On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Lil Nas X: Overcoming the Battle Between Embracing Authenticity & Navigating Society's Expectations

Episode Date: January 29, 2024

Do you feel that you struggle with being authentic?  Do you want to overcome the judgment of society's perceptions of what it means to be authentic?  Today, Jay sits down with Lil Nas X. Lil Nas X is a 24-year-old award-winning rapper, singer, songwriter from Atlanta, Georgia. Dubbed “an internationally recognized phenomenon” by Billboard, Lil Nas X rose to fame in 2019 when he released “Old Town Road” and shattered genre norms, disrupted the charts and went viral worldwide.  After a highly successful EP and several multi-platinum songs, Nas went on to release his critically acclaimed and GRAMMY-nominated debut album Montero in September 2021, which featured the culture-shifting 6x Platinum hit “MONTERO (Call Me By Your Name)”. Following the release of Lil Nas X’s latest single “J CHRIST”, his beautiful new documentary, Lil Nas X: Long Live Montero, debuted this weekend on HBO and is available to stream now on Max. In this vulnerable episode Lil Nas X shares his story from being a shy kid in Atlanta Georgie to achieving his wildest dreams. Lil Nas X has proven that there is power of self-awareness and embracing your true identity, even in the face of loss and grief. He shares with us personal stories that have shaped him into the person he is today, and the person he is working on becoming.  The conversation navigates through fears, the misunderstood aspects of Lil Nas' message in his latest single, and the importance of cherishing time with family. They discuss spirituality, the quest for genuine love, dealing with a lack of control, and overcoming inner voices.  In this interview, you'll learn: How to embrace authenticity How to deal with societal expectations How to be true to yourself How to genuinely believe in what you love to do How to make peace with your inner voice Tune in for a thought-provoking and heartwarming conversation that validates our humanness, flaws and strengths, and our ability to overcome difficult times. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 02:42 Fascination for Time Traveling 03:55 Lil Nas X Helped Montero Morph Out of Being a Super Shy Kid   07:04 There’s No Reason to Stop, Even You Mess Up 08:57 What’s Your Favorite Childhood Memory? 10:32 Becoming Self Aware and More In Tune with Your Sexuality 11:24 Losing a Loved One to Cancer 16:22 A Song About not Being Present When a Loved One Needed You So Much 17:39 Appreciating and Cherishing Time Spent with Family   19:27 What Scares You the Most Right Now? 20:56 What Does Positive Chaos Look LIke? 22:14 The Part of Montero’s Message That Got Misunderstood 26:30 My Relationship with My Father 28:52 We All Have Our Own Ideals in Seeing Other People  31:09 Freedom to Explore Your Spirituality 35:05 This One Being That’s Connected to Everything 36:28 Being Authentic and Relatable at the Same Time 38:37 Fully Open to Finding Real, Genuine Love 42:10 Overpowering the Voices in Your Head 45:23 The Ability to Recognize that Everything has Its Place 45:58 Allowing Your Younger Self to Grow  47:35 Things that Haven’t Been Said to My Family Are in the Documentary 50:35 How to Help Others Work on Their Best Self 54:04 How Do We Deal with Our Lack of Control? 56:03 Why We Need to Relax Sometimes to Stay Sane 57:23 The Habit of Watching a Movie to Take a Break 59:34 What Are You Focusing on Over the Next 12 Months? 01:01:39 Do You Believe in Angel Numbers? 01:03:24 What Do You Do When You Can’t See the Signs? 01:05:11 Lil Nas X on Final Five Episode Resources: Lil Nas X | Instagram Lil Nas X | Twitter Lil Nas X | YouTube Lil Nas X | TikTok Lil Nas X | Facebook Welcome to Montero See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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me. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for reconnecting every day, every week to become happier, healthier and more healed. One of my favorite things to do is to sit down with people and understand their mindsets, understand how they became who they are and understand what they go through in order to create the work they do. Today's guest is someone that I'm excited to connect with to understand more about his mindset, his approach and his upbringing. The guest is Lil Nas X or Montero, a 24-year-old award-winning rapper, singer, songwriter from Atlanta, Georgia.

Dubbed an internationally recognized phenomenon by Billboard, Lil Nas X rose to fame in 2019 when he released Old Town Road and shattered genre norms, disrupted the charts and went viral worldwide. The song's remix with Billy Ray Cyrus became the longest-running number one single in Billboard Hot 100 history and is recognized with numerous awards including two Grammys. After a highly successful EP and several multi-platinum songs, Nas went on to release his critically acclaimed and Grammy nominated debut album, Montero, in September, 2021,

which featured the culture shifting six times platinum hit, Montero. Call me by your name. Following the release of Lil Nas X's latest single, J. Christ, his beautiful new documentary, Lil Nas X, Long Live Montero, debuted this weekend on HBO and is available to stream now on Max.

Please welcome to on purpose, Montero Lil Nas X. Thank you so much for being here. I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to talk about stuff. I'm happy to talk about stuff too. And I wanted to start off with, I know that you love time travel. Yeah.

Yeah, I heard you were obsessed with time traveling. When I heard that, I was like, that sounds like something I'd love to hear more about. Where does that obsession come from? Where does it come from? I love the idea that you can go and change anything in the past or go to the future to like to see what's going on. I guess it's like a form of escapism

that I just really enjoy, you know? And I like to explore it in my RLR. Yeah, wherever you explored changing things in the past, like what would be fascinating for you to visit or see? Changing in the past, you know what? When I was younger, I always thought like that's something I would wanna do, but as I grow older, I don't think I wanna change Anything in the past? You know what? When I was younger, I always thought like that's something I would want to do, but as I grow older,

I don't think I want to change anything in the past. I guess I want to go to the future and maybe ask myself like, what do I do now? I mean, because that's kind of like where I'm at in my life right now. It's like, what did you do to get to where you are? You know, I know I'm in that place, but I'm not there right now.

Yeah, yeah. Where did the fascination come from? Where did it originate from? Where did it originate from? I say the Back to the Future 2 movie, not the first one. I love that. But the second one, and a lot of family guy episodes from Brian and Stewie, like go to the past.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of the things you said in the documentary was you said that Lil Nas X helped you understand more about Montero. Uh-huh. And, you know, the documentary's called Long Live Montero. I wanted to understand from you, who is Montero and who's Lil Nas X?

I think Montero was at first like this very shy, super insecure kid and had big dreams but I guess, which is very afraid of even being like himself and me becoming Lil Nas X, it was almost a persona you know and he could kind of just do whatever he wants and he can do anything and he can move on to the next thing and and not really be pigeon-held to like anything, you know, and he helped Montero morph into that person. If that makes sense. Yeah, it does make sense. And was Lil Nas X, even if not by name, was that a character and energy that you harnessed when you were young? Was that a feeling you had when you were young

or was it something that evolved through time? I think it's something that evolved through time, like through music. I think my enthusiasm or just like my hunger to grow musically pushes me to do things in my personal life that I would not do. And it's like not even just my personal life anymore because it's like public now. And I know if I'm not able to do those things, I can't continue to be Lil Nas X or at least that's how it works in my head.

