On Purpose with Jay Shetty - James Corden: How to Know When the Time is Right to Let Go

Episode Date: February 5, 2024

How can you let go of something you love to do? And when is the right time to let go? Today, Jay is joined by Emmy Award winning host, writer, producer, and actor, James Corden. James is also a Tony A...ward winning and Golden Globe nominated actor; and a multiple BAFTA Award winner. In April 2023, James wrapped up his eight-year run as host of THE LATE LATE SHOW, which premiered on CBS in March 2015. The show garnered Corden four Emmy Award wins and an additional twenty-three Emmy Award nominations. Corden is the co-creator and executive producer of CARPOOL KARAOKE: THE SERIES for Apple TV+ which won five consecutive Emmy Awards and is currently nominated for 2023. The series also won three Producers Guild Awards, a Critics’ Choice Real TV Award and was nominated for a Writers Guild Award.   James takes you through the successive successes and inevitable misses that shape our lives, the impact of expectations on our experiences and unravel the true meaning of success. He touches on his love for performance, the driving force behind success, and the reality that not all efforts receive the recognition they deserve; as well as the reflective process during significant transitions and gain insights into the complexities of the narcissistic dream. As the conversation continues, James presents the powerful analogy of letting a balloon go, symbolizing the liberation that comes with releasing expectations. They also touch on the importance of mindful living, questioning how much of tomorrow you're willing to borrow.   In this interview, you'll learn: How to effectively chase after success How to pick yourself up after failure The importance of surrounding yourself with good people How to balance family life and career How to make your marriage work How to slow down when things get tough This episode is a reminder to cultivate a life filled with purpose, the art of slowing down, embracing life's pace, and savoring each moment.  With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 02:52 The Successive Success and the Many Misses in Between 08:32 The Expectation OF is What Mostly Ruins Things 10:22 What is the True Meaning of Success? 12:56 Love for Performance and the Drive for Success 17:23 Not All Efforts Get Rewarded 20:36 Your Life Can Get Flipped Over Every Single Day 23:38 Reflection Process During Big Transitions 28:13 The Narcissist’s Dream 35:50 The Analogy of Letting a Balloon Go 41:02 Becoming More than the Man You Actually Are 46:44 Sleep is an Extraordinary Gift 49:42 How Much of Tomorrow Are You Willing to Borrow? 53:15 Why Do You Need to Stop Going on a Diet? 56:21 How Do You Keep Good Friends Around? 01:00:32 How to Calmly Talk to Your Child? 01:06:14 Where is the Best Place to Raise Your Family and Kids? 01:11:24 Effective Communication Between Married Couple 01:15:43 The Story of a Man Who Just Kept Going 01:21:08 The David Beckham Statue Prank 01:22:35 Learning to Slow Down and Not Rush Anything 01:32:27 James on Final Five Episode Resources: James Corden | Instagram James Corden | Twitter The Late Late Show with James Corden | YouTube The Late Late Show with James Corden | TikTok See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:02:29 That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. Step out of a curtain and 400 people will go nuts and you've got to remember the other side of this camera is a sign that says applause. St. Tony and Emmy-winning actors on TV screens for eight years. The man himself, James Corden. I went upstairs and I sat in his room and I just went to him. I need you to know that I haven't changed.
Starting point is 00:02:58 I love you more than you'll ever know. And he went. and he went. to see all your comments and we're just getting started. I can't wait to go on this journey with you. Thank you so much for subscribing. It means the world to me. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only.
Starting point is 00:03:33 Jay Shetty. Ah, ah, ah. James, it is truly a honor and privilege to have you here today because I have to be honest with you, I've been a huge, huge, huge fan ever since Smithy and Comic Relief. And I was at the Grove just a couple of weeks ago and I was remembering how that sketch started there.
Starting point is 00:03:57 That's where we shot it. Yeah, and you walk into one of the rooms and you're with me. And so I've been such a huge fan from day one and watching you and admiring your journey, seeing you go crushing it from the UK through to the US. And I moved to the US a few years after you did, but just getting to see the impact you had there,
Starting point is 00:04:18 the amazing, amazing content that you've created. I'm a big fan of whether it's spill your guts or carpal carioca, like every single segment you guys produce such a huge fan. And so to be able to sit with you and even the few moments we've just spent together off camera, I've already enjoyed your company. But I wanted to start off by just saying I'm a huge fan and thank you for doing this. So I'm a huge fan of yours. I think what you've done is is really quite extraordinary. Actually, I think, I think it's actually deeper than a successful podcast or show or book.
Starting point is 00:04:50 I think what you've done really, I think, and I'm sure I'm certainly not the first person to say this to you, is you've created like a safe place for people to talk about mental health, health, everything. You know what I mean? Feelings, the depth that I think is, of course we're more aware of today than we were a decade ago
Starting point is 00:05:09 and certainly a decade before that. And I think you're a real big part of that and I'm a real fan of the show and it's given me a lot over the years. So it's a real thrill to be here. And I hope I can be deep enough to fulfill the needs required. Well, for everyone who doesn't know, everything that James was saying to me off camera I hope I can be deep enough to fulfill the needs required. You know? Well, for everyone who doesn't know,
Starting point is 00:05:27 everything that James was saying to me off camera, just now I'm like, James, save it. I need you to say it again because it was perfect. But James, I was thinking about this. I was looking at your journey and I was saying like, you went from writing, right? Gavin and Stacy, amazing success. Gone to the West End, amazing success. Broadway, Tony Award, amazing success. Gone to the West End, amazing success.
Starting point is 00:05:45 Broadway, Tony Award, amazing success. Then moving off into late night, amazing success. And there was something I was observing about you. And I felt that what I saw in you was someone who had the ability to continuously disrupt themselves, take risks and innovate when it seemed like there was a clear path. And I wonder whether what's the decision you've made right now is almost the same thing that you've said, I don't want the safe option, I'm willing to take the risk. Would you agree with that?
Starting point is 00:06:17 Yes, I think so. I mean, it's really lovely of you to say that. There's also misses in the middle of that. Do you know what I mean? I think it's very important to say that. There's also misses in the middle of that. Do you know what I mean? I think it's very important to say that that curve could also be looked, do you know what I mean? There's as many misses as there is hits. You just want to keep that ratio as clean as you can, in the sort of last sort of six months
Starting point is 00:06:38 since finishing the show. And then the few months before that, after when we announced that we were ending the show, lots of people would say, you know, they would ask why you're doing this and why would you leave such a thing and such a contract and offer and all that, those things, which I completely understand.
Starting point is 00:06:57 I've always been able to separate work and life and the two, one shouldn't outweigh the other. Does that make sense? That actually you have to go, well, I know that for my career, Ruth and I could have, Ruth Jones, who I co-wrote Gavin and Stacy with, which was a show that became successful in the UK.
Starting point is 00:07:20 We could have, of course, have carried on writing that show and making more episodes of that show, but I don't know that that was at the time feeding our life. You know, I wasn't feeding mine, it wasn't feeding Ruth's. It was like, we've done that, it's time to stop, we have to do something else. And then, you know, I love being in plays. I love being in the theater.
Starting point is 00:07:42 And when I was in One Man Two Governors or The History Boys, there was a path where you could say, well, I could carry on doing this and there were moments or opportunities to perhaps go and do another play after that. But it was like, well, I don't know that that's going to feed my life. So I think the key from what I'm trying to do is go, well, if my work is feeding my life and my family, then it's of benefit. And if it isn't, then it won't be. And I think some people perhaps often just look at their career as being the primary thing in their life. Well, the work
Starting point is 00:08:19 is the thing. And I'm going to do this, and I'm going to do that, then I'm going to do this, then I'm going to do that. And you have to go, no, no, but how is that feeding your life and your soul and who you are as a friend, son, brother, husband, father? You know, and that's the thing I think I've always thought about. So the decision to end the show had nothing to do with not enjoying it anymore. It had nothing to do with it not being fun.
Starting point is 00:08:44 Financially, of course, it was fantastic. But then it got to a point where I was like, is it feeding me and us as a family? Is this environment what we want now? I don't think it is. Okay, well, then we're gonna, then we're just gonna turn it over and shake it and see what it is the other side of that.
Starting point is 00:09:05 The thing I keep coming back to all the time in my life a lot recently is just to constantly say, well, we don't know yet. We don't know, I don't know yet. I can't tell you if it was a good thing or a bad thing to stop the show. I don't know, I will only know in a year or two years or maybe five years time, because you just don't know.
Starting point is 00:09:28 You don't know at all. You know, in the same time that you might accept a role over here, and when you get that job, people are going, oh my God, this is the greatest thing ever. And you say, well, we don't know. Me and my friend, Louis, very dear friend of mine, Louis, who moved to America to come and write on the Late Late Show. You know, uprooted his family, moved,
Starting point is 00:09:50 oh, he didn't have a family at the time, had two kids in eight and a half years who were there. We wrote a TV show together, which got picked up at Hulu. Oh, I wasn't gonna be in it, we just created this show. And then a few months later, we wrote two scripts, and they really love the first script that we wrote the second script. And they said, look, we're just, we're not going to make this show happens all the time. And we were, I was really bummed. And my friend, Louis said the best thing he was like, look, if they'd have picked it
Starting point is 00:10:20 up, it might have been the worst thing to ever happen to us. We might have fallen out, we might have, who knows what would have happened. It might have been a disaster. We just don't know. Yeah, you have no idea. You just don't know anything. You've reminded me of this beautiful Zen story where a farmer finds a new horse.
Starting point is 00:10:38 I love this story. You know the story? It's amazing. Yeah, the farmer finds a new horse and everyone's excited. And they're like, wow, this beautiful horse. You just came upon it. Like how lucky are you?
Starting point is 00:10:48 And he says, good thing, bad thing, who knows? Yeah. And then his son's riding the horse and he looks incredible, but then all of a sudden he gets tipped off the horse and his son falls off and breaks his leg and everyone's like, oh no, this is the worst thing ever. Like if only you didn't bring that horse in
Starting point is 00:11:04 and he says, good thing, bad thing, who knows. And the story continues, and hearing you say that, it's really honest of you to share that though, because I think sometimes when we make a decision, we often feel like we have to convince ourselves it's the best decision in order to make it through. But for you to actually have the vulnerability to say, I actually don't know, that takes a lot of courage.
