On Purpose with Jay Shetty - Lily Collins ON: Self Love, Healing Shame, and Becoming The Best Version of Yourself

Episode Date: October 12, 2020

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.Do you question if your relationship is healthy? In this ON Purpose, Jay Shetty and Lily Collins identify the difference between a healthy and a toxic relationship.Are you happy with the relationships in your life? Don’t waste your time and energy with toxic relationships. Learn to spot the characteristics of a good relationship so you can weed out bad relationships from your life.In this ON Purpose episode, Tune to hear Lily Collins tell Jay Shetty about her past toxic relationship. Learn how she identified the red flags after she left and turned the negative experience into a roadmap of what she wanted in a healthy relationship.Train your mind for peace and purpose everyday. Grab a copy of Think Like A Monk, or listen to the audiobook now!Book: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264534&mt=11&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_bookAudiobook: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264062&mt=3&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_audiobook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Conquer your New Year's resolution to be more productive with the Before Breakfast Podcast. In each bite-sized daily episode, time management and productivity expert, Laura Vandercam, teaches you how to make the most of your time, both at work and at home. These are the practical suggestions you need to get more done with your day. Just as lifting weights keeps our bodies strong as we age, learning new skills is the mental equivalent of pumping iron. Listen to Before Breakfast on the IHR radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. I am Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism.

This season we dive deeper into highlighting red flags and spotting a narcissist before they spot you. Each week you'll hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and their process of healing. Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. It's hard to believe we're entering our eighth season, and yet we're constantly discovering new secrets.

The variety of them continues to be astonishing. I can't wait to share ten incredible stories with you, stories of tenacity, resilience, and the profoundly necessary excavation of long-held family secrets. Listen to season eight of Family Secrets on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The fact that you're feeling these things

is proof that you're feeling these things and you need to talk about it, and you just, you cannot compare yourself to other people, even though that's like the first reaction you wanna have, because it is all relative, and we all are going to the same things, especially at a time like right now. It's like comparison can be the death.

You just cannot, you'll fall into a trap that makes things so much worse, I think. I think. I think I'm going to fall into it. I think I'm going to fall into it. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn,

and grow. And I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out. And I cannot wait to share with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook.

If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eight rulesoflove.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour.

Love rules. Go to jsheddytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. Now this is probably the most special episode that I'm going to record this year. I'm really, really excited about it. And it's because the guest is not only a dear friend who's become a close, close friend during this time, which just shows the power of energy, relationships, and connection, but also because she's got some huge announcements and some really exciting things happening in

her lives and an incredible story to share. As you know, today's guest is the one and only Lily Collins. As a golden globe, nominated actress, author and philanthropist, Lily Collins is one of Hollywood's most sought-after actresses. You probably know her from her incredible performances in inheritance, Les Misrables, to the bone, the last tycoon,

and rules don't apply to name a few. She's also the star of Netflix's Emily in Paris, which streams worldwide starting October 2nd, 2020. So it's out right now if you're listening, go and watch it, it's awesome you're going to love it. And extending her talents from the screen to paper, Lily added author to her list of credits in 2017 with her international bestselling book unfiltered. No shame, no regrets, just me. Which is such a good read and I'm

sure you will all love it, so make sure you go and grab a copy. Lily's philanthropic endeavors extend to participating in various We Day events where we actually met and her involvement with National Nonprofitprofit Organization, GeoCampaign, where she serves as an ambassador for the GeoCampaign Gala. I'm so excited to welcome Lily Collins. Thank you so much for doing this. Thank you for having me. It's truly a bucket list right now.

You're the sweetest. I'm genuinely so happy. Since you walk through the door, your energy has just been cascading everywhere. And I'm just so grateful to finally... I know, I can't believe it. We finally get to connect. It's like we were saying it's so strange when you never meet someone, but you can connect so much through intention, on purpose. Like literally your podcast.

The reason I found it was because of the title, and I was like, this is so in alignment with everything that I feel like I want to practice more of, or that is so in me, and things that I'm like reaching out and resourcing more. And it's like when you just connect, it's like, how I did not happen sooner, but it was meant to be now. No, I love it. And I want to congratulate you on the launch of the show today. Thank you. And also your incredible engagement. That just happened. I mean, yes, I know. It's it.

You can who knew that this that this week would be as big as it was. And I'm over the moon. It's so funny. It's like one of those life moments when it's, it sounds so cheesy, but it's like when you know you know. And I had been told that before and I thought I knew what that feeling would be like. And I, it's that deep sense of knowing that I think I've been experiencing with a lot of different things in my life. And really the most past that, like most recent year, when you know you're exactly where you're meant to be, who you're meant to be with, and it just, it's just that deep sense of knowing

that I'm like, I knew the second I met him, you know, and it was just so excited. I'm really, really excited. I love hearing that and I love seeing it on your face. I know it's really hard not just to talk about it without like beaming. It's beautiful and it's not, it's not cheesy at all because I think anyone who's experienced it knows that it's true. And anyone who's looking for that is wanting it to be true. Like that's what we're trying to create.

And today I wanted to talk to you about everything from relationships to the new show through to your incredible book that I absolutely love. And for anyone who hasn't gone and grabbed your copy, please do that. But we'll be talking about a lot of the themes from inside the book in your life today. But I wanted to start off, back where you were born, because you were also born in the UK. Yes. And you moved to LA when you were six years old, right? So tell us about, do you remember anything, me and my wife have been playing this game about, like, how much do we remember from before five years old in our life? Right. What do you remember? God Me and my wife have been playing this game about, like how much do we remember from before, five years old in our life?

What do you remember? God, I do remember cooking dinners in the countryside. Like a couple nights, I remember specifically. I remember ballet class, so you used to be really into dance. I remember some school plays in like, nativity shows that I did. What was your role, what was it? I was one of the angels.

I saw the photos from it. And I remember French class, which is kind of ironic, but when I moved from England to LA, I was just wanted to fit in, right? At that age, you just want to fit in. And I remember my first day of school not being able to pronounce consonants the same as everyone else, so any name that had an R in it was like an A,

and everyone made fun of me. And I just started to kind of, my accent just naturally started to go away. But yeah, I do have quite a few vivid memories. And then when I go back, because we still have the house there in the countryside, I have these weird feelings and memories that come back. And sometimes I question were they made up or they real.

And I will bring them up to my mom and my dad. And it's like, oh no, that really happened. And it's just so interesting how a place truly can do that for you. It's like side smell sounds, any of the above, right? It's truly like that sense memory. Yeah, I love that. That's so nice though that you have all these amazing memories of back in England.

