On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)

Episode Date: May 23, 2025

What’s been on your mind today? Do you ever catch yourself spiraling with negative thoughts? Today, Jay dives into the everyday negative thoughts we all wrestle with—and how we can stop letting them control us. Whether it's replaying awkward moments, spiraling into self-doubt, or feeling stuck in patterns of fear and criticism, negativity can quietly undermine our confidence and cloud our perspective. But what if those thoughts were just noise—and you didn’t have to carry them anymore? In this episode, Jay shares seven transformative steps to help you build a healthier, more resilient relationship with your mind. Rooted in both spiritual insight and modern science, Jay walks you through powerful shifts—like recognizing your thoughts without letting them define you, challenging your inner critic with evidence, and reframing your day-to-day experiences with intention. With the clarity of a teacher and the care of a friend, Jay helps you see that awareness is not just the first step—it’s your greatest protection. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Stop Believing Every Negative Thoughts How to Challenge Thoughts That Aren’t True How to Use Mindfulness to Calm Mental Overload How to Build a Mental Shield Against Criticism and Stress We can’t always stop negative thoughts from showing up, but we can learn to move through them with clarity, self-kindness, and strength—one thought at a time. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Join Jay for his first ever, On Purpose Live Tour! Tickets are on sale now. Hope to see you there! What We Discussed: 00:00 Intro 01:06 How Do You Deal With Negative Thoughts? 02:20 #1: Recognize and Acknowledge Your Thoughts 07:30 #2: Challenge Your Negative Thoughts 11:22 #3: Start Reframing Your Thoughts 15:52 #4: Practice Mindfulness and Meditation 18:14 #5: Engage in Joyful Activities 20:12 #6: Look After Your Body 21:28 #7: Limit Your Exposure to NegativitySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You're listening to an iHeart podcast. This week on Dear Chelsea with me, Chelsea Handler, Jay Shetty joins us. The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most where when a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love and connection. Listen to Dear Chelsea on the

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Your thoughts are not always true. Challenge them. Your thoughts are not always reality. Don't accept them at face value. When doubts appear, don't assume, investigate. When fear whispers, don't bow down. Look closer. When negativity rises, don't believe. Demand proof.

Negativity thrives on blind acceptance. Negativity grows when you don't fight back. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose.

I'm so glad you joined me. And if you've not yet subscribed, click that button so that you never miss an episode. It's astounding to me, the community that we're building together. And when you subscribe here, you're not only supporting this show You're actually starting to support yourself. You're saying this is a priority. This is important to me I want to invest in my growth Today's episode is all about what to do with those negative thoughts if you're someone that experiences intrusive, negative,

difficult thoughts, this episode is for you. If you're someone who walks out at a meeting and can't stop thinking about something negative that happened, or you were out with friends last week and you can't stop thinking about a moment or an experience that felt awkward or uncomfortable, thinking about a moment or an experience that felt awkward or uncomfortable, this episode is for you. And if you're someone that finds yourself just caught in a negative spiral, this episode is for you. I'm going to give you a seven step method to actually master your thoughts and negativity.

I want you to become unbeatable, undefeatable when it comes to negative thoughts, because here's the reality. Negative thoughts will always arise. They'll always appear. No one in this world can never have a negative thought, but you can make sure that a negative thought never controls you. You can win the battle and win the fight. And that's what we're doing today.

Step one is you have to learn to recognize and acknowledge your thoughts. All of us have so many thoughts every single day, but we're not always sure about the systems. We're not always sure about the systems. We're not always sure about the patterns. And I want to share a spiritual truth with you that is so important. You are not your thoughts. They're just visitors passing through your mind. You are not your thoughts. They're just noise, not the truth.

You are not your thoughts. They're just noise, not the truth. You are not your thoughts. They're temporary, not permanent. Notice them, but don't let them define you. Name them, but don't give them your power. Watch them, but don't give them your identity. The moment you recognize them, they lose their grip. The moment you name them, they start to dissolve. The moment you see them clearly, you set yourself free. Negative thoughts are not facts. Awareness is your power. Negative thoughts are not your reality. Awareness is your power. Negative thoughts are not your reality. Awareness is your protection.

