for you. She said, really? And I said, listen, I'm married. And so you got the wrong guy. I go, but I got the right guy for you. She said, really? And I said, trust me. Can you just trust me? So we land and I call Mike Young, he's a real name. I go, Mike, you want sex tonight? And he was like, with you?

I go, no, I got a beautiful woman, 43 years old. And he goes, yeah, give her my number. She gives her number. They meet at the comedy store. They go back to her place. They have sex. They've never talked again. And I was like, boom, man, slam dunk.

I got great ones. I sat next to Ric Flair one time and we both drank identically. We both ordered drinks for our wives and ourselves and then drank our wives drinks and then drank our drinks. And I was like, ooh, Ric Flair and I drink alike. I had a girl walk me into my room in Soho the other night. She was like, hey, I'm going to come to your room.

And I got her the door and I said, listen. I was really drunk. I go, listen. It's very sweet of you, but I'm married and I'm happily married and I don't cheat on my wife. And she had this weird look on her face and I woke up the next morning. I called my wife. I told her, I just, I'm such a great guy.

And then there was a note under my door and it was like, Bert, I wasn't trying to have sex with you. You were too drunk. You couldn't remember what room you were in and you didn't have a key. I just wanted to make sure you got home safe. I was like, oh, I shot down a good Samaritan. How did your wife react to stories like that when you're like calling her up? I've been doing that our whole marriage. Our marriage is based on fun and laughter.

I mean, for real, it is probably the funnest. By far, it's the funnest relationship I have in my life. We joke nonstop. We're in couples therapy right now, and as we walk out, I decide who won or who lost. Like, it's just a blast. And I've been doing that ever since, ever since we were a young married couple,

I'd text her, I go, just do you know, I'm getting joked. And then I sent a picture and Leanne's like, she's got a lazy eye. And I'm like, oh man. Yeah. And she gives it back to you too? Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Her and my daughters are just bullies. Like bullies. Like they've never, they call me baby walrus. They never, they bust my balls harder than anyone I've ever met. Other than my two sisters. The women in my life run my life. Isn't that the best? Like my wife, we just did this video and it was planned by my team, but we did

this video where my wife rated my looks on the red carpet for the last seven years or however long it's been. That's great. And dude, I've got some embarrassing red carpet looks and my wife does not hold back in this video. She just goes for it and she's got so much banter and she's got so much sass and it's like all the comments are like she's a savage. I'm like yeah you think she looks cute and all this stuff that this woman could like go in and it's and I can I mean I can I can attest

to the fact that those are terrible looks. Baby walrus started or chat thread baby walrus started, or chat thread baby walrus, and it was pictures where they thought I was cute. And it's like the worst pictures ever. And it's like one of them's me on a surfboard covered in like in sunscreen. And I just am sitting crisscross applesauce on a surfboard and I look fat and I got a hoodie on. It's so bad. But it's them sending pictures where they think I look cute, but I look like an idiot. Yeah. And so are they paying you or they think you

look cute? I mean the picture on Baby Walrus is horrible. Let's see we're gonna have to get this for the edit as well so everyone on YouTube can see it. It's the one of me on the surfboard. Oh yeah yeah yeah I see it. And they're all just pictures of me looking horrible. Oh God. We'll get back to the family in a second, but I wanted to, were you, were you always the class clown? Was this always natural for you? Were you the guy who could make everyone laugh and get attention? Was that who you were?

No, I was like, I dare I say like painfully serious. Like, I mean, I always was funny, but I didn't know. I thought what I was doing was cool. And when from the outside looking in, it was, and it was funny. So I didn't realize that I was being funny. I think a lot of comics have this. Like, uh, I told, just told the story in therapy the other day. When I was in first grade, I played second base.

I'm really into baseball. I was really into baseball growing up. Played second base, fly ball to me, bases loaded, fly ball to me. I catch it. And then I spike it and I take my shirt off and I start dancing. Now my dad was livid, he was like, what is wrong with you? But everyone laughed, and I thought what I was doing was cool, and that people were like, yeah!

But they just see this six-year-old, seven-year-old, dancing shirtless in second base, and so my whole life, I think I was always trying to be serious. I got, I dressed up as Kiss for the talent show. I was dead serious. Like, you're going to watch me like kill it out here. And I remember being in the thing. I had a guitar, the car didn't have strings. I was going to air guitar. And the kid looks at me and he goes, the kid next to me had a violin. And he goes, you play the guitar? And I said, no. He goes, what are you going to do? I said, just rock out.

He was like, you just going to go up there and dance? And I was like, and then when he said it, I was like, this sounds silly. Yeah. And then I just went out and just air-guitared and danced in my mom's tights, no shirt, her belts around my chest, white face paint that me and Brian Callahan put on. So yeah, I think, and I think I was that way

all the way through high school. I don't think I was very funny in high school, although I was, I learned how to tell a story in high school. It wasn't until I gave up sports in college that people started saying I was funny. What made you learn how to tell a story in high school? Going to an all boys Catholic high school. It was the best. It was the best, man.

I'm saying the best. Your currency was could you hold a table? Wasn't chicks? Wasn't did you look good? Could you hold a table? And so for lunch, you'd have a table, your boys, 12, and I would practice my story coming from religion to the table. I'd be like, all right, so we did a B run, right? And I'm driving, came in, comes in, he dives in, a dog grabs his leg. I take off, that's, and I'm practicing the story. And then I get there and they'd be like, Hey, uh, tell us about the fight. And I'd be like, okay, got to pivot. Here we go. And I remember the first time I set a line that like worked well. I said, dude, he

got knocked out. I mean, this punch started in Miami and ended in Washington state. And they were like, oh, like it was just, it was like storytelling was our thing. And if you could tell a good story, like Beach Week, you came up to the room, everyone wanted to know if you hooked up with that chick, and you had to have a story about it.

Oh yeah, I remember one guy came up, older kid, and he was like, yeah, I didn't have a condom, so I used a plastic bag. And we're like, what? Like, just wild stories. Yeah, yeah. And then when I got to Florida State, that's when I started realizing I was funny. I went to an all-boys school too. But what I realized was that a lot of the guys

had imaginary girlfriends. So a lot of the stories were just made up. Oh, Jesus. And when you'd figure out that Felicity wasn't real, because that was an American girl's name off a TV show and not a girl's name in England. Like you'd never, there's no one I've ever met in England called Felicity. And then one of our guys was dating a girl called Felicity. We were like, you've been watching too much American Pie.

Like that's like the feeling we'd get. Girls were a perfect example. I was so painfully serious about losing my virginity. I mean, I was dialed in. It was my only focus. And then when I did, it was such a tragedy that that story became, I remember sitting down and they're like, bro, tell the story.

And all of a sudden there's like three deep and the story I'm I've told it on, this may not be the right setting for it, but I'll just say it was fast and I did it wrong. And I mean, and there were like, dude, standing three people deep to hear this story. And then, you know, we had two lunches. So the next people coming in,

it was Ty Rodriguez, like, tell it again. And I mean, everything was like a tragedy, like a comedy of tragedies for me. And you've never reconnected back with this person? The woman? The woman, yeah. You know her? Yeah, I know her very well.

No way! That's Tampa though. I know her, I know her brother, her dad just recently passed. Her dad was a legend. Her dad was a legend. I got to say this and you know, she cheated on me at prom with my best friend and we had to go spend the night at her house. Now I'm like, I'm a really sensitive guy. And I was so humiliated that instead of going back into the house where they dropped us off, I went out into her car and I said, I'm just going to sit

in her car. This is a way to have a car to get home. I didn't have any way to get home. So I sat in her car. I said, you know what? Screw it. I'm going to sleep out in this car. And I laid in the back seat of her car and her dad just comes out and knocks on the window. He's like, you know, boxers or whatever. And he's like, buddy, this isn't how it's done. I was like, what? And he goes, I know you're hurting right now. Come in the house.

Trust me, I'll make it comfortable. I said, I look, they know I've been out here. And he goes, oh, we all know you've been out here. He goes, just walk in the house and sleep inside tonight. I'm gonna give you five minutes. So we went in, I waited five minutes and I walked in the house and very slick. Her dad was like, Bert, what can I get you to drink?

Would you like a beer? And I'm gonna say it's 17. And I was like, oh, I would love a beer. And he was like, great, come on, we'll go sit outside. And just made it very smooth. But yeah, I still know her. Wow, that's epic. That's epic.

I remember breaking up with a girl and I was just upset that her father used to have Manchester United season tickets and he used to always take me along. And I remember when I broke up with her, it was like harder breaking up with her dad than it was with her. Because we were like having this bromance moment

of like supporting the same team. And it's just, when I think back to times like that, think about how like those moments felt so big then. And now when you look back, you laugh at them, right? Like it's, at that moment, that humiliation, was that like the biggest humiliation you'd had at that point in your life? Oh yeah, oh yeah.

And I've had bigger, I've had bigger. But yeah, that was like, that was tough. Because I thought I was cool, you know? And I think that's a little bit where my comedy is, I always come out the fool a little bit. You know, I'm always getting myself into something bigger than me. I always think I'm doing the cool thing or the smart thing, and I always screw it up.

I read that your dad was an interesting figure for you growing up. And he had like a certain take on life of like, men don't cry, boys don't cry, they don't show emotions. Is that true? What was that? What's that like? Because I think we hear about it now and it sounds like almost like a character because of where society's kind of moved into now. It's like, but that was very real. Oh, very real. My dad, my dad's a great dad. I love my dad.

But he just was like, hey, you don't cry. I was 11 years old. I was playing catcher and I got hit in the mouth of the baseball bat and I lost like 26 teeth. My dad came over and he's like, okay, don't worry. It was my birthday, by the way. And I was like, he's like, don't worry, you're okay. Mom's going to take you to the dentist.

I need you to go to a shortstop. I was like, what? He goes, you're not dying. And if I sub you out of the game, we forfeit the game. So finish out the inning at shortstop. And I remember being like, what? I've been injured. And he goes, yeah, go finish shortstop.

And they hit a ground ball to me at shortstop. I caught it through at the first. My dad goes, I'm really proud of you. Go to the dentist. But my dad just, he just didn't, it was not, he didn't hit us, you know, but like, he just was like, I remember his, when I got into comedy, he told me really clearly, buddy, eat shit, cash checks.

That's how the world works. Eat shit, cash checks. His dad was in World War II. He stormed like Omaha Beach or Normandy. And his dad never talked about the war, sat in the garage, watched Mets games, listened to Mets games and drank beer. And so my, and my dad lost his dad never talked about the war sat in the garage watch Mets games listen to Met games and drank beer And so my and like my dad lost his dad at 13 So I think my dad was just doing the best he could but yeah, he told me I mean I mean it I remember I

Remember it like an older. I remember getting anxiety attacks. This is how flat my dad was one day. I'm laying in bed It's like after after David Letterman and I'm laying in bed, it's like after after David Letterman, and I'm laying in bed, I had to be 10 years old. And all of a sudden I have this very crisp realization that death is real. And I went, hold on. I go one day, you're going to tell me my dad's going to die. And I went, oh my god, I started having a real panic attack. And I went into his room and I woke him up. My dad doesn't wake easily. He's like, if you wake my dad, he's like, you know, and so I scared me. I woke him up and I was like, Dad, are you going to die?

And he goes, what? I said, are you going to die? And he goes, yeah, you are too. Go back to bed. And then I went, wait, I'm going to die? I didn't think I knew you would die, but not me. And that was my dad. I had kids with panic disorder and I was so not my dad with them. I was so like, yo, I got you. You're going to be fine. But yeah, my dad just, he was just trying

to do the best he could. Stuck into a house that he couldn't really afford to make an ends meet. He's got three kids, didn't expect the third one. He's a lawyer. I don't think he ever wanted to be a lawyer. I mean, I'd say that I don't know what he'd say, but I wouldn't say he like loves his job, but it's his job and he does it, but that was his. Do not cry. Do not cry.