I miss it though. Yeah, I know. When did you go back often? Well, sometimes it has been when I was a kid that I would go every summer vacation and then obviously when you grow up, summer vacation changes so much. Christmas is in new years I've gone back,

but I mean, God knows what's everything going on now with travel. I don't really know what that looks like. I do get to go back to London quite a bit because of work. And that's usually, you know, two or three, four days at max. But it's just, it's so a part of me. Like the English countryside is so a part of who I am. And I like to, I like to say, because I truly believe it, I do feel more European than American, which was super weird than playing this like very American character in Europe,

because it's the most American I've ever felt. But I do get to, I hope that I get to go back soon. We just don't know. Yeah, no, absolutely. And I know I have to bring this up and bring it up all the kind of similarities that we have. Yeah. You're also a huge Harry Potter book and movie. Oh my god. So my biggest nerd. I think we've got a smoking about this. I can't believe that. I think it's nerd. What is what is the most nerdy thing you know about Harry Potter? Oh, what is the what is the quick use? Well, no, for me, it's I was just I like loved Hermione and so whenever she'd say like, when gov, when govian

maybe I saw it's all, you know, or like, you really got to get your priority straight. It's like all of the lines where she's just so sassy that I'm always like referencing and you know what's funny actually. Harry Potter is one of those things that I feel like is that, that thing that you'll mention something small and then the other person will go, wait, wait, wait, what? And so we were filming a scene in Paris for Emily in Paris and it was myself Ashley, Luca, and I believe Camille, we were all at this table shooting a dinner scene

and someone said something Harry Potter. And then all four of us, we had to stop filming because we were looking at what our, what our like different houses would be and we just literally went off on some tangent. And it was so funny because there we are in the middle of Paris talking about Harry Potter. It was like one of the funniest, most uniting conversations

we had had. I love it. Every time I go to Universal Studios, I try and convince my wife that I should buy a wand. Oh my god. And she's just like, no, you know what? You need it, no one. You need it, no one.

You need it. I love it. I like I want a wand. I want, and I'm looking at all the kids that are buying it. You need it no one. You need it. I'm like I want to one. I want, and I'm looking at all the kids that are buying it. Of course, of course. It's too good. You have to have one. I love it.

I want to talk about, we started off, and you were talking about engagements. And one of the things that I loved reading about in your books was relationships. Yeah. And you open up so deeply and vulnerably in your book, which I thought was really profound and genuinely so helpful for people. And I'm really grateful that we're going to get to share that with my community today. But one of the things you talk about

is past relationships, toxic relationships, perhaps difficult decisions in relationships. And I wanted you to talk us through how you were still able to find so much meaning or lessons in those or how actually you don't see them as just bad decisions, but you were able to learn from them. Because I think that's something that we all need to do. Yeah, you know, I don't know. I've always been such an introspective, reflective person. I've always tried to see the good even in the bad. I'm always slightly more optimistic than I am pessimistic.

And for me, I was very young when I experienced my relationship that was emotionally abusive. And at times, I didn't see it as that in the moment. And then at times, I did know that certain things weren't right. But I was so far in, and I didn't know how to get out of it, in a sense. I felt very small. I felt very quieted. I felt belittled. But at the same time it was kind of what I

knew in that relationship and it was something that part of me was like, but he does love me. And there are these elements of kindness at moments. And it's just, I would never say that I was weak because I've never been like a weak person. I think there were moments when I didn't know how to voice myself in the strongest, loudest way, because even in moments when I tried to voice myself, I was shushed. And so I was, you know, I was called names. I was told not to have an opinion on things.

I was just very much felt a lesser version of myself. And I can say all that now looking back on it as a stronger person because of it. And it's something that took a lot, I mean, my friends and family definitely played apart in vocalizing their thoughts and intervening in a sense. But you know, it's interesting looking back on it. And even at the time, I always look at present situations as ones to work on in terms of, what am I learning from this at the time?

Like, it's going to define how I get through this just as much as it's going to define me as to what happens in the end. And it's about the journey, which you talk about all the time. And for me, the lessons I learned in how I don't want to be treated, what I don't want from a partner, how can I become stronger? Also, just the idea of not shaming myself for not leaving earlier,

because I think that if we only looked back on experiences with the shame and the regret and the fear and all that, then we don't allow ourselves to embrace any learning through what we would have gone through. And I think it's in anything difficult that we go through, if we just lived in the shame of embarrassment of not knowing how to act or I can't believe I didn't know more about this subject, if we let that cloud our judgment,

we prevent ourselves from learning more and growing through it. So I tried my best to kind of keep an open mind, even when it was the hardest, because I knew that there would be a more positive outcome in the end. Ultimately, I knew this person wasn't the person for me, and I just needed to find a way to get through it that felt right and genuine to me, and also that I could kind of leave it clean and know that

I did everything I could and not blame myself. So I'm actually grateful for the experiences that I had within myself. I'm not saying that I'm grateful for how I was treated because I wish that there were moments I had never experienced, but I am grateful for the moments that I sat within my own head and my own heart and said enough is enough. Because at those moments, I felt like I was defining how I moved forward. And I was defining the future that I was setting for myself.

And now I know that there are certain ways in which a person acts that I will just never tolerate, that no one should tolerate. And that's not just in romantic, that no one should tolerate. And that's not just in romantic relationships, that's in work environments, that's in just everyday living, that's with friends. And it just, it really did teach me so much. And I just, I would encourage anyone that has gone through something like that or is going

through something like that to not allow the embarrassment or shame that you may feel prevent you from knowing deep within yourself what you need to do and to prevent you from moving forward and being able to speak about it openly because I think that there is a big fear in in not vocalizing oneself. So I think that that for me has really helped me raise the volume on my voice. Wow. I mean, I mean, it just, you know, when I'm hearing it and obviously it sounds like you've done so much introspection as you said and so much self-reflection, but tell us about how at that time that affected your self-esteem. Because you talk a lot about that in the book too.

And it's just like, how does that affect yourself a steam? And how did you rebuild or realign with the courage to make that decision to move away from that relationship? Because I feel so many people, and you can probably attest to the people that you've shared this with, so many people feel stuck. And so many people, and you can probably attest to the people that you've shared this with, so many people feel stuck. And so many people feel that one moment of love or affection

from that person, because it's so rare, it kind of just over amplifies about all the mistakes. It was kind of that carrot that would be dangled, and I would be waiting for a moment of light, but the second I saw it, I took it almost as all the lights were on instead of like, you know, one bulb. It's like that moment to me was, oh, okay, it's still there. And it's gonna cause me to just forget everything else.

