On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Demi Lovato ON: Depression, Healing, & Finding Your Own Identity

Episode Date: November 22, 2021

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Demi Lovato chats with Jay Shetty about expanding your consciousness. It’s about finding grace and compassion for others when people don’t have a clear understanding of your own consciousness and how you identify as. It’s about holding your ground and staying calm when some people aren’t ready to accept you for who you truly are. And it’s about strengthening your resolve through meditation.Demi gained popularity as Mitchie Torres in the musical television film Camp Rock and its sequel Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam. On television, they served as one of the judges on The X Factor USA for its second and third seasons, and they joined the cast of the Smurfs: The Lost Village as the voice behind the lead role, Smurfette. Aside from remaining active in the music industry, they have talked with notable guests in their podcast, 4D with Demi LovatoAchieve success in every area of your life with Jay Shetty’s Genius Community. Join over 10,000 members taking their holistic well-being to the next level today, at https://shetty.cc/OnPurposeGeniusWhat We Discuss:00:00 Intro01:24 How life changing quarantine is04:23 “I was a very ambitious 5-year old”06:10 Expanding our consciousness08:20 What helped you expand your consciousness?11:51 Finding your own identity15:32 What gender non-conforming means17:38 Developing grace and compassion through meditation21:36 You don’t have to be perfect to be able to meditate27:09 Allowing your playfulness and energy to come through36:40 Honor that voice inside of you38:06 Reading, journaling, and meditation41:40 Demi’s love for UFO’s and the extraterrestrial48:06 Spending time with people who help you co-regulate48:39 Demi on Fast FiveLike this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!Episode Resources:Demi Lovato | InstagramDemi Lovato | FacebookDemi Lovato | TwitterDemi Lovato | YouTubeDemi Lovato | Website4D with Demi LovatoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Louis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender and visible things we don't usually talk about?

I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by stellar guests like Abbermote, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you listen to podcasts. I'm Eva Longoria. And I'm Maite Gomes-Rajon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast,

Hungry for History! On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Listen to Hungry for History on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. I was in a straight relationship with a man and was engaged, and my life was taking a course that I thought I could see the ending, but when I was in it, I just thought this isn't it for me. When that ended, it forced me to take a look at what is it about myself that needs to change or that I need to accept. And I realized that at the time was just too queer to marry a man.

And I wasn't identifying as female anymore. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every single one of you. And I'm going to be a part of this Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. I'm so grateful for the incredible community that we have and just how engaged you are and how thoughtful you are in the insights that you take away from every episode.

And I'm so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out. And I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eight rules of love.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour.

Love rules. Go to jsheddytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. Now, today's guest needs no introduction whatsoever, but I am so grateful that I get to interview them and spend time with them today. I met them probably first time a couple of years ago, and then we met on a set, and now we're getting to be together again. I'm speaking about someone that I believe is one of the most vulnerable, honest, genuine,

and sincere humans that exists, and someone who transparently shares their truth over and over and over again, no matter how difficult or challenging it may be, so that we can benefit from it. I'm talking about the one and only Demi Lavardo. Demi, thank you so much for doing this. I am so grateful, honestly. I can't tell you how much I want to give you a big hug right now. Oh, wow. Thank you. Thank you so much. That was such an incredible intro.

And it means a lot to me that you invite, I just, it means a lot to me that you invited me on here and I'm excited to chat with you. I know, me too, me too. Last time we were together, you were interviewing me for your awesome show. And I got to sit down with you. We were sitting on these amazing clouds.

And this is a beautiful set that you and your team are designed. And today we're doing it virtually, but I still feel your presence like I did that day. And I wanted to start by asking you, just a couple of thoughts to get going. But for a lot of us, the quarantine gave us time to think about new things.

I was wondering if you developed any new hobbies or started doing something recently that you hadn't done before or experimenting with anything at all. So quarantine totally changed my life. And I feel like I picked up so many little things that I just didn't used to do. I used to never spend time outside and I feel like now I go outside and I play with my squirrels, my backyard squirrels. And like, you know, just feeding the animals in my backyard is something that I never used to do. And now I do that and I have a connection with these little beings and they're so sweet. And then I got into candle making. Wow. And like making your own body oils,

things like that fragrances. And then I also got into photography. And then I learned so much about myself. So it's just, it's been quite the little journey. That's incredible. I love hearing that. By the way, my wife loves feeding all the animals in our back garden as well Until they ended up until they ended up now digging up huge holes in the ground

Because he keeps he keeps encouraging them to come back too much and now there's all these puddles in the ground But I love that you have to keep them fed. Yes. Yes, exactly. But candle-making But I love that. So you have to keep in fed. Yes, yes, exactly. But candle making sounds phenomenal. I mean, my wife and I actually tried to create a scent and it's actually really challenging. It's so underrated as a skill.

It takes so much effort to actually create a beautiful scent, right? Yes, it actually does take a lot of practice, a lot of skill. I feel like for every candle that I nail, there's like 12 candles that I didn't, that are going to the trash. Or like last year, I just ended up giving them his gifts and I was like, look, I don't know which one smells good. Just try it. I love that. Well, Demi, you know, you're someone who's always sharing and talking, but I want to rewind a bit with you.

