On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Kristen Bell ON: Parenting, The Power Of Empathy & Avoiding Comparison Fatigue

Episode Date: October 5, 2020

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Do you compare your life to those around you, leaving yourself stuck in a comparison hangover? In this episode, Jay Shetty and Kristen Bell discuss how to thrive in the stage of life you are in.Kristen Bell touches on balancing a codependent personality, cultivating curiosity, and learning to respect others’ opinions. In a world where there is so much division between red and blue political parties, Kristen shares five principles of “purple people” and why the world needs more of them.Train your mind for peace and purpose everyday. Grab a copy of Think Like A Monk, or listen to the audiobook now!Book: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264534&mt=11&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_bookAudiobook: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264062&mt=3&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_audiobook A word from our sponsors:Let NetSuite show you how they’ll benefit your business with a FREE Product Tour at http://www.NetSuite.com/JAY.Install Albert from the App Store or Google Play today to find your happy balance. And get a bonus of up to $40 when you start an annual subscription to Albert Genius.Before October 14th, go to http://www.Amazon.com/onpurpose for your Prime Day deal on Amazon Music.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Debbie Brown, host of the Deeply Well Podcast, where we hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness around topics that are meant to expand and support you on your wellbeing journey. Deeply well is your soft place to land, to work on yourself without judgment, to heal, to learn, to grow, to become who you deserve to be. Deeply well with Debbie Brown is available now on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Namaste. The therapy for Black Girls Podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford,

a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHort Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care. When my daughter ran off to hop trains,

I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard. This is what it sounds like inside the box-car. And into the city of the rails, there I found a surprising world, so brutal and beautiful, that it changed me, but the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there and if you want to play with the devil, you're going to find them

there in the rail yard. Undenail Morton, come with me to find out what waits for us and the city of the rails. Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast, or cityoftherails.com. Very few of their balls are plastic, right? But a lot of mine are, because I've had time to sort of work on my career and put me first and blah, blah, blah. But yeah, it's very interesting this idea of balance because I just don't think it exists.

I think it's constantly pivoting and it's pivot fatigue for the rest of your life. Accept it, get over it, it's here to stay. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out. And I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book. For you to listen to this book, I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eight rules of love.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love.

So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour. Love rules. Go to jsheditour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. I'm so grateful and so excited because I've been looking forward to this episode for a very, very long time. And I know that you're all in for a real, real treat.

Now, you already know, I guess today is none other than Kristen Bowel. She needs no introduction, but for those of you who want to know all about her incredible life, she's an amazing actress, philanthropist, New York Times bestselling author and entrepreneur. She's well-known to television audiences for her critically acclaimed roles on NBC's The Good Place, as well as Showtime's House of Lies, and her star-making role as the title

character in Veronica Mars. Kristen is actively involved in many charities including Alliance of Mums, Baby the Baby, and no kid hungry. She is also a global advocate for the UN's Women's Peace and Humanitarian Fund. Today I'm excited to talk with Kristen about her new book, The World Needs More Purple People, and what it means to be a healthy relationship, a great parent, and why the world needs more of all of this incredible energy. Kristen, thank you for being with me,

and I'm so deeply happy to be spending this time with you. Right, back at you. I am so excited that we're finally doing it. And yeah, I almost want to hear you talk more to me than I want to talk to you, but I'll try to add some things here and there. It's definitely the other way around for me. From the little time that we've already spent together, I'm already excited for everyone to hear this conversation. And, you know,

I've followed you for a very, very long time. And so, yeah, let's get right into it. I want to ask you the question. First of all, what's one of your favorite memories of growing up in Michigan? Um, fireflies. Oh, Michigan has, well, Michigan has a lot of, uh, Michigan is this, um, underestimated state, right? I think I'm 99% sure we invented unions. It's like a ton of really classy, hardworking, salty, earth people, in the best most complimentary way possible, like grounded people that I grew up with,

and the area I grew up with was incredibly diverse, incredibly accepting, and we have a couple special things about Michigan. Number one, we have a hot fudge company called Saunders Hot Fudge, which is plain and simple, the best hot fudge you'll ever get. Fireflies are everywhere in the summer.

The mosquitoes, not so great, but they are uniquely Michigan, because they will leave a boulder where they bite. And then lightning storms. Lightning storms, they happen every summer, and it's when it's a little bit too hot out, and it's not yet raining, but it's really moist in the air and you just see the lightning crackling in the sky and yeah, I have such a

nostalgia. In fact, two years ago, maybe three years ago, my husband and I brought our kids back to Michigan because we both grew up there because we were like, they have to witness lightning storms and fireflies and the mosquitoes, to be honest, and this was before the mosquitoes had hit Los Angeles, but now they're here so we don't have to travel to see them. Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but I heard that the little mermaid is your favorite Disney film. It all happens to be my wife's favorite Disney film, so that's why I resonated even more. I was wondering, why is

it your favorite Disney film? Well, I think when I, it depends. Looking back on it with revisionist history, I think because it was the first one of my age group was when I really gravitated towards them. I was a little bit younger in the Snow White sleeping beauty stage, but little mermaid I was like prime for Disney animation. And Aladdin came out shortly thereafter, so it is a very close tie. In my introspect, I look at it and, you know, people say like, well, why would she just want to do get

legs for a man? And I'm sort of like, it's not that deep. It's just that she was in love. I also think the music is so stunning. And I do think Scuddle will go down in history as maybe the best animated character ever. You just don't

get cuter than him. That that talking seagull with that scratchy voice. I wish I knew the name of that character actor. Yeah, I don't know either. We left to look that up. Yeah, I've got no idea. But that's a really good analysis of the little moment. I'm really impressed. I was wondering where it was going to go, but that went really deep. But as we go deeper into the questions, you've been very vocal during like quarantine lockdown about the natural challenges that everyone's had and the immense change that everyone's

gone through. And I think it's important because one of the things you talked about is you had to become a home teacher, you know, during the beginning of quarantine and lockdown. Like, tell us about that process and what was the hardest and what was your most favorite aspect of it? Because I think so many parents have had to do that and so many individuals have had to do that. Yeah, it's been a gigantic learning curve for me. So initially, I was just like, what? I'm grateful that I have young kids and I can do the math that they're that's required within

their class because I'm telling you, if we were in the fractions, I'd be like, I'm so sorry, this year you're gonna skip math. Like that's just what's gonna happen. Initially, I set it up like I had the color coded schedule welcome to camp quarantine, I get ahead of myself a lot. I like the cart, way, way, way, way, way, way, way ahead and the horse's way in the distance usually. So I, you know, had this colorful map of what we do and hear our art times and here's our brain times and here's our body times. And literally

everyone was miserable. Everyone was miserable. And I went, okay, we're gonna have to pivot. So I just to prove the point, because I really like to stay open and honest with my kids about mistakes. I think that's my primary goal as a parent to show them that everyone makes mistakes. You can always rectify things. So I woke them up one morning and I asked them to come into the kitchen

and I said, I have something really important for you to do when you take that schedule off the wall and I want you to shred it. And they were like, what we can do that? And we did. And I said from now on, we're going to give each other a little bit more grace. And that was at the end of last year. Going into this year, I think I had read enough online bloggers articles about home schooling that I said to myself, okay,

