On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Jessica Alba ON: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome & Perfectionism to Live Your Best Life

Episode Date: August 30, 2021

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Jessica Alba sits down with Jay Shetty to talk about her struggles in the film industry as a woman of color, how pushing people to develop their potential doesn’t isn’t always a positive deed, coming to terms with the truth when people are being honest, and using perfectionism as an excuse to not do anything.Jessica is an American actress and entrepreneur, and is the Founder and Chief Creative Officer of The Honest Company. She’s a globally-recognized entrepreneur and advocate, and a New York Times bestselling author of The Honest Life, a practical guide for parents to create a safe and healthy life for their families. With The Honest Company's success, she has been named one of Fast Company’s 100 Most Creative People in Business, Fortune’s 10 Most Powerful Women Entrepreneurs, and Vanity Fair’s Entrepreneur of the Year.What We Discuss with Jessica:00:00 Intro05:04 Which role has had the most impact in your life?08:20 When you’re a teenager with a child, what opportunities will you have?11:40 Showing your children a balanced view of peace, anxiety, and pressure15:19 Feeling like you don’t belong because of your skin color21:41 When is it the most difficult to be honest to someone?24:36 We always want honesty but when we’re presented with the truth, it’s difficult to accept26:01 Accepting life coaches and outside help28:30 When you put in the work, you will get those opportunities31:44 Seeing people’s potential and learning to help them reach their full potential35:52 People will see your life in their own lens37:19 Perfectionism is used as an excuse to not do anything39:47 If you’re putting in more positive energy, that’s what you're going to emit43:11 Nudge people and ask questions and let them come to terms with their potential47:52 Our children will always choose us50:12 Jessica on Final FiveEpisode Resources:Jessica Alba | InstagramJessica Alba | FacebookJessica Alba | TwitterThe Honest CompanyThe Honest Company | InstagramHonest Beauty | InstagramThe Honest Company | FacebookThe Honest Company | PinterestThe Honest Company | TwitterLike this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Louis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender and visible things we don't usually talk about?

I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season I'm joined by stellar guests like Abbermote, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nuneum. I'm a journalist, a wanderer, and a bit of a bond-vivant, but

mostly a human just trying to figure out what it's all about. And not lost is my new podcast about all those things. It's a travel show where each week I go with a friend to a new place and to really understand it, I try to get invited to a local's house for dinner. Where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. Ooh, I have to get back to you. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Why not me and why can't I be intelligent?

Why do I feel so unworthy? I would say that that is still something I still struggle with. You know, when you don't see yourself in positions of power, even in entertainment, the way that you know you see women and you see people of color portrayed. That's how you're gonna see yourself in a way, in a lot of ways. That's how, and that's also more importantly how other people will see you. And so they're going to treat you accordingly. And you just kind of have to break through. have to break through. Hey everyone, welcome back to on purpose, the number one health podcast in the world,

thanks to each and every single one of you who come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. I'm so proud of the amazing community that we've developed over the last two years. And I appreciate all your reviews, all your comments on Instagram, and everything that you share with your friends and family. And I'm so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out.

And I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eight rules of love.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep or let go of love.

So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour. Love rules. Go to jsheddytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more.

I can't wait to see you this year. Now, today's guest is someone who is actually on my original list that I wanted to interview when I first launched the podcast two years ago. I've been a big fan of hers throughout our whole career and all the different transitions that she's been through. I'm speaking about none other than Jessica Alba. Jessica, thank you so much for joining the podcast today and for doing this with me. I'm genuinely so happy to be with you.

Thank you for having me. It's an honor to be here. Well, yeah, I know it's been a tough 12 months and I wanted to start by just saying, I hope that you're well, I hope your family's well. I know that your family struggled with COVID quite a lot of this time and I'm sending my best wishes and my love

and just wanted to make sure everyone's okay. And would you be kind enough to share with us how you and your family have been able to cope through this very difficult time and having so many people being affected. I basically got it from being in a small juice shop and there was one other person in there that was sick obviously and so that's how I got it. And I was one of those fortunate cases where it wasn't severe symptoms. But, and truly isolating and being careful and wearing a mask really does keep other people safe and even in my own home, that was the case.