Negative thoughts are not who you are. Awareness is your path to emotional freedom. It starts with being aware of our thoughts. Aware of which ones appear often, which ones don't appear enough. Aware of what we say when we first look in the mirror. Aware of what we say when things are not going well. How many of you are the quickest to judge yourself and critique yourself, but the first to congratulate someone else?

Are you that person who when you make a mistake, you'll be really harsh and beat yourself up? But when someone else does, you're there to be empathetic and kind and compassionate? We're so quick to judge ourselves and so quick to celebrate others. It's so important we become aware of these patterns that we all experience so that we can begin this breakthrough. So I wanted to keep repeating that and I want you to say it out loud. I am not my thoughts. You are not your thoughts. They're just temporary clouds floating across the sky of your mind. And neuroscience proves it.

Simply labeling emotions, naming them, activates the prefrontal cortex and calms the amygdala, reducing emotional overwhelm. Think of negative thoughts like pop-up ads. Annoying, distracting, but not permanent or meaningful. You can just hover over them and press the cross and they're gone. The problem isn't that they appear. It's that we believe them. Now imagine you're on your desktop or your laptop and all these screens of pop-ups just start turning up.

You only get lost in them when you start filling out the form. When you get tricked into clicking on one. We don't want to double click on a negative thought. We want to allow it to pass through like a pop-up or a cloud. There's a beautiful Zen story which talks about two monks watching the sky. Dark clouds rolled in and one monk cried, it's a bad omen. The other simply said, clouds come and go. The clouds didn't change, only their reaction did. Your thoughts are clouds.

Notice them, name them, but don't become them. Here's an experiment I want you to try, a habit, a practical tip that I want you to give a go habit, a practical tip that I want you to give a go. Today, when you notice a negative thought, pause and internally say, I'm having a negative thought about. Just naming it can weaken its hold. Stop saying you're a negative person. Stop saying that you have negative energy. Switch that to I am having a negative thought about. Naming it can weaken its hold. Naming it can loosen its grip.

And naming it gives you back the power because you're now aware. Here's a habit. And naming it gives you back the power because you're now aware. Here's a habit. I want you to set three thought alert reminders. Morning, midday, evening. And when it goes off, pause for 30 seconds to scan your mind and jot down any negative thought patterns that you see. When you start to understand the patterns you have the power. Remember that. When you understand the patterns you have the power. Because now when that pattern

emerges you can do step two. Step two is challenge your negative thoughts. Now that you know that there's a pattern. Let's say you always feel negative when you first wake up in the morning. Let's say you always feel negative just before going to bed. Maybe you feel negative just before you walk through the door of the office. Right, we have said in times in our day when negativity is really loud. Now that we're aware of them, we have to learn to challenge them. Not in the moment, because that time we need to focus on work, focus on sleep, focus on waking up. We need to challenge them when we become aware of the pattern in our spare time.

Right now that's what you're doing. I want you to remember this. Your thoughts are not always accurate. Question them. Your thoughts are not always accurate. Question them. Your thoughts are not always true. Challenge them. Your thoughts are not always reality. Don't accept them at face value. When doubts appear, don't assume, investigate. When fear whispers, don't bow down. Look closer. When negativity rises, don't believe. Demand proof. Negativity thrives on blind acceptance. Negativity grows when you don't fight back. Negativity wins when you don't question it. Dig deeper. Beneath fear

you'll find clarity. Beneath doubt you'll find truth. Beneath noise you'll find your power. One thought challenged is one chain broken. One thought challenged is one burden lifted. One thought challenged is one step toward freedom. Not every thought you have is true. In fact, negativity loves to wear the mask of reality. Cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT has long shown that challenging irrational thoughts reduces anxiety and builds emotional strength. Ask yourself, is this thought a fact or just a fear? It's really important to know is this thought a fact or is it just a fear? So the next time you catch yourself spiralling,

ask yourself, what evidence do I have that this thought is true? What evidence do I have that in fact, this thought is not true? You're almost becoming a lawyer in your own life, learning how to negotiate, learning how to persuade, learning how to build and stand up for an argument. Because guess what?

