On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Kevin Hart ON: How to Conquer Your Fear of Failing & Processing the Obstacles of Forgiveness, Love, and Loss

Episode Date: January 9, 2023

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive sho...w where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Today, I am talking to Kevin Hart. Kevin is an actor, comedian, author, investor, and CEO. Over the years he has become Hollywood’s box office powerhouse, opening ten films at number one at the box office with $4.23 billion revenue at the global box office. In 2020 Hart starred in “Die Hart,” the first production of its kind, created through his digital network, Laugh Out Loud, and Executive Produced through his production company, Hartbeat Productions. Kevin’s memoir, I Can’t Make This Up, debuted at number one on The New York Times Best Sellers List and remained on the Top 10 Nonfiction Hardcover Bestsellers List for ten weeks straight. Kevin’s digital network, the Laugh Out Loud Network, serves as a platform for emerging comedians and is home to two premium series which both feature Kevin – “What the Fit?” and “Cold as Balls.” We get to see Kevin’s serious side as he talks about self love and team effort. He places emphasis on the importance of focusing our energy on finding a solution rather than wasting time on the problem, how team effort is the foundation to all forms of success, why we should always consider both sides of the story, the beauty of cheering for others success and celebrating it with them, and how self love and self appreciation must start with you and not come from someone else.  Truly, there is no shortcut to success. It is earned through hard work, clear purpose, surrounding yourself with the right people, and a multitude of self love.      What We Discuss:00:00:00 Intro00:03:19 Looking in the mirror and being okay with yourself00:07:38 Having parents that opens opportunities for you00:13:06 Don’t focus on the problem, focus on the solution00:20:45 It’s hard to see the good if you’re only seeing the bad00:25:20 The simplest things came from an idea00:35:12 Team effort is the foundation of success00:43:19 Celebrate each other’s success00:58:24 Talk to yourself01:06:47 Looking at things with both lenses01:10:16 You gotta learn it01:15:12 Would you wish pain and suffering for anyone?01:20:50 Critical thinking01:25:27 There is no handbook to fame01:29:56 Kevin on Final FiveEpisode ResourcesMonsters and How to Tame ThemKevin Hart | WebsiteKevin Hart | InstagramKevin Hart | TwitterKevin Hart | FacebookKevin Hart | TikTokLOL! NetworkWant to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:01:11 But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Jermis Beg, the host of the Psychology of Your 20s. Each week, we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s. From career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg. Listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The biggest drug, it's not cocaine, it's not heroin, it's not.
Starting point is 00:01:47 Molly or opioids and the biggest drug. It's fame. Anything you want, everything you want. It's a thing. And if you can't handle this thing, the consequences attached are severe. Do you know you and are you okay with you? If you are not, it'll break. Hey everyone, welcome back to On It Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier, and more healed. And I'm so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out. And I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eight rules of love.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book.
Starting point is 00:02:57 And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour. Love rules. Go to jsheditour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. And I'm so grateful for this community that we have here because I get to sit down with some of the most incredible minds in the world, people that I find fascinating, not just personally and professionally, but because of the potential and the purpose that they have. Today's guest is someone who has been on my list to interview from day one. So it's a very special moment for me. I'm very excited.
Starting point is 00:03:32 I'm speaking about someone, the one and only Kevin Hart, Hollywood's box office powerhouse, opening 11 films at number one at the box office and grossing more than $4.2 billion in global revenue. Kevonnie has also become a successful entrepreneur. He's a chairman of Hartby, a global multimedia platform company, creating entertainment at the intersection of comedy and culture with a mission to keep the world laughing together. I love that. Kevon is also the founder of Hartby Ventures. Kevonnie is a New York
Starting point is 00:04:05 Times best selling author twice over and his first audible original, the decision was nominated for an audio ward for best original audiobook. And I spent my last five hikes listening to his new audiobook, Monsters, and how to tame them. And I have to tell you, and I'm going to tell Kevin right now because he's sitting in front of me. Dude, I have not been that into something for a long, long time. And I'll tell you why I have not stopped talking about the different monsters, the different personalities to my wife, to my team, to my colleagues. You've made it so relevant and accessible to talk about your flaws in a way that I've never seen before. So thank you so much for being here, man. Thank you. So grateful to be sitting with you. Thank you. And you know, you know, when flowers
Starting point is 00:04:54 are thrown out, I believe that they should, they should sometimes be returned. In this case, man, I'm here for a reason. I worked at you've done the success that you've had, is ground breaking. So major congrats to you. I just wanna say there's an equal level of appreciation and excitement for the moment, man. You've done some groundbreaking podcast, your guest to how you've gotten people to open up the conversations that you've had.
Starting point is 00:05:19 More importantly, the lives that you're saving by just being transparent, authentic, and true to who you are. I think it's dope as hell. So it's an honor to sit across from you. I'm excited about the conversation. And it's one that's been on my list as well. So I'm glad that we finally got it worked out
Starting point is 00:05:37 to where we can make this happen. Yeah, thank you, man. That's very kind and it's really beautiful hearing that from you, honestly. So let's dive in before we keep going back and forth for roses. Let's go. Let's get it.
Starting point is 00:05:46 You know, one of the things I want to start off, and this is going to take us anywhere and everywhere, is how does it feel when you're winning, and then you discover you got monsters? Because that's kind of the journey you've been on, and I want to go back and forth in this journey, but I want to start there like, what does it feel like when you're winning,
Starting point is 00:06:05 you're succeeding, but then you all of a sudden go, I've still got monsters in me. You know, when you say and use the word monsters just for Clare to so people can understand, of course we're talking about the different levels to you, right, and within the levels that I've discovered and myself of myself, you know, you got your good versions and your bad versions. And the bad versions I refer to as monsters,
Starting point is 00:06:31 but just because they're bad doesn't mean they don't have good quality. And when you're winning and you're succeeding, there's this idea that everything is right. There's this idea that perfection is now presented itself and life moving forward is going to be just an easy road. And it's not until you're in that position where you expect perfection and you think that that you start to see the true problems and flaws really present themselves. And you know, my monsters have been massed in disguise in various different ways, but I've been able to pinpoint them throughout the years
Starting point is 00:07:08 because some of those monsters grew, got stronger, developed. You're talking about the world of an ego, the idea of who you think you are versus what you are, or the idea of expectations and needs as to what you feel you need and what you have to have. That's a monster that's feeding that, right? That engine of, well, now that I'm making money, this is what I should have. This is how I should look.
Starting point is 00:07:39 This is how I'm supposed to be. That's a monster that you're feeding because ultimately you're buying in to something that you're creating. You're enhancing this world of thought. And it's not until you sit down and you take a breather and you start to really kind of you start to really figure out the true definition of happiness for you. You start to really understand the adult that you have grown into. And the level of maturity that has now, I guess you can say, have been banked inside the human that you are,
Starting point is 00:08:15 it's your banking so much over the years. And ultimately, you're shaping your molding yourself into this grounded, hopefully, this grounded individual that you're proud to look at in the mirror at the end of the day. I had to start to, I had to get to a place to where I was looking in the mirror and I was proud of what I was looking at. And I was okay with checking myself.
Starting point is 00:08:38 I was okay with pointing out my flaws. I was okay with knowing what I do well and what I do wrong. And at the end of the day, there's no consequence to always improving. There's no consequence to growing. You're in a time now where people almost frown upon the world of growth. I embraced it. I embraced the world of correction. So the monsters and the world of how to tame them came from me understanding the different levels of monsters that have presented themselves to me over the years and me getting them to a point where I put them in a place where I can control them. They're still there. They can rear their heads, but I can say sit out. That's not necessary.
Starting point is 00:09:21 That's not needed. And I can tell when one is trying to take me back to a place of old, but at the age 43, it's exciting to know that I've grown from so much. And, you know, the world of one is significantly different than what it once was. It's really interesting you use the analogy of like looking in the mirror and being okay with yourself. And when you said that, I was thinking,
Starting point is 00:09:43 yeah, when you look in the mirror, there's no trophies. The reflection doesn't show the trophies, the wins, the money, whatever else. It just shows you you. And the fact that you've had the courage to look at that, where do you think when you track back, I've always been fascinated by memories that we hold from our childhood that have left an imprint
Starting point is 00:10:04 that's really strong in our lives, whether it be positive, challenging, whatever it may be. What's a difficult memory from childhood? Do you think that has been the catalyst for so many things in your life? Is there anything that you go back to? You're like, I can see how that, and I had to turn that into a positive.
Starting point is 00:10:21 I think the biggest memory for me is the one of being complacent. You know, as a child, I wasn't really a kid that embraced the world of challenge. I was very complacent. I was okay with being a subpar to low average student. I was okay with not trying. I was okay with not giving my all.
Starting point is 00:10:44 And I was kind of okay with getting over, right? So the biggest memory that I have in my childhood is like when I got to that early teen years, that 12, that 13, that 14, being sneaky and thinking that you're constantly one-uping someone was the, that's what I was embracing at the highest level do your homework I did it did you really do your homework? I did it and you taking my word for it and not checking my homework Oh, I didn't do it, but you think I did I got over
Starting point is 00:11:17 Ultimately you're you're slowly cheating yourself over the course of years and it's not until you get a Rearly checked as to why that work was necessary as you realize you're just not doing what you're supposed to do with your life, right? You're not giving your all. I had a lot of different examples of that. I truly had a mom that made sure that I had and I didn't take advantage or embrace the real work that she put in until I got to an older age of true understanding. But to be honest, I really threw a lot of those things to the side, the extra curricular activities, the swim teams, the football teams, the basketball teams, the track and field,
Starting point is 00:12:01 the baseball. All of these things as a kid, you don't understand your parents are doing to try to provide you with a world of opportunity. They're trying to keep you occupied. They're trying to embrace this idea of hard work, effort, activity, engage. They're doing all of these things to their kids or hopefully for their kids to put their kids in a position to just want,
Starting point is 00:12:27 want the best, compete, study, learn, be excited about their future. That light bulb went off late. Thankfully, when it went off, it went off at the right time. And I was able to identify a lot of stuff that I couldn't then. And also, thankfully, that a lot of the lessons that my mom constantly embedded in me about,
Starting point is 00:12:49 you don't start things that you're not gonna finish, you don't quit, apply your all, do this or don't do it. You're not cheating anybody, but you're selling all of these things that I heard over the course of time. There was a moment when I got older, it all hit at the same time. But the real memory for me now looking back is I'm glad that I do see that that I am aware of that
Starting point is 00:13:11 Because not being aware of that is a huge is lost Thinking that I took full advantage thinking that I've really applied or tried myself thinking that That was a hundred percent would be the real loss. So one of my best memories is knowing that, at one point, I was a slagger. You know, I was the guy that wanted to look like he was doing, but never truly was, unless it was something that I loved and embraced.
