On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Ed Mylett: #1 Habit to Become an Expert at Time and Energy Management

Episode Date: February 19, 2024

What's the top habit for mastering time and energy? How can we make this habit our own for better time and energy management? Today, Jay welcomes back his good friend Ed Mylett. Ed is a highly successful entrepreneur who has blended his unique experiences with a diverse set of practical strategies that have made him one of the most sought-after inspirational speakers in the world today. He is a serial entrepreneur who has enjoyed considerable success in part through his unrivaled work ethic and ability to fire up people with his dynamic, high-octane presentations.  Over the years, he has been involved in several tech, real estate, medical, and food ventures, among many others, leading him to be named a Success Magazine SUCCESS 125 most influential leader in 2022. Have you ever stopped to ponder what lies within the depths of your being? Jay and Ed dive into the depths of self-discovery, from uncovering subconscious anchors to making courageous choices, discover the keys to unlocking your full potential and living a life of purpose.  The duo explores the power of intention and action in validating your path, and learn how to navigate the challenges of speaking truth with kindness and compassion. Gain insights into overcoming obstacles, embracing change, and cultivating resilience on the path to success, and reflect on the concept of time and its malleability, and discover the rhythms of success that shape our lives.  In this interview, you'll learn: How to maximize your time How to not get tied to the past How to speak your truth How to achieve success How to change the trajectory of your life Tune in to this enlightening conversation with Jay and Ed as they share wisdom, inspiration, and practical guidance to help you navigate the journey of self-discovery and personal growth. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 02:37 What Have You Been Working Inside? 05:56 In Life, We Move Towards What We’re Familiar With 06:58 How Do We Stop Creating Stress and Chaos? 09:12 The Subconscious Anchors That We’re not Using 12:50 Doing the Most Courageous Choices in Life 15:31 You Are Always Making People Feel Something 19:53 What Do You Do with the Weeds in Your Life? 21:07 You Validate Your Intention with Your Action 26:28 How to Speak Truth to People in a Kind Way? 32:54 You Are Born to Do Something Great with Your Life 40:15 Can You Bend and Manipulate Time? 46:11 Why You Aren’t in the Rhythm of Success 51:57 The Things that Got You Where You Are Won’t Get You Where You’re Going 55:34 Your Identity is the Thermostat Setting of Your Life   01:01:28 The Danger of Tying Your Identity to What You Do 01:04:16 The Three D’s that Will Lead to Burnout  Episode Resources: Ed Mylett | Website Ed Mylett | Instagram Ed Mylett | Twitter Ed Mylett | YouTube Ed Mylett | Facebook Ed Mylett | TikTok Ed Mylett | Books See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, I'm Wilmer Valderrama, executive producer of the new podcast, De Maia Bolita First. Each week, the incredible Vico Ortiz and fabulous Abuelita Liliana Montenegro will play matchmaker for a group of hopeful romantics. Right Vico? You know it! Listen to De Maia Bolita First, Thursdays on the iHeartRadio App, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. And remember, don't do anything I wouldn't do. Just do it better. Pesitos.

The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden-Bratford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care. We're still operating the same time construct as people did 50 years ago, 100 years ago, 200 years ago. That is insane.

I have three eight hour days in a day. I get 21 days in a week. His dream was to be a professional baseball player. He's an entrepreneur, a philanthropist, podcast host. Today he's recognized as one of the premier business leaders in the world at Milet. Your identity isn't your career. It's not your identity. It's a very dangerous way to live your life.

It's a hack to confidence nobody talks about. It's, Jay, this is an all-time great conversation right now. Before we jump into this episode, I'd like to invite you to join this community to hear more interviews that will help you become happier, healthier, and more healed. All I want you to do is click on the subscribe button. I love your support.

It's incredible to see all your comments, and we're just getting started. I can't wait to go on this journey with you. Thank you so much for subscribing. It means the world to me. The number one health and wellness podcast. J Shetty. J Shetty.

The one, the only. J Shetty. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one place that you come to listen, learn and grow. Today's guest is one of your favorites, someone that I love to sit down with. A dear friend of mine who we always seem to connect on a frequency and vibration level like no other. I know you're going to be excited because you've been asking for

him to come back on the show. Our guest today is Ed Meilert, a highly successful entrepreneur who's blended his unique experiences with a diverse set of practical strategies that have made him one of the most sought after inspirational speakers in the world today. Please welcome to the show, my dear friend, Ed Meilert. I love you, brother. Great to be with you. I last saw you in Dubai. I know speaking so it's nice to be in on US territory. You were so kind because my card in shop at the airport and me and Ed was speaking at the same

event we're staying at the same hotel because he was organized and so I said Ed you mind if I just sit in your car and you was so kind. I get to have a half an hour with Jay Shetty. Are you crazy? I'm gonna take that time anytime I can get it. I loved it, man. I was so glad we bumped into each other because I feel like every time we're together, our hearts just open up.

Agreed. There's so much trust, there's so much love. So thank you for coming back. Like I said, the last episode we did together, crushed, people loved it. Thank you. And I wanted to start with like, you know, and I know I'm asking you this

because I know you'll give me a genuine honest answer But Ed, you're so confident. You're so strong. You're powerful But at the same time, I know that you are going for your own healing journey your own struggles your own challenges like What's what have you been working on inside? Wow? What a great question. Thank you for that. I have to say I told you off camera I don't say this I I won't feel right. You have the most unique combination of confidence and humility about anybody I've ever met. Those are people I love the most.

I love being around confident people, but they have these high doses of humility which keeps them humble. It causes them to still want to learn and grow. They don't think they know everything. Those people last the longest in business and in any endeavor. Same time, if somebody doesn't have a lot of confidence, you feel like you're carrying those folks, your friends through life all the time.

So in my case, you know, I grew up as a son of an alcoholic. And I think to some extent there's this wiring that happens when you're a child. And so some of the wiring I've recently discovered, I had Bert Kreischer, the comedian on my podcast, and it sort of came out of me when he was there. Bert's a very well-known drinker, and it's almost a joke about how much that he drinks.

And I asked him, I said, Bert, what kind of a husband or father do you think you are? And he said, I think I'm a 10 out of 10, and I think he is. And I told him, I said, you know, I just discovered something about myself, brother, and it was that my dad's drinking. It wasn't just that I was worried, you know, is he gonna get in a fight?

Is he gonna be mean or mom and dad gonna disagree with me? I said, what happened was, I worried about my dad. Is he gonna come home tonight? Is he safe? Is he in danger? And that wired into me as a little boy, the neurology, the pattern of worry and fear. And so as I've gotten to be an older grown man,

I've uncovered that the last year or two. I have a pattern where I have a tendency, my emotional home, so to speak, as I go back to worry and fear. And I don't wanna live that way. And so I've been working on unwiring that. That's the thing I've been working most on my healing journey is, you know, it's okay.

Everything's gonna be okay. I'm blessed, I'm favored. And it's undoing that wiring of worry and fear because we all have an emotional home We all have three or four emotions that no matter what happens in a given week or month We're gonna get it So if your emotional home is anger or worry or fear of frustration No matter what the external conditions are you're gonna find a way to get your head of it. It's your home Conversely if your emotional home is peace or equanimity or bliss or ecstasy passion focus

You'll find a way on a regular basis to get that emotion that you're familiar with because we're wired for it in our bodies and in our minds to be familiar with those emotions. So I just chose, what are the emotions I want? Do I wanna live in worry and fear? Even though my external life is so great, I still have a tendency to worry and live fearfully.

Or do I wanna live? I wanna live in peace. I want some equanimity. I want bliss in my life. And so I've been rewiring that. And it's something I've been really, really excited about and proud of that I've done that work at, you know, at 50 years old, 52 now, it's been happening.

Oh, well, I'm so glad to ask that question already. I'm like, because I think you're so right. I think everyone who's listening will be able to relate to what their wiring is from childhood. Where do we go? What's our emotional home as you just called it? Where do we disappear to? And it's really interesting because I always talk about my childhood similarly being quite chaotic and quite intense, but my mother's love was like this protective shield. You've told me that. That really helped me. And now when I'm listening to you, I'm actually thinking what I want,

and I think what we're both trying to develop is peace in the storm. Amen. It's equanimity in the imbalance. That's correct. And in my case, not to create the storm all the time. No, no, no. So, no, but in all honesty, a few things I discovered a few years ago,

I used to brag a lot. I am unbelievable under stress. I operate amazingly under chaos, which is true because I'm so familiar with it. But what I found out about myself was to some extent, I created a lot of it. In other words, I wasn't comfortable in my life. Maybe people can relate to this if they really take a look at themselves. I wasn't comfortable when things weren't a little bit chaotic because in life, we move towards really what we're most familiar with. We keep moving back to the familiar.

