On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Tools For Navigating Grief That Will Bring You Comfort When Nothing Else Can Ft. Kate Cassidy & Taylor Hill

Episode Date: December 24, 2025

Grief has a way of showing up when we least expect it, especially during seasons that are meant to feel joyful. Today, Jay brings together powerful conversations with different guests who have each experienced grief in deeply personal ways. Together, these stories reveal how grief manifests uniquely for each person, often unfolding in many forms at once. Kate Cassidy opens up about losing her partner and shares how healing didn’t come from grand moments, but from small, intimate rituals. Nicole Avant reflects on the tragic loss of her mother and reveals how forgiveness, faith, and gratitude became tools for resilience rather than bitterness. Karan Johar speaks about losing his father to cancer and how their honest conversations before his passing gave him a sense of closure many people never get, reminding us not to wait to say what matters most. Taylor Hill honors the different forms of grief that are often minimized, including miscarriage and the loss of a beloved pet. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Sit With Grief Without Rushing Healing How to Find Comfort in Small Daily Rituals How to Focus on a Life Lived, Not Just a Loss How to Say What Matters Before It’s Too Late How to Hold Space for Someone Without Fixing Them How to Honor Invisible or Unspoken Losses How to Let Love, Not Loss, Lead Your Healing If you’re carrying loss right now, know that you are not alone, even when it feels isolating. Healing often happens quietly, in small routines, honest conversations, moments of stillness, and the permission to feel exactly what you feel. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty. Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast  What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:13 Finding Healing After Loss 07:27 Learning to Listen to the Signs 10:20 Keeping Memories Alive 13:07 Moving Through Tragic Loss 19:08 Why Grief Is Proof of Deep Love 20:18 Celebrating a Life Well Lived 24:24 Understanding That Nothing Is Permanent 29:24 The Conversations You Wish You’d Had 33:20 Creating Space to Grieve Freely 41:09 The Grief of Losing a Dear FriendSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast, guaranteed human. On this week's episode of the next chapter, I, D.D. Jakes, get to sit down with Oprah Winfrey, a media mogul, philanthropist, and global trailblazer. I could feel inside myself at four or five years old, looking through the screen on the back porch, that this is not going to be my life. Listen to the next chapter on the IHeart Radio app,

Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast, episodes drop weekly. What happens when Reese Witherspoon calls up the king of thrillers, Harlan Coben, and says, let's write a book together. I was asking him basically to let me into his secret thriller writing world. This week, bookmarked by Reese's Book Club goes live from Apple Soho in New York City for the ultimate storytelling mashup. Reese Witherspoon and Harlan Cobin on their new thriller, gone before goodbye.

Can you think you're going to read for 10 minutes? And next thing you know, it's four in a morning. Get the story behind the season's most addictive read, already in New York Times bestseller. Listen to Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. What up, y'all? It's your boy, Kevin on stage. I want to tell you about my new podcast called Not My Best Moment, where I talk to artists,

athletes, entertainers, creators, friends, people I admire. who had massive success about their massive failures. What did they mess up on? What is their heartbreak? And what did they learn from it? I got judged horribly. The judges were like, you're trash. I don't know how you got on the show.

Boo. Somebody had tomatoes. I'm kidding. But if they had tomatoes, they would have thrown the tomatoes. Let's be honest. We've all had those moments we'd rather forget. We bumped our head.

We made a mistake. The deal fell through. We're embarrassed. We failed. But this podcast is about that. and how we made it through. So when they sat me down, they were kind of like, we got into the small talk, and they were just like,

so what do you got? What ideas? And I was like, oh, no. What? Check out Not My Best Moment with me, Kevin on stage, on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcast, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcast. How many of you find that the holidays bring up a mix of emotions?

For many people, the holiday season can be a time of connection and celebration, but it can also quietly amplify grief, memories, in the absence of someone we deeply love. When celebration is everywhere and absence seems louder, loss can feel more present. Grief is something every single one of us will face, yet most of us are never taught how to live it, especially during moments when closeness, tradition and joy are emphasized.

Reset shows that nearly one in three adults struggle with prolonged grief after the loss of a loved one, and during the holidays, that weight can feel even heavier. What's often misunderstood is that grief isn't about getting over someone. It's about learning how to carry that love forward in a new way. In this video, you'll hear stories of loss and resilience from guests. I'm truly grateful to have spoken with on On Purpose. Their experiences remind us that grief can feel isolating,

but hearing how others live it can help us feel understood and less alone during this season. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. He won. When Kate Cassidy lost her boyfriend Liam Payne in a tragic accident, her entire world changed overnight. She shares that in the beginning, everything felt numb, like she was floating outside of herself. And what surprised her was that the healing didn't come from big moments, but from the small everyday rituals.

Listening to songs they loved, talking about him with friends, even noticing little signs that reminded her of Liam. Psychologists say that grief often comes in waves, sometimes gentle, sometimes overwhelming. But over time, each wave teaches us how to carry the weight a little differently. Let's have a listen. I think so many people listening or watching, whether they've lost someone close to them or I think people struggle to know what to say, people struggle to know what to do themselves when they've lost someone, what worked for you? I think at the end of the day, you need to listen and trust your heart because grief comes in

so many waves, so many different emotions. You're going to wake up. You're going to feel sad. You're going to feel angry. You're going to feel one day you're going to wake up and you're going to laugh and you're going to just think of good moments you had. And then you're going to find yourself just this laugh turning into this hysterical cry. And I think that grief is something that you never know what to expect. And it hits everybody so differently. So I think the best, you know, some advice that I would give, just some general advice would be to always trust your gut. Some things for me might not work for other people. I think keeping a consistent, of course, schedule routine. And I'm not saying waking up in the morning from 9 a.m. having a strategic

plan throughout the day and then not getting home until 8 p.m. Of course not. Your mind needs time to rest and think and heal. But even just if you take one activity per day, it could just be walking, baking, going to the gym, going to applies class. Just any type of small thing, it just helps so much with your headspace. But I think for me, one thing that really has helped me so much and that makes me feel so full of light and love is seeing signs. And I see so many signs of Liam. And I'm such a believer in signs. I believe in manifesting. And I believe in manifesting. And And I know that he's with me and I feel him all the time. And I remember at first when he passed away, I didn't feel him for, I'd say the first five days.