And I think I put so much of my self-worth and my self-esteem in that person and in that person's attention to me. I found that I was losing touch with a lot of my friends. I mean, it also was that he discouraged a lot of those relationships and even the relationship that I had with certain family. It's like it was very much him and that was it. much him and that was it. And so I did feel that so much of myself was unwrapped up in that, that what did that mean if I no longer had that? Like, who was I? How would I make decisions? Would I find someone else?

And what was that going to look like for me? And that's scary, especially as someone, you know, when you're young and you're kind of just figuring out who you are, you're just figuring out what you want in a partner or who you are as a person. Like, I don't think you can be the best version of a partner, whether that's, again, romantically, friendship, work, anything until you know more of who you are. And when you're young, you're figuring that out. And when there's someone that then takes advantage of that journey and that self-discovery in a way to kind of make it work for them,

like I just got sucked into that. And it was really difficult. I remember I've never ever had bad skin. And all of a sudden I was breaking out. I had never had panic attacks. I was having panic attacks. There was a night I remember where that we had gotten into a disagreement on the phone

and I was on the floor crying, like hardly able to breathe. Like I'd never had those experiences before. My body was showing me signs. I, it was giving up in a lot of ways. And I just, I listened to it and then I would kind of forget. And at the end of the day, there was just kind of a light bulb moment when certain people intervened and had a conversation with me that I realized, wow, that quote of

when someone shows you who they are, believe them, I had been trying to justify, yeah, but like, but he's saying this and it's like, right, but the follow through is never the same. Or yeah, you got those texts or those emails, but look at what you're feeling like and that's not right, that's not real. And so I finally was able to put that into practice and kind of rise above what I thought I was capable of.

And it was hard. It was definitely not easy. I mean, there are moments when I thought I'm going to have to start from zero. I don't really know where to go because I've alienated some friends. Will they start talking to me again? You know, now I'm embarrassed because I've basically said, no, everything's fine for so long, but nothing, it wasn't fine. And now I'm having to kind of rebuild relationships.

And I'm so fortunate that the people that I had stopped really talking to embraced me right back. They saw what I was going through, and they knew ultimately that I would find that within myself to kind of move through it. But I'm forever grateful to this date of them because now we can look back on it and say, I'll remember when that happened. And like by no means make light of it, but to show the growth through what I had gone through. And they just, they stuck by me. And I was so, I'm, I'm so grateful for that. And then I have to I'm so grateful for that.

And then I have to say another version of healing was then writing about it because I never, I never really spoke about it to people that didn't know what I was going through because it didn't feel appropriate and it didn't feel like I needed to. But when I was writing the book, I thought this is something that truly shaped so much

of my young adult life in terms of then trying to find a partner and how I felt about myself and myself a steam that I wanted to share it because it felt like another way to connect to people that had gone through that or were going through that at a young age because you don't see out of it when you're that young. And also when you have parents or people that are older than you telling you it's not good for you, you're kind of less apt to believe it, right? Because you're like, you don't know what are you talking about? And it's like but when you're talking to someone your age or someone that's younger and you can relate to, for me at least it made a huge difference

whenever I'd have conversations with people like that. And so it was a way to try and make other people feel less alone. And I truly just, I would, I then feel less alone when people share their stories with me. I'm Mungesha Tikular and, to be honest, I don't believe in astrology, but from the moment I was born, it's been a part of my life.

In India, it's like smoking. You might not smoke, but you're gonna get secondhand astrology. And lately, I've been wondering if the universe has been trying to tell me to stop running and pay attention. Because maybe there is magic in the stars, if you're willing to look for it. So I rounded up some friends and we dove in and let me tell you, it got weird fast. Tantric curses, major league baseball teams, cancelled marriages, K-pop!

But just when I thought I had a handle on this sweet and curious show about astrology, my whole world can crash down. Situation doesn't look good, there is risk too far. And my whole view on astrology, it changed. Whether you're a skeptic or a believer, I think your ideas are going to change too. Listen to Skyline Drive and the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Romani and I am back with season two of my podcast, Navigating Narcissism. Narcissist are everywhere and their toxic behavior and words can cause serious harm to your mental health.

In our first season, we heard from Eileen Charlotte, who was loved by the Tinder Swindler. The worst part is that he can only be guilty for stealing the money from me, but he cannot be guilty for the mental part he did. And that's even way worse than the money you took. But I am here to help. As a licensed psychologist and survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I know how to identify the narcissists in your life. Each week you will hear stories from survivors who have navigated through toxic relationships, gaslighting, love bombing, and the process of their healing from these relationships.

Listen to navigating narcissism on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our 20s are seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, full in love, make mistakes, and decide what we want from our life. But what can psychology really teach us about this decade? I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the Psychology of Your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s, from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, friendships, and much more to explore the science

and the psychology behind our experiences, incredible guests, fascinating topics, important science, and a bit of my own personal experience. Audrey, I honestly have no idea what's going on with my life. Join me as we explore what our 20s are really all about. From the good, the bad, and the ugly, and listen along as we uncover how everything is psychology, including our 20s. The psychology of your 20s, hosted by me,

Gemma Speg, now streaming on the iHot Radio app, Apple podcasts, or whatever, you get your podcasts. Yeah, and that's why I want to thank you for sharing your story because I feel so many people are going to be helped by this. Like listening to you speak, I'm hoping that everyone who's listening and watching right now is reflecting on their own relationships,

past or present. Yeah. And just getting a chance to just, the way you share it is so graceful in the sense that it really helps people just be guided through it in their own life. And just like, okay, that's what I'm experiencing, that's what I'm seeing. Tell us about how what you experienced in toxic relationships is different from what you've been able to create today, which is a real relationship, which means it doesn't, it's not that it doesn't have challenges and it's not that it doesn't have things

that you have to work out and figure out, but tell me what's different and how people can try and spot the right things, because I think often we either see things as toxic or like the movies. But it's like what you have, and I know what I have in my wife today, is very real. Yeah. And it's neither of those.