And I want to go back to Demi as a child. And I wanted to ask you, when you were young, young, like tiny young, I don't, you are young, I mean, tiny young. When you were really young, a young child, who did you want to be? What did you want to be? What kind of things did you think about? What were you fascinated by?

Well, I was a very ambitious little five-year-old, but that five-year-old said, I want to be the next Shirley Temple. Because I knew who Shirley Temple was, I knew what she the next Shirley Temple. And because I knew who Shirley Temple was, I knew what she had accomplished at such a young age, I wanted to do that. And I wanted to be the youngest person to ever win a Grammy, the youngest person to ever win an Oscar. And didn't work out. That's okay. But, you know, that's how much I dreamed when I was younger. And so I've always dreamed really, really big. That's incredible. And when you dreamt big, and of course you've had incredible success across your career,

incredible impact, and you know, won so many awards and accolades, but it seems like the impact that you've had as time has gone on has become deeper and more profound. I genuinely feel that as someone who's been an admirer of yours and a fan of yours and watching from afar, but I just feel that awards and accolades can't have the impact on people's lives that you've had through through the work that you do off-mic and off-screen. And I wonder if there was an experience in your childhood or something you went through that encouraged you to be that way or maybe even something that you forgot about for a long time, but was there an event or something that happened when you were younger that gave you an inkling or a feeling of the type of work that you forgot about for a long time, but was there an event or something that happened when you were younger that gave you an inkling

or a feeling of the type of work that you're doing today? I used to deal with depression at a really young age and I always told myself that if I made it, I would help people. And I kind of made this promise with God. And I said, if you make me a famous singer, then I will try to make the world a better place. And then, so I became a singer. And here I am trying to make the world a better place. I talk about consciousness a lot because it's something that I feel like is extremely important.

Expanding our consciousness is now like my primary goal as a citizen of the earth. Just trying to help people expand their consciousness is really important to me because I feel like that's the only way we can move forward as a species. And yeah, when I was younger, it used to be, I want to help people with depression. I want to help people who were bullied because I was bullied in school. And so I've always kind of just taken a part of my life and thought, okay, where did I need a role model or where did I need support from someone that I love in the industry, but I didn't get it growing up. And that's what I've always tried to be for people is something that I never had growing

up. I find it so powerful when someone turns their pain into their purpose or something that broke them into a breakthrough for other people. I love that transformation that when you've been through something that's really hurtful, but you use that to help other people heal. I think there's so much goodness and greatness in that. And as you've been doing that,

I wonder what were the things that helped you expand your consciousness? I love that. I love what you said. I want to helped you expand your consciousness? I love that. I love what you said I want to help people expand their consciousness, which is such a beautiful aspiration. What were some of the things that opened you up to those ideas with those ideas that you always had or was there something that you experienced that helped you expand your own? Most of my life I've spent trying to figure out what it is in my life that's going wrong and how I can fix it. And in 2020 when the world shut down and we were stuck at home, I wasn't focusing so much on myself anymore because there were so many things going on in the news that were

so, they felt so much bigger than what I was dealing with. And I realized in that period of time that my life kind of shifted. It was always, I'm going to talk about my story, what I went through, how I got out of it, and I'm going to help others. And then it was like in 2020, I thought, oh my gosh, this is so much bigger than me. This is so much bigger than just. This is so much bigger than just my story. And I need to get out there and I need to help people tell theirs. And so it became about sharing stories that weren't my own on my social media pages. And then

from there, it kind of became, I don't know, I started meditating a lot. Meditation was something for me that was really transformative because I really went inward. And when I went inward, my mind grew outward, if that makes sense. And I don't know how that works, but it just does. Yeah, that's such a beautiful way of explaining meditation. I love that definition.

I've never heard of it before. And it reminded me of something though. So in the Vedic tradition, there's a word that I think you'll like, and it's in the Sanskrit language. And it's, it's, right, it sounds like this. And I'll explain what it means. It sounds like unturk a kash. And what that means is inner sky.

And so it says that we all have this inner sky. And we're all like enamored by the sunsets and the sunrise and the sky that's outward. But there's a sky inside of us. And there's a whole universe. There's a whole universe. There's a whole universe. Yeah, when you experience that, it's traveling inward.

And I think we all are so fascinated. We're traveling And we all feel so stuck when we can't travel. But there's a whole journey within that's open for us all to take, which it sounds like you've been on. I feel like I did more traveling in 2020 than I did in my whole career because most of the traveling that I did was inward and at the journeys that I've taken just personally have been so profound and life-changing Absolutely. I mean you've gone on lots of journeys I want to touch on one specifically to start with but I'd love to hear about others and you know Gender expression has been a sensitive topic to so many people, but you were very open, brave, and courageous to be able to share with your community

earlier this year. And I wanted to talk to you about that because I feel that that's sometimes when you're looking within and you're traveling, you come across things maybe that you didn't know about, or you come across things that maybe were hidden away, or covered over, or pushed aside, or maybe they weren't allowed to breathe.

