On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Lauren London ON: Trauma, Spirituality & How to Recover From Loss

Episode Date: February 28, 2022

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Do you want to meditate daily with me? Go to go.calm.com/onpurpose to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay. Only on CalmJay Shetty chats with Lauren London about her spiritual journey and healing. She shares how the tragic death of her partner has helped strengthen her faith, dealing with things that are out of your control, using her pain to help and serve others, and maintaining the spirit of celebration.  is an actress, model, and television personality. She first earned recognition and rose to fame for portraying Erin "New New" Garnett in the 2006 coming-of-age film ATL. She has starred in several films including Baggage Claim and The Perfect Match.Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/What to Listen For:00:00 Intro03:39 Strengthening faith and reconnecting with God07:26 At the age when you express what you had internalized10:41 Finding protection from a higher being13:01 When you don’t have anything to lean on16:05 The ultimate lesson of not having control19:09 This shared love for reading and spiritual bonding22:54 We are all masculine and feminine energy25:33 A time when it’s difficult to go back to acting29:28 Using your story to help and encourage others35:13 Lessons we can learn from our children39:47 Creating motivational content42:24 Being in the spirit of celebration45:41 Lauren on Final FiveEpisode ResourcesLauren London | InstagramLauren London | TwitterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprah, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Hart, Louis Hamilton, and many, many more. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender and visible things we don't usually talk about?

I'm Megan Devine. Host of the podcast, it's okay that you're not okay. Look everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by stellar guests like Abbermote, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. What do a flirtatious gambling double agent in World War II?

An opera singer who burned down an honorary to kidnap her lover, and a pirate queen who walked free with all of her spoils, haven't comment. They're all real women who were left out of your history books. You can hear these stories and more on the Womanica podcast. Check it out on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. For me personally, it was because I didn't have a choice. There was no other option that was taken away from me with the passing of my son's father that I was forced into,

I'm alone now. Who do you trust? When you don't have anything else to lean on and stand on, all you have is what you came here with and so you in the divine. [♪ music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you who come back every week to listen, learn and grow. And I am so excited to be talking to you today.

I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love is out. And I cannot wait to share with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eight rulesoflove.com.

It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour, Love Rules. Go to jsheddytour.com to learn more information

about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. Now, I love these episodes when I get to sit down with dear friends, people that I've spent deep quality heartfelt time with, and I get the opportunity to share them with you because they have such a wealth of insight, such a wealth of wisdom, such a wealth of life experience. But I have to move into my interview mode and make sure that you know how epic they are as well behind the scenes.

I mean, they are doing a lot more than being my friend. So today's guest is none other than Lauren London and LA native, her career skyrocketed after starring in the film ATL. And Miss London's career in the year since ATL includes a number of feature films and television series, including Disc Christmas, next day air, Tyler Perry's Madeel Big Habby Family.

I love you Beth Cooper, baggage claimed the perfect match as well as television series HBO's on-terrage 90210 single ladies and the game. In 2019 she appeared in the BET series Games People Play which is currently in production on season 2. Season 1 centered around London's character Vanessa King. And then this was series, games, people play, which is currently in production on season two. Season one centered around London's character Vanessa King. And then this was a movie that I just saw recently in the spring of 2021, Tom Clancy's without remorse starring Michael B. Jordan was released with Lauren starring as Pam Kelly. There are so many more amazing things that Lauren's working on behind the scenes, so many other incredible things that are in production and Netflix, mini series, true story alongside

Kevin Hart and Wesley Snipes. And she's producing much more further projects as well. Beyond all of this amazingness on screen, what I can truly say is that having spent pretty much like four hours a week with this incredible woman for the past 12 months, with grace, with this beautiful presence. And my wife and I are not only huge fans of our work on screen, we believe she's one of the most hilarious people off screen. We love you Lauren. Thank you so much for doing the on purpose podcast and it is so great to have you on the show. Thanks for being here Lauren.

Oh, thank you Jay. Man, the introduction was like A plus plus. You made me excited about myself. I was like, I guess I've been working for a while. You've done so much in your career, and I always feel blessed when I get to see people on screen and off screen because I think we're all humans that have real lives and real experiences.

But I mean, everything in that intro was true. So congratulations to you. I mean, you know, it's all your hard work and all your achievements. I hope we get a special appearance from Crosshole Cam today in the shot. You know, one can only hope. I want toag very soon. But Lauren, I want to start with just diving straight in. You have experienced so much in your career, so many amazing life-changing moments.

