On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Dean Graziosi: ON How To Master Your Relationship With Money & Playing To Your Strengths

Episode Date: February 21, 2020

Dean Graziosi and Jay Shetty discuss collaboration, compassion, and self-education on a recent episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Instead of sinking him, Graziosi’s childhood struggles with dyslexia and his parents’ divorce fueled his rise to the top of the entrepreneurial ladder. Today you'll learn Graziosi’s top tips on living a life of freedom, having a healthy relationship with money, and much more! Text Jay Shetty 310-997-4177 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Regardless of the progress you've made in life, I believe we could all benefit from wisdom on handling common problems. Making life seem more manageable, now more than ever. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One You Feed Podcast, where I interview thought-provoking guests who offer practical wisdom that you can use to create the life you want. 25 years ago, I was homeless and addicted to heroin. I've made my way through addiction recovery, learned to navigate my clinical depression, and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The one you feed has over 30 million downloads and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple Podcast.

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Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of or wherever you get your podcasts. The books they read and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply Well Podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your well-being journey.

Deeply well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste. Live a little bit harder today. Make sacrifices. Bring back that childhood enthusiasm.

Take steps that your friends and family think are crazy. Model people. Find something you're passionate about. And spend the next two years going all after it. Burn the boats. Because the byproduct is, you're going to work anyway. You're going to be stressed anyway. Life is going to throw you obstacles anyway.

You might as well be doing it towards something that fills your soul. Hey everyone, welcome back to on purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you who come back every single week to listen, to learn and to grow. And you know that my focus for you is to find guests who are fascinating, who we can tap inside the minds of, to understand new truths about ourselves,

about our business, and about the world around us. Now today's guest is someone that I've started speaking who probably about a year ago now, it feels like we were messaging back and forth, I've been getting wonderful voice notes from him, he's got a wonderful voice by the way. And every time he was sending it, we were just connecting and I was like,

I really like this guy. And finally we're together now. If you're wondering why we're in this new location and why I'm wearing like a beach shirt and if you can see my legs, I'm sorry, but we're in shorts because we're currently in Puerto Rico with Brendan Bouchard. He's doing this incredible brainstorming mastermind

with a few of us. And I am so grateful for today's guest. He's a multiple New York Times bestselling author. He sold millions of books. He's been an incredible entrepreneur throughout his life when it comes to real estate, when it comes to building businesses. And now he's actually a coach sharing all that insight

with so many other new young and seasoned entrepreneurs. It is none other than Dean Grazio, he did. Thank you for being here. So good to be here, man. Yeah, it's a pleasure, honestly. When we started connecting about a year ago, when you message me and we were messing back and forth, and I just got this, and I don't often say this,

but I got this warmth from you. I appreciate it. I appreciate it here. I wasn't just flattery, it wasn't stuff like that. It wasn't that, it wasn't flattery, it wasn't charm, it was warmth. And I feel like that's a warmth that you feel from family or someone who really cares.

It's funny because when we got here, I felt like I had known you for such a long time and your wife is amazing. And I want to tell you, and I told you just, but I want everybody listening or watching me hear this. You know, I don't know who said this, but a profits never welcome in their hometown, right? So it was, my kids are 11 and 13

and part of their daily routine that I've been pushing them to do. And it's not perfect, but I bet you it's three, four days a week is to watch five to 10 minutes of something personal growth related. Cause, and the average kid doesn't have access to that. I didn't know what existed.

And you're the person I've chose for years. And because I can't say go watch your dad stuff. Right? Right. And Tony, who's a dear friend of mine, Tony Robbins is great, but he's a little big and intimidating for especially my son when he was nine.

And I just wanna say thank you. You've been a guide and a sage to them and you filled their hearts and for that. I loved you before I knew you because so so thank you. And it's a pleasure to be here. No, absolutely. I'm very humbled to hear that and I'm grateful that my work is useful and I'll have to show them my kids your videos. Yeah, it's my kids.

Well, one of the reasons. Yeah, like dad, you take out the garbage and mom tells you what time to be home. I'm not listening to you. Totally, totally. But I love that we're sitting down together finally. I'm not listening to you. Totally, totally. But I love that we're sitting down together finally. We've been wanting to do this for a long time. I'm excited because you're working on some exciting work

that I can't wait to share with my audience. So we'll get to that. But one of my first questions is, if you told your 11 year old self that your life was gonna be the way it is right now, the way it is now, like I know you've got a beautiful wife who's pregnant, she's like seven weeks away from expecting. You've built this business empire,

you have incredible friends, like, you know, your friends with Tony, your friends with so many other incredible people. If you told your 11 year old self that that was gonna be your reality, what would your 11 year old self as it said? You know, of course it would have seemed like an impossible dream. But I have to say on the other side, I had this, sometimes being young and a little naive is the greatest gift we can have.

In fact, sometimes when older people come to me and they want to go to another level in their stock, I want them to go back to being more of a child when they didn't know limits where the world didn't tell them no. So at 11 years old, my parents had been divorced since I was three and my mom at that phase was working about three jobs, not about, she was working three jobs, cut hair, clean houses and painted houses on the side to make about 90 bucks a week. So she came home late every day, her hands would hurt, her back would hurt. And I know there's a long answer to a short story, but there was something I knew. And I wasn't the smartest kid.

I had dyslexia, so reading was really a really difficult. I always felt embarrassed to read. But there was something inside of me that I just knew somehow, some way I'd find a way. And again, we all just need something to push us sometimes. And mine was watching my mom struggle. I just remember thinking, I'm gonna be rich. I didn't know what that meant at the time. And again, we all just need something to push us sometimes. And mine was watching my mom struggle. I just remember thinking, I'm going to be rich.

