On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Exhausted From Being a People Pleaser? Use THIS 0–10 Rule to Say “No” Without Guilt

Episode Date: October 3, 2025

Do you say yes too often? When was the last time you said no? In this special live episode recorded at an iHeart event in New York City, Jay Shetty reflects on his journey from speaking to empty rooms to sharing ancient wisdom with millions around the world. He reveals how reframing adversity helps us face life’s “first arrows” without adding the extra pain of self-criticism, and the daily practices that keep him grounded through challenge. With powerful stories, from a Navy SEAL finding purpose through On Purpose while on deployment, to a young cheerleader who radiates joy despite paralysis, Jay shows how resilience and perspective can transform even our hardest moments into sources of strength and growth. Jay breaks down what it really means to make “wisdom go viral” and why presence, not time, is the key to deeper connection. He shares the courage it takes to say no to protect your energy, how to keep your soul at the center in an AI-driven world, and the creativity that unlocks when seeing life through childlike eyes. This episode is your reminder to slow down, live with purpose, and let curiosity lead you toward greater connection and fulfillment. In this conversation, you'll learn: How to Reframe Adversity How to Build Confidence from Hard Times How to Protect Your Energy in Service How to Say No Without Guilt How to Think With Childlike Creativity When we pause to reflect, reconnect with what truly matters, and choose to act with purpose, we not only uplift ourselves, we inspire others to do the same. Keep leaning into curiosity, resilience, and compassion, and you’ll find that the path ahead holds far more possibility than limitation. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast   What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 02:48 It Started with Small, Empty Rooms 04:41 How Do You Approach Adversity? 07:48 The Reservoir of Joy 13:15 Making Wisdom Go Viral 17:25 Why Audio Feels Intimate 21:09 Navigating the Age of AI 25:54 Breaking Free from People Pleasing 31:58 Learning to Adapt When Life Shifts 35:38 Unlocking Creativity with the 30 Circles TestSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Welcome to the U versus you podcast. I'm Lex Barrero, inviting you to go beyond the titles and the accolades of the world's most successful entertainers. Each week, we take off the Cape and get real about the inner battles, childhood stories, and the moments that shaped our guests. Get inspired to become the best version of you. Listen to U versus U Podcast on the IHart Radio app or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Radhid Dvluquia and I'm the host of a really good cry podcast and I have the opportunity to talk to Logan Yuri. If you're out there trying to date right now, being ghosted on Hinge or want to create a dating profile that gives you a solid chance of matching with someone you actually want to go on a date with.

Then this episode with Hinge's Director of Relationship Science, Logan Yuri is definitely for you. Relationships do require work. The best relationships are people who really work on them together. Listen to a really good cry on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. us. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the psychology podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, we're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials easier. Complex problem solving.

Takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. How amazing would it be? I've been so fortunate to learn about these traditions that are 5,000 years old. They're not my teachings. They're not my wisdom. It's wisdom that I've gained from my teachers and mentors. How amazing would it be if these went viral and everyone for free could have access to these tools and skills? What an amazing world we would live in. What if compassion could go viral? What if empathy could go viral? What if the ideas that bring people together could go viral. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. He won. The only. Jay Shetty. So often we rush through life chasing deadlines,

juggling responsibilities, and trying to keep up with everything around us. But moments like these remind us to pause, to reflect, and to remember what truly matters. Connection, compassion, and purpose. That's what makes this gathering so unique. on purpose is where I sit down with incredible guests to share their wisdom with you. But tonight, the roles are reversed. I'm stepping into the guest see, sharing my own journey, the lessons I've learned, and the practices that continue to guide me every single day. This isn't just another episode. It's an intimate conversation about resilience, reframing adversity, and discovering how we can make wisdom go viral in our world.

And I'm so grateful you're here to be a part of it. we are blessed at iHeart to be able to work with hundreds of creators who change the game every day and one of them is here tonight a bestselling author last time i saw jay shetty he was about to go around the world or like 40 cities with a book that he had just put out the biggest mental health and mindful podcaster in the world it has been for several years running and candidly just a dear friend of mine and iHeart media. Let's bring Jay Shetty up. So some of this for me is origin stories.

And I think everybody here. knows who you are. But just in case, how did this happen? How did you get it? Tell us a little bit of the story of how you got here. Yeah, well, first of all, I'm so grateful to be here and wonderful to be surrounded by all of you, making sure I can see everyone all the way up there at the back as well.