Tell us what it was like when you started becoming aware of your identity, and was that a surprise, or was it something that you knew was there, but that you just felt you didn't get to expand your consciousness to it? I felt like it was the ladder but that you just felt you didn't get to expand your consciousness to it. I felt like it was the latter of what you just said. I felt like it was always there,

and I always knew that I was different. I always felt like one day it would click, and finally I felt like it did. I was in a relationship, in a straight relationship with a man and was engaged. And my life was taking a course that I thought I could see the ending, but when I was in it, I just thought this isn't it for me. And when that ended, it forced me to take a look at what is it

about myself that needs to change or that I need to accept. And I realized that I'm too, I would, at the time, was just too queer to marry a man. And I wasn't identifying as female anymore. And I realized that because I had become friends with a good friend of my name, a Luke Vade Manon, and I went to a poetry slam show or performance that they did, and they talked about being non-binary, and that show really resonated with me, but it was right after that that I kind of jumped into a heteroreal relationship and, you know, really started to play that role of, like, the female, just being engaged. You know, the whole thing, I just, I wasn't allowing myself time to get to know myself before I jumped into something.

And I think that 2020 being stuck at home and you're having your force to take a look at yourself outside of the lights and the cameras and the this and the that, I realized that I'm not who I am on stage and also there's so much more to me than that. And that was a really cool lesson to learn. That's so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that. And you know, every, I've heard you share that transition before, but as you're, as I'm hearing you say it now, I, I love how it's giving yourself permission to be more of yourself. And in my own way, I can resonate with it because I remember when I graduated, I decided to go

and live as a monk for three years instead of going into the world. And those three years gave the time to really build a relationship with myself. And whenever anyone asks me, like, what did you do during that time? I said the biggest thing I gained from that time was that I got three years where there were no opinions, no expectations, no obligations, no noise, no predictions, projections, or interpretations of who I was or who I should be. and I just got to be. And that, it sounds like there's a similar experience in the solitude of being away in your case from the lights and the cameras.

In my case, just from the normal life I would have led. There's so much greatness there. How did you, when you're doing that process though, there can be so many uncomfortable, awkward, difficult things that you experience and see and hear. How did you create a mindset that allowed you to accept that with grace, to receive that with openness, rather than start to judge or criticize yourself?

What did you do to navigate that? I had a lot of conversations with people around me that were familiar with my situation and what I was experiencing and what I had learned about being non-binary and gender non-conforming. And so I had a lot of support around me to navigate through those times and through those conversations. And yeah, I just started to try on the non-binary identity and the longer that I wore it felt right. And for me, I know that there's going to be people that don't accept me for how I identify. But there's always going to be someone that doesn't accept you for some reason. So I just kind of take it with a grain of salt when somebody isn't ready to learn get with a grain of salt when somebody isn't ready to learn what being non-binary or gender nonconforming means.

And I just think to myself inside my head when I hear someone either purposely mess up my pronouns or just disregard, you know, I just think, okay, they're not ready yet and one day they will be and that's okay. This is what it sounds like inside the box-paw. I'm journalist and I'm Morton in my podcast, City of the Rails. I plunge into the dark world of America's railroads, searching for my daughter Ruby, who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train, not where I'm gonna end up, and I jump. Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters living outside society, off the grid and on the edge.

I was in love with the lifestyle and the freedom this community. No one understands who we truly are. The rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood, history, and the thing we call the American Dream. I knew about motherhood, history, and the thing we call the American dream. It's the last vestige of American freedom. Everything about it is extreme. You're either going to die, or you can have this incredible rebirth and really understand who you are. Come with me to find out what waits for us in the City of the Rails. Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeartRad Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Or cityoftherails.com.

I'm Munga Shatekatherer, and to be honest, I don't believe in astrology, but from the moment I was born, it's been a part of my life. In India, it's like smoking. You might not smoke, but you're gonna get secondhand astrology. And lately, I've been wondering if the universe has been trying to tell me to stop running and

pay attention. Because maybe there is magic in the stars if you're willing to look for it. So I rounded up some friends and we dove in and let me tell you, it got weird fast. Tantric curses, major league baseball teams, canceled marriages, K-pop! But just when I thought I had a handle on this sweet and curious show about astrology, my whole world can crash down. Situation doesn't look good, there is risk to father. And my whole view on astrology? It changed.

Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think your ideas are going to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive and the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Eva Longoria. I'm Maite Gomes-Rajon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry for History. On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages, from our Mexican culture.

We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both. Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both. You know, I'm a flower tortilla flower. Your team flower?

I'm team flower. I need a shirt. Team flower, team flower I'm team flower I need a shirt team flower team core join us as we explore surprising and lesser known corners of Latinx culinary history and traditions I mean these are these legends right apparently this guy Juan Mendes he was making these tacos wrapped in these huge tortillas to keep it warm and he was transporting them in a burro hence the name the burrito listen to hungry for history with Ivalongoria and Maitre Gomez Rejon as part of the

Michael Pura podcast network available on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, I saw that. I remember when you posted it on Instagram, but that was such a, you have such a forgiving, open, patient approach to people trying to get to understand you. And I find that so refreshing and endearing because I think we're living at a time where

I'm not speaking about specifically when we talk about gender. I'm saying just generally there's a struggle with patients right now in society. And some of that is needed. We need some urgency. We need change fast. We do need pushing. What's allowing you to remain patient and gentle with people as they are trying to understand not just you, but understand so many other people in the community. And maybe, as you said, sometimes purposely messing up your pronouns or they may not be taking the time. How are you developing that patience and love and compassion? Well, that patience, love and compassion,

doesn't just come from anywhere. It definitely comes from a practice of meditating, having grace and some people just aren't ready and that's okay. And meditation helps me a lot to have grace and some people just aren't ready and that's okay. And meditation helps me a lot to have grace and compassion for those people because when I do sit down to meditate and I'm in a place where I'm angry, I sit and I think and I, you know, I try to clear my mind, but if I can't, I, I think through it and I end up coming to a point where I just, I release the anger and maybe it was because I know I'm a Leo and Leo's can be very stubborn, that like I work so hard not to be stubborn. And so I tried to have grace because it is so easy for me to hold a grudge against people.