But at the same time in your personal life, you've been given so many surprises and pivots and changes and challenges. And I want to hear about your journey as to how you found grace, spiritual connection, and how you've been guided by that through some of the most difficult things that anyone in the world would ever have to experience. You know, my spiritual journey, it had so many transformations. So I had a very

traumatic childhood you could say with just a lot of abuse and you know neglect and not at the hands of my mother though. Let me clear that up. And so I was very very connected to God at a really early age. I just remember hearing God very, very, very clear. And then, you know, as I grew up, I lost a bit of my connection to God and then re- got reintroduced to God in another way in my early adulthood. And then really when knit passed,

I felt like that was when I had to really, really get to know God personally, not in theory, not in idea, not, you know, only when things are good to pray and devote. It made me feel like I wanted to really understand our purpose here on Earth. Why we were here, what are we to do here? I didn't want to live a life in vain. I wanted to be on purpose. And so it just, it was this like this thirst for the truth. I think when tragedy happens, you just, you can either just survive or survive and thrive. And I really made the choice to survive and thrive. And I feel like I can only do that through the grace of God

and just being a servant of God. That's beautiful, Lauren. Thank you for sharing that. Let's let's go back to that early childhood that you were mentioning. What was like a pivotal moment in your childhood that you believe is defined who you are and how you show up? What was a moment that happened in those early years that you think taught you something so powerful

that shaped who you are today? Well, I think when you, my parents were really young and they really tried the best with what they had and just the tools they had in their toolbox. And so I learned very early about betrayal and how being alone because I was only child and there was a lot of violence around me and towards me, how I could only depend on God. And I learned that very early on that the humans and the adults in my life might not have

been the best protectors, but that I was okay because I had faith in God. And that depending on God and leaning on God and trusting that I would be okay really carried me through my young childhood and my adulthood and just clearly no one's perfect and our parents are human. I think that was a really hard lesson for me to learn with that. My parents were just humans. I think you've raised such an interesting point there because when I think about what you're saying, I think it's so natural as a young person to look for role models, to look for protectors, to look for shelter,

to look for another human to be under their wing. And when you're young and that breaks, you kind of keep looking sometimes in the wrong places too. And I know I did that in my own life where when I couldn't find it from what seemed like the natural, traditional places of shelter, I started to find it in the wrong areas. Did you ever feel that you went down that path when you were younger, where you were taking shelter of things that now you wouldn't want your kids to do, but you kind of had no choice before you got to that God place. It's almost like before that, tell us a bit about that journey of like looking

for shelter in human. I looked at everything outside of there, it was also a moment where I just, you know, my faith dwindled because life happened and I was like, well, why would this happen? Clearly, there is no power to be. Life is this crumbling around me. I was just looking outside of myself for validation. I didn't have a really good strong sense of self-worth and so you

know kids I think children internalize everything when they're really young and then around adolescent people always think adolescents are so troubled and but that's when you start to express everything you've internalized, that age. And so around like 14, 15, I start to express everything I had internalized. And you know, I started to drink and smoke and skip school or not go to school, you know, completely not go to school at all. And I got kicked out of high school. And I went from like an honors student, which is like, you know, very magnine

and all these AP classes to never going back to school because I was so, my anger was starting to come out from everything I had went through. And yeah, and then I had a dream around like 19 of just years of acting out that I died. And I was like, how? This is so crazy. How?

Like, no, I'm not sick. No one knows. I'm like walking out of my mom's house. And this figure was there. And the figure was like, you know, I kind of explained to me that I was leaving Earth. It was such an eerie dream. And I was like, where is Jesus? And the figure was like, he's not here for you.

And I woke up immediately. It was Sunday morning and I literally drove myself to church and my life changed after that. Wow, I mean, those kind of dreams. Do you have dreams like that often, or was that like a one-off, and was that like a, at that time, Had you had other dreams around that time that were different to that? No, I used to have like very dreams that were kind of like priminitions when I

was younger. I you know of like areas and places that I would eventually see when I was older. So but nothing like that that was, I think, to my need of transformation. I really like the theme, Lauren, that you've kind of touched on in your own life and in your past, because I think you're spot on, that when we're young and even when we get older, we're constantly looking for a protector and shelter. And we almost go from like, well, you be my protector and then that person lets us down and then we go to this person and say, well, no, you be my protector and then they let us down.

And we keep doing that. The fact that you've raised that is really powerful because I think sometimes we don't even know we're doing that because you're not saying it in those words. You're not saying, be my protector, but inside in your heart, that's kind of what you're looking for. Tell us about those lessons you learned when you went down the wrong paths and chose some of the wrong shelters.