Starting point is 00:11:26 Well, I do know that ending the show, I do know that the reasons for it are absolutely right, no question, but you don't know, you don't know how those things will, you just don't know, you don't know any of it. So if you can accept all of it, if you can just say, well, this is, this is it, this is life, what we're doing now,
Starting point is 00:11:52 me and you sitting here, this is it, we're doing it, you're alive and I think sometimes the expectation of stuff is the thing which really ruins stuff, your expectation of what a holiday might be, your expectation of what Christmas Day was gonna be like is actually the problem. The thing that happened on holiday or the argument you had on Christmas Day,
Starting point is 00:12:15 that's not really the issue. I didn't have an argument on Christmas Day, I'm just using it as an example. That's the thing, I think, is your expectation of, well, when I do this, my life will be like that. And I think I've thought that a lot of my life. When I get my driver's license, my life will be like this.
Starting point is 00:12:33 When I get a girlfriend, when I move out of my parents' house, my life is gonna be like this. And it's not, it isn't, it can't be. And what it is will be amazing because you're gonna be alive, you know? And I think I just feel very accepting of everything now at the moment.
Starting point is 00:12:57 Yeah, there's something really beautiful that came out of what you said, this idea of reasons over results. Like you know your reasons. You don't know what the result will be, but you're sure about your reasons and that's something we can all practice and take on. Like I think that's something everyone who's watching can apply that you never know the result of your decision. You don't know how it's going to pan out, but you can be sure about your reasons. Without question.
Starting point is 00:13:20 And if you feel clear about those. And to recalibrate perhaps what success is. And that's I think a big issue in a broader society. What is success? Success is not this amount of money. It's not this amount of gold statues and trophies. You've got to look at it as a whole. It's really interesting. There are numerous people who talk about the night that they won an Academy Award as being the loneliest night of their life. And yet for us looking in on that, you look and go, oh my god, that's,
Starting point is 00:14:08 this is incredible. I would give anything to you. Why do you think that is? Because I think it's more, the climb is the thing. The top of a mountain, I think can be quite a an isolated experience actually and the climb to the top of it is and of course when you get that it's amazing because you go oh my god we did you know what I mean we did it it's like someone that takes a helicopter to the to the top of Everest is not going to have the same experience as a person who's climbed it absolutely you're looking at the same view but it's going to have the same experience as a person who's climbed it. Absolutely. You're looking at the same view, but it's going to feel very, very difficult. I also think it's an incredibly, you know, the anxiety of it, the fear of it.
Starting point is 00:14:57 I can only imagine, I don't know, I don't know. I can only imagine. And so I think because I think what you realise is that the doing of the work and the climb of it is the thing that is the most satisfying and how can there be such a thing as best. Yeah. However, you can be the fastest runner over 100 metres. That's not up for debate.
Starting point is 00:15:19 You same bolt, you are the fastest runner over 100 metres. You can't be the best film. That's impossible. You know, it's- It's more subjective. Of course it is and should be. Yeah, where did your drive for success come from? You just said that you've realized now
Starting point is 00:15:37 that success is not, you know, the bank balance or this or that, these specific things. Where did your initial drive for success come from? Did you always define success in a particular way, or was it just what you think everyone in our generation was almost chasing? I don't know. I think, for me really,
Starting point is 00:15:56 from, I really don't remember a time that I didn't want to perform. I just don't remember a time that I didn't want to perform. I just don't remember a time that I didn't want to just perform. Did you perform at school and at home? I mean, everywhere, everywhere. I would call it performing. I'm sure some people would call it showing off.
Starting point is 00:16:17 My mum would, you know, oscillate between the two, stop showing off. Still, you know, like, I just, I just loved, I just loved, I loved performing in, in, in, in any shape or form. School play, church, playground. I just, I really, really loved it. Like I can remember so vividly the first time I was ever sort of on what we'd call a stage. So we grew up in, we were a family
Starting point is 00:16:55 that were in the Salvation Army, which is a church that's also a charity. And like any church you're born into, you think that this is completely normal. You know, when you're any church you're born into, and then like whether we, you know, we would like put on a uniform and my dad would, you know, occasionally march down the road in a brass band
Starting point is 00:17:20 and we would do Christmas caroling and I would play the trumpet. And you just thought, well, this is just completely normal life. And then you get to about 15 and you're like, guys, this is really weird. But it was essentially a church and that's what we'd go to. And a church from what I can really work out now retrospectively was perhaps full of the least Christian people I've ever met in my life, you many churches, you know, at its core, good. Infected with people becomes something very, very different.
Starting point is 00:17:51 And, uh, and so we're in High Wycombe in, in Buckinghamshire and, and my sister was three, no, four, my sister Ruth was four and it was her christening. And we were on the, the platform, which was, you know, tall, intensive purposes, looked and felt like a stage to me. And the Savage Army officer, the vicar, the priest, I couldn't see because I was, you know, quite small. And he said, let's get James a chair.
Starting point is 00:18:22 And I stood on this chair and I could just see, there was maybe, I don't know, 30 people in the congregation, it looked like a thousand. And I just started like pulling these faces and turned around and looked back through my legs and people are chuckling. And I was like, well, this feels fantastic. And then what I really remember is sitting back down in the congregation and my,
Starting point is 00:18:52 I was sat between my mom and dad and person's back is in front of me. And I remember being like, well, this is boring. This isn't nearly as much fun as being up there. And I was seven at the time. And no, I was four and my sister was obviously a newborn. So I was four. And I remember just thinking, well, this is, that's it now.
Starting point is 00:19:15 Life is a quest to be up there as much as possible. Oh, that's beautiful. So I think that's what I always thought success was. Like my absolute ambitions were to be in a West End musical. Yeah. That was it. That was like, that was the peak. And literally it was a road away from where we are now at the Prince Edward Theatre and I was 17 and in a musical. And I was, I honestly genuinely was like, well, that's it for me.
Starting point is 00:19:43 I will, it cannot be greater than this. That's how, that's where my absolute ambitions were, to be just on a West End stage. That's spectacular. I mean, you said there were misses naturally in the journey that I laid out in the beginning. I wonder what were some of the most painful or tough misses, whether when you were younger, as you got older,
Starting point is 00:20:04 what were the ones that you look to and say, I'd love people to know about this or learn about this, because when you look at it from the outside, it is easy to see here, but these are the couple that maybe would surprise us. Well, well, there's things that you do that just naturally aren't very good. That's the first, you know what I mean? There's things that you do and they're not very good. Those things, you understand why they didn't connect because they're not very good, you know? And I don't feel a sort of sense of any disappointment in that really, do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:20:40 I don't because someone asked me once because I was in that film, I was in that film cats, right? Of the musical cats and they're and you know, I haven't seen it, but like by all accounts, not good and didn't do very well. And someone said to me, oh, God, you regret that. I said, no, I'd do it again. I had a great time.
Starting point is 00:21:02 You have to separate sometimes your own experience and the outcome of a project because you can do things that do really well but at that time in your life, it was a disaster. Do you know what I mean? Such a good point. And at the same time, you can do stuff which isn't good but actually you had a really great, you know what I mean? I love that. You know, when we were shooting Cats, we had an afternoon
Starting point is 00:21:27 and I sat in this weird green suit with dots on your face with Ian McKellen and Judy Dench. And I wouldn't swap that for anything. To literally sit and talk to Suri and McKellen and Dame Judy Dench about, I couldn't tell you what we talked about. literally sit and talk to Suri and McKellen and Dame Judy Dench about, I couldn't tell you what we talked about. I couldn't tell you if it, you know, and I was like, well, how lucky am I?
Starting point is 00:21:54 This is extraordinary. So I think, I did a TV show which came out, I think about maybe just two years ago now, maybe 18 months ago, which was on Amazon called Mammals, which I was really proud of. And I really hoped that people would find that and they didn't.
Starting point is 00:22:18 That's the only thing that I look at and I think, ah, because it got reviewed well. It's written by, I think, the best living playwright at the moment, you know, or certainly young living playwright called Jez Butterworth, who wrote like, Jerusalem and the Ferryman and Mojo, but then also wrote Skyfall and Spectre and Indiana Jones. And it was me and Sally Hawkins and Spectre and Indiana Jones. Wow.
Starting point is 00:22:45 And it was me and Sally Hawkins and Malia Crellian. And that's the only, that's what I would say. That's the only thing that I go, ah, I wonder what we could have done differently to make people find it. But then we don't know yet. Yeah, you don't know. We don't know yet.
Starting point is 00:23:02 You don't know when it's going to take off again. Like, I love hearing about shows. But even if it doesn't, we don't know. We don't know. You don't know when it's going to take off again. Like, I love hearing about shows. But even if it doesn't, we don't know. You know what I mean? Like, you just have to... I love what you just said, mate. I love that perspective of the idea that... And I can relate to that.
Starting point is 00:23:16 I've had moments in my life where I'm having one of my biggest external career wins, but I didn't have the right people around me to celebrate it with. And therefore, it's not as gratifying or as celebratory or it's not as meaningful, whereas you could have had something that externally, like no one cared, but you had the people around you where you knew what you'd built and you knew what you'd created. And I love that. That resonated so strongly, honestly. Well, also the notion that... I don't know.
Starting point is 00:23:45 The way I see it is every single day, your life can get turned over and flipped on its head in a phone call. Every single day. Like, I used to say that to my wife, Julia, all the time when we were in Los Angeles, where I would go, every day we live here and the phone doesn't ring in the middle of the night to tell us something's happened at home is an absolute win. It's an absolute win.
Starting point is 00:24:15 And you just have to be so aware that those things are coming and those things are real. And all the stuff that we're talking about over here, work and all those things, it's not, it isn't those things that are just gonna, just bang. And then you're talking about life before and after, before and after those moments. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, you know, and I'm 45. And my friend said to me, and it's quite a dark thought, but actually, it's good to be, he said, we've, he said, he's 45 also. And he said, we've, we've turned the corner into Sniper's alley. And I said, what do you mean? I didn't know what he meant. And he said, you've to, you're now in an alley. And suddenly people are gonna just,
Starting point is 00:25:07 and you're gonna go, oh my God, like it's just that shift in life of like, oh, this is where, like I'm very fortunate, both my parents are still alive. So that's inevitable, that's definite. And then you're in this world of just absolute unknowns. So I think the older I get, I just the less I sort of think about work in that way.