I didn't know what that meant at the time. But not because I wanted the fancy cars or the fancy house. I wanted my mom not to work anymore. And so if you asked me at 11, like we all have two voices, we have the voice that says, you'll never do it. You're an imposter. You have to be smarter, richer, faster. And then we have the other voice that says,

you can do anything. You're limitless. If I would say both voices, one would have said, maybe I'm going to be like my family and that would be a dream. I can't believe that could happen. But the other part of me, the one that said, there's nothing that could stop you, I would say, wow, I knew I'd be successful, I didn't know it would be like that. And I think that leads into some cool things for all of us. Sometimes we have pain and we try to avoid it. And I think sometimes it's better to just lean into the pain, right?

I watched my mom come home like tired at nine o'clock a night and I wanted to play with her and I wanted to do things and she wouldn't. So I'm like, I'm fixing that, right? So yeah, long answer to a short story. No, I love that. It's a great answer. I tell me about how you've learned

and trained other people to think like a child again in that scenario because you're saying that that naivety, that innocence is almost what's needed. How have you kept that mindset? We were just talking about it as we've been through. You were just saying to me like, Jay, it's amazing that we're living in a way that we're still starting from scratch. How do you maintain that child mentality?

Yeah, it's a really good question. The one thing is outside influences, I feel like they're cumulative, right? And you don't know where you get them, right? You have a seventh grade teacher that says, you know, don't be a dreamer, or you can't read good enough so you must be dumb, right? Or you maybe have a ninth grade teacher

who tells you you have limitless power, right? Those little things are cumulative, but I feel as a child, you haven't heard no, you have dreams, I mean, as a kid, you could pretend and have a friend and do all these great things, right? And then the world tells you to get real, right? And then school kind of puts you in a path,

and then you think you gotta do what other people think or smart your parents might say, hey, stop being a dreamer, it's not about a band, you're gonna get a job, and I think cumulatively, we hear outside influences, we watch the news, and we say, oh my god, the presidency, the Congress, is it Republican, is it Democrat, should I be Christian, should I be Muslim, should we have all these different things, these outside influences, and then we watch the horrific news, and that's cumulative. And I think, you know, friends in our lives

that maybe they don't want to go for their full potential. And that's okay. But because you want to, it makes them uncomfortable. And they say, Hey, Jay, come on. You're going to do videos and have hundreds of millions of people a week watch. Come on. That's too competitive. YouTube's got lots of people. You've never done this before. It takes money to make money. And I believe over time that it adds up to a certain point. It's cumulative. The news, your parents, your friends, the outside world. And all of a sudden that inner voice that tells you you can't gets just a little bit stronger than the voice that tells you you can. And then all of a sudden, five, 10 years go by and you're listening to a podcast like this saying,

how do I start fresh? So going back is, what if all those voices were wrong? Like there was a phase in my life where I got lucky enough. I'd love to say I read a book or I had an epiphany, but there was a day that I just realized Mrs. Thompson in seventh grade was wrong. My parents, we talked about our parents. I love my parents dearly, but they struggle their whole life. And even to this day, they don't work on their emotional intelligence. And I love them.

This is not being negative in any way. The way they raised me was meant for me. And I love it. But they got stuck in a certain era. They got sucked at one point in their life. They got stuck in a certain mindset that just as lasted for 30 or 40 years. So I say, is what if we could go back and realize that your parents were wrong, possibly in certain areas, right? Your teachers may have been wrong. That we are limitless. That, I mean, again, I go so many different directions. So reel me back in, but I often think about being with my maker at the end of my life.

And if I lived with that adult mindset of I shouldn't, I shouldn't have compared to that childhood enthusiasm to just go for it, to play like your 10 points down, to play like you have nothing to lose. I could imagine sitting with your maker, imagine if your maker said, okay, Jay, I made you human. I put you on earth, tell me what you did. Well, you know, until I was about 14, I thought I could do a lot of these things, but you know, God, I, you know, my parents said,

I should go to school, my friends said this, my friends, so I just lived an okay life. Like I could picture our maker going, oh please, that another one. I gave you all these gifts. Okay, I love you next compared to saying, I failed miserably, I tried, oh my God, God, you were watching me.

See all the dumb things I did? But those dumb things finally stumbled into the perfect relationship, stumbled into my passionate, you know, career that I did. And I just think anything you can do to reinvigorate that childlike naïveness, you know, when you get to surrounding, we're in here in Puerto Rico with some amazing people. And you see it in all of them. They all have this sense that they can make something up and then make it real. And if we could give that gift to more people, just keep making stuff up and then go have the nerve then make it real. And if we could give that gift to more people, just keep making stuff up and then go

have the nerve to make it real. Absolutely, yeah, no, I love that. And it's interesting because even the voice you were saying for me that you're hearing from outside, like you said, it's a voice you hear. Like I remember the first time I got the option where someone said to me, Jay, you should just start a YouTube channel.

And my response to my head was just like, that works for one in a million people. I was like, that does not work for me. That works for like Justin Bieber. Like that does not work for me. And that's genuinely what I said to myself. And I thought to myself, but I had exhausted all options that I couldn't do anything else but start a YouTube channel. Like I got to that point.

But what you're saying was like, you've just said no so so many times whereas now you've got to start saying yes there's something because so many doors have been closed. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What has been seen is a very snotty city. People call it Bozangelis. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party.

Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newton, and not lost as my new travel podcast where a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party. Where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. I would love that, but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers.

I love you, dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm gonna die alone when I'm traveling, but I get to travel with someone I love. Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much.

I'm very sincere. I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much. And we're so sincere. I love you too. Mike's a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love it. Listen to Not Lost on the I Heart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Romani, and I am back with season two of my podcast Navigating Narcissism.

