On Purpose with Jay Shetty - How To Tune Into Your Own Intuition To Make Decisions Out Of Equanimity

Episode Date: November 8, 2019

Do you find it difficult to make decisions without hearing the noise of people's expectations, obligations, and opinions? I want you to make room for your intuition, your intention, and what your soul is really yearning for. When you live with your intuition, life actually becomes simpler because it's clearer how you want to invest it and why. Let the voice of your intuition be the loudest voice you hear. Text Jay Shetty 310-997-4177 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season, and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share ten incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets.

Listen to season eight of Family Secrets on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nunehm. I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bon vivant, but mostly a human just trying to figure out what it's all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things.

It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand it, I try to get invited to a local's house for dinner, where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I'll have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Our 20s often seen as this golden decade, Our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time?

I'm Jemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week, we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, welcome to On Purpose. My name is Jay Shetty.

Thank you for coming back for this Friday episode This solo episode where I get to dive into a theme that I'm really fascinated by that I really care about But this week I wanted to give you a little surprise. I wanted to do something a little bit different I think you're going to love now. I get invited to speak at a lot of events I get invited to do a lot of Q&As, private masterminds, and some of these conversations don't get outside of the four walls. And sometimes there's only 10 people in the room, or sometimes there's only 20 people in the room.

But recently I was invited to my friend's mastermind. His name is Chris Harder. Him and his wife, Chris and Laurie, they're amazing. If you don't follow them on Instagram, make sure you go and check them out. They were running a mastermind and they invited me to share some of my thoughts about life, about purpose, about my journey, about social media.

And I thought, why not share this with each and every single one of you? So I asked them if I could, they said yes. And what you're going to get to hear now is a Q&A session with his mastermind. Remember, this was literally like just 20 people in the room. So I can't wait to share this behind the scenes with you. And I can't wait for you to hear this episode.

Remember to make sure to go and share your biggest insights. Tag us for what you're learning on Instagram, on Twitter, and on Facebook, or on LinkedIn. And I can't wait for you to respond to this episode. Here we go. Who worked hard to get to where they are and now are gatekeepers or big decision-makers? They may never have been given an opportunity to live their passion, they may never have had an opportunity to even get their idea through. And so now they're the gatekeepers. So I recently had this crazy experience with my podcast to give you an example. About three months ago I had the idea of launching a podcast, probably a bit long about, no,

sorry, I take that back six months ago, now six, seven months ago, I had the idea of launching a podcast. And I knew what I wanted it to be about. And I went around and met every major podcast producer and publisher in LA and New York. And a lot of them were excited with the numbers and all the rest of it. And we got very close to signing a really great deal.

Only for two weeks away from launch, for the biggest podcast producer in the space to pull out and say, we don't think this is gonna be a big podcast. So in two weeks, we had to launch anyway with whatever we had to get it off the ground. The realization I've had from that experience is it's a lot of people who've worked really hard to get to the top and I don't judge them for it but they've never necessarily taken risks or tried something new or really got to live their passion and then they don't

know how to see other people are trying to do that. So I don't judge them for it, I'm not bitter for it, but that is one of the blocks. And so I think it's so powerful when I'm meeting people, whether it's at networks or TV channels, there are conscious, there are intentional, there are living to make a contribution, and those people are growing, and that's happening. And I think we're waiting for those people to rise to the top so that they can be the decision makers and change makers. So that's one of the biggest challenges I think we're facing

because the audience has already shown that they want it. That's the beauty of it. That I think the people of the world are already saying they want intentional, conscious, purposeful content. That's already been decided. So now it's a matter for the decision-makers to change them. And that's only going to change when we demonstrate our value and don't have to defend it. So when I was in that position we're literally, I was two weeks away from podcast launch day, we thought we had this deal all wrapped up, and then it totally

crumbled two weeks away, and I was just like, okay, what do we do now? And my team was like, Jay, we don't know if we're going to be able to launch. And I was like, no, we have to launch. We committed to this. We have to make it happen. And so we launched. And we now have the number one health podcast in the world. We've been number five in all categories multiple times. And the podcast is always in the top 50 podcasts in all categories. So, you know, the point and the reason is, it's not just about the result. We could have not made it to any of those stats. The point is it's been a

really purposeful process for me of building the podcast. I love that. A couple more questions before I turn it off. You brought up judgment. He said, I don't judge them, but when you are on a mission and somebody doesn't align with your values because we all have different opinions and paradigms and everything. How do you stop yourself from falling into judgment? And for years, I suffered as a judge or really bad, crippling judgement. And it wasn't until that experience in Costa Rica where I had it, clicked on its head and you know, you never release anything but release judgements

and they will catch it and reframe it and live a very different life. So how do you work through judgment? So I think this goes back to the monk training. One of the biggest mantras we were training as monks was don't judge the moment. And we would literally repeat that to ourselves time and time and time and time again. And you'll be shocked to understand, if you keep repeating repeating that to yourself that thing annoys the hell out of you because it stops you from judging but literally the first thing that comes to my mind when something doesn't go the way I planned for it to go is don't judge the

moment and it's a simple mantra it's been life-changing for me because so many times we're so quick to label a situation like we label a situation as good or bad instantly. If we get some good news, we immediately think this is amazing. And then that same amazing news in a few months can end up being the worst thing that happened to you. Or, and think about it in your life, right? How many times does that happen in your life?

Yeah, anyone ever had that experience? Or it's the other way around. Will you label a situation as bad? And a few months later, that's the best thing that happened to you. So when I heard the news that I was working with this amazing brand, I was excited. And then if I was, where I was like, even in good times, my mantra to myself

is don't judge the moment, even in good times. Because what you're doing by labelling something is good or bad is you're not allowing it to evolve into anything meaningful. You're stopping it from becoming anything else. But if you judge the moment as good, then three months later they don't want to do the deal, now it's all bad. Whereas actually when you're doing jobs at the moment, now this was the best thing that ever happened to me. I wrote them an email and said thank you so much for not signing the deal. Like thank you so much for telling me I had to be on my own because now I'm

able to do it myself and my confidence is through the roof. So the way you develop non-judgment is recognizing and I mean this that each failure has feedback in it. There is feedback whether you like it or not. If you're getting rejected, if that door's being shut on your face, there's a message there for you and that message is try harder, change this, work on this, look at this, look at it from a different angle, do it on your own. And if you take that, see you have a two choices always, you either become bitter or you become better, right? With any piece of failure or feedback, you become bitter or better.

When you become bitter, we all know what that feels like. Nothing good ever comes out of bitterness. Or even if it does, it doesn't feel good, right? Whenever we talk about it, even if you've got the most amazing body because you were trying to take revenge on good, right? Whenever we talk about it, even if you got the most amazing body because you were trying to take revenge on someone, right? And then they don't think your body's all that. And then you get bitter inside, and that bitterness just bruises, all you get better.

And I think that's been my approach that I've been through so many experiences in life where it looked like everything was going wrong. But as long as I didn't judge that, I allowed it. I gave it the space and the time and the opportunity for it to evolve into something amazing. And so the advice I said is don't judge the moment, recognize that every delay has a blessing, recognize that every pushback has something for you to learn or grow. And if you keep going, you probably will end up

with something better. And I think you have to go back to your past experiences and note down when that happened to give you confidence when it happens again. So I've been able to track back and be like, that's the karma of my life. The karma of my life is like, always get the big people saying no, always. And then I figure out another way to get there. And that's just the karma of my life. The karma of my life is like always get the big people saying, no, always.

And then I figure out another way to get there. And that's just the karma of my life. Your karma may be different. Your karma may be, the big person always says yes. And that's awesome. But we all have a karma and a philosophy code that's underplaying our life. And it's up to you to look back on your past experiences,

spot the patterns, and see what your karma is trying to teach you at every different space, right? So use that as a way of thinking about it. I hope that answers your question. I got it. So good. This is what it sounds like inside the box card. I'm journalist and I'm Morton in my podcast, City of the Rails.

