On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Gwyneth Paltrow ON: How To No Longer Keep Emotions Buried Within & Never Looking Outside For Validation

Episode Date: September 14, 2020

Do you ever feel like you live your life to fulfill others’ expectations? Are you suppressing your feelings and emotions because it’s not socially acceptable to have them? Jay Shetty and guest Gwyneth Paltrow shares words of advice on living true to yourself in this episode of On Purpose. According to Paltrow, “The more you resist, the more it persists.” Watch the full episode to learn more about living life on your terms and expressing your thoughts and emotions freely.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II? An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover, and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling

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and figured out how to build a fulfilling life. The one you feed has over 30 million downloads and was named one of the best podcasts by Apple Podcasts. Oprah Magazine named this as one of 22 podcasts to help you live your best life. You always have the chance to begin again and feed the best of yourself. The trap is the person often thinks they'll act once they feel better. It's actually the other way

around. I have had over 500 conversations with world-renowned experts and yet I'm still striving to be better. Join me on this journey. Listen to the one you feed on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. It was such a successful defense mechanism for me in the worst way. And it's set me back so much. So I try to parent with this idea that what comes up in you is there. And if you try to push things down, they'll stay. They're there to teach you something. They're there to tell you something. So just listen to what it is.

And then it'll move through. I wanted to start off by asking considering what's been going on in the world for the past few months. What's the latest adventure you went on with Moses and Apple? And what have you been doing to make that time special and meaningful? Well, as you can imagine, it's been certainly surreal for us and I think for the teenagers in the world, it's been It's been very hard for them.

I think they were, especially my son is 14, my daughter's 16, and they were just sort of entering this phase of autonomy and agency and self exploration. And I think at that age you get so much of that from the world being reflected back to you, even if it's just, you know, oh, I didn't know that I felt this way about this kind of food or person

or, you know, they hear something in, I don't know, and kids here in church, or I don't know, it's like you go out and you, or you have an interaction with another kid that's painful, and these are all such important stepping stones for growth. And I feel bad for them. You know, they started school today and they're in front of the computer all day.

And I just thought this is, this might not be sustainable for us all as parents of kids. You know, just this, it's very solitary in a way that is not a meditation, you know, it's like a bit punitive. So when we all first went into lockdown, there was very little we could do, and I was also impressed by how quickly they were able to,

you know, kids are so resilient, and they were able to, you know, kids are so resilient and they did, they were able to beat, have a lot of agility around their kind of mental strength and the way they were like, okay, well, this was hard and now this is life. So we're just gonna carry on. And I think so some of our adventures were really around cooking together as a family and trying new crazy stuff and pushing ourselves at the dinner table to have more unusual

conversations, longer conversations. And we've just become very centered around the home. And now we're, we have a home on the East Coast, which is about a 10 minute walk to the ocean. And so we've been able, I think we feel that nature has given us a lot more scope in our lives. Like my last literal adventure that I went on with Moses yesterday, the day before yesterday, I took him to the beach and we swam and he surfed. And I watched him surf and it was very simple and you know it wasn't like some crazy adventure but it especially within the context of you know being confined everything kind of feels like an adventure

these days. Yeah what a beautiful answer do you feel that what do you think's been that biggest fear at this time because I've heard from a lot and I'm not a parent but I know a lot of my listeners are and I also know that a lot of friends who are parents have like talked to me about like their children's fears right now. What's been their fear and what do you think's been like the most useful thing that you've been able to do to support them through that because you know no matter where kids are or what they're going through, I think there's a lot of similarities and what that age group specifically,

it's probably one of the hardest age groups to be going through this. I think they've felt the ability to, or the opposite of fear, and because when you're home with your parents, there's that inherent, you know, feeling of safety. I think that there has been an incredible relief for them in not having FOMO, you know, there's nothing, there's, you know, there's nothing going on there. So there, there's no social

anxiety. And I think, you know, if I've observed them having any fear, you know, they were, I don't know if it was, if I would characterize this fear as much as they're really trying to process what our generation is all going through in terms of the social injustice that's defined who we are as a culture and that we've all been participants of, wittingly or unwittingly. And it's a very big thing for them to unpack. I think they think of things so differently. They've been socialized so differently.

Hi Apple, speak as a devil. And so I think the fear has, there's been, I wouldn't say a concrete thing that they can point to and say, I'm afraid of this, but I think that they're feeling this tremendous seismic shift happen. And I think that energetically it causes some feelings of like, what does this mean and where are we going? And why have you guys so badly for us? And it's sort of like they're having these bigger existential fears as opposed to, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I've heard you say before that you've said to your kids, don't resist it, The more you resist it, the more it persists. And I wonder what you think the opposite of resistances or why you feel that, I feel like there's such a great resistance in humans in general towards pain and in humans in general towards pain and challenges and struggle. What about that statement feels so true to you and what do you try and do instead of resist that that feels right to you? I don't think that we were brought up with a language for discomfort, pain, embarrassment. We were taught to sublimate those feelings.