Narcissists are everywhere, and their toxic behavior in words can cause serious harm to your mental health. In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte, who was loved by the Tinder swindler. The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me, but he cannot be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money he took. But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself,

I know how to identify the narcissists in your life. Each week, you will hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and the process of their healing from these relationships. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Mi'amla, and on my podcast, the R-Spot,

we're having inspirational, educational, and sometimes difficult and challenging conversations about relationships. They may not have the capacity to give you what you need. And insisting means that you are abusing yourself now. You human! That means that you're crazy as hell. Just like the rest of us. When a relationship breaks down, I take copious notes and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for you.

But if you're going to eat it, they're not going to stop you. Yep. So he's going to continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him. Listen to the art spot on the iHeart Video app Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to podcasts. Tell me about that because one thing that we've just raised it, we've raised outside, we're raising it here, it fascinates me because it's true for everyone, no matter who you are, why is it that we struggle to influence and be influenced by the people closest to

us, like family? Why is that that parents can't always influence their kids positively or that the other way, why are we, like for example, like you're saying, you could say the same thing as me to your kid and they'll listen to it when I say, or vice versa, when I have kids, I could say something they won't listen to me,

but you said it. It's your eyes and your British accent. That's the hot and kidding. But why is that? You know, it's a really great question. And I think it's, listen, shiny object syndrome is not something they've been writing about forever. We're looking for fields of gold over the fence

when it's right in front of us in so many ways. And what I would believe is that we feel that we're always moving towards something more. We wanna move towards something more. And I just think that people closest to us, we've been around them so much that it becomes either a voice that we wanna be the complete opposite you and I talked about.

We want to be in certain ways, complete opposite of our parents when it came to relationships, right? So I think that, and I think as, I'm having a teenager, I have a 13 yearyear-old right now, and she's amazing. I love her to death, but I see her independence. And I think the original operating equipment by God is designed around that age to pull away

from the people you're closest to so that she can find her own voice, she can find who she is. So I think it's in eight. I think it's God designed, original equipment of at a certain era we pull away. And that's what everybody tells me that have older children than me,

is you'll lose a little bit of your kids. And I don't see it with my children. I'm so connected to them, but I could be wrong. Those of you with older kids, where I like you have no idea what you're doing. Right, but what everyone says is 13 to 14, they drift away to find themselves

and they circle back around around 23 to 25. And that's just, it's so consistent with so many people. And I think it's just that. 14, they drift away to find themselves and they circle back around around 23 to 25. And that's just, it's so consistent with so many people. And I think it's just that. I think that we're designed to find our own way. But I think even though we can't take advice with the people closest to us sometimes, then do what I did. Find similar advice from someone that you respect, do you resonate with?

That's why you're listening to this podcast or watching this show is because you listen to Jay and you should. He gives such valuable wisdom. So I don't know the definitive answer, but I get to see it. I get to see it in my own daughter right now. She loves me to death, but I'll say certain things to her now and she's like, Dad, let me figure it out. And I love that. It's also hard for me. It's like, no, but I've already been there, babe, But she doesn't want that. And I think sometimes, you know, when I watch her figure it out, I don't know when she, it sticks.

Yeah, absolutely. That's beautiful, answer. I wasn't looking for a definitive answer. I wanted to hear what your take was as a father. Yeah. I remember one of my friends literally, like we'd be sitting his wife, him, me and my wife. And he had a daughter.

I think she was like two years old or something. And she's like playing over there in the corner, and they've got candles everyone at home. And she's like so close to this candle. And my, it was like to go and help her. And they're like, no, they're like, no, she's led her be. And they're like, she will better and she will learn. Yeah, once. And I was like, wow. And and she will learn. Yeah, once. And I was like, wow. And the way stronger parents would meet. I mean, I could, I mean, but this kid is turning to like,

what me and my wife call her, jungle baby. Like she's happy to like run under wood and trees and hang off stuff because she just has this, she's built up this fearlessness from being given that space. I'm not recommending that as a parenting tip or anything, like do not advocate that. I'm just sharing the point that Dean's messing. So Dean, tell me about like a lot of people listening to me right now and listening

to us right now and this podcast will be thinking, Dean, I have a passion. I want to build a business. I want to understand how to maybe just start a side hustle. Like I'm really engaged in wanting to live a life that's more of my terms that is freedom. And you talk about freedom a lot. Tell us about the starting point of that journey. When someone's literally at a point of like, I'm not satisfied with my job.

I'm not sure that's working. You know, I'm not really sure that this career line has something for me. Where does someone go from that kind of space that's full of confusion, anxiety, stress, impression? Would you have coached people through a, you know, Brazilian times? You know, when I get that question asked,

there's two ways, right? There's a tactical approach, right? But tactics never work, and you know this, it's why you've dedicated your life to a tactics never work if the mindset is off, right? You might see the greatest opportunity in the world. In fact, some people listening right now had other opportunities. And their mindset got in the way.

And then they had regret after missing the opportunity, right? So I would say on a on a big scale, if you look at mindset as, as, as like a top of a funnel, the wide part of the funnel is deciding what your life will look like. Like again, if you're listening to Jay, you already know this. the wide part of the funnel is deciding what your life will look like. Like, again, if you're listening to Jay, you already know this. But when's the last time you said, if it was a year from today, and it was the greatest year of my life, I started this business, so I started this side thing, or I'm making more impact on the world,

you have to define what that would look like, more detailed than you think. So let's say it's a year from now, Jay and I are doing an anniversary show and you're like, wow, this was the greatest year of my life in my new business. What does that look like? And I just know this because I'm even around, I get to spend time with some amazing people and I get to be around thousands of my family,

my team, my students. And when I asked that question, if it was a year from now, and it was the best year of, Dean, I wanna start a business. Okay, and I'll hit him real quick, okay. It was a year from now, it was the best year of Dean I want to start a business okay And I'll hit him real quick. Okay. It was a year from now was the best year of your life because of this new business You started what's it look like and most people say wow, that's a really good question Now, but if I say if it was a year from now and you were doing things you didn't want what would it be and an immediate in a moment