I actually understand that parents teaching kids isn't actually a great mixture. You're supposed to be something different, you know? Like if there's all these different analogies, like they say, you can have a million friends in your life but you have one mom or one dad or one parent. So you're supposed to be a little stricter, you know? And kids don't learn best from their parents.

I mean, the odd kid might, but mine certainly don't. So I realized I had to pull my sister-in-law into the fold. I realized I had to give everyone a little bit of space and when they came to me to work on something, now granted, the only thing I was thinking during this whole time was, I'm going to be the one parent that can do it. I can do it. I'm cool. I can do it. And I'm

just not. And I've had to wrestle with that. My favorite thing is actually being able to monitor them from a distance. Like I'll hide in the bathroom a lot and just sit there and work on my computer just so I can hear, I wanna know what they're engaging with because I very much believe in a sort of free range style of parenting, but also follow the kid. So my daughter, like one of them is a reader. The other one is just not a reader. The older one has trouble, but STEM stuff,

building, engineering, she's better than I am. So by me being able to monitor that, I'm just following her cues and I'm going, oh, okay, get a STEM book, a creativity book, find a YouTube video we could watch together, like follow where her interests lie. So I appreciate the thoughtful parenting I've been able to do from a distance. And it's been hard for me to keep my distance because I really wanted to be the one parent that could teach my kids. We always want to be that one. You always want to be the exception, but all of us are more often the rule than the exception. How did you get so like hearing you share it today? Obviously, you know, the way you're sharing it feels so real to you now and you're so accepting of it. I feel like what I hear and we have a big parent audience too, like what I hear a lot is that

people really struggle with actually accepting that they can't be that. And I think there's a real pressure obviously in the last few months, but there's generally a pressure to be the perfect parent, the perfect partner, the perfect person. From a parent point of view, and then we'll go into the partner aspect, from the parent point of view,

when did you allow yourself to start getting comfortable with saying, I'm getting it wrong? This isn't working because I love your idea of bringing other people in to teach the kids. I think it's genius because often I find like the people closest to us to the people we can't teach, that we can't share whoever it is in our lives. And I noticed that in my own life. When was it when you were able to accept that that wasn't a weakness in you or that wasn't

a failure or shortcoming in your part that actually it was just the way things psychologically set up. Well, two things, a personal drive to be successful. And, well, a couple things, three things, a personal drive to be successful. I wanna nail it. And if I try to do it and I'm not nailing it, then I need to take a different role in that situation.

So me nailing it means something different. And I'm thankfully adept enough to navigate that. But sometimes, yeah, stepping back when I tried 40 times to do this lesson with the kids and they just do not want to sit down and do it with me. And I'm frustrating them. I have to go, what's the common denominator here? My kids are sponges that want to learn. I'm supposed to be representing something different right now. My sister said something once to me that was awesome where she has four kids and she said, you know, my husband and I really believe that everyone should take on a different role. We have to be the rule givers, whatever word is sweeter than rule givers. Value givers, maybe value providers.

No, something stricter than that. We have to be the parents. Yeah, we have to set the boundaries and the rules. The grandparents are to be the wisdom. And the aunt and uncle are to be the chaos sneak attack people, the wild ones. So my sister said to me, we want you and Dax to take, you know, Ben, who's 12 on a motorcycle ride.

We want you to say, I have cookies in my bag. Don't tell your parents. Like we want you to do that because we believe that different adults have different contributions to the child's development. And then they should learn to trust people in different ways, and not everyone should just be doing this at them all the time. So the aunt and uncle, that's kind of a cool job.

That's genius. I love this, by the way. It's brilliant. Isn't it? It's kind of sweet. And then it's like, you know, everybody serves a purpose in the kid's life. And since she, I also thought it was really sweet

that she asked us to do that, you know. The other thing is, I have a relationship with my husband that requires brutal honesty. This may shock you, but he's easier with brutal honesty than I am. He's easier at letting it go. And early on when the kids were young, he would say things to me like, I'm sorry, what do you want to do? You can't do that. You're not good at that. She doesn't want that from you. And then he would just sit there, stone-faced and look at me. And I'd be like, I'm dear. Okay. So, okay. And he's like, pivot. You know what it means to emotionally pivot.

You're empathetic. You can feel what she's feeling. I am an empath and I have trouble sometimes navigating or negotiating what another person's feeling versus what I'm feeling. But that's also a superpower in that I can put myself in her shoes. So my husband didn't actually have to say it to me. This go around. I got there by ripping up the schedule early on, But we live in a household of ultimate honesty, and we will tell the other person with grace and trust

and candor when they are doing something not incorrectly, but when they could be succeeding elsewhere, I suppose. I'm Yvonne Gloria. I'm Eva Longoria. I'm Maite Gomes-Rachon. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast, Hungry for History! On every episode, we're exploring some of our favorite dishes, ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture.

We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both. Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both. You know, I'm a flower tortilla flower.

Your team flower? I'm team flower. I need a shirt. Team flower, team core. Join us as we explore surprising and lesser known corners of Latinx culinary history and traditions. I mean, these are these legends, right? Apparently, this guy Juan Mendes,

he was making these tacos wrapped in these huge tortilla to keep it warm and he was transporting them in a burro hence the name the burritos. Listen to Hungry for History with Ivalangoria and Maite Gomez Rejón as part of the Michael Tura podcast network available on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Our 20s are seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, full in love, make mistakes, and decide what we want from our life. But what can psychology really teach us about this decade? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, friendships, and much more,

to explore the science and the psychology behind our experiences, incredible guests, fascinating topics, important science, and a bit of my own personal experience. Audrey, I honestly have no idea what's going on with my life. Hahaha! Join me as we explore what our 20s are really all about, from the good, the bad, and the ugly,

and listen along as we uncover how everything is psychology, including our 20s. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Speg, now streaming on the iHot Radio app, Apple podcasts or whatever you get your podcasts. Not too long ago, in the heart of the Amazon rainforest, this explorer stumbled upon something that would change his life. I saw it and I saw, oh wow, this is a very unusual situation. It was cacao, the tree that gives us chocolate.