You have to wear a mask around, especially elderly people. And you just have to be safe and you just have to get vaccinated. So it's not worth it, I can say, like just based off of the, what happened to my family, it's just not worth it. And if you can get vaccinated, I highly recommend it. Just to, in any way, keep yourself from getting as sick

as people did in my family. Yeah, well, we're sending our prayers and love to you, Jessica, and everyone in your family, and everyone in. Thank you. Who's listening and watching. Who also lost someone during this time. And I've shared some of my stories on the podcast of people that I lost as well.

So thank you for sharing that really important message, Jessica, as well, from your experience. You've played so many roles in your life. You're an actor, you're an entrepreneur, you're a mother, you're a family person. You've played so many roles. What I'm interested in is which one of these roles has created the greatest growth and development in your life, which role has had the biggest impact

on you as an individual Jessica. I would say all of it, right? Based every stage of my life, I feel like I've always had, I think you have to have the mindset or the mental for wanting to evolve and wanting to get better. And I think I was just born with that, right? And I also was pretty early on, I had a consciousness about purpose. purpose and this feeling that you know we're all here for a reason. Life is precious and at any moment right it can go or you're here and so what are you gonna do with the life that you're given the opportunity to live. So as far back as I had any sort of real understanding of myself and a consciousness, I felt like I had a purpose. I didn't know what it was. It came from very simple, humble

family. And what I've done in my life and what I've achieved was in no way, shape or form, given to me, handed to me. I mean, I think if anything, there was nothing but blocks and challenges and walls and reasons why I shouldn't dream or even have the audacity to think that I could become anything. Every stage of every piece of my life, I feel like I'm always looking to be better and do better. So when I actually got the opportunity to be an actress at the age of 12 and I started working on a regular basis, I would, you know, I prayed a lot, you know, whether it's God or spirit or whatever it is that people pray to, I felt like if I could

just channel like, I want to do good. I know I'm here to do good. I'm not sure what that end goal is, but I promise that if I get any breakthrough, I will do good with my success. And I always attributed success with being able to do good. And then when I became a mom, that really my sense of self, and I would say at my insecurities as a person, over silly things, really sort of kept me, I think, from fully realizing my potential before I became a mom. But when I became a mom, those insecurities sort of kept me, I think, from fully realizing my potential before I became a mom.

But when I became a mom, those insecurities sort of went away. And I think it unlocked a piece and then having a successful business also unlocked another piece. For me, that is such a beautiful foundation to start anything from, because it's so open. I think often we start thinking that a purpose is something specific and it's dialed in and it's focused and there's a clear goal.

And often that can actually take us away from that innocence and that joy and that impact. Where do you think that came from for you? Was it your parenting? Was it something you experienced as a child? Where did that intention to do something good come from and that desire to have a positive impact come from? You know, I think because it was such a struggle and so hard for my parents. They were young

when they had me and every day was a very, it was a very kind of tumultuous environment, just because they were in survival mode every day, struggling to get by. And they also didn't have necessarily the maturity or the tools to have context. So it's like they were just kind of like grabbing at anything, and they were constantly sort of like getting in their own way or it was just a lot.

And their relationship is very much like they love to fight and make up, fight and make up, fight and make up. And that's their dynamic, right? And it was confusing for me as a kid because I didn't know that that was their dynamic. you know, and I also didn't know that like I I think I just wanted Peace and I wanted security and I wanted a sense of

Financial security to me meant that you could then have peace and not be so stressed out and so peace and not be so stressed out. And so I think that to me was like, how are some people born into families where it's not like this and others are. And then given just, you know, I can't do anything about the circumstance I was born into, how can I sort of like change that narrative or create the life that I felt, you know, I wanted to live. And I think in the process of wanting a different way to operate, right? I also knew that like my parents in a lot of ways were just sort of like products of certain systems when you have to support a family.

How can you sort of like get ahead? And they were learning as they were going, you know, sort of like flying the plane and fixing it at the same time. And so, you know, they did the best they could. And, you know, I have a lot of, it wasn't until I became a parent, I think that I had, I really understood how difficult it was for them. Just being so young and not necessarily having the tools

and not having, you know, they're a setup, right, to thrive. Yeah, no, I kind of agree with you more. We did a podcast last year and it was called, the six reasons you need to develop the emotional skills your parents didn't have a chance to develop because the idea is they didn't have that opportunity, they didn't have the hindsight, they didn't have the experiences. Do you find that as being a parent that you're able now to show your children

like this balanced view of peace and obviously anxiety and stress and pressure and all the incredible things that you're achieving because you're a high performer, you're extremely busy. Are you kind of having that conversation with them so that they understand you a bit more? Tell us a bit about that.