That's why some people will date the completely same person in a different body. You and I have talked about with your amazing work, right? Because we move towards what we're familiar with. So I, I had a tendency in my life to create a lot of stress and chaos because I operated so well in it, it was a familiar state to be in, even though it didn't serve me.

And so a lot of that work I've done in healing and digging deep in my life, it served me not just in healing, it's made me a better businessman. It's made me a better father, in often cases, a better friend, because I'm not constantly creating this stress and chaos around the people that I love the most.

How do you stop creating stress and drama? Well, one is- And why do we do it, and how do we do it? We do it because we're familiar and we wire these things in our bodies. And so this is really technical stuff, but I anchor the good states. And so what happened was is that usually we're wiring happens

as in a highly emotional state, we anchor it in our bodies physically. That's what we do. And so the way out of that is to begin to anchor the great states. So I take advantage of great states. So for example, just a few weeks ago, my daughter was home from college and we took a walk on the beach. And it was just this blissful

experience. It was me and the, you know, one of the people I love the most in the world. And I'm feeling this great peace and love from my daughters were walking and I anchored it. I literally anchored it in my body. I literally snapped my fingers as I went and I anchored that state. And so, or when I'm walking on stage, I'm about to, you know, have to speak and that adrenaline hits me and that euphoria, the spirit, the energy hits me. I'll anchor that state physically. And so what happens is I'm rewiring myself physically. For example, like I pray on my knees every night.

And so I've been doing that for a number of years. I feel great peace when I pray. What's ironic about it is not only is the prayer now peaceful, but the actual physical move of getting on my knees triggers that state. So this is a very detailed answer, but I've rewired. We want the detail, we want the detail. Okay, so I've rewired.

So everybody, when you're in that blissful state, everyone's ever heard a song from a different time and it just triggers a state. It's not the words in the music. It's what was going on in that moment you've anchored it in your body. So when I'm in a good state, a great state, it just triggers a state. It's not the words in the music. It's what was going on in that moment you've anchored it in your body. So when I'm in a good state, a great state, I take advantage of it.

I don't let it pass. I anchor it in my body and I sort of rewired myself so that when these ones that I don't want come along, I have a neurology I can change out of that move and do something physical and it's simple. It's not complicated. It could be tugging your ear, feeling something on your shirt,

something you do on your knees. So I've created like triggers in my life to put me back in that state and over time, that's become my wiring now, not the old one. This is more familiar to me than the old one. Tendency now is to move towards the familiar state of bliss, of joy. I'd say 75, 80% of the time now, that's where I live,

whereas before 95% of the time, I live the other way. I love that advice, and please be as technical in as detail as you like, because you sparked so much from me, I was thinking that actually the truth is, everyone already has subconscious anchors that we're not choosing. And so an example is, when I'm working with a client, often they'll say to me, the moment their head hits the pillow,

all of their anxiety goes crazy. What is that? It's an anchored state. It's actually your head hitting the pillow. Exactly. That's exactly right. That motion is creating a sense of breathlessness, maybe tight-chestedness, mental anxiety.

And until you retrain that act of I'm gonna let my head hit the pillow, I'm gonna experience peace, maybe I'm gonna play a sound, maybe I'm gonna feel a certain temperature, maybe I need to do some breath work, like until you re-anchor that state like you're saying, your head hitting the pillow will never change no matter what you do.

No matter what you do. The external, as long as the external conditions of your life continually dictate how you feel, you're an out of control human being. So at some point you have to do things internally that change how you feel because the quality of our life, we know this, is the quality of our emotions. That's the caliber of our life.

So I remember a long time ago, I'll tell you a quick story. I had not made a money for a long time as a businessman. I finally make some money, finally, right? But my emotional home was fear. And by the way, the other side, oftentimes a fear can manifest itself as anger. It shows up as anger, but when you see an angry person, you're seeing a scared person.

And so I was a worrier and a fearful person. Anyway, I was building my first dream home. And on the way over there, an appointment had canceled or something, and I was, and then the contractor had messed something up. We've all had that moment. And I walk into this mansion I'm building and I'm mad and I'm stressed and I'm angry

and ooh, where's the contractor? And I look into the kitchen and there's five men and there are five or six men in there. All men had come from Mexico and these men had left their families. And the reason they had come there was to send money home to their families and work. And they're in there and they were doing work they loved that they were great at, working

on my mansion. And I watched them from it and I stood and watched them and they had their mariachi music playing and they were laughing and joking and blissful and also doing work they cared about that mattered that they were great at. And in that moment I stepped back and I almost out of my body, I went, if life is the quality of your emotions, they're kicking my tail. They're winning at life and I'm losing.

I have all these things to be grateful for around me, but my home that I keep going back to is fear, anger, and worry. These guys who had to leave their families to come to another country just to support them. Imagine how difficult their life was there. They had to leave their families to come to another country just to support them. Imagine how difficult their life was there. They had to leave their country and their children to come here to work to support their families

and their joyous and blissful and doing work that matters to them and that they're great at. And so I decided it's not, you don't want the mansion. You want how you think it'll make you feel. You don't want the relationship. You want how you think it'll make you feel. You don't want to be fit and sexy and jacked. You want how you think it'll make you feel. You don't want the relationship. You want how you think it'll make you feel. You don't want to be fit and sexy and jacked. You want how you think it'll make you feel.

So what if I could get the emotions? If I could have these emotions, maybe getting the things I want would be that much easier. And so I focus now. Everyone has goals of their physical things they want. But for me, a lot of my outcomes now are emotionally driven because I think if I'm in the right emotional state, I can produce the physical things I want.

Yeah, you make better decisions. You're more clear. Your vision makes sense. I completely agree with you. It's like, and I think a lot of us feel like the more we do, the more we take on, the more amount of things we do, the more likely we're gonna be successful.

And I wanted to talk to you about this in terms of your schedule, because I know that that's like, you and I have talked about this privately. Very important thing. Yeah, like walk me through your schedule. What does it look like right now? It's busy, but I have learned,

you and I just were talking about this. I've learned to say no. And I've learned, this is just recent, I am a people pleaser. And so a lot of times because I have a deep voice and maybe I look a particular way, you wouldn't know that inside as this person, I just wanna please people and make them happy

because of my childhood. If my dad wasn't in a good mood, maybe he wouldn't drink that day. If I brought home an A on my report card, then he'd show me love. So I conflated in my life, brother, love with significance. And I thought when I conflated in my life, brother, love with significance. And I thought when I would do something significant, it felt like love, but they're two different things.

Most people are that way as well. If I can just perform, if I can just do something, people will love me. So I've changed that into my schedule. So I have learned to do things that I love that make me feel good, that contribute. My schedule's busy though. I mean, I'm up very early in the morning. Most are mornings. I've got a routine that I do. I travel quite

a bit just like you do. But what I've really learned to do is to choose things in my life that both are productive, but that also give me a sense of contribution and joy, not just productive anymore. So I've said no to things recently. There's a TV show that I'm doing right now. Another one came up and I've always really wanted to do this particular show. It doesn't serve my current dream. So what I do is I check in and I ask myself, I audit, is that still my dream?

Is that still what I want? There's this great clip on social media going around right now with Jim Carrey. I don't know if you've seen this, but I've watched it and I've sent it to so many of our friends. I thought I sent it to you, maybe I didn't. And he says something in this clip, I'll paraphrase it you, maybe I didn't. And he says something in this clip, I'll paraphrase it, I'll mess it up.

But he basically says in this clip, he says, I'm gonna say something you've never heard an actor say before. In the interview, say what's that? And Kerry says, I've had enough. I've done enough. I've made enough movies. I've had enough success.

I've won enough awards. And now I wanna just do things that bring me peace and joy. That's a courageous choice in life. And so what he did is he audited, is this still my dream? And I think a lot of times in life, we just have this dream that was given to us by our parents or our friends or there's an expectation and we're chasing a dream that was maybe never ours

or no longer is. And so now I really audit that. I audit the fact of whether or not this is something that is still my dream. Is it consistent with where I want to go now? But I'm busy. You know, I'm 12, 14 hours a day. So my physiology matters. My hydration matters. My juni water matters. All these things matter to me in my life so that I'm feeding my soul and my spirit so that I am my best when I come do a show like this today. Yeah. If anyone doesn't know, Ed was just on stage with our good friend, Brendan Bouchard in LA, came straight into the studio.

Right here, that's right. And you always this energy, like you have the ability, I think I talk a lot about the difference between time management and energy management. And you're someone that whenever I'm with you, you're always highly energetic. So are you. You're always, you know, there's that,

I feel that, I feel your spirit coming through yourself. Well, I'm conscious, Jade, like you are, I'm conscious of something, I think most people are oblivious to, and here's what it is. You are always making people feel something. Most people aren't aware of this, no matter what, you're making them feel something.