I plunge into the dark world of America's railroads, searching for my daughter Ruby, who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train, not where I'm gonna end up, and I jump! Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters, living outside society, off the grid and on the edge. I was in love with a lifestyle and the freedom this community. No one understands who we truly are. The Rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood, history, and the thing we call the American Dream. It's the last vestige of American freedom.

Everything about it is extreme. You're either going to die, or you can have this incredible rebirth and really understand who you are. Come with me to find out what waits for us in the city of the rails. Listen to city of the rails on the iHeart radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts or cityoftherails.com. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What was seen as a very snotty city, people call it bozangelis. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay.

A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newdum and not lost as my new travel podcast, where a friend and I go places, see the sites and Try to finagle our way into a dinner party where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out I would love that but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers We learn about the places we're visiting. Yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm gonna Die alone when I'm traveling. But I get to travel with someone I love.

Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much- I'm very sincere. I love you too. Mike's a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love it. Listen to Not Lost on the iHeart Radio App or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Yvonne Gloria. I'm Mike DeGolmes-Rechon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new. I'm Eva Longoria. I'm Maite Gomes-Rechon.

We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry for History! On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages, from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower.

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Team flower, team core. Join us as we explore surprising and lesser-known corners of Latinx culinary history and traditions. I mean, these are these legends, right? Apparently, this guy Juan Mendes, he was making these tacos wrapped in these huge tortilla to keep it warm, and he was transporting them in a burro, hence the name the burritos. Listen to Hungary for history with Ivalangoria

and Maite Gomez Rejón as part of the Michael Tura Podcast Network available on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Two more and all $300. Yeah, yeah. And I'm going to talk a little bit. We're talking out there, the way that you keep up this extraordinary relationship with your wife.

Obviously, it's something that's wildly important to the two of us. We share that ethos. And there were great tips. So I was wondering if you could share a little bit, because we have so many entrepreneurs in here that either work with their significant other or you're both working on big projects and separate lanes. What are some of your best practices

to have that outstanding relationship with your wife while accomplishing all this? Awesome, thank you. And yeah, I love watching you guys together. When I see you guys out on your workout trips, or your runs, or whatever it is, I love it. It makes me so happy. And I think we are at that space in culture again where we're celebrating couples

I think for a while it wasn't there like I feel like we're not not just celebrating but we're talking about it I think that's a really important question So I've been with my wife for six years now. We've been married for three years and we got married in 2016 now I just want to take you back to 2016 to give you context of how it wasn't always like you. So, in 2016, I changed job three times. We got married, we moved to New York, we bought a house in London, put it on rent,

came to New York and started renting, and don't have any family or friends in New York and never lived in New York. So, we did all of that in one year. And I've heard the advice of, you know, the toughest things to do in life, moving country, moving home, moving job, and we did all of them in the same year, and we did it together. And it was probably one of the hardest years of our life. It was hard for many reasons.

One was my wife told me to promise her that we would never live further than one mile radius away from her mum's home in England. And I accepted that when we'd be dating because I actually loved the area her parents live in and I thought it was a great space because my friends lived close by. This is a place called Watford in England. It's like Northwest London. It's a beautiful part of the country. And so I said, and we bought a house one mile radius away from her parents' house. So I was sticking to the promise. And then I got this incredible offer from Arianna Huffington to move to New York, and I couldn't say no to it. And my wife didn't talk to me for two

days when I got the offer. And when I got the offer and we shared it with her family, there were more tears of sadness than any congratulation. And that's not because her parents don't love me. They're amazing people, but they were losing their baby and, you know, she's very close to their family. So I was taking her away from something that was really important to her. She didn't love the vibe of New York. It was too noisy, too polluted, too hectic, too, too hustle bustle and all the rest of it. And on top of that, I was out trying to build this new part of my career. So we went necessarily spending a lot of time together. And she didn't have any friends

or family in New York to spend time with either. And so that lasted and all I was trying to do was set up dates for her with other girls and other people that I knew in New York. Literally my job, like, I had my job, and then my second job was, how do I find friends for my wife? And so I would try and set out dates, and then she was like, stop trying to set me on dates with other women, all men.

And so I quit doing that. And very early, I realized that I was only really going to succeed or be happy if we were both winning together. And I think it really hit me early on that I could have this incredible career and things go really really well, but if she wasn't happy, then who was that sharing it with? And it wasn't that she wasn't happy for me, she was totally happy for my success, but I wanted her to be happy based on her success and her growth. And I think that's when I realized that only when two complete whole people come together does a relationship work.

And it's both of our responsibility to help each other be whole. And she was doing her part for me. She let us move to New York. She was allowing me to give myself my energy to what I believed in and I had to start doing the same. So one of the biggest things that happened in our relationship is we started committing to spending three days together every 30 days

where it was just us, no phones, no friends, no family. So now every 30 days, we take three days, we run our way to somewhere two hours away from LA, from my home in Hollywood, and we just go away. We go to a spa, we go eat good food, we go spend the evenings together chill and do normal stuff, and that three days of switching off your phone, locking them in the safe in the hotel,

and not looking at them from the morning to night, is just incredible. I made it a big commitment to our whole journey to always have breakfast with her, and dinner with her five days out, seven days a week. And you may say, well, that may have affected networking or whatever. I just know that if someone really wants to meet me, they'll figure out another time. And if I have to go, then she understands and I'll be able to. But I've really tried to keep that breakfast and dinner time as a time that we can spend together. Because I think meals

are just so powerful to bond over. There's such a beautiful exchange to have. How many people like eating alone? I don't know anyone who actually enjoys eating alone, and when you eat alone, you don't even eat properly. Right? You're just like, yeah, you're like, and you're browsing through something else or whatever it is. So not only do you wreck your digestion, right?

You're wrecking a relationship at the same time. So for me, those are a few quick things that I can share, and we can dial into that more of its interest. That's all. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University, and I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences

by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities, like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or can we create new senses for humans? Or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the I Heart Radio appRadio app Apple podcasts or wherever

you get your podcasts. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hot some minds on the planet. Oh pro. Everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant. The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Haw. It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to create change. Luminous Hamilton. That's for me been taking that moment for yourself each day, being kind

to yourself because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself. And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys, and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on-purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.

Join the journey soon. Not too long ago, in the heart of the Amazon Rainforest, this explorer stumbled upon something that would change his life. I saw it and I saw, oh wow, this is a very unusual situation. It was cacao, the tree that gives us chocolate. But this cacao was unlike anything experts had seen. Or tasted. I've never wanted us to have a gun fight.

I mean, you saw the stacks of cash in our office. Chocolate sort of forms this vortex. It sucks you in. It's like I can be the queen of wild chocolate. We're all lost. It was madness. It was a game changer. People quit their jobs.

They left their lives behind so they could search for more of the stuff. I wanted to tell their stories, so I followed them deep into the jungle, and it wasn't always pretty. Basically, this like disgruntled guy and his family surrounded the building arm with machetes. And we've heard all sorts of things that, you know, somebody got shot over this. Sometimes I think, oh, all this for a damn bar of chocolate. Listen to obsessions while chocolate.

On the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I have so many questions. But I'm going to go with this one. Because it seems like there's so many transitions in your life from growing up in love with an Indian family to go into school to gain a month. What was the process to part? The hardest thing about those transitions, going from one side to the other, that they be back to the other side now, in business and entrepreneurship, and then what was one of the most, like, significantly awesome things on the flip side of it, but we realized

like everything led to that. Yeah, awesome. Great question, thank you. I think we will experience this in any transition. If you're doing something risky, or you're doing something that no one else does, like I don't know anyone growing up who decided to become a monk, right?