Yeah. I mean, I think a lot of people can relate to that. I think we all have the little kid inside of us that's insecure and anxious and doesn't know how people are gonna react. And I think we all feel like we wish we had an alter ego or a version of ourselves that was stronger and bolder and more courageous. What kind of qualities does Lil Nas X have that you love in the door?

I feel like Lil Nas X knows how to navigate any situation. He knows how to find his way out of things that may seem like very dark and daunting. And he helps Montero do that. And I feel like that's one of the reasons why I call it long live Montero cause I still hope that innocent little boy inside of me like remains, you know? Because I think you need that balance of, you know, that courageous and you can do whatever and still like scared, like fearful, but excited, you know?

Yeah. So it's not like you're trying to remove the fear. You just, you actually wanna protect that innocence. I wanna protect that innocence. And I don't, I think it's less like removing the fear and more so being able to do things even when the fearful. And it's like I'm showing the younger me that exists within me like you can do this. You can do this, we can do this.

It's gonna be scary, but let's go forward and see what happens. So there was this quote in the documentary where you said, my mind is hardwired since I was a kid that if you f-up one time, you have to quit the whole thing. And my question is, when have you felt that you've done that in life? Or have you ever felt that kind of fear and then push through because Lil Nas X came through?

You know, after the success of like Old Town Road and whatnot, I had like this dark period of like, oh god, like what do I do? And I put out like my song holiday like before, like right before Montero came out. And it just wasn't living up to what I had hoped for. And I was in a hotel room and I was just like telling myself how much I hate myself. I'm just like, how did you mess this up? And how did you get here?

And it's nothing we can do now. Like there's no reason for us to be here. And I guess that's like the childish, like Brad inside of me that is not comfortable working from the ground up. And in my introduction to the music industry was already at the top. Like it's a hard thing to live from in a sense. You know what I mean?

Absolutely. Yeah. So that's the hardest thing to follow up with one of the most successful drops of all time. Yeah. How did you process that? I knew I was gonna do it. I didn't know how I was gonna continue

but what it took was me bringing out another side of myself, which was like Montero called me by your name and with that though, I had to let go of this um This like child like innocence like the public cat with me, I guess yeah I want to dive into your childhood actually I I was going to ask you like what would you believe would be your favorite memory growing up? Like if you were to close your eyes right now and think about Atlanta, Georgia, what's the vision or the visual that comes to mind or your heart that resonates and connects with love?

I wouldn't immediately to this one, but I don't even know if it's mine, but it's like me in front of my grandma's house, and I'm just running around the tree. Like, I don't know. That's beautiful. But I feel like that's one of my first memories, you know? Yeah.

And it's just like bliss. Where was that? Where was the house? What did it look like? What did you see? It was actually an apartment and it was in Bankhead Courts, Atlanta. It was basically the hood, you know what I mean? But at that time, everything felt all right.

And how old are you in this memory? I feel like I was maybe like five. It was right before the tree got cut down too. Yeah. Kind of symbolic in a way. In what way? I don't know. I guess life increasingly became more like real.

Things started to happen within my family life. And also at that time, recognizing even at that age, like my sexuality and whatnot. And I feel like it became like a rocky like ship from that moment. Is that when you started to become more aware of your sexuality? Was that an age that it started to become?

Yeah, I mean, because that was the age I started to become like aware of myself. And it was also like becoming aware of the world around me, you know? And it's like, oh, this thing that's really bad that nobody seemed to like. I happen to be that thing, but maybe, maybe you know, maybe it's be that thing, but maybe I'm, maybe, you know,

maybe it's not that bad, but also, you know, God's like probably super mad at me. And I don't want God to think I'm like being disrespectful or anything. And it's like, you know what I mean? All those things that I feel like I shouldn't be thinking about it like six. Definitely. That's a lot.

That's heavy to be thinking about it six. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot, That's heavy to be thinking about at six. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot, I think, for anyone to be processing at six years old. It's a lot of things to be questioning. I mean, in that memory, you talked about your grandmother and I know that when your great-grandmother passed,

that was the first person that was close to you that you lost. And that was when you leaned into music. How old were you when that happened, considering that memory you have that you just visualized? How old were you when that happened and how did that make you lean into music? You know, that actually happened when I was maybe 18.

So, but at that time, my dad had already had custody. Cause I used to live with my grandmother from like when I was like five until like 11, and I was just like the golden child. I was like spoiled and like, I got so much love. And I was like, you know, I was the baby of the family. So once my dad got custody of us, you know, he played like much more like hard ball kind of vibes.

And I didn't see my grandmother as much but she was still like number one person in my heart when I like thought about like love and You know around 16 or so like I was told she had cancer and it was It was like it was like this thing that I was like, oh it can't be true And I kind of just like tried to forget like it exists. And I'm like, well, she's still alive. Like, you know, maybe that was just like denial. Yeah. I think it was like a lot of now, even like when I was around her, like, you know, noticing that she was like getting skinnier and like, like looking different. And she would like say things

like, you know, I'd like, girl, my love in cheap, like, you know, I don't love myself and stuff like that. And it was just, it was really hard to hear and listen to this person that you have so much love for, like, lose faith in life and just like the world in general. And it's also the person that has took on a role of being the back of the family for so many people. Like, you know, the person, you know, the grandmother, like she has like the family reunion, she has everybody over for Thanksgiving, she watches the kids, like that's like a big thing in the black community and whatnot. And, and now like, you know, she, I guess, like feel, she feels cheated by life. And, you know, she, I guess, like feels cheated by life. And, you know, I guess I could feel that

through the way she would carry herself at that time. And so it was really hard once she passed. And it was something I tried to like brush over. Yeah, yeah, it's interesting. I actually lost my uncle when I was around, around your age at that time. And he was, he also was diagnosed with throat cancer. And I was really close to my uncle. He was, he taught me how to drive. He helped me get my first job. He used to own like a new shop and, you know, sell newspapers and stuff. So

he would like, let me work out and work in the shop and make a little pocket money. And then when he died, it was really interesting for me because I was getting more into spirituality at the time and he was really angry that I was getting into spirituality. And so he was so mad at me. And like, you know, when he was really, really unwell, he'd be like, I hope you're not gonna get spiritual and I hope that's not gonna be your path. And so he was kind of losing that positive spark.

He was always like this positive energy and then towards the end of his life, he was more angry than anything else. And it was, yeah, he was more angry than anything else. It was an interesting experience going from someone that again loved me so much, helped me so much, someone that I was very close to, to then feeling like he actually didn't like who I was becoming.

