On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Gwyneth Paltrow Interviews Jay Shetty ON: Daily Actions to Build Life-Changing Habits & Training Your Mind to Break Old Patterns

Episode Date: January 3, 2022

This is a special episode of On Purpose where Gwyneth Paltrow sits down with Jay Shetty in her goop event held at the Porsche Design Center in Los Angeles with only 150 people in the audience. We get to listen to Jay’s journey as a monk and his career shift after leaving monkhood, how we can condition our mind to find strength and happiness, and what can help us learn how to appreciate our step by step journey.  Gwyneth is an American actress and lifestyle innovator. She won an Oscar for Best Actress for her role in Shakespeare in Love in 1999, and later appeared in Iron Man and other films from the Marvel franchise. Her lifestyle brand, goop, was launched in 2008.Achieve success in every area of your life with Jay Shetty’s Genius Community. Join over 10,000 members taking their holistic well-being to the next level today, at https://shetty.cc/OnPurposeGeniusWhat We Discuss:00:00 Intro02:17 From being a monk to a life coach05:28 Why mini experiments are important in our lives08:23 The more choices we have, the worst mistakes we make10:05 Learning how to find stillness in discomfort13:50 Why our minds are compared to monkeys16:49 When you wake up to notifications, negativity, news, and noise22:03 Committing to a 2-hour daily meditation25:51 The types of meditation 28:28 Appreciating where you are in life31:06 Create dreams through people33:28 The most powerful dreams are linked to service and impact35:07 When is the best time to switch?Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!Episode Resources:Gwyneth Paltrow | TwitterGwyneth Paltrow | InstagramGwyneth Paltrow | FacebookgoopSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Louis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender and visible things we don't usually talk about?

I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by stellar guests like Abbermote, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. I'm Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism.

This season we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you. Each week you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and their process of healing. Listen to Navigating Narcissism on the iHe I heart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Jay Shetty and I just want to take a moment to thank you to express my deepest gratitude to you for choosing to listen to on purpose for our first episode of this year, 2022. This year is going to be the biggest, the best, the deepest, the most genuine and most sincere year on on purpose of all time. Since we launched

in 2019, I've had the pleasure and the honor of sitting down with some incredible guests. Everyone from Will Smith to Alicia Keys, Yuval Noah Harari, to Ray Dalio, all the way through to Junae Ico, Big Sean, Ross, and many, many more. We've had incredible thinkers like Dr. Joe Dispenser, Gretchen Rubin, and Dr. Mark Heimann. I really hope that you're going to go back and listen to any of those guests that you're excited about. But I also hope that you're going to go back and listen to any of those guests that you're excited about.

But I also hope that you'll join me this year for new guests and new insights. Here's how it works. Every Monday I launched an episode which is an interview star with a guest and on Friday a solo episode where I dive deep into something I've been going into with my health and wellness journey. I couldn't be more grateful and proud of the amazing community that we've built here on purpose. I love seeing your Instagram posts, your tweets, and every other social media platform you're on. And this year is just going to be phenomenal. Thank you for joining me today. I can't wait for you to listen to this episode.

This is a special behind the scenes episode of an interview between Ne and Gwyneth Paltrow at her Goop event. This took place at the Porsche Design Centre in LA and there were only around 150 people in the audience. This is a sneak peek, this is what we do on purpose. I really hope you enjoyed this conversation, I can't wait to see your reviews and I hope you share it. So happy to see you. So nice to see you. Thank you, thank you. I didn't know if you were going to make it after all those Duali parties that I tell you. It has been a really crazy week but in a good way and I'm just really great for the

be here with all of you. Thank you so much for having me. This is beautiful. Thank you so much. Thank you. So I would love it if you could just give everybody a little bit of your of your amazing story and how you came through being among and into being this amazing life coach and motivator and all of the amazing things that you are. So I was born and raised in London and I grew up in a family where I had three options to be a doctor, a lawyer or a failure. And I chose the third option. And so to my parents' surprise when I was 18 years old, I told them that when I graduated from school

that I would go off to become a monk and they didn't believe me. They were just like, yeah, sure, it's a phase. And so when I was 18 years old, I was invited to an event at my university and it was somewhat similar to this in the sense that the event was around introducing people at university to thinkers, thought leaders, I know you've had an incredible lineup of guests this evening, and I went along because my friends promised me that we would go to a bar afterwards. I didn't want to go to this event,