I can hold a grudge and never speak to someone again. And that's not a trait that I'm proud of because I've realized that that's not a very human thing to do. Being human is having compassion and understanding and respect for people, even when they mess up. And because we all do, we all mess up. And I've messed up a bunch, but I know that because I've messed up, I can have grace and mercy for other people when they mess up. I love that. I cannot tell you how beautiful that is to hear.

And I can't wait for everyone to hear that. I think it's such a true, true, true statement that the mistakes we've all made, which we all make, I've made loads of mistakes and you were saying you have to all those mistakes, they're, they ground us, they humble us, they, they remind us of how we're all, no one is immune to making a mistake. And anyone at any time can make a mistake knowingly or unknowingly. And actually, I'm gonna play that part specifically to my wife because my wife is a Leo and she's so stubborn. And she knows it.

And so what you just said to me, I did not know that trait, that I didn't know that was a Leo trait. So I'm gonna play that exact part to my wife and be like, look what Demi's saying. It's about the only thing I know about my astrology sign. But it's... Yeah, I did not know that at all.

So now I am feeling that I can be more compassionate towards my wife when she is stubborn. Because it's part of the traits. Tell me a bit about, what do you think do you think when you're one of the things that you did this year and this was actually when I when I first watched your documentary Dancing of the Devil, I was completely blown away. Like it was it was incredible. It was it was incredible. It's just I couldn't believe where you took us and where you allowed us in. I know you said in this episode, in this podcast, you just said that, you shared your story and then you realized the perspective that it was so much bigger than your story,

which by the way is again such a wonderful perspective. At the same time, you've been through so much that when you share it, it helps so many. You talked about so many, you talked about an experience with rape, you talked about experiences with, you know, sexual abuse and assault. And when I hear about those things, and I still see you coming and rising like a phoenix, you know, from all these like you coming and rising like a phoenix from all these challenges and pain. I wonder where is your strength coming from today? Where do you look to for strength? You said meditation there, and I'd love for you to guide us through your meditation practice.

Is there anything else that's giving you strength? What's giving me strength? I mean, there's strength all around me, and that's my support system, whether that's my friends or my treatment team, or it's my family, you know, it's people around me. I always have support, and I never feel alone, which is beautiful.

But yeah, I think some of my meditations, I listen to guided meditations, but I also, I like to tone my chakras, and so I do like a sound bath. And yeah, those are like, the great thing about meditation for me is that I thought that you had to be completely silent still with your eyes closed in your hands like this. And, you know, there's different types of meditation. There's different as long as you are quieting your thoughts and trying to just chill, then like, then it's good. Then like, you can meditate with your eyes open.

You can meditate while you're doing things. It's just people don't realize how easy it is, and you don't have to be perfect at it. And that was what kept me away from meditating for so long was trying to be perfect at it. Yeah, thank you, thank you for simplifying it for everyone. I couldn't agree more. I, when I, when I learned how to meditate,

when I was 18, I was introduced to three practices, breathwork, visualization, and mantra and sound. And it was so refreshing to realize that there was breath work for the body, there was visualization for the mind, there was mantra for the soul and the spirit and the energy. And to me, I was like, wow, there's a menu for meditation. And you could try which one worked for you

and you could build it. And as you said, there is no perfect meditator and the practice of trying to be perfect is almost as far away from meditation as there can be. So I love that you're simplifying it for so many people and making it natural. What's been one of your favorite meditation experiences? Have you had any that have really maybe,

maybe you've gained a message or an insight or you've just been able to be really calm? Has there been an experience that you could share with us? There's been so many experiences that I could share with you. I mean, it's having a realization about things that you thought you would never figure out

in your lifetime things that you thought you would never figure out in your lifetime. Relationships that you thought were completely over and then all of a sudden they pop into your mind during a meditation and you feel the need to reach out to them. So you do. And all of a sudden you've rekindled a relationship or you've repaired a relationship that that stubbornness I thought I was holding on to, you know, for good. It's when I was able to release that stubbornness. And so sometimes I feel like my intuition is, when I meditate, it just like raises its hand and is like,

hey, you know, like listen, listen to me. Here's a song idea. Here's a reach out to this person, or even sometimes weird things happen where I don't reach out to that person, but they reach out to me. And it's interesting how your intuition starts to work when you really start to listen to it. Yes, yes. And that is such a good point. Most of us, whenever we talk about the word intuition, a lot of people say, well, Jay, I don't hear any voices.