I think what I really, what I've learned from being younger and looking outside of myself for protection and safety and comfort was that the ultimate comfort and protection comes from a higher power. It came from God for me and I was telling you just being a single mother and a single woman now and you know yes I have family and I have friends that are protectors but ultimately my protection is divine and it comes from God and really trusting that now. And I didn't trust it before. And I think when you've gone through tragedy or trauma in any part of life, it really makes you, you know, they don't talk about how it really, it challenges your

relationship with God. And I really being protected? This is something really horrible has happened. Am I really safe? Something horrible has happened. And I'm learning that even now that I am protected, that it is okay to lean into that, to not have to always be around people, not always feeling like I'm not protected if I'm alone that I am totally in trust with God. That's a lesson I'm still learning today that I'm trying to just cultivate even more. Yeah it's interesting isn't it how we've created this

animosity with being alone. Like we think of being alone or lonely as such a negative thing. And it's almost been ingrained in our life since we were young where it's like, if you were the kid at school who didn't have lots of friends, you were the loner. And if you got invited to a wedding and you didn't have a plus one, it was like, oh, what's wrong with you? And it's like, we've always been told that you need a better half or someone to complete you. Like the language is always being, being alone is a weakness and that being alone

means you've been abandoned. It's almost like we think being alone means abandonment, but that's not true. You can be happy alone and have great relationships and friends, but nowhere your shelter is. I want to hear about how long it takes you and what you have to go through to gain that trust that there's something beyond because now when you're looking back, it obviously makes sense. But if you if you remember being in that position, the last thing you want to do is trust that there's

something greater or deeper or more powerful because you're like, well, I don't even have that trust in myself. You know, and we keep transferring our trust to humans. And so I just want to hear about some of the pain that comes with that or some of the challenges that come with that or some of that journey before you were able to be when I see you now and obviously we know each other and I see you be so confident in that space, I kind of want to hear where that confidence came from.

You know, for me personally, I think it's all, it's really based on the individual and someone's individual journey. For me personally, it was because I didn't have a choice. There was no other option. That was taken away from me, where I was in a house, I wasn't alone, I was in a relationship, I was protected and covered,

and then that was tragically taken away with the passing of my son's father that I was forced into, I'm alone now. of my son's father that I was forced into, I'm alone now. And who do you trust as far as yourself, God, what's that relationship like? When you don't have anything else to lean on and stand on, all you have is what you came here with and to you in the divine. And so I was kind of pushed into communication with God. I had to start really talking to God, real, not just reading the books and, you know,

I always say like applying it and reading it are two different things. You can read all the books everywhere. You can speak, recite what you read in the book, but once you apply what you read, that's a different ball game. And so I had to learn application. I'm Dr. Romani, and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism.

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Or, cityoftherails.com. Yeah, that's such a great point from communication and application. or wherever you get your podcast, or cityoftherails.com. Yeah, that's such a great point from communication and application. I think that's so powerful. Let's, I've loved watching you be a mom. I've only ever known you in this phase of your life. Like I didn't know, I haven't known you before.

And you have two incredible sons, who are just so fun to be with. Cam is like the ultimate gentleman, and this very like almost regal person, is just like so well spoken, so gentle, so smart, and intellectual as well. And then you have Cross, who's just like the cutest little being in the world,

and just has so much spontaneous spontaneous energy has your humor, you know, that kind of vibe. And I see how much they love you and how much you love them and that connection. It's so beautiful. Lauren, I'm asking you this probably for the first time. I've never asked you this before because I believe it's not an easy question to answer, but how does it feel to have a plan for life and have a picture of what life looks like and then have that picture be torn? Like what does that actually feel like? Because I think that's something that we underestimate because not everyone goes through that fully,

but the extent to which you've been through that, we may all get little pieces of that. And so I feel your experience can be a real blessing for everyone. And I know you can share it with that heart. So I'd love to ask you that question now. It is the ultimate lesson in control, not having control, letting go. It's really, when you have this plan for your life,

as you should, we should manifest, we should set goals, you should, right, you should have intentions. And if the, when, if, or when that gets derailed and you have plan B now to go off that you didn't plan on, it is the ultimate test of surrender, letting it go. Letting God now move in your life. You know, I think for me, it was, I had this idea, I had the kids, we had a family,

and the head of the household is not here anymore. Does that mean I have no purpose here anymore? No. I still have a purpose. I still have a mission. And now I have to tap into myself. You know, I had to surrender my idea of what I thought my life should be and give God and give my children the opportunity for a happy life. Give God my life so that now my life is what the divine wants for me. And so I flow with the river. I'm not holding on to the rocks. I'm not grasping onto things that you know, you have to let go of.