They'll go I wouldn't be in this job because it pays me money, but my heart's not filled I'm not living my true purpose But if I flip it on what you actually want, again, we hear this. We've been hearing it since we were little. You said your dad used to read stuff. Like we hear it, but to make it ingrained in your soul, I think the first thing is design what a year from now will look like in five years, because a year is going to go by faster. I mean, a year goes by like this, right? And a year is going to go by no matter what. So I would say first is think about what does that look like. It's a year from now. It's a great year. Write it down. And then my prescription would be to look at it every day. A lot of times people create a goal. They'll

pray on it quarterly. They'll pray on it once a month. I feel for something to change. You have to look at it so much that you're disturbed by your own inaction. And I do that to myself. I still like it, we were talking about, I still like to play like I'm 10 points down. And I know you have that same mindset, you're coming out with a book, I can't wait, I'm going to promote the heck out of it for you. But you're going after it because you know that book could transform people's lives, you're going to push that in every way possible because you have a vision of where you want to be in a year from now. If you just thought, hey, I want to sell some books, it's not the same, right? So the first thing is have a have a compelling future, write it down, understand what it is and stare at it every day.

And then this might sound from that like fufu advice from someone who's have a level of success in life. And I do and I feel blessed for that. But I had lots of years that it wasn't, is you really have to align with something that you could see yourself doing for 10 years. Because I know in my being broke, and I lived in a trailer park as a kid, and my mom struggled, I, in my 20s, especially, Jay,

I compromised like who I was to make money. Like not terrible things. I didn't sell drugs or do anything bad, but I did things that money. Like not terrible things. I didn't sell drugs or do anything bad, but I did things that weren't an alignment with me. And it felt so heavy. And even when the money started coming in, I didn't become a better person. I didn't grow. And I realized now that the people I see that are really look at you, you're so in alignment with what you do, the byproduct is you're making more money. You're growing, you're impacting lives. But on a daily basis, you love what you do.

So the second thing I would do is figure out what it is that really lights you up and then do a hell of a lot of research to see, could I take what I'm passionate about and actually make it into an income? And if it took you six months to research people, to model other people, to get a course, to get into a workshop, to be mentored by somebody. Would that six months, what could that do for the rest of your life? You know, there was a guy, I'll think of his name in a second, David Kekic, he was paralyzed

jogging, got hit by a car, paralyzed from the neck down and he had these kekage creedos. And one of them I'll always remember was living the hard way is easy and living the easy way is hard. And the way I equated that into my head, when I started my own business, I was scared to death. Just like some of you right now, I was fearful. My family told me I was nuts. My sister drove up from Virginia where she lived to sit me down with an intervention

to tell me stop dreaming. Like, I had to overcome that. I had to work more hours than anybody else. I had to stress some nights, wake up in the middle of the night and say, can I really do this? I'm running out of money and people don't believe in me and I'm not sure what to do and reading books

and trying to figure it out. That was hard, but life is easier for me now. I can be a full-time dad. I pick my kids up from school every day. I coach the little league. I coach softball. I get can be a full-time dad. I pick my kids up from school every day. I coach the little league. I coach softball. I get to be a good husband to my amazing wife. I get to come to an event like this and share and and unite and become better friends with people like you. It's because I put the hard time in. When a lot of my friends were partying and having fun and and that's okay,

right? It's it's as simple as it's really easy to eat fast food and McDonald's and sit on the couch. That's easy to do, but it's really hard when you're 55 and you have diabetes and you're a bad example for your kids. It's really easy to be unfaithful, it's really easy to check out other people or do things that aren't right now, but it's really hard going through an ugly divorce and watching your kids being separated. I'm not trying to get overly deep here. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, live a little bit harder today. Make sacrifices. Bring

back that childhood enthusiasm. Take steps that your friends and family think are crazy. Model people. Find something you're passionate about and spend the next two years going all after it. Burn the boats because the byproduct is you're going to work anyway. You're going to be stressed anyway. Life is going to throw you obstacles anyway. You might as well be doing it towards something that fills your soul. 100% so well said, man. That was beautiful. I love that. And they all start off with the seed that you said of disturbed by your own inaction. Like I'm just, I'm going to keep saying that doing stuff. Like that is such a powerful statement

because I often think we get even more paralyzed by our own inaction, but we almost have to be disturbed by it first because that's gonna actually push us into it. And I think one of the mindsets, which I know you're challenging everyone here on and I see you do it very, you do it a beautiful way and I appreciate you doing it.

We talked about it last night and you mentioned it just now that this money pain, the pain around money. So there's two extremes, what you said. One extreme is you think money is everything. Like when you were saying in your 20s, you made a lot of mistakes, you were doing things out of alignment. I see that as one way people live. Money is everything.

Like I've got to have the cause, I've got to have the homes, I've got to have the men and the women or whatever it is. And then the other option is, well, money's bad. Yeah, money's bad. Yeah, money's bad. It's evil. Only bad people have money. You have to manipulate people to have money. You have to stop people in the back to money. You have to lie. She, tell us about the root of those mindsets and how you've been able to create cultivate and find the methods that actually purpose-related and progressive. Yeah, so I have really deep thoughts on that because I watch people fight that. To me, money would be like if you were at a therapy session and your therapist was on

one couch, money was in another and you were in another and the therapist was trying to build a relationship between you and money You'd say I hate it. I don't want to have to go make it. I don't ever want to sell anything. I don't want to do it But how's your life going? I'm worrying about the bills and I don't like what I'm doing for a living and I can't help my parents Can they're struggling terrible and I don't have any money for my future? It's like well, wait you just said you hated it, but now you're telling me you want it So do you want to date money or do you want to break up with money? So it's this really different. It's such a difficult relationship.