and I said as long as we go to a bar afterwards, I'll come and hear this monk or whatever you want me to hear. So I went along to this event, and this monk was speaking and I went there expecting nothing. But I walked away feeling like I had completely found a new path in life because the monk was speaking about selflessness and service and using our time

to have an impact in the world. So when I graduated, I traded my suits for robes. I lived on the floor all my possessions fit inside a gym locker. We meditated for four to eight hours a day and I lived that life for three years. And then at the end of it, there were two things and the fast version is my teachers said to me that they felt that it was time for me to go on and share what I'd learned. It was one of those, it's not you, it's me conversations. I basically got kicked out of being a monk. So my parents are like, you failed at this too. And when I came back, which was now eight years ago, I really, really

saw a world in which everything I'd learned, I felt had so much of a space in these busy hectic chaotic lives. And I had no idea how I was going to try and a space in these busy, hectic, chaotic lives. And I had no idea how I was going to try and share what I'd learned, but I started and took a few steps. And then, you know, here we are today where I've been really fortunate and feel really grateful that I've been able to work with so many incredible people. I've been able to connect with so many beautiful humans. I've been able to connect with so many of you that I bumped into today as well. And I think that it all started because I met someone who changed the trajectory of my life and had I not met him, then I wouldn't be here today. But that's a pretty extreme outcome, right?

Like a lot of us have read a book or heard a talk and felt inspired or felt a calling to change our lives or to think about things in a different way, but to go and renounce life as you knew it for three years is a pretty bold move. And I wanted to ask you what was the process like of letting go of the material world, if you will, and was that traumatic at all? Was there grief in it? How did you get used to the life as among having been just a normal London student? I think there were a few things. The first thing was, when I met him, and now when I reflect

on it, I realized that at the time when I was 18 years old I'd met a lot of people who were rich, I'd met people that had been famous, I'd met people who were successful, I'd met people who were Strong and powerful and beautiful, but I don't think I'd met anyone who was truly happy and He was happy. He's still as happy. He's still among today And he was happy. He's still as happy, he's still among today. And he was happy and I thought, I want to understand that. And it was almost a moment of I want that. So my 22 year old self, when I went off to become a monk, I had this boundless enthusiasm to say, I want to live this process

exactly how they live it. I don't want to take any shortcuts. I don't want to let my process exactly how they live it. I don't want to take any shortcuts. I don't want to let my mind keep me in my comfort zone. I have to go all out. And so I feel like it was almost a boundary or a commitment that I made that no matter how I feel, I'm going to live it exactly how they do. Because maybe if I don't do it how they are,

then I won't reap the benefits. And so I think actually it was easier at the time. Now if you ask me to do it, I feel like, no, I'm fine. I really like my bed and I like sleeping for eight hours and I, but at the time I had this enthusiasm which was I just want to see if it works. And I think that's why many experiments are so important in our lives. You don't have to do it for three years, but the many experiments of, let me for a week, follow it exactly like

this person say. Let me for a weekend do exactly what I'm hearing or reading in this book or from this speaker. Let me for this day just live that way and see what happens. And so actually removing myself from the material world when I became a monk was easier because for the four years in between, I'd been doing these many experiments. So the first time I went to the ashram and they told me that I couldn't listen to 50 cent,

like that moment was hard, because I was like, what, I don't get to listen to music and then they told me that I wouldn't get to watch television or so the first time I went that was hard but what I realized was the sacrifice was just not comparable to the payoff and I think that's what it comes down to you have the choice to do all these things whenever you want any time. So to close off for a day, a weekend, a week, it's worth the test, it's worth the experiment. So interesting.

So what do you think it is about not having free will in whatever these circumstances are that has power in it? Well, I think we've come to a place where we feel that freedom and the freedom of unlimited choice is power. And we've all realized in the science and the studies all show this that the more choice we have,

the less mistakes we make. And we make poorer decisions based on this complete limitless choice. And I found that actually when you stripped away some of that choice, your ability to make decisions grew, because now I wasn't experiencing what we all know now to be called decision fatigue. I wasn't wasting my time making decisions that were irrelevant to my personal fulfillment and satisfaction. So now when you're not having to think about certain choices in your day, you're freed

up to make choices in a healthy way. And so I found that actually making certain parts of our life systematic routine, habitual communal as well, allowed for space, for creativity, spontaneity, and true expression. Whereas I think a lot of us feel like, no, no, if I just can choose everything that I do every day, that will give rise to spontaneity, but it does the opposite.

