On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Gauranga Das ON: How To Live A Peaceful, Purposeful & Prosperous Life Through Being Of Service

Episode Date: September 7, 2020

For Jay Shetty, finding his mentor at the age of eighteen brought him to a monkhood journey that inspired him to change his life trajectory. If you are searching for wisdom on how to navigate the c...hoices you are facing in life, this episode will deliver. Shetty and his mentor Gauranga Das discuss how to elevate your consciousness to explore the urges you have. You don’t have to live like a monk to think like one. Freedom awaits you! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 The One You Feed explores how to build a fulfilling life admits the challenges we face. We share manageable steps to living with more joy and less fear through guidance on emotional resilience, transformational habits, and personal growth. I'm your host, Eric Zimmer, and I speak with experts ranging from psychologists to spiritual teachers offering powerful lessons to apply daily. Create the life you want now. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jay Shetty, and on my podcast on purpose,
Starting point is 00:00:33 I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Lewis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw, real-life stories behind their journeys, and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on-purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
Starting point is 00:00:58 you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. Getting better with money is a great goal for 2023. But how are you going to make it happen? Ordering a book that lingers on your nightstand isn't going to do the trick. Instead, check out our podcast How to Money. That's right, we're two best buds offering all the helpful personal finance information you need without putting you to sleep. We offer guidance three times a week and we talk about debt payoff, saving more, intelligent investing, and increasing your earnings.
Starting point is 00:01:24 Millions of listeners have trusted us to help them make progress with their financial goals. You can listen to How to Money on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. For several years, meditation has really given me an entrance into this arena of a totally new paradigm of what love is, which scriptures describe as devotional service, service without any selfish considerations. I'm really excited about sharing this interview with all of you because I'm sitting with the one and only Garanga Das who inspired my whole month journey, the person who individually captivated me so early on in my life when I was 18 years old and when I had him speak, I had him speak many, many times and interact with
Starting point is 00:02:26 different people inviting me to spend some time in India and just inspired me on my host go to journey and literally change the trajectory of my life just simply meeting him for a week in London completely changed what I wanted to do and became my role model and inspiration in life and still is. And I'm excited that you finally get to hear from him. And I get to ask him a few questions. So hopefully this is going to be a bit of fun as well. He's a hilarious. So if he doesn't, that out, then he's just being respectful.
Starting point is 00:02:58 But I'm really honored and humbled to be sitting with you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Jair, for welcoming me and speaking those words. I've been so grateful that I've had you in my life since I was 18 years old in so many different ways. And I can honestly say that you have been there for me every stage of my life. And I think that's a very special thing because I think so many of us
Starting point is 00:03:22 today in the world are looking for mentors. And I'm so fortunate that I met one of of us today in the world are looking for mentors and I'm so fortunate that I met one of my biggest mentors in life so early on. So I'd just like to honor you share my gratitude and thank you and thank you today for all of this help you've given us this week and allowing us to film the eco village and I want to start with talking to you about how what people I've mentioned about you before, what I've spoken about you. But people may not have as a perception of monks. I think people often think of monks as either we know nothing
Starting point is 00:03:53 about them, or we think maybe they're lazy and they don't want to do any work, or we think maybe they're uneducated, and they didn't have another path. Or maybe we think they were very religious growing up. But when I met you, what I got fascinated by is that you didn't really fit into any of those categories. You were extremely educated, you are extremely educated. You come from a spiritual background,
Starting point is 00:04:16 but it's not that you were a normal person at college growing up. I just want to hear a bit about how you decided that this path was right for you because when I heard what you've done, I was so impressed that someone of your caliber who had everything that me and my friends were seeking were able to give it up so easily for this life. So what brought you to this stage? Tell me about what you wanted to become growing up and then why you became this. Well, thanks, Jay, for asking that question. Yes, it's true that as I was in IIT,
Starting point is 00:04:55 I did not have this idea of becoming a monk, but I came across a few incidents and those were some of the turning points in my life. One of my friends, who was pretty well-to-do in terms of education and studies, he once attempted a suicide and that really shook me up. And then for the first time I started understanding that life is much more than just achievements, but there is also a feeling of experience which each one of us is processing from within. So we are improving technology, we are improving systems, but what about the human experience which
Starting point is 00:05:37 is happening behind those systems and behind those machines? On the other hand, I also found that in my class, there were some other students who had failed in quite a few subjects, but they were not at all affected and they were going around the campus as if nothing has happened. So, I was pretty beveled because I thought those were the ones who should be in anxiety. And when I asked them, they would respond by saying that our philosophy in life is simple to enter the college's, our job, to take us out of the colleges, colleges job. So why should we be worried? So I realize that beyond all the various externals, technologies, systems, that's the talk about GDP and everything. There is something which is not described in great detail
Starting point is 00:06:29 in any of our textbooks. And that is the perceptions and the experiences which each one of us have as a soul. And that really made me to seek answers in books which are beyond the regular ones. And then I came across the Bhagavad Gita. And then I started getting answers to one of the most important principles in life. Circumstances are beyond our control. And we have limited control over our circumstances,
Starting point is 00:07:07 but we have unlimited control over our consciousness. And therefore, I thought that was pretty deep. When an airplane flies, it takes off and as soon as it takes off, you see the same buildings look pretty insignificant. So we may not have control over the size of the buildings, but we have control over how high we can go. And similarly, problems in life may not diminish, but our consciousness can rise much above those so-called problems, so that the entire perspective changes. about those so-called problems, so that the entire perspective changes.