Starting point is 00:25:34 I just don't. And maybe because I've had six months of real reflection, six months of not really doing anything. You know, I'm doing, started this podcast that I'm really really enjoying Outside of that. I'm writing some stuff some of it. I hope people will see other stuff I'm certain they never will you know what I mean? And I know I do you know and I and some of it I hope they never will I know that's a terrible idea, you know, you just don't know. And so I just think less about work and I want to think more about my health
Starting point is 00:26:11 and all those things, you know? Yeah, walk me through what like, like you've had all these transitions in your life. Walk me through what your reflection process looks like in your head, like just for you personally, like it doesn't have to be systematic or perfect. Just what is it? What do you go through? Is it looking at going, well, am I helping my family? Am I taking care of them? Is that the number one thing? Or are there other things that go through your head? Because I feel like you've had to make some big transitions.
Starting point is 00:26:38 Well, that's that is a that's that's the number one thing. You're only as happy as your least happy child is a wonderful saying, which is without question true. There is, there is nothing that can happen in your professional life that will matter if one of your children is unhealthy, un's unwell, either mentally or physically, this is irrelevant. So that's, let's park that as a given. Yes. Very clear. In terms of my reflection, I mainly, I just think,
Starting point is 00:27:19 like I'm so aware of time and the passage of time, and that this this is it and you have to go, okay well now how do you really really want to use your time? Because I think when I was hosting the show I think I probably knew this at the time but I recognize it more now that I think I probably knew this at the time, but I recognize it more now that I think I said yes a lot, perhaps to too much, because I just loved, I knew I wasn't gonna host that show forever. I didn't want it to be the end of the book.
Starting point is 00:28:04 I didn't want it to be the last thing I did forever. I didn't want it to be the end of the book. I didn't want it to be the last thing I did. So I didn't want it to be a shock when I finished the show and said, I'm going to go back to act again now. Because I was very aware that there was a lot of people watching that show who had no idea that I'd ever acted before. So I really just said, yes, I'll do it.
Starting point is 00:28:22 I'll be there. I'll do it. And I think I understand my reasons for'll do it and I think I understand my reasons for it but now I think mainly the thing I'm really thinking is what forget what you can do forget what's possible forget what's in front of you forget what's offered to you or not offered to you what do you actually want to do what is worthy of your time what is worth not taking your kids to school in the morning or picking them up at four o'clock?
Starting point is 00:28:50 What are the things? That's really the question you're asking yourself. And like, I don't have like so much money that I don't have to ever work again. I really, really don't. Whatever you might read on the internet is, I cannot stress you, untrue. And so, it's that thing of just going, well, what do you want to do?
Starting point is 00:29:10 Is there anything that you want to say? And if there isn't, then don't. And then, and it will come. It will. It will, it will, it will come. And, you know, it's interesting this since moving back to London and I feel in a different cultural space I'm trying my absolute best to hit 10,000 steps a day that's that I'm really really really trying to do that and so sometimes I'll just go and once the kids are asleep I'll go and
Starting point is 00:29:42 I'll be I'll look and I'm look at 8,000 steps and I'm like, babe, she's gonna go and I'll literally walk up and down the road and to come back in and in that time of walking, I'm starting to feel the notion of like, oh, maybe that's, is that an interesting idea? But don't leap on it. Yes.
Starting point is 00:30:03 Don't go, that's it, let's go. Let's book a flight, let's pitch it. It is to go, let's see if it, almost to treat it like a plant really, and go, we're gonna water it for a minute, see if there's something there. And already now I'm like, well, thank God I didn't go and tell someone about that.
Starting point is 00:30:22 Have you ever read that thing about doing the thing? Yes, yes, yes. I mean, that's my, I just look at that almost every day, doing the thing, just do the thing. Don't talk about doing the thing. Don't tweet about doing the thing. Don't just do the thing. The doing the thing is the thing and that's all I'm
Starting point is 00:30:46 really trying to do. Yeah, it's fascinating because I find like, you know, you've been performing, as you said, you love performing when you're a kid. You've been performing for decades now. And it's almost like an identity shift when you stop yourself from performing in an, I'm talking about performing in a play or in a movie or on stage, like you're not allowing yourself to do something that feels so pure and true and I can see in your eyes when you were talking about it, like brings you to life. And almost removing yourself away from that requires you to rethink your identity a little, like who you today, or how are you feeling about who you are when you're not performing, when you've been so used to entertaining crowds for so long?
Starting point is 00:31:30 My name's Laverne Cox. I'm an actress, producer, fashionista, and host of the Laverne Cox Show. You may remember my award-winning first season. I've been pretty busy, but there's always time to touch incredible guests about important things. People like me have been screaming for years, we always time to touch incredible guests about important things. People like me have been screaming for years.
Starting point is 00:31:47 We've got to watch the Supreme Court. What they're doing is wrong. What they're doing is evil. They will take things away. And I can only hope that Dobs is that Pearl Harbor moment. Girl, you and I both know what it took to just get through the day in New York City and get home in one piece.
Starting point is 00:32:03 And so the fact that we're here and what you've achieved and what I've achieved, you know, that's momentous. It's not just sitting around complaining about some bills. The only reason that you might think, as Chase said, that we're always measurable, is because people are constantly attacking us and we're constantly noticing it.
Starting point is 00:32:20 Listen to the Laverne Cox Show on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Be sure to subscribe and share. On his new podcast, Six Degrees with Kevin Bacon, join Kevin for inspiring conversations with celebrities who are working to make a difference in the world, like musical artist, Jewel. And what an equal opportunist misery is. It doesn't care if you're black or white or rich or poor or famous or homeless. If you were raised in misery systems, it's perpetual.
Starting point is 00:32:51 Kevin is the founder of the nonprofit organization SixDegrees.org. Now he's meeting with like-minded actors who share a passion for change, like Mark Ruffalo. You know, I found myself moving upstate in the middle of this fracking fight, and I'm trying to raise kids there, and my neighbors, like, willing to poison my water." These conversations between Kevin and activist Matthew McConaughey will have you ready to lean in, learn, and inspired to act. "...throwing the wrong track helps get on the right track. If throwing the right track, let's help them double down on that and see the opportunities
Starting point is 00:33:21 to stay on the right track for success in the future." Listen to 6 Degrees with Kevin Bacon on the I heart radio app Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Here to help you'll be speaking with actors doctors comedians and scientists artists and athletes and people of faith in search of extreme happiness At last a podcast on a mission a podcast that wonders what is joy is it love religion drug success money? Revenge is it a surge of chemicals or a deeper awakening? Can it be nurtured, cultivated and refined? Find out as Craig Ferguson explores
Starting point is 00:34:12 the countless ways people find joy. The celebrations that dances the science, poetry, laughter and music of joy. Don't miss it, joy with Craig Ferguson. Here and now on the iHeart Radio App, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. But that's ego, I think. That's ego.
Starting point is 00:34:34 That's what you're talking about is ego. I lived for eight and a half years. What could only be described as a narcissist stream. Do you know what I mean? And I cannot stress how much I think being the host of a late night TV show is one of the greatest jobs in the world. I think it's amazing.
Starting point is 00:34:59 I think it is brilliant. Like my God, how lucky am I to have done that? I think it is brilliant. Like, my God, how lucky am I to have done that? I think it's amazing. But if you were another way inclined, you drive into a studio lot, you drive past a massive picture of your face. That's the first thing you see when you get to work is a huge picture of your face and your name.
Starting point is 00:35:28 You then park in an amazing parking spot with your name on it. You go in, like, I see the thing I miss most about the show is my, like, I miss seeing, there's a great lady called T who was on the front desk at CBS and I would just, my interaction with her every day. I just grew to love it so much morning tea morning James. How's it going? All good. And as I walked through the door, she'd say have a good one and I go have a good one and it would be a racer who could say it first. You get in a lift. You come out the lift to be greeted by another picture of your face.
Starting point is 00:36:04 Do you know what it means like another picture of your face. Do you know what it means? Like another picture of your face and your name. You turn a corner and then you start walking up a corridor and there is just your name and faces everywhere, right? Yeah, yeah, pictures of you with everyone. Then you get to say, well, what are we going to do tonight? Back up. Then you get to shoot a sketch with Matt Damon
Starting point is 00:36:23 or drive around in a car with Stevie Wonder. Then you'll come back into work, get dressed. You work also in a gang of people who are the funniest people you've ever met in your life, ever. And they only want to try and make you seem funnier. And that's amazing. And you chat with them and you're hanging out with them. And then good day, bad day, and different day,
Starting point is 00:36:45 your day will end with a standing ovation. Right? That's amazing. You'll step out of a curtain, and 400 people will go nuts. And you've got to remember, and the thing that I would just remember all the time is the other side of this camera
Starting point is 00:37:02 is a sign that says applause. You know what I mean? There is people going, is the other side of this camera is a sign that says applause. Do you know what I mean? There is people going, you know what I mean? And the walk down from the office green room to the studio is an amazing change in your psyche because you're with all your body and that. And very slowly, I remember the first show, because really you're in a gang,
Starting point is 00:37:24 you're in a team where you make a late night show it's just a gang you're all making it together and then at some point people tap you on the shoulder and go have a good one and then you are surrounded by people you walk in microphone met makeup touch at the you enter a door and you hear you know the other side of this thing you hear, 400 people scream, you hear a guy go, okay, that's everybody on your feet. Let's go, this is how we do it.
Starting point is 00:37:53 Oh, there, another look at the job. All right, here we go. Let's get ready to, pa-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta- five, four, three, and you find yourself stood behind a curtain completely on your own. And suddenly this team effort, you're just, you are on your own. And the spotlights behind you. So this, this circle is on the curtain and a shadow of you. And I used to stand there and open my hands. Take a breath. I would look and I would say to my always have this feeling that my granddad is getting a real kick out of all this. I say he is not with me in any spiritual sense. He's just in for the ride of it. You know, like I know that he just,
Starting point is 00:38:47 you know, he's a jazz musician. He would be like, this is fun, Joe. And I would open my eyes and I would look up and I would say, be with me. Just be with me and be here now. And for the next hour, your only job is to enjoy yourself as much as you can. It doesn't matter what's happened all day.