Starting point is 00:13:38 And, you know, that was basketball, but the chances of me making it that were very slow. But, you know, that's to answer your question. It's a ballpark of those memories that I now look back on that I appreciate, but it also act as the fuel for the hard work and the 100% that you see that I put in everything. I do that.
Starting point is 00:13:57 Yeah, that's such a great reframe around what you saw as a bigger loss. I think that's so powerful for you to sit here and say, actually I'm really happy that I can see that I wasn't putting my best foot forward because that helps me be grateful to my mom. It helps me understand it from a different perspective. And the one thing that came to mind for me
Starting point is 00:14:17 when I'm listening to you say that is, there's this quote that says, the day you realize your parents were right, your kids are telling you that you're wrong. Wow. And that's always been one of those statements that I think about that in my own self. I thought my parents were wrong my entire teenage life
Starting point is 00:14:34 and I think most teenagers do. And then all of a sudden I hit my mid 20s and I'm like, wait a minute, my mom's been through a lot. You know, my parents put in a lot of sacrifice. And so I love that you brought that up. I mean, one of the reasons we pushed this show back was you lost your father recently. And when I heard the news obviously,
Starting point is 00:14:53 you know, my love and condolences to your family. And I was looking at what you were sharing and commenting about. And there was this one thing that you said that really stuck with me. And you said that that really stuck with me And you said that My kids actually think I'm the coolest dad on the planet. I know why I am the way I am My dad has a lot to do with that the mistakes that my dad made
Starting point is 00:15:15 You know the decisions to do drugs being in and out of jail in and out of your lives I saw first hand what not being present did because of that. I now know what being present means. I know what I can do. I know what effect it can have when your child coming up. But it sounded like obviously when you lost your father recently, it sounds like you'd reconcile. Like you'd built somewhat of a connection. You know me and my dad, we weren't the closest,
Starting point is 00:15:43 but we weren't not close. My dad, at the end of the day, I'm gonna love my dad but simply being my dad. And my dad's life had several different versions of drastic downs, right? A small amount of ups, but a lot of downs. I can easily sit here and ridicule a judge, my dad, for the mistakes that he made, or for his past,
Starting point is 00:16:10 but that does nothing. I don't like to focus on pride, or my focus on solution. So with me and my dad in our relationship, it was always one of solution. Like you can't go back and fix the years that you weren't present. There's nothing that we can do about that time.
Starting point is 00:16:26 We can have a conversation about it. We can talk about it. And then me and my dad talking, my biggest thing was, you don't have to focus on what you can't change. The fact that you're here now and that you made a decision to get clean, to turn your life around. It's never too late. My dad was 50 plus at the time when he said,
Starting point is 00:16:47 I'm gonna go ahead and figure it out. And I'm gonna close that door and I'm gonna work on this other door. This door over here was like I said, jail, drugs, in and out of his kids' life to the point where, there was a time we didn't know where my dad was. And I bumped into my dad on a train.
Starting point is 00:17:07 I tell a story. I bumped into my dad on a public transportation in Philadelphia, like not seeing him in years. I randomly saw my dad. And my dad was so embarrassed, he got on a train to rent. But it's like, that's where that world and that relationship was. And what I do very well,
Starting point is 00:17:27 I don't hold on to grudges or gripes. It takes too much time, it takes too much energy. Things will work themselves out. They never not have. It'll always work itself out. And then my dad worked it out, right? Like, it's about the grandkids. And our relationship got better as he embraced the opportunity
Starting point is 00:17:46 to be a great grandpa. And seeing him try to do that right, was his way of saying, I wish I could have done this right for you. I can. Like, I know what you're saying without saying it. Sometimes, you don't need words. Although some people do need them, sometimes your actions are a little better.
Starting point is 00:18:08 And my dad's actions and trying his best to be an unbelievable grandfather made our father's son relationship that much better. And you know, there was a lot of conflict between my brother and my dad and seeing that mend over the time. And you know, there was a lot of conflict between my brother and my dad and seeing that mend over the time. And just saying, look, I'm not supposed to be here. Dad, look at what your son has done. Look at where I am. Being that I can, I want to make sure that you get to see
Starting point is 00:18:39 some dope things in life. Here, let's do this and take that and live like this and do it. So things work themselves out. His reward for giving his energy to something positive and life-changing was his son becoming successful and his son saying, Dad, huh? It's not expected. That wasn't the plan. You got a great piece of light at the end of that dark tunnel that you didn't expect, that I didn't expect, because I didn't expect to be here. So everything kind of, it works itself out. And losing my dad is when you look back,
Starting point is 00:19:18 and you go, yo, he was all right, right? Like my reflection, my conversation, my words when I speak on behalf of my father. They're so positive and dope because he did good. I'm all right. I came out okay. Mom, dad, you did good. Like, whatever you did to put, whatever recipe in this pot, the food came out all right. I'm a good person, I got a good heart. I treat people with respect. Ultimately, I want the most that I can possibly get out of life.
Starting point is 00:19:54 I love to love. I'm a good dude. Am I perfect? No. I got some of them imperfections over there. I got some of the ones from over here, from my man dead. Okay, that's life. Of course.
Starting point is 00:20:07 I'ma figure it out, but I figure it out without the want or need for problem. That's real, man. I mean, listening to you say that what I appreciate so much is about how you're changing our perspective again that often we feel to heal what was broken needs to be fixed. And actually what you've just said is seeing him try with the grandkids, that's not even the area that needed fixing or was broken, but seeing that starts to create some healing. That's the best example that I can ask for.
Starting point is 00:20:48 Because it's not about us, right? Like me and my ex-wife got to a point of realization, you know, after having a significant amount of ups and downs, you know, after our divorce, we got to a point where you realize it's not about us. Like we, we did it. We had our opportunity and we're now adults. How we choose to live as adults. Well, that's a choice that we make, but we're trying to make the best choices so that they have a better life. So it's about them.
Starting point is 00:21:24 When I see somebody making the efforts to make life for them better, well, then we're on the same page. We have the same vision. We have the same vision. Yeah, yeah. It's not it's not about us at this point. It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to do things to create change, to move ground, shift the gear so that they have a much better opportunity than what we did. That's the world of the baton being passed correctly. And if you understand that and you have that mindset, you approach your day to day differently. And I do do I do have that mindset and it's one thing that I'm very thankful for and through the things that should be problems or were supposed to be problems
Starting point is 00:22:15 I've never held on to them long enough and by the way Just bringing it back for a circle. That's a monster That grudge monster that's a monster. That grudge monster, that's a monster. That I'ma get you back. I'ma wait, you just watch. I'ma hold on that and I'ma prove to you. I'ma show you or I'm not talking to nobody over here. That's a monster. So you can fuel that monster or that monster doesn't have to have an existence in me. This year create positive habits that make you feel good and feel productive like learning with one dream. One dream is an educational platform with content covering almost any topic you
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Starting point is 00:24:35 to the best version of yourself. And when you feel empowered, you're more prepared to take on everything life throws at you. Some things that help me show up as my best self is having a daily mindfulness practice. For me, it's meditation. Some things that help me show up as my best self is having a daily mindfulness practice. For me it's meditation. Some form of journaling, I like setting intentions for the day, but sometimes when life gets tough and it's good to have a professional you can speak to that's there to help without any judgment. If you're thinking of giving therapy a try,
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Starting point is 00:25:37 That's better-h-e-l-p.com forward-slash-chase-top-3. And get 10% of your first month of online therapy when you sign up. It's really, really interesting hearing that perspective again because, you know, one of my favorite lessons that I've learned is that often the thing that's holding you back is something you're holding onto. Yes. It's one of my favorite lessons. The idea that something that's holding you back is you're holding onto
Starting point is 00:26:05 it. So whether it's a grudge, like you're saying the grudge monster or a feeling or an emotion or an idea that you're not allowing it to let go when it no longer serves you and being able to walk away from that requires real strength and courage. But one of the things that you said about you and your partner, your ex-wife, that I think is really powerful is that when it's just about us, whoever that may be, you're either looking at each other or you're looking past each other.
Starting point is 00:26:33 And what you just said is now we're looking in the same direction when it's the kids. And so that switch, if you think about any relationship in our life, when we think it's just about us, when it's not about anyone else, you're always gonna be against each other. But as soon as there's a higher purpose, or there's a commitment,
Starting point is 00:26:50 or there's a value that supersedes that. And understanding. And understanding, yeah. And understanding that comes with the world of communication and great dialogue. I can, you know, and having this conversation, I can point to so many examples of how it's so hard to see the good if you're only seeing the bad.
Starting point is 00:27:09 Like, there's so many people that struggle with their version of successes because they're looking at someone else's. There's so many people that struggle with their world of relationship because they're judging theirs based off of someone else's right and We are constantly in the space of Not realizing or noticing your world your reality because you're living in what appears to be someone else's Well, your shit is never gonna be right. Mm-hmm. It's never gonna be right, right? Like if I'm if I'm looking at everybody's relationship with their father and I'm going, I want that.
Starting point is 00:27:45 Well, I'm not embracing the world of good that came from my dad. I could have went down the road and my dad did. I could have easily been wrapped into the same world of, you know, drugs, gangs, violence, stick up boys, right, like the embracing the hood at the highest level not that I don't because I do, that's where I'm a little bit of a talent, stick up boys, right? Like the embracing the hood at the highest level, not that I don't because I do, that's where I'm from. But I could have embraced it at a much higher level
Starting point is 00:28:10 and followed in the footsteps of my father because that's what he did. But I was able to realize the mistakes he made. I was able to go, I don't wanna go down that street because I see the consequences of it. That's the choice that I made, right? Some don't make that choice. By the way, no disrespect to those that haven't.