I have no idea how this happened. I'm like living in bonus land. I had no idea that any of this was possible. I didn't ever believe that any of this would happen. I remember booking small college rooms and putting up posters to try and share wisdom. And I remember going to give my first talk and I waited for 10 minutes after the announced time,

waited 20 minutes, we were 30 minutes, 40 minutes later, I realized no one was coming. So I practiced my presentation to an empty room. And then the second time, same thing happened, practiced a presentation to an entry room, empty room. The third time I realized I had to fire the person putting up the flyers. But that person was me. And so I couldn't really do that.

And so I practiced empty rooms for weeks and weeks and years. And I had lived as a monk for three years before that. And I was just trying to share what I'd learned. And to be honest, I was really. lucky if five to ten people would show up at a event in London on a Friday night that was absolutely free so that I could just share wisdom. I had a day job. I was working full-time as a consultant in the city just to pay my bills. And then I'd spend my evenings trying to share wisdom. And so that's how it started. And that led to one day putting out videos and then

podcasts and books and everything else. But that's really the journey. That's really the work. more than five to ten people here tonight. A lot of what you talk about, which seems appropriate to start here on a day like today, a lot of what you talk about is reframing adversity. You just told a little story about how you had a little adversity. You're trying to get a career going and after hours career. We are running and gunning a lot of us, marketers in the corporate world, hour in, hour out. we hit adversity all the time we hit it emotionally we hit it professionally what i love about talking to

you is how practical it gets so fast uh talk to us a little bit about what that means for you reframing adversity and what we could do literally tomorrow morning maybe to live a little differently what's really interesting is there's this beautiful teaching that comes from the buddha that I love and it's called the second arrow. So the Buddhist talks about how if someone shoots an arrow at you and sadly it hits you, it's going to hurt. That's what it feels like to experience adversity. We all have that, whether someone shouted at you, someone said something mean on the subway, your boss is having a bad day, maybe your child said something to you, right? Whatever it is like everyone's got their version of that your friend screwed you over your boyfriend or girlfriend

or whoever it was broke up with you for no reason at all that's the first arrow and the buddha talks about how the first arrow hurts and you can't really change that but the buddha says don't fire a second arrow at yourself and the second arrow is the meaning that you attach to that first arrow so oh they broke up with me because i'm not good enough oh my boss is yelling at me because they hate me. Oh, that person snarled at me on the train because, you know, I just, I have that energy. And so you start giving meaning to that which doesn't exist. And that second arrow is where all of our adversity really begins.

We're actually tough enough to heal from the first arrow. Every single one of you has healed from the most difficult things, things that I'm not aware of, things that you may never. a share, whether you've lost a loved one, whether you went through a really difficult health challenge when you were younger, whether you grew up without a parent, like whatever you've been through, you've been through really, really hard things. And you can do extremely hard things moving forward. And so the first thing you can do waking up tomorrow to Connell's point is make a list of every hard thing you've been through. It will only make you more confident.

It will only make you more courageous. Make a list of every difficult thing you've done in your life. And the second thing is, stop giving negative meaning to hard things that happen. Stop firing that second arrow yourself. Those are the two things I'd do. Just to repeat it, like it, conversations with you, whether it's in private, before we come on or here in front of a crowd, I find it's so helpful. I'll tell sort of a candid moment of a couple years ago, we were sitting and doing a Q&A together and after the Q&A I said yeah my son's going off to college in a in a year and I'm sort of freaking out about it and I think he's on a trajectory that he's trying to figure himself out we all are and your your instinct this really happened like your instinct was

let me call him let me call you want to talk to him I'll talk to him it'd be cool I won't make it weird and and it was so uh you're so of service But I thought to myself afterwards, like, God, that's got to be exhausting to constantly be helping. And you really are. What do you do for yourself to reboot, to reinvigorate yourself because you are constantly in service like that? In some sense, taking on other people's stuff so much. What do you do to keep stable going? Okay?