And I think the best person I ever shared this with me is I was lucky enough to spend a week with Richard Branson on his island. And it was because, it wasn't because I was cool back then. It was a long time ago and he wasn't my best friend. I didn't have my own speed dial. It's because he had a really great charity called Virginie Night and he paid 100% of the bills

and I knew if I donated to that charity, it all went to people in need. So I got some friends together and another buddy of mine and we raised a million dollars and for that we got invited to his island. Amazing. And then I got up really early, I'm a five o'clock guy and he saw me and he said, hey, tomorrow,

do you want to sail around the island with me? I was like, nah, I was of course. You know, so five a.m. I meet him and we sail around the island. And I asked him a similar question about money. I feel like I should be doing more. And what he said to me, and it really put it in a perspective. He said, you have a gift and you have a gift on how to make money. And you're impacting lives.

And he had seen one of my books, which was so cool. He said, I saw your book and I see the way you speak on video. He said, you have a gift on how to make money and you're impacting lives and you'd seen one of my books Which was so cool. He said I saw your book and I see the way you speak on video He said you have a gift So here's what I think go out and make as much money as you can because that's your God-given gift and then do what you want With it give it all away if you want he goes here's what I think you said you want to put more time into helping people It's it's some people are meant to put the time in but would it be better for you to go to a soup kitchen and work There all week what should be great to see it or would it be better for you to go to a soup kitchen and work there all week? What should be great to see it? Or would it be better for you to work in your unique ability and go to that same soup kitchen and hand the owner

$50,000 so you could help feed more people? He goes, when I had that realization, I realized I'm gonna go out and make as much as I can, but I'm gonna give most of it away. And it kind of just shifted me from I was already there, but it shifted me to another level, and I think people don't realize the impact they can make. When people say, money's evil, I said, you haven't given enough away yet. You haven't given enough away yet,

because I got to retire my parents. By the time I was 27, my mom, who I worried so much about, she hasn't worked a day since she was 27 years old. They send her a check, she's still alive, she's amazing, she's 77 years old, they buy her a new car every two years, I send her a check, I do the same thing with my dad, that's not bragging, that's still alive. She's amazing. She's 77 years old. They buy her a new car every two years. I send her a check I do the same thing with my dad. That's not bragging. That's that's my soul. That's my heart We this year we we fed six million people through feeding America

Like we get to do these cool things while simultaneously though on my perspective I get to employ a hundred people I I know that my children are gonna to be safe, not spoiled, not trust fund kids, but I know they're safe no matter what happens. And that peace of mind allows me to say, I want to be in control of my life. I can do a great balance. I get to serve other people. And that's why I also said, if you can equate that to things that make an impact.

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So we were walking last night with our wives and Dean told me this epic story. I don't know if it's true. he doesn't know if it's true, but I like the story. And this is what I like about what we're doing right now. So, you know, today when we're hanging out with Dean, Brandon and a few other people as well, it's just been like this. I always, I really admire people and for a long time have found the most endearing quality to be humility. And I find that more priceless and rare than any jewel in people and it's the thing I admire and respect the most. And I believe the greatest reflection, like if you're like, yeah, humility was a mean, like just mean, like you don't do it. That's what I mean by it.

Like humility is characterized by the desire for collaboration. Like being okay. I love that definitely. We're wanting to serve together. Yeah. Not wanting to serve with myself. Building an island is completely the opposite

of humility. It's just about me I'm doing it well. Yeah, and you watch that here. I mean, everybody can't wait to help each other, right? Yeah, and that's what you were talking about, like that feeling. So with that, I'm just going to share the story and the difference and then the work that you're doing. Yeah, and there's amazing people here from Prince E.A. to Trent Shelton. I mean, everybody is this little group and we're all shit Russell Branson Dave Hollis to Bill you Dave Hollis. Oh my it's a great crew be with you. And could you imagine we're all in a similar

field and we can't wait to go around the table and collaborate and solve each other's problems and share what our gifts are. There's things that you do way better than me and there's things I do better than you you and I get together we both rise rise. And that's why, you know, again, we'll talk about this. Why this self education is becoming this thing because how much better off will we all be when we leave here this weekend? Oh, it's huge. And look at the bond we have.

I'm coming to your house to eat vegan. I'm just telling you, it's happening because we can't find good vegan food. It's why it's so hard to make it stick. So let's just take that as we have people in a similar world all here collaborating, sharing and pulling back the curtain on our greatest secrets. That's collaboration. So my wife and I got married in Lake Cuomo last year. And we took a boat ride around Lake Cuomo and our pilot, not pilot, our boat captain

takes us to this beautiful old house on the edge of the cliff with a stream running through it. So if you could imagine edge of the water, a house that looks 15 stories high of rock built probably multiple 500 years, maybe 500, 700 years ago, and a stream running down through the center of it. And they told the story of lead norra da Vinci that he used to paint there, but more than paint, he used to invite there, but more than paint, he used to invite the competition that he disliked the most. Okay? Now, this is the story from a boat captain. Have no idea if it's real, but they said he would take and wine and dye them,

and they would have an amazing night. And then there'd be a certain point in the floor where he'd say, and stand here and you can see my new painting. Don't move over a little bit and they'd get to a certain part in the floor. He would pull over. The floor would open up and it would drop them down four or five stories into spinning blades, chop them up and spit them out into Lake Cuomo. I love it. I've heard it three times now.