But this cacao was unlike anything experts had seen. Poor tasted. I've never wanted us to have a gun fight. I mean, you saw the stacks of cash in our office. Chocolate sort of forms this vortex. It sucks you in. It's like I can be the queen of wild chocolate. We're all lost.

It was madness. It was a game changer. People quit their jobs. They left their lives behind, so they could search for more of this stuff. I wanted to tell their stories, so I followed them deep into the jungle, and it wasn't always pretty. Basically, this like disgruntled guy and his family surrounded the building armed with machetes.

And we've heard all sorts of things that, you know, somebody got shot over this. Sometimes I think, oh, all this for a damn bar of talklet. Listen to obsessions, wild chocolate, on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. That's so refreshing and I love that approach. I think it's so genius to surround young people with people with different skills and abilities and roles and ideas because I think one of the biggest mistakes or two of the mistakes that we often make in life and I think this comes from our childhood is we either

end up going to one person for everything we need and then that person gets too drained and overwhelmed or we go to everyone with all of our problems. And that doesn't work either because... And neither is a great road to emotionally navigating a human life. You have to go to, I go to different people to vent, I go to different people for advice. And that's another thing my husband, oh, just pains me to give him so much credit all the time but I got to do it because he's so and the reason he's most annoying is because he's almost always right.

But you know there was I remember one specific person in our lives when I said I don't know if I want the our girls to be around that person a lot, because I think that person does X, Y, and Z, right? And it nothing bad or terrible. But I was like, I don't want them taking on those habits. And it wasn't a habit that was detrimental, like smoking or anything. It was just an emotional habit, whatever, being impulsive, whatever. And he said, I'm going to give our girls credit, like, you know, he gives an AA where you need to look at someone and you ask yourself, does this person have what I want? If they do, you follow their lead.

If this person doesn't have what I want, then I'll know that's not a skill set I need. So the individual where I was actually saying, let's hold the girls back, not have them hang out with that person. He was saying the opposite. He was like, I want them to witness all of that person's ups and downs and ins and outs and falters because they will see, oh, maybe doing it that way isn't the right way, which is was ultimately my end game anyway. Yeah.

It's really interesting how so much of this is counterintuitive. Yeah. I mean, I mean, that's that's super counterintuitive. But I and I guess the interesting thing is that people react so differently to the same experience. So you can often have two children that have that experience and one of them goes out going, well, that's not how to do it. And the other person mirrors that exact behavior. It's really hard to tell. I've seen that in so many, when you look at siblings, and you look at siblings who had a similar upbringing, but one of them mirrors what their parents did,

and the other person avoids what their parents did because they saw it as a different habit. Some people take it on as well. Yeah, and I think ultimately where I land on it is that I want to trust that my kids will use good judgment. Yes. And that they will be deciding with their own agency what works for them. And I think that's such it's such an interesting this is an interesting bigger topic, but like the idea of like the group rights or the individual rights like we as a

country are so sort of like beating our or the individual rights, like we as a country are so sort of like beating our chest for individual rights, which I fully believe in. But at the same time, sometimes we're the antithesis of that where we're like everyone should be doing it like this. You should only be exposed to this because this is what the group's doing. This is what I want you to do. And I'm like, well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, didn't we just talk? Was I just seeing the narrative, the social narrative be about individual stuff?

Like, I think we're sort of balancing on the opposite side all the time, you know? And like in parenting, I find that we have a lot of rules in the family about being a good family citizen, you know, which we got from a Dr. Wendy Mogel, who I love as a child psychologist who I think is genius. But like, we make them contribute. They're certainly not, I mean, they're braddy all the time, but we make them take their plate in, whether they're going, ugh, or not, you know, what have you done to contribute to the family?

Things are important, not just for your needs, but for everyone's. But at the same time, we give them a lot of slack. Like one thing that I know I got, some people saw it as a controversy. I just don't see it as a controversy, but I was asked by my three year old whether or not Santa Claus was real.

And I remember a woman, another mother, who I really respect telling me, don't ever let especially a daughter look at you when she's older and say, what else have you lied about? That really hit home for me. And I thought, can I do this? Can I navigate little topics like this? And it ultimately came down to, if my daughter has the wherewithal to sense in here that something stinks, he can make it to all those asses. It's not possible, right? Some's fishy. I'm going to ask

about it. I want to reward that. Yeah. I don't ever want her to Oh, well, just because it's real, don't worry about it. I don't want her to get into that pattern. I want her to ask questions. I want her to be a critical thinker. And I sat her down and I said, do you want me to tell you the truth? And she said yes. Now I also had this, I was able to compare it to DAX because when he was three, he did the same thing. They're just like, I don't know, the two of them are very similar and they both smell funny business from real far away. And I said, Santa Claus is not a real person. You're right to sniff that out.

We don't let a man break in here once a year, just because he leaves us cookies and presents. Don't let that happen, right? Santa Claus is a game that we play as a culture and it's really fun and a lot of kids have a belief in him like you could have a belief in anything you want to believe in. Unicorn's something that's special to you. So we always want to protect other kids and we never want to say that, unicorn, something that's special to you. So we always want to protect other kids and we never want to say that Santa Claus isn't real, but if you want an honest if you want an honest answer for me, I will tell you you're right. I'm the one that buys you the presents, no one breaks in here because she was worried about somebody breaking in once a year.

Wow. And I was like, this bitch is practical. I got to give her the answer. Wow. And I was like, this bitch is practical. I gotta give her the answer. This is all at age three. Yes. And I also found this wonderful book called The Wonderful Truth About Santa Claus. And it was like randomly buried in Amazon.

I don't even know the name of the author, but I keep trying to remember to give it to all my, my parent friends who are having this conversation with their kids now. It talks about, it's a little bit fictional but it talks about St. Nicholas lived in a town long, long time ago. He saw a family that didn't have anything.