The lawyer in your mind that critique is winning every case. But that's because we don't know how to challenge our thought. If you think that lawyer in your head is on your side, you lose every case, you lose every battle. But when you realize that you're not your thoughts, you're allowed to have a defense, you're allowed to have a case, that's when you recognize that you don't need to accept a thought that has no evidence. And what you want to do is present the counter evidence to your

mind systematically. Here's a daily habit to make it easy. Create a daily thought challenge. Each evening write one negative thought from your day. Challenge it with evidence and rewrite it into a more balanced empowering statement. When you go to bed that way, you'll wake up with more energy and naturally feel disconnected from the weight of that thought. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there.

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Step number three is reframe your thoughts. My favorite quote is from Wayne Dyer. He said when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. Your thoughts are a story, but here's the best part. You can write the next line right now. Actually, you get to choose the title of the next chapter right now.

You get to write the next few pages right now. When you change the story, you change the feeling. When you change the perspective, you change the power. When you change the lens, you change your life. Negative stories exhaust you. Positive reframing energizes you. Negative thinking shrinks you. Positive reframing frees you. Small changes in your viewpoint can lead to big changes in your vision. Let me give you an example. You're running late to work because someone cut you off in traffic. You get to work and now you're telling everyone that story of that person who cut you off in traffic.

What you forgot to mention was the person who smiled at you. What you forgot to mention was the fact that you still got to work on time. What you forgot to mention is that you survived. Nothing bad happened. The other side of the story was draining. Makes you feel rushed, makes you feel overwhelmed, makes you feel stressed, just reframing. It's not that it didn't happen. It's that you're still here.

Right? Positivity doesn't mean I ignore things that happened. It means I see everything about what happened. The fact that I'm alive, the fact that I'm here, the fact that I'm on time, the fact that I'm smiling at someone, someone's smiling at me. That simple connection. How you frame an experience changes everything about how you feel it. Let me say that again.

How you frame an experience changes everything about how you feel it. If you frame an experience as negative, you feel bad. If you frame an experience as useful, insightful, powerful, fulfilling, it transforms you. Research shows that reframing negative experiences improve resilience and overall well-being. It's not denial, it's conscious perspective shifting. Two people can face the same storm. One sees destruction, the other sees renewal. I really love this idea that two people can experience the same thing,

but react to it differently. It is up to you to choose to reframe a narrative, reframe an experience. And it's all about practice. The first time you try and do this, it's gonna be really hard. By day five, it's gonna be easier. By month five, you're gonna be flying and flowing.

You will be unbeatable. A negative experience or a negative thought won't be able to control you because you've practiced reframing an experience. That person who you feel doesn't care about you, they just lost a great friend. That person you feel doesn't value you, they just disconnected from a gift in their life. We have to reframe and understand differently the experiences we go through. Here's an experiment. Today when a small inconvenience happens, pause and reframe. How could this actually be working for me? And here's a daily habit. Start a reframing jar.

Each night write down one negative event and intentionally reframe it in a neutral or positive light before placing it in the jar. Watch your mindset shift over weeks. You'll literally feel yourself rewiring your brain to notice different things. Our day feels bad because we notice the bad more than the good.

Our day feels hard because we notice the difficult more than our determination. Our day feels long because we notice the hardship more than we do the beautiful relationships. Shift your perspective. This is an advertisement from BetterHelp. We've made real progress in how we talk about mental health, but there's still a stigma that holds people back. So many avoid therapy because they're afraid of being judged. But when we don't get the help we need, it doesn't just affect us.

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better help can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. We're all better with help. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com forward slash J's top three. That's better h-e-l-p dot com forward slash J's top three. This week on Dear Chelsea with me, Chelsea Handler, Jay Shetty joins us. The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love?

Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most where when a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love and connection. And I think we're all just big children who are still asking for love, still seeking that approval, still wanting that connection and that embrace. And also to meet everything with love, right?

When you can come from a place of love, even when you're dealing with anger or frustration or any of the things that don't make you feel good, to just return it with love is a beautiful lesson. Listen to Dear Chelsea on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Calling all 9-9ers, now streaming. It's the more better podcast with two episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine fun.