Right. No, you know, it's interesting because we're always going to have ups and downs in whatever relationship you're in. Again, work, friendships, or romantic. And for me, the ups and downs of my toxic relationship were, my body was reacting. I was physically ill and I had such anxiety and there was nothing about me that felt big. Like, I've truly felt like the smallest version of myself

and I didn't even realize how small until when I got out of it, I found that so many things in my life started to just grow so much bigger. Like my light came back, my energy came back. Like different facets in my life started to grow again. And I think that there's just no doubt in my mind when I'm with my fiance and there are ups and downs, it's like we got this together.

There's no competition. There's just no negativity at all. It's very much, okay, how are we going to get through this? What's going on? Let's have a conversation. There's no shushing. Like I was shushed so much in my toxic relationship where it was like a physical like, or like hand on mouth.

And I'm just like, what it's, when you're asked to be quieted and quiet who you are, it takes away your identity. Like, and I think I went through a bit of a thing, you know, in my early 20s where I was like, okay, then what is my identity? It takes away your identity. And I think I went through a bit of a thing, in my early 20s where I was like, okay, then what is my identity?

If I've been told to be quiet so much, I is being loud a bad thing. And what does that mean to be the biggest version of yourself and to be with someone now who is so encouraging of me being bigger? It's like, no, be the biggest version of yourself. You can be all these things and you know what? We can have disagreements and let's have a conversation, you know?

And it's like, if you disagree about something and you have a conversation and yet you still feel heard, that's the biggest thing. It's like, when you're talking and you can see someone's like physically listening, but they're not hearing you, you know it. You know what I mean? You know the difference and you're talking and you can see someone's like, physically listening, but they're not hearing you, you know it. You know what I mean? You know the difference and you're like, yeah, but you're not hearing inside. You're not understanding what I'm saying

and the intention and the deepest place that it's coming from. And I'll say that when I was going through this toxic experience, I truly, I was like, yeah, but he's saying that he loves me and he's telling me, no one's ever gonna love you the same that I love you and no one's gonna be able to do this for you and, you know, like all these things

that you weirdly like wanna hear, you wanna hear someone saying like, oh, you know, I love you so much and no one's gonna love you the same way and I can do this for you and I'm your biggest champion in Ebola. But it's like it's being used against you. It's a tool. It's a red flag.

It's a tool to draw you in and kind of using things against you and imprison you and feel really trapped. And when you feel trapped by someone that is supposedly your biggest champion, that's a problem, you know? And I think to be told to be quiet is a really scary thing because you know what you want to say and why you want to say it. But when someone that you love tells you to be quiet, you listen or I listened, you know, and it has created this post-traumatic stress in me at times within any relationship since that day.

And I still have moments where I deal with it and have to check myself. I just have to remember in those moments that I'm having, like, okay, why is my heart starting to race? Why am I feeling anxious? What is this reminding me of? What do I need to think through myself?

What is it that I'm projecting? Like, I have found so many times that if a situation arises that makes me feel anxious, I know that I'm projecting what that person would have said to me in this specific moment, what he would have done, what he would have said, what he would have commented on, how he would have switched me. And so I need to remember that that's God, that's done. But I'm still dealing with moments like that. And thank God for podcast and reading and therapy and all those things. Because I think it's really important to stop in those moments and internalize and think to myself,

this has nothing to do with right now. Nothing. There's nothing in this situation that's the same. There's no response. It's the same from the other person. There's, this conversation hasn't even happened before. But I'm still dealing with how that person treated me. And it takes a while, and it's something, though, that I will say, in those moments when

you catch yourself, sometimes they're embarrassing, because you realize that you're falling back into what that person was doing to you, but it ultimately is a huge lesson and I'm so grateful to be with someone who nurtures me through those and doesn't judge me for them and says, I'm here, I wanna help you, let's talk this through, you're gonna be fine and I love you. And that is like, guys, it's out there. Cause I was like, isn't it never gonna be out there

and there is that hope. Yeah, and I'm so happy that you had the courage to stand up for yourself and your voice. And because, although it's ruined, I know it's ruined. I know it's ruined. I know.

I know it's ruined. I know it's ruined. I know it's ruined. I know it's ruined. I know it's ruined. I know it's ruined. I know it's ruined. I know it's ruined.

I know it's ruined. I know it's ruined. I know it's ruined. I know it's ruined. I know it's ruined. I know it's ruined. And the truth is that everyone is that, and everyone has that opportunity and potential inside of them to be the biggest version of themselves as you were saying. But it's so easy to just be made small. And like you said, it's not just romantic relationships. It can be parenting, it can be work, it can be family. So thank you for living that and for sharing that

and for being so open about it. Because I think that I know that a lot of our community is going to be listening to this today and just thinking wow Lily thank you for being so brave because that's where I am right now. You know and I think it's also important because and I was inspired by a lot of my book really came from me reading people's stories on social media. Young girls and boys around the world would message me with insecurities and things that they had gone through

that they wanted to relate to me on, but they assumed because I was in a position that I'm in, you know, in this industry that I would have no way to relate to them, whereas in fact, I would read their stories, see their photo next to it. So it's not anonymous, it's super brave. And all I wanted to do was reach out and go, you have no idea, you have no idea how much I can relate to you.

And it was their bravery that inspired me to truly want to share my story. And I think it's so important to just say, just because I'm in the industry that I'm in, and I'm in the position that I'm in, and I am the way that I am, like doesn't mean that I'm immune to any of these things. It's like we all go through these

and I just wanted to share that in order to try to squash those myths that some people are infallible. Like no one's infallible. No one, you know? No one. I mean, I am so glad that you're making that point because there's also the other side. I think there's one side of like, oh, that person has it all figured out or it's perfect.

And then the other side is almost like, well, that person has so much material stuff that this stuff doesn't affect them. Yeah. So it's kind of like a bit of both, like we think, oh, well, that person has so much money, so they're not upset by these kind of comments, or they're not upset by these things. This person has so much fame or whatever it may be. And the truth is none of that's true. No matter how much money you have or followers you have or we're all humans and we all experience emotions and we all can be made to feel small or tiny or insignificant by anyone in our lives. Yeah, exactly.

And it's not affected that way. So anyone who has an already, who would love to learn more about Lily's journey and everything inside of it, whether it's, you know, Lily talks about mental health, talks about eating disorders that she's gone through. And I just really feel that if you're someone right now who's working through a lot of your self-confidence, self-esteem, then the book's going to be a great, almost, someone right now who's working through a lot of your self-confidence, self-esteem, then

the book's going to be a great, almost, support and friend for you, to guide you through that. It's really in a friendly tone, and I think we can all use a good friend sometimes in that way to guide you through. So I read this, that you said this, and it's just, it was really new for me. I'd never heard anyone say that before. So you said that you referred to acting as a form of meditation to sit in stillness if only for a moment.