Starting point is 00:07:50 So when I read the Gita, I realized that one of the core principles to remain enthusiastic, positive, full of enthusiasm and energy in your whole life is the flexibility and the agility with which you can choose different lenses at any particular given moment because sometimes a lens can make an object look very tiny and another lens can make the same object look very huge and appear to be extremely close to your eyes. And there are other lenses which do not magnify at all. So therefore depending on the situation and circumstance, how can we choose those lenses is something which is described in great detail in the ancient Vedic wisdom. And I got drawn to that, I started reading it and I didn't realize that my journey
Starting point is 00:08:40 will take me one day to London so that our paths cross. That's so beautifully explained. Thank you for sharing that because I think so many people who will be listening and watching today, so many of them may have that experience at college too. That people are facing so much stress and anxiety. People are trying to become something that they don't want to be, but maybe their parents want them to be here, or maybe their friends or their peers think that that is what success is in society.
Starting point is 00:09:11 How did you, when you decided to become a monk, I'm guessing that not everyone around you was celebrating. Like it may have been a tough choice or a tough decision. How were you able to make this tough step? Because even if people are not becoming monks, everyone sometimes has to make choices in life where people around you may not agree. And how were you able to do that? I know you do that now as well in your work. So many times you're having to make tough decisions where everyone may not agree with you. How did you do that in the first instance of becoming a monk? Well, to be honest, I was also not very sure whether I would be able to sustain this path because practically nobody in my family has ever done it before.
Starting point is 00:09:59 And I was thinking how will society respond to this and whether I'm making the right decision and I was thinking how should I process this moving forward. But then an incident happened which completely changed my perspective. I was on the road traveling with one other senior monk, he was driving me and we were on the highway and this was November of 1993. And then as we were moving on the highway our vehicle hit against another truck and there was an accident on the highway and our car got badly smashed. Luckily in spite of being injured quite heavily, I survived. It was a very transformative moment for me because I saw my whole body filled with blood
Starting point is 00:11:00 and the doctors spent practically 5 to 6 hours in the operation theatre taking out the glass pieces which had entered into my body. And then as I was recovering, I started contemplating that well, as far as my life is concerned, even an inch here or there would have been the end of my life. And I'm only 22 and I could as well be dead by now. But looks like I've been given another chance. So whether someone in society or anyone else connected, whatever
Starting point is 00:11:37 may be their feelings or background, whatever their responses may be. Today I am alive and I have been given a second chance. Let me use this second chance to do something great to serve others. And therefore, I decided that I will use this opportunity every breath which has been given to me back as a second chance, as an opportunity, to share and spread this message which has benefited me so much. So there are moments like this where you are practically hopeless and then a small window of hope opens up and then you see everything from a different perspective. So for me it was that moment which gave me that conviction to sustain this determination for a lifetime.
Starting point is 00:12:32 I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oh, Prague. Everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant. The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Haw. It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to create change.
Starting point is 00:13:00 Luminous Hamilton. That's for me being taken that moment for yourself each day, being kind to to yourself because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself. And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHot Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon.
Starting point is 00:13:33 I'm Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast Navigating Narcissism. Narcissists are everywhere and their toxic behavior and words can cause serious harm to your mental health. In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte, who was loved by the Tinder swindler. The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me, but he cannot be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money you took. But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I know how to identify the narcissists in your life. Each week, you will hear stories from survivors
Starting point is 00:14:17 who have navigated through toxic relationships, gas lighting, love bombing, and the process of their healing from these relationships. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season. And yet, we're constantly discovering new secrets. The depths of them,
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Starting point is 00:15:30 on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I love that I think we all have such similar moments in our life, whether they're near-death experiences, like yours may be not as extreme, but I think everyone who's listening and watching right now can relate to the fact that we all get these choices in life.