It is literally the, I I'm gonna say again, the ultimate test of surrender, and you have to surrender. Because at the end of the day, as much control as we think we have, we do not. And it's actually very powerful to surrender. We think that it's a weakness, but it's so much power in letting go

and flowing with the river. Because life is gonna do what it's going to do. And we are all going to get chin checked by life one way or another. So I might as well focus on my enlightenment and roll with the river and not fight with the rocks. Wow. Lauren, I mean, you know, hearing that from you, I hope that people are going to replay that part themselves again and again and again because everything you just said and the fact that you're saying it in what you've experienced, that's what gives it so much power. These are not just words and these are not just ideas.

It's not just a concept. It's like you're actually having to apply this in your daily life. Tell us about learn what is it that we didn't know about Nipsey and you and the connection you had? What is it that we didn't see that we didn't know that that people may not be aware of that you shared that you learned from each other that you grew from each other? What were the things you taught him? And he taught you that that made this so powerful and you know made this incredible unit that has continued to propel you to greater heights. You know, I always say that like we were very avid readers and so when we moved in together and put our books together, you can really see whose books were, so like he was very, he was an intellectual, and I always say he was like

a spiritual intellectual, and I was a spiritual, emotional person, so all my books were like on heart, and so to me it really represented masculine, feminine, energy. I think something that people don't know is that we were always talking about how we could have a better relationship with God individually and our purpose and our missions in life and, you know, who, how we just want it to be on purpose as individuals and how we just helped each other on our own individual missions and that our relationship was actually more spiritual than it was anything, and that we bonded on our, you know, quests for the truth.

That's, I mean, what I love about hearing that is that anyone who is in a relationship right now or wants to be in a relationship who's listening to us that feels like such a great North Star like that feels like such a beautiful point to connect and it sounds so normal for you because that's what you both were like you just described but that's not very normal as we both know like that's not what relationships are based on. Like that's not why we come together. It's not what we think about.

It's not really what we put in the center, but that center feels so strong. Sorry, were you about to say something, Lauren? I didn't want to cut you off. I started and we weren't perfect and we definitely had, or you know, it was a lot of human moments, but I think in relationship, it's really lot of human moments, but I think in relationship it's really important in the beginning, if you set an attention, what is our union, how

is our union going to participate with everyone else? How are we going to contribute? How does our union contribute to people outside of us, not just us, you know, not just between, you know, oh, you love me, give me pleasure. It has to be deeper than that or it kind of fades away. So I think we're very intentional on like how us together, how does that contribute to our community? Yeah, and I think that community part is also, again, such a powerful point that it doesn't just stop at your quest for the truth It's what you both do in service to your community and that's a space that you're you continue to be active in you But you were both active in like that's such a big priority for you and I think that that's another great

Relationship connection that you've spoken about there There is like if your relationship is based around the quest for the truth, not just pleasure, but then your relationship is based around community service and giving back, these are the things that really bring you close to someone that you deeply love and you share together. You spoke a bit about the masculine and feminine energy there. And I loved how you described yourself as the spiritual emotional and him as the spiritual intellectual. That's a really cool way of looking at it.

When you tell us a bit about what you've learned about the masculine and feminine energy that has helped you, that you think our listeners may find an introduction. If they're not as aware of those ideas, what are some of the things that you've taken away that you think have really helped you? You know, just being aware that we are all masculine and feminine energy. You know, you think it's just one way or the other, but that we're all intertwined and

we have that in us. I sometimes operate out of my masculine more than my feminine, you know, especially just I I think I do more than anything and and starting to Open myself up to my feminine energy more and more I've learned that I think that was my that's my biggest takeaway really from that is that it is all in all of us. It's not one of the other and that it is so okay to nurture both sides at the same time

or one side you might nurture more than the other and that's okay. It's like the best of both worlds. Yeah, no, I agree with that. Knowing which one to use when and knowing which one in nourish is such an important decision. And whereas if you just base it on gender and you say, well, I'm only feminine or masculine or whatever it may be, you almost miss out on recognizing that there are powers in both that are accessible to all of us all the time. I know for a fact, I remember meeting someone a few years ago

and I don't know if I ever told you this, but I met someone a few years ago and I don't really connect with him that much anymore either, but he said to me, he said, he goes, Jay, you are like completely balanced in your masculine and feminine. And I was like, when I first heard that, it was a while ago, I was like,

