On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Gary Vee ON: Living Without Judgment & How to Stop Beating Yourself Up When You Make Mistakes

Episode Date: June 13, 2022

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Do you want to meditate daily with me? Go to go.calm.com/onpurpose to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay. Only on CalmJay Shetty sits down once again with Gary Vee to talk about choosing to fight for your passion over what other people have to say. When you allow people and their opinions affect how you live, you give them control over your life. You are giving them the power to decide for you. You can change that but choosing how much of your life you want to share and to what extent is already considered an intrusion into your private life.Gary Vaynerchuk is a serial entrepreneur, and serves as the Chairman of VaynerX and the CEO of VaynerMedia. Gary is considered one of the leading global minds on what’s next in culture, relevance and the internet. Known as “GaryVee” he is described as one of the most forward thinkers in business - he acutely recognizes trends and patterns early to help others understand how these shifts impact markets and consumer behavior. Today, he helps Fortune 1000 brands leverage consumer attention through his full service advertising agency, VaynerMedia.Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/What We Discuss:00:00 Intro01:39 “I do a good job of making my Dad popular.”06:41 If it works for you, you can juggle multiple things12:33 “I’m very happy because I’m very simple.”18:11 We have demonized losing when losing is the best22:26 You’re in control of your life26:50 Leveraging family and personal life lacks authenticity29:54 Lack of accountability is leading to so much unhappiness34:29 What is your most worthy pursuit?Episode ResourcesGary Vee | InstagramGary Vee | YouTubeGary Vee | TwitterGary Vee | LinkedInGary Vee | BooksGary Vee | FacebookVaynerMediaThe GaryVee Audio ExperienceSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Regardless of the progress you've made in life, I believe we could all benefit from wisdom on handling common problems. Making life seem more manageable, now more than ever. I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One You Feed Podcast, where I interview thought-provoking guests who offer practical wisdom that you can use to create the life you want. 25 years ago, I was homeless and addicted to heroin. I've made my way through addiction recovery, learned to navigate my clinical depression, and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The one you feed has over 30 million downloads and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple Podcast.

Oprah Magazine named this is one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life. You always have the chance to begin again and feed the best of yourself. The trap is the person often thinks they'll act once they feel better. It's actually the other way around. I have had over 500 conversations with world-renowned experts and yet I'm still striving to be better.

Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season, and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share 10 incredible stories with you,

stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. Listen to season 8 of Family Secrets on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time?

I'm Jermis Beg, the host of the Psychology of Your 20s. Each week, we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s. From career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The Psychology of Your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartot Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. You're in control. You. You. You decide what you consume. You decide what you believe.

You decide who you surround yourself with. You decide what you put out. Take on accountability. Yeah. Everybody wants the blame right now. I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out. And I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book. For you to listen to this book, I read the audiobook.

If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to 8rulesoflove.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour. Love rules. Go to jsheddytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. Yeah, it's been three years since I've seen you and it's been way too long. It's nice to be back. It's nice to be back.

Now, we're always back here. This is like, I think the third time I've interviewed you in this room. And it's just, it's always awesome when I hear from you when we're in touch, man. So I'm hoping that we can kick that off again. I love it. Yeah, I love it. I want to start off, I have to ask you.

I've got a ton of questions. I know we've got limited amount of time. I want to start off asking, how's Vicon? I was watching it. It looked amazing. I was following everything online. It was great. We were really happy with it.

I've been telling a lot of my friends and family, like, you know, I really held back a lot Meaning it was since it was the first time I didn't know what I was getting into so it went super well Which has me crazy excited for the next one. It was educational. It was about community It felt right and now I think I can build off of that base. I like context a lot. And so I needed to contextualize throwing an event of that size. Now that I've calibrated, I think about it like a fighter. The first round, they want to feel each other out.

You want to take that first punch. Can you take the guy or Gals power? Now that we've done that, I feel like I can be even more ambitious with the next one. So it was really good. Nice man. The people I know that went as not as speakers, one. So it was it was really good. Nice man Yeah, the people I know that went as not as speakers, but as visitors that a great time. I'm glad so yeah Yeah, then that's been the universal take up which is for a first year event at that size I'll take it. Your team posted this beautiful video is literally yesterday

And I was just I was scrolling through and it's this video of a moment between you and your dad Yeah, and I was just like, you know, to hear that from your dad, I'm gonna read it out. He said, you don't even realize what you did on that stage. You completely changed my brain. And then he said, you're really special. And like we've seen moments with you and your dad on social a ton before, obviously.