Starting point is 00:15:50 Sometimes it's a second chance, sometimes it's an opening or an opportunity and we, at that point, have a choice to make, whether we want to carry on living unconsciously and without thought or without purpose or whether we want to live with deeper meaning and purpose like you chose. And I mean, you've really lived up to that because I remember when I met you and even now
Starting point is 00:16:14 that today we're sitting in an eco village that of course there's been a community behind but you've led the development of there's the incredible food distribution work that you've definitely been involved in spearheading the incredible work that's happening with the community in Mumbai. You've been a part of affecting thousands and thousands and millions of lives, and I think you've definitely lived up to that incredible commitment that you've been doing. Thank you. Thank you so much. It's really special actually because I think that
Starting point is 00:16:47 It's really special actually because I think that it's one thing to say those things that actually authentically live up to and I can see you're always challenging yourself to the next level. And I guess that's what I love about our path of being a monk is that, and I was speaking about this with Ruddham and Swami too, that we have self and service. So you have your own personal meditation, you have your own personal prayer and your sardine, your practices, and then you're going and extending yourself for the world. Right. And I feel like you've found a way of using all your talents in service of humanity.
Starting point is 00:17:22 So it's not that you became a monk and thought, okay, now I need to let go of this. You've actually believed that the gifts that you've been given or the talents you've been given can actually use to help serve the world. Which I think is a really important thing. Could you share a bit on that? Sure. It's effective. And why that's important. That's a beautiful question. The word monk in the Christian tradition, it comes from the root word in Latin, Montchauss, which basically means solitude. And typically monks would contemplate in solitude, monks would contemplate in solitude, but there are several monks who would also engage in community work.
Starting point is 00:18:16 In the Buddhist tradition, the monks are known as Vikhu or Vikshu. It has two meanings. One is beggar. Second is, Bhayam ikhati iti vikhu, which means one who is able to see and perceive danger. And that's a very interesting definition, because monks were those who would lead their life understanding the knowledge and protect themselves and people from the danger of ignorance. In the Hindu tradition, monks are known as sannyasis. Sannyasi word consists of three parts, So, some means totally, knee means to go down and asa means to approve. So, sannyasi basically means one who is dedicating himself
Starting point is 00:19:15 to completely approve, go down and approve all the negativities and negative desires from within. He does that for himself and he helps others also in their journey. Another word in Sanskrit for monk is Vairagi. And that also comes from a very beautiful tapestry of syllables, V and Raga. So V means without and Raga means attachment, without attachment. And another meaning is V plus
Starting point is 00:19:58 Runch plus Bun, which means without color. So that is a very interesting definition which very much correlates to the question you are asking. Which means that a sannyasi or a wairagi or a renunciation or a monk is one who can be fully engaged in productive activities which are benefit to society, but remains uncolored by any of that. He remains unaffected. So that is one of the interesting perspectives of Vairagya or renunciation. Therefore, one of the core principles in the renounced order is absorption. Absorption I would divide in two important elements. One is the intention and second is action. Intention towards selfless service. Intention towards tireless service. Intention towards tireless service and intention towards pleasing selflessly. So the two elements are intention and action.
Starting point is 00:21:17 Monkhood is all about how we can selflessly please others and how we can tirelessly serve others. So the combination of this intention of selfless pleasing and tireless serving, it combines into giving an experience of total absorption. And that absorption is something which then expands in the form of compassion, and we include everyone else within that expanding circle of compassion and round the whole world in peace and harmony. Now you can see why things are amazing.
Starting point is 00:22:03 I've never heard that before. I've never heard the breakdown of the words of the definition of monk in different traditions. I think that's incredible to hear that. And I think that's what I find so special about this path is that it allows the ability to serve as well, not just to live in solitude. And that's why my next question is, I've written my book called Think Like A Munk. And the reason why I call it that is because I believe
Starting point is 00:22:31 that you don't have to necessarily live like a monk to think like one, that it is a beautiful opportunity if you can, but we both know that for 99.9% of the world, it's not going to be something that people are going to do. But I really believe that the mindset that a monk is encouraged to cultivate of service, of self-growth, of removing unwanted negative tendencies and implications, these are things that anyone can do. And in one sense, we all must do to live a peaceful and purposeful life. So I'd love to hear from you what you think thinking like a monk in your opinion is relevant for the modern people in modern
Starting point is 00:23:12 world and for people like me now who also live in the city, have normal jobs, and married. How does thinking like a monk actually help that person? Bhagavad Gita describes that person. Bhagavad Gita describes four principles which are extremely important for us to follow. One of the greatest challenges in remaining grounded in life is our inability to tolerate provoking situations. Whether one is a monk or one is in household life or in a corporate life, any kind of a relationship or doing any kind of activity or occupation, they are constantly being provoked. And therefore, Gita first talks about what is known as VEGA SAHISH NUDA, which means we have to tolerate our urges. So I would say tolerating our urge to consume. The second principle is Dvandva SAHISH NUDA.