He put some coins in their stockings and he left them presents and that family was so inspired. They did it to someone else. And what it does is it reframes Santa Claus as anyone can be a Santa Claus if you give a gift without a name tag, without putting your personal name. So that what that did for my three-year-old,

who I still kind of vaguely didn't trust, not to tell other kids, it reframed it. So all of a sudden, if she gave my sister-in-law a gift and didn't put a name tag on it, she'd say it's from Santa. So it cues them to still play the game. Anyways, that was very long-winded, but, you know, I love it. That's a great answer.

This is, this is very useful. I think a lot of parents are going to find this very, very useful. It's, it's coming up. Christmas is not that far away. And, yeah. And, but I love the idea of how early on so many of us form the lack of curiosity because we're told to believe without asking questions. How we lose the ability, I love what you said about rewarding her critical thinking at that age

because she came to it that conclusion on by herself and she was worried about a humming broken. I mean, as a three-year-old, I am blown away. That's, yeah, it's great. I don't ever want her to be in a situation as an adult where she has a fishy feeling and some neuron that I connected way, way, way long ago in her history tells her, you know, let it's fine. Don't even ask. It's all you, it's okay. I was like, no, speak up. You've got a question. If something's not making sense to you, say, I'm so sorry. I need more information here. Yeah, I love that. I love that. You've moving away from parenting and talking about your relationship

and you've been speaking about DAX a lot already, but you've described yourself as like a codependent person before. And I wanted to help, and you know, you're not shy about that and you share it. And I think that that's so useful for a lot of people to understand. When was it first that you started to identify as that? And that became real. And how is that

affected your relationship or how have you navigated it differently since having that awareness? I think I only realized it when I was in my mid 30s when I first started having babies because you know as a codependent I am very aware of what other people are feeling around me and I just want to make it better at the expense of myself. And when you have kids and you are not only emotionally and mentally giving to them, but like physically, I was a food truck for three years. I felt so drained.

And also, like I said before, my husband does point it out a lot. Like he's like, you have an inability to say no. And I'm like, but that was a charity gala. Oh, I had to go. He's like, but you didn't want to. You are overworked. You don't prioritize yourself. And that's not a compliment. And I was like, out. And I think what I've done is I haven't tried to completely squash out any codependency. I like that I have the instinct to wonder if you're okay. I just try now not to let it get in the way

of my own emotional or mental health, but like when people walk into a room, like my first thought is, are they thirsty? Are they hungry? Let me like check in with them, and I still do that. I just don't let it get in the way of like my main priorities. It is easier. I will say now that I have kids because I recognize that I need. I need a big part of my glass to be full for them and I can't. There's a point where I can't have enough to give for them and I they are my priority. So I think I've tried to use my codependency to the best of my ability and turn it into something good. And just looking myself, are you okay, Kristen?

Yeah, I mean, I love hearing that because I think again, so many people struggle with that exact thing around wanting to, because there is this beauty in what you just said of like wanting to care, wanting to extend yourself, wanting to serve. I mean, there is so much joy and love in that. And self esteem. And self esteem, yeah. I get so much self esteem from helping and I didn't want to just become an island where I was like, well, I'm just not gonna think of anyone else anymore. So I just tried to turn it in, yeah, to something better. Yeah, and that sounds like the perfect balance

because again, both, it's again, those, what we were saying earlier, there's extremes of like, one extreme is like, all that matters is everyone else. And the other extreme is that all that matters is me else. And the other extreme is all that matters is me. And both of those, again, don't lead to a deeper relationship with ourself or others, and don't create that community and that bond that we're looking for. And also doesn't feed us, because after a while,

you almost feel like, well, am I really filling myself up? Am I really exchanging energy and feeling other people's energy? And so I love what you said there are around making your children, your priorities made it easier, but you also still realize, and this is probably the hardest thing, and I get asked this question a lot, and that's why your wisdom is serving everyone more effectively, because you're actually in that role,

and I'm constantly referring to incredible parents that I know, but I think a lot of parents struggle to realize the need for me time, and realize that that helps them, because because of juggling, that where have you started carving, that what have been those activities that have truly helped you in keeping full? Well, I'll tell you that I know exactly

why I started taking me time, and it's because I want to be successful. And if I am not successful when I am depleted and giving too much and or running around working too much on clean house, whatever, then and then I'm depleted from my children, I'm not a good parent. So then I have to change something and I can pivot really easily when I'm not successful. And when I lost my patients with my kids, I'm like, that's a pivot. You got to pivot. You did not do something correct today.

You depleted too much. You need to save up energy for the evenings because they are going to be loud and they are going to be crazy and they are going to want to play. And you got to save them some energy. You brought them into this world. That's my responsibility. You know, I mean, that's a little bit like I got to get my stuff together because that's I did this and I'm not going to give them any less than the best possible life I could

give them. So sometimes that means cutting things out of my own so that I can have time for them. And I think that it's interesting. There was a woman who, I wish I remembered who it was who made an analogy about balance is constantly juggling and making sure that none of the glass balls drop. Yeah, I remember it being attributed to Brian Dyson, who's like a former CEO.

Maybe it was someone else, but I know that it's a beautiful analogy. Please share it. Some of the balls are plastic. Yeah. So you're going to let balls drop. Just make sure they're plastic. Yeah. And unfortunately, in these formidable years, very few of my daughters that are in the air,

very few of their balls are plastic, right? But a lot of mine are because I've had time to sort of work on my career and put me first and blah, blah, blah. But yeah, it's very interesting this idea of balance because I just don't think it exists. I think it's constantly pivoting and it's pivot fatigue for the rest of your life. Except it, get over it. It's here to stay. Something my husband says as well that sort of allowed me

to be a little less codependent and a little bit more in charge of my decisions mathematically to make sure that my needs were met as well as my families and my work life is, um, what was it? He said, uh, oh, it doesn't matter if they like you. It only matters if you like you. And it's short and sweet and it's really to the point. And the reality is I'm confident enough to say, I'm a good judge a character.

I can tell if I have a good character. So I guess he's right. It really only does matter if I like me. Yeah. Yeah, it's such an important decision that we all get to meet make every day, which is like, how do we feel about ourselves? Yeah, and you don't have to be the perfect person. You just have to be a little bit better than you were yesterday. And then I mean, that's something he says, but it's also the whole point of the good place. You know, when we tried to make a funny show about philosophy, which had never been done before, it doesn't matter if you're the perfect person.

