On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Dave Hollis ON: How To Stop Listening To People’s Opinions & Writing Your Own Story

Episode Date: April 13, 2020

When Dave Hollis left a secure job at Disney to jump into the growth and self-development industry with wife Rachel Hollis, he discovered more freedom than fear. The husband, father and CEO shares passionately with Jay Shetty how leaving a life of comfort has been both his greatest risk and the greatest thing to happen to him. Listen to learn more about Hollis’ new book, Get Out Of Your Own Way. Hollis also shares his journey to fulfillment and his secrets for success. He and Jay Shetty also discuss how to find true happiness and what saves their marriages. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Munga Shatekler and it turns out astrology is way more widespread than any of us want to believe. You can find it in major league baseball, international banks, kpop groups, even the White House. But just when I thought I had a handle on this subject, something completely unbelievable happened to me and my whole view on astrology changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, give me a few minutes because I think your ideas are about to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your

podcasts. I'm Eva Longoria. And I'm Maite Gomes-Rachon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry for History! On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Listen to Hungry for History on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Whatever you get your podcasts. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II?

An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover. And a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. There isn't a single one of them that is standing on top of something I admire and that thing they're standing on

is in a bunch of learning that came out of a bunch of failures. And so normalizing that the price of entry, the cost of the thing we're trying to build, trust me, it has worked against every ounce of muscle that I've ever had. I've been way more fixed mindset oriented in trying to avoid failure than running toward it. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to on purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you who come back every week to listen, learn, and

grow. I'm genuinely so grateful for the amazing and incredible audience that you are. And you know that my genuine heart and job is to try and find you guests that I believe are going to help you learn and listen and grow and help you actually live the life that is full of potential, full of joy and full of happiness. And today's guest is definitely not going to disappoint. I'm actually genuinely personally very excited

about this conversation because I think not only are we gonna love this conversation, I'm gonna be really surprised by a lot of the stuff that comes out of it. I'm excited for that element of surprising delight that I'm expecting from this no-pression, of course. But as you know, today's guest is an incredible husband, father, CEO, entrepreneur, and his new book, which is launching this year in March, is called Get Out of Your Own Way Askeptics Guide to Growth and Full Forman.

We have none other than Dave Hollis. Dave. Thank you for doing this. No, thank you for having me. I appreciate it. No, and I'm gonna add this because for anyone who knows Dave, you already know what he's like. I've only, I've been admiring Dave

and watching him from afar, probably for, I think one and a half years. And I only met him a couple of days ago, but we've been exchanging emails and messages back and forth. He's very prompt festival, which tells me lots of stuff about someone like that. But more than that, he's just got this beautiful aura emanating and he has this energy, which is just very, it's like, he can give you a hug and tell you the truth at the same time, which I think is like a very cool mix. But I'm excited to build our friendship, man, honestly. I am too.

And here's the thing, as an admirer from afar, for a long time, you always are somewhat leery to meet someone who you've been admiring for the risk of them letting you down and you do not do that. So, man, I really, really appreciate the chance to connect in person and look for everything it comes. Yeah, absolutely.

So, let's dive straight into it because I feel like there's a lot of stuff we can jump into. Yeah. When we talk about your book, Get Out of Your Own Way, as soon as I had the title, I was like, ugh, I was like, that is exactly it. Like, I just couldn't. I was just with you.

I was like, yes, get out of your own way. When was the first time in your life that you realized you were in your own way? Oh, I mean, here's the headline. I was and have been in my own way forever and ever, but probably had the hubris, the conceit, ego, to not fully confess or admit it until, maybe even just in the last decade,

but I, after having constructed a life around not fully confess or admit it until maybe even just in the last decade. But I, after having constructed a life around a whole host of capital T truths that had been ingrained in me that fed into an identity I thought I had to live into, started asking a bigger set of questions as I was crossing this chasm between 30 and 40, where these existential things that sometimes come up around milestone birthdays weren't just lasting for the week of the birthday. It was a longer period of time. Why am I here? What am I not doing that I could be doing?

Why do I have this gift, this potential from God or creator, that it isn't fully being exploited? And if I spend the next 20 years stuck here in my way, not fully using these gifts, will I have a grant? Well, my kids sitting around a table at my 60th birthday have something to toast. Well, I, I'm not having done the things that I was put on this planet to do, and it was a funk at first that really had me, to be honest, not showing up as well as I'd committed to with my wife or how well I wanted to show up for my kids. And I had to do a lot of soul searching around, well, why?

And the book really truly ends up being these 20 lies that I believe that at one time or another had me in my own way that in shining the light of truth on, that made them unbelievable and in their unbelievableity, kept me out of my own way that in shining the light of truth on them made them unbelievable and in their unbelievable ability kept me out of my own way. That's amazing. And hearing you say that is like, now when you say it, it sounds so simple, but I'm sure the process is anything but and what you add to it even more than the process.

And you know, in this space, you meet a lot of people who talk about like the stuff they've broke through and challenges have been through. The part that I love about yours is you sprinkle this line, a skeptic's guide, right? And it's like, you were a skeptic. Like, tell me what you were skeptical about and where that skepticism came from. Because that just, when I heard that, I was like, oh, that's just added a whole flavor for me because I kind of see myself as indifferent. When before I was involved in this whole world,

I was indifferent. I wasn't skeptical, but I wasn't pro-all of this stuff. So I was indifferent, but when I hear someone specifically say skeptical, all right, tell me about that. Yeah, it's such a variety of factors, right? My family of origin, downloading software, early on in my life, about how you do or don't need

certain things. Masculinity is defined by society telling me as a man whether I was good or not for being able to stand on my own or reach for help. I truly had skepticism generally about the tools that I now use every single day to fully unlock the things in my life as only being reserved for people who were broken. That if you needed to use the tools of development, of growth, that it somehow indicted you for not being whole enough worthy today, and of course now I think completely differently, but my skepticism showed its head most when my wife, who has now written some books inside of this space,

was trying to find ways to solve some of the things that were getting in her way, anxiety, a big thing, everyone's dealing with anxiety today, and some negative coping mechanisms, a handful of things. And so she one that went on this pursuit of how can I, through self-education, through books, podcasts, personal development conferences, learn why I suffer, and in understanding my suffering, stop. And to me, I was like, well, that's Hocus Pocus. That's snake oil, that's crazy. And if you go into these environments and accept their cool aid, well, I just think that

you're being scammed. And so I, like, clinging to some of the ways I was raised, some of the tropes about masculinity, as a person that was raised inside of a church community, the idea that you could learn from someone who wasn't holding a Bible in some ways was sacrilegious. And so I just, for a host of reasons, was skeptical. And as she dove in and really started emerging into

this woman that she's become whole, just on fire for life, full of passion, motivation, burning inside of her, I was stuck. I was like in this stuck place. And there was a distance growing between us that finally created enough leverage for me to toe-dip some of the things that I was skeptical about. Well, I love that. I love hearing the, especially when someone in your life goes in deep. That can be really, really tough. It was like that for my mom actually, because my father got really into spiritual early when I was about 10. And he just took a massive deep dive into spiritual search. He was going to every religious conference and all of these different backgrounds