I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or as a diss and feminine. And I was like, when I first heard that, it was a while ago, I was like, I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or as a diss. And so, but- But the problem is. Yeah, yeah, no, I learned that afterwards. My masculine ego got in the way of like, what are you trying to say? That's the thing is creativity and intuition

and spiritual beings, we just, yeah, you want to be tapped into that intuition that create. I'm glad you raised that actually, that, you know, feminine energy often, we don't understand the depth of it, but creativity, intuition, connection, synergy, like all of this comes from that. And so that's a really great reminder. I heard you learn in an interview, you mentioned that you almost made a decision

to not go back to acting anymore. And I wanted to know more about that because obviously you have gone back and you have moved forward, but there was a point where obviously that required an act of bravery. Can you tell us what was it that was stopping you and then what helped you move back in? What was stopping me was that life change and so my perspective on life change. And I my feel the audition process and the rejection and the politics of what came with what I do did not align with what I was seeking anymore. I didn't want to have to politic. I didn't want to have to, you know, do things I felt more in alignment with my truth. And I just wanted to be myself fully.

If I could participate in a project, holy, I would do it. But if I could not, I didn't want to be fake and not give of myself in a real way. And so I was like, you know, I don't really want to run that race anymore. And so a project of Without Remorse came. And I was like, I'm not sure. I don't want to do this little, you know, what felt like a hamster will for me. I didn't like the idea of competition and going against. I didn't like that. And so I was like, I don't know if I want to do that anymore. And so Michael was like, look, just read the script. And so I read the script and what drew me to was that I could participate authentically. Like I can genuinely play

this role because I really resonated with the fact that she passes and he has all these visions of her and that she's still communicating with him just not physically but spiritually, and that's exactly where I, you know, where I thought I was at the time. And so it was just perfect. It was an alignment with a story I wanted to tell. I could really give my truth to this. And it didn't have that,

it didn't have a negative energy on it. It felt, it felt like, it felt, and I want to say easy because it wasn't easy, but it felt like it was just pretty much an alignment, you know, it was such a, it flowed. And so, and not that I'm expecting everything to be easy, but I didn't want the, I started energy on it it and this had a really good energy on it and I trusted it and Went back Yeah, and I really felt that when me and Rady watch the movie together That we really felt that too that you know looking at it from that perspective of Of knowing you and speaking to you about it and then watching the movie and just being like wow like

You know how how must have that bean for Lauren to play that role? But then to hear you say what you're saying to me now, I'm just like, wow, like that, that's therapeutic, it's healing, it's, it's powerful because you're, you're transferring that pain into purpose, right? You're like bringing it through and you're letting it flow and that, that's so powerful that you're able to transform your pain in this way and that feels like a massively worthy reason to go back to anything and how you're selecting it. And I love what you said there. I think, you know, I just, I like pointing out things that sometimes we miss. You said, I'm not expecting it to be easy,

but I want it to be an alignment. And I think that is such a powerful lesson for all of us that if we're looking for ease, chances are, we don't want to do anything because nothing's easy. Yeah, but it's like that alignment. And you've devoted time in helping other people who've lost their loved ones through gun violence. Can you walk us through how this has been helping you in your healing journey and why it's important for people to help even when we feel like we've lost? Because I think what often happens is when we feel like we've gone through something,

we most often don't feel like we're in a position to help. But when you actually gone and done that, can you tell us how that has actually helped healing or support? What have you learned from that? You know, I think personally that service is our purpose and that we do in different ways. I, I went to New York and I worked with an organization called Life Camp where they help victims of gun violence and they try to stop gun violence and a woman by the name of Erica

who was amazing, runs this organization. It made, it also made me not feel so alone and that how close we are as humans and how connected we are and we feel like our individual stories are the things that make us so separate but it's actually a thing that really connects us and that as I was talking to these young women and these single mothers that were younger than me I got so much strife from them because so much we so many times we think what we go through is just us and how did this happen to me?

And it's not the way to think like that. It's like, who am I? Why not me? Why is this not happening to me? It's happening all around the world. How can I be of service? How can my story help someone else through their story? So many times I read a book or listen to someone's testimony and they have no idea how encouraging that is for me at that time. And so I just want my, I don't wanna have my pain in vain. I would like to give my pain some purpose

and transmute the pain into purpose. And if I could help or encourage or motivate or pull through, I will sign up for that every day all the time. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University, and I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions, so we can better understand our lives and our realities, like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or can we create new senses for humans? Or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet?

So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe, a Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What was seen as a very snotty city, people call it Bose-Angulous. I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best. I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best. I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best.

I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best. I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best. I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best. I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best. I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best. I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best. I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best. I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best.