No one else, apart from me and the people I lived with. And when I decided to do that, my extended family thought I was crazy or brainwashed, and they were just like to my parents I was like you've lost your son like he's gone like he's never coming back. My friends thought I was absolutely crazy. I remember somebody my friends stopped talking to me because they felt that they had nothing in common with me now just because I decided to become a monk.

I was getting all of these questions to figure out why I was doing it so no one really agreed with me. It was against the grain and people were like, Jay, you realize you're never going to get a job again. Like you're never going to be able to make money ever again in your life. Like who wants to hire a monk, right? If your resume says monk, who's going to give you a job? Right. Literally, those are the kind of things that I was hearing. And so the talk thing about that transition was I was 22 years old old All my friends were going off to start incredible careers at incredible companies or travel the world or start a new business And I was doing something that externally had zero value in the world

Right, becoming a monk has zero value in the modern world Genuinely, it counts for nothing And when all my friends were doing things that were seen as valuable whether it was going to work for Google or going to work for Morgan Stanley or whatever it was I was deciding to go the other way so the toughest thing about that transition was I had to really have faith in what I was doing and I had to really believe in it and I had to really convince myself that what I was doing was worth it and I had to really convince myself that what I was doing

was worth it. And I remember that took me four years to do. So from the moment I met the monkey 18 to the moment I actually became a monkey 22, those four years were convincing my mind that I was doing something worthwhile and meaningful. And it took four years. So when I did it at 22 it was easy. And when I actually left to go to India that was easy because I'd spent four years experimenting, testing, learning, and seeing what the lifestyle was like. See, if you just wanna go off

from the come-of-a-month without doing the training, you won't, and similarly masterminds like this, it's like you're getting to do the learning, the testing together, the experimenting, you're getting to learn from people who've done it before. If I hadn't spent those four years living at the monastery in India, I wouldn't have known if I could do it.

So that was that transition. The most fulfilling transition and the hardest one was actually leaving the monastery and coming back. Oh wow. That was the hardest because I had to put into practice everything I learned. So it was almost like that was the education

and this was the exam. And I genuinely feel that my conviction for what I learned as a monk has grown massively because I got to take part in the exam. And so when you're getting tested, when you have exams facing you, that's the best time to put into practice everything you've learned. And I genuinely feel if I didn't leave being a monk, I wouldn't be as convinced I am about what I learned. Because practicing it away from the world in one sense is simpler than coming back to the world

and having to bring it with me and having to reintegrate into the world, having to rewire my beliefs around money, work, business, life, all of that. And so for me, that was the toughest and hardest, but also the most fulfilling, that I've actually seen every principle I learned living as a monk has held true, because I've tested every single one of them since I came back. And I owe all, anything that I've achieved, all my success to all my monk training,

like that's what it all goes back to. None of it is me or who I was or any of that. It comes back to those three years that I got to spend in deep meditation, deep prayer, intention seeking, intention refining and becoming rather than doing and having. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Very question. Next question. Sandy. Hey, Sandy. Hi, Jays.

My name is Sandy. I'm from New York, and I am grateful to each and every one of you and just your presence, allowing you to be vulnerable and share my truth earlier today. So my question for you is, I feel like as an entrepreneur, we're so invested in the doing this, I definitely came up with a lot in the room today, and we have so many decisions to make on a daily basis. And I feel like the number one most powerful, read-sourced that we all have is our intuition.

So can you tell me a little bit more about how you tap into your own intuition to make decisions in your business that leads to your high school. Yeah, I love that. What a great question. And I completely agree with this. So I love intuition. How many of you believe that you've been listening to your intuition since you were young? Awesome. How many of you started to feel like you only started listening to your intuition in the last three to five years? How many of you don't put up your hand

no matter what I say? Awesome. Thank you for being honest. I appreciate that. But the reason why I ask is, I genuinely believe the quicker you start listening to intuition, the stronger it gets. And so for those of you who have listened to your intuition since you were young, hopefully that voice is really loud in your head or

your heart or wherever you believe your intuition is. For me, that voice is so strong because I started following it when I was 14 years old and I started hearing it and listening to it and not compromising on it and fighting for it at all times. My intuition told me to become a monk, my intuition told me to leave being a monk, my intuition told me to prime work in media in the space I'm in now. And even now, I have to constantly remind myself to not get carried away with stakeholders, managers, agents, advisors, mentors, and also go back in.

So how do you do that? One of my favorite ways to do that is anytime I have options or decisions in my life, I write them all out and above them I write the intention for why I would do it. So let's say I've got three different business partners to work with, or let's say I've got three different business investments I can make. I write down why I would do that. Often when I really ask myself why would I do something, it's because of ego or pride, it's going to make me feel great for my ego. It's gonna make me feel really powerful.

If I'm an investor in that, that's gonna make me look so cool. If I partner with that person, it makes me look better. And then I see that and I'm like, okay, I observed that. And then I ask myself, okay, why am I doing this one? And then the answer might be money. Just gonna cash out, like I'm gonna, you know,

it's gonna make a lot of money. It's gonna put a ton of money in my back pocket. It's gonna make me, like, you know, it's gonna make a lot of money, it's gonna, you know, put a ton of money in my back pocket, it's gonna make me feel great from that perspective. And I'll keep going until I find the option that has the word love on top of it. When I can truly say that I'm making a decision primarily based on love, of course,

I need it to pay the bills and I need it to feel good, but when I can truly say that that is primarily based on love and it's primarily based on my purpose, then I know that that's been guided by my intuition. And of course, I attain that through my meditation every day. I meditate for two hours every morning. And it's part of that meditation when I'm getting into that stillness, what I'm trying to do is clear the clutter of the noise of people's

expectations, obligations and opinions and make room for my voice, of my intuition, my intention and what my soul's really yearning for. But that practical exercise of actually putting these things above them makes it really like visual for me and I'm a visual person I love seeing things. And of course, there have been times in my life where I've had to do the thing that just had money on top of it, but at least I did it things. And of course, there have been times in my life where I've had to do the thing that just had money on top of it, but at least I did it intentionally. I wasn't just doing it thinking this is my purpose. I was really honest, okay, I really need to pay

the bills right now, I'm doing this, it pays the bills, I've got to do it. That was where I was at. But then I'm always trying to upgrade from that. And I don't want to, I want to stop going to the ego level, just want to stop playing at that level. because the ego level just lets you down every time and never quite becomes amazing. So so many times I've had to say no in my life because intuitively it didn't feel like love. Because remember if you don't follow the intuition you'll say

yes to everything that sounds good too. So you end up overworking, over committing and over compensating. but when you live with your intuition, life actually becomes simpler because it's clearer who you want to invest it in why. And sometimes that thing may become, I mean, I know that a few actors talk about this when they gave up big roles in movies. When people didn't realize the matrix was going to be a big thing, they turned down the role and then Keanu Reeves obviously played it and it was amazing.

But a lot of actors have said, Kiana played it better than I would have. So even if that went on to become the most successful thing in the world, if you have that honest reflection, you recognize that was someone else's opportunity. I've got mine. And that's what your intuition does. It drives you to yours without thinking

you need someone else's. So hopefully that answers your question. Thank you. Thanks so much. Who's next? Thank you. AJ. Hey.

I'm Scott from Goatolph. Hey Scott. There's so much I want to say. Awesome. So say, I'm just grateful for obviously this nationalism item and Chris for putting this together. And just thankful for you, Jay, for everything you do. Seriously, I've been following you for a couple of years now.