in personal development and self growth. And for my mom and me as a 10 year old kid, it was a massive shot as to how much it changed our lifestyle and the choices we made and the holidays we went on and all that kind of stuff. By the way, I was not a fan. You know, like I may have toe dipped, but I maybe skipped the part where as she comes back from her first personal development conference and is on fire for her life, I am begrudging her. I am resentful almost and it feels sad for me to say it. Like I'm not rooting for my wife, my best friend, partner for life, to be the best version of herself. But it was really more our reflection of how stuck I was that she was so able to reach for more. And as she got up at five in the morning to jumpstart her day, I'd roll over, make a grunt in disapproval of her wanting to live her best life as I was truly descending into a version

of my worst. So it took us some time. The turning point to be even like put a finer point on it was time, the turning point to be even like put a finer point on it was when I'd stand just stuck for such a long period of time as she continued to grow, we had to have the hardest conversation of our marriage. And that was the if I, Rachel, were to continue to reach for growth because of it being one of, if not the most important, commodity that I value in life. And you, Dave, decide to stay stuck or really descend into a lesser version of yourself, as that trajectory creates greater distance between us in three months, where we still make out in six months, where we still go on dates, in three years, where we still be married. And I knew the answer to each and the leverage

of connecting to the reality that inaction would create disruption for the things I cared and loved about most was powerful. I mean, I am a paint that most terrifying picture and let that get you up and going in the day. Yeah, I love that. And sometimes there is no other way than actually almost fast forwarding and wondering where's this going right now. But do you think that I'm fascinated by this? I don't know what you're going to say, but do you think that skepticism actually made you better at practicing it? Like do you think that skepticism actually made you be more fast and present and smart when you were in there so that you could apply these tools quicker.

Was it useful anyway? It was useful-ish. I mean truly, right? Like, my first real experience inside of development was a willingness to sit on the couch of a therapist and start doing some of the things that my practical mind needed to progress on this journey. And for me, it started with understanding why. Why do I believe the things I believe? Where did these beliefs come from?

In your book, you talk about identity. Like, what is the source? What did it mean? Does it still apply? I mean, like, man, I feel that because I, and sitting on the couch of a therapist was for the first time trying to uncover what, what do these beliefs of mine, where do they come from? What do they mean? And do they have practical application in my life today?

Is the source of that truth still credible in 2015 and 2020 as it was in 1984 when it formed how I believe the world ought to work. And so therapy for me softened the soil and changed my absolutely not. I will never sit in that personal development conference to, uh, okay, fine. I'll go. And here's the thing like my skepticism still had me a begrudging attendee, but the conditions of my yes were informed a little bit by having truly like reached a state that I wasn't proud of and my knowledge that if I didn't make dramatic change in my life,

I was putting it risk, my marriage to my wife, the way that I could be a father to my four kids. And so I said, I'd go all in. And in making that choice against my muscle memory of skepticism, I jumped up and down. I drank all the cool aid. I still had things that felt weird and strange and it changed my life. Truly had a transformational experience in a stadium jumping up and down. And the best thing I see now is now you're jumping up and down on stage. 100% I still have a picture of you. Yeah, no, so I've come full circle and then the biggest advocate for every tool that

previously I was skeptical of, of it not being for broken people, but for being yes, as much for people who are going through a season of brokenness. I don't believe any of us are broken, but we experience broken seasons as it is for people who are whole, healthy and interested in the full life. I'm Mungesh Chatequeur and to be honest, I don't believe in astrology, but from the moment I was born, it's been a part of my life. In India, it's like smoking. You might not smoke, but you're going to get secondhand astrology. And lately, I've been wondering if the universe has been trying to tell me to stop running and pay attention.

Because maybe there is magic in the stars if you're willing to look for it. So I rounded up some friends and we dove in and let me tell you, it got weird fast. Tantric curses, major league baseball teams, cancelled marriages, K-pop! But just when I thought I had a handle on this sweet and curious show about astrology, my whole world can crash down. Situation doesn't look good. There is risk to father. And my whole view on astrology?

It changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think your ideas are going to change too. Am I whole view on astrology? It changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think your ideas are going to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive and the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. Narcissists are everywhere, and their toxic behavior in words can cause serious harm to your mental health.

In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte, who was loved by the Tinder Swindler. The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me, but he cannot be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money he took. But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I know how to identify the narcissists in your life. Each week, you will hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gas lighting, love bombing, and the process of their healing from these relationships.

Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, and my podcast deeply well is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental health around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your journey. From guided meditations to deep conversations with some of the world's most gifted experts in self-care, trauma, psychology, spirituality, astrology, and even intimacy. Here is where you'll pick up the tools to live as your highest self.

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or wherever you listen to podcasts. Big love. Namaste. Yeah, absolutely. No, I love hearing that. And I love that you didn't have to wait till it all went wrong. Like you had the foresight, you had the ability to go, this is getting bad, this could go there. Let's rein it in, right? Because I think for a lot of us, we

wait till everything kind of goes totally bad. And sometimes it's harder to recover from that. Well, yeah, this idea of irreconcilable differences as a for example, I originally in my like years thought of it as a line that frankly people concocted when they were too lazy to work on their relationship. And I can see now with 100% clarity that I was very much on the beginning journey down a path of reconcilability with my wife in a way that, man, thank goodness we saw that we were ahead of that, now in a way, it was still something that we could fix. It was still something that I could change.

But too many people don't take the temperature until they're so far in the pot that they don't realize that the water's boiling. Yeah, I'm interested in how your friends took it with you. Like, how did they respond to your change? Because you go from being this skeptic, you go from being this person who's like, not sure what my wife's doing. And then maybe a year later, however long the period was, you're now in to that same world.

How have your friends or family or whoever was involved in your life who knew you as the old day reacted to your change? Well, what's crazy is the outcome of the work starting was a decision to wholesale change our life and that is I For 17 years had worked at the Walt Disney company when I'm having this crisis moment. I am Outside world having a very successful career. I am the head of sales at the Walt Disney company's a very successful career. I am the head of sales at the Walt Disney Company's movie studio, the president of distribution, had been for seven years, putting the Marvel Lucas Pixar, Disney, Disney animation films into movie theaters. It's a great job, but I'm feeling this

sense of unfaithelment, in part because of how strong the team is, how strong the leaders are, how strong the films are, not having to work as hard to have success. You or I, regardless of our qualifications, could sell Avengers and Star Wars films to movie theaters. Trust me, they will take them, right? But my decision in the aftermath of the aha moments inside of this personal development environment

was this connection between growth and fulfillment. That my unfaifilment was a signal of not being in a posture to grow. And so rather than wait for someone else to create an opportunity for me to grow, I had to take action to create growth. So I left a job that most don't leave to pursue impact and work with my wife, moved our family from Los Angeles to Austin, and that decision to a person, as much as it was yes, or manifestation or inflection of my adopting

personal development and this work, it did not make sense to a single human in our circle. When I told people, I'm gonna leave this job, they were wondering if I'd lost my mind. And by the way, like I, if I, she were on the other foot, I'd be asking the same set of questions,

but I left what I knew for what I needed. I left security and a harbor that yep, kept my boat safe and did not rock it with any waves for the perilous water that sits outside of the harbor because that's where I could grow and in that growth feel fulfilled. How did you get to the point of feeling comfortable

or open to that uncertainty? Because you're going from a very certain role, I'm sure you had another promotion coming up or another journey. How did you open yourself up to the fact that there was some new uncertainty, new skills you'd have to learn, wouldn't be selling Avengers anymore. Like, you know, that sounds like an uncertain step. It was uncertain. Now, here's the thing. It was uncertain. My wife has had a couple of big books in the last of hers, right? Incredible, by the way. Thank you. Yeah.