Starting point is 00:24:22 Dvandva refers to duality. We have to tolerate various dualities which come in our life and remain humble and aware of the fact that we cannot control all situations. We have to tolerate the urge to control. Third is Paramatma Sahishnatha. We are so convinced about our opinions and our standpoint and our viewpoint that we want others also to buy into that. So many arguments, differences of opinion happen, relationships break down because we have a strong urge to convince others. So we have to tolerate the urge to compete.
Starting point is 00:25:25 And that is known as paratha karsha sahishnuta. Certain people will do much better than us in so many different ways. We should feel happy when we see that. And remember that we have a role to play. And we should resist the temptation and the urge to compete. So, Gita focuses on how to elevate one's consciousness about these urges, to control, to convince, to compete. And then we are actually able to rise above all of these
Starting point is 00:26:10 and realize that, yes, I have a role to play, to serve each and everyone in society to the best of my ability. And therefore, people who are engaged in society are in anxiety because many times they are trying to compare with others. And this comparison is a huge cancer of the mind. Today, every single day in India, 371 people commit suicide. Every day, every single day, 300 million people across the world are experiencing mental health disorders. Every single day, 18 billion cigarettes are being smoked. 6.75 trillion cigarettes smoked every year, one billion people across the world, experiencing addiction to cigarette smoking and unable to give up.
Starting point is 00:27:13 So practically each one of us have our internal challenges and therefore Gita focuses on first managing oneself and then based on how we manage ourselves, we can manage others. And in my own experience, I have found that when people, irrespective of whatever occupation and profession they may be, when they cannot control these urges, to consume, to control, to convince, to compete, then invariably they land up in so many difficulties, so many challenges. Social issues may not be described, emotional issues may not be described, personal issues may not be described in books of technology and management. But all of those issues have a major role to play in our overall experience as individuals and in our contribution to society. For example, the word family may not
Starting point is 00:28:21 pop up anywhere in your management books or in your technology books. But today, because of a lack of emphasis on family values, and because of inability for people to control their urges, so many differences of opinion are cropping up. A country like Luxembourg has a divorce rate of 87%. Spain has a divorce rate of 65%. France has a divorce rate of 55% and Russia 51%. America has divorce rate of 46%. The global divorce rate is 44%. And therefore, it's very important for us to realize that there may not be much focus on instilling values in individuals and institutions as families. But if you do not focus and emphasize and invest in something, in due course of time you lose it. And therefore, it was not empty rhetoric when people would say, a family which prays together,
Starting point is 00:29:32 stays together. And therefore, it's very important for us to introspect which way we are going as a society. How much are all these values crucial and critical for self-conservation and conserving relationships in society, conserving mental health and sanity in society? Because sometimes we may just think that these are not irrelevant because you cannot connect a dollar value to these values. Conquer your New Year's resolution to be more productive with the before breakfast podcast. In each bite-sized daily episode, time management and productivity expert Laura Vandercam teaches you how to make the most of your time, both at work and at home.
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Starting point is 00:31:00 You human! That means that you're crazy as hell just like the rest of us When a relationship breaks down I take copious notes and I want to share them with you Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for you But if you're gonna eat it, they're not gonna stop you no good for you, but if you're going to eat it, they're not going to stop you. So he's going to continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him. Listen to the R-Spot on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to podcasts. The therapy for Black Girls Podcast is the destination for all things mental health,
Starting point is 00:31:44 personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help Black women dig a little deeper into the most impactful relationships in our lives, those with our parents, our partners, our children, our friends, and most importantly, ourselves. We chat about things like what to do with a friendship ends, how to know when it's time to break up with your therapist, and how to end the cycle of perfectionism. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. And I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday.
Starting point is 00:32:28 Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Take good care. Absolutely. Yeah, now that's a fantastic answer because I think that's the key thing that's missing that we live in a world that believes if you actually chase the satisfaction of your urges, then that is freedom. That real success is actually following your urges or whatever urgery I have,
Starting point is 00:33:03 if you wanna compete with someone, compete, if you wanna compare with someone, compare, if you want to compare with someone, compare, if you want to say anything about someone, you can say it, and we see that as freedom, but actually what you're suggesting and what the Texas is suggesting is that we actually get real freedom when we don't need to do those things and we don't feel the need to do those things. So on that point, let's extrapolate that because I think that's a really powerful point. What is the beginning or the step-by-step process of starting to create self-control? Because I think we see self-control as such a negative thing because it's seen as restrictive
Starting point is 00:33:37 or it's seen as almost being imprisoned, but actually we're imprisoned by our desires. But that's still a massive paradigm shift for a lot of individuals today and even for myself when I first met you and I first came to this. So explain why actually freedom comes from controlling your urges. The Gita says, The Gita says, Raghadvesh Vimuktesh to Vishayan Indriya Charan, Atma Vashyaar Videyatma Prasadam Adi Gachshati. This is a beautiful verse where Krishna says that freedom from all of our base desires comes when we are able to control our mind and follow a strict discipline of applying ourselves to follow a certain regimen, the word used is a regular principles of freedom. It may sound contradictory because self-control or discipline seems to have a connotation of being bound as a prisoner.