How did you feel your grandmother's love evolved for you? Sorry for that. Oh no, thank you. You inspired me to be vulnerable and share it back with you How did you feel your grandmother's love evolved for you? Sorry for that. Sorry about that. Oh, no. Thank you. You inspired me to be vulnerable and share it back with you because, you know, I guess we both lost someone that we cared about at a similar time. But yeah, how did your grandmother's love evolve for you from that five to eleven age when you were living with her?

Like, how do you how do you think she loved you that stayed with you? I guess that's like afterwards five. Oh, like during the time. Both. You know, my grandmother's like one of those things that she really loved when, you know, life, I guess wasn't like great, like where we lived and you know, our like financial situation

and just like, you know, the, what comes with, you know, getting older in life. You know, I got all the love, I got all the love. And, you know, sadly my siblings got the other end of that stick, I guess. And, you know, around the time my dad got custody of us, I didn't feel like that speciality anymore, which is probably good for my young ego, you know?

Like feeling like I had to be like that one all the time. And I guess I kind of stopped seeing my grandmother as much. I'd go over there like a lot of the weekends and whatnot, but you know, it was just like the thing that I can't be there anymore. And then eventually she passed away and it was just like, just very confusing. Do you remember the first song that you made after her passing or anything, any music that came from that?

I made a song called Carry On and it was pretty much about how I felt like very selfish about not being there when she passed away, when I was supposed to be there that day. But I was so stuck on social media, you know what I mean? And I was so really into Twitter and trying to build that, even though I know my grandmother's on her last days. And it was just like, I just felt very selfish

because it was, you know? Like this person that showed you so much love, showing you so much love and you're not there because you're like trying to get these people's attention online. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think a lot of people can relate to that too. You get so obsessed with your career or a direction or a path and it's working and

it's winning and there's momentum. And we all kind of, you know, and you were young when that happened for you, but a lot of people into their 30s, 40s, 50s will, you know, attest to that and put their hand up and say, you know, they've done that where they've over prioritized their career to their relationships. How's that shifted how you've lived since then? Like that reflection or realization that you've had? I'll be honest, I'll say I was still kind of like that way

up until these last like maybe two years of I guess my break from like music or whatnot. I've started to really actually like cherish like being with my family and stuff. Cause it's like these people are growing up so fast. Like the, like the my nieces and nephews, you know, you see that on TV and you feel like it's like cliche or whatnot, but it, it's happens like so fast. And I feel like the older I get, the faster these years somehow go by. And yeah, pretty much.

That's a wise realization to have a 24, I'll tell you that. That's early, I think most people that I speak to, again, like you're saying, we hear the cliche, we see it, but I'd say most people don't get to that realization until they're like 30, 40, maybe even later on in life. You know, it's a weird one because you kind of feel like you'll be the exception. Right? Like everyone feels like they'll be the exception.

Maybe their life will go slower. They'll have time for everything. There was another line in the documentary that really resonated with me. There were so many things that I can't wait for everyone to watch the documentary honestly, because as someone who knew your music, was aware of you, I felt like I got really invited into your stream of consciousness during it.

And I so appreciated, I found your thinking out loud to be extremely comforting, even though we've never met each other and we don't know each other. And there are so many things that you said where I was like, oh, I can relate to that in some way. And this was another one. You said, a lot of the times when I'm scared, it's when I'm about to do something that will change my life drastically.

And I was gonna ask you, what scares you the most right now or what do you feel fearful about right now that you think might be on the verge of changing your life drastically. fix their minds, fix their bodies. What does it look like when we settle into the reality of what it might mean to be unfixed? And what if you were kidnapped by your own grandparents and left with an endless well of mysteries about yourself

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and you push your art out into the world, and it's kind of received negatively by the majority. You know what I mean? But then also understanding why and having to see it through. So I guess that's where I'm at right now and my next move, the things that I'm planning on right now, I feel like somewhere in here there's gonna be this magical moment

that I can't even take credit for. Yeah, I feel like that's gonna sweep. I feel like that always happens. So. There's always magic in the messiness. Yeah, I feel like that's gonna sweep. I feel like that always happens. So. There's always magic in the messiness. Yeah. But it's not fun. No, not at all.

I've been a lot. Yeah, no, we'll get to that as well. There was another line that kind of sparks what you just said now. You said, you talk about wanting a little bit of chaos. Like there's a part of you that likes a little bit of chaos. And I was gonna ask you, what does positive chaos look like to Montero

and what does negative chaos look like? I think that the thing is, it's usually when I can control it. I've lost, I don't think I have the grip on controlling it. I feel like it does a lot of what it wants now, you know? Yeah. I'm usually like strategic with things and I can kind of like it wants now, you know? I'm usually like strategic with things and I can kind of like

move the conversation but that's the chaos I like. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like a kid that starts a fire and it's under control. Yeah. And then it's like forest fires. Yeah. And it's like, oh, this is not, this wasn't supposed to, this is not my chaos. But yeah, I like to keep things interesting or whatnot and yeah, lead the conversation around it, but yeah. Yeah, I think all of us love that. I love, and I appreciate the honesty. Like I think we all love chaos that's under control and that we can control drama that we can control,

but then as soon as it, and it's funny because it always starts like that right like even a forest fire starts because there was a little controllable fire but then it spread really really fast yeah and that feeling of things leaving your grip is like the most uncomfortable feeling in the world when you feel something just like it's the worst it's the worst feeling ever yeah when you feel that way when you've created something and then it takes a life of its own, you've experienced it positively and challengingly. How do you process that?

How do you allow yourself to be okay with creating something controlled and then it becomes fully chaotic and out of control? I don't allow it. It can get almost like depressing, but actually depressing and you can become like super angry with yourself, as I said earlier or whatnot. And yeah, I mean, it gets that deep. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, because you said recently, and as you brought up the last two weeks, you said you felt like you really messed up this time. And I was like, and you were saying that it affected your mental health, right? Like it really felt like it affected your mental health. And I'm like, why did you feel that way? And in what way does it affect your mental health? I already kind of like explained the situation,

you know, in that video, but it was a thing that artistically, it was just supposed to be like, I'm returning. Like I'm back. I'm back like him, you know what I mean? And it turned into this whole thing where it was me trying to dunk on Christians or something and that was never like what it was, never. And then I looked at the video with me like eating like the communion or whatnot.

And I was like, okay, this looks really bad on paper. This thing that I thought was just like a little jokey fun video. I also had to think about like how many of my family members are like creation, like my grandmothers and stuff and you know, like aunties and things like that. I'm like, wow, like do they see this as that too? If they do like you know that's that's really messed up and it's you know it made me sad and then you know on top of that like seeing like actual fans like turn and say like,

whoa, why is he doing this? Why does he keep messing with these people? And I think another thing was messages got turned around because one got turned around the idea of Montero call me by name, which is me like taking ownership of this place, everybody tells him I'm gonna go. And that was just turned into, oh, he's teaching Christianity a lesson when that's not the case,

you know? And now this thing was like, oh, I'm Jesus. I'm back like Jesus, which is, if anything, it's like homage to Jesus. Like, this guy had made the greatest comeback of all time, and I'm not the first artist to do such a thing. That message like turned around and I didn't know how to like do anything with it. It wasn't my chaos anymore. It was the world and anything anybody said was true because that's who I am as a person. I'm this troll and I want to make these people mad.