And before Girl Wash Your Face came out, we made this choice. So as much as I'd read the book, I had a sense of what I believed its impact could be. I could have never captured what its impact would actually be. But she'd spent a long time working on building a company that was at a tipping point that she knew she needed to bring an operator in to offset some of what she brings as a visionary creator. And I happened to possess skills as a practical, pragmatic operator that was, it was either me or someone else that might come in.

And considering that I had really had the slight bulb go off, man, you're not currently in a position to grow and you don't know how to do any of the things that you'd be doing in this future with your wife. You don't know how to work together, you don't know how to work outside of a corporate environment, you don't know how to work on a team of six people, my team was a thousand in 72 countries. I didn't know how to do any of it and that thing was frightening, who, that's scary, I don't know how to do any of it. And that thing was frightening. Who? That's scary. I don't know how to do it. But I just come to this appreciation that if I didn't go do something,

I didn't know how to do, that I could fail at, that I would not be able to generate the fulfillment that I was looking for. I could make mistakes at the Walt Disney company, but on the whole, I was not in a position to fail. Because the slate, the team, and the leadership

was just too good. Being in a position where you can fail is a requisite. It's a prerequisite for you actually being able to grow. And in that growth being able to be fulfilled. If you don't have that growth, it's just an impossibility. So when I was faced with stay stock, don't grow, be unfulfilled, or take a chance, it wasn't, it actually ended up not being that hard of a choice because I had

the rest of my life to fully live into this potential. And if I didn't move then, I don't know that I would have ever moved. How's that New Year's resolution coming along? You know, the one you made about paying off your pesky credit card debt and finally starting to save your retirement? Well, you're not alone if you haven't made progress yet, roughly four in five New Year's Resolutions fail within the first month or two. But that doesn't have to be the case for you and your goals. Our podcast How to Money can help.

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Not too long ago, in the heart of the Amazon Rainforest, this explorer stumbled upon something that would change his life. I saw it and I saw, oh wow, this is a very unusual situation. It was cacao. The tree that gives us chocolate. But this cacao was unlike anything experts had seen. Or tasted. I've never wanted us to have a gun fight. I mean, you saw this stacks of cash in our office. Chocolate sort of forms this vortex.

It sucks you in. It's like I can be the queen of wild chocolate. You're all lost. You're this madness. It was a game changer. People quit their jobs. They left their lives behind, so they could search for more of this stuff.

I wanted to tell their stories, so I followed them deep into the jungle, and it wasn't always pretty. Basically, this like disgruntled guy and his family surrounded the building armed with machetes. And we've heard all sorts of things that you know somebody got shot over this. Sometimes I think all these for a damn bar of chocolate.

Listen to obsessions, wild chocolate, on the I Heart Radio app app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I am Yomla, and on my podcast, the R-Spot, we're having inspirational, educational, and sometimes difficult and challenging conversations about relationships. They may not have the capacity to give you what you need. And insisting means that you are abusing yourself now. You human! That means that you're crazy as hell, just like the rest of us. When a relationship breaks down, I take copious notes and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for

you, but if you're going to eat it, they're not going to stop you. So he's going to continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him. Listen to the R-Spot on the iHeart Video app Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to podcasts. That's amazing. That's, yeah, that's insane. I feel like for so many people it's, it takes a lot of courage to do that. And you know, we've got to, regardless of what had been built and what had already worked, it still

takes so much. And I don't think it should be underestimated. I appreciate that. I will say this. What's interesting is, people assume that it takes a lot of courage often because of what other people who are watching will think of your decision to do something that lives outside of the construct of value that they've created, right? Every person that worked at the company, the team that had, you know, been working with

me for the seven years of the 17, it didn't make sense to them. Because to a person on my team, they were working toward my job and the idea that I'd leave it voluntarily didn't make sense, right? So the courage, the bravery in part is because of the weight that we often afford to what other people are thinking about are departing from their set of values or the construct that they've built. And the gift in this is that no one was thinking about me. And I say that in no way that indites any of them,

they are human like you, J.R., and like I am, we have a primary instinct to be considerate of ourselves. And they do too. And in the book, I talk about a story where I'd concocted this conspiracy theory that they were told to not get back and touch with me after I left for the time that went by when I didn't hear from people. And there was no conspiracy theory. They were busy working on their lives, their things at work. You

know, and it's, you know, there's a weird part of ego that needs to feel like we'd be missed that everything would crumble around us. And the gift in knowing that it won't as much as it may be hard to stomach is freeing. I can go do anything now and failure as a thing that maybe I wouldn't have run toward because of the worry of what they were thinking keeping me from charging toward it is now eliminated as a barrier because they're not even watching. Totally. Absolutely. You're a spawn.

I don't want to get this wrong, but I think it was Rosewell. He said it best. It was like, if you're carrying it, you'd stop carrying about how often you think people think about you because of how seldom they actually do. If you knew how little they do, I would just try to do it. It's like, people are not thinking about us as much how seldom they actually do. If you knew how little they do, yeah, they do. Yeah, they do. And it's like, people are not thinking about us as much as we think they are. That's, it's so weird.

When we walk into a party, we're just like, it's like all eyes on me. We think that, right? We think that all cameras on me, all eyes on me. But actually, it's not that. It's not, it's not most people are looking at themselves the whole time. It doesn't, and again, it doesn't take anything away from the people that you love or crave love from. It doesn't. It's just a reflection of their humanity.

And once you can connect to that, the way that you run towards trying things that you inevitably will not be great at, completely changes. I mean, I've really in this role, the last two years of working with my wife and trying to scale a company. I've had to attach myself to the people I respect most and their stories of failure because

there isn't a single one of them that is standing on top of something I admire and that thing they're standing on is in a bunch of learning that came out of a bunch of failures. And so normalizing that the price of entry, the cost of the thing we're trying to build, is normalizing failure as an opportunity for data, has really, trust me, it has worked against every ounce of muscle that I've ever had. I've been way more fixed mindset-oriented in trying to avoid failure than running toward it. But I'm now working not in a corporate environment, but more of a startup environment where the only way we'll grow is trying things that won't work when we first try them so we can become better in learning.