And I know that's not a long amount of time, but obviously five days when you're not with somebody, after being with them 24-7, it feels like, you know, five years. So I remember getting kind of angry and just being like talking to Liam and just saying, why haven't you shown me any signs? And I remember one day, it was before I flew out to England. So I was still in our house in Florida. I sat on the floor of his closet and I started crying hysterically and I was so angry with him. I said, show me a sign. This is so unfair. Like, are you here with me? Show me a sign. And this is a stage of grief that also I want people to know it's okay to be angry and it's okay to cry and it's okay to say things. It's okay. And I was crying and I was just saying I'm so disappointed. I love you so much, but I need you to show me a sign because I don't feel you. And I remember I went back downstairs

and it's just, it was such a simple thing. But my friends asked me, do you want anything from McDonald's? And at this point, it was so hard for me to even hold down food. I was barely eating. And for me, me and Liam, we loved McDonald's. It was something that we would probably get like twice a week, which I know is not the healthiest option. It was just a part of like, just kind of our challenge. like things to do, and we would always get the happy meal toy. We always would get the happy meal toy. It was always also Liam's idea to do that. He was such a kid at heart, and he would always get the happy meals toy. And I said to my friends, you know what, get me a kid's meal. I'm not even hungry. I really don't want to eat, but I'll try to eat something, but I just want to see what

the happy meal toy is. I really just, I want to see what it is. So they came back. They brought me the happy meal, and it came in this, like, because it was around Halloween, it came in this trick-or-treat bin instead of the cardboard McDonald's like happy mail box. And I remember when they gave it to me, I was, I was annoyed because I was like, this is the happy meal toy. I thought I was going to get like a little cute thing that maybe would have been a symbol of Liam or something that Liam would have liked or something like cute that could just make me feel a little lifted. I was just, my head was everywhere. Just even thinking that I could get any sort of positivity and light from a happy meal kid's meal toy, that was just where my headspace was. And I was so angry.

I didn't get any type of toy. I just got a trick-or-treat bin that obviously I'm not quite trick-or-treating. So then I opened the lid to try to eat some of the food. And I noticed there's this maze on the back of the lid. And it was kind of one of those mazes where it's like count how many black cats, count how many ghosts, count how many pumpkins you can find. And I obviously, I didn't try to even do the maze. Why would I?

And on the back of it, it said the answers in small little letters. so you can, I guess, match it up to see if you won the puzzle. And our angel numbers have always been four, any sequence of four. And the answers on the back of it were four, four, four. And that was immediately the first sign I got from Liam. And the number four symbolizes guidance and support from your angels. And this has been such a big part of our relationship. I mean, he had the number four initialed on his finger.

I ended up getting it after he passed away. And I think that four was such a big part of our, every single letter he's written me, he has ended it with your 4-4-4. It's just, it was always our thing. So the fact that I got these, this happy meal toy and the answer said 4-4, that was Liam listening to me. And he was giving me a sign saying, I know, I am here, I am here. You're not alone. Like, I am here. And it made me feel so just my, I just lit up.

I remember. And I still kept the little map. I have it folded up and it's in my bedside drawer. And it sounds like you've seen so many other signs after that as well. Yeah, I have. And I see so many signs. And I came to L.A., obviously, to be here. I came to L.A.

And I've never been to L.A. without Liam before. I've only been with Liam. We've went a handful of times together, and we've created so many memories here. And when I landed in L.A., I felt like part of me was missing. I just even getting on the plane, just sitting alone, you know, not next to Liam, just felt. so wrong and I just still, you know, everything that I do, I'm missing Liam. I'm thinking of Liam, but being in this city that I love and I have this connection with L.A., I love it so much, without the person that I love who brought me here and showed me around L.A. and introduced me

to this wonderful city. It just felt so empty. And I think on my second or third night here, I mean, my friend went to a basketball game and we were on our way to the basketball game. We were in an Uber, and everywhere we were just seeing fours everywhere on license plates. We were seeing it on billboards, phone numbers, like on billboards, everywhere, just the number four. And then we get into the basketball game. We go into a suite, and every suite's, like, I'm assuming, decorated differently. That's normally how it is. It has, like, a different type of interior design, especially at this arena.

And we walk in, and the wallpaper is the exact same wallpaper as me and Liam's bathroom wallpaper in England. And it's so unique. I've never seen a wallpaper like this before. It's lionheads with this floral design. It's something that's not just a color or not this sort of design that you would see shopping for a painting at T.J. Max. It's just this design that I've never seen before

moving into this house in London with Liam. And the fact that that was in the suite, I immediately, that's the first thing. I walked into the suite and I just stopped. I turned to my friend and I said, this is the same wallpaper that me and Liam had in our bathroom in London. And then we leave

the basketball game. At this point it's kind of late and we just want to get some food in us. So we go to this quick little restaurant for a bite to eat. We were the only ones in the restaurant because I think their kitchen was about to close within five minutes. We walk into the restaurant and the song that's playing as we're walking in is night changes by one direction. And the first place my eyes go to is the TV screen behind the booths, and it was Liam on the screen.