And this is kind of one of those little moments having conversations with someone who's been watching. So two things. Number one, in something that you spoke about before there was a podcast or interview you talked about, the science of the physiological state of the teen gratitude and how it's impossible to fill any other emotion when you're feeling gratitude and practicing morning and night so one, speak on how gratitude is really helped

you. And number two, so much has changed for you in the last 36 months. You know, when you put yourself out there. What has been the biggest lesson that you've learned in stepping into this new role that you're in? Because behind closed doors, all the things you were doing, but being in the line line quote unquote, being very visible for so many people. What's the biggest lesson that you've learned from all this? Sure, man. And thank you so much for sharing that.

I really appreciate it. Gratitude, yeah. I mean, we hear about it all the time. It was a huge, monk practice that we focused on. And when I talk about gratitude in that sense, it's not just making a list of three things you're grateful for. The way we were trained in it was, you

have to embody the feeling of gratitude. The best way to do that is when you visualize and take yourself back to a moment you experience something that you're deeply grateful for. So you literally want to transport yourself back to that moment. You want to feel what it sounded like, what you could smell, what you could see. You want to immerse yourself in that experience where you felt extremely grateful, whatever it was, whether it was an embrace from the person you loved, whether it was being able to see what you had based on the perspective of serving other people, whatever it was, any experience that made you feel really grateful.

When you embody that experience, when you re-embodied that experience, you can't then be in stress, pain, pressure, ego, or any other state because gratitude is such a powerful emotion that it completely drenches you and soaks you in that emotion and in that feeling. So when you are trying to be grateful, don't just go for the, I'm grateful for the air, I'm grateful for the sunny weather, I'm grateful. Don't just do that, really embody that experience, gratitude for what you wouldn't expect yourself to be grateful for. Because somehow that brought you here, like somehow, whatever it was that wasn't nice that was painful to got you here. And when you could be grateful about that, you're rewiring your mind to stop being grateful for every situation because it was a part of your story. It was a part of your story that made your story better.

Your story would be boring if you just succeeded all the time. Imagine sitting up on a stage and being like, yes, I went on from this success to this success, this success. It was the most boring story in the world. No one would care or relate to it. In terms of the second part of your question, right, like never get carried away with all the new opportunities and the new things that come up and forget why you started, because why you started was why everything happened in the first place.

And I think the further away you get from the reason you started, the harder and harder and harder it becomes, because you start measuring it on new metrics. So when I started, I thought I was going to be someone who worked a full-time job and made videos in my evenings and weekends to hopefully help a few people. That's the scope of my vision when I started. But the goal was always to help a few people. The goal wasn't to have a brand or a business or any of that.

And so when my goal is still now to help people, and I'm still reminding myself, that's ultimately the whole point of all of this, because when I die, that's the only thing I'm going to measure myself against. I don't think when I die, I'm going to be able to say, I'm so glad I partnered with that brand. Like, I'm not going to say that, right? Like, when I die, I'm not going to be sitting there going,

oh, I'm so glad that I had a really nice apartment in Carl. Like, I'm not going to think that there going, oh I'm so glad that I had a really nice apartment in Carl. Like I'm not going to think that. Of course, I like having a nice apartment and a nice car. I'm not saying don't have one. I'm just saying that's not going to be the metric that I'm going to measure myself by when I'm dying. When I'm dying, I'm going to be measured myself by how do I impact people, how do I affect people, what did people get from me, and how did I serve, right? How did I give everything I was given?

And so for me it's reminding myself never to go far away from that. There have been so many times where I've been so close to just forgetting that. And then thankfully my memories come back in and it's reeled me back. And so I want to be around more people who remind me of that. And I want to be around people who remind me of the importance of that and keep taking me back to that. And the other thing that I've learned is, don't measure yourself just based on the room you're in.

So what I mean by that is, if you're always measuring yourself based on everyone you're around, you're going to think you're not going to anything. So if you're in a room you're around, you're going to think you're not going to do anything. So if you're in a room full of investors, you're going to be like, oh crap, I need to invest more. If you're in a room full of monks, you're going to be like, I need to meditate more. That's probably going to help.

If you're in a room full of CEOs, you're going to be like, oh my god, I need to start a company. And so many of us sit in so many different rooms now where the pressure is an internal, it's external. If you're putting an internal drive that makes you want to be something that's amazing. But if all of your drive and pressure is external because of just who you're around, it can negatively take you away from your gift. And that's what I've realized, that you're going to stick to your gift. You've got to give, play to that gift, play to that strength, give that gift away.

Don't start thinking you need all these other gifts. You may evolve into them, you may dabble in them, but remember that you, play to that strength, give that gift away. Don't start thinking you need all these other gifts. You may evolve into them, you may dabble in them, but remember that you have a gift that people are looking for. And that gift is the one that, if you keep nurturing that and nourishing that, giving that away, you're always going to have a place. You're always going to have a reason to be alive. You're always going to have a purpose. And so, yeah, focus on your gifts and grow those gifts, because they're there for a purpose. And so, yeah, focus on your gifts,

and grow those gifts, because they're there for a reason. So hopefully that covers what you wanted. Thank you, man. Thanks, Scott. Hi, my name's John. Hi, John. Hi, John. I appreciate the time that you had been

founded, so I appreciate you being here. So my question was back to your marriage when you were invited. So my wife and I, we went been together 17 years, married eight years, you kind of have always moved along the same path, but over the past five years, you're so my career or whatever has really taken off. She hasn't, so you're kind of going to struggle up. She's happy for me, but she's not satisfied with what she's going to create.

You know, you're like, you know that. You know what I'm trying to say. Yeah, absolutely. Well, you've got a lot more relationship experience than I do. So I'll come and ask you some questions. I'll ask you some questions. But I think this is the beauty of relationships that last, right? Like, no one's ever going to accelerate at the same pace.

We don't accelerate at the same pace as our parents, we don't accelerate the same pace as our family, we don't accelerate the same pace as our friends, we don't accelerate the same pace as our partners. And that's normal, like that's just life. So the fact that we experience that in the first place is recognizing that that's natural. And the second step is you trying to facilitate the journey for her, but at her own pace. And that journey is not going to look at the same as yours. It's not even going to look modestly like yours maybe. But if you can support and be there for her while she figures it out, you don't have to figure out for her.

And I think that's one of the biggest mistakes that we make in relationships when we try figure everything out for the other person, like I was saying my wife up on dates. But it's like, I can't figure out for her, but I have to be there for her while she figures it out. Right? You can't figure out for her, but you have to be there for a while, she figures it out. And when she sees that, and you facilitate that growth, and you help her with that, you're going to naturally see, she's going to get there in her own time.

But if you start putting your deadlines on her life, that's not going to work. If you start putting your timelines on her life, that's not going to work. And I don't think you come across as a really nice patient, wonderful human being from the two seconds that I've been with you. But the point I'm making is that you sound like someone who, you sound like you love her. And I think that's how you display love in this moment. The way you display love in this moment is patience. The way you display love in this moment is facilitating. The way you display love in this moment is Being there for her through that transition and I think it is important that you think about who you can introduce her to Which communities can she become a part of to help her think that way?

But always help her recognize that you want to amplify who she is and it's not about her becoming who you are so I'll give you an example my wife is the most genuine or authentic person I've ever met. She's so genuine, she's so authentic, she's so loving. She doesn't have a bad bone in her body. She literally wants the sweetest people I know. She would have a gossip about people,

she doesn't have anything negative to say about people. And whenever people meet her, they're like, oh my God, how have you not launched her brand? How have you not turned her into a YouTuber? And I'm like, first of all, that's not why I married my wife. Second of all, she doesn't want that at this stage in her life.

She's happy sharing her talents with our family, friends, and people we love. The day she's ready to share them with the world, of course I'll help her, but I'm not gonna force her to become someone she doesn't want to be. And so maybe your wife, for women, isn't even career. It could be something totally different. And I think we as facilitators, as observers, whether it's your husband or your wife, it could be any situation, just have to allow that person to grow. It's like letting a plant or a flower grow at their own pace.