And so everybody can run with that. And there's nothing I can do about that. I can say as many things as I want, but knowing my history, they look right, I look wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think the way you addressed it, and you're addressing it right now, is helpful and useful to people, because I think it came across very clearly to me, and it does today too, even sitting with you.

Like, it's not something you're trying to disrespect or mark. But for people who feel that way, what would you say to them? Like for someone who feels that that is what it is, how would you say to them? Yeah. What would you want them to hear? It's probably a better question. You know what's crazy? I feel like I've said, you know, I apologize for the communion thing on that note.

Everything else, I am not sorry about. I don't think I did anything wrong. You know what I mean? And it's like, I've also been making like a lot of like gospel music like to, to like God and like my spiritual side and I hate that this whole thing is turned into like a mockery, which it isn't, you know? Yeah, no, thank you for sharing that. I appreciate it. And I think there's also like, I was gonna,

actually, maybe that's a good thing to talk about. Like, obviously, your father's a gospel singer, right? Yeah. I would love for you to talk about your relationship with your father to give kind of context to the conversation we're having right now now because I'm not sure how many people are aware of your deep Christian roots. So walk us through some of your relationship with your father and how that's evolved, which comes across in the documentary for sure. I feel like me and my father have grown closer as I got older because the version of me that he saw wasn't really me. It was the virgin that I presented to him.

So as I've like come out and whatnot, like even before I came out though, my dad, well, when I did, initially came out to, when I initially came out to my daddy, which is like, you know, the devil may be tempting me or whatnot. And it's definitely taken its own journey because now like my dad is like,

yo, do you have a boyfriend kind of vibe? Like you can tell me about that stuff. Like you can let me know that. And you know, he even came to me, he even came with me to like a gig club with like my brothers and sisters one time, just like dancing and stuff. It's been a complete like 180.

How does that feel? Because from going from, you know, coming out to your parents and your father saying, yeah, you know, the debt, I mean, that is a really extreme, obviously, reaction on one end and now coming with you to a gay club, like, how does that transition even, A, how does that transition happen? B, how does that feel? I feel like it was an overtime thing and also him like learning me as a person. Like I feel

like him seeing me in interviews and stuff like that was like the same for everybody else. Like every, I feel like the entire world started to see me, my brothers and sisters, my family, everybody started to see me at the same time. You know what I mean? I feel like before that I was just very like meek about everything. So over time, you know, with Call Me By Your Name coming out and like the entire like Montero album, like Roll Out, and me inviting him and like listening to my songs on my last album, that's how he learned about me.

And I feel like him hearing me from my own mouth and like in the world and seeing me in the world like helped him understand me more. And I feel like over time he was like, okay, I understand now, you know what I mean? It feels like you've also always had this compassion for people who don't always understand you. Like even when you say, when you first told your father,

like, and he had that reaction of maybe the devil's tempting you, you actually understood that. Like there was a part of you that went, oh, I get that. And then there's other parts in the documentary, True, when you have protesters outside. And again, you're like, I'm actually happy that they have something that they belong to and they stand for.

Like there's a compassion and context that you seem to have even when you're the one who's trying to express yourself, you can see how it's hard for people to digest that. Would that be fair to say? For sure. I mean, the truth is I feel like over the last couple of years, I've learned not everybody is against you, it's just like against you, you know?

There's a lot of like learn things, a lot of things over time, people have latched onto it and in their brains it's hard to let go of. So they see you as this way because of something that was far beyond their control. Things they've been taught to, they grew up, like my dad has been taught and like shoved in his head.

And everybody in the world like we all have like ideals like Put into our brains and I don't want to like try to be a thing where it's easy to paint People who don't like you as like haters or just like Evil and like bigot and whatnot, but it's like these people just genuinely don't understand you and inside of their mind like it's like fear, you know, it's like fear and it's it's like discomfort and there's all these things that the human mind wants to run from, you know, and I understand that because I still have those things. Yeah, we all see things in others that we don't understand and

As soon as we don't understand something the most human emotion is to feel fear any sort of change Makes us feel fear any sort of uncertainty So if someone we look at someone and we feel uncertain about them it generally sparks fear That's how we've almost been conditioned as humans to just feel fear. And so as you've said before, you said, some people see me as the satanic devil that is going to ruin the world.

Like when you say things like that, what are you actually trying to do? When people see you that way, like what I'm interested in is, when people see you that way, what are you actually trying to portray that sometimes gets seen that way? It's more so taking all these things that I believe have been used to demonize me and a lot of other people and these conspiracies and it says, okay, this is what this looks like.

Is this what you actually wanna see? You know what I mean? Is this who you think I am? Okay, I'm gonna do those things. I'm gonna do those things you think I'm like this, someone to do these things. When you're building a new album, building a new song, making a music video, what's your artistic process? Like, where does it start?

Like, like what happens? Is it you taking notes? Is it journaling? Is it working with your team, your dancers? Like, how does how does new work get created in Montero's world? Can we pause for a second? Yeah, of course we can. Of course we can. Yeah. OK. Yeah, I'm with you. You want to step outside for a minute, of course you can. Of course you can. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'm with you.

You've been with us. I want to step outside for a minute. Of course you can. Yeah, absolutely. Of course you can, man. Of course you can. Let's open up, man. Take your time.

Got you. What would you like to say? Where is your heart? Well, first, I'll say what I said out there. What would you like to say? Where is your heart? Well, first, I'll say what I said out there. I'm trying to be authentic and say words from my heart, but I feel like it ends up sounding rehearsed. And I guess, um, yeah, I'm trying to get there. But yeah, I'm doing

my best. But we can move from, we can move from this. Yeah. Yeah. And, and all you can ever be asked for is doing your best. Can't ask for anything more. And I think we're all in that, we're kind of all in that pressure of trying to be authentic selves, but then there's that famous meme on social media that I see all the time that says, society says be yourself, and then society says no, not like that.

And I think you know we all kind of spend some time. Oh that's so that's authentic. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. You know society doesn't really want like people to be like themselves and stuff like that. Just like to a degree. Yeah we yeah we want everyone to be authentic in a way that makes us feel good. The truth is, if everyone was authentic, oh boy, this world would be insane. What would it be like? It would have some great things, but definitely some terrible things too.

So it's probably better that everyone's a little less authentic. It's an interesting conversation. Authenticity is an interesting conversation. I think it depends on what you see is better, like positive and light. Does that automatically equals like better? Like, because it's I feel like some dark things help bring light, you know? Balance. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's almost like I feel like even internally when you're

doing the work, shadow work and stuff like that, you have to go through a lot of darkness. You know, you got to understand like what you are capable of and, and like who you are and decide not to do like, like that, that bad that you could do, you know? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah. Do you do a lot of inner work? Is that kind of, I know you became spiritual and you got involved in a bit of your own spirituality. What does that look like exploring your own spirituality?