It could be, they could feel important and needed and loved. They could feel slighted and invisible. They could feel that you're demeaning to them, but you're making them feel something. It could be, they could feel important and needed and loved. They could feel slighted and invisible. They could feel that you're demeaning to them, but you're making them feel something. So I try to really focus on my intentions. When I met Wayne Dyer when I was very young, at that time he was writing a book. What a beautiful man. If people don't know what's going on. I know you're going to meet him.

I've only read a special. Well, I got to tell you, you remind me a lot of Wayne, a lot. And he was a dear, dear friend. It's just your spirit is very similar. And I don't know a lot of people to remind me of Wayne, but you do. And he was so good to me. But when I met him, it's a funny story.

It's a long time ago, but I was, I had, luckily I work out. So I'd won my first trip ever to Hawaii with the company I was at. And I got up in the morning before the sun was up because that's my routine, beat the sun up. And I ran on the beach. And as I'm running, this man's coming towards me.

I could see him, bald guy, sweaty, hairy back. I'm like, I don't want to bump into this guy. And as he gets closer, I go, oh my gosh, that's Wayne Dyer. It was in Maui. And he gets past me. We're both who are in Sony Walkman. That's how old we both are. And I pull my Walkman up.

I have one of those too, but I was a kid. You're dating yourself now. And I go, Dr. Dyer, you changed my life. And don't you love when someone says that to you? To this day, I remember saying that to him. And he takes his, hey, you have a deep voice like me, takes his headphones off, run in, and he goes, I highly doubt that. He goes, I bet you changed your life,

but how did I help you? And he stops the run, Jay, and he walks over to me, and I end up sitting on the beach for an hour and a half, watching the sun come up with Wayne Dyer. And at the end of the conversation, he says to me, he says, Ed, I think you're going to change the world. Now, at that time, I thought I was probably the only person he ever said that to. In hindsight, he probably said that to a bunch of people. But he said, and it's not because of your amazing brain or you have a unique ability to communicate Ed, but that's not why he said, you're a good man. Listen to this, what he said, bro.

He goes, you're a good man. He goes, you have great intentions. And he goes, if we never talk again, and we ended up talking the rest of his life, he said, I want you to always link your confidence to your intentions, not your abilities, because you'll be chasing that tail all your life ahead. So if he goes, there's a correct,

and he was writing a book at the time called the power of intention, but I didn't know that. When I look for confidence like before this interview or that speech I just gave, or for anybody listening that going into a sales call or a meeting or a first date, your confidence isn't your beauty or your ability, it's your intent. And so I always, that's one thing I know to be true about me.

I don't always believe in my ability or my talent. That's fleeting. Or what happens when a speech goes bad or a meeting goes bad or a company goes bad? I don't want to predicate my confidence on that. I predicate it on my intentions and I'll remind myself because I actually believe I'm a good person. And I don't think enough people give themselves credit for being good and kind and that they give people grace And they want to contribute and help you should generate so much confidence from that intent to serve That you ought to walk into a room and own it not because you're arrogant or you're amazing

But because your intentions are so good So this is a shell of confidence a hack to confidence Nobody talks about his intention and I learned that most from Wayne. And so it's why I can bring an energy to something. Cause I'm pretty confident. And that confidence is, I'm gonna say something amazing. It's that my intent is to serve. And so you vibrated a high frequency.

Yeah, this is why we get along. This is, I can relate completely. I've always said, whenever anyone asks me what my morning routine is, the number one part of my morning routine, apart from the meditation, workout, all that stuff is refining and purifying my intention. I've always said that

because I feel like your intention can either be a seed or a weed. And a seed is growing and a weed, when it starts to grow, it looks the same thing as a seed. But my teachers would always tell us, though, like a weed will strangle the seed, like a weed will completely destroy a great plant because of its intention. What do you do?

I'm curious, that's so good. That is really good. What do you do with the weeds in your life when they begin to grow around you? Do you have a strategy for that? The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.

Here, we have the conversations that help black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives. Those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly, ourselves. We chat about things like what to do when a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta,

Georgia. And I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care. Hola mi gente, this is Womber Valderrama, executive producer of the new podcast, Deima Abuelita First, part of iHeart Radio's Michael Tudor podcast network. Take care. Your job right now is to get an Auelita's really good sight! Our Auelita definitely knows best! On date my Auelita first, three single contestants will buy for a date with one lucky main-dater, except to get their hearts, they have to win over Auelita Liliana first! Die Liliana! Yes, we are ready for love! Through speed-dating rounds, hilarious games, and Liliana's intuition, one contestant will either be a step closer to getting that pan dulce, if you know what I mean,

or a step closer to getting that chancletta. Let's see if Cheesepas will fly, or if these singles will be sent back to the dating apps. Listen to Dave my Avalita first on the IHAR Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Crite Ferguson, the grand master, the architect of wisdom, Maharishi of mirth goes in search of joy, to get your podcasts. The United States of America are crammed champions of the world. Find out as Craig Ferguson explores the countless ways people find joy, the celebrations that dances the science poetry laughter and music of joy. Don't miss it. Joy with Craig Ferguson.

Here and now on the I Heart Radio App, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, I find that there's almost a mental plucking and extraction process and it starts with an awareness of why am I making this decision or what is driving me towards this. And if the intention is not love, service, joy, growth, then chances are if it's ego, revenge, jealousy, envy, greed, if it's all those, I know those are weeds, but that requires me to sit still and sit quietly in order to really be honest with myself when it's uncomfortable to say, oh Jay, you're just doing that because you're envious. And being able to say that to myself and not hate myself for that, but to realize it's just a weed in a garden.

If you see a weed in your garden and you start hating the whole garden, that doesn't make any sense. You just go and pluck that weed out. And so I feel for me, it requires that awareness, that stillness and then extraction. That's really good. And I think that's partly why,

probably why I think we get along so well because of that intention. But I wanna that's partly why, probably why I think we get along so well because of that intention. But I want to ask you, how do you develop and build and help people choose an intention that lives off the page? Because I think we're all used to now, like, my intention today is, right? But that's not what we're talking about. How does your intention come off the page and come into your day?

That's a great question. I tell them all, you validate your intention with your action. So I like to, I call it validating it. And so I like to give myself evidence that it's true. I'll give you an example. One of the things right now that I'm really working on in my life,

and it's not easy for me because I've lived another way. I love to just share the things that are negative about me because I think it gives people hope. If this guy is screwed up as he is, can win maybe I got some hope. And one of the things that I've lived with a lot in my life is I think I have judged people too much and not extended enough grace.

And but the last 10 years of my life, man, I'm really proud of myself. I've extended grace to people. I feel better about me, brother, when I extend grace to another person. I just feel good about me, particularly maybe when they don't deserve it in the moment. Give you an example, give you a quick story.

Please, the stories are great. Keep them coming, I love them. About three weeks ago, my kids were home for the holidays and so we were at dinner and this is treasured time with my kids because they're both away at college. And so we walk into a restaurant, great restaurant, not like an amazing place, but a good restaurant. We walk in and from the lobby, I can hear

these kids screaming and I'm an introvert. So I like quiet meals. I like to actually be able to hear the people I'm talking with. I like quiet restaurants. This was normally very quiet places. Why I picked it this night. It was not quiet in there. And I can hear these children screaming and you know, when you're a parent like I am, sometimes you're like, why don't you, I would never let my kids act like that. There's easy to judge. And I didn't.

So anyway, we walk into this restaurant and guess who we sit next to? The table I could hear from the lobby. There's five kids at this table with two parents and the kids are yelling and screaming and one of them's running a circle out there, one of them threw some food. And the mother had kind of had her head down the whole time.

And she really, my tendency would be to judge that family. This is an extreme story, but it gives you an example of why I work on them validating. So it's good enough to say my intention is to give people grace, but I need to validate it. And so my kids were kind of looking at me because they know their dad, you know? And I went, I'm gonna extend grace to that family right now. And I actually told my family, I said,

you guys okay? It's going to sound crazy. Can we just say a quick prayer for them over there? They were like very close to us and the rest of the restaurant, I'd noticed them too. And so I said, let's say a quick prayer and they go, Max, say the prayer. I say it to my son. So my son says a quick blessing for that family and my daughter says, daddy, let's buy them dinner. I'm like, now you're pushing me, but okay, but okay. We'll get their dinner too, but we're not gonna tell them. Anyway, so we extended Grace and the entire meal, they were noisy and chaotic.