We were taught that, you know, boys don't cry. We were taught that, you know, hold your head up high. Don't be in a bad mood. You know, I want to see you smile at the dinner table. And we, it's so deep in us this tendency to override our true feelings with this dissonance of, no, I'm fine. And we've also been taught that bad feelings feel terrible as opposed to having an understanding

Okay, this feels bad and it's temporary Like I'm a human being so there are gonna be days that I experience a lot of pain or sadness or confusion and sadness or confusion. And we weren't given the language to just let it pass through, you know, like that great, runie poem about the guest house that, you know, just each human being is a guest house and different feelings are going to knock on the door every day, just let them in and don't judge them and don't criticize them. Just let them do what they're there to do and they're gonna move out. And I noticed in myself when I resisted pain

or most importantly for me when I resisted vulnerability which felt so painful to me, to be vulnerable. And it's still something that I work on. I still really struggle with true vulnerability because it was such a successful defense mechanism for me in the worst way. And it's set me back so much. So I, I try to parent with this idea that what comes up in you is there. And if you try to push things down, they'll stay. They're there to teach you something.

They're there to tell you something. So just listen to what it is. And then it'll move through. But, you know, they're teenagers. So right now they basically just think of it idiot. Yeah, that's a beautiful answer. But the reason I'm asking these questions is to remind myself that my kids will never listen to me.

And it's a good thing to remember that my kids will never think I'm cool or relevant or interesting or useful. But that's a really beautiful answer. I'm really glad you shared that roomy poem as well because I think, you know, it's, it was, what you shared is so powerful that we just keep these emotions and feelings trapped within ourselves or we don't let them in.

And then they have to be. We have to give ourselves permission, you know. We don't give ourselves permission to feel those ugly things, you know, like Rumi says, it could be jealousy, envy, like these things that we're taught to think, no, good people don't feel this way. And I think that it cultivates more pain

by not just letting these feelings come through us. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. When we were talking about in our interview together on your incredible podcast, you mentioned how, you know, obviously you've had so much success that you've earned at a younger age and then continue to redefine, reinvent, and continue to create incredible success in your life.

But you were saying that, were saying that there was a time where you got to a point where you just felt like things had to change or things had to shift. What is it like? And the reason I asked this is I feel like today it's happening more and more, whether it's with TikTok or Instagram or what does it feel like to be extremely successful at a young age. And when I say extremely successful,

literally top of the world, top of your game at such a young age for you, you know, winning most prestigious award that exists in the world at such a young age, like, what does that actually feel like? Like, what goes through your mind? And what did it feel like then? And how does it feel now in hindsight? And how can other people learn from it? How can other young people who are experiencing almost astronomical success at a young age in different ways? Well, at the time it felt very overwhelming, I really did not have a good sense of who I was yet. You know, when I won the Oscar, I assume you're referring to that award. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I high school gymnastics award. No, that's the one I recently. I was the one that I schooled gymnastics. No, of course, I was told on the askers, of course. I didn't think I even need to just say what it was. I just everyone, everyone knows it's iconic. It's iconic. It's amazing. It was incredibly overwhelming and and you know I was going through all kinds of stuff emotionally at the time. My father was dealing

with cancer. My grandfather was dying with cancer. Both men I was incredibly close to cancer, my grandfather was dying cancer, both men I was incredibly close to. And a few things, you know, I just as I said I didn't know myself. So I didn't, I hadn't built the internal infrastructure that I have now to deal with so much projection and energy, which you know, is a tool or a series of tools that I had to figure out and build for myself when you're so visible in the public eye and so many people have so many opinions about you. There's sort of a system that I figured out for myself. I remember when after I won, I crashed.

I was staying with my parents in Santa Monica, California and I got into bed and I basically was in bed for three weeks. I was incredibly depressed and I had no energy. And, you know, the psychologist that I saw at the time was saying, you know, this is normal because you have this big kind of apex.

And now you're just experiencing the countervalence and everything. But I think what I was really, it wasn't adrenaline. I think, I mean, although partially, of course, it was adrenaline. I think part of it was the realization that I had been working so hard towards something to validate my existence and to prove my worthiness to myself and to, you know, top and you're still you, and you still have all this undoubt with stuff

in your life that you haven't looked at, and you are just a person, and kind of winning that accolade doesn't fix anything. You're like, oh, okay. So, you know, it's like I said one time, really, you know, when you read the story of the golden calf and the Bible and it's like you have this false idol, you know, and it turns out to be a false idol, but you don't know it until, you know it. And so it was a great thing to happen because, you know, the best thing about winning an Oscar was realizing that it didn't mean anything.