It's like, everybody said, my family had my daughter and my son and my wife on the boat. And we're just like, our jaws are down. It's like, don't know if it's true, but it's the complete opposite of collaboration of humility, right? So what's great is Randy Garnos here went on a different boat and they told him the same story. So it's either a great urban legend or just shows the opposite of humility. Yeah, totally.

It's a great story just to show just the mindset that we don't want. And what you talk about, like, you know, millionaire success habits, then when you look into habits of high performing successful, wealthy people, they're not acting in that way. They're not. They're not acting in that scarcity mindset.

They're not acting in that defeat my competition, beat my competition mindset. And the other thing too is, if you, you everybody listening like really take this into consideration, feeling alone is a really common trait of someone who wants more. Whether you consider yourself an entrepreneur or just someone who wants more success in your life, some entrepreneurs got a little weird name in the last few years. So whether you want to call yourself that or not, doesn't it feel really lonely when maybe all your friends are going off to college and you want to start your own thing

or your way past that and you're in your own thing and you go to the PTA meeting and everybody's talking about their nine to five and you're talking about this vision you have that you want to make something up, make it real. Entrepreneurs feel alone. People who want another success, I know I felt alone a lot in

my thoughts and in my life and in front of my teachers and my guidance counselors. I just seem like the oddball. He's a broke kid who lives in a trailer park with dyslexia. You're not going to college. Oh, when you're going to be successful and take care of your mom, but it's so cute little dean. Okay. I'll see you, you know, when you're drinking your six-pack kick in your dog. Like that's how I felt that they were looking at me, right? So collaboration is not only humility, when you don't feel alone, it's this empowering piece.

Like, when you come here, think of how our lives will change just from us meeting, just from somebody else you met here, right? I want to help you with your book launch. You're helping me with things like, that collaboration is so awesome, but the bigger product, byproduct, this is when you realize you're not crazy, when you realize that your inner goals and ambitions are could be actualized.

And I think that's what groups and training and masterminds. And I think that does, I think that's the biggest byproduct no one sees because everybody here will be leaving with bigger goals. Right or wrong. If you step up your goal, sit you vendor. 100%. You think I'm going to sell a million books, impact a million lives.

No, I want to impact 10 million lives now because I got this tribe helping me. But it's not, it's not just us. This is available for the whole world. That's why meetup groups are growing and workshops are growing and online communities are growing. And you go to a Facebook community, there's a half a million people

and it's like, this is where you get to bond and grow. Yeah, absolutely. Tell me about the darkest moment in your life and why self-education was your savior. Yeah, well, really good question. Yeah, like why self-education was the difference maker in that lowest dark? In however, where you define dark. Yeah, yeah. I had some pretty dark moments as a kid, but I would say that the darkest moment of my life, my parents split when I was three, no different than so many people listening and some people. Parents didn't split and they should have, you know, there's just a million different things, but their split was so, I want to use a really pipe word, it was disturbing, it

was violent, it was ugly, it was so bad that I never wanted to do that to my children. And about six years ago, I knew five years ago. I knew that I was going to go through a divorce. And four years ago, I knew there was no co-parents. I lived in a different room for a couple of years. But I had this inner child that was so fearful of divorce, that the thought of leaving and not being there every morning for my kids. I don't know how to, like I did all these years of all this self-work and thought I pushed the abuse and all the things that my childhood were gone. I thought I purged them out. I wasn't holding on to them. But they all came back that I was doing this to my kids. I was going to do them what my dad did to me and it was the first time I live. I could not control my anxiety. It was I don't even take an aspirin. I was taking Xanax twice a week just so I could sleep two nights a

week because I stayed up all night thinking they're gonna dislike me. All the work I put in, I love my kids so much. I'm gonna miss them. Some are vacations. It's gonna be split and half Christmas's holidays. And it was like, I just went through this downward cycle. And thankfully, I have friends like Tony Robbins and Dr. Daniel Aiman and Brendan and all these great people giving me the support.

And the fact that matters, I couldn't spin out of it. But immediately, but when it was the hardest, it was when I was trying to get through it on my own. I was trying to figure out and I couldn't find a path out. And then I connected with a dear friend of mine, her name is Annie Love, and she is an amazing love coach. And I started self-education. I chose her to coach me every day on how to find compassion and love through this because I realized that a certain point and I'm not going to go too deep on this because I don't want to digress too much. But we've all been through situations. I realized there was a certain point. The only way this would be okay to solve all those problems,

fighting maybe with my ex-worrying about money with my ex. I own 13 companies, the complexity was difficult, right? Fighting with my ex or her talking bad to the kids if she was upset. I realize what solves all that is replacing every emotion with compassion. If I just love her through it, no matter what happens, you want more money? Fine, I don't care, take it. And I made her this promise of 10 things that I would do, and I promised her I would never talk about her no matter what. I would be on her side with the kids if I brought someone new in my life. We would all be friends. We would communicate. I just made this promise of 10 things, but then I needed help through it. The self-education was a counselor once a week.

I bought a course on how to do a child-centered divorce. And I devoured that course. I went and saw Tony probably every other week. And luckily I got Tony, but I could watch his videos. I watched podcasts. I listened to your stuff. I'm no exaggeration. I devoured self-education everywhere I could. Anything that could bring me out of this funk so I could focus on that solution.

I figured out. And it worked. I went and saw Daniel Aben and sat in his chair and listened to him. So it's not just a, it's not just something I talk about, it's a way of life. And the thing is self-education saved my life because I didn't go the traditional route and I learned for other people and how cool was it to go back to that on a personal matter? I mean, it truly was the darkest time of my life, but on the opposite side of that,

you get to see the other side. I transitioned out of that. My ex and I are best, they're not best, but really good friends. My kids are thriving. I'm married again. I'm having another baby. My kids love my wife.