And the truth is, we don't hear voices because we've been ignoring it for so long. And you're right. That as soon as you start to listen to it, it gets louder, it gets stronger, it gets more powerful. That's, that's such a great point. That as soon as you start listening, even if it's the tiniest bit of intuition, if you start listening to it, that voice gets so much more stronger and powerful. And I, you're so right, Demi,

that in that meditation, you're giving space for that voice. Yes, you are. You're giving, you're putting that voice in an amphitheater. You know what I mean? You're giving that voice a huge platform to reach out and say, hey, this is what's on my mind.

You're voice sounds very cute though, saying, hey, with a little hand down. That sounds like an adorable voice. It seems like an emoji with a voice. Where is, yeah, where is, you know, someone else might be like, I don't like the voice in my head. But that's the noise, that's the noise. The voice in our head should feel like a smiley face emoji.

That's like, please listen to me, please, yeah. Yeah, please. I hope anyone who's listening to this right now, if you're not watching, you have to go back and look at the video of Demi doing, hey, because it's adorable. And you have to see it, because now every time I hear my voice, my intuition, I'm going to see that little hand. Yeah, hear my voice, my intuition, I'm going to see that little one. Yeah, good. I love that.

I love that you're laughing too because one of the things that's always been important to me is that meditation and mindfulness and consciousness, it can be fun and it can be playful. Yes. And it doesn't have to be this really like, it's but it's it's not this artificial hardcore, you know, rough and it can be playful and fun. Could you share a bit about that because I see you as such a fun-loving person and even now we're both laughing about voices in our head. But tell me a bit about that. Have you allowed your playfulness

to come through more and your energy to come through? Yes. I quieted my intense meditation personal trainer voice that was in my head. When you go to the gym and you have a personal trainer or somebody that's really pushing you, and that just doesn't work for me. And that is the voice that I had in my head every time I went to meditate.

It was, stop opening your eyes, stop thinking about this, stop thinking about that. And it was just like, to the point where three minutes would go by and I'd be like, I'm already over this. You know what I'm saying? And so I had to really quiet that voice down. And when I started meditating, especially outside, you know, there's gonna be noises, there's gonna be animals, things like that, planes that fly over.

And if I felt myself wanting to open my eyes, I just allowed myself to, because I thought, what are you going to gain from opening your eyes and just taking a second to appreciate the sound that you're hearing? And sometimes I had really beautiful insights. Sometimes I was like, wow, that's a big lane. But like other times, I had beautiful moments where I thought one time, for instance, I was outside and there were all these bugs and I was trying to meditate. And I thought to myself, what do I do about the bugs? Right?

Like, what can I do? Cause I'm just chewing them away. And then I had this moment where I thought nobody was chewing bugs away at Woodstock when they were perfectly like content and having the best time in the wilderness basically. They were hippies that like that they learned to share and coexist with the bugs that were there.

And I was like, wow, these little tiny organisms are flying around me. They're maybe just trying to say hello. They're just living their lives. But in my head, they're trying to say hi. And that makes it more appealing and fun for me. And so I open my eyes and I just like let the bugs just kind of fly around me. And if it was a B, it's a B, if it stings you, it stings you. I mean, I'm not allergic.

But you know, other people may be different, but it's just about like shrinking that judgemental voice that's saying, keep your eyes closed. Don't focus on anything. You know, it's about quieting that voice and really just like learning to appreciate, okay, why do I wanna open my eyes? What is it that I can gain from this experience of opening my eyes and looking at this little bug?

Or, or sometimes I'll open my eyes and I'll see a hummingbird and hummingbirds to me are signify like my ancestors and and so I I think oh maybe that's their way of saying hello to me today and I wouldn't have seen that had I not opened my eyes. That was an amazing description. Because you just described how meditation's really a conversation, not a command. It's not a command. You're not commanding yourself to do this or do that.

It's not like you have a drill sergeant in your head. You actually want to have a conversation and a dialogue to understand and uncover yourself. And I always think about that, that the simplest form of meditation is having a conversation with yourself, having time to meet yourself. And we always, we would never cancel an important meeting with someone else, but we never even schedule one with ourselves. Exactly.

And I always, I always used to overanalyze things. And I always used to tell myself that was a negative trait that I had, that I'm always overthinking things. But then when I started meditating, I started to have those overanalyzation conversations in my head. And then I started thinking, wow, I could go somewhere with this. You know, like I could expand these thoughts. And it kind of gave this like, it turned my brain into like a kitchen for all of the like thought dinners and food for thoughts that I wanted to have. You know, and I just started expanding expanding and now the way that I think is just completely different and that's cool too. Yeah, no, the way you've just explained how we have to silence even that, you know, that trainer voice, as you said, like a personal trainer in the gym or it's so true, it's so true.

Because otherwise you just become subservient to this other voice. Again, your expansive consciousness is being contained and limited by this other voice. And you don't get experienced it anymore. So I can agree with you more. You've, you've helped me massively refine that. And we, as monks, we would always talk about how you always saw the you always saw the noise in your head just like a little monkey running around and that kind of made it playful. And so it was always the monkey mind versus the monk mind. And

so the monkey was always playful and you notice it and you don't want to trap the monkey or hurt it or anything You just are entertained by just how silly it can be but you want to help organize it a little and help it a little bit But you don't you don't need to hurt it and so yes I you've really helped me I think my meditation is gonna be different tomorrow based on what you just said so I'm wow, that's the best compliment. I mean it. I really mean it. I really do. Thank you. I think you're so right. I think you're so right. We get lost always in these.