Starting point is 00:28:28 It's to each his own. You do what you want based off of who you've seen or what you want to be true to. Live your life. Ultimately, we get one. Live it for you. Live it to the best space in place that you feel you can win at.
Starting point is 00:28:48 That's my motto. I'm not here to tell you right for wrong. I'm saying I identify things differently and I make decisions based off of examples that I can look at as not bad, but ones that if I didn't have, I could have made that mistake. So without a lesson that was intentional, I could have made that mistake. Yeah. So without a lesson that was intentional, my dad's giving me lessons.
Starting point is 00:29:07 Yeah. Right? It's not intentional. My dad never said, I went to jail so you didn't have to. Yeah. You never said that. But hey, man. See, you and jail, dad.
Starting point is 00:29:16 It's my wisdom, yeah. Well, that just made me realize I don't want to go there. Yeah. Hearing how you talk about it, hearing how many times you went, well, I don't want to go there. Yeah. Hearing how you talk about it, hearing how many times you went, well, I don't want to go there. Seeing what drug did to you, are you talking and telling the stories, what you lost, what you had, what you know, well, I don't want to do that. Okay, you know, I'm going to embrace my father.
Starting point is 00:29:37 I'm going to embrace this imperfect human being because I'd be damned if he's not, if he's not positioning me for personal success in just understanding what I shouldn't, shouldn't do. And it seems so logical. It seems like common sense, but sometimes it's not that easy for the son. It's not that easy. Yeah, and sometimes what I'm hearing is sometimes the greatest wisdom is unsaid and unintentional. Right? Sometimes the greatest wisdom is not what someone said to you and sometimes the greatest wisdom is knowing what not to do.
Starting point is 00:30:12 I think we think of it as like knowledge or learning means someone's telling me what to do and they told me the right thing. Sometimes it's looking and saying, well, I know what not to do now. And what I'm fascinated though, and I think you're going to give people a lot of hope listening to you today because when you say that you are complacent growing up, and I consider you today to probably be one of the hardest working people in entertainment from what I see and observe. And when I've watched your interviews or listened to you, you work super hard, you give it your all, your invested from a mission purpose point of
Starting point is 00:30:43 view. But hey, wait a minute, this person says, I was complacent growing up, and it's never one moment, it's never one thing. So I don't even wanna simplify it with that kind of a question. What were the shifts that needed to take place in order for you to go from being complacent to being one of the hardest working people who's committed to something?
Starting point is 00:31:02 I'm big on just like logic, right? And there's this, there's this like moment that I had where I just kept saying why not, like why, right? And Russell Westbrook is a good friend of mine. I tease him all the time because the one saying that he has that I wish I would have had or I wish I got to first is why not, right? And it's so genius. It's so genius. It's so simple, but yet so profound. You don't just have to have one job and working any job and whether a job is a nine or
Starting point is 00:31:41 five or whether it's, you know, half a day, four day, whatever it is, you don't just have to do one thing. You can do a lot of different things, but this is weird, this is weird mindset that a lot of people have that you can only do one thing. And when I realized, I don't have to just do one thing, I can do a lot of different things. You can be good at a lot of different things, but you don't know that you're good at a lot of different things unless you try a lot of different things. And when I looked around and I kind of just realized how the world goes around, it's all based off of creativity. It's all based off of ideas. It's all based off of thought provoking, then groundbreaking opportunities. But the simplest things have come from an idea, from your chair to your table,
Starting point is 00:32:38 to your wheel, to your light bulb, to your car, to your plane, to your helicopter, to the idea of a hotel, from hotels going to a place of people running out houses and Airbnb's to taxis, to then people driving their own cars. These are all ideas. And the groundbreaking thought that I had and realizing all these ideas is that these ideas
Starting point is 00:33:08 have the potential to touch the sky if a person believes that they can. If a person believes that they can, well, your world of idea changes. Your reason for getting up, your reason for putting your feet on the ground every morning, it can change if you believe that the purpose that you now have and that you're working towards based off of an idea.
Starting point is 00:33:34 It's something that you can succeed in. I grasped that understanding and I attached it to everything that I tried to do. I did not set out to be the actor, the director, the writer, the producer, the CEO, the chairman, the advisor. I did not set out to do any of these things, and I'm going to make it very clear, I don't have the educational background for any of these things. What I had was an idea to try. And after you get an idea to try what I had was, the patience to sit and listen, be a sponge, learn, figure it out. And figuring it out, there was another side of not being okay with the incomplete version of figuring out the thing that I didn't do.
Starting point is 00:34:26 Mm-hmm. Well, why did I go ask all these questions? If I'm not gonna try it now, do I know how? Yeah. All right, let me, let me try it. The only consequence is failure. By the way, not trying is failing. Yeah, well, so.
Starting point is 00:34:42 I'm gonna make that very clear. Well, I said yeah. Not trying is failing. Yeah, well, so. I wanna make that very clear. I wanna say that, yeah. Not trying is failing. There's a lot of things that people can't do simply because you've never tried to do it. And I'm not saying that you should try everything. I'm not saying that you're supposed to do everything. I'm saying that for me, when someone says something,
Starting point is 00:35:02 and I go, now I never did that I Have a reason for why I've never done it and Adjustification if you ask me something and I go no and you just say why and I go mm-hmm That's not good enough for me. Yeah, yeah, I'd have a reason why and that's that's the foundation and I stand on That's how I built this mindset, this, this level of energy to go ahead. Um, rhyming reason within my why. Why not? Yeah. It's the Russ again. I love you, Dev, my brother. It's the one that got away from me. I love you to death my brother. It's the one that got away from me and your genius for saying it because it's so
Starting point is 00:35:56 Simple. Yeah, so profile. Yeah, so everything that I'm doing or that I'm attempting to do is because I started so much and I'm just trying to finish it Yeah, and I Like the fact that I'm 43 and I still got energy Behind what it is that I'm trying to do. Yeah, it sounds like it's like where you're going is not as important as who you're growing into for that direction. Oh my God. Like the person that you're evolving into, the things you have to learn, the things you have to be surrounded by.
Starting point is 00:36:19 And I think that's the part that I get excited about. It's like, yeah, like you said, whether you get there, whatever there is or not, and it's not just the journey and the destination because I think that's the old cliche, but what I'm really hearing from you is, the person you grow into, the people you surround yourself by in order to reach this big goal, that is so fulfilling and that pursuit is
Starting point is 00:36:47 worthy, right? The pursuit is the happiness. It's everything. Yeah. Jay, I've said this before and you'll hear so many people say it. They come from where I've come from, the bottom or what's considered to be the bottom. We are not stereotypically supposed to be in the rooms that we're in. When we say that, there's a level of comfort, right? When I suppose being in these rooms, and it's kind of cliche when you say it.
Starting point is 00:37:14 When you start to get in these rooms, you go, wow, why are we not supposed to be in these rooms? It's so amazing when you get to the other side, you see the other side, And you look back and you just look at what you've grown from. The conversations that I'm able to have, the knowledge that I'm able to speak with, and the understanding, I understand not because I'm a trained machine, and I spent all of this time prepping for, and you this is this is what the the idea of education was all based off of no. The idea of discovery enhanced the muscle that made me want for so much more information and the space of life that I chose to love.
Starting point is 00:37:59 So entertainment and business. So an entertainment and business, the level of failures that I have had that I'm still having in some regard, the world of fixing, cleaning up, making better, understanding, growing relationships, building. It's there, there is nothing more intriguing to me than being able to turn around and look at Kevin at the age 22. And and look at Kevin at the age 22 and then looking at Kevin at the age 43. This was not the plan. What do you talk about? Every day is a new day and every day I found another thing to be excited about. Every day I found another goal that I decided to attach to my tree. And that tree got so many branches on it right now.
Starting point is 00:38:46 And so many people say you're doing so much, or why do you do so much? How do you do so much? What's the end game? What's the goal? The game is being in the game, right? Like it's being in the game. The foundation that I'm trying my best to create, I hope and
Starting point is 00:39:06 pray to these four kids that I have, that they look at it, they see that they understand, we just got to shout at something different. We got to shout at generational wealth. We got to shot at changing the quote unquote trajectory within our culture of opportunity. We got a shot to make this normal. Once again, I'm looking past me. I'm looking at, I'm looking at the bigger piece of the plan. My kids got a bigger shot at breaking ground and making this normal
Starting point is 00:39:44 because other kids that look like us that came from where we come from and that grew up, how I grew up, well now I have a different level of association for what can be achieved. If it's based off of what I was able to do, I'm igniting a different level of thought, a different level of what,
Starting point is 00:40:02 a different level of motivation and inspiration. I'm inspiring at a different level of thought, a different level of what, a different level of motivation and inspiration. I'm inspiring at a different level. Absolutely. Well, I get there and at the last second, I miss it and I fall. I got there. Yeah. I got there and all I does is show them
Starting point is 00:40:16 that they can get there. They knock on this. And they can go further. They can go further. They knock on this. They're equipped with too much of the weapons. I've equipped you along the way with so much. So you're prepared for all this war that's coming up here.
Starting point is 00:40:29 You're not going to miss. That might miss, that might fall. You're not. I love that. And the kids coming up from under them. They're not going to miss. But you have to have this energy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:43 It's bigger than me. What's that one mindset that you're trying to pass on to that next generation, your kids, the kids that come off to that, because it sounds like while you were honest and saying, look, I didn't know I was gonna be a writer, director, entrepreneur, CEO, I didn't have these,
Starting point is 00:40:58 I didn't have the education, as you said. But it sounds like you have some, you have the mindset, that's very clear, we know that. But there's some core skills here that it sounds like you've invested in very deeply and that you're trying to pass on. If you could narrow them down to one, two, or three for us, what would you say are the skills that you're like,
Starting point is 00:41:16 this is how I want my kids to be able to operate in this world, and that's what they need. The best skill that I have developed is the skill of noticing and understanding that nothing is done by one individual. No level of success is reached by one person, right? Like there is a team effort that goes into the smallest moment of success to the largest. And the person that wants the rewards and accolades for it all and that doesn't embrace the world of team and the foundation that stands underneath whatever that thing is, as a person that won't last long.