What do you do? I'll try and be brief about the things that I think are obvious. So I meditate daily. I exercise five, six days a week, eat healthy. I have a very disciplined regimen when it comes to all of that stuff. So that helps a lot. But on a deeper level and to take it a step deeper because I think all of you are here today and we have this intimate space to be more open and vulnerable, for me, I've been really

fortunate that my teachers are like a reservoir of joy and I get to be with them deeply often. And so my monk teacher is 75 years old this year. He was in New York actually earlier this week. So I would finish my work day and spend Monday and Tuesday evening with him for like three, four hours. And he is just full of wisdom. He's full of light. He's full of life. And I'm just in his aura just like soaking it in. And he's just truly one of those people that you meet. And you're just like, I feel like he's looking through me. I feel like he sees all my floors.

But I feel loved and I feel held. And I've known him ever since I was 18 years old. And for 20 years, he's been my guide and my mentor. And being in his presence is just unmatched. And so I'm spoiled. I'm overwhelmed with love for him. And then the second part of it is really beautiful because when you are of service, when you're trying to give, I don't, when I'm trying to be helpful,

you actually receive really beautiful stories. And so I talked about this. I was on the Today Show this morning, and I was talking to Chanel, who sadly, one of the hosts who lost her husband to cancer, she just came back after six months of taking care of him during that time and while he passed away. And she asked me a similar question.

And I immediately thought of two people that I met while I was on tour. So this year we took on purpose. across 15 cities of North America and Canada. And I met two people that stayed with me. I met lots of people, but two people stayed with me deeply. One was a Navy SEAL who was just back from deployment that weekend and said to me that when they're at deployment, they listen to On Purpose. And I just was like, wait a minute, how does that even happen?

I just like, explain that to me. And it was just humbling. It just felt bizarre and ridiculous. And I was like, teach me, like, tell me about you. I'm so much more interesting. interested in learning from you. And the second person was this 19-year-old girl who is a world champion cheerleader. And at 16 years old, she's world champion across America.

And she had a freak accident where she had a really bad fall. And she had a disruption in her spinal cord, which has left her paralyzed, which includes her hands. she was in a wheelchair when I saw her three years on and she was the most vibrant person I'd ever met in my life she was beaming she was smiling she was joyful she was telling me her story with full of life her name is Michaela Noble

and I was so inspired by it and I was like what how did you do this like how can you be that positive like I was like if I listen to all my advice I wouldn't be like you right so So explain to me how you did this. And I meant it. I was like, explain to me. And she explained to me that she believes in God and that God reminded her how beautiful her family is

and just how that's been her source of shelter and love. And I have never forgotten that moment I shared with. I met her for like 10 minutes or something. But I can't stop talking about it and thinking about it because she was showing me how vibrant, energetic and beaming someone can be when they can't walk. they're in a wheelchair, and they've lost their dream. She'll never be able to cheer again.

And so that's how I get inspired the people who I've learned from. And I find even the people that say they're learning from me, they're actually inspiring me more than they know. I think a lot of what we strive for as marketers, as professionals, is when we're working on that one idea, that one campaign, and it goes viral. And we're like, wow, in marketing speak, You've got a lot of earned value, your own media on your hands.

But you use this term making wisdom go viral, which I can't imagine anything more timely than this as a goal. Just walk us through that. What does it mean for you? Why do you talk about that a lot? Yeah, I read a book before I started creating content by Salim Ishmael. The book's called The Singularity. Oh, no. The book's called Exponential Organizations published by the Singularity University years ago, really old book.

And it almost talked about how Uber and Facebook and how those early companies had their rise. But he talked about how all amazing companies or organizations or people had an MTP or a massive transformational purpose. And he talks in the book about how Google's MTP is organizing the world's information. Their MTP is not building Google ads or Google AI or Google Glasses. It's organizing the world's information. It's massive, it's aspirational, and it allows them to do anything. It's not like we can just have a Gmail account.

And he said, Ted's was ideas worth spreading. So I spent a lot of time thinking, like, what's my MTP? And I came up years ago now, like maybe eight years ago, with making wisdom go viral. And it really stuck for me, and it really stuck for a lot of other people. And then COVID came and viral had a whole new meaning. Then everyone's like, maybe you should change that. And so we didn't use it for a few years. It's kind of having a comeback now.

But MTP, talking about why that's important and what it means, when I started creating content, there were only like three or four things that went viral. So it was cats, which I love. Any cat people? Yeah, all right, okay. Dogs? Didn't know that we were going on there. Yeah, dogs, dog people.