And that was so beautiful to me because I can totally understand how acting is a meditation. But to hear you say that and your journey, tell us a bit about how your acting journey started and what your intention was and what your purpose was when you first got involved and then how that evolved to it being that. It's super interesting because I know you're all about meditation and that's how we met. And I, it's funny because I wasn't fully versed

in meditation for a long time. I've obviously heard about it, I've read about it, and I didn't know what it meant for me. I'm someone who has 10 million things going on in my head. My friends say it must be exhausting being me sometimes, that I didn't know how to quiet myself in order to kind of think, reflect, and be introspective and all that.

So it is an interesting thing to say that then taking on a new character helps me do that. But I truly believe, as a storyteller, you get to take people on a journey with you to another place. As a kid, my dad used to read stories to me before bed, and he would make all these different funny accents and voices, and he'd act out the stories. and I remember falling asleep to these different worlds in my head that had stemmed from a book and I just I remember thinking I want to take people on that journey

with me. I want to be one of the facilitators in that escapism and I love dressing up, I love telling stories, I loved being different people in order to find me. I find that it's very therapeutic to research a character, to find our similarities and also our differences and see how much about myself I can learn through, not only the character, but also the experience of filming it. Because sometimes, for me at least, the process of filming a show or a movie is almost more important than how many people see it at the end. Because I know that this character is going to teach me a lot about myself. And it's going to really push me,

whether it's physically push me with the physicality of the role or the emotional side of the role. And so for me, I really feel like when I have certain moments and they're not all the time, there are these rare moments that I cherish where at the end of a take, you can think back 30 seconds before and go, I don't even know what I just did. I don't know what just happened. I could never repeat that.

That moment was this magical moment of deep stillness within me where I was completely, completely present. Nothing else mattered. The text that I was sending before and didn't flash before my eyes, tonight's like show of whatever is not in my brain, you know. Nobody was on set around me, even though there's a crew of 50.

You truly, I have disappeared into that moment and something came out in me that came from this place of knowing and stillness. And to me, I look for that in meditation. I look for these little gifts of magic that come from moments of being so present. And I'm someone who, as a kid, I was like the ultimate warrior.

Like I would worry that people weren't having fun. I would worry that I wasn't doing enough or being proactive enough. And so I was so focused on either the past or the future. Am I doing enough? Did I do enough? Not am I doing enough now in the moment? And so anything that I can do to feel more present, I welcome.

And when you're acting, you have to be in that moment. It's like what you do as well though, when you're talking to someone, when you're interviewing, when you're a human being who's having a conversation. If you're focused on what you just talked about or a question you wanna talk about in five minutes, you could miss an entirely magical moment of, wow, they're leading me down a path

that I'm not even following, I'm just jumping straight to the end, you know? And it's the same in acting and there are so many moments as an actor that you can pre-plan, you can know what you want to do. But then if someone throws you a curveball, they either forget a line, they say a line differently, they add something, or they're just a completely different energy, it won't make any sense if you don't read what they're doing in the moment. And so for me, that's very much

meditation. It's being present within yourself. And I find that acting and the craft of acting allows me to be more present. And it's weird because sometimes I'm not even present as Lily. And present is the character, you know, but at the same time, it's obviously me. So I do find it a deep form of meditation in that way. I love that. That's beautifully described. And it makes so much sense. Right. And it's almost like all of us, when you're discovering your purpose, maybe ultimately your purpose is something that makes you feel present. Like maybe that's what it is.

It's something that really makes you feel happy with just being in the moment. Tell us about a role that you think taught you the most about yourself off-line or off-screen. Oh, my God. I, honestly, one of those kind of meant to be meta moments was when I was writing my book at the same time, and I had just written my chapter where I discuss my experiences with eating disorders.

And a week later, I got the script for this movie to the bone where I play a character who's suffering with eating disorders. And it was a real like a ha moment for me. I had goosebumps when I read the script because I went, oh my god, I just decided to open up to myself about this and now to the world in this book. And now I'm having this opportunity to explore playing a character where it would actually be physically me opening up on screen as this character. And to me, I knew that the journey of making that film with Marty Knox and the director writer who also experienced eating disorders,

and it's partly biographical of her life, that I would be nurtured through it in a whole new way, and that it would be a healing process for me. Even though I was past that phase of my life, I knew I had so much insight to give as an actor to the character, and an insight from experiences I had just rewritten my journals and then I knew that the story that my character

was going through, the shooting of that would inform my book and I thought oh my God this is this is like a meeting of the mind this is when you're craft your art and life are completely mirroring one another. And I would, it would be foolish not to jump on this. A lot of people, of course, were concerned that that would be a risk for me. Yeah, I'm comfortable to revisit it all my life. Totally. And I, and I, and I understood, I respected, I, I really understood their, their concern. But I, I had, again, that deep sense of knowing that I

channeled and tapped into. And at that point, I was so centered within myself talking about my experiences. And so, like, I had admitted it to myself that everyone on set knew I wasn't hiding anything about my experiences, and therefore not only was I keeping myself accountable, but I had all these people that knew, all these people that's keeping me accountable, and I was nurtured through it, and it was a real sense of healing in a way that I never had had before,

because my story is dissimilar to my characters in a lot of ways, and seeking professional opinion for a character really helped me let go of things I thought I'd already let go of. Like talking to professors at universities about certain bullet points of characteristics of people that have gone through very specific eating disorders, I could go back and look at myself and read things I wrote when I was 16, 17 years old and go, oh, I thought that

was unique about me. Oh, right. Okay. I understand now that a lot of people feel that the same way. And I use it as an excuse to continue suffering, whereas I, it wasn't an excuse. It was something that was actually, if I had only opened up about it. Sooner, I would have realized there were people to talk to. So it was really interesting to learn and grow through that. And then at the end of it, show the movie and at the same time then say to the world, I also went through

this. And that was, I also went through this. And that was, I just let go of so much at that moment. I started as a blank slate. I could no, I no longer felt that when I was taking on a role, that I was carrying baggage of my own, I could drop that at the door and only take on the baggage of my character, which by the way, it was like super heavy before.

I like could hardly walk. And then all of a sudden I was like, oh wow, it was like super heavy before. I like could hardly walk. And then all of a sudden I was like, oh wow, like no one's judging me. That was just all me judging me, you know. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on I Heart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University.