We get always lost in just judging ourselves. Just somehow we get even when we know we judge ourselves, we now judge ourselves for judging ourselves. It's like we find... Yes. Have you ever experienced that? Oh my God, every day. Not every day, but you know, it is something where I do have to catch myself

sometimes daily where I look, sometimes I look in the mirror and I find something immediately wrong with what I see. And I have to stop and say, okay, why did you go there with it? Why can't you look at how beautiful your hair is today? Or whatever? Or why don't you think about a quality about yourself that has nothing to do with your appearance? And then tell yourself how proud you are for gaining that quality. And it's it's just always kind of reminding ourselves every day and that way it gets easier over time so that I'm not looking and sometimes it's harder than others sometimes it's just easier to go in that shame spiral. You know the shame spiral where you get onto yourself for one thing and then all of a sudden that, oh, well, because I don't like my hair, that means that my body is wrong or because I'm not liking my body, you know, now I feel unlovable and it just goes into that that spiral and the quicker you can stop that spiral from

bottoming out, the quicker that you get with that moment every day where it's like, now I look in the mirror and if I see something I don't like, it's like a reflex, I just go, okay, what do we like? You know? And so you just gotta, you gotta start to, in a loving and compassionate way, train your mind to remind yourself what you do love about yourself.

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Listen to How to Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So powerful. I really hope everyone tomorrow morning is going to practice what Demi just said. When you look in the mirror tomorrow morning, I want you to remember what Damage has said because it's such an incredible trait that we all have where we draw these huge conclusions based on one tiny thing. So like you said, we draw this conclusion. I am unlovable based on one thing we don't like about ourselves. And it could be as simple as your hair. It could be as tiny as a spot on your face, right? And you turn that spot into

I am never going to feel attractive and you just amplify it to these great degrees and we all do it. And I love what you said that that's how to approach it. That when we look in the mirror, you have to, you have to nip it in the bud. You have to catch it there and then and there because otherwise it just gets, I was thinking about, I was talking to someone about this the other day. There was a small crack in one of the floors in our home.

And I was saying, I want to get it fixed today. And someone was saying to me, they said, no, no, no, it doesn't matter. It's going to be like years before that's an issue. And I was like, that's my point. I was like, I don't want the crack to get an opportunity to get bigger and bigger and bigger. I would rather mend it today. And I don't think that just applies to floors.

I think it applies to our lives and how we feel about ourselves and how we talk to ourselves. It applies to relationships. You may think you just had a tiny argument, but if you can solve it now, you save yourself years of headaches. So I love that you gave everyone a practical tool to actually do that. Or another one is if you might think that what you have to say is not super important, but honor that voice inside of you so that when you

are in a relationship, you're immediately starting out with, this is who I am, these are my values, and this is how I want to be respected. And that way you, like you said, you nip it in the bud. Sometimes it's, it's not about, sometimes it's just about speaking up to. Yes, yes, you're right. And, and that all comes back to what you were saying earlier, the confidence of your intuition, if you keep ignoring it and you say,

oh, well, that's not important right now. Well, that's not relevant or that's insignificant. If you keep talking to yourself in that way, that voice just gets quieter and quieter and quieter. And now when you really need it, you can't hear it anymore. Yes, exactly. So I think that's a beautiful, full circle.

Go back to what you were saying earlier. Demi, we've talked a lot about, and I love that we're talking a lot about expanding consciousness because I think that that's not just a noble aspiration. I do believe it's a root thing. It's like going to the heart of the issue. As you said, that if we don't expand our consciousness as a whole, as a world, we can try and solve this

one area, this one area, but we're going to keep kind of bashing heads to some degree. I wonder, what are some of the ways you think that people can expand their own consciousness if they're listening and saying, I want to know how to do that. I'm open to that. Where would they start? What are some of the things? What are some of the books? I know that you've been interviewing some phenomenal people on your podcast for D, which

you're encouraging people to live through this fourth dimension. I wonder, have you had any conversations or people that you'd loved to introduce people to? I interviewed someone recently on my podcast named Justin Baldoni, and that conversation with them really opened my mind because just what they had to say in relation to gender norms that are placed on us at a young age, how we evolve as adults, and how we tend to carry

those things from our childhood into our adult lives today. I thought that was so interesting, and you know, he has a book called Man Enough. A lot of the people that I'm having conversations with, called Man Enough. A lot of the people that I'm having conversations with, you have a great book. And I think reading is something that has helped expand my consciousness a lot too. And it doesn't even have to be about anything, all that intense. It can just be, just reading is good for your mind.

Journaling is something that's really helped me because sometimes my thoughts race so fast that that it's hard to, I don't know, it's good to just get it out and then I can go back to it and look at it later. So yeah, reading, journaling, and like I said, meditating, meditating is really important, but find out what meditation works for you because it is different for everybody. Yeah, that was a great, great insight. It's reading, journaling. Of course, meditation, as you said before, and we talked about at Lant, I can agree with you more.