Starting point is 00:42:08 The thing that I am most thankful for and the thing that I'm glad that it has just improved over the course of time is the world of inclusion with the Wii. There's no I. And I hope that that's what I'm passing down to my kids is that you know nothing is given everything is earned and for things to be earned correctly you know you you have to surround yourself with people that you can
Starting point is 00:42:40 not only earn with but that will support and embrace along the way, right? I have an amazing team. I'll do my team grows to be the stars of tomorrow from execs to creatives, to talent, to writers, producers, directors, everybody that's underneath this umbrella of heartbeat, of heartbeat ventures, of the brands and the brand partnerships and the space of entertainment and this ecosystem with the media that we've created. We flourish because they flourish.
Starting point is 00:43:18 And knowing that, identifying that and trying my best to support that, that's the thing that I have had to work on. And we'll be talking about monsters. Jay, there was a, there was a high monster. Yeah. There was a, I need to do it. I'm gonna make the call. Me first, as well.
Starting point is 00:43:37 I gotta, I'm a boat. I'm, I know. Everybody move. Watch out. I'm gonna show y'all how to do it. I'm gonna take the meeting. Hit, we're not listening to that. We're going to do it my way. There was this heavy thing of me. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
Starting point is 00:43:53 got the way, Kevin. Get out the way and let other people be great. They're only going to make this thing greater. Your prohibiting that by trying to stand in a moment of great so that people can look and point at you Let other people do the thing that they were brought here to do and while they do it Align yourself with them embrace them support them and as they grow we grow That's the thing that I flourishing the most which is why the first thing that I asked you Yeah, yeah, think about it the first thing that I asked you when we're here with setting up I said I don't give you guys been together. Yeah
Starting point is 00:44:30 That's just me asking because I want to see what the world of your team is and when you say what you say Well, there's no coincidence that the level of success comes with a relationship that's evolved from Day to said date. Yes It comes with an understanding that comes with a level of community, more importantly, a want for success, but we have it together because we're embracing the world. It's not just one. I love that you went there, man.
Starting point is 00:44:54 Like, they could have been so many ways to answer that question. And the fact that you brought it back to being bigger than you, I mean, that mindset... I mean, that mindset is everything, but it's so easily missed because we grow up in a doggy dog society, we grow up in a U versus me. I feel like when I speak to people in the entertainment industry as well, for years, especially if you were a minority or a person of color, you were put against the only other person of color.
Starting point is 00:45:24 Absolutely. And so it's like, there can be only one person of color, comedian. There can only be one person of color actor, right? Like, it's all divided. And so you talked about this. I really talked about this. It was, it's, you know, Dave, Chris, myself, we're very close. Yeah. And I love seeing that. That makes me happy. The reason why we're so close is because, you know, there is no competition. We're not competing with one another. And, you know, we all have different level of success
Starting point is 00:45:53 that makes sense for us, right? Like, one success has nothing to do with the other. And the support, the love that we give each other, that we embrace each other with, it's all dealt with the other. And the support, the love that we give each other, that we embrace each other with, it's all double the understanding that we can all exist the same time. And the conversation of, there can only be one,
Starting point is 00:46:16 is one that we've created as a culture. Like, you know, we really do pit our own, against our own, right? We really have done it throughout the time. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with competition. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be the best. There's nothing wrong with that conversation. But it's a conversation that can be had and should be had without the malicious intent
Starting point is 00:46:41 behind it, right? Because ultimately success is success, and that's what you're in a game for. Yeah. To have some type of level of success that checks the box for you. Yeah. And once again, if you get to looking across the street
Starting point is 00:46:58 and you're looking at what the others are doing over there, well, you're missing what you've done over here. And I just, it's something that I think over the course of time has developed. It didn't start off like this. I definitely was once again, and being transparent, I was a young comic that was like, man, when am I going to get my turn? Yeah. I'm funny.
Starting point is 00:47:21 I'm funnier than I need it. I don't understand. Oh my God. Nobody'm funnier than I need it. I don't understand. Oh my God. Nobody want like you do go through that. And rightfully so, there's frustration in not knowing or not understanding why my opportunity hasn't or isn't. There's frustration in that.
Starting point is 00:47:39 But there's also a sense of calm that comes in confidence of knowing that you're putting the work in for a reason and that it will pay off. Yeah. And I had to make that change. Yeah. I had to make the change of saying, I'm doing the work. Am I showing up every day and am I prepared?
Starting point is 00:47:55 And if this opportunity does come, am I ready for it? Because it's nothing worse than it comes and I don't have a set. I don't have a tight five minutes. I don't have a tight 10. I didn't have a tight five minutes. I don't have a tight 10. I didn't have a 25 minutes set. Oh my God, they wanted to clean material. I didn't have no clean material. There's nothing worse than not being ready.
Starting point is 00:48:13 Oh my God. So you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna do the work and make sure I'm ready. Let me go take these acting classes before I even got an acting role. I'm sitting in a damn acting class. I'm spending a little bit of money I got doing one-on-one sessions. That wasn't comfortable being in the class. I had to get the space of comfort. I don't have any roles. I didn't have any audition yet. I'm doing a work so that when I get there, I don't have to go backwards
Starting point is 00:48:39 and do it. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oh, pro. Everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it. Kobe Bryant. The results don't really matter.
Starting point is 00:48:58 It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Haw. It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to create change. Luminous Hamilton. That's for me been taking that moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself, because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself. And many, many more.
Starting point is 00:49:16 If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on-purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. I'm Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast Navigating Narcissism.
Starting point is 00:49:46 Narcissists are everywhere and their toxic behavior in words can cause serious harm to your mental health. In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte who was loved by the Tinder Swindler. The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me, but he cannot be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money he took. But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I know how to identify
Starting point is 00:50:20 the narcissists in your life. Each week you will hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and the process of their healing from these relationships. Listen to navigating narcissism on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is what it sounds like inside the box card. I'm journalist and I'm Morton in my podcast, City of the Rails. I plung into the dark world of America's railroads, searching for my daughter Ruby, who ran off to hop train. I'm just like stuck on this train, not where I'm going to end up, and I jump.
Starting point is 00:51:01 Following my daughter, I found a secret city of unforgettable characters living outside society, off the grid and on the edge. I was in love with a lifestyle and the freedom this community. No one understands who we truly are. The rails made me question everything I knew about motherhood, history, and the thing we call the American Dream. about motherhood, history, and the thing we call the American Dream. It's the last vestige of American freedom. Everything about it is extreme. You're either going to die, or you can have this incredible rebirth, and really understand who you are.
Starting point is 00:51:37 Come with me to find out what waits for us in the city of the rails. Listen to City of the Rails on the I heart radio app Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts or cityoftherails.com. Yeah, I love that mindset. I think that is so underrated of, are you even ready if the opportunity came knocking? Are you even ready? And two things that I took away from that the first was something you said about you, Chris and Dave, which, and I love hearing about that friendship. It's so beautiful to hear about that. I read something from Bob Iger, where he was talking about how at one point, Spielberg, George Lucas, and I think it
Starting point is 00:52:15 was Tarantino, they would show each other their movies before it went anywhere. So they'd sit in this tiny little theater or whatever, they'd show each other their movies, give each other feedback, and then they'd all launch this tiny little theater or whatever they'd show each other their movies, give each other feedback and then they'd all launch their movies and of course all of those people are you know, I mean icons and it's unbelievable because you think they were so confident in who they were and what their style was. I mean a Spielberg movie doesn't look like a Lucas movie and a Lucas movie doesn't look like a Tarantino movie. They were so confident in who they were and what they brought to the table that they could even show their best work.
Starting point is 00:52:49 I trust your level of understanding opinion and story and the highest regard that even though we don't share the same love for John material, whatever you want to call it, right? Like whether it's sci-fi, it's a drama, to action. Like these are all, like you said, different people. But you know story, you know, character. I trusted you'll be able to watch my project. Tell me if my characters are easy to track and if you care, and if you don't care, I also trusted you'll be able to tell me why you felt you didn't. I also feel that in a space of solution, you're not gonna throw things at me that are not doable.
Starting point is 00:53:32 You're gonna know the context of what I have that I'm working with, what's left on the cut of room floor, what I can possibly do to do reshoots. Everything that you're gonna tell me is within regards of having my best interests. That's confidence, that's also a strong relationship and a friendship that along the journey of success as we've all gotten to the top of this mountain,
Starting point is 00:53:52 we understand that your stance on your mountain has nothing to do with minds. Dave Shippell has made me and Chris Rock feel stupid at times when it comes to our choice of material. We have watched Dave in our earlier stages of just working on our set and we would spend time at the seller and when we come and we would all go and Dave would go up and me and Chris had just went up and we happy about our material. We're giving each other notes. We watch Dave. There's been times we have looked at each other and we balled out papers up and said we got to start over.
Starting point is 00:54:24 There's been times we had looked at each other and we balled out papers up and said we got to start over We got to start over. Yeah, not because of of Jealousy or envy no because we challenge each other and we we we spark and amp the world of like we want the best But not only each other before ourselves. Yeah, and and you inspire me and you encourage me and I Love the reporter we have because we do exactly the same thing. Yeah, I think my hour is ready I want you to come see me Kristen. What you think? Yeah, can I like you? But I still think you can can't come see me. I'm doing an hour and 40 right now hour and 40 Yeah, tell me what you think I'm probably gonna trim 20 out of it. I like where it is. All right. I'm coming Dave was up come no higher
Starting point is 00:55:05 You gonna like when I'm working on like where it is. All right, I'm coming. Dave, what's up? Come to Ohio. You gon' like when I'm working on it. I want your eyes. All right. That's a strong relationship and it's one that I embrace. And I celebrate it often, man. I celebrate it often. I think it's very important for people to see
Starting point is 00:55:20 other entertainers at this level. Just simply celebrate each other's success. I love it, whether it's rappers, singers, actors, actresses, comedians, writers, directors, whoever. I love to see a room where people are in it and they're celebrating one another. We're all a part of a fraternity, and if we treat it right,
Starting point is 00:55:43 that fraternity will have an amazing stance forever. Yeah right? Like you don't want to attach bad stories to it if we don't have to. Yeah and I think that's the most inspiring thing for the kids because when I think about younger generations if you grew up watching your favorite people and you knew they were all friends. How does that change the game now? Because if you're seeing your favorite people fight each other and battle it out for the crown, what are you going to do with the person sitting right next to you at school? And I think that's, I saw that so much growing up where I've always wanted to connect with people regardless of what we do in this space, but you saw so many people who are coming at it from the perspective of, let's see who does better. Let's see
Starting point is 00:56:23 who does more. And again, I love what you said. Competition's not a bad thing. Let's not give it a bad name. But the idea that we've got to be able to hold two truths, we can compete and still be friends. And still be friends. And I think people are still, yeah, you have to choose, but you know.