And you want to water it in nurture and give it the sun, but you can't expedite it or decide where it's going. So it may not be career. Be open to it, introduce it to a number of people, get it, and start talking to different communities, because you see, and then it's your job to observe what excites her like what really brought her to life and when you see that then you can help that further so that would be my advice you can't figure it out for her you have to be there for her while she figures it out

yeah thank you man We've got that in Lewis House. Yeah, I remember. Yeah, it was awesome. Great to see you. Good to see you. Grateful for everybody in this room. I don't want to hear anything. I don't want to hear anything.

Did you make fire? I don't want to hear anything. I've never battled with presents. Because you have a lot of things going on, right? But you seem so present. I've read the power now like 12 times. I'm just going to take. How do you remain so present?

Do you have any tips, tricks, or strategies to help? The challenge we have is that we think there are sometimes we want to be present and there are times we don't want to be present. You only have one choice, you're either present or not. So we say things like, I've got this event tonight, I'm going to be present at that event, but right now, I'm with my wife or I'm with my family or whatever, and I'm not gonna be present right now. Guess what happens?

That mindset bleeds into everything else. If you're not where you are right now, you'll never be where you want to be later. It's just not possible. And so for me, one of the biggest tips and tricks is, no matter if you're in a space that you don't like being in, you're not enjoying it, still be there. Don't try to mentally escape because that mental escape bleeds into every other area of your life. So even if I'm in a place where I

know I've got a million things to do tomorrow, I'm pushing myself to be present now because that will mean I'll be present tomorrow. So even if I've got the biggest pitch meeting in the world tomorrow, I can be sitting here right now answering your question thinking about that. I don't have a pitch meeting by the way But even if I did I know that if I'm fully present now, I'll be fully present then So it's almost like you're training yourself training yourself You're training yourself when you don't want to be present What we're trying to do is train ourselves when we want it to be present So we're waiting for a moment where I really want be present in this, how can I become present?

Become present when you don't wanna be present. And then you'll naturally bleed over. Does that help? It's awesome. Thank you. Hi, Jim. Hey, man. I'm Josh.

Hey, Josh. I'm really grateful for being introduced to you. I put the minority under my, I didn't know much about you until Friday, dinner or Christmas last week where he told me that we were going to meet one of his major human beings in the world. And that's testament to our relationship too, my Christian and our relationship. And he said that I took it real seriously.

I have to meet this guy. And it didn't take more than 30 seconds of you talking for me to be like, I love the vibe. I love your vibe. And it didn't take one or 30 seconds of you talking for me to be like, I love the body, I love your body. Thank you. So that's amazing, the monk training, and usually you get like three years. So I imagine you learned a lot about meditation, and presence, and really getting, listen,

just go inward. What would you recommend for people who aren't, you know, aren't probably going to get the chance to do the mom training? For how we could, you know, what path this is or many resources would you point us to? For us to kind of, I don't know, next best thing, right? We'll achieve that without formal mom training. Absolutely. So, the world that we live in is tried to commoditize and simplify everything, and there are advantages to that. But when you hear things like,

just meditate for 10 minutes a day and your life's gonna change. Just meditate for five minutes a day and your life's gonna change. Just meditate for 10 minutes twice a day and everything's gonna figure itself out. The good in that is that it starts the habit. The challenge in that is that you've never had an immersive experience

to be convinced of the benefits. I'll give you an example. Imagine I tell you I want you to figure out whether you love this person and I tell you you can only spend 10 minutes a day with them every day. How long is it going to take you to figure out whether you love that person or not and want to spend the rest of your life with them? It's going to take a long time. It's going to take a long time. But if you went away with someone for a day, a weekend, a week, that immersive experience is going to help you learn so much more about them, you can make a better decision. So my advice to anyone

who has the facility, has the opportunity, is take a day, take a weekend, or a week, and go on an immersive meditation experience. Why? Because it will completely win you over with the benefits, because you're to experience it. When you meditate for 10 minutes a day, all you experience is you might switch off the noise. Just maybe. When you meditate every day for a week or a weekend, you're going to feel the experience and when you come back to your normal life, you're going to be like, I know what it feels like so I know what to get back to. The problem with meditation right now is you don't know what you want to feel or experience

because all you're feeling in 10 minutes is just, come on, why doesn't this work? Right? Like, why isn't this working? Why am I stressed out? Oh my God, my back itches, right? Like my eyebrow itches now. Like now my leg hurts.

Am I doing it right? And then you're like, am I doing it right mode? When you go on a retreat and you do it for an hour, you get to work through all that, what she takes around to me, even right now, it takes me probably realistically after having done, I've done two hours a day for the last 13 years in my life. And it takes me now 10 minutes to zone in, right?

I can zone in, I can zone in quicker, but if I'm honest and I've had a busy day and meetings and all the rest of it, it still takes me 10 minutes to zone in. And that used to take me an hour and that used to take me 30 minutes and now I've been able to cut it down. Because no one can just go from this to nothing, right?

I've got, so my advice to you is go having immersive experience. Awesome man. Awesome man. Thank you, thanks Josh. Hi Jay. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi of times, then. Yeah. And I'm curious if you can dive deeper into that and if there's benefits or anything beyond, just say and put your phone away that you experienced

and what's that about for you? Yeah, absolutely. So I used to be one of those people that loved watching movies late at night. So I'd finish everything, get into bed. This is quite a few years ago. And I would sit there and I'd watch a movie. And it'd probably be something like motivational,

like Rocky or something like that. And I'd get into it. And then it would finish late, it would be 1 a.m. and then I'd go to sleep and wake up the next day. I started to practice very early on before I became a monk to sleep without my devices next to me. And so at one point what I had to practice very early on before I became a monk to sleep without my devices next to me. And so at one point what I had to do is I would lock my phone and my laptop in my car outside. Because if I didn't do that, if I left it downstairs, I'd be sitting in bed and be like,

it's just downstairs I can go and get it. But right, if I'm in bed and then my car's outside and it's cold, he's not here but outside and it's cold, he's not here, but in London, it's cold. And then it's locked outside. You might have to lock it in your friend's house or you leave it at the office. But the beauty that that gave me was one of the biggest things we do to our brain, which is such a big mistake, is we try it. How many, I mean, Chris will know about this, because I know Chris loves cars and I like Chris's cars too.

Chris, what's the quickest a car can go from zero to X miles per hour like give me a range. Like 0 to 60 and 2 and a half seconds. Okay, 0 to 60 and 2 and a half seconds. How many cars can do that? Maybe five to six. Okay, five to six car brands. How many car brands are there in general? I mean, miles and thousands. Okay, so we didn't prepare this obviously. But Chris is, I believe Chris is a car expert,

to some degree from his Instagram or I can tell. So there are thousands of car models out there. 5 to 6 car models, roughly of course, can get from 0 to 60 in turn and a half seconds. When you wake up and the first thing you do is look at your phone, you're trying to be those 506 cars. You're trying to get your brain in your mind to go from 0 of sleep to 60 miles per hour in 2.5 seconds because you've got 30 notifications, 50 emails, 60 WhatsApp messages and whatever else you have going on.

The biggest mistake we're doing is we're actually reducing our mind and brains ability to make better decisions, to be able to be more focused, because we're wasting it all on that first two and a half seconds. How many of us can physically get out of bed and go run a marathon? None of you would choose to do that. You wouldn't choose to. In two and a half seconds, wake up and go run a marathon. You wouldn't do that.

And if you did, you've trained yourself over it all the time. And so don't do that with your mind. When you wake up in the morning, how many of you would love 100 people to walk through your bedroom door and greet you? You'd be like, no, I want to get ready first. I might want to put my makeup on, I want to do my hair. That's the same with your mind. You haven't let your mind sort itself out, and you're letting a hundred people walk into your mind, the bedroom of your mind, the moment you wake up.