Starting point is 00:39:05 It doesn't matter what happens on tomorrow's show. Your only job is to enjoy this right now. And I did. And I, you know, we did 1,198 shows, I think. And I just loved it. I loved it. So it's a lot to leave behind. It's a lot to walk away from. But I also think this period of silence is
Starting point is 00:39:37 so good for me. I'm getting as I'm getting as much or more from this period now. Yeah. Like, I, you know, it's so odd that I used to do that every day that then even speaking to you now, I'm like, God, I haven't spoken to anybody in this sense. Yes, yes, yes. Since April. I haven't done anything. And so it feels odd.
Starting point is 00:40:02 You're like, oh man, this is, and the podcast I'm doing, I'm loving because I'm in your chair. And I'm, but even now this feels unnatural. And there is a feeling of like, I don't know what I've got to say. But then you go, but I'm gonna get to meet Jay. So that will be lovely, you know?
Starting point is 00:40:21 So what is life without it? It's great. It's great, I think, because I really, really always knew that this wasn't going to be forever I just knew that I wanted to to do it and then stop doing it and see if there's something else and if there isn't Okay, great Who could wish for more? Do you know me? I guess that's the thing I look now and I think I don't want any more stuff
Starting point is 00:41:12 or fame or all those things. Like what I'd really love to do is go, I wonder if I've got one more thing to write. I wonder if there's one more thing to say. Like, I wonder if there's just something else I don't know yet. What a brilliant way to live. I mean when you just said that the idea of I knew that it wasn't going to last forever and I didn't want it to that's so the opposite of how we're conditioned to think. Most of us are conditioned to believe when you find something good hold on to it forever. Make sure it lasts forever because you never know.
Starting point is 00:41:46 And I love your perspective because I think not only is it healthier for the mind and the ego, it's actually the reality of life that everything is ephemeral and transient and it will move anyway. And so you wanting to hold on to something that isn't yours to control is almost a fool's game anyway. Well then you're a kid with a balloon, right? And you go and hold that I'm never, I'm never ever going to let this balloon go, right? And ignoring for this for a second the environmental impact of letting a balloon go. Let's talk about it just metaphorically, you know.
Starting point is 00:42:22 That you go, I'm like, this is my balloon. I'm going to hold this balloon. I'm never, ever, ever, ever, ever going to let go of this balloon. In fact, I'm going to go, I'm going to tie it to my wrist so it can't disappear because that happened to me once before. And you know what I mean? I'm going to just go, I'm going to, you know, that's it.
Starting point is 00:42:39 And then slowly that balloon will just wilt and it will run out of the thing that made it grey and it will just then be, then it's tied to your wrist and you're dragging it behind you, right? And actually, there's something quite beautiful. And again, environmentally, I'm not encouraging this. We didn't know about this when we were kids. When you let go of a balloon it's magical magical and then you see it and you're like oh my god I used to have that I used to hold on to that and look
Starting point is 00:43:12 at it now look it's just amazing and then you go well now I haven't got a balloon and then you go well maybe I'll get another one yeah maybe there'll be another balloon and maybe it'll be a one. Maybe there'll be another balloon and maybe it'll be a different shape or it'll be shinier or whatever it is. Like you've got to be able to let go of stuff, to make new things come in. You've got to have the space and the time
Starting point is 00:43:42 to encounter something new. A friend of mine a year ago, maybe less, had his heart broken in the most brutal circumstances. It was his first girlfriend and they broke up and he was just not in a good way. And this was his first real proper serious girlfriend, certainly the first time he'd been in love before. I just found myself saying to him, I was like, this is great. This is great because you really only understand
Starting point is 00:44:29 what love is once your heart's been broken. You understand how tender it is. And I was like, and you understand it now. And what's, you're looking at this all wrong. You get to do it again. You get to do it again. You get to do this again. You're gonna meet someone else and feel all these feelings,
Starting point is 00:44:51 and perhaps you'll go into that relationship learning what you've learned from this relationship, and that will then feed that relationship in a different way. And like, and he just met someone, right? Yeah. And he's like, oh my God, this is amazing. And I'm like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:11 Got that balloon again. Yeah, like that's it, that's it. And so again, I think it's expectation is the thing that makes us hold on to stuff. If you can just ebb and flow with stuff, you're gonna find it so much easier to take the good, the bad and the everything in between is just all being good for you, I think.
Starting point is 00:45:33 James, you're a philosopher. Who knew? We're going to have to add it to the list. We're going to have to add it to the list of the titles. No, genuinely, I mean, that visual you just painted of the balloon, that's going to stay with me for a long time. I've probably never heard it. I didn't, I don't know that it's a thing. I think we just might have made it up. You made it up, but it is so... Banksy made it up.
Starting point is 00:45:56 Yeah, yeah, bank, there we go. We've taken Banksy's image. No, it's such a beautiful way of sharing that lesson. There's, you know, as Zen saying that says, what's holding you back is what you're holding onto. Yeah, and that's, you know, but that visual that you just painted is so powerful. And even the visual that you painted of saying
Starting point is 00:46:22 that you come out to all this rupturous applause and, you know, the hua and the idea of you coming out into the stage, but you're thinking about the fact that the screen says applause on the other side. Because I think if you don't, it's really dangerous. I think it's really dangerous. Were you conscious of that and have you been conscious of that the whole time in your career? Because no, not the whole time. When did that become like a real... Because that's Marcus Aurelius' meditations at its best.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Marcus Aurelius famously had a... I don't know this. Marcus Aurelius, when he would walk around the Roman town square, he had an assistant that would follow him around. And the role of the assistant was that whenever anyone in the town square would say, Marcus Aurelius, you are such an amazing emperor. You are phenomenal. You're incredible.
Starting point is 00:47:10 The assistant's only job was to whisper in his ear, you're just a man. You're just a man. And that sort of practice. And so when you said that, that's the first thing I thought of when you said the applause. I was like, wow, you're living that. I think I've probably fallen into the pitfall of thinking I was more of a dude than I really was.
Starting point is 00:47:31 Quite early-ish in my career. I think, I guess in a way, I think I'm, I think, I don't know. I think I'm sort of entering phase three, right? If phase one was History Boys, writing Gavin and Stacy, phase two was moving, was going to Broadway to do One Man Two Governors, everything that came with that and then ending up hosting a late night TV show.
Starting point is 00:48:03 And phase three will be whatever this is. And I don't know. Um, I, I mean, look, I've fallen into all those pitfalls of thinking that you're more of a dude than you really are thinking any of this is. It's like fame and success or whatever, you know, level of that I'm kind of have in a way. Like it's on the whole a picnic, right? It's great.
Starting point is 00:48:29 It's lovely. People come up, they talk about things and all you, things that they've liked or enjoyed and certainly being back here in London. It's amazing hearing people talk about like Gavin and Stacy and stuff, which obviously I would never hear in America and I'm so proud of that show. And I think it's, I've started to think of like,
Starting point is 00:48:49 don't confuse the selfie, right? I don't think, I think for me, I think it's different if you're like Brad Pitt, Harry Styles, do you know what I mean? Adele, like, I think that's a different, that's a whole, that's a whole, that's an aura and an orb of fame, which I think is not what I'm talking about now.
Starting point is 00:49:10 Whereas I think on the whole, when people are asking for a selfie with me, it isn't really anything to do with me. I think it's just people go, well, this is gonna be good on my story. Right? I do. No, I do. No, I'm not, that is. No, I'm not that is not
Starting point is 00:49:25 any foe. I genuinely believe that. I think people are going, well, he's there. He's only over there. This is gonna, this is gonna be great. Yeah. In amongst the other four photos of my day, right? And so and I love taking photos of people. I don't say no. So I used to say no when I was with my kids. Yeah, but but now they have a bit a bit a bit better understanding of it. And I don't need to hold their hands all the time. So that was my my wife was like, you cannot give your attention to someone else. When they're that night.
Starting point is 00:49:59 So Charlotte must a road. Whatever. So Charlotte six. So if I'm out with like, you know, my two elders, it's always a lot easier now. And it's people are really great and cool and lovely. But I don't ever, ever in my life go, I got all these people here. They just want a photo. What can I say? I just go, no, no, no, this is, they didn't find me. They haven't been waiting for me.
Starting point is 00:50:25 I just happened to be in the same Joe in the juices there. You know what I mean? And it's like, ah, as well, you know, I love that. That's amazing. But no, I do love how, how, how conscious you were of that. And it's, uh, it's, it's, it's so, it's so fun because that mindset, that approach to success, that approach to fame makes everything just feel wonderful and beautiful.
Starting point is 00:50:51 It makes everything so, you know, in the sense of when I don't, I don't mean perfection. I mean, in the sense of it gives you a sense of joy in an interaction, removing the expectation and the weight that can come with it. Yeah. I also just think you have to just take it all with a bag of salt. Yeah. All of it. Everything. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:12 Everything. Good, bad. Yeah. You know, if you just can take it with the same bag of salt. Yeah. And distance yourself from it. You can just sort of go, well, that's over there. That's happening over there. But what's really, I'm here and here are my friends and my family, all those things. And also just being so aware of how lucky you are. How lucky you are.
Starting point is 00:51:45 And if you lose sense of that, and I understand when people do by the way, and I have, you know, other points in my career and in my life, and I don't, I'm not walking around like this every day. Like I have all those same things, right? So this, it's not like I'm sort of floating around. Like I'm really, really not.
Starting point is 00:52:09 And a lot of this really is predicated on just how much sleep I get. Yeah. That's true for all of us. Like that is it. You know what? I've been on this supplement research, I was talking to my, so I'm very into, you know,
Starting point is 00:52:23 biohacking and health and all the rest of it. And so I was, I was been testing this supplement I've been having for the last 30 days. And it's, it's like boosted my mitochondria so much that I can't get asleep. I have so much energy. And I was telling, I was telling my doctor, I was like, hey, I really want to sleep.
Starting point is 00:52:39 Like I enjoy sleep. I'm someone, I'm not someone who sacrificed to sleep. I enjoy sleep. Sleep is. And I haven't been able, I haven't really been able to sleep because of this one sub to the never-ending. Do you think that's anything to do with that also jet lag in the time difference? I think there's a bit of that, but I've been here for like 30 days now. So I'm like, it should have gone in after a week or two. But I agree with you, coming from LA to London
Starting point is 00:52:58 is the harshest jet lag, right? Because I go from sleeping at night. Yeah, you almost never really get used to it. Oh, it's really rough. And so it could be that, but I feel like, yeah. Sleep is so rarely, I think I'm saying rarely talk about it, we probably talk about it more now than we ever have in the last 40 years, but like sleep is this extraordinary gift.