Starting point is 00:34:49 But I'll give two examples. One, if someone is flying a kite, the question is, is the rope binding the movement of the kite? Or the rope becomes an instrument for helping the kite fly higher. So if someone says, why is the kite bound? Let us cut the rope. So the kite may fly for some time, but then again it will crash. So the rope is binding the kite,
Starting point is 00:35:23 but the rope should not be seen as limiting the movement of the kite, but facilitating the upliftment of the kite. Similarly, if you are caught in a traffic jam, you cannot move. And sometimes when the signals don't work, or if the policeman is not there in sight then there may be a huge traffic jam. But actually the traffic, laws and the signals facilitate proper movement of the vehicles. So it is not to be seen as limiting but facilitating. Therefore when we look at discipline, discipline is something which enables us to experience greater freedom. And that's what the Bhagavad Gita is talking about, the art of self-control, the art of mind-control.
Starting point is 00:36:23 And by practicing this, each one of us will actually experience an enhancement of our consciousness. And I think we've all experienced that. I think everyone knows that when you feel like you're letting loose in the beginning, it feels good in the beginning, but then after a bit of time it starts to feel really painful. Yeah, like for example, when the British were in India, they saw that at one point of time,
Starting point is 00:36:52 maybe a century ago, the cobra population in Delhi was increasing. So they made a ruling in order to control the cobra population. If anyone gets a dead cobra and submits to the government office, they will get a financial reward. And they thought by announcing this, people would go out, get inspired to kill cobra's and the cobra population to be controlled. But then, quite a few people got inspired to rare cobra farms. And they started rearing cobra snakes and farms around Delhi. The cobra population
Starting point is 00:37:32 started increasing. When the government realized that they scrapped the skin. The guys who were rearing the cobra's became angry, released the cobra's in the city. No way. And therefore this is known as the cobra effect. Oh wow, never mind. Where the proposed solution of a problem is worse than the original problem. And therefore, people are in distress. They are depressed. They are unhappy. And they decide, let me consume alcohol. Let me take drugs, let me do this, let me do that.
Starting point is 00:38:09 So, various momentary titillations, which they provide to their mind and their senses, may sometimes increase and enhance the problem, then solve it. Therefore, the submission is try to understand how the system is designed. Understand how these issues can be resolved in the best possible way within the design. And if there is a computer, it has a hard disk. If the hard disk gets a virus, then the computer will just crash. However, beautiful the screen may look, but the hard disk is corrupted. Similarly, people invest a lot of time and energy, building their body, building their physique, keeping themselves physically fit. But they fail to realize that a very important component of our system is the mind. And mind is like the hard disk for this computer-like body.
Starting point is 00:39:14 And if sufficient investment is not made to keep the mind fit, then in due course of time one will be overwhelmed with negativities. And therefore, this kind of mental fitness is what is known as meditation. So meditation is the gym where you actually perform various kinds of exercises to keep the mind fit. After all these years of meditating for so many hours a day, and leading so many other meditation workshops yourself, what would you say for you as being the greatest gift that meditation has given you personally?
Starting point is 00:40:02 Everybody is looking for love. Many people think love is all you personally. Everybody is looking for love. Many people think love is all about pleasure. But in response to your question on meditation, the greatest gift which meditation has bestowed upon me is a proper understanding of what is love. And I realized that love is about pain and not pleasure. In the Chaitanichara Tamar there is a beautiful description which defines love. Pragaadha premere aesobhava achar ni jجدھوک کا بیگناڭیر & Nokori which are. In this it is described that in every relationship
Starting point is 00:40:54 there could be various problems. scarcity, impediment, discomfort, unhappiness, change, uncertainty, lack of reciprocation and separation. All of these may happen in a relationship, but if the relationship continues, then that is defined as love. And as I described before, how to please selflessly, the object of your love is something which is extremely rare, extremely valuable, and extremely difficult to process, unless we are willing to put ourselves through a system of purification. And then when we purify ourselves, then lust, which is like iron, transforms into love, which is like gold. So in my experience for several years, meditation has really given me an entrance into this arena of a totally new paradigm of what love is,
Starting point is 00:42:33 which scriptures describe as devotional service, service without any selfish considerations. I share this example that when we began our Govindas restaurant in our Chokhati temple many years ago, we decided that we will have pizza, and it was Radhana Swami's idea to have pizza. This was 2004. And we were not really experienced in making pizzas. And you know, some of us used to make our own version of pizza, which was, you know,
Starting point is 00:43:17 take a couple of loaves of bread and put some tomato ketchup and have some fried vegetables and it was what we would call as pizza. And we thought that is it. So when Maharashtra said we should have pizza, I said, I mentioned to him, I don't think this is an item which we can sell in a restaurant. And he looked at me and said, which pizza are you referring to? The one which you guys feed me? I said, that's what pizza we know. And he looked at me and said, that which you feed me is not pizza, it's a perverted reflection of pizza. And then we had someone come from New York and he gave us the entire recipe of an authentic Italian New York pizza, thin crust.