It just matters if you're trying. It just matters if you're 0.1% better than you were yesterday. Yeah. How much of you done that, actually? I love what you said there about trying to make a funny show about philosophy That's never been done before and the good place does a great job of it How much do you feel that these in in my opinion shows like that allow these ideas to really effortlessly get into people's lives? And and would you say that you you've been trying to choose more?

Are you always trying to do more work that you believe has messages behind it and has morals and lessons and what's been the role that you felt you got to play that allowed you to share the most messages that you try and live by? Well, let me say that a lot of it has just been me trying to attach myself to people that are smarter than me. And I feel like that, I've fallen into a lot of the really good roles that I've had. You know, in Veronica Mars, I don't even think I realized the kind of strength I was showing that was being represented to young high school kids in the face of being, you know, an adverse environment in high school. The good place definitely had the strongest messaging I'll say.

And, you know, Mike sure our creator, he's the most ethical person I know. So I knew we had the same interests and he was, we were both sort of preoccupied with what it means to be a good person. And he was like, I think it's like a video game, honest to God. When someone cuts me off, he's driving and he goes negative 10 points. And he's like, he goes negative 10 points. And he's like, wouldn't that be a fun show? When I was like, do I, I'm there, when do we start? I think now, as I am aging, I do find that projects with some sort of meaning behind them, whether that be the messaging, whether that be representation, or something

we haven't seen before, are way, way, way more important to me. I'm not really gravitating towards anything else. And I would hope to continue to do that. Like I've seen some projects recently that have blown my mind from the female perspective of like there's a show that's hard to watch called I may destroy you on HBO that is one of the most Unbelievable pieces of art. I've I've ever seen the way she's writing about empathy with that backdrop and I feel like I still like random entertainment

You know like I still like doing silly stuff on Instagram and I think that those smiles are there for a reason, but what is my heart gravitate towards is the stuff that has messaging, the stuff that you recall or the stuff that I'll get, letters from a family with a seven, a ten and a 12 year old, and they all watch the good place together. And they talk about what it means to be a good person. And I'm like, yes.

I love hearing that. I think the more incredibly talented people like yourself and et cetera, immediate to me has always been the number one communicator of cascading mindsets in the most simplest, easiest form. I mean, you'll always get millions of people that read and learn and study, but billions will always consume media.

And so the fact that, you know, the hearing you say that just fills me with so much hope and excitement and enthusiasm because I think it's the smartest way to get messages across. And one of the big things you mentioned there also is that, you know, you're someone who's known to wear ages a badge of honor. And you have this perspective with aging and you're saying as I get yeah, there we go. There we go. Where is that healthy perspective come from? Where where was that? Because I think that's another thing that so many people struggle with. I mean, I get it. Like I turned 40 this year and my bones hurt and I'm like, what? Wait, what? It's not going to it's gonna feel like this and worse forever? Oh my goodness.

I guess my acceptance of it comes through, I would not change a single thing about my sornees or stretch marks or fine lines and wrinkles. I wouldn't exchange that any day of the week for who I was in my 20s. The sort of lost girl I was in my 20s. And I don't mean that to sound pathetic because I certainly was happy,

but the wisdom that I've accrued in the confidence that I feel I can apply to life and the self-esteem I get from knowing my lane is really, really important to me. It's my identity. This isn't my identity, you know? This isn't my identity. And it's interesting because I also, you know, I see it more so with women than with men because the reality is like, I mean, we were even watching, we were watching even McGregor

on a show last night. My husband loves this motorcycle show he does. My husband was like, dang, doesn't he look so good with all those like crinkles around his eyes? And I was like, yes, he does. He looks amazing. Nobody says that about girls, you know? Yeah. He looks amazing. Nobody says that about girls, you know?

Yeah. But I also think there's a place for everyone. And I'm, let me see if I can construct this thought. I also feel like, let's break it down to the most, the silliest way to give an example. I had a ton of years I could wear a bikini. Not in those years anymore, and that's okay. Because like there's other young girls

and now it's their years to wear a bikini, you know? I mean, I'm just veiling it in that bikini thought because it's a way to encompass everything, but like everyone has their time, right? And now my time is to be one of the people with wisdom. So rather than avoiding that, because I got comfortable and complacent in my, the time when my face flipped exactly

like I wanted it or my body did, or my knees didn't feel like this, I wouldn't exchange that, because I had that. I had a chance, I did it. And if I looked at anyone else who was complaining, I'd be like, baby, you got your years. Now you're in this years, you know, it's really acceptance is the key to life. Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful. I love hearing that. It's it's almost like trying to hold

on to a season. It's like, I'm going to wear summer clothes in the winter, right? And it's like, you feel the pain of that because it's freezing. And you can't deal with it. Yeah, it's just chill. Or it's, you know, any of the things holding the butterfly too tight, like all those things. And, you know, our culture sort of puts on the pedestal, this beauty thing, which, you know, I get

because at the same time, I just feel like it provides everyone that with a comparison hangover. So like, in media specifically and in companies, the stuff that I've seen over the last five years about representation and putting like older women in bra ads, you know, or like the Dove campaign with all different sizes, like those things, I've been waiting to see that for a long, long time., I've been waiting to see that for a long, long time. And I'm glad that it's here because you can't feel it

unless you see it. If you're just seeing a bunch of beautiful Instagram models, you're gonna feel terrible about yourself. I suffer from that all the time. I get a comparison hangover constantly. And thankfully I've defined it. And again, I wanna be successful in my life. So, it makes me feel terrible. I try not to do it

again. But like my lip gloss is great until I see your lip gloss. Then I don't like my lip gloss anymore. And I'm like okay well just don't look at anyone else's lip gloss. Yeah. Yeah absolutely yeah. Ever that comparison hangover as you called it is it's probably the toughest thing that everyone faces right now because before you'd compare it to the 20 kids in your class, and now everyone's obviously overexposed to so many people in the world from all different backgrounds in walks of life which you never had before.