What does that look like in your definition, in your words? Yeah, I do a lot of like inner work and understanding like who I am and, but also like the, and like trying to let go of the pressures of, I guess what I feel like society a lot of times will want me to be, you know, like this big, brave like champion for the community,

which, you know, I can't be at all times, you know what I mean? I just want to do me sometimes, of course? I just want to do, me sometimes, of course, like I want to do what I can, but I want it to come naturally and... Is there a lot of pressure sometimes it feels like to always have to be, I was joking about it with someone else the other day, like whenever I'm around someone,

I always feel the pressure that I have to say something wise because that's the kind of, you know, and so like when I'm around someone, it's kind of like being around a comedian and they have to be funny. Yeah, like, yeah, I think it's exactly that. I think it's exactly that. Even like with the funny thing sometimes, you know,

cause I'm online troll and stuff. I'm like, I don't wanna be funny right now. I wanna, I don't know, I wanna eat this food and you know, not really talk to you, I wanna scroll on my phone a little want to eat this food and not really talk to you. I want to scroll my phone a little bit and eat this food. But the whole thing, even with like Montero still riding on my back, we're talking about it right now and me featuring the video and stuff. And it's like, that's just what I want to do. I'm not always trying to make a deep message, I guess.

If that makes sense. Yeah. So sometimes you're just trying to have fun. Not even just trying to have fun. It's just a lot of things I do, most things through my art, are for me and just thankfully other people can see it as helping them. It's coming as a form of self-healing and self-expression. And then if it connects with people, then.

I pray it connects with you. Yes. But I don't know, I'm not trying to be a martyr if that makes sense. Yeah. I mean, Rick Rubin was here a few months ago, and he was saying something similar. He was saying that he thinks that true art and

true creativity is not made for consumption. Yeah, in that it is consumed and it is loved and it is connected with but it wasn't created thinking well, how are we gonna find the thing that connects? It's creating something that comes from within. Would you agree with that? Does that hold true? I agree completely. I like Rick Rubin. Yeah.

I like his book. I only like skim through it, but I like it. Yeah, it's a great book. Did you, when do you feel you're connected to your most authentic 360 self? Like what are you doing when you feel that way? Because I know in the documentary, it seemed like when you're with your dancers,

who are all to your friends, that felt like a form of self-expression and connectedness where you feel like you can let go and be funny and be larger than life and be creative. Would you say that's where it comes through? I'd say if anything, it's when I'm creating music, and I guess that's like the thing that an artist should say or

whatnot, but it's the truth when I'm like making a song and when I can completely like let go of how it's going to be received, I just feel like one, you know, I feel like everything has come to me, all my energy is not all out into the world. I feel just one being connected to everything. It's a feeling like I can't describe. No amount of success will ever equate to it. I don't know if I'll ever find love that strong. I hope so.

But yeah. That's the thing we're all looking for, right? That we're all searching for like, and it's almost like you can't manufacture it. Like you can't engineer it. It either happens or it doesn't. You can't fake it. Yeah.

Yeah. You feel it sometimes and sometimes you don't. Yeah. Yeah. You said you wanted to stay the acceptable gay person at first and you didn't want to be the one that shoves it down everyone's throats.

And then now we're talking about, again, being authentic. I think we're always trying to, we're always trying to play again to what people around us wanting to be. And then it comes out. How did you kind of go, well, no, no, no, I'm not gonna do that.

I am gonna allow myself to free myself. Welcome to the Overcomfort Podcast with Jenna Colopez. Yup, that's me. You may know my late mom, Jenny Rivera, my queen. She's been my guiding light as I bring you a new season of OverComfort podcast. This season, I'll continue to discover and encourage you and me to get out of our comfort zones and choose our calling. Join me as I dive into conversations that will inspire you, challenge you and bring you healing. We're on this journey together. I'm opening up about my life and telling my story in my own words.

Yes, you'll hear it from me first before the cheeseman lands on your social media feed. If you thought you knew everything, guess again. So I took another test with ancestry and it told me a lot about who I am. And it led me to my biological father. And everyone here, my friends laugh but I'm Puerto Rican. Listen to the Overcomfort podcast with Janika Lopez as part of my Kulturan podcast network available on the iHeartRadioApp Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. wherever you get your podcast. my tracks as an artist or a producer. You may have seen the work that I've done through my foundation and you may know my friend and co-host Donnie Starkins as well. He's a mindfulness teacher, a yoga instructor, a life coach, a man fully

invested in seeing people reach their fullest potential. And we've come to form this platform of comeback stories to really highlight not only our own adversity, but adversity in the lives of well-known guests with amazing stories. Catch us every week on comeback stories on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I feel like it's a push and pull, you know, because of course There's still parts of me that you know want to please The people around me, you know, I mean I feel like that's the whole idea of like something being successful a lot of times We got to make sure it's packaged enough to be authentic But also able to be like the gestible at the same time

I almost feel like that's where we're all trying to exist. There's this, you said something that resonated with me. I was going to read something from F Scott Fitzgerald. Yeah. And so he has this beautiful quote that I'm fully obsessed with right now. And when I look at you as an individual, this is, and you can reflect on whether you, how you feel about it.

So he said that the test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. In his words, one should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless, yet be determined to make them otherwise. But the way I'm reflecting on you is this idea of like, you want to be doing things that are for the self, but then at the same time, it needs to connect to people. Like, you want to be able to be who you are with your friends

and your family, and you realize that sometimes you've got to tone down parts of yourself, but then sometimes you don't want to right? We're constantly trying to all of us are trying to be two things almost yeah for sure Why is it so hard then? I don't know and I feel like that goes back into the whole thing of like We're like not in control completely of things like no matter What you do how much preparation or whatnot? It's not something you control. Like people going love stuff or they won't.

Absolutely. You said about love there you mentioned. How does finding love play a role in your life when, you know, it's not always- This year is the first year since 2021 that I'm going to be open to like finding love. Cause I was kind of very closed off to it. It's like, no, no, no, I need to focus.

I have really, really big dreams. I don't want to share with everybody. I have really, really big dreams. And it's like, I feel like anything that I can see as a distraction can get in my way. But at the same time, that whole contradicting thing, love can help inspire you to make like even greater art. But you know, I wanted to just have my like phase

of being young and having fun with a lot of people. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely, I know what you mean. But don't you think, again, it's interesting, right? Like it is daunting, I agree with you. And yeah, I find that most people, of course everyone's have a good time, I'm like that too. Like I love laughing, I love having a great time.