Starting point is 00:53:22 And I think I'm probably more aware of it now because I've got a 12 year old who seems to think that sleep is some sort of punishment. Do you know what I mean? Like he's so cute. He's like, why would you do this to me? And I'm like, dude, I don't want to be awake right now. You know?
Starting point is 00:53:42 And it's something like in Alan DeBotton's new book, which I just, I bought for you as a gift. I think it's called a therapeutic journey. A therapeutic journey, which I bought for you, I don't know if you want to plug other people's books. I know you're right. No, please, no. It's not as good as how to live like a month.
Starting point is 00:54:03 Alan DeBotton and the School of Life, I'm a big fan. I, It's not as good as how to live like a month. No, Alan the button and the school of life. I'm a big fan. Genius. Fantastic. Genius. Very big fans. And he's got a section in that book where he talks about sleep and he says,
Starting point is 00:54:11 when you've got a newborn baby, when you've got a newborn baby, you are very, your only intention is to put this child into a routine and make sure that they sleep at the right time for the right amount of times. So therefore you feed it the right food to make sure it's the you know to make the right we have to because if you don't get the right sleep they are gonna be awful tomorrow and then at some point we just decide well I don't need to do that. That's only for a baby. I can sit with my phone at midnight,
Starting point is 00:54:50 just looking at a stream of 30 second videos to then character, to not sleep, and imagine that I'm gonna be okay tomorrow. And I find that sleep is just like this gift. Oh, tell me about it. And I find that sleep is just like this gift. Oh, tell me about it. And the better sleep I have, without questioning, in every facet of my life, I'm better.
Starting point is 00:55:16 Like I'm really thinking about, you don't drink, right? No, no, no. So I haven't, how long have you not drunk? I would say, how old am I? Like maybe 18 years or something. Right, but did you ever, were you, did you, right? Okay. Not in alcohol, I was never in alcohol,
Starting point is 00:55:35 but I drank socially, enjoyed it, had fun, loved drinking games. Like used to hang out with the lads and like, yeah. So you're about where I am. So I've really, really, I don really, I very rarely drink at home. I never really get in and go, I'm gonna have a glass of wine or a gin and tonic, but if I go out and if I'm out, I'm like,
Starting point is 00:55:55 I love the feeling of being three and a half drinks in between three and six, I am, look at Raj's face, he knows what I'm talking about. I am, I feel it in my knees and I love it, right? And now as I've got older, I'm just really, really, I'm going to really try to just stop doing that. Like, with no great declaration. to just stop doing that. Like, with no great declaration. You know, you know, I am so, I just am really, really gonna try not to do that
Starting point is 00:56:29 because my friend, a good friend of mine, my friend, Jez, I spoke to him about it and I was like, how did you just manage to just stop doing this? And he said something to me and I think you'll really like this. He said, I started asking myself and I do think this changes post probably like 37, 38. It starts to change in your body. And he said, I started to ask myself, how much of tomorrow do I want to borrow?
Starting point is 00:57:04 All I'm doing now by drinking is borrowing from tomorrow. Wow. Right? It's like you're going to a cash point. Yeah. You're going to a cash point and you're going, I'm gonna withdraw three hours from tomorrow that I will be useless.
Starting point is 00:57:21 And then probably if I just borrow three hours around about noon or one, I'll start to feel okay. So I'm borrowing from tomorrow. And that, and how many hours do you wanna borrow? And sometimes you borrow a day. And then the only way you think you can rescue that day is to go, let's have another one. You know?
Starting point is 00:57:42 And I thought that was a really amazing way of looking at it. And so my intention is to really try and not do that. I just want to try and just be healthier. I don't even sort of think about weight loss anymore. I've done that so many times in my life. Just made so many decisions, just write this is it. I'm done that so many times in my life. Just made so many like decisions, just write this is it. I'm not gonna go on and why don't you change that? Cause that isn't working. Why don't you just only try and do what is healthy and see how that impacts your frame?
Starting point is 00:58:20 Yes. You know? Yeah, yeah. No, I like that approach. I mean, you know, I think it's natural when we're recording this, it's like New Year's resolutions and start of the year and all that kind of stuff.
Starting point is 00:58:30 And I think all of us know that about 80% of us drop off by the end of January. By February, we're not practicing this New Year's resolution, this massive commitment we made. And it's almost because we go from this huge extreme from being indulgent in December to trying to be hyper intentional in January. Yeah. And trying to go from one extreme to the other and none of us can hack that. It doesn't work. Well, a friend of mine said a really good thing to me.
Starting point is 00:58:54 My friend Simon said to me, he said see it in too many videos on YouTube. Like where I was up, where I was down. I used to have like three sets of suits. Lauren Shapiro, who was our wardrobe designer on the show, who I am now saying, as I said it out loud, would have hated hearing her name on your podcast. And my time with her, I used to just love so much because like I said, so much of the day
Starting point is 00:59:28 would be a lot of people. And then it would just be me and her choosing suits and choosing what I'm gonna wear and we'd chat about the day and, you know, we've had moments where we're cracking up laughing, we have other days where one of us is really down and it would just be this little precious moment in this very small walk-in closet that was off my office where all the suits were.
Starting point is 00:59:53 And at my time, those are the things I really missed. Yeah. That's the stuff I really, really miss. And she very, very subtly and we never talked about it. We never ever talked about it it but I knew what she did and I was grateful was she basically started organizing my suits into like really fat fat and always looking good. And she would just she know but she would just very very in the in the just and I would go and then we just became a thing right be like Yeah, I think we're you know, particularly if we came off a hiatus or a go away and just I'll go I think we're gonna be and she's like mm-hmm. We'd never really
Starting point is 01:00:37 My friend my friend said my friend Simon said you stop going on a diet So what do you mean? So you got to stop you've need to stop going on a diet. I said, what do you mean? He said, you've got to stop. You've got to stop going on a diet. He said, because going on a diet is like going on a holiday. You are going to return. You're going to come back. Wow, that's good. He said, if you go on a diet,
Starting point is 01:00:59 what you're saying is this is short term. He said, you need to just go, this is how I live now. That's good. And this is it. That's not going, I don't eat any bread. You know, in moderation, it's probably good for you to eat certain types of bread, but that's it. And you're gonna, don't just stop this thing of being like,
Starting point is 01:01:25 oh guys, I'm on a diet. And he was like, and stop broadcasting. Stop saying it, just stop saying it. Just go, this is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna try and exercise like this. I'm gonna try and walk like I'm trying to do and just be like, no, no, I'm gonna eat this. And don't be like, well, I wanna be down 20 pounds
Starting point is 01:01:45 in 35 days, like, because you've done that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know how that plays out. Yeah. Don't go on something. That's good. Just change something. That's good.
Starting point is 01:01:55 I like that, yeah, on a diet, on a holiday. That's good. That's strong. You've got some wise friends, James. I do. I do. There's a lot of good, there's a lot of great advice at these, at these friends for like life,
Starting point is 01:02:03 at these friends recently like. Yeah, that's a bit of a summer there's a lot of great advice. Are these friends for like life, are these friends recently? Yeah, some of my friends' time and I've known probably, probably about nine years and then I have, yeah, I've like friends I've known for 35 years, you know what I mean? What's it taking to keep those? Because I find like, I've been talking to a lot of my male friends about this recently and this idea of,
Starting point is 01:02:21 you know, do we have, do you have a friend that you could call in the middle of the night and you know they would pick up, they would turn up, they would be there. Because if you have one of those friends, that's pretty rare and pretty incredible, especially as men I find sometimes. It's almost harder to have those vulnerable relationships, but you seem to be having a lot of open, vulnerable, healthy conversations with many of your life. But I think it's easier now.
Starting point is 01:02:43 I think it's easier now than it used to be. I think, I hope we're gonna move into a generation of men. And I think you and your show is responsible for that. I think lots of, I think just the ability to to just be like, I'm struggling is a thing which I think for a very long time men were conditioned to that that was weak and actually it's almost certainly the bravest thing you can do.
Starting point is 01:03:14 It is, it is a tremendous act of bravery to say I'm not doing too great at the moment to say, I'm not doing too great at them. And as soon as those words leave your mouth, I reckon 20% of those things have gone. And I'm very, very, very fortunate. I just have a lot of friends that I've known for a very long time and I love them. And I tell them I love them and I enjoy the company of people so much.
Starting point is 01:03:58 It's interesting you talk about who would call it like, my friend Louis that I was just telling you about who we wrote that script together. Louis had a previous life where he used to, he would go out sometimes for three days. I don't think he'd mind me saying this. He'd go out for days on end. And I always, always, I mean, I said to Jules when we met,
Starting point is 01:04:21 I said, just so you know, I've got this friend Louis and he goes out for a long time. Like, you know what London was like in those times? In these very streets. Yes, yes. And I said, if he calls me, I always, but I have to pick up. Always pick up. Because I always used to think he might be in trouble. This resulted in some of the funniest things I've ever heard, right? Him calling me at two, three, four, five in the morning resulted in some of the funniest things I've ever heard. So that's why I say to anybody who doesn't pick up the phone
Starting point is 01:05:01 to a friend in the night, it might not always be bad. It might be so, He called me once. I think it's okay to tell you this. He called me once and I sat for half three in the morning. I said, hey man, are you okay? And he went, I'm, and he's drunk. And he went, I'm gonna tell you something now and it's a fact.
Starting point is 01:05:20 I went, what? He went, it's a fact. I went, sorry. He went, what's a fact. I went, sorry. You went, what I am about to tell you is a fact. It is a fact of life. And I would like to share it with you. I said, okay, this quarter four in the morning. He's like, it is a fact, James,
Starting point is 01:05:40 that I have never and will never see the Jersey boys. Goodbye and hung up the phone. Go on, you know, and you know how he's okay. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. And so, yeah, I don't know, I think friendship is, I think it's sort of everything, isn't it? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:00 Like, it's, I cherish it so much. I also think, with kids, it's really important for them to see you with friends, to not separate those things, to involve your friends with your children and your children with your friends, because I'm really aware that like my son's 12 and like he's right now,
Starting point is 01:06:36 like we just get on great. We get on so well. Yeah. So we get on so well. It's, I love love it's beautiful. And I'm so aware that that is about to change. Because that is just nature. You know, I took I took about a year ago, before we moved. Before we move back. I took my son, I can't even remember what happened.