They were playing the music video, and it was just three big signs in a row being here in L.A. And I just knew Liam was with me that night. And Liam was there at that basketball game with us. Liam was there that night eating tacos with us. He was there with us. And seeing those signs make me feel so much more connected and close to him and that I know he's here and he's listening to me.

And he's far, but he's not too far. Yeah, I had the pleasure of interviewing Laura Lynn Jackson, who wrote the book, Signs. Yeah. And I love that book for anyone who loves learning about signs, loves knowing about signs that that book is speaking so closely to. I don't know if you've ever seen it or ever met Laura Lynn, but she speaks so beautifully about how all of us have different, whether it's numbers, whether it's emblem, symbols, things that we can see anywhere that points to us that we're moving in the right direction. And yeah, me and my team have had some pretty crazy experiences when we were preparing for that interview and met her and everything else as well. And so thank you for sharing those because it's amazing to see how Liam so alive in your life and so present in your life. And I can imagine that's hard too.

I'm curious to know what's been the hardest part of the last few months for you because as much as it's wonderful to see Liam being present in all these places, I'm sure it's hard as well. think the hardest thing that this is, of course, brought me is this loneliness feeling. And you go from being with somebody 24-7 to knowing and facing the reality that you're never going to see this person again in this life. And that for me is something that I still just cannot fully process in my mind. And I think that is always in the back of my mind. I think going places to everything reminds me of Liam. I could be having a specific coffee flavor from Starbucks. And I'm just thinking, oh, Liam, love this coffee. I bring, you know, I bring up Liam in almost every conversation I have because everything reminds me of him. And at the end of the day, I'm thinking

about him every second of every single day. I could be having a full-blown conversation with somebody about something completely off topic, something just completely not involving me, involving Liam, and always in the back of my head, I'm just thinking, Liam, Liam, Liam. And then even some of the things that I don't connect with, with Liam, things that we haven't done, memories that we haven't made yet or moments that we haven't shared together, remind me of him because I'll think to myself, Liam would have loved this, or I wish Liam was able to experience this, or I wish we were able to try this together. So everything reminds me of him in one way or another. You know, I think we often think of grief as a, almost as if we're waiting to wake up one day

and we don't feel what we felt anymore and that's for anyone who's tried to grieve knows that's not true and it doesn't happen like that. Kate's story teaches us a key lesson that grief isn't linear. There isn't a straight line from heartbreak to healing. Instead, it's a process of learning

to coexist with absence and realizing that the love you shared doesn't vanish with loss. It changes form and it stays with you. Hey there, Dr. Jesse Mills here. I'm the director of the men's clinic at UCLA Health. And I want to tell you about my new podcast called The Mailroom. And I'm Jordan, the show's producer.

And like a lot of guys, I haven't been to the doctor in many years. I'll be asking the questions we probably should be asking, but aren't. Because guys usually don't go to the doctor unless a piece of their face is hanging off or they've broken a bone. Depends which bone. Well, that's true. Every week, we're breaking down the unique world of men's health, from testosterone and fitness to diets and fertility and things that happen in the bedroom. You mean sleep? Yeah, something like that, Jordan.

We'll talk science without the jargon and get you real answers to the stuff you actually wonder about. It's going to be fun, whether you're 27, 97, or somewhere in between. Men's health is about more than six packs and supplements. It's about energy, confidence, and connection. We don't just want you to live longer, we want you to live better. So check out the mailroom on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows. On this week's episode of the next chapter, I, D.D. Jakes, get to sit down with Oprah Winfrey, a media mogul philanthropist, and global trailblazer. My life, although it may look like an anomaly, it has only been possible because I was obeyed.

obedient to the calls. This episode dies deep into how Oprah turned pain into purpose and what it really means to evolve with everybody watching. Every decision I have ever made has come from sitting with the spirit and asking God, what would you have me do first? Whether you're rebuilding, reimagining, or just trying to hold it together, this one We'll speak directly to you. Listen to the next chapter on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast, episodes drop weekly.

For 25 years, I've explored what it means to heal, not just for myself, but alongside others. I'm Mike Delarocha. This is Sacred Lessons, a space for reflection, growth, and collective healing. What do you tell men that are hurting right now? Everything's going to be okay on the other side, you know, just push through it. And, you know, ironically, the root of the word spirit is breath. Wow. Which is why one of the most revolutionary acts that we can do as peoples just breathe.

Next to the wound is their gifts. You can't even find your gifts unless you go through the wound. That's the hard thing. You think, well, I'm going to get my gifts. I don't want to go through all that. You've got to go through the wounds your life. listening to other people's near-death experiences. And that's all they say.

In conclusion, love is the answer. Listen to Sacred Lessons as part of the My Coutura Podcast Network, available on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Our next guest, Nicole Avon, discusses the tragic loss. of her mother after she was fatally shot in her own home. Nicole was faced with a choice.

She could let anger and bitterness consumer, or she could lean into faith, forgiveness and gratitude for their life her mother lived. Research shows that people who approach grief with forgiveness and gratitude often report greater emotional resilience and improve mental health over time. But forgiveness doesn't mean excusing what happened or ignoring it.

For Nicole, it was about choosing not to let pain define her life. I'm reading from your book, if you don't mind, if that's okay. So this is page 53 for those who are reading along with us and think you'll be happy. And you say a few days after my mother died, Pharrell Williams called. He's like a brother to me, he's family. And he says, we're going to celebrate your mom, he said. We're going to celebrate her legacy.