Does that make sense? Yeah, totally. It sounds like it adds, like these are the layers of responsibility that we heap on ourselves, which is like choices that we make actually keep us sort of enslaved to the responsibility. Yes, exactly.

So when you were there, did you, were you able to really connect with happiness and did you bring it home? I think when I was there I was able to really learn how to find stillness in discomfort and I think that was the biggest thing that I gained from that. So I'll tell you a story of an experience that I would never wish on anyone and do not recommend. But we did a 72 hour train journey

from North India to South India. 72 hours, it has random stops, but you don't actually physically get off for longer than 15 minutes at a stop. So there's no pause, so 72 hours. And as a monk, you travel in like coach, but coach in India is not coach in the United States. So coach is like, you're literally surrounded by people

who haven't paid for a ticket. Like, it's just infiltrated with people. And you're just surrounded by all these villages and people that you haven't even met and they don't have a ticket and you don't even know where they're going. And I decided that I wouldn't eat for three days because on the first day, I saw the state of the toilet

and the restroom on the train. And so I decided I would do a voluntary fast. And you know, to all my teachers, I seemed really detached at this point. They were just like, wow. And I was like, yeah, I'm so detached and renounced now from food. And really, I was just like, no, I do not want to go in there. So, so that's, this is a very uncomfortable scenario.

It was a Londoner. I'm, I'm used to taking the underground and, you know, used to driving around in my car and I'm used to, you know, clean bathrooms and all the rest of it. So, this is an uncomfortable situation. And it was really interesting because I remember saying to my teacher who we were traveling with that I would meditate in the stops. I said to him, it's too chaotic on the train. I said, it's too difficult to focus on the train. When we stop, I'll get off, I'll meditate for 20 minutes, I'll come back on, and I'll

do that every stop. And he looked me in the eyes and he said, do you think life is going to be chaotic like the train or still like the stop? And I was like, is this a trick question? I thought it was. He said life is going to be chaotic like the train. And so if you don't learn how to meditate on the train,

meditating on the stop is not going to help you. And I think that in a nutshell is how I feel I experienced joy, happiness. The happiness wasn't in an experience of feeling happy in the way we think about it. It was in the joy of knowing I could navigate any situation. It wasn't that you felt happy because you did something right. It's because you never felt like you didn't know what to do to navigate pain. And so that's where the definition of knowing how to navigate challenges became more joyful than the idea that I could avoid challenges.

And I think that desire of where we are today, where we call them unwanted emotions, the challenge is everything we don't want is unavoidable. So if I say never want to feel pain again or I never want to feel stress again, that's not true for anyone, including the monks, including me, including any of us. And so actually knowing that I am going to feel all of these things, but I know what to do with them, that is a position of strength and joy and happiness.

Our twenties are seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, full in love, make mistakes, and decide what we want from our life. But what can psychology really teach us about this decade? I'm Gemma Spagg, the host of the Psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, friendships, and much more to explore the science and the psychology behind our experiences, incredible guests, fascinating topics, important science, and a bit of my own personal experience. Audrey, I honestly have no idea what's going on with my life.

Join me as we explore what our 20s are really all about. From the good, the bad, and the ugly, and listen along as we uncover how everything is psychology, including our 20s. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Now streaming on the iHotRadio app, Apple podcasts or whatever you get your podcasts. I am Yannna and on my podcast, the R-Spot, we're having inspirational, educational and sometimes difficult and challenging conversations about relationships. They may not have the capacity to give you what you need.

And insisting means that you are abusing yourself now. You human! That means that you're crazy as hell, just like the rest of us. When a relationship breaks down, I take copious notes and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for you. But if you're going to eat it, they're not going to stop you. So he's going continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him. Listen to the R-Spot on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you listen to podcasts. on the iHeart video app Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts.

A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What was seen as a very snotty city, people call it bozangeless. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Friends' newton, and not lost is my new travel podcast where a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party. We're kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out.