Yeah, there's definitely a like a wokeness or a self-awareness that happens. When people, it's like before it was only the select few that get to be global citizens, we're now because of access you know, access that people have to information. We all are global citizens. There is access to so much information about how to do things better and be better and be more effective, be happier, right? And so, you know, like this podcast, right? There wasn't this podcast in my parents where, you know, young,

there were, we live now in a culture where so many, so much of the stuff that just wasn't sort of serving humanity has been broken down. And there's this generation that's sort of sinking through like I guess sort of like yes we built these civilizations based off of like necessity a lot of these things that are power and ego driven right but now we're in a place where it's more about compassion, mindfulness, right? Openness.

And that's how we're going to thrive and continue to thrive as a human race. And so I think, you know, for my kids, I try to exemplify whatever that is. And at the same time, you know, they are very aware of my faults. They're very aware that I get stressed and I get irritable and I don't sleep enough and all of those things. But we have a dialogue about it. And I try to create a space of compassion,

obviously for them, but also just for them to sort of like know that I'm trying, I'm at least trying, you know? That's a wonderful thing. I think if children know that you're trying, like you said, kids are so self-aware. I don't have children yet with my wife, but we plan on having them. And it's, I can only look at it from seeing my friends or having been a child myself and always wondering, like, you know, kids are so aware. But if you make

them a part of the dialogue and they, they feel like you're honest with them and everything that you just mentioned, I think that creates such a, it creates a healthier, honest space and an open space rather than an unhealthy environment where there seems to be too much hierarchy or too much control or too much limitation. You said creating an environment of compassion, I think, you know, for children to grow up in an environment where they can be compassionate on themselves too. I think that is such a, you know, that's such a brilliant a brilliant energy to grow up around. I wanted to say, when you were going through transitions, because when I look at your work and your career and your journey and your purpose, there have been so many transitions along the way, which transition made you feel the most insecure, a sense of imposter syndrome. I feel these are things that people struggle with that so much today.

Everyone's trying to, I think everyone's been trying to switch their career. They're trying to become something that in train to be there. And I feel like you'd have some really good words in mind. That's the story of my life. I felt like I had imposter syndrome always in everything at every stage. From like, you know, going to school with kids who, you know, when I got out of the military, when I was nine, we moved into my grandparents' house and it was like a predominantly white, you know, middle-class suburb.

And there just weren't people that looked like us. We were living in my grandparents' house. That was like a very different circumstance than most people. Most people had like domestic help and they had like all the things and their parents had these established careers and were a little bit older and and they were you know mostly white and so coming from like with us you know I'm we're living my grandparents would stay with us half the week and you know my parents are in a way like children when they're around the parents right and then we're the children as well so there was like this very different so I felt like an imposter syndrome there for sure.

And then when I started acting, I was like, you know, I guess I always felt like maybe I did, I guess I felt like I didn't belong and Hollywood didn't Make space for people that look like me or were me, you know, they'd called me Exotic right there was like even the word Mexican-American or like you know Latina like that was like such a specific thing to be that and it was like Not me and I was like wait a minute, but there's a lot of people that are like me that are here, you know, in this country, but it's just Hollywood didn't recognize it. And so I didn't even have a place in Hollywood. And I remember twice presenting at the Oscars. And I just felt so uncomfortable

backstage. I was like, I just want to get up. I just want to do the thing. And I just want to leave. And I was with my husband who was my boyfriend at the time. And I was like, oh my God. And there were a few actors that could tell how sort of nervous I was, and they were so sweet. And then I jumped into being an entrepreneur. And again, I'm in rooms where I'm the only woman.

I've never done this before. Everyone has like, you know, fancy degrees from business schools and Ivy leagues. And I've never had a desk job. Didn't do any of that. I stopped, I got my GED and I, you know, started working so young. And so I'm sitting here, again, trying to find my way.