What was different about that moment? And what was either of, what did you sideline off towards my while I was in love? What's challenging for me is like, you know, look, my dad's a very popular figure. I do a good job making him popular. He's the best. But my dad and I are very different.

My dad grew up with a very different mom than I did. My dad grew up in a very different play. The USSR is not an optimistic place. You know, a lot of Americans and a lot of people listening around the world don't know this. The USSR was a jail. It wasn't only that it was a difficult country. We have difficult countries around the world.

You couldn't leave. You know, I'm not educated. I think you can't leave North Korea, right? Like if you leave it, right? North Korea is the comp. Like you couldn't leave the USSR. So that's called jail. And so, you know, he grew up in a very different place. like you couldn't leave the USSR. So that's called jail.

And so, you know, he grew up in a very different place. That manifested in my father, looking at his employees very differently than I do, looking at the world differently. And we had some very serious conversations in the last 96 hours, because I've made this connection point. I'm not gonna put them out there yet.

I think that's for him to put out there, if he wants to. But my last book, 12 and a half ingredients. What I realized when I wrote it was, oh, it's not just empathy. Oh, it's not just ambition. Like, we're the makeup of like these three combos, these four combos in this situation, these two combos. And what I think happened is there was one ingredient

that my dad wasn't using in combination, that if he starts using the way he has been the last two, three days, hey, everybody around him is gonna be happier, but for me selfishly, he's gonna be happier. And I'm really glad that moment's connected. My dad's had stop and starts of like optimistic points of view in the past. We all have. I've had stops and starts with candor. Let me make it about myself. I've had finally over

to hump in the last three, four years. But it was a special moment and like I'm incredibly emotional about it because it could be a really big impact. It was really beautiful to see, man. Thank you, brother. And I love how your response is like, Dad, you should have come early. And look, it's fun to do this with you because you're also one of the human beings on Earth that communicates in a way that helps people. It's a very heavy feeling to know that you can say something and can change someone's life.

You know, I think it's intoxicating. I think it's why a lot of therapists love their job. I think it's why a lot of people that are into meditation. I think it's why teachers love their job. I think it's why a lot of parents, my mom had real, real sadness, empty nest when AJ left. She was a hall of fame mother. When he left, she didn't get to play her, you know, like, so I think for many of us around the world, we do it publicly, but a lot of people do it privately or in small microclimates. There's nothing like saying something

that provides someone else's value. When that person ends up being some of the people you love the most, that goes to a different planet. Yeah, it's really special. And I think what you just said, it occurred with me because I think we always want the answer to be like, well, should I be this or should I be that?

Right? You're talking about the opposites. And it's like, should I be affectionate or should I be assertive? And it's like, be affectionate. It's always and. It's always and. Yeah. Something I've been really tapping into is and versus or.

Yeah. I feel like I'm very affected because of our political temperature the last decade. You know, purple. America has been really told in many different ways and it's a left and right issue. This is not picking on any one party. It's just a climate. It's the popular culture. I'm watching my friends and acquaintances and business associates change their opinion

on issues because they feel they have to be 100% red or 100% blue. It's incredibly devastating to me. I know where they stand. I'm watching them change their mind because they're treating it as a tribe and the answer is purple. And so purple and versus or this is a lot of the work I'm working on within myself through my content affecting my team, and then family, team, employees, the world, I'm spending a lot of time on it,

and that's why that book was so fun for me, because I'm an enigma, I confuse people, I'm a contradiction, people struggle with it, and I see it as the strength. It is the end that makes me work, like I want to build the biggest companies of all time. Yet I haven't come across a lot of people who really genuinely naturally, DNA, I'm not special,

luck of the draw. I really want everyone else to win. Like I'm really about that life. I love that you just said that because I had a really dear friend who I respect who we both know is very accomplished in their own world. He said to me recently, he said to me, Jay, the reason why I love having conversations with

you is because I can have a spiritual conversation, we can then switch to strategy, and then we can talk about content. And he's like, I appreciate that you're one person that we can go there. And that gave me permission to be that. Because by the way, I'm the same paradox. People are like, well, used to be a monk, but now you do media and you manage companies and people can't not always figure that out,

but I am all of them and I'm okay with that and I'd rather be all of them than have to choose one. 100% and a lot of people don't like juggling six balls and I think that's awesome. I think life needs to be talked way more around self-awareness and self-love. Like I can't pick one thing, Gary. So many of my friends, well-intended,

most accomplished people on earth, Gary, if you ever decided to pick one thing in focus, you would, and I'm like, I would die. You think, because you did, and it works for you, that's awesome, and that's why when I make content, I say it with such passion and conviction. I'm always trying to use longer format platforms like this to take a step back and create some clarity. I'm asking people to do the things on their terms, especially and all in as I am.