She's a big deal and we're not going to let anyone forget her. she created a life worth talking about do you realize that hundreds of thousands of babies were born around the world the day she passed over there are 140 million a year all around the world life is always continuing Nicole and you must continue her life by living yours to the fullest and he concluded god is still the greatest and you said that ferrell says this all the time through good or bad times and he's right god is still the greatest what i find really unique about your journey, Nicole, as well, is that you are able to keep and strengthen your faith in your own spirituality, in the way you practice it, at a time when it's very natural, and I would

never judge anyone if it would actually veer them away. Right. And just say, no. No, exactly. Yeah, what do you mean? Yeah, what do you mean? Like, it's over. I've been so good and I've had so much faith and how can this happen, you know? And as I say in the book, it's like, why not us? It's tragic. and trials and everything, it happens to, you know, as it says in script, you know, it reigns on the just and it reigns on the unjust. It's everyone kind of gets hammered. But it goes to the power of choice for me. And the reason that I grew stronger in my faith as opposed to leaving it is because I really

do believe that the universe has kind of laid it all out. Life has laid it out. Various scripture, you know, your Buddhist script, everything is laid it out, which says, here it is. you're on this earth and kind of here's how you play this game but these things we're not going to lie these things will show up

but the power of free will which my mom always reminded me about is that you know listen we as human beings do have free will we have the freedom to choose how we're going to live choose how we're going to think as opposed to any other animal

you know they don't have the power of imagination and choice we do So to blame the creator for the choices that people make is not something that I wanted to subscribe to. I was like, I'm not even going there. People make choices all the time. I see it every day. We all do. People who've had the worst childhoods make great choices, have great lives.

I've seen people who I grew up with in a very affluent neighborhood make the worst choices. And it had nothing to do with their environment. It was their choice. So I wanted to stay, my faith for me really was believing in something that is so much bigger and greater than me that, you know, swing, you know, the stars come out at night. I'm not in control of that. The earth is spinning. That's not my power.

You know, the birds wake up every morning. The sun is up. The sun goes down. That's a power that is, yes, I'm a part of that and I'm connected to it. But I did, I'm not the creator. And so I just decided to lean in more with that power and just say, okay, I accept this. I don't understand it. I may never understand it.

But I still do love life. And I still do believe in life and the goodness of people and the goodness of life. And I don't want to get bitter. That was my mate. Jay, I was so afraid. of becoming a bitter person and I could feel the root. I could feel it starting. And I was like, no, no, no, no. I got to get rid of this. And that's where I just went into the forgiveness of not condoning the behavior, not saying, oh, it's okay that this happened or making an excuse.

Forgiveness for me was I am casting this burden or these burdens of anger and shame and doubt and disappointment and frustration and fury because I was furious. And I thought, but if I hold on to these feelings, I'm going to sink myself. And I'm not giving anyone the power to take me out. I'm not doing that. So I'm going to stand in my faith. I'm going to believe in what I believe in. I'm going to believe in life.

And I am going to, I choose to believe that things will get better. I don't know when and I don't know how. I didn't care. But I knew that they would. And I believe, and I'm a big believer in tomorrow. I love tomorrow. I do. I really do.

I'm always thinking, okay, because if I don't get here, I'm like, oh, there's always tomorrow. And it keeps me hopeful. Tomorrow keeps me hopeful. I don't try to stay out of the present, but I do look forward. You know, my mom always used to say,

you have to have something to look forward to. Because otherwise, if you don't train your mind to, and I'd say, well, I have nothing coming up that I'm looking forward to. And she used to say, make it up. Make it up. Pretend you have some parking. you go pretend you have some whatever it is that's something that's going to make your heart smile because we can all fall into despair very quickly. I love that. That just brought a massive smile

to my face. It's so beautiful how how someone's energy and spirit can be so big that it can truly live on and truly truly be fought and shared. Yeah, there's this beautiful line that you share from your friend Penny who says grief is the receipt from the universe showing that you loved someone or something and loved them very deeply. Isn't that the best? When she reminded me of that, I said, okay, wait, say it again. I have to write this down. Say it again.

That is so good. But she said, baby, that's what it is. It's a receipt. And it could be a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a dog, cat, whatever. Something that you love that is no longer there, that has changed form, even if it's the most peaceful transition. the grief is proof that you loved you know the grief is most of the time and there's a lot of grief also where there's regrets and all that I understand that I and I respect all forms of grief but it is it's a receipt yeah a receipt that you loved

and you were loved and I was loved deeply deeply this one line in the book you really I just felt it was perspective shifting in a way that oh i just i just feel like that statement just like you know you just embodied and captured everything and you said that even though your mother's death was shocking her life was beautiful so imagine even though the end was so terrible her life was beautiful and that's what you're celebrating that's what you're putting emphasis and focus and your light on and i find that's very difficult because when we lose some when it's so easy and natural again and normal and that's when it's normal for us to obsess over how we lost someone and how we left them which is the shortest amount of time we actually

experienced them most mostly but we have all of this time but the brain and our memory and our mind is so good at just fixating on the end the end and not the life yeah was yeah yeah and not the life and i had to get to the and so i used to say but but but but and then And then I realized, wait, I can have both. This is shocking and terrible and hurtful. And I'm going to celebrate her life. And I'm going to think of the good times. And I'm going to try and think of all the great memories that will bring a smile to my face.