And that I had to set myself on a course where I, first of all, started to unpack why it was that I felt the need to drive myself so hard and why I, you know, I, what, what was the impetus behind having to achieve? And, you know, I think, I'm, I am a high achiever. I. I think I love to work and I love to explore and discover and push boundaries and do stuff, but there was a part of it that was fueled by something that was unhealthy and unhealed. And that opened up the path to healing for me.

Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University, and I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or, can we create new senses for humans? Or, what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet?

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Sharing that. It's so, it's so useful. A, hearing you say that and so vulnerable and deeply as well. Tell me about where it, have you then, do you think now you're in a space where, and I really believe this is a really important concept, and I really want to hear what you have to say about it. Do you feel you found a way where you can continue to be ambitious and driven, but from a more healed and healthy place? As you said before, it was from an unhealed and unhealthy place. Is there a way of being healthy and

healed ambitious? It's so funny you asked this because I was literally having this conversation with my husband a few days ago. Right. And I don't know the answer because what I sort of got to was, it's so clear to me that ambition,

like, retrue, die hard, type A ambition. I don't think comes from a place where, you know, like, like, and you talk about in your book, in those moments of like true peace and soulfulness and unity and oneness, like it doesn't come from that. It definitely comes from the idea that you have to prove something. And so that is a, that is an injury. I do think there are exceptions and there are some people who have something within them

that's so there's such a channel for something and they're so, you know, like Mozart or the Dalai Lama or, you know, like, or, you know, some incredible painter or, you know, like, or, you know, some incredible painter, or, you know, Da Vinci is like, clearly this person is a channel and this was coming through. And I think that's also a facet of it, but I think in the, I think in my experience, there's this amazing connection with something greater and then there's injury and that combination leads to this very driven person. Yeah, wow. I was not expecting that answer and that's it's opened up so many beautiful avenues and that's amazing that you were. But just the fact that you were having that conversation with your husband, you know, that shows that there's such a beautiful reflection around it

and how important it is to you, which is wonderful because it's almost like it's so easy to not have to think about it, but to have it in conversation and trying to figure it out. I think that's where most of us truly are. I think we're always, and I think if we would have this hunch that if we were to sit down with Da Vinci or Mozart or Picasso or any of these incredible individuals, I think we'd hear the same.

I think that whether it was their humility or their reality, I think they'd tell us very similar things because it's almost like that's where the magic happens of trying to figure it out. And I guess what was that point where, what was that point that let you reconfigure, or made you reconfigure and let you reconfigure? What was that journey like when you just specifically pointed out 40 years old,

but was it before then, was it earlier? What was that where you were just like, okay, now I understand there's another purpose for me here. I think it was, it happened in steps. So, when I was 27 and I had won the Oscar the previous year and I was, you know, super successful, my dad sat me down. He was like the love of my life. He sat me down and he's like, I need you to know something. He's like, you're getting really weird and you're kind of an asshole. Like, you're behaving weirdly. I don't like what I'm seeing. I don't like where

this is going. You're buying into this whole thing. And it was a really brutal conversation for me in the moment because, you know, fame is such a weird warping thing. And it happens in a very insidious and incremental way. And you just think you're you, but the reality is, people keep removing all the obstacles and the obstacles in life or what make you keep you like close to yourself. Wow. So he was right. And I was, I had really hurt feelings. And then I was like, oh no, he's right.

Like I see what he's saying and through that conversation, a seed was planted around. Like why, why did this happen to me? Why am I this person in the world? Why am I here? What am I actually meant to do? And if I'm not, you know, if I'm not supposed to integrate with this fame and this sort of projection, like, what is it, why did it happen to me? And why am I, like, what is the purpose of all this? So that was kind of the first piece. And then, then he got sick. And then, or no, he, then he got started to get really unwell. And then I found yoga and then I started on this path of trying to figure out what the point was.

And then he died when I was 30. And then I really got, it was like I just got swallowed by grief for a long time and it sort of separated me from that journey, you know, and then, because I just felt like I was trying to cope and keep my head above water. And then luckily I also had my two incredible children in that decade. But towards the end of that decade, and it really sort of coincided with the realization that my marriage was over. I kind of was struck by this lightning bolt. I actually just wrote this piece about it for British Vogue, about like looking back on

consciously uncoppling, and I realized in the piece, well, I wrote about it, it was just sort of like, I knew it was over. And I couldn't undo, I couldn't unhaired the truth of that. And that started to really put me into, because I had, I was then forced with taking on so much pain and so much redefinition. And it really put me on this path of trying to divorce in a different way. And be show up for my children in a way

that I had never thought imaginable, et cetera, et cetera. I started to realize, as a part of that, how much I had lived my life to fulfill the expectations of other people. And I don't know, something I think happens around the age of 40 where I always call it a software upgrade. It's like it just happens, and you can utilize it and amplify it or not, but it will happen to you.