I remember I was just speaking to a friend. I was reorganizing my bookshelf and he was saying, how much have you been reading recently? And I said, I remember a year in my life where I read a book a day for a year. And it was an incredible year. And I was just saying to him, how much I miss it. That was around, I think that was around four, five years ago I did that. And I've been reading, I've been trying to read about book a month at the moment, but I've been really trying to find things that I'm fascinated by.

And it's not about, I'm not trying to make it about a numbers game. I'm not saying that. So anyone is listening or watching this, isn't a competition of how many books you read. And that's not what I'm emphasizing. What I'm emphasizing is what Demi is saying, is just to really expand your consciousness,

you need to let your consciousness connect dots in lots of different areas. And so when I read, I don't just try and read from one genre, I try and read from lots of different genres and lots of different authors and backgrounds, because then my consciousness has the ability to connect dots that it finds interesting. And I, Demi, I remember when we last were together,

you were talking about your fascination with UFOs,, you were talking about your fascination with UFOs, and you were talking about your fascination with extraterrestrials, and that's become a real thing for you now. I think when we met, it was something that you were becoming passionate about or intrigued by. And I wanted to know how you started to get fascinated with that, because again, that would be considered something that's very different from talking about gender,

or talking about music, or talking about music, or talking about mental health, or talking about depression. And all of a sudden, we're talking about UFOs. And I love that because that's what's fascinating about expanding our consciousness. So tell me about, tell us about how that world opened itself up to you.

I watched a movie called Closing Counters of the Fifth Kind, and it really expanded my view of meditation, of how important it is for us to shift our consciousness. And so I started in this documentary, they talk about this protocol, where you meditate and then you play these sounds and then you look up, you do like a sky watch. And I tried it a few times, nothing had really happened.

And then one night for my birthday, I was in Palm Springs and I had five friends with me. And I said, all right, I want to try to make contact. And making contact isn't like touching fingers with an E.T. It's just like you set an intention and then something appears. And so if God willing, and so I'm sitting there and we had meditated for like, I told my friends, I said, hey, it's my birthday.

I know this isn't like super fun, but I want to meditate and then I want to go outside and look up. They were like, yeah, down, whatever. So we all start meditating and then we look up and I see something in the sky that I can't explain. That was way high above me. All of us, it was brighter than any star in the sky.

And it moved in a way that a plane wouldn't move. I mean, it made like a question mark in the sky. And then it just kind of backed out. And I was like, did everyone see that? My friends were like, yeah. And we were just like, oh my gosh, so it's real. So it's real. This works and it's real.

And my mind was just blown. And I realized that from going inward, we can connect to beings that are so far beyond what we know of our universe. And I think there's no coincidence whenever I have been meditating in my backyard and I look up, I get that urge and my intuition to open my eyes and so I do and I see something. and I see something. I've seen like, I've seen a, this sounds out there,

but I've seen a flying saucer in the daylight. Just right above, like my neighbor's house, I'm not right above it, but and my best friend was meditating with me too. We both kind of had open our eyes at the same time and she was like, did you just, and I was like, yeah, did you? And so it's just things like that that just start to happen. And there, you can't explain it, but I think there's a tie.

I think that these beings from other planets or solar systems, I don't know, these beings want us to expand our consciousness. And I think that they're rooting for us. And I think that every time we start to meditate, we start to go deep within, they can sense it. And hopefully, the rest of humanity catches on to that. And we can save our species. I love it.

I love it. I remember reading studies on astronomy, extraterrestrials, other planets when I was fascinated by this a bit earlier. And I remember reading a study by, I obviously was born and raised in London. So this was by Her Majesty's astronomer. And it was the astronomy team in England. And they'd found and it was the astronomy team in England. And they'd found that he was just saying that he didn't know, but he was saying, it would be ridiculous for me to not believe that there was life on other planets

and other solar systems. And that was just categorically stated, although whereas at school, this wasn't really encouraged. We didn't really get brought into recognizing that there were other life forms. You kind of believe that there are lots of planets, but we're the only planet with human life. And therefore, we kind of think of life as a very limited way. As your consciousness expands, your vision expands, your imagination, your experiences, what it, says, what has really resonated with you when it comes to experiencing life or experiencing joy? What today would you say brings you the most joy or brings you the most light or

peace in your life today? What brings me the most joyous spending time with people that helped me co-regulate. So my friends, you know, my family, I think that being in nature, whether it's going out to the desert or going to Colorado and the mountains or, you know, whatever it is, just getting away with my friends and just really having time to recharge, meditate, whatever it is that we wanna do and with my pups, my dogs. And that's what really makes me joyful, find happiness and recharge, yeah.

That's beautiful. Demi, I have to ask you where in Colorado did you go? Do you, because I just went. I went to Creston. Oh, okay, I just went to Dunton and it was stunning. So when you said that, I was literally there 10 days ago. I was literally there about 10 days ago too. I went to Creston, Colorado for like a, for a UFO seminar.