So it was no longer a but. And once I changed but to and, I didn't have to choose which one I was going to do both. And move through life with the shock and the trauma and the stress and the beauty of her life, the beauty of how she lived, the energy of what she gave. So I was, I was moving with all energies. And it was only until I shifted, because I was definitely in the, but this happened. So I don't know how I could ever smile again. But this happened and it was so tragic. And then as soon as I said, this happened and it's tragic and I'm going to think positively. I'm going to think constructively. You know, my dad always used to say to me, girl, keep your mind right. Keep your

mind right. Crucify your mind. Every day, you got to keep your mind right. And so that really helped me, you know, and that my friend T.D. Jakes had called me and he said, I understand you're angry. Of course, it's normal to be angry and all the things you're feeling. But I have a question for you. do you want your focus to be on her last five minutes or are you going to focus on the 81 years that she lived and it's your choice and you have to choose every day which one are you going to focus on you're going to give him five minutes the five minutes and the trauma or are you going to focus on the 81 years and i remember through all my tears i'm like the 81 years and it was but it was beautiful because he helped me shift.

And I had to go to that every day. It wasn't like he said it one day. But every day and every time it was very challenging for me, Jay, and every time I did want to quit. And there were days where I didn't stop all the time, but sometimes you have to push pause in life. And there were days where I would lay in the bed and just lay there and be still and think or not think

and just lay there. But I still decided to focus on her 81 years. and to focus on what I loved about her and to focus on her contributions to life and society and other people and how she made people feel. So powerful. That shift for me was, you know,

I was like that I can, that's something I'd like to remind myself every day with the people that I've lost. Like that really felt like a real gift, that gem of advice and insight. Thank you. Nicole teaches us that grief is the proof that you love deeply

and that forgiveness isn't about denizens, what happened. It's about refusing to let tragedy harden your heart. It's about finding a way to keep love at the center of your healing and choosing to cherish the positive. When our next guest Curranjoar learned that his father was diagnosed with cancer, he suddenly realized how much had been left unsaid between them. They began having conversations about life, death and love. Connections they had never dared to have before. So many people who lose a loved one report wishing for just one more conversation, one more beat to tell them something important before it's too late. And while we can't always control when goodbyes come, current story is a reminder

of the healing that comes from honesty and why we shouldn't wait to say what matters most. Can your light stop? No, you have to move on. Nothing is worse than losing a loved one. But you eventually have to come to terms of the fact that it's happened. That's why there's a full stop. because the next sentence has to begin so it's only can start when that full stop is registered and then you move on I look at life like that

whatever goes wrong is going to go wrong nothing is going to be constantly happy nothing is going to be constantly sad it's the way you have to kind of just understand life and maybe because as a child I had such a rough patch I think I kind of armored myself

for me to feel the way I do today about anything who have you lost that that full stop was My father, he passed away much earlier than I ever imagined when he was in his early 70s and very healthy, on his feet, active man, no vices. He just one day had a fourth stage tumor in his esophagus, which we found out much later when it was in its fourth stage and that went into full-blown cancer and he passed from the time of the diagnosis to the point of him passing away was 10 months.

I'm a realist, I'm not an optimist or a pessimist, I'm a realist. So I went to the oncologist in, and we were surprisingly filming Calhounahoe, which is about a man dying. And it is about a man dying. We were in New York, and I went to my oncologist and said, look, my father, you know, and like, tell me, give me the heart fact. And he said, look, it doesn't look good. And I was, okay, now I know this.

Then I know it doesn't look good. And we'll do everything in our capacity medically to kind of, you know, but I said, I don't want to see him in pain. And actually, oddly, the five days that he had a tough time were the five days of his chemotherapy. Those were the tough days, the subsequent days to the chemotherapy. But actually, those 10 other months, besides those five days, gave me so much time that I could spend with him that I had conversations I never thought I would. We discussed my childhood.

We discussed his early years. We discussed his achievements, his failures, his regrets, his joys. I have complete closure with my relationship with my father because I have no unanswered questions because in those 10 months I wasn't running around like a headless chicken trying to keep him alive

I had accepted that he may go and in those months I lived in the moment with him and I was able to have all those conversations that I would have loved to have had with him earlier but I didn't but those 10 months gave me that and I even told my mum

I was like talk to him speak to him, but she was finding very tough to accept the situation. So she couldn't. And that's why she still doesn't have closure. 20 years have passed since he passed away and she still has not been able to deal with his passing away and she's 82 years old today.

Whereas I actually have complete closure because I had every conversation I could have dreamt of having with a parent I did. And that's why I always tell people like, communicate today because they may not be a tomorrow. Tell them today, anything. you have a problem you have resentment issues you have parental trauma you've got to speak today because today communication is the resolve is the is the aid you're looking for is the solution

to every problem we don't talk specifically I think in our parenting structure in India we have respect and respect sometimes equals distance you know and that respect should not give you distance in a relationship respect should also be a close component of love it should actually give you the ability to communicate to your parent. Just because you respect your father and mother doesn't mean you can't say what you want. Parents are not always correct. It's not that they are saying the right thing to you all the time. They are carrying the baggage of their parents.

And they put that baggage onto you. And you may not need it or you shouldn't have it. And you have to kind of have an open line of channel. And you can still be respectful. Never not be respectful because that's something that our tradition teaches us. Our culture teaches us. But please, I always tell people, keep an open channel of communication with your parent

because they may not always be correct. They may not always be right. They may not be right advice or value system may not be good for you. And you have to sometimes question it. Yeah, for sure. Was there a specific question you asked or a conversation you remember fondly from that time?