Starting point is 01:07:07 He was kind of stroppy and stomped upstairs. He's really not that kind of boy, but he did. And I went upstairs and I sat in his room and I just went to him, I said, can I ask you some questions? And he was quite taken aback because he thought I was gonna go, what was that about? And I went, can I ask you some questions? And he went, yeah. I said, do you think I love you?
Starting point is 01:07:40 And he went, yeah. I said, do you think I would ever do anything to intentionally hurt or upset you? He said, no. I said, and do you think in the 11 years that you've been on earth, do you think I've changed dramatically? He went, no, I went well done. You scored 100%.
Starting point is 01:08:00 They are all the right answers. I said, and I'm telling you this, because over the next few years, 100% they are all the right answers. I said, and I'm telling you this, because over the next few years, there are gonna be points you are gonna think I don't love you. You are gonna think I am intentionally trying to hurt or upset you. And you're gonna think that I've changed.
Starting point is 01:08:24 And I need you to remember this, that I haven't changed. We haven't changed. You've changed and you need to and you have to. And you are gonna go through immeasurable changes in your life and body. And all we are trying to do, me, your mum, your sisters, and it's gonna happen to them too, are just trying to help you navigate
Starting point is 01:08:51 these bumps that are gonna come your way and these changes, both mental and physical, that are happening for you. But I need you to know that I haven't changed. I'm never trying to intentionally hurt or upset you. And I love you. I love you more than you'll ever know. And he went,
Starting point is 01:09:15 I think we should have some sort of code word so I remember this. And so we came up with some silly code word that I would just say to him like, do you remember? And he'd be like, and he'd be like, ah yeah, you haven't changed. I was like, my hair hasn't changed, dude.
Starting point is 01:09:28 I got the same hairstyle that I had when I was 18 years old. You know, and I chose that was, yeah. And I really feel that with friendship, that they I'm so painfully, painfully aware that there's going to come a point where the influences that aren't me are gonna become bigger on my children for a moment. And so if I can make sure that those other people that they look to are people who are aligned with how I feel, then it's gonna be great. Welcome to the Overcomfort podcast with Jenna Colopaz. Yup, that's me. You know. Welcome to the Overcomfort Podcast with Jena Calopez.
Starting point is 01:10:05 Yup, that's me. You may know my late mom, Jenny Rivera, my queen. She's been my guiding light as I bring you a new season of Overcomfort Podcast. This season, I'll continue to discover and encourage you and me to get out of our comfort zones and choose our calling. Join me as I dive into conversations that will inspire you, challenge you, and bring you healing. We're on this journey together. I'm opening up about my life and telling my story in my own words. Yes, you'll hear it from me
Starting point is 01:10:32 first before the cheeseman lands on your social media feed. If you thought you knew everything, guess again. So I took another test with ancestry and it told me a lot about who I am and it led me to my biological father. And everyone here, my friends laugh, but I'm Puerto Rican. Listen to the Overcomfort podcast with Jenna Colopez as part of my Kulturan podcast network available on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast,
Starting point is 01:11:00 or wherever you get your podcast. On his new podcast, Six Degrees with Kevin Bacon, join Kevin for inspiring conversations with celebrities who are working to make a difference in the world, like musical artist Jewel. And what an equal opportunist misery is. It doesn't care if you're black or white or rich or poor or famous or homeless. If you were raised in misery systems, it's perpetual. Kevin is the founder of the nonprofit organization SixDegrees.org.
Starting point is 01:11:27 Now he's meeting with like-minded actors who share a passion for change, like Mark Ruffalo. You know, I found myself moving upstate in the middle of this fracking fight, and I'm trying to raise kids there, and my neighbor's like willing to poison my water. These conversations between Kevin and activist Matthew McConaughey will have you ready to lean in, learn, and inspired to act. Throw them the wrong track, help you get on the right track. If they're on the right track, let's help them double down on that and see the opportunities to stay on the right track for success in the future.
Starting point is 01:11:57 Listen to 6 Degrees with Kevin Bacon on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And sometimes they're going to take advice from dad's friend more than they are from dad. They are gonna seek it. They're gonna absolutely seek those other role models. Particularly boys. I think that's right, is that right?
Starting point is 01:12:16 I think that's right. Yeah, I feel like that. I don't know if that's completely right, but I do think that there is a, perhaps more of a thing between boys and dads. And you know, it's such a strange thing that it's so, you know. Yeah, I remember. So you wouldn't know this because we didn't know each other then, but it became friendly with James Longman on your team years ago. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:37 And so long as it invited me to come and watch the show, this is when I first moved to LA. Oh, stop. When I first moved there. This was like five years ago. Oh my God. This is when I first moved to LA. When I first moved this. This is like five years ago. And yeah, and I got to come and he was, he was, he's wonderful obviously. He's the greatest. And so he showed me around. I got to see all the rooms and like, you know,
Starting point is 01:12:51 the green rooms and everything. Like he was, he just gave me the best tour ever. He's great. It took me to the photo wall. I got to put up a fake photo of myself from the wall as if I've been on the show. Like, you know, all of it was really sweet. And we didn't know each other at all then, of course.
Starting point is 01:13:04 And I didn't know anyone else apart from him. And I was just really excited to be there because I was such a fan of the show, like, you know, all of it. It was really sweet. And we didn't know each other at all then, of course. And I didn't know anyone else apart from him. And I was just really excited to be there because I was such a fan of the show. And I remember, you were so wonderful, even in between the show, where you're in between segments, like it's not live, and you would come and chat to the audience,
Starting point is 01:13:16 you'd shake people's hands. And then I remember you'd go and call your kids, and you'd literally sit at the desk in between and just like get them, because you'd tell us, you'd be like, guys, I'm just gonna call my family because I'm gonna say goodnight to my kids. And it was such a like, it was so amazing to see someone
Starting point is 01:13:30 who's in the middle of everything you described so phenomenally earlier, but then be like, I just wanna say goodnight to my kids because it's that late, right? However late it was at that time, I think kids were going back to bed at seven or whatever. Yeah, it's about seven o'clock. Seven or whatever it may have been.
Starting point is 01:13:43 And I remember you FaceTiming them and then we got to wave it. Wave it, kids. And I just remember how special that was. And I just think, you know, I've heard you say before that, you know, for so many years, your family was marching to the beat of your drum. Like they were there for you.
Starting point is 01:13:58 They were just holding it together for you so that you could build and create. And I just think about moments like that that you were having with them. I'm so worried that the show you came build and create. And I just think about moments like that that you were having with them. And me too, I'm so worried that the show you came to was terrible. It's all I can think about. It was good.
Starting point is 01:14:11 It was Mark Ruffalo, it was great, it was great, it was great. But like, that's really what really resulted in us moving back is the truth is, you know, truth is, you know, my wife just walks to the beat of my drum. My family, you know, we're going to New York, we're going to LA. I'm going here, I'm going there. Babe, I'm going to do this thing in Australia. You're good here with the kids. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:14:41 Like, honestly, I genuinely feel, I get the feeling that you might be like this. I feel like I could live anywhere. Yeah. Anywhere. I could live anywhere because we're very fortunate that you're here now in London, you're gonna go back, you're gonna go to India, you're gonna go to New York, you're gonna go to LA, like what a privilege.
Starting point is 01:15:00 I'm so aware that that hasn't been my wife's life for the last 12 years, 13, 14 years, you know? And so really our decision to move back was, like I was gonna stop the show regardless, you know? There was a moment where I was gonna stop it a bit earlier and then it was done so beautifully, my leaving of the show, like me and my boss, George, just sat in my office and literally talked it out like this.
Starting point is 01:15:35 No agents, no lawyers, no nothing. Like I said, I'd like to leave at this date. He said, is there any way I can get you to stay to this date? I was like, I can't stay to that date because we've got to resettle the kids who've got, like they have to start school in September, you know? And then at one point it was gonna be May. And then there was like,
Starting point is 01:15:56 I think there's golf and masters and all these, and we literally just were like, okay, we'll end it then and that'll give us the right gap. And all of that came from me just saying to Jules, like, I'll live anyway. Like, where do you want to be? Where do you think it's best for us to be? Because I know she would never make a decision that isn't best for the kids. Forget me.
Starting point is 01:16:26 And she was just like, I think it's time to go home. I was like, okay, that's it. And I'm so grateful that we did. Just in my family, before Christmas, we had a, my mum sings in a choir. It's not a church choir, it's just a choir with some of her friends. And we all went out to High Wycombe
Starting point is 01:16:56 to watch her sing in this choir. I sat in this room in John Hamden Sports Hall, or their theater or just a school hall that we were in. I cried my eyes out. I cried. I couldn't stop crying, because I'm my mum. I was sitting this choir with like 40 other people singing Christmas songs
Starting point is 01:17:31 and it was so pure. It was so pure. It was so the antithesis of what our life had been in Los Angeles and I my mum was in the corner of this crowd, you know, like, and I just, she couldn't stop smiling. And I just thought, oh my God, this purity that's here. These are a group of women and men in there, I guess they range between 30 to 60 people. And I just was like, this is everything. I don't want to be anywhere else. This is, I only want to be here. And it was so weird.
Starting point is 01:18:07 It's so weird. The effect it has on me even now saying it. I can't understand it. I can't tell you why. I think it just felt in that minute like, oh, this is the sacrifice. This is why we made what you would perceive to be a great sacrifice. This is the reason.
Starting point is 01:18:26 Something here that I would never see. I would never come back for. I would never be part of. And then my dad joined them with a few numbers playing the saxophone. And I just was like, oh my God, this is worth everything. This is everything I need to feed me. And my kids watching their grandma sing this song.
Starting point is 01:18:52 I was like, how lucky are we to appreciate and have this experience to have come back and everyone be healthy, you know? Yeah, for sure. What does it take in the marriage for that communication, for that, even the fact that you're both asking each other questions, you're both checking in with each other, like that's not easy, it's challenging yet. What is that taken from both of you to really be able to make those big decisions together? It's taken me learning from my wife.