I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best. I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best. I'm going to try to find out who's going to be the best. I'm going to try to find out our way into a dinner party. We're kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party. It doesn't always work out. I would love that, but I have like a Cholala who is aggressive towards strangers. I love the dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves. I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm going to die alone when I'm traveling. But I get to travel with someone I love. Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much...

I love you too. Mike's a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love it. Listen to Not Lost on the iHeart Radio App or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jay Shetty and on my podcast on purpose, I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oh, pro. I've had the honor to sit down with some of the most incredible hearts and minds on the planet. Oprog. Everything that has happened to you can also be a strength builder for you if you allow it.

Kobe Bryant. The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters. Kevin Haw. It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to create change. Luber and Hamilton. That's for me been taking that moment for yourself each day, being kind to yourself because I think for a long time I wasn't kind to myself.

And many, many more. If you're attached to knowing, you don't have a capacity to learn. On this podcast, you get to hear the raw real-life stories behind their journeys and the tools they used, the books they read, and the people that made a difference in their lives so that they can make a difference in hours. Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Join the journey soon. That's beautiful. I'm so glad you shared that because again, it just comes back to the same thing that we don't want people. I think it's those times when you feel you have nothing to give is when by giving you

have so much to gain, right? It's like when you feel you have nothing to give, but in that moment when you choose to give, when you actually feel like you have nothing to give, you get so much back from it. And I feel like if... It's supposed to give, right? Isn't that when you're supposed to give, when you feel like, you know, when you're really depressed, when you're really, they say, when you're really down,

don't go do something for someone else. Step outside of yourself and go do something for someone else. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think if we can all find daily, weekly, monthly ways of doing that by working with organizations that are important to us, and I think this is one of the things that I've noticed too, as well, when we look around in the world, there's so much pain and there's so much stress and pressure and it's overwhelming.

But if you just go and do one tiny act of service in your local area, in your local community, you don't have to go and change the world, you don't have to go and like, raise lots of money or do this like big thing, you can do this really small thing every week. And not only is that going to improve the world, of course it's improving the world, it's going to change someone's life, it's going to change yours too. And I think we underestimate what it feels like to change one person's life. And I always think about like, if you had the option of when we're like, oh, but that only helps three people, if you think about those three people and their life experience, I'm

sure you would a thousand percent choose to change their experience. And I think we've got lost this, we've got lost in this world now of like numbers and millions of dollars and big change. And we forget that the community is changed. Like that is the world. Does that make sense? It's right where you step. You know, I don't think it's the small things that equal up to a big thing and the big thing is service, you know, like it's integrity, like are you going to do this when no one is watching? Absolutely, you know, am I going to make it? It's also like I'm very intentional on my day. So if I know I'm going to be working around a lot of people, my intention is that, you know, around a lot of people, my intention is that, you know, I represent God, that I don't give someone, I don't put my stuff on someone else, that I bring good energy to a set, that,

you know, if someone's having a hard day, I don't have to try to make them better, but I can just represent, you know, some goodness, you know, and some truth. And so I think it's important also to set intentions when you're around a lot of people. I remember you telling me that when you're on set, you like choose your own playlist to make sure the energy is right and the vibes right and like, you know, I think that... As I get on that and that trailer and I play my little jazz or my self-care playlist, I put my incense, I sage, I pray. I just put myself in a space because I don't wanna be influenced by my environment.

I want the environment to be influenced by me. Absolutely, well said, well said. Lauren, I wanna hear about, we spoke about this earlier briefly, but I wanna dive into it being a mother, you know, and we spoke about Cam and Cross who, you know, I've enjoyed spending the time that I have with them. Tell us about what you've been trying to share with them, what lessons, what guidance you've been trying to pass on to them. But also what have you learned from both of them in your own life too? Like what have you taken from them? Where have they taught you?

Because I know they have. I think I've learned from them more than they'll ever be able to learn from me. They're really resilient and like, they love me regardless of what I see in myself. Sometimes when I'm down. You know, Cameron's heart has a really big heart and when I was his age, I closed my heart up because there was a lot of trauma around me

and I used to think that vulnerability was weakness. And I realized how easy it is for him to be vulnerable and how easy it is for him to be vulnerable and how easy it is for him to share his heart and his feelings and how strong and brave that is. And so a lot of times, I'll be in a situation and I will even say like, what would Cam do? Because his intention is so pure and heartfelt and his compassion, you know, and crosses very, I learned from him his freedom of being himself. Total freedom, he is fearless. He's like, I got this. If I don't get it, got it right now, I'm gonna get it. You know, I didn't have siblings growing up so watching siblings That love is like

I Hope if I ever come back that I get to have a sibling that I grow up in the house with because it's Beautiful, it's like they're a part of each other in a way and I Personally like to instill in my kids integrity, honor, honesty, you know, you get in big trouble for lying in this household. And acceptance of yourself fully, you know, I've been really big on like, you know, Cam had a test today he was really nervous about.