And about three years into honest, I learned the operations of the business completely. And in all the meetings where my business partners were like, no, no, no, you do that thing and we're gonna do this thing. And I basically said, no, I'm gonna figure this out. I'm gonna learn and I learned. And then I challenged them myself that didn't make sense. And then I was like, you know what,

maybe I do belong and maybe I am smart and maybe I do deserve to be here. Maybe people are just judging me based off of their own insecurities. But it took me quite a bit to get to that place. At that point, I was like 33, so you're 33, I think I was like 34 when it all started of like started to come together and I had two kids by then and two careers, you know, and it took me a hot minute, you know. Yeah, that's amazing.

Well, I think that's a great lesson for all of us in patience around, you know, we are going to feel let in pasta syndrome. We are going to feel let in security. And what I'm what I'm hearing from you is it's not really like, oh, this is what I did and this broke it through. And this is what I did. It was more just, you have to be patient with yourself and you have to allow it to naturally develop

when you found your home in honest and your kind of like sacred space and creating honest that feels like such a strong foundation to who you are today. And such the bigger part of your story and a big part of your story. Yeah, it wasn't like an overnight, it was sort of like along the way.

And then when I started making space for like, why not me and why can't I be intelligent? Why do I feel so unworthy, you know, or I don't deserve this? And, you know, I think over the years I'm still, I mean, I would say that is still something I still struggle with. You know, when you don't see yourself in positions of power,

in even in entertainment, the way that, you know, you see women and you see people of color portrayed, that's how you're gonna see yourself in a way, in a lot of ways. And that's also more importantly, how other people will see you. And so they're going to treat you accordingly. And you just kind of have to break through.

Yeah, and I guess that's what you're saying, that confidence is just built on not thinking about what everyone else is saying or thinking or believing that's literally the only thing that breaks you through. Because they're just products of their own stuff, right? Yeah, everyone's living in their own echo chambers and their own ceilings and their own, yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

I obviously, you called your company, the honest company, I was interested to ask you something I hope you've never been asked before, but around the idea of, what's the most difficult thing you've had to be honest with someone about? When has it been most difficult to be honest with someone? Because it's such a beautiful value and beautiful quality, but at the same time, it can be a really hard quality to practice.

And I don't just mean in your company, I mean, just generally, like tell us how you handle that when you have to really be honest with someone, but it's a challenge. I've learned, I think, over the years how to, probably starting with myself, it's like that inner dialogue of how you talk about yourself and how you sort of like treat yourself and give space for yourself.

And when I started speaking honestly to myself and being real with myself in a kind way, it helped then me do that with everyone around me, right? But when I'm my inner dialogue is so like boom, boom, boom, like harsh, then that kind of, that's the way the honesty comes out, right, with the way that I communicate and interact with other folks. It's a beautiful value to be honest, but I think it can be, like you said, tough to take when it's delivered through the lens of harshness. What is Mahoo's been or what's been the most difficult thing about honesty?

I mean, I don't know. I actually really love honesty. And for me, it's sort of the starting point to being able to then move forward. If you're not, if you don't have that clarity of honesty, of any situation or circumstance, then you're just living in a delusion. You know, then it's hard to like grasp your sort of unshaky ground. It feels like a solid foundation to then move from.

Yeah, absolutely. No, I couldn't agree with you more. I love the idea of the more honest we are with ourselves. The easier it is to be honest with others. And I think honesty is something that we often say we want, but then when we receive it, we're like, no, no, no, don't tell me that, you know, it's we kind of have this, but then when we receive it, we're like, no, no, no, don't tell me that. We kind of have this. Like you said, the double-edged sword is a perfect way of describing it as a value and quality because often people will say,

I wish people were more honest with me. I wish people would tell me the truth. But then when they hear the truth or someone's honest with them, it's quite hard to take it in, even if it's... Yeah, yeah. So you're saying, it's interesting. Like, I've heard you talk about

when you were in the corporate world, you got a coach and you probably had to see yourself in a very honest way in a way that you probably never saw yourself before. And that is super humbling, because I've done the same. You know, the professional, because it's sort of like a therapist, but it's mixed with we're going to therapy sometimes feels like it's an endless sort of winding road and da-da-da. This is like therapy with a goal.

Coaching in the corporate world is definitely more forward-facing. It's more building. It's more building, it's more development and it's taking you somewhere and I've always been grateful to surround myself with coaches and experts and mentors in specific areas so that they can be honest with me with the area that they are knowledgeable in or have wisdom and experience in. Have you found good mentors in your life? How did you find them? Or do you find that you've had to kind of learn along the way?