And if, and when I got older and we got into a something and he saw me like well up, he'd be like, oh, you better not cry. And I'd be like, I'm not gonna cry. And I might explain why I cry so much as adult now. So you just hold it back. I tried my whole life. And then I remember the first time seeing him cry.

It was when I graduated Florida State and they didn't let me graduate. Two teachers failed me because I was written up in Rolling Stone magazine and they were, they thought I embarrassed the school. So they failed me and I had to drive up to Tallahassee and they told me the administration said, just go talk to the teachers. And I went to drive up to Tallahassee and my dad walked me out to the car. It was like six in the morning and I was getting in the car to drive to Tallahassee, and he started crying and I'd never seen him cry. And I was like, what is this?

And he was just, and he's like, when someone's with your kid, like I was like, I got, I drove in silence, no music, just in the dark, just what did I just witness? Did you ever talk to him about that? No. Still, till this day? No. My dad till this day? No.

My dad's an interesting guy. He's changed a lot the older he's gotten. He's way more sensitive than he was when I was a kid. Joey Diaz gave him marijuana one time on accident. He gave him like a handful of marijuana popcorn. It was the first time my dad had ever had marijuana. Easter morning. Kids are searching for eggs.

My daddy's a handful of popcorn. I go, buddy, that's weed. And he goes, what? It's popcorn. I go, no, there's weed in the popcorn. He goes, how do they put weed in the popcorn? I go, dad, it's called an edible, and you just ate a lot of it.

And so he goes, well, what do I do? And I grabbed a handful and I said, I'll go with you. We're gonna both eat weed. And we both ate weed. We did a podcast that day. And then everyone leaves and it's me and my dad, high as crap, drinking whiskey at like five in the afternoon, smoking a cigar, really high.

And I leaned over to him, I go, why don't you like me? Ooh, I'm gonna get emotional. And he just goes, he's like, I love you. You just make me uncomfortable. He was like, I love you. You just make me uncomfortable. He was like, I love you and I'm afraid you're going to die. And so I don't know what that does, but I'm afraid you're going to die. I'm not going to die. And he goes, you don't know that.

He goes, I lost my dad when I was young. I'm terrified to lose you. And I don't understand you. I don't understand your lifestyle. And I said, well, how can we fix this? And he goes, I want to get you a cardiologist. And I said, okay. And he goes, you do that?

I want you to feel more comfortable with me. And he was like, I can get you a cardiologist. I can do all the tests. I can pick all the tests they do. And I said, yeah. And he goes, okay. And he had a cardiologist Monday morning for me, Dr. Kdan. And they did the CT scan.

They did the stress test. They did all the tests my dad wanted, and everything came back clean. And my dad's like, you'll go to him every six months? And I said, yeah. And I want to say from that day on, our relationship has gotten so much smoother. I mean, I've forgiven him for stuff that he's did, and we're just a lot, a lot closer now. It's incredible, isn't it?

Like, our parents trying to hold us back from seeing their pain, but actually seeing their pain is the only thing that kind of penetrates and make you go, oh wait, they're a human too. Oh, I found out my dad was human when I was 21 years old and I remember finding that out and I didn't understand it. My parents split up and I was so mad at my dad. I didn't want to talk to him. I was wanting nothing to do with him.

My uncle Jerry called me and he goes, when was the last time you talked to your dad? I said, it's been a while. He goes, well, that shit's over. He goes, you call him today. He's your dad. No Jerry, I'm mad at him. He goes, yeah, you just found out your dad's a human. Your dad's a human.

He's a regular man. he's not some superhero. So you call him, and look, you don't have to say, I love you, just call him, see how he's doing, and just touch base. I did, and that was a period, you know, that was a growing period at that, but yeah, he's a pretty great dude. I'll just say this, you know, a lot of people will be at his funeral. That's like the testament for like a great man. Yeah.

That's a big deal. Yeah. Oh, it'll be. Yeah. Yeah. He obviously means so much to you. Oh, yeah. I think everyone's dad does, don't they? I mean, for all our differences, and we have a ton,

a ton, if you met me and met him, you would not know we were related. He's pretty quiet, does not want to get on stage, and sincerely doesn't want you to get on stage. I mean, he just saw me do standup for the first time. No. At the Amalie, yeah. No. After all these years.

All these years I did the Amalie, which is the arena in Tampa. And I said, yo, if you're going to, you should come and see me here. I understand like comedy clubs, but you should come to the arena. It's a big deal, dad. He got there and I don't think he realized what was happening for real. Like he knew I was doing a show there, but he called me and he goes, Wade Boggs is here. Wade Boggs is like our hero playing baseball growing up. I said, yeah, I know and put him in your box. And he goes, no, buddy, he's here. Do you think he knows you?

And I said, daddy's at my show. He goes, I just saw Mike Alstott, football player. I go, yeah, and he goes, do these people know you? I said, dad, I'm the reason they're here. And then he came backstage and Derek Brooks, who's a legend, played at Florida State, played at the Bucks, is backstage talking to my dad. My dad's staring at Derek Brooks going. And he goes, and Derek goes, can you believe how far Burt's come?

He's doing the Amelie and he goes, I was his first show at Potbelly's. And Derek Brooks leaves. My dad goes, buddy, Derek Brooks knows who you are. I was like, yeah, I know dad, we just spent time with him. He knows who you are too now. But yeah, my dad just, he just, that was the first time he taught me to stand up. What did he say?

I got to be honest with you. I think it makes him uncomfortable. Like, I think he kind of half looks and half, like, I half looks and half, I don't think he laughs a lot at it. I don't know, I mean, he says, he goes, you're good. But I make him uncomfortable. I had a great Shaq joke that Shaq wanted me to put in the special. It's, dare I say, borderline racist. But Shaq and I talked, it made us laugh.

And Shaq's like, you gotta put that in the special. And my dad's like, that does not go in the special. And I was like, dad, Shaq says I talked, it made us laugh. And Shaq's like, you gotta put that in the special. And my dad's like, that does not go in the special. And I was like, dad, Shaq says it's okay. And he goes, I don't give a shit. I am not comfortable with that joke. So I took it out. Shaq's like, you took it out because your dad? Yeah, what?

But I got a better Shaq joke now. Okay. Oh yeah. What's the bad Shaq joke? Well, I can't do it. Is that, I don't think your audience wants to hear it. Go see me on the party world tour. September. There we go.

That's pretty aggressive. Oh, that's fun. That's fun. People can look forward to seeing that. But whatever, you know, when I'm hearing about your relationship with your dad, I think it's so interesting where we just talked about that unlock of you figure out your parents are human and you also get context of their humanity.

Like you were saying his dad died when he was 13 years old and he saw that. And then he was scared of losing you. Like I remember my dad took me to his, the home he grew up in, in India. And his home was the size of this room, his home. So the kitchen's in a corner. There's by the way, there's five kids that grew up in this house. There's a bed over here. We get there outside, there's bats, cockroaches and rats everywhere.

Cause he grew up in like this slum like area. Disgusting. I'm nine years old when I first go. And then they shared a toilet with like 20, 30 families. And I remember going there at nine years old and my whole perspective of my dad completely changed because all of a sudden I had like a reference point. You know, my life wasn't luxury in London by any means, but it wasn't that. And when you see like bats and rats and cockroaches at nine years old,

which like freak you out. And you think that's how your dad just walked to the toilet, walked back to his house. He was the youngest of five kids. And all of a sudden you just get like a completely different perspective on the man you're looking at. And it sounds like you had that moment as well. And I guess my question is it sounds like it's not something you had to reconcile through a conversation.

Like it's not like you've sat there and therapy-ized it out or fixed it, but there's a resolution that's almost happened between both of you where he can come and watch you on stage. Yeah. Even when he hasn't for all these years. Like would you say there's been healing? You said there's forgiveness from your side. Like what does that look like when there isn't a conversation?

Because I think today we've got so much about you've got to have the conversation. Yeah, no. You know, I think for my dad, a lot of it was he always had the answer. You know, my dad's the kind of guy that when I was a kid, the Iraq war started and I came home and I was like, I was against war because I knew that's what hippies were about and I wanted to be a hippie and so I thought that's the right answer, I'm against war. And my dad's like, No, you're an idiot. Why don't you go to your room until

you realize what an idiot you are. And then when you come down, I'll explain to you why you're an idiot. So I went to my room and I was like, I don't know why I'm an idiot. Like, what did I, I never went to be against war. My dad came downstairs, I go, I don't know why I'm an idiot. And he goes, okay, there's a lot of interesting things about this war. Number one, it's the first televised war we've ever seen. We're watching them go to war, and it starts like a football game.

And me and you have the opportunity to watch this. Number two, this man, Saddam Hussein, is a monster to his own people. And we are going in to get rid of him. You do not know any of the politics, so shut your mouth and sit down and watch the war. And my dad was like that with everything. Have you ever said an idea, to this day, if I say something, anything political, my dad

takes the opposite side and will tell me, so in a weird way, it never gave me a foot to stand on politically. That's why I don't talk about politics on stage, because whatever I would say, my dad would tell me I was, I was wrong. He wanted to show me, I think he was protecting me from looking foolish or protecting me from being the guy at a party that was a know it all. And you know, my dad kind of flew under the radar always. And I think when I started getting successful, there was a part of my dad

where he no longer had an answer for me. He no longer had the solution. He couldn't put me in the right direction. When they fly, they're older, I send them through a special entrance at the airport. It's a little expensive, but it's easier for them. And my dad had a broken hip and got knee problems. My mom's a piece of work. Mom's like me, okay? And he gets really upset. He's like, buddy, I don't need this. I can't, you can't afford this. And I go, I definitely can afford it. And he's like, no, you don't know. So one day I had to send him like my bank statement

and be like, I can afford to put you through there. And he was like, what the? You like, he just, I think in that it's not like like the you know, the younger lion taking over the bigger lion But like like mean like me not letting him pay for meals that makes him uncomfortable Like that's who he's been. He's been the leader of our family and I'm not saying he's not still our leader He is by every stretch of the means he is However, I think not having all the answers for me and not being able to tell me exactly what to do and be confident In his decision made him very uncomfortable. I think. I don't know.

But you never, it didn't seem like you were searching for his approval at any point. I was, oh my God. That's all I've been doing. My whole life. My whole life. He didn't like my long hair. Got a flat top. Came into his office and he was like, you look like an idiot. I was like, God dang it. Like all I've ever wanted is that man's approval. That's it. That's it. Entirely without a doubt. I just like when he says, and he says very often how proud he is of me, it doesn't miss me. It hits me in the chest and it makes me feel great. And the fact that he'll call up and it'll be like,

buddy, we went to the macaroni grill. You know, I say my last name and they go, are you related to Bert Kreischer? They knew you were. Buddy, I got a table right away. They gave me, you know, they do the bacon there, you know, the big bacon. My dad's like that. He loves it. And I think he kind of loves my whatever celebrity I have because it trickles to him. And now, like when he goes to like, when he goes to, like he went to my special, him and my mom sat backstage. They didn't go in the, they sat on chairs on side stage. And he's deaf and like, not deaf,

but he's losing his hearing. So I'm doing the show and I hear him say, what did he say? I'm like, Jesus, dad. He said he saw her suck his dick. What? She lost weight, Albert. He saw her give her a, Leanne gave him a blowjob and

I'm like you two shut up. But yeah they uh yeah I'm constantly seeking his approval. I think probably could be said for my career. I think the reason I'm into comedy is I'm searching for approval. I want people to like me. I do. I want people to have a good time and I want people to go you were fun. I don't need to be the best approval. I want people to like me. I do. I want people to have a good time and I want people to go, you were fun. I don't need to be the best comic, but I want the people that see me to really have had a great time and like me. When was the first time you felt like you got his approval? Uh, Will Smith.