I would love that, but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm going to die alone when I'm traveling. But I get to travel with someone I love. Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much... I love you too. I have so many therapy bills behind that.

You're so white, I love it. Listen to Not Lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. And what do you do with? Lough is actually truly one of them. There's, the mind is compared to a monkey in the Vedas and it's been popularized today in psychology as well as the monkey mind, but monks refer to the mind

like a monkey. And if you've ever seen a monkey, they are hilarious. So in India, we would see monkeys all the time, and they would trade their banana for a credit card. Like, they would literally swap, and then they would swap it right back. And you'd see monkeys like chase anything that looked like food in your bag, and they'd rip it and steal it, like, they're the best thieves,

and monkeys of these hilarious characters. And the reason why the mind is compared to a monkey is because sometimes we need to laugh at the things our mind comes up with. Now what we choose to do currently is we choose to criticize ourselves or we choose to judge ourselves. When our mind does something that we don't like, we think this literally happened to me the other day. I was in Dallas, and my first keynote back since the pandemic, and I went in to get a tee at a coffee shop and get some coffee for some of my team members, and I was waiting there,

and I went to the front, and the breeze that was serving us. And she made a mistake in how much change she gave me, and I didn't notice, actually. I was like, oh, thank you so much. And I was about to walk out. And literally, as I was just about to turn, she said, I'm the worst.

She just stopped and said, and I said, are you OK? And she said, oh, I just gave you the wrong change. I'm the worst. I'm so sorry. And I was like, and I literally looked around and I said, I said, you're not the worst. You're a human. You made a mistake.

It's OK. It's fine. You're wonderful. Thank you for noticing. You made a mistake. It's okay. It's fine. You're wonderful. Thank you for noticing. And then she gave me the right change and I left. And I was just thinking, wow, like she saw the monkey mind make a mistake. And she judged herself. She criticized herself.

And so the first thing we have to do is, honestly, switch critiquing for laughing. Laughing when the monkey mind makes this mistake. When your mind tells you something that genuinely is not true, allow yourself to laugh, allow yourself to see it with a bit of humor. And when you start to see that, you start to notice that when you don't take the mind so seriously, it doesn't have that much of a serious effect on you.

Moving on from that, sometimes our emotions are a bit more deeper, and it's hard to laugh at them. They're more painful than that. And I find that again in that scenario, our desire is to, you know, push them under the carpet, lock them in the door, force them away. And actually in those moments, understanding that, accepting that emotion and recognizing that, knowing that it's going to be there. It's almost like the weather.

If I always say I don't want it to be, I don't want it to rain. I never want it to rain. And then it rains. Now I'm scared. I'm unprepared. And I'm stressed. Whereas if I accept that it's going to rain, I get time to go and pack my umbrella and my raincoat.

And so I think it's about developing the umbrella and the raincoat. And for our emotions, the umbrella is community. And the raincoat is our tools and our habits and our practices of reflection that help us break them down. How do we go about cultivating that inner life, that space, so that we can separate ourselves from these emotions that blow through us and seem like they they take us over. I genuinely believe that we all have to have a foundation

of our daily routine that gives us the feelings we want. So the challenge is that we're surrounded by a day where we don't get the feeling we want and that's what we consider to be a bad day. I didn't get what I wanted, therefore, today's a bad day. And actually, in that moment, instead of wanting a good day, if we start by creating a foundational set of habits and activities that can set us up for that day, the health here we are. So I'll give an example. You know, 80% of us study show, wake up to our phones first thing in the morning.

So we see our phones before we see our partners and our kids, and we see our phones lasting at night after we see our partners and our kids. And so our phone gets more face time than the people we love. And when I think about that, I think to myself, when you wake up to the phone in the morning, you wake up to notifications, in the morning, you wake up to notifications, negativity, news, and noise. And these four things make you feel like you're starting your day at the bottom of ladder, and are you spending their day catching up to yourself?

Whereas if your day started with four key habits of thankfulness, inspiration, meditational mindfulness, and exercise, you're now starting your day at a plus four, and now even if the rest of the day is challenging, you still end up at a plus two or a plus one. And so I like to set myself up by saying, what are the habits that I can practice today that are going to make me feel like my day is going in the right direction? And they are truly simple. Thankfully, this takes 30 seconds.