And I'm like, look, if you don't ace the test, you don't ace the test. Did you try your best? Yes, did we study? Yes, you don't have to ace it. You have to show up and show out. And that's it. The result of that, it's in the universe.

And sometimes we don't get the result of our, you know, actions right away. So just make sure you put your best foot forward and just teach them a lot about God. And how there's a karma checkbook. So just to make sure you're always putting good pennies in your karma bank, I'm always like,

well, there's always an opportunity to have good karma. So make sure you pay attention to all your opportunities around. I love what you mentioned there, one thing around the idea of you don't always get the reward for the hard work and that activity in that moment. And I think that is such a powerful thing

to teach a young person because we always think, like, for example, I studied for this test, but I didn't get the results so that study was useless And we don't realize that that study may be really powerful like five 10 years down the line When you remember that one piece of insight and it actually gets a win and and that is such a powerful powerful thing to teach someone that the immediate result is not how powerful that input was. Like the immediate result is not how powerful your effort was in that situation.

You're going to get to see that for many, many years. That's... You said it much better than me, but that's what I was... No, I told you. I'm just listening. I'm just trying to listen to you really attentively because I feel like there's so many things

that you've worked on and you've practiced that have become so normal for you. And when I'm listening to you, I'm like, wow, that's actually really profound. Like that's a really powerful point. And the fact that you're thinking about teaching that to your kids, like you're not just saying, oh, it doesn't matter if you don't ace the test.

What you're actually saying is, it doesn't matter if you ace the test because what you learned is going to help you at some point. And I want you to see that. I want you to recognize that you studied and that's going to support you in more ways than this test. This test is not the proof that you studied. No.

And the second you studied is the, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. That's really beautiful. I love hearing that. And tell, tell us about as you continue to move on now, what are the things Lauren now at this stage in your life? You know, you've done so much service. You've worked for the community. You embedded. You're supporting others. People are supporting you.

What are the things that excite you now? Like, where is it? Where are you now? What, what brings joy to Lauren now? I really like creating content that I feel is inspirational or motivation. That really excites me. I've been working on a couple of lines with Puma, with clothes and just an intention behind that. Like, I don't

want to just put out the clothes what is it what are the clothes saying how are the clothes gonna make someone feel what intention are you putting behind the clothes and you know honestly really simple things like Sundays I love doing you know devotional service on Sundays and learning more about God and applying that but also just like chilling and watching TV with my kids. You know, like I used to think it was these massive things that brought me joy and so I would always seek those really big things and really it's like a really comfortable room with the kids and they're listening to them laugh or listening and play together and you know clean socks and fresh sheets. But those things bring me big joy and you know hanging with friends and listening to music just those

things and creating things that come from my heart. Definitely yeah big shout out to your I say Puma back in England so I know it's Puma out here we say Puma. Yeah we see yeah every time I say Puma I just feel so, it just, I'm like, wow, like that's so, it's so, for my mind, it's crazy, but yeah, we call it Puma back in England, but Puma, yeah, the forever stronger line, me and Rade, Radea, big fans, and it's always nice to wear something that means something and that represents something for you, and yeah, I love that you're bringing that into fashion and places like that to have that meaningfulness

and that presence and that power. And you know, one thing I remember we spoke about which I really appreciate from you, and you even mentioned it today where you're like, I wanted to let go of that competition in the industry and that comparison. Walk us through how you've worked through that because this isn't something that only you experience.

It's actually what's been created by most industries where people are put against each other, people are made to compete for things. You're made to believe there's only one spot, there's only one thing. And if you get it and you're losing and you're winning, how have you worked through that personally? How have you been trying to apply the wisdom around that area of your life around comparison and competition that I think we all struggle with?

Yeah, you know, I remember hearing something Reverend Michael said about being in the spirit of celebration. So when something really good happens to someone else, So when something really good happens to someone else, celebrating. Because when you're in that spirit of celebration, you're just giving out messages to the universe that you like to celebrate. So the universe gives you things to celebrate. So I celebrate everyone's wins. You know, I've never really been an envious. I never really carry that energy even young. So that's why I always feel it's funny when it's around me. So like I celebrate everyone's wins because I know that that is mine.