And I like what you said there, just realigning your lens of comparison is such a powerful technique and to limit that and to not repeat it again. Yeah, you're in charge. That's what I wish that I could like say to myself in my 20s. You're in charge. If you want to have all these feelings of comparison, hang over and not being good enough, then have them. That's your right. But you're in charge of your perspective, you and only you are allowed to change it. I think there's also a bunch of data that I'm sure I'll get wrong, that tells us why we suffer from these

comparison hangovers. So like there was a radio lab a really long time ago. I think about the, we used to live in groups of about one 15, 115 people, the amount of like neurons in our head, that's how many people we can keep track of, right? And within that one 15, someone was the best bike rider. Another person was the best baker, another person was the best nurturer, and the other person was the best shoemaker. Everybody had a best, right? And now that we're connected to so many people, it does a lot of good, because we can fix global problems sometimes. But it allows us to, it scatters our brain. We get all scatty want this, because we're comparing ourselves to the best of the best of the

best. I don't want to ride a bike when I know that what, you know, the, the Lance Armstrong does, you know, all of those things. And I think it's important to remember, which we again talk a lot about in our household, because my husband studied anthropology, which he will tell you every other breath that he has an anthropology degree, is that we are working on antiquated software. It doesn't work anymore. It allows us tribalism around every corner. Other people are not enemies. Yet our brains tell us they are. Our brains find the differences. We see the differences immediately.

And you have to reprogram yourself because your soft door is antiquated. Hey, it's Debbie Brown. And my podcast, Deeply Well, is a soft place to land on your wellness journey. I hold conscious conversations with leaders and radical healers and wellness and mental health around topics that are meant to expand

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in 24 hours than we were in our whole lifetime 25 years ago. And yet there's less devastation and suffering in the world today than there's ever been, but it looks like there's more because of the exposure. Like things weren't way worse during the Christian Crusades than they are now. But we're seeing everything on the news in this constant, the media cycle is just it, unless you're following a lot of good news sources, it can definitely bring you down and make you feel traumatized at the end of every day,

because our brains just can't handle it. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think that's a good time to ask you more about why the world needs more purple people, because it feels like, you know, everything that you're sharing there, I was thinking about the book and in it you lay out these really nice five keys, but I wanted you to describe to everyone, why does the world need more purple people and who are purple people?

So purple people came out of a conversation that one of my dearest friends Ben Hart and I had at a family dinner a couple of years ago. I mean, children's book, they consist of 60 words and they take two years to write. Don't ask me why that's like how it works. I don't know. You can't fast track it. So two years ago, we were sitting around the kitchen table, our kids were running around

together and we were, I'm sure, talking politics. And we're a group that believes the same things and we still sounded like we were fighting, right? We sounded like there was divisiveness and it occurred to, Ben is a highly emotional creature as well and it occurred to us that our kids are actually getting two signals right now, are getting one signal, it's us and them, it's blue or red. Every time we turn on the television, there's who's blue, who's red. And we just thought subconsciously, that must not be good for them.

And you can't really sit down and say, well, it's because the country is fighting and some people believe this and some people believe that and you need to vote. And sometimes the blue side is right and sometimes the red side is right. You can't say all that to them. So we wanted to give an emotional narrative to some things we thought were important. So we said, okay, what if we started

with unity, how do you create a label that doesn't exclude anyone? Because like, I'm an actress, right? You're not an actress, so you're not in my label. I'm not in the doctor's label. And we're like, okay, what if we say, we come up with five pillars that everyone believes in? You can't, I dare you to find me a person. One of our pillars is laugh a lot. Find me a human being who's like, definitely do not laugh a lot. It's not good for you, don't do, doesn't feel good.

It's impossible. So we were like, what if we say purple people, which is the combination of red and blue, that's the metaphor. And nothing about this book is political, although I do believe it should be required reading for our senators and congresspeople. It is about respecting other people's opinions,

but we came up with five pillars. Purple people ask really great questions. Purple people laugh a lot. Purple people use their voice, they don't lose their voice. They are really, really hard workers. And the final pillar in being purple is you have to be uniquely you because you're the only you we've got. Yeah, I love that. I love that. And it's so beautiful to hear that because I think the reason for what you were saying there is so much of our narrative plays to that

again, that tribal psychology of the only way to unite is against a common enemy, right? So it's like, Service, right? If you and I met in a field 300 years ago, we wouldn't know what the objective of the other person was and we'd probably kill each other. But again, that's antiquated software. And if I saw you in a field now, I certainly wouldn't be like,

I probably have to kill him. No. Definitely not. Yeah. Exactly. And that's that thing that that software, that's old and lost its relevance forces us to say, oh, the only way humans can unite is with a common enemy.

And what I love about what you're saying through what you're sharing now is we actually, and especially with kids, and that's why I love that this is starting there, we almost start people off feeling like they are dumber than they are worse than they are and talking to them in that way. And that kind of keeps people limited. So a lot of media and a lot of narratives just appeal to our lower natures or our lower selves. Like, almost here when you talk about like asking good questions or laughing a lot or using a voice,

these are all seen as powerful courageous qualities. And often a lot of it is actually the opposite of what we're encouraged to do, right? So instead of ask good questions, it's like, oh, well, believe what you're told. Instead of laughing a lot, it's like be serious. Instead of using your voice, it's like, well, actually, your opinion doesn't matter.

Instead of working hard, it's like, oh yeah, figure that out, maybe work hard's there, but it's for material things or it's slightly different. And then, yeah, become everyone else. It's weird how children are always taught to fit in growing up. And then as soon as we become adults, it's like, well, you don't stand out.

And it's mind blowing. That's what I mean about this. You're an individual, except you have to follow the group thing. I find so many of these mini hypocrisies. And you know, Brunei Brown says the opposite of fitting in is belonging. Yes. And we want belonging. And she also says the opposite of fitting in is belonging. Yes. And we want belonging.

And she also says, because she's my other queen, she also says that when you bond with someone over what you hate, like let's say you and I both hated the Beatles, right? Random, but okay. Sure. We would bond over that. We would actually have a harder time talking about things we love because we began bonding over something that we hate. Yes. And I want my kids to be armed with everything in this book.

I want them to ask great questions. I will tell them the truth. And let me be blunt with you. My girls are hell on wheels. Okay, they are very difficult children, but they're very difficult because they use their voice and they ask really great questions and they are really hard workers even when I tell them to stop. If they have decided they are building a fort out of all my furniture, then they're going

to do it. Like, and I my husband and I talk a lot about the fact that they are going to And my husband and I talk a lot about the fact that they are going to be so difficult for us for 18 years. And then they are the women we want to release into the world. Yeah, that's beautiful. I know as well, and I want to shout out to my community as well, that I've been given the book to a lot of parents because I'm not a parent, but I read it and then giving it to a lot of parents. And I'm seeing that a lot of parents are enjoying it too because of how simple those five pillars are that like you said, anyone can agree with.