He's the best way to practice it. I don't recommend a gratitude journal. I don't recommend writing it down. I recommend expressing it, making it specific, and personalizing it. Send a text, send a voice note, send an email, send a message to someone that you're grateful to. For the next seven days, send them a message,

and make it really specific. Don't just say, thank you, GP, for this wonderful event, not good enough. Say thank you for the amazing decor, thank you for the incredible experience, thank you for what this felt like, look like, what it smelled like, like share the depth of how that experience was for you. If you do that gratitude actually has the ability to boost your immune system, it has the ability to shift your perspective and boost your mood, but if you do it in a way of, I'm grateful for the air, I'm grateful for my kids, I'm grateful for my job, that doesn't have that impact and effect. Because it stays with you.

Because it stays with you and gratitude is meant to be shared. It's a gift that you get to give someone else. Inspiration is a big one for shared. It's a gift that you get to give someone else. Inspiration is a big one for me. It's at one point in my life, I remember listening to, apart from the monks, but listening to Steve Jobs's Stanford Commencement speech every day for nine months in a row. And not only did I know the words of Faiha, it really changed my heart by listening to that speech every day.

The words in it are so profound and so powerful that you start to rewire the neurons in your mind. It's genuinely changing the makeup of your mind. I recently sat down with Matthew McConaughey on my podcast. And I said to him that I listened to his Oscar's acceptance speech every day. It's a five minute speech. It will only take five minutes. I said I listened to it every day for 30 days in a row. And that rewires how your mind works.

Now, you don't have to listen to the people I'm recommending. But whoever it is that you're drawn to in your life, I promise you, if you listen to the same thing every single day because you like it that much, it will start to rewire how you think. It's as simple as that. And then meditation and exercise, of course, which I can go into. But those four habits for me are like my staple, my main course, and everything else is sides and dessert.

All right, all right, all right. How do you, how do you meditate? You still meditate for 45 minutes in the morning and the night? Two hours now. It's been two hours for 16 years. Two hours? I thought it was 45 minutes. It's been two hours for 16 years, Saya. So I find meditation elusive.

And I do it every morning and I do TM. And like this morning, I had the worst meditation. And I was like counting, I wanted to open my eyes and check the timer. And some mornings I go really deep and it's like the most beautiful experience. So why does that happen and what can I do to, I don't know, it sounds stupid, like improve

the quality of my meditation, but I don't know if you guys ever, if you meditate and you have those days where, I mean, my meditation teacher said to me, even in a shallow dive, you get wet, so still do it. But I was just wondering, like do you have wet, so still do it. But I was just wondering, like, do you have these, are you foric, deep meditations every day for two hours? I love that.

How many people in the room meditate regularly? How many people don't meditate? And how many people don't put up their hands, no matter what I say? A lot. Thank you for being honest. I appreciate the honesty. So, yeah, so I started my two-hour meditation practice Thank you for being honest. I appreciate the honesty. So, yeah, so I started my two hour meditation practice when I was 18 years old, 34 today,

so it's been 16 years that I've been meditating for two hours a day, and that form has taken many different formats, so it could be two hours in the morning straight, it could be an hour in an hour, it could be four blocks of half an hour reach, depending on what day it is, especially now with my busy schedule, it changes all the time. And how did you land on two hours, just at a time? I landed on two hours because as a monk in my tradition, that amount of time was a lot of to anyone who wanted to be a teacher. So for the integrity of my teaching and my practice and the coaching work I do, that's a basic commitment I've made to my teachers as how much I need to do.

And so it's purely based on my relationship with my meditation teacher who has trusted me with the ability to teach meditation. And so it's like this big responsibility that I have to give up with, but it's beautiful, it's really fulfilling. And so like you, I have meditations where I feel like I need to check my phone still Still to this day till this day till this day and so what a tell this day and so the beauty again so I have had euphoric deep immersive experiences through meditation that have proved to me that

meditation works, that have helped me have a glimpse into the deepest experiences that meditation is going to take you to. But I don't want to talk about those because they don't help anyone. But what does help is this idea of knowing that what we're actually doing when you're having that shallow dive, when you're turning up regardless, you're training your mind to be where you are, you're training your mind to do uncomfortable things, you're training your mind to not just freely do whatever it feels like in that moment. It's back to the free well.