Yeah. Will Smith. Well, I got a deal at like 26 years old. I've been doing standup on my 26th birthday. I was in New York and I was just partying. I wasn't doing stand up. I'd been there for a couple months and I got hammered the night before and it was my birthday. My phone rang at like eight o'clock in the morning, nine o'clock in the morning.

And I saw it was my dad, caller ID, and I said, you know, I'll answer it. Let him say happy birthday and I go back to sleep. I answer it and he says, you are a tremendous piece of shit. And I'm like, I go, dad? And he goes, yeah, yeah, it's your dad. And he goes, you are worthless. You have no humility. You're doing nothing.

He goes, I just perjured myself in court because of you. The judge said, Al, how's your son doing? And I said, great. That is a lie. You are not doing great. And you never will do great. I have failed you as a father. I gave you no humility. I taught you no life lessons You never had to work for anything things came easy to you and and I'm telling you and I said to him I go

It's my birthday and he goes I know what day it is. He goes I gave birth to you We were there when you got born and he goes I'm telling you and I was like dad I go well Okay, so what do I do with this? He goes, nothing. He goes, I'll foot the bill. Be a party boy. And I was like, well, I want to, I don't want you to feel this way about me. And he goes, no, you should not want to feel this way about yourself. And I said to him, what can I do?

He said, well, if you're serious about comedy, then you'll go to that club tonight and you'll do whatever you can to get on stage. You'll go to that man and you'll say, my name is Bert Kreischer. I'd like to be a stand up, I'll clean up, I'll mop up, I'll flip burgers, I'll stand up, I'll do whatever you need, but I need an opportunity." And I said, I remember saying to him, I go, I can't do it today, tonight because I have a party planned. He was silent and he just goes, you have a party? He goes, you don't deserve a party. What are you throwing a party for? You're a failure.

You go to that club tonight. You take yourself to dinner. I want you to write down some goals. And then you after that dinner, you go to that club and you tell whoever you need to, you'll do whatever you can and you'll do it for free. And I said, that's not how it works. I remember him very clearly saying, hey, for some young black kid in Harlem, that's how it works for him.

Do you know why? Because he has humility and he knows how to get what he wants. That's how it works for him. Doesn't work for you because you're white and you feel like everything should be given to you." And I went, okay. So I said, all right, I'll do it. So I didn't, I took myself to a restaurant on Seventh and Bleecker and then I wrote down 26 goals that I had planned for that year. So I was starting 26. I went to the Boston Comedy Club. I met a guy named Louis Schaeffer, and I told him exactly what my dad said. My name's Bert, I wanna do this.

Any advice, anything you do, get me on stage. And Louis Schaeffer said, you should move back to Tampa. And I went, what? He goes, you're not gonna be a comedian in New York. You don't have what it takes. And I went home, almost like victorious. I was like, so dad, this is how it works. I told you I was right.

I called him the next morning. He goes, how did it go? I said, not good. This is exactly what he said. And he goes, perfect. This go? I said, not good. This is exactly what he said. And he goes, perfect. This is what I want you to do. You go back tonight and you say the same sentence as if he never said it to you. And I said, okay.

So I said, well, what do I do if he says the same thing? He goes, you're going to do that every single night until there's a point where you're going to break him and he's going to go, fine, I'll give you a job. So I went back that night and I went, hey, Louis, my name is Burke Kreischer. I want to be a standup comedian. I'm from Florida. He goes, didn't I tell you to move back to Florida? I go, listen, here's the deal. My dad called me a piece of shit yesterday.

I feel like a piece of shit. I need an opportunity. I go, I'm going to be doing this every night for the next year, as long as you keep saying this. And he went, fine. If you can bring in 20 people, I'll put you on at the end of the night. And I was like, for real? And he goes, yeah, you can go on after, right before Godfrey. And I was like, okay. And man, I brought in 25 people. Someone got heckled. Karen Berger

got heckled by four Puerto Rican guys I brought in because one was going to jail the next day. And I was like, I shouldn't I? And Louis Schaeffer comes out and he's like, where's a comic? And I was like, no one's here. And he's like, you're on, let's go. Put me on stage and frat boy Bert came out and I lit these four Puerto Rican guys up so hard. And cause I knew that guy was going to jail. And I mean, I was like, hey man, have fun tomorrow. Don't drop the soap.

Place is going nuts. And I was like, can I give you advice about jail? I was like, suck it before you. And I mean, it was so great. They walked out of the room, the place went nuts. And I was like, suck it before you. And I mean, they, it was so great. They walked out of the room, the place went nuts. And I was like, and I got a job. Louis Schaeffer was like, you can do this every night. Six months later, Will Smith discovered me. Will Smith discovered me and my dad was floored. He was floored. We watched the Fresh Prince

on Monday night, every Monday night. It was a six figure development deal. And I remember that was the first time my dad didn't have an answer. And I said, uh, I said, what do I do with this money? He goes, I don't know. I've never gotten a paycheck like that. He goes, buddy, I, I remember him stuttering. Like I can't tell you. I don't know. He goes, let me hook you up with Bob Kazarian. I still remember the guy's name over at Merrill Lynch and we'll figure it out. And that was when my dad was like, he's like, you met Will Smith. Will Smith taught me how to pitch movies and pitch TV shows. And he was like a blessing in my life.

Yeah, that's beautiful. I didn't realize we had Will in common either. Will's a, I mean, look, I love Will. Yeah, one of my favorite people. He's one of my, he is, he is the sweetest guy in the world. He was so good to me. He is the sweetest guy in the world. He was so good to me. He gave me great advice. We're about to pitch ABC.

Jamie Tarsus, got rest her soul. And I drove over from the valley with him and JL. Yeah, yeah, JL, yeah. James Lasseter. Yeah, and I had to piss. And Will came in and he goes, I'll go to the bathroom with you. So he sat at the stall right next to me at ABC. And any guy knows that the sound of a man's urine

hitting a toilet sometimes indicates how big their dick is. And he had a fire hose. I mean, it was like, ah, and I couldn't pee. I got gun shy. And Will says to me, can I tell you everything you need to know about Hollywood?

But I'm so in my head going pee, pee, pee. I didn't hear a word. I didn't hear one word. And then he goes, and then he stops peeing. I realized if I can't pee next to Will Smith, I can't sell a show next to Will Smith. I start peeing and all I hear him say is, be yourself. That's it, that's the only thing I heard.

And then I went into the room and Will was like, Bert used to party hard or something. I was like, yeah, you ever tried to knock yourself out? And they're like, huh? And we used to do that in college. And you had to do it on the side of like, put your head against something. Cause if you just hit your head, it's not going to happen. And I knocked myself out and Will's just like, and we sold a sitcom that day. I love that.

Yeah, he's the best. Yeah, he's the best. Dude, it's like, as I'm listening to you, I'm just like, there's, it's so interesting because I feel like that moment that you told me about baseball with, you know, you and your dad and your dad telling you like on your birthday, just go play and then we'll sort it out later. What was the power of that? Like, what was the good thing about that?

And then what was the hard thing about that? Like there was good, obviously, that came from it. This work ethic, this ability to turn up, the ability to push through pain. But there must've been some pain that stayed, which search for that approval. But what was the good and the bad? Because it sounds like you've been able to process both.

You know, he had a mentality to eat shit and cash checks. And when I was at Travel Channel, at the very tail end, I was just hoping to get renewed. And I knew they were changing presidents. And I had lasted like three or four presidents. But every time you went to a new president, you were, and it was money and I needed money, I had a family. I was ignoring standup, I was ignoring the podcast, all the stuff I do now, I was ignoring

all of it. And I was at the beach with my dad, we were having a cigar and a glass of wine. And he goes, so what's the deal? What's our plan? I was, I think I was 42 years old, 43 years old, looking for my dad's approval. And this is so my dad. I go, you know, buddy, each hit cash checks. Thinking he'd go, that's my guy.

My dad started crying. He goes, oh, I think I f***ed you up. He goes, each hit cash checks means, is for guys like me with no talent. Guys like you need to, you need to go after your talent. Wow. And he was crying. And you know, Rogan had just said that to me too. He had just had that conversation with me. And my dad's like, if you don't go for it now, you're going to regret it.

He's like, do it. Because I had this long-standing offer from Showtime, Gary Garfinkel, God rest his soul, to do a special and I kept pushing it to do Travel Channel stuff. And he goes, buddy, you should do it. You should, hey, follow your dreams. So I did the Showtime special. No one watched it because I took my shirt off. I remember them saying, yo, if you take your shirt off, you're giving them the reason to change the channel.

But what's fascinating is the thing that gets them to change the channel back in the day where you were Caesar and you'd be like, No, no is the exact opposite for the internet. You see a guy with no shirt on the internet. You're like, what's this? And you click it and I posted the machine story and it went viral. And it was I remember my but my dad gave me this like insane thing of even if you're sick you show up. Even if you're even if you're hurt you show up. I think it's my punitive way that I work out is that if I'm hungover I work out extra hard. I was hungover. I flew all

drank all day yesterday in New York. Flew here last night. This morning I got up at eight, got in the sauna for 30 minutes, got in the gym. We did abs. Who the fuck wants to do abs? Ran, lifted weights and sweated out. But that's my dad's mentality is like, you get up, you do your work, no matter what. That was the lesson. I mean, my takeaway from being 11 and getting hurt, my dad going, you finish it, you don't let anyone down. You finish the game. You know, I had a showcase for ICM one time. This is just my dad's mentality. And there was a guy that went opened it. And the next guy went on was a guy named earthquake.

Do you know earthquake? No. Unfollowable. Black dude who destroys, destroys. His name's earthquake. I mean, just, and he is earthquake because he leaves you the room in an earthquake. And I watched all my friends, I won't say their names, but all my white friend comedians panic.

No one wanted to follow Earthquake. And they just came to me, they're like, you wanna go up after Earthquake? And I just, my dad would be like, yeah, that's your job. Do your job. And I went up after Earthquake, and he had a joke, his last joke was about his name, Earthquake, I forget the joke had a joke. His last joke was about his name earthquake. I forget the joke, but I knew my first joke

was about my name, Bert. So the joke was, my name's Bert. I know you're thinking hot, sexy name. Do you do porn? No. I said, Bert's the last name you wanna hear during sex. Just someone to check on top of you in the dark going, ah, ah, ah, Bert.

And then I go, shh, call me earthquake. And the place exploded. But you know, here's the thing, and this is my dad's, my dad's mentality is if you don't get on stage, if you don't show up to work, all the stuff that could possibly make your life great just disappears. And that's been my mentality this whole career is,

you show up no matter what, you show up. You got an audition, you show up. They want to meet, you want a general meeting, you still don't think it's right for you, you show up, no matter what, you show up. You got an audition, you show up. You get, they want to meet, you want a general meeting, you still don't think it's right for you, you show up. And I, that's definitely the way I've taken the road. Dude, let's do the road. Make sun, make, hey, while the sun shines, get out there and grind. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's what it takes. I mean, I feel like comedy is like, there's a new comedian every month that's taken off, you've had like a long standing career. It's hard to do that. To keep reinventing yourself, keep coming back, special after special, success after success. It's hard to do that. Yeah.