I'll talk about tactics. Yes, TikTok is an arbitrage attention machine right now. Yes, I believe you should post three four times today But you don't have to and more importantly if you dislike posting on TikTok the way I dislike reading then you should do it Never. Yes, and that's the part that people they want everything so black and white when everything everything is gray I'm always trying to When everything, everything is gray. Absolutely. I'm always trying to share my conviction,

talk about the ease of leaning into oneself, but remind people, don't be me, I have high energy. I have levels of charisma that aren't trained, like mommy and daddy made love at the right second, and I was born with certain things. It's the same reason that I've struggled with candor. Do you know what I mean? Five minute meetings I have that are such a waste of time

because they could have been an 18 second reading of an email, but I can't do it. And I was a DNF student because even as a child, I had some sort of subconscious force that just wasn't interested in not being me. You know? Yeah, I just want that for more people. Like, and then that goes into a framework

that I get very passionate about. My favorite thing about walking around earth is how visceral I am against judging people. In an era that judgment of others has become the most popular pastime. But it starts with me not judging myself. I have standards, I have morals, but I don't beat myself up.

And as you know, because I'm sure you're under receiving end of different, but many of the same messages that I get. Oh, of course. People are just so good at beating themselves up. And I'm like, why? Like everybody else sucks too. Like great, so you're not good at this

or you missed your kids baseball game and you're not a bad parent. When you're at, we need, you know, another thing, great, so you're not good at this or you missed your kids baseball game and you're not a bad parent. When you're, we need, you know, another thing, Jay, that I'm very passionate about, intent needs to have a seat at the table. We've eliminated the ability to try to figure out one's intent. You suck because of this. Do you know why they got there? Do you know how this happened? Like, we've just eliminated intent. So these are all the feelings I think through, but you know, like, I am, I definitely like doing a lot of things. Yeah, and I love what you're saying, because we'd rather project that label of judgment onto someone, because then we don't have to do the work to figure out how they got there.

Yeah, I mean, envy and jealousy are incredibly powerful traits. I tend not to, a lot of my friends throw it out about me, about themselves. I actually never go there. It's very real. I'm just trying to figure out the solve, which is like big things. Like, can we reframe success? Can we create clarification? For example, with me, I've spent the last five years

trying to really explain why I want to buy the New York Jets. Yeah, because it's a fun game Not like I need the New York, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm in a weird place now where I kind of want like Karen Thompson to buy the Jets and be the biggest person like good job Karen You did it like I'd want to try to buy the Jets. I don't need the Jets I want to try to build the jets. I don't need the jets. I want to try to build big companies. It's fun. Process over the trophies.

I don't need the trophies to close gaps of insecurity. Yeah. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe in Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What has been seen is a very snotty city. People call it Bose-Angelists. New Orleans is a as a very snotty city. People call it Bosedangeless. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay.

A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newdum, and not lost as my new travel podcast where a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party. Where, kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out.

I would love that, but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers. I love you dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm gonna die alone when I'm traveling, but I get to travel with someone I love.

Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much... I've been very sincere, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much. And since, here, I love you too. Mike's a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love it. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. In the 1680s, a feisty, opera singer burned down a nunnery

and stole away with her secret lover. In 1810, a pirate queen negotiated her cruiseway to total freedom, with all their loot. During World War II, a flirtatious gambling double agent helped keep D-Day a secret from the Germans. What are these stories having common? They're all about real women who were left out of your history books. If you're tired of missing out, check out the Womanica podcast, a daily women's history podcast highlighting women you may not have heard of, but definitely should know about.

I'm your host Jenny Kaplan, and for me, diving into these stories is the best part of my day. I learned something new about women from around the world and leave feeling amazed, inspired, and sometimes shocked. Listen on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The therapy for Black Girls podcast is the destination for all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help black women dig a little deeper into the most

impactful relationships in our lives, those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly, ourselves. We chat about things like what to do with a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday.

Listen to the Therap therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. And so like redefining success, that was that talk right after Beacon a couple days ago in Vegas. Lady said, you know, she was so damn happy. And she's like, but I'm not, you know, making the dollars like everybody in this room like, are you happy? She's like, really happy. I'm like, you're the winner of the room.