That's mine too. It's just the energy of celebration. And genuinely knowing that there's enough to go around, that we live in an abundant universe. So just because someone is eating doesn't mean that I don't have food on the way. Doesn't mean I can't eat either. There's an abundance of it all.

So I just celebrate everyone's, you know, wins and, you know, congratulate and send really good energy out to especially, you know, women and black women like myself that are doing this is not easy. I just am like a, I love women. So I'm like a woman like I love women winning. I just sit in the spirit of abundance and celebration. Yeah, I think when we start realizing that actually when people in our space win, the space wins. And so it's not like, you know, it's when you make it about one versus one, it can feel like a loss. But when you see it as a community and industry, a space within an industry, when that's winning,

that means everyone's winning. I always think about it like, you know, if you look at it through house prices, it's like if someone on your street sells their house for a lot of money, everyone's price just went up. Like everyone on that street just benefited. But you can look at them and be like,

oh, but they just made loads of money and so no one's gonna buy my house, but it's look at them and be like, Oh, but they just made loads of money and so no one's going to buy my house. But it's like, actually, that's not true. The whole value of the whole street just increased, right? In that competition, you know, mind frame, you're just blocking all the beautiful things God has for you. You know, if I don't, you know, you just, that's why you're supposed to celebrate people when they succeeded at something or accomplished something because you just open your world for more

to celebrate. So I'm not blocking my blessings. I like all my blessings. So I love everyone's blessings. Absolutely. I love that. Lauren, we end every on purpose episode with the final five. So these questions have to be answered with one word or one sentence maximum. So you can have one sentence. Let's do Lauren London. These are your final five question number one. What is the best advice you've ever received? What you give out to the world, you keep.

Oh, I like that. I like that. That's good. We've never had that, I like that. That's good. We've never had that, I like that, that's good advice. What is the worst advice you've ever received or the worst thing anyone's ever said to you? Someone making someone like your possession, like you have to keep them or don't do this

or you're gonna lose them, that's really bad advice. Yes, good advice, on the bad advice. All right, question number three. What, how would you define your current purpose in life? Transmuting pain into purpose. Beautiful, I love that. Question number four, what is something that you used to value that you don't value anymore? Close.

I love that, I love that, that's such a grace. I love it. I love it. I'm really in designers, clothes and stuff. Love. I appreciate them, but I don't. Alright, fifth and final question. If you could make one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? I feel like there will be stricter punishment and longer, a harsher punishment on child abusers. Wow. Hopefully to hopefully limit people from doing it to say. Yeah. And the punishment of people that harm children would be, you know, I know it's not so spiritual of me, but it'd be harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh. Yeah, thank you, Lauren.

Lauren, is there anything that I haven't asked you, but it's in your heart on your mind and your soul that you want to share with our own purpose community today? You've been so generous and kind with your time, me and Rady adore you. This has been such a powerful conversation. Yeah, is there anything that's on your heart on mind or soul that you want to share that I haven't asked you? I feel like you've asked me really good questions and really good questions. I just, you know, I'm just honored that anyone would want to listen to me for real. So I'm going to scrapbook me here.

Lauren, we love you. Everyone who's been listening or watching, make sure that you tag Lauren and I on Instagram, on Twitter, wherever you are using social media, because I love seeing and I love my guest to see what resonated with you, what connected with you. I love bringing you into the conversation so that we can notice what really left a mark on you and impacted you.

So make sure you tag us both on Instagram and Twitter. Lauren, I wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart for your time. I can't wait to see you again in this new year. Give Cam and Cross a big hug from me. And we look forward to seeing you very soon. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Please give my hug to Ryan. I will. I will. Thanks Lauren. Bye guys. Bye, Ryan. What if you could tell the whole truth about your life, including all those tender and visible things we don't usually talk about? I'm Megan Devine. Post to the podcast, it's okay that you're

not okay. Look, everyone's at least a little bit not okay these days, and all those things we don't usually talk about, maybe we should. This season, I'm joined by stellar guests like Abbermote, Rachel Cargol, and so many more. It's okay that you're not okay. New episodes each and every Monday, available on the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you listen to podcasts. episodes each and every Monday, available on the I Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. I am Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. This season we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you.

Each week you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and their process of healing. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When my daughter ran off to hop trains, I was terrified I'd never see her again, so I followed her into the train yard. This is what it sounds like inside the box-car.

And into the city of the rails, there I found a surprising world, so brutal and beautiful that it changed me, but the rails do that to everyone. There is another world out there, and if you want to play with the devil, you're going to find them there in the rail yard. Undenail Morton, come with me to find out what waits for us and the city of the rails. Listen to City of the Rails on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Or, cityoftherails.com.