And for me, it took the form of like any misidentification I had about myself, any way that I was holding myself in a way that was out of integrity, just exploded. And I was just, I thought, okay, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna follow this path and see where it takes me. I'm Eva Longoria. I'm Maite Gomes-Rechon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast,

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off the grid and on the edge. I was in love with a lifestyle and the freedom this community. No one understands who we truly are. The rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood, history, and the thing we call the American dream. It's the last vestige of American freedom. Everything about it is extreme.

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I learned something new about women from around the world and leave feeling amazed, inspired, and sometimes shocked. Listen on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You just said so many profound things. So many, genuinely, incredibly, the biggest one that really stuck with me was you said that you know everyone tries to make your life easier and removes all the obstacles but your obstacles

are the ones that keep you closest to who you are. That's so counterintuitive but so true in the sense that we almost think like when our lives are removed of obstacles that's when we are going in the right direction. But actually, you're so right that we have to keep checking in with ourselves when things aren't working out or when things are going wrong. Well, there's all these challenges, like you just explained that 30 years old, like, losing, you know, losing a parent, losing a partner, you know, those kind of like, just such formative experiences are the experiences that make us checking with ourselves.

You know, what was that at that time in, in effect, going back to our interview, was like, what gave you the courage to put the last, the last rough down and go, oh no, I'm going to be brave enough now in my life to put on a new set of, you know, not only to become an entrepreneur, but to pair it in this way, to move on with my life in this way. What was that? They gave you that courage and bravery. It just felt like life or death, you know, it just didn't feel like a choice. And I knew that it was going to be hard. But I think each of us, when we have as human beings this incredible gift that if we really tune into ourselves and we really listen to the truth, which by the way can be incredibly

painful and bring with it the need for change that is gonna be painful for other people. And but there is no other way to live. And especially women, we've gotten this memo somewhere along the way that we come last and that everybody else's needs need to come before ours. And we can't really tune in and listen to our absolute truth. Because sometimes it's in discord with our reality.

And for me, and it's still a process and I still have so much to learn. And I feel like I have so much development left, but as I go through life and the harder things and the more wonderful, wonderful things, like just having the courage to listen because sometimes the truth is not what you want to hear and that's can be very, very scary and very revolutionary. And you know, it's funny. It also, I was doing a movie around that time where I was playing a country singer.

And so I was doing a lot of voice lessons. And this thing kept happening to me. I was living in London and I had this amazing voice coach named Carrie. And this thing kept happening to me. I was living in London and I had this amazing voice coach named Carrie and this thing kept happening to me that when I really started to sing and let it come from my heart I burst into tears and I kept crying. It was so embarrassing and you know she kept saying it's's okay. You know, in England, you're not allowed to cry. I don't know if you know that. I was going to raise a blood.

So I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. This is mortifying. And she was like, no, this is good. And let it come through. And I started to question, as I do, because I'm pathologically curious person. Like, why am I crying when I'm singing? And it all came back to the same thing,

the repression of many, many truths that I had accumulated over my life. And I just committed to unerthing them. That's, it's so amazing that he just said that, because I was literally my next thought that was in my head was I was gonna ask you which of your roles is as the biggest impact to you off screen. I was literally just about to ask you that. I was just saying.

Yeah. Is that feel like it was that the one that kind of because you were having to sing and because you were crying. Is that the one or are there others that. That one had a huge impact on me. out the one or are there others that? That one had a huge impact on me. Probably more than any other. It's so funny I never thought about it until right now, but that connected me with myself in a way that, yeah, gosh, you're right, that's the one.

Interesting. Yeah, very, yeah, so interesting. I mean, it's so beautiful when, when work and life can be connected or when you can try and start to see how an experience in the workplace, whether you're singing, acting or whether you're working in an office, there's so many experiences where we always have that opportunity to turn it inward. They happen every day. I mean, now, you, now that I work in an office every day, well, I used to pre-COVID.

And you see how things happen when people interact at work. And there are triggers that happen within people. And we're not, we haven't trained ourselves to say, hmm, okay, I wonder why that's triggering. You know, we lash out or we feel this isn't fair or, you know, so what I've seen, you know, across a lot of industry that I've worked in is that all of those difficult moments where you're asked to reach deeper and find more vulnerability or more forgiveness or to have the courage to be like, what am I seeing in this person that's

driving me so crazy about myself? We all have that opportunity every day, you know, to excavate all this stuff. It's just more work, but it actually ends up being so rewarding. And you end up leaving at the end of the day, instead of being exhausted and like, I can't believe this freaking person said this at the coffee. You know, it's like, okay, well, why? Why? Why did it make me feel this way? And, you know, because there's always a reason and there's always something underneath it that we can heal. Yeah, why is such a great question?