Host Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Fumero welcome two friends and former castmates. Don't miss Gina Linetti herself, the talented Chelsea Peretti, as she sits down to laugh and swap stories. Like Andre would always be like, trying something, they're like, do less. Do less. Yeah. We do less all the time. But then some of the biggest things were the biggest hits, like vindication, remember?" And the 9-9 nonsense continues in the next episode as the more better amigas sit down

with Joe Lattrullio, aka Detective Charles Boyle. There'll be more laughs, more conversation, more stories from the set, and more, more better. Both episodes are now available. You felt safe enough to fill out a bad idea, right? I mean, that is the key, because you're definitely not throwing out good ideas all the time. I mean, that's just not how it works. Listen to more Better with Stephanie and Melissa

on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Step four is practicing mindfulness and meditation. Take a moment to pause and breathe deeply right now. Mindfulness means simply noticing your present experience. Let thoughts pass without holding on to them. Pay attention to your breath. It's your anchor. Meditation doesn't require perfection, just consistency. Practice letting go of anything you're holding onto. Quieting your mind even briefly can reset your entire day.

It's the oldest wisdom in the book, but taking a few breaths can reset you. When you're nervous, when you're anxious, when you're stressed, when you have negative thoughts, your breath is faster, shallower. As soon as you breathe, you make it deeper, slower, and you regain your power. When you're moving fast, think about it, if you're driving a car really fast and something comes out in front of you, it's really hard to maneuver around it, right?

So when a negative thought comes at you, if you're already moving really fast, chances are you're going to collide. And that's what we experience every day, collisions with our negative thoughts. But imagine if you were driving a little bit slower. You could slow down just ahead of that disruption and swerve comfortably, calmly, calmly. That's what regular mindfulness practice allows you to do. Mindfulness is about being where you are,

not racing ahead, not clinging to the past. Research from Kabat-Zinn shows that even short, consistent mindfulness practices can reduce anxiety and depression significantly. Mindfulness is like clearing a cluttered desk. You create space for clarity. So here's the experiment I want you to do. Set a five-minute timer today. Focus only on your breathing. When thoughts wander, gently return attention to your breath without judgment. And for every one hour, stop and breathe deeply for one minute.

And watch how you start getting the pace to actually maneuver and shift. Number five is something we don't do enough of. Engaging in joyful activities. You can't always avoid difficult emotions, but you can decide how long they stay. You can't choose every result, but you can choose what you learn from it. You can't always avoid setbacks, but you can decide how they shape you. You can't choose others' perceptions but you can choose your own self-worth. You can't erase past experiences but you can choose how they influence your future. You can't control

the world's chaos but you can choose to create your own peace. Studies show that regular engagement in enjoyable activities lowers depression significantly. Doing what you love isn't indulgence. It's essential maintenance for your mental health. So here's what I want you to do today. Spend at least 15 minutes doing something you genuinely love. Having your coffee, reading, gardening, dancing, painting, whatever it is.

And notice your mood before and after. Schedule a daily joy episode. Block out 20 minutes each morning or evening just for an activity that nourishes you. Right, think of it like a joy meeting or a joy episode. Being able to do that allows you to tap into joy and reduce stress. This is such an important part because ultimately negativity and positivity are both contagious. Have you ever met someone and you just feel positive? Have you ever done an activity and you just feel positive?

Well, you can be that person. That person wasn't born that way. They're practicing. They're developing that skill and you can as well. Step number six is looking after your temple, your body. Your body isn't separate from your mind. It's the vehicle that carries your spirit. Regular exercise reduces depressive symptoms by up to 30%.

Hydration boosts brain function. Sleep resets your emotional baseline. It's simple, but it's foundational. A Zen student once asked his master, how do I attain enlightenment? The master replied, when hungry eat, when tired sleep, when sad move. Caring for the body wasn't secondary. It was sacred. I also love this idea because when we're out of food, we eat. When you're out of growth, you choose to grow.