What's been your journey with that? With coaching mentors and outside help and support? This is what it sounds like inside the box card. I'm journalist and I'm Morton in my podcast, City of the Rails. I plung into the dark world of America's railroads, searching for my daughter Ruby, who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train, not where I'm gonna end up. And I jump.

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What has been seen is a very snotty city. People call it Bosedangeless. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Friends' new Newton and not lost as my new travel podcast where a friend and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party,

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on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's weird like when I put the energy out there that I'm open to learn and I have like an awareness of like something that needs to be worked on, it's like the universe brings them in. They bring in the people or the circumstances or the relationships or the conversations, right? And it's not just one thing. It's sort of multiple things, right? It could be like a pattern that my daughter and I are having. And then it's also like I have a conversation with a friend who's you know

going through an illness and it hits it there again. And then I go to the doctor. And my doctor brings up the same thing, you know, and you're just like, okay, the dots are connecting. The spirit guides are coming in and helping me here. you know, whatever that is, God, a spirit. And so I think, you know, with your open to being better and evolving, the universe will align to bring you all of those teachers, right? And I think there's also like, you talk about meditation, but there's also whatever that meditation is for someone just to like give yourself the space to sort of like sit and and try to focus on that on sort of like the the stillness

Which is very hard for I think type a people Yeah, yeah I think type A people. Yeah, yeah. And so I can be still. Well, you sound like, I mean, from what you're sharing, you sound completely like a spiritual type A person in a good way, in a good way.

And I can hear that, while you've been speaking, the language you use just so naturally flows between spirit and strategy and effort and energy. Like, you know, it's like you're in between both of those. Like you've used words and language from both a spiritual and a strategic sense. And I wonder where that, you know, being that little girl at 12 years old, who is who is praying and didn't know even what to and saying, I hope I can do good in the world.

Like now that you've seen the universe, God, whatever you want to and saying, I hope I can do good in the world. Like now that you've seen the universe, God, whatever you wanna call it, reciprocate with you and you felt that how much more strength does that give you in that process? I wanna hear a bit about maybe that spiritual side that you shared earlier on when you've seen that being returned in you trying to do good. How does that feel?

It sort of reassures me that the journey is real in those sort of like trusting my gut and having it sort of like putting in the work then when the opportunities arise, you can then be there and be ready for it, but you have to put in the work and prepare. And so I think I was so focused on putting in the work, and I never knew I was like, are the opportunities ever going to arise?

You know who knows? But it's true that when you put in the work and you're trying, you will get those opportunities to progress and doors will open if you're being honest with yourself, right? And being authentic. And so for me, I think before it was sort of like, I think this is it, I think this is how this works. Where now I'm like, I know this is how this works. So then it gives me sort of peace of mind that also it doesn't have to be such a grind and such a struggle. And my world used to be very black and white, and I live much more in the gray area now.

And where I was like all or nothing, I'm trying to be a bit more soft in my approach and more of a warm hug than a strong punch, which is what I used to be. Do you think that's natural in the journey of building something to then having built something successful, of course? Do you think that's natural? Do you think that transition of that hard punch to that warm hug, as you said, it feels like a natural transition and it kind of has to go in that order

or do you feel not everyone has to do it that way? Is that? I don't think people have to do it that way. That was just my way, right? It's your life circumstance, right? And your fight or flight mode and your survival, sort of instincts that is really sort of like how you cope or or deal with things. I appreciate what got me here, but I know it's not going to take me to that next stage. And I don't think everyone's journey is the same, but I do think that anyone who seeks to be successful in life has to have relentless perseverance.

As someone who's so energetically focused as someone who's so present with yourself in what you're creating and the energy you wanna put out, what do you think are some of the things that you want the people around you to gain from you, learn from you, whether it's your children, whether the people that work with you on a from you, learn from you, whether it's your children, whether the people that work with you on a day-to-day basis,

what are some of the exchanges and values that you're hoping that you can give out to people? I don't know. I feel like I've never, maybe I'm not very yet. It's I actually listening to you and you, I mean, let's put it this way, I feel uncomfortable even saying that I have fans and I'm an entertainment and that's like a normal, you know,

and I don't know, it just makes me feel like, what, being forward or progressive or thinking ahead of like, what? Being forward or progressive or thinking ahead of like what is the impact that I want to have on people that are around me on the daily? Is maybe like my next thing to think about or process? Because I just I feel like don't know, I've been so focused on all of the other things. I think the thing that I do intuitively is I see people's potential, and I see who they could be. And I think I'm learning how to deliver that when people are ready, because people aren't always ready for it, right?