And it shifts us from what we've been talking about before. Like it shifts us from ego into understanding straight away. That's right. Like you said, I desire to be triggered or lash out, it's all coming from our ego or our anger, or almost like a attack and defense mode. And the mode that that question that you just said puts us into is understanding and compassion,

which is such a better place to come from. What was the, how did your work as an actor and your industry experience there kind of shift over to then building Goot? Where was that entrepreneur, was there an entrepreneur spirit that you already have? What does that mean? And what was that then the why of the reasoning behind Goot and everything that came from that?

I think that I definitely had an entrepreneurial spirit. I think I was raised by parents who had a lot of agency and a lot of drive themselves. And especially my father who had come from, you know, a background of not a lot of means, it was, he was so driven to kind of make something of himself and in that American dream sort of means. He was so driven to make something of himself in that American dream sort of way. And I grew up watching that kind of drive and work ethic and pride and then manifestation. And what can come from that kind of focus and that kind of intention.

And I found a very inspiring that I saw my mother doing these amazing plays and playing these great roles in check-off and Tennessee Williams and she was so empowered and I had so much respect for that. It was sort of the convergence of those things and I was very much raised with the notion that you can be anything you want to be and you have to do it yourself. So those two things were very galvanizing and also very like the possibility of freedom is there. It's like if you can, if you believe in yourself, you and you know, a lot of,

you'll have a lot of detractors a long way, but if you can truly believe in yourself and sort of see the bullseye and keep it in your sights, like that's what I was raised to believe. And it's a very exhilarating feeling, it's a very powerful feeling. And I believe that anybody can channel that feeling and manifest for themselves, absolutely.

I thought that the way you did that was in the arts because that's what I had seen. So I had seen my mother act and be so empowered. And I'd seen my father be so driven and cultivate this amazing career and television and writing. So I thought, well, I'll just want to be like my mom. And then I had all this success.

And it was very strange in a way, because I didn't feel, I didn't necessarily feel like, I was like, what if this isn't my calling? And then, and then I took off a number of years when I had my kids. I was very, very lucky to be able to do that. And then I wanted to do something else. And I wanted to find some way to reach people or inspire people with the power of their own curiosity and to try to create a platform where asking questions was permissible and, you know, pursuing the things in life that made you feel optimized in some way, you know, and it could be, it could be in some great philosophical

kind of light bulb way or it could be just like, I'll tell you where the best taco in Santa Barbara was. The idea that life is so precious and how can we kind of, what are the shortest roads to the best things or the happiest feelings and this feeling of beauty, you know, that we use it, goop, like, not physical beauty, but the feeling that anything is possible and that feeling of resonance. And I had no idea how I could start to do that or even that I could ever turn it into a business, but I was really driven by that feeling of wanting to share, I don't know, those, the what I had tried and learned and failed at and what was working for me and sharing amazing information that I had heard. So it just sort of came out, it came from that place.

I love that. And you mentioned the word manifest in manifestation a few times. They tell us because I feel like there are so many versions or misconceptions and manifestations that are out there right now. What was yours? Because obviously it's worked with your work ethic and everything else that you had. It's not exclusive of that. But what was your process if you had one or what was your mindset around that?

Just to just say everyone can get clarity on what really worked for you. I think that if you are living in integrity and that your word and your actions are aligned, then you can honestly bring anything into the world that you wanna bring into the world. And when you cultivate that relationship of honesty and integrity with yourself, that you can literally, first of all, hear your calling and then make it happen. And that, that to me is manifestation. It could be in a, you know, that people, you know, I've heard so many times, Oh, I've always wanted to write a book, but no, you know, it's like, if,

if you can get to that place that you are so in tune with what's real for you and what's right for you, So in tune with what's real for you and what's right for you, that it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks of you and what you're doing, then you can express it in any way in the world. Does that make any sense? Make so much sense. It made complete sense. It was actually a really beautiful answer. I love trying to figure out different definitions or

understandings and that was a beautiful there's there's a famous quote that it reminded me of and the quote says that we experience real harmony and peace in our lives when what we think say and do our align. That was a much more succinct way. It's a quote that I've read that I've heard before. And when you said that, a reminder of that, the way you shared it was so much clarity, because I think for most of us, we think one thing. We say something else, and we do something completely

different. And so when you said to be an integrity with your word and your action, I think that's, yeah, that's, that's a great answer. The other part I wanted to touch on, which you mentioned, which is around how, you know, you were saying women have just had this memo for so many years around just like, you know, everyone's needs come before your own. And I grew up, you know, my mother raised me through and through.

I have a younger sister. I saw my mom work, take care of me. She was an entrepreneur, but I didn't even know she was an entrepreneur because I didn't know what that was then. You know, she had her own company and I had a younger sister. So I was very involved in wanting to be like a good older brother to her. And I just saw my mom accomplished so much and I think it definitely changed my view of

the potential that anyone had including my now wife and what I see her being able to do. and what I see her being able to do. What, where do you think that memo change for you, where you're still able to be a good mother and you were able to kind of reconcile what that meant to you about, you know, being responsible and being what you thought that was as a good definition of what a woman should be.