Yeah, totally opposite to what you had in before. Completely opposite. Yeah. Let's dive into some of these lives. Yeah, let's do it. Because I love the way this book is structured. So Dave was walking me through this and you can see it obviously when you look at the book. Yeah, let's dive into some of these lies. Yeah, let's do it. Because I love the way this book is structured. So Dave was walking me through this and you can see it obviously when you look at the book.

So Dave's listed out all the lies, or not all of them probably, but 20 lies. Yeah, 20 lies that he at one point believed to be true and then breaks them down in each chapter, which I love that. I'm a big sucker for former. So I love that former. And I'm gonna pick some and format. So I love that format.

And I'm gonna pick some and we're gonna ask Dave questions about stories, questions about his best takeaways and thoughts depending on which one it is. So the first one I want to focus on is this one. So it's chapter three, the lie, I have to have it all together. And I'm gonna tear it up because I feel like everyone goes through that at some point in their life. And when I went through that of I have to have it all together. And I'm gonna tear it up because I feel like everyone goes through that at some point

in their life. And when I went through that, I have to have it all together. It was actually when I first got into personal growth and stuff doing my life because I was just like, oh wow, I have to fix everything about my life. Like I've been getting it all wrong. So it's almost like instead of it actually helping me, the first thing personal growth forced me to do was get panicky about the fact that I didn't have it all, right?

And so I have to have it all together. Let's dive into that lie and tell me the area in your life you felt that most in, the areas that you felt that you were like, oh, I really need to get it together together and break that up for me. When I was most stuck, my unwillingness to represent my struggle, which is universal. If you're listening to this, congratulations as a human.

You struggle. Own that. Give yourself permission to have struggle as a part of your story. My unwillingness to represent the, and honor, the reality of my experience and of my struggle meant one thing. I could not connect to anyone else who was struggling to normalize the fact that it was not me being broken, but a totally normal human condition struggle.

And secondarily, it kept me from getting help. And so if you keep your struggle in the dark, if you keep your struggle from those that would help you, you will feel alone and you're not, and you will not get help. And it's out there. Now that I've transitioned into this world, I went from a role where among other things as this head of sales at the Walt Disney company, I was manicuring a story to press each week on how movies were doing. And I was good at selling whatever it was that we were trying to position to the press.

And that bled over into my life in this Facebook Instagram world where I was manicuring a version of my life that, hey, everything's great, everything's okay. And now in this world where we exist as a company to put tools and people's hands to help them take control of their lives, modeling that we also struggle was a thing at the beginning I really struggled to do. That's a lot of struggle in one sense. The reality though is right, at the beginning I was still old Dave in new role telling people that they could reach for their dreams or beat their fear or whatever it might be and I wasn't being honest about the way that this identity shift was crushing me. that they could reach for their dreams or beat their fear or whatever it might be.

And I wasn't being honest about the way that this identity shift was crushing me, how hard it was to work together. The insecurities I had of being really capable to do the work well. And this book, two years of live streams and podcasts and everything else have completely rewritten what it's meant for me

to own my experiences. And in the owning of it, I've been able to connect better with the people who are looking so badly for connection. And as a person who's perpetually, like for the rest of my life, looking for help, because I used to have help as a thing that was an indicator of me not being good, whole, or worthy. I need help every day from now until the rest of time because I'm always growing into a better, more complicated version of myself. I get it now because of how willing I am to say, look, I'm struggling at this thing who has a solution to keep it from creating pain in my life.

Yeah, for sure. I mean what you just said there like the Accepting that you're gonna need help every single day like just being okay with that because you're so right like we so push away Help in all its forms Our whole lives. I feel like we've avoided help. Yeah, and then it's weird because then our mind tricks us into going You don't get any help. Yeah, what's interesting to you in this like truly I Struggled in writing the book because I am very, very honest about a lot of things that an older version of me, younger version of me would have never, ever confessed. I would have never owned struggling through 20 things that I am now representing as the

truth of my experience. But in having owned them, I have taken the power that used to hold me down with shame, with insecurity, and completely reframed it as the power that I stand on top of for having become a warrior because of, equipped, because of, capable because of, the struggle. And if you, as a listener, able to take the experiences that you've been through and own them, they didn't get you, you survived them, you are stronger for them, you learned because of them, it takes the shame, it takes the pain, it takes the stuff that would otherwise keep you from believing that you are capable of chasing whatever that thing is and turns

it into the reason why you are uniquely qualified to chase it. Yeah, absolutely. And you do that. Exactly. There's literally chapter four. Dave starts telling us that lie, a drink will make this better. And you get, you know, like you mentioned, you're getting super vulnerable here. Like, you're so open and it's, it's great to see that because I think that this is what's going to help the audience, even hearing what you just said now. It's like, we can only do it when we see our heroes do it. And that's, are you talking about Avengers earlier?

That's one of the reasons why I love Avengers. Because to me, Avengers is a bunch of people with a lot of issues. Like each of them have so many issues, but they use all of those issues in trying to help the world. They become their strength. They become their strength. I had a casual relationship with alcohol for most of my adult life, drink after work,

couple drinks, bad day, long day, triggering day, three drinks, right? Take the rough edges off the end of a long day. And in the transition, in identity, and becoming accustomed to this new life, in the worry of what other people were thinking, in the grappling with all of it, what was a casual relationship,

turned into something that wasn't. And what I realized is I had made this decision. I got this tattoo on my arm, which is a ship is safe and harbor, but that's not what ships were built for, right? I am the ship. I was built for this. I made this decision to leave the harbor. I'm now chasing the growth that the waves will create. But when the waves get too rocky and trigger my anxiety and my imposter syndrome and the worry of what other people are thinking, I'm having a drink to reduce the rockiness of the waves.

At the expense of the growth that I was chasing, you don't get the growth when you're muting the benefit that would have come from those waves. So I had to learn that that coping mechanism, it can't be applied as a local anesthetic, right? You can't have a drink just for your anxiety without muting your joy. You can't have a drink to mute your fear without muting your opportunity to grow. And so I had to find a new coping mechanism. By the way, the triggers, they still exist. In fact, with the way that I'm pursuing what I'm pursuing, they're coming at a faster rate. I need to find something else. So I substituted bottles for running shoes. And as a sign of how much

I've had to run in the year that I've stopped drinking, I've run about 900 miles. That's insane. Lots of running. But it's therapy. It's a productive way of processing the fear and the anxiety and the insecurity that comes up in a way that still affords me the opportunity to show up well for my team, my wife, my kids, and allows me, as I lay my head on the pillow at night, when I'm alone with my own thoughts, to have pride for how I've taken control of a thing that previously was controlling me. I've never heard it put that way. I love that. I've never heard it put that way. When you're taking the edge off the anxiety, that's actually taking the edge off the joy.

It is. Like, that's phenomenal. That's such a great way of looking at it because you're so right. There's no, you can't be selective about what it takes off. No. And it's a trick. I mean, truly, like society, the way that your family of origin

may be used the thing that you now use, you've convinced yourself that, oh, no, no, this is just the nice way to segue out of a long day into a soft, you know, landing and evening, but you can't actually appreciate the breaking down of the muscle if you're muting the fruit that would have otherwise come from it. You have to sit in it. Brendan says you have to honor the struggle and I've really truly come to appreciate that that's a part of my journey as much as anything. Yeah.