People aren't always ready to, or willing, or wanting even, to reach their best self. But I see sort of like the shining bright light of someone's potential. And it's so clear to me when I see people that that's what I see in them. I see this other side of themselves. And I interface with them in that way. But that isn't always like what they're actually ready for. But I think I'm learning how to be a little bit more self-aware to only talk to people about that when they want it instead of just like, here's what you should do with, you know,

because it can be a little bossy as well. That's a wonderful and honest answer. And I didn't want anything else. I honestly just wanted to know how you felt about that. And so, you know, hearing that, that's what you want to work on next. And that's what you're trying to grow now. And develop now, I mean, you know,

I think that's so wonderful for our audience to hear because I think we're all going step by step. We all have things to work on. And if that's the next thing that you're focusing on, that's brilliant. And I don't think it's, I don't think we're always fully conscious. I think there is this expectation. And that's what I'm loving so much about this conversation is that there's often an external expectation that someone has everything figured out and everything's perfect and everything's going on and we obviously know that's not true but but often that's

the perception and and to just hear that, hey I'm trying to figure this out and I'm learning about this and and this is what I'm listening to I think that is just such a healthy thing for people to hear does that is just such a healthy thing for people to hear. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, I think people will see your life through their lens and through their experience without having the context of what you go through and your consciousness, right, as you operate in the world. I look at Jeff Bezos and I'm like,

that guy's got it figured out. He seems really happy. He's going to space or Richard Branson. And I'm like, they're so accomplished. They've multiple times have gotten hit after hit, after hit of goodness and business. And they also are doing good with their platform. It's like they, I don't know.

And so for me, I guess I could see how through my experience, I project onto others. And so I could see how that could happen. Yeah, I love hearing that at every stage, we're all projecting onto someone else. And I'm sure I don't know Jeff Bezos, but I'm guessing that you can do it in business. And then now you're looking at another industry

and you're looking at an athlete or you're looking at an actor or a musician or... But he's also just like a very, like, he feels like a very joyful person, just like a happy guy, you know? And that's like to me, I'm like, I love saying happy people. I'm like, yes. I will let you know once we have them on the podcast,

definitely. I'll let you know better. Tell me, tell me, have you ever struggled with or have you ever worked through perfectionism? I feel like being a perfectionist is something that happens in art, it happens in business, it happens as a CEO, as an entrepreneur. Tell us a bit about that because I think my audience and community often ask me this and I'd love to hear your opinion on this. It's, yeah, like I'm struggling with, you know, being a perfectionist and getting things

perfect, getting things right. Tell us about your journey with perfectionism. I am 100% a detailed oriented perfectionist, but I would say that oftentimes that's used as an excuse to not actually do anything because you're constantly tweaking something before you just do it and commit and my partner at Honest, my CEO, he dropped to this really amazing nugget. Like early on, like a month into us working together when he came on to be the CEO of Honest and he was like, it's the 80-20 rule. It should be 80% there. 20% whatever, it's not right, it's not totally buttoned up, but you're going to learn so much once you put it out there. You're going to have to be malleable enough to tweak and change as you go from there, but

you just have to put it out there and try it before you even really know, because you could be perfecting and, you know, all these details matter so much, but then you put it out there and you were putting all of your energy into the wrong thing, right? Knowing cares at the end of the day about all those things that you care so much about. And so I think you should be a detailed oriented person and you should have a point of view and you should have like conviction about your point of view because we're not robots, right?