Number three, babies, baby people. Yeah, all right, yeah. So cats, dogs, babies. And then people taking them. their clothes off. So those are the people taking their clothes off. No one? Really? We don't get a So those are the four things that went viral. When I started creating content, health and wellness, mindfulness, mindfulness, meditation, wisdom didn't really exist on the internet. Like it wasn't viral. It was there, but it wasn't viral. And so I thought, how amazing would it be? I've been so

fortunate to learn about these traditions that are 5,000 years old. They're not my teachings. They're not my wisdom. It's wisdom that I've gained from my teachers and mentors. How amazing would it be if these went viral and everyone for free could have access to these tools and skills what an amazing world we would live in what if compassion could go viral what if empathy could go viral what if the ideas that bring people together could go viral because I wasn't seeing that until this day on purpose's mission is I promise you we will get the same or more views than any of our peers in this place without using clickbait like that's that's our mission like that's my rule. I will never ask a clickbait question because I don't want to, because our mission

is we're going to prove to you that if you serve the word, world, healthy food, but looks good and tastes good, then they'll take it. But if you serve the world junk food, of course they're going to eat it. It's obvious. And so my push to myself is always, how do I ask the least clickbait question and get it to go viral, which annoys my team because they're like, Jay, if you just ask them about Kanye, it would help. And I'm like, yeah, I'm going to go for this whole interview and not mention Kanye. And I did that and yeah, it still works. So that's kind of where I come at it from, which is, yeah, how do we truly make wisdom go away? I'm totally not going to ask my next question about Kanye.

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Yes, jingle ball. If, if, if you want to see how loud our company gets, uh, it's jingle ball. Um, but it always, it always warms my heart to talk to creators like yourself or, or Malcolm Gladwell or Questlove, who are partners with ours, for whom audio in particular is very, very specifically important. Malcolm Gladwell puts it in a way when I was talking to him and he said, you know, it's funny, video for me comes in through the eyes, but audio goes straight for the heart. And he said, I swear, I'm not making this up. He's like, I've seen audiences react differently to the stuff I do as a creator.

Why is audio such a huge part of your focus, particularly podcasting, the on-purpose podcast? What itch does it scratch? What need does it serve? Why does it play such a big role in your life? You can't just quote Malcolm Gladwell. I grew up, Malcolm's like my hero. I grew up as reading all his books. So it was so wonderful to meet him in Qatar.

I love Malcolm. His and works incredible. And I love that. I love that approach. It's beautiful. It's, for me, audio feels like you're on a phone call with someone, which feels so intimate because no one calls anyone anymore. And so there's such an intimacy in feeling like someone's in your ear.

It's so close. It's so vulnerable. It's so personal when you're letting someone. into your ear. And I see that in the different communities I have. If someone watches me, they know a certain part of me. But if someone listens to me, they know me far more deeply. I know the difference when I meet someone who listens to On Purpose regularly

versus someone who follows me on Instagram. It's completely different the conversation I'm going to have with that person. And if someone's listening to my audiobook, same thing. It's so meaningful because I think we, all consume more deeply through our ears. We could be looking at something and looking at a million things. And when you're watching something, like Malcolm said, like when you're watching something, you're looking at the characters and you might look at their hair and the bag that they're holding and their fashion. And then you forgot what they said. But when you're listening, all you can do

is listen to what someone said. There is zero distraction. So the intimacy, the vulnerability, the personal connection is just unmatched. And I feel so lucky that I get to live and sit with people whether they're at the gym, whether they're on their way to work or back, whether they're walking their dog, whether they're trying to walk their cat, whether they're cooking, like, you know, it's like whatever you're doing, like you're a part of someone's life. Yeah. If you think about that, audio is the only thing you really do while doing everything else. So you're a part of someone's life, whereas you sit down to watch a show.

You're not doing a, you might do a bunch of things and watch, but when you're doing a bunch of things and you're listening, it's like there's just this beautiful, captivated connection. and so I feel that with someone who people when I meet them and they listen to the podcast they'll often come up to me and say I feel like I know you yeah and my answer is you kind of do yeah uh you know and it's it's it's different from someone saying I follow you on Instagram I feel like not talking about artificial intelligence would be remiss and not hitting it at least for a second um we have a pretty incredible research team at iHeart and they are laser are focused on this topic today. What does it mean to make human-generated content versus

AI-generated content? This is a challenge we all, as marketers, are grappling with figuring out. Is it a tool? Is it a friend? Is it a foe? What do I do? You know, nine out of 10 humans in the United States still feel like it is very important to me that the content I consume is made by human. 82% of those people are uncertain of concerned about AI. It can mean a lot of different things, but generally, it's a position of anxiety. It's not yet a position of, let's go, this is going to be great.