It feels like it came from that. This is an advertisement from BetterHelp. We've made real progress in how we talk about mental health, but there's still a stigma that holds people back. So many avoid therapy because they're afraid of being judged. But when we don't get the help we need, it doesn't just affect us. It impacts our relationships, our work and our communities. This Mental Health Awareness Month, let's remind each other that asking for support isn't a weakness, it's a strength. Better

Help has been connecting people to licensed therapists for over 10 years with a network of credential professionals across a wide range of specialties. It's fully online, serving over 5 million people worldwide. And you can switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Getting help isn't a sign of weakness. It's one of the strongest things you can do. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. We're all better with

help. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com forward slash J's top three. That's better h-e-l-p dot com forward slash J's top three. That's better, h-e-l-p dot com forward slash J's top three. Hey everyone, we want to tell you about our podcast. Hi, I'm Daniel. I'm a particle physicist and I think our universe is absolutely extraordinary. Hello, I'm Kelly Wienersmith. I study parasites along with nature's other creepy crawlies

and there's just endless things about this universe that I find fascinating. All right, well basically we're both nerds. We love learning about this extraordinary universe and we love sharing what we've learned. So that's what we're going to do. And on our podcast, Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe is all about the mind blowing discoveries we've made about this crazy beautiful cosmos. From the tiniest particles to the biggest blue whales. Each Tuesday and Thursday,

we take an hour-long dive into some science topic, during which time I try to suppress my biologist training and keep the poop jokes to a minimum. Learn all about our amazing and beautiful universe on Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe every Tuesday and Thursday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My husband has a secret son from a past partner.

Hold up Sam, how do we know, have we done the DNA test? Well John, luckily it's Mother May I Have a DNA Test Week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. And this wife writes, my husband received a Facebook message from a woman saying that he is the father of a five year old. Whoa!

At first he didn't remember her, but then he realized they had a one night stand right before we started dating. Wait, but do we have proof he's a dad? Well, the author says there's no confirmation the kid is even his son, but the woman from Facebook has a meeting with her lawyer soon.

I think she's going after our money. If the kid is actually my husband's, she would be entitled to it too. So what's a husband gotta say about this? This could be his kid. Well, apparently he broke down in the middle of the living room apologizing, but this is what scared me.

His first instinct, if the kid is his son, is to pay the child support, but not be an active father in the kid's life because he only wants a family with me, his wife. Oh, this is a mess. To hear the explosive finale, follow OK Storytime on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I 100% I mean, a lot of my friends like just like the pandemic hit. And my brain was like, that doesn't mean we can't do stand up. And then I know the country shut down and I went, I'll figure it out. And I so I came up with a type of touring outdoor comedy festivals where I took drive-in movie theaters and I plugged into their system. We showed it up on the big screen. We shot it with four cameras. All the feeds went into the car so everyone could stay socially distant.

And I did, I think I did 30 cities. I think I maybe did 30 cities, 60 shows. I did, I toured all through the pandemic. That's just the way my brain works is like, just cause you say no, that doesn't mean, look, you got to do it. You got to work. Don't just take the foot off the pandemic. That's just the way my brain works. It's like, just because you say no, that doesn't mean, look, you got to do it. You got to work. Yeah. Don't just take the foot off the gas. What I love about the earthquake story too, it's like what your dad said, if you didn't put yourself under that pressure, you wouldn't have found that great new take. If you're a dad right now and you're listening, this is the only takeaway you need. My dad, whether it's true or not,

the only takeaway you need. My dad, whether it's true or not, always told me you love pressure. Buddy, when all the chips are on the table, you perform your best. I don't know what it is about you, but you love the pressure. You just love it. And I'll tell you my whole baseball career, if we were down, man, all first and second were down by two runs. That's when I performed. When we faced the fastest pitcher we ever faced, that's the guy I hit the best off of.

And I, and I'll tell you is in standup, I've always done best when the most pressure is on me. I need to do secret time. First show I bomb. I'm only doing two shows. I bomb. I bomb. I hadn't bombed with this hour ever. And I bombed.

The crowd had to wait in the rain. We had a power shortage. It just, it was horrible. And I'm nervous. I got one more show. This is my first Netflix special. I got one more show and I'm sitting in the green room and Leanne just echoes my dad. She goes, well, you know, you love pressure.

This is when he's going to perform the best. Sit back everybody. And man, that show, I mean, best standup show I've ever had in my entire career was that one show. That was murderous. Wow. People say with comedians, obviously, there's such a defense mechanism with humor and comedy to mask pain and challenges and all that kind of stuff.

I wonder, and you've said before as well, like, I usually, you know, laugh through pain. It's like, what's a pain that you couldn't laugh through? I hesitate to even say this, but I've been very lucky. I've been very lucky. I haven't had a lot of tragedy in my life. And I can laugh at just about anything. I laughed at my grandmother's funeral. I laughed twice at my grandmother's funeral. Tell us. I started crying. My dad had a rule like, don't cry in front of your kids.

And I started crying. And this is before we put Priscilla down. I started crying. He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, stand up. It's him and my uncle Jerry. And my dad goes, buddy, pull together. I was like, I'm upset. And he goes, why? I go, because your mom is in a box up there?

And he's like, yeah, she had a great life. You celebrate her life. You don't cry. Can't let your girl see you cry. Then they're gonna be freaked out. I was like, Dad, it's just hard looking at her. And he goes, no, no, no, no, you're fine. I go, well, she's not smiling. And he goes, are you an idiot?

He goes, do you want her smiling in that box? Do you have any idea how creepy that is? And I started laughing. And then he goes, there you go. All right, you're out of it. Good. Let's go. So then at the end of that funeral, everyone leaves.

My dad and my uncle Jerry, ugh. I mean, this makes, they go, hey, come on. I said, what? They go, let's go say goodbye to grandma. And this was them saying, it's okay to cry. Oh my God, I've never seen two uglier cries in my life. These men let go of years of trauma. I'll tell you, right before she died, this is the hardest I've ever watched these two men laugh.

We go to the hospital, my grandmother's in congenital heart failure or whatever. So we go to the hospital. Grandma's in the bed, Uncle Jerry and my dad are in the corner and they're hiding their faces because they're crying. They're hiding their faces behind the curtains. Okay? They're really emotional. And I'm not, for whatever reason, I'm not in that moment. And I go, hey, grandma, how you doing? And she goes, ugh, my back hurts.

That's heart failure is when your back hurts. And I go, well, do you want me to rub your back? And she goes, I would love that. Birdie boy, rub my back. So I start rubbing her back. I go, I would love that. My birdie boy rubbed my back. So I start rubbing her back. I go, I love you so much, Grandma. I go, I think you're going to make it out of this. And then I go, wait, I think you might have dropped a tissue behind your bed because I

can feel, I think there's tissue falling off. And she goes, that's my skin. And my dad and my uncle go from crying to laughing hysterically. And my dad's going, he's kicking my uncle, he's rubbing skin over her back! He's rubbing skin over her back! And my uncle Jerry's just... He's just... And I'm watching these two curtains shake and I'm just rubbing skin over her back.

I love you, grandma! Yeah. I can laugh through just about anything. Oh, God. When was the first time you let your daughter see you cry? I start... Okay, I came home. I was on the treadmill.

Leannan is in the room with the girls and this is in Priscilla's third knee surgery. Priscilla had five knee surgeries. On her second knee surgery, they realized the other knee was bad too. They were going to have to do another one and the guy goes, listen, your 15 ran into this dog. I think it's just, I think we need to put her down. And I went, what? He goes, I can't promise that these are going to last, but like, I'm telling you the one

that we already fixed, that's bad again. We got to do that again. So she's asleep. I can put her down right now if you'd like. And I went, well, hold on. And I went, oh my God, give me a second. And he goes, yeah, yeah, give me like, go talk to your wife, but call me soon. So I start crying. And I'm trying to hold it together. And I walk in the room and the girls see me

crying and they start laughing. And they go, oh, mom, dad's crying. And Leanne goes, girls, if dad's crying, we're all about to be crying in a matter of seconds. She's like, this isn't funny. And I go, they want to put Priscilla down and George and I are like, what? And then pull it together. And we didn't put her down. We got two more.

We got those two knee surgeries, then two more knee surgeries. And yeah, but they've seen me cry a lot now. Once I once the floodgates open, dude, I cried at the Avengers movie when Spider-Man died. I was sobbing, crying, and Isla's mocking me. I cry at movies real quick. I do too. And they will, and you just watch them. They don't even watch the movie, they just watch me and stare at me and giggle.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's why I find you to be such an interesting, fascinating person, because like, you've got this larger than life personality, you've got this part of your background, and then like, you've got like this soft heart. Oh, I'm like the biggest. Yeah, yeah.

And it's like, and even when I met you, I could just tell immediately, I was like, you know, this guy's got the softest heart. And at the same time, if I saw you, I wouldn't necessarily have that, you know, perception. Yeah, I think that's accurate. I don't think anyone, I think people think I'm a one thing. And then when they find out, like, the one that always shocks everyone is I've only had sex with six women. And they're like, what? And I was like, yeah, I'm just, I wasn't that guy. Like,

the time I lost my virginity, that changed my life. And that moment, I went from, okay, I'm not a cool guy that can just bang chicks. I'm a super sensitive guy that needs you to get me because I'm not sure I do this right. Like my wife, my wife takes those phone calls and she knows I'm never going to cheat. She knows I am a wreck. I am a wreck. But yeah, and so everyone's like,

really, you've only had sex with six? I go, yeah, because in college I'd go to a bar and I was just hoping someone would get me. Like I wanted someone that wanted to watch Fletch three times in a night. How does she get about obviously all of the exposure of her life and her sex life as well? What's like allowed, where do you need permission for?

What do you get away with without any? She says as long as it's funny. Oh wow. She goes as long as it's not mean and it's funny, I'm in. I remember the time I realized she was game for anything. She farted during oral sex. And I made a joke and she started crying. I said, what are you crying about?

I'm the one in the fire hole. What are you? I'm going to shit in my mouth. What are you? You're crying? And she said to me, you're definitely telling this on stage. And I wait. I said, what, can I? And she said to me, you're definitely telling this on stage. And I wait, I said, what, can I? And she goes, well, yeah, obviously if I did this, someone else has done this.

I'm not the only one that ever did it. And it's funny, you should talk about this on stage. And I did. And man, it was, it was like a killer bit for a while. But like, yeah, she watched this hour and her note was, I'm cool with everything you're saying. I need to know the way you're saying it has love in it. Like, it has to have a smile in it.

Because I was doing, when you do material a lot, you get bored of it, and sometimes you don't show the sparkle in it the way you did when you wrote it. And with this material, I mean, making fun of a woman because she's getting older and she's going through menopause and she's aging, and if you don't say it with love or a smile, that was her exact word, there needs to be a smile and a little bit of rascal in your voice.

Like you need to say. And so she was really adamant about that. I love that. She's like a comedy coach. Oh, she's, I mean, look, she's not funny. Let's be very clear. I take offense when she tells the people at the party, I'm the funny one at home. I go, hang on, my comedy bought the house.

Let's be real. Okay. She's a, she's a gangster. She's awesome. And same with our girls. She's kind of monitors the material and, and runs, runs it by with them, with her and talks to them about it and you know, yeah. Do they think dad's really cool or dad's human?

Oh, human. They don't think I'm cool at all. They do not. When did that, when did it go from cool to human? Or was it ever cool in the first place? It was never cool. I don't think it's, no, it's, it's, you know, I had a period of, of where Georgia, I could tell thought I was kind of cool.

Like Georgia had this like, we took her on fully loaded one year, her and her friend Daisy, I got this great picture. At the end of the night, I, of the night, I tell the machine and then I bring all the comics on stage and I'd have them bring me a beer and I'd kill a beer and I'd spit it in the air. And it was a fun moment to close the show and it was always a really cool picture. And one year I call all the comics out and then everyone starts walking off and I'm saying goodbye and Georgia comes out. I got this great picture and she throws her arm in the air like she just did a stand up. And I was like, what are you doing? She goes, I just wanted to see what it felt like.