She's so sick. They love her, not kind of lovers. Like they have this bonus mom. You know, on Mother's Day, my wife has taken my kids shopping for their real mom. The truth of matter is, I never could have got through that without really obsessing and learning from other people that had a better path than me. Absolutely. Now, you're doing that back because you've written tons of books, you've launched

courses, you've done coaching, and now you and Tony have teamed up. Yeah. And it was amazing. Yeah, which is awesome to see, by the way, again, collaboration. I love it. I love seeing it when you first read, starting to tell me about this. I was super pumped because I was like, oh, it's so cool to see, you know, giants in this

space coming together to serve. And you've created what you believe is everything you wish you would have known when you started in this space. Tell us about why this creation together was so important and why your hearts, because every time I've seen you both talk about it, it's like you're just like, this is what was missing for us. This is what we were like. So here's the truth. I didn't know what the term self-education was in high school when I was young.

I just didn't, I just knew I wasn't going to college. I wasn't smart enough. My parents didn't really have money and my dad wanted me to work. And so there was just no option. So, you know, it was in my head, my guidance counselor friends were like, oh, no college, oh, then just fix cars with your dad or go work at a factory. Like, there was nothing in between. And the truth of the matter, I knew there was more, and I was hustling doing a lot of it on my own, and by the time I was in my mid-20s, I was doing really well for myself.

I had an auto sales, an auto collision shop. I had tow trucks where I drove at night. I was buying real estate with no money down. I was hustling, but I was doing it in a really heavy way. Probably at 25 years old, it was the first time I got introduced to self-education, because it was before podcast or Instagram. Yeah, for social media, I saw Tony Robbins on an infomercial late at night, and I just

believed him. Like, you know, if you don't remember the first time you listened to that voice, and he's talking, it was like, he was vibrating in my soul. I bought everything. My dad told me to get a refund. I was dumb. He's like, I have a bridge I could sell you. You know what I mean?

And I got it. And when I listened to that, I just couldn't believe it. Jay, I was like, wow, like, I've been waiting my whole life. I mean, there's this, this is other way I could learn for my own trial and error or traditional school or I could learn from someone who's already been there. I'm going to choose to learn from somebody who's already been there. And then he introduced me to Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer and Eck Art Tolly and Jim Rowan and Dale Carnegie and Earl Nightingale. And I just started going down this path. And I remember everything I absorbed.

I'm like, how come everyone doesn't know this? And within two years of getting Tony's course, I did my first information on my first product because I was so hooked. Like, I can take what I figured out. I went through challenges. I came out on the other side. Let me teach people. How did I go through those challenges? Or I can take what I figured out. I went through challenges, I came out on the other side, let me teach people how to not go through those challenges, or I learned how to make more money,

let me show people how to do that. So I launched that infomercial, and I wrote my journal back then, someday I wanted to meet Tony, and someone introduced this about 10 years ago, we've been best friends ever since. But Tony's story is very similar, it's why we bonded so much.

Jim Rohn saved his life. He was living in a car. He took two weeks worth of pay and he gave it to Jim Rohn, went to an event as he says, life would never be the same. He got obsessed and read a book a week for two years straight. So self-education is the foundation of our lives. I went into real estate and did really well for myself. My first, you know, whatever fortune or force foundation of success, I'll put, that's easier said, came from real estate. Yeah. But I realized it never would have worked without the self education. So we got together as

friends 10 years ago and two years ago, we decided, this is what the world needs. We need to create a process where everybody can extract what they know, extract their experiences, extract a skill, a hobby of passion in a methodical way, and then share it with people to make impact and create success in their life. And we just decided, let's do this. I mean, who better than us?

We got 64 years in this space between us, which sounds crazy. I always remind him, he's got way more times in the age. He's 40, I'm like 24 years. And we got together and said, let's do this. Let's create a process. And last year we went live. And it was unbelievable. We had 220, let's do this. Let's create a process. And last year we went live and it was unbelievable. We had 220,000 people show up. We did this incredible training.

And we're doing it again this year. And we're really excited. Yeah, and I'd love for everyone who's listening and watching today to be able to take part and find out about it. Yeah, I think my team got a URL for you. If you go to jayskbb.com. Okay.

Jayskbb.com, there's just a quick page with Tony and I, where you register and reserve your spot. So reserve your spot and then put it in your phone so you don't miss it. Legit, we go live once a year. So if you come back the next day, you miss the energy of the live. And what we're gonna show is what we did last year,

is just how to do something that can be really impactful in the world. And I think that's what we all want deep down. I was just at our mutual friend, Rachel Hollis' event. And I asked all the girls in the audience, I said, at the end of your life, you could do one or two things. You could have massive amounts of success and abundance,

or you could make a massive impact on the world. Who would choose just success or money, whatever you want, and no one raised their hand. I said, who would choose impact? A hundred percent of the women, 8,000 women. I said, how would you like the opportunity to do both? And they all cheered. And that's what Tony and I are going to show on this live training.

So if anything I said today intrigued you, if you love Tony like I do, if you got anything of value today, if you find a stop by and watch us live. 100%. Yeah. And I think the whole point of all of this is just, most of us don't know when that moment is going to come for us. But we want to scale up the opportunity know when that moment's gonna come for us. But we wanna scale up the opportunity that we have at that moment, right?

Like we all need constant reminders and we need to hear it in different voices. We need to hear it being said in different languages. Like open and exposed. Like if I was you, I'd be going there, right? Like if I was listening right now, I'm gonna turn up. Of course.

Because it's like, you just don't know what's gonna click. And it's true story. You just don't know what's gonna click. And it's true story. You just don't know what's gonna click and we don't turn up in enough places for it to click quicker. And then like 10 years from now, you'll be going,

oh, if I went to that, maybe I would have realized it seven years ago, and I could have got going. Yeah. And so for me, yeah, make sure you go check out J's KBB. Yeah, dot com. Perfect, that's it, simple as that.