How do you process that? How should we think about that? I think fear around new technology is always normal and expected, and I think we felt the same way about social media and if not more today than we did when it was founded and same at the internet and same with colour television and probably everything else. And so the fear doesn't surprise me

and it feels like a normal human reaction and probably the most justified ever because AI is definitely the most scary and the most, yeah, the most potentially dangerous one out of all of them. And I think it seems like it's got worse every time. So it's fair and it's real. I think at the same time, we've seen that the technology is not going to go away because we're scared.

It's not going to disappear because we don't like it. And sadly, we're not smart enough as humans to end something before it ends us. And so we're going to let it take course. We'll make a documentary in 10 years time. The next book in 12 years will be about how you to get your kids off of AI instead of phones. And we'll do the same thing again. because as Mark Twain says, history never repeats itself,

but it always rhymes. So you see that happen again and again and again. So what do we do, right? So what do we do? If we take all of what I just said, and that's just what humans do, then what do we do with that? We only really have one choice,

which is how do we learn to engage with it effectively and not let it use us? And when I think about creativity, I fully agree with you. There were a couple of brands in the last couple of weeks that launched fully AI campaigns. Yeah.

it was rejected completely. I even see fellow creators who are making brilliant storytelling videos on TikTok with AI, with Vio, and the comments are just like, oh, I guess we're using AI now. And I'm flabbergasted because the storytelling's brilliant. But all the comments are like,

why are you doing this? And I'm like, oh, interesting. Not me, we're not making them yet, but friends are mine. And I'm like, oh, interesting. Like, what's going on here? So I think that's not going to go away. And I think the big question I keep getting asked

at conferences, about mindfulness and consciousness is, will AI ever have a soul? My answer to that is I don't know, but I just hope that the people using AI have a soul. And I think that's what I would encourage marketers and creators to do, that it's soul plus AI. It's not AI. Because you just told me, and I won't share what it was, but you just told me about a beautiful story your friend made into a movie.

And that story is only a great story. story because it was real life. Yeah. And so now more than ever, art imitating reality is all we have. And it's what we've been fascinated about. It's why we love true stories. It's why we love stories that are based on a true story because art imitating reality is what captures humans. And AI can't do that yet. So that's what we've got to focus on is soul plus AI. And that soul is art imitating reality. And that reality means... observe real life more rather than expecting AI to figure it out. Because that's your unique

superpower as marketers. Everyone can ask AI, what would you do for my campaign? But AI doesn't really know how to mirror reality yet. It doesn't still have that. It doesn't have raw emotion and ability to transfer the pain of poetry. It can't, it can write a poem, but the poem's pretty basic and average. It still doesn't have that. And so that's our superpower, soul plus AI. So I think we need to use AI, we will use AI, AI will exist now forever, just like social media, let's just not lose the soul before it in the algorithm. We all want to feel better, to have more energy and more focus throughout the day. That's why I co-founded Juni, a sparkling adaptogenic drink made with powerful ingredients

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adaptogens to support energy, focus, and mood, all with zero sugar. Be among the first to try it. Available exclusively at drinkjuni.com, where you can use the code on-purpose 20 for 20% off your first order. Cheers to your daily mood boost. I want to open this up just a little bit. I think we're going to let folks ask you a couple questions real quick, and then we can close out with one more.

Yeah, let's go right there. So you're surrounded by a lot of people that work in agencies, so we're trained to please people and to never say no. So can you talk to us a little bit about the power of life balance, and it's important to mental health and maybe give us some tips to not feel, because when I say no, I feel selfish. No to who? No to anyone, whether that be family, whether that be bosses, work, clients, all those sorts of places. But I also do know that when you help people, you do feel really good. So how do I help myself to say no to others and say yes to myself? That's a great question. How many of you

feel like a people pleaser? Yes, all of us. Good. How many of you don't feel like people pleases? Oh, very honest. It's all the bosses in the room, classic. Yeah, it's all the people at the top. Got it. You know, it's such a great question, such a great question.