As you said, you had every conversation. You asked every question, is there one that stands out? I asked him whether he has any. regrets, you know, and he spoke to me widely about like his relationship with his parents and his siblings and, you know, what he thought he did wrong as even career-wise and how he thought he was taken for a right, but he didn't act on the right time. We lost a lot of money because some of his indiscretions and, you know, he spoke about that openly. He also spoke about the fact that like sometimes he has, he has things he wants to tell my mom, but he doesn't say it because

he doesn't want to hurt or upset her. And he says, I wish I had. Then he tells me, he told me like, You know, I wish I would have spent more time with you. You would have been, I wish I had incorporated sport in your life. It would have given you a sense of much more like, because I believe sport is not just for physical health. It also gives you, it trains your mind very differently. And he said, I didn't spend enough active time with you because I was so busy working. So he told me a lot about his regrets and his thoughts at that time. And I think it really helped him as well.

I think it kind of gave him so much closure. And I think those conversations are very dear. to me. And then he wrote an 11-page letter to me, which I didn't know existed, was given to me post him passing away, where he wrote all the business or the accounts. And it was a technical letter of everything about like, this is the account. These are the, these are my, like the businesses that we've, this, you don't owe money to anyone. It's all done. This is where the bank account, et cetera, detailed mutual deposits, funds, like, whatever the investments were at that time. He gave me like an handwritten, right? Handwritten. It was written by him in hand.

then he wrote people you can trust people you can't trust things you should never do like he just it became my bible and i've literally i think 90% of it is what i followed and he wrote me a 11 page letter and i still haven't had he ever written you a letter before never he knew he was going yeah he wrote me that and it wasn't an emotional letter it was a practical thoughtful business-minded future based letter it was all about me how to manage the funds what we have what we don't have who owes him money and he said but never ask them

till they come to you because you know it was all given in good face and he said we don't know anyone anything

so if anyone comes and ask it's not true and he gave me every single detail that me who was not business minded had zero business acumen

needed that 11 pager that I followed as my Bible to kind of forge forward at that time wow what a beautiful gift

to leave someone that's powerful. Yeah. I've never heard that before. Yeah. I've never heard someone leaving their child a practical thoughtful. I mean, the idea of who to trust and who not to trust. He never wrote anything that I love you. I will always say, none of that. That was said already. It was none of that. It was not a hallmark letter. You know, it was a business letter. That's unbelievable. Thank you for sharing that. Karin's reflections remind us that grief isn't just about mourning what we lose. It's also about cherishing the moments we still have. The best time to say what you feel is always now.

Don't wait until tomorrow to express what matters today. Hey, I'm Kelly, and some of you may know me as Laura Winslow. And I'm Telma, also known as Aunt Rachel. If those names ring a bell, then you probably are familiar with the show that we were both on back in the 90s called Family Matters. Kelly and I have done a lot of things and played a lot of roles over the years, but both of us are just so proud to have been part of Family Matters. Did you know that we were one of the longest running sitcoms with a black cast? When we were making the show, there were so many moments filled the joy and laughter

and cut up that I will never forget. Oh, girl, you got that right. The look that you all give me is so black. All black people know about the look. On each episode of Welcome to the Family, we'll share personal reflections about making the show. Yeah, we'll even bring in part of the cast and some other special guests to join in the fun and spill some tea. Listen to Welcome to the Family with Telma and Kelly on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, host of the hit podcast Family Secrets.

We were in the car, like a Rolling Stone came on, and he said there's a line in there about, your mother. And I said, what? What I would do if I didn't feel like I was being accepted is choose an identity that other people can't have. I knew something had happened to me in the middle of the night, but I couldn't hold on to what had happened. These are just a few of the moving and important stories I'll be holding space for on my upcoming 13th season of Family Secrets. Whether you've been on this journey with me from season one, or just joining the Family Secrets family. We're so happy to have you with us. I'll dive deep into the incredible power of secrets, the ones that shape our identities, test our relationships, and ultimately reveal

who we truly are. Listen to Family Secrets on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jonathan Goldstein, and on the new season of heavyweight, I help a centenarian and mend a broken heart. How can a 101-year-old woman fall in love again? And I help a man atone for an armed robbery he committed at 14 years old. And so I pointed the gun at him and said, this isn't a joke. And he got down, and I remember feeling kind of a surge of like, okay, this is power.

Plus, my old friend Gregor and his brother tried to solve my problems. through hypnotism. We could give you a whole brand new thing where you're like super charming all the time. Being more able to look people in the eye. Not always hide behind a microphone. Listen to Heavyweight on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Grief isn't only about who we lose, but also what we lose, a pet, a pregnancy, a future. For Taylor Hill, it came in many forms, the heartbreak of miscarriage and the loss of her beloved dog Tate. These kinds of losses are often minimized or dismissed, even though between 10 and 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, many women report that their grief is not validated or supported by others. Taylor speaks candidly about how isolating these losses can feel but also about the importance of allowing yourself to mourn them fully no matter what anyone else says.

Let's take a look. I was saying to you that I've had multiple friends in the last two to three years who've all experienced a miscarriage and I talk to them and I'll hear from them and I see so much just... stress, overwhelm, pressure, self-degradation, like, you know, just negative self-talk. Like there's, it's, it's one of the hardest things to go through, even if everyone goes through it, as you say, oh, not everyone, but so many people go through it, it doesn't make it any easier.

And often actually, like you said, it makes you so lonely that you don't want to talk to anyone about it. Yeah. And it's, it's not comforting to know other people have gone through it. And I wonder in that lonely phase, like, what was it that did help you? And even when your friend went through it, what allowed you to be there for each other in a way that was comforting and helpful rather than felt uncomfortable and unhealthy? I needed to be alone.

I needed to, like, I needed to feel it. I needed to sit in it. I didn't want to talk about it. because I didn't want people want to be there for you and that's really special and that's really helpful but I didn't want people to be there for me yet I wasn't ready for people to be like oh I'm so sorry or you know

because people don't know what to say sometimes when it comes to grief or loss sometimes I don't know what to say either I have no idea on how to react to some things still having experienced my own version of grief, how do you be there for somebody? It's a difficult thing. I mean, I didn't know how I needed, I didn't know what I needed from people. I didn't want to talk about it.