It's back to the free will. You are showing yourself that even if it's difficult, I can sit with this discomfort. Even if I don't sit with the discomfort perfectly, I have sat with the discomfort. And that sitting with discomfort is setting you up for success in so many other areas of your life.

Rather than the desire of like, I don't like this, let me get out of here. And so I find that meditation's experience is not meant to be a euphoric, ecstatic experience every time. It's actually meant to just give you a signal and a lure as to how you feel today. So if you feel distracted today, meditation is just showing you that today you're going to be more distracted, maybe don't make any big decisions. Use it as a signal. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, if I meditate and I fall asleep, like I did this afternoon, right? That's my body

telling me, hey, because you are still today, you needed more sleep. So meditation is aligning your body and mind so that they can actually do what they want to do. And if the answer is distraction, let me not make good big decisions today. Let me not take seriously today maybe how I feel about someone. You know, maybe let me not say something that I don't mean today because actually my mind is distracted. Yeah, you can use it as a litmus test. Exactly. That's, I see meditation as that, especially in the beginning. That's so interesting.

Right. It's like a diagnostic tool. I'm Eva Longoria. I'm Maite Gomes-Rechon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry for History. On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories,

decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both. Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both. You know, I'm a flower tortilla flower.

Your team flower? I'm team flower. I need a shirt. Team flower, team core. Join us as we explore surprising and lesser known corners of Latinx culinary history and traditions. I mean, these are these legends, right? Apparently, this guy Juan Mendes.

He was making these tacos wrapped in these huge tortillas to keep it warm, and he was transporting them in a burro, hence the name the burritos. Listen to Hungary for History with Ivalongoria and Maite Gomez Rejón as part of the Michael Tura podcast network available on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The depths of them, the variety of them, continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share 10 incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience,

and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. When I realized this is not just happening to me, this is who and what I am. I needed her to help me. If something was annoying at me that I couldn't put my finger on, that I just felt somehow that there was a piece missing. Why not restart? Look at all the things that were going wrong. I hope you'll join me and my extraordinary guests

for this new season of Family Secrets. Listen to season eight of Family Secrets. Listen to season 8 of Family Secrets on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University and I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities,

like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or can we create new senses for humans? Or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Right. And so if someone wants to start meditation, how do you suggest that they do it? Are there certain apps or certain books? One should read. Yeah, so there are three types of meditation that I was trained in, but that I see across the world today.

There's breath work, there's visualization, and there's mantra. So TM of course is mantra. Visualization, I'm sure you've heard of, but visualization is actually even performed by formula one, races, athletes who visualize. And then you have breath work, of course, which, again, I feel feel is quite widely spread today.

And that was the order in which we were trained and it's a breath work helped to calm and store the body. Visualization helped to focus the mind and then mantra helped really heal the heart and soul. So it was this ascending process. And so I found that starting with breath work is a great foundation because it sets you up physically and then moving to visualization

and then to a mantra as an ascending process. And so I know there's countless apps out there. I recommend whichever one truly works for you. I don't have a prescribed app because I do think meditation is so personal. But I would definitely start with the breath and then experiment with visualization and mantra as well. And the power of mantra is phenomenal because hearing the sound even if whispered,

we all know that sound transports us. We can hear a song that we grew up to and you're transported back. You can hear a sound that you don't like and you're already feeling emotions that you don't like, and you're already feeling emotions that you don't like, and so the power of sacred sound or spiritual sound is to transport you. And so, Mantra is my chosen form of meditation too,

and it's, in my opinion, the most powerful for those deep experiences within, but I feel breath-to-air convisualization of the launch pad for that type of meditation. You said that you fell asleep during your meditation today, and it just reminded me that, so the theme of this has been dreams, you know, sort of following your dreams.

And I was wondering in your coaching practice, so when somebody comes to you, you know, I had a session earlier where this beautiful young woman said she's having a difficult time because she's in a job that she doesn't love and doesn't feel like it's her calling, but she feels scared to dare to dream about what that even would be or kind of give herself the permission to do that. So in your coaching practice, what would you say to her and what would you say in terms of finding that, like, is that manifestation, is that, like, how do you start to connect

with those ideas of who you could be in your next iteration? Yeah. So I can relate to that. I just, just over five years ago, I was in a job just like that. Because when I came back from being a monk, I had to pay the bills, I had to pay off my student loan. I couldn't rely on my parents who I moved in with when I first came back, but they weren't financially capable, of course, to take care of me for the rest of my life.