I had to learn that the hard way, too, even from a service point of view. So at one point in my life, I was so deeply focused on service. that I would burn out very often. I would run out of energy very often because I'd say yes to helping anyone. Someone called me at midnight.

I was there. I would fly there, drive there, pick up the phone, whatever it was. Today, unless it is really serious or whatever, and I'm saying this half joking, but if someone calls me up and goes, this crazy thing happened to me night, can I talk about it?

I'm like, sleep on it. We'll talk about it in three days. Because half the time, the emergency is not really an emergency. And if it is, of course, take it seriously. but those emergencies are rarely that. And everything feels like a 10 when you don't really look at the scale of what 0 to 10 is.

So if 10 is the worst thing ever could happen, ever, write down underneath it what that is for you. So whatever that is for you, like 10 out of 10, the worst day of your life, what would it be? Write that down. And then 0 out of 10, what would that day look like

if that was the best day of your life? And now, when anything happens, look at it on a scale of 1 to 10. And now all of a sudden, things that you think are a 10 are actually a 5. Things that you think are a 10 are actually like a 3. Because now you have a scale to look at it on because in that moment, a stubbed toe is a 10 out of 10. In that moment, right? In that moment, getting late to a meeting is a 9 out of 10 because the brain just goes,

the mind just goes crazy. It just makes everything feel extreme. And so make your own 0 to 10 scale. I'm not the one to tell you what a 10 is and I'm not the one to tell you what a 0 is. No one can do it for you. So make that scale, and then any time something comes in, ask yourself, where does it really sit on that scale? if it's a true emergency amazing if it's not where does it land give yourself that so if it's eight and above you're going to say yes and if it's six and below i'm going to say no and that gives

you a really clear metric for yourself that i can't tell you you may say stubbing my toe is a 8.9 uh you know but it's up to you to decide so that's the first step the second part of it i'd say is if you really want to help people if you really care about people it's all about how long you can do it for, not how quick you can do it. So when you really, thank you so much for that sound effect. That was amazing. I will pay you later. That was amazing.

That was so good. That sounded like experience. I'll give you a hug. Okay, a hug, yeah. We need your sound effects on the podcast. When I, like, say stuff, like, just need, like, reactions. Oh, that's fantastic. On my solo episode.

But it's something. So I want to do the rest of the time. it's something I had to realize that if I really care about someone, it's how long I can do it for, not how quickly I can solve the problem. And so if saying no is helping you get sharper, more refined, more defined the next day and the day after, you're actually going to be more useful to that person forever, even to your boss, to your family, whoever it may be. I've often said to my family, because I live away from them, I no longer have the luxury to spend a lot of time with my family. live in L.A., my family's in London, so is my wife's family. But I've always said to them that I'm

going to show up for the amount of time that I can give you 100% of my presence. So sometimes I can't give people all of my time, but I can always give them all of my presence. So I'd rather be with someone for 10 minutes if I can give them 100% of my presence, then be with them for an hour and give them 10% of my presence, which is what a lot of us do. We try and trade time when no one wants time. They want presence. How many times have you just spent three hours with someone and then gone, I didn't feel like we spent time together. Because when we're using the wrong language, you were never dealing in time. You were dealing in connection and presence. So you'd be better off. The fact that we all live in these 30 minute hour meetings, it was just made up by someone who made the calendar. Like,

who made that up? Meetings could be 17 minutes if you wanted them to be. They could be six. They could be three, but we all think a meeting. Our minds blow. Yeah. The whole whole room. We all think that needs have to be 30 or an hour. And I'm like, sometimes I talk to my team. I'm like, I do not need to talk to that person for 30 minutes. I just don't. And so we've got to recognize that actually you can become more efficient and effective if you choose not to people please. So your goal, by the way, I love making people happy to. But sometimes the goal of pleasing people is better served when I don't people please. Because I can actually think about the longer term effect of what does it really mean to make them happy.

I hope that helps. Welcome to the U versus you podcast. I'm Lex Barrero, and every week we sit down with some of the biggest names in entertainment to talk about the real stuff, the struggles, the doubts, and the breakthroughs that made them who they are. We go deep, exploring childhood trauma, family, overcoming loss, and the moments that shape their journey. These honest conversations are meant to take the cape off our heroes. with the hope that their humanity inspires you to become a better you and therefore set you free to live the life of your dreams.