And I've spent my career exploring the three pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities, like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or can we create new senses for humans? Or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your

perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eagleman on the I Heart Radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Eva Longoria. I'm Maite Gomez Rejoin. We're so excited to introduce you to our new podcast hungry for history. On every episode we're exploring some of our favorite dishes ingredients ingredients, beverages from our Mexican culture. We'll share personal memories and family stories, decode culinary customs, and even provide a recipe or two for you to try at home. Corner flower. Both.

Oh, you can't decide. I can't decide. I love both. You know, I'm a flower tortilla flower. Your team flower? I'm team flower. I need a shirt. Team flower, team core.

Join us as we explore surprising and lesser known corners of Latinx culinary history and traditions. I mean, these are these legends, right? Apparently, this guy Juan Mendes, he was making these tacos wrapped in these huge tortillas to keep it warm, and he was transporting them in a burro, hence the name the burritos. Listen to Hungry for History with Ivalongoria and Maite Gomez Rejón as part of the Michael Thura Podcast Network available on the I Heart Radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

A good way to learn about a place is to talk to the people that live there. There's just this sexy vibe and Montreal, this pulse, this energy. What was seen as a very snotty city, people call it pose angelus. New Orleans is a town that never forgets its pay. A great way to get to know a place is to get invited to a dinner party. Hi, I'm Brendan Francis Newton, and not lost is my new travel podcast where a friend and I go places,

see the sights, and try to finnacle our way into a dinner party. Where kind of trying to get invited to a dinner party, it doesn't always work out. I would love that, but I have like a Chihuahua who is aggressive towards strangers. I love the dogs. We learn about the places we're visiting, yes, but we also learn about ourselves.

I don't spend as much time thinking about how I'm gonna die alone when I'm traveling, but I get to travel with someone I love. Oh, see, I love you too. And also, we get to eat as much. I'm very sincere. I love you too. My life's a lot of therapy goes behind that. You're so white, I love you too. And also we get to eat as much. It's so sincere. I love you too. My life's a lot of therapy goes behind that.

You're so white, I love it. Listen to not lost on the iHeart radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, there's so much bravery in that there, because I feel like I always feel like when you step out of when you've moved away from a state that you were in. Yeah. And then you help others connect with that and help others move out of that.

That's such a healing process. I was wondering if you feel that, and obviously you're so young yourself, but I mean, do you feel that younger actresses and talent and music, do you feel like they sometimes come to you and ask you for insights and advice or share or do you feel that it's so hard for people to share with people in the same space? Because I just feel like what you're sharing could be so helpful.

I hear about so many youngest, you know, young stars who struggle with eating disorders or mental health. And I always feel like, well, if there was almost just a community of everyone who talked about just, because everyone's dealing with, and it's not the same way or it's not the same feeling but they're dealing with similar challenges at similar stages in life. You know it was interesting. I had and I speak about it in the book but there was this young woman who I was speaking to one day and she was talking about a specific actress who she really wanted to be like but had read an interview where they stated, you know, I never work out, I eat what I want to eat and all this up.

And she said, you know, I just will never look like that. And I know they don't need to do anything. And I feel like I'm just like born differently. And I went, okay, you read an interview where I can tell you firsthand that was a lie. I know that that's not true. It's an image that they're putting out there out of not feeling comfortable. They're not at the point yet to share what they've experienced, but I can tell you that's not true of everyone.

That is a facade. And you are not differently born. We're not from a different planet, because she said, I just feel like actresses in general are from another planet. I'm never going to look like you. And I'm like, whoa, that trajectory is so scary and so far from the truth.

And when I then wrote about my experiences and I put it out there, I did actually have quite a few emails from people within the industry saying, you know, and again, it was very much, I think they knew that I would keep it private. And just said, I just wanted to share with you, thank you so much for writing this, also thank you for making something like to the bone because that was me. And I don't feel like we talk about it enough. And I'm not at the place yet to talk about it. I hope I will one day. But like thank you for saying that this is something that's A that's real

and B that it's not shameful because I'm still feeling that shame and I know that one day I won't, but like maybe I can talk to you. And I was like, of course you can. I'm seriously like an open book and I welcome any of that. I was a teen therapist when I was in high school. So I'm like, I'm all about that. I love that, you know. But it's true.

I feel like there's, we all have different experiences within mental health, but we all feel the same feelings. They just may come from different situations and experiences. No one or the other is better, worse, more important, less important. It's all relative. And the important thing is just that the core emotions and where they come from can be related to. And it doesn't matter who you are, what you do, what industry you're in.

And I feel like it's important for more young people within the public eye that have a platform to at least just not actively put out a false image. Because that just continues that domino effect. Yeah, no, and I think the strongest part of what you said there, which I feel is like it's all relative, I feel like so many people are struggling, then they compare their, they compare their challenge or their issue of their pain to someone else's.

Yeah. And then you feel like, oh, well, I should feel better because mine's not as bad as theirs. Exactly. Or I, they shouldn't be allowed better because mind is not as bad as theirs. Exactly. Or they shouldn't be allowed to share their pain because mind's much worse. Yeah. And I think that comparison can be the worst. Yeah. And I still find myself sometimes comparing myself,

even though I talk about not doing that, it's a human quality. It's like, it's natural to all of a sudden jump to, oh, well, I shouldn't because it's not as bad. Or, you know, who might have say this? Or, and you have to remind yourself, the fact that you're feeling these things is proof that you're feeling these things and you need to talk about it and you just, you cannot compare yourself to other people, even though that's like the first reaction you want to

have, because it is all relative. And we all are going to the same things, especially at a time like right now. It's like comparison can be the death that you just cannot, you'll fall into a trap that makes things so much worse, I think. So, Lily, I wanted to talk about Emily in Paris, because, me and Rady ever since we saw the trailer, we've been waiting for today to watch it, because I saw the trailer and I was just like oh it looks like so much fun and you know I think all of us have been seeking not just travel but like fun and experiences right now because I think a lot of like experiences have been limited and I want you to tell us what drew you towards this role of Emily. God you know, this was in no way something that came to me and said,

this is yours. This was a fight. This was, uh, I had to really go after it. And I knew that I loved it the second I read it. Um, you know, a Darenstar project featuring this young woman who was bright-bold, a little bit obvious, and just optimistic. I'm like, okay, definitely want that in my life. And this idea that she was in Paris, I mean, it was an American in Paris, two cultures that are very close to me, European and American. I grew up going to Switzerland a lot