Starting point is 01:19:29 That's it. That's it. Like, she, I think, has always known and always figured out how to communicate, how to do this. And I think I've been terrible at it. I think I've been rubbish at it. I think I've been rubbish at it. Because I think I lived for a very long time an existence of just I nothing will move me from this train I'm on. This is it. Oh, you're hopping on? Great. But this is this is this is the thing.
Starting point is 01:20:01 And actually, you then realize that that isn't the case. I mean, we don't argue very much. We really, really try to talk in the day, right? To not make it the last thing we do, even if you are going to bed with like, and it's more her than me. She's like, well, I'm gonna, talk to you about that tomorrow.
Starting point is 01:20:31 You know what I mean? But it's so much better than going to bed, going to sleep. Just don't go to sleep on an argument. That's the first thing. And I think I learned quite, probably halfway through our marriage that actually, if all you're doing, and this is an almost impossible thing to do,
Starting point is 01:20:58 but if you're at least trying to, you're pretty much there, is if you're going, well, if all you're trying to do is meet your partner's needs, then all yours in turn will be met. They just will. Like how many times do we hear, it's funny, we had a friend of ours, or a friend of my wife's,
Starting point is 01:21:18 their friend's of ours, but you know, if we ever broke up, she'd get her. And... You know what I mean? Now you've got me thinking about all our friends. Oh, divide it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's quite a fun game.
Starting point is 01:21:29 I think my wife's gonna take my wife's. It's quite a fun game. But, and she was saying, this is a few years ago now, she was like, oh, you just never do anything for me. I never, he never surprises me and takes me out for dinner. He never says, oh, like, oh, I'm good, you know, buys a theater ticket. He never says, oh, I'm good, you know, buys a theater ticket. He never says, oh, Friday night, me and you, let's do this.
Starting point is 01:21:50 And I just went, well, when do you do it? How often do you do that? She went, well, I don't. And I was like, right. Well, you have to see that that might be a, that that might be a thing. I was like, for all we know, he's sat somewhere now going, she never takes me out, she never,
Starting point is 01:22:09 cause let's go to the cinema. And she was like, oh, and that's it in its most base level. I think that's probably the thing I've learned the most. I love hearing about your relationships and the way you talk about your relationships. Obviously this whole shift in your life is because of your relationships. And so it's so wonderful to hear about it.
Starting point is 01:22:28 And you were giving me credit earlier for, you know, hopefully changing conversations around masculinity, but I think you did that very much so as well with your bromance comic relief videos with David Beckham. And I'd always appreciate those when they came out. And I know you guys have a real bromance, but seeing it on screen was always a real treat, whether you're doing the Calvin Klein ads together or whether, you know, or doing each other's nails or whatever it was, it was so funny.
Starting point is 01:22:56 And you went to the premiere recently of his documentary, which I thought was just phenomenal. I read Bex's biography, an autobiography when I was like 15 or something and it was life-changing. I loved it and getting to what's the doc was almost reliving it again. I mean what a story. What a story right? This is the whole thing. When I watched it, it really really reminded me, have you ever watched
Starting point is 01:23:22 Aaron Sorkin's commencement speech at Syracuse University? I have not. No, I have not. So actually, me saying, you know, when I get my driver's license, my life will be like this. He actually says that in that speech. He talks about that. And I think, and that was the first time I realized that like, oh, that's what I have always done. His commencement speech at Syracuse University is brilliant. Okay, as you can imagine, it's just so have always done. His commencement speech at Syracuse University is brilliant. Okay, after watching it. As you can imagine, it's just so brilliantly written.
Starting point is 01:23:48 Yeah. And he delivers it. It's exceptional. It's my favorite thing to watch on YouTube is people's commencement addresses. And his is particularly good. And I would urge anybody to go and look at it. I use it. I quote it.
Starting point is 01:24:04 It's fed into me, you know? And he says a brilliant line, and it really came to the forefront of my mind, watching the Beckham documentary, where he says, the world doesn't care how many times you get knocked down, so long as it's one less than the amount of times you get back up again.
Starting point is 01:24:24 And that's what I think the Beckham doc is. It is a story of a man who just doesn't stop. He just gets back up and he carries on. And that's what it's about. You could say it's about the first sportsman to become a global brand and icon. You could talk about it's the first family to have become, perhaps in Britain,
Starting point is 01:24:56 outside of the royal family, a family of intrigue and interest. You could say it's a story about fame and sport. It's not, I think it's a story of someone who just kept going through adversity, through challenges, just got up and carried on. And that's why I think it's resonated so much with people. Because it's interesting. I don't know if you found this, but like it's interesting being British and watching it. Yes, yes. So then it's because people in America are like, I had no idea.
Starting point is 01:25:27 No idea. Oh my God. Those soccer fans, the way they were with him, and you're like, yeah, no, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember the effigy, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and then Greece, and that's where sports though can transcend everything.
Starting point is 01:25:48 Yeah. Like it's why I think sport and music, I think sports stars and musicians are, I think their fame is so different to actors and performers and hosts and writers. And I think their fame is something different because they give you moments. They give you moments in like,
Starting point is 01:26:12 and really what I put those moments down to is they made you feel less alone. That's actually what it is. It's why our relationship with singers and recording artists is so personal because I was in this play called The History Boys and it was written by Alan Bennett and there was a speech that Richard Griffiths used to deliver every night and he'd say
Starting point is 01:26:38 the best moments in poetry are when you think a thought or a feeling is particular to you and And then suddenly someone who is long dead, you may will never meet. Now, he's someone who you will never meet, perhaps even long dead, has written down the very thing you're feeling and it's like a hand has reached out and taken yours. And it says to you, you're not, you're not on your own. You're not on your own. That's a great bit in a John Lennon documentary where there's a guy saying to John Lennon,
Starting point is 01:27:12 my, that song you wrote, but it's, you know, that was about me. It's about me. That says how I am in John Lennon's going, they're just songs. They're just songs, it isn't that. And he's going, nobody is, you wrote that about me because you can't know how I felt and so I think you've you don't suddenly you feel very alone you hear something and you realize you're not and then I
Starting point is 01:27:34 think sport when David Beckham curled that free kick in the top corner which when we qualified for the World Cup. It did not matter, Tory, conservative, Republican, Democrat, left, right, all the stuff, the divisions, everything, suddenly. And you're hugging people you don't know, you've never met and you're brought together and you're not alone anymore. And that's where I think sport and music is such a powerful thing in our lives, which you don't feel when you watch a film. You can watch
Starting point is 01:28:11 a film or a TV show and go, oh yeah, that was great. That was amazing. Even if it moved you hugely, that connection isn't the same, I don't think. That's why you gave him an ugly statue of himself. For all of that, man, that was the best. Oh my God. I've watched that a million times. That day, man, that was so much fun. That was just, you know, because pranks, they're the worst thing to film.
Starting point is 01:28:36 They're awful because they could just go wrong at any point. They could go wrong, one notice of a camera and hundreds of thousands of dollars gone. And my, got that day just worked out in the best way. It was, ugh. It's so good. If anyone's not seen it, it's so good. If you watch the dark and you love David Beckham and you love what James does,
Starting point is 01:29:02 you have to go and see it. It's just, you made the ugliest statue of one of the best looking men. Well, I had the idea because do you remember the real Ronaldo one? Yeah, oh, oh yeah. So then it was like, I remember going into Ben's office and going, because I think if they hadn't done that
Starting point is 01:29:18 with Ronaldo in real life, I don't think David would have believed it. Right, right, yeah. But it was because it happened in real life with Cristiano't think David would have believed it. Right, right, yeah. But it was because it happened in real life with Cristiano Ronaldo that we were like, oh, hang on, we could do this. Wow. I never thought it would work as well as it did.
Starting point is 01:29:33 And credit, I have to say, to the actors in that sketch, I mean, just brilliant pitch, perfect. Yeah, yeah, Manchester City, that was brilliant. Dave. That was amazing, it was amazing. It's perfect. Yeah, Manchester City, that was brilliant. Dave. That's amazing, it's amazing. Walk me through that, what you just said now, that you're in that space six months,
Starting point is 01:29:52 you're reflecting, figuring it out. We're waiting for that next balloon. We've let the other balloon go. What does James Corden's creative process, stillness, waiting for the idea, building an idea look like. What does that look like? Where does inspiration strike? Where does it come from?
Starting point is 01:30:10 Where do you seek it when you've let go of something without knowing what's next? What I'm really trying to do now is not rush anything. I spent a long time squeezing so many things in that actually now I just sort of think, well, don't force an idea to be the whatever it is that you might write or do. But then at the same time, I think what I have to really be conscious of now is to not be too afraid,
Starting point is 01:30:56 to not be too scared to do anything. Because I think I've been so enjoying this feeling of not being on TV every day and putting out content on whether it's YouTube or you know social, but I'm so aware of how much was just being pushed out all the time and that can come with so much stuff. Totally. It's good to sit and wait, but then don't be scared to do it. Don't be scared of the failure of it. I've only took a screen grab. Sure.
Starting point is 01:31:33 I think it's the guy who's the new CEO of Vans. Okay. Shoes. Yes, okay. I think we used to work at Logitech. And it says here, I've just got the screen grab, which ran for a decade, which he ran for a decade and he penned a Dr. Seuss-like poem titled,
Starting point is 01:31:51 The Secret of Success, oh sorry, The Secret to Success, Avoid It. It reads in part, success makes you fearful of losing your place, of gambling with stature, of losing your face. And there is an element of that. Oh, absolutely. Of like, well, there's a very, very, very real chance
Starting point is 01:32:12 that you do something and it's shit. Yeah. You know? And all the greats have had that. They've all done that. Oh my God. But I think that's why I was so keen to even in this period to make this podcast called This Life of Mine to like go, well, no, I know, I know what this is like. This idea of this podcast
Starting point is 01:32:35 is an idea I had when I was 16 and I wrote it out. I wrote it out and it was called Planet Lovely. That's a better name now. It's called Planet Lovely. That's a name now. It's called Planet Lovely. Because do you remember there used to be a TV show on TV on BBC Two when we were growing up called Room 101? Yeah, of course. So Room 101 was a show where people would take things they hated in life and they would put them into Room 101
Starting point is 01:33:02 and they'd be gone forever. It was a really funny show. It was a brilliant show and premise. And I was like 16. I was like, well, this is great. But wouldn't it be brilliant to make a show which is just people talking about things that they love and things that are really significant in their life?