So make sure you go, check it out if you're listening or watching right now to dive into that live energy. And I agree with that live energy. I go live with my membership. I know you every week. I know you do. And I love it because it's live. So yeah, definitely go check out the live. Don't watch the replay. If you have to, then we have to go go check it out and sign up. I'd love for you to check it out. It will genuinely my few moments with Dean.

Today, yesterday, the conversations we've had, like I said, warmth. it will genuinely, my few moments with Dean today, yesterday, the conversations we've had, like I said, warmth, and I trust warmth. Like there's something in warmth that is better than being impressed by someone or admiring someone. It's a warmth, there's a very special feeling. And Dean is, you know, very collaborative. Dean is very giving.

He's got a wonderful open heart. He's, we've only scratched the surface on his story today. Yeah. And so I would highly recommend, I would highly recommend a million a success habits. Is there anywhere else that people should go

and check you out to learn more about you, Dean, if they're fascinating today? If you're on social media, Instagram, because I started doing Facebook stories every day and we've been growing like crazy. We just, you know, for you, it's a little bit, we, I kind of ignored social media for a long time because I was so into all my other, you know, pieces of businesses, 13 different

companies, but we've been flying. We just passed a million followers last week and it's going so fast. So I think it's because we go, I do a story. So check it out at Dean Grazio, see, but try to join us live. It's a pretty spectacular thing. And Jay, I want to tell you something. There's a quote I heard I didn't make this up. So I like to say, this isn't mine, but I heard, be careful when you meet your heroes.

And you have been an influence in my kids' life because I've been there. And sometimes you watch somebody. And I want to tell you in my experience, I've a little bit older than you. I've been in this space for a long time. I'd see somebody that I admire, hero, admire, role model. And I get the chance to meet

them and I'm disappointed. And that's happened a lot in my life. Someone's talking about love and I watch them yelling at their wife. They're talking about time management and their late-to-the-live event, right? It's just, it sounds crazy. My wife and I were going to bed last night talking about you and your wife and you truly are the same person on camera as you do, as you are off camera and you deserve all the impact that you're making, you deserve the success you have and I'm here to support you.

And keep up the good work, man. I appreciate that. I appreciate that. I'm hoping, same back. I'm hoping everyone who's listening and watching does go turn up for the live because like I said, I'm going to turn up and I think it's going to be super exciting. People are going to have their minds blown. Like you said, 64 years. Yeah. You know, I respect time and I respect maturity and I had one of my mentors. He would always repeat to me and I can't remember who he would quote, but he would always just say, there's no substitute for maturity. That's a great thing. There's no substitute for maturity. And it's like, you can think you're as advanced as you think you are. And when you hear someone

who's been around, done it longer, there is so much wisdom in that. So I'm all all in to learn from both of you. Awesome. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Yeah, this was awesome. Oh, wait, wait, wait. We end every interview, the final five that I have. Let's do it. Yes. This is final five rapid fire. You have to answer in one word or one sentence maximum. No more than that, especially today because we have, we're late for, we're being the bad boys right now because we're late for a session. Okay, question number one, the number one mentor, and it doesn't have to be a figure. It can be anyone.

One mentor that has had the biggest impact in your life. My grandmother, Carmella Post, because I'm going to add that's addition to question. Why? Because she was the one when my parents split when I was three, I kind of landed on her door and every day she told me two things. One, I was beautiful. And so that was cool or gorgeous. You are. And secondly, no, I kind of landed on her door and every day she told me two things. One, I was beautiful. I said, that was cool.

Or gorgeous. And secondly, no, I don't know about that, but she thought so. But the second thing, she was the one who told me every day I could do whatever I want. Don't listen to anyone. And that's a woman who had a seventh grade education. I love that.

Okay, second question. What's the best advice you've ever received? Best advice I've ever seen is, honestly, from my buddy Tony, his life happens for us not to us. And I've thought about it before, but that one sentence crystallizes everything. It does.

Yeah, encapsulates a lot. Third question. What's the worst advice you've ever received? Worst advice I'd ever received. Play it safe. Oh, nice. That's a good answer. I like that.

All right. Question number four. What's the one thing you're most excited about this? Yeah, I think I know what it is. I'm gonna baby. Yeah. She's the love of my life. My wife. And the reason I want to say this, I didn't find someone else who made me whole.

Getting out of my last relationship, I realized where I wasn't whole. And I worked on myself for a whole year so I could attract the right woman. It wasn't just found somebody perfect. I knew I had to step up as a man, and I stepped up as a man became a better version of myself and I had found my soulmate. I love it. And fifth and final question,

if you could set a daily practice for everyone who's listening and watching to do it, if it was like, you had to pass it like a law. Like for the next, however many days are left. I know this one. In 2020, what would be that daily practice? Okay, wake up and do not look at your phone first. I love it.

Secondly, just take 30 seconds of gratitude. Like it could be gratitude that it's raining out, not raining or the pillow was comfortable. Then think of one win from the day before and one win you'd like to achieve in that day. It all takes five minutes and that puts you in an offensive mood for the day rather than defense. I love it.

Perfect. Thank you, dude. You got it, brother. You got it so much. Awesome. Perfect. That was great. Thank you guys.

Awesome. That was great. I am Jan Levanzant and I'll be your host for The R Spot. Each week listeners will call me live to discuss their relationship issues. Nothing will tear a relationship down faster than two people with no vision. There's y'all are just flopping around like fish out of water. Mommy, daddy, your ex, I'll be talking about those things and so much more. Check out the R-Spot on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts.

I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season, and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share 10 incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. Listen to season eight of Family Secrets on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best

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