and to France a lot with my dad and my little brothers. And so for me, right away, this character, Drumeon, she had all these attributes that I think sometimes get a negative rap, like loving to work and admittingly, you know, really passionate about one's work, a romantic, optimistic, like I said, bold, bright, a little bit obvious, and has this candy attitude. And I think there's that fine line between that being a little annoying and endearing in genuine. And I think that Emily is just so

unapologetically herself. And that to me was the kind of character I want to play. I love rom-coms. I love them so much. So good. I mean, what's not to love, especially right now, when just laughing and smiling is like, I crave that. But to play a character within that kind of rom-com world,

that is just so unapologetically herself and has a depth and has that ability to ask for help. It goes back to everything we were saying that asking for help is not a weakness, it's a strength. It's like knowing when you need a team and know who has different skill sets than you. And also knowing when you're good at something and being like, no, I'm good at that. And not being ashamed to say, I'm good at that.

And this is my job and I'm here for a reason. It's that boldness of voice that I loved about her. And the brightness about her, because I thought, wow, I think playing Emily is going to help me a lot. It's going gonna make me be super resourceful. It's gonna make me be slightly even more optimistic than I already am. And it's, you know, she has to pivot so much within her experience, she's judged a lot.

She is throwing curve balls. And, and I, let me little did I know that we would then be having it come out during a time where everyone in the world has had to pivot daily. Like how do you say creative when all your distractions are taken away? Self-identity. Who am I when these things are stripped away? A medical, clinical mirror is placed in front of you all the time. You're judging yourself. You're having to think about all the things that you don't necessarily love about the way you handle things and how can I do things better? And that's what Emily was going through.

And she almost like gave me these tools a year before I knew that I was going to need them, which I'm so grateful for. But it's just fun. And I think I'm just so honored to be a part of something right now that can make someone laugh or smile. Like at the end of the day, that is the gift of why I want to do what I do. Yeah, and I'm definitely excited to feel that way. Literally the tiny trailer gave it anyway. It's just such a beautiful energy about it.

But you've also said it's a story of self-love. Totally. Tell us a bit about that. Elaborate on that of like how what you just shared with us is actually a journey of self-love with this character. Well, so Emily is in the city of love, right? So everyone, you know, I've been asked the question of,

you know, so it's so much about romance and Emily finds all these different people and she goes, and she has these experiences and I go, well, you could look at it that way. But the way that I see it is you learn so much about yourself and what you like and what you don't like through your experiences with other people. So for me, I take from it that she is going on this experience and this journey of loving who she is and being unapologetic about who she is, that she's strong enough to say, no thank you, that's not the one for me. Or, oh, I like that quality, but he's not willing to give as much as I am.

Or that was wrong, goodbye. And so I think it takes a real strong sense of self and love to be able to have those experiences, see them for what they are, and move on. And Emily, and, you know, it's not a spoiler, it's from the trailer, she and her boyfriend break up right when she goes to Paris, because he is not willing to meet her halfway.

And she finds that it's actually a relationship that she was way more into giving than he was. And she realizes that the upcoming journey for her, she has no idea what it's gonna be like, but she knows that that experience is far more necessary within her life than someone who's not willing to treat her the way that she deserves to be treated.

And that to me set the tone of, okay, this is an adventure and story about self-love. This is a girl going to a foreign city with a job that she wasn't expecting and she's gonna have to thrive and she's not gonna give up and you have to find ways to love yourself while being judged. She's judged every day.

If she took all of that and took it to heart in a way that made her upset and deterred her from continuing, she would have gone home. But she took all of that and took it to heart in a way that made her upset and deterred her from continuing, she would have gone home. But she doesn't. She stays and, you know, she meets all these people along the way. And I think that she starts to embrace herself more through the work that she does there. I feel like that sounds like how I felt when I first moved to New York. Oh my God. I just didn't even imagine. It was like four years ago. I can relate so much of that. Like I feel like me and my wife had just got married and six months later we moved to New York

for unexpected job that I had no plans for. And it was, yeah, it's almost like I can relate to so many parts of it already, which is exciting. But tell me, have you and your fiancee been to Paris together yet? Yeah, so he actually came out so many times during filming, which makes this even more special, because almost all the scenes that I reference

in terms of my favorite scenes or just my favorite memories, I'm like, oh, he was right behind the camera, or in between Takes-Bier, the Paris Opera House, we had that all night to shoot in, and he was there, and so there we are, running down the hallways. Like, you know, he kissed me in that hallway and I'm looking at the mural and we're taking photos and I'm like, wait, this is, that was real life.

You know, and so it's very much a city that I associate with him and I and just how wonderful to be able to have a work experience and a job mean so much because of a personal experience and to be able to have a work experience and a job mean so much because of a personal experience and to be able to share that with him. And I think it only aided me working, to be surrounded by that love. Of course, then my character's gonna feel that love within herself.

And it really helped hold me up because it was the hardest I've ever worked being in like every scene of that show talking 24-7. And my character talks a lot. And she has these like long, long, longs where she just goes at it. And so to have that like support system was so necessary. No, I love that.

I'm so glad. That's what I mean. You were there for four months, you were saying. I was, yeah. You were filming. Tell us about what, I mean, that was obviously all pre-COVID and it was last year. And were filming. Tell us about what, I mean, that was obviously all pre-COVID and it was last year.

And it was, tell us about what that experience was like, being in a different city for four months. Oh my God, it was so fun. I've been to Paris many times before, but usually only for a few days, whether it's for a job or press or something like that. So to be a local of sorts with an apartment. And, you know, I miss so much the beauty of

wandering and getting lost. Everything now is so intention based whether it's you know I'm going here for this amount of time I can't wander I'm going to pick this up I'm going to go back home I'm going to be safe and I I'm so on board with that of course but I miss the ability of losing track of time because you're just experiencing life and being spontaneous. Like I miss that and Paris is such a beautiful city to do that. You're wandering down like cobblestone side streets and you're like, I'm gonna grab a coffee here.