Starting point is 00:56:39 And still be friends. You know, there was a time where the USA men's from team, the Olympic team, this team was just so elite. And this is in felpses like, felps was felps, a human fish. Right. But when you look at a lot, and you look at the other men that were competing on that team, and you looked at the world of competition between them themselves. Those practices were more than just practices. The world of training before the Olympics and the battles that took place in those pools
Starting point is 00:57:14 were they got ready and they were a by each other side every single day. When I tell you that atmosphere is one that nobody else can understand except the ones that are competing to be great. By the way, at the end of every practice, they would get out and shake each other's hands without me being here. I'm willing to bet and say, good, when you push me today, you kick my ass today. Hey, tomorrow, man, I'm gonna see if I can lower my time. I'm not happy with my 200.
Starting point is 00:57:40 I'll go, I do it with you. I'll push you. Hey, my backstroke is whatever. Hey, you know what today, on those 50s, we did the reps. You seem like you got stronger along the way. Well. I push you a my back stroke is whatever a you know what today on those fifties We did the reps you seem like you got stronger along the way. Well, I saw you next to me that motivation that motivation It's your pulling from being alongside of somebody that's quote unquote the best or or the quote unquote greatest You're using that as fuel. That's not bad But not in one interview
Starting point is 00:58:05 that you ever see them have any type of report that looked as if there was animosity or anger towards one success. The happiest people for Michael Fels, where the people on his team, the happiest people were the people that got to silver, that were on his team. That to me, that's the mold and the making of real champions, right? Yeah
Starting point is 00:58:26 That's the mold and the making like if if if you're in it and you have said this is what I'm destined to do And I'm gonna give my all and every day. I show up with a hundred percent regardless of the outcome I'm showing up with a hundred percent That day gonna come whenever it comes, I'm going to be ready, it's going to come. I'm going to get my just doing my fulfilling, my fulfilling, like need and energy and want
Starting point is 00:58:55 for knowing that I have just delivered for myself. That's why I can be with. That's why I look at the mirror. Sometimes I let myself down because the things that I'm trying to do, I should know I can be with. That's why I look at the mirror. Sometimes I let myself down because the things that I'm trying to do, I should know I can't redo. Yeah. Sometimes I'm chasing the thing that can't be redone again. Sometimes the lighten in the bottle strikes once.
Starting point is 00:59:15 You're not gonna get that again. So this times when I'm so hard on myself that I missed the moments of success that I should realize that I'm having. That I'm chasing this thing. Here's a time where I was doing two shows in arenas a night. Four shows in a city in arenas. As a comedian. Go back on tour the next one.
Starting point is 00:59:34 I only do two shows. Oh my god, I'm falling off. What's happening? No. So it's out six seven shows. The man is a square girl. What? I feel bad because I didn't do it again.
Starting point is 00:59:42 That ain't going to happen again. That was lightning in the bottle. You got a guy. You got a man that's a square gum. What? I feel bad because I didn't do it again. That ain't going to happen again. That was lightning in the bottle. You got to get to a place of understanding and realization. But once again, it's the monsters, man. Yeah, it's the monsters.
Starting point is 00:59:56 It's the monsters. It's the monsters. Yeah, you talk about this in the audiobook and I loved it. It was all about the addiction and number one. Yes. This idea, and you love this. There was a study that I to number one. It's this idea. And you'll love this. There was a study that I saw that said,
Starting point is 01:00:07 because you brought up the Olympics, it sparked my brain. There's a study that I saw that said, people who win bronze are happier than people who win silver. Because the people who came second were this close to first. Oh my God, yeah. But the person who came third, they were happy.
Starting point is 01:00:25 They were like, we weren't gonna get first. But we got in, we got on the podium. And it's that podium syndrome of, at least we got on, but the second, the person in silver, they are mad at themselves. Because they didn't get number one. And so that addiction to number one is so strong. It's a bigger addiction
Starting point is 01:00:41 when there's multiple versions of. I'm guilty of the multiple like okay, I need it Got a movie coming out Movie going in the box. I need it. I need number one. I don't get number one of a fail like it failed You flop. I don't get them one of a flop. It's a flop. I got to get them one Yeah, one or a flop. There's no in between. Yeah, it's one or five like I've always got number one. It's got to be number one What happens is you're so, you're so unrealistic in expectations that you're missing real success. Now, I've been fortunate and blessed enough to have a ton of them, but I got to a place Where the the win Was attached to the project the win was attached to me
Starting point is 01:01:28 Finishing a movie and being happy about the movie that I did Union workers are happy and a director coming out with the finished piece of the product going You're gonna like this and we see it. We actually like it and then we we screen it for fans, if fans go, we love that's the win. That's the win. This other thing, I'm trying to control Kestop. You can't control that. And if you keep on going in the direction that you're going in, if in when that thing changes, you're gonna be so hurt
Starting point is 01:02:02 that the world of recovery might not be easy for you. You're logic and what you're now deeming as like reality for you. It's not reality. If you don't grasp the real concept of what it should be now, it doesn't mean that you're saying that you are ready to fail, it's saying be prepared
Starting point is 01:02:22 for the world of real to present itself at any point in time. Don't get caught up in the world of fake. And me acting as if I control these numbers, as if I can navigate and direct and make it happen, when and how I want all the time, I'm setting myself up. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to check myself now. Yeah. Let me balance it out now. What are you doing?
Starting point is 01:02:47 I love what I do Well then let's be happy and what we do I talk to David Letterman on my comedy pockets right comedy gold mines and Letterman said he was so dark at one point Because all he did was show up and he looked at the numbers between him and the other shows every day. Oh my God, that's painful. Every day. My Instagram number's here.
Starting point is 01:03:10 He said, every day I got there and I looked at it and I was, my team, you and I were working hard enough and I was so hard, he said, I'm so hard on people. And when you hear him talk, love David. By the way, I don't know the letterman of old that some people ran into. I know the letterman of now and he's so transparent, the information and how he talks and what he's overcome. His stories were just, it was so good to hear. Because when you hear
Starting point is 01:03:36 people that are openly telling you, you can't do this. You can't operate like this. Because it eats away at you. It eats away. It made me realize I did go through a piece of that. I just was able to catch mine early. And in the worry of like, we might fail, we've risk being open to being broken, right? Like that's the risk.
Starting point is 01:03:58 Like, you don't wanna go down, but you don't realize that if you're not prepared for that down, the down's gonna be far worse. That's gonna be far worse, man. We have had a live example of a lot of those downs, right? Like, in real time, we're watching, I call it the Truman Show. And for everybody listening to your podcast, if you're not familiar with the Truman Show, it's a Jim Carrey movie, but basically, you know, people's lives, it's the movie, right?
Starting point is 01:04:28 We're watching, we're watching real live movies every single day. And you're watching people make mistakes, recover from mistakes, not recover from mistakes, make rights instead of left, left instead of rights. And seeing that, we choose to ignore it as if it's not real life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We choose to ignore it. Because it feels like it's TV. And the biggest drug, the biggest drug,
Starting point is 01:04:53 it's not cocaine, it's not heroin, it's not, Molly or opioids, and the biggest drug is fame. And now it's more accessible and different, it's the biggest drug. And the reason why it's the biggest drug is fame. And now it's more accessible and different doses. It's the biggest drug. And the reason why it's the biggest drug, because it's a drug that makes you feel like you are powerful in like everywhere you go, anything you want, everything you want, it's a thing.
Starting point is 01:05:21 And if you can't handle this thing, the consequences attached to when that thing is removed are severe. Nobody prepares you for the world of fame. There is no handbook, there is no outline, there is no guide by guide. Step one, the step 10, there's nothing. You get it. And's nothing you get it and
Starting point is 01:05:46 Yesterday you weren't and today you are and tomorrow you're not what no we're done people get shell shocked that to me Has always been The point of no return at the end of the day this can wear off if and when return. At the end of the day, this can wear off if and when however sees or decides and if that were to happen, well, what am I? Where am I? It's all going to it's all going to be in the back to are you happy with who you are and what you did? Are you at a point where you are okay? Do you know you and are you okay with you? If you are not, it'll break you. Your energy is incredible.
Starting point is 01:06:31 And just the depth, what I love about this, and this was my vision with the show, and you're helping me achieve that, which I'm very grateful for is, I don't think, and I love that you've been doing this more and more with the audible, with, hot to hot, like we're getting to see your depth. We're getting to see the mind behind you.
Starting point is 01:06:48 Again, as we said earlier, we like to limit people. We like to limit people into like, you just be a comedian. Or you just be a race car driver. Or you just be a actor. And it's like, we're starting to realize that, like you said, you're not just watching someone's life on TV, there's a human here. There's a story here.
Starting point is 01:07:04 And we're getting that with you. Do you think it was, was this something, was this an epiphany that you had before the accident? Was it that this really, because when you're audible, when you talk about like how, when it's just silent, you figure out what really matters. Like when I heard that, I was just thinking like,
Starting point is 01:07:23 our near death experiences, you were told when you came out of it, you should be dead. And you're like, well, I was just thinking like, on near death experiences, you were told when you came out of it, you should be dead, and you're like, well, I don't remember anything. Does that feel like that was a moment that there is a massive awakening, or were you already kind of working with some of this? No, I had a, I was always a transparent, authentic person, but you definitely change.
Starting point is 01:07:44 That's what it is. You definitely change, and by what it is. You definitely change. And by the way, still changing. I'm not sitting in front of you. Yes, I'm in the floor, man. Like, I am my dad's child. And my mother's child as well. There's nothing more humbling than a quiet room.