And I already moved back in when I was 26 years old after living as a monk for three years. And so for me, I was in that position just over five years ago, so I know exactly what that feels like. And what I'd say to that is the first step is learning to appreciate where you are. Because if we can't appreciate where we are, we will never appreciate where we get to. And that is just the truth, anyone and everyone.

Someone could say, well, you know, I'm running a great business, but only when I exit, will I really feel happy? Or someone may say, I building this brand but only when we work with this partner will I feel satisfied. And I feel that we're constantly in any scenario postponing our feeling of joy and success and happiness. And so for me when I was in this corporate job, my goal was, how can I appreciate where I am? And the only way to appreciate where you are

is asking yourself, what can I learn here that might be useful for later? And if I look back, and I honestly ask myself so many of the skills that I learned in that job over five years ago, are huge parts of my business, my ventures, my work today, that if I didn't have that experience, I'd have to be really bad at what I do today, and I wouldn't have the skills that I do.

So I think there is an honoring of where we are, because something in your life is brought you there. And I often say to people, like, you're exactly where you need to be, and we're scared of accepting that, because we're like, well, I don't like being here, but that's because we don't see it as part of our story. So focus on what can I learn in this job?

Maybe it's networking. Maybe it's sales. Maybe it's connecting with different people from different backgrounds. Maybe my company is launching a program to learn about crypto, right? I'm gonna dive into that. Whatever it be, as you as an individual, what are you drawn to? Try and take a moment to learn and therefore appreciate where you are. The second step I'd say when it comes to dreaming is, I really believe we dream through people. I think we dream through people. And what I mean by that is that there's a beautiful statement by Marion Edelman who said that you can't be what you can't see.

And I love that so much because if you don't see something happen, if you don't experience it, you will never want to become it or follow it. So if I never met a monk, I would never have dreamed of becoming a monk. I would never, that would never even cross my path. And what I find so fascinating, this is why I love what you do. And I honor it so much in all the amazing programming you've created, what you've done with Goop and the incredible work that you've done with, with the shows that you've created because you're introducing us to people and ideas that are taboo, untalked about,

and the point of that is, it's incredible. We live in a world where you can access anything at any time, yet we all follow the same people, watch the same people, and pretty much talk about the same people and shows and things. It's incredible, right? It blows my mind that in a world where we could literally access a random tribe in the middle

of another country if we really wanted to, through the powers, we're all watching Squid Games, right? And no offense to Squid Games. I've got nothing wrong with it. The point I'm making is that we all get very, we all get just enamored by the same things. And when I look at the most amazing experience I've had in my life, it's when I've become enamored by something that's different and unique and has been more random. And so I feel that there's a need to explore and expose ourselves to people and experiences that you don't just come across every day. And of course, that's what your work's doing. It's why I have my podcast because I can sit down with people.

And even if they're people that you know, I'm hoping that we can go deeper with them or go to a place that you haven't seen. And if it's people you don't know, when that's fresh anyway. And so I feel like exposing ourselves to more people allows us to dream through people. You see someone and you think, oh, I love what they're doing. I love what they're about. I love what they're channeling. I love what their vision is.

And then your mind opens up to what's possible. And then the third part of it, truly, is that I've seen the most powerful dreams be linked to service and impact. And so I find that a dream is incomplete without service and impact. And so I find that a dream is incomplete without service and impact. The biggest and the best dreamers in the world, the people that shift the trajectory of the world, were not doing it just for themselves. They were doing it for others. And so when your dream expands into having a service element, you get the opportunity to work harder than you've

ever dreamed of. You're able to learn things that you never believed you could because we're so phenomenal at extending ourselves beyond what we know for people that we love and people we want to serve. So I'd say that that step process, to me it's very different from manifestation. I think manifestation, we often think of it as, well, let me see where I want to be. And I think of manifestation as visualize what it's going to take to get there. So if someone wants to be something, don't visualize what it looks like to be on that stage,

or be on the front cover of that magazine or whatever it may be. Visualize the hidden journey, which is the behind the scenes of waking up at 4am, of doing the work, of learning the skill, of practicing the art. Use your manifestation to visualize yourself breaking your physical and mental limits, not in visualizing the destination. And then, if that's kind of at the base, how do you or when do you decide, no, now it's time for me to jump. It's time for me to take the risk.