Who's listening to these lies, listening or watching right now, going, wow, I've told myself some of these lies. I know I have, like, these are just whatever you think is, you may know, been drinks for you. Could have been something totally different, but the point is you have told yourself at some point that something bad for you is good at taking the edge off. For me, I mean, my worst enemy a long time was sugar, right? It was just tons of sugar. I grew up being four chocolate my worst enemy in a long time was sugar, right? It was just

tons of sugar. I grew up being four chocolate products a day, like literally a chocolate biscuit, a chocolate bar, chocolate yoga, and a chocolate ice cream. And so I was addicted to chocolate. And the people don't even realize how bad sugar can be. So sometimes you're thinking, oh, it's just sugar, but it's like, no, sugar can't be terrible. And the other thing I had growing up was experimenting with drugs. And I was experimenting with a ton of drugs and I just did not realize it until I saw someone go through a really bad experience with drugs. It didn't hit me in the face as to how bad it was. And I always think that if we're not exposed to stories and people who have shed that pain and

sometimes you don't, you see somebody's still going through it, you just can't stop it. So I'm really happy you're talking about it. Thank you. Because I think it was hard to write. I'll be honest. And it's hard to write and one of the proudest things. Why was it hard to write really?

Why was it genuinely hard for you? It was hard because admitting that something got away for me is something that I'm, you know, like I don't have shame for it still, but I had shame for it at the time. It was hard to have to look myself in the mirror, sit across from my wife and have a hard conversation about having let something that I'd convinced myself I was completely and totally in control of, become something that was subconsciously unconsciously a crutch

to get through hard things. And I, you know, like any human, you don't want to have to admit that you're having to do something that didn't great for you to get through hard things. And I, you know, like any human, you don't want to have to admit that you're having to do something that didn't great for you to get through a hard thing. I'd like to have thought I was stronger for it. I feel way stronger now for having come through a season where it was, you know, really working against me. And if you're right now struggling with something

and you're worried that maybe it'll take too much time or you don't know if you can do it, I am telling you, you can go from a low low to a high high in a very short amount of time, just by considering what you could replace that bad habit with in terms of coping mechanism. Go from positive negative to positive. And I know you love the power of habit.

I love. Yeah, I've seen you recommended before. And yeah, it's so true. But tell me now, what happens now when, like you're saying, you're probably invited to more events, you're probably invited to more parties, you're probably invited to more networking events, and all those triggers, what are you doing when it's like,

or when now you're coming home late, you're probably working harder than you've ever worked before, you're pushing yourself more, you're giving yourself more, what's happening when you're getting home later, whatever it may be when it's like, all those triggers, what are you doing at that moment right now? Well, I mean, I've gone through this interesting process

of, it's a math equation in my mind. Yeah, go for it. If, then, if I want to have the energy to survive a day where triggers are guaranteed to come, then I better have my morning routine happening so consistently that regardless of what life throws at me, I've established a foundation. If I want to have the energy to pour into an audience

that's showing up for me on the 18th stop of a 20 city book tour, then I better have an exercise routine that has me so conditioned that I can show up well. If I want an exceptional relationship with my wife, then I better be actively pursuing her every single day. And I write these things down every morning in active word phrases so that it's a trigger for me to preempt the triggers that are gonna potentially throw off my intention, right? And the if then, it's one of those things where if you're listening, you're like, man,

I don't wanna have to get up that early. I don't, okay, then you just have to change the then statement, right? Like, I wanna honor if you find yourself in a season where you really wanna commit to Netflix for two hours each night. If you do, that's fine, but change, like make your expectations realistic of what you're able then to do. I have to go to bed at 9 o'clock each night.

If I have a night where I'm working late, it's altering my ability to get up and start my day the way that I have to, to have the kind of day that I intend to have. Intention and routine is crazy important now that I really wanting to focus on what it takes to do the thing I wanna do here every day. Yeah, I love that. If then statements, those are awesome. I absolutely love that.

Okay, let's do a couple more. Let's do a couple more before we move forward, which other one did I wanna pick? Oh, this one I really like, because I'm intrigued by it. Being right all the time doesn't make me an ass. Tell me. I mean, if there were a debate club, I'd still be auditioning to be captain.

I, you know, it's like your greatest strengths, your greatest weaknesses and arguing and negotiation, having worked in sales for a good part of my life. I, whether it's ego or whatever it is, right? Like, winning arguments to me was affirming things for my ego at the expense of my personal brand, at the expense of my relationships, right? Like you talk in your book about the difference between ego and self-esteem,

and that line is not one that I had a great handle on for many of the, whether it was business transactions, I'm gonna come in with bravado and I'm going to be right at the expense of potentially maintaining a healthy long-term relationship, or with your partner, with your kids. Like, there's a, like, sometimes you gotta lose the battle to win the war kind of mentality that was just lost on a younger, more ego-focused version of myself.

Being right all the time makes you an ass. There are times when absolutely you ought to yield for the benefit of changing a little bit of the reputation that you have. Yeah, it's a tough one because I think a lot of people have this fight for justice, too. It's like when you think When you think what's right and you're willing to go to town for it and in a relationship, I'm married to, I don't have kids yet, but I definitely, in a marriage, it definitely doesn't work. And it also doesn't work because you're not really right after that.

I mean, I've had to really open up to that. I think getting married and moving country, spending time with people from so many different backgrounds, we both travel a lot. Yeah. I think there are different parts of the world. Their values are totally different. Yeah. And you realize your version of right

is just what you had when you grew up. Like, you know, 100%. I mean, here's the thing, there are hills to die on. Right? There are things that I do believe you should fight to the death. Totally. It doesn't matter. And I have those things, but those are the exceptions to the rule. And so often there are those of us that think that all things

have equal weight. We fight on that hill regardless of what the topic is. And to me, the sign of maturity is having some objectivity for the sliding scale of which things really matter and which things you can bite your tongue and wait until some other time to see if there's another way to shape someone's opinion. Yeah, for me, lose the battle when the war or lose the battles when the war has been like, I have lost so many battles in my life.

Yeah. There it's been business relationships, work, career, like I have lost so many battles in my life. Whether it's been business, relationships, work, career, like I have lost so many battles and I will gladly lose them. And you get to a point where you start smiling when you're losing battles because you know it's helping you win the war. You can see that you're saving all that energy,

all your reserves, all your grit, all your resilience. Oh yeah. You're holding on to so much more whereas each one of those wars could just destroy you. My wife and I worked together for the first time in our life in this last two years. And it has been the best two years of our marriage. It's been the hardest two years of our marriage.