Starting point is 01:08:00 There's nothing more humbling than the realization of what is really like necessary. What you take for granted and what we don't think twice about is not until that's compromised that the true appreciation for life I feel like and sometimes be had. I don't wanna speak for everybody because I think there are some people that truly do get it and that truly do think whatever their space or version of a
Starting point is 01:08:33 higher power is daily for life and for what they do. You know, I believe in God. So I'm not as spiritual as some may be, but I'm very thankful for the life that God has allowed me to live and the opportunities that I've been able to embark upon. But I got a lot more appreciation after life was almost gone. Right? Like, do you really appreciate your toes? Do you really appreciate your fingers? Like, do you really appreciate your toes? Do you really appreciate your fingers? Like, do you really think about your movement,
Starting point is 01:09:09 your joints, vision, smell? Do you really think about how fortunate and lucky you are? It's the only time where I get a little, where I slow up. Right? When I'm slowing up, it's because the reality of that was significant. I really almost died. My kids and all that, like, what?
Starting point is 01:09:32 As I'm moving so fast, I didn't even have everything dialed up for if said thing were to happen, what would, oh, cause I'm out here. I'm just Roman. I'm out here aimlessly living and I'm moving here. I'm just Roman. I'm out here aimlessly living, and I'm moving so fast I've yet to grasp the true concept and reality of responsibility. Immediately, let me get my responsibilities in order.
Starting point is 01:09:57 Because if that had been, there would have been a lot of people with their hands up as to what, how, when, fame is great the lights are great. Have a heart, have a heart number one, number one, number one. That was an avaroon. My god, then wife, my brother, my kids. You look around, you got a lot of friends, you got a lot of people to love you, but these are, well, what really matters? That's when my mind says start of the change.
Starting point is 01:10:26 That's when you go, okay, my approach to just me and working on me, it needs to be different. I've contradicted myself a lot since, you know, I wanna slow down, I'ma make sure I get my family more time. I have, that doesn't mean there can't be more. The day-to-day battle of, am I giving enough? Am I, guys, you know how much dad loves you? I'm here.
Starting point is 01:10:52 Like, you know, always working to make sure to do more. But is it enough? My work of hauling? Okay, but that's not a bad thing, though, because you love the work. Yes, you do. That's a passion. You get something that you go after every day. That is a driving source for me.
Starting point is 01:11:07 I'm not in the business of letting that go, but, or you better put your hands on these people and make sure, you better make sure that you are giving the time that you said you would when you were in that time of solace. Okay, all right, I'm constantly talking to myself. I have these conversations all the time. That's the beauty of taking my little runs, the beauty of working out, okay, all right. I'm constantly talking to myself. I have these conversations all the time. That's the beauty of taking my little runs,
Starting point is 01:11:28 the beauty of working out, being in the gym. You talk to yourself. You better talk to yourself. You better have conversations, figure out a yin and yang of good and bad. For me, it was about personal involvement after that accident. And still trying, man, it's the biggest battle.
Starting point is 01:11:48 It's the biggest battle is just doing right all the time. That's a battle. I know when you're gonna get it wrong. That's a battle, man. When I go to a restaurant and they bring out a plate, the waiter said all the time, don't touch that plate, the plate hot. You know what I do, Jay?
Starting point is 01:12:06 You know what I say if I touch it, it wasn't a hot. Yeah. They told me not to touch the plate. Yeah. He said it's hot. Yeah. But I still gotta go and touch the plate anyway. It's a battle.
Starting point is 01:12:20 So being okay with understanding that I'm going to lose and win in this battle and this battle is not over Until the day I'm in the ground Cuz you're not gonna get it right. Nope You're not gonna get it right And there's people with this idea And his mind set a mentality They're gonna get it right and everything's gonna be perfect. It's not, don't play that perfect game,
Starting point is 01:12:48 because all you will do is get let down, because perfection does not exist. I do firmly stand on that and believe that. It doesn't exist, man. You should try your hardest to get things right, in moments where you got them wrong, figure out how to never get them wrong again. That's the world of compromise.
Starting point is 01:13:09 That's the world of growth. That's the world of involvement. I mean, I got a teenage daughter. Nobody prepared me for the world of, you know, like you talking about gotta get it right. Are we talking enough? Am I loving enough? Am I present?
Starting point is 01:13:26 Am I listening? Am I just delegating? Am I parenting? Am I your friend? Am I? There's so much. There's so much. Teenage sun, little ones.
Starting point is 01:13:35 I mean, my wife, it's a constant battle of energy and as a guy who is an output, right? I don't complain is an output, right? And I don't complain about that output, but those that I'm taking in from, I just gotta make sure that I'm receiving that, and that I'm not haul-assing or moving too fast, so I'm not making the most of those moments. And that's this level of consciousness I did not have,
Starting point is 01:14:06 a 40 accident. I was a thousand miles per hour, and not that I'm not still moving fast, but I look at my peripheral, I'm looking at my rearview mirrors, slowing down, I'm stopping, I'm sleeping. You know what I mean? Like, there is a difference.
Starting point is 01:14:28 I know there's a difference, but it's still a battle. It's still a battle. It's still a battle. Yeah. I love that you describe it like a battle because what you just described is exactly the practice we have to have every day, which is you have to revisit. How do I get it right today? There isn't a day where now you just get it right from now till the end of time. It's revisiting
Starting point is 01:14:52 that every day saying, I'm recommitting to this. I'm going to be a good dad today, right? You don't get to make a decision to be a good dad in 10 years, you have to do today. And then you do tomorrow. And I think that what's really interesting, the reason I asked that question too, was because I think memory is such an interesting thing. Sometimes when something big happens to us, we feel the shift that this is going to change how I think. And then all of a sudden, when things go back to normality, it can sometimes feel as if it never happened, but it sounds like for you, you've really used it as an anchor.
Starting point is 01:15:26 Well, I did. Yeah, you've used it. Even when you say like, you say like, I'm going to be a good dad today, right? You can only try your best. Try your best, yeah. To do that. Mm-hmm. Ultimately, just because you say you're a good dad, don't make you a good dad.
Starting point is 01:15:40 No, of course not. Just because you say you're a good boss, don't make you a good boss. I can say it every day. I can think I'm doing it. But if on the opposite side, if I'm viewed differently, well, that will be because I'm doing something wrong and I'm not aware. What I now do is make sure that I'm looking at things through both lenses, not on one side at POV.
Starting point is 01:16:01 I love that. It's not just my perception of what I'm doing and how everybody else should see it. And doing that, the way that I try my best to back up the hope of me being perceived as that is by putting the true work into being. Making sure that I'm really engaged with the other people, making sure that there's a rapport, that there's energy. And the wife and kids the same thing, making sure that there's a rapport,
Starting point is 01:16:30 that there's, I'm asking the questions, and I'm getting the answers, but I'm asking for things so I can get the proper feedback so that if I do need to adjust, or if I do need to fix, at least I'm aware, operating with the assumption that you are or that you're doing, it can be a crutch, like it can be, it can be a bad thing if I'm operating with the assumption because one day you'll wake up and they'll go, you know, I never liked when,
Starting point is 01:16:59 or where actor is a problem for me for all these years was when you, and then you just go, I never knew, you never said nothing. And sometimes people don't want to say anything. Sometimes people don't know how to say anything. So the world of dialogue, communication, and just openness is what I think I've gotten better at over the time, but once again, what it's a constant space of improvement.
Starting point is 01:17:24 Yeah, you're constantly trying to improve. I'm Eva Longoria. I'm Maite Gomez-Rajón. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry For History. On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories,
Starting point is 01:17:42 decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both. Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both. You know, I'm a flower tortilla flower. Your team flower? I'm team flower.
Starting point is 01:17:54 I need a shirt. Your team flower, team core. Join us as we explore surprising and lesser known corners of Latinx culinary history and traditions. I mean, these are these legends, right? Apparently, this guy Juan Mendes, he was making these tacos wrapped in these huge tortillas to keep it warm, and he was transporting them in a burro, hence the name the burritos. Listen to Hungary for history with Ivalangoria and Maite Gomez Rejón as part of the Michael
Starting point is 01:18:19 Thura Podcast Network available on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What was meant as seen is a very snotty city. People call it sbozangeless. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Nudham and not lost as my new travel podcast where a friend
Starting point is 01:18:50 and I go places, see the sights, and try to finagle our way into a dinner party. We're kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out. I would love that but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm gonna die alone when I'm traveling, but I get to travel with someone I love.
Starting point is 01:19:14 Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much. I love you too. My life's a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love it. Listen to Nut Lost on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Yomla, and on my podcast, the R-Spot,
Starting point is 01:19:33 we're having inspirational, educational, and sometimes difficult and challenging conversations about relationships. They may not have the capacity to give you what you need. And insisting means that you are abusing yourself now. You human! That means that you're crazy as hell, just like the rest of us. When a relationship breaks down, I take copious notes and I want to share them with you. Anybody with two eyes and a brain knows that too much Alfredo sauce is just no good for
Starting point is 01:20:12 you. But if you're going to eat it, they're not going to stop you. So he's going to continue to give you the Alfredo sauce and put it even on your grits if you don't stop him. Listen to the art spot on the iHeart Video App, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Yeah, and that's, and that's, that is the only way it can be. There is no other alternative and there's a beautiful
Starting point is 01:20:38 conversation between the Buddha and a student that I love and the student approaches the Buddha and says, what's the difference between I like you and I love you? And the Buddha says, when you like a flower, you simply pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it every day. And I'm like, that to me is what you're describing that. When I love my kids, I have to be trying every day to understand from their point of view. The flower is going to show you whether you're watering or not. It's gonna die, it's gonna will is gonna not bloom
Starting point is 01:21:08 or whatever it may be. And I feel like you've got to be so in tune with yourself and someone else in order to sense that. But I know what you're saying is true, true. And I really do recommend this to anyone who's a big fan of Kevin's as I am. Please do go listen to the audio book because monsters and how to tame them.
Starting point is 01:21:25 I mean, I have never heard someone be as open and transparent as you are in it. And you're so open about all your flaws. And there's one thing that you say here that again, just I was like, I have to talk to you about this because it was just, it stuck with me. And you talk about it and you say, you know, and you just talk about the fame.
Starting point is 01:21:44 And that's where the idea came from. You just talk about it and you say, you know, and you just talk about the fame and that's where the idea came from. You just talk about how fame makes you feel invincible. And then when you talk about getting caught cheating and you're like, I was in that frame of mind where I was like, it can't happen to me, right? It's not possible. And then you open up about it so raw. And in my head I'm thinking, what is it about the monster that gets you
Starting point is 01:22:07 to do things even that are against your own values, right? Like the monster gets so strong that you go as far as that and when you get caught you go, that was an awakening but it still doesn't wake you up fully, right? There's a limitation to walk us through that. Well, I mean, look, you're talking about fame, you're talking about power, right? And that idea of invincible. Once again, this is a thing that a very small percentage of people are going to be able to experience or understand, right?