Anyway, the end of the meal, they left before we did. And so they left and they got very quiet in there and they're like, ah, but the whole time I had extended Grace, I didn't judge them, which would be a tendency I would normally maybe do in my past. But now I'm validating this new intention of mine. Anyway, we pay the bill and we leave.

And two days later, I'm hitting a couple golf balls at the golf course and the server that night was hitting balls next to me. And he said, oh, Mr. Milet, that was so kind of you to buy the meal for that night for that family in light of the funeral. And I said, what? He goes, that family that night, he goes, you know, they had come there to celebrate. They had just left the funeral of their grandmother. I said, you're kidding me. And he said, no, and the grandmother would come in here with them. They're a very

close family. The kids don't normally behave like that. And the mother that night was so down. It's her mom. The kids are extra close to her because their husband, when he was deployed in Iraq, the grandmother lived with them and sort of raised them. And so they had just left the funeral that night and were having the dinner. And I went, there you go. You never know what someone's carrying. You don't know the burden they're carrying.

It hurt people, hurt people. People in pain typically will create pain for other people. And I was like, what a blessing that I've got to this point in my life that I do extend grace even when it doesn't seem like somebody deserves it because you don't know what they're carrying. So I validated that intention with my behavior

and thank God I did, not knowing what they were going through. So it was a really beautiful culmination of the story that you just don't know what someone's carrying. Extend grace, give people kindness, do everything you can not to judge. Yeah, wow, that's powerful, man. That's a crazy story. Yeah, that's crazy, but it's,

and sometimes we don't always get the reward of that loop. True. But we have to recognize, as we know in our own lives, that we know we're always going through something. That's right. We know our friends are going through something, our family's going through something, everyone on your team is going through something. You know, our friends are going through something, our family is going through something, everyone on your team is going through something.

How we can't extend that is crazy, but I want to tell you something. There's a lot of people who I know will be listening and I know that our community and our audience are good-hearted, loving, wanting to be better people. We all want to improve as do I. I've got so much more healing left to do and I know our community does.

But they often feel like even though they lead with love, everyone around them is causing them pain, is negative, is toxic. They don't feel that around them. And they almost get exhausted trying to be this bigger graceful kind of person. And I'm sure you felt that. I know you're the right person to be this bigger, graceful kind of person. Yeah. And I'm sure you felt that.

I know you're the right person to ask this question to. What do you do when you feel everyone around you is bringing you toxicity, negativity, and poor energy? How do you operate? I reduce proximity to them in those moments. And sometimes they are the weeds that need to be weeded out of your garden. That's the most difficult decision. But sometimes it's not weeding them out,

it's reducing proximity. And then I've created some havens that I can go to to sort of escape that for a few minutes. And so some of those are actually people. I've got two or three people in my life that when these other people are losing it and acting in a toxic way or acting out or antagonistic towards me or other people. I've got another person or two that I can go to that shifts my state, that is my rock, that is someone that I can express myself to for some people that might be therapy.

But in my case, I've got two or three just great friends that I can go to, they set me straight, they give me perspective. What great friends give me is they give me perspective. This will pass, they're going through something. Rise above this. And see, when some people walk into a room, they adapt to the energy in the room.

Greatness is walking into a room and shifting the energy. And so I believe I'm built for those moments that over time I'm built to shift the energy in the room, shift it. And the way that you do it is to me, it's just really speaking truth to people. And sometimes in a kind way, speaking truth to them about their behavior and their conduct and letting them know that you're better than this. You are better than the way you're conducting yourself, you're better than this.

And here's why I do that. Truth, I think, vibrates at the highest frequency. And so if you wanna influence somebody, you have to be vibrating at a high frequency. That's telling think vibrates at the highest frequency. And so if you want to influence somebody, you have to be vibrating at a high frequency. That's telling someone the truth in the moment. You can tell the truth to somebody in a kind and gentle and generous way. But when you don't address someone's behavior that's toxic towards you, you're not operating in truth. And what happens is you reduce your own vibrational frequency and that can get worse. So the way you rise above and shift the energy in the room

is actually by operating in truth with somebody saying, look, I love you, I believe in you. And that's why I'm gonna tell you the truth right now. And here's the truth. This thing you're doing right now, this way you're handling yourself is so much, it's so beneath who you really are. You're capable of so much greater.

And I want you to know, I love you and believe in you enough that I'm gonna share with you the truth. And by the way, there comes these intentions too. If someone, if you've sown enough seeds into someone, they know your intention. I think you can challenge people. I think great people are good at challenging other people. And the only way that you can challenge somebody

is they have to know you love and believe in them first. Like even in your companies You're just listen J's life is just exploding right everything about that he's got going so a lot of people depend on you a lot of people work with you And you've got to be able to challenge them to raise their standard You can't do that first you have to make deposits into people before you can make withdrawals Because anytime you're challenging someone is saying, I need you to step up. That's a form of a withdrawal. It just is.

You have to have made the deposits in someone of belief and love first. And then if you operate in truth, man, your frequency is vibrating real high, you can shift an environment and shift to the energy. Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that.

And it's not a technique. No. It's real. It's real. Like it's not like, I always find like, it's not like you'd be nice to someone so you can ask for something back. And that's the way you saying it.

It doesn't come that way. And I love that idea of raising and shifting frequency. And I actually want to give more people the encouragement and courage to be able to do that. Because I think we all do feel I can't shift it. I can't do anything, I'm not in control. My reminder would be, truth is what shifts the room. And when you come from a loving place

and a truth telling place, here's the other thing. I said this to you one other time, I don't know if it was on the show or not, but I think a lot of people feeling adequate about that. Like I'm not qualified, I've not, there's nothing great about me. Like I've never, I've not achieved something or the other thing they do is they hold their sins

or mistakes of their life as like weapons against themselves. Like you don't know about my divorce. You don't know that I did this thing I'm not proud of. You don't know I had this business failure. I didn't, I, you know, I've gained some weight and so I made a commitment to get fit and I'm not anymore. I'm not qualified to shift the energy or change other people.

And one of the best examples of that ever, I've shared this with you before is my dad. When my dad got sober, it changed our entire family's life. I mean, it just changed everything, that one decision my dad made. And after I wrote my book and after my dad passed away, I woke up one night, it's like 3 a.m. and I was crying and kind of startled my wife and she's like,

what's going on babe? I said, babe, I just realized something. Here I am, 52 years old. My dad had been sober for 35 years. That's never dawned on me. I went, someone helped my dad. I've told you this before and she goes, what honey? I said, someone helped dad.

And that person changed my entire life. Like that act of helping one person, the ripple effect is I'm his son and I've been blessed to reach millions of people around the world. That person doesn't know that helping my dad change millions of lives. And she goes, my gosh, that's incredible.

I said, that's not the most incredible thing. The most incredible thing is what qualified that man to help my dad, who I didn't know who he was at the time. She goes, I don't know. I said, not how perfect he was, not how stupendous, not his amazing achievements. What qualified him to help my dad was that he was also an alcoholic at one time. He was a drug addict. He lied. He lived in the shadows. And so actually in life, we're most qualified to help the person we used to be. Yes.

And so in life, it's not that you're better than these people. It's that you can help people that used to be like you, that you used to operate in a way that didn't serve you. Maybe you behaved in a way that wasn't conducive with your character. Because of that, you're qualified to help people that are operating that way.

So you're immensely qualified in life to shift other people. If you're willing to be vulnerable and reveal your imperfect, you don't connect with anybody be going, I'm amazing. Imagine the podcast, I'm like, brother, do you know what I'm saying? I have no problems. There's no healing left. I'm just kicking butt everywhere I go. And you're like, well, me too, man, we're just trolling the globe in Dubai together. That's not the truth. The truth is the way you connect is by going, here's all the things that are. Which is what we did in that car, which is what we did in the car with each other, right?

So like that you're revealing your imperfections that connects you with people. And just for everybody to remember, you were born to do something great with your life. And when you were a little boy or a little girl, there was probably one person who made you feel that way. And you ought to give yourself the gifts right now of who is that person. When you're a little girl or a little boy, they made you feel special.

And there's probably only one, maybe two. Maybe it was your parents or your grandmother or grandfather or coach, a religious figure. There's someone that was in your life and you felt something about you because of the way they looked at you or spoke to you. And the amazing thing about that is they were right about you because of the way they looked at you or spoke to you. And the amazing thing about that is they were right about you. They were right. For me, it was my papa, my dad's dad, I'm named after him and used to drive and pick me up on Sundays.

We'd go get donuts, Jay, to get for my cousins before church. And he'd drive me. I'd look up at big papa. Everyone, when you think about that person, you'll get emotional. For you, it's your mom, right? And he would look down at me and he'd go, Eddie, you're my favorite. He had all these great kids.