And the nuance of learning this in applying it to our business relationships, so that our personal relationship would still afford make out has been one of the things that you know like I've written this somewhat in real time as the events of these last two years have been unfolding and this conversation is much about Dave and Rachel working together and still wanting to have this exceptional relationship outside of work as anything else It's hard work if you work with your partner you know relationship outside of work is anything else. It's hard work. If you work with your partner, you know, but the decision to, yep, fight for the things that actually matter and then yield to the things that will afford you to still like each other as much as you love each other,

that's important too. And have you found that working together? I've never worked with my wife professionally and it's not part of our plan and the work we do at least for now, you never know. But have you found the strength of your relationship for you affects the strength of your business relationship, or actually have you been able to keep it very separate, or both of you can perform for the business, even if things weren't working out at home and then you're figuring them out? And then how hard is either of this? It's interesting because we've changed the nature of our relationship because of the responsibility of our business.

And so we would both, I think, self-identify as recovering codependence where our interest in keeping the other person happy, even if sometimes it tipped into unhealthy, like we're not going to talk about this thing that we probably ought to talk about. That was a version of our past that in working together, we quickly had to change. And that meant like really embracing radical candor, Kim Scott's got a great book called radical candor. This idea of like responsibly and respectfully bringing up things that are hard in the moment for the benefit of not letting them fester and spoil. Our team, it's grown pretty quick, we got a 65 person team.

Mommy and daddy can't be fighting or they will lose focus. They will worry about the direction of the team. We don't want to fight. So instead of fighting, we have really hard conversations all the time, so that nothing is ever unsaid. Well, that's just a fundamental change from who we were, but it's produced an unbelievably healthier version of who we are, because now there's no, there's nothing laying under the surface. It's all out there,

and it's brought out for the best of our relationship and the best of our work product Yeah, absolutely. I feel like these kind of formative experiences, especially done in short bursts like you took my last couple of years I feel like for relationships and I know it sounds basic, but it's true It's like either make or break like it's very much like it then becomes about how much you both care like when me and my wife in one year, we moved house three times, we moved country. I changed job three times and we moved to New York. And so that was like in one year and 20,

and we got married that year. Sorry, I'm gonna add, we got married that year. So, eventually we got, we'd already moved home, we got married, we moved country, and I changed job three times in the same year, and then we got we we'd already moved home. We got married. We moved country and I changed job three times in the same year and then we got a new apartment in New York when we moved there and we moved on to this 500 square part of apartment in New York. It was going to fall to anything. It was tiny living on top of each other. A few months later, I'm now working from home too. She's on the blender. I'm trying to

do a Facebook live and like it was just know, but, and we went through it that year, like that 2016 was the hardest year for our relationship. And at the same time, like what you're saying, it was the best year for our relationship, because I don't think we would have accelerated that fast. You had to. We had. It was a survival tactic. True. And man, the gift of having to figure it out that fast when things are moving as fast as they were then or as fast as they are now, it's a gift even though it's hard to see it as such in the midst of it. Yeah, and I think that's where the test, and I don't like the word test, but it is to some

degree of like, how much you really love each other, what you really wanted, all the commitments you made, like all of that stuff, yet to really if you look at it in the mirror one and and you can't really let nothing nothing squeezes past in that Yeah, nothing yet's past it are Having to come back to our relationship values in the last two years has been such an important thing because the because the emotion that comes up when life throws in chaos will have you forget the things that you priority ranked as your relationship values. And if you keep coming back to these things, do we still submit that these are the most important things in our relationship? If the answer is yes, then these emotional things have to be filtered through the lens of these values. And all of a sudden, you can create objectivity in a space that previously was being run

by emotion. Who? Thank goodness. But man, it takes forcing that, and intentionality to come back to it, or you truly are just a victim to the wind blowing a certain direction. What are some of those relationship values that you both created together, and why did you choose those? Can you tell us on that? Yeah. Our marriage is more important than our business, right? And so our marriage is more

important than our business is a thing that we have to come back to a lot because we both are high performing, achiever, we both are driven, have a lot of ambition and our strong personalities. But I, through the lens of pragmatist, through the lens of operator, am thinking about the how, and she, through the lens of creative, through the lens of vision, is thinking about the what.

And so, like, our tension lives inside of a space that usually is me not having afforded her a chance to fully breathe the what out before I'm already attacking the how. And so it's been, okay, hold on, our marriage is more important than the business. And now is time to use discretion so that you don't step on this by letting your muscle memory, your instincts for the how corrupt her passion, her happiness, this thing that lights her up. But you know, we have, it's that, it's about our family. We have three boys and a girl.

They're 13 to three. We have a thousand kids. And so our commitment to making sure that our family values stay connected to us showing up well for them, no matter what. That doesn't mean that we don't have to create creative solutions because of the way that we travel or have work pulling us in certain directions. But us spending one on one time with each of these individual humans having a set dinner. There are some non-negotiables as a part of this so that we can maintain that like our family has to be first.

The commitment to a date night every single week, every Thursday, every single Thursday night. And here's the thing, in the last two years, this hardest and best two years of our life, we went on plenty of dates where we loved each other more than we liked each other. We were in seasons of conflict. We just had four of those hard, candid conversations with each other. But we were committed to keeping the frequency of connecting in a date night, even though it was hard to want to go sometimes, because we just didn't want to let too much time ever get between the last time we really were intentional about trading that space. What's your favorite date and activity?

We love to try new restaurants, but honestly our favorite lately has been anything that requires us pushing ourselves physically, which is like a phrase, it's like such a departure from who we ever were in the first 10 years of our marriage, but we both are now becoming long distance runners. We've just anything that gets us out and makes us have to do something physical has been like, it's been our jam lately. And we really are staying connected.

Like move your body, change your mind has really been a mantra of ours and a season of needing to always change our mind. So whether it's, you know, during the day, hey, you're starting to feel a fun, get up, turn on some music, jump around, or if it's, hey, you're feeling triggered going along run, we carry that into some of the date experiences that we have because it's in that, like, let's go push ourselves to do something that's a little bit crazy, zany different.

We're finding a way to connect through those experiences and ways that just sitting in a movie or just sitting at a dinner wouldn't necessarily provoke us, you know, having that same kind of experience. Yeah, I love that. And especially when you conquer challenges together, there is so much bonding in that.

It's like a team sport. We have the craziest experience of the year, truly. We at the end of the year, we look back what was the most formative experience of the year. We had a recomm of the year we look back what was the most formative experience of the year We had a Recomitment ceremony on the side of a hill in Ireland 15 years of being married. It was amazing, but for me We climbed this mountain 13 times to Everest we like 29,000 feet of climbing Jesse Itzler's event bananas, but having persevered through something that was so beyond what either of us thought we were capable of physically

was one of the most bonding galvanizing experiences of our marriage and truly rewired what I believe I'm capable of physically because of having persevered push through like just limits that I never thought were possible. That's amazing. I'm going to take one more. I literally, okay, so I'm looking down this right now, and I want to take seven more. So I'm going to pick one more, chapter number 17. The liars, things that are possible for other people are not possible for me. That one is so real. I mean, it's so real.