I'm gonna go into this bookshop. Oh my God, it's been six hours, you know, and you're just wandering and the city is so aesthetically gorgeous and has such a rich history that you can't help but fall in love with the city every single time you go. That being said, I had many experiences that were very similar to Emily

and that I lost hot water in my apartment for two weeks, no heating and it was starting to get cold. Was that the director's playing tricks? I literally said that. I was like, guys, I already have enough empathy for Emily. I don't need to feel more. And so I ended up like showering at the studio

or like, you know, it was just, it was pretty funny. But Paris is a character. It's a character in and of itself. And I feel like that translates aesthetically into the show. But also when you go there, you just know, you know that you never know what you're going to get. And I kind of love that. Yeah. Well, everyone who's listening to what you right now, you have know, you know that you never know what you're gonna get. And I kind of love that.

Well, everyone who's listening to What You Right Now, you have to go and watch the show. It's out right now. And we all need to love right now. Like we genuinely do. We need to love. We need a smile. We need to feel like we're having new experiences.

And, you know, I just, I'm genuinely so excited to see it because I feel like me and my wife have been like crying out for a new rom-com for a while. Oh my God. And they're like, those rom-coms that you wish they still made from the 90s with early 2000s. I'm so glad you just said that. Oh my God, are you putting me,

I'm like, why is no one financing these movies anymore because we need them now. Literally. So we get 10 episodes of that. I love it. The full being for a season two. I love it. Well, no, we're hoping to, I can't wait to watch it.

I wanna end, you know, we end every on purpose interview with the final five, which are the final five rapid five around the fast five. So you have to answer every question in one word or one sentence. Yeah, I know, this is always so hard. Yes. OK, so your first one is, oh, I've got such a nice choice

in selection. Oh, god. So I'm going to go, let's start with, how would you define your purpose right now? My purpose right now, stay present. Mm, I love that. That's beautiful. Because there's so many things right now that could take me off the ground into another place and just lose myself. And

what's most important right now is being present and not allowing any of the outside talk to take me away from what's most important. You know, I'm so excited about everything that's going on professionally, but I also just got engaged. And that to me is like the most exciting, craziest thing. And to me, I'm like, that's my focus. Like, that's a huge part of my life that I just always wanted, but didn't know when it would happen.

And that to me is like, stay present, stay present, stay present. I love that. That's so beautiful. I remember back to when me and my wife were getting married. Yeah. And Indian weddings last for like seven days. So you're like, you're up every day. And it was just, I look back and I'm like,

I'm really glad it lasted for seven days because it went so fast. I can't imagine. Yeah. And it was without it, it was the most special time ever. And it's really funny because in the run-up to the wedding, especially having lived as a monk, like weddings weren't really like, top of mind for me. So even when I was getting married, about to get married, I was so like, yeah, it's a wedding, but we're gonna spend the rest of the lives together and we love each other. And when I was getting married, I was so like, yeah, it's wedding, but we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together, and we love each other. And when I was actually getting married, I was like, this is amazing. Yeah. You know, it was just, and I wanted to be present with it,

and like, just recognizing how special it was. Yeah. And is, but, you know, I love that. I think that's, you're giving yourself the best advice. All right, question number two. What's a non-negotiable in life for you? Like, what is something that you don't negotiate with on a daily basis?

Don't, I don't wanna feel small. Don't try to quiet my voice because I've been there, I've done that. It's taken so long for me to build it up and to make it loud and to own it. That I, I, I just, and non-negotiables is making me feel quite it. Perfect. I love that. That's beautiful. Question number three, what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months?

It's okay to show someone that you're not perfect. It doesn't mean that they're going to leave. You know, it's like, you've got to be all versions of yourself because at the end of the day, that's life. And the right person will love all those sides. And in quarantine, you definitely experience all sides. And you can't be perfect all the time. I love that.

Question number four, what's something that you've been certain of in life that you think other people might disagree with you on? What's something that you're sure about that other people may debate or may not agree? Oh, that's really good. I, okay, I'm going to, I've got an answer, but it's actually, okay, I'll just say it. I'll just say it. When I was 16, I was pitching talk show ideas of being a 16-year-old, vocalizing myself on current topics, emotional topics, and bridging the gap between my generation and my moms.

I was turned down at every single place that I went. I was told that no one wanted that perspective, and why would anyone want to watch a kid talk about those types of things? Cut to now, where the youth has an incredibly huge voice means everything in terms of the future. And I just knew it was something that I felt so strongly about that I continue to vocalize now in encouraging whether it's voting or vocalizing oneself in mental health issues or current topics in general. Young people need to feel like their voice has heard. And I was like I really was told no so many times, but I just knew

so deeply that it was something that needed to be done and to be said. Love it. Great answer. And fifth and final question. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Oh my god! One law? Oh boy. God, your questions are hard. There's so many. You should've been bad. I mean, you like, you listen. I know, I know. One law that everyone should follow is,

don't why. They're gonna get, it's gonna catch up. I true, yeah, don't why. It's not worth it. That's a great law. I love it. Thank you so much. Lily, call it. Thank you, everyone., it's not worth it. That's a great lure. I love it. Thank you so much. Lily, call me.

Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. Everyone who's been listening or watching today, Lily has shared so many amazing insights with us. Make sure that you share them on Instagram, tag both of us because I love seeing what connected with you. I love seeing what actually stayed with you because I really think there's so many parts of this episode

that are gonna have a huge impact on your journey, your life and your relationships. And of course, please go and grab a copy of Lee's book, Unfiltered, No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me. And we'll put the link in the caption. And also go and check out Emily in Paris. Let's watch tweet, comment, Instagram, all at the same time so that we can experience it together. Thank you for everyone who's been watching today. Big thank you, Lily. Thank you. And thank you so much, everyone.

We'll see you again next week. The world of chocolate has been turned upside down. A very unusual situation. You saw the stacks of cash in our office. Chocolate comes from the cacao tree, and recently, Variety's cacao, thought to have been lost centuries ago, were rediscovered in the Amazon. There is no chocolate on Earth like this. Now some chocolate makers are racing deep into the jungle to find the next game-changing chocolate, and I'm coming along.

Okay, that was a very large crack it up. Listen to obsessions while chocolate. On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Getting better with money is a great goal for 2023. But how are you going to make it happen? Ordering a book that lingers on your nightstand isn't going to do the trick. Instead, check out our podcast, How To Money. That's right, we're two best buds offering all the helpful personal finance information

you need without putting you to money. That's right. We're two best buds offering all the helpful personal finance information you need without putting you to sleep. We offer guidance three times a week and we talk about debt payoff, saving more, intelligent investing, and increasing your earnings. Millions of listeners have trusted us to help them make progress with their financial goals. You can listen to How to Money on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Intercosmos on I Heart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions.

Like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Intercosmos with David Eugumon on the IHART Radio App Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.