What that's doing is that it's slowing down your focus, it's reducing your decision-making ability, and increasing something known as decision fatigue. If you're making lots of small insignificant decisions from the moment you wake up like which email do I want to look at and which cap picture have I been sent and you're doing that at 6 a.m. 7 a.m. whenever you wake up in the morning then you're making that decision at 9 a.m. and much harder. So for me putting your phone away is about letting your mind giving it the time to wake up and so when I do about waking up early actually what that means is waking up one to two hours

before your day actually start. That's what waking up early truly means. Waking up early means waking up one to two hours earlier or three hours before your day starts. So my life runs like this. I wake up around 6 a.m. every day as a monk we still got a four a.m. It's crazy. I can't do it anymore But the point is that I'd use all my gaps for social media or I have my work time for being on my phone But when I'm with people so we made a rule in our home that we don't use our phones in at the dining table or in the bedroom because it's more fun to eat and sleep with people

Those are no technology zones in the home No technology times and no technology zones in your home Make it practical to have barriers and boundary so if I walk into my bedroom my phone my wife sees me she'll be like Leave it outside, right? And it's great. It's like it forces you. And when you set those barriers and boundaries together, you can hold each other to it. Which means if I want to use my phone, I can hang out in the lounge and use it till later if I need to. But I'm just not going to bring it into that space. Because that space is for something else.

And this is our challenge. We do everything in the same spaces. And so that space loses what it's actually for. That's why we can't sleep in our bedrooms because we eat and work in them. That's why we can't eat properly in our dining tables because we work at them. The more you do it, the more different places, the less you can actually achieve the goal of that space. And our phones have made that the hardest thing in the world. So I often say to people, time has memory, location has energy. When you do something at the same time every day, it becomes easier.

When you do something in the same space every day, it becomes more natural. So that's why you don't want to take your phone everywhere and anywhere because it depletes your ability to achieve that space or time in what you're trying to achieve. Does that help with the no-thirty? Awesome, thanks man. Hey man. I'm Chris from Indiana, now California, as a mariqua girl. Also, congratulations. I only moved here a year ago too, so I'm a newbie.

Also, congratulations. I only moved here a year ago too, so I'm gonna need to be. So you kind of get it. I still love you. I love it. I love it. I'm not going anywhere. I love it here. It's amazing. Oh, grateful. I am grateful every time I'm around Christite, more aware of what's possible. And today I feel like I know building a business is possible coming from love, coming from wisdom, coming from generosity, and literally all the places that I feel like the rest of the world tells us that's not where you want to be in the business world. And what I, if you don't mind, what I want you to speak about is as you get started in coaching, is I'm an analyzing business coach for business owners.

I'd love for you to talk about how you got into coaching, consulting, or whatever version you want to try to do. Are people more and more coming to coaches and looking at everybody who's in fitness or any other industry, wanting strategy, wanting marketing, wanting to have a little fun, or how do I get more clients and the technical side of things about weed from that heart. And invariably every client I get, we spend 78% of the time on love, wisdom, generosity, fulfillment, hacking, and spree-glow. So how did you hold, like, almost 10 years I guess, move people from feeling like what?

So what you need and building a business around that? Yeah, that's beautiful, thank you, man. And I'm so glad that we're in an environment that's encouraging the right messages and the right principles thanks to Chris and Laurie and all of you, incredible people. And this is actually rare to be a part of. I get to go to a lot of internet marketing conferences

and sales conferences and funnel conferences. And I get invited to speak at all of them about social media. And I start each of those sessions, whenever I'm speaking or keynoteing at this place, is by saying, I did not start using social media to build a brand or a business. So I'm going to talk about the heart of why I built what I built,

and then I kind of leave strategies to the end. And I love being able to do that, because I truly believe that we're setting people up for success but not happiness. And so whenever I've worked with anyone, I've always asked them, do you want to be successful? Or do you want to be happy? Or do you want to be both?

Because they are different things. And I look at success as being all the external stuff, the awards, the money, the followers, the stuff. And I look at happiness as how I feel about myself while I go through that process. So the definition of happiness to me is how I feel about myself when I'm by myself. When I'm not around all that stuff

and I'm not around as numbers, those followers, how do I feel on an average day? Because we all know we can have a terrible day sitting in our whatever car we drive, right? You can still have a terrible day. So for me, I always differentiate that with everyone I work with. What's your goal here?

Is it happiness or success or is it both? Most people say both, but they don't really mean it. They're saying both. They're kind of like, yeah, I know I'm gonna feel better about myself when I had that car and had that money and I'm like, no, you're not, going to feel better about myself when I had that car and had that money. And I'm like, no, you're not. Right? Like, this is not true.

There's a reason Jim Carrey said that everyone should go out and do everything they possibly wanted because just to realize that it's not the point. Right? The fact that Jim Carrey said that says it all. And so for me, my approach to that is explaining to people and this again comes back from, this is in the Bhagavad Gita which is the book I studied as a monk, and it talks about the modes. And the three modes can be categorized into having, doing and being. And this is a 5,000 year old text that speaks about this.

And it talks about how you can either be in three modes, the mode of goodness, passion or ignorance. The mode of passion is you're doing so that you can have and then you think about being later. The mode of ignorance is you just want to have and you don't really think about doing or being anything. And goodness is when you realize that when you be or become the right thing and then do things from that place, you will naturally have. So my focus is always to pull people back from the doing to the being. So if you look at the habits, why do we talk about the habits of millionaires? The habits of millionaires are not what they do, that's what they've become.

It's like they are people who are being kind, who are being disciplined. You don't do discipline, you be disciplined, right? You become disciplined, you become focused. You don't do focus, you do stuff by being focused. And when people start to realize that you've got to go that step back into becoming and being, not only to get but hold on to stuff and I always say that to people, do you want to get stuff or do you want to keep it? Because that's going to be a big difference in your life.

And so for me, I believe as coaches, it's our role to remind people of this deeper intention and why it's important. Because I think people are just misled. It's not their fault. This is not an attack on everyone's money and stuff, not at all. Not at all. Right? it's not their fault. This is not an attack on everyone's money and stuff, not at all. Not at all, right?

That's not what it is at all. But it's important to make people realize a step deeper to that. So I'm not against anyone chasing the goals of their business numbers at all. I think it's amazing. I am the same. But I know why I'm doing it. I know what I need to become to do that properly. Otherwise, that doing is going to burn you properly. Otherwise that doing is gonna burn you out

And that's where people usually end up is that in order to have We end up doing things in a way that it burns us out and then we lose everything right we lose ourselves And I love the fact that so many more Thinkers entrepreneurs and now speaking about this like Jeff Bezos gets eight hours of sleep a night. Right, like I'm like, okay, none of us have an excuse. And he didn't just do that now, he's been doing that the whole time. Right, he's not saying I just did that now,

now that I'm the first trillionaire in the world or whatever it is. He's been doing that since day one. And that's what's beautiful about it, that if he can find eight hours of sleep, so can we. Right, so can we. So hopefully that house-painted picture of the responsibility you're taking. And being able to create a new community of fellow business owners. So my question is pretty

much asking for advice. I am an attorney and I work with a lot of clients who I work with them when they're very emotional because something has happened to their business and they need help. And a lot of times I have a hard time speaking to them in a way that motivates them to really take a step back and number one calm them down, but number two to really help them realize, there's a bigger picture here, this isn't that the world, there's more for to it. So I guess I'm gonna just ask Luke and her advice on how to communicate that to clients when they're so emotional as it is, when they come to be there very emotional. I'm going to tell you the first thing that comes to my mind and that is I would outsource

it. I would have someone else in the room who's an incredible coach who's good at dealing with emotions, coming and play that role for you, because they're naturally trained to do that and then you get to play to your strengths. Right? It's like the reason why, and I'm starting then, I'll give some advice about what you can do too, but I do really believe in you're an attorney. You've got certain things you need to understand, certain questions, you need to answer, certain

strengths, you need to play to. And actually, if you get lost in both roles, you could find yourself very quickly becoming a therapist and a returning. And that's going to probably be quite draining or strenuous. I can see that becoming quite challenging very quickly because no one can play two roles at the same time for one person and they can actually become a big burden that you're now carrying on your shoulders. So the first advice I have is for emotional clients, I would can actually become a big burden that you're now carrying on your shoulders.