I wanted to be alone. I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want people to talk to me about it or say things to me because I just wasn't ready to hear it yet. And the way that I think I told people that were really, really close to me, really, my husband obviously knew because it happened to him too. And my two best friends knew and the way that I feel like they were there for me because they didn't know what to say, they didn't say anything. they were there for me physically they held me they let me cry i just sat there and i cried and said

nothing and they just held my hand and were like just sat there with me and like let me cry they didn't ask me questions they didn't ask me how i felt they didn't ask they didn't say anything to me like they didn't say everything happens for reason don't worry like you'll feel one day da-da-da-da they didn't go into that i think because they know me so well they probably knew that i didn't want to hear that yet they just were there and they listened when i was ready to talk and then because i wasn't ready they just let me emote and they just let me cry and they cried and i could tell because i was hurt they were hurt you know my my when i finally finally got to my husband and we were together, he just held me. We both cried and he just held

me. And, you know, I held him too because I think that's another thing, another layer on top of it is even though it physically happened to me and emotionally was something that I experienced. It was an individual experience to myself emotionally. It's something that it's a loss that happened to him as well. He also thought potentially he would be having a child. So we were both grieving something. We were both grieving the loss of this. We were both feeling this weird sense of relief at the same time and then immediately guilty because we felt relief and then immediately anger because we felt guilt. And you know what I mean? It's just it's relentless. These emotions, when it's fresh, you know, you feel literally every single one that's on the rainbow of all the colors. We felt,

we felt all of them and I think when it's when it was the very beginning I think for me it was just holding people holding me you know being in just being in the space with me they didn't have to say anything if they didn't know what to say you know and when we did sort of start talking about it I we first started saying this sucks I can't believe this is happening. You know, it was, if I was feeling angry, then they would be angry with me. If I was sad, then they were sad with me.

So they were amazing at being there for me in those ways. And, you know, I think it is difficult to know what to say and how to be there for someone. But I think following them and how they're reacting is also really good. Like, taking the cue from how they're responding is a good way to respond back to someone. And, you know, checking in, you know,

my friends that knew checked in with me, how are you feeling today? You know, and then if I didn't want to talk about, they were like, okay, let me know when you are ready, you know. Yeah, we're here. So just, you know, they were checking in, you know, making sure. And then, you know, my best friend, she, who she experienced us as well, she continues to check in with me, you know? This is three years later.

And we still talk about it. Oh, my gosh. Like, can you believe it? You would have a three-year-old. I'm like, I know. And it's just we get to have these moments together of we would both have a three-year-old right now. And we think about that and we deal with that and we grieve that and we grieve that. We grieve the loss of that potential and that direction and life, you know, that thread that didn't happen in this path.

So female friendships are incredible and they're beautiful. And I think it's really important for women to have women in their life that they can go to and they can talk to about these things because we can relate to each other in other ways that I think, you know, I couldn't get from my husband and being. able to go to her was so special and really helpful. So I just, I think also have patience with yourself. And if you know someone who's going through that, have patience with them because it's a roller coaster. And, you know, she was my, my friend, she was going through this too. And I was feeling emotions and I was feeling heartbroken because I know, because she was heartbroken. So I I was feeling emotions as well, and I just have to be patient because it's happening to her. So at her pace, at her time, when she's ready, when she wants to hear, when she wants to talk about it, we can.

And we both kind of just, we both shared that understanding with each other. Let's talk about the grief of losing a friend, because that's really what this is, a really dear friend, walk me through those nine years and the amazing relationship you built with Tate. Yeah, Tate, oh, my angel. I got Tate when I was 18, so it was really kind of in the mix of all my life changing. You know, I booked the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show not very long after I, Tate came into my life. And we walked through life together for nine years, and he was my best friend. oh gosh it's so hard to put it into words because it's um it's so it's such a unique thing to have a deep relationship with an animal and it sounds i hope i don't sound crazy

but like i just feel like the love that you know dogs and animals in general have for humans is so unconditional, you know, and they have no judgment. They don't want anything from you, but your love back. And it's so pure and it's so innocent. It's almost childlike in a way. You know, when I can only imagine, you know, when you hold a newborn baby for the first time that immediate connection that you feel to this thing that can't even talk yet and is just a part of you. It's really special to have such a deep connection to something that literally wants nothing from you except for also like unconditional love. So to have Tate coming to my life at that time was so special just because so much was changing. You know, I was growing up. I was, you know,

becoming a young woman from a girl to a woman. And he was there for that. And, you know, I was traveling all the time and I was away from family and I just had this little tiny innocent soul with me that just always looked at me like, you're the best and I love you. And Tate taught me so much. I mean, he taught me, you know, responsibility, caring for something other than myself, you know, taking care of him, you know, pouring love into him and making sure that he was good and, you know, even well-behaved and training him and doing all those things is showing at him an act of love and making sure that he's a confident, comfortable dog. He could be in any scenario and he was the best boy. And I think he also kind of knew that I was just kind of out there winging it a bit. And he

was like, oh, God, this girl, this girl has no idea what she's doing. So I'm going to have to be a good boy now. And he just, I really sometimes feel like he did teach himself how to just be everywhere with me all the time. And I think that he was meant for me and he was meant to be in my life. And I think that we were sort of made for each other and we belonged to each other. And, you know, he was, he was so, it sounds crazy to say this about a dog, but he was so emotional. Like his eyes were so human. He could look at me and I knew what he was saying or what he was thinking or I thought that he could feel what I was thinking or what I was feeling. And I definitely think that he also taught me a lot about, you know, emotion and, you know, being, you know, what's that saying, you know, be the person your dog thinks you are.