Starting point is 00:44:05 And for the first time in life, I saw artichoke hearts. And I didn't know any of this, and I was initiated into appreciating what a pizza is. So the word pizza was being used by us, but the experience was something else. The word pizza remained the same, but we were ascribing or superimposing the word pizza on some other product which was giving a different experience. The whole world is speaking about love. Songs are being sung by movie actors and actresses and singers and rock stars about love. Nobles are being sold in the millions which are centered around the theme of love. But all of these descriptions are referring to an experience of selfish personal pleasure.
Starting point is 00:45:08 Whereas the description has given in the Vedic scriptures is law means service without selfish consideration. So this has been the greatest revelation as far as meditation is concerned for me in my own life and my journey with Rada Nath Swami and my other monks. Amazing. People often question, how can anything be truly selfless? If you know that it's good for you and I want to hear your perspective on that because I'm sure people have said to you, how can anything be selfless? Because if I know that it's good for me to do service and I'm serving, then it's not selfless. So, how do you respond to that? The Soul by nature is designed to serve. So, sugar by nature is sweet and water by nature is liquid.
Starting point is 00:46:06 So, when we perform an activity and function which is as per nature and as how it has been designed, one experiences harmony and that harmony produces the greatest efficiency. And so the soul by nature is designed to serve when we engage in serving and pleasing, that effect of serving and pleasing, it actually produces the greatest joy from within. And therefore, there are four levels of motivation. And that's what has kept me going in my 30 years as a monk. The lowest level is motivation by desire. The lowest level is motivation by fear. The next is motivation by desire. About that is motivation by desire.
Starting point is 00:47:07 About that is motivation by the sense of duty. And the highest is to be motivated by the sense of love. So if you analyze all these four levels, you will see, actions motivated by fear and desire is simply a transaction. Actions motivated by duty may result in transparency, but it is only actions inspired by love which takes us to trans. And therefore, we have to decide, we want to lead a life based on transaction, or we want to lead a life based on trans. And so again, referring to the Chaitanya Chiratamara, I quote, Bahu Parishrama Chandana Ramuna Anila Ananda Badi La Mane Dukana Ghanila Madhwendra Puri Agrade Saint.
Starting point is 00:48:13 He indulged in very hard work to get Madhwendraharapuri agreed, saying, he actually got a whole load of sandalwood to please his worshipable Lord Gopal. And in that process, he experienced so many impediments and difficulties. But this verse reveals that Ananda Badi La Mane, Dukhana Ganila, his bliss increased. And he did not consider that in any way shape or form, to be creating any distress for him. And a very important word is used, Dukhana Ganila. Ganila basically means count, to keep an account.
Starting point is 00:49:07 When we keep an account, it is a business transaction. When we are serious about something, when we mean business, we keep account. If I lend money to someone, and if I am running a business, so I keep account of how much I've earned, how much I've spent. If someone is intent upon losing weight, they count their calories. So whenever there is seriousness and business like dealing, the principle of keeping account comes. Dukhana-ganila means, is our relationship, a business-like transaction, where I keep account of how much I have done for you,
Starting point is 00:49:56 and how much distress I have gone through, and how many difficulties I have gone through in this relationship. If I keep account of that, then it is a business like relationship. When a child is screaming in the middle of the night, the mother spontaneously gets up to pacify the child. The mother never tells other people in the family, I am not on night shift or I don't have overtime.
Starting point is 00:50:26 How much will you pay? Because she is just concerned out of a principle of selfless service to the child. And therefore, in a relationship inspired by love, one is in trans trans because we do not keep count of what difficulties we have to go through in that relationship because we are simply concerned with pleasing the other person. And I believe that when I have led my life in this particular capacity as a monk, it has been keeping in mind a higher principle, a soldier fights to protect others home and herds, among fights to protect others' hopes. And therefore, when people go to a pharmacy shop, they know they'll get medicine. When they go to a bookstore, they know they'll get a book.
Starting point is 00:51:37 When they come to a spiritual place where such spiritual discussions are going on, why are they coming? Why are they listening to you? Why are they connecting with anything from any of our traditions? Because they are coming to receive hope. And therefore, people may think, wealth is my greatest asset.
Starting point is 00:52:02 Position is my greatest asset. Good looks are my greatest asset. Position is my greatest asset. Good looks are my greatest asset. Political influence is my greatest asset. Social acceptance is my greatest asset. But all of these are assets which can be finished and destroyed at any moment. As per Bhagavad Gita, the greatest asset is our hope. If someone has hope, even if he loses all the other things, he can still, in due course of time, do his best.