You're my favorite, you're amazing. You're gonna do something great with your life. You're the special. I go, I am big papa. I am his little boy. I just could feel his belief and his love. He was the only person who ever treated me that way. The rest of the world's never treated me that way.

But Big Puppa did. And then when other grandkids were born, I remember my cousin Peter was born at J.O. Laugh at this and he called me, he goes, hey, your cousin Peter was born today, he's amazing. Six pounds, seven ounces, he's got our blue eyes, Eddie. I go, that's awesome, Big Puppa. And he go, but you're my favorite.

You're my favorite. And all my life I've carried that feeling from, big pappa. And he go, but you're my favorite. You're my favorite. And all my life I've carried that feeling from big pappa with me. And the truth is, if you've had that person in your life, they were right about you. You're supposed to do something great with your life. And the reason it makes you emotional when you think about it now is because it's true

and truth vibrates at the highest frequency. So if you're listening to this or watching it, it's like have that reminder, give yourself the gift. Maybe your big papa's gone now and not even here anymore. Honor them with who you become. Honor them with the life you build. Honor them with the choices you make. And take that belief, imagine what God believes in you

if that person believes in you. Take that belief and use it as fuel in your life to have some strength and confidence to shift other people's lives. And that for me, that was big papa. Yeah, I know, I was going back with you when you were saying it, and there's something known as a loving kindness meditation.

It's very popular in Buddhism, in Hinduism, there's a similar practice. And I led this meditation when I was on tour with every audience across the whole world. And what you have to do in this meditation is you have to close your eyes and you have to allow yourself to re-experience a moment you felt the most love. For some people, it's their wedding day. For some people, it's their car with their grandpa. For some people it's their wedding day, for some people it's their car with their grandpa, for some person it's their mother, whatever it may be, and you have to relive it. Feel it through the five things you can see,

the four things you can touch, the three things you can hear, the two things you can smell, and the one thing you can taste. Really immerse yourself in it. And then feel it in your heart, and then feel it cascade from your heart all across your body.

And then if you try and give it out to your friends and family, to the stranger at the restaurant, to the rest of the world, it's so possible because you're feeling, as you're saying, that will never run out. Your memory of your grandpa saying that to you, that will never run out. Your memory of your grandpa saying that to you, that will never ever expire.

It will always be there in the amount that can be recycled into giving love to others and to feeling loved always. Whereas what we do is we try and set for the next person to love us. We're searching for that next person to say something amazing about us. And with that, you're always running out

because it comes once and it goes and it comes and it goes. Whereas that one person to say something amazing about us. And with that, you're always running out. You're right. Because it comes once and it goes and it comes and it goes, whereas that one person you're so right that loved you. Jay, this is an all-time great conversation right now. By the way. It's because we just went deep. We went deep.

I think there's a validity to what you just said to a truth that's just so profound. It's very difficult in life to transfer to somebody that which you're not experiencing. So in order to transfer true love and true belief in somebody you have to be experiencing it so that you can give it to somebody and so giving yourself that gift allows you to give it in abundance to other people. Yeah. That's really good. That's awesome meditation. I think one of the reasons again why we get along but why we're having this conversation is that we

both believe in this paradox. So we both talking about current leave at the beginning of this conversation have talked about very like spiritual, emotional, universal ideas of existence, but at the same time we're both good at getting stuff done. Yeah, just yes, not all philosophy. Correct. And I think that's something that I've always tried to do in my work where it's like, I don't want anyone in the world to just think that, oh, if I change my mind, say, everything's just because I don't want to fool people and I don't want to mislead people because I know in my life that spirituality and strategy have had to go together. And I find that that combination is what's allowed me to live a fulfilling and successful life and continue to create it. You ever made a decision unless you've taken an action to validate it?

Yes, exactly. And that's the thing that you're exactly right. People that come to our events or may just hear this conversation go, oh, I just really need to sit around and really vibrate high and think about things. No, you don't. You have to put your feet on the ground

and you've got to go to work. The real truth is if you've made a decision and it's real, you'll validate it with your work. You'll validate it with your effort and the choices that you make. And the truth is this, like here's the other thing, a lot of my confidence comes from,

I'll be candid with you and I know this about you. I'm gonna outwork you. Here's the truth, I'm gonna outwork you. One thing I learned from my dad is that listen, a lot of my confidence comes from the fact that I deserve to win and I deserve to win because I'm working my tail off and I don't think enough people give themselves

the gift of just super hard work. I mean, I know your schedule, you know mine. We were talking about that. But the truth, this is just something I'm saying if I don't validate it with an action. It's like you said with your books, like I love you, no, that's a verb. There's an action that's taken to validate that I love you. There's things I can do to give evidence of the fact

that I love you. And so, no, you can't just sit around and think about these things. You've got to get to work, you've got to implement them. And then by the way, when you do that, all, listen, the reason I can speak with such clarity on this stuff is I've done them. I've been in situations where this stuff has been tested and tried and true. So I'm a huge,

huge advocate of work, of taking the steps necessary to do it. And I know that that's something with you. Like when I met you, I had a notion about you that wasn't accurate, which was that you were more of just this, listen, we're just going to get quiet and meditate and empty our minds here and everything we want is going to come our way. Then I met you and I said this to you off camera. There's a fire and an intensity and a work ethic to Jay that I think would surprise most people. You're this very unique combination of this very tranquil, peaceful, loving, kind being

who's also wound tight and wants to win, and is intense, and is gonna make things happen, and wants to max out his life, and isn't just sitting around waiting for it to come his way, he's going to get a lot of it. And that's one of the things I admire about you. Absolutely, walk me through how you've translated that grace, that love, that kindness, into a plan for like 2024.

Like how do you translate that? Like what does your day look like? What does a quarter look like? You've built businesses that are successful. I wanna know that part because I love that connection that I'm trying to make here between this sincere heart but this strategic mind. Something about Mary Poppins?

Something about Mary Poppins, exactly. Oh man, this is fun. I'm AJ Jacobs and I am an author and a journalist and I tend to get obsessed with stuff. And my current obsession is puzzles. And that has given birth to my new podcast, The Puzzler. Dressing. Dressing.

Oh, French dressing. Exactly. Ha ha ha. Oh, that's good. That's good. We are living in the golden age of puzzles. And now you can get your daily puzzle nuggets delivered straight to your ears for 10 minutes or less every day on the puzzler, short and sweet. I thought to myself, I bet I know what this is. And now I definitely know what this is. This is so weird. This is fun.

Let's try this one. Listen to the puzzler every day on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. That's awful. And I should have seen it coming. On his new podcast, Six Degrees with Kevin Bacon, join Kevin for inspiring conversations with celebrities who are working to make a difference in the world, like musical artist

Jewel. And what an equal opportunist misery is. It doesn't care if you're black or white or rich or poor or famous or homeless. If you were raised in misery systems, it's perpetual. Kevin is the founder of the nonprofit organization SixDegrees.org. Now he's meeting with like-minded actors who share a passion for change, like Mark Ruffalo. You know, I found myself moving upstate in the middle of this fracking fight, and I'm trying to raise kids there, and my neighbor's like willing to poison my water.

These conversations between Kevin and activist Matthew McConaughey will have you ready to lean in, learn, and inspired to act. They're all on the wrong track, helping you get on the right track. If they're on the right track, let's help them double down on that and see the opportunities to stay on the right track for success in the future. Listen to 6 Degrees with Kevin Bacon on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

It is my perception of time. And so I have, I believe you can bend and manipulate time. And, and so here's what that looks like. I don't buy into a 24 hour day. That's an archaic timeframe. See, you and I live in an age where, think about it, 100 years ago, if I wanted to get something done,

I'd have to write it down somewhere, stick a stamp on it or put it on the back of a horse a few hundred years ago. And you'd get it in a month and then you'd translate it back to me in a month. Now I can text you in three seconds but we're both going to manage time in 24 hours. When I was in school I had to go to a library to research something in a thing called an encyclopedia, right? And then write it all down, type it on a typewriter.

If you make one key mistake, you gotta redo it. Now I can Google it, print it out, and it's done. Yet the same time frames are managed, and so that's insane, right? I can email, I can text, I have got all these things on my phone. So we're still operating the same time construct as people did 50 years ago, 100 years ago, 200 years ago.

That is insane. And so I have a huge advantage in my life that my days are many days. And so I have three, eight hour days in a day. I get 21 days in a week, 21 days in a week. And so my first day is six AM to noon. And in that day, we've all had that day where we go, man, I've got more by eight AM done than I've done in a week. That should be every day.