We have to redefine success. You know, I'm not against money. I'm an entrepreneur. I was born in the USSR and grew up in America. I'm like, very pro anything in balance. Capitalism in balance excites me to no end. It's around merit, but we need to teach all of ourselves the simplicity of like, what, like redefining success.

Yeah. Well, that's the fascinating thing about self-awareness going back to your earlier point that I've found that envy and jealousy when you don't have self-awareness, you're envious in jealous of everyone. Correct. When you have self-awareness, it at least limits your envy and jealousy to what you do. And then you can actually do something with it and do something about it.

And so self-awareness actually gets you halfway there in the battle against jealousy and envy. I'm obsessed with it. You know, it brings you better relationships. When a humanist tone deaf of like how people are affected by them, they're in a very, very vulnerable spot. Several witnesses very attractive and something that I hope society keeps pounding on.

I believe that you're someone who has a even better private life than you do public life. Yeah, I mean, you know, obviously listen, I've gone through my personal things like anybody else, but you know what, you know how I would answer that? I'm wildly content in a piece. And I don't think that would make sense to most people that consume me because I'm so frantic as a communicator. I'm such high energy. I think the thing I always enjoy when people get close to me and I'm looking at Dustin's

set behind is like, there's incredible levels of confusion on the calmness and like the ability to absorb, you know, bad situations. And that has so much to do with personal life, right? Like friends and family, I feel really good about it. I think a lot of it has to do with the lack of expectation I have of others. Doesn't mean I don't require any human being, but like, I'm incredibly compassionate, not just empathetic. And I think when you combine compassion and empathy, you get into a really zenith-fun place.

I find that, you know, I've been really thinking of this through. I'm like, oh, those two, because not only can I feel you? But when you come with something that isn't great, I'm going quickly to Are you okay? Mm-hmm versus this hurts me. Mm-hmm. And so that gives me a very good personal life. Yeah, I again trials and tribulations like any human on life from different various things, especially candor. I would tell you that everything that I've had challenges within my life professionally and personally has been because I'm non-confrontational, which again, blows people away, because on

stage, I'm incredible at it, because I'm talking to the world. When I'm talking to the world, I can't see your name or your face. And so I can just have really good observations to incredibly clean data because very few people on earth read the comments from human beings at the level that I do. That's what I do for a living. So I have crazy insights. One that really caught me was how many wealthy kids were upset with their parents for paying things, but didn't want to give up on their parents' kids.

That one really triggered me in four or five years because I didn't grow up in that environment. I was like, oh, this is a wild one. This is a very unhappy 25 year old with a Tesla, a sick apartment in LA, an unlimited Uber, Equinox, but the sub-conscious is starting to take over and they realize their parents think they're losers. That's why they're paying for everything and it becomes, you know, breaking those things down.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I think I am very happy because I'm very simple. I'm way simpler in business and content than people realize. I'm very simple in life. I don't really want stuff. I like playing. I like playing.

You know, I like competition. That's something I'm passionate about. I've been thinking a lot about competition. You know, I'm thinking about That's something I'm passionate about. I've been thinking a lot about competition. You know, I'm thinking about why is there so much anxiety in the system. Of course, social media pipes, I don't blame social the way people do. I just think that people are being exposed. Yeah. I was with you on the day. Yeah. This was happening at dinner tables. Yeah. And so like, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like, so I think people want to blame platforms. This is about a human thing and I think Every country is different every religion is different race. Jenner's a lot going on, but I

Really think that there's a lot of fun little pieces put together that got us to certain places I think eliminating merit and demonizing competition has been a misstep. I Think it came from great intent I Think parents didn't want kids crying. They didn't want them to feel bad. But we started training that 18th place is the same as first place. Eliminating merit is not a happy place. It leads to a very unhappy place. And so, you know, it's funny the things that get me going. Ambition and competition. I'm in, feels very red, kindness over anything else, including those two things, marry, you know, and because it's purple.

And that's where my soul is right now for the world, because I think so much of what I am and what I became was my mom and my DNA and my circumstance filled all the gaps along the way. I walked into high school, four foot 11, four foot 11. Confident, not because I thought I would get the cheerleader or it was gonna be the most popular because I had zero interest in that validation. Not that I thought it was better, not that I thought it was better.