Starting point is 00:52:39 And therefore, these kind of discussions evoke growth of the most important asset which each one of us have. The power and the ability to hope. Absolutely. That's an amazing perspective in looking in that way. I'm going to shift the conversation slightly. So hopefully this will be fun for all of you. I wanted to ask, go on with us some questions about our relationship because he's known me since I was 18 years old. I'm 32 now, so it's been a fair amount of time and we've spent a lot of quality time to get rid of that time. So I want to ask you a few questions and my first question was, and I want you to be honest, you have to be honest, you don't have to sugarcoat. What was the first thing you thought of me when we first met? Around that time.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Yeah, I was in London and Jay Wawkson with one more friend and then I look at him and I think, oh, this guy looks like Tom Cruise. And then, you know, he starts asking, you know, all kinds of questions. And I think, maybe he's in distress because his girlfriend has ditched him. So honestly, you know, I didn't think that you were so serious about wisdom and wanting to know more at least it didn't appear at that time. So those were my first impressions. I hope I'm not being open to. No, it's true. I was never I wasn't spiritually inclined as a young kid. And even in my teens I was not so spiritually inclined. I think that's why I met at the beginning that meeting you was a real turning point for me because even though I had some friends that were in despotality in my family, of course, my father and everything, I didn't really see my place. I couldn't really understand how someone like me could be spiritual. And I think that's why I'm so proactive in wanting to share it with people in the way I do
Starting point is 00:54:46 proactive in wanting to share it with people in the way I do is because I want to share with them in a way that people like me who didn't really think they were spiritual or could access it can actually find their parts. So I think you're right. I would agree with that. Okay, good. And then did you ever think that I would become a monk? Because I used to tell you, probably every time we met between 18 to 22 that I wanted to be one. When I would hear that, I would think this guy has gone nuts. And I was worried because, you know,
Starting point is 00:55:17 definitely he was so sincere and you were your intention to become a monk was coming from somewhere really deep. But because I had spent already so many years by that time as a monk, I knew that life was pretty rough in terms of, you know, a relentless need for being disciplined and, you know, it's going to be extremely difficult and tough. And you came across to me as someone so fragile and someone who's like a mama's boy, that I would always think that, oh man, how will this guy tolerate all the hardships as a monk?
Starting point is 00:55:59 And I was trying to discourage you for sure for all those years. But what happened later was, of course, your call. See, this is good. I want you to listen to this because I want you to realize how much growth someone has to make. I think sometimes when I'm speaking now or you hear me, a lot of the time people feel that, oh, you've always been this way or you've always had it figured out. And the answer is we don't, no one has it figured out. And we're all figuring out all the time and emotionally we change as well. I was definitely, I think when I first met you, I don't think I was tick-skinned.
Starting point is 00:56:36 I don't think that I was resilient. I don't think that I was, I think I was fragile emotionally. I think I was very sensitive. Like all of these things were, and I was 18 years old, so could I really put myself under pressure to be more, maybe not, because you're only 18 years old. But now when I look back and I think about how I've been able to grow and change, it's fun to see it from that perspective. It's fun to just look in the mirror with someone that has known you for a while and realize how far you've come and for you to see how far anyone can come
Starting point is 00:57:10 as well including yourself. So, okay, that's good. And then when I became a month, then we traveled together as well. What did you think during that time? What was your thoughts? Were they changing? Did I impress you? Did I prove you wrong? Or did that way that it go from there? No, I must be very honest that, you know, I never imagined that, you know, you will come to where you are today, because at that point of time, I remember so many times you would break down and cry, and I was wondering and cry, and I was wondering that how will this guy survive his years as a monk? And if someone had told me that one day this boy is going to become a social media celebrity, I would have said, good luck. But I definitely was impressed, number one, with your sincerity in wanting to know and learn.
Starting point is 00:58:15 So I think that was a very, very important value system, an attitude which you had even then, and eagerness to know and learn, which was so sincere, that I remember that in all our travels, one thing which struck me was how precisely you would keep notes. I don't know if you still have those notes. Only when you were class. I still have them from then. have those notes. But what struck me more was you have one of the neatest and the most beautiful handwriting. And I don't know whether you know those who are following you really have seen your handwriting, but it's mind-boggling. And I still remember that, although I have not
Starting point is 00:59:03 seen it for a long time, but the way you would capture the notes was very inspiring because it was very clear that you were wanting to understand very systematically all of that wisdom. And it has been an amazing experience to see how all of that unfolded in due course of time. Another thing I would like to share is that in our travels, I could also see a very deep urge within you to share this wisdom. And that was pretty obvious because, you know, I was a speaker and so many people would come around and I would not have time to speak to all of them, but you would immediately start sharing wisdom with others just after the event.