It's so real. I mean, it's so real. The story I tell at the beginning of this chapter is a story that had been told to me for 36 years of my life about my inability to be a runner. I'm six, I'm six four, right? I'm a taller person. And I've been told a story about how running was not a thing that tall people could do because of their back, their hips, their knees, a whole host of things.

And these stories were coming through the lens of someone else's fear, right? So someone else's fear was coloring my truth. And I accepted their fear-based story as my truth for 36 years. And then I was challenged by a colleague at work to run a 5K, three miles. I never run, but I'm competitive. He was a little older. I wanted to show him what a whipper snapper like me could do. So I said, yeah, you know what I'm gonna run. I ran three miles. I didn't die. And for the first time in my life at 36, I was challenging the truth of somebody else's fear and rewriting it as my now new story

that, hey, guess what, I can run. And later that year, my wife and I trained for a half marathon and later that year, we did a nut. And I have now just become a runner. I am a tall runner. I am running my first full marathon in 10 days. That's amazing. I am here for it.

I, like, the, but the moral of story truly is, you have been fed stories about what you are capable of by people who may have represented your best interest, but had no concept for your capacity. Oh, wow. And you have to question the source of the stories that you believe, and if they still are credible, if there is still a reason to believe the veracity of what they have represented as their capital T

absolute truths, there are plenty of things that in uncovering that single lie, that limiting belief that I got to go now chase and see if there weren't other things that I could do. And like, there are a bunch of stereotypes around masculinity that I have blown up. I can talk about emotion and my vulnerability around any of the struggle that I've had in a way that most of my life, my wiring, my dad who's amazing and the like story of masculinity that came from my childhood, it just doesn't apply to me. I'm free from it.

And if other people don't understand it or they wanna be critical of it, they are welcome to and it doesn't matter to me. I just, I don't care. The way that I think about my capacity to challenge my fears or stand on stages or do the weird stuff that we do and being really vulnerable with screens

on podcasts is something that has truly become something that I've just changed and reframed over the course of time. Someone is listening to this who is believing a story that is full of lie, that is an untruth told through the lens of someone else's fear at the expense of honoring your truth. truth told through the lens of someone else's fear at the expense of honoring your truth. And you will only ever be able to experience this truth if you decide to test the waters, defy the worry of someone else and find out what your true story or true experience can be. That line that you said is so powerful. People can have all the best interest for you, but they have no idea of your capacity. It's so true. And you can't expect them to either. And you can't

make their opinion your reality, and you can't expect that their capacity is yours, or their capacity for you is yours. I will tell you, other people's worry for you is often wrapped in love. I say this out of experience with my wife, who in handing me the first draft of Grow Oshier Face, printed out on 8 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1- mistake. I was 100% certain of it. It was driven by my fear and my believing that we'd work too hard on the managing of optics that she might now compromise in her honesty and truth. And so I worked with every ounce of my being wrapped in love to convince her to not publish a book that has now sold four million copies, right? Like a book that frankly, because of the thousands of letters that I've read of its impact, actually afforded me the opportunity to write this book. I love it.

But I, best friend, partner, the person who loves her the most, who she loves and craves love from the most, was worried about her expressing her truth. And if I'd been successful in stunting, changing, stopping the publishing of that book, we wouldn't have the opportunity we have for this company. We wouldn't have moved. I may very well have still been stuck in this rut. So honor that the intentions of the people in your life that may be attempting to hold you back are being wrapped in good or in love, but do not hold them as holy. Do not hold them as a 100% truth because they may very well just be a manifestation of their fear and you will get to the end of your life as the one who

gets to carry the regret, not the person who is afraid of you pursuing the full unlocking of the passion and potential of your life. Thank you for sharing that. That will you just share. That's hard to live with. That's, you know, hard to live with if you had an if you haven't processes like you have like, thank you for sharing that, cause yeah, four million coffees, two. Right. You know, it's like, can you imagine the amount of lives that have been changed, impacted the letters, like,

right? Just imagine all of that would have been lost if she had. And what did she do? Did she believe you? Did she trust you? Where did she land in that process of processing you, the person who loves her the most and she wants love from the most?

How did she react to that initial fear that you shared? The great news is she had the blessing of having developed a skin for criticism earlier in her publishing career. The first book she wrote, she submitted to 22 publishing houses. There were seven that represented interest and each of them said, if she were to add sex to the book, because it was a sweet romantic fiction book, without any of the things that at the time 50 shades of gray is happening in the background that 50 shades of gray had. And when she decided not to, to a person they said, this book will not work, it will not sell, you should not publish it.

And she had to in that moment ask herself, do I listen to the authority of the experts in this field or do I publish this book myself? After she got done being upset, she picked herself up, looked up online, how do you publish a book yourself, published it, It started working, worked so well that a publisher reached out and asked not only if they could acquire the rights, but turn it into a series. She wrote three books, led to a couple of cookbooks,

led to the fiction, now transitioning into nonfiction, and she wrote, go wash your face. If she listened to voices of authority at the first book. That book would still be, as she would tell you, sitting on a screen of her computer. So she bless her, like, had from the word go this belief in self that was stronger than the voice of authority. And so as another voice of authority, her husband best friend, the one who's looking out for her, walked into this journey to becoming the writer and author that she is. She had at least a track record and muscle memory herself of having pushed past the expert opinion of authorities in the space because of her

staying grounded and connected to her truth and not their worry. Thank you, and thank you for sharing that too. Yeah, so powerful, so powerful. Everything you're sharing, and I feel like we need you to get you back for a part two to talk business, CEO, entrepreneur, but today we wanted to pay homage to you on your book, which I can't wait for everyone to go and get get out of your own way. Let's get this guy to growth and fulfillment, Dave.

Hollis, make sure you go out and grab a copy of this book. I can honestly say just from my conversations with Dave and from even just browsing through some of these chapters, the way it's written is it's perfectly designed to help you through whatever you're trying to break through. Like I can see that, it's perfectly designed to help you. Like it're trying to break through. Like I can see there, it's perfectly designed to help you. Like it's not, there's no ego in this book, it's not about, it's not about him, it's about lies

and we can all identify with one of those lies, at least, probably all of them. And you may need to substitute a couple of words, but the point is these are all the lies we've all been telling ourselves for our whole lives. So here's the book that's gonna help you unlyde to yourself and it's all in here. So please please please go out and get a copy of the book.

You can pre-order it right now and it's out in March. What's the exact date? March 10th. March 10th is the exact date. So if you're listening to this at the right time, then it's already out. Or going pre-order if you listen to a bit before we'll figure it out before we send this out

And please please go check out Dave on Instagram. That's where I kind of watch him and and my rim and all the incredible work That he does, but I really feel we need to bring you back. I want a business session I mean entrepreneurship session I want a coaching session to dive into your incredible mind and and I want to bring in Rachel as well and do a couple session as well So we need to we need to plan for that But we end every interview with a final five. This is a rapid fire round. It's one word to one sentence answers maximum. I will probably ask you for more because you're interesting and fast paying. But let's start in the past 12 months.