I love that. I love that. I was there for a wedding. So slightly different. I was there for a wedding, but it was, it was beautiful. I did not realize that that was a UFO hot spa. Creston is, yeah. Creston is, you should actually check it out, look into it because there's a bunch of religions that find Crestone a sacred spot. And they even called it the bloodless valley because it was so, there was like no bloodshed back when, you know, pilgrims came in and kind of took

over. So yeah, or at least that's what my understanding of it was. Wow, incredible. It sounds amazing. Well, Demi, you've been so gracious and kind and generous with your time. We end every on purpose episode with a final five. This is a fast five round. So every question has to be answered in one word,

or one sentence at a maximum. And so, Demi Lovato, these are your fast five. The first question is, what is the best advice that you've ever received? The golden rule that you learn as a kid. Just treat others the way you want to be treated. I think that's so important. You and Russ had the same answer to that question

just so you know. Cool. Just throw it out there. There it is great, which is great because it's such an important rule. It's because you both agree. Okay, second question. What is the worst advice you've ever received?

You should wear spanks with that. That was probably the worst advice I've ever received. And that scarred me for years. Oh, gosh. Tell us about how simple things from authoritative, opinionative people in our life can affect us in that way. I want to expand on that.

I think that's such an interesting thing that often when we say things to people, we don't know how much power they hold. And if they end up living through it, that it can have ramifications. Maybe just speak to that a little bit. Yes. Well, that experience I had had just shortly after I had come

out of treatment for a needing disorder. And I thought that my stylist knew better at the time. This was over 10 years ago. It wasn't even the stylist. It was the stylist's assistant. And they just said it like, would you like spanks? You should wear spanks with that. And it could have been because the dress was silk and it was thin and or maybe it just wasn't flattering, but in my head I took that as you look bad, you need to wear a body sculpting thing underneath. And I took that

and I internalized it so much that I kind of spiraled. It was I was supposed to do a performance and like dancing with the stars or something. And I was so thrown off by that one comment that I just got so sad and so in my head and I started and I thought about it for years. We don't realize the weight that our words hold when we speak to other people because we don't know all of their triggers. We don't know all of their life experiences. We have to be careful when using words with others that could potentially trigger people because you don't know what they've been through. Well, sir, thank you so much for expanding on that. Okay, question number three is,

what is the first thing you do when you wake up and what's the last thing you do before you go to bed? The last thing that I do is I put on my sleep meditation music. I love that. Because I sleep to, yes, I sleep to meditation music so that the second that I wake up, that's the first thing that I hear and it's the last thing I hear when I fall asleep. Beautiful. Wonderful.

Okay. Question number four, what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last thing I hear when I fall asleep. Beautiful, wonderful. Okay, question number four, what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months? In the last 12 months, oh Jesus. I, there's so many lessons. Thank you. I'm sorry for you. Tell us a few, tell us a few, tell us a few.

Tell us a few. Don't get engaged after knowing someone for three months. Yeah, that's a big one. Maybe also be super sure of who you are as a person before you take a leap like that. You can't love anyone else until you really learn to love yourself. And I had to kind of learn that the hard way. Every time I think I love myself, I learned that I could love myself a little bit more.

And that was what happened to me last year. I realized, you know, there's a lot of room that I could use to expand my love for myself. And so I started working on that. And I've been single ever since, but I'm, it's been some of the most important months of my life trying to figure out who I am today and who I want to be in a relationship going forward. That's incredible. And I love the idea of learning to love ourselves because I think often we try to jump to just love ourselves. Yes. And it's about learning to love. It's the learning process that is what we're all trying to skip and miss and leapf, and hopefully just end up at love. And it's not, it's the learning part.

And you're so right that we can all learn to love ourselves a little deeper. Fifth and final question is, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Ah! Well, it would be that you have to try to meditate. I agree. That's great. Who you guys, because I know not everyone is going Well, it would be that you have to try to meditate.

That's great. Because I know not everyone is going to be able to, but at least if you just, if you try, just one minute a day, if you try, that would be my law, because I think that would really shift things. That's awesome. Everyone, thank, Demi, thank you so much for taking the time, your energy, your laugh, your little

hay voice in the head that we'll never forget. I am so, I am so grateful that we got to spend this time together that you shared so much about meditation, about expanding our consciousness. I know this is going to impact so many people and I encourage you all to tag them in and I in your post to tell us what you learned. I'd love to know what you learned from them and what you took away from them. And so please, please, please make sure you let us know and thank you for listening to On Purpose. A big thanks to you and you and your team. And we'll see you again next week. Demi, thank you so, so, so much. Thank you.

What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender, invisible things we don't usually talk about. I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look, everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by Stellar Gas, like Abbermote, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay.

New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Regardless of the progress you've made in life, I believe we could all benefit from wisdom on handling common problems, making life seem more manageable, now more than ever. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One-Dee Feed Podcast, where I interview thought-provoking guests who offer practical wisdom that you can use to create the life you want. 25 years ago, I was homeless and addicted to heroin. I've made my way through addiction recovery, learned to navigate my clinical depression, and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The one you feed has over 30 million downloads and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple Podcasts.

Oprah Magazine named this as one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life. You always have the chance to begin again and feed the best of yourself. The trap is the person often thinks they'll act once they feel better. It's actually the other way around. I have had over 500 conversations with world-renowned experts and yet I'm still striving to be better. Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share 10 incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience,

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