Starting point is 01:22:39 And it's very easy from the outside looking in to go, psh, or how, or I don't believe, or how can, right? But from the other side, not that it's right, first of all, wrong is wrong. You're never gonna hear me try to justify or excuse, wrong is wrong, but in being wrong, sometimes comes with a world of situation, the world of opportunity, right?
Starting point is 01:23:10 And you constantly around bad apples, and you hungry, and people keep saying, don't eat these apples. Some people are gonna be able to hold off. Do you have some people that are gonna pick up that apple and bite it? It's not right. It's not something that's justifiable to some. What's the worst is going to happen.
Starting point is 01:23:30 I'm going to eat it and then what, I'll probably be sick for a second and I'll throw up and then I'll be fine. Well, that apple killed you. But you're, we have looking at it. In that moment, I'll be fine. The idea that comes with that level of success and that comes with opportunity based on situation is one that you look at is,
Starting point is 01:23:50 I'll be fine, it's easy, it's nothing with it. It's not to your hands in the pot and you get burned or court or whatever. You know, that you gotta sit down and then you gotta think about it. You gotta look at it and then you realize the layers that are attached to it. And that's when the life changing side of thought happens, right? And then it becomes about you, how you look at yourself, how do you view yourself? And what do you expect from yourself? Right? It's not, it's bigger than just the partner,
Starting point is 01:24:18 of course, that you want to respect. It's also about you and how you want to be viewed at that point. Like what's important? Where are you at? Where are you at with you? And that mirror, you get to looking at that mirror, you know, if you are all right, well, what you're looking at and you're fine,
Starting point is 01:24:40 flawed and all in all right. Yeah. Getting older, put you in a position to where you just start to look at yourself and you're talking about the complete finished product that is and will be you those are the moments that you just got to do your best to not only overcome but just get by yeah and and you know once again it's a battle yeah right? Marriage, love, you gotta learn it. And at a young age when you're embedded into it, you're not gonna get it, right?
Starting point is 01:25:09 You gotta learn it. It's unfortunate how the lessons come from whichever side, however it happens, but when learned or when taken as serious as it can be, of course you reap the benefits or when taking as serious as it can be. Of course, you reap the benefits and you see how amazing it is, but I wasn't that smart, and I'm not gonna act as if I was,
Starting point is 01:25:36 and that's from my first marriage to that. Is it hard for giving yourself, or is it hard for asking for forgiveness? I think it's, I can be hard on myself. I can stand in the fire, having another person do it. That's where it gets tough, right? It throw rocks at me all day.
Starting point is 01:25:58 When the other person is in here, I think that's the different level. In the mistakes that I've made in my life, the biggest side of consequence has always been the effect that has had on others. I'll figure it out and do my best to evolve and grow. However, that has to happen with me, but I can't dictate how you would receive and how you would handle or how you would do.
Starting point is 01:26:28 So, you know, watching other people hurt, that's never good. I think that would be ever the toughest side of it. Yeah. Right? That's a really thoughtful answer, man. Yeah. I feel like that's that genuine compassionate heart saying, I know I can figure my way out. But why would I put someone in a situation
Starting point is 01:26:46 where they have to figure it out for themselves? It was someone was reading me a quote the other day, and it was like saying how, I think it was Nietzsche who was saying, I wish pain and suffering on anyone because that's what helps them grow. And I was like, hold up a second. Yeah, I was like, I was like, I would not wish. Jesus.
Starting point is 01:27:04 Yeah, it was someone ready out to me. And I was like, I can't subscribe to that. I was like, I was like, I would not wish. Jesus. I was like, yeah, it was someone ready out to me. And I was like, I can't subscribe to that. That's a lot. It was a lot. I was like, I can't, you can't wish pain and suffering on to anyone because even though we know you grow through tough things and you've grown through so many tough things that were not your choice.
Starting point is 01:27:21 And then some things that were your choice. But we shouldn't expect that other people can navigate those situations. It's good when you say like, the choices that you make, right? Yeah. And because of our times today, the world of what one does or has done is amplify.
Starting point is 01:27:42 Because we're in a position where everybody can have an opinion and there's a space to voice that opinion, right? I'm gonna dumb it down and I'm gonna go to the lowest level right now. When people do some of the dumbest mistakes from crime, theft, and for deadly cheating, all of the go all over. Who has vetted out the consequences? Nobody has sat and vetted out the consequences. Right? Everyone has robbed a bank as a tip to the robber bank because they found it to be a very easy thing.
Starting point is 01:28:31 I'm going here, 12 o'clock, bad man going break. He going break, I'm going there. While he on break, I'm gonna get the money and then we gonna come out. All we got to do is get back before he get back from lunch. And we, gonna come out. All we gotta do is get back before he get back from lunch. And we, we, we got it. And they go in, Rod the bank, the alarms go off,
Starting point is 01:28:52 ain't blow up on the money. They don't know none of them. They didn't, the kid locked up and they say something crazy. Like, yo, I ain't, I mean to do this. And the world goes, what you mean, I mean to do do it, you're on the big. No, some people are, some thoughts. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:09 Are that simplistic? Yes, yes. Some actions are just dead, stupid, and they're not thought out. But everything is not that deep. Everything did not have that many layers to the mistake when a mistake happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm grounded in the world of reality.
Starting point is 01:29:29 Everything that I have done in my mind, I attached a piece of logic and made it made sense to me. Yeah, that's it. You can make anything make sense to you if you wanted to. And sometimes it's not until consequences present themselves that you realize the idiotic way to thinking or the idiotic approach to what you feel you can do. The bigger than a world like mentality,
Starting point is 01:29:58 humbling is something that has to happen. You can either welcome it or not, or we're all privy to it. Minds is counting and different doses, shapes and sizes, man. But I just don't, I don't want to say I don't like. I think the thing that like it just yet to shake your head, it's not even worth the battle and conversation. It's simple. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, it's not deeply thought through. It's simple. It's not, yeah, it's not deeply thought through. It's just not deeply thought through.
Starting point is 01:30:26 I was watching Biden. There's a clip of Biden, but Biden says, and this is, I probably watched this clip. I'm not in the politics at all, but this, Biden goes, I got something important and I want to say in the whole world needs to hear it. I need everybody to listen right now. And he takes a beat, he goes,
Starting point is 01:30:51 I forget it. The president of the United States. Nobody but it didn't mean to do that. Yeah. But it didn't go up there and say, I'm gonna set up. We got the best joke in the world. And in the middle of it, go, man.
Starting point is 01:31:07 You're gonna send me that clear. Yeah, I'm gonna send that. I'll show you that. I'm gonna say, yeah, you guys show it to me. I said it to say it was, it's something later that he went and watched. God, I'm sorry. He apologized.
Starting point is 01:31:19 I'm sorry, I know, I know. I know, guys, I don't know. I'm sorry. Like, he didn't mean it. Yeah, yeah. He didn't plan it. I hope, I hope my way of making my point makes sense. I hope that I'm articulating you are, you are. You are, you are.
Starting point is 01:31:42 I'm saying that, I I'm really there's no excuses there there should never be any excuses yeah wrong is wrong problems are forever I'm saying that I don't like it when people tell you how you thought about something and you go wasn't that I didn't even it wasn't that nope I just I just, I kinda just, I just walked down there, I didn't even know that it was, yeah, do you think you just walked? Yeah. Did you get out the bed?
Starting point is 01:32:12 Did you put on those boots on purpose? Nope, I just, that's actually no, I didn't. That's not what I did. I hate it, like, it's like, I don't like that. Yeah, yeah. Some thoughts are not that deep in that layer. Yeah, that's the difference I've found between being critical and being a critical thinker. Everyone's critical today where it's just, we try and find the floor.
Starting point is 01:32:36 And what you're encouraging through this book, through your work, and what we're encouraging here on this platform is critical thinking. Let's be open to the fact it could be really basic, it could be really deep, it could be somewhere in between, and most likely you have no idea because you're not that person, right? You didn't do that, you didn't have to live through that. It's a very slippery slope to go down when you talk about it because like I said, you're in a time,
Starting point is 01:32:58 everybody knows everything. Everybody's the smartest person in a room today. And that's an amazing thing to me. Like everybody's right all the time. You tell them, nobody's wrong today. You know that two, three, four, six, XYZ. Everybody, do you understand and we're in a time where everybody's right.
Starting point is 01:33:16 Everybody knows everything. Everybody is the smartest person in the world. I call them the best coaches that I've never won a championship. People don't think about that enough. Yeah, the coaches in the world. I call them the best coaches that I've never won a championship. You don't think about that enough? Yeah, the coaches in the stands. I mean, it's something that we're eventually gonna have to get out of.