But like I think they think I'm okay. I don't think they think I'm cool. Like in all honesty, if I didn't ever go to their college ever again, they'd be very comfortable with that. Well, why do you turn up to their college? You drop them? No, like parents weekend. Parents weekend or, you know, we went and looked at colleges. I wanted Georgia to go to Boulder. And so we went to Boulder and this kid yells out the window, the machine. And then all of a sudden word got out on campus and kids started running and finding me. And I watched this kid, my child, lose interest in a school very quick. A great school.

One of the best schools in the universe. I love that school. And she was like, yeah, I'm not going here. I was like, what? She goes, I'm not going to a place where you have fans. I was like, well, baby, I think that's gonna be tough. And then she was like, I won't go to Florida State. I won't go to Florida. I'm not going here. I'm not going to Georgia. I'm going, I, I think that's going to be tough. And then she was like, I won't go to Florida. I won't go to Florida.

I'm not going here. I'm not going to Georgia. I'm going, I'm going to find my place. And so I didn't go look at schools with her. And the next two schools she looked at, she loved, she got into both of them and she chose one. And same with Isla. Isla would, they hate when I get recognized.

Last night we flew in and paparazzi was waiting for me at the airport. And Georgia was just like, like she walked in and like stood by a wall. And was like, she was like, can we just, mom, can we make this stop? And I was like, I don't, I'm not rude. So I'm like, I'm going to talk to them. If they want to talk to me, I'll say something to them. I'm not going to be there forever, but yeah, they, I think they would be cool if I wasn't famous. How do you deal with that?

Like with, when you're raising kids, you've been doing this for a long time, they've probably been exposed to it since they were kids. Like how have you had that conversation with them? Because obviously it's still not easy for them. We had a moment, we were skiing. It was a very luxurious thing to do. It's not lost on my kids. Because we didn't always have money, but we were on skiing and Georgia was having a rough time. Just there was something going

on with Georgia. By the way, we didn't know this, but we all had COVID at the time. So Georgia's having a rough time and she has a meltdown and she's, you know, you know, what a junior in college, high school at the time, but she's having a meltdown. And I'm talking to her in front of where we're staying, right by the lifts, and we're both in our ski outfits. I'm holding my snowboard, she's got her snowboard, and she's crying, and I'm trying to talk to her and help her out with this thing she's going through.

And these two dudes are like, oh shit, the machine! And I just look at her eyes and she's like, and I was like, what's up guys? And they're like, can we get a picture? I go, I'm kind of doing a thing. They're like, real quick, real quick. And I'm like, it's easier just to take the picture than to, and so I take the picture. She goes, I understand that this allows us to do this.

She goes, it would be nice just to have my dad sometimes. And I was like, I know. It's sharing your time with fans is what is difficult for them. And I'm not a good guy at like saying no. Like I don't... I've seen my friends do that before and it always rubs me wrong. I'm like, just take a picture with it. Yeah.

Yeah, I feel the same way. Yeah. It's like a... It's almost like this is the reason why you get to do what you love every day. And the least you can do is... The least you can do is take a second and listen to someone. Yeah. And I'm assuming with you as well, people have great stories. Like, that's how I feel.

Like, I get to talk to people who just have amazing stories to share and life-changing moments. And I'm like, I feel like if I didn't sit there and listen to that, it almost gives me fuel to keep going and, you know, keep moving because, yeah, I hear amazing things. I'm sure you do too. Oh, so I mean, you know, you forget,, you forget a little bit of what we do is talk. There's someone right now that probably has a weird relationship with their dad and is hearing this and they're going, there's things that we hope is funny too, but like doing,

the biggest one I always got was you got me through the pandemic. Because we put out content for them to distract themselves with. A lot of people didn't have big houses to stay in during the pandemic. They were in an apartment, and they're just like, this is miserable. And I get that a lot. I get, you know, right now, the one I'm getting is, you know, you know, we just put our dog down. You, I've never laughed and sobbed at the same time. Thank you for letting us process.

But, you know, the least I can do is take a second and talk to someone who wants to say hi to me. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, I mean, that's something that you do quite uniquely, I feel, like the ability to make someone laugh and cry, even like as we've been talking today, I'm like, having like a really emotional moment with you. And then you're like making me crack up at the other end with like grandma's funeral, like being at the hospital. And there's a real beauty in that. Like have you ever sat and thought about like, was this the first time in this special that you got extra emotional and got people to cry? Was this like one of the first times or?

Yeah, I've never done this before. I don't mean this like cocky, but I don't think there's a lot of comics. That's what I'm saying. That are doing that. And I didn't know if I should do it. What made you do it? Why did you go there? It was ready.

I did that story before Razzle Dazzle. I was going to do it at the end of Razzle Dazzle and I just thought, I don't know. It felt weird to me for that material. That material felt weird. And Georgia called me one time on stage. I was on stage. And right before I released Razzle Dazzle, she goes, what are you doing? I said, I'm doing stand up.

She goes, oh, are you telling the escape room story? And I was like, no, why should I? She goes, absolutely, dad. You remember you almost shit in papa's mouth? I went, oh yeah. And then she kind of broke down the story on stage, told it. I went, that's my closer. And I was like, good, I'll get made fun of if I do this dog story.

Everyone's going to make fun of me and say, I just, I can, I'm thinking of it too much. And then I do this special and everyone I was working with was like, are you seeing what's happening in the room? And I was like, no, because you can't really see anything. And it's an arena. And then I go, we're out there. And they're like, grown men are sobbing, crying. People are holding each other and laughing and crying at the same time

They're like this is different. Like I remember a dude. I really respect I brought with me on the road He's like that has to be your closer. He's like that he was I don't know one comic making people cry But making them happy cry like they're crying for something they love and then they're laughing and you end on a laugh He's like you have to do it. I just didn't know if it was work. It's like what you said about writing a book. You sit with it for four years. And then, and I shot this in July, and it just came out this March. So I've been sitting on this special, and I just was like, I am going to get destroyed. Like, I just started in my head going like, no one's going to like this. Everyone's going to make fun of this last story. They're gonna go, oh, Bert always cries.

That's all he does. And I put it out, like the first day, it was trending at number two, which I'd never trended over six. And I was like, whoa, that's weird. And I went into my stories where people like mention you, and it just looked like a straight line. And I was like, whoa. And I was like, I only got one story. I only got one person mentioning me. And I hit it. And I hit it. And I was like, oh my God, I couldn't get the line to go away.

And I was like, and it was all about this story. Everyone was just sobbing, crying. People were sending me pictures of their dogs. They were holding their dogs. They were filming their husbands crying. They were, I mean, it was so cathartic for me. And I'll be very real. So you get on Netflix on a Tuesday, you find out if you trend on Wednesday. I did press all Wednesday morning from six in the morning till nine o'clock.

I don't know if anyone's liked the special. I don't know if it's trending. I don't know any of that. I go and take a nap and I'm waiting for an agent or someone to text me. I figured, I said to myself, if it just trends in the top 10, I'm going to be happy. Look, I'm 52. There's guys doing it better than me, younger than me. I expect them to just blow my doors off.

Just please tell me I have another year of doing stand-up. That's the way your head's thinking. And I took a nap, I woke up, and I got a text from a younger comic I really, really like, Ricky Veles, and he just said, Yo man, you're killing it. This is a great special. I've been a fan of yours for a while. I'd love to hang out next time I'm in LA.

Not doing a podcast, hang out. I was like, oh, that's cool. I like this guy. This guy's doing what I was trying to do at his age. He's doing it way better than I'm doing it. So I was like, oh, nice. I was like, you's cool, I like this guy. This guy's doing what I was trying to do at his age, he's doing it way better than I'm doing it. So I was like, oh nice. I was like, you like the special, cool.

I was like, nice, a young kid liked the special. And then my texts blow up. And that's when I went into my stories and I saw it. And as I'm watching the stories people are saying, I started sobbing, crying just out of gratitude, out of just sitting there going like, ugh, the thing I did's good, it's not horrible. It's not horrible, people don't hate me. Ugh, I was just sobbing, crying in my bed. I was like, and then Leanne comes in from her workout class,

she's like, what's wrong with you? She just walks in, she goes, you're training at number two. I was like, what? I didn't even look at Netflix. And then I was like, and so I was like, whatever. I'm good, my first day was good. And then it's been like that every day. The response has been crazy.

People really are connecting with that last story. Hey everyone, we want to tell you about our podcast. Hi, I'm Daniel. I'm a particle physicist and I think our universe is absolutely extraordinary. Hello, I'm Kelly Wienersmith. I study parasites along with nature's other creepy crawlies. And there's just endless things about this universe that I find fascinating.

All right, well basically we're both nerds. We love learning about this extraordinary universe and we love sharing what we've learned. So that's what we're going to do. And on our podcast, Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe is all about the mind blowing discoveries we've made about this crazy beautiful cosmos. From the tiniest particles to the biggest blue whales. Each Tuesday and Thursday we take an hour long dive into some science topic during which time I try to suppress my biologist training and keep the poop jokes to a minimum.

Learn all about our amazing and beautiful universe on Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe every Tuesday and Thursday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My husband has a secret son from a past partner. Hold up, Sam, how do we know, have we done the DNA test? Well, John, luckily it's Mother May I Have a DNA Test Week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. And this wife writes,

my husband received a Facebook message from a woman saying that he is the father of a five year old. Whoa! At first he didn't remember her, but then he realized they had a one night stand right before we started dating. Wait, but do we have proof he's a dad? Well, the author says there's no confirmation

the kid is even his son, but the woman from Facebook has a meeting with her lawyer soon. I think she's going after our money. If the kid is actually my husband's, she would be entitled to it too. So what's a husband gotta say about this? This could be his kid.

Well, apparently he broke down in the middle of the living room apologizing, but this is what scared me. His first instinct, if the kid is his son, is to pay the child support, but not be an active father in the kid's life because he only wants a family with me, his wife. Oh, this is a mess.

To hear the explosive finale, follow OK Storytime on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Have you ever wondered if your pet is lying to you? Why is my cat not here? Am I going and she's eating my lunch? Or if hypnotism is real? We will use this suggestion in order to enhance your cognitive control.

But what's inside a black hole? Black holes could be a consequence of the way that we understand the universe. Well, we have answers for you in the new iHeart original podcast, Signing Stuff. Join me, or Hitcham, as we answer questions about animals, space, our brains, and our bodies. So give yourself permission to be a science geek and listen to Signing Stuff on the iHeart video app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Talk to me about what you just said now that that inevitable embracing of insignificance and irrelevance that everyone goes through, like that idea that one day, no one's going to care about me.

No one's going to care about you. No one's going to care about 99.9% of everyone who's relevant, current, whatever trending we want to call it. And there's that thing that creatives go to where you see them holding on to their last bit of relevance and significance. And it's painful to watch, but you understand it because you go, well, wait a minute, I really liked, no matter how much we say, like, you know, Ellen, Ellen said something that I love. She goes, I used to always say, I didn't care what people thought. That's when everyone thought I was amazing. Like, you know, it's like, I love. She goes, I used to always say I didn't care what people thought.

That's when everyone thought I was amazing. Like, you know, it's like, it's really easy to say, I don't care what anyone thinks when I'm the number one person in the world. But then when you actually are not number one, number two, number three, number four, you start getting down on that list. You'll be on number 10. Now you do start caring what people think, especially like what you said, the new God. Like, and especially when the new God has respect, that's a beautiful thing.

Yeah. But when the new God's kind of like, you know, living how you were when you were the new God, who has that overconfidence, that arrogance. How do you think about that? Like, how have you reflected? Have you thought about that at all? I thought that's all I think. You gotta remember, I didn't, I was like, I was just going to be a journeyman comic.