It's time for me to leave this relationship. But how do you know when you're there? Yeah. I often think that with careers at least, we'll talk about relationships, but with careers at least, there isn't need to build two lanes at the same time. And so I rarely recommend to anyone in my practice

or in my life to make a leap or a jump, because I feel that not only is the risk high, the failure rate is high, and the fall is really painful, and to recover from that can take a lot of energy and effort. And so the pain and stress of managing a day job and doing something in the evenings at the same time sound stressful, but it's a healthier root to make that transition. And the day you make the switch, at least in careers, to start off with, is the day that you feel you've created enough momentum in this new space where it can now push you and

carry you forward. If you make that switch too early, you can actually do a disservice to yourself. When now you feel like you're still playing catch up. And so I often ask people, build something that's at least half of where you're at right now, financially, so that you can make Dalip over. And I've had plenty of clients who've done that, who I've been working with the client for the last five years.

And within two and a half years, was when he decided to quit his job in law to move over to the work he's in now, and he's already within two and a half years. He'd made 50% of what he made as a lawyer, and then the next two and a half years, this year he has the opportunity to replace that completely. So I always feel that the financial part is the hardest part, and so I feel like if you replace 50%, that's a healthy time. With relationships, the time to leave is really when you feel you're no longer growing.

You know, when you feel that you're not growing, when you feel like you're not becoming the best version of yourself, when you feel like you're not moving in the direction you want to be moving in, not because the other person's helping you move or not. You just feel that you're carrying so much negative or toxic energy that you feel stuck. That's when you need a shift and make a move. And so that's a much more emotional transition. It's a much more difficult and painful transition.

And so it should not be again done in a rush. I don't believe in fast, big, jump decisions. I don't think that that's what works best. Usually as humans, we do better with incremental, small changes than we do with these big, huge decisions. And anyone who you notice has made a big decision in their life. I promise you, they sat there and thought about it for 365 days. You make a decision in a day, that's what it looks like, but really that decision was made over 365 days.

And so allow yourself that grace and space to slowly develop your reasoning for that big decision over time and then make that decision. Don't feel rushed or forced to make it faster. Yeah, develop the relationship with yourself as your... I mean, that's the heart of it. I promise you the relationship you have with yourself will always be the best relationship you could ever have in the world. I agree. Like, I really mean that.

It is such a joy to be present with yourself and to fall more in love with yourself. And the truth is that no one will ever love you the way you want to be loved, apart from yourself, because no one else can know you that intimately. And even if you try and articulate to someone who you are and what you like and what you love and what you need, they're coming with so much of their own background and baggage and their own challenges and pain and likes and dislikes

that it's really hard to translate that. So I'm not saying it's not possible to have meaningful relationships. It's just harder to expect that from anyone else. And actually, that gives you more grace for them, too. It helps you receive more of them. And you see it as a addition and extension to the love you have for yourself.

So glad you added it. Jay, thank you so much. It's always such a pleasure. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender and visible things we don't usually talk about? I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look, everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days. And all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by stellar guests like Abbermote,

Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Regardless of the progress you've made in life, I believe we could all benefit from wisdom on handling common problems, making life seem more manageable, now more than ever.

I'm Eric Zimmer, host of the One You Feed Podcast, where I interview thought-provoking guests who offer practical wisdom that you can use to create the life you want. 25 years ago, I was homeless and addicted to heroin. I've made my way through addiction recovery, learned to navigate my clinical depression, and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The one you feed has over 30 million downloads and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple Podcasts. Oprah Magazine named this is one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life. You always have the chance to begin again and feed the best of yourself. The trap is the person often thinks they'll act once they feel better.

It's actually the other way around. I have had over 500 conversations with world-renowned experts and yet I'm still striving to be better. Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Yomla Van Zant, and I'll be your host for The R Spot. or wherever you get your podcasts. Just laughing around like fish out of water. Mommy, daddy, your ex, I'll be talking about those things and so much more. Check out the R-Spot on the iHeart Video app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to

podcasts.