I think that I had to give myself the permission to fully embody who I have been through every chapter. And then find the agility to sort of change for the next chapter. I really, Margaret Mead wrote about women really having being sort of very distinct people in different chapters of their lives and sort of the lack of permission that we historically have given ourselves

to fully be who we are in those chapters and then be dynamic enough to grow into ourselves in the next chapter. You know, I remember at some point, realizing that I had to stop holding myself as a daughter because it was keeping me in the last chapter. And of course, I will always be a daughter and I love my parents, but I had to sort of unhook myself from that

dynamic of needing approval, wanting affirmation and decide to fully embody myself as a woman. And now I'm a mother, and that brings with it a whole other set of things. And then I'm in my second marriage, which is a completely different experience than my first marriage. And who do I wanna be in that marriage? And how do I wanna show up in that marriage? And how do I wanna to show up in that marriage? And how do I want to test myself

and push myself? And you know, somebody, somebody once said that a long intimate relationship is just a meditation and everything that's wrong with you. I love that. And so embracing that, that those things that come up and saying like, oh, okay, this is an area where I'm still invulnerable or resistant or whatever the case may be, I just think it's about giving yourself that permission is like, as a woman to, as I said before, be honest with yourself, like take inventory of how you really feel about something. Be selfish sometimes. Put yourself first. Speak your truth.

Say what you mean. And then everything just opens up. I wish it hadn't taken me so long. I feel like I had my head up for half my life so far. And I'm. I think so. But you know, it's something that I speak about with the younger women in my life, you know, who I've talked to through a business or

the importance of speaking the truth from the place that's real inside and how and how that just changes everything Great. Yeah, what a great perspective and It's it's nice hearing you say that because I think it would help a lot of people when they hear that because it's you're right. It's just so hard when Some of these things have just been hardwired into family and education and media and You know, it's propagated everywhere. And it's almost like you feel guilty breaking it down. And

guilt's like one of the most, well, guilt's like such a hard feeling to feel like. It's a hard, I don't know if there's, there's lots of hard feelings in the world, but guilt's like one of those ones that you just, it kind of feels like there's no way out sometimes. And so that, that really clarifies a lot of it for me. And I think it'll clarify if everyone's listening. I wanted to talk a bit about some of Goop's focuses. And I know that right now skincare and beauty is a big focus.

And I know that you talk about being clean and holistic and results driven. My big question is, what is the result that you think people need to have with their skin care and beauty? Because that's sometimes, you know, when I hear that, I think, oh wow, that's so open and amazing, results driven, like that's open.

What does that mean to you and what does it mean to go? We really want to approach everything we do at goop through our core values. And so clean and non-toxic is super important. There's so much research now around the endocrine disrupting chemicals and so much of our personal care. And it's all kind of, you know,

when we started talking about it, people thought we were a little nuts, but that's just par for the course at Goop. And now it's become very mainstream and the clean beauty industry is on fire. And the younger generation, Gen Zers are really concerned with what is in their personal care products, et cetera.

So we believe wholeheartedly in that. And for us, this idea that beauty is a holistic thing. So of course, we want really efficacious, clean skin care. But it's also, how do you feel about yourself? Are you hydrating? What are you saying to yourself all day? Are you stuck in an old model of thinking that's harmful? Are you, what is your breathing? What is your exercise?

What is your nutrition? And just sort of trying to create a space where we create the content that really helps a woman get closer to her true self. And then we create the product that will help her on the outside as well. Yeah, I love that. It's great to have that synergy

and approach because I feel like we all need products to feel good about ourselves from the outside into everyone does. I know I have my hair, I'm probably wearing a hat, but don't do that. But it's, you know, it's such a, it's important to build confidence in the outside. But like you're saying, there's a lot of other practices that you're promoting that really change things from the inside out. When you're creating a product like, for example, Gute jeans or something along those lines,

what's the kind of thinking that goes into creating a product like that? Like what's the innovation behind it? Where do you start? Because I feel like today, it's almost like we see products everywhere all the time, but it's like, where does a product start? And the reason I asked this question is I think that's what almost like being an entrepreneur is really about, is knowing that where does a product journey start, just having a product that I figured out a market is. So tell me about Gute Jeans and where the product began. So everything that we make comes really from a white space. It's how we started our skincare. It was I couldn't find really clean luxurious skincare that actually worked. It was like, you don't want to buy a cream at the health food store

necessarily, you know. And this, the idea with Goop Jeans was really, I wanted to create something incredible and really special that really worked and sort of touched on the idea that we pass things down to our other generations. Like, we take things from our parents and we pass them down. And epigenetically speaking, we can affect how those, how aging or how disease presents, you know, with how we're living our lives, what we're eating, what we're thinking, how much love we have in our lives. And, oh wow, we're getting a massive, beautiful summer thunderstorm right now. Oh, no way. Oh, beautiful.