So the first advice I have is for emotional clients, I would have someone who's a partner that you have a relationship with, that is a partnership with your company or your brand or whatever it may be, that can actually come in and provide that more emotional support, coaching, therapy, whatever that client needs. Because as much of that I'd love to say I can't

wait for you to grow those skills, I just feel like playing two hats at the same time is just a hard game to play. It's really really tough. And this is why I think it's so important when people just play for your strengths, play to what you've already got. Now if you're saying to me Jay, I would love to do that. I don't know if you think that sounds like a good idea or a terrible idea. Good or terrible? I think it's a great idea. I just find it hard to, when they come to me personally,

to tell them, sorry, I'm here so and so. Sure. So I think you can do the in-between. You have to do the nice parts over to the person. So you've got to understand their emotions and feelings, but you've got to recognize that someone else can help them deeper. And that's the beauty of it that your connection

with this person has to become effective, obviously you understand it, and I'm sure you see it a lot. But that you care about them so much that you're going to introduce them to someone who actually understands them, who can actually help them heal the emotional so that you can focus on the legal, right? So that you can focus on whatever it may be. Yeah, thank you.

Out the herbs. Hi Jay, I'm Kareen. Hey, I'm Tiffany. Nice to meet you. I'm a red table talker. Yes. Oh, thank you. Yeah.

So I'm grateful, obviously. I love breaking bread with my family. I mean We're family here. It's an awesome energy because I love what you said about how you lock it away So that at the table and the bedroom like it's it's human And so I would feel a lot of corporate executives and I do too What are your methods on bringing that conscious leadership or conscious decision-making into every room that you walk into but also how to bring it out of them? One of the things I set up for them was mindfulness Mondays. So I would encourage that every managing director would either learn or had someone on their team learn

how to lead a mindfulness exercise at the start of every meeting on a Monday. So they had to dedicate three minutes to something I coached them in to lead that three-minute mindfulness exercise at the beginning of each meeting. And people thought it would make them less productive, and they saw their productivity and effectiveness shoot through the roof. Why? Because half the time when we walk into a new room,

we're bringing the baggage of the old room. And as people know, in corporate companies, all you're doing is walking from one meeting to another meeting to another meeting and not getting time to do work. And so people are just bringing their baggage from meeting to meeting from room to room to room and when you did that mindfulness exercise they were able to drop that baggage and actually focus on the task at hand. I think the other way of doing it regardless of making it a specific mindfulness exercise is start getting everyone to be much more intentional and conscious about the goal of every meeting they walk into. And this

is one of the biggest mistakes I saw in the corporate world that even when we walk into a room, we are so unaware of what our intention is. We're so unaware. You can turn up at events, meetings, dinners and lunches every single day and not know why you're even there or what you want from it. And if you just took three minutes before you turned up to ask yourself, what's going to be, how am I going to view this meeting as a success? How am I going to view walking this room as a success? What is it going to be for me that made me feel like this was going in the right direction? And that's helping them become mindful without telling them to practice mindfulness. Helping them to become more intentional and conscious about why they're in those meetings,

what they want from them, how they do the success, is giving them a bird's eye view of what they're doing. And the third and final thing I say is, helping them recognize that when they're this way, that's gonna reap incredible benefits from the people that work with them. And I think that's what most leaders underestimate. That when you are more conscious and intentional, the people around you are forced to become more conscious and intentional,

hence you raise the vibration of everyone. And so I think they need to be exposed to other conscious leaders. They need to come into environments like this. They need to meet people like yourself, people like Chris and other people who are living like that with employees, with staff, with teams to notice how when a conscious leader is operating on that level, people are raising their levels too. So those are just a few ideas. I'm sure we can talk about this for hours, but those are a few quick ideas that came to mind.

Thank you. So let's do one last question David here. Hey David. Hi, how are you guys doing? Good, so I'm thankful for Chris Arter, my good friend for putting this together. I wasn't gonna ask a question, although I'm very impressed by you and what you do, what you say, I relate to it a lot. Someone asked kind of a fun question. You spoke a lot about seeing education and entertainment in conjunction with each other. I liked it because I teach it, but big believe we're teaching with pop culture because that's what people relate to there the libraries and the mind relates to music

Movies and television so I'm gonna ask you a fun question of all the characters you know fictional characters in movies television whether it be on TV or cable who do you most associate yourself with oh? Well, I love that I'm gonna track back while I give some more perspective to this because I love mainstream culture too and I love entertainment too and love what you're doing seeing is what I've just found out. So my favorite, I'm gonna start with my favorite director

because I think it's so important. My favorite director in the world is Christopher Nolan. So for Christopher Nolan, for those of you who don't know what he made, he made Memento, the prestige, the dark mitrelogy, inception and interstellar, like just the name of you. He is absolutely phenomenal. He writes a ton of it, he always partners up with Hans Zimmer, who's like one of the best composers in the world, and they put out these epic movies that are complete mind-twisters and I love him for it. So in terms of which director I associate with I'm gonna go with director for now is Christopher Nolan because he's able to bring so many

ancient and timeless concepts into his work. When I'm watching his movies I can find concepts from stoicism, Vedic times. I'm finding so many hidden messages across the way, and I love that because that's how I think as a content creator. How can I hide messages? Right? It's the medicine in the sweet. And when I'm watching Christopher Nolan, I'm noticing he's making so many powerful points about character, making so many powerful points about personality, making so many powerful points about personality, about responsibility without us even knowing. And I'm one of those geeks who like go and research a movie

after watching and try and find all the hidden plot twists that I miss and then go watch it back. How many of you have seen the prestige? Okay, so the prestige is probably one of my favorite movies in all time. I'm glad I'm in a room of people who've seen it because I'm usually in a room of people who've not seen it and probably not a popular role, but I'd probably say I identify most with Christian Bale's role in the prestige.

But the thing I identify with Christian Bale about in that role is the level of sacrifice it took to be the best at his art. So for those of you haven't seen the prestige go and watch it, I won't, you know, no, no spoiler alert, I'm not going to root it for you. For those of you who've seen it, you know what he does. He goes to the greatest extent to master his art. He works diligently day and night just to master his art, where you look at Hugh Jackman's character and all he wants is fame and the result. And you see the difference between the two characters. Hugh Jackman has all the magic and is all the charisma,

but he doesn't have the actual talent. And you see Christian Beaux, all he has is the sacrifice, the hard work that's needed, the diligence and the focus to make it happen, and through that he gives up a lot. And so that role of Christian Beall and that movie inspires so much of me, I also really love magic, so that helps.

But yeah, that would be the role that really inspires me. I'm just a quick follow. And I'm not familiar with it, but I'm familiar with better perception. I'm not. So I've been studying, so perception is obviously what we see in front of us. The better perception is how we kind of, what I understand is how we view other people viewing us. It's a bit of like, and related to a character, I don't know if you guys are familiar with sign felt. Yep. Okay, so I look at George the Staddes as the

characterization of better perception. In other words, he's so worried about what people think of and he's willing to lie about what he does for a living. Who he's dated, where he lives. And he lives in this world of worrying about why people like him instead of living in the present. And there's just one scene, if we're going to go to teaching, where he's with George, I mean, he's with Jerry,

and they get down to the double day, and he asks Jerry, if Jerry's girlfriend likes him. And he's like, yeah, she likes him. He goes, what, you hesitate? He's like, she didn't like him. He's like, no, she liked him. He's like, no, you hesitate. She didn't like me.