And at the same time, again, talking about the paradox or the contradiction, I also want to have meaningful connections because the last thing I want to do is have a superficial artificial conversation with someone. So it's like this, it's funny how the things we find daunting are often things that even that person's kind of yearning for. Like I don't think anyone's ever had a really

deeply meaningful conversation and then walked away from it going, that was a waste of time, right? Like do you know what I mean? Like you're never gonna say that. Like you're never gonna, you know, like I had a dinner with someone in London recently and it was a group of us in a similar industry

and everyone was being vulnerable and we were laughing and connecting but everyone was sharing their pains and we walked away and no one was walking away going, God, that was the worst dinner. Everyone's going to, yeah, everyone's going, that's one of the best dinners we've ever had and I find that with artists, it's hard to have that, I guess. Like it's hard to find that. And so do you feel like the dancers are where you find that? Like is that a place of safety and a place of joy?

I feel like that's definitely a place of joy. And I don't get super serious with them or barely like anyone for that matter. Only me. Only me. Yeah, yeah, for sure. You know, I feel like I share most of my like therapy sessions at home alone with myself and my cats in the distance.

But yeah, like talking out loud to myself when all the voices in my head are saying like the most crazy terrible things you would ever hear a person say, it's useful. It's helpful. How ridiculous can the voice inside your head get? Like, what? How far will it go? Ridiculous as in the time that I told you about the hotel incident. It's easy when you're down or in a hard place for all those voices in your head to gang up and it's like, okay, this is the time.

It's like, everybody go, go, go. And talking out loud can be that saving grace of a fact. You're like, no, this isn't that bad. This thing isn't that terrible. We're going to get out of this thing. We've been through worse. We will go through worse. We've got to make sure we get out of this thing so we can know about the worse.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, like that helps a lot. That's a great technique. Yeah, I fully agree. I think the, when you're lost in your head and in the silence, oh my gosh, you have no idea which voice to follow,

which voice to lead. It's the worst when you're like, oh, this terrible voice has a point. It's like, this one saying something maybe I should listen to. It's like, no, he's not. Like that's a terrible idea. Yeah.

Have you ever used that technique where you label certain voices that you see as recurring and you give them a name and a way? Because they say that that's a great technique of you're inner critic, like giving it a name, giving it a personality. Have you noticed certain ones that keep coming back? I don't give them a name per se, but as I said, like I'm a spiritual being and I feel like just like me, like I have my thoughts, my wants and my purpose,

that voice in my head was created by the universe. It has a job. And I think it's job is to give me just enough to fight against, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. So it's like, I don't hate this voice. It's like, you're part of me. We're one, we're together.

We're in this together. You're doing your thing. I'm trying to do my thing, you know? But I can't listen, I can't listen to you on this. That's powerful. The ability to, not, yeah, the more we, right, there's that famous saying that says, the more you resist, it persists. like it just keeps persisting if you keep

Kind of button heads against him. What you're saying is actually I don't hate it. I just I recognize it's part of me I see I know that's that's your thing. That's literally why you're here. I can't be mad at you for for filling your purpose like Yeah, yeah, you that is that you do have that quality like that ability to Recognize that everything has its place and everyone has their place. Where does that come from? The compassionate parts of me trying to make sense of everything. I feel like it's so easy to label everything as like a demon or just like a terrible, just like dark thing. But, just like dark thing.

But it's like this thing, it exists. It has emotions and it has feelings just like you. And it's just trying to do its thing. Yeah. There was this one statement that reminds me of what you're saying now. You said, people feel a lot of things about me, but boy, do I love this kid in the dark.

How is that journey of I love this little Montero, this kid inside of me, how is that developed? What is that taken for you to get to a place of being able to say that, like, I love this kid because I think that's a journey we're all on. I think, and it's like something everybody knows, but we forget a lot, but we're literally just all like the same person in like a different life path, you know what I mean? And once I can really just understand and recognize that every single person has like these thoughts or a form of like these thoughts that I have in my head, I know I shouldn't feel bad about where I am or what I think and what I'm doing because that's what this version of me is doing. That's where I am and I

have to love him through it and understand that he's going to make these mistakes and he's going to have accomplishments and he's going to have great times and he's going to have bad mistakes and he's gonna have accomplishments and he's gonna have great times and he's gonna have bad times and he's gonna do amazing things and he's gonna do terrible things and it's like I have to allow him to grow through that and me joining the world or anybody else in being hard on this kid is not gonna help. Yeah, I was just saying the other day I was saying to someone you can't guilt yourself into growth It's impossible

Like you can't shame yourself or embarrass yourself into becoming better That one was the last time you made someone feel guilty and they were like, yeah I'm gonna be the best person in the world now. Like it doesn't work that way. Yeah, I think Cliche as it is like, you know, love is really the answer for that. How does it feel, I know you're gonna go today or tomorrow to show your family the documentary, like how does that make you feel for them to be able to see this?

I think I wanna be very self-conscious. The whole time. Yeah, just like, oh my God, like, what are they thinking about this? You know, I've said things, this documentary that they've never heard me say, you know, or my perspective on like a lot of different things. And even them, you know, talking about them and how I feel close or not close within. Yeah, it's a lot. Although it comes, yeah, it comes across,

I'm hoping in a way that they can digest it. There's a lot of love you have for your nephew and your relationship of him not wanting to see you differently. How is that relationship progressed? Because how old is he? He's young. He's 11, he's about to be 12 this year.

I feel like, he's one of the only people in my family that calls me 24-7. And I just really appreciate that because before they get to their age where they're just too cool and whatnot, I'm happy to have that person that's still, I don't know, is inspired by me or still loves me loves me like all the same. And yeah, yeah, throughout everything. What will he say to you when he's calling you up? Like, what's that? What is he doing?

What's a 12 year old saying? You know kids like, he will call and kind of just like say, yo, what's up? And then just be like silent for a minute. And then he's like, yeah, I've been on Fortnite and like stuff like just like kid stuff. And I love that it were it makes things much smaller. Because in my head, where I have all these things that I feel like are the big

grandest like problems of my life and blah, blah, blah. You know, he's he's like in school, like trying to get his grade up in science. You know what I mean? It's like these things, yeah. It keeps me, it keeps me like down to earth. Yeah. Yeah. It's like when my mom calls me up and I've been doing, you know, whatever crazy thing. And then she's like, have you eaten today?

Like that's what she cares about. Like the little stuff, it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, have you had your lunch? Like have you taken your vitamins? That's what my mom would say to me. And I'm like, mom, I'm at the White House or whatever it is. She's just like, yeah, I've got your vitamins.

It's the best thing though. Yeah, it keeps you grounded, keeps you connected. And you're right. Like so often we just start getting lost in this, you know, this big vision of what we're doing and what we're creating. And it kind of just pops the bubble. They come along and just go, yeah, it's not that big. It makes it much smaller and easier to maintain in a way.

Yeah, yeah. You said something about the family that really resonated. You said, how can we get everyone in a house within five years without me paying for it? And I was like, what does that new level of relationship of desire mean to you? Like, what is what are you trying to create there? Or where does that thought come from? I feel like that opens a bigger like question or like current like problem in my life. I'm like, not a little boy anymore. Like, I'm a grown man, and I have to take on like this, this like leadership role.