And so we always, you know, we always want to think about kind of the psychological piece as crazy as that sounds and sort of the emotional piece. And then the ingestible piece, so we always have an ingestible that helps the skin from the inside out. Like we have this a goop gene supplement, which is an amazing college and supplement. Oh, those, I love the taste. It tastes like birthday cake, but some people,

like my daughter doesn't like the taste. She thinks it's too sweet, like birthday cakey. And then we have, and then we have the topical cream, which actually, you know, and I'm so proud of the team because they formulate these amazing clean products that the efficacy is crazy, like the clinical results behind these products are just amazing. prove that you can formulate something that will really change your skin and really hydrate and help with fine lines and wrinkles and all that stuff and that won't harm you in any way. And that's part of a larger lifestyle of feeling good about yourself and whatever way that means to you, whether it's expressing yourself honestly or exercising or however

that is and just creating that space for women to decide, you know, what's right for them and what will work for them. Yeah, and I know you're bringing this all together on, I think it's 12 September, you have the Goop Health and Wellness Summit. I'm so excited about that. Yeah. You have to come on come and do an in-goop health with me. I would love to. I'd be more than happy to. But it's so exciting, Chris. I know that,

you know, that's obviously, I think it's something that people are also going to look forward to this year. I think, you know, with the lack of offline programming and events for people to turn up to, and, you know, I think for people to have something exciting to go to online, it's, I feel like now's the time for it more than ever. Why was that important for you to do at that time? What's, tell us a bit about what particular, I know there's lots of workouts and master classes, but what's something that you're really excited for

for the summit? Well, it's funny, you know, we love our in-person summit so much and they've become such a point of connection and education and we were so sad to have to let them go. And we thought, well, we wonder if there's a way to digitally create this. And actually, I'm so excited and inspired by what everybody's put together because, first of all, it's much more accessible in terms of price point, in terms of, you know, geography. Anybody can, and it's been more accessible in terms of price point, in terms of geography. Anybody can, and it's been amazing to see we have people from so many countries who've

signed up, which makes me so happy. But it's really just, you know, when COVID happened and we've been going through this crazy, crazy time, I said to the team, you know, we just really have to get back to our core values, which are being of service and sharing with the world the things that work for us and resonate for us and what helps us in our own education and our own process and our own practices. And we kind of went very stripped it all the way back to that and and to be able to offer this It's such a clear expression of who we're trying to be and how we're trying to show up in the world and I'm really excited about well the theme of it is transitions and

I'm very excited. Let's see. I think that I'm most excited about there's a woman Oh gosh, I'm forgetting her name, but she has a business called Pro Ho. And it's about, yes. And it's about, and she's incredible. And she's about like finding your sexuality shamelessly. And I think a lot of women need to have that permission to have that conversation.

And so I'm most excited for her workshop. I love that. I'm so glad that so many people are gonna get to attend it from all over the world because that's obviously something that's hard to do. Yes. And I'll never forget that day when I was at rolling greens. I can't remember which one it was.

And then they were like clearing everything out and me and my wife were like, what's going on? And we bumped into the owner and he was saying, oh yeah, Goop's coming here next week and you know, you had this event plan, it's probably last year or something. It was amazing. But yeah, no, I'm sure that the digital one will be incredibly fulfilling and how many people it serves I recommend everyone to go and sign up for the summit. It's on the 12th of September and obviously you can join from anywhere in the world.

Gwyneth, I want to ask you two last segments that we end every podcast with one's called Fill in the Blank. So that's what we'll do next. I read our sentences and you fill in the blanks. It's super easy. So your first one is, I wish everyone knew that they were whole. Beautiful. You'll never have a healthy relationship without first. There's so many words I could put it in. Give us your most unique one. I was gonna say honesty, but I think, okay, I think honesty. Yeah. Beautiful.

For you, one of the most underserved problems is, Oh my gosh, there's so many. Oh my gosh, there's so many. Yeah. You can share a few. I don't want to make you two. I was one of the most underserved problems is environmental racism. Wow.

How are our disenfranchised populations are exposed to a much higher toxic load than the rest of us. Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. Okay. This one is your final one from Phil and the Blank's. Find common ground with other people by

forgiving yourself. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Tell, I'm going to let you, I'm going to say, please expand. Tell us more. I want to hear your answer. So I think we have disagreements with people because we're holding on to ideas that come from pain or ways that we think we're not good enough or

ways that we think we're not good enough or, and that's what causes friction with people. Like, if you've truly forgiven yourself, then you can enter into any conversation or confrontation in a clean way. You know, you're not gonna be projecting stuff on the other person, know, you're not gonna be projecting stuff on the other person. But if you're walking around carrying a lot of shame or misinformation about yourself, then it's really hard to listen because you're stuck with that stuff from your past, clinging to you.