Like I wasn't supposed to be successful I You know I did travel channel And I thought that was gonna be my life and then when I got let go from travel channel and my special didn't do well Never the machine didn't do well, and I'm getting fat shamed by Tommy. I was like okay. I remember saying Are we cool with this can we do this like this at this level? Like I was the guy at the store when people would talk to me, more successful comments would talk to me. They'd look over my shoulder

waiting for someone better to talk to. I was a nice guy, people liked me, but I wasn't relevant to them. And so they were like, ooh, that guy's, oh, that guy's 28 and he's killing it. Give me one second, bird, I wanna go talk to him. And I was like, am I cool with that? I remember one time coming off stage,

not wearing cool sneakers, wearing dad jeans, and seeing a young comic murdering it in the car that my wife and I had seen in, we had looked at that brand car, and then he had the car they had in the showroom. I had a car that was like $220,000, and I was like, oh, how did he, how can he afford that? So I wasn't supposed to be successful and I was cool with it.

I was definitely cool with it. I was like, I can just do comedy at funny bones. I love comedy. I'll keep putting out specials. Maybe never know. Look, Rogan's a good friend. I can always do his podcast. You know, that's how my brain worked.

I had my podcast, but no one cared. And then I had a conversation with my dad. I got liquor from Travel Channel. I had the conversation with Rogan. And him and Tommy, I remember them both saying, like, don't worry, we can help you get ad sales. And I was like, OK. And then I posted the machine story.

And then all of a sudden, it went like crazy. I mean, I had never experienced that before. Like genuinely viral. And then all of a sudden, I started selling tickets. And I was like, whoa. Holy before, like genuinely viral. And then all of a sudden I started selling tickets and I was like, whoa, holy crap, this is crazy. You're just selling out, not looking at ticket counts, just going in and knowing everything's clean. And so I really honestly had kind of already let go

of all of it, but there's a part of me that remembers, oh, it was cool when they, I remember getting, right before I got to travel Seattle, I got into a town car. They got me a town car for something. And I remember getting in and going, this is the last town car I'll ride in. I was like, I should really enjoy this. So I kept always saying that every time I went to theaters, I was like, I probably won't do theaters again. You only do theaters once really. I'll go back to clubs, but enjoy this. This is the Chicago theater. Let's go for a jog tonight and watch the sunset. And then, yo, this is crazy.

I'm doing The Beacon. I probably, I'm not gonna sell two shows at The Beacon ever again. So let's really enjoy this. And I brought my girls that I grew up with in Tampa up to my bus and we hung out. And then when I started doing arena, I didn't even know I was gonna do arenas.

I didn't know I was doing an arena. I was in Green Bay. And I was like, I'm doing an arena? And they're like, yeah. And I was like, whoa, I got to really enjoy this. And so I, every step of the way have been like, I got to enjoy this. But then, you know, I take nine months off, wait for the special to be released.

And I did it again. Am I cool with not being relevant? Am I cool with not being relevant? Am I cool with not being the thing, the shiny object? And maybe going back to clubs or going back to theaters. I remember I texted my manager, I go, hey guys, I don't need to do arenas anymore. I love theaters. So Kevin Hart did a theater.

I go, there's no shame in doing a theater. A lot of them, you can see a lot of me make more money than an arena. And then special came out and I was like, it was just like a relief. I was like, I was like, I can breathe. I can breathe that. Oh my God. That is like, and uh, and then we were on a call today and they're like, yo, you know, doing arenas again in the fall, starting in September. And I told them, I said, and I said to them, I said, you know, hey, when we book out 2026, I don't have to do arena tours.

Like, I don't have to be holding on to something. I'm cool with doing some clubs and doing some theaters and doing some outdoor venues. I'd like to do the Gorge again. But like, I go, let's shake it up, you know? And they were all like, really? I was like, yeah. I don't know. I don't care. But that, it's, I've watched it go away for people.

It sucks. And you're right, watching someone hold too tightly. That's why that song, Hold On Loosely by 38 Specials, so great. Hold on loosely and don't let go. Cause if you hold too tight girl, you're gonna lose control. You're gonna, you're gonna.

That's a great song. It's a great song. Hold on loosely. No, I love that. Yeah. That's a great name for a special. Yeah, it is a good name. It is a good name.

I love what you're saying though, that I was, I was driving to one of my client's homes the other day and this is someone I grew up watching, huge fan of, someone that I coach and work with. And I was driving to his house and I walked in and you know, it's like, it's like a mile drive from the gate to even get to the house. And I was just like, I have to live in the moment that I cannot believe. And now we, I've been coaching, I've been working with him for seven years. So I've driven to this house like every day for years, but I was like, it loses its value when I stop being grateful for it.

As soon as it becomes familiar, like what you're saying, I love what you just said. I love, love, love what you just said. Because as soon as greatness becomes familiar and excellence becomes familiar and all of this stuff becomes familiar, you lose its value. And then when you lose it, you don't, you never got to experience it. So you realize you never had it in the first place because you were just running after it. You were chasing the whole time.

You never held it. And what you just said is you held it for that moment. I still hold it. Yeah, you still hold it. I just signed up. When I did The Machine, my producer, Kale Boider, he's one of the greatest guys, like guys, happens to be a great movie producer And I was like yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna not drink and not I'm gonna be clean. I'm gonna work out I'm gonna eat clean. I'm gonna look good

He just kind of looked at me. He's like hey, man That's that's not who I hired He's like look if I know who you are Like if you're not having fun, you're not gonna it's gonna show up on screen But if you're having fun, it'll show up on screen Like if you were having fun and he goes I can't tell fun, it's gonna show up on screen. But if you're having fun, it'll show up on screen. Like, if you were having fun, and he goes, I can't tell you the movie's gonna be a hit, I can't tell if it's gonna be a flop. You never know.

But what I can tell you is, you're probably only gonna get to make one movie. So enjoy this process. Have fun. And man, I had so much fun making The Machine. It was the experience of a lifetime, because every day I was like, I will never make another movie. I will never have another movie where I don't have to memorize lines, because I say whatever I want to say.

It was like the greatest life experience of my life. But yeah, that's how I look at every project. This is probably the last one I'll do. I know I have one more special with Netflix. I owe them one. And I go, that might be my last one. But that one makes it better, though. So the cool thing about a special,

and you don't get to experience this, and I don't think some comics think about this, but I think about this. So I take this material that I create about 18, 24 months out, and I take this and I work it and I play with it. And at a certain point I get bored of it, and I reinvent it and I come back to it, but I play with this. For two years I work on this same stuff. And when I do my last taping,

I did six shows, and on my last taping, I was present and I said, this is the last time I'll say these words. Oh, it's like, I give them the universe, they'll never get them again. And I get so emotional saying that, but you know, you're so, your material is who you are. And I go, this is the last time I'll say this word, this wording and this cadence. And it's just so, with a band you never do that. And then sometimes you tell a story like a machine

and you've been telling it now for 15 years. And I'll still tell it. I'll still tell it. Listen, I was that story you changed my... I sat in the Ryman Theater. There's a woman named Angela Johnson, brilliant comic. She's got a great nail salon bit. I was with Archfear and Nate Bargatze. None of us were working very well.

None of us were making money. She had sold out the Ryman and they were chanting for this nail salon bit. And I said, Lord, I said, Lord, give me one bit that people give a shit about. I'll tell it until the day I die. And he was definitely listening. He was like, I got you. I'll one up it. I'll make it a 12 minute bit.

You're going to make a movie out of this bit. I'll tell, I got you. And that's my nail salon bit. You've, you've always been so open about mental health and I talk about anxiety and, and you know, that's a big priority for us here as well, because I find that so many people in their journey never get to share that people don't get to see that within people you've talked about anxiety, intrusive thoughts, like why were you comfortable enough to open up about that without thinking people are going to pick

at that, look at that weird, your peers kind of, where did that get you that courage and confidence? I think it was stupidity. I think, I mean, I just was like, you know, when I got into the business, I was like a hundred percent transparency. I was watching comics as a character and I was like, that doesn't seem fun. So you're going to pick a character and then you're going to stay a character your whole life.

I was like, I'm going to be Burt and I'm just going to be Burt and anything I think I say, and, and, and I'm going to live by this sword, die by the sword. This is my thing. And when anxiety came up, I just was like, yo, it's, I have anxiety. Like I have anxiety, I have really bad anxiety. I have OCD. I have intrusive thought.

I have, I have struggled with that. I don't know. I don't think I have depression only because I just, I can't, I can't, I can't, I think people that have real, real depression think it's insulting for me to think the thing I go through is depression. I know what it's like to have anxiety. I had an anxiety attack driving in college and I didn't know what it was. I thought I had a brain tumor.

And then the first time I was explaining it to someone, and this is probably 27 years old, 28 years old, I was explaining it to someone and they were like, oh, you get anxiety attacks. I went to a therapist and she said, I have a fear of flying. I don't know if you noticed, but I have a fear of flying. I have rituals I do when I fly. She said, well, yeah, you have anxiety. Let me give you Xanax. Then I took Xanax and I was like, oh my God, is this what regular people feel like? I was like, are you kidding me? And then I developed a problem with Xanax,

as many people with anxiety do. And my wife went right when we had Georgia, she said, yo, you're done taking Xanax. Like I'd taken it, I'd been using it on and off for like a year and she maybe a little more enjoyed it. In the end, it's like, you're done with Xanax. It's you can have one if you need one, but it can't be your go-to every night. It can't be the way you put yourself to sleep.

And then when I said we started doing podcasts, I just was like, I don't know. I was like, I just be open and honest. You know, I have ruminating thoughts where I just chew a thought over and over again. What's been the most recent? This morning. You want You want one this morning? I have a great, great comic. Nick Thune was telling me about when he quit drinking, and he said he was having a liver failure and his back was hurting.

And this morning I woke up on my side and my back hurt. I went, that does it. You party too much, your liver's failing. Your liver's failing. And I started going through thoughts. I could not stop. And I have a saying when I go, when I start having anxiety or OCD, I go, be like a shark, get out of bed and start moving. The second you start moving, things start helping.

And I go, get in the gym, get in the sauna, let's get in the sauna, let's get in the sauna, let's sweat some stuff out. It's just back pain. Trust me, you would have other symptoms. But I can't connect with it. And it just goes on and on and on. And I just obsess about it. And then I bring it up to almost everyone.

I've brought it up to everyone I've seen today. And then I go, no booze. No booze anymore. I'm done for a month. I'm going to cut off for a month. That does it. And then I come up here and I see your house. I go, all right, bottle of champagne. What's it gonna hurt, right?

But I have a saying with life, whether you're dealing with anxiety, OCD, eating, drinking, masturbate, whatever your little thing is, my saying is, and it kinda calms me down, let's do today just a little better than we did yesterday. That's all we got to do. Just a baby step.

A little better than yesterday. And if we have a bad day today, realize tomorrow we're going to do better. We have an opportunity to do better tomorrow. And so I've been stuck in that mindset today, and I said, let's do a little bit better today than we did yesterday. And so that's where my head's at. But yeah, they've got, I've had really, and you know, my daughters have anxiety, and Leanne doesn't.

They have sleep anxiety. They both had sleep anxiety when they were young. So Georgia would wake up and think she was dying. And I remember, I was so glad I had anxiety then because I could help her. Leanne's like, just go count sheep. I go, uh-uh, let's not count. We're not counting, that's the worst way to deal with this. Just, because if you, it's shutting your brain off

is the thing you need to do. If your brain is just going after it, you're screwed. And so, but Leanne's also a gangster. She got both of them into therapy immediately and this therapist helped them immensely. But now Georgia and I can text about anxiety and talk about it. And you know, it's the best thing about it is when you know other people have it, you're like, oh, so I'm not broken. I'm not crazy. Definitely not. Yeah. And that's the greatest feeling. And it's, you know, my, look family's seen me, when I get ready for a flight,

it's like I get physically ill. I start feeling my head getting tight. I feel this. And then like, hey, you just have an anxiety. And then to recognize it sometimes, it doesn't help 100%, but you can breathe. That's one other one thing I always say like, wait, I'm breathing.