Starting point is 01:33:34 The road of anxiety in mental health is at the highest level just that it's ever been. It's on the front page. I wasn't aware of mental health at the at the level that it is pre pandemic. I had no idea that existed at the level and that so many people suffered. I had no idea about the battles of real depression or real day to day. I had no idea. But with that time did it put it on the forefront and you get to see how people are truly battling battling on a day-to-day
Starting point is 01:34:13 Based off of perception doubt and how they feel based off of what I think you think like yeah That's a scary thing. It's a scary thing and And, you know, I can only be transparent and authentic and hopes that people will find it is what it is, man. Be you, unapologetically, and as you are correcting or fixing or evolving in you, understand you got a dope thing to look back at and that's the old you versus the new Attempt and who you are trying to be That to me is beautiful Every piece of art that I look at that I love that I embrace
Starting point is 01:34:57 There's nothing better than looking at it from the start. Yeah, yeah, yeah, where did the start out as? Every house that gets built what did it start out as? Every card it gets built what did it start out as every house that gets built? What did the start out as every card gets built? What did it start out as closed that we were? What was the design in the beginning? Everything has stages of growth. Why in today's time are we forgetting that? Why are we forgetting that and expecting an immediate space
Starting point is 01:35:20 of perfection? I didn't know the babies come out the womb and know it all off the back. I thought they have to be taught. The way that we're talking today, that's tough. It's tough. So I try my best to remove myself from as much as I can. I try myself to act as a aid for laughter, happiness, joy. And I can only hope that the conversation attached to my name will be one of good. I can't control it. If it is great, man, if it isn't, I try. That's where I'm at. Yeah. That's where my mindset is today. That's the day. Well, when I when I listened to your audio book, which I felt was a very intimate take on you as a human
Starting point is 01:36:07 not as an entertainer, I can honestly say that I walked away from it, saying to my friends and people that I speak to going, you know what? Kevin didn't have to do that. That's how I felt when I listened to it. I was like Kevin didn't have to do that. Like he's successful. He's winning. He's great what he does. He didn't have to create anything to talk about his flaws. But you just didn't have to do that. And to me, that's why I respect and admire you, because when I heard that, I was like, well, if he's happy to go there,
Starting point is 01:36:38 and he's happy to talk about how these monsters never die, and he's happy to talk about how he's still dealing with them, I find it to be some of your most meaningful work, at least in the work I do of course and I don't want to feed you approval once to read them but you know like I really feel that way like I really feel that way. There's a place that you get to in life right where you start to you start like what did I do? Yeah. What did I do right like what's and it doesn't mean like you healed the world or you you know changed world created This you have something like this. I'm not I'm not saying it for those answers
Starting point is 01:37:11 But for you like the question is like what did I do and I'm at a place where okay? Outside of the success in the fame was like what am I what do I want what am I doing right and? The information that I now have the opportunity to give, like the information, if nothing else, the information, if you really want to have impact, and you want to try to position yourself to help create the opportunities for change, financial literacy in the black community, not understanding banking, having known it. My alignment with Chase and JP Morgan, but my why, there's a why attached to it.
Starting point is 01:37:52 Okay, this is a reason. I got something bigger than my famous success. I, okay, this is a passion. Yes. And something that we're trying to correct. Okay, in the space of Inspiration motivation. There's a passion attached to me trying to simply inspire and Motivate those that just simply aren't getting motivating messages on a day-to-day
Starting point is 01:38:23 Because some households just don't do it. Some may not have the households that do it. I didn't grow up in a mom and dad the dinner every night, the family prayer at the table. I didn't have that. That's not my life. There's other people that I do have it. There's some people that just is a damnant their mom, damnant their dad. Some people don't have anybody. Whatever that thing is, you don't know who's pulling from what to try to get to wear. Like, you, we have no idea. So, if I can now act as a aid that is giving you nothing but verbal warfare attached to truth and authenticity.
Starting point is 01:38:59 If I'm giving you an adult and gyms that are attached to a real life concept. Like this isn't, it's not made up. I'm giving you simple information based off of me and my battles. I just told you there's no handbook for fame. Yet, and still I'm giving you in some way shape or form something that can be camouflaged as an example of how I had to handle a just deal. I have an opportunity to have an on-season and off-season. My on-season is movies, maybe a stand-up comedy tour, maybe not. My off-season, I can go and I can I can be a speaker at. I can talk to companies about. I can be a speaker at I can talk to companies about I can go to said conventions and give x, y, and z that's used to simply amplify, motivate, and inspire whatever those things are
Starting point is 01:39:56 once again, I'm creating another door attached to a piece of passion that I discovered. I discovered this. I didn't set out to do it. I discovered it. And those that I see doing it, you know, when Will right now, Will Smith, good friend of mine, you know, Will's book had a tremendous amount of success. Will sold a million books. It's not just because of the Will Smith factor.
Starting point is 01:40:21 Will Smith is telling you the truth. Hey, man, you guys got the glitz and glamour of gold from the perception that I gave you without ever really pulling the veil back to show you everything else that was back here. I can't hold it no more. I was in this business for 30 years or whatever. I cannot. I don't want to get to that point. So I do it all the time. You're still going, you're still working, but I promise you there's a person that will
Starting point is 01:40:55 listen to this, that will understand it and that will go, you know what, man, shouldn't be afraid to be who you are. If I can embody and embed the space of confidence for others To make people understand how dope it is to simply believe that you can do whatever you put your mind to if I can help and just give you that push I did my part self-confidence and belief That's how dreams get met self-confidence and belief that's how you check off
Starting point is 01:41:27 get mad. Self-confidence and belief. That's how you check off goals. That's how you march towards whatever your versions of success are with a sprinkle of that humility. That's it. Yeah. Kevin, it has been such a joy talking to you today, man. We end with five boss questions. These have to be answered in one sentence. Five hundred and forty three pounds. One sentence. One sentence only for each answer. All right. Kevin, these are your final five. Question one. What is one sentence only for each answer. All right. Kevin Haudenosa your final five question one. What is the best advice you've ever received? Don't be local. Hmm. Big logo. Chris Rock. Yeah. Do not be a local comedian. Love that. Make the world laugh.
Starting point is 01:41:56 Uh, second question. What is the worst advice you've ever received? You heard worst advice have ever received the hurt. It's sometimes you got to make a studio respect you. You said don't give long answers to after so I'll summarize. I wanna know, yeah. It was based off of, I know, I know, you go back.
Starting point is 01:42:11 It was based off of, after you get to a place in acting where you become number one on the call sheet, if a studio isn't doing things to your liking, well, sometimes you gotta not show up. And the reason why I say this to worst advice that I've ever received, I'm straight for a businessman and always have been.
Starting point is 01:42:27 And the road and negotiation can be simplified. It doesn't have to be the game of back and forth from true war, right? So being in a room and having a face-to-face conversation with foundation of understanding of what you want versus what I want, you can succeed a lot more. And I've never not done that. All opportunities, all business, all relationships
Starting point is 01:42:49 have flourished because of an understanding of communication that I've done in the room, whether it be my team, studio, studio, me, my team, that, that to me has allowed me to achieve much more success than allowing other people to talk for me and other things to be long-gated and go on and on and you end up with a perception that's not of you. Yeah. That's created based off of the idea of what people think you are because of the way that you've handled business.
Starting point is 01:43:17 And what's great about that is it breaks the pattern so that other talent don't get that same advice. Absolutely. So that then keeps perpetuating the pattern. Now 25 years from now, your kids are going to deal with it because that was the pattern that you continued and said. So yeah, I love that. Question number three, how would you define your current purpose?
Starting point is 01:43:35 My current purpose is about embracing the world of we and making the we bigger than the idea of me. And that's for anybody in the position of, you know, whatever your version of star success is, it's embracing the word of we, making other people feel like they can, creating opportunities, you know, changing the economy by, broadening your businesses and more jobs,
Starting point is 01:44:04 more opportunities, et opportunities, etc. We, right? More, Father, how do we have more success? More wins. Question number four, what's something you used to value that you don't value anymore? The world of approval that you can't control. I can't control what the world thinks of what people think. And I thought that I could.
Starting point is 01:44:25 I thought that I could do everything to show you that I'm a good guy, a nice guy, trying to do that because that's naturally what you are or who you are and you want people to know that. But you can't control it. You can't control it. So one thing that I do not need is the idea or understanding that everybody loves you. Yeah. Right. I don't need that.
Starting point is 01:44:48 And once upon a time I thought that I did, there was a fear of what people don't like me. Wow. What I do. And that's not the case anymore. That's incredible. All right. Fifth to final question.
Starting point is 01:45:00 We asked this to every guest. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Practice which you preach. That's a great law. Very simple. Practice, be a definition of what you preach. Right? That's a great idea. It's easy to have words, it's easy to say, it's hard to do. I would love to see a world of more doers and sayers. Everyone, Kevin Ha, I know you already watched the movie, it's already watched the specials keep doing that,
Starting point is 01:45:32 but please do not miss out on what's going on inside the mind of this human and dumbness out on everything else that's happening around building this mindset of we. I want you to show Kevin a lot of love from our on-purpose community. Please tag us on whatever social media platform you use, sharing the greatest moments insights and nuggets of wisdom from Kevin. There was so many great gems that he dropped today. I want to make sure that you screenshot the episode, share it everywhere that you share,
Starting point is 01:46:00 and make sure that we see that because I love seeing the ideas that resonate with you, that stick with you, but most importantly, the ones you apply, the ones you practice, the ones you put into your own reality and start seeing changes in your life. Kevin, thank you for being such a generous guest, such a present guest. I've felt every question I've asked you, I've felt your presence, I've felt your energy, and you've just brought it tonight, man, and I'm so grateful to you, and that was so special and beautiful. I hope you'll come back. Hey, man, I wanna say thank you,
Starting point is 01:46:30 and you've created such an amazing environment of comfort to your community, and you just speaking to your community way that you do, you built something amazing. And, you know, when I'm talking about being in a space of trying to motivate inspire or push however I can you know you do it now on a daily people come here and it'll leave it with a sense of feel good so congrats again man but I hope
Starting point is 01:46:58 you truly understand like the real work that you're doing and that you've done and the guests that you get here, they're come here for a reason because we too are listening to you. And we're taking away anecdotes. Like your mindset, your perspective, as a man watching you, as a husband, which are kids, we pull from that.
Starting point is 01:47:19 You find energy and motivation to seeing people do it correctly. So please continue to be the example that you are and put your life on display at the love of you, dude, man. The right people are watching. And I hope that you continue to get the response that you're doing. Well, I'm gonna keep coming to you
Starting point is 01:47:36 when I need help too. So just, just, just know that. But I appreciate it coming from you, my very empowering, honestly, very empowering. I mean it, I mean it, we're, man. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season, and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets. The variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait
Starting point is 01:48:05 to share ten incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. Listen to season 8 of Family Secrets on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Getting better with money is a great goal for 2023, but how are you gonna make it happen? Ordering a book that lingers on your nightstand isn't gonna do the trick. Instead, check out our podcast, How to Money.
Starting point is 01:48:33 That's right, we're two best buds offering all the helpful personal finance information you need without putting you to sleep. We offer guidance three times a week and we talk about debt payoff, saving more, intelligent investing, and increasing your earnings. Millions of listeners have trusted us to help them make progress with their financial goals.
Starting point is 01:48:51 You can listen to How to Money on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Lewis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw, real-life stories behind their journeys, and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours.
Starting point is 01:49:19 Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Join the journey soon. On purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your Podcasts. Join the journey soon.

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