That's what matters. But at the end of the day, it can't hinder you from putting yourself out there or trying something or innovating, you know? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think that's a great piece of advice. And hearing that early on, I'm sure made a big difference to your path and to your journey. And you know, just a couple of seconds ago, you said you love, you love happy people. And I was wondering what you think,

some habits that you've seen and the happy people that you've known, the people that you've met around you in your own life. What are some of the happy habits that you think happy people have? Habits that you have, you seem happy from my perspective and in this conversation, you've laughed a ton and smiled a ton

and you're not taking everything too seriously and allow yourself. So tell me a bit about what are the happiness habits that you think that you've practiced and ones that you've seen even in the people around you that you admire and aspire for. Yeah, it's interesting. Like to me, happiness is more like,

and like it looks like a glow, like an energy. It's more of like an energy, uh, for me, association, like, children are very, you know, they're like these bubbles of light, you know, they just sort of like, you can see these little like, light aura, you know, you could see their aura, just these like golden bright white lights of, you can see that happiness, right? And you can feel when someone is just like cool with themselves and just happy and they emit this positive energy, we're all energy, right? That's science, right? We're all negative and positive energy,

but if you are putting more positive, that's what's going to emit from you, your sort of energy field, right? And, you know, it was interesting. My niece, when she was 10 or 11, she did something for the science fair. She's like a devastatingly beautiful girl and wickedly talented, but she's very shy. She did the science experiment that she got into some science fair. She basically took two plants and one plant. She gave loving words to and the other plant. She said hateful words to and in like a few days, the same plant treated the same way with the same water, same light, everything, the one with the negative energy or you know, the negative words, it died. Like it literally

was like the soil dried up, it died, it was done. And the other one was like growing, like flourishing. And it's just so true that you emit this such positivity and love, right? So happiness to me looks like love and light. And I don't know, sometimes people are just quiet and you can see it. Yeah, yeah, I think you're right, I think you're right. And I love that, I love that she chose to do that experiment.

That sounds, that's amazing. What a wonderful experiment to do. And, yeah, for like a little girl too, you know. Yeah, it's such a special experiment and to kind of get that proof so early on in life that Energy's real and what we say to ourselves is real and what we say to others is real You said earlier and and I love this answer that you gave when I asked you about, you know, what energy do you want to give out to people and You you actually flipped it on its head and it was a great answer is that you were like well actually

I just noticed potential in people. And I was wondering when you see someone who you see potential in but they don't see potential in themselves, how do you respond to that? I'm sure you meet people like that all the time. Will you see that? I used to be relentless about pushing people towards it and they then built up a sort of defense with me because it was like, they weren't ready for it. And so I've learned over the years

to maybe keep it, to just keep it to myself and kind of like nudge people and more like ask questions and let them come to it themselves because like the more they feel like it was their idea and you just sort of like serve up the prompts for them to sort of think about it and reflect on it. And they're either going to bite and be into it or they're not. And that's their journey.

And even though you know they're not happy, even though you know they're stuck, even though you know it could be so much better. But if that's their life choice, you kind of have to also respect the journey, you know? Yeah, definitely. You've said a few times another pattern that I'm hearing is, you know, and I really appreciate it, is your approach to like just not forcing people to change or not judging someone or not making someone feel like

you're preaching to them or teaching them or coaching them, like I can see that from your approach, that's not how you think about it. And you really want people to come to things at their own time and in their own pace and even even in their own way that it's their idea, as you just said, is that something you think you've experienced as well? And that's why you believe in it so much, or is it something that, or is that something that you saw because maybe you were quite preach to and taught and judged and coached and you realized

that people didn't respond to that so much? I think it was more of like me learning how people, like I was like, who are the people who I've seen potential in? And they've like sort of, they break through and they actually like move in that direction and then I see potential in others and they're like, no. And so I guess it's just being mindful of maybe my kids, maybe it's my kids. I think my kids have taught me a lot about that. The more I tell them something, the more they resist and they look at it as parenting

and I'm just bossing them around. And my honor even told me last night it was so annoying. And over like something so stupid. Anyway, you know, she wants to redo her room and I'm like, cool. So I'm like Pinterest board, like show me your inspo. And she was like, am I friend? She just redid her room, and she has like all these plants

and it's very pohemian, and I love it so much. And did it, and I was like, did her mom help her with it? And she was like, yeah, and I'm like, cool. How does that make you feel? And she was like, it doesn't make me feel like anything. I think it's great. Her mom's really nice. And I was like, yeah, and I'm like, cool. How does that make you feel? And she was like, it doesn't make me feel like anything. I think it's great. Her mom's really nice. And I was like, cool.