If you want it to be, it's your expectation of time. Here's the thing. When something is scarce, it's more valuable. Okay, so that's why a diamond is worth more than a piece of paper because it's more scarce. When your time becomes more scarce, it becomes more valuable and other people treat you with more value. So that's one benefit. But my first day, 6 a.m. to noon, and in there, I'm trying to get in there the amount of productivity, joy, business, fitness, whatever it might be, that I would get in a 24 hour day, compressed and manipulated that time

into the eight hour window. Why? Because of all the technology at my advantage. Now there may be some days that's a Netflix and chill day for me. I'm not saying you have to be hyper productive. That's okay. But maybe on Sundays, a lot of people have that. I'll have a day like that, but it's not every day.

And so the second day starts at noon, and it runs all the way. Usually, it sometimes they've been shrink them to six hours sometimes sometimes I'll go six a.m. to noon. So that's a six hour window. I give myself a two hour buffer. The second day starts from noon to 6 p.m. And in that second day, I'm trying to get the same amount of stuff I would get in in a 24 hour day in my six to eight-hour window. This year, there's six-hour days. There's six a.m. to noon, noon to six p.m., and six p.m. to midnight.

Now, I'm gonna sleep in there, I'm gonna get rest, I'm gonna have laughter, I'm gonna have faith, I'm gonna have cooling at time. But now, what happens is, at about noon every day, this thing goes off in my head and I evaluate, what did I get done? What do I need to double my efforts on? What can I celebrate?

What did I learn? So when an average person does it at the end of their day, I'm doing it at noon and it now automatically goes off. It's weird. My mind knows when noon is and it knows when 6 p.m. is. And the same thing happens at 6 p.m. And then I'll run it again. And so I'm getting 21 days a week.

You stack that timeframe up over a year. When you get seven days and I'm managing it again. And so I'm getting 21 days a week. You stack that timeframe up over a year. When you get seven days, and I'm managing time this way, I've compressed and bent time, I'm probably gonna win. You stack that up over a year, five years, 10 years, and all of a sudden I've had all these more days, and here's the other thing, I just get a longer life.

I'm getting multiple lives in one life, simply because I've taken control of what time looks like. So they used to be eight hour days, you asked about 2024, they're now six hour days. And so I've get more done oftentimes by 10 a.m. than most people will get done in a 24 hour day. And here's what that looks like really quickly. Too many people schedule one hour long meetings

if we're gonna be tactical. Most meetings don't need to be an hour, but we schedule them an hour because everybody's always done that. So my team knows, is this a 28 minute meeting? Is this a five minute meeting? Very rarely are the hour long meetings because when you have an hour long meeting,

now you're pacing yourself to fill the hour in. But I've only got a six hour day here. So there's a lot of 28 minute long meetings that other people are taking an hour to do. We're just that much more productive, that much more efficient in our time. And so that's how you actually get the day done is because this one hour concept,

isn't it, you say, I'll meet you at nine o'clock, I got nine to 10 blocked off. Well, why? Most meetings don't need to be an hour long. Most business meetings don't, most conversations don't. And that, by the way, will give me more time. Maybe my lunch is now an hour and a half with a friend because I've bent a manipulated time in my,

I call them mini days. That's so, I'm so happy you shared that because I just, just even that concept of us understanding how we're using time in an archaic way and thinking about how many hours in a day in an archaic way. It's bananas to me. The concept in and in itself is mind-blowing.

And you can create your own version of a mini day. Maybe you're gonna have two. Maybe you're gonna break your day into two. You know, me, it was eight hours and I've moved it to six and I felt no difference. But I love that time clock. There's not enough time. Most people evaluate their goals like really productive people. They'll do it at the end of a day.

In the middle, maybe the end of a month. How did my January go? And you know this, most people, it's the end of the year. So most people's a year, some will do it a month. Really productive people, maybe the end of the day. I'm doing that three times in a 24 hour day now. The breakthroughs, the learning, the course correction, the strategic moves I make that get me back on track when I'm off track. And my bad days are only six hours long, right? So that gives me permission to shift at noon. Okay, this is a new day. I get a do over, I get to start

again. So it's just a matter of using a time construct that fits with technology in these times. Yeah, it's almost like saying, yeah, we're driving cars now, but it would take me a month to get to it. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense to have a 24 hour day. Wow, what's been the habit?

Cause you also said you shifted from eight hour days to six hour days. Why, first of all, why did you do that? What was the benefit of that? The shift for me was that it was the one hours. I'm like, why am I taking these one hour long meetings if I move into 28 minutes? And by the way, it's awesome. And even you and I, even when we communicate, it's oftentimes like you and I have these beautiful quick conversations. But they, by the way,

there are sometimes my friends, I need to go deep and we need three or four or five hours. But I also, I know there's a lot of times in life, like, every other friend that doesn't know when hours. But I also, I know there's a lot of times in life, like, give her that friend that doesn't know when the text exchange is done. You know that person, you're like, all right, man, we've got, okay, it's over now. Like, we're both gonna go now text other people or do other things.

I've just gotten a little bit better at buttoning things up, you know, so to speak too. I, phraseology and terminology, I was in a meeting a long time ago with Alex Rodriguez. I'll never forget this. It was a really great meeting. And I know, you know them as well. And so I was in a meeting a long time ago with Alex Rodriguez. I'll never forget this. It was a really great meeting. And I know you know them as well. And so I was in a meeting with Alex and I'll never forget, he said he's a gracious dude,

he's a good dude. But our meeting was supposed to end at one o'clock in the afternoon. And I remember we were in the middle of something and I was at his house and we were actually we were actually was back there. It was actually a J Lo's house, but Alex was there anyway. And I remember at about 1250, he looked at his watch and it gave me a cue. And at one o'clock, he just stood up, kind of in the middle of the meeting. And that signified the meeting was over.

And it wasn't rude. His team just knows when the meeting times up, we're done. We're done. And what that is, that set a context and a tone that when we have a meeting that's this long, that's how long it is and setting up those kind of disciplines and Kind of barriers around your life guardrails around your life protects your time And it's uncomfortable to do that because we feel as people pleases which a lot of us are We're scared to do that because we're thinking oh god if I stand up is everyone gonna think like I'm like stuck up like

You know, there's gonna be that sense. How do you deal with that discomfort and that awkwardness of I'm setting a boundary to protect myself, but I'm scared how people are gonna perceive me? It's just being gracious when you do it. And it's also eventually what I've found is, like I said earlier, people now respect my time

a little bit more. I become more, listen, there's respect my time a little bit more. I become more, listen, there's a pace and a rhythm to success. Here's something no one talks about when it comes to success and being productive. And you know this, there's a rhythm and a cadence to it. It's an invisible thing that the people that are winning somehow have found themselves, you know this with the actors you've worked with, their entertainers. It's hard to express, but they found a rhythm and a cadence to their life that creates momentum in their life. Momentum's a major magnifier in life. When you get momentum but there's a rhythm to it and when you sort of aren't

disciplined with your time and a meeting runs over 10 minutes or 20 minutes, you are not in the rhythm of success. There's a pace. It's not hurried. It's not hurried or rushed, but it's a little quicker than most people know. Successful people walk a little faster. They're in a little bit more of a hurry. They talk a little faster. There's a rhythm and a pace and a intensity, a passion to the dialogue and the conversation. You know exactly what I mean. And it's invisible. Maybe you can express it well right now too. Have you seen it? And until you find that, you're not really in the rhythm

of hyper productivity or bliss or success. And when you're around people that possess that rhythm, you feel it and it isn't demeaning when they do it. There's a graciousness to it and a respect you have that they respect themselves and you enough in that moment to be organized enough and disciplined enough not to let it bleed into a place that it doesn't need to go. You know what I mean, right?

Yeah, it's actually looping back. I'm so glad you raised that because it's such a subtle point. And to me, it comes back down to something I raised early of this energy and time balance because the question I asked myself is the time that I set the meeting is based on when I think my energy will be best.

And the amount of time I give a meeting is the amount of time I can give intense 100% energy. So I'm not, for example, when I'm recording a podcast, we do two podcasts a day maximum. The reason for that is I know if I did a third one, I have the time to do a third one, but my energy's not there, my presence is not there. I'm not at a 100% intensity, which means the quality drops.

So it's also not just doing more, as you're saying, it's not just doing more because I can squeeze more in a day, I just know the third podcast is gonna be the worst one that I record, and so we don't do it. By the way, you should have told me that about two years ago. No, seriously, that you're 100% right.

And I make that mistake sometimes of doing four in a day. And it's not fair to the third and fourth person. It's not like- I can't do it. Are you might be able to do it? We all have different capacities. You're right. And the other thing I do on my schedule since we're being tactical is I like to load up

my Mondays and Tuesdays with heavy things early in my week. And I like the later part of my week to be a little bit more peaceful and joyous so that I'm sort of building towards, it's almost like my Super Bowl almost, my Mondays and Tuesdays, those are gonna be heavy days. The other thing I do is my most important meetings, I kinda know me.