Starting point is 00:59:54 And that irresistible desire to share the knowledge and wisdom and help others was something which I observed even then. And also, that desire was so strong that you would see best practices happening in different parts of the world, and especially at his control party. And you immediately would try to do something in London. And one example of that was how you really tried to help the youth in London by creating a beautiful house for the youth
Starting point is 01:00:28 to stay right around the college campus, where they could experience a proper ecosystem for spiritual advancement. And I think it was totally your initiative, which was born of your experience of seeing something like that in India. And I was pretty impressed. But in spite of, you know, your emotional side, I could always also see very strong resilience and the ability to withstand opposition, challenges, difficulties, and unwillingness to take no for an answer. And, you know, some examples of that was like some of the initiatives which you took at that particular point of time with respect to how to connect with the youth.
Starting point is 01:01:17 And there were a lot of people who had other ideas, but you were convinced of certain ideas and you really felt it was the best thing to do, and you were willing to put your weight behind that. And that really impressed me because I thought, oh, here is someone who comes across as very emotional and fragile, but he still has the guts to lead with a certain kind of determination which does not come across immediately. So I did notice that, and I remember when we were in Florida and we were about to catch a flight and, you know, two airlines, attendant girls came up and they looked at you and said, hey, you look so happy and cute. And I remember that
Starting point is 01:01:59 and, you know, I looked at you and I looked at them and I was thinking, why is this guy a monk? Maybe he'll be more effective if he's out there amongst the people and as part of society. And at that point of time, there was practically no clue and what your future is going to be. But I could see that you had a tremendous ability to connect with people and reach out to people in ways which were pretty deep and something which not everybody could do.
Starting point is 01:02:31 So these are some of my memories of those times, seeing, you know, the soft side of your personality, but at the same time, you're still like determination, which seemed to be couched under that external cover of emotional softness. But I do believe that without having that kind of dedication and determination, you could not have spent, you know, those three years as among with the many of us. And I remember, you know, putting you through the grind in the kitchen, you know, in front of a blazing fire, we would be cooking and you would be assisting. And even while the construction of this eco village was happening, you were out there in the sun helping with bringing various materials and assisting. But all through all of these, the common thread which I saw was you had an enthusiasm and a zeal to serve. And that I feel is a very,
Starting point is 01:03:38 very important character element, which has really brought you to where you are. And I'm so glad that millions of people who are connecting to you are extremely fortunate to have a guide who is connected with the authentic wisdom. Thank you. Very kind. And all I can say honestly is that all the inspiration of anything I've ever done is through what I've learned from you and seen you do for so many years. I remember coming with you to university events every single night in India. Every single night, Prangadas would go out to speak to different students about this wisdom I would follow and go
Starting point is 01:04:22 every single night with him. I used to see this incredible enthusiasm from him to want to just share this wisdom with everyone. When I saw that, I wanted to replicate the same thing. So every time I saw him do something. And then I realized that wasn't him. And I couldn't be him, which was a good self awareness point for me, you can't become your mentors, you can't become your role models, you can't become your idols and you don't have to quite frankly. And I think that's one of the biggest mistakes we make when we're young and immature, but then you grow to respect them more
Starting point is 01:04:55 because of what they can do and achieve and then you learn to find your own place. And I think that's what you always allowed me to do. You gave me the space. You never judged me for any of my mistakes or flaws. And you never expected me to be at your level or anyone's level. And you gave me space and freedom to find myself. And so every time I would find a different part of myself, I never felt judged by you to express that, to share that with you. And yeah, anything that I've ever tried is what I've seen you do here and in the end, what I've seen you do here with the monks here. And spending time here with some of my best memories of living as a monk. And I think anything that I ended up doing in London was completely inspired by your work. And anything that I've done that's good as thanks to you.
Starting point is 01:05:44 And all the work that I'm doing now is just inspirational with everything you've given me. So thank you so much. Well, we are very honored to, you know, be a part of your journey and very happy to see your expression of humility and gratitude because that's one of the very core elements of our spiritual journey. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:10 And don't worry, we know when I ask to go and become a monk now, but we do recommend that you come and visit the E-Covidates. Well, we are right now. I'd love for many of you to visit over the years when I start leaning retreats, and that's a big part of what I'd like to do over the next 10, 20 years and beyond. So this is just the beginning, as I always say. And very grateful that Granger thus is providing such a universal home for so many people to find their own spiritual parts. Thank you so much to you. Thank you to the Ecovalid and thank you all for watching.
Starting point is 01:06:41 Listening. Thank you. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to Kidnapper lover, and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. There are all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the iHeart Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.
Starting point is 01:07:29 I am Dr. Romani, and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. This season, we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting at narcissists before they spot you. Each week, you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and their process of healing. Listen to navigating narcissism on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 01:07:59 Our 20s often seen as this golden decade, our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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