I'm still breathing. And I take deep breaths and I'm still breathing. Crazy anxiety, scuba diving. My husband has a secret son from a past partner. Hold up Sam, how do we know, have we done the DNA test? Well, John, luckily it's mother may have a DNA test week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. And this wife writes,

my husband received a Facebook message from a woman saying that he is the father of a five-year-old. Whoa! At first, he didn't remember her, but then he realized they had a one-night stand right before we started dating. Wait, but do we have proof he's a dad? Well, the author says there's no confirmation

the kid is even his son, but the woman from Facebook has a meeting with her lawyer soon. I think she's going after our money. If the kid is actually my husband's, she would be entitled to it too. So what's the husband got to say about this? This could be his kid.

Well, apparently he broke down in the middle of the living room apologizing, but this is what scared me. His first instinct, if the kid is his son, is to pay the child support, but not be an active father in the kid's life because he only wants a family with me, his wife.

Oh, this is a mess. To hear the explosive finale, follow OK Storytime on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, we want to tell you about our podcast. Hi, I'm Daniel. I'm a particle physicist, and I think our universe is absolutely extraordinary.

Hello, I'm Kelly Wienersmith. I study parasites, along with nature's other creepy crawlies, and there's just endless things about this universe that I find fascinating. All right, well basically we're both nerds. We love learning about this universe that I find fascinating. All right, well, basically we're both nerds. We love learning about this extraordinary universe and we love sharing what we've learned.

So that's what we're gonna do. And on our podcast, Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe is all about the mind blowing discoveries we've made about this crazy, beautiful cosmos. From the tiniest particles to the biggest blue whales. Each Tuesday and Thursday, we take an hour long dive into some science topic, during which time I try to suppress

my biologist training and keep the poop jokes to a minimum. Learn all about our amazing and beautiful universe on Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe every Tuesday and Thursday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you hit your podcasts. Calling all 9-9ers, now streaming. It's the more better podcast with two episodes of Brooklyn 9-9 fun. Host Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Fumero welcome two friends and former castmates. Don't miss Gina Linetti herself, the talented Chelsea Peretti, as she sits down to laugh and swap stories. Like Andre would always be like,, trying something, they're like, do less. Do less. Yeah.

But then some of the biggest things were the biggest hits, like, Vindication, remember? And the 9-9 nonsense continues in the next episode as the more better amigas sit down with Joe Lattrullio, aka Detective Charles Boyle. There'll be more laughs, more conversation, more stories from the set, and more and more better. Both episodes are now available.

You felt safe enough to fill out a bad idea, right? I mean, that is the key, because you're definitely not throwing out good ideas all the time. I mean, that's just not how it works. Listen to more Better with Stephanie and Melissa on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, yeah, I mean, definitely. Trying to breathe in scuba diving is hot enough.

I mean, probably one of the biggest panic attacks I ever had were scuba diving in a thunderstorm in Fiji at 90 feet. Yeah, that would do it. And we're in a tin boat and I'm just like, I get in the water and we start sinking and I realized very quick, nothing I like is down at the bottom of this ocean. And I start kicking up to the top and my dive instructor just grabs me, grabs my BC, grabs my thing, puts it in my mouth, like just holds it there and just going like this.

And I sunk with this Fijian woman who looked like Junior Seau, she was a big woman and she took me into the bottom of the ocean. And I was like, and then, but you know, I got through it. You get through it. You always get through it. No one dies from anxiety. You've developed enough coping mechanisms. I don't know if I have, and I don't know if they're healthy. I know alcohol has been a big coping mechanism of mine.

Yeah. When I, the first time I learned I could sleep without drinking, like, you know, cause you do it from a 22 to like, you know, 30 and then one day you're like, I got to try to go to sleep without a cocktail or a glass of wine. First time I did that, I was like, Whoa, I can fall asleep. Shut up. My, Oh my God, I've got enough tools to shut my brain off. Yeah. And that relationship feels healthier now with alcohol.

Oh yeah. I mean, look, must be real alcohol is poison. Everyone knows that it's not good. You shouldn't do it. But I'm also not a Mormon. I like to have a good time. I like to get loose. It's for alcohol for me, it's not even the buzz. I gotta be honest with you. It's the letting loose. It's the celebration. It's the, Hey, do you want to do a shot? And you go, oh, I definitely want to do it. Like, like the, it's the permission to party. Like literally is, I mean, I named that tour this because when someone's like, hey, man, when someone likes a joint, you're like, you want that? That's, that's like,

go, let's do it. Let's get after it. I love when people crack open a bottle of wine, crack open a drink and go, hey, you want one? It's the funnest thing in the world. When flight attendants say to me, can I get you something to drink? I love that because they don't always say that. But when they do, I go, this is going to be a good flight. I have a speech that people passed around, but it is like a first kiss.

When we got married, Leanne goes, I said, does it bum you out you'll never have sex with anyone? She goes, no, absolutely not. I said, me either. I said, I think I'm good just having sex with you. She goes, what really bums me out is I'll never get a first kiss.

I know for us, that's the worst. Cause we got to do the kiss. All the anxiety's on us. We got to wait the whole night. Does she want to kiss me? Is she going to kiss me? Should I take her to, should I do it in the car? Should I do it when we walked in the car?

When should I do it? Oh no, that was the wrong time. That was wrong time. For a woman, it's just this excitement of like, when's it going to happen? Is he doing it now? When's my present show up? And that's how I feel about shots.

Well, what's the whoop telling you? I see you with the whoop on. So I'm crazy. I'm crazy neurotic. Okay. Okay. So I check, I check all of it. My favorite day in the year is what, uh, December 30th, when they post our scores. Yeah.

I love Whoop. And, uh, I have found that if I am overly hydrated, my, my heart rate is lower. So every night before I go to bed, I drink four liquid deaths, 19 ounce liquid deaths. I drink four of them. I pee in the middle of the night, but I drink four of them. My heart rate's around 56 beats per minute. That's after having a bottle of wine or some poor Osos. And so I'm wildly hydrated and that is my key for my whoop.

Also, for me, it also tells you how hard to work out. I love that. I love a goal because, you know, when we did the first sober October, we were all trying to set goals of how hard we can work out. And that when you see the top of the mountain, you know where you have to go. And so you go, all right, I'm not done. I'm getting back on the treadmill.

I'm going to get on the assault bike. Okay, here we're going to the ski org for, we'll do, and I like, I love that. Like right now I've already hit my goal. My goal was like I slept horrible last night. My goal was I think a 10 and I'm at 9.6 but if it wasn't go to the gym, hit the ski org, 10 calories, 10 times and we'll see you just get there 10 and get a minute break. Yeah, I like that shit. I love it. I love whoops too. It's great to measure. You need it. And then they measure your steps. You're like, you know, how long have you been doing that?

Because you I didn't send this in. You just turn something on. Give me my old steps. I want to know what my old steps were. Yeah. I when I started measuring steps was a very first. I got a Fitbit, the little one you put in your pocket. And bro, that changed the game for me.

I was like, I'm into fitness tracking. And then when they sent these to us for the first second sober October, buddy, I've been, this thing does not come off my wrist unless I do a special. I take it off. You're going to need to pay me for that. Whoop. Yeah. Maybe we should figure that out.

Yeah. They used to, they, they still do. They, they're pretty good to us. Yeah. I love that. But it has been, I mean, you are literally the best time. Buddy, you, you're the best interview I've ever done. You're so good at this.

I feel so present. It's crazy. But you're so much fun. You got to realize this is like, there's good chemistry. What we should do is we should do a double date. Your wife and my wife. I'd love that. And then my wife's going to go, shut the f*** up Bert, let him talk.

I can't wait to meet her. No, honestly, we have to hang outside of this. Like I'd love that. I've got your number. You're such a good time. And we end every episode with a final five. These questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Okay.

But I may ask you to elaborate because I think you're going to give me some more, some answers. So question number one is what is the best advice you've ever heard or received? Don't take anyone's advice. That's the best advice. But sometimes everyone's advice is so built up with their bullshit. I remember posting a dance video and everyone's like, why would you do that? Sold out my tour in seconds. I'm so glad I didn't listen to anybody.

Don't take anyone's advice. I love that. I fully agree. The amount of publishers that told me not to call my book Think Like a Monk. That was my first book. And they were like, don't call it that. No one wants to think like a monk. They're giving you advice based on their failures.

Totally. And you're not them. Totally. And data, which is already in the past. Yeah. Having said that, Joe Rogan gave me the best advice ever. And he just said to me, just a little high, a little drunk in the back of the store, he's like, you need a Netflix special.

And I was like, yeah. He's like, no, you need one. I was like, I don't know how to get that, Joe. And he goes, be undeniable. And he just walked away. I was like, the fuck does that mean? I wrote in my joke book, and I just tried to figure it out. And then when you are undeniable, you're like, oh, that was great advice.

I love that. Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received? Worst advice I ever got was you should start wearing a shirt. If I had worn a shirt. Who told you that? I will say her name, but someone that worked at Showtime, she said, Hey, you should wear a shirt for this. Trust me. No one does it without a shirt for a reason. You should wear a shirt. And I was, and I almost did. And then she said,

how about this? You do one with a shirt, one without a shirt. Okay. And I said, well, then we can't cut them between them. She goes, yeah, we'll use one with the shirt. Do not do it without a shirt. And I was like, I don't know. I can't remember thinking I'm a little different. Like I want to do it my way. Like I know that, and a lot of people were like, why would you not wear a shirt? My dad, why would you buddy put on a Brooks Brothers coat, a tie, look sharp?

And I was like, nah, I'm going to do it shirtless. And thank God. I mean, like, I think that's been my, I mean, that's how some people, people just go, oh, I didn't recognize you my, I mean, that's how, some people just go, oh, I didn't recognize you with the shirt on. That is so good. You know what?

When you came in today and I buzzed you in and I saw you without your shirt on, I was like, he's going to do it without a shirt. I love it. I love it. I was like, he's going to do it without a shirt. I told the team, I was like, he's coming without a shirt. He's going to do it.

And then you came out of the car and then your team had your shirt. And I was like, oh, okay. It was this, people would turn on, my breasts are just too meaty. I'm at the point now where my breasts hit my stomach. You don't know what that's like. It's sad. I look good standing up shirtless, but sitting down shirtless, I got a melted candle.

Dude, it's great. I love it. I was so, I was like, guys, he's going to do it with his shirt. I can answer these last ones shirtless just to really be brand friendly. This is a nice shirt too. It's a really nice shirt. I really like it. I don't know.

You look great, bro. You look great. Oh, thank you. Yeah. It's like, wow. We're getting, oh, there we go. Okay. We're getting the full experience.

I love it. Now I'm like, okay, what's our next question? You're amazing. I love it. Now I'm like, okay, what's our next question? You're amazing. I love this. Question number three is what's different and similar about the way you parent your kids and the way your dad parented you. Oh, I'll tell you what's similar. Okay.

I parented my kids the exact way my dad parented me. What's different is my kids are smarter than I was and they told me I was doing it wrong. Dude, I was a raise your voice, raise your voice kind of dad. Girls didn't, I remember the biggest fight we ever got with girls, they took the collars, they like when our dogs are naked. We have bull masters, I go, girls,

the second you take the collars off, I can't control that dog. And they let both the dogs out and they chased a woman. And I couldn't get them to say the collars. And I came in and I started yelling at my girls. And Georgia goes, just so you know, when you get to here, we know there's nowhere else you're going. And I was like, what? She goes, the threat's over. This is as bad as it gets. And I was like, what? She goes, you're not going to hit us. So it's not working. All right. And I was like, oh shit. And I realized, oh, it's not working. You can't just go like that does it. I'm not because this is as

bad as it gets. I go, okay, where does it go from here? And then Georgia took the car with her friends and you're not allowed to do that. And she was like, here we go again. Leanne caught her. I said yo come home right now. She drops her friends off, she comes home, she sits and she's like all right do it like like that. I go hey it's just unsafe can you do me a favor just write like write like a thousand words on why you think that I'd be upset about this. And she started crying and she goes, wait, you're not gonna yell at me?