And I feel like once you break society down, everything is still like tribes and whatnot. And I have tribes, you know, like, like on my family, like, like, this is my tribe, or, you know, like, my, my team around me in my career, like, this is my tribe. I have to get in the front of this and try to figure things out and try to understand how do these people work best? Like how can I get you to doing your best thing and how can I get you to doing your best thing so we can all progress?

Because of course, I gotta get myself right first before I do anything, but it's like also, I have to understand how can I help you? I'm in this place, I believe the universe sent me here to try to try to fix things you know it's like how do I build your confidence up like with my brothers and sisters like how do I build your confidence up us all these people that grew up in these places where we've been told over and over in our life I even each other and our family members and and the world that we're not. Like, how do I get you the confidence

to chase your own dream? Or if your dream's not something like grand, grand, you know, how do I get you to, I don't know, be on my team and just something where you're happy and it's so hard to get people organized and organized things and realize that this is something I have to do

because if I don't do it, it may not get done. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I'm at that place where I'm trying to figure that out. Yeah, I can understand that. It's hard because you've got so many roles on your team. Then there's family, there's friends coming up. I mean, it's hard.

And it's hard to put everyone on too. I mean, I've spoken to so many people who, you know, today like top musicians, artists, actors who've had that years ago where friends wanted to move from their hometown and come and join the team. And then sometimes they didn't want to put in the work and sometimes they did and sometimes they made it. Like I know a friend of mine who's, this person used to seat people at his shows three years ago and today she's directing documentaries with him.

That's amazing. And it's like a beautiful journey and it's amazing for them to have. But then on the other end, you've all got friends who are given a route out, but then they let the money and the fame and the drugs and alcohol and everything consume them. And you recognize it's almost like

you can only give people opportunities, but they've gotta take them for themselves. Yeah, and that's hard to come to grips with. You know, like you can give as many speeches or talks or as much guidance as you want, but it's just so hard to help some people up. Yeah, it is, it is. But that's something that feels important to you.

Yeah, something that feels important. It's also something that, you know, it crushes you a little bit, you know, back to that whole like factor of, you can't control this thing. Yeah. You can't. There's nothing you can do about this. Yeah.

I feel like this is not a question of me and you can solve here at all, because it is almost the question of life, but it's like, how do we deal with our lack of control every day? How do we deal with the fact that we can't control things? How do you deal with the fact that you can't control everything in all of these areas? Have you found any coping mechanisms? I have.

Oh, cool. Okay. I have one main coping mechanism and it's so silly but it helps me through life a lot. I'm excited. And it's like dude you're a gummy bear and it doesn't make sense. I love gummy bears so I'm listening. But it's like all of this is in our head. It's all like a journey and in the grand scheme of things As this individual I am just a gummy bear. It's not that serious. It's not that deep keep moving for of course It's a contradiction because it's everything to me. It means everything to me. It's it's

It's my whole being but it's like but I'm also a gummy bear So it doesn't really matter if this thing, you know, it doesn't matter. Like, dude, relax, you know. So it's like a fight between those two. But that me being a gummy bear is like one of the only things that's going to get me through this really hard thing that I'm fight fighting or facing, you know, yeah.

Yeah. I like that. I like that. I've never heard it put that way. So I like it. I like that it's silly. It's a, yeah, the idea of like that. I like that. I've never heard it put that way. So I like it. I like that it's silly. It's, yeah, that idea of embracing our own insignificance. It's like we have our significance.

We know what we're doing is important, but at the same time, we've got to embrace the insignificance of the irrelevant. It's like, yeah, like relax. Like, it's not that serious. It's super serious, but it's not that serious. Yeah. That's a funny conversation inside for sure. Yeah.

There's another thing that came up was you said that if I settle into a house, I feel like I'll have to be there forever. And it's this idea of like, you know, there's a shot in the documentary with all your suitcases there and you're like, not sure about the couch. And I was wondering like, where does the fear of being somewhere forever come from? I think it's like the whole idea of like becoming comfortable, you know? And of course I do have like couches and stuff now. I have like a new couch and I have like my cats, which I was very like hesitant to do.

But you know, I was very afraid of getting like super comfortable with my like Hollywood life. I have my house and stuff and now I'm going to get all my Grammys over here and I'm going to put my couch right there and here's my Mona Lisa painting, stuff like that. I was very fearful that once I did that, I'm just going to relax all the time. But now I see it differently. It's like, I want to relax sometimes to keep myself sane. And I am going to like put my house together

because there's nothing wrong with that. And I have to live because as I said, like this goes by so fast. I'm 24, like going on 25. And I feel like like two days ago I was 19, you know? Yeah, I feel like your home has to be a sanctuary for you, whatever that means for you. Like it fills and fuels you up for the crazy life you live

because I'm sure you're going on tour again. You will go on multiple tours across your lifetime. Like the time that you are spending there, you want it to be comfortable. You want it to be re-energizing. What does that look to you? What does rest look like for you now? Like what has taken a break look like to you?

Because you are someone who's ambitious and hardworking and driven. But now to get back up on that. I think I have one main thing and it's super simple. It's going to see a movie. I like to go and see a movie like, I don't know, some once, maybe twice, sometimes even three times, like a week.

And that's like my escapism moment or like my moment of like rest or away from everything. You know, like during my time, you know, when I dropped the artwork for my last single and like it was like a hell escape, I went to see this movie called migration, which is like this animated movie about like birds, like flying places. And it's just like this fun, like, towel-like movie. And I was there. I was in that movie. That was my rest.

That was my peace. That was my sense, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. I love going to the movies too. Was that the most recent thing you saw? Was there anything else that kind of,

it's been the best movie you've seen this year with the Oscars are coming up too? I want to see like poor things, but it was very dark. I haven't seen that yet. Great movie, but very dark. What was it like? I haven't seen it yet. What was it like?

Yeah. It was like Emma Stone just giving like an amazing performance. It was also like this movie that was so weird, nothing like what I've seen before like very like Ari Aster like vibes, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you're not giving away. I really want to see it. Yeah, I don't want to give away that tight. Yeah, I really, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you're not giving away. I really wanna see it.

Yeah, I don't wanna give away the entire thing. Yeah, I really wanna see it, yeah. I'm looking forward to it. I love going to movies too. I'm a big, big. I loved Oppenheimer last year. Have you seen that, yeah? I saw Oppenheimer, but it wasn't for me.

It wasn't for me. I'm a Nolan fan, Christopher Nolan fan, and like every movie he makes, I'm like, I love it when, well, Oppenheimer I got more of. Tenet was the one that was the hardest one to get. I don't know if you ever saw that. I like Tenet. I didn't get it, but I like it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He makes movies, I love his movies because he's always creating things where it's not set up to be consumed like the average movie. Like you gotta Google on. You have to think about it. You have to look up and go on a forum or something and try to understand it.