And I think these, you know, these popular, I just wanted to be nice to everybody. I wanted to do my baseball card shows. I want to get my D's and F's. I'm my way to going to the wine business. I wanted everybody to be happy and it really hasn't stopped. The Buddha thousands of years ago called it the middle path. Right? The idea that we're trying to go,

is it left or is it right? Is it this or that? It's like, no, it's the middle path. And what you were just saying around eliminating merit, I think one of the bigger challenges is trying to eliminate pain early on in life. 100% because you just become fragile. Correct. And it's fascinating to me how much we don't realize that fragility is being spread by limiting.

I was beaten up every day at school, primary school, every single day. Because I was the only Indian kid at school, I was the only overweight kid in school. And so I got beaten up every single day. And it was just what I went through. And same as you, similarly, finally enough, and we never talked about this, but people were like, did that affect you? I'm like, no, not really, because I wasn't looking for love from that person.

Correct. Because even then I knew that that person had more pain in their life than me. They grew up on the counselor stage. Yeah. They had their parents in a broken marriage. They had so much more context even at that age That I could go home to my mom and dad. I think I think it's real. I think kids not going outside

Like parents are too involved. I get it again Best intent best intent But I believe in it. Yeah, I believe that we have demonized losing when losing is the best mm-hmm Like for me it was school was telling me I was gonna be a failure, so you've grown up, slept and right, friends, parents, and teachers. You will be a garbage man. I remember the favorite thing back in the 80s,

you're gonna be garbage man. Big shout out to the garbage man. And we're gonna be first of all, but that was the cliche thing in 84 to 87. Like I can't wait to be like, I'm gonna be a garbage. Like they just really, it was only college, it was only grades, so that, and then I competed 24-7.

I was always competing, and when you compete all the time, you're losing a lot, and I cried. I cried from 6-12 every time I lost anything. Video games, checkers, Uno, football, because I hated the feeling, but the layers of skin that I have. And that makes sense to me about you. You can't be out there at the level we're out there have, you know, and that makes sense to me about you, you can't be out there at the level we're out there. If you don't have that stomach,

you won't do it. You won't put yourself, we all now can. Everybody can put themselves out there. People won't do it if they don't have that layer of skin. And I, you know, I agree with you like, and it's a tough challenge, but we have to get kids to like get comfortable with losing. Yeah, get comfortable with discomfort, even if it's not tough challenge, but we have to get kids to get comfortable with losing. Yeah, get comfortable with discomfort, even if they're not losing yet, just getting comfortable with discomfort. And we've really gone the other way,

especially if there's money. If the family has a couple bucks, it's been completely eliminated. Parents are going to school, fighting for their kids. My kids should have got an eight, we're doing too much, and then they're 22, and they have to live life. And they go into the workplace,

and they're like, I should be the VP of this company Gary. I'm like, you've been here four weeks. I'm like, starting on company like that. Like, you know, like, have you found, have you found clever ways with, with you are doing it to be able to do things like that? Like, have you found, I'm hacking all the time with you.

How do you get, how do you get, how do you encourage, with new people? Competition. How do you do that? Give me a, give me a, beat them. Beat them. Beat them and everything. My dad used to do that to me. It. Beat them. Oh, beat them and everything.

My dad used to do that to me. It's horrible. I wish AJ was here like, AJ, my mom used to get so mad at me because we were siblings, not it's your child and I'm 11 years older. So we're playing one-on-one basketball. I'm 18. He's seven and I am beating him for a couple of reasons. One, I believed it.

Two, I didn't want to lose. Three, I always knew when it happened. I'm like, one day he's gonna be 17. And I'm gonna be, you know, 28. And he's gonna beat me. He's gonna be, and you know, like I needed to get my wins on the board because, yeah, I think beating them, I think talking about adversity, explaining non-conformant,

leaning in, you know, and so that's how. Yeah, I like that. My dad was like that. It was really interesting because I think men and women react differently to that. But as a guy, like my dad was like that. He would never pass, he would get in front of an open goal soccer I'm talking about.

Get in front of an open goal. He could pass to me for his son to score and he'd go in score. We'd be playing father and son to soccer. Yeah, and honestly, you know, I've been thinking a lot because I'm so soft-skilled. Yeah. There's so many moms I know that were like, well, never let that, like the dad is, I'm thinking about one couple right now where it's like, I just think it's a DNA trait,

it's a culture trait. But I think competition and losing and adversity need to be championed zero to 12 when they've been completely taken out of the equation. And I believe the entitlement and the pain is a direct correlation. I really do. I really do. What I got out of that was that it helped me become my own man because I didn't have my dad possibly the boy that didn't have my dad passing it on. And so for me, it gave me no framework. I took that to the extreme.