And tell us some of the questions that you think, Kristen, not just from the book, but generally, what are some of the questions that you've loved that your children have asked? Or what are some of those questions like, I mean, the Santa Claus ones are great example, but are there any others? Oh my god. My daughter hit me with a real, real a great example, but are there any others? Oh my God, my daughter hit me with a real, real zinger of three in a row. One day she said, is Santa Claus real? Who made dogs? Why is Earth?

Wow. And I was like, where is your dad? There was a lot for me. The other thing I like to tell them when they ask great questions is I don't know. There's a book by Onika Harris called Wonder I think, not the book that was made into the movie Wonder, but I think it's called I Wonder. And incidentally Onika Harris was the one who told me, don't let your daughter ever say what else have you lied about. And it is about saying I don't know. And when you say I don't know and you admit it, that means you are talking about one of life's mysteries. And the cool thing about saying I don't know is that we get to wonder together.

Yeah. Like how far is that star? Yeah. Will there ever be people living on that planet? I mean, I'm thinking only of space things, but of course, because I know everything else other than space stuff. Yeah. But yeah, I think it's also really important to tell them when I don't know something and say that's a great question. Let's try to find out. Maybe we know the answer.

Maybe humans don't know the answer yet. Yeah, I agree with you. I couldn't agree with you more. I also think that saying you don't know the answer yet. Yeah, I agree with you. I can agree with you more. I also think that saying you don't know makes you want to learn more and it makes the other person want to learn more too because if you give a half-hearted answer, the chances are that everyone just settles for that answer and then that's kind of the new answer to that question as opposed to feeling that discovery and exploration. And curiosity is a wonderful thing to share with someone.

Like it's a wonderful thing to share. And I also feel like kids are so much savvier than we think. Like I've read so many parenting books, some of which I'm like, I'm like, that's genius. But the idea that there is data to show that they can tell their being talked down to, they can, they sense it and what they start to do is ignore that person if you talk down to them. So sometimes if I were to answer a question with, oh, but that's because of this.

If she still senses some curiosity and knows I won't go there with her, she feels shut down, you know? And even for adults, you have that reaction as an adult, too. And I will tell you, it's not a mistake that we wrote this as a children's book. If we wrote an adult novel on this topic, with all the points that we had talked about that went into this book, only adults would read it. But if we wrote it for kids, then both kids and adults would read it. But if we wrote it for kids, then both kids and adults would read it. Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that. I love that. I really, really hope that everyone in our community goes and grabs a copy because it's brilliant.

I think it's brilliant. And you're so spot on that. All of that rewiring that even we as adults needs to do comes back from our childhood anyway. So we need to unlearn so many of the things that we were told mistold or not told in our childhood. Absolutely, absolutely. And it's like, yeah, people don't, you don't realize why you have certain triggers until you kind of do the work. And the work is hard, whether it's you at home journaling,

you venting to your friends, you reading a self-help book, you talking to a therapist, whatever, you listening to a podcast, like whatever that looks like for you, the work is hard, but when you start to realize, my God, I know why I have that trigger now. It's because of there's like an instantaneous weight off your shoulders. So recognizing your triggers is like the best possible thing because they were all installed when we were kids. Then you can sort of shed them and live the freer emotional life that you know you deserve for yourself. Yeah, absolutely. I did want to talk about and touch on also. I know that you have a new

CBD skin care line out, which is fascinating because I know this audience absolutely loves a lot of good product recommendations and insights. Tell us about when you got exposed to CBD and what benefits you saw of it. Well, I was given a Lord Jones CBD product, which is sort of like a high-end CBD cream for sore muscles and my hair stylist, who's a good friend of mine Jenny put it on my shoulders one day and I was like oh this I feel so much nicer and I was in me I was skeptical at first as I am with everything but I also know you can't just eat one piece of spinach and expect a six pack right like you have to give things a try you can't be fatalists like that doesn't work so I try to

see me detincture for about two weeks and this was I remember clearly the third season of the good place I was driving home and my drive home was always this. I was trying to leave behind my work stress and going, you have a monologue tomorrow, you have 11 pages to memorize tonight and you got to put those girls down and I would drive home and I would go, also you have to replace her lunch box because one of the lunch boxes stinks. So identify which one it is either clean it out with bleach or order one immediately because she can't do a paper bag. It's going to fall all these things, right? And after two weeks of like taking a CBD tincture, I realized I was just

driving home listening to the radio. And when I got home, I wasn't any less efficient. With a slower, I didn't forget to replace the lunchbox. And I realized, even though I was skeptical, I was blown away in the quality. And the sort of integrity that the company had, because I sat down with them and I said, this has felt like I've turned the volume of life down just a little bit. Like I feel manageable. And I also started a company with my husband called Hello bello and our main

Initiative there like our main directive was We met our partners. We were like we don't need another paycheck. I'm gonna be very clear about that This is not going to be a let's look at the bottom line all the time company I want to do good and the kind of good I want to do is, I don't feel it's fair that we can go to every single boutique and get premium baby care products and my friends in Michigan can't. You shouldn't have to choose between your baby or your budget. So I said, how do we leverage our careers as celebrities

and get an economy of scale? I mean, this is getting into like business talk, but that's the reality. I wanted to get an economy of scale to bring really good things to people who didn't have to worry about the price point. So I approached Lord Jones who was making really great products and I said I want to use all of your R&D and all of your company and I want to create something that's as good. That's a lower price point and I want to call it happy dance because I feel like that's what it makes me feel like it makes me feel lighter and calmer and Suttler in a time where I can be really impulsive when I'm stressed

So we worked really hard on it for two years. I'm really proud of it and we're Yeah, it launches in October and we shot some really cute material for it that I think is really funny and I hope people will Give it a chance and see what it can do for them. Yeah, well, I can't wait to test it out. It's, it's, it's, it's always, I agree with you. I think it's for so many things, it's about what you said, testing, experimenting, trying, and seeing if we feel a benefit. And I think about that all the time, whether it's with meditation or whether it's with waking up earlier or whether it's getting more sleep. It's like, you know, you can you can philosophize about the benefits as much as you like, but until you actually practically do it, you're not going to have any clue. And I feel like in the CBD world, there's so many, it's so crowded and no one

really understands it. And I didn't before I really researched it. And the companies that were out there weren't speaking to me because they were either like using a marijuana trope where I was like, I know, I'm not going to use a cream that's going to get me hot. Like don't make me feel like that. But then once I understand what's once I understood what CBD does and that it's not, doesn't get you high at all, the other ones I saw were very clinical and such beautiful packaging. And let me tell you something, not only do I not a beautiful packaging in my medicine cabinet, most of them are tipped over, right?