Starting point is 01:33:22 And I wrote this like thing, this planet lovely. I just think it's not called planet lovely anymore. I came to the decision that that's a not great title. But I was like, why don't we just have people talk about things that are significant in their life, whether it's a film, a place, a person, a memory, a possession, a song. And I really, really wanted to do it. So I was like, can I create something in a completely different medium that feels almost the antithesis
Starting point is 01:33:58 of what the Late Late Show was. It's completely different. It's calm and it's quiet and it's soft. And it's people talking about things that they love or that were moments in their life. And like some of the stuff that we've heard has just been great. So I've really loved that creativity.
Starting point is 01:34:19 I love the creativity of just, I don't, you know, like, we're gonna put this on serious exam and hopefully people find it. And hopefully it'll be just a piece of joy. It'll be a warm hug on a Sunday afternoon. And that would be a lovely thing to put out into the world. But that's a sort of gestation period of 30 years.
Starting point is 01:34:49 I don't think I should do that again. But I do think what I'd really love to do is try and write one more thing. I'd love to try and write one more thing. I'd love to write again with Ruth Jones, who I wrote Gavin and Stacy with. I love her so much. she is and has been a constant in my life as a friend and you want to talk about a long friendship you know and so I'd love to try and write something else with her I don't know what that'll be I don't even know if we'll ever do it we'll do it. I don't know, but you know, we do have chats about, maybe this is the thing, you know. So that's what I'd really love to do. It's just, have you listened to Bradley Cooper talk about making Maestro?
Starting point is 01:35:33 Maestro, yeah, I did, yeah, recently. Well, he really just made a decision to give himself over entirely for three years to that project. To just go, well, what does it feel like actually to not move from one thing to the next to be here, there, doing this, doing that? What does it feel like to just give myself over in every way?
Starting point is 01:36:02 To the point where I imagine a lot of people around him on that set were earning more financially. But like as a challenge to give himself over to it in the most beautiful way, I think he's so inspiring to watch. And I don't know if I've ever done that. I know I haven't done that. I never liked that on that level.
Starting point is 01:36:24 But like, I don't think I I've ever done that. I know I haven't done that. I never liked that on that level. But I don't think I've ever completely just given myself over to something and seen it through from inception to pushing it on the water and letting other people decide whether it's good or not and seeing who I am the other side of it. That's, I think, that would be a really good thing to do. Like, I might go to, I might go to,
Starting point is 01:36:52 I just found this like seven weekend course at the film school in Beckinsfield, or seven, I don't know how many days, I can't, I don't know, that might be wrong. But I think, oh, maybe I'll do that. I wouldn't mind doing some acting classes. I just wouldn't mind just going, well, can I, I wonder if there's one more thing.
Starting point is 01:37:16 And if there isn't, how lucky was I? Yeah. You know, but I really feel like I might be getting to a spot where I might have something to say. Yeah James you are You're very unique and extremely extremely thoughtful and conscious and so honest and genuine it's been such a treat talking to you honestly like genuinely just sitting with you and I know that I'm listening to an actual stream of consciousness, more than
Starting point is 01:37:51 curated answers. And you know, it's really powerful. It's been really, really special. And I want to thank you for giving me this space, holding this space and trusting me with it. I mean, it's a real thrill to sit and chat with you. It's great. It's a lovely thing you've created here. It's brilliant. It's really brilliant what you're doing. I'm so...
Starting point is 01:38:15 It's strange. I don't know if you feel this, but I feel like there's a strange thing with, like, Brits that go to America because it's only like there's only a handful of us who know how hard it is and how vast that is so like When I look at I look at your staff and I see the things that you're putting out and like I think I walk past like a huge Billboard of you the other week and I was like and I don't know've never met, but we have friends in common. I was like, yeah. I was like, come on, boy. Yeah. Not when I get to work yet. This is great. I was like, you're from, from Wood Green. Yeah, you're from Wood Green. Look at him. I'm very proud of you, with no reason to be. No, mate. I appreciate it.
Starting point is 01:39:05 And, you know, offline today and online, you've given me a lot of mentorship and coaching that I'll take on and I'll practice in my life. Honestly, you've left me with some really thoughtful pieces of insight, but we end every show with a final five. And these are the fast five, which are answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Of course.
Starting point is 01:39:23 And so, and I'll ruin that rule every time because you give such wonderful answers, but we'll try. We'll start there. Yeah, absolutely. We'll start there. So, James, these are your fast five. First question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received? To ask yourself, is this of my concern? Right? I'm going to break it already. But I really think that phrase is one of the most important things you can hang on to is to just go, there's a great power in being able to say that's none of my concern. It's more polite than saying I don't care. It's more truthful than saying it's nothing to do with me. Cause sometimes it will be to do with you.
Starting point is 01:40:10 But is it of your concern? Do you need to engage with it? You just go, I'm sorry, what was that? Someone say something, think about it. Oh, that's none of my concern. And carry on. I love that. Super powerful.
Starting point is 01:40:31 Okay, question number two. What is the worst piece of advice you've ever heard or received? Oh, geez. Oh, God. It's weird, you know. I think just do it, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:40:44 The Nike, if you're in America and The Nike, if you're in America, and the Nike, if you're in England, Britain, I think just do it is a brilliant slogan, right? I think it's one of the most powerful slogans in the world. And what makes it so powerful is the full stop, is the period, just do it, right? Just do it, great. But that can really have other connotations. So I would say,
Starting point is 01:41:08 I would say, don't just do it. Ask whether you want to do it. Do you really want to do it? And then do it. Like, I love how you just went up against the greatest slogan of all time. I do think it's a masterpiece. I just sometimes think, yeah, because it's like, you know, I would say like, you know, crystal meth, don't just do it. Don't just do it. Really don't just do it.
Starting point is 01:41:34 Yeah, I love it. Now the new one, when we go walk in the bus and the night story in England is going to be, do you really want to do it? Ask yourself, seriously, do you really want to do it? And if the answer is yes, just do it. Just do it. I love it, I love it.
Starting point is 01:41:49 I'm looking forward to seeing that billboard with you on it. It's not as snappy. I don't know if it will really take off. Question number three, how would you define your current purpose? I think my current purpose is to let it be and accept whatever it is. And that's not work. That's life. Accept all of it. Don't get caught up in what you thought something should be. Just accept what it is and realize how incredibly amazing it is to just be alive. Brilliant. Question number four, what does it feel like when
Starting point is 01:42:36 Tom Cruise says to you, your life is more valuable than his? It feels like a lie, Jay. It feels like a lie and I think I knew that at the time. But you believed it. I mean, man, he could say anything and I'll believe him. You know, anything at all. The guy is just exceptional. Oh my God, amazing. Yeah, special. Fifth and final question,
Starting point is 01:43:07 which we asked every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? I think the law should be, for every minute you spend on social media, that when you come off the app, you're not allowed back on for that many minutes. So if you go on for an hour, you're locked out for an hour.
Starting point is 01:43:32 If you're on for two minutes, you're locked out for two minutes, and I believe that should be the absolute law. I don't prescribe this notion that these things should be banned. I think it's insane to think that. I just think that actually we regulate the speed on the road. We regulate what age you are when you can vote, what age you are when you can get married, have a child,
Starting point is 01:43:59 drink, do a degree, drink alcohol, all these things. And actually, I think one regulation would be that you could spend, if you need to, spend seven hours on it. The second is dormant for a minute, you're locked out for seven hours. And I think people would be, I think it would be great. I think it would be brilliant. I think it would be brilliant.
Starting point is 01:44:25 That is genius. That's my, that is genius. We've never had anything like that in the show. That is genius. I pitched it once to, I was at some conference thing interviewing quite a prominent sort of Silicon Valley type, you know, CEO, and I pitched this as an idea in the room and it did not go down.
Starting point is 01:44:44 They did not respond as well as you. They were like, why would we ever do that? We are monetizing all of their time. We want all of their time, James. We don't want some of their time. We want to steal it all. I'm the opposite.
Starting point is 01:45:03 I'm thinking, how do we make that happen? Like what, that's brilliant. I think it's a really interesting thing to play with. Because again, it's not, I'm on a diet. I'm on a detox. I'm on a, it's not, you know, going back to me. So yeah, this is awful. This, you know, look at it for seven days. And then all of these things, all of these things, social media,
Starting point is 01:45:20 the stuff like, you know, the way people, the way that, you know, the new thing where we talk about AI. And it's like, of course it's terrifying. It's also gonna be miraculous and brilliant. So nothing is all bad, nothing is all good, no one is all bad, no one is all good. It's impossible. But what you can do is regulate these things in a sense.
Starting point is 01:45:40 And if that was just the, we would all accept it. We'd all accept it. And I'm sure someone somewhere will find a hack that means you can't, but on the whole, people would just go along with it, and they'd be like, oh, I can't open it, I'll open it in a minute. And then they would stop and look up and realize
Starting point is 01:45:56 that actually, maybe, maybe out here can nourish me more than it does in there. It's very hard to leave in there when it's always there. James, you're world class. This Life of Mine is available right now wherever you listen to podcasts, Sirius, right? It's Sirius XM. Yeah, Sirius XM.
Starting point is 01:46:15 And so I hope you guys subscribe, follow, and look out for an episode. I'm gonna get the jump on the podcast too. So I'm really, really, really, really looking forward to that. It's gonna be great. And again, thank you so much, James. This is an absolute privilege. Cheers, man.
Starting point is 01:46:28 If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Will Smith on owning your truth and unlocking the power of manifestation. Anybody who hasn't spoken to their parents or their brother, call them right now. Don't think you're going to have a chance to call them tomorrow or next week. That opportunity with my father changed every relationship in my life. On his new podcast, Six Degrees with Kevin Bacon, join Kevin for inspiring conversations with his friends and fellow celebrities who are working to make a difference in the world, like actor Mark
Starting point is 01:47:04 Ruffalo. You know, I found myself moving upstate in the middle of this fracking fight, you know, and I'm trying to raise kids there and, you know, my neighbors like willing to poison my water. Listen to 6 Degrees with Kevin Bacon on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Jenna Colop is here with the new season of My Overcomfort Podcast. What's Overcomfort all about? or wherever you get your podcasts. Join me as I create a space where opening up is not only okay, it's encouraged. Listen to Overcomfort Podcast with Jena Calopiz on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

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