By the time I was 18 or 19, I was, I mean, this is really, I think my dad's about to start consuming my content. So I'm gonna be very, I'm gonna tread lightly here. But dad, if you're listening, at 18 or 19, I became equally as important to the business. And by 22, I was much more important in the business. And so like I took it to the extreme, right?

Like, you know, the responsibility, the putting it on your own two feet, like we need a lot more of that. No parent is doing their kid a favor by putting training wheels on their life. Yeah, yeah, I love that. Karen, I'm asking this with love. And, you know, for me. This was a big thing. I think it was like I

Think I'd been making content for two years before I introduced my community to my wife. Yes, and Everyone's like Jay you're married like people I know idea because I just didn't talk about because we just got married We'd been together for a few years before that. I was like, I need to be careful about what we're going to say where this is going how this feels. You've recently been more open about your relationship. Yes. We don't have to go there. This is turning. You're being very kind and I appreciate it because I respect you. I'm asking you from the bottom of my face. I'm incredibly private as you know. And the world knows. This is what it sounds like inside the box car.

I'm journalist and I'm Morton in my podcast, City of the Rails. I plunge into the dark world of America's railroads, searching for my daughter Ruby, who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train, not where I'm going to end up, and I jump. Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters living outside society off the grid and on the edge. I was in love with a lifestyle and the freedom this community. No one understands who we truly are.

The rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood, history, and the thing we call the American Dream. It's the last vestige of American freedom. Everything about it is extreme. You're either going to die or you can have this incredible rebirth and really understand who you are. Come with me to find out what waits for us and the city of the rails. Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Or, cityoftherails.com. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets.

It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season. And yet, we're constantly discovering new secrets. The depths of them, the variety of them, continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share 10 incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. When I realized this is not just happening to me, this is who and what I am. I needed her to help me. Something was annoying at me that I couldn't put my finger on,

that I just felt somehow that there was a piece missing. Why not restart? Look at all the things that were going wrong. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to season 8 of Family Secrets. On the iHeartRad Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm a

neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University and I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities. Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or can we create new senses for humans? Or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your

reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagelman on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Because I'm going through a transition in my life, I felt like it got to a place where it was not sustainable for me to be 100% private. And so I've been a little more public. It is something that I'm desperately not interested in. Even the part we just talked about with my kids, like it's not somewhere I want to go. I don't want to go, and I don't want to talk about my kids. I don't want to talk about my personal, no, I want you to keep this.

And I'll tell you why, I want to remind people you're in control. It's incredibly important and appropriate, and I appreciate, especially being very cordial for people to ask and things of that nature, but I wanna remind people they're in control. I want to provide value and put out things in my professional career. I'm incredibly private and feel that the world is entitled to what you give it.

So when I watch people get upset when people get into their business, I'm like, you're giving them your business, by the way, you're leveraging your business. I don't want to leverage nor give my personal life to the world. I don't think that's the right way. By the way, I just think it's my way. So the reason I have a little bit to what you're referring to is it became not sustainable because it's been a long time and like I was in a transit, like it was the appropriate time. And I needed to just get some context out there,

but it's not where I'm gonna go. Yeah, and that's what I was more interested about. Yeah, to me, it's not. Listen, us being together, my brain goes into maximize the value at the highest levels because we have the opportunity to, for as many people are listening, the takeaway there from my perspective is you're in control.

Yeah. You have a learning disability and you wanna share it, muzzle-toff. You don't, great. It took me back to something less serious. It took me 15 years of public life to say, I'm not candorous. And it's hurt me my personal life.

And it's hurt me my business life. And it's hurt me my business life. You get to share what you want to share. And I think people should be careful of what they share. Yes. You share your abs, like you're a good shape dude. People are going to talk about your body for rest of your life. Yeah. Yeah. But you did that. You're going to show your kid all the time. They're going to talk about that relationship. They're going to talk. You're going to show your kid all the time. They're going to talk about that. Relationship, they're going to talk. You're giving the world permission. I prefer not to give the world permission because that's a sacred place for me.