For all leaking. I needed something that was like fun and the bottle felt colorful. And so I spent a lot of time trying to infuse me into this so that it could speak to people. Like I would be if I was in their medicine cabinet. Like I'm just here if you need me. And I just say like if CBD doesn't work for you and you try it like amazing,

then it doesn't work for you. Like not every person is the same, but it's helped me a ton. And so my main goal was to say I want to get this out there because I think that it really could help people. I think it's what a lot of people need right now and just don't know it. And we also, when I met with Lord Jones and we developed this, I said, but again, I don't need a paycheck. I don't really even have time to be working on this, but I believe in it. What portion of our company are we giving to the community? And they were like, okay, let's look at that. So we decided one percent of our profits is going to be in perpetuity, gonna be going to this incredible organization called a new way of life.

It's a reentry project started by a woman in downtown Los Angeles who had been in and out of jail. Finally went to rehab in like a fancy Santa Monica place and she was just like, why doesn't that exist exist on my streets? Wow. Why doesn't this type of care exist? Why is everyone that works here white? You know, so she started, she's incredible.

There's also another great book recommendation all throughout there. That's her story. It's called Becoming Miss Burton. Wow. And I'm at the tail end of it right now, and it's astounding. She would go and meet women who were getting off the bus out of prison. And she would say, I have an extra room in my house. Do you want to get your life back on track? I love you.

And I was like, talk about using your own two hands. And by the way, this woman's life story is whatever you think your life story is, take a break. It's nothing compared to the things she's experienced and overcome. I've felt. And so I was like, I love what this woman is doing. She's opened up nine or 10 housing facilities for women who are getting back on their feet, pro bono, legal stuff, getting their children back.

And I was like, this is the woman. And so I'm really proud that everything happy dance does will be supporting her as well. So I want people to use CBD if they like it. They don't, that's okay. But I secretly want this company to blow up and be in everyone's household so that she can do all of her great work and have funding for it. I love that. That's so beautiful.

I absolutely love the name Happy Dance too. It's awesome. I'm hoping that people put it on and feel that. But I love that. And it's so awesome to see your passion and your purpose come out. What I love about you, Christian, what you do so wonderfully and gracefully is like, you're doing purposeful things through media

and purposeful things through products and then purposeful things through a book. You know, it's like, I love how you're infusing everything in your life with purpose in different ways and in almost hidden ways, sometimes subtle ways that people may not even be sure of and I think that that's extremely masterful. You're a magician. I'm very calculated. Okay. Yeah, I do feel like

look having a purpose gives me self-esteem and I really like the way self-esteem feels. I really like knowing. I also, as a business woman, like putting my business hat on, I think the future of the world has to be for profit for good companies. I work with a ton of different charities, global, local, national, all of them, and I give my time and my money because I believe in them. And these people are working hard every day for causes that I think are wonderful, but there does come a fatigue,

especially in an economic recession, which we're experiencing now, when you're asking people for money. So like last year, it just occurred to me, I was like, no, it's gotta be for profit, for good. Big companies have got to step up and be doing the right things. Every single company should have a pledge to a nonprofit.

Every single one, we shouldn't be asking someone who only makes minimum wage to donate money to that. The big company should be doing it. So I don't. What said? Do any endeavor without asking, using my leverage and saying, what's your charity component? What's your give back right here?

Because I wanna to know how I'm helping the community. Because there are, I have it a lot. There are a lot of people worse off than me. And my goal in life is to promote happiness and reduce suffering. So how are we going to do that together? And if the answer is we don't have one, then the answer is no. I love that. I'm so glad that you're forcing everyone to level up and increase their standards. It's so needed. And today, Kristen, you've been so generous with your time. We end every on-purpose interview with these final five questions.

They are meant to be fast-fived in the sense that they're meant to be one word to one sentence on says, but I think we're going to go off and that's fine. Yeah, good luck. I don't do one sentence very well. No, it's fine. I will allow both of us to break the rules So the first question of your final five is what do you know to be absolutely true about human nature that many would disagree with? So what do you know to be true about humans and people that using people may disagree with you on that?

acceptance is as important as oxygen Wow, I love that. That's really powerful. Never had that answer before. That was one sentence. That was pretty good. That was amazing. All right. Okay. Question number two. The hardest recent change you've had to make in your life. I've had to buy some new jeans, some bigger jeans during quarantine. That was rough. Thank you for sharing. Thank you. Question number three, what are you currently using your voice for? What am I currently using my voice for as an amplifier?

As a megaphone to the work that others are doing. I love that. Beautiful. Question number four, what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months? That was not cut out to be a teacher. Or a really good one who knows how to facilitate teaching and growth. Maybe you'd be a dean instead. I could be a school admin, that I wasn't cut out to be a teacher, but I was cut out to be a school administrator.

There we go. There we go. Okay. And question number five, if you could create a law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Don't be a jerk. Oh, 100%. Don't be a jerk. That's the only role we need.

You know what I mean? Because everybody, you can say like be kind. That sort of means different things to different people. Yeah. Jerk means something the same to everybody. We all know a jerk. Don't be a jerk. Great advice.

Kristen Val, thank you so much. I love it. That was your final five. Everyone who's been listening or watching today. I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did. Learning so much from Christen's wisdom at this phase in her life as she was sharing so many amazing ways in which she's helping us learn, listen and grow and Whatever you like to make sure you tag both me and Christa on Instagram so that we can see what resonated with you I love noticing what connects with you and what means a lot to you

And Kristen, I just want to thank you again from the bottom of my heart for doing this. It was so much fun I hope that I thought you were gonna say the one law we need is that the world needs more purple people It's so much better right? That's why I thought you were gonna say but I'll say it now the world needs more purple people the link is in the Captions to go and grab a copy. And thank you so much, Kristen. I look forward to meeting you. I hope I actually get to like being the same space

as you soon, but. Love that. When this is all over, would you have me on again and we can meet in person? I would love that. I would absolutely love that. And then we can try put on some of the CBD skin care at the same time.

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