I'm not particularly a great early morning person, nor am I great late at night. I'm really in a good space about when we're recording this right now. That's sort of noon to 3pm window for me. I don't know if I'm the most hydrated. I've already worked out. So my really important meetings, I try to schedule in my highest energy state when I know I'm peaking in my given day. So you're 100% right about that. Yeah. And I think these are the mechanics of how you connect energy and the real world because you can't just

say, I worked out this morning, I feel good, everything's going to go all right now. And I think we have that kind of, we have this checklist mentality of if I've done these three things, then everything else will go okay. But actually all the other stuff needs to be managed and intentionally designed. I think I've been talking a lot about this recently with people that I think often we think if people are casual or relaxed or laid back Then things will work out better, but actually you find as you're saying most success productivity and joyfulness is intentionally designed in order to create an experience and I wanted to get your thoughts on that like you're a billion percent right. Yeah, the higher you climb

There's all this other stimulus happening in your life, right? So if you don't create those constructs now when you get to a point where like you get the things you want in your life The demands on your energy and time only increase And your ability to manage that and create structures around you that keep you productive. That is a huge thing you've just shared. I've watched a lot of people climb to a point and when they get to that point, they didn't create new structures around them to support the next level. Every level you climb requires a different type of energy and structure. And so some things, even that I'm doing right now, I know maybe four or five years from now, I'm going to have to reevaluate those that'll change with the conditions of my life.

For me right now, as busy as I am, it requires more intent to structure than ever in my life. If I didn't create them when things weren't quite this busy, I don't think I would have continued to flowed into the next state. I've watched a lot of people get to a place and then they can't navigate that next level because of the structure, maybe the lack of a team around them, quality people, management of those things. And so I'm always trying to be ahead structurally

to my results. What most people think is, I'm gonna produce this thing and then when I get there, I'll figure it out from there. That stagnates your growth. You've gotta be preparing and expecting that growth and creating the structures around you to facilitate it figure it out from there. That stagnates your growth. You've got to be preparing and expecting that growth and creating the structures around you to facilitate it so it continues to flow. So good, so good.

And I think we get sentimental. And we get sentimental. Oh, it's so good. I can't let go of this habit or this structure or this thing because it got me here. That's so true. And I feel like you have to get really non-sentimental. Like you're so right.

What you're saying about is preparing. Well, mine's my morning routine. I used to have a very long morning routine, cold plunge, meditate, pray, gratitude, ritual, stretch, you know, and the thing got so long that I'm like, my gosh, I'm two hours into a routine here. I gotta get to work. I gotta get some stuff done.

And so you kind of be, and what it was is I started to accumulate these sentimental things that man, that day I cold plunged, I had it a big speech that day, so I better keep cold plunging every day and I better keep, I started stacking up this closet full and I had to come in, it's like an old closet full of clothes, I had to go, which of these don't I wear anymore?

And I'm gonna take this one and give it away. Like, and so you're right, it's the sentimental holding on to things that got you where you are, won't get you where you're going. And so I have to constantly kind of audit my closet, so to speak. And so my morning routine now is nowhere nearly

as sophisticated as it used to be. It's much more brief, but it serves me now. It serves who I am now. It serves my ambitions and goals now. And so you're a thousand percent right about that. Yeah, a lot of people I speak to as well, they struggle with, and I've struggled with this in the past, where you know what you need to do. You know how much time you have, but then you procrastinate. You overthink, and I'm sure you get asked this question all the time.

But I still see it again and again and again in the same people where they tell me, Jay, I'm gonna have this done, I'm accountable, I'm gonna commit, but then somehow it still doesn't happen for them. What have you found is really useful insight for someone who finds themselves constantly getting stuck. They know what they need to do.

They know how much time they have, but they keep procrastinating and overthinking. One, you're, you're trying to get your life back to your identity. You and I have talked to us analogy before, so I'll be quick with it, but your identity, your personal belief in yourself, your identity is like the thoughts, beliefs and concepts you hold to be most true about you. It's a thermostat setting on your life. We talked about this before. I'll give you two things.

So like this studio, we're in, I don't know, 72 degrees in here right now, something like that. The external conditions, that's a cold rainy day here in LA. The external conditions, it's pretty 50 degrees outside. That does not affect the internal thermostat in this room. It is 72 degrees. If it was 90 degrees outside, the air conditioners will come on and cool this room back to 72 degrees.

You procrastinate because your results are about to exceed your identity and you're turning the air conditioner on. So if right now you're getting 72 degrees of, you believe in yourself at 72 degrees of wealth or abundance or productivity and you've started to heat it up to 85, 90, 100 degrees, you subconsciously turn the air conditioner on of your life to cool it back down

to what you really believe you're worthy of and you deserve. So the deep work is you've got to raise that identity of what you believe you're worth to 85, 90, 100 degrees. How do you do that? Typically proximity to people who live at that thermostat setting, they will heat you up to theirs. So that's a huge one. That is a huge, I just want to make that.

You made that sound so simple and you made it really easy. That is the huge one. That is it. It is at that gut level. That's why you'll see somebody who, for example, their love thermostat is 72 degrees. And you go on double date, they're with their dream person. You're like, oh, my gosh, they're in love.

It's blissful. They're at 90, 100 degrees of love in their life. And a year later, you run into them and you're like, so how is Steve or how's Janice? Oh, it didn't work out. What happened was they turned the air conditioner on and cooled it back to what they believe they deserve. later you run into them and you're like, so how is Steve or how's Janice? Oh, it didn't work out. What happened was they turned the air conditioner on and cooled it back to what they believe they deserve

oftentimes or wealth. We've all had these friends that, they're 72 degrees of wealth and all of a sudden, man, their business is kicking 85, 90, 100. And what happens is it seems coincidental, all supply chain, oh, this or that. A customer broke off, a car broke down, I had to loan money to a friend.

No, those were circumstances. What really happened was you turned the air conditioners old this or that, a customer broke off, a car broke down, I had to loan money to a friend. No, those were circumstances. What really happened was you turned the air conditioners on and you cooled your life back financially to believe what you believe you're worth. Same in your body, someone 72 degrees of fitness. They're getting in shape, they've lost the 10 pounds, they look great. And you see them in a year and they've come all the way back and gained it back. And you're like, what happened?

They turned the air conditioner on of their life and got back to what they believe they're worth. You gotta change that thermostat setting. And it's typically like in my faith life. If I was a 72 degrees in my faith, I started to surround myself with some men in my faith life who, man, they live in their faith at 95 and 100. They heated me up by proximity.

Now my thermostat settings different. So that's a biggie. The second one with procrastination is you've developed a false belief system in yourself of what you need to know to take action. And so successful people are willing to step into the unknown and the unprepared more than people who are unsuccessful. I'm not saying I don't like to research like, pot, you're super prepared for today. So am I. But there are just situations in my life of what I think I need to know is much lower than most people to step into the space and perform. So procrastination is really saying, I got to know a little more.

I got to prepare a little bit more. I got to get a little bit more ready, a little bit more ready, a little bit more ready. And you keep raising the readiness quota to a point where you never take action. And so you got to get to this point where you're like, I'm gonna get into the room, I'm gonna start to write that paper, I'm gonna start the book, I'm gonna get into that, and I'll figure it out when I get there.

And most people that are successful have this internal belief system that I don't need to know everything to take action. I just need to know enough to get in the room and I'll figure it out from there. And you've known this with all the successful people you've coached, that is something they possess in droves. Is the ability to get into a space

and step into a room and figure it out from there and not have to know everything. And that's how most of them discovered their passion. They even discovered it because they were just pushed into. I remember the first presentation I ever gave, the speaker had canceled. Really? And my friend said to me,

well, there's no speaker, you've got to give the talk. And I was just like, what do you mean I've got to give the talk? Like the speaker was really like well known and like in the community and all the rest of it. And they were like, no, no, no, but we haven't got a backup. And we can't invite someone last minute because it would look bad on them.

But because you're a nobody basically, you can give the talk. Wow. And I was just like, so I started preparing and I had three days, so I started preparing, I started doing it. I went up there and I just did it and I loved it. And I was like, oh, this is my, this feels right for me.

And I would never have discussed that if I didn't get pushed into it. It would never have happened. That's a beautiful story. Never have happened. And so I think so many times that you're so right. And I love that you addressed the first part about belief of what we deserve.