You know, even look at my mom. She, like, the greatest gift I could give to the world is my mom to the world, the greatest. She's alpha me. She's more experienced. She's a different perspective as a mom. She doesn't want it. The end. Right? I thought my dad and mom would be reverse. My dad, I never thought we'd love the limelight so much. But, you know, so I think if you're listening right now, please, if you're not going on social media because you have a skeleton in your closet, you have a disease, you have a bad, you know, situation, you're like me and like grew up in a family

where like personal life is private. That's, I think, you know, in Russia, that was like, people would go to jail if anybody knew anything about you. So I think it ingrained in my parents, which then ingrained in me and my sister and brother. Like, we're private that way. You know, I think you have to understand, you're in control. Facebook and TikTok and podcasts and YouTube

don't make you do anything. Yeah. They don't make you do anything. I'm so glad you addressed that because I think there's, and this is why I brought it up, I think there's been a mosque of false vulnerability that's been encouraged because of social media. So people think that the more vulnerable or more open you are, that shows authenticity.

Yeah, I totally disagree with the ability. I love you for that. You're going to a very smart place. I would argue I see more lack of authenticity in the way that people are leveraging their family and personal life because they know it does well. Yeah, I don't want to go too deep because again, this is what's fun about being candlest in general, but I would never ever say this to a human being. There's people who are leveraging their children

for brand deals. That's something worth thinking about. Yeah. Like, right now those kids aren't talking about that to you, because they don't talk, because they they're four or because they're 16 Not ready to have that combo, but like I think all of us have to think about things like that. Yeah, and I think for me as an observer of you I always respect them. That's why I was so intrigued and I still respect I'm sure I'm sure I'm sure but it's because I went through that journey in my own head, even with my own wife that I'd been together with,

and even what we share, and where we share. It's really intentional. To me, your family is the most sacred, like that's who's gonna be around you when you're dying, like, right? And so you have to think three times before you start letting anything in, right? And by the way, the other thing is,

I don't wanna make decisions for other people yeah I was built to be unstoppable you know what I mean like like when you you're I'm going like go true yeah for that judgment if that person it's hard enough if you choose it imagine someone else choosing it for you yes and so like please everyone be thoughtful on this one yeah and by the way if you're listening right now and it's really hitting, but you already opened up Kamono's box, it's never close, it's never late to close it. It's just to be.

You can close that. We evolve, we change. I will make mistakes, I will change, I will evolve, I will do good things like we need a lot more civility and patience for each other. If you've been sharing everything and you decide off of this podcast, which I'm sure there's five to 500 people

that just decided right now, then you just stop. And when people ask, where's Johnny, your boyfriend? Cause like you can answer it, you don't have to answer it. But like you're in control. People have to understand they're in control. Accountability, you know, V, is the scaled version of me. V friends, this is actually something I should talk to you about online.

You should really debate this. The building intellectual property to scale one's message is very powerful. That's what me and Ryan were just talking about. So I'd love to, yeah. Yeah, I met this woman in her late 60s, early 70s. Somebody introduced me to her. I want to look at him potentially higher.

I heard it be a storyteller and V friends. Short for Jim Henson. Wow. We're just getting to know each other. But the brief for Fragile Rock, the brief for the entire show was stop war. And it was the most profound, out of all these 60 months,

that's been the most profound moment so far of my journey of V-Friends. Because V-Friends is to make people happier. But I think happiness comes in a lot of forms, not demonizing competition. My favorite character I want to develop is accountable aunt. Jay, I think the lack of accountability is leading to so much unhappiness. Like life is so much better when you're like, this was my fault. Yeah, absolutely.

You're in control. Yeah. And so like, you know, this was like a wrap up to control. You're in control. You, you, you decide what you consume, you decide what you believe, you decide who you surround yourself with, you decide what you put out, take on accountability. Yeah. Everybody wants to blame right now. The algorithm, the actin' as the algorithms are like hypnosis. And I understand and Dorphin hits and all that, but like, you can delete the app. You can, like, where is accountability in us? Right?

Yeah, absolutely. Like, we have alcohol, we have tobacco, we have drugs, we have weapons, and we have all sorts of issues, but most people play within moderation. That's on you. Yeah, and it's a tough truth issues, but most people play within moderation. That's on you. Yeah, and it's a tough truth, right? It's a tough.

It's a tough truth. It's a tough truth. Especially when you're unhappy. Yeah, yeah. That goes back to why it's important. It's like the chicken and egg. It's like working out. Like, I got into better shape the last eight years.

Nothing comes less natural to me. Yeah, yeah, tell me that. Nothing comes less natural to me. I come relate to you. Right? But like, I was like, I just would like to live longer. Yes., nothing comes less natural to me. Right? But I was like, I just would like to live longer. Yes. I would just like to live longer.

Yeah. And go figure, it's not Apple, Cider, gummies, it's not steroids, it's not implants. I've thought about it. I'm like, can I get chest implants? I've put in a lot of work. I feel like I've, like, sense good. I feel like I've done more than Seth. But like my body type, like, you know, and I'm like, I probably haven't.