He goes, okay, she didn't like him. So, basically, he was so worried about somebody else liking him. Then he's like, goes into wide, you know what I mean? So, he spends all this time, I feel like, that is something in our culture, especially with social media, that we're so worried about how other people are looking at us and what they're thinking,

and we're in their heads rather than being. Yeah. So, if you could just speak to that. Yeah, definitely. So, I've heard that from a writer called Charles Cooley in the 1900s, I think 1890, and he refers to that as the looking glass self. It's from Cooley and he said that,

today the biggest challenge is, I'm not what I think I am, I'm not what you think I am, I am what I think you think I am. Right, so let that blow your mind for a moment. So he said, the challenge today is, I'm not what I think I am, I'm not what you think I am. So let that blow your mind for a moment. So the challenge today is, I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.

Which means we live in a perception of a perception of ourself. Which means if I think Chris thinks I'm a nice guy, then I feel like a nice guy. But if I think Laurie thinks that I'm a loser, then I feel like a loser. And I'm basing my perception based on how I think other people think about me, which is so messed up. Right? And that's literally like inception on like two levels. It's like, first of all, you're not even sure that person feels that way. And they're not even sure that you're sure that you even know what they're talking about.

And so we get lost in that. And that's why I think it's so important to remove ourselves from defining how we feel about ourselves. That's why I said earlier that happiness is how you feel about yourself when you're by yourself. Happiness is how you feel about yourself when you're by yourself. Because when you're by yourself, you've got no one to validate you anymore. And so when we walk out of the house, we're always like, yourself on your buy yourself because when you buy yourself you've got no one to validate you anymore. And so when we walk out of the house we're always like do I look good in this to someone else?

Ask yourself do I look good in this? Because you get an awareness something that you didn't like because someone else liked it and then at the end of the night you're like I wish you didn't tell me to wear that. And imagine you wore that mask for your whole life. Imagine you wore that career for your whole life. Imagine you wore that career for your whole life. Imagine you wore that purpose for your whole life. And at the end of your life, you look back and go, wow, I just did all of that because 10 people for it was amazing.

And unfortunately, that's normal for a lot of our lives. I can definitely say it was normal for a lot of my life. And when I decided to be a monk, that's when I broke the cycle. Because I wasn't doing that for anyone else apart from me, because no one else thought it was cool, apart from me. So I know I said last question. I just wanted to check my theme real quick, and my wife... Did you guys have any questions?

Okay. I don't know. I always checked my wife. Absolutely. Alright, man, you crushed it. Number one, thank you, sir. Thank you. One of our favorite things to do is to always let you know what we learned.

Oh, I love that. From what you spoke. So, rapid fire takeaways. Let's let Jay know what some of our takeaways were. I love that. So you can just kind of put your hand up and show something and I'll repeat it. And if you feel like saying something better than I said and pretend that you had a complete state, like go for it.

All the things. All the things. Well that's something I've right there. As well. I love the idea of writing when you get a big decision, write the options, and go for your attention three, one, ten. Thanks, Frank. Yeah, so write the attention of three, one, two, three. Thanks, Frank. Yep, so right, the attention of why you might say yes to it, I love that.

What else? Always choosing love. Always choosing love totally. Scott, you're getting crystal clear with your gratitude, that the taste, smell, and feel. Yeah, embodying it. Yes, for sure. Appreciate that.

That's a fine gratitude practice to hold you low here, you know. Right? Because I just make a list, like I'm for lawfuls and laying across my legs and for Florian right so that that changing game for me. Oh Brooks don't judge the moment and we can't be everything and that's okay. Yeah so love it. Well thank you. I like the cell phone space but my kids are gonna be this way. What an awesome opportunity for you to be, by example, for them. I love that. I know we're gonna work on that too. I mean, I am Miss Laurie Arri-Waston. What's the voice of your intuition because a lot of us are...

The voice of your intuition means a lot of us are going to hear that. I love that. Who else? Every failure has feedback, even. Yeah, every failure has feedback. Melissa? I mean, what's part of, your head speed back. Melissa? And you've parted up supporting your spouse to their own transformation. And how did it get to me?

That was awesome, wasn't it? Yeah, that was really good. It's fun. Joel, as you see him? I was just figuring it out. But yeah, it's part of what this spouse is. Yeah, absolutely. Did I miss anybody?

Don't measure yourself based on the room here. Don't measure yourself based on the room here. Don't measure yourself based on the word here. These are good takeaways. Yeah, this is amazing. You guys are great listeners. Everybody goes in a different pace, which is that you can just let them be on their journey. And also just the confirmation of why you're so clear. Like you meditate to do yourself for that long.

So sometimes when I can't hear myself, because I'm doing five to ten minutes. Yeah, which is not bad, which is wonderful. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Everybody goes in different pace and meditate longer. Yes. And the thing about just all of this, if you want to be good at something, at certain moments, you have to practice it in the hard moments. Yes, so like gratitude, patience, patience, not judging, like you need to practice it with that kind of cut you off

and you'll be patient other times. Yeah, that's what you think you might have to do. Did I miss anybody? Just hearing how diverse your life has been and you're still so young. As a young man, I often think, you know, I'm just going this way. If I stop doing it for a year I'm done It's just so encouraging here. You've done so many different things now

You've gone from literally this side all the way to the side and back and forth and it's just so Tell it to me man. If you want to be president later be president now Yeah, absolutely You know All right, good take away. Hey, we got to set it away better than I did. I know. Take no.

There's some questions. Take away. Yeah, amazing value. Thank you so much. How can we serve you? Is there anything way that we deserve you? This is beautiful. I just think the best way we can also

is by you taking all of these principles and applying them into your life, passing them on to others. Your old coaches, teachers, guides, business creators, whatever you do, like infuse your world with that. Because that means we're gonna have lots more people in the world that are living off of this. And that's the best thing we can do.

It's just anything that you took away, please pass it on to just one person, 10 people, 100 people, a million people on social media, whatever it is, they please pass it on to just one person, 10 people, 100 people, a million people on social media, whatever it is, they just pass it on because I just want to see this completely cascade across the whole world. And I want to take this moment to say, you just thank Chris and Laurie as well, like your community is amazing. Thank you for all the heartfelt questions. It was nice to sit in a room where we could speak about the depths of things. I'm sure we could have spoken about things like social media and stuff like for hours but this is just

so much more powerful and it's a testament to Eucharist so thank you for inviting me here and thank you for the wonderful introduction I was so touched and I'm just genuinely grateful for you being a friend of my life too man so thank you so much for my friends brother thank you thank you so much for listening to that episode of On Purpose. It means so much to me. I really, really hope that you liked this new style of episode. It was just something I wanted to try out and experiment with because I love getting you

into my personal life. I want you to hear about what I talk about behind the scenes and at these events. I'd love to hear your feedback. I can't wait to see what you're learning because I'm going to share a lot more of those because I want you to get access to understand different topics from different points of view. And actually, I probably answered a lot of questions that many of you have as well. And I'm sure you could hear yourself in those people.

So anyway, thank you so much for listening to today's episode. I can't wait for you to hear this one next week. Thank you so much. Concert your New Year's resolution to be more productive with the Before Breakfast Podcast in each bite-sized daily episode. Time management and productivity expert Laura Vandercam teaches you how to make the most of your time, both at work and at home. These are the practical suggestions you need to get more done with your day. Just as lifting weights keeps our bodies strong as we age, learning new skills is the mental

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