I went, no, I go, it doesn't work, you said that, it doesn't work, and it doesn't work, you're still doing bad things. So like, just write a thousand words and then give it to me. And she started sobbing, crying, and she was like, she goes, I think you're turning into like, a really great dad. And I was like, really?

And she goes, dad, you understand me. You're like, dad, it didn't work. And then she wrote a thousand words and it was all a thousand words why she loves me and doesn't want to let me down. And I went, oh shit. Yeah, I love my dad, but he didn't do that. Wow.

Do you think having the daughter has changed you? Like that was, yes. Oh, those two kids, those two kids are just incredible kids, really incredible kids who get it and, uh, and get me and, uh, perfect. Trying to plan a trip to Hawaii and both of them want to get jobs this summer. I'm like, what are we talking about? If my dad said Hawaii, I'd be like, yeah, I'll quit my job tomorrow, dad. Yeah.

Question number four, you're such an open book. What's something people don't know about you that they'd be surprised to hear? I think if people heard my inner dialogue, sometimes, I think they'd, I think people would be bummed out for me. Oh, interesting. You know how you say like, you say like, the things sometimes you say to yourself, you go, I forget the quote, but it's like, you know, what would, what would you say if someone was saying that about your daughter?

Yeah. And you go, oh, I beat that person up. Why would you let them do it to you? Sometimes my inner dialogue is, can be really punitive. And I think, I think if I, people heard it, they would, it would break their heart a little bit. And that's the one thing I tried better to change about myself, is my inner dialogue, to be more positive about myself. But at the same time, that punitiveness is the thing that drives me a little bit, where

I go, don't let them, if they think that about you, you change, you do better, you get, that does it, let's get in the gym, let's write, let's read that script. Let's do that movie, let's challenge ourselves to do that. Let's go back on tour, let's take time off. Like I think that inner dialogue as unhealthy as it may be. I bet if most people heard that inner dialogue, they'd give me a hug and go, I do the same shit. Yeah, definitely.

I think we all do it, I do it, we all do it. You just look in the mirror and then you should be happy. Look at these crystal blue electric eyes. Oh man. I think we're, it's, there's so many, I think you're spot. There's so many, and by the way, it is that you're somewhat trained to be driven and you know that that level of setting that standard high is what lets you rise and keep going. Otherwise we would have sat here for 10 minutes and walked off, right?

Like what, there's no need. So there's that. And then there's the compassion. And that's why I've seen the best performers in the world. They have high standards, but then they have high grace. And it's like, if you have one or the other, it doesn't work. Like if you have high standards and you have low grace, you can't actually keep to those high standards.

And if you have low standards and high grace, well then you'll never get anywhere. I'm always blown away by guys with crazy confidence. Yeah. And I'm like, is that real? Yeah. Like, I go like, people just talk wild shit. I'm like, I'm actually a good comic.

Yeah. I'm better than, like, I'm like, legit, like, you believe that about yourself? Yeah. I'm always blown away by that. Yeah. But you have to. Yeah. You have to. I'm like legit, like you believe that about yourself? I'm always blown away by that. Yeah, but you have to. You have to. There was this great Federer gave this, Roger Federer, the tennis player,

gave this amazing commencement speech last year. And he was saying that he's only won something like 60% of his points in his lifetime. And he was saying, the best thing I have to do is lose a point and then forget about that point. Like I've got to move on because otherwise I'm going to lose the next point. I'm going to lose the next point if I keep thinking about that last loss. But he goes, I've lost a ton of points in my life. He goes, my skill is not to not lose points.

My skill is to be able to leave that point that I lost in the background and go win the next point. And I feel like that's that compassion. That's that grace of like, let's move on. Next one. Like you did with your next special. The first one didn't work out. Next one. Like let did with your next special. The first one didn't work out. Next one.

Like, let's see what can go. So yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. I think that's, yeah, I don't know who I'd be with if I, like I sometimes toy with the idea of getting on Prozac or something. And then I go, but wait, I don't want to get rid of the... Maybe that's my mom.

I told her I was getting on Prozac. She goes, oh honey, those are your nooks and crannies. What? My mom has zero anxiety. Zero crannies. I was like, what? My mom has zero anxiety. Zero anxiety. Wow, I love that. My dad called one time, he was calling me on FaceTime.

He goes, hey buddy, I want to just tell you that I love you, I'm going into surgery tomorrow. I go, okay. I said, well, is that a crazy surgery? He goes, no, but you know, you know, just wanted you to know. I love you. And I hear from my mom in the background go, sometimes they don't wake up. I was like, wait, mom, what the background go, sometimes they don't wake up. And I was like, wait, mom, what?

She said, sometimes they don't wake up. So your dad may not wake up. He may die. And I'm like, I look at my dad's eyes and he's like, I live with this woman. Oh, good. Last two questions. All right.

Where am I? Let's do, okay. Yeah. So has there ever been a joke or something you said in a roast or something like that on stage where you're like, yeah, I went too far. But it, yeah. So has there ever been a joke or something you said in a roast or something like that on stage where you're like, yeah, I went too far. But yeah, yeah. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Every podcast I do. You're sensitive too. That's the thing. Oh, I never, I never want to joke to hurt someone. Yeah. I remember I told a joke one time about, about black women. It was a good joke.

I would have stood by it. Had a fan not come up to me as a black woman. It was a good joke. I would have stood by it had a fan not come up to me as a black woman, she was really pretty and she said hey man, I I'm a fan and I was like cool. She goes I just want you to know that that joke Kind of hurt a little bit and she goes and I know that wasn't your intention, but It didn't make me feel like I was still part of the team I feel like I was still part of the team. I felt like I was now an outsider.

And I went, Ooh. She goes, yeah, I know. She goes, I didn't, I wasn't thinking about being black until you said that. And then when you said it, I realized I was like, I'm the only black woman in there. And I went, Oh, that's not my intention. And she goes, I know. That's why I'm telling you. Wow. That was like, yeah.

And I remember, and you don't realize that when you do comedy, you're just trying to get laughs, right? Yeah, yeah. And the one time I didn't believe a guy was blind and he was blind. I really regret that. Tommy told me he wasn't blind. He was lying. And I tested him and then he got up and he was really blind.

And I was like, wow, he's really blind. And they're like, he got blind two days ago. And I was like, oh, God. So he wasn't, it was, yeah, that was, I was gonna cry. Hey, we can do a podcast on regrets. I've been doing this 25 years, I regret a lot. Oh my God, what about when you said your daughter, see her special, and they're like,

dad, stop being a misogynist. They were like, they told me they go, yeah, dad's just a misogynist. And I went, no, I'm not. And they went, have you ever watched your standup? And I was like, yeah. And they're like, do you have you ever watched your standup? And I was like, yeah. And they're like, do you hear the way you talk about mom? And I was like, that's mom.

And they're like, no, dad, you're a wild misogynist. And then Isla was like, could you just write a joke for women? Like, to make the women feel better than the men. And I was like, I can do that. And then I wrote it, and they didn't like it. They definitely didn't like it. But maybe that's coming. Maybe you're moving in that direction.

Maybe, I don't know. I don't know what my direction is. Now that I have this crying joke at the end, I feel like everyone's going to be like, what are you going to make us cry about next? And I'll be like, oh, God. Hope my dad dies. So I buried my dad.

They're like, here we go. Final question. We asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? The law I would make, like I really dig like a siesta in Spain, but not everyone's a napper. But I like that concept that there's like, I would do like, I would do state mandated happy hours. Like state mandated happy hours. We're like, we're like you, you had at five o'clock when you got off work, you couldn't go home. You had to go to, you, everyone had court appointed bars and you had to go to these bars and you

don't have to drink, but you got to spend time and talk to people in the community. Like, you've got to go there. And people can drink, and it's only an hour. It's one hour, but everyone goes, and everyone has to go and be social and just be connected to... That's where I think's so cool about London. We were talking about that. Is the pub energy?

You guys got that. And I think that in America, if we knew, like, I was like, oh, we got to wrap this up. We got to go to Chili's real quick. And you're like, oh, you go to Chili's too? I go, well, this week I'm going to Chili's. got to go to Chili's real quick and you're like, oh you go to Chili's do I go? I will this week I'm going to Chili's and then we went to Chili's you're like we should get a drink I think that would be awesome and I would definitely do comedy at those shows. I would love that court-appointed

mandated happy hour comedy shows There we go. No first time ever we've had that on the show. So it's a good answer There we go. First time ever we've had that on the show. It's a good answer. I love it. Bo Krasher, lucky. Specials out. I'm the luckiest dude in the world. This is so much fun. You are the best.

And thank you for listening to me tell you how important I was on that plane. I'm so glad I said that. In the best way possible. I was like, I already know he's funny because I was like, I was like, he is, I already know he's funny. Cause I was like, no, normally if someone said that you just, it wouldn't land. But you said it in the most sweet and daring way. I wish I had recorded that. I know that.

I wish I recorded that cause I would love to hear what I sound like talking about myself. Cause I know what it, I know it comes from a good place, but especially like I have, if I see someone I recognize, I get overwhelmed. You were amazing, you were so nice. And then you mentioned Tom Segura, and I was like, oh yeah, I know Tom, because my videographer works with Tom, and so I was aware, and then, yeah,

and I knew what two bears was, but it was one of those weird situations where like, but we hit it off, man, and you're here. What's crazy is I had videos of you saved in my YouTube. You sent them to me. And I was like, I watch you. I relax, I sit back and listen to your interviews. You're too kind. Dude, you're the best.

I want to come to your next special next live. I'm there in the audience. Done. Double date first. I'd love that first. Okay. I love it. I'm in. Jay, thank you. I love it. Thank you, bro.

If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Will Smith on owning your truth and unlocking the power of manifestation. Anybody who hasn't spoken to their parents or their brother, call them right now. Don't think you're going to have a chance to call them tomorrow or next week. That opportunity with my father changed every relationship in my life. This podcast is supported by BetterHelp, offering licensed therapists you can connect with via video, phone, or chat. Here's BetterHelp head of clinical operations, Hesu Jo, discussing who can benefit from therapy.

I think a lot of people think that you're supposed to be going to therapy once you're like having panic attacks every day. But before you get to that point, I think once you start even noticing that you feel a little bit off and you can't maintain this harmony that you once had in relationships, that could be a sign that maybe you want to go talk to somebody. There's always a benefit in talking to someone because we can all benefit from improved insight about ourselves and who we are and how we behave with other people. So if you're human, that's like a good indicator that you could benefit from talking to somebody.

Find out if therapy is right for you. Visit betterhelp.com today. That's betterHELP.com. We love learning about this extraordinary universe. And we love sharing what we've learned. And on our podcast, Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe, that's what we're going to do. I'm Daniel. I'm a particle physicist and I think our universe is absolutely extraordinary. I'm Kelly Wienersmith. I study parasites and there's just endless things about this universe that I find fascinating.

Basically, we're both nerds. Each Tuesday and Thursday, we take an hour long dive into some science topic. Learn all about our amazing and beautiful universe on Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe every Tuesday and Thursday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. My husband has a secret son from a past partner.

Hold up, Sam, how do we know how we've done the DNA test? Well, John, luckily, it's Mother May I have a DNA test week on the OK Storytime podcast, so we'll find out soon. And this wife writes, My husband received a Facebook message from a woman saying that he is the father of a five year old. At first he didn't remember her, but then he realized they had a one night stand right before we started dating.

Wait, but do we have proof he's the dad? To hear the explosive finale, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. You're listening to an iHeart Podcast.