But, but, but no, it's like, eat well, go in the gym, do the right things, and so same for life, you know, whether it's meditation, whether it's exercise, whether it's therapy, whether it's good conversations, whether it's surrounding, you know, you know, back to us not having the certain, you know, we've had some meals, we've had some interactions. They're always like, they're nice. We need more. I would like that. Yeah, I'm a little bit on that. I think, you know, I'm spending more time thinking about spending more time with more while doubling down on core, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, because I've been, I did a really good job in the last 10 years of doubling down on core,

but I think being as busy and I love what I do, you know, I really do wanna build out a more of a friend network. I wanna take more people from lightweight acquaintance to solid acquaintance. I wanna take people from acquaintance to friend, from friend to best friend. And so I'm on a journey like everybody else,

but I think that, I got, I think believe it or not, and this is going to sound so crazy for so many, the world actually has so much potential for everybody listening to be the best time to be alive. Medicine and technology and there's so much, but we're caught right now. It's like a hamster wheel. We're in the momentum of focusing on the bad. And there's always bad. Yeah.

The Holocaust was bad. Genocide is always going on. Gangus Khan was not a fun time to be a human. Yeah. Like, we are very bad at history. I was a really bad student, but I did well in history like but that starts with you What are you gonna do about it? Because right now everyone's like pointing and feels like it's on someone else Yeah, starts with ourselves. I mean when you said that and you brought up the Holocaust

I recently read Edith Eagus book the gift she lived through the Holocaust and She had that mindset in the Holocaust so she said the only way she got through it is she realized that she wasn't a prisoner, that the only prisoners were the guards because they were prisoners of their own conscience. Unbelievable. That was her mindset. She's right.

And she's like overnight in an hour, even older, and it's like, it's just phenomenal that her Victor Franco who wrote man's edge for meaning these two phenomenal books of anyone hasn't read them, like they had that in that scenario. Well, that's the point I always make to everybody. Like, you know, the only thing that works for me is trying to contextualize moments in time. Yeah. And like, you know, our great, great, great grandparents had it rough by comparison the way we have

it. And sure, they had some things that were better on simplicity, but we must choose optimism because what's the alternative? pessimism? Like are you just gonna decide? Because once you decide, where are you? Once you decide it's bad, it's actually bad. And so like one of the things that makes me very passionate

to communicate is practical optimism or the fact that I believe negativity is much better at marketing than positivity. Oh, for sure. I feel a huge sense of responsibility. What has become out of all the things you've pursued, because I'm guessing that different stages in your life and anyone who hasn't heard of interviewed Gary twice before, so you can go back and listen to those. You've pursued different things at different times.

And every time I meet you, it's a really, what I love about it is that there's so much growth and acceptance and embracing of this new you. Every time we talk, I feel like I'm talking to a, even more self-aware human, which is a really fun feeling when you're checking in with someone in this way. And so I go, what have you found currently

to be the most worthy pursuit? Like, what is it that you're pursuing that you've found worthy of pursuit? It's always been the same thing for me. It's almost as if I'm living two separate lives. The most worthy pursuit is I'm wildly gifted and helping other people. And I'm incredibly comfortable of also being

okay with feeding myself around my own interests. The most worthwhile pursuit, my friends, I think is going to land with you is the continuous balance beam that I walk on that is called equal part selfish and equal part selfless and refining that skill set. And I think in the three times, if I may off of your analogy, I think the beam is getting thinner and I'm still walking it. You know, maybe the first time we met, it was like an Olympic beam, or a high school beam. Maybe the second time was, you know, my hope is that as I continue to go, I'll be on a tightrope across Manhattan and walk it easily because me playing my game of entrepreneurship

gives me so much energy that I'm able to deploy it in a positive manner at scale and I find it fascinating. And so that is what I continue to go after. I love that. Gary, 40 minutes with you feels like an hour and two hours with someone else. Thank you, man. Thank you, man.

The best. Thank you, Brian. Thank you, man. The best. Thank you, man. I appreciate you so much. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover. And a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you listen. I'm Jay Shetty, and on my podcast on purpose, Apple podcasts or wherever you listen. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Lewis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read read and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty

on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender invisible things we don't usually talk about? I'm Megan Devine, host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay.

Look, everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days. And all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by stellar guests like Aburmate, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app,

or wherever you listen to podcasts. and every Monday, available on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you listen to podcasts.