They think you're great, you know. They're like, I love him no matter what. Yes, mom, yes. So that's the energy they give you, right? It's like, oh, you're the best. And it's just like, am I the best? But to have something, you know, this little creature just look at you and think, you're the best. It kind of makes you want to be the best, right?

You know, constantly trying to grow and be better and change and, you know, nobody's perfect. And no one will ever be perfect. And we're always learning and we're always growing and we're always changing. But having something to do that for and having someone to do that with is really, it's different. You know, like it's more intentional, right? So trying to be better because Tate thinks I'm the best is a different motivation. So he definitely was there for me through so much of my life and so much of my life changing. I think from 18 to 27 or pretty formative years, I'm not a doctor, but someone told me once that your brain stops developing at 25 or something.

So, you know, he was there. Oh, sorry, hit the mic. I talk with my hands. He was there from when I had an undeveloped brain to a developed brain, you know? He kind of just saw me through. And he was just the best. I mean, the love of my life, I mean, my soulmate, really, because he just knew, you know. And I've never had a connection with anyone like that that I've had with Tate.

So I'm just, I'm really grateful that he was in my life. He's the inspiration behind me even wanting to start a pet company just because I love him so much. And I know other people have felt that before. People who've had, you know, what I like to call a soul dog, they know what I'm talking about. You know, they know that feeling. And when I share that I lost tape, people who've, you know, been on my journey with me and been maybe following me for a bit, know the day I got him and maybe saw him on my Instagram all the time. I mean, he was probably in every single picture on my Instagram for nine years. So I feel like people felt like they knew him.

And when I said, when I, you know, shared that he was sick and then when I ultimately shared that he had passed, the overwhelming amount of support and, you know, messages that I got and also shared experiences that I received from I lost my soul dog 10 years ago. And I still think about them every single day. It made me feel less alone and less maybe kind of strange. for feeling this way about a dog because I you get both you get I got amazing overwhelming comments that were just overwhelmingly positive I mean just you know I know what you've what you're going through I went through this you know just remember he's always with you

you know I got messages like that that touched me so deeply and positively and I just felt so grateful that I got those messages but then of course you get the flip side where people don't understand they're like oh it's a dog what's the big deal you know oh, it's a dog, move on. I'll never move on from Tate's death. My grief will change, for sure. My perspective of his death will change. And it has, even since I lost him.

You know, it's devastating. And it's heartbreaking. And, you know, to anyone who's felt that, I know what that feels like. And don't let anybody rush you. You know, some people don't understand that it's just because this is a dog and, you know, not a person. It doesn't mean that they don't deserve the same amount of time and space and energy you would give to grieving anything else. So I would just say, you know, take your time and you're not alone.

And it's not a fun thing to go through at all. So I think I'll always miss Tate, you know, I don't see how I can't, you know. And I think to say to get over something is such a harsh way of saying it because I'll probably never get over it. I'll never really get over losing Tate. I can heal from it and I can find, you know, peace with it. But those are two completely different things, getting over it. you get how do you get over that you know it does it's not something that it's not a object in my way it's he's a part of me and he's no longer here so yeah i definitely think um losing a pet is is

tough and you know losing one that you have such a deep strong connection with that's been with you for so many things with no expectation from you other than just they want to be there with you is That's a tough loss and a tough thing to work through. Thank you for sharing that. What today shows us is that grief doesn't end, it evolves. And during the holidays, that evolution can become more visible. The people we love continue to live on in the memories we return to, the traditions we carry forward, and the quiet ways they still guide us.

Kate showed us that healing often happens in the smallest moments. Nicole reminded us that forgiveness can be a form of freedom. Curran shared why the most important words should never wait, and Taylor affirmed that every kind of loss deserves to be honored, even when the world expects us to be okay. If this season feels heavy for you, there's nothing wrong with you. Grief is universal and so is love, and it's love that allows us to keep going,

to keep remembering, and that carries us forward, even when they're no longer here. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Julie Smith on unblocking negative emotions and how to embrace difficult feelings. You've just got to be motivated every day. And if you're not, then what are you doing? And actually, humans don't work that way. Motivation, you have to treat it like any other emotion. Some days it will be there. Some days it won't. What up y'all? It's your boy, Kevin on stage. I want to tell you about my new podcast called Not My Best Moment, where I talk to artists, athletes, entertainers, create. friends, people I admire who had massive success about their massive failures. What did they mess up on? What is their heartbreak?

And what did they learn from it? I got judged horribly. The judges were like, you're trash. I don't know how you got on the show. Check out Not My Best Moment with me, Kept on stage, on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, I'm Radia de Vukia, and I am the host of a really good cry podcast. This week, I am joined by Anna Runkul, also known. as the crappy childhood fairy, a creator, teacher, and guide helping people heal from the lasting

emotional wounds of unsafe or chaotic childhoods. Talking about trauma isn't always great for people. It's not always the best thing. About a third of people who are traumatized as kids feel worse when they talk about it. Get very disregulated. Listen to a really good cry on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm I'm Yvesa and I'm Maitego Mejorn and this week on our podcast, Hungry for History, we talk oysters, plus the Miambi chief stops by. If you're not an oyster lover, don't even talk to me.

Ancient Athenians used to scratch names onto oyster shells to vote politicians into exile. So our word ostracize is related to the word oyster. No way. Bring back the OsterCon. Listen to Hungry for History on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human