That's such a great answer. I love that. I didn't if you remember the remind him of the Evil King Goes Hungry story that I share in my book. So Evil King comes to me a good king and the Evil King, the good king brings out two plates and lays them in front of both of them. And they're about to eat and the Evil King goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, and he stretches the eat and the evil king goes no no no no and then he

switches the plates and and the good king laughs and goes why are you switching the plates what's wrong with you and the evil king goes well because you might have poisoned my plate and exactly what you're saying he's projecting his own challenge it's like maybe you poison my plate and the evil king just lost he's like what okay whatever and he's about to eat from the swap plate and the evil clue is no no no no no and then he's about to eat from the swap plate, and the evil clueless, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then he switches it again. And then the good king goes, now what? And he said, well, I don't know, maybe you're double bluffing me.

And so then the good king eats, and the evil king goes hungry. And doesn't get to eat because, like you said, you've been projecting your own challenges onto someone else. And then, you know, you're the only one that stubs in that scenario. So I love that one. Okay, these are your final five. These questions are answered in one word to one sentence maximum. I'm probably going to get you to expand because I love your answers. So if it goes wrong, it's because of me.

You will not be judged by the final five counsel. Okay, final five questions. So this is probably one of my first questions, first question starts. What do you know to be absolutely true or what's something that you believe so strongly in that many other people might disagree with you? That all human beings are good. I love it and I completely agree. I love that. Okay, great question number two. What do you want to give your children that you didn't receive growing up? I know you received a lot, so I know it's a hard question. The permission to be their true selves. Beautiful. Okay, great. Third question for you is, what was your biggest lesson that you learned

in the last 12 months? This is a great question. The biggest lesson that I've learned in the last 12 months from being contained inside for so many months, that I truly learned that freedom is an idea more than actually being able to go out and do what you want. Tell me more, this is beautiful. That's such a wonderful answer. Like the feeling, you can cultivate that feeling of freedom by going inward and allowing yourself the possibility to explore areas within yourself that you might not have explored and take the time to look at things in a completely different way.

And there's so much freedom inside of us that we haven't been taught to think about. Think about freedom as freedom of movement and freedom of expression. But there's so much freedom to find internally. Okay, question number four out of your five. This one's this one's the personal one that I snuck in. I'm a huge marble fan. And so I was going to ask you what's your favorite scene in a Marvel movie that you've been in? It's so many probably.

You know, it's so embarrassing. I haven't seen so many of the movies. No, the ones you were in, no. No. I love that. You're missing out on some of the best movies of all time. And I? Yeah. They're like the Marvel movies are truly some of my favorite movies. But we get it. We'll skip that one. I've had a great time doing, I mean, I'll tell you that

I'm not saying. Yeah. You know, working with Robert Downey Jr. is always a complete highlight. Like it's talk about finding freedom. It's like this amazing, I don't know, exchange of, it's like little fireworks of creativity and love and he's just, he's the best. Yeah, that's awesome. That's good to hear because yeah, I mean, you guys do incredible work together son. son happy to hear that and fifth and final question if you could create a law that everyone else in the world had to follow what would it be? To deal with their shit. Really? Yeah, no, it's a great answer. I think if everybody was forced to really be accountable, and really make amends, and really ask themselves

the hard questions, and really improve, we would be in a much, much better place, in a much higher consciousness. I love that. You're amazing. This is so beautiful. That was your final five. place and a much higher consciousness. I love that. You're amazing. This is so beautiful. That was your final five. Grinifout for everyone.

So grateful that you've just been so generous with your time and spent this time with us. It's so beautiful. I'm so happy to like the honor. No, it's just just being together again. So you know, when we first met, met, it was brief in terms of how much we got to talk, but today I just feel like I've had such a heart connection with you.

And I thank you for that for inspiring you and making sure it happened that way. And you really set the tone. And so I simply tried to reciprocate. And so I'm back. I really, really love this time with you. And I can't wait for people to hear this. And I know it can impact so many. And the people are going to be really moved as well.

So thank you for just showing us your interest really self in that. Thank you. Thank you for being who you are in the world. You're a real beacon of light and a great teacher. So thank you. Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, make mistakes and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time?

I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the Psychology of Your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Conquer your New Year's resolution to be more productive with the Before Breakfast podcast in each bite-sized daily episode Time management and productivity expert Laura Vandercam teaches you how to make the most of your time both at work and at home

These are the practical suggestions you need to get more done with your day Just as lifting weights keeps our bodies strong as we age learning new skills is the mental equivalent of pumping iron. Listen to Before Breakfast on the I Heart Radio app, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Munga Shatekler and it turns out astrology is way more widespread than any of us want to believe. You can find it in major league baseball, international banks, K-pop groups, even the White House. But just when I thought I had a handle on this subject, something completely unbelievable

happened to me and my whole view on astrology changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, give me a few minutes because I think your ideas are about to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. or wherever you get your podcasts.