I just want that to sit with people because Ed, the way you like just put that out there, like I'm like, that is exactly it. That there is some part of us that just doesn't believe we deserve the level of success we striving and those those those subtle Subconscious air conditioners of our lives that cool down show up as coincidences You know, but really they're not they're by design because you're gonna cool your life back to what you believe you deserve every day

When I work with athletes are like what do you do with the pro athletes you work with? I'm mainly you know this even what do most people want when you're someone's really successful What are you working on? I go, usually their identity or their confidence. It's usually those two things. And their identity is the more important thing. Now, the other thing that happens is for a lot of people with their identity

is they'll attach their identity to the external, to their beauty, to their performance, to their career. And then when they lose that career, or they lose that NFL football career they've got, then they don't know who they are without it. So this identity should be deeply rooted in who you are, not just what you do. That's all I'm trying to do. Yeah, let's talk about that because I've been playing around with that a lot myself lately in trying to articulate that because I think the world has convinced us that what we do is our value.

So even people's introductions to themselves is, oh yeah, I'm an accountant, I'm a lawyer, I'm an author, I'm a coach, I'm a podcaster, whatever it is. We're describing I am followed by a doing word, not a being word. And so even our value in society is also, and so went to that college or so, and so has that job like we see value

and even in the past the way you had value was someone was a blacksmith and someone was a baker and that was their value and then even before that we used to barter because of what we did and then we could trade that so so much of identity for hundreds of years has been tied up in what we do. Oh by the way it's a you're so Oh, by the way, it's a, you're so brilliant, bro. I love our conversations. It's a very dangerous way to live your life. When your identity is tied up in what you do as a rather than who you are, as you say being, you're in a very dangerous place.

Because if it's tied to those things and then they don't exist, you're completely lost without them. And it is a very shallow. And I don't mean like shallow in the sense that, like, you know, shallow, like a treasure. I mean, it's not a very, there's not a lot of depth to that identity that is long lasting when it's attached to what we do or what we look like or what we've achieved. You know, you'll say that you're right. I just, I just

met someone the other day who I knew immediately they lacked a strong identity because they can, they immediately just resuméed me. I did this, I did that, I achieved this, I was written here, I was that, I went, I actually stopped them and, because I really liked them and I won't say who she was, but I said, you know, I really like you. I like you. What impresses me is you, who you are, your kindness.

She's brilliant by the way, this woman too. You're so brilliant. You're so kind. That's your identity. Your identity isn't your MBA. Your identity isn't your career. That's not your identity, but they've linked it to that. And it is a dangerous way to live your life. And it's not a deep way to live your life. A deep way to live your life where you can make impact in multiple areas is to root your identity and who you are, those intentions, the things that you believe to be true, your character, the way you conduct yourself, your value in life,

your value, your valuable, that's where identity is deeply rooted, not in the external. It's okay to be proud of your degree or your achievement or your career or your company. That's different. Being proud of something and having a sense of gratitude for what you've achieved, that's great.

But when you link your identity to it, you're in a dangerous and shallow place. Absolutely. Last question, Ed, we've talked about peace. We've talked about productivity. How does it not lead to burnout when you're trying to do all this, right? You're working on the internal self,

you're working on the productivity. It's like, gosh, Jay, I'm exhausted trying to do all this and exhausted trying to manage. Like I wanna be successful, but I wanna be spiritual. I'm trying to do it. I wanna be everything and do everything. Like how have you managed and what have been your reflections on burnout,

exhaustion, and then of course, ruining relationships in the process? Well, I've done all those. So I have experience and burnout and ruining relationships and messing things up. And here's what I've learned. I want all the things I want, but I don't have to have them right now.

And it's the right now of life. I gotta be in a hurry. I gotta do it. I gotta do it. I gotta do it now, now, now. And it's the right now of life. I gotta be in a hurry, I gotta do it, I gotta do it, I gotta do it now, now, now, now. There's a power of now. Some people lack the ability to operate in the now. But for me, it's I have built into my life, rest. Last night I slept 12 hours.

Wow. And the reason was is I've been getting to the point right now where I'm tinkering on the edge of too much now, too much now, too much now. And so I reflect back on my faith, I reflect back on I love, I mean there's basic things I know you do but I'm a big person on earthing and grounding. I love to get outdoors, I love to put my bare feet in the ground and let that recharge me. I'm real big on my recharge stuff now and sometimes that means lots of sleep, believe it or not. I used to brag that

I got five or six hours of sleep and I could operate on that. And I've learned over time, maybe there's a season for that, that's great. But there's also a season where I listen to my body. You're the best at this. But I've gotten better at listening to my spirit and my body. And when my spirit is screaming at me, you need to rest, you need to recharge. I listened to my body, especially at 52 years old, my body will speak to me even more now than sometimes it ever has in my life. And I listen to it and I've given myself the gift. I'm not afraid anymore,

you and I have talked about this privately. I'm not afraid anymore that I'm gonna lose momentum. I can say no to something, I can rest, I can recharge, I can reflect and it doesn't mean I'm gonna lose momentum. I used to believe if I don't keep going, I'm gonna lose the momentum I've got. And the truth is that's an insecurity in me. That's my lack of identity screaming at me.

And there's really three things, whether you believe in whatever your spiritual beliefs are. But if I was the adversary or the devil, what would I do to try to get you off track? What would I do? There's really you off track? What would I do? There's really three things. The first thing I would do is I get you to doubt. Three D's, I'll get you to doubt.

Can I get Jay Shetty doubting himself? Doubting that it matters, doubting his ability, doubting he can go to the next level. I'm gonna get him to doubt. Well, that's been happening. Yeah, if I, me too. Me too. I can see it on your face right now.

Me too, doubting me. The second thing, as I'll get them discouraged. I'll have a real critic. I'll have some hits. I'll have a miss or two, swing and a miss, right? If I can get them discouraged, then I got them. And the third thing, if I can't do that or I'll do both, I'll get them a bit delusional.

Delusion is believing something's worse than it is or better than it is and you thought stack and you start to stack it. What about this? What about this? What about this? What about this? And I get you magnifying something

to believe that it's a far bigger problem than it is, far more dramatic than it is, or far better than it is. You just explained my last 12 months. Oh my God, wow. And so those are the three D's. And so it's doubt, discouragement and delusion. And what I try to do is when I see them showing up and they do, I go, I know exactly what this is.

This is the negative coming to get me. This is trying to get me off course in my dreams and my vision and my contribution. And I am not gonna let other people be cheated because I doubt and I'm discouraged and I'm delusional. And so I really focus when those things come up and I identify them when they're there and I root them out because I know where they're coming from

and they're not coming from good, they're not coming from God, they're not coming from high vibrational frequency, they're coming from the worst of the worst. And so I absolutely rid them out when they show up. And that is a huge gift to me. You have no idea. You have no idea.

Okay, brother. Well, good. Genuinely, you have no idea. Well, you're a gift to me every time. That is, no, that's a real gift. Ed Meilert, everyone, follow Ed on Instagram if you don't already. Go and listen to his podcast Max out and books.

I mean, no, no, no new books right now. Just the power of one more. Yeah, power of one more was the book we discussed last time. Power of one more. I don't want to help anybody anyway I can, no, no, no new books right now. Just the power of one more. Yeah, power of one more is the book we discussed last time. Power of one more. I don't want to help anybody anyway I can, man. Yeah, Eddie, you're the best. Thank you so much for coming back. Love you.

Love these conversations. Honestly, they're so healing and therapeutic to me. I feel like I'm that 72, spending time with the 95. It's like, it really does heat me up honestly, genuinely. Like these are such life-giving conversations for me. So I'm so glad we recorded, I'm so glad we got to share it, and grateful, man, genuinely grateful. Thank you. So am I, brother. You're a blessing in my life. You're a blessing.

Yeah, thank you. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Aiman on how to change your life by changing your brain. If we want a healthy mind, it actually starts with a healthy brain. You know, I've had the blessing or the curse to scan over a thousand convicted felons and over a hundred murderers and their brains are very damaged. Hi, I'm Laura VanderKam. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist, and speaker. And I'm Sarah Hart Unger, a mother of three, practicing author, journalist, and speaker. And I'm Sarah Hart Unger, a mother of three,

practicing physician, writer, and course creator. We are two working parents who love our careers and our families. On the Best of Both Worlds podcast each week, we share stories of how real women manage work, family, and time for fun. From figuring out childcare to mapping out long-term career goals,

we want you to get the most out of life. Listen to Best of Both Worlds every Tuesday on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Tune in to the new podcast, Stories from the Village of Nothing Much, like easy listening but for fiction. If you've overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you. I'm Catherine Nicolai and I'm an architect of Cozy. Come spend some time where everyone is welcome and the default is kindness. Listen, relax, enjoy.

Listen to stories from the Village of Nothing Much on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.