And she was like, mom, I just want this to be my project. And I don't want you to tell me what to do. Or I don't want your advice on what you like. She's like, I want to come to these thoughts on Maya. And she's so sweet, her little soul, but you know, she's the way she puts it to me. It just makes it so clear how people process, right? Yeah.

And so that's how I get a lot of my lessons is just the way that my oldest especially reacts off of me on simple things and then you can kind of apply it to more complex things. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I love that example, I think. It's amazing. I think that's partly why whenever I talk about children, I'm like, yeah, you've got to

be ready to, you know, whenever I think about having kids, I'm always saying to myself, I've got to be ready to be humbled and taught and coached by them and have to learn by them. Yeah. If I'm not ready for that, then it's not the right time yet. I just don't know if you're ever ready or not ready. I don't know, I just kind of feel like your kids choose you because they're going through their journey, right?

And your soul sort of like choose each other in a way at the right time. I spoke to a, this woman, she's a seer. And I see her once a year, sort of like a gift to myself. And she talked about my son for gosh, seven years before he came, like she saw him and there was another one in France who also saw him and they described him perfectly and they're like, it's not the right time.

Like he's gonna come at this time and this is the dynamic of your relationship with your husband and then your other two and that's when he's gonna come in. And they were right. Spiritually we were all in such a different place and our family dynamic was in such a different place when he came through.

But they saw him like waiting. And I was like, you know, meanwhile, I was like, I am not having two more kids. You know you know, I was like, I am not having two more kids, you know, and then I was like, I'm not having one more kid And so it's interesting how they sort of choose you and they're waiting for the right time Thank you so much for sharing that I absolutely love that message and It's wonderful to think that for people are trying to be parents who want to be parents who are parents to realize how much You know children chose to be there and you somehow chose chose each other and your souls chose each other

I think that's it's absolutely wonderful Jessica. I want to thank you for just being So incredible for anyone who's listening to this you will not know that we had technical issues and and sound issues and all of this, but I just wanna thank Jessica. Her energy did not wane, she did not change. She's just been wonderful throughout this whole episode and just been giving so many thoughtful and reflective answers. And I wanna honor you for that Jessica

because it's hard when we're doing this through a screen and all the rest of it, but you've just been amazing. So thank you so much to you and thank you to your team who's been, you know, behind the scenes. But we end every episode with a final five. These are the fast five questions. So each word, each question has to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. And so Jessica, but these are your fast five. Are you ready? Okay. awesome. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever received?

Patience. What is the worst advice you have ever received? It can be more than one word. It can be a sentence. The worst advice is that you can't do it. Of course, you can. Yeah. love that. Question number three, your current purpose in life, the way you see it right now, the way you see what you're doing right now and why you're doing it.

To channel light. Okay, question number four, what's the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you do just before you go to bed? Check my calendar. True. Good answer. Both, yeah both. So, great answer.

And question number five, the last question I'm going to put you through the pane of answering is if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Compassion. Everyone has to be compassionate. Beautiful. Jessica Elbe, everyone. Thank you so much. Jessica, for sharing your wonderful abundant energy. I'm so glad that this conversation went off in so many wonderfully spiritual directions, energy-based conversations, I'm really, really happy and thankful for your time. I really do hope we get to connect in person one day without all of the challenges of

being digitally connected, but a big, big thank you to you. If you've been listening or watching wherever you're on the world right now, please make sure that you share your biggest insights on Instagram, tag me in Jessica as well. We'd love to see what resonated with you, what wisdom is going to stay with you, and Please make sure that you share your biggest insights on Instagram, tag me and Jessica as well. We'd love to see what resonated with you, what wisdom is going to stay with you, and what you're going to try and practice this week. Thank you for tuning in again, and Jessica, big thank you to you and your team again. Thank you, thanks for having me. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender invisible

things we don't usually talk about? I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look, everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about? Maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by stellar guests like Abbermote, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay.

New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. The world of chocolate has been turned upside down. A very unusual situation. You saw the stacks of cash in our office. Chocolate comes from the cacao tree, and recently, Variet is a cacao thought to have been lost centuries ago, where we discovered in the Amazon. There is no chocolate on Earth like this.

Now some chocolate makers are racing deep into the jungle to find the next game-changing chocolate, and I'm coming along. Okay, that was a very large crack it up. Listen to obsessions while chocolate. On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply Well Podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support

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