Yeah, I'm that guy looking at every little graphic explaining like the time frame and everything else that comes with it. Montero, what is it that, what are you excited about over the next 12 months for you? What's something that's inspiring, pulling you and pushing you forward right now for the next 12 months? I think the main thing I'm focused on is picking myself up out of this hole that I feel that I'm in.

You know what I mean? And trying to figure out which songs I've the hundreds or whatnot I've been working on suit me best for going forward. Yeah. And what does that process look like? Like how do you actually do that in an actionable, practical way? I guess trying to feel which ones feel real to me and back to the other thing, but are also like consumable, you know what I mean? Yeah. And how do you judge that? Because I guess like, how do you, as an artist even, are you just trusting intuition?

Is there data? Is there prayer? Like how, yeah, what is that? Intuition, plus like, I feel like spiritual like signs. Mm. Yeah. Walk me through the spiritual signs, I like that. For example, in my last song, you know, my last single, J. Christ, like I was kind of hesitant.

I was like, is this where I'm going to get me to the next place? And every time I would think about it, I would magically like see a cross in the distance or something like that. I was like, okay, this is a part of my journey. This is something, this is a threshold I have to cross through to get to the other side.

Or for example, another one, and I was worried about like releasing calling by your name, I'm just like, oh my God, I don't know if I should. And then good days by like, Cizzit comes on the radio, you know? And I'm just like, ah, and then the most beautiful, like sun rise happens at the exact same time.

I'm just like, okay, this is, you know what I mean? And I guess it's like things that are in everyday life, but I don't mistake that for just being everyday life. Like this is meant to be. This has to happen this way. When did you start looking for those or noticing those in your life? I think when I first moved to LA and I felt like communicating, I felt like I was talking to my angels.

It was like magic. You know what I mean? Like, like seeing angel numbers, like I believe in angel numbers a lot. I'll give you a story. So I'm like sitting at this cafe, it's breakfast time, old town roll, you know, just hit like number one on the charts. I'm already thinking in my head though, I'm moving to LA, I'm not going to really be super with my family and whatnot.

I'm going to do my own thing now. I started seeing this number, and then I looked up what the number meant. It was like, you need to bring your family together basically. It was like, you need to spend more time with your family to bring your family together, basically. It was like, you need to spend more time with your family to bring your family together. I was like, no, I don't think I'm gonna do that. And I just started seeing that number over and over and over.

And I called my siblings, I was like, I wanna have our first, what's it called? Family reunion. And I did that thing. And I started seeing a different number. And I looked up what that number meant and it was just like, you're it called? Family reunion. And I did that thing. And I started seeing a different number. And I looked up what that number meant, and it was just like, you're on the right path. Like, and that kept seeing that number over and over, you know what I mean? Yeah.

So it was something, it was something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. And that's, and that's been almost a discovery for you, as opposed to something you were taught or trained or learned, it. It's been self taught all my life. Yeah. And it's also like something that felt very real because you know, at that time, like I wasn't spiritual at all. You know, I didn't believe in any of the stuff and I was just like, okay, I see, I feel like you guys are there. I don't

understand you completely, but yeah. Yeah. And what do you like when you like can't see the sign or you can't find the answer? Is there something that helps you kind of realign or reconnect? I feel like at that point, I just have to trust what I feel in my heart. You know?

And I feel like there's a calm sense when I know something is right. There's like a, there's like a washing of, okay, this is good. I can't explain it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that. Yeah, I mean, that's the beauty of trying to explain in words things that are experienced intangibly, right?

It's hard, it's challenging, but I think anyone who's, I know a lot of our community and our audience is able to see signs or knows what their signs are and their experiences and what they are. And I officiated a wedding in December and the individual who's getting married always loves the color blue and sees her father's presence as a butterfly. And when I was leading the ceremony, there was a moment in the ceremony

that I asked everyone to close their eyes and meditate with us. And then we open our eyes and some of us still had our eyes closed and a blue butterfly literally just flew right through the garden. There was only one. It wasn't like we're in a butterfly park or something like that.

And I can see that you can sense it. And it was just, it was beautiful. Like it was one of those moments where everyone afterwards was like, did you see the blue butterfly? Cause they know how important it is to the bride. And it was just this magical moment of, you know, for her to have her father's presence at her wedding, who is no longer with us.

Like, yeah, it was really, really special. So yeah, I think for those, for those who are on that path, who are aware of those things, I'm sure they'll resonate with what you're saying. Yeah, it's beautiful. Montero, we end every episode with a final five. These are the fast five.

They can only be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. We ask them to every guest. And you've been such a kind, gracious guest with your time. So Montero, these are your final five. Question number one is, what is the best advice you've ever such a kind, gracious guest with your time. So, Monterey, these are your final five. Question number one is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

Do it scared. I like that. Second question, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received? I don't know about that one. You block it out? Yeah, I don't have that one. Yeah, that's cool. Question number three, what's the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?

First thing I do in the morning, I get my cats off the bed and the last thing I do at night. I try to move my feet and in place where my cats won't scratch them. Nice. Question number four, what's something that you used to value that you don't value anymore? I guess approval from everyone around me, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. You're allowing yourself to let that go.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Fifth and final question. We asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one lore that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Can I have a different one? Ha ha ha, I love that, that's brilliant.

I don't have to break my law with you. What advice would you give to your younger self? Make sure you love yourself enough, more than anybody else in this entire world like ever could. Yeah, I say that. That's it. Long live Montero. The documentary is out right now. Montero, let it all out. It has been, I know for you, however the experience goes, I'd love to hear from you, but honestly, I think the depth, the openness, and I wanna thank you for showing up

when you didn't have to off your own accord and trusting me and giving me this space and time. So I'm grateful to you and thankful to you for showing up in the way that you did. Thank you. I'm happy to be here and I'm appreciative of, you know, how you've helped me through this. Thank you.

Cool. Thank you, man. Thank you so much. If you loved this episode, you will enjoy my conversation with Meghan Trainor on breaking generational trauma and how to be confident from the inside out. My therapist told me stand in the mirror naked

for five minutes. It was already tough for me to love my body, but after the C-section scar with all the stretch marks now I'm looking at myself like I've been hacked but day three when I did it I was like you know what her thighs are cute. Listen to comeback stories. I'm Darren Waller. You might know me as a Titan for the New York Giants or some of you might know me from my story of struggling with and beating addiction to become a pro-world tight end. With me, I have my friend and co-host, Donnie Starkins, who is a yoga instructor and a personal development coach. Catch us every week on Comeback Stories on the iHeart Radio app,

Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Danny Shapiro, host of the hit podcast Family Secrets. What happens when the person you idolize turns out to be someone else entirely? And what if you were kidnapped by your own grandparents and left with an endless well of mysteries about yourself and those around you? These are just a few extraordinary puzzles we'll be exploring in our ninth season of Family Secrets. I hope you'll join me and my astonishing guests for this new season of Family Secrets on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.