Go to bed angry. Oh, no, okay. Okay, here we go. All right, okay, there's my final fight. Explain that. I know there's such a colloquialism around like, don't go to bed angry. But most of the time when we're ready to have the conversation that we need to when we're angry, there's not enough time to to have the conversation that we need to when we're angry, there's

not enough time to fully unpack the conversation, and we're starting it in this emotional state that hasn't afforded us enough time to think about how we'd like to deliver it. So I would rather have backs turned, fall asleep, let the night, let some of the emotion go, and then have an objective conversation when you've been able to think about how you can represent your perspective in a way that they can hear it and how you can hear them without formulating your response. Because every time we've had a conversation right before bedtime, it's, I'm not really listening. I am arming a response to the thing that you're saying. and it never, ever works out. So go to bed angry.

Okay, so you need to come back for a relationship session. That's brilliant. And that's so true. So my wife taught me that because I'm one of these people that's like, let's work it out. Let's figure it out. And I'm good even in the moment at putting my emotion aside to some degree, but my wife's always been the one who's like, no, I need to process this.

Let me think about it. And so often when we first got together, I'd be that guy going, we can't go to sleep. We're not going to sleep angry. Like I'd be that guy. And then she'd be like, no, no, no, I just need to, I need time to process it. I'm like, no, we have to do it right now. And it took me a while, but she, she gave me in that direction. That's good. So you and my wife are in a group in this one. So, okay, awesome. The best business lesson you've learned in the last 12 months. We've had this opportunity, unbelievably, to learn from John Maxwell. He's become a mentor of Rachel's and he gave us this word. A leader never has two good days in a row. Wow.

Okay, I've never heard that before. Yeah. He's more than one sentence. He's ruining it. You're great at this, by the way. Here's the headline. Yeah. If you're pursuing something of consequence, if you're pursuing something that matters that's going to have impact, it comes with the guarantee that things will inevitably go wrong

because nothing of impact is simple. And if you are someone who's adverse to the idea of having bad days, then you're not creating something that matters. And coming out of my corporate environment, trust me, I really struggled with this idea that things could go wrong at the frequency that they feel like they are, until I realize that the company that we're trying to be five years from now will not come into existence. If we don't have as many bad days as we do good because the bad days are the one that help us grow. Totally. Yeah. I love that. Great answer by the way. Thank you. Third, what is the best lesson you've learned for yourself in the last 12 months? Like the lesson you've learned about yourself? last 12 months, like the less you've learned about yourself. So I thought that the hardest decision or the hard decision that I made was leaving the

harbor, leaving certainty for the opportunity to grow, that leaving Disney for the entrepreneurial journey, doing this work together, was the hard choice. And what I've come to appreciate is that leaving the harbor is a hard choice, but staying on the boat in the waves is harder. And so I want to encourage anyone who feels like they need to make life change, who it's now time for you to leave this harbor of certainty and security for the opportunity to grow.

Yep, be prepared for that being triggering and tough, but also the point is that leaving the harbor is hard. And so it was a thing that took some time for me to appreciate that me becoming the captain truly of this ship where the waves though they be rocky, I can stand sturdy on top of it for having acquired sea legs that really allow me now to command this ship at sea. That's been the work of this last year. And I didn't think it was going to be as hard as it was, but it's supposed to be hard. If it isn't hard, it isn't actually

producing the growth. Great. Okay. Question number four, I know you believe in seventh leadership inside the company that you've built and built so wonderfully, tell me the top three qualities you try and embody to embody service at seven leadership? Well, we start with a commitment of giving back to the community that we're serving or supporting at a very least the causes that matter to them most. We set up a foundation, 10% of our company proceeds are immediately put back against causes that matter to them most. We set up a foundation 10% of our company proceeds are immediately put back against causes that are either important to us and aligned with our company's core values or have been represented by the community as things that they care about. So when we go into a city for a live event, we find a cause for women that is in that city so that we can show up well for them.

We were just recently in Florida and found a local women shelter that we were able to show up, spend some time, and then surprise them from the stage with a donation of, this is this audience. They were able to help support you by having come here today. So one is just by putting our money where our mouth is, we say, servant leaborship is, leadership is important, but we want to be able to also support things. Showing up well for our team and trying our best to meet them where they need to be met, we are really interested in understanding the individual wiring of our employees.

So they've each taken anyogram tests. We've had them take love language tests so that when it comes to, are you a words of affirmation person? Are you a three or are you a nine, right? And it's a little bit, right? Like for anyone who's not familiar with these personality diagnostics, it might seem a little crazy and my former self would have called it voodoo, but truly the wiring of each of these humans individually

is different and understanding how they're individually wired allows us to serve them as the people who are serving our audience really, really well. So we try to say connected to their humanity and show up well. And then just the work that we're doing, truly, I left something that society put a lot of value on, working inside of Hollywood and entertainment and doing work that was about carpets and titles for this opportunity to place tools in two people's hands.

And the way that in seeing the comments or getting the letters, we have this opportunity once a week in our Hoko Convo, where the whole team comes together, our customer service leader reads a couple of letters from the community who have represented the impact of the tools. And it makes the work, even on

the day is when it's hard, maybe especially on the days when it's hard, feels so worth it because you're connecting to someone's story of triumph through hard times in part because of the way that you've come alongside them or encouraged them, whatever it might be. I love it. And final question, as you can see, this has been the worst rapid fire. This is not a one word thing at all. Me. Because of me.

Because you know, actually because of you. It is because of me. This is terrible. It's so interesting. That's okay. Fifth of final question, which is gonna be a one sentence on say, is that one it to be. The one reason people should read this book.

And I know there's 20. Wow, one reason, because you owe it to yourself to stay out of your own way. Amazing, perfect. Thank you, Dave. Jay, I really appreciate it. Dave, this is amazing. Anyone who's been listening and watching,

make sure you go and grab the book, get out of your own way, Esceptix Guide to Growth and For Fument, Dave Hollis, make sure you go grab a copy of this book and Dave will definitely be back with more business and relationship lessons. I'm going to make sure of it because we can talk about that for another hour too. So we will make sure of that. Thank you so much for listening and watching today. Make sure you share this.

Make sure you tag me and Dave in any of the wisdom, the nuggets, any of the insights that Dave shared today that really stood out to you, that were tonn, that stood out to me. You know, when he talked about people not understanding our capacity, huge. Like, how many times do we let people decide our capacity? When he talked about being vulnerable with ourselves and breaking through when he was doing my drinking alcohol and having to find a habit to replace that, huge because we've all got vices that are slowing us down. And just now, what he was telling us about relationships and having rules about a habit to replace that. Huge because we've all got vices that are slowing us down. And just now, what he was telling us about relationships

and having rules about relationships, as you can see, that's a symphony that runs through everything Dave's talking about, rules and relationships. There's been huge ones for me. Make sure you tell me yours. Tag us both in to the Instagram post or Twitter, whatever you're on,

and we'd love to interact with all of you. Thank you so much for listening, Dave. There are some. Thank you, much for listening Dave. Awesome. Thank you man. Thank you bro. The one you feed explores how to build a fulfilling life admits the challenges we face. We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers, offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart

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