Here's a sneak peek. I'm trained to go compete. I'm trained to be harder. But sometimes that mentality stops you from stopping and smelling the flowers in your own garden. Is it wrong to want more? We migrated. Our family migrated here.

I'm like second generation. Who will have a trauma coming from a country, exanjerio, and you're to States, and you knowles to English? Listen to You versus You as part of Michael Tutta Podcast Network, available on the IHard Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

I'm Radie Dvluquia and I'm the host of a really good cry podcast and I have the opportunity to talk to Logan Yuri. Logan is a dating expert, a behavioral scientist, a best-selling author and someone who is seriously changing the way we think about love and dating. In our conversation, we talk all things dating, that Logan has studied and tested from what to put in your dating profile, the pictures you should and shouldn't be using to the conversation starters that actually work.

And the huge no-noes that people probably do not realize are reducing their chances of success on apps. Whether you're single, dating, or just trying to be more intentional in love, Logan offers the kind of clarity we all need. Relationships do require work. And the best relationships are people who really work on them together. They're so focused on, if I find the perfect person,

then I'll have the perfect relationship. instead of understanding really that they can choose someone great and then build that relationship together. They don't need to keep searching for perfection. Listen to a really good cry on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about exploring human potential.

I was going to schools to try to teach kids these skills and I get eye rolling from teachers or I get students who would be like, It's easier to punch someone in the face. When you think about emotion regulation, like, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome as a result of it, if it's going to be beneficial to you. Because it's easy to say, like, go you go blank yourself, right?

It's easy. It's easy to just drink the extra beer. It's easy to ignore, to suppress, seeing a colleague who's bothering you and just, like, walk the other way. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials is easier. drinking is easier yelling screaming is easy complex problem solving meditating you know takes effort

listen to the psychology podcast on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts we got somebody we got time for one more question from the crowd pick somebody And the back. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Uptown. Let's do it. And yeah, the black t-shirt.

Hello. Hello, how you doing? Hey, how you doing? Not too bad. I'm glad you can see me up here. Nice to meet you. What's your name? Ricardo.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. So as somebody who is interested and has been intrigued by just the Buddhist practices, also have been reading up on like some of the Vedic scriptures, such as like the Bhagwaggita. You had mentioned that you served as a monk or lived as a monk for a couple of years. So I just wanted to know during that time living as a monk, what was one of the most influential things that you learned? Don't do it. Don't do it.

I have to. But what was the most influential thing that you learned during that time that still sticks with you today? Yeah, thank you. Great question. And if you want to be a monk and you're not married and don't have kids, go do it. It's just striking the amount of married men that come up to me and go, I really always wanted to be a monk. And I'm like, yeah.

I was going to ask. They're not going to accept you. It doesn't work like that. That's a great, great, great question. I would say it was something that wasn't even necessarily taught, but it was a way we lived. And so when you live as a monk, I lived as a monk for three years, you have two sets of robes. You wear one, you wash one. You sleep in a communal space, and some rooms that we slept in could sleep 30 people.

Sometimes it could sleep 200 people. you don't have a space that's yours you put a little yoga mat on the floor if you're in india you'll have a mosquito net to protect you from getting eaten at night and you'll just have a bed sheet because it's not that cold most months and if it's cold you'll have a bigger blanket if you're anywhere else in the world you could we had a traveling sleeping bag sometimes like a camping bag what's really interesting is you don't get to decide what you eat you eat what you're given so what ends up happening is you end up becoming really flexible and really adaptable. Because you don't have a place that's yours. You don't have a

bed that's yours. You don't have a room that's yours. You don't end up having much that's yours. And you start realizing that it's actually liberating when you learn to live with consistency and stability and how you wake up and look outwards rather than look at all those things to make you feel secure. So it's a really interesting, fascinating thing where like you're almost training yourself to wake up with stability from within because outside of you, everything's unstable, because you can't control it and it's not part of your life. And while now my life is extremely controlled on the outside, I still see that value in how useful it was to have that skill on the inside. Because when things aren't going my way externally, that's what I turn to. So that doesn't

mean we shouldn't design our homes to be really curated and intentional. I think that's a really healthy way to live. But learning adaptability and flexibility can be a really important skill to help us deal with when things don't go to plan. And when I was a monk, like, things generally never went to plan because you don't, you're not, you don't, you're not in control. And so learning how to deal with not being in control, again, I'm not recommending that your whole life should not be in control. That is not the point. The point is we all have moments in our life that none of us can control and knowing how to respond to those is really, really helpful. So I hope that helps. Thank you so much. Last question. Again, you have a room full of creatives, marketers,