So today's experiment is go for a 20-minute walk today, for a gentle stretch, and pay attention to how your mind feels afterwards. If you want to boost your day, it's as simple as this. Seven hours of sleep, eight glasses of water and 15 minutes of movement. Go on that walk, get outdoors and watch how your mood and mind change. And finally, number seven is limiting our exposure to negativity. I was recently on a podcast and I was talking to Tinks and we were talking

about this idea of how the challenge today is our news finds us. We don't find our news. Before people would open up the newspaper to see what the news was. Today, you're on social media trying to figure out what your friends are doing and you're reading about something happening halfway across the world. You're about to send a message to a family member and someone sends something in the group chat, which is about a news update.

We no longer find our news. Before, you were primed, you were prepared. I'm going to look at the news to see what's happening in the world. Today, you're trying to connect, you're trying to show what's happening in the world. Today you're trying to connect. You're trying to show empathy. You're trying to love. You're trying to have fun. And you're finding the news at that time.

It's extremely confusing and draining for your mind, which is looking for love and being overloaded by other information. No, I'm not saying the news is not important. I'm saying it's important to be informed. But our mind is better when we've chosen what we're doing. If your mind knows you're watching the news or about to pick up a newspaper or about to read a news site or a newsletter that you love, the mind is prepared and primed.

You can't avoid negativity, but you can look for the good around you. You can't stop negativity, but you can look for the good around you. You can't stop people from criticizing you, but you can decide which feedback matters. You can't erase stress completely, but you can find healthy ways to handle it. You can't avoid every bad day, but you can appreciate the good ones. You can't stop difficult moments, but you can decide what they teach you. You can't control others' attitudes, but you can protect your own mood. You can't always avoid negativity, but you can choose how much you allow in.

Studies show 56% of adults report higher stress due to constant news and social media consumption. Remember, you are what you consume. It's important to create a digital diet, a digital fast, and a digital detox, and a digital plan to support the mind that you want. One of my favorite Zen stories is when a student asked their teacher, how do you remain at peace despite the chaos of the world?

The master smiled and said, I simply don't argue with reality. Most of our tension is created because we want things to be different. When in reality when we accept what's happening and we work to make them different, we improve. When you want something to be different and when you work for something to be different, it's two different experiences. When you work to make something different, you feel closer to the solution, so the problem feels smaller. Whereas when you want something to be different,

you're standing away from the problem and it feels bigger and uncontrollable. If you've been really overwhelmed recently, take a 24 hour media detox today. No news, no social media, no negativity. And observe how your mind feels. And build a positivity shield. Limit news to one short daily check that you define.

Look at the news at one time in the day. Mute negative accounts. And deliberately subscribe to uplifting podcasts or inspiring content and unsubscribe from the others. I hope this seven step ritual and method creates less negative thoughts and more importantly, control over the ones that do get through to you.

Thank you so much for listening. Make sure you've subscribed. Send this episode to someone who'll appreciate it and I'll see you on the next one. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amon on how to change your life by changing your brain. If we want a healthy mind,

it actually starts with a healthy brain. I've had the blessing or the curse to scan over a thousand convicted felons and over a hundred murderers, and their brains are very damaged. This podcast is supported by BetterHelp, offering licensed therapists you can connect with via video, phone, or chat.

Here's BetterHelp head of clinical Operations Hes-Hue Joe discussing who can benefit from therapy. I think a lot of people think that you're supposed to be going to therapy once you're like having panic attacks every day. But before you get to that point, I think once you start even noticing that you feel a little bit off and you can't maintain this harmony that you once had in relationships, that could be a sign that maybe you want to go talk to somebody. There's always a benefit in talking to someone because we can all benefit from improved insight about ourselves and who we

are and how we behave with other people. So if you're human, that's like a good indicator that you could benefit from talking to somebody. Find out if therapy is right for you. Visit betterhelp.com today. That's betterHELP.com. This week on Dear Chelsea with me Chelsea Handler, Jay Shetty joins us. The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most where when a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love and connection. Listen to Dear Chelsea on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

45 years ago, a Virginia soul band called the Edge of Daybreak recorded their debut album Behind Bars. Record collectors consider it a masterpiece. The band's surviving members are long out of prison, but they say they have some unfinished business. The Edge of Daybreak, Eyes of Love, but supposed to have been following up by another app. Listen to Soul Incarcerated on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

You're listening to an iHeart Podcast.