storytellers, maybe just challenge us with what's one thing, one question we should ask ourselves tomorrow, tomorrow morning, every meeting that we go into. What's one beat we should take and one question we should ask ourselves to sort of reset just a little bit? So if I had this right now, I'd give it to all of you and if I didn't care so much about the environment, I'd give it to you as well. But I'd print out for you a piece of A4 piece of paper and on it, it would have 30 circles. This is something called the 30 circles. So imagine an 8, 4 piece of paper, and there's 30 circles on it. I would then tell you you had 30 seconds to uniquely use and complete 30 circles. The timer would start. The countdown would go down.

20, 10, 9, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I'd say stop. I'd know straight away who cheated in school because you'd still be scribbling. I'd then really ask you to stop, but then I'd ask you what you did. I've done this everywhere. These are the top five answers. The first. first is I wrote the numbers 1 to 30 in the in the circles the second is I wrote the alphabet a to Z and then ABCD to finish it off the third is I did squiggles and loops and whatever like doodling the fourth is I did emojis pizzas footballs soccer balls whatever that is and then the fifth is we call it nauts and crosses you call it tick-tac-toe what's it called what was that is it called tick-tac-toe

I think so. Yeah, noughts and crosses. X is a nose. Right, right, right, yeah. Yeah, we call it Nauts and crosses. So, yeah, Nauts and crosses. So that's the other thing that people do. Pretty much no one does anything different to that, pretty much.

The people think their doodle is something special, but it's just a doodle. And then I've done this same activity with, by the way, we've done this with executives at every major company. I've done this activity with 10-year-olds. And some of the 10-year-olds come up with some amazing stuff. One kid, he drew this thing around the 30 circles, put a little tag on top, and put some lines on. And when I asked him what it was, he said it was a bag of tennis balls. This other young girl that I really, this one, I'll never forget,

she did all this intricate line work on some of the circles. And when I asked her what it was, she said it was a chessboard from a bird's eye view. I was like, wow. And she was like, yeah, my mom made me watch Queens Gambia. I was like, we're talking about that. That may not be the right inspiration for a tenure. And then this one, probably my favorite one out of all of them, is this girl did all this intricate line work,

curved shades, all this stuff in 30 seconds. And when I asked her what it was, she held it like this and she said bubble wrap. Wow. Now, what happened? I'm talking to some of the most creative executives in the world, biggest marketers in the world. I've done this activity, I usually do in smaller groups.

What do we learn? We learn that the human brain has become so logical by the time we get 20, 25, 30, 40, 50 years old that we hear 30 circles, 30 seconds, task done. And that's what we're going after. These 10-year-olds don't even know what that means, right? They don't care about the time. They're just laterally thinking about the idea. Subconsciously, they're not going on trying to be creative.

they're just not worried about finishing in time. And even if they are, they kind of are thinking about it in a completely different way. So my question to you is how can you start looking at your life and your role through the fresh eyes of a child? How can you look at a problem the way a child would look at a problem? When a child's asked what a washing machine is, they think it's a time machine.

When a child is asked what an iPhone is, they think it's a portal that someone could reach their hand through and they can reach their hand through. Now think about how many amazing marketing ideas you'd have if you looked at something to fresh eyes whereas when we're all looking at the latest TikTok trend and the latest Instagram trend and everyone's doing the same thing.

It's like we're looking at things through the task file of what's working today. Whereas all the ads we all love and the reason you probably became a marketer is someone blew your mind because they created something that felt like they were being childlike, not childish.

And so I would encourage you all to think about how to think about how would you think a child would interact with whatever you're doing? And if a child doesn't interact with the product you use, how can you look at it through the fresh eyes of a child to not look at it for what you have learned to believe it is, but whatever it could be. Thank you so much for hanging out with us tonight. I'm going to let you get out of here and then I'm going to close out. But thank you, Jack. Thank you for your questions, everyone. So nice to meet you. If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're

trying to build more, I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success and the secret to genuinely loving what you do. If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you. Just because I like it, that doesn't give it any value. Like as an artist, if you like it, that's all of the value. That's the success comes when you say, I like this enough for other people to see it. This is an IHeart podcast.